Danis New Life Chap 2
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Dani's Turn - Part 1 free porn video
Dani's Turn
By Mel Huntington
The author welcomes feedback to [email protected]
January 5, 2018
Six months ago, I buried my wife Jamie. Perhaps you've heard but I'll
say it here: Cancer sucks. I finally feel ready to move on and so today
I slipped on her peach dress, with the matching narrow belt and pumps.
She was right, I do like how it feels, the soft material against my
smooth legs. Even after her passing my wife maintains her unblemished
streak of being right. And good. And caring.
And loving me unreservedly.
I've spent six months mourning her, for her absence, and for my
unwillingness to share myself with her fully, at least, not until she
was almost gone.
It was shortly after she had been moved to hospice care, having finally
given up on any further experimental treatment plans. There was a
beautiful private garden where patients could sit, feeling the warm sun
against their pale skin as they found whatever pleasures remained in the
time they'd been granted.
"Please promise me you won't spend the rest of your life alone," she had
started.
"Tell me you'll try to find another woman after I'm gone. Keep me in
your heart. But leave room for someone new if she comes along. I know
your natural state is solitude, Danny, and neither of us have any family
left and your closest friends don't live nearby. Please try to find
someone. Don't spend your life alone."
I paused and looked in her eyes. There was something there that told me
I should speak candidly now, and so I did.
"Honey I can't really think about that right now. But I do have to tell
you something and I hope you can just let me speak until I'm done."
"What is it darling?"
"From a very young age I have always been confused about myself. My
identity. My earliest memory is of my father bathing me. I tucked my
penis between my legs and told him I looked like Mommy.
Let's just say I never did that again, not with anyone else around.
When I was seven or eight I was shopping with my mother and I went to
the magazine section of the grocery store. There was a Playgirl in easy
reach and I didn't even know what it was but I was drawn to it and
pulled it out and leafed thru it, lingering over the male centerfold.
My mother saw it then and snatched it out of my hands.
When puberty came, I found porn, both online and in print. I always
placed myself in the girl's skin when I fantasized and masturbated. I
looked for hetero stories told in the first-person female. And I
avoided Point-of-View videos since they almost always were from the view
of the man.
That wasn't the view I wanted.
And I was especially drawn to depictions of woman on man oral sex, to
the point of obsession. With no siblings and a working mom, the house
was always empty when I got home from school, and I'd slip on my
mother's bra or her bikini top, smear on her lipstick and fellate the
most phallic-like banana in the house.
Then, when I was 15 my parents sat me down and told me something I never
knew, but maybe I had known all along. They told me I had a fraternal
twin sister, who was going to be named Danielle, who was stillborn.
And it all clicked in my mind. I thought, this is why I have these
feelings. Daniel wasn't supposed to live, it was supposed to be Dani.
Or maybe Dani's soul transferred into my body when she died? Now I knew
...
Why I wanted to be able to pretend my penis wasn't there.
Why my voice didn't change that much and is hardly deeper than my
Mother's was, and nothing like my Father's basso profundo.
Why I stayed closer to my Mother's height. All the men on both sides of
my family were at least six feet tall. Yet I stopped growing at 5'7".
Why I screamed and cried until my parents allowed me to grow my hair as
long as I wanted.
Why I never wanted muscles. Or cared about sports.
Why my feelings are always so close to the surface, and nothing my
father said or threatened would ever change that. I cry when I want to,
easily and often. And over the silliest things.
"It was your sweet sensitive nature that drew me to you, Danny."
I smiled at her interruption, then I repeated my name.
"Danny. I never wanted to be Dan or Daniel because I always heard my
name as 'Dani' with one N and an I at the end."
I stopped speaking and accepted a tissue from Jamie to dab at my eyes.
Her eyes were soft and loving.
"For someone who always believed he is a woman attracted to men, you did
a pretty great impersonation of a man attracted to women. What made you
pursue me?"
"Testosterone is an incredibly powerful thing, Jamie. It makes you want
what it wants, and what it wanted was girls. Gay sex was out - the
thought of it makes me nauseous."
And most importantly, I loved you from the moment I met you. I know I
implied something else, back when we started dating, but you're the only
woman I have ever been with. The only person, period."
"You are such a sweet sensitive lover I wanted another woman to
experience that."
"Well, when you watch pretty, passionate, woman-centric porn you're
going to pick up on the things women like. And thinking about what you
were feeling probably helped with staying power."
Like when I gave you head. I loved how your fingers would wrap around
mine, until your climax started and you'd jerk your hands away and your
body thrashed around so. How sensitive you were afterwards. I'd think,
that's what Dani should be feeling. That your orgasms always seemed so
much bigger than mine, and that if I were Dani, that's what I'd
experience.
