Esme Chapter 6 free porn video

Thanks to everyone at Transcripts TG Fiction for all their support and help. Even that ditzy maid! And thank you to everyone who has taken the time to leave reviews. We really appreciate it. Your reviews make all the work worth while. Chapter 6 "Perfect, just perfect." Esme put a hand over her mouth. Jay stood in front of her, the jumper he was wearing was red, oversized and had a poorly knitted snowman, with a black pom pom as a nose. "Go on, give us a twirl." They left to meet the others shortly after, Esme carrying a large box under her arm. The tradition had been founded back in the first year at J-school when a half forgotten aunt had sent Esme a Christmas jumper. Ever since then, before the friends went their separate ways for the holidays, they'd meet up wearing the cheesiest or cheapest present bought for them the previous year. Esme had cheated a little and bought a jumper from a trendy clothes shop. It had a reindeer motif. She wore it over her little black dress, mortified by how much time she'd spent working out the perfect outfit. The restaurant was a little Italian place they had hung out in back in their student days. Back then, it was little more than a slice joint, with heroes and steam table pasta. Its appeal was it was cheap, decent and, because it didn't have a liquor license, the owner would let them BYO 'so long as you're not stupid about it.' As they entered they could hear Freya and Patty's laughter coming from the back. The restaurant had changed since their student days. The father had retired and the son taken over. Now it offered vegan food made from ingredients grown on the family's farm upstate. It tasted amazing, but she sort of missed the old place, the heat from the oven and the strange coughing noise the soda machine made when it needed to be refilled. Esme heard them cackling again. Jay put his arm around her waist and whispered. "Ears burning?" "What? No! Why?" He grinned. "Well, we are all here because of you." She looked around nervously, she hadn't thought of it in that way. Until that point, she'd been looking forward to the night. They were crammed into a little space that wasn't quite a separate room, but was near enough for them to feel special. The owner's son had moved the sun-bleached photos of minor celebrities and famous Italian-Americans back here. She imagined that the father had required them to remain as a condition of turning over the keys. He looked over the wall of pictures, she wondered what he was thinking as a photographer. "There must be a restaurant supply warehouse somewhere they buy these things from," he said seemingly deep in thought. He stared at a picture of Frank Sinatra. "Like they keep Frank next to the big containers of oregano." "We ordered wine, kitten." Freya's cheeks were a little red as she hugged her. "You're both OK with that, right?" They were. Freya wore an large Frozen T-shirt over her dress. 'I honestly have no idea why mom thought I'd be in to Frozen.' Patty, deviating slightly from the rules, had a store bought Santa hat. Jay later explained that she had little contact back home and everyone she knew in the city shopped at the kind of places that "had moved past ironic Christmas stuff". Jason had socks, he'd been at this a few years and worked out what was the least embarrassing thing he could get away with. Pete's buttoned down plaid shirt clashed with his tie, which appeared to show a wolf howling at the moon. Esme had no idea what the supposed connection with the holidays was. "Hey, come over here!" Patty called to the manager, who was doing the rounds. "Do you know who this is?" The manager smiled politely, Esme tried to figure out a way she could evaporate. "This is Esme Entwistle, she writes for the Reporter and does their podcast." He smiled. "Oh yeah, the Reporter. I read that and, uh, my niece is always listening to podcasts. She wants to be a reporter. She's studying journalism at Queens College." He took out his phone. "Let me get a picture for the wall." Esme tried to protest but her friends were cheering. 'Smile, kitten,' Freya said, using her nickname, which inexplicably bothered her. Still, Esme smiled, thinking that, after all these years, she had achieved that small measure of fame peculiar to New York - her picture on the wall of a pizza place. That or the man was trying to get an internship for his niece. He took the picture and said, "Do you have a card? Contact info? If my niece has any questions." That answered that question. She took his e- mail and gave him her information. She looked at the wall and wondered where she'd be placed. Under the former Channel 11 weatherman? Next to what appeared to be a soap opera actress? She knew she'd never get next to Danny Aiello. Some fame could never be achieved, at least not by a non-Italian. The owner came back over with a bottle of wine. "For the table. On the house," he said as her friends cheered. The other diners looked and Esme wanted to crawl under the table. She sat close to Jay, her legs together, leant towards him. Not used to wearing skirts, she found it hard not to fidget with the hem, trying to pull it further down. As they waited for the appetizers, Esme watched her friends. Freya and Patty were close together, whispering. Every now and then, they would look over in her direction. One time Freya caught her looking and smiled, then looked away. Straight after, both Freya and Patty burst into giggles. Esme twirled her napkin between her fingers. Exasperated, she turned to the boys' conversation, which almost inevitably was focused on sports. From what she could make out, they were talking about the Pittsburgh Steelers playing some team from Texas. "Steelers, that's American football right?" she knew she sounded lame even before she finished her sentence. Pete and Jason gave her looks she considered condescending. Jay placed a hand on her knee. She felt arousal and annoyance at the same time and wasn't sure how to deal with it. "This is football. That's soccer." Pete smiled. "The rest of the world like a word with you," she said, which got a laugh. "That and the World Series. When we have a world championship, we include, you know, the world.? Which got a smile and raised glass from Pete. Realising she couldn?t contribute much to the discussion beyond that, she leaned back. Jay left his hand on her knee and she moved a little closer to him. After the appetizers had been eaten, Freya spoke, ?OK kitten, it?s about that time. Do you want to explain our little tradition?? Each year, Esme scoured the internet for a box of the cheapest, cheesiest Christmas crackers she could get shipped to New York. ?It?s them and pigs in a blanket I miss the most about Christmas back home.? She smiled at the confused looks over ?pigs in a blanket.? Passing them around she explained further, ?We each get one we share with the person next to us. Then, when we?ve made a circle, we pull.? ?And?? Jay looked at her. ?And then we get what?s inside.? The wine continued to flow. ?You?ve got to wear your hat!? Esme admonished Patty. ?I?m going to the toilet!? ?You still have to wear it!? Esme crossed her arms. Patty placed the paper crown on the table. ?Honey, the amount of money I?ve spent on this,? she pointed to her hair, newly colored and cut for the holidays. ?You want to come with?? Patty spoke to Freya. Freya gave Esme a little smile as she squeezed out of her seat and followed Patty. The boys were still talking about sport. From Jay?s animated gestures and references to blue lines and plus/minus, she guessed they were talking about hockey. Esme took her napkin and started tearing it into little squares. With each one she?d try and get the perfect square, inevitably failing. ?Everything OK?? Jay spoke quietly into her ear. She felt his closeness, the heat from his breath