The Punishment, Chapters 24 - 28 free porn video

THE PUNISHMENT A man is unjustly accused of rape. His trial ends in a hung jury. To correct this "miscarriage of justice," a coven of witches punishes him by turning him into a girl and raping him multiple times, and then enacts spells forcing him to become a prostitute, while still remaining a man inside. But s/he manages to build a life with dignity and purpose, and eventually with love and happiness. Warning ... Contains limited descriptions of violence and rape. Table of Contents Prologue 1. North Western Texas State College 2. The Date 3. The Charge 4. The Trial 5. The Coven's Punishment 6. To Las Vegas 7. First Trick 8. The Day After 9. Life as an Escort 10. Life as an Escort - First Pregnancy 11. Life as an Escort - The Dance Troup and Sam 12. Life as an Escort - Special Assignments 13. Life as an Escort - The Rescue 14. Life as an escort -- Meeting Danno 15. Life as an Escort - Celia's Detox 16. Life as an Escort - Strange Date 17. Life as an Escort - Meeting Rosemary 18. Life as an Escort - New Apartment 19. Life as an Escort - Date with Hugh Hampton 20. Second Pregnancy, Escaping Las Vegas 21. Reno, Finding Work in the Medical Field 22. Brad, New Friends, and a New Apartment 23. Coping with Spells, Friends Again, and Danno 24. Travel to Thailand, Lily Prepares 25. Spending time with Sam and Family, Meeting Clarisse 26. Big Email from Mitty, Talk with Evelyn 27. Final weeks in Thailand 28. Move to Sam's Place 29. Dealing with the Coven 30. Meeting my Family as Helen 31. Back to Sam's House with Aunt Helen and Mitty 32. Marrying Sam 33. My New Life Epilog This is the third of five sections in The Punishment. The first section of this book described how Elvis became Blossom, a prostitute in Las Vegas. Elvis was a returning veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan. He attended college and went out on a date with an attractive girl. He woke up the next day with limited memories of what happened and was arrested for rape. Unable to come up with bail, he spent three months in jail, before being tried, but not convicted. He was released, only to have a coven of witches abduct and punish him. First, they turn him into a woman and rape her multiple times after enhancing themselves. Then, the witches cast a series of spells that force him/her to become a prostitute and service abusive men. They give the new woman the identity of 'Helen,' who is 19 and just graduated from high school. Then a witch seeks to help him by connecting him with an escort agency in Las Vegas, where he is given a trade name of 'Blossom.' The remainder of the first section describes Blossom's first experiences as an escort, and her first trick. The second section described Blossom's life and experiences as an escort engaged in prostitution. In addition to her professional experiences, Blossom has some bad things happen to her outside the profession, as well as some of good things. She gets pregnant but is forced into an abortion by her employer. She makes friends with a woman police officer, who persuades her to play on a woman's soccer team. She tries out as a part time show girl. She helps rescue a teenage girl who is being abducted. And she meets two guys who she really likes, Sam, and Danno. And she makes friends with another escort, Ally. The third section described how Blossom escaped the clutches of the mob, who would have forced her to have an abortion, and how resumes the name Helen. Helen escaped to Sparks and established a new life for herself, with two jobs, one as a medical assistant and the second as a clerk in a drugstore. Helen makes a number of new friends, including Larry, the doctor she works for, who is transgender MTF, and including Lily's sister Aiko. Helen also has a temporary boyfriend, Craig, who helps her comply with the spell that requires her to have sex with abusive men. But they don't get along and Craig eventually breaks up with her. Then Helen runs into Danno who she met as an escort, and they they resume their romance. At the end, Helen agrees to accompany Lily to Thailand to get SRS. 24. Travel to Thailand, Lily Prepares for Surgery xxxxx We flew out at 6 AM on Saturday and arrived 28 hours later at almost midnight Sunday Bangkok time. I didn't have to worry about tickets. Lily's friend had given her the ticket she had bought, and Lily had paid $200 to have it changed to my name. I had a window seat, and Lily had an aisle right next to me. I learned a lot about Lily. It was awful hearing how she tried to conceal her gender confusion because her father disapproved. He never abused her, thank heavens, but he was obviously disappointed and sometimes angry, and sometimes withheld love and approval. And the young Lily contrasted her treatment with her father's wholehearted love of his sister Aiko. That had hurt. Larry resolved, again and again, to give up his desire to be a girl and be his father's son and earn his father's love. But that resolve would break down in a few days as his young mind followed its natural inclinations. And Lily told me stories about cross-dressing, and how she thought she looked good when she was young, and then how sad she had been when she saw her face change during puberty, as her chin and nose grew stronger. She had been lucky not to have much of a beard, but it was still there and a problem. She told about occasionally being caught by her mother and sister, who both to some extent sympathized and would lie to keep her father from knowing. And she told about the one time her father had caught her, and how angry he had been and how he had told Larry he was ashamed of him for not being a real man. That led me to wonder what my father would have done if Elvis had the same inclinations. I had never heard my father express an antigay comment, not once. And he had told me several times he felt awful at how gays were treated, like when that young man was killed up in Montana, and it made the national news. But if he had caught me in a dress, would my father have still loved me? He was a very gentle and thoughtful man, and I would like to think he would have. Then I thought, 'what if my father were alive now and Helen walked in and gave him a hug and kiss and said she used to be Elvis, but some witches changed her to a girl, and she loved it and had a steady boyfriend and was pregnant?' I think he would have come to accept it and to love my baby and me. I teared up at that, and Lily must have assumed I was crying because her story made me sad, but in fact, I was crying because I was happy my family had been so wonderful. And Lily told me how she had spent a lot of time researching transgender men and women when she got to college and finally decided she would accept who she was. So she made an appointment with a student councilor and then dressed as a woman for the appointment. He had been an enlightened man and had referred her to a gender counselor, and the Transgender Students Club at her college. There she found many friends and the acceptance she craved. As soon as the school would allow her to leave the dorms, she found an apartment with another M2F transgender student, started taking hormones, and generally lived happily as a woman, although she didn't pass very well. But she didn't tell her parents, and when she went home, she dressed as a male. After she developed breasts and a more female body in her sophomore year, she began to have difficulty concealing who she was at home. She rarely went home after that, just for Christmas and New Year. Her mother and sister came to see her at the end of her sophomore year, and she told them her secret. She could hardly conceal it and really didn't want to. But she couldn't tell her father. She was afraid he would stop paying for her school. In response to this, she took as many courses as she could, went to school during the summer, and graduated in less than three years. Lily was a very bright girl, and several medical schools admitted her. She attended one that had a self-study option for the courses and finished the first two years' courses in a single year. She couldn't rush the more practical, hands-on courses taught in the last two years. So, in all, she finished medical school in three years. But during Lily's last year of medical school, her father decided he wasn't seeing enough of his 'son.' He didn't know why Larry was never home, but he suddenly wanted to get to know him again. He cajoled and pleaded for Larry to come home between quarters, but Larry always seemed to find some excuse. Finally, Lily's father decided to surprise his son and showed up at his apartment one Sunday morning with Lily's mother and sister in tow. You can imagine his surprise and Lily's. Only the intervention of Lily's mother kept her father paying the bills for medical school for the remainder of the year, but her father told her he never wanted to see Larry again. Lily found a hospital in Las Angeles that would let her combine a pediatric and obstetric residency. It wasn't forbidden to do two types of residencies at the same time, but it was very difficult. However, by this time, Lily knew how to deal with working 16 hours a day, seven days a week, and managed to complete the two residencies in the allotted three years. She took the boards for pediatrics and obstetrics and passed the first try. So, she was a double specialist at the age of 27, almost unheard of. At this time, Lily dearly wanted to just set up a practice near her family and tend to some unfinished business, getting her SRS and cosmetic surgery, so her physical self matched her psychological self. At first, her father said if Lily lived nearby, he wouldn't allow his wife and daughter to see her. But both defied him, and Aiko threatened not to allow her father to see his grandchildren if he tried to interfere with her relationship with her sibling. In truth, Aiko had told me that she probably could not have forced herself to use her children in that manner, but her father decided he couldn't risk it. He gave in, although not gracefully. Lily's story was awe-inspiring. Would I have had the strength to defy my father to be who I needed to be, as Lily had? I didn't know. But I did know I wasn't smart enough and couldn't work hard enough to finish college, medical school, and two residencies in nine years. Lily had my utmost respect. Lily also tried to learn more about me, but mostly I had to lie. The spells would not let me tell her the truth about my army enlistments or my college years. And I didn't want to mention my months as an escort. The only thing I could tell the truth about was my family. That sent me down memory lane, and I guess my love for them shined through. Lily said, "You are so lucky to have a family who loved and cared for you so much." I responded, "I realize that now. I guess at the time I was oblivious. I need to go see them. It's been too long." But I realized I couldn't go see them. That's another thing the spells would not let me do. There was a Thai family with three kids under six years old sitting across from us on the flight segment from Dallas Fort Worth to Tokyo and Tokyo to Bangkok. Unsurprisingly, they were a bit fussy and became more so as the hours went along. But the Doctor was magic with children and was soon talking to the two girls and occasionally to the boy. I wrote down what she had done in my diary so I could remember it and incorporate it into my own 'spiel' with kids. Interacting positively with the children was the intelligent thing to do, but it would have been nice if things were quieter and we could have slept more because we were incredibly tired when we arrived in Bangkok. Entry into Thailand was relatively easy. We hustled from where we got our baggage to customs to get into the line before it became very long. We both had a passport and an airline ticket home in 35 days and over 20000 baht cash, which is what was required to get a tourist visa. So, no problems there. They did have a watch list they tried to match everyone against, which took a while. I learned later that pure Caucasian people went right through, which kind of irritated me. I guess Thailand had no concerns about profiling, which I agreed with as long as the profiling was rational. But this was a minor irritation. When we got into the general part of the airport, someone from the surgeon's office was supposed to meet us as part of the agreement with SRS patients. We looked and looked, and finally, the Doctor made a call. They told her to get a cab, and they would reimburse her. In all we didn't arrive at our hotel until 2:30 AM. I spent a little time hanging up my clothes, removing my makeup, brushing my teeth, putting my hair into a sleep braid, and was asleep by 3:30. We had to share a king bed, but since neither of us was big that was no problem. The next day Lily had to be at the Surgeon's office by 9 AM. We were two tired women when we arrived. Neither of us had any breakfast. Lily was not supposed to eat, and I skipped breakfast for an extra hour's sleep. Lily had to fill out a ton of paperwork. But, as always, Lily was on top of everything, and had all the documents she needed, along with the cash to pay for her surgeries. And, being a doctor, she was aware of the significance of the questions and could easily respond intelligently. I just sat around. Then the surgeon who was doing the SRS came in, and he and Lily talked for over an hour. I just sat there and occasionally helped by finding specific papers or holding Lily's purse and briefcase. They gave Lily some pills and put her on a very strict diet for the next two days. We went for a walk to the shopping area a few blocks away. I found a nice outfit for $50 and splurged and bought it even though being pregnant I couldn't fit into it easily right now. I also got a couple of nice bracelets and a pair of earrings. Then we went back to the room. Lily couldn't eat much so we didn't stop for dinner, even though Lily volunteered to sit with me while I ate. But I couldn't do that to her. After we got back to the room, Lily had had some milk laced with protein powder. But no fiber. That was the rule. She also took several pills given to her by the clinic. Lily said they were antibiotics along with some vitamins. The antibiotics would make sure she did not have an infection in her gut. I had a protein bar and some yogurt I had save from the airline. Then Lily sent a long text to Aiko, and we went to bed. I was glad I had my tablet and kindle ap. I figure I would need at least three eBooks to make it through this trip. The next two days were similar. We got out and walked to nearby tourist destinations. Then we went back to the hotel. I would go out to dinner and come back and spend the rest of the evening in the room. Lily and I spent a lot of time talking, and I got more insight into Lily's personality. I had seen her ambition, her energy, her organization, and her drive for excellence before, but now I saw the same thing in her tales from her youth and her education. I also heard tales of her trying to establish relationships that could never be while she was a man. The last day before the surgery, Lily was on a strict liquid diet. But she took it in good humor, and we continued our routine of walking and talking. I told her as much as I could about my youth. I told her about my family and how my mother had committed suicide. I told her how wonderful my aunt and father had been as they raised me. I told her about my sister and how close we had been. I told her about my hopes and dreams to be a doctor someday, about how I loved soccer and drama and math. She asked me about boyfriends in high school. I said, "No boyfriends. I didn't start developing until recently." She said, "That is unusual. Did you see a doctor?" I replied, "No, maturing late is common in my family." Lily was a woman with a specialty in OB/GYN and pediatrics. I