Stuart Celibate
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Stuart, Part 3 free porn video
I take a deep breath as I enter the vast hospital and quickly find my way
to the clean private room, briefly stopping when I see the middle-aged
man stood outside.
"Hi Mark!" I say to the smartly-dressed man, who greets me with a
handshake and a smile.
"Hello Stuart!" the man warmly replies. "Jamie's currently being seen by
her nurse, but she should done any minute."
"That's why you're out here instead of in there, then?" I chuckle.
"Yep," Jamie's dad says. "Thought I'd give the missus a break, she's been
here literally every second I haven't. I try to tell her that Jamie's got
the best nurses money can buy..."
"You can't argue with a mother whose child's unwell," I muse, remembering
how my own mother wouldn't leave my bedside after both my mastectomy and
my hysterectomy.
"I know she'll be pleased to see you," Mr. Travis says. "She's actually
been asking about you, wondering when you'll drop by."
"All done," the posh nurse says as she exits the room. "She's all yours,
as long as you don't excite her too much!" I stammer a little as the
nurse looks in my direction.
"Oh, um, I'm not Jamie's boyfriend, um," I stammer, making both the nurse
and Jamie's dad laugh.
"Come on, son," Mr. Travis says, leading me into the room.
"Hi dad," Jamie says, before her smile widens upon seeing me- and the
expensive bouquet of flowers I've brought. "Hey, Stu!"
"Hi Jamie," I say, giving the poorly girl a gentle, one-handed hug.
"Still doped up to your eyeballs?"
"Nah," Jamie giggles. "Just a bit below, maybe mouth level. Thanks for
the flowers, if the modelling thing doesn't work out I guess I could
always become a florist, heh. Just can't wait to get back on my feet..."
"Well you're GOING to wait," Jamie's dad insists. "It'll only be for a
few weeks, then you've got the rest of your life to be the woman you were
always meant to be!" Jamie giggles- probably thanks to the painkillers
flooding her system- but Mark's words resonate with me as much as they do
with Jamie. When Jamie looks at herself naked in the mirror, she'll see a
girl with girl parts. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a boy...
With girl parts. Sure, the recovery period for a phalloplasty would be 2,
maybe even 3 times as long, but once it's done, it's DONE. I'd have a
penis. MY penis. My dick. My cock.
...And yet, there's a part of me that's scared of having a penis. It's
not like I could go back to being a girl- my uterus is gone, my ovaries
are gone, my breasts are gone, I've had testosterone flooding my body for
a full third of my life... but this 'final step' is something else
entirely, and it's hard to say why. Is it because I'd always be a 'chick
with a dick'? Is it because I'm scared I'd never fully get used to having
it? Is it because I'm not THAT uncomfortable with the way I am?
I ask all these rhetorical questions two days later as I sit on one of
the comfortable chairs in my counsellor's office. Dr Phillips nods and
takes notes as I reel off my woes, before offering her typically wise
opinion on the matter.
"Obviously," the middle-aged professional woman begins, "I'm going to
preface this by saying what I've said a million times: The way you feel
is perfectly natural, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel. You
WERE born in the wrong body, and there'll always be a part of you that
will feel that way. There is a chance that SRS will correct this, there's
a chance that the feeling will remain even AFTER SRS."
"So... Are you saying I should take the plunge and book my SRS?" I ask.
"I'm saying you should think about it carefully," Dr Phillips clarifies.
"Though you've clearly already put a lot of careful thought into this.
You'd be surprised how many young men and women I get coming through
these doors at the start of their transition eager to have SRS, only to
have second thoughts about it as the time of their operation approaches."
"So... What are you saying I should do?" I ask, confused and slightly
frustrated by Dr Phillips's advice.
"You should do what you feel is best," the counsellor advises. "I can
help you find that out, but I can't definitively say 'yes you should have
SRS', or 'no you shouldn't have it'. This is a decision only YOU can
make, Stuart."
I keep Dr Phillips's advice in my mind all throughout the rest of the
week at work and at home. I talk it over with my parents and my older
sister, though as none of them have ever gone through what I'm going
through, the amount of advice they can offer is severely limited. Even
days later, as I'm driving to Jamie's house to welcome her home, it's all
I can think about- though my thoughts SHOULD be on the impending return
of my best friend. My sisters- who are accompanying me to Jamie's house-
quickly sense that something's amiss with me.
