Sue-Ellen Carter, A Southern Lady free porn video

SUE-ELLEN CARTER A Southern Lady By Betty Noone My name is Robert E. Bradford, age 44, 5'6" in height and weigh 160 pounds. I live in Tascaloos, Alabama, a factory town with about 90,000 population. With my wife, Mary Lou,I own a cafe. My family have lived in the South every since my great-great-great (I don't know how many more greats to add) grandfather immigrated from Ireland about five years before the Civil War and opened a General Store, in Montgomery. I am no newcomer to the South and its traditions. If any of my ancestors owned any slaves, I wouldn't know, but since they were not plantation owners they might have just owned one or two. Owning a restaurant is not easy work. I am up at 4 AM, Monday through Friday so that I am at the store by 5AM to start to prepare for the 6AM opening. Coffee has to be made in the urns, batter for pancakes and waffles, and the grits. Lots of grits. The suppliers have already been there and in the back of the store waiting for me are the various breads, milk, cream, eggs and other supplies I ordered by phone the day before. Between 5:30 and 5:45 the rest of the help starts to mosey in. Three waitresses, already wearing their uniforms, and my two kitchen helpers. Although we are open from 6AM to 8PM, breakfast and lunch are our busiest times. We get the office workers and factory workers and they get a good, fresh meal at reasonable prices. Mary Lou comes in at 7:00 AM and acts as hostess and cashier. Although the restaurant closes at 8 PM we usually don't leave the place until 8:30 or so because we have to count the cash receipts, prepare the deposit for the charge tickets, and see that everything is turned off. Dinner time is more leisurely. A second shift of two waitresses and one counter man comes in at 2PM and works until closing. While we are open on Saturdays and Sundays, I have a part-time manager running the place on those days. They are the slowest days of the week as the worker crowd is not there. The busiest time on the weekend is Sunday after 12 noon, when the after-church crowd comes in with their families. They don't have to eat and run as the week day crowd does, so they occupy the tables for longer than we would like, creating long lines of people waiting to be seated. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about it. We make a nice living, not getting rich, but we enjoy what we do. You had better love it, because the hours and frustrations are many and with the kind of effort and hours we put in, could probably make more money doing something else. But, I love food. I love cooking. For two years I spent no less than six hours every Saturday afternoon, researching and writing a cook book. I finally finished it. I titled it, "Old Fashioned Southern Cooking, With half the time and half the Calories." A long title but it says what I want it to say. Not only did I have to find recipes from my family, which I discovered were many, but thank God for the computer, because Google will find anything you need. Before I used any recipe for my book, I prepared it myself in my kitchen at home, and tweaked it to get the calories and preparation time reduced. It is not a fallacy that the Southern diet is full of fat. Just walk around town and see the fatties walking the street will attest to that. Southern food is delicious, but not a healthy diet the way it has been prepared in the past, and I thought I could correct that with my book. The book is 310 pages long, and I was careful to take pictures of each completed dish to be illustrations in my book. The photos will expand the book by at least 50 more pages. When I was satisfied I had them photocopied at our local Kinko's and then researching publisher's agents, sent off copies of my manuscript to them. Rejection! Talk about rejection. Even though I was aware that your manuscript must have an enclosed a self-addressed, stamped envelope for returns, most of the agents I sent it to didn't even bother to do that. I am sure my beautiful manuscript went right into the waste basket, read or un- read, I don't know. One cannot give up. I put too much of my life into this endeavo. Finally, after my 47th mailing, I received a response from an agent in Hartford, Connecticut. In a letter to me signed by a Gregory Stanley, he expressed interest in taking me on as a client to peddle my manuscript to publishers. He suggested I call him to make arrangements for us to meet in his office to discuss the possibilities. I was ecstatic. So was Mary Lou. I called him as soon as I opened the letter, and unfortunately he was out of his office and I was told to call back at 10AM the next day, Eastern time. Even though it was the morning rush, I left the cooking to my two counter men and took my cell phone outdoors where I could talk without the noise of the restaurant. He was expecting my call, and asked if I could come to Hartford to meet and did you think I would say 'no'? A date was set for the following Monday. He would confirm hotel reservations near his office for me, although all costs of the trip would by mine. He suggested that I bring Mary Lou along, something I planned to do in any case. Restaurant owners do not get out much as we are tied to the shop and this will be a treat for us as well. We planned on staying three days, figuring one day in meetings, and two days sight-seeing. There was a direct flight from Montgomery to New York, and we would have to either book another flight out of New York or rent a car or take the bus. We took the bus. The hotel was nice and the clerk had our reservations waiting for us and we were given our keys to a very nice room. It was a Suites Hotel and had two rooms. I immediately called Mr. Stanley and he said he would pick us up outside of our hotel at 1PM. We had lunch in the hotel all the while keeping one eye on the clock so as not to be late. We were outside of the hotel when a late model Buick drove up, and asked if we were the Bradfords. We got in the car, shook hands with Mr. Stanley and we chatted about our trip on the way to his office. His office was located in a newly built office building and it looked like he was running a small operation. He had a three room office suite. The outer office contained his secretary/receptionist, then his private office which was piled high with manuscripts all over the desk and floors, and then there was a room that looked like it was a small conference room. When we were seated he got right down to business. He spent a lot of time in the South he told us, and loved Southern cooking. He was intrigued by my concept as every knows that Southern cooking as it now is, is not a healthy diet. He liked it when I told him of my culinary background and that I personally tested and changed each and every recipe to conform with the concept of the book. I also told him that while I reduced the calorie count of each and every recipe I had not had them tested by a laboratory for the actual calorie count, and that I couldn't guarantee that in fact they were half the calories as stated in the book title. But that the look and taste of each revised recipe was like the original, and with a guarantee of reduced calories. He wrote down my comments on a yellow legal pad as we spoke. After about two hours of conversation and answering questions, he said that he would like to take us on as a client. There are no guarantees, but today an author must have a book agent to get access to the publishers. They won't talk to anyone without one. He said that his fees would be between 20 to 10 percent of the sales of the book, if published. Also, all