A Boy Like Me free porn video

A boy like me Janet L. Stickney [email protected] How does a boy like me end up in a pickle like this!? I was going to do it, but I wasn't going to like it, that's for sure! I looked over at my mother, who was smiling, then at my dad, who wasn't. Then I saw all those bags laying by the door. "Do I have to do this? I mean... it's so... sissy! I don't want to dress up like a girl!" "Yes," Dad said, "you have to do it, and no, I'm not happy about it either, but it doesn't look like we have a choice now, does it?" He paused, then added... "You're the one that sent in that coupon thing to win a trip, and guess what? You won it! Why in the hell didn't you just use your own name!" "It was just a goof dad, really! All the girls in school were talking about it, so I checked, and when I found out that it was a contest only for girls, well, I sort of made up the name... really!" "Well, you won didn't you? Three weeks in Hawaii? And you're the one that sent in the response when they sent you that email, right? Well, by doing that you affirmed that you are the girl they think you are! I can't believe that you actually did that! Now you're stuck, because the fine print also details some very severe penalties for fraud! Even the government has decided to come down hard on anyone that tried to defraud these contests just to win! That usually means boys that try to enter, and possibly win! And that means that all you'll have to do is appear and claim your prize, and of course, spend those three weeks on vacation as a girl!" "Why can't I just get fixed up, claim the prize and go as me?" "Because," mom said, "as it happens, you didn't read any of the fine print! They have scheduled all sorts of events for you, like a day at a spa and salon as well as a very fancy dinner dance! You can hardly attend those as yourself, so it looks like you'll be... what's the name you used?" "Beth" "Yes! Beth! That's it! Well... Beth, it looks like you're about to become a young lady for the very least the next month, or probably more!" "But I thought it was only three weeks!" "Yes, but you'll need at least some time to get used to dressing, as well as acting like a girl, which is why, starting tomorrow morning, you're going to become a girl named Beth!" The very next morning mom got me up early, helped me get dressed in a skirt and blouse, then she drove for almost an hour, stopping at what looked like a small house. Mom rang the bell, and we were let in by a very old woman. "Hello, I'm Sharon, and this is... Beth, or at least I hope she will be when you're done." "Is this some kind of punishment? I don't do those..." "Oh no, nothing like that! She filled out a contest form using a girls name, and won. Now they are expecting to see a young girl, not a teenage boy, so...." "How long?" the old lady asked. "I was thinking... a month? But she has to be perfect or we risk possibly getting sued for letting her claim a prize meant for a girl." "I cannot help you my dear; one month is too short a time. Everything I do to make young men look like girls is virtually perfect, but to achieve that level of realism, three months is the absolute minimum time the transition will last, and that is pushing the limits very hard. Six is the norm, sometimes even a year." "Three months," mom said slowly. "I suppose that would work, as long as she could be herself by the time school starts." "As I said, it will be close, and I cannot, nor will I, guarantee that will happen. Sometimes the adhesives I use do not want to release as easily as we would like, but if you bring her in, say a week before school starts, I will try, that is all I can do, but if I can't get it to release....." Mom dragged me into a corner, and... "You know what this means don't you?" I shook my head no. "This woman, from everything I can find out, has a stellar reputation for making boys look like girls, even to the point that they are undetectable from the real thing, which means that if I let her do this, and based on what she just said, you might not be able to start school as yourself! But if the company that sponsored this trip ever found out that you are a boy, well, we, you, could get sued big time! And that puts you right in the middle of it, doesn't it?" "I suppose, but..." "You don't want to start school as a girl, I know that, but I think we have to risk it! It's the only way honey!" I hung my head, knowing that I was about to become a girl. With both mine and mom's consent, mine begrudgingly, the woman took us into her back room, telling me to get undressed, as in naked. "Sex will probably not be an issue because of her age, so I will use a new specialty product. I will use a very special vagina panty that has built in pads to make her bottom and hips a bit wider and rounder so she'll have a more natural look, as well as a small pad from her waist to her vagina. She will however start to have periods, and she will need to maintain herself like all girls do. Now then, if you will lay on this table I'll begin." I could not see what she was doing of course, but I could feel her fingers as she worked. There was virtually no pain at all, and I relaxed. I could smell the glue she used, as well as the razor when she trimmed the hair around my new parts, but that was about all. After about an hour she told me to stand up. That's when