My Son s Budding Breasts
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My Son's Budding Breasts, Part II free porn video
My Son's Budding Breasts, Part II
By Sandy Brown
Presentation by Celeste Holmes, PhD, at the 63rd Annual Meeting of the
American Psychological Association, The Breakers Hotel, Palm Beach, Fla.
"Good afternoon. My name is Doctor Celeste Holmes. I am honored to be
a speaker at this year's Annual Conference of the American Psychological
Association. I know we have lots of speakers on lots of technical and
dry subjects, so I thought I might make things a bit more interesting by
telling you about a current case of mine.
As we all know, gender identity, rights of the transgendered and so
forth, has been a topic of increasing public awareness. As
psychologists, we all spend lots of time on the age old question of
nature vs. nurture. How much influence, for example, does a mother have
on a transgendered child's sense of identity? I think we all have
reached a consensus that in many case it is not 'either-or,' but some
combination of the two.
My personal belief, though, is that 'nature' is more important than
'nurture'. I say this because of the many cases I have seen where very
young boys insist, almost from the time they can talk, that they are
girls. That a mistake has been made. These are boys who when they are
in pre-school insist on wearing the dress from the costume bin. Who
will burst into tears if they cannot wear the Princess costume for
Halloween. These are cases where the parents seem to be exerting no
influence, but are merely following the clear, very strong preference of
the very young child.
Because the child is too young to have been shaped by environmental
influences, these cases have convinced me that, at least in a
significant number of situations, genetics are more important than the
environment.
The case I am presenting today is NOT the case of such a child. No, it
is a fascinating twist. In the example I have been discussing, the
issue is, how much does external body appearance have to do with the
child's sense of gender identity? And in these cases, the answer
clearly is, none. The child is not shaping his identity to match his
body. He wishes to shape his body to match his sense of identity.
But I have recently been treating a patient who has had quite the
opposite experience. You see, this was a boy, who, up until reaching
puberty, had been, well, let's say, completely in the norm in terms of
his physical appearance and his sense of gender identity. But when he
reached puberty, he began to suffer from an acute case of gynecomastia.
Although that condition is not uncommon for boys entering puberty, my
patient was unusual in two regards. First, he is slim and slight, so
any development would be quite a bit more noticeable than for a boy who
was overweight. Second, his breast development was significant, perhaps
in the top ten percent of people suffering from this condition. In other
words, rather than looking like an overweight boy with a flabby chest,
the classic 'man boobs', if you will, my patient, from the waist to the
neck, had the body any teenage girl, or perhaps any woman, for that
matter, would envy - a slim waist, narrow chest, slight shoulders, and
perfect, full, A-cup breasts.
So, here is the question I present to you. You take a quote unquote
normal twelve year old boy, with a heretofore normal body and normal
sense of identity as an adolescent male, and you give him a beautiful
pair of breasts, something our society completely associates with being
female. To make matters worse, his medical condition dictates that he
wear a bra to alleviate the strain on his chest. So now he has a
physical attribute we associate with being female, and is forced to wear
the one article of clothing that we as a society all associate most with
being female.
Does it change how he thinks of himself? Is it possible that he might
actually start thinking of himself as female?
Finally, a complicating factor, as it always is. The mother. How much
does her son's changed body change HER view of his gender, and how much
does her changed view change HIS view of his gender?
When my patient first came to me, he was, as most boys are who have this
condition, distraught at his physical appearance. In addition, he was
quite hampered in his everyday life because of his need to hide his
breasts. In addition to the shame he felt of having to hide his body,
he also questioned whether this somehow made him less of a man. When
you think about it, that is a perfectly natural reaction.
But over time, several changes began to take place. For one thing, he
finally started admitting to me that while he was horrified at the
changes that had taken place, he was also fascinated. That is not as
crazy as it may sound. Think of passing the car wreck on the highway.
It's terrible, but we cannot avert our eyes. The same thing happened
with this young boy, who I shall call Jamie (not his real name).
Although he would take great pains to hide his chest from others, he
found himself spending hours alone, gazing at his chest in front of the
mirror. He was both disgusted and fascinated.
Wearing a bra only exacerbated this. Because with his breasts fully
filling this feminine garment, it was if he were almost branded as
female. Boys do not wear bras. Girls do.
