SIX MONTHS
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Six Months to Grow On
Chapter 11 - Month 7
"Brian, your mom told me a lot has been happening since we've seen each
other." Dr. Galloway sat on a rolling stool in the examination room.
She was across from Brian as he put his clothes back on.
Brian James Kelly nodded. "You could say that." It had been two hours
since his mom had walked into MIndy's backyard and surprised them sitting
outside by the swimming pool. In the past two hours, Brian felt like he
had been stuffed into a blender and pureed. He was still trying to get
his bearings.
One day ago, he'd been dry humping with Shawn in the backseat of Ron's
car, then spending the night with Mindy. A lot of firsts.
"So tell me why your mom called me and she was so upset." Dr. Galloway
tried to smile.
Brian hesitated. He was trying to get the big picture in his head.
"Well, she was really pissed to find out that Mindy's parents were away
for the weekend and we were all alone. She didn't like the fact that I
lied to her. And I guess it didn't help the situation when she saw me
wearing Mindy's bathing suit and a tee shirt."
Dr. Galloway nodded. "She said you were wearing her bikini."
Brian had a goofy grin. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. But, a
lot of things made more sense a few hours ago."
Brian knew that the less he said, the better. Dr. Galloway had turned
him loose last month and stopped the treatments of low dose estrogen.
After six months, she'd warned him that more chemicals in his body might
cause irrefutable damage to his system. So Brian was on his own with no
doctor and no treatments.
Brian still felt angry that Dr. Galloway had stopped the treatments just
when he was finally starting to grow. He still wished he could be
bigger. And now, a lot a stuff had happened since his last appointment.
Meeting Shawn and going out on a date was a good example of stuff that
was happening. Thinking about kissing Shawn made Brian smile.
Brian sighed. "Mom was really upset to find out that Mindy and I had
spent the night together. I don't know why she blamed Mindy. It's not
like she'd dragged me over there and insisted we have sex. I was just as
much to blame, if there was blame to hand out."
Dr. Galloway nodded. She had heard about Brian's relationship with Mindy
before but chose not to tell Mrs. Kelly. "Did she know you were involved
with Mindy?"
Brian shook his head. "I think she assumed we were just best friends.
She didn't know about the sex part."
"How about Mindy's bikini? What made you wear it?"
"Actually, it was Claire's old suit. I'm way smaller than Mindy. She
has all sorts of curves. This was a suit Claire wore in middle school. I
didn't think it was a big a deal. I mean, her pool's very private and no
one could see us ever."
"How often did you dress up in Claire's clothes?"
Brian knew it was time to go into lying mode. This was not a 'come to
Jesus moment'. "That was a first time. I mean, we slept together, uh,
you know, made love and then when we got up, Mindy thought it would be
cute to see what I looked like in a bikini. Claire's old stuff fit me."
"How about your hair? It seems a lot longer since the last time I saw
you. It's all cut and styled, too. Who did that?"
"Mindy's friend Tiffany is taking beautician's classes. For practice
she's been trimming my hair. I guess it's gotten a little long. I
haven't paid much attention because it's summer."
Dr. Galloway sighed. "I don't know, Brian. Your mother was pretty upset
when she called me. She thinks that the treatments have caused you to
loose your bearings. She believes you have a gender identity problem.
She mentioned earrings, make-up, hair styles, and well, she's frightened
for you."
Brian nodded. "I can see where she'd think all that. She's awfully
protective of me and has some trouble acknowledging that I'm sixteen, not
twelve. She worries a lot."
Dr. Galloway stood up.
Brian smiled as he saw her feet. Dr. Galloway was wearing those running
shoes again. "I'm sorry to cause all this trouble. It was more a prank
wearing her suit than anything else. Honestly, I don't think you need to
worry. I'm not feeling bad or crazy."
Dr. Galloway laughed and smiled. "Do you remember our old joke about
waking up to find you've turned into a girl?"
Brian had a feeling of panic. Maybe this wasn't going exactly the way he
wanted. He nodded. "I remember."
"Well, I want you and your mom to start seeing a family counsellor. And
maybe you might think about seeing a gender specialist to help you, too."
"I get the family counsellor thing, but why do I need to see a gender
specialist. Do you really think I'm turning into a girl?"