I could feel the difference. "I'm going to add the breast forms now, so you must stand very still my dear, okay?" "Yes Ma'am." I could see them laying on the table, like two flesh colored jelly fish, quivering as she set them down. "These are the very best available my dear; I make them myself so I can control the fit and so on. They also have sensors built into them so you'll be able to sense touch. That is one of the tests they do in those contests you mentioned. They touch your breast. Now, hold very still." With that, she coated my chest with some glue, waited a while, then placed a small pad right on my nipple before she pushed the first breast into place. After she was done with the other, added the pads on my hips and bottom which were custom made, and like the breast forms, undetectable. She did something with a crayon of sorts, then I could look down and see them, the twin mounds of my breasts, and they sure looked real to me, as did my hips! "She will now be able to pass any inspection without fail, but again, you must clean yourself like a girl. Your mother can help you with that." After mom paid her, she and I left. I was expecting to go home, but mom said no. "You don't even have a bra honey! You'll wear a 34A, maybe a B so we'll get you fitted, then buy a few of those, as well as panties, shoes, and some skirts and blouses, and some dresses. Then we have an appointment at my salon to get your hair cut and styled as well as have your nails trimmed and made pretty." As we walked into the store my heart was beating hard, positive that I would be seen as a boy, but I didn't realize that without a bra, the nipples on my breasts could be seen clearly, eliminating all chance of discovery, which is why I was able to get fitted so easily. A lady measured me, then produced several styles that we could pick from. Since I had no idea, mom did the picking, and I left the store wearing both panties and a bra. It felt very strange, having a strap around my chest and weight pulling down on my shoulders, but after a bit I sort of got used to it. Since I was wearing jeans and a tee, after I tried them on, and she bought them, she insisted that I wear the skirt and blouse; I felt naked wearing that outfit! It was very strange to feel naked from the waist down even though nobody could see anything. True to her word, more skirts and tops, blouses, shoes and dresses were added, as well as shorts and a swimsuit. Then it was on to her salon. I normally kept my hair longish, tied in a short ponytail when I was at school. A lot of guys did the same, so I fit right in. I had no idea that was going to be a benefit. Once I was seated, the lady untied my hair, washed it, then began. I had no idea what she was doing, but once she started putting in those rollers, I knew that my straight hair was going to be curly. Since I was facing away from the mirror, all I could see was my mother, sitting across from me, and she was smiling. There was the time when my scalp burned a bit, then I spent time under a dryer. That's when another lady came over and redid my nails. By the time she was done, I had nails that were just barely longer than my fingers, painted a soft pink color that glistened in the light. Back in the stylist chair, the rollers were removed and she brushed out my hair, trimming here and there before she finally spun the chair around, and I could see what she had done to me. My once straight, sandy brown hair was blond and wavy, not curly. Hair framed my face while bangs came down almost to my eyes; in the back, my hair was still just above my shoulders, but much fuller than before. I did not yet understand about blow drying and teasing. I looked like a 15 year old girl, and I could not identify with what I saw versus what I knew. I was a boy, yet there was a girl staring back at me! At no time did I ever want to be a girl, and sending in the coupon was just a prank; I never once expected to win, nor did I ever expect to find myself in this predicament! Yet there I was. I had acquiesced to the obvious when my parents made it clear that they were extremely afraid of getting sued on my behalf, or charged with a federal crime, so I knew that my being there was all my fault, and I had no choice but to let them make me into a girl. My only salvation lie in the fact that by the end of summer I would be myself again... maybe. The lady that had attached my boobs made that crystal clear. I dreaded what would happen if she could not get them off! I just could not see myself as a girl in school. When we got home and my dad saw me for the first time, I thought he was going to have a cow! His eyes got bigger, and he stared at me long enough to make me uncomfortable. I started to fidget, then.... "Well, it looks like you're suitably impressed with our daughter!" "He...she.... Looks so different!" "That was the objective, remember? Now, what we need to do is select a full name for her!" Dad and I both looked at her. "You can't possibly expect her to go around just being called Beth do you?!" When neither dad or I said anything... "Well, if you remember, her name, if she had been born a girl, was going to be Mary Elizabeth, and since she used the name Beth when she sent in that coupon, I see no reason that we cannot use that now. After all, she might be here for quite a while!" "Hummph!" was dad's entire