Esme Chapter 4 free porn video

As always a special thank you to everyone at Transcripts TG Fiction for all their support and help. Even that ditzy maid! Chapter 4 Nagy's was OK, mostly what she had expected. She enjoyed it more seeing it through Jay's eyes. He kept up a steady stream of stories from his youth. The names of people she'd never remember, the odd spaces in the stories she suspected had once been filled by old exes. Mostly she kept quiet, enjoying not having to speak. Trying to imagine him as a teenager. "Another pitcher?" He nodded at the empty glass in front of her. "Why not," she grinned, the alcohol adding to her sense of wellbeing. She knew it was crazy, that they risked a bad tempered ride home with Sal in the morning, and possible exposure at work. She just didn't care, not then, not in that moment. Later she would, but that was later. He stood up, slightly uneasily and headed to the bar. As soon as his back was turned she took out her phone. She wanted to send Freya a text but had no idea where to start. When she saw Jay getting served she knew she only had a little time left. She sent a text saying, 'Sal = death skull emoji, but we've escaped to a local bar.' Then pressed send when she saw Jay returning. He tried to say something but the bar erupted into a cacophony of noise. Looking behind him she could see a group of young women had entered. She wondered if they were a bachelorette party? "Happy hour," Jay explained. "They must work around here. Were you texting Freya?" "Uh huh." She continued to watch the women, they seemed to be crowding around a small stage. Big groups set her nerves on edge. "Say hi from me. We should all get together sometime." No, she thought. I don't want us to be just one of the couples, not yet. "sounds nice, I'll suggest it." Music started up, Jay rolled his eyes. "Karaoke. We're in luck," his tone suggesting he thought otherwise. She patted the seat next to hers. "Come sit next to me, so I can hear you better." They were still kissing when she heard her. "Oh. My. God. Jay!" Esme saw the colour drain out of Jay's face before she turned around. The woman was physically tiny, but she had something about her that filled the space around her. "Jay! What are you doing here? Mom didn't say anything about you being home!" "I'm not, I'm here for work..." His voice was quiet. Esme heard what he said but she wasn't sure the woman had. "Stephanie!" the woman's voice rang out across the bar, Esme tried to shrink back into the seat. "Look who it is." She pointed to Jay. "Jay!" A woman, the spit of the first came tearing across the room. The two women spoke at Jay at a thousand words per minute. With their strong accents, Esme only picked up on one or two words. Eventually Jay seemed to compose himself. "Esme." He turned to her, the two women seemed to notice her for the first time. "These are Stephanie and Amber. My younger sisters." "With an f, not a 'ph,'" Stefanie said. 'Thanks for clearing that up,' Esme thought. "Hi," she said meekly. This was all moving too fast. "Where's that accent from?" they spoke in unison and looked at Jay, not Esme. "She's from England. Up north." "And she's your girlfriend?" Esme took his hand. "Yes," she felt weird, almost lightheaded, but he was telling the truth. "We're here for work. We work together at the paper." The sisters watched her like she was doing some sort of magic trick. "She's amazing," Stefanie said to Jay. "You guys off to a party?" Esme tried to make conversation. "Every night is party night bitches! Woo!" Amber held up her drink, something colourful with an umbrella. The other women in the group all held their drinks and 'woo-ed' back. 'Where in England are you from?' 'Where did you meet Jay?' 'What do you see in him?' "Near Manchester if that means anything to you." "Like I said, we work at the same paper." "He's very sweet." At the last one the two sisters turned to their brother and howled in laughter. Clearly they didn't think 'sweet' was the best description. In the background someone was trying to sing 'We Built This City' by Starship. Drinks appeared in front of her without her remembering being asked. Two tequila shots each and another beer. She wasn't clear who had bought the drinks, one of the sisters or some of the other women. Either way she downed the first shot quickly, to cheers and woos from the sisters. "Now down that," Amber pointed to the beer, "if you can princess." She laughed. Esme shrugged, it was smaller than a pint. She downed the whole drink in one go then put the glass upside down on her head. The women cheered and hollered. She caught the looks on the sister's faces. Stefanie's was something close to admiration, Amber's was harder to read. When she burped, everyone laughed, but she couldn't look at Jay. "This one," Stefanie pointed, "was always moping around. Always in black." Esme leaned into Jay, hoping it made him feel comforted. She was well aware she was wearing a black t-shirt and charcoal grey jeans. With Stefanie distracting Jay, Amber was able to grab hold of Esme. She only had a moment to admire her strength as she hauled her onto the dance floor. Where the floor wasn't sticky from spilled drinks it was slippery from polish. "We've got to dance to this!" Amber cried over the din of the bar. The opening bars to Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing' playing over the speakers. Esme shot a look at Jay. He returned the look, but was helpless to intervene. "What's Jay told you about us?" Amber shouted into her ear. She had to stand on tiptoe to reach close enough to be heard. "Only a little, mostly about the area. We haven't been going out for long," Amber turned to the crowd. "This is Jay's new girl. She's from London." "England, not London," she muttered. Amber just looked at her then turned back to her friends. "They met in New York." Suddenly she was surrounded by women, each dressed half for the office, half for a night out. She felt like a rabbit surrounded by drunken foxes. "Nice kicks," said one. Esme looked down at her beaten up green Converse and