Amy 36: Amy's Christmas Carol free porn video

Amy 36: Amy's Christmas Carol Copyright 2016 by Amy Komori The original characters and plot of this story are the property of the author. No infringement of pre-existing copyright is intended. This story is copyright (c) 2016 Amy Komori. All rights reserved. Chapter One: We Don't Share the Same Rung with You So I had been wrong about Ms. Green all along. Which came as no surprise, or shouldn't have. I was wrong about a lot of thing. I liked to say stuff and then when said stuff was wrong, people loved to point it out to me because they were almost guaranteed to get a very interesting reaction. Like one time about a week after the Ms. Green incident when I was saying something really stupid about beans of all fucking things and I made this bold assertion people in Mexico didn't put beans in their chili. Now I had no fucking clue as to what people in Mexico put in chili. Or if they even ate chili. Even before I'd become Amy my knowledge of Mexico extended to Taco Bell and some cultural stuff from Spanish language classes, and being a little high school kid didn't expand upon it. No. Anyway, we were at a show by some little trio of kids from Delacroix who didn't even have a name for their band yet. The reason we were discussing Mexican food at all was this show took place at El Banditos, which was where our own band had played its first show. El Banditos was always open to letting beginner bands have a night. You could play one song a bunch of times or a bunch of songs one time each, you could play for fifteen minutes or three hours. The owner didn't care. He just liked helping bands out. And we liked seeing bands. I mean, Sarah, Gina, Lena and I. And Tam. We were sitting with some townie guys Gina and Lena vaguely knew and who liked them a lot. I found both of these dudes obnoxious and they pretty much felt the same way about me. They were kind of zinging me all night and it was getting on my nerves. They thought I was just this dumb girl child and they also mistakenly thought I didn't know this. It didn't help I was also really hyped up on like a million Cokes. One thing about being friends with Lena especially was she was kind of in the scene these days and it was turning out she knew just tons of people. Some of these people would give her free drinks. Soft drinks. And she would pass the savings on to her friends. I'd had so many Cokes my stomach felt like I was pregnant and we were also stuffing ourselves with stale tortilla chips. All that caffeine had my motor running and that meant my mouth. And what I was saying with apparently little input from my brain was all that shit about beans. Finally, I guess one of the dudes decided he'd had enough of me. "I can't believe you just said something that stupid," one of the guys said and that stopped my speech cold. I'm pretty sure my mouth just dropped open, but whatever its configuration, it was no longer moving. "Of course people in Mexico eat beans. Their whole fuckin' cuisine is based on beans," the guy continued, his voice just dripping with icy contempt, just frosting me with his superior knowledge of a foreign culture. "Anyone who would say something that stupid has no business even living." At that point I slapped the living fuck out of him. The slap made a huge firecracker pop, only like skin on skin. And even before the sound faded from my ears I was crawling up out of my seat and onto the table with the palm of my hand burning. He was trying to laugh it off, but his face was already red and despite all the hands clutching at me and pulling me back down I was aiming to slap him again and again until he died. "WHOA! OH SHIT!" someone said in this mocking voice. Not from our table. No one would have dared. The beans expert jumped up, rubbing the side of his face. "You are fucking... you are fucking..." he kept saying but he couldn't come up with anything I was fucking. Now I was settled back in my seat not planning to do anything and not really sure what I should do. I was violently trembling all over, though, from adrenaline. Also I had this idea the restaurant staff or someone was going to come up and kick us all out and everyone would be as pissed at me as I'd been at Beans Baxter and his big fucking mouth. But he just left and the show went on and little by little I calmed down and little by little everyone including me decided the whole things was really funny. "Did you see how big his eyes got?" Sarah kept asking us, but yes, we all had. "I'm gonna make a list of people for you to slap for me," Tam said. On the way out of El Banditos after the show, though, some random guy bobbed up out of nowhere and was like, "Hey, what did your boyfriend do?" Clueless, thinking he wanted to have a real conversation of some kind, I went, "I don't have a boyfriend." "The one you slapped. What did he do that was so bad you had to slap the shit out of him like that?" Well, I couldn't fight everyone. Now realized he was making fun of me and I was just humiliated and my face turned as red as Beans Baxter's had and I stormed off. My friends let that guy have it and later Gina told me he was just some dumbass trying to impress his own little posse of assholes. But only I seemed to remember the denouement. Everyone else focused on how awesome it was that I'd slapped some guy. It became part of my legend. My legend of doing scary shit. And yet each time it was a surprise, as if it each mistake was a brand new experience. Anyways, the point was Ms. Green seemed a lot cooler and more approachable to me now and I was really warming up to her. Instead of annoying, she seemed kind of... well... cute. Not that I was into her that way. I was more into her as a role model. Which seemed weird to me, but it was definitely true. I'd realized just how smart she really was. And I liked that about her now. It helped that she believed I was smart, too, and not just a smart ass-- as my teachers were increasingly coming to believe. Ms. Green was at all our LGBT alliance club meetings, which is to say she was at the first two despite the media controversy because that was as many as we'd had by December when Christmas started rearing its ugly head. Or