don't think she believed me. But she didn't invade my privacy, maybe because she saw no medical reason to do so. But I'm sure she was aware I was hiding something. There were huge holes in my story. Like what I had been doing since I graduated from high school and any mention of feminine activities in high school. In retrospect, it would have been better to lie and tell her about fictitious boyfriends. The next morning, she reported for her SRS at 7 AM. The process of checking in was uneventful because Lily had everything was in order. They showed us to Lily's recovery room, and she changed and hung up her street clothing, purse, and briefcase. I would take her wallet with her money back to the motel with me. At 8, they put in an IV and finished prepping her for surgery. I stayed with her until they shooed me out. The last thing I said was, "Good Luck Lily. I love you." But by then she was under. I was ready to have something to eat, and I found a little restaurant down the street from the clinic where I could find some fruit and tea. Then I dropped Lily's wallet off, and came back to the clinic and waited and read. The nurse finally told me they had finished the surgery and everything was OK at 1 PM. They let me see Lily at 2, but she wasn't very coherent. So, I sat and held her hand. At 3 PM she awoke and spoke a few words, but then went back to sleep. I was a bit concerned because the nurses were not around as much as I thought they should be. I remembered as an Army medic having patients at field hospitals that had gotten comparable surgeries. We hovered around them like we were their mothers. If they needed something, we made sure they got it right away. Not true here. I hoped there was no emergency. I was tired, although I had sat on my duff all morning. Not being able to do anything to help was making me a nervous wreck. I called Aiko and told her what was going on, even though it was the middle of the night in Reno. I could imagine that she was much more nervous than I since she was even less able to help. Then I decided to go out for a walk, and maybe some shopping. First, I told the receptionist, "There's a shopping area half-mile from here. I was thinking about walking there and looking around. Could I leave my phone number and have them call if there're any problems?" She looked at me and said "Hmm. I don't recommend children go out in Bangkok alone. You should have an adult with you. It is too easy to get lost or fall in with the wrong crowd, or even worse." I said, "I'm not a child. I'm 19. I showed you my ID yesterday, remember?" She laughed. Then she said, "Maybe that is true. But you look young and vulnerable. That's an invitation for some people to go after you. You should at least take a cab there and back. I said, "What if I walk on the main drag and don't stop to talk to anyone. Will that be OK?" She said, "Maybe. But if you were my daughter, I wouldn't allow it." I said, "So, how about the phone number and notification if there is a problem?" She said, "OK, I'll write it down." I gave what the receptionist had said some thought. I supposed I should heed her warning. But I was tired of sitting. One of the attractions of going shopping was the moderately long walk. Plus, Elvis would now have been 27 and had seen some very dangerous areas of the world. So, I felt I had had enough experience to avoid trouble. I decided to make the walk, and stay on the main streets and not respond to anything a stranger might say. I looked at my map and used google to get directions. It was only a block to the main drag, then I turned toward the shopping and started walking. I got about halfway there and checked behind me, and saw a tall guy. He was matching my pace and seemed to be watching me. That was suspicious. I crossed the street at the next intersection, and the guy crossed too. That was very suspicious. I did not have my little pistol. In Thailand you couldn't bring such things into the city, so I'd left it in Reno and now felt very vulnerable. I decided to walk as briskly as I could and cross the street occasionally. I hoped that unpredictability would make it hard for someone to track me down. I was almost to the market when I heard footsteps behind me. 25. Spending time with Sam and Family, Meeting Clarisse xxxxx I grasped my purse in front of me where it couldn't be grabbed and hustled into a shop door. The tall man walked in, right behind me. The shopkeeper saw the fear in my face and shouted at the man. I'm not sure what she said, maybe to get the hell out or she would call the police. The man said in English, "No, No, I'm a friend of hers. That is you, isn't it Blossom?" His voice was very familiar. I looked up at his face and thought I recognized him as one of Blossom's customers from Vegas, Sam Perkins, a guy I had liked. I tentatively said, "Sam, is that you?" He said, "It is. Blossom, I'm sorry I frightened you. I didn't mean to. I just thought that I would catch up and verify who you were before I said anything." I said grumpily, "Well, you scared the hell out of me. Jeez, Sam, running after an unaccompanied woman you didn't know well. What the hell were you thinking?" It took a few moments to quiet my nerves. Sam moved closer and again said he was sorry. I stepped closer to him, and he hugged me. Then Sandra and Roger came in with two young girls. I didn't remember Sandra saying she had children, so these must be Sam's daughters. I'm sure they were surprised to see their father hugging a young Japanese woman they didn't know, and they stood there silently looking at us. Sandra was also surprised. Unfortunately, that did not cause her to be silent. She said, "Blossom. What are you doing in Thailand? There's plenty of Thai whores. They don't need a Japanese whore." I remembered then what a bitch she could be. I stifled any reaction, not wanting to make a scene in front of Sam's daughters. But I didn't want to spend one moment longer than I had to with Sandra. I said, "Well, it was nice to run into you, Sam. But I was hoping to get some shopping in before I have to be back to the clinic. So, I'll bid you goodbye." I tried to turn to go, but Sam still had me in his embrace, and said, "No, Blossom, let's not say goodbye yet. I'd like to hear how you are. We're in a Thai restaurant. Let's sit down and have some tea." I did want to talk to Sam, so I let him talk me into staying. I sat across from Sam so we could talk, while his daughters sat beside him and Sandra sat beside me. Wonderful. Sandra started the conversation by asking, "Are you pregnant, Blossom?" I was too ticked off to speak, so I just nodded. Sandra said, "Gee, I wonder how that happened?" I gritted my teeth and said, "Your mother should have taught you the facts of life, Sandra." Sam and Roger both laughed, and Sandra reddened. Then, Sam introduced me to his daughters, Madison Ella Perkins, and Morgan Emma Perkins. They both had bright red curly hair and clear blue eyes. I told Sam they were very pretty girls, which earned a disapproving snarl from Sandra, but a smile from the twins. One of them said, "Our grandmother Irene wants to take us a modeling agency to try out, but Daddy said we were too young." I said, "Yes, I've heard that modeling takes a lot of time. It can make it hard for young children to do other more important things, like school. And that is what will help you most in life." Sandra looked surprised. Madison said, "Were you a model when you were little, Helen?" I was very surprised. I said, "No. I'm not pretty enough to be a model. And I always wanted to do other things." Morgan said, "What other things?" I said, "Well, I loved my school classes, especially math and science. And I danced ballet and acted in plays. And I played soccer and baseball. And I spent a lot of time with my friends. So I didn't have time to make myself up and wear trendy clothes and act sophisticated, even if I'd been pretty enough to be a model." Madison said, "We dance ballet and play soccer too." I smiled and said, "I bet you're good. Do you like those things?" Morgan nodded and said, "Yes." I asked Sam, "What brings you to Thailand?" He responded, "Well, I left the company that Roger and Sandra work for and accepted a professorship at UNR. Thailand is hosting an international conference on physics. So, I decided to bring my family, including my in-laws. But my mother-in-law got sick and couldn't come. I offered the tickets to Roger and Sandra. We got here yesterday and will be touring Thailand until the conference starts a couple of weeks from now." He continued, "How about you?" I said, "The Doctor I work for now is transgender. She is getting SRS surgery here, and some facial reconstruction. Since we are friends, she asked me to come with her and help her. She is in surgery right now and doesn't need me. So, I had some time to do whatever I want. I decided to walk down to a shopping area. Someone warned me about going on my own. I did it anyway, but I was on edge. So, when you followed me, I freaked out." Sam laughed and then said, "I really am sorry, Blossom." Madison (I think) pulled her dad's shirt and said, "What's transgender, Daddy?" I could see Sam struggling to find words a child could understand, so I said, "Madison, imagine you had been born a boy and had a penis and everything. How would you feel about that?" Madison said, "Yuck!" and Morgan chimed in, "Double Yuck." I said, "Yes, but if you were born a boy, you might think like a boy. So, it wouldn't be Yuck, right?" Madison looked dubious, but Morgan said, "Yeah. I suppose." I continued, "But what if you were born a boy, but you still felt like a girl. Then it would be Yuck." Both nodded dubiously. I said, "So that is how a transgender woman feels. My friend has always felt like a girl, but she has a penis, and everyone insisted she was a boy. She has been very unhappy." Both twins nodded that they understood. I continued again, "So my friend is here in Thailand to get her penis replaced with a vagina, and also to have her face changed, so she looks more like a girl." The girls nodded wide-eyed. These girls were probably not quite ready to understand something this complex, but I was happy to introduce the ideas. I thought it could promote acceptance of transgender people. Then Sam said, "So why come to Thailand?" I said, "Because Thailand has some very good surgeons doing the operation, and it costs less than half what the same surgery in the states would cost. Surgical procedures of many types contribute to tourism in Thailand." Sam laughed and said, "I've heard of medical tourism. That's fascinating." Then I said, "I need to be back at the clinic at 5. I still have a few minutes to visit some shops. Was that where you were going too?" Sandra said, "No. We were on the way to see an internationally known Buddhist monastery." Sam said, "Well, maybe the girls and I will tag along and look at the shops with you, Blossom. What do you say, girls? The girls said, "Yay. Let's go, Daddy." Apparently, the monastery had not been a big hit with them. I told the twins, "I think you would enjoy the monastery too. The Buddhist religion made the Thai people very happy. You could learn why." But Sam said, "We are going on a tour later in the week, where we will see several monasteries. We should see the shops." The twins agreed. Roger and Sandra decided to go to the monastery. Sam and the twins and I had a good time shopping. I found a beautiful outfit with a Thai 'look,' and Roger bought the twins each a similar outfit. Then Sam insisted that he and the girls walk me back to the clinic. The girls had to use the bathroom in the clinic. The girls came out of the lady's room almost immediately after they went in. They had a concerned look and said there was a man in there. We tried to find an attendant, but there were none around, and the girls were getting desperate. So, I said I would take them in and stay until they finished. I went into the bathroom with the two girls right behind me. There was a tall, rugged-looking, muscular person standing in front of the mirror looking at him or herself. He or she was wearing gender-neutral clothing, but not something a man would usually wear. S/he had on make-up, but it was poorly applied like I would have done just after my transformation. I was sure s/he was transgender, but s/he passed very poorly. I could smell alcohol on her breath. She was crying. I felt bad for her. Looking at us, s/he started speaking to me angrily and said, "Don't look down at me, you fucking bitch. You and those damn little girls are so lucky. And you don't even appreciate the gift you've been given." I had been called much worse as an escort, so I didn't let myself get angry. I said, "What gift do you mean?" S/he said, "You look so pretty and so feminine. You're lucky." Then she started crying again. I said, "I'm sorry you're having a hard time, but these two girls are desperate to use the bathroom. Could you be a sweetie and let them past?" I could see she was hurting, not threatening, and thought an appeal to human decency would work. She cried some more and nodded. I told the twins to go ahead. While the girls were doing their business, I tried to make conversation, and asked the person, "I'm Helen. What's your name? How are you liking Thailand?" She said, "I'm Clarisse. Don't I look like a Clarisse?" Then she laughed and continued, "I hate Thailand." And she started crying again. She sounded so desperately unhappy that I began to fear for her safety. I guess my own mother's suicide many years again made me sensitive to people seeming despondent. I had had some training in suicide prevention as an Army Medic. The most important thing was to be sympathetic and to be willing to discuss the subject of suicide frankly. When the girls had finished, I asked Clarisse, "Can the girls use the sink?" Clarisse sniffled and nodded again and moved out of the way. I stood between the girls and Clarisse as they walked to the sink and then back to the door. I could not honestly walk away from Clarisse, knowing how unhappy s/he was. I told the girls, "Girls, go out to your father. I need to talk to Clarisse." They nodded and left. After the girls left, I asked Clarisse, "What's going on? Why are you so unhappy?" She said, "God, look at me. I'm so ugly. I look like a man." I said, "Are you transgender?" She sobbed and nodded. Without even thinking, I walked over and put my arms around her. I asked, "Are you a patient at this clinic?" She nodded again. I asked, "What are you having done?" She said, "SRS, you know what that is?" I nodded. She continued, "And some cosmetic surgery. I had an initial consultation this morning. But they said I still wouldn't look like a woman afterward. That mean's I'll look like a freak forever. I'll never have a boyfriend. And I'll scare children. Like those two little girls. They took one look at me and ran out the door in terror." Then she started sobbing again. I tried to comfort her some more. When she had calmed down, I asked, "Is that what the consulting physician said?" She said, "Well, no. But he did say I would not pass well." I said, "Is that because you are large?" She sobbed again and nodded and said,' "And because my features are so masculine." I said, "But, you know, a large person is special. If they are nice, everyone assumes they have huge hearts. I would be happy to be a large, kind, loving woman. I think I would be respected and loved more looking like a skinny little kid." She looked at me and said, "I don't believe you. You're so pretty. You must have lots of boys who want to be with you." Without thinking about once being a boy, I said, "Only one boy matters, the one I will spend my life with. And you can have someone to spend your life with too. There is a man out there who will love you. Don't give up." She said, "I guess." And I said, "Even if you don't find him, you can have friends and be respected