wondered if it was a joke. "They go with your eyes," the woman added. The other questions she couldn't make out. There were too many. One woman, tall and with a prominent chin thrust a piece of paper into her hands. "Which one are you going to do?" It took her a moment to focus and figure out it was a list of songs. "Oh I don't really think..." Her voice trailed off as she saw all the faces looking at her. "But you've got to." All the other women nodded, backing up Amber. Someone pushed tequila shots into their hands. "I'm not really su... Oh, they've got Bonnie Tyler." Esme stood on the stage. She could just about cope if she stared at the prompter. Her voice cracked and she fluffed the first line. Then, closing her eyes it came back to her. "Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears," the women cheered drunkenly as she hit the right notes. Closing her eyes again, she remembered being on stage at the Rolls Royce Working Men's Club disco. By the time she reached the chorus Stefanie and Amber were both on stage with her. Arms around her neck, almost swinging off her. As she got off stage Esme spotted Amber turning her back to the bar. She glimpsed a small bottle of vodka and her taking a swig. "I didn't know you could sing." Jay looked like a man who'd just escaped the gallows. "English heart, Welsh lungs." She stood back a little, aware of all the eyes on them. "Welsh lungs?" "It's a land frequently terrorised by close harmony male voice choirs." He moved forward before she had time to react. Her natural flight instincts dulled by desire and drink. He put his hands on her hips and pulled her into a kiss. She heard the cheers and wolf whistles from around them and was just about aware of Jay giving his sisters the finger. As the afternoon turned to evening they forgot about Sal and work. When he did pop back into their minds Jay just shrugged and said 'fuck him, he's probably in the bar across from the motel.' The noise allowed Esme to tune out. The sisters talked around her, about her, and even for her, but Esme found, so long as she smiled and nodded every now and then, they didn't need her actual input. It gave her time to think, which was probably not the best thing. "Come sing again." This time it was Stefanie pulling at her. "Leave her alone." Jay leaned across the table, blocking the sister from her. "Can't you see she doesn't want to." His eyes stayed fixed on Stefanie. Stefanie raised her hands and backed away. Esme started to try and say she was OK for one more, but before she got the words out she heard a shout. All heads turned to the end of the table. "Why are you hiding your fancy new girlfriend from us?!" Esme saw the expression on Amber's face. She'd seen it before, it was beyond drunk. Amber stood up, swaying. She looked ready to explode. "She's alright for a stuck up bitch. Are you ashamed of her or us?" There was a loud sound as the now empty, vodka bottle fell to the floor and broke. She looked at Esme. "Sorry about that. This has nothing to do with you. You seem alright for who you are." Esme wondered what exactly that meant. Amber pointed at Jay. "It's this fucking asshole who seems to think he's better than us." "Jesus, Amber. I just wanted to show her some of my old hangouts. Calm down." In Esme's experience, these were the two wrong words to say. Jay stood up, his arms stretched out. The rest of the bar watched silently, unsure whether he was going to hug or punch Amber. Esme tried to take his arm but he pushed her away. Stefanie went towards Amber. "Am, come on. It's OK. He just wanted to show her around," she said, taking her by the hand. "We should be embarrassed of him," she tried to joke. Jay seemed to calm down and let Esme loop her arm in his. Amber pushed away Stefanie. "Fuck that shit. Thinks he's fucking better than us," she slurred. She looked at Esme. "you'd be speaking fucking German if it wasn't for us." Esme thought, 'are you Russian now? Thanks comrade.' Jay moved around the table, his face full of concern. "Jesus Christ, Amber. It's not like that. We just got togeth..." And then it happened. Esme didn't think someone so small, and so incapacitated by drink, could move that fast and with such force. The punch wasn't technically very good, all coming from the elbow at close range, but the sound it made as it connected with his nose made her feel sick. Everything stopped, and then there was blood everywhere. Esme had her arms around Jay before she realised what she was doing. Amber was storming towards the door. Stefanie looked at them. "Shit. Sorry. You know how she gets, Jay, when she's had one too many. You OK?" Esme watched Amber stumble into the wall next to the door and then stumble through the door. Jay grunted, as someone handed him a wad of toilet paper that held to his nose. "I have to go get her." She turned to Esme. "It was really nice meeting you." She grabbed her hand. "Look after him." Then she ran to the door. They spent the next half hour walking around the streets while Jay cooled off. "She's always fucking like this. And she wonders why I didn't want her to meet you," the anger ebbing out of his body he sat down on the edge of the sidewalk. She sat next to him, her arm around his shoulders. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the ER?" "No, I'll be fine. It's not the first time someone's flattened my nose." He paused. "It's not even the first time it was one of my sisters." "Anger management issues?" She laid her head against his arm. He laughed. "No, at least not that time. I got them to dangle me out of the window so I could pretend to be Spiderman. Landed face first." "Still, I don't want a boyfriend with a wonky nose." She lifted up the toilet paper, while it was starting to swell but it didn't look misshapen. His eyes were bright, it didn't look like he had concussion. "Boyfriend?" He looked at her and smiled. "Look, shut up. Just take the win OK," she said, as she pushed the toilet paper back in his face. He smiled at her. She had to look away. "Let's go back to my room. We can keep Sal awake all night with noisy sex." "You don't mind him knowing? It'll be all round the office by tomorrow." She shrugged, looking at his blood stained face. She reached up and tried to get some of the dried blood off his cheek, he winced in pain and she withdrew. "I don't think there's any way we can hide it now." --- They took a cab back to the hotel, when Esme's phone binged. "Don't look at it," Jay said, rubbing her thigh while the cabbie resolutely kept his eyes on the road. It binged again and again. "Sorry," she said, while Jay moaned. She looked down. It was from Sheriff Rees. 