out of pocket costs his company spends will be reimbursed in full beforehand out of the proceeds from sales. If he could not find a publisher then I owed him nothing. The sliding scale was because the lower the sales the more time and expense he would be occurring. If published he would get 20% of the revenue on the first 5,000 copies sold, 15% on the next five thousand and 10% on sales over 15,000 copies. He cautioned that there was a lot of built in profit in the publishing business, but with the age of Amazon and discount book retailers, the amount left for the author is small compared to the selling price, the one exception is that if you are a recognized best-selling author you can re-shape your commission deal to your better advantage. But that is not for new authors. I liked him. He was friendly but forthright and didn't put any icing on the cake that didn't belong there. I asked what was the possibility that he could find a publisher and he just shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows?" I like it,he said, but that doesn't mean that he could find a publisher to agree with him, although he said he couldn't afford to waste his time, and if he didn't feel he could find one, he wouldn't take me on. It sounded fair to me. I asked if I could step out in the hall to discuss it with my wife, and he said, better yet, I will leave the room. Just tell my secretary when you are ready. When he left the room I asked Mary Lou. "What do you think?" "What have you got to lose? Three days to Hartford? We haven't had any time off in two years, let's call this a well deserved little vacation. I say, go with him." I called him back in and told him that its a deal. He said he would prepare the contracts and he even recommended that I consult an attorney before signing. I told him that I trust him and that I would expect that the contracts would be as we discussed and that an attorney would not be necessary. He said he would be at our hotel at 9AM the next morning for us to sign the documents and that he would get out of our way to enjoy our visit in Hartford. The next morning we signed on with Gregory Stanley, Book Agent, Inc. He then gave us some literature for things to see in Hartford, said 'goodbye' and that he would be in touch. The next two days were delightful and all too soon we were back to Tuscaloos and to our little restaurant. While I was in touch with Gregory at least once each week, he told me he had no news, but to be patient. It took six weeks before I got the call. He told me he had good news. He found a publisher, a major one, who would consider taking us on. He asked if we could spend the better part of two weeks in Hartford, because if there was a deal, there would be a lot of work to do in order to prepare. I didn't know what he meant by 'prepare' but I wasn't about to ask, and after I hung up the phone made arrangements for travel to Hartford. My weekend manager agreed to take on my days during my absence and also off-handedly mentioned that if I ever wanted to sell the place that he would be interested in buying it. Now a little more background about me. At 5'6" I am not particularly tall, but in the South it seems that a lot of the men are shorter than the national average. I don't know, maybe it's the diet. I haven't cut my hair in five years. At first, it just didn't seem like I ever had the time to get to the barber shop while they were still open, and then I began to like to wear my hair in a pony tail. When cooking I make it into a bun and with hair pins keep it close to the back of my neck. Except that I have no visible sideburns and the sides are pulled back, you would not see that I have long hair with your first glance. I also have two small gold studs, one in each earlobe. At my weight, I appear chubby, but not fat. Being a cook means you are doing a lot of physical activity and on your feet for long stretches at a time, so you have to be in reasonable physical shape. My wife, Mary Lou, and I have been married for fifteen years and we both decided from the beginning not to have children but to concentrate on each other. She is still a typical Southern beauty. She is careful to maintain her figure and I am proud of her. Due to the physical exhaustion after a shift we do not have sexual encounters during the week, and not even on Saturdays. When we do it is always on a Sunday night when we both were finally rested from our week's efforts. It seems that our only focus has been on running the restaurant. As I said, it has to be a work of love, because the financial rewards are not that great. Between the two of us we earn about $75,000 a year and after taxes that comes down to about $55,000 in spending money. Considering that between us, we are working a total of 168 hours a week, that is not a lot of money. Gregory did not book us in the same hotel but instead found a hotel that was a residence hotel that rented apartments for a minimum of a week at a time, but had conveniences like a full kitchen, where one could establish more normal living conditions than being in a regular hotel. Mary Lou and me were quite happy with the arrangements. When we got to Gregory's office for our meeting, he outlined what he had. The publisher liked the concept. They would want me to go on a minimum three month book tour, mostly throughout the South, going on the radio and local TV stations, pushing the book. There would also be book-signings at local bookstores where they can be arranged. He explained that they thought the book could be priced at $29.95 a copy, but not to get excited about that. Profit margins to the retailers are at least 75% of the sales price which allows them to sell the product at a discount and still make a profit. That leaves about $7.50 per book for the publisher, author and agent, plus all the expenses involved. He told us that the initial set up costs were expensive, but after that the actual cost of printing was less than $1.00 a book. They expected to make an initial run of 25,000 copies which will pay me $3.00 per book. The cost of paying Gregory comes out of my share. The publisher will front the expenses of the tour, including the salary of my PA (PA? What is that? He told me 'personal assistant' which I will need every step of the way.) but they will retake the expenses from the revenue of the book sales. They are also offering us $20,000.00 as an advance when we sign their contract. Well, $16,000 after Gregory. It is a gamble he said. There are a lot of cook books that come on the market and only every once in a while does it become a best seller. Best seller in a cook book would be selling out the first 25,000 copies and ordering a re-print. However, and this is a big BUT, if the book takes off, there is no limit to the amount of money that can be made. Once the initial expenses are paid for, everything from then on is gravy. He wanted to change the contract between us, and to be allowed to act as my agent in other matters other than the book promotion. He is offering to become my full-time agent. I finally found someone who believes in the book! And in me. But he told me that there was a big problem, and he didn't know how to handle it. The publisher insisted that the book would not sell in the South if it was written by a man. They wanted a lady author and she would have to be so well versed in the book's contents that she could go on the air and not make a fool of herself. He asked if I had any suggestions. I looked at Mary Lou, and she at me. I asked again if I could be alone with my wife for a few moments, and he left his office. "Three months" I said. "I can't be away from the