Hanukkah for Ms. Green. Another reason for coming around on her was she actually helped me study. For a few weeks she invited me to her office after school and even though I had this growing reputation as devil-may-care daredevil daughter of Satan type person the simple fact was I was a year younger than my friends and supposedly a year smarter and the last thing I wanted was not to graduate with them come spring. Having an hour or so quiet time without any distractions meant I could apply myself to my studies like a good student. While I still got a "My eyes are on you" vibe from Mrs. Peters, the girls' guidance counselor, for the first time since I became Amy, I was actually studying. In fact, I studied a lot. I studied with Tam, I studied with Sarah. Studying with Sarah was the best because she always had cookies. Usually they were Oreos. Studying with Tam kind of sucked because I had to deal with her dad who scared the fuck out of me without even trying (even though he was never less than really nice to me) if her parents where there and if they weren't, we'd end up getting all flirty just for fun but then things would turn serious and we'd have to do it. HAVE TO. Which meant time out of studying. She was really cool about it and of course doing it felt really nice, but having my box munched wasn't what I was supposed to be there for and then when I'd go home even though I'd feel all glowy and warm and kind of melty and nice inside I'd also feel like this newfound sense of guilt. Girl parts work outs didn't mean I wasn't applying myself, though. I applied myself so much I managed to ace everything from my warning sessions except a big Spanish test. I only pulled a C on it, but my progress across the board was enough to get the administration off my back. And that meant I was once again officially one of the Delacroix High Smart Girls, and it felt good. Not that I would tell anyone that. If anyone said anything along those lines, I'd give that person my standard, "It's casual" response and maybe a mild, disinterested smirk. But like a puppy dog or a kitten I secretly like to be stroked even if it was just my ego about my intelligence. Halloween (lots of fun) and Thanksgiving (meh) had blown by during all that hard work, it was December, and our biggest tests--semester finals- - loomed, along with everyone's favorite year-end spend period, Kwanhanukkachristzaamas. To be honest, I couldn't have cared less about Christmas. I doubted even in my guy life I'd been more than casually observant. In my new life as a girl, especially in the Komori family, it was just a festive kind of thing without any real religious tones, either over or under. I anticipated buying presents for my mom and sis, and for Sarah. I doubted I'd buy any for my other friends or that I'd get anything more than gag gifts from them. Sarah and I usually gave each other meaningful gifts, though. December seemed like a whole month devoted to buy, buy, buy, and the worship of credit cards. Which I was down with, sort of. The getting and giving presents, anyways. But the whole herd mentality of go to the mall and "shop 'til you drop" just turned me off. My friends and I weren't shopping girls; we were hanging out smoking girls. So, mainly, what the holiday season meant to me was, I had to make a few more social calls between my locker and my classes. On this particular December day, feeling good, that's exactly how it was happening. "Yo, Amy," someone said. I didn't see who; all I heard was a voice. I smiled and kind of looked around, but there were so many other kids milling about it could have been anyone. And then someone said, "Hey, Buttercup," meaning me, so I did a stupid little judo chop but didn't bother to check on who it might be this time. I just rolled on down the hall. Buttercup. Girl of a Thousand Nicknames. But these days that wasn't such a source of rage because since the beginning of the year people had been sucking up to me big time and most of it was either affectionate or ironic. People weren't putting me down anymore, at least not intentionally because my friends and I had become popular or cool without even understanding why or how. But I didn't really give a shit one way or the other, as long as I had my girlfriend Tamara, my partner-in-crime Gina, and my best friend in the world, Sarah. Aw yeah. Sarah. She stood by my locker at the end of my long walk, ready for me to drive her Gina's for practice. Lovable, loyal Sarah. Happily smiling Sarah. "Wha's hoppnin' hotstuff?" I asked her. "I'm just in a good mood," she said. Typical Sarah. She could be completely in tears one moment, then see some Christmas lights and get all giddy like a child. I kind of envied her, actually. My moods ranged from kinda pissed to white hot rage. While she blathered about her awesome day, I looked over her shoulders and caught a glimpse as a couple of heads pulled back around the corner. Little chick-type spies. Sarah had these freshman followers who knew her from our band and sneaked awed peeks at her. I called them the Sarahettes, but never out loud, or in front of Sarah. She was pretty oblivious to it all, which made me absolutely adore her. If she'd known she had little secret fans, she'd have freaked out and probably quit school in embarrassment. The kids paid homage to Sarah, but my goddess was totally, completely Tamara. I was so in love with her, I'd even asked her to marry me about a thousand times. I wanted to be her bride. Her, for that matter. She strolled through the halls with that secretive smile on her plump, kissable lips and everyone, even some of the teachers, went weak in the knees. And she was all mine, which sent lightning bolts of electric thrill through my skinny body whenever I contemplated it. Sarah constantly asked me if I was high. Yeah, on Tamara, my anti-drug (along with... um, drugs, sometimes), who joined us at the lockers, and off we went. The Heroic Trio, with me as Michelle Yeoh, because Michelle Yeoh kicked ass, and that's how I wanted to be. Never mind that Michelle Yeoh wasn't Japanese. I wasn't, either. To be honest, the only Japanese ass-kicker I knew was Mitsuyo, even after having been to Japan. Or maybe one of those anime