"Brian, as you grow and mature, you're going to have lots of choices to
make. I just want you to be better equipped to handle those decisions.
I don't think I can do very much more for you. I care about you and your
future, but I think we're pretty much done here with our work."
The ride home was a quiet one. Brian didn't know what his mom and the
doctor talked about for the ten minutes they were together while he sat
in the waiting room. He did know his mom's eyes were red and swollen.
He was sure she'd been crying. She'd ripped through just about every
emotion imaginable since they'd gotten home from Mindys.
Brian was relieved that his mom hadn't surprised him earlier in the
weekend. He could only imagine how freaked out she'd have been to see
him on Friday night going out for their double date with the senior boys
from Central. Fortunately, she never saw Kelly in her cute little navy
blue sundress and cork heeled sandals with her makeup and hair just
perfect. He shook his head thinking about what if he had been discovered
later that night returning from the date slightly disheveled and smelling
of sex. That would have been something.
By the time, she'd bumped into her son the next day, Kelly was pretty low
key. She had her hair pulled up in a scrunchie on the top of her head.
Claire's big sunglasses hid her eye makeup. She hadn't put any earrings
back in since they'd gone to bed.
Her silicon breasts were hidden under the little yellow top and her mom
hadn't had time to check out her bikini bottoms to see what was so
carefully tucked and sculptured between her legs.
When his mom confronted him, Brian excused himself and scrambled inside
and upstairs to unglue everything. Then, before he reappeared, he had
done the best he could to look as boyish as possible before he'd kissed
Mindy good bye. "I'm freaking out," he whispered as he hurriedly slipped
on a plain tee and shorts. "What am I going to do?"
Mindy shook her head. "Stay calm. I don't think it's half as bad as you
think. I think your mom got more flipped out when she discovered we were
here alone than anything. I think she's being her overprotective self
more than anything. The less you say, the better."
Brian had nodded. "You're right. I'm going to just have to see what
happens. I'll fill you in soon."
"Brian."
"Yes, mom." They were in the car heading home.
"Do you have any problem going with me for counseling?"
"No, why?"
"Well, I don't want to create any hostility between us. I want us to
still be friends."
"Best friends, mom. We're best friends."
"If we're best friends, Brian, can I say something?"
"Sure, say anything you want."
"Will you be honest with me?"
"Sure. But, if I'm honest with you are you going to punish me and treat
me like a child?"
"What do you mean?"
"Mom, there's no point in me answering honestly if you're going to be all
over me punishing me because I tell you the truth."
"Brian, I'm concerned."
"Why? I'm not suicidal. I'm not running away. I'm right here doing my
best to live my life and grow up. What have I done wrong?"
"You've lied to me."
"Sure, I have. But, it's not to hurt you or do anything wrong. I just
want to live my own life."
"Okay, let me ask a question, something that's really bothering me. Are
you having sex with Mindy?"
Brian didn't even hesitate. He decided that he'd just let it all out.
"Yes."
"Are you using protection?"
Brian started laughing. It was just too funny. His mother thought he
was fucking Mindy. "Mom, this is crazy. Don't you get it? I'm
impotent. My stuff doesn't work and never has. I can't get an erection.
I can't fuck anything."
It was time to get it all out. Brian took a deep breath then let it go.
"Mom, that's the whole point. I'm a total failure in life even before I
get started. I'm nothing. I can't even do anything right like grow up
and be a guy. You just don't get it. It's not like I can do anything
bad cause' I can't do anything at all." Brian felt the tears rolling
down his face. All his frustration was coming out at once.
"Fucking doctor. For the first time in my life, I started growing and
getting as tall as my class mates. And what does she do? She stops it
all saying she's concerned about my body. Fuck, my body is nothing. I
don't want to be five feet tall and twelve years old all my life. Life,
what kind of life can I have like that? I'm a freak." With the tears
rolling down his face, Brian felt all his frustration boiling up to the
surface. He was really tired and now he was being pulled in too many
directions at once.
"You know what, mom. I don't like me. I just don't care what you think
or how you feel. I'm just tired of trying to keep up a positive attitude
about something that has more control of me than I have. You just don't
get it." Brian felt like he was letting out all his fears and doubts.