on her skin. ?Yeah. I was just thinking how this used to be just me and Freya,? she took his hand wanting him to understand. ?My first Christmas in the states, I spent Christmas alone in the dorms. There was just me and a couple of Asian kids. I invented a story about spending it with an uncle in Canada. The second Christmas, she invited me down to stay with her family, but I invented some other story. I don?t even remember what now...? She trailed off. He kissed her on the cheek. ?I wonder what my brother was doing? Did he spend those Christmases with mum and dad? Had he met his wife by then?? She hadn?t really been thinking of her family, it had all just come out. Her voice was very quiet. ?Would you come to Florida with me, just for a few days?? She had been thinking about it, a lot, especially since the breakup with Sal. If she was honest, she?d thought about it since she got the email. Jay paused for a while. She suddenly felt panic. ?I mean, if it?s not too short notice. Your mum will want to see you.? The thought of Jay?s mother was enough to send her into a panic attack anyway. He squeezed her hand. ?Of course I?ll come. I?ve been waiting for you to ask.? He stopped, going quiet for a few seconds. They felt like the longest seconds in her life. Had he gone back on the idea, realised that she wasn?t that important to him? ?And how about you come back to Uniontown with me? You know, for Christmas Day.? There was a long pause, then she nodded. Part of her wanted to run screaming from the restaurant, never to be seen again. One day some lucky anthropologist would come across her and write a bestseller about the feral woman of Central Park. After the restaurant, they headed to a bar Pete knew was having a whisky tasting night. The glass was large and heavy to Esme, but she refused to use both hands, making a show of holding it nonchalantly in just one. ----------------------------------- It was early in the afternoon of Christmas Eve. Esme and Jay were on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, passing Allentown. It was about 35 degrees, the sky overcast with the harsh winter sun shining overhead, the sort of sun that made you squint while providing no warmth whatsoever. It bleached the landscape giving it an empty and forlorn look. ?Are you sure this is going to be OK?? Esme asked nervously. She remembered the last trip, the three of them in the car and the constant sniping between Jay and Sal. She was grateful for the calm, yet unable to appreciate it. ?She knows I?m coming, right?? He smiled. ?For about the tenth time since the Delaware Water Gap, yes.? ?I?m sorry that I?m nervous.? She fidgeted with her dress. She and Freya went to several stores before she decided on this one, a blue dress that fell just below the knee. ?I look OK, right? Your mother will like it, right?? She hated that she was thinking like this. She hated how Freya had kept smiling and calling her ?kitten,? all while she furiously texted someone. She thought how much easier life was when it was just her. When she didn?t have to think about this. Out of nowhere, she envisioned going to Sal?s family and how she would have just taken something from her closet, over Freya?s protests. ?You look great. It?ll be fine,? he said, his tone betraying his words. She got nervous and started playing with her hair, regretting that she hadn?t decided earlier to grow it out. ?What does that mean? You don?t think it?ll be fine, do you?? ?You?ll be fine,? he said, subtly emphasizing ?you.? ?We?ll be fine,? he said. ?We?ll get there tonight, wake up tomorrow, have Christmas breakfast and then head to Pittsburgh to fly to Florida. It?ll be fine,? he said. She could see his knuckles turn briefly white on the wheel. As they drove further west, the conversation dwindled. When they were about two hours away, Esme, tired of staring at the piles of snow kicked up by the trucks on the Turnpike, asked if she could put on some music. Jay shrugged, which she took as a ?yes.? She plugged her phone into the car radio?s MP3 jack and hit random play. Belle and Sebastian started playing, which reminded her of home. She thought about the Christmases before the change and how the family would breakfast before opening presents. Her and her brother wolfing theirs down, then staring daggers at their parents as they seemed to eat slowly just to annoy them She remembered when she was eight, how her father surprised her and her brother with a PlayStation. How they kept trying to help him set it up so they could play FIFA, her brother making her play Arsenal over her protests and her parents laughing. Then, she remembered the first Christmas after, how everyone was on edge. Her mother had booked a vacation to hotel on a beach on El Hierro, in the Canary Islands that, ?was new and wouldn?t be so crowded.? She had bought her a one-piece bathing suit, that she made her put on. Esme spent the week in a t shirt and shorts, under an umbrella with her legs pulled to her chest. Her father and brother spent most of the week on a fishing boat, learning to surf and otherwise off on their own while her mother tried to make conversation. The Christmases after that had faded into a blur, at least until she was in the States. The song started playing. She had heard it enough that she no longer heard the lyrics until: ?Here on my own now after hours Here on my own now on a bus Think of it this way You could either be successful or be us.? At that, Jay turned to her and said, with a dry laugh, ?Nice. ?Either be successful or be us.? What?s this song called?? She paused and then mumbled, ?Get Me Away from Here, I?m Dying. They have other songs too.? ?How about a podcast? Music?s not doing it for me right now.? She thought how he could listen to anyone else, just not her, and questioned her decision. He handed her his phone and said, ?find ?Gilbert Gottfried.?? ?The parrot from Aladdin?? ?He?s a comedian. He does a podcast. With old celebrities. It?s stupid. Just put it on.? For the next hour, she listened to an interview with an old comedian, who sounded like he was about 85. It mostly focused on the sexual proclivities of various dead celebrities of whom Esme knew nothing. She half-listened, mostly watching Jay laugh out loud at a story involving an old actor, chorus boys and citrus fruit. She failed to see the humor exactly and wondered if this was what a relationship was - listening to something inane while trying to understand your partner. After another hour, they pulled up to a small brick house. It was maybe 15 feet wide with only a small strip of yard separating it from its neighbors. At one point, it had been clad in aluminum siding, which had now faded to a grey from what Esme guessed was robin?s-egg blue. There was an old Honda sedan in the driveway. Parked in front was a red SUV, its body pockmarked with rust holes. Jay grimaced. ?Well, here we are,? he said, going into the trunk to get the gifts for his mother and sister that Freya had helped her pick. Esme smoothed out her dress and looked in the side view mirror to make sure her makeup was OK. ?I?m excited,? she said hopefully. ?I look OK, right?? He looked at her for a second. ?You look fine. You look great.? He took her hand, sighed and said, ?Here we go.? He knocked on the door, then turned the knob. It was open and they walked in. ?Hello?? he said. She wasn?t sure what to expect. For no reason, she had expected to smell turkey, pie, something that smelled like Christmas. Instead, it smelled like - nothing. Like a house on any other day of the year. It was cold, about forty degrees, and she pulled her jacket around her for warmth. She looked around and saw pictures, of Jay and Stefanie holding what she presumed was baby Amber. Jay at his high school graduation, the curly hair peeking out from under the mortarboard, him trying to look