Or when you gave me head. I also wondered how you felt, so intimately
connected to me. What were you thinking?"
"I was mostly thinking, 'how long do I have to do this before we can
move on to the fucking?'"
She said laughingly, "No, I'm kidding. I love that part of being a
woman. So intimate. It always got me as hot and bothered as it did
you."
"That's how I've felt too ... that if I were a girl or really could
just live as one, I'd be happy if I just found a man who accepted me and
was happy with just oral sex."
"You know, Dani-with-an-I, I sort of had an inkling that you might have
a secret you had never shared."
"Oh?"
"It happened right before my last hospital admission. I had to go on
your computer and the auto-fill in your web history filled in a site
that sold bras and panties designed to fit men. I didn't think too much
about it, I just figured you'd followed a link somewhere on a lark."
"Damn auto-fill," I said and laughed. "I never ordered anything."
She laughed and said, "You have my permission to buy anything you want.
But I really think you should consider padded panties, to fill you out
like a girl."
"I was sure if I ever told you the truth you'd cut off my testicles
without aid of anesthesia. That might have helped solve my problem but
if I ever take that step, I'd rather have it happen in a sterile
surgical suite."
"Oh, my dear sweet husband. I can't imagine the pain you've felt,
estranged from your own body for all these years. I just wish you had
told me before I got sick."
I looked at her quizzically.
"If the Big C hadn't interfered, I could have helped you explore and
experience life as a woman. Helped you with make up and clothes. Maybe
pleasuring each other as girls. Or going out as two girlfriends and
bringing two men home. Then you'd really satisfy your desires."
It was then that my emotions gushed forth in great heaving sobs. At the
release of all the stress I've felt and at the realization that my wife
truly loved me without reservation, and that I was a bastard for never
trusting our relationship enough to tell her the truth and now that I
had told her, this damn cancer was taking her away from me.
We cried together until we were both cried out, and then she spoke.
"I think you'll make a pretty girl. You already have androgynous looks.
Not a muscular build or prominent Adam's apple. In fact, we've already
seen how you look with make-up and my peach dress. Remember that bet
you lost a few years ago, when you had to dress up as a woman for
Halloween? Wait a minute, you wanted to lose that wager, didn't you?"
I smiled sheepishly at the memory, A co-worker had made some bet about
sports and he was such a loud mouth I didn't know what I was doing but
he took the Cowboys and gave the points and they had still covered,
whatever that meant. What I knew was that he thought from my talk at
work that I was some sort of transphobe, so the loser had to dress as a
woman for the office Halloween party.
"The problem was I had to pretend to be uncomfortable and unhappy. And
I couldn't exactly try to act like a girl."
"Well I think peach is going to be a good color on you, especially in
the summer when you're tan. Dani-with-an I, I'd like to revise and
extend my previous comments."
My wife, politician until the end, I thought.
She cupped my cheeks and held my gaze.
"Darling, I want you to find yourself, and be happy."
Afterwards, she kept calling me "Dani-with-an-I" until I told her it was
all right, she could just call me Dani, that the "I" was implied. "Find
your happiness" were the last words she said. I never left her side
until she passed, June 5th, 2017. Jamie Huntington was 35, and her
husband, Dani, n?e Danny Huntington was about to turn 32. We had been
together eight years six months and eighteen days.
Cancer really and truly sucks.
January 6 2018
Today I arranged a Tinder date. I was going to finally do that thing
I'd been thinking about since I was 13 or 14, or maybe even longer. I'd
swiped right a number of times but my profile photo must not have
appealed to many. But some were interested still, after I explained
what I was looking for.
I had a young man set to come over in an hour and I busied myself
getting ready. First, I put on the first bra and panty set from the
company selling such undergarments to men. I liked them but not as much
as I hoped. The flatness of the fit against my chest distracted from
the feminine nature of the material and the bra itself. It made me
think of those boy panties. Why would a girl want panties that looked
like tighty whities? What was the purpose of a bra that fell flat
against a man's chest?
I could appreciate the fit of the panty however. I'd never pass wearing
those, but a "skosh more room" certainly came in handy, like the old
commercials for relaxed fit jeans.
I used my wife's make up as best I could, with foundation, blush, eye
shadow and most importantly, liberal amounts of lipstick. I dabbed her
perfume behind my ears, slipped on her clip-on shell earrings, and put
on her negligee before walking out to the living room to wait.
Unfortunately, my date was late, and as I sat on the couch, my
excitement turned to worry, and then fear. My mind went in directions I
didn't want to go, but couldn't help:
What if he laughs at me?
What if he has an STD?
What if he wants to reciprocate?
What if he is too strong to fight off, and wants to take me in my ass?