and do worthwhile things. Having a man isn't the only thing that gives life meaning." She smiled and said, "No, but it helps make life fun." I laughed and said, "That it does, Clarisse." Then I said, "You know, the girls didn't say you looked like a freak. They said you were a man. In the women's room. If you had dressed femininely, they wouldn't have given you a second thought." She said, "Oh. You think I misinterpreted what the girls thought?" I said, "Yes, and it made you feel very bad. But it shouldn't have." She said, "God, I'm so sorry for the way I behaved. And the way I talked around those children. I hope I didn't traumatize them." I said, "Kids are tougher than that. I'm sure they'll be fine." Then I asked, "Are you all right now?" She said, "Yes, umm, would you walk upstairs with me? I'm sure there is a crowd by the door." I said, "Yes, but I would like to freshen up." So, I used the loo. Then we both repaired our lipstick, and I fixed a smear in my mascara. I didn't stop to think how weird it was for someone who was once Elvis. There was a small crowd just outside the door, headed by Sam and his daughters. I said, "Sam, Morgan and Madison, I'd like to introduce Clarisse. She and I are going to the same clinic so we will take the same elevator. Thank you so much for spending the afternoon with me, Sam. And Morgan and Madison, it was very nice to meet you. Maybe we will see each other again before we leave Thailand. Your father has my phone number. As we left, Sam surprised me by getting in front of me so I couldn't just walk by and kissing me on my lips. He whispered in my ear, "Call when you're free," and handed me a card. As we left, Clarisse said, "Wow, he's yummy. You're lucky." I said, "He is yummy. But I think he's out of my league." She replied, "Well, he doesn't seem to think so." When we got upstairs, Clarisse checked in to continue her consultation. She was having a combination of SRS and partial facial surgery. The doctor had told her partial surgery would not help much; she needed the full surgery. But she said she couldn't afford it. That was what had upset her. So upset that the doctor decided to resume the consultation later. She had then gone out, and found a bar and had a few drinks. Clarisse asked, "Helen, would you sit with me during the consultation. I would love to have a friend there." I said, "Sure." We sat and waited and talked about this and that. As always, the spells wouldn't let me talk about my life as Elvis or my transformation. So, I had to use the lie the witches had supplied, that I graduated as Helen last year and went to Vegas after high school. Also, I didn't want to talk about being an escort, because the spells wouldn't allow me to give the whole story. So, I restricted my conversation to my family and about some of what I did in Vegas, along with my time in Reno. Clarisse talked about denying who she was all her young life. Her parents were decent people, but very set in their ways. They were near 40 when Carl was born. Carl had two brothers about ten years older than her. Because of the age difference he had never been particularly close to them. He was aware of being attracted to girls' things and girls' games when he was young, but her parents' attitudes had prompted him to give those things up and become a stereotypical young boy as best he could. Carl's father did not think well of gays and even less of transgender people, particularly effeminate boys. Carl recounted episodes of cross-dressing in her mother's clothes, followed by self-disgust and vows never to do it again. As time went along, she screwed up her courage and acquired female clothing appropriate for her age, but once again she would throw it out in disgust at her urges. Lily had recounted similar experiences. Her father thought anyone who chose a gay or transgender lifestyle was weak and was trying to shirk obligations of supporting his family. That seemed to be proven by Clarisse's behavior later when Carl was in a long-term relationship with a girl, and he and his partner had even talked about marriage. But Clarisse had never lost the feeling that she was a girl. In the end, Clarisse couldn't go through with the marriage and broke up with the girl. Clarisse's parents were angry because they really liked his fiance. Clarisse remembered her mother saying he would never find anyone better. But Clarisse told me she couldn't live a lie, even if breaking up hurt someone she cared for. Clarisse finally said, "I tried to be what my family wanted me to be, Helen. But I just couldn't. I was miserable." Finally, Carl told his parents he thought he was gay. His father called Carl a "queer," and his mother just told him she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. They kicked him out, although his mother did insist they give him time to find someplace else to live. Clarisse found a job in a flower shop and a very cheap room above a garage. She was happier there than she had ever been. Everyone, even she, thought she was gay. But she was never felt attracted to other gay men. Finally, in a conversation with a gay friend, he told her about transgender people. It immediately resonated with her. Clarisse was not very proficient at computers. She said she had never liked school or reading or anything like that. And she lived in a small town where there was no opportunity to talk to a therapist familiar with transgender issues. But she had a couple of gay men friends who knew something about transgender people. They helped her do some research and found out about SRS and cosmetic surgery. One good friend helped her save money and even loaned her some additional money. When she had enough, he booked the flight and surgeries for Clarisse. But Clarisse was not fully prepared for this step. She had only been taking hormones for a year and was not living as a woman. I said, "Clarisse, you sound like you were very isolated at home and didn't have the chance to get the help you needed to take this step? Are you sure you're ready for SRS?" She said, "Yes, All I have been thinking about for two years is getting SRS, and it's what I want. I'm ready." She was determined. Then Clarisse asked me about Lily. When I was done telling her, I said, "Her story is very similar to yours, I think." Clarisse said, "Yes, except I was a dumb blue-collar girl, and she's a brilliant physician. I don't wish her ill, but it's nice to see that someone as smart as she is can have the same problems as I do. I guess I'm not totally fucked up." I said, "Oh Clarisse, You're not fucked up. You handled a very difficult problem and did pretty well. Probably better than I could have." She said, "If you had been born male you mean?" I nodded and said, "Yes, if I had been born male and identified as a female." She laughed, "Yeah. You were lucky Helen. You were born in the right body, a female body." Then it was time to continue Clarisse's consultation. When we came in, the doctor said to her, "Oh, good. You have a friend now. That will help you maintain your emotional equilibrium." The rest of the consultation was much like what Lily had experienced four days before, and what I needed to do was similar too, sit and be supportive. I generally kept my mouth shut, as I suspected that Clarisse was lying about a lot of things to appear to have jumped through the required hoops. I asked Clarisse if she wanted to do some touristy things in Bangkok later. But Clarisse said she didn't want to go shopping because she didn't have the money, and she didn't want just to browse. She said she needed to lie down. So, I bade goodbye to Clarisse for then but said I could come with her to her surgery three days from now if she wanted. She accepted happily. I also told her I would help her as much as possible later, but that things might get a little complicated after both she and Lily were back to their motels. Then I went to Lily's recovery room and sat with her for a while longer. Lily woke up again at 7:30 PM. She was still under the influence of pain medication and couldn't talk much. I held her hand until they kicked me out at 8, and told her I loved her and would be there to help her, whatever she needed. I hoped she heard me and felt better for it. Then I texted Aiko what had happened. Before I walked back to the motel, I called Sam. I didn't know why he wanted me to call, but I needed to talk to someone. Sam answered and said they were at dinner and asked if I wanted to join them. I did, but I didn't want to try to find them in the dark. So, he came and got me at my motel. It was very sweet, and I was happy to be with him. For some reason, tonight I didn't want to be alone. Sandra was a little ticked at me for 'intruding' and let me know in her inimitable way. But Sam seemed happy to see me, and the girls asked me all kinds of questions about Lily and Clarisse. I had to explain a lot more about transgender people. I tried to change the subject several times. But Morgan and Madison kept coming back to it. They showed a sense of compassion and a desire to understand. It was clear that they were delightful and intelligent children. Finally, Sandra and I (agreeing for once) insisted we should talk about something else. Sandra spent a half-hour describing the monastery they had visited. Then dinner was over. Roger and Sam went to pay the bill. Madison came over to me and whispered in my ear, "Are you going to kiss my daddy again?" I looked at her and whispered in her ear, "Do you think I should?" She lost control and screamed 'Yes' in my ear. Then she quieted down and whispered, "I think he's lonely." I whispered, "Then if he kisses me, I'll kiss him back. OK?" She giggled and said, "OK." Sandra looked at me suspiciously and said, "What was that all about?" I said, "Nothing, just a secret shared between us two girls." Sandra glared at me and rolled her eyes as if to say, "You're not a girl. You're a whore. Stay away from my nieces." I didn't want to fight with her. I was no danger to her nieces. I wasn't going to try to promote prostitution. I agreed with Sandra that that lifestyle was awful. I doubted that Sandra could grasp that. To her, any woman who voluntarily decided to be a prostitute was morally bankrupt, a disgrace to women everywhere. She could only forgive those who were forced to participate in these acts by some male pimp. I think that in addition to the immorality of having sex for money, the idea of a woman voluntarily putting herself in a subservient position to a man bothered her. She seemed to regard voluntary prostitution to be such a degrading act, that once done, it could never be expunged from your soul. I had read about such attitudes in history books. But they had been held by religious leaders in the past, not by liberal feminists in the 21st century. I have heard socialism defined as a secular religion, a quasi- mystical belief in a rigid doctrine that could not be doubted by anyone with any moral character whatever, even if evidence showed up to the contrary. That definition certainly fit my experience. I said goodnight and started to leave. Sam then asked Roger and Sandra to take the girls back to the motel, and he would walk me home. I appreciated that. When we got back to my hotel, I invited him up to the room. We talked for a few minutes, and I told him more about Lily and my job in Reno. I guess my excitement showed through, and he asked, "So, you've totally given up being an escort, then?" I turned red and said, "Yes." Then he said, "Does that mean you've given up having sex?" I said, "No. But I don't have sex for money." He asked, "Oh, why would you have sex?" I replied, "Well, if I like someone a lot, and it seems right, then I will consider sex because I enjoy it." He reached out and put his arms around me and gently pulled me close. I put my arms around him, and we kissed passionately. After a while, I pulled back and said, "I need to breathe for a moment." Then I kissed him again. It was wonderful. I put my head on his chest and just stood thinking for a moment, listening to his heartbeat. I was aware of his breathing, and I could feel his erection pressing on my tummy. I leaned back and looked up at him and decided to risk it. I said, "Sam, I want you to make love to me." He said, "Are you sure, Helen?" I said, "Yes. Sam, I love being with you. You're kind and warm and gentle and generous and such an interesting man. Yes, I want you to make love to me." I disrobed and prepared for bed while Sam watched me. I asked him, "You like what you see?" He replied, "Very much. You're beautiful you know." I laughed and said, "You're a very handsome man. I'm just a skinny kid." He said, "Skinny kids can be beautiful." I giggled gently, and he came over and hugged me, and caressed my ass. He said, "Hmm, very beautiful." I felt his erection grow again. I finished disrobing and put on a filmy nightgown, while he went into the bathroom and disrobed. I took his hand and led him over to the bed. I had turned off the overhead light and turned on the bedside light, so the lighting was muted. We kissed several times, and he caressed my breasts while I ran my hands over his chest. By that time, I was very aroused. Then he lay down and gently pulled me to him. I stopped him and said, "Sam, there is something I need you to do for me." He said, "What, Blossom?" I said, "When we are having sex when I am about to come, I want you to spank me." He responded, "What, I don't want to hit you, Blossom. I care for you." I said, "Thank You, Sam. But spanking me will, will help me, make me feel better." He said, "OK, I'll try." We lay alongside each other, and he entered me. He was as wonderful a lover as I remembered. I tried to return the favor, giving him pleasure, but he asked me to slow down, so he didn't come too early. I felt myself starting to approach orgasm, and said, "Now, Sam. Spank me now." He gave me the gentlest spank ever, almost a pat. I said, "Harder, Sam. Spank me harder." He said, "Ok." Without winding up, he slapped, so it stung, and I felt the orgasm from sex combine with the orgasm from the spell into a thunderous screaming, gasping, shaking, kissing orgasm that must have lasted a full two minutes. When I finished, he kissed me all over the face and told me he loved me. I remembered his sweet nothings from Las Vegas. Honestly, I wished he wouldn't say such things unless he really meant them, which I knew he didn't. I asked him what I could do to make him happy. He said he had also come when I did. He couldn't help it. That was so sexy. We lay there a while longer. Then Sam had to leave. He would already have to explain the delay returning to his daughters and couldn't stay any longer. When I got to bed, I mused about tonight's encounter with Sam. Why had I slept with him? Well, he was a sweet and very attractive man. And he gave me a lot of pleasure. And it delayed for another few days my having to find someone for abusive sex to fulfill the spell placed on me. But how could Sam respect me if I jumped into bed with him so easily? Did that matter? Well, yeah. But why? I guess because I really liked to be with him. And over the long run, he would be with me more if he respected me. Then it came to me. I wanted a long-term romantic relationship with Sam. In simpler language, I was in love with Sam. Oh, God. That was stupid. I wasn't even a real woman. How could I be in love with Sam? But I was. I couldn't deny the pleasure I got just being with him, and the love his gentleness, his kindness, his humor, and his intelligence inspired in me. I wondered what Sam thought of me. During and after sex he said he loved me. But that couldn't be true. He didn't know me very much, and what he knew wouldn't be a good reason for him to love me. Who was I anyway? A pregnant, 19-year-old ex-prostitute who couldn't control her libido long enough to keep from jumping into the sack with him. Maybe I needed not to be so easy