Stuart, Part 6 free porn video

I smirk as I rush into the generously-sized dance studio that has been Krystie's second home for almost two years. Between the ages of 4 and 10, I would find myself in such a place twice a week, with my legs clad in the same pink tights and my body covered by the same style of leotard as the fifteen women currently dancing in the studio. Back then, I would have paid anything to never have to set foot in one of these places again, but today, someone else's needs come before my own. "Oh, hi Stu!" Krystie teases. "Sorry, but today's class is GIRLS ONLY!" "Sorry for barging in uninvited," I say, pausing to catch my breath. "What's up?" Jamie asks, striding over to me and giving me a quick kiss. "I'm okay," I say. "But I'm actually here for Becca... It's time." I nod at my baby sister as her jaw slowly drops open, realising the significance of what I'm saying. "Wh- now!?" Becca asks, clearly as anxious as I am. "Yep, now," I say bluntly. "Addie, Kayla, Lauren, Steph, take the rest of the day off, I'll let you know if you'll be needed for the rest of the week." I grimace a little as I 'dismiss' my band for the rest of the day, as we ARE attempting to record an album for public release, but what's happening today has to take priority, and my managers have factored in time for this break. "I wish I could go with you," Jamie says, giving me another kiss before returning to her dancing. "Give my best to her, to both of them... To all THREE of them." "Will do," I say, returning Jamie's kiss. "Love you..." "Love you too," Jamie says as I leave the studio, Becca following immediately behind having not stopped to cover up her tights and her leotard. "Do you, um, want to put something on-" I mumble as I get in my car. "Just drive!" Becca commands, fastening her seatbelt. "When- when did it-" "About an hour ago," I say. "I got here as fast as I could, mum and dad are already at the hospital." "I almost can't believe it," Becca muses as she fishes around in her bag for something to wear over her leotard. "Today's the day I become an auntie..." "And I become an uncle," I whisper to myself. It doesn't take long- even in the London traffic- for us to reach the hospital containing our older sister. "We're here for Emma Milton," I say to the hotel receptionist, before grimacing and correcting myself. "Maddox, sorry, Emma Maddox... She's in labour." "Of course," the young woman says. "It's on your right, third door on your left, you can't miss the signs." After thanking the receptionist, Becca- who had thrown a loose dress over her dancewear on the way from the car- and I head down to the labour ward where our parents are already waiting for us. "Stuart, Becca," dad says, clearly as nervous as the two of us. "Any news?" I ask. "None," mum says. "Lee's in there with her, as any good husband should be." I wince a little as dad grimaces out of sight of mum- he wasn't present for Emma's birth, and whilst he was there for myself and Becca, I doubt mum's ever truly forgiven him for that. "You two should get comfortable, we could be here a while," dad advises as Becca and I take our seats next to our parents. Dad's prediction doesn't hold true, though- less than half an hour after we arrive, Lee- Emma's husband- emerges from the delivery room with a massive smile on his face, a smile I've recently seen on the faces of many of my friends. "Guys," Lee says breathlessly. "It is my eternal pleasure to announce the birth of Raymond John Lee Maddox, weighing 8 pounds, 3 ounces." I stand up and cheer, before approaching my brother-in-law and giving him a firm, manly handshake. "Magnificent!" Dad beams, also giving Lee a handshake. "When can we see him?" "He and Emma are resting," Lee says. "But they should be up for visitors in a couple of hours." "Such a shame your parents couldn't be here to see it," mum sighs, giving Lee a long, motherly hug. "Eh, they'll be down tomorrow," Lee shrugs. "He's not their first grandchild, he won't be their last!" "You just concentrate on getting settled with that child before thinking about having anymore!" Mum laughs as Lee heads back to be with his new family, and as he goes, I see his familiar smile be replaced by a familiar look of terror in his eyes. Almost twelve months ago to the day, my friends Dan and Mary became parents, and when Dan returned to his family after announcing his daughter's birth, I saw in his eyes a look of sheer terror at the knowledge that he- the same guy with whom I would regularly goof off and play video games- now had a responsibility that would last for the rest of his life. At the time I had no doubts whatsoever that he was up for the challenge, and I'm more than confident that Lee will be an excellent dad, and I know with 100% certainty that Emma will be a magnificent mother. I've never been as close with my older sister as I am with my younger sister- even though I'm much closer in age to Emma- but I've always been able to count on her for support no matter what. After I first came out to my parents, Emma was the first one to offer help to try to 'rationalise' my decision. She didn't criticise me, she didn't question me, she simply got straight on the internet and within half an hour had given me a list of websites and phone numbers I could use to help support me through my transition- and over the last nine years I've made use of every single one of them. The September after I came out, I went to music college whilst Emma headed off to university- Cambridge, of course- but even then every time I emailed her to tell her about my problems, or ask for help, or even just to chat, she'd reply within 24 hours and would always ask me to email her back as soon as I was able to. If she's that willing to devote time to her younger brother, then her son is undoubtedly going to be raised in one of the most loving families that has ever existed. ...Especially as the child's father will also be totally devoted to him, just as he is to his wife. When Emma started dating Lee at university, I- as a good brother- immediately became suspicious. I'd just started university myself at the time, in Nottingham, so I wasn't able to communicate with Emma as much as I had during my years at music college, but when I finally met Lee for the first time, I knew that he and Emma would be perfect together, a feeling reinforced when I attended their wedding last year. Of course, from an early age, Emma had planned her dream wedding, and had decided immediately that I would be her maid of honour. For obvious reasons, when it came time to plan her actual wedding, I couldn't fill that role (though Becca did a more than adequate job in the role), instead sitting alongside my parents and Jamie- my date- for the duration of the ceremony. Every time I looked at my sisters during the