It was a cathartic release to simply let go of everything that had been
bubbling inside him for days, week, and even years. He was sobbing as he
talked.
"You want to talk lies. I've been living a lie and loving it. Sure, I
dress up like a girl for Mindy. I've been wearing her underwear in bed
with her for a long while. And since I was taking the treatments, I've
really enjoyed taking it a step further. I've done my hair and put on
makeup. I've even gone out in public as my girl self. It was really
tough at first but I've come to like me. I like being a normal looking
girl. I know it sounds crazy but, it's the first time in my life that
I've felt really accepted and even liked by strangers." He was crying so
hard he wasn't even aware of what was happening around him.
Brian didn't notice the car stop or his mom pull over. He heard her
seatbelt unhook and then her arms were surrounding him and hugging him
close. Her tears wet his hair and head as they both sat in the car at
the side of the highway crying in each others' arms.
The rest of the ride home was a daze. Brian fell asleep and his mom left
him nap rather than try to continue the discussion. As she was parking
the car, he woke up. "Hey, sleepyhead. Why don't you call Mindy and
tell her we'll take her out for dinner tonight since she's alone. Okay?"
Brian nodded. His head hurt. "Yeah, I'll do that and then I want to
take a nap. I don't feel so hot."
When Brian woke, he lay there for a while. It was less than twenty-four
hours ago that he'd been having so much fun planning his date with Shawn.
God, he felt like an ass. Who was he kidding? His life felt like it all
was a dead end.
He decided to take a shower. Maybe the hot water would clear his head.
He climbed out of bed, stood in the bathroom, and ran the water until it
was steaming. Loosing himself in the torrents of beating water, he
shampooed and lathered and felt himself starting to recover from the ache
that all the talk and crying had taken out of him. After a long hot
rinse, he was starting to feel better. He was looking forward to seeing
Mindy and wondered just what would happen with his mom.
Slipping a robe on, Brian brushed his hair and wrapped it in a towel.
Lying down on his bed, he closed his eyes. As his head hit the pillow,
he fell sound asleep.
Brian woke to conversation. Opening his eyes, he saw his mom and Mindy
standing in the doorway.
"Hey sleepyhead. How are you feeling?" Mindy looked concerned.
Brian thought for a minute. "Okay, I guess. Maybe better, but I ache
all over."
Mrs. Kelly smiled. "Mindy and I were having a nice talk while you slept.
I think I'm starting to understand more about what you've gone through
and how you've felt."
His mom sat on the bed. She had tears in her eyes. "I wish I could have
done more for you. I just love you so much." She stroked his hair then
stood up.
His mom smiled. "I'm going to give you and MIndy as much time as you
want together, but I have a special request. I want to take Kelly and
Mindy out to dinner tonight."
Before Brian could say anything, he watched his mom leave. He looked at
Mindy. "Hey, did I hear right? Did Mom say Kelly?"
Mindy came over and gave him a big hug and kiss. "I love you so much. I
don't want to see you hurt and damaged. I talked to your mom for an
hour. I told her all about the past six months and how I led you towards
dressing up just to please me. I told her about encouraging the makeup
and hair and took full responsibility. I also told her all about the
learner's permit and how it led to the double date."
Brian almost choked. "You told her about Shawn?"
Mindy nodded. "Not the details, not the details. Just that we doubled
and had fun."
Brian looked down. "I feel so retarded. My mom must think I'm so fucked
up. I am so fucked up."
Mindy laughed. "C'mon. It's not like we haven't had this discussion
before. I mean, what does that make me cause I like my girl friend? A
dyke? Or lets see, am I bi cause I grabbed Ron's cock and licked it then
jerked him off into my mouth?"
Brian's eyes grew wide. "You did that?"
Mindy giggled. "No, I didn't. But, I got your mind off feeling sorry
for yourself. C'mon, Brian. Your mom was pretty cool with the whole
discussion. I think she thinks you're the same kid you were a year ago,
just taller and maybe suffering a touch of gender confusion. She's the
one who wanted to meet Kelly."
"I don't know. How am I going to do that?"