for Sam if I wanted to get his respect. The same was probably true of another sweet, kind guy, Danno. But when push came to shove, I seemed to have trouble resisting such men. It must be the spells that caused me to be so easy? Maybe I should march into a coven meeting and say I was innocent of rape and demand they change me. Yeah, that would be smart. Walk into a meeting of arrogant women who could do virtually anything they wanted to me, and start making demands. I could wind up a frog or toad or worm worse. The idea terrified me. I just wanted to be left alone, so I could find work in the medical profession where I could help other people, and raise my child to be a happy, good person. And find a man I loved and settle down with him. Argh. I couldn't control these thoughts and feelings. Finally, I fell to sleep. I woke up early at 7 AM. I had dreamed about my mother killing herself. It was not the first time that nightmare had cut short my sleep. But then the dreams had changed, and it was Clarisse who killed herself. I woke in terror. I called Clarisse, and the phone rang and rang. Finally, I got up and threw some clothes on and rushed to her motel and banged on the door. She didn't answer. I banged some more. Finally, she opened the door, looked out, and said, "What's the hell's the matter, Helen?" I rushed to her and hugged her and said, "Thank God you're OK, Clarisse." She looked at me and turned white. She invited me in and fixed some coffee. While I was drinking the coffee, I looked around and saw an empty liquor bottle on the counter. I looked at Clarisse closely, and she appeared hungover. And she smelled hungover. Her eyes were red as if she had been crying. I asked if she had been drinking, and she said, "Yeah. A bit, quite a bit. How did you know?" I pointed to the liquor bottle. She said, "No. How did you know what I was thinking of doing?" I told her, "My mother committed suicide when I was a young ..., uh, when I was 9, I think. Sometimes I have nightmares about it. And I worry that depression is hereditary, and I will kill myself too. But last night the nightmares changed, and you had killed yourself. I woke up feeling a tragedy was about to happen. It terrified me, and I just had to see you were all right." She asked, "And if I did kill myself, would it have been such a tragedy?" I said, "Yes. Yes, it would, Clarisse. You would never have had the times with friends you should have had. People who loved you would suffer from your loss. When my mother killed herself, it left a hole in my life and my sister's life. That hole has never been filled, even though my aunt tried. Don't do that to your friends, the guys who helped pay for this trip. They obviously care for you. And don't do it to your family, who I know love you, even if they have a hard time understanding you. And don't do it to me. I care. I don't need to deal with a friend's needless death, again." By that time, I was crying, and Clarisse came over and hugged me, and I hugged her back. She said, "OK, Helen. OK. I promise I won't." I spent the morning with Clarisse. I thought she needed it, and I know I needed it. We talked about our childhoods. Her parents had both come from big families, and she had cousins by the dozens. Of course, I couldn't talk about all my youth. I couldn't talk about Elvis and his friends and hopes and his time in Iraq and Afghanistan. The spells wouldn't let me. But I didn't need the release of talking as much as Clarisse, so I guess that was OK. We also talked about our hopes and dreams. I told Clarisse I would like to be a doctor someday, and the hopes I had for my unborn child. That led to me talking about being an escort in Vegas, and the times I had been with men who terrorized me, and how I had had to shoot my baby's father. She was surprised that my life had had such tawdry episodes. She told me she would like to have her own restaurant someday. She had even been attending culinary school, although her evident transgender appearance had gotten in the way of having friends there. I asked her again if she really thought she was ready for this surgery. She reiterated that she was sure about the surgery. Then I reviewed what the doctor had told her to do with her diet and her medications. She said, "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I'll do it. Besides, liquor has no fiber, so it's on my diet." I said, "No, it isn't. It's a depressant which you do not need. And I'm sure it would make it harder for you to come through this surgery in good shape." At 11 I decided I needed to go see Lily. After all, that was why I was in Thailand. I went back to my room and made myself up properly and put on a skirt and blouse and put on earrings and my new bracelet. I got there about noon. Lily was better and greeted me cheerfully. I started to go over and hug her, but the nurse told me it was too risky, she was still susceptible to infections. Lily said, "I'm a real girl, Helen. Isn't that wonderful?" I responded, "It is wonderful, Lily. Now you are who you should be." I sat down, and Lily, ever the medical professional, gave me a complete description of her experiences during and after the surgery, or as complete as she could remember. I knew this was important to her and asked questions to make sure I understood everything. Then she asked what I had been doing. I told her about meeting Clarisse, and about this morning. I apologized for not visiting earlier but said I just had to make sure Clarisse was all right. Lily said she understood and made some suggestions on how I might deal with the situation. Then she said, "I didn't know your mother committed suicide, Helen. I'm so sorry." I realized that I tended to leave that out of my descriptions of my life. I didn't want to sound like I was soliciting sympathy. I had had a great family, so I shouldn't complain. Then I told her about meeting an old friend from Vegas yesterday, an attractive male friend, and how handsome and gentle he was and how smart he was. I told her Sam was a widower with two beautiful and delightful red- headed daughters. I told her I had had dinner with him and enjoyed myself immensely, and that then he had walked me home. I could tell she had questions. Finally, she said, "Did you invite him up to the room?" I turned red and said, "Yes." Then she gave me a quizzical look. I blurted out, "I slept with him, OK?" She just smiled at that. After a few more minutes of me talking about this and that, she appeared tired. I said, "I'll be back later this afternoon, Lily. You get some rest." I went out to the waiting room and sent a text to Aiko telling her that Lily seemed OK and that healing from her surgeries would take a while. Then I sat there and read. But somehow my book didn't seem that interesting. I could find some lunch and walk down to the shopping area again. But what was really on my mind was Sam. I called him, and he asked me where I was. I told him that I was in the waiting room, and he invited me to a late lunch with them. I asked where. He told me, and I said I could find it and would be there in a few minutes. He offered to come get me, but I declined. But, I knew the area better now, and it was the middle of the day, so I should be safe. It took me about 15 minutes to get there. They had delayed ordering to wait for me. When I got there, the girls jumped around the table and sat by me. I'm not sure why. They asked me how my friend was and how Clarisse was. Sam looked at me and laughed, and said they had been streaming "I am Jazz." Then the girls asked me if my friend and Clarisse were like her. I talked a little more about transgender women, and even mentioned that many of them saw no hope and had a very hard time. Then Sandra interrupted by telling them that transgender women were deluded fools who somehow thought being a woman was better than being a man and allowed themselves to be mutilated in response. Sandra was getting on my nerves. I said, "Well, there are some areas in which women's lives are better than men's. For example, women are much closer to their friends than men. Men are so competitive." She said, "How would you know? You've never been a man." That shook me. I wished I could tell her that I had too been a man. But I couldn't. So instead I said, "I had a dear brother and watched his life. He was as sweet as could be, but he and his friends were always competitive." Sandra snorted and said, "Yeah, well studies have shown that men's lives are much better than women's. That can only be because men are suppressing women for their own benefit." I looked at Sam and Roger, and they looked very uncomfortable. Should I just leave it be and try to change the topic? Nah, I couldn't. I said, "Sandra, that is total and complete bullshit. I know plenty of very nice guys. My father was a wonderful gentleman and always encouraged my sister and me. My brother was a sweetheart. And I might add your brother is also a sweetheart. I suspect your husband is too. That's not to say there aren't monsters out there, there are. And they do a lot of harm to the women they are around. The trick is not to be one of those women and keep the legal and moral pressure on those men to change or throw them in jail. But the idea that men are inherently evil and that there is some sort of coordinated plot by all men against women is insane." She said, "Well, of course, you would think that. You are a pretty little girl who, I'm sure, has always had a man to take care of her. But those men weren't behaving well for your sake, but for theirs." I counted to 10, wanting to be as civil as I could for the sake of the girls. I said, "First of all, I haven't always had a man to take care of me. I usually take care of myself. Secondly, you can make the same argument about all people, men, and women, that they behave in a way that ultimately benefits themselves. Sandra sneered and said, "I bet a little girly girl like you wouldn't be able to take care of herself if she was around one of the monsters you mentioned." I was a little riled up and said, "Maybe not all the time, but I've been with such a monster and come out ahead at least once in the past." She laughed and said, "Right." I said, "Check the Vegas Times news story on May 15 of this year and read all about it." After this, I decided to stop arguing with Sandra. It had been a bad idea when it started, and now it was time to change the topic of conversation. So, I asked the girls if they were enjoying Thailand. They both said they were, and I asked what they liked most. I was somewhat surprised that shopping with me was among the favorites. Then I asked Sam. He mentioned a few cultural things and said he had enjoyed meeting me again. He was very sweet. We were interrupted by Sandra, who had been fussing with her cell phone. She said, "Damn, Blossom, you were telling the truth. Listen to this Vegas Times article titled, 'Escort shoots client.' 'On May 15, Police answered a 911 call at the Sunny Skies Casino and found that Blossom Miyamoto, a contractor with AAA Escorts, had stabbed Hugh Hampton and shot him twice in the stomach and leg. Ms. Miyamoto said that Mr. Hampton had assaulted her violently and she had stabbed him and shot him in self-defense. Mr. Hampton claimed that Blossom had used a knife and a gun in an attempt to rob him. After review, the prosecutor declined to file charges in the incident. He said, 'This appears to be a simple dustup between a prostitute and her john. Both these individuals are fortunate no one was killed or badly hurt because the other would have probably wound up in prison.' Blossom Miyamoto was also involved in another incident on March 10 where she and fellow escort Celia Berringer thwarted an attempt by the South Strip Rapist to abduct a teenage girl, Amy Fletcher of Sparks, Nevada. In that incident, Blossom was accused of assault by the rapist for hitting him with her purse, which later was found to contain a pistol. At that point, her friend Celia knocked out the rapist with a brick.'" Then Sandra asked, "Blossom, did you always carry a gun on dates." I turned red. The girls were looking at me questioningly. Damn, me and my big mouth. I said, "Maybe we should talk about this another time." Sam said, "Yes, Let's talk later." Luckily, our orders came out about this time. Reluctantly, Sandra agreed to defer the conversation. As I ate, I thought that there wouldn't be a later. It was pointless. After hearing that article, I'm sure Sam thought I was a nut job, and his daughters wondered what a prostitute was. The only reason for me to seek them out was that I cared for Sam. If he didn't want me around, I would not be around. After lunch, I said I needed to get back and spend more time with my friend. I think the other adults realized I was just making an excuse to get away. Sandra said goodbye happily, the girls said they would see me later, and Sam said he would call. I could hardly wait. I arrived back at the clinic at two and went and looked in on Lily. She was asleep. Then I went to the waiting room. No receptionist was there, so I sat and read my book for a few minutes. Then Sam called. He asked how I was, and I said, "OK. I'm surprised you're calling." He said, "Oh. Why." I said, "I'm sure you must not think much of me." He said, "Why not?" I said, "Well, your daughters heard the comment about prostitution. And then I shot that guy." He said, "I'm not going to ask you to explain yourself to me. That's not fair. I trust that you only did what you had to do to protect yourself. You are smart and kind, and pretty." I found myself saying, "But I want to tell you about me. I'm not ashamed of who I am." He replied. "That's fine. I'm happy to listen to whatever you want to tell me. You are a bit of a mystery." He didn't know the half of it. I was even a mystery to myself. Then he continued, "The hotel offers a service where they have someone stay with children in the evenings so adults can go out and have dinner and drinks alone. Roger and Sandra and I are was going to take advantage of that tonight. Would you be interested in joining us?" I thought about it. I said, "Sam, I'm not sure I'm up to an inquisition from Sandra. I'm sure you noticed she doesn't care much for me." He laughed and said, "Sandra's like that with everybody, especially anybody who is willing to argue with her. I think even she and Roger are sometimes at odds." I said, "He must have the patience of a saint." Sam laughed at that. Then he said, "But deep down, she is very sweet, and is always positive about Roger." I thought, "It must be very deep." Sam continued, "Sandra respects people who are plucky and stand up for themselves." I thought, "Really, I have yet to experience any respect from her." Finally, he said, "I think she actually respects you. She doesn't talk about you behind your back." I said, "Yeah, because I seem harmless, so she feels free to talk about me to my face." Then he said, "I'm sorry you dislike her so much. She's my sister, and I would like you two to get along." Well, I would do a lot for Sam. So, I said, "OK, I'll join you and try to focus on Sandra's good points." He said, "Good. I appreciate it, Blossom. I'll meet you at your hotel at 9 and walk you to the restaurant." Then I said, "OK. Oh, by the way, Sam. My real name is Helen, Akira Helen Watson. Would you call me Helen? Blossom was just an, err, a professional name." He said, "OK, I'll see you at 9, Helen." Then I decided to see if Lily was awake. She was. She smiled painfully when she saw me. I asked, "How are you feeling, Lily?" She smiled and said, 'fine.' Then she said, "So, what have you been up to the last couple of hours?" I laughed and said, "Gee, I don't have such an exciting life that I have a lot of news since I saw you last." But I realized I did have some news and told her that I had lunch with Sam and his family. I also told her that I might have messed things up with