"Emma," Becca asks with a cheeky voice, "why is our brother not more
excited about the return of the girl he is so obviously madly in love
with?"
"Stu's got a lot on his mind lately," Emma explains with a cheeky grin of
her own.
"Can we not discuss I-T with B-E-C-C-A in the car, please?" I ask,
chuckling a little as my baby sister lets out one of her trademark
frustrated grunts.
"Oh for god's sake!" Becca sighs. "Did you not attend my birthday party
two weeks ago? Didn't you wonder why there lots of things with the number
'19' written on them? I'm not a kid! Just tell me!" Emma- equally
familiar with Becca's 'outbursts'- chuckles along with me, explaining to
Becca after I give her the nod.
"Let's just say that soon, Jamie might not be the only post-operative
transsexual we know," Emma says, eliciting a surprised gasp from our
teenaged sister.
"Oh my god, Stu!" Becca squeaks, leaning forward and giving my shoulders
a tight squeeze. "This is so awesome!"
"I haven't made up my mind yet," I sigh.
"What's there to think about?" Becca asks. "I mean, you've spent the last
eight years of your life turning yourself into a man, surely this is just
the next step? You've already had surgery on your chest, you've had a
hysterectomy..."
"Yeah, will this is bigger than all of those others put together," I say.
"It's not like Jamie hasn't had minor surgeries before this one- I know
for a fact at the very least she's had a boob job AND surgery on her
Adam's apple. If you ask her, she'll say that this beats all of those put
together too."
"I guess..." Becca says.
"And it's not like Stu has to make an immediate decision," Emma
interjects. "Penis or no penis, he'll always be our brother, right?"
"Right!" Becca giggles. "But... The longer you wait, the longer you'll be
wishing you had, you know, 'one'..." I remain quiet for the rest of the
trip- Emma and Becca both make excellent points. I'm grateful when I
finally arrive at Jamie's house and help her settle back in her room with
the help of her mum and Charlotte. I spend the whole day at Jamie's house
listening to her & Charlotte's gossip and Jamie talk about her new
vagina. It's only when I'm alone in Jamie's bedroom with the two women
that the thought hits me- I'm a full year older than Charlotte and 18
months older than Jamie, meaning that of the three people in the room,
I've had a vagina longer than any of us, and yet I'm the only man. That's
a thought that sticks with me throughout the rest of the day and all
throughout the following day at work. I even dream about undergoing the
operation, laying in a hospital bed just as I'd seen Jamie do...
And yet, as much as thoughts of my 'new manhood' litter my mind, they're
always followed by thoughts of Jamie herself. If the only way I could
take the 'journey' was alone, then it'd be a no-brainer- I simply
wouldn't take it. But now that I have my friends, close friends who love
me, and a girl who understands my plight better than anyone, who's
beautiful, funny, clever... Even when she was pre-op she was one of the
most beautiful and amazing women I'd ever known. My feelings for her are
only hammered home on the Thursday morning when, whilst waiting for a
music arrangement to render on my computer, I idly browse Facebook and
see something that rips my heart straight out of its chest.
'Jamie-Lee Burke is in a relationship'.
I actually shed a tear as I read that sentence, such is my love for her.
I start to type out a response, a 'congratulations', but inside a part of
me has died, a part I doubt I'll ever get back. It's only after reading
the full sentence- 'Jamie-Lee Burke is in a relationship with Hannah
Dexter'- that I start to recover. I don't know Hannah as well as I do the
other girls, but this is EXACTLY the type of practical joke she loves.
Rolling my eyes, I delete my 'congratulations' and instead type 'prove
it', only to be greeted seconds later by a photograph of the two girls
kissing using what look like mouths that are barely suppressing laughter.
"Very funny," I say to myself, but I'm not laughing- I genuinely,
honestly thought I'd lost my chance of being with Jamie. I briefly
contemplate going round to Jamie's house to see her, but as large as the
part of me that adores her is, there's an equally large part of me that's
still scared of committing to a relationship with Jamie, a part of me
that's scared she'd take one look at me naked and run a mile...