babes, but run-ins with manga and anime obsessed geeks since my magical makeover had killed even my slightest interest in that area. And then we got out to my car, and there was another one of Psycho Dan's love letters under the windshield wipers. It had been a while, long enough I'd almost, but not quite, been able to forget about him. "Oh look," I said in a very chipper voice. "It's more fan mail. I've really got to hire a secretary." "Not funny, Amy," Tamara said. "This state's got anti-stalking laws, right? Call the cops again and put this mother out of your misery." Although I answered her with a shrug and didn't feel so much like Michelle Yeoh anymore. Tam was right. I needed desperately to call the police. The problem was they hadn't really done a whole lot the first time I got them involved. And a lot of what they had done was advise me on ways to change my own life. I supposed they'd warned Daniel off and that had worked for a while but whatever fear he had of the law or whatever passed for that in our little city had worn off and he was back at me again. But mainly I was supposed to be aware of my environment, make sure someone knew where I was whenever I went out, always have someone to call, always know where there was a safe spot among people or whatever. There was some other shit and I even had a pamphlet or brochure about personal safety. Daniel had done the crime and I was the one in jail. No matter how tough I thought I was with my band and my skating, I couldn't get around the fact that people like Daniel were a danger to shorties like me. Sure, I'd fought girls, and even other guys before. But those were normal people, not psychos. And if I complained I had to listen to a lot of shit that sounded an awful lot like, "What did YOU do to put these ideas in his head?" So the thought of even seeing the guy made my heart take off like a bullet train about to jump the track. After band practice that afternoon, Gina and Sarah took me aside. I knew what they wanted to talk about, and I really didn't want to discuss it. I lowered my rose-lensed aviator sunglasses, lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall outside the garage. It was a nippy, cloudless day, but all I had on was this drab green tee with "Stupid Fresh" printed on the front in white (some Komori relatives sent it from Japan over the summer), over a gray, long-sleeved tee. And saggy, baggy jeans, plus my beaded bracelets I liked to play with. With my glossy black hair down in my eyes, I looked every inch the cool girl, but I didn't feel like one at all. I mainly felt annoyed. "Amy, you need to do something about this," Gina said, in her typically direct way. "About what? Smoking? I'm down to a pack a day-" "Dude, that is so not funny. You fucking know I'm talking about Daniel. You need to call the cops already." Sarah nodded her head in agreement, her bright green eyes wide and shiny, on the verge of tears. Her wonderful day had been ruined. "Yeah, I probably should," I agreed. But that didn't mean I would. The cops were next to useless as far as I was concerned. Another thing gnawing at me was I was starting to become seriously fucking terrified of this guy. Maybe another police visit would set Daniel off, and he'd invade the school with a gun and shoot me, or worse, one of my friends. And when people saw him, they always ran to tell me how bad he looked. Dead drunk in bars at night, trembling during the day. Who would have thought he'd be so fragile? Chapter Two: Organic Material With even Tamara on my back over the stalker, I turned to my big sister, Emily. Of course, the first thing she said when she saw me next was that I looked like someone being followed in a spy movie. Scared, hunted. "I'm not fucking scared, okay?" I protested. We sat in her kitchen. Somewhere in the house, we heard her roommate, Beth, on a frustrating car key hunt. "You are so full of shit, Amy," Emily said. Nothing cutesy about that. She was glaring at me and it was incredibly uncomfortable. She'd jolted me. She'd scared me. But still I didn't tell Emily much about Daniel, just hints. I couldn't make myself go there no matter how much she wanted me to, and also because she wanted me to. I had to do this my way and even though Emily was my big sister and knew me inside and out more than anyone ever had or ever could, I wasn't about to just bow down to her and let her take over my life. Not even when she was right. So in my Amy Way, I made sure we changed the topic. So I started telling her how well I was doing in school and about the LGBT club and how that was going. Emily frowned, knew I was avoiding the issue. If she'd pressed me a little, I would have spilled it all, but she didn't. Though deep inside, I also wanted her to no matter how little sister rebellious I was feeling at the moment; I knew that would be love, too. As I talked, Emily went from short and choppy answers to genuine interest. I'd won. I wasn't sure this wouldn't somehow come back and bite my ass, but now I felt relieved. The challenge emptied out of the room, leaving just the two of us and our sisterly bond. It was weird how the two people I couldn't lie to were the same height. Two tall, slender, slinky girls, like bookends in my life. Emily on the side that started with my changing from man into girl-child, and Tamara on the other, which was my life now as a teenaged Japanese chick. Which is what our conversation turned to as soon as Beth split for her shift at the sushi bar where they both worked. Mostly, I was baby sister, but at one time, Emily and I had been boyfriend and girlfriend, and she knew me better than Tamara or Sarah... better than anyone. In fact, sometimes, I got the idea she knew a lot more about me than I did. "Being a girl isn't all lollipops, is it?" she asked. "What the fuck? Lollipops?" "Yeah," she said, laughing at herself. She stopped while she thought about how to say what was on her mind. "But..." "But, what?" "Fuckin' A, Amy, how old would you be now? You'd be like... what? Twenty-five or twenty-six. If you hadn't changed, I mean." I'd almost forgotten. I had to think back to my original birth year and do the math. But I quit before I finished the equation. I