Finding myself 0
- 1 year ago
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Finding Myself - Part 5 free porn video
You may be wondering why I had been so accepting and compliant thru this
whole saga.
If you had asked me then, I probably would have told you that my initial
hots for Allie had mellowed into a warmth that still held onto a hope
that something could happen between us. Reading back over what I have
written and knowing now what lay ahead, I realize now that it was a
hopeless hope.
If you ask me now, I recognize that it was all a mixture of my submissive
nature - even though I was unaware of it! - along with Allie's dominant
character and manipulative skills. I didn't know that along with the mind
control she was pressing onto me, she was also adding a gentle mix of
drugs to make me more compliant. It was a powerful recipe for disaster,
or at least for me to have no say in what developed.
Here I was, just a week or so into something that hadn't even been on my
horizon, and already so deeply into something that I was beginning to
wonder if I was capable of getting out - and even wondering if I wanted
to.
I had already done enough to show Allie - sorry, Miss Allie - that she
could get away with whatever she wanted. That was why I was lying face
down on my bed, having handcuffed both wrists and ankles to the bedframe,
my mouth, nose and ears all controlled by her. I was wearing a cruel
orthopedic corset that only just allowed me to breathe. I guess she knew
she had the upper hand.
"There we are, honey," she purred into my ears as she must have flicked
off the tape of her voice. "I know you want me to do more for you but
it's best we take things steadily, after all you need to get to work
tomorrow, don't you? Let's just do a little something so you don't forget
who you are."
I felt her swabbing the skin on my butt and then using some kind of drill
maybe like a tattoo gun across my butt cheeks. I didn't dare move.
"Isn't that beautiful, Tina?" she asked, no doubt fully aware that I
could neither see it nor reply anyway. "I have written 'To serve Miss
Allie.' Well - at least, you will have to take my word for it, because
you can't see it, can you, sweetie?" she giggled.
"We can do a little more down there another time. Sleep well, my little
sweetie."
She left me lying there, unable to speak, the sound of her voice
insistently seducing my brain, my feet still contorted and my torso
racked with the severity of the corset. The lights went out...
The next thing I knew was her real voice in my ears telling me it was
time to get up. It was Monday morning - back to work! How was I going to
cope?
I felt her unfasten the handcuffs securing me to the bed. "Time to get
up, sleepyhead - you Mistress needs her breakfast!"
I tried to move as quickly as I could, although I was so stiff and it was
almost impossible to get off the bed with my body so restricted. But she
switched my air supply off as soon as she told me to get up and so I had
to move quickly if I wanted it back.
As I clambered to my feet, Miss Allie allowed me to breathe once more.
"You will be wearing that corset today, Tina - so you won't need a
shower. Keep your pantyhose on too - you can take your shoes off after
breakfast, then we can decide what you will wear to work today!" she
giggled. "Now go and wash, then get me my breakfast."
I ran to the bathroom, grateful that she left me with air to breathe. I
washed as well as I could, and rushed to get her breakfast, picking up my
brooch as I went. She just wanted some fruit and coffee, so it wasn't
too big a problem. I got to the kitchen door with the tray, knocked and
waited. The soothing voices continued in my ear. I kept on waiting for
what seemed like several minutes before I knocked again.
"You may enter, Tina" her voice broke into the recorded sound. I opened
the door, curtsied and put the tray down before her. "You may stay there,
Tina." I stood with my hands together before me. She ate her breakfast
slowly and kept smiling. "Head down, Tina." I bent my head forward,
touching my brooch once.
When she had finished, her voice broke in again. "Time for your breakfast
now, honey." She handed me the attachment to fit onto my mouth ring and
it immediately began to deliver lukewarm urine into my mouth. I kept
swallowing as she led me back into my room to get dressed for work.
"Now then,' she said as she got to my closet, "What shall we wear today,
Tina?" her voice communicated to me thru the earpieces. It was one of
those questions again - she didn't want me to reply and I couldn't
anyhow.
"Ah, this will do the trick, won't it?" She pulled out a cream-colored
cable-knit sweater with a roll neck. I felt a moment of relief as it
looked as male as it did female and it would at least cover the worst of
the corset it looked as if I was going to be wearing. But my relief was
short-lived as I saw the edge of the roll neck was decorated with tiny
pastel-colored flowers. "It will stop you feeling embarrassed about the
corset - well, for now anyway, won't it, Tina?" She smiled vaguely as
her mind was already back in the closet looking for pants.
She came out with a pair of slightly flared linen slacks in a pale olive
green with a side zipper. I knew at once that they were too thin and that
the shape of my corset would be instantly visible through it.
"These will suit you, won't they, Tina," she smiled, and added a pair of
toning olive sneaker boots with a low wedge heel, "a nice everyday outfit
for you!" She paused. "You may remove your feeding bottle now: are you
waiting for something, Tina?" she added quietly as I felt my air supply
cut off.