I wake up on Friday morning with a sigh. Even though it's Good Friday and
the start of a four day weekend for most people, working in the industry
I do means I don't get the luxury of observing public holidays. I immerse
myself in my work, but after dinner, I find myself unable to concentrate
on anything other than Jamie. She's already reverted yesterday's Facebook
update, but yesterday's 'scare' is almost too much for me to take. After
making my excuses, I drive myself straight to Jamie's house, where I
eagerly knock on her door to be greeted by her father.
"Hello Stuart!" Mr. Travis says with a grin. "Here to see Jamie?"
"Hi Mark," I say. "Yeah, is- is she, you know, up for visitors?"
"Of course," Mark says, ushering me upstairs. "Don't tell her I said
this, but I'm worried that she's getting lonely cooped up in her room.
Obviously, though, I don't want her getting up and about again until
she's absolutely ready."
"My lips are sealed," I say as Mark knocks on his daughter's bedroom
door.
"Yet another gentleman caller," Mark jokes. Even though I know that it
was Keith- whose relationship with Charlotte isn't going anywhere anytime
soon- who was the other 'gentleman caller', I still find myself getting
jealous that another man was seeing the girl I'm increasingly viewing as
'my' girl.
"Hey Jamie," I say with an unintentionally goofy expression.
"Hi Stu!" Jamie says. From my perspective, it's almost as though her eyes
light up upon seeing me... Though that could just be wishful thinking on
my part.
"I'll leave you two to it," Mark chuckles, closing the door behind him.
"I just thought I'd drop round," I stammer. "Um, you know, see how you
were doing..."
"If you missed me, you can always just say," Jamie giggles. Yeah, if only
it was that easy... "I thought you said you'd be busy with work all
week?"
"Project's going a lot faster than I expected," I lie. "Songs don't
really need that much editing..." I take a deep breath as I steady my
nerves. "And yes, I did miss you." Much to my relief, and my surprise,
Jamie giggles at my 'forced confession'.
"I missed you too," Jamie whispers, catching me off-guard.
"Um, even though it's only been three days?" I ask.
"Well..." Jamie replies, before we both simultaneously break down in a
giggling fit. For the next two hours we gossip about the most trivial
things, but I enjoy every second of it, and as I leave just after half
past nine, I find I'd give anything to stay with Jamie just a second
longer.
"Thank you," Jamie whispers as I leave. "Thank you so much, and not just
for tonight, not just for helping me decide to have this surgery, but for
everything. Thank you... For being you."
"No," I whisper back. "Thank YOU for being YOU. See you soon, Jamie." I
shut the door and let out a long sigh. "I- I love you..."
After spending an interminable Easter Saturday at my aunt's house with my
parents and my sisters, and an even more tedious Sunday morning at church
with my family, I don't even bother coming up with an excuse to go round
to Jamie's house in the evening. After once again being escorted up to
Jamie's room by her dad, I sit down next to her on the bed and take in
every inch of her body, every syllable she says. We talk about nonsense
for a brief while, before our eyes fix on each other and I find myself
involuntarily leaning into her, our lips pressing together gently,
lovingly. The kiss lasts mere seconds before I break away, my heart
racing, my emotions a blur.
"I-" I stammer, desperate to recover the situation and not lose Jamie
forever. "I- I'm sorry Jamie, I know you're vulnerable right now, I, um,
I got carried away, I shouldn't-"
"Shut up, please?" Jamie says with a grin, before pulling my head in
towards hers and kissing me deeply, passionately. Almost instantly, my
brain goes into overdrive. She initiated the kiss! She wants me! SHE
wants ME! With shaking hands, I gently caress her supple, feminine body
as we swap saliva, our tongues gently massaging each other. I slide a
tentative hand underneath Jamie's t-shirt, gently caressing her breast,
and when I encounter no resistance, I slip a finger underneath her bra
cup, gently stroking her rock-hard nipple. I get carried away in the heat
of the moment and almost don't notice when Jamie slips one of her hands
underneath the waistband of my trousers, but as she approaches my genital
region, my mind immediately switches from arousal to near-panic.