didn't like it. "But I did change. I'm not that person anymore. I don't even wanna be that person. Why bring that up now?" "Okay, I'm sorry. I was just thinking. Do you ever think about it? Do you ever have dreams about it?" "About my old life? Not in a long time..." I answered after a few moments of staring at the stove trying not to think about it. I kept seeing Daniel's face, and those guys that night I'd slapped Beans Baxter. Beans Baxter himself. Boys didn't just have dicks. They were dicks. Who could stand being like that? Emily smiled. "I do. I mean, not that often. Usually when I dream you're just Amy. But like maybe once a year I dream of Martin." My old name. Martin was a discarded, dried old cicada husk crushed underfoot long after the insect inside had squirmed free. Which led me to wonder what cicadas did after that. Did they die? I hadn't died. I'd lived, would keep living. Also, I might have weighed about as much as one, but I wasn't an insect. I was a girl. A fucking rad girl. "I'm a girl." I said it out loud to cut off the conversation before we went any further. There was now. This was reality. All that had been the dream. It had no more substance than whatever cotton-candy bullshit Emily's brain conjured up from her subconscious while she slept. When I dreamed, I was a girl. I was Amy. "I am a girl. I'm not pretending. This is who I am. Whoever I was before, fuck it. Anyways, all that shit about going back knowing what you know now or whatever? It doesn't fucking work. None of that shit ever did me the least bit of good when this first happened and I'm not about to try to dig it all out now. All that fucking whining about losing a dick, as if that's some big treasure or something or something special. Oh, the world lost a boy. Big fucking whoop. Like there aren't enough of those to go around. The world lost some big fucking dumb ass loser. I'm here now. He paid the price, and that... other person... did, too. And I'm the result. I'm what they paid for. I'm your sister, I'm Mom's daughter, I'm friends with Sarah, I'm girlfriends with Tamara. Almost all of my friends are girls and maybe we don't always get along or think the same things, but I think and feel like them. And I fucking hate boys. So why obsess over things we can't change now? Things I don't even WANT to change." "You fucking remember that, too," Emily said, her dark eyes narrow. "Whenever anyone poops on your parade, you repeat that whole speech to yourself, Honey Bunny." I blinked. "It will get you through. When it hurts to be a girl, you fucking tell yourself all that again and again. And maybe you'll be okay. Maybe you'll live." My heart thrummed. Emily's mouth moved as if she had something she wanted to say. Instead, she smiled, and her eyes turned to crescent moons of black glass. Those high, Asian cheeks and all. I couldn't help but smile back at her, and she reached a long arm across the table and ruffled my black hair. End of discussion. "Jesus, Amy," she said. "Do you ever comb that?" "It's stylin', sistah. The bed-head look." I went to the bathroom to pee. Before I dropped my pants and sat, I took a moment and smiled at myself in the mirror. You little snot. I started home, but I could tell as soon as I hit the door Daniel Claus had visited and left me the equivalent of coals in my stocking. Without telling her why, I asked Emily if I could spend the night with her, and of course, she was delighted. So at least for that night, I didn't have to think at all about what I'd do with the latest note. "I'll call Mom and tell her," Emily said. "Cool. I'll go see if you ever got that porn channel," I cracked. I didn't have my textbooks, or notebooks, so there was no sense in worrying about my finals, either. One night off from all my worries wouldn't hurt. It could only help. Just be a little sister. So I climbed up on Emily's fluffy couch and sank into it. I could almost imagine it being a lifeboat, and me as the only survivor of some ocean liner calamity. I'd want to drift to an island far away from Delacroix High and stalkers and people in general. Yeah, an island where all the natives looked exactly like Tamara, I'd join them, and we'd run through the jungle and along the beach, and I'd get all caramelized and brown. Oh, and we'd swim nude underneath a waterfall... "Amy?" "Huh?" "I don't mind that you fell asleep, but you're drooling on my pillow." I blinked. I was still on the couch, only I felt a little feverish. Emily curled up next to me. With the lights out, the room flickered and shadows danced on the walls. But not because of some tribal fire on a distant island where I was a jungle goddess, naked and free. Because of the tv. Together, Emily and I watched an old Christmas episode of "Who's the Boss," and Alyssa Milano made me feel funny inside. When "Mr. Belvedere" came on, I fell asleep for good. I really hated that Wesley kid. Chapter Three: Your Shell's a Cannister The next morning, I tossed Daniel's stupid note in the gutter and drove back to my house to shower and dress for school. I missed homeroom, and part of first period, so the vice principal called me down to his office and slapped my ass with a warning letter I was supposed to present to my mom and have signed. Failure to do so would result in no less than in-school suspension. Failure to attend in-school suspension entailed a visit for no less than three days to the suspension center, which was like jail for high school students, a fabled place in a really old school building where only the worst of the worst went and possibly participated in gladiatorial contests which were videoed and sold to teachers nationwide. Or so we joked. But the suspension center was a real place, and even though the chances were remote I'd ever end up there-- I was being melodramatic over a piece of paper, after all-- despite the uptick in my grades the administration still had a keen interest in making me stick to the path of righteousness. "You need to straighten up and fly right, Ms. Komori," the Veep said. "Yes sir." "The younger students look up to you upperclassme- er, -persons as role models." "Yes sir." "You older girls need to set a positive example, with all this VH1 and MTV