Sam, arguing with his sister and telling them about shooting a guy in Vegas. She asked, "What, you shot a guy in Vegas?" OMG, me and my big mouth. I decided I didn't want to tell Lily I had been an escort and I had shot a john. I just said, "Yes, I went out with a guy, and he threatened to kill me." Lily was not at her best, but even so, she realized that something was missing. She asked, "How did you have a gun?" I delayed for a moment and said, "I kept one in my purse, for protection." She said, "What were you doing in Las Vegas anyway, that you need to carry a gun for protection?" I thought, "Damn, why does she have to be so smart?" I answered, "I had a variety of jobs. Some of them put me in bad parts of town." She didn't call me a liar, although I knew she didn't believe me. She looked at me for a few moments and said, "Helen, I'm getting the impression that you don't want to talk about this. I'm OK with that. I have seen you around people and know you are a good person. I hope that someday you will confide in me. I am your friend, you know." I thanked her for that and said I would think about it. Then Lily said, "I've been thinking about Clarisse. She will really need help after the surgery. I once thought that having a friend here was of minor importance because I had heard about women who came to Thailand and went through SRS successfully alone, with no friend or relative to help. But after talking to the surgeon and a couple of nurses, I believe that going it alone would only be possible if the surgery was very successful and the patient was well briefed and compliant. If there are complications, or the patient either can't or won't do what is necessary to recover, then the friend is essential. The cost of our surgery only includes 7 days' convalescence. If you need more recovery time, it is in your hotel room with a friend being the primary caregiver. I am concerned that Clarisse will need full-time care after her 7-day convalescence. I think you should try to persuade her to call her gay friend or her mother to come to Thailand and help her. I don't think you will be able to help both of us if she needs full-time care." I respected Lily's intelligence and insight and would do as she suggested. After an hour of talking, Lily was getting tired. So I said goodbye and I would see her in the morning. She smiled and said, "Thanks for coming back with me, Helen, and thanks for caring about Clarisse. I'm happy you're my friend." Then I went back to my room and took a shower and changed into a nicer outfit. By the time I finished, it was 9 PM, and I went down to the lobby to wait. Sam arrived in a couple of minutes, and we walked to the restaurant. Roger and Sandra were already there and had ordered some wine. They invited Sam and me to have some. Sam poured himself a glass, but I couldn't because of my pregnancy and ordered some tea. Then the waitress came by, and we ordered dinner. Then Sandra said, "Helen, I wanted to ask some more questions about what we were talking about this afternoon. Sam said I had to be nice, so I'll try to ask politely. I guess sometimes I'm too blunt." I replied, "You think?" Then she said, "I understand from Sam that you are no longer an escort." I replied, "That's right. I got into it for what I thought was a good reason. But later I decided it was a bad idea and I left and moved to Reno. Now I work at two full-time jobs. I'm an assistant in a pediatrician's office, and a retail clerk in a drug store." She said, "That doesn't sound very lucrative." I replied, "It isn't. But without a college degree, that's what's available. I like working in the medical field. I hope to eventually get more training and become an RN or physician's assistant. I want to work in a field where I can help people." Sandra said, "Won't that require math and science?" I said, "Yes. I can handle that. I did very well in math and science in high school." I guess Sandra couldn't resist expressing an opinion, and as is typical of extremists in politics, it was very judgemental. She said, "Well, I question your judgment, ever thinking that being an escort was a good idea. I find it hard to envision you being responsible for someone else's well being." I wanted to scream at her that she didn't know what my circumstances were when I decided to become an escort; to tell her about the many times where I showed good judgment as Elvis, about the times when I saved lives and helped my family and friends. But I couldn't. So, I wanted to get up and walk off. I hadn't come here to be insulted. But I couldn't do that either. I had promised Sam I would try to make peace. Fortunately, Sam interrupted and said, "Sandra, that's not fair. Helen's doing lots of good things with her life. I don't know why she has made the decisions she has, and neither do you. I think you should apologize." Sandra took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry, Helen." I mumbled, "That's OK, Sandra. Do you have any other questions." Then Sandra said, "The article I looked up yesterday said that you shot a john whom you accused of beating you up and raping you. Is that right?" I said, "Yes, that's right? I believe he was a Ted Bundy type psychopath and was planning to kill me?" She said, "What makes you say that?" I replied, "He choked me until I was almost unconscious several times while cursing at me and beating me." Then she asked, "How did you prevent him from killing you then?" I said, "I pulled my knife out of my boot and stabbed him. Then while he was trying to figure out what happened, I ran and got my gun out of my purse. He was on me before I could shoot him. It didn't say in the article, but he was a huge guy, six and a half feet and about 250 pounds. He was trying to get a hold of me so he could wring my neck, but I managed to prevent that and got a shot off - not a clear shot, I came close to shooting myself." Sandra said, "The john said he didn't try to kill you. He said you wanted rough sex, which is where your bruises came from. He accused you of trying to rob him?" I said, "Uhuh." She said, "The DA didn't know who to believe. So, why should we believe you?" I replied, "That's not quite true. The DA didn't think he could get a jury to convict either him or me. So, he didn't file charges. The police officers who came on the scene believed me. I was badly beaten up. Much more than rough sex would cause. And the john had no money. He had paid my escort agency by credit card. Why would I rob him then? If I had, my agency would not have paid me my share. So, the whole idea of me robbing him was absurd." Then Sam asked, "Did you always carry hidden weapons on dates, Helen?" I said, "Pretty much, particularly if I didn't know the john. As Sandra has pointed out, I am not only a woman but a skinny, unmuscular woman. I was at the mercy of almost any date. The guy who beat me up in March was not the first. But that was the first time I felt a guy was totally out of control and was trying to kill me. Generally, I knew being an escort was playing with fire. So, I always gave myself the best chance I could to be able to defend myself if I needed. I had a stiletto that I hid in a pocket in my boots. I usually kept my boots on or close during sex. And I had a small revolver in my purse. I know how to use both." Sam was remembering our encounters in Vegas and seemed to be looking a little white. He asked, "How many guys did you use the weapons on, Helen?" I said, "Only that one. That was the only time I thought it was a matter of life and death." He thought about that, and at last, he said, "I don't think we can fault anyone protecting themselves. How do you know how to use these weapons, Helen?" I replied, "My father taught me. He taught all his children self- defense. And yes, I do have a Nevada concealed weapons permit, so I was legal" The spells wouldn't let me tell them that I also underwent weapons training in the army and had to undergo periodic refresher training over six years. Then Sam asked, "So was it this beating and near-death that made you decide to stop being an escort?" I replied, "Partially. Another reason was that I hated it. I hated jumping into bed with random men, some of who were violent. However, being an escort was very financially rewarding. I used that money well. My father died a little under a year ago. My aunt was never qualified to get on his insurance. She was my father's sister, not his wife. Anyway, she had cancer a few years ago, and it recurred recently. They had to mortgage the house to pay for her treatments. We were desperate. As an escort, I could send my aunt and my sister from 3 to 5 thousand dollars a month. That really helped them. So, being an escort was hard to give up, even though it was unpleasant and dangerous." Sam said, "Then what made you give it up?" I answered, "I got pregnant." Sam said, "You could have had an abortion." I replied, "So everybody tells me. In fact, as an escort, I had to sign an agreement with the Escort Service to have an abortion if I got pregnant. But my child is innocent and deserves a chance to live as much as any other child. I won't deprive him or her of that chance, even though it meant I had to greatly reduce the money I was sending my aunt and sister. Because of the agreement I signed, I had to quit being an escort and flee Vegas. If my employer knew where I was, they might force me to have an abortion and go back to work as an escort." Sam, "Who might?" I said, "Organized crime. They run the escort business in Vegas. I got pregnant once before, and they sent a bully boy to snatch me off the street and take me to an abortion clinic. I couldn't let them do it again." Sam just shook his head and said, "Jesus." Sandra apparently fixated on the issue of women's rights. She said, "Damn it, Helen. You should get an abortion. Women have fought for years so they wouldn't have to have a child they didn't want. I don't like the mob, but getting an abortion is the smart thing to do and validates the struggles of woman for reproductive freedom. And it gives you a chance to have a good, prosperous life. And if you choose, it allows you to go back to being an escort and supporting your aunt and sister." I replied, "Sandra, I can't believe you said that. At times in the past, you have referred to me as a whore and sneered at what I did. Now you are almost encouraging me to go back to it." I paused and tried to clarify my position. "The reason I'm refusing to get an abortion isn't that I'm anti-abortion. In fact, I'm strongly pro- choice. I think a woman should be able to choose what she thinks is best if she becomes pregnant. Certainly, no crazy pastor who will never be pregnant or have to care for a child on his own should be able to tell a woman what to do. But my choice is to have this child. And I don't care what the goofball left-wing feminists think about it, any more than I care what the goofball right-wing born-again idiots think." Sandra raised her eyebrow at that comment. Sandra took a breath, and said, "So, Helen, you said being an escort was financially rewarding. Is that why you started doing working as an escort in spite of the danger?" I answered, "Partly. But I also did it because I thought it would answer some quirky need I had for companionship of a certain kind." I could say no more about that because of the spells. I continued, "In retrospect, it was foolish to try to answer that inner need with johns. I should have worked at an honest job and tried to find a man who could give me what I needed." Sandra shook her head and said, "How clich?. You needed a good man." I just nodded. Then she said, "That is one of the things feminists are fighting, the idea that every woman needs a man." Without thinking I replied, "I don't know about every woman. But I need love and companionship and given who I am; I need it from a man. Other women have to find their own way." Then I realized what I had said. Clearly, Elvis had given up the struggle to maintain his masculine identity. Sam asked, "So what are you going to do now, Helen?" I said, "Well, first, I'm going to focus on helping my friends in Thailand recover from their surgeries. That will take at least another month. The friend I accompanied to Thailand, Lily, is the doctor for whom I work. She closed her office for two months to have the surgery. So, I have a few weeks break after I get back. I don't know what I will do. I took a leave of absence from my second job to come to Thailand. I don't know if I can go right back to work there. They might have hired someone else. It's difficult for a retail business to hold a job open. I might have to look for another second job?" Sandra said, "Why not go home and see your Aunt and Sister? I gather it's been a long time." I smiled and said, "Yes, a very long time. That's a good idea, Sandra." I thought to myself, 'If only I could.' Then Sandra asked, "Did they know the money you were sending them came from your earnings as an escort?" I flushed, and said, "No. They wouldn't have accepted it if they had." Sandra smiled and said, "So, when you visit them, you need to have an answer to where you got the money and why you stopped sending it. You could always tell the truth, I suppose. It's too late for them to give the money back now." I just nodded my head and said, "Maybe. I suppose they will find out sooner or later. There's no way to hide a secret like that forever." Was Sandra, of all people, trying to help me by offering advice, or was she just needling me in front of Sam? It didn't matter. It was still good advice. I finished by saying, "OK, does anybody have any other questions? If not, let's move on. What has been happening with you, Sam? Do your parents-in- law still live with you and take care of the girls, and keep an eye on the women you date?" Sam said, "Yes and yes. Honestly, Helen, I think it's been since the last time I saw you that I had a real date." I said, "I don't believe that, Sam. A man as attractive as you?" He laughed, "Well, I don't know about that. Besides, my parents-in-law aren't the only ones keeping women away from me. Sandra often warns me about gold-diggers who want to take advantage of me." I laughed and said, "I can believe that, Sam. What gold diggers did she warn you about, besides me?" I had the pleasure of seeing Sandra's face go red. She said, "Humph. My brother seems to be attracted to girls who don't measure up to him in terms of education and achievement. I think if he established a relationship with such a girl, he would be bored to death and everybody would end up unhappy. He needs a woman who has finished college and has a responsible job, who would provide a role model for his daughters. He needs a girl who is actively engaged in finally establishing full equality for women and minorities. Such a woman would be a good example for his daughters." Well, that certainly put me in my place. I laughed and said, "And how many unsuitable women has Sam been involved with, Sandra?" She again turned red and said, "Well, mainly you, Blossom. But one or two others through the years. But Sam seemed to lose interest in them with time. He still seems serious about you, even though you are far from ideal. But I doubt it will last." Interesting, I was Blossom again. Sam explained, "Sandra's a few years older than me, and acted like the big sister when I was young. I guess it's not surprising that she is still protective of her younger brother." I laughed again and said, "You're over 30, Sam. You're surely old enough to choose your own relationships." I remembered that my Aunt Marge had told Elvis the same thing when he was 21 and asked for her advice. Sam nodded and said, "Yes, I think so too. I'll certainly listen to Sandra and my in-laws. But when I decide to have a serious relationship, I'll do what I think is best." Then I asked, "Did you say have changed jobs since Spring, Sam?" He said, "Yes, I left the company