response. "I'll see about documents we can use to prove that she's a girl, but for now," she said turning to me, "go make room for your new clothes, then put them away. I'll be up in a bit to talk about what to do when you have your period." My dad choked when he heard that, but I went to my room and mom ignored him, I had to remove all my briefs, replacing them with panties, my boy shoes for the new ones, then take out plenty of shirts and pants so I had room for the skirts, dresses and blouses. I kept only a few of my tees and some shorts, and that was about it! Curious about what that lady did to me, I undressed and looked down, but couldn't see a thing, so I went in the bath. Using the mirror I could see for myself just how I looked. How I looked was exactly like a girl! There wasn't one sign that I was a boy, just a narrow strip of hair! I sighed and went back in my room; I put the panties back on, but wore the new shorts and a tee. I was a bit saddened when I saw that the shorts fit like a glove. The downward tapering front left no room for doubt, especially since my new boobs stuck out against the thin tee, my bra almost visible. When I left the room I was both angry at myself, and to be truthful, in awe at just how easily it had been to make me into a girl. Mom had decreed that dad call me Beth and use all the feminine pronouns when he talked about me, while I was told in no uncertain terms that I had to learn how to be a girl my age or risk everything. She began by making me learn to sit down! I thought I knew how to sit in a chair, but no. Up and down I went until she was satisfied, then it was on to walking. It was like that for the next whole week. Up down, back and forth, how to hold my arms and use my hands. It seemed endless. It was very hard to break old habits, but not as hard as when I had to use the bathroom for the first time. From habit, I stood there for a moment, the realized that I had to sit, and as I sat there and everything worked, I was both relieved so to speak, as well as fully cognizant that the change I had undergone was much better than I expected, and worse than I was hoping for. My experiences with girls up to that point was to watch them giggle, dress funky, and smell good. I had no reference point to start from, until I used the bath that is, and those lessons mom was drilling into me. Inside I was a boy, and knew nothing about being a girl, yet there I was, stuck with a girls body, and no choice in the matter. About a week after I experienced the change, mom and I went to the mall. "It's time you got your ears pierced, all the girls your age have them, so you should too, and you need to have some jewelry of your own as well. Maybe we'll find something else we like too!" I got gold hoops plus a fake diamond stud in each ear, and some rings, necklaces, and bracelets, and of course more earrings. As we walked through the mall mom kept telling me to do things a certain way, which, to be truthful, was a big help. In a department store, mom asked me if I wanted to change my bedding. "Maybe something less... cowboy? Something more neutral, or maybe even feminine?" Passing on the feminine bit, I decided on a pale green, and mom bought what she needed. That night I slept on new sheets. My mother was real good on the computer, and somehow managed to produce a valid birth certificate in my new name, one that said I was a female at birth! With that, she was able to construct my life as a girl, with enough documentation to prove my status to anyone. I got used to the skirts and blouses, even the dresses on Sunday, but that bra was a real pain, but I had to wear one all the time, so I simply gave up and eventually accepted it. After almost a month had passed since my change, mom said that it was time for another visit to the salon, especially since that following Wednesday I had to appear to collect the prize. On my second visit at the salon, I was treated to the thrilling experience called waxing. Legs, arms, butt, and at moms urging, my brand new pubes were trimmed into even more of an exclamation point. From there it was a reset on my hair, redoing my nails, and for the first time, makeup. If I thought that I looked like a girl before, well, with makeup on, it was even more definite! I could not help but smile at my reflection, knowing that there wasn't any way that I could be found out, and besides, I never looked that good before! Almost cute if you were to squint a bit. My dad had never quite gotten used to seeing me as a girl, yet when he saw me that day, he finally had a smile on his face. The makeup had enhanced my features just enough that I no longer looked like me, so if I wasn't me, I had to be his daughter Beth, right? For my day to claim the prize, mom had me take a long hot bubblebath, then powder up real good before I started getting dressed. Pink panties with a matching bra, one that pushed my new babies up and out a bit, then pantyhose. The dress was white with pink trim, snug at the breast, tight around my waist, then flaring out a bit to stop at least two inches above my knees. Mom helped me do my makeup, adding perfume for the first time. Pink and white earrings with a matching pendant necklace, and soft red lipstick, and mom announced that I was ready. I never looked that good, nor had I ever felt more like a girl than right at that