Now, this where nurture comes in. In my effort to fully understand
Jamie's environment and situation, I have spent numerous sessions with
Jamie's mother as well. Jamie's mother reported to me that as soon as
she saw her son's chest, her image of him changed. This was reinforced
when the pediatric endocrinologist suggested that the best way to
relieve his discomfort was to buy him a bra. By the time she took him
shopping that day, she found herself picking out the prettiest bras she
could find for him. She told me her logic at the time was, "Well, if
you are going to wear a bra, it might as well be pretty."
Ladies and Gentlemen, that might make sense if you are buying them for
your daughter. But for your son? Then, she told me that she went even
further, and bought him matching panties. Needless to say, there is
nothing about enlarged breasts that would dictate the wearing of
panties.
So, what was really going on here? Jamie's mother told me that, while
she had always wanted a girl, she had never before tried to feminize her
son. But suddenly, whether it was subconscious or not, she began viewing
him as a girl, and treating him like one. It is important to note that
her treatment of him as a girl was not overt, like having him wear
girl's clothes. More on that in a minute. No, the interaction was
frequently subtle, the kind of interaction a close mother and daughter
might have many times a day, that seems like not a big deal, but are in
fact intimate connections. For example, Jamie's mom found herself
pointing out women on the street who were dressed particularly
fashionably. Or she might be reading a fashion magazine and ask Jamie
what he thought of a certain makeup look. If she had been shopping
while he was in school, she was always excited to show him what she
bought when he got home. Sometimes, when he was at school, and she was
at the nail salon, she would take pictures with her cell phone of
different nail polish bottles, send them to him, and ask him to choose
for her. Finally, she started taking him shopping with her, always
asking his opinion on the things she was looking at.
None of this was something she had ever done before. He was the same
son he had always been, just with some growth on his chest. And yet,
she started treating him differently.
His objections to all of this were perfunctory. When I asked him about
this, when I pointed out to him that most teenage boys do not spend two
hours with their mother shopping for heels at Saks, and asked him why he
did not protest more, he admitted that a) he enjoyed the attention and
affection he got from her when doing these things, and b) when pressed,
he admitted that he actually enjoyed these little shopping trips in and
of themselves. When I said to him, "Ok, Jamie, you enjoy spending time
shopping with your mom. But when she tries on a pair of strappy sandals
with a four inch heel, do you picture YOURSELF in those shoes?" At that
point my patient would get quiet and evasive.
So, Ladies and Gentlemen, my point is this: Simply by changing one
aspect of this boy's physique, how he viewed his own gender seemed to
change, and how his mother viewed it changed as well, and that only
reinforced his own changed perception.
I see a number of people in the audience with their hands raised. If I
may, I would like to wait to the end of my presentation to take
questions. Because everything I have described was merely a preview for
what was about to happen next.
Up until several weeks ago, Jamie's status was I had just described it.
That is, he was basically hiding his breasts at school and living during
the day as a normal boy. When he got home, he told me, it was almost as
if a burden had been lifted, because he no longer had to hide something.
The question was, was what he was hiding simply something physical, or
was there more? His mother continued to treat him as I described - that
is, she was sharing things with him, and was talking to him, more like a
daughter than a son, but, aside from the bra and panties, she was not
attempting to alter his physical appearance or dress in any feminine
way.
Well, there was one exception. She told me that she gave him one of her
nighties. It was a long white cotton flannel nightgown with flowers all
over it. There was really no good reason for her to give her son one of
her nighties, but she struggled to come up with one, if only to make him
feel better about taking it. She told him she had gotten one as a gift,
that happened to be identical to one she already owned. She had
neglected to exchange it, and now it was too late. And it seemed a
shame to waste it. And she assured him it was very comfortable, and
might actually fit him better than his pj's since it was made for a
woman's bust.
Jamie accepted the nightgown without complaint.
After some hesitation, she finally confessed to me that she has not
gotten duplicate nightgowns. In fact, she had gone out and bought one
identical to the one she had, for the express purpose of giving it to
her son. After some prodding, of me asking her how she felt about all
of this, she made a further admission to me, one that will keep her
engaged in therapy with me for quite some time. Jamie's mother said,
and I quote, "Although I knew it was wrong, I found the idea of Jamie
and I going to bed wearing matching nightgowns to be somehow erotic."