ceremony, however, I felt a slight pang of regret at not being up there with them. Emma had leant me so much support during my transition that I felt almost rude not repaying it, but it soon dawned on me that Emma excluding me from the bridal party was yet another form of support. In effect, she was saying 'no Stuart, you can't be part of the bridal party because you are not, and never will be a woman'. To many, that would be the ultimate insult. To me... It's the ultimate compliment. After eating lunch with my family in the hospital cafeteria, I head back to the waiting area where another familiar face is waiting for us- the current partner of my younger sister. "Hey babe!" Riley says, giving Becca a quick, loving kiss as I and my parents look on, trying not to make our disapproval obvious. Unlike Emma and Lee, who are perfect for each other, Becca and Riley... Really aren't. Even though they've been going out for eighteen months- and outwardly highly devoted to each other- I can't help but get the niggling feeling in the back of my mind that there's something 'off' about them. Maybe it's just my big brother sense going into overdrive, I dunno. I like Riley as a friend... Just not as my baby sister's boyfriend. "Glad you could make it, Riley," dad says, giving the twenty year old man a firm handshake. It's notable that dad started calling Lee 'son' even before he and Emma were married, but he's yet to do the same thing for Riley... "Lee was out here a few minutes ago," Riley says. "He says that we can go and see- well, we can go and see whenever we're ready." "No time like the present!" Mum says, making all of us chuckle as we head along to Emma's room. As we enter the room, it's all I can do not to burst into floods of very unmanly tears as there, laid in the bed, is my older sister, and in her arms is a tiny, beautiful baby boy. "Oh my god, Emma!" Becca wails as our sister simply giggles tiredly. "He is so beautiful," mum says. "Say hi to your family, Ray!" Emma giggles in her son's sleeping face. "You've got Auntie Becca, Uncle Stuart, Uncle Riley, and there's your nanna and granddad!" "So," I say to my mum. "Are you sticking with 'nanna' or would you prefer 'grandma', or maybe 'granny'?" "He can call me whatever he wants when he grows up," mum says, taking the baby boy from Emma and cradling him as only an experienced mother can. "So beautiful..." "Well, I'm taking 'granddad' over 'grandpa'," dad says as mum passes the baby boy to him. All of the family gets a turn cradling the tiny boy- even Riley, as nervous as it makes him- with me taking the final 'turn'. Immediately as I hold the boy in my arms, he starts to stir, gurgling happily as I slowly rock him back and forth. "Aw, you like your Uncle Stuart, don't you?" I whisper. "The first boy born into the family- well, ever, I suppose..." "Doesn't mean you're not going to have to be a strong male role model for him, son," dad says, placing a supportive hand on my shoulder. "And I can't think of anyone more suited to the task. Well, other than the boy's dad, of course!" "Here you go, 'dad'," I say, handing the baby back to Lee, who soon hands him back to Emma. "When will you be out of hospital?" Mum asks. "Tomorrow," Emma replies with a wide grin. "Want to get little Ray settled in at home as soon as possible, he's got plenty more family yet to meet..." "Including his great-grandmother?" Becca asks, cooling the atmosphere in the room. "There'll be time enough for that eventually," Emma says, diffusing the tension, which all but disappears when the baby starts crying. "Think he's a bit intimidated by the crowd," dad laughs. "Come on, we've got the rest of our lives to fuss over him, after all!" "I can take you home, babe," Riley says to Becca as we head back to the hospital reception. "Um, I don't mind dropping you home," I say. "I'm heading there anyway as Jamie's in Manchester until tomorrow..." I let out a long sigh as Becca and Riley share a private giggle- and so do my parents. "You two have fun," dad laughs as Becca and Riley walk away, hand-in- hand. "Stop being such a stereotypical 'big brother'!" "I can't help it," I sigh. "I mean, I like the guy, but... Just not as Becca's boyfriend." "You've had eighteen months to get used to it," mum says. "We've got used to you and Jamie... AGAIN!" "Go on, son, get yourself home and get some rest," dad says. "We'll call you if Emma's up for visitors again." "...Okay," I sigh, all but dragging myself out to my car and heading home. Once I'm back in the sanctity of my bedroom, I switch on my computer and get a little bit of work done mixing and compiling songs for the band's album- all five girls have amazingly good singing voices and harmonise well, so the amount of work I have do is usually kept to a minimum, but I do like having a play around with the tunes to see if I can improve them. For some songs, I've mixed over fifty different versions- most of which only ever be heard by me. I stay by the phone for the rest of the day, hoping for a phone call from either my parents or from Jamie, but neither of them call (Jamie usually gets an early night when she's staying somewhere away from London). Ordinarily, if I was in all day and at a loose end, I'd call one of my friends to keep me company, but that's not an option either- Jon is out with his fianc?e all day, planning his wedding, Dan and Paul are working all day (they're planning on opening an Angel-branded gym together, with Jon's uncle's financial backing), Mikey's visiting relatives in the Midlands, Riley's obviously 'busy' with Becca and Keith... My parents eventually return home just after 9pm, having spent all day at the hospital with their daughter and their new grandson, and I head to bed shortly afterward with the assurance that the new family will be home tomorrow- and will want to be greeted by 'Uncle Stuart'. As I sleep, I wonder what kind of life the boy will have- and whether the stigma of having a transgendered uncle will haunt him in his school life... My alarm wakes me at 7:45am as usual, but before I get up, I remember that today- and the rest of the week- I can sleep in as long as I want. Not that I want to, of course- today is the day my nephew sees his first home for the very first time, and I have no intention of missing that! After sending a quick 'I love you' text to Jamie (who should be on her way home right about now), I get out of bed and jump in the shower, before pulling on a comfortable, faded pair of jeans and one of my favourite t-shirts. "Morning, Uncle Stuart!" Dad laughs as I stroll down the stairs and sit down at the breakfast table. "Morning, granddad!" I retort, making dad chuckle happily. "Now, you two..." Mum chastises, before a wide smile creeps across her face. "Sorry, 'nanna'," I say, making mum laugh. "What time are Emma, Lee