I was working for and accepted a professorship at the University of Nevada, Reno. That is what I have always wanted. I can spend most of my time on research and teaching, both of which I enjoy, much more than trying to persuade other businesses to buy things from my company. And I can branch out of geophysics into particle physics, which has always been my major interest. I couldn't hope for more. I bought a new house north of Reno. My old house was in South Lake Tahoe, California, over 50 miles away from UNV, not a practical commute. The new home is much bigger than the old one. That will be nice as the girls grow. And it has room for my in-laws to have their own apartment, with a small kitchen and entertaining area of their own. The house is on three acres and even has a 1500-sq-ft outbuilding with a kitchen, living room, and three bedrooms. The previous owners rented it out. It has fallen into disrepair since last used. My father in law wants to spend some time fixing it up, so we can rent it. He says it will give him something to do. I said, "That sounds great, Sam. Do the twins like it?" He said, "Well, they enjoyed being near the lake at the old place. But the new place is in a more rural area without a lot of traffic so they will be freer to play outside. They like the woods. It is not too far from a little town, and they have already made some friends there. I think overall they will like it better. And it is in an excellent school district that supports its levies, so Madison and Morgan will get a good education. The house is even close to a safe bus stop, so my in-laws won't have to drive them to school." I said, "Gee Sam, it sounds close to ideal." Sandra jumped in and said, "I advised Sam to move into Reno itself. It's an urban environment where they meet all kinds of other children. It would be better for the girls. Now they are stuck out in the middle of nowhere." Sam said, "The schools where I moved are better than Reno, and the adults have good educations and are accepting of everyone. There are students of other races, who I understand get along fine with each other and with the white students. And it is a much safer school than Reno." Sandra sneered, "And majority white." I said, "I grew up in a similar neighborhood. Most of the students were white, but not all. And most accepted me, and I had a lot of great friends." Sandra said, "You are imbued with white culture. Of course, you were comfortable in such a school." I said, "I am imbued with American culture, which I think is the culture most kids are into even in inner cities although there are small differences. My school and town had a lot of good in them. There were some racists and crackers, but the district made it plain to them that they had to behave while at school." Sandra said, "The values in the area where Sam will be living are messed up. They believe in capitalism and individual freedom, which is equivalent to the exploitation of women and minorities." I shook my head and said, "Without freedom, life would be depressing, Sandra. I don't want some democratic committee to tell me what I can think, although you seem to be comfortable with it." Sam jumped in and started asking about the two transgender women I was helping, perhaps to keep Sandra and me from arguing too much. I guess I shouldn't have gotten into it with Sandra, but the idea that there were people you shouldn't be friends with because of their race or politics, even though they were nice, kind, intelligent people, just rankled me. I spent some time talking about what had happened to Lily and Clarisse, and about the challenges they were facing. Sam asked if I would have a chance to do a lot of tourist activities in Thailand, and I said, "Probably not. I understand that most women who undergo these surgeries are barely able to travel after a month. I expect that once Lily gets out of the hospital; I will be spending most of my time helping her. Of course, she will go back after a few days for more surgery but will only be there for another few days. I will be her nurse after that until we leave, three weeks later. I hope Lily feels up to getting out in Bangkok a few times later in the stay. It would be good for her. And lord knows how things will go with Clarisse. I don't think she is ready for this surgery. She doesn't seem to understand a lot of what will be happening. I have tried to talk her out of it, but she is determined. I also don't think she is stable. She had a crisis this morning. I need to call her family or friends to see if I can get their help, maybe convince someone to come back to help Clarisse through the next few weeks. It will be hard if I also must spend a lot of time with Clarisse because I will be busy with Lily. And I have a feeling that Clarisse will soak up a lot of time just reassuring her that things will come out OK." Sandra said, "Are you sure they will come out OK?" I said, "No, but it is best to think positive." For the first time, Roger joined into the conversation. He cringed and said, "God, what a mess. I know people have different feelings about who they are, but the idea of a man getting his dick cut off to become a woman floors me." Then Sandra, who had no particular sympathy for transgender people, said, "Why, Roger? Is becoming a woman a bad thing? Are men so superior? Do you secretly pray every morning thanking God for making you a man?" I saw a 'deer in the headlights' look on Roger's face, and he finally said, "No, I just have a lot of affection for my balls and penis. The idea of them being cut off causes a visceral reaction." Apparently, that was enough to get him out of hot water, because Sandra let it go, at least for now. Maybe this was why Roger stayed quiet when the discussions became in any way controversial. I remembered as Elvis several times being injured by being hit in the groin. I know Elvis would have cringed at the thought of having his penis and balls cut off, just as a reaction to those memories. So, I understand what Roger was saying, but I couldn't very well say so. After dinner and dessert, I packed up my leftovers. Sam asked Sandra, "Would you watch the girls for an hour. I'm going to walk Helen home." Sandra said, "Geez, Sam. She's a big girl, and Bangkok is safe." Sam said, "No, I need to make sure, and Sandra looked at him suspiciously. But finally, she said, "OK, but don't be too late." I thought to myself that Sandra is a decent person and supports her brother in some ways. Now I didn't know whether to consider her a friend or enemy. Why can't people be either totally bad or totally good? That would make things much simpler.' Sam walked me back to my hotel, and I invited him up. We sat and talked for a few minutes over some tea, and I wound up in his arms. After whispered endearments between us, we went on to caresses and kisses. Then we made love. It was rushed, but still wonderful. As Sam left, he said he would call me tomorrow. The next morning, I got up and cleaned up thoroughly, and dressed for the day in a flowered blouse and green skirt. I went to the clinic to see Lily, and we had a nice conversation. She was feeling more comfortable. She had texted Aiko and filled her in thoroughly on how things had gone. Although Lily still hurt, she was very upbeat and looking forward to feeling better in a few days. Lily asked me about the shopping I had done and expressed the hope she could get out again before she had to leave Thailand. Then she asked me about Sam, and I turned red. She laughed and said, "You know that blush is enough to make me want to know more." I nodded. Then I told her about the time I spent with him and with Sandra and Roger last night. She laughed about our 'Political' disagreements but agreed with me that nobody should use preconceived ideas of race and gender to judge other people. Then she asked, "Did you invite Sam up last night?" I blushed again and nodded. She said, "Don't be embarrassed. There's nothing wrong with affection between people. It must be wonderful to have a lover you care for." I said, "It is, Lily. I'm in love with Sam. He's such a wonderful man. But I know we can never be together." She asked, "Why not, Helen?" Then I said, "He's an educated man, Lily. He's brilliant, with a Ph.D., dozens of published papers, and several patents. He's as successful in his field as you are in medicine. I'm nothing. A high-school graduate. A couple of months of college. I think he looks at me as a convenient sexual outlet. Maybe a friend. Certainly nothing more. And if we did have a relationship, I would be a hanger-on, a helper doing unimportant tasks. I could never be a full life partner" Lily said, "Nonsense, Helen. I recognize that you are very intelligent and capable, whether you have attended college or not. I'm sure wherever you are, you will have ideas and plans that bring solid value. And I suspect that Sam realizes the same things about you. And if he doesn't, he's not worth your while." Then I told Lily, "I have decided to share with you more about what I was doing in Vegas that was dangerous enough that I carried a weapon. I was an escort." She looked at me, quizzically. I said, "a call girl, a prostitute." She said, "Oh." Then I continued, "I met Sam when he was one of my johns. So, how can he ever think of me as anything but a whore, Lily? I'm so embarrassed that I did that. Please don't tell anyone. But how could Sam ever love me, even if he could look past my not having a college degree?" Lily said, "But, Helen. You were a whore, but he was a john. It's not as though he was an innocent party. How can he logically hold that against you?" I said, "Whether he was a john or not, he knows I had sex with many men. How can he ever think of me as a decent woman?" Lily responded, "Helen. You are thoroughly lovable. You have a lot of courage and care a great deal for other people. I saw it in your resuscitating that man at the clinic even though it potentially exposed you to infection, I saw it in your being willing to come to Thailand to help me, who you only knew for a month, I see it in your being willing to help Clarisse. And you are very moral. Refusing to abort your child, the child of a john, is a testament to your unselfishness and caring. Once again, if Sam can't recognize your intrinsic goodness, he's not a man you should pine for. Time will tell. But don't give up on him yet. You are worthy of Sam's love, and if he is as wonderful as you think he is, he will recognize that." I cried and thanked Lily. Then I said, "I'm supposed to be keeping up your morale, Lily, not the other way around. How are you feeling?" She said, "I'm doing pretty good. I'm in pain, but I will soon heal more and stop hurting. I want to see what the Surgeon has done. He is supposed to be very talented, so I have high hopes. I want to heal up enough to do some walking around Bangkok and shopping before we have to go." In truth, Lily didn't need me to keep her spirits up. She knew exactly what the surgeon had done and what the potential problems were. She didn't feel anything that might indicate that one of these problems had occurred, so she was optimistic. For her, it was just a matter of time and healing. After I saw Lily, I left the clinic to visit Clarisse in her hotel room. We sat, and I talked to her about this and that. She answered in short sentences. It seemed to me that her depression was still there, not as bad as before, but still present. Should I mention it to the doctor when she went in for the surgery? I asked, "Clarisse, is there anybody I can text or call for you to tell them what is happening?" Clarisse said, "I don't have enough minutes on my plan for that." I said, "I have enough minutes. I'd be happy to use mine." She said, "Really?" I said, "Sure, Clarisse. I'm certain your friends and family would like to know what's happening. I could even let you use my phone to text with them." She said no thanks; she wasn't that good with texts. I said, "How about your mother? Would you like me to send her a text that you're OK?" She just shook her head No. I said, "Are you sure? It's no problem." She shook her head no again, but said, "Could you text my friend, Ken, who helped me get money together to come back?" I said sure, and she gave me his number. I tried to text, but for some reason I couldn't get any bars. I talked with Clarisse for another hour. I tried to tell her about what I'd seen in Bangkok. But she didn't respond much, and I began to worry about her again. I flat out asked her, "Are you going to be all right. Is it safe for me to leave?" She smiled and said, "Yes, Helen. I promise it is safe for you to leave." Then I said goodbye and said I would be back in the afternoon. I went back to the clinic and sat in the waiting room and texted Clarisse's friend Ken using their internet. I told him who I was and told him Clarisse would undergo her surgeries in two days, about 40 hours. I gave them a schedule of what should happen in the next three weeks. Then I told him, "Clarisse will need help in recovery when she goes back to her hotel after her surgeries. I will try to help her, but I came to Thailand with another transgender woman who went through SRS surgery yesterday. I will be helping her and can only help Clarisse when my other friend doesn't need me. So, she could really use your help if you could make it back here. Plus, Clarisse seems to be despondent. She could use a friend." I hoped Ken could come back. It would make it easier for Clarisse, and for Lily and me. I knew it was 14 hours earlier in Reno and Reno was about an hour behind the Midwest where Clarisse came from. It was now 2 PM here, so I guessed it was about 11 PM where Clarisse's friend Ken lived. I should either hear from him immediately or at about 10 PM local when he woke up. I heard from him immediately. He wrote, "Hi Helen. Glad to hear how things are with Clarisse. Please tell her Ken gave his best wishes. Another friend or I will try to arrange to come back. Unfortunately, the ticket is so expensive it will be hard. Would we need separate accommodation? If so, that makes it harder. Ken". I replied, "Thank You, Ken. I believe you could stay in the same motel room as Clarisse. She has a one-bedroom, with a living room so that a couch would be available. Helen." A few minutes later I got a text from Ken, "Thanks for the prompt response, Helen. I will see what I can arrange. Be back with you tomorrow. What time is it there anyway? It's 11 PM here." I laughed and texted, "Its 1 PM here. Thanks. Helen." That made me feel a lot better. I thought Clarisse needed to know her friends cared. I sent Ken a final text asking if it was OK to tell Clarisse that he was trying to put something together. Ken said, "Sure," He texted, "I will text her too." Then I spent some time catching up on my own texts and emails. Aiko had texted me, "Helen, is Lily really doing well? She is so relentlessly upbeat; I worry that she wouldn't tell me if something is wrong. Please keep texting and give me as many details as possible about what is going on. My mother and I are both worried about her." So, I composed a text telling them as much as I knew and giving them lots of impressions I had gained from my conversations with Lily. I tried to reassure them that Lily was doing well." Danno had texted me. That brought a feeling of guilt since I was sleeping with another guy. But Danno and I had made no commitments to each other. We agreed we were too young, and life was too uncertain. But I felt guilty, anyway. Danno told me about his soccer practices and how he was doing. He said they had had one 'friendly' practice game with the local Community College. He had gotten in midway through the second half and had almost scored. He was very upbeat. But the one thing his text lacked were the expressions of love he usually sent. I texted Danno back talking about Lily and how well she was doing. Then I texted