moment. I had it all. Figure, body, looks, and, sadly, I had finally accepted my fate. I simply didn't have a choice. Well, I did have a choice, I probably could have skipped claiming the prize, or maybe just showed up as a guy and told them what I had done. But my parents were so angry with me when I won that they themselves had removed those options, and thus, they had sealed my fate. When we arrived at the place, I, like my parents, were surprised to see at least 11 other girls there! That was all explained once we were all seated in a small room. "We know that all of you expected to be the only girl that won, but we have decided that since all of you have completed every portion of the contest perfectly, it wasn't fair to single out just one of you. That's why we have decided to award the same trip to all of you! Now, we did have to make some changes, but they are only minor changes. For example, the photo shoot has been expanded from not only individual pictures, but others that we can use later in our magazine! Also, the day trip to the salon will now include all of your mothers, while we have made arrangements for the fathers at a local golf course. There is one thing that requires your parents consent. We would like to put out a calendar, with each of you representing a single month. I will stress that while we would like to do it on the beach, with you girls in your swimsuits, this is not going to be lewd, salacious, or overly sexy in any way! Now, down to the particulars...." After some more discussion, all of the parents, including mine, agreed to the calendar shoot. We got a copy of the itinerary, plane tickets and so on, then we were treated to lunch. That was my very first time around that many girls, all my age, and I was worried that I might do something outside the normal, but all of the girls were squealing in delight, and in a bit of self defense, I joined in of course. Three weeks in Hawaii was a very big deal, and like them, I was excited about going. Talk of getting a bikini, a tiny one made the rounds, as did talk of all the sights. Then came the moment we had been warned about. "In the past we have had boys enter the contest and won, so we have instituted a condition that all of you are required to submit to. Your mothers may be present if you wish it, but all of you, one at a time, will go with Gladys, who is a registered nurse. She will determine if we have any fakes here." The nurse did not touch my breast, she had me raise my dress and pull down my panties. Once she put her eyeball on me, I was told that I could go. I passed the test of course. By the time mom and I got home I surprised even myself when I realized that I wanted a bikini! I wanted to fit in, to be like the other girls, so I asked mom about it. "We'll see honey. I never in my life expected to hear that from you, that you want a bikini! But, if they are doing a calendar, I suppose they'll like it better if you had one. I'll mention it your father, but keep quiet about it, okay? I'll have to explain other things to him as well, and it's better if you weren't around." Landing after a ten hour flight, along with a five hour time change, we were all whipped, and once in our hotel room, collapsed. After a long rest and a shower, I changed into shorts and a top, and joined my parents for a walk around the area. Just a block from Waikiki beach, we walked out on the beach, the small police station just to our right. Then it was down to the aquarium, which was to our left. We wandered towards town, stopping for lunch, then we walked through the international gold market. Dad surprised me when he bought me a small gold heart on a chain! One the way back to the hotel, mom told dad we would meet him later, and we left for one of the many swim shops around us. I tried on but rejected three before I found one I liked. Mom wasn't sure, but I got my way and ended up with a bikini that was a lot smaller than mom wanted me to get, but probably normal in Hawaii. It was red with white flowers on it. I don't think mom told dad about it. That night all of us ate together, and the next day began our adventure. We saw all the sights, Pearl Harbor, Diamond Head, went to a luau, swam in the ocean, and pool, while our dad's played a lot of golf. Then came our day at the spa. That was the very first time all of us girls were naked together. We changed into robes in the locker room. There wasn't anything for me to see that I couldn't see by looking in the mirror, so while it should have been fun, it wasn't. Massages, saunas, getting our hair and nails done as well as having perfect makeup done was all on the agenda, and not quite as strange as I expected, I found myself looking forward to it. With every experience I came to appreciate being a girl more and more; all that pampering, the way I looked and felt, the way people treated me; like I was a Princess. After our session at the spa, it was dress up night, a grand dinner where everyone wore gowns and looked their best. It was also when they would draw a name for the girl that was going to represent the magazine for the year. My dress, selected for me by my mother, was all white satin and lace, like a wedding gown without the veil. Mom threw dad out of my room while I got ready for my debut, then I started getting dressed. Now, I knew I was a boy, yet I also knew that I