'What the hell happened?' read the first, then 'we need to talk.' Then 'now.' "Fuck, it's the sheriff." "The sheriff?" He looked disappointed then concerned. "The one. That introduced me to the..." And she paused, not wanting to see their names, in case the cabbie knew them. The area may have been spread out, but it seemed like a small town to her. "People on the thing. From last time." She was now sobered up. Jay took a second and said, "Oh, that thing. Right. You better call." She hit the phone icon and he picked up on the second ring. "We're at the same motel again. We're in a cab right now she said. My photographer and me. I don't know, how long, sir?" she said, leaning over the seat and asking the driver, who smiled at 'sir.' "He says fifteen minutes, at most. I'm in room A9. I'll meet you there." She turned to Jay and smiled. "Sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise." She couldn't believe she had said that. She was one of those girls. Jay smiled and said to the driver, "You heard that, right?" The driver laughed and said, "Good luck collecting." They pulled up to the motel and Esme paid, giving the driver a very good tip. He looked at her, smiled and zipped his lip. "Thank you, sir." Sal came out of his room, when he heard Esme unlock the door. He looked at her, then Jay and then back. "Where did you two go?" "Nowhere you need to know, Sal," Jay said. Sal smirked at the two of them, putting his version of two and two together. "Yeah, I get it. What the hell happened to your nose? What did Es do to you?" "Get your mind out of the sewer, Sal," she said, not bothering to correct him on 'Es.' That was for another time. "It's not like that." "Sure," he smirked. Just then, Sheriff Rees pulled up and walked towards the room. "What the hell happened? What did you do? MM is going to have a stroke when he finds out, Jay. Aren't you too old to be getting in bar fights anyway?" "Fuck off," was all Jay said. The sheriff walked up and looked at the three of them. "Ms. Entwistle," he said. "Where can we talk?" Before she could speak, Sal said, "Excuse me, officer. But what is this about?" Sheriff Rees looked him up and down. "It's sheriff, son. Not officer. Sheriff." "Well, sheriff," he said. "What's this about?" Then he stopped. "This is about the Jankowskis, isn't it?" The sheriff looked at Esme and raised an eyebrow. She looked back at the room, as if to say 'not out here.' Sal continued. "They're pressing charges, aren't they? I told you that. Great, we're all fired for sure. But, you know what, even with that, I'm going to call MM. He," and he pointed at the sheriff. "can't question you without a lawyer. We'll get you a lawyer. From Pittsburgh. A real lawyer." Before the sheriff could speak, Jay said, "Will you please shut the fuck up?" Then he turned to the sheriff. "Is she any kind of trouble, sir? You're not taking her into custody, are you, sir?" She was surprised to see how deferential he could be. "No, I am not. She and I are friends." He looked at Sal. " If I were taking her into custody, I would have a female officer here with me to do a search. You missed that episode of 'Law and Order,' Johnnie Cochran?" Then, he turned to Jay and laughed. "What happened to you?" "Nose needed fix," he said, laughing. Esme was confused by the grammar. "You from around here?" Jay looked at Sal, smirked and said, "Uniontown, Sheriff." "I figured. From the way you spoke. Orson Rees," he said, putting out his hand. "Jay Stepanik," he said, still smirking. "Hunkie from Uniontown, huh? What the hell happened?" "We were at Nagy's...." The sheriff smiled. "Aren't you a little old for Nagy's?" He looked at Esme and said, with a sigh. "Apparently so. I just wanted to show Esme the hometown, my old hangouts." Sal's eyes lit up. Esme thought, 'well, the cat's out of the bag, now.' "Anyway, one thing led to another..." The sheriff chuckled. "Always does at Nagy's." He pulled back his hair and showed a faint scar. "Got hit with a pool cue there once. Mary made him take out the table after that. You know who did this to you? Want us to bring him in?" Jay looked at the ground and muttered. "It was my sister Amber...." Sal took out his phone and started typing. Now he had two secrets, each better than the other. The sheriff laughed and then said, "Oh shit. Excuse me, Ms. Entwistle. Amber? Amber O'Neill?" Jay nodded, then sighed. "Yes. What has she done?" The sheriff looked at him and then Sal. "Son, if you hit send on that e- mail, I'm taking your phone into evidence." "You can't do that!" Esme wasn't sure if he could or couldn't, but figured it was worth a shot. "I'll call a lawyer. I'll have your shield." "Badge, son," he said, with a smile. "This isn't New York. I'm a sheriff, this is a badge, I work out of a police barracks, not a precinct. Anyway, Jay," Esme was surprised at the immediate familiarity, especially since she was 'Ms. Entwistle,' "she hasn't done anything....yet. We just know her. But she needs to calm down though." Jay just nodded, then glared at Sal. "Excuse us, gentlemen," Rees said, as they walked in and closed the door. Sheriff Rees sat at the desk and began twirling a pen around in his fingers. "We have a problem, Esme." "I know, sheriff," she said, squeezing the pillow and watching it release dust mites into the air. 