that I wound up helping another transgender woman and told him about Clarisse. Then I entered, "XXOO, Helen" but that didn't seem right. I backspaced over it and entered, "I miss you and hope all is well, Helen." I got a text from Celia talking about her jobs and her (many) dates with Arnie. It sounded like they were becoming very close. I replied, thanking her for telling me. I told her about Lily and Clarisse. I thought about telling her about Sam but didn't because she knew about Danno and if I told her she might think I was a slut. Then I thought about all I had done since I had become Helen, and I realized that most people would think I was a slut. But Celia was my friend. I wanted her to think well of me. On the other hand, I could use her advice. Finally, I texted her about meeting a guy who had been one of my Johns in Las Vegas, and about his family and about what we had done, and about thinking I was in love with him. I asked if she had any advice. Then I looked at my emails. Most were solicitations or political nonsense from both parties. I quickly deleted those. I had an email from a good friend in the Army, who had gotten out about the same time I had. He told me a lot about himself and said he was getting married in December and wanted me to be a groom at his wedding. Yeah, like that could happen. Not only did I no longer fit the physical requirements to be a groom, but I couldn't even answer the email because of the non-communication spell. Damn witches, anyway. I didn't delete the email, though. I might be able to answer it someday. I had a new email from my sister. Most of my saved emails were from my sister. She had regularly thanked me for the money I sent while I was in Vegas. Then, when she had gotten the last shipment from Vegas, she had sent a big thank you but said that she noticed I had sent an odd amount. She speculated that something was going on in my life and wished me the best. I must have had the most insightful woman in the world for a sister, Since then, by dent of spending as little money as I could, I had managed to send them $50 to $100 a month to them. Mitsuko had picked up that I was no longer sending from the Vegas area. Again, Mitsuko had speculated accurately that I had left a former employer and was now on somewhat hard times. Even though the $50 I sent was just a little, she thanked me and wished me the best. This email was similar, to a point. It read, "Dear Elvis, we received the $50 you sent. Thank you so much. Aunt Marge and I appreciate your help. I wish you would communicate with us, though. I would really like to hear from you. Aunt Marge also sends her greetings and good wishes." Then there was a new paragraph. "A collection agency called Aunt Marge this week. There was a medical bill that we did not receive, and when we did not pay it, the hospital referred it to the collection agency. Anyway, the agency was very threatening and left Aunt Marge in tears. I wish I had been there. I would have given them hell, fat lot of good it would have done. But it would have made me feel better. Anyway, they demanded $30,000 immediately as payment on the account. Well, no way we can do that. So, I don't know what will happen. There is a free legal aid office in North Tempah that I have persuaded Aunt Marge to go to. We have an appointment for next Thursday. Our car is not running well. But I think there is a bus route that will get us there. I am taking school off to go with her. Wish us luck." God, speaking of guilt. If I had been home, I could have helped. I knew the hoops in paying for medical care, and I could have ensured nothing got way behind. I could have worked full time and kept us afloat. 'Damn witches,' I thought for the umpteenth time. Of course, I sent more money home as Blossom than Elvis could have earned with a paramedic job. And it hadn't solved their financial problem. I hoped that the legal aid office could help them. Then I decided to get some lunch before I came back and spent more time with Lily. I went to the nearby restaurant I had found my first evening alone and ordered some chicken in cooked spinach, called Swimming Rama. It was quite good, and there was a lot left for dinner tonight. I knew Sam, Roger, Sandra, and the girls had a tour outside Bangkok today, so I didn't expect to see them. I went back to my room and dropped off the leftovers and then went to the clinic and Lily's room. But Lily was asleep, so I walked over to Clarisse's hotel. We spent several hours just talking. I made a point of going over the instructions the Doctor had given us two days before and reminded her liquids only today and tomorrow. I told her I would be there at 7 AM tomorrow morning. I asked if she wanted to go for a walk, and surprisingly, she did. So, we walked to the shopping area nearby and looked around. I bought her some cheap earrings that she had admired and gave them to her. On the way back, I told her that I had communicated with Ken, and that Ken or another friend might be able to come back and spend time with her and help her the rest of the time she was in Thailand. She cried at that and said she needed as many friends as she could find. That lifted Clarisse's spirits. I asked again, "Do you want me to email or text your mother and tell her what is happening. You have to talk to your mother eventually and having me in the middle will protect you if your mother flips out." She thought about that for a minute and asked, "Do you really think so?" I said, "Sure. I will only tell you good things. If there are bad things, I won't tell you, unless you ask. And if she screams at me, it won't hurt my feelings. So, there's no risk. I will even promise you I won't call her a bitch." Clarisse laughed and said, "OK. But if she is a bitch, I want you to call her a bitch, for me." So, Clarisse gave me her parents' phone number and said her mother was named Donna Brown. Then I asked if I should text her first to set the stage for a q and a. Clarisse laughed and said, "No. That is a landline. No texting capability. You will have to talk to her. Poor you." I smiled and said, "No problem. I'll call at 11 tonight. That will be 8 AM in the Midwest. Tomorrow I will tell you what she said." The last thing I said to her before I went back to the clinic was, "Remember, tomorrow morning. Don't oversleep." She laughed. The last thing I did was go back to Lily's room for a visit. I spent almost an hour with her. I told her about my text exchange with Aiko, and she laughed and said, "God. If I complained, she would be worried that something was wrong. Now, I'm upbeat, and she checks with you to make sure I'm telling the truth. It's nice to have a sister who cares for me so much, but she drives me crazy." Lily was laughing, so I knew it was no real problem. I told Lily about what I was doing for Clarisse. She said she thought I was doing good, except she said I should be very careful about being involved in family dynamics. There was just no predicting what might happen, and I wasn't trained in therapy. Actually, as an Army Medic, Elvis had gotten some rudimentary training in therapy, but it wasn't much. I told Lily, I thought I was cautious. I would back off at the first sign of trouble. Lily wasn't convinced. Specifically, she didn't think I should make contact with Clarisse's mother. She said there were so many ways it could backfire and hurt Clarisse. I said, "I wouldn't do it, Lily, but Clarisse really needs help. It would do her so much good if her mother could be an ally." Lily thought about it and said, "If you do contact her, you must be very cautious. No advocacy for Transgender people, no trying to convince Clarisse's mother of anything." I appreciated Lily's insight and agreed to what she said. After I left Lily, I went back to the room and tried to read. But concerns about Lily, Clarisse, and myself kept me from focusing. At 8, Sam called. The girls wanted to tell me about the places they visited. He handed the phone to them, and we talked for quite a while until I heard Sam say, "Morgan, Madison. Bedtime. Get ready. I heard a little whining and complaining, but the girls must have been tired because they went to bed without a lot of fuss. Then Sam and I talked for a while. Finally, Sam asked if I wanted him to come over. I said, "Sam, I'd love to see you." Sam had cajoled Sandra and Roger into staying with the girls for a couple of hours. At about 9, I heard a knock on the door. It was Sam, who had brought a bottle of wine and some flowers. I was not used to men giving me gifts. As an escort, it didn't happen, and neither of the boys with whom I had gone out in Reno had any propensity to give gifts to an 'easy' girl. But Sam was romantic, which was sweet. I thanked him and took the flowers and put them in a large glass with some water and tried to arrange them. I had not yet learned how to make flowers look beautiful, like a real girl. But I guess I did OK because Sam didn't complain. Then I kissed him and said thank you again. Sam opened the wine, and I poured a glass for him and a smaller glass for me. I didn't intend to drink more than a sip but didn't want to spurn a gift that given with such warmth. I put the flowers and wine glasses on the bare coffee table, and we each sat down on the couch and talked for a while. Sam told me what they had done today, and I told him how I was trying to help Clarisse. It was very nice to have someone so smart and sweet interested in my ideas and thoughts, and I thought his comments were practical and useful. We wound up in each other's arms, and we were kissing. I don't quite remember what happened. I think that from the moment Sam walked in, it was inevitable we would make love. He picked me up and carried me into the bedroom and laid me gently on the bed. We playfully cooperated in getting each other undressed, and then Sam made love to me. It was wonderful. He was gentle and sharing and passionate. I came twice, once from our lovemaking and once when he slapped my ass and triggered the spell. At the end, Sam came inside me. It felt wonderful. Then we laid together, and Sam started his routine of sweet nothings. I would normally have just returned them and enjoyed our time together. But the series of emails and texts today had made me more aware of my situation and of the problems I was facing with my family. I said, "Don't do that, Sam." Sam said, "Don't do what?" I said, "Don't tell me sweet nothings about how you love me and how wonderful I am. You don't have to do that. I am enjoying our relationship, even though it is temporary. You are sweet and a great lover. But I know I'm nothing special and I know you aren't in love with me. I know that our time will come to an end when your conference starts, and your daughters go home with your sister. Sort of like it came to an end in Las Vegas. Sam rolled me over to face him and kissed me. I responded automatically. Sam said, "But Helen, we both live in Reno. We can see each other when we get home too." I replied, "That would be nice, Sam. But I'm not counting on it. You will be working and taking care of your daughters, and your in- laws will be there, and you will live a long way from me. I will be working two jobs and have decided to try to persuade my aunt and sister to come to live with me. In a few months, I will be getting close to giving birth. That will make things much more difficult. I suspect we will not have much time together. So please don't promise what can never be." I looked away from him and felt tears in my eyes. He moved back, looking at me from a little further away. He said, "But, Helen. I don't want us to be apart. I love being with you. I love talking to you, and I love holding you and feeling you near me." I replied, "I love the same things, Sam. But I know they can't continue forever. Spending time together every weekend or every other weekend won't be enough for you. Some day you will meet a woman with an education and background more compatible with yours, and you will want to be free of me." He said, "Ahh, I get it. You think all I want is sex. No, Helen. I want you as a friend and companion, as a partner and lover. I feel better when I'm with you and want to be with you all the time. And my daughters think you're the best. They always say they want you to come with us when we go somewhere. They think you are very kind and very courageous for how you are helping your friends, including Clarisse. Morgan said the other day that I should marry you and get you to move in with us." I laughed and said, "They just think I'm another little girl to play with." He laughed and said, "Maybe partly, but they also respect you for what you do." Then he said, "So, let's see if we can find a way to be together more and get to know each other better? I have an idea if you are interested?" I replied, "OK, tell me." He said, "You know that outbuilding on my property I mentioned? The 1500 square foot outbuilding?" He laughed at that. I did too and said, "Yes, I remember that, Sam." He said, "My father-in-law is working on renovating it, and hopes to finish in a couple of months?" I said, "Yes." Then he said, "Why don't you move into that? Of course, your mother and sister would be welcome too if they come to Reno?" I said, "I don't think I could afford to rent a house, Sam." He said, "Rent free. I wouldn't charge you anything." I didn't know what to think. Elvis prized his independence and always wanted to pull his weight. Now Sam was offering me, Helen, a house, for nothing. But there were hidden obligations. If I accepted, I would owe him, big time. Elvis hated to owe anyone like that. It represented a loss of independence. On the other hand, it would be na?ve to expect not to lose some independence if I entered into a permanent relationship with any man. Of course, the man would also lose some independence. But the woman's loss would be greater because society expects men to be dominant. Sam would make the important decisions regarding the outbuilding, and I would lose independence. But maybe Sam would lose more independence than I thought. After all, he was offering to give me and my child and my aunt and sister a place to live. That was a huge obligation. Such an obligation would certainly circumscribe Sam's independence, assuming of course that he would fulfill the obligation. And I had no doubt Sam intended to do that. But would he? I knew that there would come a time when things no one anticipated would make the going tough. Would Sam hang in there and still fulfill his obligations as best he could? I thought he would, but of course, I didn't know. Then I remembered a similar situation when my father offered his sister, my aunt, a place to stay for her and her children with no rent required. I don't recall seeing my aunt lose her independence. She had had little independence previously because her life was ruled by the necessity to find food and shelter for her children. My father's generous act had lifted that need from her head and given her more independence. And my father did hang in there when the going got tough. He had tried his best to help my aunt's two children, Zak and Linda, succeed. Of course, in turn, my aunt had done everything she could to give love and security to my father's children, e.g., Mitty and I. That made me realize how wonderful my father and his sister were. Both of them had given a lot to take care of children who weren't theirs. So, Sam's offer could actually make me more independent, because otherwise I would be ruled by the iron necessity to provide for my child, my aunt, and my sister. It all depended on Sam. Would Sam stand by any obligation he assumed? And would he continue to show the fairness and warmth I had seen in him to date and continue to value what I brought to the relationship? I thought he would, but there was no way to tell. I supposed that real women expect to make such judgments because