was a girl, a girl that I had somehow come to like. I got dressed starting with outrageously thin white panties, a bra that pushed up, together, and out, and waist cincher. A garterbelt with white hose, then came two layers of petticoats. As mom helped me get the dress over my hair I let it settle into place. The two thin straps on my shoulders held up very little since the dress was so tight. I stepped into the white heels and turned so mom could zip up the dress. As she did... "Mom?" "Yes dear?" "I don't think I can go back to being what I was!" "I know." "You do?!" "Honey, you've been absolutely glowing since this all started! I knew before we left on this trip!" "Does dad know?" "Your father is a.... a man honey, he doesn't get it and never will, so, no, I don't think so, but he might have an inkling, if he was paying attention." "Will you tell him?" "No. You'll have to do that or it won't mean anything, will it? Now, let me check your hair." When I was ready, she called dad, who showed up in his tuxedo. He took one look at me and I saw him swallow, hard. I took his arm, picked up my dress with my other hand, and let him guide me towards the banquet hall. My heart was beating fast and squeezed my dads arm hard, and he patted my hand. I hoped he was proud of me; I had worked very hard to get there! We were seated, and the festivities began. As I looked around I could see that all of the girls had, like me, gone all out, and they were all beautiful. After dinner... "Ladies! Ladies! Oh, and fathers too, lets begin shall we? I will draw names for your position on the court, the final name drawn being the girl that will be our Princess for the year, and that girl will be on the cover of our calendar as well as having her pick of the month she wants to represent. Lets begin shall we?" Janet, Kim, Heather, Maryjane, Alison, Faith, Sonja, Carolyn, Kelly, Diane; she called out, one after the other. Squeals could be heard around the room, then it was down to two, me and Elaine. She drew the name and held it out for a moment, making the wait even worse! I found myself desperately wanting to be the Princess! "Beth," she called. It would be Elaine that would be the Princess! I smiled for her of course, but I was crushed; then it happened. Elaine stood up. "I...I... I can't do it! I just can't!" "And why not dear?" Her mother stood up. "Elaine cannot represent your magazine because she signed a modeling contract well before this contest! She did not withdraw because you said it would be determined by the luck of the draw, and since she had won, we accepted the risk that her name might be drawn. I'm sorry, but...." "I see," the lady said. "Well, in that case, the winner is Beth! You have no objections do you?" "Hel... ah... no Ma'am." "Thank you! If you can come up here?" Dad escorted me to the stage where I was crowned and given a check for ten thousand dollars! I started to cry, but dad handed me a tissue and I blotted away the tears. I was both excited and overwhelmed by winning, but dad managed to get me back to my seat safely. That night, when we got back to my room, mom helped me out of the dress and a I changed into a skirt, a short one, and a blouse before she and I went to see dad. "It looks like you're going to be a girl for at least a year.," he said, no anger in his voice. "But, I know just how much you wanted to win, and I also know that you want to keep on being a girl, so it all works out, doesn't it?" "You're not mad at me are you?" "Mad? No. I'm not even disappointed honey; I realized it when I saw you walk out of your room tonight. You looked radiant, just as a pretty girl should when she is about to get crowned a Princess. Will I miss my son? Yes of course, but it seems that I have gained a daughter that is just as nice, and besides, now I'll have someone to spoil me, other than your mother!" Now, no matter how you cut it, that wasn't the reaction I was expecting! I was sure that he would blow up, make a scene, yell, something, anything, but no. I wondered if he never wanted a son to start with! I started to cry, a sobbing yank that I could not stop. Wanting to be a girl and getting it, even with modest approval meant nothing if he never wanted me to begin with! I ran in my room, mom right behind me. "Honey! What's the matter? Why are you crying?" "Dad never wanted me! He just said so! He said that I was a better daughter than a son! He....he..." "He loves you dearly honey! He just can't, because... well, he just cannot admit, even to himself that you like being a girl so much that you're willing to give up what he sees as everything to be one! Honey" mom said gently as he took my face in her hands, "in his world men have all the advantages, and can't grasp the idea that any male, of any age, would want to be a female! He loves you, and I know that he's very proud of you! You have done nothing but do your very best to be the perfect daughter since this all began, and he knows full well that you had to work very hard to become as feminine as you have! He's.... confused, but at no time did he ever not love you, support you, or be proud of you! Now, I want you to go out there and hug him. Tell him you love him, tell him you need him, and thank him for loving you back, okay?" I ran out of my room, almost tackling my dad as he sat in that chair. I hugged him tightly, kissed his