and the baby getting home?" "Around lunchtime," mum says. "I said we'd all be there to greet them. ALL of us, including that girlfriend of yours!" "She'll be home when she's home," I sigh. "You know, if Emma has a second child whilst Becca's on tour with the band..." "That's a bridge we'll cross when we come to it," mum says firmly. "Today, we're concerned with Emma's FIRST child." "Of course," I say. "Besides, even if she does have a second, she isn't going to be the next member of this family to go into hospital..." "Ah, pouring all the attention on himself," dad jokes, though I can tell from mum's facial expression that she finds the whole idea of me going into hospital VERY unsettling. "I remember the last time you were in hospital- after your first year of uni, wasn't it?" "Yep," I say. "Just after Emma graduated. Went into hospital to prevent myself from ever having to go into hospital for the reason Emma's in there now, ironically enough..." In the summer of 2009, most of my friends made plans to go on holidays with their families or their girlfriends, or get summer jobs, or play gigs with various bands. I, on the other hand, made plans to go into hospital, and for want of a better way of putting it, get most of my reproductive organs scooped out. The procedure my surgeon had recommended to me was called a 'Total Laparoscopic Hysterectomy'. I'd be put under a general anaesthetic and would have several small incisions made into my abdominal wall, through which my ovaries and uterus would be removed. I went under the anaesthetic in the mid-morning, and woke up in the early evening to abdominal pain like I'd never experienced before- and, more reassuringly, mum and dad smiling down on me. "Welcome back to the land of the living, son," dad said, stressing the word 'son' as he'd done ever since my coming out over three years earlier. "The surgery was a complete success. You're one step closer to realising your dream!" I smiled as dad said this, but I could tell in his voice that there was one thing he wanted to say, but didn't- that I was also a million miles away from ever being able to provide him with grandchildren. I remained in hospital for another 2 days and was off my feet at home for almost a month following the surgery, during which I gained almost a stone in weight as I comfort ate my way through my recovery (which didn't help my recovery, what with the irritable bowel syndrome it also brought). When I was 16, just before I started hormone replacement, I was 5' 5.5" and just a little over nine stone. Now, at the age of 25, I'm 5' 7" and ten and a half stone- but I have been a lot heavier in the past. When I met Jamie, I was a fairly hefty twelve stone- I'm forever thankful that amongst her male friends were two fitness instructors. Of course, back when I was nineteen, I didn't think anything of my weight- and I certainly didn't think anything of never being able to bear children. Now, however, as I cradle my infant nephew in my arms, I'm beginning to realise the price I paid to fulfil my lifelong ambition of being a man. The thought of growing a new life inside me, nurturing it, loving it and being loved in return... It's undoubtedly the feminine experience that I most regret missing out on, if not the only experience. But I know that deep down inside, I'd have been a terrible mother- if only modern medicine was good enough to make it so that I had a chance to be a father... "Aww, he really loves his Uncle Stuart!" Emma coos as I gently rock the tiny baby back and forth. "He is such a cute little thing," I laugh. "Fifteen years from now, of course, he'll probably be surrounded by girlfriends..." "Nope," Emma laughs as she takes the baby from my arms. "No girl will ever be good enough for this one!" "Come on Stu," Lee laughs as Emma starts to unbutton her shirt to feed the baby. "I'll show you the nursery..." "I've already seen it once... But okay," I say, choosing to avoid the sight of my sister's nipple. "Can I see?" Becca asks, also averting her gaze from Emma feeding her son. "Sure," Lee shrugs, leading us both up to the light blue room- and to Lee's credit, it really is everything a little boy could want in a bedroom. The floor is covered in big, plush toys- bears, tigers, giraffes- the walls are covered in images of racing cars and trains, and dangling from the ceiling is a huge, detailed model of the solar system, right down to tiny moons orbiting all of the planets. Needless to say, I'd have given anything to have grown up in a room like this. The earliest bedroom I can remember is from when I was five, and even back then, I disliked my room. I had no cars or trains on my walls, or stuffed animals on the floor- my bedroom was a shrine to the femininity I would so desperately abandon when I was older. My pink walls were covered in images of flowers, horses, ballerinas, my toy box was filled with dolls and dressing-up costumes, my mobile contained angels and dancers, not planets... "This kid is going to have an amazing childhood with you and Emma as his parents," I say to the proud father, who playfully pats me on the shoulder. "Cheers, mate!" Lee laughs. "Can't wait to see Ray's reaction when he wakes up in it for the first time..." "Lee!" Emma yells from downstairs, making my brother-in-law laugh and roll his eyes. "Father's work is never done," Lee laughs. "You two feel free to have a nosy around, I'll be right back." "This is such a cool room," Becca sighs as she sits down cross-legged on the floor. "Bet you'd have given anything for a room like this when you were a kid..." "Literally anything," I sigh as I sit down next to my baby sister. "But I've got the room I want now, that's the important thing. Gonna be a hell of a task trying to recreate it when I move out..." "Oh god," Becca sighs. "PLEASE tell me you're not planning on moving in with Jamie..." "No, not yet," I say. "But if and when I do, I hope I'd get a better reaction than 'oh god'! What exactly do you have against her, anyway?" "Umm, let's see," Becca says sarcastically. "The fact that she stomped all over your feelings, lied to your face and treated you like shit, only for you to go crawling back to her like the doormat you are?" "Okay, first," I say, trying to control my boiling temper. "She did not 'stomp all over my feelings'. She made a mistake. God knows it was a big one, but... We're all entitled to make mistakes. Second, she only lied by omission, she owned up the second she was confronted. Third, she didn't treat me like shit. Fourth, and most importantly of all... I love her. We understand each other like no one else can, we... We complete each other." "Yeah, well I wouldn't be surprised if someone else is 'completing' her in Manchester as we speak," Becca snorts. "Just believe what you want," I say. "I love her, and