Music Video Award stuff promoting the sexualization of our young people. At any rate, a week's detention will help you get with the program." "Actually, I'm pretty sure I've already learned my lesson-" The Veep ignored me while he filled out a temporary hall pass. I slouched off to class. Yeah, things weren't going so well for me all of a sudden. It wasn't fair. Okay, I knew life was hardly fair even at its best. I kept thinking back on that little island fantasy I'd had. That would be so sweet, just Tamara and me, rolling in the surf, far from anyone who knew I'd ever had a dick, and from stalking psycho freaks who, bizarre behavior aside, reminded me so much of myself when I'd been a guy. Yeah, no more school, no more stalkers... My mind drifted back to that island, and the dazzling blue sky, blazing white sands, rippling apple- green sea, and a glistening Tamara with sweat running down her thighs as the salt water surged all around her long, lean, brown body. I actually giggled out loud at the prospect. It scared me for a moment. Mrs. Tannenbaum, our teacher, barely paused in her lecture, and a couple of the other students gave me looks. "What are you so happy about?" Gina whispered to me. "I don't know. I'm just in a good mood all of sudden." "I'm glad. You've been kinda... down a lot lately. Since Daniel--" "I have not." "Yeah, you have. You've been a complete bummer to be around." "No, I haven't. I've been the magical princess of fun. The queen of delights." "I thought with Daniel--" I exploded. "Dude, shut the fuck up! I've got a lot on my fucking mind, okay?" I heard little muffled chuckles and when I looked, all eyes were on me. Mrs. Tannenbaum (a dumpling of a gray-haired oldster) didn't even have to say a thing. She just picked up the hall pass pad, and I knew to go to her desk. I scowled at everyone, especially at Gina, who secretly shot me a bird while pretending to scratch her eye. I had to press my lips together tightly not to laugh, but that caused me to snort a big mucus bubble out of my nose instead. "Eww!" this girl in the front row squealed. "For the love of God, Amy," Mrs. Tannenbaum said, with a breathy sigh. "Go wash your face before you go to the office." "Thanks," I told her in as demure a little voice as I could. I walked out with snot hanging out of one nostril, swinging back and forth like a yo-yo after a trick gone wrong. Class was over by the time I got back from my second reaming that day. The Veep wasn't so glad to see me again so soon after our first tete-a- tete, but Gina was when I fought the student crush to get through the door and check back in with Mrs. Tannenbaum. "Don't go anywhere," Gina sad to me. "You and I are gonna have a showdown, sistah." "Do your worst, pardner," I drawled. Mrs. Tannenbaum signed my pass and cut me loose, so I grabbed Gina and we slipped into the girls' bathroom for a quick smoke break and a heart-to-heart. "Okay, since you want to do this rash, stupid thing," I began, then stopped and checked the stalls just to make sure we were alone. "What's the deal?" "What do you mean, what's the deal?" Gina hopped up on a sink and lit her Camel Light, then offered the flame to me. "I want to know YOUR deal." "My deal? Like I have a deal?" "Don't play stupid, Stupid. What the fuck are you going to do about this Daniel dick?" I shuddered all over, but with anger. This shit again. "I'm going to do whatever you want me to do, baby," I said while I tried to get my adrenalin under control. Gina shrugged. She hopped off the sink and ran water over her cigarette butt, then tossed in the toilet. I took a deep breath and did the same. Before we left, Gina had one more thing to tell me. "I know you're scared of him, Amy. But don't let that stop you from doing what you know you gotta do." "Why does everybody think I'm scared of Daniel? He's a big, muscled up Dave Grohl-looking motherfucker who can probably rip phone books in half. Why would I be scared of a wimpy guy like that?" Okay, I knew the truth. Why did everyone else have to, too? Why couldn't they just let me be Amy? Gina put a hand on my shoulder. "Dude, just admit it. You'll feel better. If you want, I'll go kick his ass for you." This time I shot Gina a bird without having to disguise it at all and stormed off. Then came finals. Chapter Four: Total Destruction Puts a Smile on Our Face So I finished fall semester with two warning letters in my permanent record. I wasn't sure about how I'd done on finals, but I was reasonably confident I'd passed them. Mom felt ambivalently about me and my up and down academics, but she was so busy with work and decorating the house she hardly had time to complain. I helped her out, and kept my anti-holiday rants to a minimum. Actually, I loved the TV specials and cartoons. When I was with all the Whos down in Whoville, I could forget everything else. I watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" over at Sarah's, and totally got off on her facial expressions. She really got into it. "Oh no!" she gasped, and laughed so hard she nearly cried when they got to the scene where the dog appeared in the sleigh with the pissed-off Grinch as they sped down the mountain. It was like she was seeing it for the first time, which she wasn't, because we watched the Grinch every year. And Sarah always did the same thing. Mrs. McAvoy came into the room and asked if we'd gone insane, because we'd both rolled off the couch onto the floor, laughing at each other. I was starting to think this whole holiday thing wasn't such a bad idea. And I got presents. The first, personally delivered to Gina's garage by Paige Campion herself on our first full day of winter break, was a copy of the cd with Silly Monkey's song on it. "Sunny Bedroom Window." Sarah McAvoy, vocals. Lena Spivey, guitar. Amy Kamori (you can't win 'em all), bass. Gina Travis, drums. Paige, who owned the label, had even helped us copyright our stuff, which was super-cool of her. "Oh, and you might be interested to know a couple of other things," Paige said, then paused for dramatic effect. "If I can get the cash together, I've decided to do a full-length cd with you girly-gals." Paige had to stop because our impromptu celebration was a