cool and failing. She looked at one of Jay in a football uniform, he appeared to be about ten. ?Aw, look at this, you playing American football,? she said, putting her hand on his bicep, specifically emphasizing ?American? to needle him. He smiled briefly, she could feel the tension in his arms. ?Yeah, yeah. That?s me.? ?You look adorable.? ?I look like a dork,? he said. Then, the smile left his face. Amber came down the stairs. She was holding a bottle of beer. ?Hey, Jay,? she said, giving him a perfunctory hug. ?Oh, hey...? ?Esme,? she said, offering her hand. Amber looked her up and down. ?I remember.? She didn?t. ?What are you doing here?? Esme wasn?t sure if the question was directed to her or Jay. Jay, with a look of abject contempt, said, ?Mom didn?t tell you? We?re here for Christmas Eve and then Christmas morning. Then, we?re headed to Florida to see Esme?s brother.? She took a gulp of beer and said, ?Yeah, she told me. Wow, one whole day. What did we do to deserve that?? ?Yeah, well, I can either be in Uniontown where it?s 35 or Florida, where it?s 75. Where?s ma?? ?Her and Stef are at the Giant Iggle.? She had no idea what that was, until she remembered a sign off the highway for a ?Giant Eagle,? which she presumed was a supermarket of some sort. ?Getting the shit for dinner.? Jay gave her a look and she turned to Esme and said, ?Sorry to offend you, your highness.? Esme smiled. ?No offense taken. The British are very fond of cursing..? She smirked and said, ?yeah, sure. So my brother dragged you back here...? ?Hey Am,? Jay said, ?isn?t a little early for that?? He pointed at the beer. ?Fuck off,? she said, walking back upstairs. She and Jay sat on the couch, half-watching television and half looking upstairs, until Jay heard a car pull up out front. He put on his jacket and headed out to the sidewalk. Esme looked through the window and saw Stefanie and an older woman getting out, as Jay walked to the car. She went to the door and listened, wondering if she should go too. Jay gave Stefanie a hug and then the older woman gave him a big hug and kiss, from which she saw him shrink ever so slightly. Both women were wearing nurses? scrubs. The three of them went to the trunk and began taking out groceries. Esme started walking to the sidewalk when she felt the older woman staring at her. She caught Jay?s eye and he seemed to be telepathically telling her to get inside. She noticed he wasn?t smiling. She followed the three of them into the kitchen, as they brought in the bags. Neither Stefanie nor the older woman said anything, as if they expected a strange woman to be standing in their kitchen. She looked at Jay who was grimly putting things into the cabinets. ?I don?t put that there, Jaybird,? said the older woman, as she took a giant jar of peanut butter from him. ?That,? and she put a subtle yet noticeable emphasis on ?that,? ?was in the old house.? ?Sorry, mom,? he said, in the sort of tone she imagined he deployed throughout adolescence. Esme looked at him and he said, ?Mom, this is Esme. My girlfriend,? and he smiled. ?Esme, this is my mother Margaret O?Neill.? Esme put out her hand, which Jay?s mother took warily. ?It is a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. O?Neill.? She could feel Margaret?s eyes moving up and down over her, taking in everything and finding it wanting. She looked a stockier version of Stefanie, with Jay?s curly hair and his eyes, although with none of the light in them. ?Thank you for inviting me. You have a lovely home.? Margaret smiled and looked at Stefanie, who gave Esme a small smile. ?I wouldn?t call it lovely, but thank you.? ?Why is it so cold, ma?? Jay said. ?Boiler needs fix,? Stefanie said. ?Ma called the landlord. He said he?ll have someone here next week.? ?That?s bullshit,? Jay said. ?Where?s the tool kit?? Just then, Amber came into the kitchen, rooting through the refrigerator and pulling out another beer. ?My dad?s tools,? she said, with a smirk. ?are in the basement next to the boiler.? ?Whatever,? he said, glaring at her. ?You have another one, Am. Let me go check it.? ?You don?t have to, Jaybird,? his mother said. ?Come sit with us.? Esme looked at him like, ?please Jay, sit. Please.? ?It?s fine. It won?t take that long. I?ll be right back.? ?Do you want me to come with you, Jay?? Esme said, with a subtle tone of pleading. He half-laughed. ?For what, moral support? I?ll be back up in ten minutes max.? He went down the stairs, the door slamming behind him. Stefanie and her mother finished putting away the groceries, with Amber half-heartedly helping, until Margaret told her, for the fourth time, ?you?re putting that in the wrong place.? The look on Amber?s face said that she knew. When they finished, the three women sat down at the kitchen table, an old Formica table surrounded by four steel chairs, the sort where the base was one ?U? shaped tube rather than four legs, with wicker seats. Stefanie went to the refrigerator and poured herself a glass of orange soda and her mother a glass of water, next to which she put two Alka-Seltzer without being asked. Esme stood, uncertain of what to do. Margaret stared blankly at her until Stefanie said, ?come sit down, Esme.? Esme approached the table uncertainly, waiting for Amber to pull the chair from under her. She sat down and all four women sat there in silence until Stefanie said, ?It?s very nice to meet you.? She saw Stefanie flash Amber a look of ?do not say anything,? the look between demanding and begging. Amber smiled at Esme and said nothing. ?It?s, er, nice to meet you as well. Are you both nurses?? was all she could come up with. Margaret exhaled. ?Yup. Yes.? This was not going to be easy. Stefanie said, ?Yes. I?m in pediatrics,? which explained the top covered in teddy bears. ?and mom is in emergency.? ?I?m, uh, very impressed.? She wondered what Freya would do in a situation like this. ?I mean, I imagine that you must deal with a lot of difficult situations.? Amber sneered, ?Yeah, well that?s why they call it emergency.? Margaret gave her a look less of ?shut up? and more ?not now,? although Esme was too scared to parse the difference. She decided to put on her journalist hat, to see if that would work. ?So, how long have you been an emergency nurse?? ?Too,? she said, with a weary smile. ?Thirty-five years, just after Jaybird was born.? ?Wow,? she said, giving a small smile. ?That is something. What would you say is the biggest change that you?ve seen in that time?? ?I?m not sure I understand.? ?The biggest change. It can be in the type of cases, the hospital, the doctors, whatever you think. I?m really interested.? Margaret thought for a second. ?The number of people using the ER as a primary care physician. Back when I started, at least for a few years, people had benefits, at least most did. Now they don?t. So they wait until they?re sick and we get to treat them.? ?Did the Affordable Care Act change that? I mean I heard that it did.? She and Stefanie looked at each other and then Margaret said, ?you heard, huh? I saw. It was a little better. But you can?t make people responsible if they don?t want to be. All the insurance in the world can?t fix irresponsible.? She wondered how that applied to her daughter. That didn?t go as she expected. She thought how in England, at least the NHS, for all its issues, didn?t send people to the ER for any reason other than, well, emergencies. She thought about Freya and said, going against her will, ?Well, you?re right, I only hear. I will defer to you. What about the sorts of emergency cases?? ?Less drunk driving, more gunshot wounds and overdoses,? she said, sadly. Stefanie sighed. ?Babies born addicted.? Esme said, ?That is awful. Why?? Amber sneered, ?Well, Princess Di..? Esme thought, ?It?s you twits who worship her, not us.? ?What have you read about why?? ?I?m