"No," I breathe hastily. "It's... It's not pretty down there." Much to my
surprise, Jamie simply smiles, then points her crotch at me, raising her
skirt and lowering her panties to show me her new lady parts. I let out a
quiet gasp of surprise as I see her 'area'- with the exception of the
angry-looking pink scars and the stitches covering her genitals like
zippers, it looks... Ordinary. Like any other girl's vagina. Shaking
slightly through nerves, I remove my jeans and slowly lower my boxer
shorts, allowing Jamie to see my genitals for the very first time- and I
can tell she's just as surprised as I am, if not more.
"Pretty?" Jamie asks, before smiling wickedly at me. "I think it's SEXY."
I grin widely as Jamie and I lean in once more, kissing deeply, before
Jamie's hand finds its way onto my clitoris, sending a lightning bolt of
pleasure through my body.
"Oh god," I moan, my words obscured by Jamie's own mouth.
"Do you want me to stop?" Jamie asks, concern in her voice.
"HELL no," I gasp as Jamie increases the pressure on my most sensitive of
body parts. Within seconds I lose control, moaning and gasping into
Jamie's mouth before collapsing back onto my bed as the orgasm penetrates
every cell of my body.
"I really do love you, you know," Jamie whispers as she lays down next to
me. "It doesn't matter what you've got down there, it's what's inside
here that counts." Jamie gently places one of her small hands on my
chest, pressing down on my rapidly-thumping heart.
"I- I love you too," I whisper, desperately trying to keep tears from
forming in my eyes. "You're my best ever friend... Who says sex destroys
friendships, anyway?"
"People who are WRONG!" Jamie giggles, giving me another kiss, a kiss
that ends when we both giggle loudly into each other's mouth. We both
stay firmly rooted to the spot for the next few hours, kissing, cuddling,
gossiping about friends and family. If I didn't have work tomorrow, I
wouldn't have left Jamie's side, but I'm eventually torn away just before
11pm, reluctantly returning home where, to my surprise, Becca is still
awake, cuddled up on the sofa watching TV with Riley.
"Hey guys," I say, collapsing into a chair and desperately trying NOT to
think about the man pawing away at my baby sister.
"Look at you, Mr. Stay-Out," Becca teases. "Have fun at Jamie's?"
"Yeah," I say nonchalantly. Even though we are now technically in a
relationship, I'm not sure how far Jamie wants to take it, or how soon,
so I can't simply blab it openly to anyone- not even Becca.
"Only it's well past your usual bedtime," Becca continues. "Aren't you
planning on working tomorrow?"
"Don't you also have coursework to complete?" I retort.
"Good point," Becca concedes. "Speaking of bedtime..." Becca stands up
and makes a show of giving her boyfriend a long, deep kiss in front of
me, before skipping upstairs hand-in-hand with Riley. Normally, I'd be
incensed by this behaviour- but following my 'session' with Jamie I find
I'm surprisingly laid-back about it. God, don't tell me I was envious of
my baby sister...
The second I wake up the following day, I open up Facebook on my phone
and send a message to Jamie, a simple one that reads 'morning beautiful'.
When I don't get an instant reply, I get washed and dressed and settle
down to work. When I'm not working (or being pestered by Becca & Riley),
I'm sending Jamie yet more messages in the hope that she'll eventually
reply, and when she does, my hands actually start to shake.
"For god's sake," I whisper to myself. "You've known the girl for ages,
she's clearly as into you as you are into her, stop being so fucking
nervous..." I briefly chat with Jamie, during which she invites me around
for a coffee date tomorrow. After we've finished our 'chat', I
immediately open up my email and compose a message to my counsellor,
requesting a meeting tomorrow morning.
I make sure I'm awake extra-early for the 9am meeting (the only free slot
Dr Phillips had), and all the way there, I mentally run through
everything I want to say to the middle-aged woman.
"Hi Stuart," Beverly says as I enter the office and sit down in my usual
plush chair. "Your email mentioned that you urgently wanted to see me-
have you thought more about your SRS?"
"I have," I say. "...But it's not all I've been thinking about. I've...
I've started a new relationship."
"I see," Beverly says. "That IS good news, is it someone you knew
beforehand, a friend, or someone you've just met?"
"It's Jamie," I say nervously. "I've had feelings for her for ages, a
couple of nights ago we were talking in private, one thing led to
another..."
"You became physical?" Beverly asks.
"Yes," I say. "And we both enjoyed it, we both agreed that we wanted
more, a proper relationship. And before you say anything, no, I didn't
'disturb' Jamie's 'area', I know she needs a lot more time to heal."