What if he brings friends? I might fight off one but not more than that.
I tried to calm myself but I could not, and I dashed around the house
turning lights off. Within a minute I saw lights turn on the driveway.
I lay down on the couch, out of sight, as he approached the front door
and knocked.
What was wrong with me? A man who said he would let me suck his cock was
standing outside, and I was frozen in place. My phone started to buzz.
I was sure he could hear it but I didn't move. When the lights went
back down the driveway and pulled away, I read the text messages.
Hey sorry I'm late. Are you there?
I hear the phone in there. You a fucking cock tease?
Don't ever swipe me again, you cocksucking faggot!
I'm not a faggot cocksucker. I said aloud, as tears trailed down my
cheeks.
I'm a woman. A straight woman who doesn't quite look like one, who used
to put on lipstick and his mother's bikini top while fellating bananas
before graduating to silky bras, garter belts and hose, and long dildos
attached to mirrors, the better to watch myself watch the imaginary man
in my head whose cock I was so eagerly and passionately sucking.
Be myself, Jamie had said. OK but how? I cursed God for taking her away
from me, and I went to bed, softly crying into the pillow. I felt
alone, and even with the furnace going full blast, I felt very, very
cold.
January 7 2018
Today, I discovered sinthetics.com, and with it, a new plan.
It's amazing what you can find, along with malware, when you click on
"things you might enjoy". In this case I didn't start with
sinthetics.com. It started on the website Vice, with a video report by
a woman about sinthetics.com. The headline said "The World's First
Hyper-Realistic Male Sex Doll is Really Something."
The video certainly showed why.
I watched it over and over again. It started with a view of two people
in bed, soft focus, with the woman stroking her man's arm, his toes
moved independently as she moved her own against his. Then we see her
head on his chest, their fingers curled around each other. With each
squeeze of her hand her lover's body moved as if it were a person. Only
at the end, when his handsome face and piercing blue eyes came into
focus, could you tell it was a doll she lay with.
There were sections on the manufacturing process, and the fact that male
doll orders now equal female doll orders for this small company. How
"Pleasure Trails" are a popular choice for the purchasers of male dolls.
It wasn't hard to figure out this was the male equivalent of 'landing
strips'.
There was a long segment on the manufacturing of the penis, and the
exacting effort to duplicate the scrotum and floating testicle inside,
and the nearly endless customization options.
At the very end of the video, the woman was introduced to her own
completed doll. She stood beside him, her hand cupping his flaccid
penis, and spoke of how he was so indistinguishable from a real man, it
was 'creepy.' That it was like being next to a living person, only a
person incapable of independent movement or speech. I thought, like an
ALS sufferer who had only lost the ability to speak and move, and none
of their youthful form or function.
The last frames showed her, in a non-pornographic way, having sex with
her new toy, holding his hands against her breasts, her lips in a wide
grin, telling her audience that other than being in total control, she
could not possibly tell the difference between this man and any other
she'd had.
Here was a man who would not demand anything more than I gave him. Who
wouldn't laugh at me, let alone physically harm me or spread any
disease. My wife had been right: my natural state is one of solitude.
I could become a woman for a man like this.
I was sold.
I went to the website and clicked on the male doll options. One
especially caught my eye. His name was Lazarus, and he had chiseled
facial features. I chose cream complexion with multi-tone skin finish
for maximum realism. Wavy black hair to his ears, with blue grey eyes.
Clean shaven, and no piercings, tats or body markings. Light body hair,
dark.
For his body type I chose customization, for a taller man with broader
shoulders and thicker chest muscles than the standard, skinnier model
options. When finished he would be 5'10" and weigh 170 lbs.
Manscaped, with pleasure trail down to his seven-inch circumcised,
upgraded erect cock (upgraded to dual density silicone for greater
realism), with flaccid cock to match. I liked the idea of 7" long
manhood, because I remembered the last dildo I owned was six inches.
Lazarus would be a little bit more and I liked that there would be more
of him to explore.
Finally, I chose "Casual Wear" for his shipping clothes.
When the design was done, I could see Lazarus with all options, clothed
and unclothed. He looked like a northeastern preppy, I thought, and was
very pleased with my selections.
I became curious about the derivation of Lazarus so I opened a new tab
to google it. In Hebrew the parts break down to "God" and "help" or
"whom God Helps". I knew then I was doing the right thing - I need
God's help to find my happiness, and God - thru Lazarus - was going to
help me.
I clicked submit and took care of the payment. The cost - almost
$15,000 - was of no concern, since Jamie's life insurance had paid out
$750,000, and between her inheritance from her Mom when she died, and
mine from my Father when he passed, I had no financial worries at all.
The six-month build time was also fine with me. There was much to do to
become Dani.
Lesley
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