'Do they ever change the pillowcases?' she wondered and then realized she was better off not thinking about it. "You know that I never intended this as a story...." He looked her up and down, and then looked her in the eye. She willed herself not to look away and let out a breath, when he said. "I know that, but now they're angry. Lorraine called Donna and she's doing everything she can to calm her down, but there's a real problem here." "How...how..how can I make this up to them?" She felt tears welling in her eyes. She remembered being Aiden's age, how afraid she was and how she would have killed to know that she was not alone. She thought how happy Aiden seemed at the bowling alley...and how hurt he must feel now, how used. She started to cry and, through her sobs, said, "I'm sorry." The sheriff looked around, as if he was trying to decide whether he should give her a hug. He sat on the edge of the bed and said, softly, "I know you are, Esme." "Can you give them a message for me? Tell them I will meet them anytime, anywhere and will give them a sworn statement saying that I will never write a story about this?" He laughed, sadly. "Not sure that would work. I think the best thing we can do right now is for you to stay low until I say it's OK. I'll vouch for you but, right now, you're public enemy number 1 and I'm in the top 5. Sorry." "I understand." She looked at Sal's room. "Shit." "What?" "Er, uh, it's hard to explain," she said, looking down. He smiled. "F. Lee Bailey over there?" he said, jerking his thumb back to the wall. He must have seen the confused look on Esme's face, because he said, "he was a famous lawyer...oh forget about it. Damn, I'm old," he said. "Anyway, what can I do for you?" "He's asking too many questions about...that. Can you take me to a bus station, train station, any place I can get out here quickly?" He smiled. "Esme, that'll make it worse. You leave those two alone and I'll be handling a double homicide. Besides, free piece of advice? You need to face guys like that head on. Wannabe tough guy like that. Asshole, excuse me. You let him push you around and you're in it worse." The three of them spoke very little during the drive home the next day. Esme hiding behind her sunglasses and wishing it could just be her and Jay. --- She'd bought the blue plaid shirt when she first arrived to America, not realising it was a boy's size. Baggy enough for her to feel hidden, it was still her go to item of clothing for when she was feeling exposed. Entering the Reporter's offices she felt like all eyes were on her. Her phone buzzed. Freya: 'MM loves the Uniontown article. Wants you and Sal to work together more [sick face emoji] What's this about you punching Jay? [laughing emoji] xxxx' A second text followed shortly after. From somewhere she'd found a meme of a cat in boxing gloves. Esme wondered if she had a website somewhere where she pulled up just the right emoji or meme, no matter what the occasion. She looked up to see Freya at her desk grinning. Then she caught a glimpse of Sal, perched on a desk talking to one of his cronies. While she was watching, they started laughing. She stared down at the floor feeling like it was her first day at big school all over again. Esme: 'Sadly not me,' she felt bad typing that, 'Can we talk? Sal knows.' By the time she'd found a desk Freya had replied, 'meetings all morning [sad face emoji] lunch? Xxx [kitten emoji] heart' Sighing, she texted back a thumbs up and four kisses then opened up her laptop. Keeping her eyes down she focused on her emails. Most were the standard. Office group email chains that went on and on without ever resolving anything and the usual press releases from her contacts lists. She'd taken out her notebook, ready to make a list of possible stories to follow up, when she spotted an email from Aiden. Opening it she read it quickly, 'I thought we were friends', 'why didn't you tell me you were a reporter?' She bit her lip, she'd let him down. Staring at the computer she was frozen, what could she say? Was it even wise for her to reply without speaking to his parents first. "Why the serious look Es?" She looked up, it was the last person she wanted to talk to. "Sal. How can I help you?" She had to work to keep her voice even. "It's more how I can help you." She wanted to tell him to fuck off. Then she thought of Jay, and the shit he was probably getting for his nose. "Look. I'm going to get coffee. I can give you ten minutes." He grinned, brushing his hand through his hair. "I'm going to drop something off with MM. I'll meet you down there." She snapped her laptop shut. Why did he have to be such a jerk about everything? She hadn't been down to the Jumping Bean in a while, what with her trips out of state, and the fact that it was down the block and under scaffolding and Starbucks was on this side of the street. It hadn't changed much. It was a little shop, long and narrow. The hot summer sun only penetrated so far. You could see the dust dancing in the small slits of light breaking through the narrow spaces between the poster stuck on the window. "Hey Juwan!" she called to the barista. His short sleeved checkered shirt revealed the tattooed muscles of his arms. "Hey, Esme. Be with you in a minute." As she waited she checked out the pictures on the walls. Prints of flyers from gigs mingled with artsy posters created by graphic designers and illustrators. All the seats near the window were taken up by individuals working on their laptops. Could they all be working on their next great novel? Or just checking out memes. After finishing serving a customer, Juwan came over. "Hey Esme, haven't seen you in awhile." "Been trying to cut down on the caffeine." She smiled, hoping he wouldn't ask more. "You can't hide from who you are," he laughed. "You all come back." She smiled at his joke. "I need your help Juwan." "Anything princess," Normally she'd kill any man who called her princess, but not Juwan. He had a way about him. Paternal but not overbearing. Less the patronising father figure, more a favourite older brother. "I'm meeting a guy here." She stopped, not sure how she could explain. "Interesting." "Yes, but not in a good way, I don't think." Again she paused. "Something off?" he wiped a couple of mugs clean with a