store for that long a time. Besides, there is the woman problem." "You said Jim was interested in buying it. You spent two years on this book and this is an opportunity. I don't know if it will work out for us, but I think we have to take a chance. Sell the restaurant to Jim, and let's gamble on our future. We really haven't got that much to show for all the work that we now do. Then we have to tell Gregory." "I am not comfortable about telling anyone, Mary Lou. It is bad enough that you know and you are not crazy about it." "Yes. But this is different. This is business. This could be a whole new direction for our future. If you can handle it, and I suspect you wouldn't really object to it. I want you to tell him the whole story." When Gregory returned and sat behind his cluttered desk, "We accept the deal. But you must hear me out. Do you know what a TV is? " "Sure. A television set," he answered. "No. The TV I mean is someone who enjoys dressing up as a woman. I mean, a man who enjoys dressing up as a woman. I have been one all of my life. Mary Lou knew about it before we were married and while she wasn't crazy about it then, nor is she to this day, we made a deal. I could indulge in what she calls 'my hobby' on Saturdays as long as she doesn't have to see me. So Saturdays are when I completely dress up as a woman, act as a woman, and as a woman, did the research and writing for my book." Mary Lou, interjected with, "I occasionally cannot help but seeing him dressed, and I believe that he will be able to 'pass' as a woman. A plump middle-aged woman, not a beauty, but a woman who would look like the kind of person who would write this book. I leave the house at nine in the morning and return six hours later at three. By that time all I see is my husband." "And how do you feel about his dressing as a woman full time for the duration of the book tour, Mary Lou?" "This is different. This is business. We agree with you that this is a wonderful opportunity that we cannot afford to pass. I will have to learn to live with it." "You will have to do better than live with it, Mary Lou," he replied, "You will have to accept him as a woman during that time." "I can do that." Turning to me, he said, "Do you have any clothes with you?I told him "no." and he said for me to return home, pack up as much clothes as I can carry in two suitcases and come back as soon as you can. He wanted Mary Lou to stay in Hartford so he can begin to teach her what would be expected of her as a PA. He said that there would be a lot to learn. I returned the late morning of the second day with the best of my wardrobe and makeup. I called his office and arrangements were made for him to come to the apartment the following morning to inspect me for himself. The next morning I awoke at 6 AM, and after breakfast I was surprised to hear Mary Lou say that she would help me get dressed. She said that she needed to get used to seeing me dressed up in order for her mind to begin to accept me. She told me that Gregory informed her that during the entire tour it was necessary for Mary Lou not only to perform her very important PA duties, but to never refer to me as my male self, even when we are alone To do so, could invite a possible slip of the tongue when others are present and that would blow the entire deal. So that from this morning on, in her eyes, I am Sue- Ellen, my alter-ego. I untied my pony tail and let it hang down my back. My hair color is very light brown, almost a blond, but not quite. While dressed I have to shave twice a day, mostly to prevent stubble from showing, but there is no visible beard such as what is called five o'clock shadow. We were done with putting me together one half hour before Gregory was due. I was wearing a short sleeved shift in an aqua blue, with a flounced skirt that came down to just below my knees. I had on two inch navy blue pumps. My hair was combed out and brushed in back of my shoulders. If anything, my hair was too thick and should get a thinning. We put Erase on my eyebrows to make them seem thinner, foundation, a little blush and lipstick. Of course, mascara, the kind that promises to make your lashes longer. I work thigh high beige hose and had on all the appropriate jewelry. Watch, drop earrings, (which I love) a gold necklace and a bracelet on my other wrist. A little spritz of cologne and I was ready. I have to confess that when the door bell rang, my heart began to race as this is the first time that I would be seen as Sue-Ellen by anyone else than Mary Lou. Mary Lou pointed to the door indicating that I was to answer it, and when I did, I said, "How do you do, Gregory? My name is Sue-Ellen." and with that I offered him my hand, not for him to shake but to accept. He came in, I offered him a coffee as he sat down, and he said, "Easy cream, no sugar." I left for the kitchen to get it, and he sat with Mary Lou. "She's quite natural, isn't she?" he said to her. Slipping into the same mode of referral, she said, "Yes she is." I returned a few moments later with his coffee and a small plate of sweet rolls. "Did you say your name was Sue-Ellen?" "Yes." "I think it will work. I need you both to work with me very hard the next couple of weeks. I can delay our meeting with the publisher until you are ready, but we have a lot of work to do. Are you ready?" "Yes." Mary Lou and I replied together. "First order of business is the new contract. This appoints me as your agent in all of your business affairs, not just the book. You can see that I am gambling here too, as I am planning to devote a large part of my day to seeing that you both make a success of this thing. I really hope, and expect that this could be the beginning of a fruitful and long term relationship. Sign it where I have marked for your signature. Sue-Ellen, and from this moment on, you are Sue-Ellen 24/7, sign as Sue-Ellen. But we have to get you a new last name. It cannot be the same as your wife's, excuse me, I mean your PA. " "Carter is a good Southern name. I think somewhere in the past we have had a Carter or two in the family." "Carter. I like that. Sue-Ellen Carter. OK. that is who you now are. Do you bring your birth certificate as I asked you to? " I went to the table where I had a folder with documents that he made sure I brought back with me, found and handed him a copy of my birth certificate. "Now, give me your driver's license." I found it and gave it to him. "You have a credit card?" I handed him my Master Card. He took out his phone, took several pictures of me, and said he would be back in the morning at nine and we should both be ready to spend the entire day with him. He also handed me an envelope which contained $1,000.00 in ten one hundred dollar bills. "This is part of an advance from me. I will take it back when we get money coming in, But put this in your purse. Living in the East is much more expensive than in Alabama. Don't fret about the cost of things. We will talk more in the morning." I stayed dressed and Mary Lou suggested that we go out for a walk and maybe see a little of Hartford. She still had the brochures and looked through them and decided on several places that she thought we would find interesting. I was hesitant at first but Mary Lou assured me that I would not be 'read' by anyone as long as I presented myself as a female. And we did. And I had a marvelous time. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Mary Lou asked. "I would b e lying if I said not." I replied. "I suspect that you won't find it difficult maintaining this role for the next three months, will you?" "I don't know about three months, Mary Lou, but I am enjoying it now." We had a lovely day. We had a lovely lunch in a small cafe and I was careful to change my diet from a hamburger to a salad and iced tea, using artificial sweetener instead of real sugar. "I better watch my weight," I commented. Mary Lou, just smiled and said nothing in reply. That night, Gregory called and told us that he had prepared the days for us and to be outside our apartment precisely at nine the next morning as it was going to be a busy day. In the morning Gregory's Buick was waiting for us at the curb when we left the apartment. Mary Lou got in the front passenger seat, and I in the back. Gregory watched me as I got in the car, and smiled, obviously he watched to see if I got in lady-like and he was not disappointed. Before we left the curb he handed me my birth certificate, which I saw had my name changed to Sue-Ellen Carter. My driver's license now had Sue-Ellen's picture on it, and my Master Card was also in my new feminine name. He also handed me my Social Security card, with the same number as before, but with the name Sue-Ellen Carter printed on it. "Are these fake?" I asked. "No. They are real. And they are yours. You would be surprised what can be done with a friendly New York judge, especially when you slip him $1,000.00 in cash. You will find that your driver's license is properly registered in the main computer in Montgomery, courtesy through a computer hacker friend of mine. Anyone checking your license will come up with what is on it now." "Wow!. I guess in the South we are just hicks compared to New York." "You better believe it," he replied. "You are now officially Sue-Ellen Carter. The reason I had your name officially changed is that I don't want you signing any contracts with the publishing company or anyone else with an alias. It could cause problems down the line if they so desired. I put the date on the contract you signed with me to be after your name change so that doesn't have to be re-done. The first item on the agenda is a beauty parlor make-over. You look pretty good to me, but I want a professional opinion. I am taking you to a shop that has a large TV clientele. Do not tell anyone there your name. It is bad enough that they will see your face. Let them prepare you for the day and listen to their instructions. Mary Lou and I have some work to do, and I have to continue to train her in her role as your PA. Now, one more thing. I know you two are man and wife. But starting now, you must not take yourselves away from the roles you both will be playing. From now on Mary Lou is your employee. An important one, that is a fact, but your employee nonetheless. She will be doing all the leg work to seeing that you are prepared and on time for the interviews that will be set up for you. You must never be seen kissing, other than greeting kisses between two women, holding hands or any other activities that do not represent a business relationship. Am I understood?" "Yes, Gregory.",we replied. "And you both can start by calling me 'Greg." After a thirty minute drive we arrived at the salon. I was introduced and placed in Rita's hands for a complete makeover. Greg and Mary Lou left and said they would be back in about five hours to pick me up after I was done. I was carefully examined by Rita. She pulled at my thick hair, mumbled something to herself, and then checked my bra size. With my weight and age I have developed some man-boobs which I would guess to be a size A+ or B- . She had an assistant go out to get a bra in my size but with a C cup. She sat me in the chair and washed my hair, then dried it with a hand drier and brush. She then began to thin it out. "I understand that you are to be a Southern gal," Rita asked. I nodded my head. I think that you would look really nice as a blond with an upswept hair-do. Once it is set it will be easy for you to do at home. You might have to have the roots touched up every month or so. I will also color your eyebrows to match, after I thin them out. It took about three hours just for the coloring and styling. In the meantime I was given my first pedicure and my toes were now enameled in a bright red. I love it. She wanted to do my short nails in the same color and I told her that I just wanted them shaped and with clear polish put on them. I didn't tell her why, but cooks cannot have really long nails. Shortly the assistant returned with my new bra, and with a couple of soft plastic inserts, I put it on. My chest now looked more in proportion to what a chubby, middle aged woman should look like. The neckline of my dress came down to just above the bra, so that I showed a little cleavage. Rita spent some time with my makeup. She tried three different shades and styles before she was satisfied. She showed me the difference between day make up, evening wear, and make up required when performing on TV. She also had a list of the products she used, as well as a box full of samples to take home. Instead of false eyelashes, which she said I needed to give my eyes more expression, she glued fake eyelashes to each eyelash hair, then trimmed them evenly, and after the mascara was applied, they not only looked thick and beautiful, but you could not tell that they were not mine. I loved it. I am in the shop over five hours. Rita brought in a tuna sandwich and diet coke for me to eat at lunch time. I looked like a different girl than when I came in. I am not a beauty by any means, but I make a really nice looking woman now. I noticed that I held my back straighter and my head higher now that I have a nice bust to thrust out in the world. Ha Ha. I just had to wait about fifteen minutes before Greg and Mary Lou came into the shop. At first they didn't recognize me, but Mary Lou remembered the dress I was wearing, and came up to me, saying, "Oh. Sue-Ellen. You look just as you should." "Great job, Rita." Greg told her. With that he went to the front where he took cash out his pocket, paid Rita with a great tip, and made a notation in his little book about his expenditure. In the car, Greg asked if I had a really dressy dress to wear for tonight's dinner. He was not only taking us out for dinner, and he was careful to say, that in celebration, this would be on him, but that he was bringing his wife to dinner as well. She had not been told about my sex and was only told that the author was a Sue-Ellen Carson. He wanted his wife, a critical person if there ever was one, to pick up any clues about Sue Ellen. Greg dropped the girls back to their apartment and gave them the address and time of where they were to meet for dinner. Mary Lou and Sue-Ellen took a cab to the restaurant. It was a nice Italian Bistro. Greg and his wife were already seated at the table when the girls walked in. Greg stood and introduced his wife to the girls. The girls allowed the waiter to seat them. By now Sue-Ellen was becoming quite comfortable, (and pleased) in her new role and adopted feminine manners without having to pay them much thought. Her hands became more expressive when she conversed. She looked completely like a Southern girl with her low neckline, upswept blond hair do and dangly earrings. She wore her three inch pumps which gave her a little sway in her butt when she walked. Not too much, just enough. Mary Lou began to accept this person as her woman boss. They had nice conversation, and Greg's wife was anxious to hear about life in the South, and compared it to the East, but to mostly New York and New Yorkers. It was a lovely dinner, and after Greg dropped the girls back at their apartment, his wife commented on how nice Sue-Ellen was and that she hoped her book would sell well. Sue-Ellen