I trust her, and..." "...And?" Becca asks. "...Never mind," I sigh. "When's Riley getting here?" "Next hour," Becca says, clearly uncomfortable that I've changed the subject. "I'd have thought that would make you smile," I tease my sister. "Well of course it does," Becca sighs. "I LOVE him... Stu, can I tell you something?" "Of course," I say. "I love Riley," Becca whispers. "But- but... I'm not sure that I'm IN love with him..." "How do you mean?" I ask, surprised by my sister's revelation. "I- I only got with him because he was the brother of a celebrity," Becca sighs. "Thought if I hung around with him, it'd help me get famous..." "...But now?" I ask. "I mean, you're probably going to be more famous than Riley's sister soon enough, right?" "Now..." Becca sighs. "I really, really do love him. And I trust him... And I can see myself marrying him some day." "Whoa, whoa, back up, please!" I laugh. "That's what you were going to say, isn't it?" Becca asks. "You love Jamie, you trust Jamie, and... You want to marry her, right?" "...Yeah," I sigh. "I mean, I think I do... Everyone's always telling me how right we are for each other. I think you're the only person who doesn't, heh." Becca opens her mouth to reply, but is interrupted by a new text message alert from my phone. "Speak of the devil?" Becca asks, making me roll my eyes. "Yes, it's from Jamie," I say, making Becca snort with laughter. "She'll be here in a few minutes. So start behaving!" "Yes, DAD," Becca giggles as we head back downstairs. Sure enough, my girlfriend arrives less than a quarter of an hour later, and we share a quick but tender kiss before Jamie is led to the tiny baby who may one day become her nephew. "Aww, he's such a little cutie!" Jamie squeaks as the cuddles the infant. "Too right, AUNTIE Jamie!" Becca giggles. "Why thank you, AUNTIE Becca!" Jamie giggles back, making me sigh at how one person can be so catty behind someone else's back but be all smiles to their face- and how glad I am to have left that particular element of femininity in the past. We stay with the new family for another couple of hours before I get back in my car with the woman I love and drive back to her house (well, her best friend Charlotte's house), Jamie smiling happily every inch of the way. "Your nephew is so adorable," Jamie giggles as she adjusts her seatbelt. "Just like his uncle!" "Thanks!" I laugh. "I really missed you while you were away..." "I was barely gone 36 hours," Jamie says with a smile. "...But I missed you too. What- what are you thinking about right now?" "...How I'm never going to have any kids of my own," I sigh, making Jamie sigh sadly as well. "You're not alone in that boat," Jamie mumbles. "But as long as I have you, as long as I have my friends... I don't need children to complete my life." I smile as I drive us back to Jamie's home, where we spend the rest of the evening watching television before heading to bed just after 10pm. Even though it's late, it's still warm outside- and warm inside after we expend what energy we have left making love with each other before falling asleep in each other's arms. When I wake up the following morning, I find to my surprise that Jamie is already awake and nowhere to be seen- though a quick glance out of her bedroom window confirms my suspicions that she's gone for a dip in Charlotte's swimming pool, wearing her tiny blue bikini that makes me stare enthralled at her unbelievably beautiful body. It's virtually impossible to believe that her thin, 5' 5" frame ever belonged to a man, especially as she steps out of the pool and the glistening water clings to her perfect curves, making me almost drool with lust. Jamie giggles as she spots me staring at her whilst drying herself with a towel, before untying her bikini top, letting it fall to the floor, and stretching her topless body. It takes me less than 30 seconds to change into my own swim trunks and race down to the pool, where I give the still-topless Jamie a long, tender kiss. "Good god, you are BEAUTIFUL," I whisper to my girlfriend, who giggles appreciatively. "Look who's talking, you hunky slab of beef!" Jamie says, giving me another kiss as she gently strokes my small pectoral muscles. "Do you have anything planned for today?" I ask Jamie, who smiles and wraps her arms around my neck. "Nope," Jamie says. "I'm all yours!" I kiss Jamie again, shivering with desire as she presses her hardening nipples into my chest, before we're interrupted by the familiar sound of a crying infant coming from the house. "Kind kills the mood, doesn't it?" I ask. "A little," Jamie shrugs, bending down to retrieve her bikini top, which I gently tie to her torso (taking the opportunity to also cop one last feel of her breasts, of course). "Hey Charlie!" Jamie squeaks as we head into the kitchen to find Charlotte feeding- or rather, trying to feed- her infant son. "Hey you two," Charlotte says with a smile. "Sorry about this one, he's been fussy all night..." "When are you going to let me hire a nanny?" Jamie asks, making Charlotte roll her eyes. "When hell freezes over," the young mother says, making me smile as I watch the two similar-looking women argue over the same topic for nearly the hundredth time. However, every second I spend in the presence of the baby- despite him being my godson- reminds me of everything I've lost. Not just my uterus, but my former best friend as well- despite the fact that they're not together anymore, Keith is still the father to Charlotte baby, and bears his first name as well. As much as I love the tiny baby boy... It still sometimes hurts to be around him. I spend the rest of the morning lazing on one a sun lounger besides Charlotte's pool, watching as Jamie tops up her tan in between dips in the swimming pool. Thanks to our work commitments- and Charlotte's new baby- any chance we've had of getting away on holiday this year have all but vanished, so any chance we have to relax like we're doing is grabbed with both hands. When my phone rings at around noon, however, I know that I won't get much relaxation for the rest of the day. "Who is it?" Jamie asks from the pool. "Emma" I reply, before answering the phone. "What's up, mum?" "Just wanted to know if you'd be coming round today," my sister replies, the sound of her own gurgling infant in the background almost harmonising with the sound of Charlotte's crying son. "Because, umm, we may- we may be going to grandma's tomorrow..." "Ah shit," I sigh, making my sister snort with laughter. "Umm, we're not doing anything, so we can drop round, I guess. See you in an hour?" "Sounds good," Emma says before hanging up the phone. "What's up?" Jamie asks as she gets out of pool. "Is- is the baby-" "I like to think I'd have said a bit more than 'oh shit' if the baby was sick," I say. "No... Emma's