I did as she said, slipping the slacks on as quickly as I could, fumbling
with the zipper but finding them to fit well. I was allowed a quick
corset-limited lungful of oxygen before I eased the sweater over my head.
As it fell down my body I saw that it was longer than I had expected,
reaching over my butt - great for hiding the corset, but looking very
girly. At least it hung loose and my constricted waist wasn't visible.
I looked down for maybe a second or two before my air supply disappeared
again. A quiet firm voice simply said, "Shoes."
I sat on the bed and twisted my leg round to fit the boots onto my feet,
relieved at least to find they were a velcro fastening and not laces. I
almost passed out with the effort, the corset compressing my chest so
much that I could only get a little air when she allowed it anyway. As I
put my feet on the ground, she said, "Stand up!"
I did so, panting as she relented.
"There - that didn't take so long, did it, sweetie? Now - what is
missing?"
I looked around anxiously for my brooch, fixing it quickly onto my
sweater.
"Which side should it be, Tina? You have fixed it on the left - have you
never noticed that girls usually wear brooches on the right?" Air off,
while I swiftly changed it over. Air on.
"Better. Now just one thing missing." She went to the closet and came
back with a brown woven belt, pulling it round my waist herself and
securing the buckle with a tiny decorative padlock. I realized that my
heavily corseted waistline was now all too evident, and whimpered
anxiously.
"Do you like the outfit we have chosen, Tina?"
Curtsy. One press on brooch. There wasn't another option on her list.
"Good - I knew you would. Now, you must run along to your work, mustn't
you? I have packed your drink in your new bag" - she held up a canvas
bag to go with my outfit - "and some fruit as well for your lunch." She
paused and looked serious. "You will eat nothing else at all, Tina - do
you understand?"
Curtsy. One press.
"And if you want more to drink, you may have only water - but as much as
you like. Understood?"
Curtsy. One press, then two presses. I took the bag and headed back thru
to her apartment to get out - before I realized that I still had the ring
gag in that had been in my mouth all weekend. I hesitated, unsure whether
I should point it out to her or wait for her to act. She noticed; I
shivered.
"Good girl, Tina. But it is not for you to speak unless you are spoken
to. We will remove your gag when you are leaving - but in future, you
will take it off and put it on outside the door rather than inside. It
will be much simpler, won't it - you won't be tempted to get involved in
conversation with me, will you?"
I gasped. Curtsy. Two presses. I opened the door carefully to check no
one was around and stepped outside. To my relief, Miss Allie followed as
far as the doorway and unfastened the gag. Before she let me lift it out
of my mouth, with the penis breathing attachment, she said, "Not a word,
Tina - or we will only do this outside the building next time. Shhhh!"
I nodded and my poor mouth closed for the first time in nearly three
days. I turned, curtsied and ran off to get away from what my life had
become. The sound of her giggling was in my ears, to be replaced by the
constant orgasms underpinning the sounds around me.
As seemed to happen every day, I just became more and more self-conscious
about my appearance. It must have been obvious to everyone in my office
that something was happening - there were even more looks and smiles, the
odd comment from the girls on my 'cute outfit' and I just tried to smile
back with my still aching mouth and look unconcerned. I don't think I
looked very convincing.
It wasn't long after I sat at my desk that I heard Miss Allie's voice
speaking to me. I looked around in panic. But she wasn't there in
person, it was only in my ears.
"Hello, sweetie! Safely in work, now? Good. I just thought I would remind
you that I am still in control of you. You will always be able to hear my
will in your ears and - guess what - your earpieces even have
microphones, so I will be able to hear what you hear around you. Did I
forget to tell you that? They are powerful microphones, too, so I will be
able to hear your replies and everything else too. I don't expect you to
use your brooch in the office, even though you must still wear it, but
you can reply with your normal voice...well, reasonably normal. Your
female voice, please - the one you used to seduce James. In fact," she
smiled, "I don't want to hear your boy voice ever again, Tina - is that
clear? If I do, I will have to do something about it."
My hand went instinctively to my brooch but stopped just in time. I
opened my mouth and said in a whispering husky voice, "Yes, Miss Allie."
There was a pause.
"Louder, Tina."
"Yes, Miss Allie." I looked around to check that no one had heard.
"Good. This will be fun, won't it? Now, just like at home, I don't
expect you talk at work unless you have to, Tina, so I will set my system
here to activate if it hears a voice at your end - and it won't be yours
first, will it, Tina? You will speak only if you are spoken to. Anything
else you do by email or something written. OK?"
I almost curtseyed where I sat. "Yes, Miss Allie."
I paused. "Thank you, Miss Allie."
"Good - and while I am working, it will record so I can check on you as
well! Isn't that good? Now, don't be late home tonight, sweetie, we have
lots to do!"