Just before school ended for the summer, Jamie's mother called me and
requested a session with me. She said she had been thinking about
something and wanted to run it by me. What she said was this: The poor
boy had had to hide his body all spring. No gym, no locker rooms, etc.
Aside from her, another human being had not seen his chest in months.
And now that summer was here, it would be even worse. No bathing suits,
no beach. But she had an idea. She wanted to take Jamie away to the
beach for two weeks for a summer vacation, where he would spend the
entire time as a girl.
She said to me, quote, "Look, Jamie is not just a boy with breasts. He
has a pretty face. Even without his breasts, he sometimes got mistaken
for a girl. With a little bit of work, pierced ears, a cute short
hairstyle, a little bit of makeup, he could easily pass as a girl. And
let's face it, he has a figure to die for. He could easily wear a
girl's two-piece bikini at the beach, maybe one with a cute little skirt
on the bottom. No one would think he was anything other than a pretty
girl. I know that there is something a little backwards about having
him live as a girl for two weeks simply because he has developed
breasts, like the tail wagging the dog or something, but he would not
have to hide his body, he could go swimming in the ocean, and he might
just have a great time. Instead of trying to be invisible, for a change
he could be proud of what he looks like. What I was thinking was asking
him, but of course letting the choice be his."
As you might imagine, I was a little stunned to hear that basically,
because Jamie was suffering from the TEMPORARY condition of
gynecomastia, his mother was planning on asking him if he wanted to live
completely as a girl for two weeks. To me, the psychological
implications were profound.
Now, there are lots of ways you can phrase a choice, lots of ways you
can say the choice is yours. But there are also ways for someone to
communicate what they are NOT saying. In this case, was his mother
really saying to him, "I would really love it if you would be my
daughter for two weeks. We could go shopping for bikinis for you, I
could buy you lots of other fun girl's clothes, like cute sundresses and
short shorts and pretty tops. And teach you about makeup. We would
have so much fun together. I'll bet you would be really popular at the
beach with that body of yours. Popular with both boys and girls. But
of course, the choice is yours."
Now, for a twelve or thirteen year old who loves his mother and wants to
make her happy, that's not much of a choice at all, is it? I explained
all of that to Jamie's mom, not telling her anything she did not already
know. If she was asking my permission, I was not going to give it. But
I also did not instruct her not to do what she had in mind. As a
therapist, I did not believe it was my place to tell her what to do. I
did get her to promise me that if she approached Jamie with the
opportunity, she would try to be as neutral about it as possible.
When she told me how she approached him, I will confess that I lost my
professional demeanor for a moment and had to laugh. What she did was,
she bought him the cutest two piece suit she could find, and asked him
to try it on, just for her. She reminded him that the suit was not much
different from the bra and panties that he wore every day.
When Jamie came out of the bathroom wearing the bikini, his mother sat
him down at her vanity and put some eyeliner, blush, mascara and
lipstick on him. She then put a pretty barrette in his hair. She then
took him to the mirror and said, "See Honey, you are as pretty as any
girl, and your body would be the envy of every girl on the beach. We
could go on a vacation, just two girls, and have the time of our lives.
No one here would ever have to know, and no one there would ever have to
know you were not a girl."
Well, that was not the totally neutral presentation I had implored her
to make! Not surprisingly, Jamie accepted her proposal, and his mother
spent the two weeks before the trip buying him every conceivable thing
that a young pretty teenaged girl would want for a vacation at the
beach.
Oh, I see that the folks in the back of the room are signaling to me
that I have reached the limit of my allotted time. I actually had some
slides of Jamie that I had prepared, of course with Jamie and his
mother's permission, which it looks like I will not be able to show.
I am sure you are all very curious to know what happened at the beach,
and thereafter. Fortunately, I asked Jamie's mother to keep a diary at
the beach. She did so, and has agreed to let me share the diary with
you all. There are handouts on the table in the back of the ballroom.
I am confident that you will all find it to be fascinating reading.
Thank you, and enjoy the rest of your stay at the conference!"
Mara
- 07.10.2021
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