"Heh," Beverly giggles. "So the physicality... It was one-sided?"
"Yes," I say. "...And it was good. It was VERY good, it just... As much
as I enjoyed it, it just hammered home that I'm still pre-op. Jamie says
she doesn't mind, but she's only been with REAL men before... We're good
friends, GREAT friends, and I know that if we weren't close, she'd never
have agreed to be with me..."
"Remember that I know Jamie very well," Beverly says with a smile. "If
her feelings for you are genuine, SRS shouldn't make a difference."
"But it'd make a difference to MY feelings for ME," I sigh. "My
relationship with Jamie... I LOVE her, but I'm afraid that every time
we're together... I'll always have this nagging thought in the back of my
mind, that she's had SRS and I haven't, that I should..."
"Jamie shouldn't be your only reason for having SRS," Beverly advises.
"It sounds like your feelings for her have been growing for some time
now, am I right?"
"Yeah," I sigh. "And yes, my desire to have SRS have grown alongside my
feelings for Jamie. I know how it must sound- yes, I've been pre-op for
eight years, it may seem like these feelings have only just manifested,
but all my relationships before Jamie have always fallen down, and it's
usually because of sex."
"Even with today's modern technology, a phalloplasty won't give you full
sexual function," Beverly says. "You will still need external help to
have regular intercourse."
"But I will be able to have regular intercourse," I say. "Which I can't,
the way I am. And Jamie looks so happy, now she's had her SRS, there's a
glow about her, something that says 'I am whole'. I want that glow. I
want... I want to be a man."
"I shouldn't need to remind you that in the eyes of the law, you ARE a
man," Beverly says. "But I understand where you're coming from. As I said
in our last meeting, there's no guarantee that you'll get this 'glow'
you're talking about if you have SRS, and the recovery period will be a
lot longer than Jamie's."
"I know," I sigh. "I'm aware of all the risks... But I'm also aware of
all the rewards. You also said last time that it has to be my decision...
And I've decided. I want you to book me in for SRS." As the words leave
my mouth, I shudder. Not since I came out to my parents on my sixteenth
birthday have I felt this nervous. The words I've just said... They're
not idle chatter. They're serious, life-changing in every imaginable way
words.
"Are you absolutely, fully sure that this is what you want?" Beverly
asks.
"It is," I reply without hesitation. I take a very shaky breath as
Beverly simply smiles and nods.
"I'll make enquiries to get you booked in for the second opinion,"
Beverly states calmly. "But I'll also provisionally book you a slot for
SRS. The waiting list is going to be about a year and a half, I'm
afraid."
"...And there's no guarantee that Jamie and I will still be together 18
months from now," I muse quietly. "But I will still want to be a man."
"This is a big step," Beverly says. "But I can tell it's not one you're
taking lightly. And a part of me is proud that you're taking this step."
"Thanks," I reply, my heart finally settling down to its normal speed.
After leaving the office- with an armful of pamphlets and websites about
SRS- I check my phone for messages from Jamie, only to discover a missed
call from Keith instead.
"Hi mate," I say, calling Keith back.
"Hi Stu," Keith says. "You busy right now?" I have to bite my tongue to
keep from telling Keith all about my meeting- he's easily my best male
friend and will be very high on the list of people to tell...
"Um, not anymore," I say.
"Oh?" Keith teases. "Doing anything exciting?" Despite knowing that I'll
get in a LOT of trouble, I can't hold my tongue any longer.
"Ever heard of a phalloplasty?" I ask Keith, who laughs excitedly.
"Oh god," Keith chuckles. "Don't tell me you had it done this morning?"
"No," I chuckle. "But I may have booked myself in for one... Obviously
I'd appreciate it if you didn't blab this to anyone, not yet anyway."
"Not even to your new girlfriend?" Keith teases.
"Ahh, she told you," I laugh. "No, not even to her, I'd prefer to be the
one to tell her."
"No worries, mate," Keith says. "I'm coming round to pick you up, then
we're heading back to Jamie's, then out for lunch, is that okay?"