dishtowel. The Jumping Bean was going for a reduced carbon footprint - mugs instead of paper cups, towels instead of paper. His calm gestures relaxed her. For a moment she imagined him hanging out with her and Jay. They'd get on she thought. If only he was a real friend. She looked down for a second. "But you're not sure?" He didn't look at her. One of the small beams of light caught him, revealing the ginger in his beard. She just shook her head. "You want me to keep an eye out." "Could you?" "Sure," he leaned in conspiratorially. "I get asked that more often than you'd think. If you like, I can come over in half an hour and say you've got a call. If it's going well just tell me to take a message. If not I'll help you sneak out the back." "Thanks, I owe you," she smiled. She took her coffee and found a small table near the back. There weren't many people in there that early on a weekday. Nearest to her were a lesbian couple. They were having an intense conversation. One of the women kept trying to take the other's hand, which she kept pulling away from her. Esme chose a seat that gave her a good view of the door. Her drink was half way empty when he entered. Sal had dressed the part. Expensive fitted shirt, tight suit trousers, boots. All over dickhead. He just nodded at her then went to the counter. After ordering, he sat in front of her. Moments later Juwan put another coffee, and two glasses of water, on the table. Juwan caught her eye, making her laugh. Sal didn't seem to notice. "Thanks for meeting me Esme," his voice all stern and serious. She found it hard to take him seriously. "So, what do you want to talk to me about?" He shrugged. "I've been doing some research on you Es." Her stomach lurched, but what could he have found really? "We're journalists, you should've known what to expect." "So what, you know I threw up over James Simpson in my Year 5 class photo? Am I supposed to be scared?" She wondered how much he knew about the Jankowskis, about Aiden. She thought back to his earnest email. It felt like she had hot lead in her stomach. "Does Jay know?" He leaned back, she didn't like the way he was watching her. "None of your business." She could tell from his smile her hesitation had given her away. "What do you want Sal?" "I told you. To help." She took another sip of her coffee. It did little to settle her nerves. "Really? Why not just shut up about it? I had my reasons not to tell the family and I'll apologise to them now. I've not published anything so no lines have been crossed." "I don't mean that. Everyone cuts a corner here and there. I mean your history." He smiled like a cat who'd spotted a lame mouse. "Phil." He smirked. "Oh wait, you probably prefer Philip." "W-what are you talking about?" Her voice shook. "Oh, don't be cute. There's only two confirmed cases of late onset AIS - Aiden and someone in Crewe, England in the late 1990s. You really didn't you think I'd be able to work it out?" She picked up her water, feeling the edges of the glass with her finger. "Again, does Jay know?" She shook her head. "Esme Entwistle." They turned hearing Juwan's voice ringing out across the shop. She raised her arm a little, it was shaking. "I've got a call for you, out back." She looked at Sal, he clearly wasn't buying it. "C-can you take a message?" Her voice quiet. Juwan looked at her, she wished she could convey the complexity of the situation in just a look. Then he shrugged. "Nice," Sal spoke quietly. "I'm glad you have people looking out for you. But, a call? Really? What are you, the only person without a cell?" "He's a good guy." Her head was pounding. Up to that moment, she hadn't realised how much she liked it that no one knew. Before Rees got in contact, and aside from a few doctors in various research hospitals, the whole of North America had been blissfully unaware. "I'm sure he is. But, like I say I only want to help. Tell me your story Esme." She sat still, wishing she could punch that smug look off his face. "OK, you're nervous. Tell you what, I'll start," he said, taking a sip of coffee. "Dad left when I was six. Mom is, quite frankly, a whore...oh, wipe that look off your face, we all are what we are. Anyway, she'd go out partying and screwing around and leave me with whoever would take me. When I was about ten, she met Donnie," he sneered. "Not much to say about him, except he knocked her up with my younger sister." He smirked. "See, it's not so hard. Now, it's your turn." And he put his hands behind his head. She held up her coffee taking a long slow sip, hoping to postpone the inevitable pain. She didn't know where to start, least of all with him. He looked at the wall. "Perhaps I should tell MM, we could do a double feature on you and that hick kid?" The next thing she remembered was being by the door, Juwan calling out to ask if she was OK. Before she left she turned around, seeing Sal sat there, dripping wet with her former glass of water all over him. This was it she thought, he'd tell everyone. They would all know. She ran. After she ran a few blocks, she had to stop. She was out of breath, feeling like she was about to have a heart attack. She collapsed on a bench, pulling at the neck of her shirt and breathing fast, shallow breaths. It took another five or so minutes before she could think about anything other than feeling like she was about to die. Her first instinct was to flee back to her apartment, to hide. Even though she did it every day, she couldn't put together how to do it. Her heart was still thumping. She couldn't think straight, her brain wouldn't let her take it all in. She'd have to move. Where to, back to Britain? Maybe, Canada, Europe somewhere? In her mind she was already packing her suitcase, working out the cost of flights, immigration details etc. She put her head in her hands, it felt like things were turning black. "Are you OK?" it was a woman's voice, with a West Indian accent. She looked up, it was the lesbian couple from the Jumping Bean. The larger woman spoke again. "You don't look too great, do you need help?" She looked awkward, glancing