taking the kid to see our grandmother tomorrow." "Oh, the um, the bible basher?" Jamie asks, sighing as I nod. "You don't have to go as well, surely?" "If I'm ever going to mend that bridge, it's now, when she's got a great- grandchild to distract her," I sigh as Jamie gives me a tender hug. After coming out to my parents and my sisters nine years ago, I began to live the life I'd always wanted- as a man- but they weren't the only family I had to 'unveil' myself to. Whilst both my father's parents and my mother's father died before I was eight, my mother's mother was still alive... And was not happy. "What do you mean, 'you're a boy'?" Grandma spat as I stood in front of her for the first ever time with my hair clipped short and my breasts bandaged down. "I mean, I'm now going to be living my life as a boy," I stammered as the fierce woman stared at me with a look of utter contempt. "If- if that's okay..." "No it is most certainly NOT okay!" Grandma snapped. "God made you a girl, and that's what you'll be!" "Claire- Stuart, sorry, has made this decision of HIS own free will," mum said, placing her hands on my shoulders in a display of support. "HE has explained that he is unable to live life as a girl anymore, and would be happier as a boy." "I don't care what she thinks!" Grandma snorted, emotionally tearing my insides to shreds. "No grandchild of mine will live their life in such a sickening manner!" "We have seen more than one psychiatrist about this," mum said, her anger toward her own mother growing with every second. "And does a psychiatrist know better than God?" Grandma asked, the indignation dripping from her voice. "Well, umm," mum stammered. "I can't live life as a girl any more, I just can't," I pleaded. "It- it felt like I was going to die..." "Well then maybe you should have!" Grandma spat, bringing tears to my eyes. "How dare you speak to my son like that!" Mum yelled, stunning her mother into silence. "How dare you corrupt HER into this- this abomination!" Grandma spat back. "I did not raise you to allow THINGS like this to happen under your roof!" "Nor did you raise me to hate my children simply for being who they are," mum retorted. The whole argument went on for another fifteen minutes, during which I almost literally prayed- as ironic as that would have been- for the ground to swallow me whole. Every time mum asked for acceptance and love for my new life, all we got in return was a lecture on how 'God is ashamed' of our choices, how we're defying his teachings... Mum and I eventually ended up storming out, leaving me in flood of tears all the way home- tears that made me feel even more ashamed about who I was. To make matters worse, after I'd retreated to my bedroom to try to calm my nerves down with a marathon session of Guitar Hero- my then-favourite videogame- I was interrupted by a knock at the door from Becca. "What's up?" I asked the nearly-eleven year old girl. "Umm, Stuart..." Becca said nervously whilst playing with her hair. "Nanna just called and asked to speak to me... She asked me to pass on a message to you..." I let out a long, exasperated sigh, before sitting down next to Becca on my bed and placing a supportive arm around the then-small girl's shoulders. "Whatever it is you have to say," I say calmly, "just say it. I promise I won't get angry at you, but I will want you to also say it to mum- and I promise SHE won't get angry at you either." "Nanna..." Becca whispered. "She- she said you were an abnor- an abob-" "An 'abomination'?" I asked Becca, who nodded, clearly understanding the meaning of the word. "Why would she say something like that?" Becca asked. "Because she's angry," I sighed. "Angry at me for choosing to live like this." Becca nodded as I tried to explain grandma's point of view, but it was clear that as much as she understood the words our grandmother said, she would never understand exactly why she said them. "That's- that's just revolting," Jamie spits as I drive the two of us to Emma's house. "Using a ten year old girl as a weapon against you? That- that's- ugh!" "It wasn't long before Becca was old enough to understand exactly what grandma was doing," I sigh. "So in her determination to drive away one grandchild, she ended up losing two... She only barely speaks to mum any more, only started talking to Emma again after she got pregnant..." "This is why I steer clear of all religion," Jamie snorts. "Oh, I don't blame religion," I say. "I mean, I've got no special love for it, but grandma's a piss-poor Christian, always has been. Never donates to charity, thinks poor people are all scroungers- even those who work full-time- HATES immigrants... She's probably have about a dozen strokes if she found out that Becca's best friend was originally from Nigeria, heh." "So, um," Jamie stammers. "What you're saying is, she only uses Christianity as a way to 'justify' her bigotry?" "That's as accurate a way of putting it as I've ever heard," I sigh. "Sees 'stoning LGBT people to death' as a more important part of it then 'love thy neighbour'." "Know what? Fuck it, I'll go with you tomorrow," Jamie announces. "Reckon you could use the support..." "I'd- I'd really appreciate that," I say, smiling as we drive to our encounter with my nephew, before returning to my home just after 5pm, where I break the news about tomorrow's 'trip' to Becca and my parents- who predictably don't take the news well. Becca in particular is especially unhappy about the impending encounter- and isn't keeping quiet about it. "Ugh," my younger sister spits. "I mean yes, I know I'm supposed to love my grandmother, but- but still- ugh!" "You never know," I say. "Becoming a great-grandmother might have mellowed her out a little..." "Do you really, really believe that?" Becca asks, snorting as I remain silent. "No, me neither." "I don't want to think the worst of her without giving her a chance," I sigh. "She IS our only living grandparent..." "...Fine," Becca sighs. "I'll give her a chance..." Becca returns to her phone, no doubt checking for messages from her boyfriend, and once again I'm left to muse on how much she's changed over the last ten years, from the confused pre-teen girl upset at her grandmother to a defiant, headstrong twenty year old woman who holds her in utter contempt. Most of the time, I feel that Becca's change is for the better- but I'm not sure that this is one of those occasions. Despite Jamie's comforting presence in my bed, I still get very little sleep, and as I get dressed the following day- wearing a very smart long- sleeved shirt and a tie- Jamie has to place a calming hand on my hands to stop them from shaking. "God," Jamie whispers as she pulls on her own smart dress, stiletto- heeled shoes and expensive earrings. "This has really got you rattled, I can't remember the