"Well, first we've got to get you calmer and more relaxed. Then, we're
going to try to cut a pill in half and see what a smaller dosage does for
you. I'm thinking you're still having the jones over no hormones in your
system again. It's interesting that Dr. Galloway wasn't concerned about
setting you up with hormones and then pulling the rug out from under you.
You just might have to start taking estrogen full time."
"I don't know. I'm feeling so confused. Jeez, MIndy, what's going to
happen to me?"
"How should I know? I mean, your mom told me the doctor turned you
loose. You're done with Dr. Galloway, so why not take the pills on your
own. They're my prescription, you know."
"Yours? How'd you get them?"
"I got them last month just in case you wanted them. I went to the
clinic at school. They just hand them out cause I am over sixteen. No
questions asked."
"Oh."
"Well?"
"Well, what?"
"You want a half pill a day? You want to see what happens?"
"Mindy, it might ruin my body."
Mindy laughed. "How, Brian? By giving you breasts and hips and a higher
voice. It could lead you down the path to a female transition, Brian.
But, not overnight. I'll bet its going to be a really slow process.
From what I read, you're going to have to take hormones for a couple of
years before anything dramatic happens."
"I did my research too, Mindy. Since I have nothing in my system to
conflict with estrogen, I might just start changing on the first day.
Then what's going to happen? A year from now I have a sterile girl's
body with a really small penis."
"Honey, as you have said, you have nothing to loose. Somewhere in the
next month or two, your own system might kick in and we can get married
when we turn eighteen."
Brian chuckled. "Mindy, I don't know. What's going to happen to me?"
He stared off into space.
"Let's just take it one day at a time. Now, we're going over to my
house. We are going to get naked and fool around. I'm looking forward
to just hugging and kissing you and holding you close. Then, after a
bubble bath, you're going to do your hair and makeup and I'm going to
pick out a dress for you from the Claire collection. Why don't we give
your mom kisses and tell her we'll see her in a couple of hours, ready to
go out for dinner?"
Brian felt really self-conscious when he faced his mom. "Uh, we're going
to go over to Mindy's house. She's going to help me get ready."
His mom smiled. "Brian. Can I say something? I just want to tell you
how much you mean to me. I am all about your happiness and wouldn't want
to be any sort of hinderance in your life. I want to celebrate your
successes and be with you to hold you when you experience failures.
Nothing you're going to do in life will change my attitude. I'm offering
you unconditional love, however it turns out. Okay?"
Brian felt himself crying again. He gave his mom a big squeeze and hug.
"Thanks. I love you."
"Well, and also, you should know that I've suspected your dressing up for
a long time. You can't live with another person and not smell their
makeup or notice Mindy's scent on you. I've wondered for a long time and
frosted hair and earrings are pretty much saying it all. I don't want
you to think that this is going to hurt me or make me not love you if
life doesn't go in a straight line for you."
Brian kissed his mom through his tears and headed out the door. He had
never felt so strange. He wondered where this was all going and where
would it end up.
Playing in a bubble bath with a beautiful teenager was the proper way to
forget all his troubles, Brian thought. He loved staring at Mindy. She
was so beautiful. He couldn't help but stare across the soapy water at
her. He used his toes to touch Mindy's breasts and the space between her
legs. There was room enough for the two of them in the master bath tub
and they were making the most out of it.
Mindy had a razor and was offering to shave Brian's legs, too. Getting
his legs shaved meant that now Mindy was sitting in his lap and pulling
on his leg. It was a very strange experience to have to steady a soapy
girl who was brandishing a razor and shaving him. He balanced her
against his chest by holding onto both her breasts.
Brian held her tight, kissing her neck while she shaved away. "I want to
use the glue tonight when we're done drying off. I want a real Kelly
experience maybe for a whole week. I want to do everything as Kelly. I
think it would be fun to go to Driver's Ed as Kelly."
Mindy shivered with joy at being kissed. It felt good. "Speaking of
Driver's Ed, I talked to Ron today. Shawn was disappointed you weren't
around to chat. How about if I tell them to meet up with us after class?
Maybe they'd want to hook up with us and take us out to lunch and an
afternoon movie or bowling."
"Well, then, I definitely want to use the glue. I don't think my mom
will care if the rest of August is Kelly month. It's only going to be a
problem in September when we go back to school."
"Other leg, please."
Fay
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