little loud. She bore it patiently until I got everyone to shut up the fuck up to hear the second bit of news. "Thank you," Paige said. "Also... um, nothing's definite, but Happy Monkey Do has a new album out in Japan, it might be coming out here in March if everything works out, and they might--might-- come to the States for some shows this spring, or summer. Sorrel and I are looking into booking them here... if that all comes together. And if we can find an opening act." I stayed cool, but only because everyone expected me to pull a Sarah and spaz out. Wet my pants, jump up and down. Inside, yeah, I was doing that. Definitely. But outside, I let my eyelids drop to half-open slits and slightly lifted my chin. I barely even cracked a smile and said, "We... might be interested in opening for them. I mean, if you can get 'em." Paige looked kind of amused at my restraint, while Sarah's mouth hung open. She couldn't take her eyes off me. Finally, Paige agreed Silly Monkey would be the perfect choice, if only because our bass player was such a dedicated Happy Monkey Do fan, even if she never showed it much. Then Paige had to go take care of business. After Paige exited, I turned to the girls. I stopped breathing, had my eyes wide, and my lips all sucked in, mashed together with my teeth. I took one big breath through my tiny nostrils, then I couldn't hold it in anymore. I waved my arms like I was having a fit, squealed and laughed, made a complete fool of myself, and the rest of our practice was pretty much a blur. "I swear, if this happens, I'm gonna fucking change my name to Mitsuyo," I said, and laughed helplessly. "Dude," Gina said. "You are a freak!" As punishment, she made me wear her baby blue knit ski cap with kitten ears the rest of the time we were there, but I started liking it after a while, so I kept it for myself. Another present I got was kind of weird, but exciting. Lena got us invited to a Christmas Eve-Eve party at someone's house. It was nice having connections, or at least a friend with connections. These things drifted down to her and we were in. So we got all dressed up. Well, I got dressed up. And by dressed up, I mean I wore a dress. It was this fake satin powder blue short dress with a mandarin collar that was probably a bit much but I really liked it at the time. Plus, with Christmas a day and a half away, the air had gotten much cooler if not actually cold. The dress was short and showed a lot of leg but it was also lined and so it was kind of warm, at least for my upper body. And I wore a sweater with it, a heavy white cardigan I'd stolen from Tam. It was way too big for me but I felt cute as the dickens floating inside it. On my feet were my black Anarchic mary janes, the ones with big metal buckles and the fat treads that left little anarchy symbols when I walked. Sarah wore an oxford shirt and this long pale green skirt with embroidered butterflies on it and these patchwork clogs. Over that a big pale pink cardigan of her own. Of course she looked like an angel. And Michelle Cho was just in her regular skater clothes. Gina had on a muscle tee and some corduroy pants but she was all bundled up in a red peacoat, too, so no one could really tell. Lena had her blond hair up in braids and she was wearing a Metallica tee with a longsleeved thermal tee under that, and baggy jeans with sneakers. She didn't give a shit what she looked like. She was probably writing one hundred songs in her mind the whole time anyway. Where was Tamara? Tamara was in NYC visiting family with her mom and dad. They wouldn't be back until New Year's. So we hit the party and most people ignored us. We'd been invited, but we weren't part of the entertainment. A few people were into Lena and Sarah, but Gina and I barely interested them, and Michelle not at all. Poor Michelle. I'm sure it was nice having us there, but face it, we were still high school students. Tam would have turned heads, I was sure, but we were just there to blend in and fuck around with each other and make fun of people. Michelle, Gina and I kind of started out that way. And we would have kept on doing just that if Paige Campion hadn't been there. Black plastic glasses girl. She took us around, introduced us to some people on the scene. She got us involved, and most of the time she was leading us specifically by clutching my arm. She walked me everywhere, thrust me at people, talked me up. I kept tossing glances back at Michelle and Gina and they just made faces back at me. I really didn't know what was going on, but I went with it. It was fun starting to get a little attention. There was even a Famous Rock Star there, but we didn't get to talk to him. Paige could have. She could have introduced me to him, but she steered us away from him as much as possible even while steering us onto other people in other, less nationally-known bands. She'd stayed over at his house a few times and had even taken trips with him and his boyfriend. But he liked to be a ghost and he only seemed to talk to one person at a time. We were not any of those people. After a while Gina and Michelle got sick of being tag alongs and bolted to cause their own particular brand of trouble, probably looting the fuck out of the CD collection. And everyone else was pretty much up each other's asses, and it ended up just Paige and me on the sofa. By that time it was kind of late, I was fed up with meeting people I didn't know, plus I was getting really sleepy and it seemed I was doing more yawning than breathing. Paige and I chatted about Silly Monkey and any new songs we were working on, but I was losing interest fast. After a little bit I felt Paige shifting over to get closer to me. We were practically touching. "You probably don't hear this very often," she said. "But you're really very pretty." I nodded without much enthusiasm. "People usually say I'm cute." "Fuck that." "My sentiments exactly." Paige seemed to take that as some kind of permission because she leaned in and well, the only thing to do was just let her. Her tongue went into my mouth and our lips were wet Os quivering against each other. She pulled back after a moment and we both swallowed. That's when I came fully awake. In