last time I saw you like this..." "I- I just want this to go well," I sigh. "It's been nine years... It'd be nice to have a grandma again. Don't want the next time I see her after today to be at her funeral... Sorry." "It's okay," Jamie says as she remembers her own recently-deceased grandmother. "This is important to you, which means it's important to me." "Thanks," I say with a genuine smile. "I love you so much..." "I love you too," Jamie whispers, before adjusting the waistband of her underwear. "Ugh, can't believe I decided to wear tights on a day this warm..." "Then take them off," I say as I lace up my smart black shoes. "This dress doesn't work well with bare legs," Jamie explains. "And these shoes CERTAINLY don't, unless you fancy carrying me everywhere today..." "I can think of worse things," I say, making my girlfriend giggle as she gives her make-up one final check. "Though I need to remind you that you chose to be a woman- that means that you don't get to complain about the underwear!" "I chose to be a woman," Jamie retorts. "That means that I can complain about anything I want! Unless, of course, you'd rather I picked a different dress..." "No, no, no, what you're wearing is perfect," I say, making Jamie giggle as I take her immaculately manicured hand in mine and lead her downstairs. As much as I love Jamie, she takes the 'nothing to wear' stereotype to new extremes, especially as she has two full wardrobes at her home, another one at her parents' home and another one at my home... "Ah, finally," dad says as Jamie and I walk down the stairs hand-in-hand. "Sorry," Jamie says, eliciting giggles from my parents, and more surprisingly, from Becca. "Don't worry, he said the same thing to me," Becca laughs as we head out to our cars. "About 30 seconds before you came down the stairs..." "So you actually rushed to get dressed today?" I ask my sister, who snorts indignantly. "Oh- ugh, BOY!" Becca yells. "BOY!" Jamie yells at the same time as Becca, making the two women descend into a giggling fit. Even though the giggles are at my expense, I can't dislike anything that brings Jamie and Becca closer together. The giggles quickly stop, however, as we approach the house of our grandmother- a place where I haven't set foot in almost a decade but still fills me with dread. Fortunately, Emma, Lee and the baby have arrived ahead of time, meaning that none of us have to sit around waiting. "Hey," my older sister says to me with a nervous smile on her face. "You- you ready for this?" "Ready as I'll ever be," I sigh. I gulp nervously as Emma rings the doorbell, but I make an effort to rationalise the situation in my mind. When I came out to grandma, she was 69- so now she'll be almost eighty, almost certainly frailer... It may well be that even if we do repair our relationship, we won't have long to enjoy it... "Is that my great-grandson I hear at the door?" Grandma says in a happy tone, making me breathe a sigh of relief, and the smile on her face when she opens the door and sees the tiny infant is one of pure joy. "Hi grandma," Emma giggles as Ray gurgles in her arms. "Meet Raymond John Lee Maddox!" "What a wonderful baby boy!" Grandma says, briefly cradling the child in her arms before handing him back to Emma. "Come on in, I've got-" I wince as grandma's eyes meet with mine and her smile instantly vanishes. "What is SHE doing here?" Grandma asks with an angry growl. My heart races and my palms start to sweat as I open my mouth to respond, but much to my surprise, I'm interrupted before I can speak by a voice immediately to my right. "I'm here because I'm the baby's aunt," Becca says with a smile. "AND godmother!" "Not you," grandma spits, pointing her bony finger straight in my face. "I mean her next to you!" Even though Becca is stood between our father and myself, her smile doesn't waver. "Oh her?" Becca asks. "She's Stuart's girlfriend." "Her name is not Stuart!" Grandma yells, tearing open an old wound inside of me, a wound I'd hoped had been closed nine years ago. "No, it's Jamie," Becca continues, her fake innocence clearly aggravating our grandmother. "Well, technically it's Jamie-Lee, but we all call her Jamie. This MAN's name is Stuart." Becca takes my hand in hers and I slowly start to feel my strength returning to me. "That is not a man!" Grandma spits. "In the eyes of the law, I am," I say, my voice wavering. "But in the eyes of the lord, you're not!" Grandma snaps. "Well then maybe he needs glasses!" I retort, stunning the old woman into silence as the baby starts to loudly cry. "Look what you did!" Grandma says, reaching for the infant, only for Emma to pull him away. "I think we should go," Emma says, trying not to wither under the old woman's gaze. "Ray's obviously unsettled..." "He's unsettled because you brought that THING here!" Grandma spits, causing something inside my mind to snap. "Let me," I say, walking up to Emma and gently taking the baby from her. I smile as little Ray quickly calms down once I'm gently rocking him back and forth. "Yes, you like your Uncle Stuart, don't you?" "You are going to be such a good godfather to him!" Becca says, making me cringe as grandma's tirade begins anew. "What do you know about god!?" Grandma snorts. "Going around like that, you're a disgrace to him!" "I know about unconditional love," I retort. "I know about forgiveness, about tolerance, about understanding... I think a great man once said: 'Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love each other'." "How dare you quote scripture at me!" Grandma snarls. "Here I was thinking you'd have come to your senses over the last nine years, clearly I was wrong!" "And clearly I was wrong to think that you'd have come to your senses," mum says, taking the baby into her arms and staring defiantly into the old woman's eyes. "From now on, I am going to devote my life to being the type of grandmother you weren't! Come on everyone, we're leaving." Grandma snarls again, giving one final disapproving look at me before slamming the door in my face. The eight of us slowly walk back to our cars, where mum immediately breaks down in tears. "Mum," I whisper, gingerly approaching the crying woman. "I- I'm sorry, I-" "No, you don't have anything to be sorry for," mum says, giving me a quick yet very much needed hug. "You said 'unconditional love'... Well I unconditionally love you. And Emma, and Becca, and Lee, and Jamie, and Riley, and little Ray." "I- I, um, love you too," I whisper, before getting back in my car and resting my head on the steering wheel. As much as mum may try to convince me that the argument wasn't my fault, I'll never be able to convince myself that it wasn't. No matter how much I may try to live my life the way I need to, no matter how much I flood my body with testosterone and have the