around as if worried this was all some elaborate joke. The shorter woman sat down next to her, putting her hand on her shoulder. "What did he do to you?" Her voice was soft, with a Scottish accent. "He's going to tell everyone." The tears had started. "Tell everyone what hon?" the Scottish woman held her hand. She could sense her and her partner exchanging glances. "That I'm not who I say I am. That I'm not really a girl." She was full on crying now, her body convulsing with each sob. Despite the sun she felt cold. "I don't understand," the West Indian woman spoke. "Are you saying you're trans?" "Kind off." She didn't want to have to think about it. "Blimey, I've a few friends back in Edinburgh who'd like the number of your surgeon." Despite it all, Esme laughed. "Is there anyone we could call for you?" Her first thought was Jay. But that wasn't an option. Would it ever be an option again? The tears came back in force. She realised she was shaking. She tried pulling herself together, using all her mental strength get her phone out of her bag and unlock it. She handed it to the woman next to her. "Freya," she managed to get out, "she's in my favourites." She was shaking again, what would she say? She'd been lying to her for so long. The phone rang. "Hi," a pause. "My names Samantha, you don't know me. I've got your friend..." "Esme," "Esme here, I think she might need your help." She heard her say something that sounded like where they were, but the words were all jumbled. Freya took her back to Jason's apartment. 'It has better AC, Kurt," Jason's roommate. "is away and Jason won't be back till late' she explained. They didn't speak during the cab ride. Freya just held her. The crying had stopped but her eyes felt itchy. She watched the city go by, wondering how many people out there now knew her secret. Esme could see why Freya liked staying over. "This place is great. The windows alone are bigger than our apartment." She sounded like she had a head cold. "Yeah," Freya sighed. "I love lofts. Damn, must be nice to have rich parents." Esme vaguely remembered that Jason's parents had bought the apartment and were renting it to him and Kurt. She sat Esme down, kneeling before her, holding her hands. "Tell me everything." She been dreading this moment ever since the phone call. She took a deep breath. "Sal has something on me." Freya squeezed her hands tight. "That you didn't tell the boy's parents you're a reporter?" Esme looked at her. Freya laughed. "Jay told me. We've founded the Anti-Esme-Self-Destruct- Committee." At first she felt a moment of anger that they had been sharing behind her back, but then she reminded herself that she was in no position to start complaining about secrets. "It's not that." hHer mouth felt dry and rough. "Has Sal done something?" Her eyes widened. "Have you done something with Sal?" "Urgh, that's disgusting, no!" She paused, her body trembled. She felt like speaking the words would break her apart. "There's something I've never told you. Something Sal found out." "I feel like this is a cliff hanger on General Hospital." The made her laugh. "More like 'I'm a Celebrity. Get Me Out of Here.' I was born a boy." Silence. She felt winded. It was out, she couldn't put it back in. Freya got up and sat next to her. Every moment, she didn't speak Esme shook more and more. "Wow," she said, placing her hand onto Esme's knee, which almost made her dissolve into tears. "I mean. I wouldn't have guessed. When? How?" Freya meant no harm by the questions but they made her feel like a freak. "Sorry." "I have something called AIS. Androgen insensitivity syndrome. The late onset version." "What does that mean?" Her arm was around her shoulders, pulling her closer. "It means I reached puberty and my body stopped reacting to androgens such as testosterone. I slowly became female." "So what? Your cock dropped off and you grew these?" She poked her breasts. Again she laughed. "Not exactly. I grew these, and then after time I had surgery so I'd have female genitals." "What..." Freya waved her hands. "No don't tell. I don't want to know what that involves. Sorry, just ick." Esme nudged her. "You really don't." This time they both laughed. There was the sound of keys in the door. Freya looked startled. She looked at Esme. "I'll deal with it." She ran to the door just in time to meet Jason. "What are you doing?" he stopped, seeing Esme. She wondered what she looked like? Undoubtedly her makeup would have run. "Hey Esme, what's up?" She nodded, trying to smile. "Sorry," Freya placed a hand on his chest. "we needed somewhere quiet to talk. With good AC. What happened to you, why are you home so early?" "The presentation was cancelled. I was going to shower then come and surprise you." Esme watched her friend's face light up. Jason came into the room dumping his bags down. She felt sorry for him. He'd probably had a long day and now comes home to find an emotional wreck on his sofa. "Why don't I make us all drinks? Esme coffee, tea?" If Jason was angry, he didn't show it. She shook her head, grateful he wasn't asking any questions. "Are you sure? I've got that strong shit, whaddya call it, builder's tea." "Wait, what?" Freya laughed. "That's the biggest smile I've seen on her all day," she said to Jason. Jason turned to Esme. "Kurt's Australian. He gets it shipped over from London, or Yorkshire or somewhere. All the same to me," he said, with a grin. He was growing on her, finally. "You have Yorkshire tea?" "You want one?" "Yes please. Milk, two sugars please." Her hands clasped together in a brief moment of joy. Once he'd left the room they began talking again. "So, do you feel female or male? On the inside I mean." "Yes. No. Both. More female I think. Like when I'm with Jay I feel completely female, like there's nothing else I'd want to be. But there are times, when I don't." "You get a craving to watch sports, drink beer and fart." Esme ran her fingers through her short bangs, feeling the wax she'd put there that morning. "It's not like that. It's not about doing anything, it's about being. I