"Sure," I reply with a smile. When Keith arrives a few minutes later- in
a bright pink taxi cab with the Angels' faces painted on it, much to my
surprise- I immediately jump into the back and slide next to Jamie,
greeting her with a long, deep kiss that makes Charlotte (also in the
back of the cab) giggle and bounce up and down excitedly. When we arrive
back at Jamie's house, she makes a point of going in without our fingers
or hands linked.
"Mum, dad," Jamie says with a smug smile. "There's something I need to
tell you..."
"Umm," Mark says, clearly taken aback by Jamie's announcement. "Is- is it
about your-"
"Nooo," Jamie teases, before finally grabbing my hand. "Stuart and I are
boyfriend and girlfriend." Much to my infinite relief, both of Jamie's
parents immediately jump out of their chairs and hug both of us, Mark
giving me a long, hearty handshake as well.
"Fantastic news!" Jamie's dad beams. "You two are perfect for each other,
you really are. I know you'll both be very, very happy together."
"Thanks, 'dad'!" I tease, making Mark laugh happily.
"If you'll excuse us," Jamie whispers, clearly surprised by how well her
parents took the news, "I need to um, head upstairs for a bit..."
"You two go," Jamie's mum says with a giggle.
"They took that well," I say as I close the door to Jamie's bedroom.
"Tell me about it," Jamie sighs as she raises her dress and lowers her
panties. "Every boyfriend I've had in the past, they've HATED...
Especially Paul..."
"I knew they LIKED me," I muse, "but I always assume it was because we
were friends, and if- eww!" I wince a little as Jamie applies a dollop of
lubricant jelly to a long, dildo-like tube and pushes it into her vagina.
"Oh, BOY!" Jamie teases. "You knew I did this four times a day..."
"Yeah, I also know you have to poo as well," I giggle. "Doesn't mean I
want to watch THAT either..."
"Hardly the same thing," Jamie sighs.
"Not exactly," I concede. "And god knows, I'll-" I pause before
continuing, not wanting to reveal the surprise of my SRS to my new
girlfriend. "I'll just have to get used to it, I suppose..."
"I won't have to do it as often as time goes on," Jamie says with a
smile. "And I won't force you to watch every time, I promise. Shall we
call this our first and last argument?"
"Works for me," I say with a smile, sitting down next to Jamie and giving
her a long, tender kiss.
Before we leave the bedroom, Jamie insists on updating our Facebook
status with news of our relationship, something I'm only too happy to do,
especially when it receives over a hundred likes in a few minutes, and
several messages reading 'OMG!!!' from Becca!
At lunch, I inform Jamie and Charlotte of my decision to have SRS, which
gains me tight hugs from both women- especially Jamie. On the way home,
my new girlfriend can't bear to tear herself away from my embrace-
something that suits me perfectly fine.
"I almost can't believe it," Jamie whispers to me.
"Now you know how I felt when you had your surgery!" Charlotte teases.
"Yeah, I know," Jamie concedes, "But this- is it- is it because of us,
because of you and me, that you're having the surgery? Because I wouldn't
want you to think that you were under any kind of obligation-"
"I've been transitioning since long before we met, remember?" I say. "I
LOVE you. But I also love being a man... And if there's one thing that
the last couple of weeks have taught me... Don't shy away from what you
love, even if it'll be hard work."
"Are you implying that I'm 'hard work'?" Jamie teases.
"Or are you implying that she's the easiest thing in the world?"
Charlotte asks. Keith chuckles as the two women put me on the spot- both
answers are, of course, 100% wrong.
"Being a MAN is hard work," I sigh, earning disapproving stares from both
women. "Yes, so is being a woman. Want to argue that I don't know what
that's like?" Fortunately, both Charlotte and Jamie giggle as I defuse
the tension.
"You just keep playing that trump card, bro," Keith chuckles. But in
truth, I DON'T know what it's like to be a woman, I never have and I
never want to.
All my life, I've felt male, and all my adult life, I've been a man. I
don't need a penis to be a man. I don't need a girlfriend to be a man-
but I do need Jamie to be happy. I do need a penis to stop the longing
I've felt all my life. For the first time in a very, very long while, I
feel complete, on the road to a place where I can finally say 'yes. This
is who I am, and I am 100% satisfied with this person'. I can't wait to
get there... And I can't wait to make that journey with Jamie at my side.
Cathalina
- 17.03.2022
- 16
- 0