passed the test. The schedule the next day was a meeting with the publisher in New York. How to get there was discussed. They could drive it, but it might be too tiring to be in a long meeting and then driving back, they could fly, but with security tight at airports now-a-days it is shorter to take the train. They met at the train depot at 7:30 and the girls each packed an overnight bag in case they could not make it back the same day. They arrived at the publisher's office at the arranged time of 1 PM and met with the Senior Editor, a Helen Girsky. She was the one who initially liked the manuscript and was now in charge of the project. She outlined the terms of the contract (which Greg had aleady done.) and talked mostly about the book tour. The book tour makes or breaks whether or not a book will make it to the best-seller lists. She wants the girls to move to New York for the next week where they will be trained in role-play as to how to handle the different types of interviews that will be scheduled. Also how to handle oneself at book signings. She said that she will give me a check in an advance of sales of $20,000.00 upon my signing the contract. She must have had an idea that she knew who I was as my original manuscript had my old male name on it as author, but she made no mention of that and continued to call me Sue-Ellen and to treat me like just another woman. I signed the contract, and handed the pen to Mary Lou who looked up when Greg loudly cleared his throat for attention, and indicated 'no' with his head, that Mary Lou was not to sign the contract. She handed the pen back to me, and I laid it on the desk, handing the signed contracts to Helen. She accepted them, reached into her desk drawer and handed Greg a check in the amount of $20,000, explaining that as my agent, they are obliged to send all funds due me to him and he will then disburse them to me after taking his cut and expenses. I nodded in agreement. Helen then made arrangements for us to move into a company owned condo, expressly for use for these occasions. We were told that the publisher would advance all expenses for the book tour, and if 25,000 copies were sold, it would probably be the break-even point, as the costs of the tour and original set up for printing were the largest. We left the meeting after receiving instructions as to how to get to our new quarters in New York City. Greg then reached into his pocket and peeled off twenty one hundred dollar bills, handing half to me and the other half to Mary Lou. "You will need pocket money, if you need more, just let me know. In the meantime I will open an account in your name and keep a record of what you are due. This is your money, and if you need more, just let me know." We both took the money and put them in our wallets that were in our purses. When we arrived at the condo with our luggage the next day Helen was waiting for us. She handed us both keys to the apartment and showed us the code to the alarm system. She directed us to our separate bedrooms, mine being the larger one. Helen waited until we unpacked and hung up our clothes and put the others in the dresser drawers and then announced that for the next two days we were going shopping. The publisher decided that to be noticed, one had to have a 'look'. An individual aura. Mine was to be a middle-aged, motherly homemaker, who was folksy and Southern. I was to dress the same way wherever I went so that my individual personality would be noticed. Helen mentioned that New York City was not the best place to find the type of dresses that the honchos decided I should wear, but it is a big city, and you can find anything here if you search long enough. My dress style was to be a shift, with the hem coming down to just below my knees,cap sleeves and a scoop neck as low as it will go without showing my bra, keep the upswept hairdo, it looks good on me they said, and crystal drop earrings with a crystal choker. I was not to wear any rings as when one does a cooking demonstration they want the audience to focus on the food, not the hands. My nails were to be manicured, short, and only with clear enamel on them. My look was to be elegant, but down to earth as well. I was to wear sensible shoes at all times, with a two inch heel. I liked the feel of the shoe when it had a strap across the vamp or the ankle as I felt it wouldn't then fall off my feet. There were many dresses purchased, in different colors and fabrics, but all in the same general style. There was so much more to be bought. Bras, panties, a few skirts and blouses, sweaters, jackets, top coat, rain coat, boots, rain boots and on and on. Then there was jewelry. It was not purchased at Tiffany's but it wasn't Walmart stuff either. Two sets of identical earrings and necklaces as described above, but the crystal was of the quality that would sparkle as if it were a diamond. That was to be my trademark look. I insisted on buying several rings to wear when I was not making a presentation. Helen kept on using the credit card and I soon lost track of just how much was spent those two days, but it was a lot. When the stuff was delivered and put away, I was told to get rid of all of the stuff that I originally had as it was not 'me'. 'Me' is now the look that my new clothes will give me. I have to confess, that although the decision about my new look was made by the publisher without any input from me, I was pleased with the way it turned out. The next ten days were the hardest for both Mary Lou and myself. She was taught how to get me to the various cities on the tour, how to check us in, how to contact the various radio stations and TV stations that were booked for my appearance. She marshaled me from station to station. We learned that on radio and TV nowadays nothing is ad-lib anymore. It is all scripted to a specific time period. Some stations will give us only five minutes, others ten minutes. If we are lucky we will get two minutes on TV, but sometimes they will give us a half hour. I had to be prepared to be able to deliver a complete pitch including the blurb for the sale of my book within that time period. If I went over I would be cut off. The advertiser and his ads take precedence over everything. So transcripts were prepared for every eventuality and I not only had to learn them by heart but present them as if I was saying this stuff for the first time. The host was always given a cheat sheet with the questions he was to ask me, and mostly, he (or she) stayed within the framework. Occasionally a host would throw out a question that was not on the sheet and I had to be prepared to give a quick and short answer. We were told that we would be working ten and twelve hour days, and when the day was over, be on the way to the next city. Sometimes there would be book signings, and they sometimes accounted for the sale of a number of books. Sometimes ten books, sometimes over a hundred. I had to sit at a little table, sign the inside cover and say a few words to the buyer. It wasn't all that profitable, but at this stage of the game, everything is counted. We have to get the sales up to 25,000. During our role play, I began to tell stories about an imaginary Southern family. I made them amusing, some of them funny, and a few hysterical. Helen reported my efforts to her bosses and a meeting was called and I did my thing for their committee. They loved it. They thought I could be the new Paula Dean, only funnier. They wanted me to keep that part of me in the act. It was another thirty days before the final editing and printing of the first copies were completed. In the meantime, my time was spent