can't explain it." She hadn't even thought it through herself. It was like these ideas had been hidden, saved in some secret memory file inside her head. Jason came back with a tea for Esme and coffee for Freya, he placed them in front the pair. "I'm going to shower then go to the store. When I get back, pizza and a movie?" Freya looked at her. "Sounds great, thanks, Jase." Esme gave a huge, snotty sniff after speaking making herself laugh. "No worries," he left the room. "You know, he thinks you don't like him," Freya said quietly after he'd left. She was about to defend herself, but her barriers were down. "Sorry. I can be a mardy cow. I'm not good with new people." She sighed. "Especially when I think they're going to steal my best friend." Freya cuddled her. "He's not going to do that, I promise." She took a deep breath. "Kinda makes sense now." Esme sniffled. "What?" "You." Esme must have looked horrified because Freya said, "No. Not in a bad way. Just the way you're always," and then she imitated her accident. "a mardy cow around people. You always seemed uncomfortable to me. Now, it makes sense." Esme teared up. "Do you think other people notice?" Freya laughed. "Nope, they just think you're a bitch." They both laughed and Freya continued. "What are you going to do about Sal? You should report him to HR." Freya's anger burned bright. "what he's done is harassment at least." "I can't do that, everyone will know." "No they won't, there are procedures." "I wish I could believe that, but people gossip. Plus MM loves Sal. What do you think will really happen if he shoots his mouth off? Besides, I'll still be the office freak everyone stares at." Esme could feel the knot in her stomach tightening again. "and then there's Jay..." She trailed off. Freya pushed her up, looking her in the eyes. "Esme, I know it's hard but you have to tell him if you want the relationship to work. If he hears it from Sal first, it's going to be bad. Really bad.." Esme sighed. She felt immense relief knowing that Freya knew and that she hadn't been rejected. Was the pain of telling Jay worth it? She thought of how he looked at her and couldn't bear the thought of losing that. She'd rather run away to some remote Antarctic weather station and never see anyone ever again than see the pain she'd caused in his eyes. Was that who she really was? No better than Sal. Manipulating Jay to get what she wanted the same way Sal was trying to manipulate her? She wanted to die or at least feel too numb to care. "You got any painkillers?" Freya looked horrified. "Please don't go there..." Esme looked at her. "Oh, I didn't mean that! Just that I've got a pounding headache." Freya put her hands on hers. "I'm here for you, no matter what. I'm your friend no matter what, you have to know that." Esme started to cry. "Thank you. But what am I going to do? He's going to ruin me, to ruin Jay, to ruin you," and she started bawling. Freya held her. "Don't worry about me. I will be fine. What can he do to me? I didn't do anything." Esme looked at her in horror. Freya fumbled. "And neither did you. You were born this way or something, I don't understand science, you know that," which made Esme laugh. "He's a dick. Everyone thinks he's a dick." "And now they'll think I have one," Esme sniffled. Freya laughed. "It's a medical condition. I mean I've seen you naked. You have only set of parts. I mean are you telling me you want to shag me?" "Shut up, Austin Powers," she rolled her eyes. "What do I do about Jay?" "Call him. Call him now. Tell him to come here." And she took Esme's phone. "I'll call Jason and tell him I'll meet him somewhere. That you need to use the apartment. Whatever you need." Esme looked at Freya's eyes. She never noticed how icy blue they were. More importantly, she saw as close to look of unconditional support as she had ever seen. From anyone. Her family included. She took the phone and called. "Jay, I need to see you. It's important...." ----------------------------------- In the end, she met him in her apartment. She had debated meeting him at Jason's - Freya begged her to - but feared a fight that would get around to his neighbors. She thought about the park - it was public, he couldn't hurt her there, but he could make a scene that some asshole with a cellphone would put up on YouTube - 'hermaphrodite freak tells boyfriend' or something like that. In the end, she decided that, if she were going to die, she'd rather die in her own apartment. She hated that she felt that way, but feared the worst. The hour it took him to get there was the longest in her life. She couldn't sit still, but equally couldn't focus on anything. When apartment buzzer went she almost fell to her knees in relief. He came over and gave her a hug and kiss. She tried to push him away, not wanting to take advantage, but her heart wasn't in it. He had never been here before. He looked around, at the tub in the kitchen and the A/C unit wheezing and hanging on for dear life out of the window, propped up only by two rickety 2 x 2s. "OK, I need to fix that," he said, with a laugh. She didn't laugh. She just sat down on the couch, looking, she assumed, miserable. "What's wrong?" "Sal found out something about me..." She started to say 'Sal threatened me,' but knew that would only serve to incite him to defend her and she didn't feel like she deserved defending. She wanted it, but she didn't deserve it. He sat next to her. "What? What could be so bad?" "It's me. It's me and Aiden..." She looked into his eyes and saw concern, but no comprehension. "You know about his problem, his condition...well, I have a medical condition..." She started to feel like she was suffocating. She started hyperventilating. He went into the kitchen and got a paper bag. "Breathe into this, deep breaths, if you can," he said, holding the bag to her mouth and cupping the end. "Come on...calm down....it can't be that bad. You're not dying, are you? It's not cancer, is it?" She shook her head. "Then what could be so bad?" Esme took the bag from her face. "It's the same condition." He still