sorry. I don?t understand.? ?You and Jay. I imagine you read about this all the time. How awful things are out here. Why do you think it is?? Esme felt cornered and noticed how neither Stefanie nor Margaret made any effort to get involved, on either side. She took a deep breath. ?Jobs. Education. A lack of prenatal care. I don?t actually know.? She looked at the clock. Jay had been downstairs for nine minutes. She heard every tick. She prayed for the second hand to sweep around, if that would make him come. Before anyone could say anything in response, a loud. ?God fucking dammit,? came from downstairs. Everyone rushed downstairs, Esme trying to navigate the rickety stairs in the heels Freya told her to wear. They came down to find Jay sitting a few feet from the boiler, holding his arm. Steam was seeping out. ?Fuck, fuck, fuck,? he said. Margaret rushed over. ?Let me see, Jaybird.? She looked at his arm. ?It?s a superficial burn. Amber, go upstairs and get me the mercurochrome and some bandages.? She took Jay?s arm and kissed it, which she found both surprisingly maternal and oddly creepy. ?It?ll be fine, Jaybird. What happened?? Esme watched Amber slowly amble up the steps. ?The valve was loose. I went to tighten it and the wrench slipped,? he said, pulling away from her. ?Let me tighten it before you have no heat. This boiler is going to die, soon. Tell the landlord it needs to be replaced.? Margaret smiled. ?I?ll get right on that, Jaybird. What happens when he says no?? ?He can?t say no,? Jay protested. ?You have rights.? Stefanie surprised Esme. ?Jay, maybe you have rights. You want to come out here and fight, have at it.? Jay looked at her and then she said, ?didn?t think so.? ?Yeah, well, anyway.? And he took the wrench and tightened the valve. ?This should hold. If it doesn?t, let me know...? ?And then what, Jaybird?? Margaret said. ?If you were here...? ?Ma,? he said, drawing out the word multiple syllables. ?Don?t ?maaaa? me,? she said with a grin. ?Didn?t work then. Won?t work now. Come on, let?s go see where Amber went.? They found her sitting at the kitchen table, beer open and no first aid in sight. Jay looked at her. ?Thanks, Am. I appreciate it,? and he headed upstairs. This time, Esme followed him. ?You can?t leave me like that again,? she said, pulling on the shoulders of her dress. She had noticed a bra strap showing and wondered if they did. Scratch that, she knew they did and swore that she felt her ears burning. She hated that she felt this way. Was this love? Paranoia about your boyfriend?s family? She wondered how long it took someone like Freya or Patty, or even Zoey, to get over it. She wondered if she ever would. ?They were that bad?? He said this without affect as he rummaged through the cabinets, which made her wonder how bad he expected it to be. ?No, just not very talkative. And I tried. I asked them about work. Your mother thinks I?m an idiot or a princess,? she said, as he poured mercurochrome onto his arm. He put gauze on his arm and then handed her the tape. As she broke off pieces and taped the gauze in place, he said, ?sorry to have done this to you.? ?You didn?t do anything...Jaybird,? she said with a smile. ?Ha freaking ha,? he said with a smile, as he pinned her against the wall and gave her a kiss. ?Jay,? she said, putting her hands on his shoulders, as he moved his to her waist. ?They?re going to wonder...? ?They wonder already,? he said, the grin never leaving his face. ?We?ll go to the spare room,? he said, taking her hand. They walked down the hall quietly although she was certain the floorboards creaking could be heard throughout the house. She felt every step they took was magnified. They had just sat down on the bed, when they heard, ?Ahem.? They looked to the door and saw Stef with a huge grin. ?That is some wound you have, Jay. I would definitely prescribe bed rest...? Esme laughed and Stef continued. ?and you are so lucky Esme is here to look after you. It?s nice to meet someone else in the nursing profession.? Jay stood up and smiled, moving his hand over his crotch. ?Having fun, Stef?? She held her thumb and forefinger apart, as if to signify ?a little.? ?I lied for you, Jay.? ?About?? ?About never having met your girlfriend. I wasn?t going to get into it that day, but you know it would kill Ma if she knew you were here...? ?It was work, Stef,? he said, looking past her at a point on the wall. ?Uh huh. Which is why you and your girlfriend were at Nagy?s. She?s already upset that you?re only staying one day.? ?I know. I know. I?ll make it up to her.? The look on Stef?s face was dubious, at best. ?I will. What the hell?s up with Amber?? ?What about her?? ?How much is she drinking now?? Stef looked at Esme, silently saying, ?I don?t know you. And you don?t know us.? Esme mumbled, ?I think I need to use the loo.? She went into the bathroom and closed the door. She could hear Jay and Stef. She could only make out certain words like, ?who the hell,? and ?sister? and Stef?s harsh little laugh. She wished she hadn?t left her pocketbook in the kitchen, so that she could text Freya. After she heard sufficient silence, she turned on the sink, washed her hands from her non-existent bathroom visit and walked out. She saw Jay and Stef standing there, looking at each other. ?Let?s take a walk before dinner,? Jay said, looking in between the two women. Stef gave the same harsh laugh. ?Yup, go for a walk, Jay. Go for a long walk. We?ll be fine.? Esme debated saying nothing. ?Jay, maybe go for a walk. Is there something I can do to help with dinner?? Stef and Jay both looked at her, then smiled at each other. She supposed she was grateful that she brought them together, even if it was to mock her. ?I can do things in the kitchen, you know. I can. OK, stop it! Both of you!? They broke into laughter. They went downstairs. Amber smirked. ?Everything OK up there?? Stef looked at Jay and then said, ?Shut up, Amber. Ma,? she called into the kitchen. ?Esme has offered to help us make dinner.? ?Really?? Margaret said, with a smile and then a glance at Amber, who made no effort to move. ?Thank you very much, Esme. I appreciate that.? ?Thank you again for having me. It is the least I can do.? They walked into the kitchen and she directed Esme to start on the salad. Esme began tearing lettuce leaves and cutting tomatoes and onion, while Margaret put the turkey in the oven and began mashing potatoes. Jay sat at the table watching the women in his life, with a smile. ?I had no idea you were so domestic, Esme,? he said, with a laugh. She held up the knife. ?I?m also armed,? which brought approving glances from his mother and sister. ?Is there something else I can do,? she asked, as she finished the salad. She couldn?t believe the words were coming from her mouth. Margaret smiled. ?I think we?re OK for right now. Sit. So, tell me about yourself, Esme. Where are you from?? Amber piped in, ?I?m going to guess the northwest of England.? Jay and Stef both glared at her, while Margaret looked confused. ?Erm, yes. That?s quite a guess. I?m from a town near Manchester. No one has ever heard of it. Crewe.? Margaret laughed and looked around. ?We know something about that. What about your family?? ?I have parents,? she said, to laughter and a smirk from Jay. ?And an older brother, Nick. He?s a policeman. That?s who we?re going to see in Florida. I haven?t seen him for years.? Margaret?s eyes narrowed. ?Shit,? thought Esme. ?That was the wrong answer.? ?Really, why?? ?Erm, he?s a policeman. I?m a journalist. It?s, uh...? Jay filled in. ?I think what she?s trying to say is it?s very expensive and neither of them makes much.? Esme nodded in agreement. ?I?m afraid so.? ?And your parents?? ?My father was an engineer for...? and she paused. ?a manufacturing firm that made jet engines among other things.? She couldn?t deal with