polishing my act, reviewing some of my favorite recipes to prepare when on the air. Posing for publicity photos took a lot of time. I didn't realize how much work went into the preparation of a book tour. They even had life size pictures of me on a hard cardboard cut-out for book signings which they had to send out to the book store along with copies of the book. I was surprised to learn that the book store never purchased the books but took them on consignment. Whatever was sold was paid for by the store and they had the option to pay for the remainder copies for their inventory or return them. If they had good sales at the signing, they would keep them and pay for them. It was decided that we start the tour in the South. Who would be more interested in old fashioned Southern cooking than another Southern woman? And that is where we started. We were both nervous the first week, but Mary Lou discovered that she had a talent for what she was supposed to do, and I discovered that I had a talent for speaking in public and making people want to listen to my spiel. The hardest part was arriving at a city late in the evening and having to be at a radio station by six in the morning. Mary Lou would have a schedule and some days I visited four or five stations. Local TV was easier. If they gave you any time at all it would most likely be on the 10PM news spot, not the 5 o'clock news. But mostly they taped the bit in the late afternoon so that we didn't have to be in the studio. Often we were at a book signing when the TV showed me preparing one of my recipes on TV. We rarely spent more than two days in any one city and we were packed and off to the next destination on our list. Each night we talked to Greg and he reported sales. On the third week, a local TV station had some time to fill and told me that they would give me 20 minutes! Wow! That is almost unheard of. I did my famous lo-cal but delicious fried chicken dish, and told stories of my imaginary funny red-neck family. Everyone in the studio was laughing out loud. The host could hardly contain himself, he was even in tears from laughing so hard. I was a success!. The next morning there was an article on the second page of the daily newspaper about my being on the show and even mentioned my book. That night Greg reported that the publisher received almost 300 orders from individuals. But wait. I was not aware of it at the time, but Greg sent a clip from that show to Jay Leno, and ten days later received a call from the show's producer. They want me on the show! Greg told me that this could be the one that opened the door for us. The following week I did the show, and did the exact presentation as before. Jay rocked back in his chair with laughter at my stories. All the while preparing my special fried chicken. I handed out samples of the finished chicken to Jay and his other guests and they all commented that it was the best fried chicken they ever had. One sees the Leno show in the evening, but it is taped at 6PM for later viewing. So I was able to watch myself on TV. I was awakened by my phone ringing at 8 AM the next morning. It was Greg. Good Morning America called and wants me on tomorrow. I have to fly from California to New York today to meet with the show's producers and get set up. When you are dealing with a major network, all of a sudden things change...for the better. First class tickets were arranged for me and Mary Lou We were met at the airport with a limo and brought to a suite at Marriott. A room down the hall was for Mary Lou. We were picked up by limo at four AM and brought to the studio. We met the producers who had everything ready for us. There was a cooking table set up with all the ingredients I needed, I was shown my marks, that is where to stand for the proper camera angles, and was soon on the air. I did the exact same bit as on Leno and they too, not only laughed but enjoyed the chicken. When I talked to Greg that night he reported that my book was on the New York Times best seller list. That as a result of my being on GMA Amazon just ordered 10,000 copies, firm! We decided to take a few days off, return to Hartford to rest a bit, and then resume the tour. Arrangements had to be made with those stations that we cancelled in order to make the two major TV appearances, but they were happy about us reinstating the visit as we were now celebrities. Once the snow ball gets rolling it is hard to stop. The publisher ordered a reprint of 50,000 copies. This is unprecedented for a cook book by an unknown author. And the books were flying off the shelves. I was too busy on the road to pay attention to the numbers and was amazed when Greg reported that between Mary Lou and myself we already earned $480,000 and we have just begun. Wow! That week Greg called and said that the Food Network was interested in talking to me about a show of my own. Greg also told us that 62 percent of the new orders were now coming from the Northern states and that requests are pouring in for interviews by radio and TV stations. We were told that the three month tour would be extended to six months. When I asked how much we earned as of now, Greg just laughed and said, "Don't worry. You folks are runaway best sellers and you are going to be rich." At the apartment Mary Lou said to me, "You are enjoying being Sue- Ellen, arent't you?" "I have to confess, at the beginning I didn't know if I would want to be Sue-Ellen 100% of the time, but I am fulfilling a fantasy and we are getting rich at the same time. Yes. I am not being Sue-Ellen, I am Sue-Ellen." "I know. That brings me to a subject that I have been avoiding to talk about?" "Oh?" I said. "Sounds serious." "It is. Of course you know we have to divorce. My husband left me for another woman." "That's not funny, Mary Lou." "I am not being funny. Think about it. Do you see my husband anywhere?" I was quiet. "Well? Do you?" Then Mary Lou continued. "According to Greg we are both going to be rich. He thinks we can take this even further than just the book. That means that you will have to remain as Sue-Ellen. But I don't think that will be a hardship for you, will it?" "No. I find that I really love who I have become." "I have already been to an attorney and the papers are ready to file. I will file that my husband did in fact leave me for another woman. The lawyer says you won't even have to appear or sign anything. I intend to remain as your PA and partner so we won't have to fight over the small amount of assets that we had together when we started. Now, that leaves us with another small problem." "Which is?" I asked. "We have to get rid of the restaurant and house in Tascaloos. I don't think that either one of us should ever go back there. We don't need anyone to ask any questions about what we have been doing. I do have a suggestion, if you wouldn't mind my saying it." "And that is?" "Let's just give the restaurant to Jim as well as the house. The most we could get out of the restaurant is maybe $25,000.00 and that would be in payments. Same with the house. The house is worth, maybe, sixty. We don't need the money. If it wasn't for Jim stepping in and taking over, we wouldn't have been able to have done what we did." "You are asking that we walk away from 85 grand? Just give it away?" "Sue Ellen, you are going to have to learn to be generous. We will have more money than in our wildest dreams we ever thought we would have. Loosen up. Give some back." After thinking about it for a moment or two, I said, "O.K. You are always right when it comes to these kind of matters. Obviously, I can't handle it, so you take care of it." "I already spoke