more ways than one. "That was... interesting," Paige said with a smile. "I have a girlfriend," I told her. "So do I. And a boyfriend. I notice none of them are here at the moment." Okay, that did it. I accepted that as permission and it was on. I didn't say so, I just kind of shifted a little and slid my hips down and parted my knees a little. Then Paige's hand slipped under my dress and she started gently rubbing on the outside of my panties until she found what she was feeling around for. That's when my heart skipped a beat and my breath kind of got a little stitch in it. My tummy started doing this rhythmic tightening and loosening and I tried gripping the sofa cushion because I wanted to be totally helpless and receptive. Actually, even while my body got into the groove, I really was on the verge of telling her to stop. It wasn't because I felt like I was betraying Tam or anything noble like that. No, the only reason for that at the moment was I didn't want anyone to see what was happening. This wasn't for show despite the relatively public place where it was going down. This was for Paige and me. Just the two of us. No one was in the room, no one seemed to be in the kitchen, either, where they might possibly have scoped us out. Going back to a bedroom seemed like too much of a commitment. Little by little she took me past the point of no return and then my final objections just kind of went away quietly to pout somewhere in my subconscious. I wanted it to happen it turns out, because it seemed like something fun to do and Paige was really cute. I understood at that moment I'd been attracted to her for a while now, and this was just a continuation of a kind of conversation we'd started back when she first started helping our band. Any attraction she'd felt at the time wasn't why she helped out our band. Sarah and Lena were why. They were mega talented. They were going places if they wanted. But I was there, too, and I had my charms as well. And so did Paige. Very much so as I felt down between my legs and in my mouth when she kissed me. So with my heart starting to speed up and warm feelings lapping up from my tummy like the softest ocean waves, I spread my knees even more so she could have full access. That was my way of telling her to take me all the way there and then some. I am yours, I told her with my body. She understood it at once. Paige put her hand inside my undies and then her fingers were touching my skin and I was getting really wet and starting to warm up. Wow, it was so squishy down there. Her firm fingers and my squishiness met. She did it all while I bit my lips and breathed really fast and shallow, then slow and deep depending on whatever she was doing to me. She pushed inside me. She stroked me. She worked my teensy-tiny knob with well-practiced touch and we were kind of throbbing and swaying together in time. After what seemed like hours of bliss (in reality it was probably just like three minutes or so) I finally went, "Oh," and then it was happening. I was coming all Amy-like in my Amy-like way of being Amy. Paige kept it going and so I kept going off and going off with tingling starbursts zinging and ringing all up and down my body until finally I was just like a blob of sweetly dressed jelly. I had melted completely into the sofa. Paige was grinning at me and I was just drifting butterfly-like in warmth and happiness when suddenly the front door opened. Paige's hand was gone like lightning and in came Sarah and Gina and Michelle Cho. I jumped off the sofa still feeling a lot wobbly and weak-kneed and almost collapsed headfirst into the coffee table. I gave Paige a longing, grateful backward glance and a smile meant for just the two of us. "They have firecrackers!" Gina reported. Already we could hear the pop-pop-popping in the front yard. I'd done some popping myself and, to be honest, was still kind of popping simply because of what she and I had managed to get away with. A few sparkly flashes through the picture window, white smoke rising, lit by the porch light, the house lights, and the street lights beyond. Bodies running in all directions. "Those fuckers," I said, my voice a little shaky. "They're going to get the cops here!" "We need to go," Michelle said, nodding. "Uh..." I said to my friend the sofa. "We're out of here. We should..." "Yeah," Paige said calmly and I had to admire her cool. "Hang out. I've still got your number." I laughed in a weak sort of way and I felt like Sarah was staring daggers into my head even though I was turned away from her. I was kind on the verge of screaming for Paige to just take me back to one of the bedrooms and fuck me all night. There was no way a fingering on a sofa, as delicious and felonious as it had been, was ever going to satisfy now that I had this idea she had more tricks where that came from. I was so into learning them all at the moment. Then I saw a little dark circle where I'd been sitting and with horror I realized the seat of my panties were soaked. In fact, now that I was aware of it, the small of my back was, too. I'd been sweating like a motherfucker. That's what was on the sofa. My girl perspiration. My teen spirit. Somehow when I'd sat down my dress had kind of scooched up and I'd been sitting on my bare ass (well, underweared ass) and Paige had gotten me going so much I'd popped sweat. Holy shit. We definitely had to get out of there before anything showed up through my dress, if it hadn't already. I was too scared to twist my neck around and try to look down and see. And holy fuck, I knew damn well what Gina and Michelle were going to say if they saw the stain and what they would claim it was. And then Sarah would know what I'd been up to, which took me to my biggest fear. Letting Sarah down. Oh, and Sarah telling Tam. "Let's go!" Michelle said and we burst out the door, ran through the smoke and the stupid asses screaming and laughing until we got to Sarah's car. Michelle would never know what she had saved me from. Paige would probably look down at some point and conclude I was way juicier and into her than I actually was. A little bit of this kind of got me secretly excited again. It was fun having a secret. I knew I should feel