surgeries, I'll always be hurting someone, somewhere, simply by being who I am. And even though everyone will always tell me that it's their problem, not mine... It will always hurt. "Don't let her get to you," Jamie says softly, gently rubbing my back. "You can't help the way you need to be. Nobody in our position can." "Yeah," Becca says, sitting down on the back seat of my car. "You're an amazing, kind, sensitive human being. She isn't." "You saw how upset mum was, though," I sigh. "And how upset Emma was... And it's all my fault." "It is NOT your fault!" Becca angrily retorts. "You said nothing to upset your mother or your sister," Jamie insists. "They've loved you for who you are for the last nine years." "And will love you for who you are for the rest of your life," Becca says. "That little boy will grow up thinking that you're the coolest uncle ever. And when he's old enough to understand, he'll be told the truth about your past, and he'll accept you and love you for who you are as well. As will any other children that Emma has, or any children that I have, for that matter!" "Thank you, thank you both," I sigh, before starting the engine and driving home. "Dunno where I'd be without you two..." "Well don't waste any thought on that, because we're never going away," Jamie says with a happy smile. "Right, Becca?" "Damn right!" Becca cheers, bringing a solitary tear to my eye. "Thank you both again," I laugh. "Need me to drop you anywhere? I'm just gonna head home, might catch up on a little work..." "Nope," Jamie says. "I'm all yours for the rest of the day!" "So am I," Becca says. Ordinarily, I'd roll my eyes at Becca thinking she needs to 'compete' with Jamie, but Becca's tone isn't one of 'hands off', it's more 'whatever Stuart needs, I'll make sure he gets it'. "Don't bother with work when you get home," Becca says. "Just put your feet up, we'll put Netflix on and forget all about that nasty old woman." "Even though my work is solely centred on making you a rich and famous singer?" I ask Becca, who sighs and rolls her eyes. "This is probably the only time you'll ever get this 'opportunity'," Jamie laughs. "Don't waste it!" "Yeah," Becca laughs. "Back to work with you tomorrow!" I smile a genuine smile as Jamie and Becca continue to cheer me up, but what's making me smile the most is that the two women are finally, finally starting to get along. As promised, when we arrive home, I have a Coke shoved in one hand and the Sky+ remote in the other, and the three of us while away the afternoon and evening catching up on the latest episodes of Orange is the New Black. Becca can do an almost perfect impersonation of Red, which causes even mum and dad to break out in fits of giggles after they join us in the living room. Jamie ultimately leaves just after 9pm (returning home to help Charlotte with her baby), and more than ever I find myself wanting to simply hold her and never let her go. "This morning was horrific," I whisper to Jamie as I kiss her goodnight. "But this afternoon... Was one of the best afternoons I've ever had. I love you, Jamie." "I love you, Stuart," Jamie whispers, giving me a quick kiss before getting in her waiting taxi. I stand at my door and watch as the taxi recedes from view, only heading back inside once I can no longer see any trace of it. "I think I'm beginning to see it," Becca says, giving me a gentle hug as I lock the front door for the night. "See what?" I ask. "What everyone means when they say how good for each other you and Jamie are," Becca says. "She is absolutely devoted to you, I can see it in her eyes... I mean yes, she's still a bitch for what she did last year, but I really, truly believe that she'll never do it again." "I believe that too," I say. "100%, whole-heartedly." "If you did move in with, or even marry Jamie," Becca whispers, "I- I think you'd be really happy together." "Thanks, Becca," I say, before the two of us head back into the living room in silence. "Pity Jamie couldn't have stayed," dad says. "Especially after the day you had, Stu. I hope she realises that she's as much a part of this family as any of us..." "Even more so than certain elderly women we won't mention," mum says, making my heart beat faster and faster. By the time I climb into bed, my mind is a blur from the day's events. It was always overly optimistic to assume that grandma would simply be able to forgive me, but in losing her from my family, the rest of my family- including Jamie- have drawn closer than ever, and this cloud's silver lining makes it almost worth enduring the 'cloud' in the first place. Almost. As Becca had 'ordered' on the drive home from grandma, I wake up early on Friday morning and head into my usual workplace, the custom-built recording studio on the bottom floor of Heavenly Talent (Jamie & Becca's agency)'s offices. Whilst my qualification may be more geared toward music performance than production, I still know more than enough about producing and directing music to put out tunes of a professional quality, and right now, I'm charged with the task of turning Becca and her friends' raw recordings into songs that will (hopefully) fill the iPods of every teenaged girl in the UK. Even though it's not the type of music I personally would listen to, it still helps to take my mind off things. ...Though in this case, it may have taken my mind off of things a bit too much as I find myself being startled when Becca taps me on my shoulder, giggling as I take off my noise-cancelling headphones. "My phone is right there in front of me," I moan as my heart rate returns to normal. "You couldn't have texted me to let me know you were on your way?" "This can't be said over text," Becca says, her face suddenly sobering up. "Stu- I- I'm pregnant." My fingers start to go numb and my stomach sinks as Becca looks at me with sombre eyes, before suddenly bursting into a fit of giggles. "Oh my god, your face when I said that!" Becca squeaks as I roll my eyes. "Oh, you are SO easy... I blame the testosterone!" "Don't knock it until you've tried it," I retort. "I'll pass, thanks," Becca laughs. "I remember the acne you got during your second year in college... THAT I can live without!" "You were thirteen that year," I remind my little sister. "You didn't exactly get away scot free." "Lucky for me I now have a dermatologist!" Becca boasts, taking a seat next to me. "Which song you working on?" "Uhh, Addie's solo," I reply. "Yes, I'm still working on the ones where you take the lead..." "Good," Becca says. "Don't need Braveheart or the munchkin showing me up, especially not on our debut album..." I roll my eyes at Becca's derogatory nicknames for two of her band-mates, but before I can retort, my eyes are drawn to the beautiful blonde woman who's just strolled through my door. "Hey," Jamie says with