I sat motionless for what seemed like a long time after that - not
difficult in the corset that was gripping me. But I just didn't know what
to do.
It was only when Sarah came in and asked me a question that the real
world (if that's what it was) came back into focus. Sarah was the person
who worked most closely in line with my responsibilities and who I bumped
into most often.
"Chris - have you finished with these files yet?"
I was still in a different orbit.
"Earth to Chris! Are you receiving me?"
"What? Oh - sorry, Sarah, my mind was...er...somewhere else." I spluttered,
remembering halfway thru what Miss Allie had said about using my female
voice.
"You're telling me, Chris - it seems to be there quite a lot lately. Snap
out of it and get this stuff finished!"
Although she wasn't my boss, Sarah was a higher grade and always made
sure I knew it. She seemed to enjoy making me feel uncomfortable - and I
guess my personality made it easier for her.
"Yes, sure, there's just one or two more to finish off," I squeaked. I am
sure I would have curtsied if I hadn't been sitting down.
"You seem to be spending more time on your appearance than your work
these days," she sniggered, before turning on her heel and heading for
the door. "Bring them thru when you are done."
I opened my mouth but too late - she had gone. The last thing I wanted
to do was walk thru the office dressed as I was.
I hurried thru the remaining files and reluctantly stood up, gathering
them under my arm. I walked timidly thru the office and knocked on
Sarah's door. I was going to say something to her but then remembered
that I was not supposed to speak first, so I put the files down in her
desk.
"My, you are looking fashionable today, Chris!" she responded, looking at
my outfit. "Not many guys in heels and with a figure like that in this
office!"
"Er...thanks, Sarah," I replied breathily. "I am...um...trying to...er...keep up
with fashion." I must have turned all colors of red as I rushed for the
door.
"Next time," Sarah called after me, "you must show us some more of this
'new Chris'!"
I didn't stop to reply, just pleased to be back at my own desk and out of
the firing line.
When the end of the day came, I was anxious to get out before anyone else
engaged me in conversation. I was home a little early and hoped that Miss
Allie would be there. I knocked on her door.
Eventually, she opened the door but left it on a chain. Her hand came
thru and she handed me my gag - the full kit with mouth penis attached. I
took it - and she closed the door.
"Let me know when you have put it on, Tina," came thru my earphones. I
sighed and - looking round - fitted it over my lips and into my mouth. I
clipped the little lock at back and knocked again.
The door opened.
"Welcome home, Tina! Did you have a good day?" she said as I walked
quickly in before anyone else appeared.
"Hold it right there" Miss Allie said, holding the door open and barring
my way. "What are you forgetting?"
I squirmed and curtsied hurriedly, pressing my brooch twice. I wanted to
look at her face to judge her mood, but I didn't dare. I kept my eyes
down, seeing only her arm blocking my way. She was in no hurry.
"Better, Tina, but you are getting very close to the line, aren't you?"
She paused again. I curtsied again and pressed my brooch once this time.
Her arm moved aside and I rushed in. She closed the door.
"Where are you going, Tina?" There she was again, asking me questions! I
stopped and was stuck for what to do.
"I will tell you where you are going, Tina - you are going to get
changed, then serve me a glass of wine and tidy up my room before you get
me my supper."
Curtsy. One press. Then two presses.
"Good girl."
I curtsied again and rushed thru to my room. I slipped off the bootsc and
pants, thankful enough that Miss Allie hadn't done anything about my air
supply. But then I realized that I couldn't remove the belt and scampered
back thru in my stockinged feet.
I only just remembered to stop at her door from the kitchen and knock.
There was a long pause. "Come in!" came thru to my ears. I opened the
door and held the belt clasp in front of me to show Miss Allie the
problem, curtsying as I did so.
"Is it right to come into your Mistress's room with no skirt or pants and
bare feet, Tina?"
I didn't know what to do - there were no words on my brooch to reply to
that one. I guess I just looked flustered. I ran back out, turning to
curtsy at the door and quickly put my pants and sneaker boots back on
before coming back.
I gathered myself this time before I knocked. "Come in!" she said again.
I walked in more slowly, turning to close the door and then back to
curtsy. Before I could do anything else, my air supply stopped.
"Tina - listen to me. Listen good. I didn't tell you to run off and strip
before I had unlocked your belt, did I? If you had not been so foolish,
this would never have happened.
"You were thinking of yourself, weren't you? What you needed to do. But
you shouldn't have been thinking of yourself, should you?"
I nodded and then shook my head, desperate for air.
"Who should you have been thinking of?" She paused.
I pointed my finger towards her.
"Exactly, Tina. If your thoughts had been only on me, you would have
concentrated on how you would be serving me.'
I was feeling weak.
"And then you would have waited for me to unlock your belt and dismiss
you, wouldn't you?"
One press. Then a long gasp as Miss Allie allowed me to breathe.