cheek, and told him that I loved and needed him more than ever. He put his arm around me and stroked my hair, kissed me back, and we stayed that way for a long time before I said anything. "Dad, I know that you wanted a son, but this just happened! I screwed up by sending that thing in, but now, after all this time..." "I know honey. I don't understand it... this phenomenon, but I won't make you be something other than what you are! If I forced the issue all that would happen is that you would be miserable, miss all those engagements they have scheduled for you, and I'd miss having you around! As it happens, you have become a wonderful young lady, one that anyone would be proud of, I know I am! Now go get ready for bed. We have a big day ahead of us." My journey, from the beginning to that point had been hard. I never wanted to be a girl. I had never dressed up in secret or anything like that, but after a few months of being a girl full time, every day, in every situation, I had come to be very comfortable in the role of a girl. Yet, while I knew that I was still a boy, I could no longer see myself as one! I even doubted that I could act like one by the time we flew to Hawaii! I lay in bed that night trying to find a way, any way, that I could quit being a girl, but the plain fact was that I liked being a girl, so I simply gave up trying to figure out why. Girls take longer to get ready to go anywhere! They fuss about makeup and hair, what to wear and when, which boy to go after and who not. They have certain personal needs that require special attention, and they always know how to turn their charm on and off. Guys on the other hand can get ready to go anywhere in ten minutes, and contrary to popular opinion among the boys, they do not do the selecting. It's the girls. So, who's ahead? After being a girl for so long, I have the opinion that women are ahead. My struggle to accept myself was over, and now, I have become the very thing I did not want to be. I wore my bike shorts, the tight ones and a crop top the next morning, my bikini in a small bag, along with my makeup. My dad had not seen my bikini yet, so I knew that I would have his undivided attention when we did the photo shoot. We left for the airport so we could fly to Maui. Then we rented a car and drove to the beach. It was tedious doing those photos, not at all like I thought it would be, and my dad was okay after he got over just how small my bikini was. Hundreds of pictures were taken in all sorts of poses, then it was over and we had to go home. Once again, we had a very long flight, and crashed when we finally got home. I had no illusions about my status, even after winning that contest. No matter what, under it all I was still a boy, yet, I had found solace in the fact that my parents, while not eager for me at the beginning, were willing to accept the obvious and let me remain a girl. The next hurtle was going to be when I started school. Everyone knew me, but since I looked nothing at all like my old self, I could only hope that the other kids would not figure it out. My mother knew that I faced a new challenge, one that would require more of me, so she and I went back to see that old lady that fixed me up to start with. Both mom and I explained things to her, and she got that knowing grin on her face. "I see! Well, congratulation! Lets see if we can undo what I did before and get you ready for school then!" After she returned from a back room, she showed mom and I a panty; a very special panty. "Let me explain the features built into this unit," she said, then went on to describe in great detail how it worked, which shocked both mom and I. When I heard what that panty could do I was stunned, yet, in a way, very happy. It took most of the day for her to undo that glue job, which was painful at times, then she measured, and fabricated, one of her special panties for me, as each one is individually made to order. Suffice it to say that anyone other than a nurse or doctor would not be able to tell that I was ever a boy when she was done, but there was one other thing that had to be done. "You are getting," the lady said, "to the age where your body will produce the hormones that will turn you into a male. That means a beard, which girls do not have, so I highly recommend a brand new treatment that's out. I cannot do it myself, but I will suggest a colleague that can. It takes about four days for him to do the entire body including the beard, but he is reasonable in his pricing and will work out a payment schedule if need be." We went to see the man, who explained that rather than using needles or lasers, the new method used a light source, that was both painless and quick! He offered, so I lay back in his chair, and after spreading some gel, he began. No pain at all, and the tool he used removed the hair in a strip a quarter inch wide by two inches long. I was sold, and so was mom, so he began my treatment right then. I went every day for three weeks, and when he was done I had no more hair than an average girl, and better, no beard would erupt, ever. I was also started on hormones so that my body would round out on it's own. That part took months, but in the end, other than that panty, I had the natural body of a girl my age. That's how a girl like me got in a pickle that allowed me to become the person I am today.