didn't look like he was getting it. "I have it too. Late Onset Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome..." He repeated the words back to her, slowly. "Explain it again." She couldn't read his thoughts. She took another deep breath and pulled her legs to her chest. "Basically, there are people whose bodies can't process androgens like testosterone." He just kept staring at her. She felt like he was burning a hole through her. "Most of the time it's distinguishable from birth, you're always born with it....but, in rare cases, it doesn't manifest until they reach puberty and their body stops responding and they, even though they have XY chromosomes, slowly become female." He just stammered, "What...what....what are you saying?" She curled into a ball. "I have it. Like Aiden has it. We're the only two confirmed cases in the world." "How does Sal know? You told him first?" "He figured it out. He worked out, I don't know how, that Aiden had it. When I said I wasn't writing a story on him, he did his research and somehow figured out that I was the only other one. That's why I went for coffee with him today. So he could threaten me." She waited for him to threaten to kill Sal. He didn't. She waited for him to tell it would be OK. He didn't. "So, you were never going to tell me, were you?" He wasn't angry. He had no affect, which scared her more. "I was." "Bullshit," he spat. "You were never going to tell me. And you know that. Don't lie to me....anymore." "It's not that, Jay. It's just how do you tell someone that you care about something like this?" "You do. You do it and you deal with the consequences. Or that's what someone else would do. You just use people. You used me to get a ride to Johnstown. Yeah, you give a fuck about what people out there think. You don't give a fuck about them or Trump or their problems. And then you go out there to this poor kid who's suffering. Who's getting god knows how much shit and you're the only person in the world who gets it and you don't tell him and his family that you're a reporter." She just whimpered as he continued. "Oh, that's right. The dumb hicks from Western PA," which he said, in an exaggerated fashion as 'Pee-Yay,' "they wouldn't understand. They're not sophisticated people from London or New York who could make a decision based on information. Nope. Better to keep them in the dark and let," and he spat. "Sal tell them who you really are. How many lives were you planning to fuck up, Esme. The Jankowskis? The sheriff? Mine? You've done a pretty good job of fucking yours up to date." "I deserved that," she said. "You do." He walked to the door and muttered. "Jesus Christ," as the door slammed behind him. She sat on the couch and started rocking back and forth. After an hour, she put on a black tank top, black skinny jeans and black boots and went out. -------------- She walked into the bar. Max looked at her, and gave her a smile. A wolf's smile. "I was beginning to think you'd disappeared." "Shut the fuck up and pour me a double vodka, straight. No ice. No fruit. No anything Max." He poured her the drink and she downed it in a single gulp. She just stared at him and he poured another. He came from behind the bar and they went to the couch. "Don't talk Max. Just kiss me," she said. He waited for a moment until she'd calmed down a little. "Wanna do a line?" For a moment she hesitated, apart from the odd joint she kept away from drugs knowing her own self destructive nature. "Fuck it, why not." He led her to the men's toilets out back. There was a guy at the urinal who began to protest, but they just entered the cubicle, slamming the door shut. Putting the lid down, which wasn't actually connected to the toilet, Max began making the lines with his credit card. Esme stood back and watched him. She could hear the urinal guy finishing up and leaving. He didn't wash his hands. Max did the first two lines, leaving two for her. He stood up offering her a rolled up twenty. She started to bend down. "No," he said, "kneel." She thought about protesting his bullshit, but then thought why bother. When she was done he took her hand and began leading her out. She pulled it back quickly and angrily. He shrugged and just said, "Follow me." After making out for a while, she took him back to the apartment. She slammed open the door and said, "Fuck me Max." He leered. "Don't look at me Max, just fuck me," she snarled. They went into the bedroom. "Tie me up. Tight. As tight as you can. Wrists and ankles." He looked concerned. "You sure, Esme?" "Do you want to fuck me or not, Max? Too much of a pussy?" She kept snarling. She felt the alcohol going from her head to her stomach. If he was going to do this, he better do it soon. "Just tie me the fuck up." She lay on her front, not wanting to see his face. He did as he was told. "Tighter. Jesus fuck Max, tighter!" After she could barely feel her hands, she said, "good. Now gag me and fuck me." Max was always fond of gagging her. He took off his underwear and shoved them in her mouth. She could smell the sweat, the rank odor that came from standing behind a hot bar. She hated it and needed it. He fucked her. Hard. In the middle, she pictured Jay making love to her and shook her head, she focused on the pain from her wrists and ankles, letting it drown out everything else. Max slapped her ass as he fucked her. "That's it bitch, you know you want it." She felt him come. He went into the bathroom, leaving her tied to the bed and gagged. He was a while. Unable to lie still, the coke still in her blood stream, she wriggled about. She heard the toilet flush and he walked out naked. He reached over and took his underwear out of her mouth. He put them on and winced, then smiled. He untied her wrists and ankles. Then he got dressed and said, "Look, you know when you want to do it again I'll be free," there was a long pause as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Just look after yourself till then." and left. She laid in bed, and counted the cracks in the ceiling until she fell asleep, dreading the coming day.