the Rolls Royce conversation, not now at least. ?My mother worked as a cleaner at the community center.? That seemed to placate Margaret. Or not. ?How did you end up in New York?? It was less a question than an accusation. She could feel Amber staring at her. ?Erm, j-school. Journalism school. At Columbia.? ?They don?t have journalism schools in England?? ?They, uh, do.? She took Jay?s hand, less as a romantic gesture and more as a lifeline. ?I just wanted to see someplace new. Try something different.? Jay?s mother and sisters looked at her, then him and then all shared a conspiratorial smile. ?No one I know would do that.? Jay, who had been mute, said, ?I get it. OK? I get it. Enough!? Stef smiled and said, ?We were just talking...Jaybird,? and then she stuck out her tongue. Jay got up, took her arm and twisted it behind her back. He started tickling her under the armpit. ?Take that back.? Esme made a note to text Freya and ask if this was normal. ?That?s enough, you two,? Margaret said, with a smile. ?Remind me again how old you are.? She looked at Esme and said, ?did your brother do this to you?? She remembered Nick holding her down and grinding his knuckle into her thigh, but only before everything. ?Not quite that,? she lied. ?But close enough.? She turned to Stef. ?I?m sorry. Older brothers are awful, aren?t they?? Which prompted Jay to take her arm. She looked at him and said, slowly and with a smile. ?I suggest ? Jaybird ? that you strongly consider your next moves. She is related to you. I am not. We will be spending the next several days together.? He smiled, let go of her arm and kissed her. ?So, what do you eat for Christmas dinner in England?? ?Erm, turkey, roast potatoes, pigs in blankets...? ?Like these?? Margaret said, taking a box of hot dogs wrapped in dough from the freezer. ?Erm, we call those sausage rolls. It?s sausage wrapped in bacon.? ?Sounds delicious. And the cardiac ward isn?t full this time of year,? which got a laugh from everyone but Amber, who said, ?lemme know when dinner?s ready.? Jay looked at her retreating body and said, ?What?s up with her?? Margaret said, ?Nothing. Nothing is up.? ?How many has she had today? What else is she doing?? ?Nothing. She has some beers. She?s fine,? Margaret said, with finality. Esme shrunk into herself. ?If you?d like to have a family conversation, I can go upstairs. In fact, why don?t I? I?d like to call Freya and wish her Merry Christmas. She?s with her soon to be in-laws and could probably use the moral support.? Stefanie looked as if she wanted to crawl into wherever it was Esme was going. ?You don?t need to go anywhere, dear,? Margaret said. ?There?s no discussion to be had.? ?I understand completely, but why don?t I go call my friend regardless? I?m sure she?s being tortured about the wedding and could use the break,? and she left the room, carrying her purse. She went upstairs to the spare room and took out her phone. ?Please have your phone. Please.. Please.? She texted, ?Are you there?? F: ?Hi, Kitten. How goes it?? E: ?I?m texting you from a spare room.? F: ?:-(. What?s the matter? How are they?? E: ?Weird. Tense.? F: ?Weird?? E: ?Mom all over place. Asked me about my family.? F: ?To be expected. You?re dating her son :-)? E: ?I said I hadn?t seen brother in years.? F: ?Bad kitten ;-). And?? E: ?I lied. I said too expensive to see him.? F: ?Good kitten:-). What else?? E: ?Very touchy w each other. Mom kissed burn on his arm. He tickles sister. Weird.? F: ?American? :-)? E: ?Ha ha. I?ll have you know I hugged my father. Once. :-) Anyway, they?re arguing over younger sister.? F: ?The drunk?? E: ?Among other things.? She heard Jay call her downstairs. ?He?s calling me. Merry Xmas.? F: ?Merry Xmas. Love u.? E: ?Love u 2. :-)? She came downstairs and Jay said, ?Let?s take a walk before dinner.? ?Is that OK, Mrs. O?Neill?? She smiled. ?Margaret. And yes. Be back in half an hour.? They put on their coats and left the house. He started walking quickly down the block and she had to almost run to catch him. When she caught up to him, she said, somewhat out of breath. ?perhaps you misunderstood what I mean when I said, ?let?s take a walk.? I meant together.? She meant it as a joke. She got no response from him. He walked silently for a minute. She saw his fists clench and unclench, and then he began walking from her again. ?Fucking arse!? she shouted. ?You try walking in these bloody heels,? she screamed, as she took one off and flung it at him. That had the desired effect. ?What the fuck?? he said, leaning down to pick it up. She hobbled towards him, like a Halloween zombie. ?What?s wrong?? He looked at her briefly, then looked down. ?Why the fuck am I here?? She thought for a moment, wondering whether she?d be having the same conversation in a couple of days. All she could come up with. ?she?s your mum. They?re your family.? ?Yeah, well....? he mumbled. She put on the heel and then took his hand. ?What?s bothering you?? He stared at her. ?I mean, specifically...? ?Everything.? ?A little more specific,? she said, with a smile. He didn?t smile back. ?It?s here. It?s my mom.? ?She loves you,? she said. ?A little too much? she thought, remembering the kiss on the arm. ?She just wants you here more.? He looked dejected. Winded even, as if she?d just sucker punched him in the stomach. ?Well, there?s nothing here for me. I couldn?t stay here. I needed to go someplace where I could do what I wanted. What would I be here? Staff photographer for the Tribune-Democrat,? which she assumed was the local paper. ?Maybe take wedding pictures on the weekend. Why doesn?t she get that?? ?She does, I?m sure. She misses her Jaybird.? That got a smile. ?Don?t tell anyone.? ?Maybe,? she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. ?You?ll have to earn my silence.? He smiled, then frowned. ?Ma looks old. Tired.? Esme thought of her own mother, wondering what she looked like. She envisioned her as one of the older women who thinks she?s thwarting time with makeup and hair. ?She works hard. She?s under a lot of stress. I can?t imagine being an ER nurse.? ?Yeah.? And, with a small snicker, he said, ?That and Amber. The fuck is the matter with her? How many did she have?? She counted four at least, but didn?t say anything other than, ?I don?t know. She can certainly hold it.? ?Yeah, well, so could her old man. I?m more worried about other stuff. There?s a lot of shit here,? he said, as they walked along. The houses all looked the same, small well tended single story houses, distinguished only by different lawn furniture, which for the most part were up turned children?s play sets. There was one trampoline missing half its springs and with a small pool of water gathered in the middle. They walked a little further along and suddenly the houses looked shabbier, with peeling paint and untended lawns. Jay pulled her close to him. ?Look at these places,? he said. ?When I was a kid, you wouldn?t see this. God only knows what?s going on. Meth. Opioids. Heroin. All that kind of shit here now.? She took a deep breath. ?Do you think she?? ?Yeah, well, I don?t know. You heard what the sheriff said, They?re ?keeping an eye on her.?? She smiled. ?Maybe he?s just worried about bar fights. I mean you saw she did to that poor weakling at Nagy?s.? ?That?s enough,? he said, picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. She feigned indignation. ?Put me down. Stef seems good,? she offered tentatively. ?Yeah,? he sighed. ?She?s like ma. Too busy helping everyone else. I?m glad she?s in pediatrics. That?s a good place for her.? Esme remembered the nurses from when she was a kid. Most had been a stern but mostly benign presence. ?Do you think she?d want to come to New York sometime?? ?I don?t know. Maybe.? She shook her head and gave him an exasperated look. ?Maybe invite her?? ?We?ll see,? he