a smile as I stand up and give her a kiss. "Stu, I have some news for you. I- I'm pregnant." I blink twice at Jamie's 'confession', before sighing loudly. "Give up," I say to my lover, who simply rolls her eyes and giggles. "I told you I should've gone first!" Jamie says to Becca, who simply shrugs her shoulders. "You don't have the- you know, 'stuff' to be pregnant..." Becca retorts. "Not your fault, obviously..." "We're here to take you to lunch," Jamie says, grabbing my hand in hers as Becca grabs my other hand. "I thought you were busy," I say to Jamie, before turning my attention to my sister. "And I thought you had plans with Riley?" "I do," Becca says. "I'm meeting him AFTER lunch." "WE'RE meeting him," Jamie clarifies. "It is his sister's birthday tomorrow, we- well, the three of us and Mikey- are the ones who have to take charge of her party." "But first- lunch!" Becca giggles. I don't spend long eating, but I treasure every second of the lunch, even after Riley arrives and my little sister starts pawing away at him. As much as it may make me bristle, if Becca were to marry Riley, I would be genuinely happy for the two of them. Whilst Becca claims that she's not 'in love' with Riley, I can tell by the sparkle in her eyes every time she sees him that what she says isn't fully true. I, on the other hand, am utterly in love with Jamie, and the past few days have just proven that more and more. The way she's been accepted by my family mirrors the way her parents have all but accepted me as their son- Jamie's father and I have even played golf together more than once- and I realise now more than ever that I truly do want to spend the rest of my life with Jamie... And I want that to be official. The following day, all of our 'gang' celebrates Krystie's 23rd birthday with a fancy masquerade ball. I wear a simple but smart tuxedo with a Batman-inspired mask, but Jamie's costume is simply incredible- a long, red flamenco-style dress with bicep-length gloves, a torturously tight corset and a flamboyant, wide mask with glitter and sequins. Even with half of her face obscured, she is still the most beautiful woman I've ever known, and it pains me when I tear myself away from her just after 11pm to head home, but I know it's something I need to do sooner rather than later. Much to my relief, when I arrive home, the kitchen light is on, and I enter it to find dad sitting at the kitchen table in his dressing gown. "Evening, Bruce," dad jokes, chuckling as I remove my mask. "Surprised you're back this early, don't these parties usually go on until at least 1am?" "Normally," I say. "I kinda made my excuses, wanted to come home... Wanted to talk to you, actually." "Really?" Dad asks, confused by the information. "Why would you want to talk to me especially?" "It- it's about Jamie," I say. "Now that girl is really growing on me," dad says. "I will admit, when you two got back together, I had my doubts, but she's really put the smile back on your face. Certainly more than- what was her name, Krystie? The one whose birthday I think you're celebrating today..." "Yeah, that's her," I say. "She was alright, in fairness..." "You two never really had the spark that you and Jamie do," dad says. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about, though?" "When- when I started my transition," I say. "You told me about grandma's ring." I cringe as dad sits back in his chair, stunned by what I just said. "I told you it was yours whenever you needed it," dad says. "Are- are you sure? Are you absolutely, positively, one hundred percent sure?" "The last week's confirmed it for me beyond any doubt," I say. "Jamie IS the woman I want to marry." "You're still only young," dad argues. "You've only been going out for a few months..." "Almost a year and a half since we started going out," I retort. "And I'm 25, I'm not exactly a kid. Jamie's almost 24... Mum was younger when you married her." "Well- okay, I guess," dad says, leading me out of the kitchen and to the secret floor safe in our garage. I watch quietly as dad crouches down into the safe and pulls out a tiny box, inside which is a piece of jewellery I've known about my whole life- a small gold ring with a generous-sized diamond set into the top. "Your grandmother's engagement ring," dad says. "And unlike your other grandmother, I'm sure my mum would be happy to see that you've found a person- and a way of life- that makes you truly happy." I take a deep breath to calm my nerves as dad closes the ring box and gently places it in my hands. "How- how old is this, again?" "Seventy years," dad says with pride. "My dad proposed to my mum the day after VE day. They were both 25 then, too. They married the following March. I bet they'd be chuffed to know that they were now great- grandparents." "Thanks, dad," I say, pocketing the ring before giving dad a quick, manly hug. After I climb into bed, I examine the ring one more time before switching off my light and getting to sleep. I won't propose to Jamie immediately- she deserves a perfect moment, a moment surrounded by all of her family and friends so that she can enjoy all the love that will inevitably come her way. Her birthday in September should be an ideal opportunity for that. Even though I am now a man, when I was younger I would occasionally join in my sisters' (and what few female friends I had) obsessions over the perfect wedding when we were older. It was all worked out- I'd be Emma's maid of honour, Becca would be mine and Emma would be Becca's. As brides, we'd all wear white, bejewelled gowns with wide skirts and long trains. Our bouquets would be pink roses, and our bridesmaids would all wear lilac. As time wore on, though, this fantasy began to crack, shattering entirely when I started puberty and began to realise just who- and more importantly what- I really was. As a man, I didn't obsess over my fantasy wedding at all, instead talking about cars, football, beer... All the things men SHOULD talk about. Even last year, as Dan was about to get married, talk of the actual wedding didn't take precedence over our usual topics of conversation. Now, though, I find myself obsessing over the details of the upcoming day, even though Jamie hasn't said 'yes' yet... But I'm confident that she will. Because a wedding- at least, MY wedding- shouldn't be about the what, the where or the when, it should be about the 'who'... And that's a question I know the answer to with 100% certainty. My only fantasy is about the far future, Jamie and I in our fifties, celebrating our silver wedding anniversary surrounded by our families, our friends... Maybe even a couple of adopted children. Jamie IS my family. She's my soul mate... "Jamie-Lee Burke," I whisper in the dark silence of my room. "I love you more than life itself. Will you marry me?"