"Let this be a lesson, girl - the next one won't be as nice. Do you
understand?"
One press. Then two presses. Curtsy.
I stood, looking down as Miss Allie came over and unlocked the belt
around my waist. Two presses. Curtsy.
"Now you may go and change, Tina. But you will have to wear a different
maid's costume in order to cover your corset - that stays on."
Two presses, curtsy, again. This time I walked more slowly and changed as
instructed. I looked in the closet and found a fuller uniform. It was in
black satin too, but covered me from neck to feet. I changed quickly into
black hose to match the dress and slid it over my head and down my body.
It zipped at the back but I was getting better ta handling that sort of
contortion now. This uniform had a pretty white cap with ribbons that
trailed down onto my shoulders.
I replaced my brooch and put my office clothes away, before slipping on a
pair of sober black shoes with 3" heels. I was getting used to heels now
- and in fact it felt very strange not having any.
I was about to pour Miss Allie a glass of wine in the kitchen when I
remembered that she hadn't specified what wine she wanted. Was this a
trap to catch me out again? I smiled inwardly, before knocking on her
door.
When she told me to enter, I walked in and curtsied. Of course, I had no
way of asking her the question, so I just took a big red wine glass and a
small white wine glass. I held them both up and tried to look as if I
needed a response.
Miss Allie giggled. "Well done, Tina. I forgot to tell you what I wanted.
I think I will have a glass of Chardonnay as long as it is well chilled."
Two presses, curtsy. I turned and went back to the kitchen to pour out
the glass of chilled Chardonnay. I knocked, entered, curtsied - it was
getting easier to remember - and handed Miss Allie her wine.
"Thank you, Tina. And here is your drink - you may drink it here while I
watch." She handed me the attachment to fit onto my gag and I immediately
had to start swallowing as her urine began to fill my mouth. As always,
it was a battle between breathing and swallowing, or drowning.
"You must tell me about Sarah, sweetie." I spluttered and nearly choked
as I was drinking. How did she know about Sarah? Oh - the microphone, it
must be.
"She looks quite pretty - and powerful too. Do you think so, Tina?"
I had to keep swallowing, but I was struggling to do so as my brain was
being dragged elsewhere. 'Looks'? How did she know?
"You didn't know I could see you too, did you, Tina? That brooch is very
useful, isn't it? So I get sound and pictures - isn't that so cool?
"I told you I would look after you and so now I can wherever you are - a
bit like one of those remote controlled toys you must have had in the
days when you were a boy. So that's one more of your fears you can put
aside - your Mistress will be looking after you 24/7."
I kept swallowing until the last of her urine was finished, breathing
hard afterwards.
"If you have finished, you may remove the beverage holder and get on with
tidying my room now."
Two presses, curtsy.
I busied myself clearing up Miss Allie's stuff, finding the long sating
skirts to be a mixture of making work more difficult and finding it
exciting as I felt them swish against my legs. I could hear nothing, as
Miss Allie had moved my daytime orgasm soundtrack to my evening and night
sweet voice telling me how I loved to obey her. As I dusted and polished,
I found myself repeating the words in my head like a mantra.
When I had finished (it's only one room!) I moved into her bathroom and
did the same in there. I found she had quite a bit of washing in her
linen basket and so took it out, washed her lingerie by hand and carried
the remainder into the kitchen where we shared the washer. While it was
in action, I looked to see what to prepare for her meal; I was doubtful
on this job, because, it required me to make a decision - she was
becoming happy to leave it to me - and I was finding them more difficult.
But I was at least learning what she liked, and that made it easier. And
I found that I was wanting to please her.
I made her a lemon chicken breast with a tossed salad and was about to
put it on a tray when her real voice broke into her recorded voice.
"Ready yet, Tina?"
I instinctively pressed my brooch once.
"Good. You may serve me then."
I knocked on the door and waited. When she responded, I entered with the
tray, curtsied and placed it before her, unrolling her napkin and placing
it on her lap. She lifted up her empty wine glass. Two presses, curtsy.
I refilled her glass in the kitchen and placed it by her. I hesitated and
stood where she could see me - but not too close.
"Good girl. Keep doing this and we will have a great time, won't we?" She
spoke between mouthfuls of her chicken.
Curtsy. Two presses.
I stood, hands together in front of me while she ate slowly, reading her
magazine and sipping her wine.
"What a lot we have to prepare for, Tina. We really need to make sure
your friend Sarah understands that you are always willing to serve, don't
we? We will have to think how we achieve that; that will be our special
task this week. At least, until later, when we need to prepare for James
and Paul."
I shuddered.
"Oh - didn't I tell you?" she went on, "they are coming to see us next
weekend. We need to think how we entertain them, don't we, sweetie?"
I did more than shudder - I shook. What would she do to me now?
Maddy
- 19.04.2022
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