said, in a non-committal tone. She put it aside for now, planning to come back. ?She won?t leave Ma, regardless.? ?They could both come,? she offered, although she wondered what she would do, if they did. ?Yeah, well, I don?t want Amber.? She felt his arm tense, through his jacket sleeve. ?So don?t invite her. She?s not a child. She can stay alone.? ?Ma won?t. She?s worried. I can tell.? She got annoyed. ?Give her the choice. She might surprise you.? He took her hand and they walked slowly. ?We?ll see,? he said, with a smile. ?When did you become so good with emotions?? He looked at her, his face was covered in shadow and she couldn?t tell if he was joking. ?Misery makes you wise,? she said, which got a laugh. They took the long way round, past a house covered in lights. On the roof was a Santa and his sleigh. She could only count three reindeer. When they got back, the smell of dinner wafted through the house, the turkey and potatoes. The house was quieter, and they found Margret and Stefanie sitting in the living room, changed out of their scrubs. ?Did you have a good walk?? Stef asked with a smile. ?Did my brother show you all the sights?? Esme said, ?well, we only had a half an hour,? which got a laugh from the two women. ?It smells delicious.? ?Thank you,? Margaret said, with a smile and a glance towards Jay that Esme hoped was one of approval. She wondered when she felt the need to have that. Was that what love meant? Then she scared herself she?d thought the word ?love? at all. ?It?s almost done. Drink?? ?Yes, please. Whatever you?re having is fine.? Margaret poured her a glass of white wine. She took a sip, its weird sweetness hitting the back of her throat. It reminded her of the wine she drank at J-School. ?Merry Christmas,? she offered, holding up her glass. Stef and Margaret held their glasses and Jay his beer. She noticed Amber?s absence but said nothing, appreciating the lack of tension. They sat down to dinner. Jay?s mother had prepared a turkey breast, apologizing. ?A whole turkey?s just too much, especially since you?re leaving tomorrow.? ?Ma,? Stef said, giving Esme a little smile. Margaret smiled. ?I was just explaining the turkey.? Jay said, ?Not that I mind, but where?s Amber?? Margaret looked at Stef then Esme and then said, ?She went out. You?ll see her in the morning. Before you leave.? Jay cut his turkey, with sharp strokes. ?What?s going on with her?? ?Nothing,? his mother said, looking at Stef. ?I can leave if there?s something to discuss,? Esme said. She thought, ?I can text Freya even more.? ?You can stay,? Jay said abruptly. ?What?s going on? What is she doing?? Stef took a deep breath and then said bluntly, ?What do you mean ?doing??? ?I mean, what?s going on with her? I know she drinks like a fish. Is she doing something else?? Margaret looked at Esme and shook her head. Esme wasn?t sure if it was embarrassment over Amber, Jay or both. ?No, Jay, I don?t think so.? ?How do you know?? Margaret stared at him, and said, ?Jaybird, what do I do for a living? I see what you?re suggesting all the time and don?t you think that if I thought there was a problem, I would do something about it?? He mumbled, ?I...uh...? She kept staring at him. ?Do you have any idea how big a problem heroin and opioids are here now? Do you?? ?I?ve read about it,? he offered, weakly. ?I?m glad you?ve read about it,? she said. ?Despite what you think, I keep an eye on her. A close eye. She drinks way too much, but she?s not using. I look for the pipe. I look at her pupils. I listen to her breathing.? She turned to Esme. ?One of the signs, even hours after use, is dilated pupils and shallow breathing.? Esme nodded, having nothing to add. ?She?s not depressed or moody.? Stef said, matter of factly, ?She?s just a bitch all the time.? Margaret said, ?That?s enough. Esme doesn?t want to see our dirty laundry. Let?s enjoy our dinner. So, Jaybird, the Steelers,? which she pronounced ?Stillers? ?looked good last week.? Jay smiled. ?Big Ben did alright.? He turned to Esme. ?The quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.? She said, "Mm." ?Do you follow football?? Stef asked. Esme looked around the room and said, ?I follow the real football. Liverpool.? Margaret put her hand on Esme?s arm. ?OK, those are fighting words,? she said. ?Jaybird, I expect you to do better. Next time, she better be able to discuss.? And she smiled at Esme. ?real football. Not soccer.? Esme appreciated ?next time.? The rest of dinner went well. Esme mostly listened as Jay?s mother and sister filled him on the exploits of various people in Uniontown. Margaret told Esme a story of Jay breaking his arm trying to jump over a tailings pile on his minibike. ?You should have seen your big strong boyfriend...? Stef laughed and said, ?The little girl next to him in the ER told him to man up.? Jay laughed and took it in the spirit it was intended. ?It was a tall pile.? After dinner, Margaret said, ?Is anyone up for Midnight Mass? I told Father Ogwebwike that I?d be there.? Jay laughed. ?Father Ogwebwike?? ?Yes,? Stef said. ?Father Ogwebwike. He?s Congolese. He?s been here a couple of years.? Margaret said, ?He?s very nice. He?s a little hard to understand, but he?s a good priest. Ever since the parishes merged, he?s been there. St. Al?s and St. Mike?s,? she said to Esme, assuming she would understand. Esme vaguely remembered Jay and Patty discussing it and Fluffernutter. ?What are you, dear?? Esme was shocked by the question. ?Erm, Catholic on my mum?s side. Scottish Presbyterian and Quaker on my dad?s, I suppose.? The only church she could remember going into as a child was an Anglican one, and that had been for Cub Scouts. She didn?t want to say atheist, for fear of offending her. Margaret just smiled. ?Do you want to come?? Esme looked at Jay. It was his family, his decision although she hoped he gave the correct answer. ?We don?t really have the clothes for it,? Jay said. ?Wear what you?re wearing,? Margaret said. ?It?s not important.? Stef looked at Jay and they both laughed. Stef said, ?what happened to Ma, Jay?? Esme imagined the fight over a shirt and tie and a proper dress. The sort of fight she and Nick had with her mother. She remembered the first Christmas after everything, when she and her mother had a terrible row in a store in Birmingham over a ?proper dress.? She pulled on the hem of her dress as if by rote. ?Very funny, Stef,? her mother said. She looked around the table and said, ?I would appreciate it if you would come.? Esme blurted out, ?We?d be happy too.? Which got looks from Stef and Jay. When Margaret turned her back, Stef made kissing face, then smiled. Esme stuck out her tongue. At 11 PM, they pulled up to the church. Esme was grateful that she had worn a dress and heels as she saw the other women coming in. Most were dressed in neatly pressed dresses that appeared to be inexpensive. The men and boys were in shirts and ties, worn under winter coats. She saw one boy pulling at the neck of his shirt, as if to will it comfortable. She remembered doing that with her school uniform and Nick flicking her neck with his finger, while their father glared at them. ?Welcome to St. Mike?s,? Jay said. ?I can?t believe you volunteered us.? ?It?s fine,? she said. ?An hour. It makes your mother happy. I?m just picturing little Jay in church, in his little suit and tie. You must have been adorable.? He blushed. ?Yeah, yeah.? He started to say something about her as a girl, but she saw him stop himself. She looked around. ?We won?t see Aiden and his family, will we?? Jay said, ?Not likely. They live in Johnstown. When I was a kid, there were like ten parishes between here and there. You?re in Catholic country out here.? Father Ogwebwike came out and began Mass. Esme found him easy to understand. He reminded her of the Nigerian students at Uni. If you listened, he was clear. When they did the Hail Mary, she was surprised to see him say, in response to a prayer. ?...who lives and reigns with you forever and ever. Amen,? and then cross himself. Mass took about an hour and then Margaret introduced them to everyone, saying, ?this is Jay?s girlfriend. From England,? to ?oohs? and ?aahs.? Esme wanted to show them pictures of Crewe, so they?d stop oohing and aahing. They went home and the house was dark. ?I guess Amber?s not here,? Margaret said. Then she said, ?thank you for making Jay come, Esme.? Jay groaned and Margaret continued. ?I?m going to head upstairs. I?m not as young as all of you. Goodnight, Stef,? and she gave her a kiss. Then, ?Goodnight Jay,? and a kiss. Then, ?Goodnight, Esme. I?m glad you came,? and she gave her a kiss. ?Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Turn out the lights before you go to bed.? After a few minutes, Stef said, ?She?s really happy you came, Jay. Did you see that?? ?Yeah, yeah, Stef. I know. I know.? ?She?s not getting any younger,? she said. ?I hear you, Stef. I?ll try and do better,? he said, looking down. ?It?s just...? ?I know Jay. It?s work,? and then she paused. ?Or whatever. Not you, Esme.? Esme hadn?t thought it was her before she said that. ?Er, thanks.? Jay looked at her, shook his head and then looked upstairs. ?Seriously, what?s going on with Amber? Is mom in denial or something?? Stef fixed him with an angry stare. ?No, Jay, she isn?t. She deals with this day in and day out. So do I. Amber drinks too much and she?s a mean drunk like Bill.? She turned to Esme and said, ?Amber?s dad.? ?She needs to cut that shit out before she kills her liver or ends up with her ass kicked by some younger drunk.? ?Yeah, well, what can I do?? Jay offered. Stef laughed. ?Seriously Jay? What can you do? I, we appreciate your concern. But, you?re not here.? Jay looked down and she continued. ?I love you Jay but you?re six hours away. You want to do something? Come more than once every couple of years. Call Ma more than once a week. One day, she won?t be here.? ?Shit, Stef, it?s Christmas.? ?I don?t mean to make you feel like shit, Jay.? Esme doubted that but wasn?t sure she blamed her. Then she thought about her own family. At least Jay called. ?I really don?t. I?m just, I don?t know, tired, really tired.? Jay came over and put his arms around her. ?I?ll do better, Steffie.? She hugged him back. ?Thanks, Jaybird. Thanks, Esme. This is more than I?ve ever gotten from him.? Esme smiled. ?You?re welcome. Tell your sister you love her,? she said with a smile. ?I loooove you, Stefanie,? he said, giving her a wet loud kiss on the cheek. ?Shut up, Jay. I love you too, you big jerk.? She picked up the remote. ?Wanna watch Christmas Story, Jay? 24 hour marathon on TBS.? He smiled. ?Oh man,? and then he said, ?Fra-Jee-Lay,? and they both laughed loudly. He turned to Esme. ?you?ll love it!? She smiled and shrugged, happy to see him with his family and smiling. Stef went into the kitchen and came out with eggnog and cookies. They watched TV for a couple of hours and then she and Jay passed out on the couch. She woke up in the morning, in the spare room, unsure how she got there. She looked over and Jay wasn?t there. She put on a pair of jeans and a t shirt and went downstairs. She found Jay and his mother sitting at the table, drinking coffee. ?Merry Christmas,? she said, giving Jay a kiss. Margaret poured a cup of coffee without asking, which she took gratefully. ?Merry Christmas,? she said. ?Sleep well?? Esme smiled. ?Yes, thanks. You?? ?I did. Once I heard Amber come in.? ?Which was when?? Jay said. She could hear the tension in his voice. ?About 3, Jay,? his mother said. ?She was fine. She took a cab.? ?You sure of that?? She looked him up and down. ?I paid.? ?Sorry, ma. I?m just worried about her is all.? ?I know, Jay. I appreciate it.? They sat, drank coffee and watched TV for a little while until Stef came down, in sweatpants and a Penguins shirt. Esme wondered if they only sold sports t-shirts in Western Pennsylvania. Stef scratched her head and said, with a yawn. ?Merry Christmas, everybody.? ?Merry Christmas, Stef,? everyone said in response. ?Breakfast, ma?? Margaret smiled and began making pancakes and bacon. Esme breathed in the smell, the bacon reminding her of home, of Christmas. She willed herself to keep it together. They finished breakfast. She noticed the way the family would periodically look upstairs, as if to will Amber awake. Given what she drank in front of them and what she assumed she had while out, Esme didn?t expect to see her before they left. They exchanged gifts. Margaret and Stef seemed to appreciate the sweaters that Esme brought them. Well, technically, Freya had picked them out after Esme and Jay described his family. Amber?s sweater sat in a box, Esme wondering when she?d open it. When Freya had asked what Amber was like, Esme could only offer, ?do they make sweaters for surly drunks?? At about noon, Jay said, ?We should really get going. We have a 3 PM flight.? Margaret sighed. ?I wish it could have been longer.? Jay looked at Stef and then said, ?Next time, I promise.? He looked upstairs. ?Tell Amber Merry Christmas,? and then he initiated hugs and kisses with his family. Esme smiled and hugged them. ?Thank you again. Merry Christmas.? Jay had his hand on the door to leave, when he turned and said, ?would you guys like to come to New York some time? I realized that you?d never been, at least not since I?ve been there.? Stef looked at him, then Esme. ?Seriously?? Esme smiled. ?No, Stef, I?m screwing with you by inviting you. Like ?wanna come? Psych!? Yes, seriously. I want you two to come.? His mother smiled. ?Us two?? She looked upstairs. Jay took a breath and said, ?Yes, you two. She?s a big girl, she can stay alone.? Margaret looked concerned. Not annoyed that Jay had said that. More concerned that he was wrong. She smiled at Esme and said, ?Well, I?ll have to check my calendar. Oh Stefanie, when do we head to the South of France?? Esme giggled, which clearly annoyed Jay. So, she giggled a little more and gave him a kiss. ?When we get back from the Caribbean, mother.? Esme couldn?t resist. ?It?s lovely this time of year,? she said in a deliberately poor approximation of a posh accent. Jay gritted his teeth, then smiled. ?You know, if you don?t want to come, just say so. Try to do something nice...? Margaret said, ?We?d love to, Jaybird. Let us see when we?re not both on weekends and we?ll come.? He looked at Esme, as if to say, ?This is your idea. You better be around.? ?Great!? ?Have a good time, you two. Let me know how it goes,? Stef said. ?I know how brothers can be.? To which Jay responded by twisting her arm behind her back again. When he let go, Stef merely said, ?see?? They left the house and went to put their bags in the trunk. They had left their big luggage in the trunk, but Jay still grimaced and moved bags around. Then, he got in and adjusted and re-adjusted his mirrors, then checked the glove box, for what she had no idea. They pulled away and drove in silence for fifteen minutes. As they pulled onto the highway to the airport, she said, ?it wasn?t that terrible, y?know.? ?Yeah, well, let?s see how Florida goes. We can trade how not terrible it was.? She looked at him and sharply. ?If you don?t want to go, don?t.? ?I didn?t say that,? he said, staring ahead. ?Then, what the bloody fuck does that mean?? ?It means don?t tell me what was or wasn?t terrible.? She grabbed the bar over her doorway. ?Were we in a different place? Did I miss something?? ?Yeah, well.? ?Don?t yeah, well me. What? Did something happen while I was asleep?? ?Ma?s working herself to death and then she still has to deal with her shit.? ?Her? needed no definition. Esme put her hand on his knee. ?I know you?re worried. I?m worried