with the lawyer about it and all we have to do is sign a quit-claim deed on both properties and send it to Jim. I will call Jim and I am sure he will be overjoyed." "I bet he will," I commented. "And now that we have that all straightened out, I want to talk to you about something else." "More?" "Yes, more. And don't be a smart-ass." She continued. "When we were first married you told me about your TV tendencies and, as you know, I went along with it as long as I didn't have to participate in it. Every Saturday for six hours you were whoever you called yourself then, this lady. And this lady did the recipes and the photography and the prose and put this book together. When I returned home at 3 PM you were already back to being Robert. As long as I didn't see you it was OK with me. When the opportunity for the book being published came up, and almost as if it were a miracle, for you at least, you wind up having your book a success and fulfill your wildest dreams. At the beginning I didn't think much about it, it seemed to fall in place so naturally. I almost convinced myself that it was 'just business'. But I have lived with Sue-Ellen for over three months now. I have seen you develop and hone your presentations. I have seen Sue-Ellen's personality develop. I, too, know that you are now Sue-Ellen and that there is no turning back. But I want you to know, that I have learned to admire you and respect you. I don't see you as anything other than what you present yourself. I cannot connect you with that soon to be ex-husband of mine. What I am trying to say, dear Sue-Ellen, is that what I see what is the really nice person you are. And I want to be your friend. Your girlfriend." Tears welled up in my eyes. I opened my arms, and Mary Lou and I hugged and cried a bit. That afternoon we went shopping and I decided that I need a classier wardrobe other than the look that I was presenting as a Southern cook. Both Mary Lou and myself bought some really nice outfits. Not Southern, nor too New York, but nice stuff. There is nothing like a shopping trip with an unlimited credit card to make a girl feel good. One week prior to our scheduled meeting with the folks from the Food Network, and also having two interviews and photos taken for magazine covers, Greg, Mary Lou and I had a meeting in Greg's office. "We have to incorporate." "Why?" Mary Lou and I asked in unison. "First of all, as individuals you will be paying too much in tax. Secondly, if we can land this TV spot, money will be pouring in faster than you can believe. But that means that we will need office space. Large office space. We will have to begin hiring help. We have to talk about a second book..." "I haven't got time to write a second book, " I interrupted. "Sue-Ellen. This is a business like any other business. We are in it to make money and we do what we have to do. Like most others, the second book will be written for you." "But..." Greg ignored me and continued. "You will have the opportunity to test and approve the new recipes. We also are going to hire a writer. You cannot continually be telling the same stories over and over again. You will need new material. We are getting calls from all over the U.S. We need telephone lines and at least two operators to handle the volume of calls. Then there is product placement." "Product placement?" "The network will insist that the appliances you use are furnished by them. They get paid a lot of money to show the labels on their stoves, pots, mixers and stuff. But they usually leave the food products for us. Brand names. We can get the companies to pay a lot of money if when you use olive oil, for instance, that when you put the bottle down on the counter that the name of the oil is facing the camera. It will be my job to see that the camera man is cooperating. They are accustomed to paying huge sums of money in advertising. And your fans, who will have what I hope to be a loyal fan base, will go out and buy the very same product that you are using." "How much are we talking about?" Mary Lou asked. "A lot depends upon the ratings. The higher the ratings on the show, the more they are willing to pay. I will work that out when I talk to them. But to answer your question, Mary Lou, the very least we can expect from an advertiser on a national show is $100,000 a year, and it could go as high as a half a million." Both Mary Lou and I gasped at the numbers. "So." Greg continued. "We have to make you a corporation. I hope that you will continue to feel that I will be worth 20% of the company." "I don't think so." Mary Lou said. Greg looked visibly shocked. She went on. "If it weren't for you, we would be no-where, no-place. You took us on when everybody else turned their back on us. I think that we should consider that each of us gets 1/3 of the new company." Turning to me, Mary Lou asked, "Sue-Ellen?" "I agree," I replied without any hesitation. Greg had a huge smile on his face. He said he would no longer take on any other clients, that his entire focus would be on Sue-Ellen Enterprises and that we would not regret making this decision. He took pains to explain to us that any two of the stockholders could gang up on the third by virtue of the amount of stock they controlled if they chose to do so, and I said, "But, why would anyone do that? Why kill the golden goose?" The following week a meeting was held at the headquarters of the Food Network in New York. There were fifteen executives, male and female around a huge conference table and Greg and me. Mary Lou, because they only knew her as my PA sat in a chair away from the table against the wall, observing. Prior to the meeting Greg briefed us by saying that his contacts already told him that they had advertisers salivating to buy the show I would be on and also, to let him do all the negotiating. If there was anything they proposed that I found objectionable, I should then say so, but otherwise, let him be in charge. I agreed that it was the best way to go. I wore my typical presentation outfit, and had prepared several funny and quirky stories to tell. I was becoming the new "You might be a red-neck" girl, like that comedian Jeff Foxworthy, and the audiences loved it. And they loved me. After a lot of banter, they finally got down to making an offer. They made no bones that they wanted to hire me, but they also made it sound that I wasn't their top-priority. I was already briefed that this was their tactic in order to buy the talent (me) as cheap as they could. They offered my own 1/2 hour weekly show in prime time, at a salary of $25,000.00 per week. Firm. At this point, Greg asked them if I and Mary Lou could be excused as we would not be part of the negotiations and he had the full authority to act on our behalf. We were excused, and it being now past 1PM found a place to eat, but were to excited to eat much. We went back to the apartment and waited, and waited, for Greg to call. He didn't call. He came by the apartment, holding his brief case, with a serious look on his face. I thought the deal fell through. Then he smiled broadly and said, "This is what I got. Fifty thou a week. They wanted to sign up for only 13 shows but I pushed them to 26. Besides that we have a sliding scale on viewers. Fifty is as low as it gets, but it can go up to a hundred. Then I got their approval for product placement. And listen to this. I got them to give us product placement on small appliances, like mixers, hot pots and griddles. That alone could be worth a fortune. Girls, get your coats on. My wife is in the car, we are all going out to celebrate." I had champagne and caviar that night, and you know