kind of bad for having done this behind everyone's backs, especially Tam's, and I did. But there was a glow there, too. A kind of evil glow. It was all mine. Behind us, a war zone. Behind the war zone, a love zone. I felt shaky, almost giddy and wrong and bad and cruel, but I also felt really good. Once in the shadows of the car I knew I'd gotten away with it. Holy fuck, what was I doing? I had no idea. Just that if I had the chance, if I was being completely honest about my lies, I would do it again. If Paige was up for it. And I was sure she would be. Chapter Five: It Appears to Be Human Christmas Eve. I was still kind of in a daze from my encounter with Paige Campion's wriggling digits and a phone call with Tam where I felt like a complete liar even though everything I told her was true. It didn't have me in a Christmassy mood. But I tried my best. Emily and I finished wrapping presents and got into our pajamas right after supper. I wore the kitten-eared cap as we serenaded our mom with our traditional off-key rendition of various Christmas classics. Mom laughed and sipped a glass of wine. The only thing missing was a cozy fire in the fireplace. Mainly because we didn't have a fireplace. Mom poured Emily and me a couple of glasses of wine, and with all the family-type emotions I got all snuggly-cuddly, which just about made me sick to my stomach. But I just couldn't stop smiling. Even with all the crazy crap that was going on, something about being there with the Komoris felt so positive, so bright and shiny, like a glass ornament. When Mom brought out her little digital camera to get a few holiday snapshots of her daughters, we posed outrageously, and broke ourselves up repeatedly with "fashion photographer" talk. Just crazy clowning around, that ominous discussion from a few days before completely forgotten for now. And Paige Campion. And Daniel, too. "Work it, baby," I said and tried to leer, but probably only looked ridiculous because Emily burst out laughing at me. I kept up the act out of pride, though. "Come on, I've seen dead fish with more expression!" "You pose, then!" Emily said. "Little show off!" "Both of you," Mom said. "I want something nice, now. Amy-- get that tongue back in your mouth. Smile. No rabbit ears, Emily!" The flash went off about the same time as the doorbell. Mom and Emily both looked at me, but I told them I wasn't expecting anyone. And anyways, my friends always pounded. I went to get to see who it was, kind of hoped it was Tamara, but she and her family had left that morning to visit her grandmother out in Cali. No one. I stood in the doorway, looked up and down the dark street, surveyed the neighbor's bright, shiny Christmas lights, then looked down. The only thing out there was a beautifully wrapped present. I picked it up, and looked at the card. To me. From Daniel. Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho, I want to kill you by giving you repeated heart attacks. "Shit!" I slammed the door, locked it. "What is it?" Mom asked. She set the camera down and we sort of gathered around. "That's some nice wrapping paper," Emily said. "Who's it from? Um, and who's it for?" She snatched the present away from me and shook it. "Don't!" I said. "It might be a bomb!" "I don't hear any ticking," Emily said with a grin. She read the card, and Mom took a deep breath. "Why'd he give you a present?" she asked. "I don't know." "Well, don't you think it's odd that-" "I don't wanna talk about it. Isn't 'It's a Wonderful Life' on or something?" "I think we're putting a hold on Christmas until you explain why you haven't told me this was still going on." I took a deep breath, then told the whole story, backwards. I started with the present and Emily and Mrs. Komori sat there and silently listened. Emily flushed angrily a couple of times, but Mrs. Komori got steadily paler. "Jesus, Amy," Emily practically screamed. "I try talking to you about it and you still let this go on? How stupid can you get!" "Dude, thanks for making me feel worse!" I shouted back. I went to hide out in my room, a million crazy thoughts bashing together like bumper cars in my head. Tamara, Paige, Daniel, Emily, the LGBT club, school. All this stupid drama I didn't need. And now even Christmas was ruined. I didn't cry, though. I told myself I wasn't that kind of girl, despite all the recent evidence to the contrary. As punishment, I didn't allow myself to indulge in my Tamara Island fantasy, either. Instead, I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling and felt the heat rising from my face. I was ashamed of being scared, and berated myself for not kicking Daniel's ass the minute this crap started. Instead, I'd let it build and build. And now it was so big, it was going to roll right over me and crush me, like that boulder in "Raiders of the Lost Ark." After a little bit, Emily came in, very quietly and softly. She picked up the kitten-eared cap from the floor where I'd tossed it and put it on, then sat on the bed beside me. I didn't want her in my room. She was going to whisper to me, make me feel all helpless with her sisterly love, make me agree to be a happy person again. I didn't want happiness, didn't deserve it. But I had no defense against Emily. "Mom's gonna call the police again after the holiday," she said after a while. "I don't care." "I'm sorry I called you stupid. That was dumb of me." "I am stupid." "You are not." "Why does everything always have to be so complicated? Why can't everybody just let me be who I wanna be?" Emily stroked my hair, then she said, "Did I ever tell you how glad I am to have a cool little sister like you?" "You mean it?" "Damn skippy, baby." She kissed me on the cheek, then told me "It's A Wonderful Life" really was on, and Mom sent her in there to ask if I wanted to watch it, and if she should pop some popcorn. My eyes got a little damp. I must not have been blinking enough. Then I laughed and asked Emily to carry me. "I don't think I can lift you," she told me. Before she could even try, I snatched the kitten-eared cap off her head and she chased me down the hall. That was our Komori Christmas Eve. And instead of a white Christmas, it rained all day. And the next.