too.? She was, which scared her. ?But what can you do?? ?That?s the problem. What can I do? And then Stef gives me shit about being in New York.? ?I don?t think she was giving you shit. I think she just wants help.? ?Yeah, well, like it would be any different if I was here. Like I could stop her from being like her old man.? ?I don?t think that?s it. You could call her just to check in, see how she?s doing. We could.? And he gave her a quick look. ?I mean you could, we if you wanted me, come every once in awhile to visit, if you wanted. Or you could come alone if you preferred. Or you could just call...? He smiled. ?You?re so cute when you get all flustered.? She felt mortified. ?Fuck off, Jay. Try and be nice.? He kept smiling. ?I appreciate it. When they come, you?re not getting off the hook. No Freya emergencies or anything.? She thought of the field day that Freya was going to have with this. She could hear, ?Oh, Kitten, you?re showing them around. How sweet,? and then criticizing her outfit. What was worse was that she knew that she?d need her opinion on what to wear. ?Fine. What did you mean about Nick?? ?Nothing. Sorry. Just pissed. Seeing Amber makes me think that, sooner or later, I?m going to get a call about her...? Esme was at a loss for words. ?You can?t think that way.? ?I can?t not? They drove in silence for a while and he said, ?Florida?s going to be fine. Great.? Esme looked ahead and said, ?Let?s hope.? --- Jay?s mood improved the further they got from home. By the time they reached the airport he was asking her questions. What was Christmas like in England? Pretty much the same. Don?t you open your presents on a different day? No, that?s the Dutch. ?What?s your brother like?? She paused. It was hard to say, did she even know? It had been some time. ?Tall,? was the best she could come up with. She remembered how they had played football (the real football, the only football, she thought to herself) in the field behind their house with the other kids from the street. Nick, being older, had always been the one in charge, directing the others. He?d wanted to be a chef but dad hadn?t let him, saying catering college would be a waste. He was a policeman now, that much she knew. Relentlessly normal. The flight was crowded, filled with people she imagined were escaping mandatory family obligations after the minimum allowable time. As his mood rose she found hers dipping. She sat silently while he held her hand, just looking out the window at the clouds. She hadn?t been expecting him to meet her outside the gate but she recognised him straight away. It was a shock to see his hairline had receded slightly, but his face was still the same. Angular, with a long nose. How could she ever think she wouldn?t recognise him? Perhaps it was good he?d surprised her, less time to think and freak out. ?Hey, little sis.? And, after an awkward few seconds, Nick embraced her. ?And this must be Jason, right?? ?Jay,? he said, offering his hand and smiling. ?Nice to meet you Nick.? Nick smiled back and it all seemed to good to be true. It was then Esme noticed a tall, thin girl standing a few feet behind Nick. Her long dark hair hung in front of her face, although her eyes never left Esme. She felt her heart stop. ?Cassie,? Nick placed a hand on the girl?s shoulder and guided her forward, ?this is your aunt Esme.? Esme offered her a hand which she took, but only for a second. Jay and Nick laughed and Cassie looked like she wanted to dig. As they walked out to the hire car, Nick kept his arm around Esme?s shoulder. Jay walked alongside looking slightly bemused. Whatever he?d been expecting, this clearly wasn?t it and his brain was taking a while to reconfigure. On the drive over, she saw hundreds of five story hotels, all of which looked the same. She guessed that they sprung up outside Disney World and Universal, to catch the overflow of guests. They pulled into the parking lot of one and Nick said, ?why don?t you check in and get unpacked. We?ll be by the pool.? They checked in and went upstairs. The room could have been anywhere. Mini-fridge with coffee maker. TV. Queen size bed. Generic modernish print of a sunrise over the bed. Jay looked at it and said, ?Sunrise over Akron.? ?Come again?? ?A guy I used to work with called these prints, ?Sunrise Over Akron.? In every Ramada and Marriott across the country.? ?Mmm. Why is it so cold in here?? ?Welcome to Florida. The whole state is like Exhibit A in global warming and CFCs. Want me to turn it down?? ?Yes,? she said as she unpacked. She took out her bathing suit and began changing. For some reason, something about changing in front of him in a hotel made her feel awkward. It was absurd. They had sex. He had seen her naked, repeatedly. But, she thought, ?my brother is downstairs.? Like they were teenagers having sex in her parent?s house. Not that she?d ever done that. She finished and he said, ?Jean Seberg in Bonjour Tristesse.? ?What?? She?d put on a red one piece and a denim shirt, tying the two sides together with a knot rather than buttoning it up. ?That?s the look you?re going for right?? He?d stepped in and out of the shower and put on a white GAP t-shirt, the one with the little pocket and long shorts. She looked away, annoyed to have been caught out. He kissed her on the side of the head and then pulled away. ?It?s cool. You want to impress her. Be the cool aunt from New York.? He smiled leaving her feeling silly and predictable. She?d have hated to admit it but she?d been planning her ?look? for weeks. ?Let?s join them by the pool,? she picked up her sunglasses from the table by the bed. His hands felt frictionless as he placed them on her hips. His breath was hot on her neck. ?They can wait thirty minutes.? It was forty five minutes later when they walked out onto the paved area around the pool. Palm trees swayed in the wind and, despite the sun, Esme pulled the shirt around her. She spotted them from across the pool. Nick was easy to see, Saanvi a little harder. Gone was the short brightly colored hair she remembered from back home. It was now long and dark like her daughter?s. As they walked around the pool, she felt her grip tightening on Jay?s hand. ?Hi.? Saanvi?s smile seemed genuine. She thought of the little South Asian girl who would always climb higher than any of the other kids at school. Esme took her hand, almost not believing it was real. ?Er, hi.? Her throat felt dry. ?Is that really you?? They all laughed. Cassie hung back, watching closely as if she?d discovered some strange new species. She had inherited her mother?s hair but her skin was as pale as her father?s. The same skin Esme had, she wondered how high a factor her sunscreen was. Jay and Nick went off for a swim leaving the three girls by the sun loungers. Wordlessly Cassie picked up her iPad and started rapidly swiping and tapping. Every now and then, her eyes would flicker up at Esme. They were green like her own. ?So, I hardly know where to start.? Esme looked Saanvi up and down. ?Your hair is different.? Saanvi laughed, her Northern accent coming out. ?Yeah, to say the least. How many different colours did I dye it?? ?Let?s see,? Esme said laughing and trying to engage Cassie by mocking her mother. ?Red, purple, bubblegum pink.? And she looked at Cassie, who showed no emotion whatsoever. ?My personal favorite. Then red at least once more.? ?I was always trying to fit in with the white kids.? Saanvi ruffled the hair of her daughter, who batted her hand away angrily, burying her head further into her iPad. ?I guess I do now. What about you? I see the black t-shirts and baggy jeans have gone. Not so much of the tomboy.? ?The jeans aren?t so baggy these days.? Esme picked at her toes, hating the way her shoes had bent and slightly deformed them. Saanvi was one of the few people who had known her since primary