what? I loved it. The show would start during the fall season. In the meantime, publicity shots, interview, costumes, rehearsing for demonstration. It is a much different thing to do a half hour show, not only talking about what you are making and how you are making it, but in my case being amusing as well. Greg rented a full floor in an office building and he made sure that both Mary Lou and I had lovely appointed corner offices. When ever we visited our new offices we were amazed to see more people working there. Greg assured us that is all part of doing business. The money poured in. Greg recommended a financial advisor for us both who (we hope) made good choices in his investments on our behalf. The book tour still had to be completed but was not as frenetic as before. We were only on the road two or at the most three days a week, and that was soon coming to an end. The magazine publicity, and other TV shows I was invited to do, kept the book sales high. Two months before the show's debut it was agreed that the touring was over. Mary Lou and I were really happy about that. One day Mary Lou asked me if I would be upset if she began to date socially. "Why should I, girlfriend? Have fun." I never realized how much I would enjoy being a girl. I liked the attention that men gave to me. I liked it when they got up from their seats when I entered the room And when the waiter helped me in my chair. I loved making small talk that we women do, and dressing up for a man makes a woman feel special. What even I found strange was that since the first time I became Sue-Ellen, my penis never again got erect. This makes it easier to tuck. I also found a panty that is a fake vagina. It allows the penis to enter a tube inside of it, tucks it back between one's legs and from the front, if one does not make a physical examination of it, it looks exactly like a real vagina. Even with hair! And one can urinate without having to take it off. I liked the attention that I got from men, even from time to time, looked at men, wondering, if? But with my appendage intact could do nothing more. I was given six weeks off to rest up before my new show started. I decided that I had to have the operation. I cannot afford to be discovered, and I am Sue-Ellen anyway, now. I felt that I cannot have it done in the U.S. Not only do they have a strict one year waiting period, but somewhere along the line there could be an information leak and our entire empire could go up in smoke! After discussing it with Greg and Mary Lou it was decided that Indonesia was the place to go to have it done. Mary Lou insisted on accompanying me, but Greg turned that down. There was too much chance of being spotted. He said he would have an RN go with me? RN? Yes, a registered nurse. She would be better able to take care of me than Mary Lou who had no medical training. I first flew (first class of course) to London,England, and spent a few days there, and then on to Indonesia. Greg made all the arrangements on my behalf and all I had to do was to show up. In addition I had breast implants suitable to the size that I have been presenting to the public, and my Adam's apple removed. Any medical man or dentist would spot that immediately. I was still sore when I returned from the East but never have I been so happy. The second week of September my new show had it's debut. Was it a success? You bet it was, and is. By the end of the first 13 week period, the network offered a new long-term contract with even better terms than before. The money poured in from all sides. Greg was an able manager. We soon outgrew our office space and the company bought its own building just outside of New York. Greg told us about selling pots and pans under our own name, bed linens, napkins, all sorts of stuff that is supposed to be designed by me. Licensing. That is what it is called. Licensing. You make money letting others put your name on their product. Now you can go into department stores and see Sue- Ellen's products everywhere. Even my trademarked earrings and necklace are sold over the counter. It is now three years since my TV show started. We all have become very wealthy. I hated living in New York and I bought an antebellum home just outside of Atlanta, Georgia. Mary Lou is going steady with a very nice man, and she tells me that although she loves him she is afraid to marry him. Get this. She is too rich! She is afraid that although she is convinced he loves her, maybe, just maybe, he is after her money. So they live together, and she says that is how it will stay. I have matured into two different personalities. There is the entertainer, who is down home Southern, witty, funny and middle aged. Then there is the sophisticated woman who, four or five times a year throws elegant parties at her lovely home. No, fried chicken is not on the menu at these events. It is always a formal gala, and I love shopping and wearing my formal gowns. What I spend is no longer a consideration. If I want it, I just buy it. I have become an active member of the community and contribute handsomely to the various charities and causes. (Thank you Mary Lou for the lesson.) Occasionally Mary Lou comes by, but she likes New York much more than I do. I have learned to love the company of men, and occasionally crawl into bed with them. Yes, I learned to love that part of it as well. But, like Mary Lou, I now have too much money, and have the same concerns about marriage that she has. It is fun being a celebrity. It has been almost three years since I drove a car by myself. I am picked up wherever I have to go. I now have a new PA. A young man in his middle twenties who adores me. Each morning at breakfast he tells me of the day's activities that are planned. I must spend two weeks every second month in New York at the studios in our home office taping two month's worth of shows. Except for the summer when I have time off. During that time Mary Lou, Greg and myself conduct business meetings and planning sessions. I also do a lot of shopping. I love shopping in New York. George, my PA, accompanies me wherever I have to travel, and yes, we no longer go through the airports. We don't have our own plane yet, but a private jet is chartered to transport me wherever I go. I am amazed at how much it costs to maintain my home. Almost $500,000 a year! It seems that I cannot have it run with less than a staff of between 12 and 15 people. There are two gardeners, two maids, a husband and wife cook, George, house cleaners and a driver. The good news is that my five major sponsors expect me to attend their annual conventions, mingle, and give a witty 40 minute speech. And for this, they are each willing to present me with a check for $100,000.00! So, this covers my household expenses. I find that I now own five vehicles between the staff. My limo, as well as a sports car when I feel like it, a pick up for the gardeners and vehicles for the cooks and maids. It is so fun being a celebrity. I never have to wait for a table regardless of how popular the place is. I am recognized and now have a large circle of friends both here in Atlanta as well as in New York. On the rare occasions that find me in a public place I am constantly approached by the public. Most just want to say 'hello' and tell me how much they enjoy my show, others want an autograph. It does interrupt your meal and the conversation with your friends, but I don't mind. These are the people that pay me. So, dear friends, that is my story. Robert Bradford does not exist. I don't know if he ever existed. I have a full life. I love being who I am, and I love being rich. What could be better?