sisters, mothers, and girlfriends had had to do so in the past. But Elvis didn't ever expect to make such a judgment. If he made an offer to support a child of a woman he cared for, he would have been the one assuming the obligation; he wouldn't have been depending on the other person. That meant worrying about the fairness and character of a partner was not second nature for Helen. But the circumstances were that Helen was now making such a judgment, and it would turn out well. Of course, there was a romantic reason to accept Sam's offer. I could always be close to the man I now realized I loved. I wanted that very much. So my decision on how to proceed was clear. I said, "Sam, I don't know what to say. That's such a generous offer. But what would your in-laws say? Do they want the outbuilding for themselves? After all, it would allow them some time alone together." He said, "They already have their own apartment. The main house is 3700 square feet with a 1200 square foot mother-in-law. But if my in-laws want the outbuilding, you could move into the mother-in-law. Then we could be even closer." He smiled at that, while I blushed. I replied, "I will think about it, Sam. And you should think about it too. This seems like a very impetuous offer. I will give you some time to reconsider if you want. I assume it will be a while until your father-in-law finishes the outbuilding, so we are in no hurry to decide." He said, "I guess not. OK, so now you know where I stand. Can I tell you I love you again?" I laughed and said, "Any time, Sam, any time." Then we embraced and kissed again. After a while, he said, "Helen, I need to get going. I promised Sandra I would be back in a couple of hours. It's already 10." So, we separated reluctantly, and Sam kissed me again and took his leave. I went and took a shower and had a drink of water and thought about Sam. He wanted a relationship with me. I cried. I reflected briefly on how much had changed in the last eight months. From a guy, I had somehow turned into a young woman in love. But mainly I just gloried in the feeling of being loved by Sam. Before I went to bed, I had to call Clarisse's mother. I dialed the number Clarisse had given me, and a woman's voice answered. I said, "Hi. My name is Helen Watson. I'm trying to reach Donna Brown. Is this her?" The woman's voice responded suspiciously, "Who did you say you were? Are you representing some organization? What is your relationship with Donna?" I took a deep breath and said, "My name is Helen Watson? I'm a friend of Donna's child, Carl. I wanted to talk to Donna about Carl." The voice responded coldly, "What about Carl?" I answered with a question, "So, am I speaking with Donna. What I have to say about Carl is only for her." There was a long silence, and I wondered if we were somehow disconnected. I said, "Hello, are you still there?" The voice said, "Yes, I'm still here. You can't talk to Donna. She's in the hospital, where that asshole husband of hers put her. And if you are calling for him, may you rot in hell." I said, "I'm not calling for her husband. I'm calling for Carl. Really!" She said, "OK. Describe him." I said, "6 ft, light brown hair, blue eyes. Fairly good looking." Then she said, "Anything else." I said, "He's transgender." She said, "OK, so you actually know Carl. That asshole husband would not have mentioned that. He is too ashamed of having a transgender child. If you want to tell Donna something, you will have to tell me, and I can relay the information." I said, "OK, tell me how you relate to Donna? I don't want to be spreading information about Carl to just everybody." She replied, "I'm Cathy Wilkinson. Donna's niece. My husband and I are watching the house while my aunt is in the hospital. I hope her asshole husband shows up, so I can shoot his ass off." 'Hmm, I like this girl,' I thought. I said, "OK, my name again is Helen Watson. I'm a friend of Clarisse Brown, also known as Carl Brown." Cathy broke in, "Clarisse, huh? Pretty name." I said, "Yes, it is. Anyway, Clarisse and I are in Thailand. Clarisse will undergo sexual reassignment surgery tomorrow. Clarisse is having a rough time. I don't know her that well. I came to Thailand with another transgender woman going through the same surgery, and then just happened to meet Clarisse. Most of the girls going through surgery have a friend or family member to help them. Clarisse does not. She should have someone here to help her when she goes back to her motel to convalesce. I will try to help her as much as I can, but my other friend needs help too. So, what I would ideally like is for Clarisse's mother to come here and be with her and help. But, just as important, maybe more important, is emotional support. I hope her mother forgives Clarisse and gives her some, oh, some hope, some encouragement, maybe some love." Cathy said, "OK, I'll pass that along to Aunt Donna. But I honestly don't think Donna will be coming to Thailand although it might be good for her to get out of here. Can you give me Clarisse's phone number in case my aunt wants to call Clarisse?" I gave her the phone number, then Cathy gave me her number and said, "Tell Clarisse I would love to talk to her and that I will always be her friend. And you can call me too if you want me to fill you in what my aunt said." Then I gave her my phone number and said she or Donna could call or text, and we hung up. That had been a more positive phone call than it could have been. At least Clarisse had one relative that seemed accepting. But overall, the family situation seemed grim. Once again, I thanked my lucky stars for my father and aunt, who gave my sister and me so much love as we grew up. The next morning, I got up early, put my hair into a ponytail, put on some light makeup, and walked to Clarisse's hotel. I knocked, and she was up. She looked subdued but OK. I asked her if she had stuck to the liquid diet, and she nodded. There was no indication she had been drinking. So, everything was positive. As we were walking over to the clinic, I told her that I had talked to her cousin and learned her father had hurt her mother and put her in the hospital. Clarisse said, "yeah. It isn't the first time, probably won't be the last." Then I told Clarisse her cousin had invited Clarisse to call her and gave Clarisse the number. I told her that because of the time difference, now was the time. Cathy was awake. And there was time for a short conversation before Clarisse had to start the process of getting ready for surgery. Clarisse seemed to be reluctant, but I said, "Over the next few days you will not be able to talk because of the surgery. And now I am here for support if things go sideways. And it will give you something to think about besides the surgery." So, Clarisse called and had a nice conversation with Cathy. I think they could have talked for hours, but they only had minutes. Clarisse put the phone on intercom so I could hear. After a few minutes, I broke in and said, "Sorry, but you don't have much time. I just wanted to say; it would really be nice if Clarisse had some help and support for the next month. She is going to be in a hotel room, convalescing for at least three weeks. I will help as much as I can, but I also must help the friend I accompanied to Thailand. Anyway, forgive my interruption." There was a long pause in the conversation. Finally, Clarisse said, "I know you have a lot on your plate, Cathy. But, if you can swing it, I would love to see you. I don't need anything for a week. But then my surgery will be over, and the clinic will release me. Then I could use some help. But don't feel obligated. I will cope if you can't. Then Clarisse said, "So you got married since I saw you last. Tell me about that." Cathy went on to tell about her wedding and honeymoon. Cathy's reaction seemed to indicate that no one in her family would be able to come back. But having that conversation was almost as important as having someone here. We got to the clinic and sat in the waiting room for a few minutes, while Clarisse and Cathy continued to talk. Finally, the receptionist indicated it was time for Clarisse to start getting ready, and she had to hang up. Clarisse said, "OK, got to go get my dick cut off. Bye, Cathy." Cathy laughed and said she loved Clarisse and then said goodbye. Clarisse cried a little at that, and I said, "I'm sorry Clarisse." She said, "No, I'm happy. I'm happy I got to talk to Cathy. I'm just a little bummed that I didn't make the connection sooner. But, when I get done with this, I will definitely talk to her again." Clarisse was having a slightly different procedure than Lily. She was having a partial facial feminization surgery as well as a vaginal reconstruction. Whereas Lily had started with SRS and then in two weeks would have full facial feminization surgery. Clarisse had chosen partial facial surgery because of the expense and time required. Afterward, she had regretted it because the partial feminization surgery would leave her still looking masculine. But it was what it was, now. She would have the facial surgery first, in the morning, and then the SRS in the afternoon. While she was lying on a cot, waiting for whatever would come next, I asked her, "Are you sure you're ready for this, Clarisse? I know you haven't had the recommended counseling. Have you lived as a woman for a year? Do you know what you are going to do after the surgery? You know, this can't be undone. You can never again have a penis. You need to be sure." She gave me a pained expression and said, "I'm sure, Helen. Look, I've spent my whole life detesting being male, even though my parents badgered me to behave in a 'manly' way. Now it's over. Now, I can be a woman. I continued, trying to convince her to slow down, even go home and come back after living for a year as a woman and going through the therapy required of transgender girls in the states before SRS. But nothing I said made Clarisse any less determined to have the surgeries. After a while, she asked me, "Are you still my friend, Helen. I still need a friend." I said, "Oh, Clarisse, if I didn't care about you, why would I be counseling caution? Of course I'm your friend. I will be monitoring what happens in the surgery, and I'll sit in the waiting room and pray everything goes all right." That caused her to smile. Clarisse said, "You're very sweet, Helen. You were very lucky to be born and raised as a woman. You could be sweet. You had no father to badger you if you were too sweet or too vulnerable or to mock you if you were the least bit feminine. Even my mother used to tell me I needed to be more manly." I shook my head. That comment about me was odd to hear, but I guess it was actually right. My mother and aunt had never badgered Elvis about his intrinsic behavior. I recalled that young Elvis had been a very sweet child and had spent a lot of time with women, first my mother then my aunt. And my father had never indicated that was a problem. He let me be who I was. My aunt did too. So, I was lucky with my parents. But I was troubled by Clarisse thinking that men and women were so different. Certainly, expected personality characteristics were different for men and women, and I could understand a child not being able to internalize the characteristics expected for his or her gender. But those expectations were, to some extent, culturally determined. In a society where men were expected to be gentler, more helpful, and more nurturing, would Clarisse have been more content to be a man? Maybe. But, really, the behavioral characteristics that separated men and women were subtle. Women tended to be less aggressive but weren't always. Women tended to be less violent, but there were violent women, who were clearly women. Women tended to be more nurturing, but many women weren't nurturing at all. And many men were very nurturing, especially if they spent time with children when they were young. Certainly, there were big differences in behavior regarding sex, mainly because women always wound up bearing and taking care of babies, which was a big, big job. But in terms of personality, most of what I thought and felt and did as Helen was the same as I would have thought and felt and did if I had continued to be Elvis. To me, the big difference between Elvis and Helen, besides physical characteristics, is that Helen was in love with a man. But even that was not characteristic of all women. I shook my head, thinking I was spending too much time navel-gazing. Clarisse had felt she couldn't be a man. That was undeniable. I said, "I'm sorry your parents couldn't accept you as you were, Clarisse. I know that if my child were to have confusion about his or her gender, I would accept it and try to help my child be happy and fulfilled." That caused her to smile at me. Then the nurse came in and inserted Clarisse's IV. Clarisse had told me she hated needles, so I held her other hand while that happened. She got through it, but she was sheet white. After a few minutes, they asked her to count backward from 100. She stopped at 97. And they took her to the operating room. After that, I went to see Lily. As usual, she was upbeat. She said she was feeling quite good. It had now been four days since her surgery. At seven days, if all looked well, they would take the packing out of her new vagina and remove the catheter. She was looking forward to that. Then at 12 days, she might be able to get out of the clinic for a couple of days before her full facial feminization surgery. Lily was really looking forward to those few days of relative freedom. I spent a lot of time telling Lily about what had happened with Clarisse. I told her about talking with Charisse's friend at home, and how someone might come out to be with her after the surgery. I also told her about getting in contact with Clarisse's cousin and how the two had finally talked just before Clarisse went into surgery, and how happy she had been for that. And I told Lily about trying to convince Clarisse to wait for the surgery and failing. Lily agreed that Clarisse wasn't ready and should wait but told me I had done my best to help my new friend and had accomplished a lot. So, I should be pleased. And of course, I told Lily about Sam. I told her about how I had slept with him last night and how he said he wanted a relationship, more than just sex, and about his offer to let me stay in his outbuilding rent-free. I told her about how wonderful that made me feel. Of course, Lily was a little skeptical and told me to be careful. I said, "Oh, Lily, I know that what kind of relationship he wants is still not defined. But this is so much better than thinking he only wanted sex. I'm so in love with him." She laughed at me, and said, "OK, Helen, so enjoy being in love, for eight more days. But then make sure to wash the sheets and get the spots out, before I come back to the motel." I blushed and said I would. I sat with Lily most of the afternoon. We talked occasionally, but most of the time, we each read what we had brought to Thailand. I would occasionally go out to the waiting room and ask the receptionist for news about Clarisse. But there wasn't any. Sam and his family were on a railroad tour to the Bridge on the River Kwai, so I didn't expect to hear from them, but Sam texted several times and told me what was happening. He called once so Morgan and Madison could tell me what they were seeing. I told Lily what they said, and she replied, "I bet I will be able to do that before we go. It can't require much walking." I told her we'd plan on it. At noon I walked down to the nearest restaurant and got some curry. I only ate part of it and took the rest back to the room and then returned to the clinic. Still no news about Clarisse, but that was good. Any news that happened too soon would most likely be bad. When I got back to the room, I texted Ken and Cathy that there was no news yet. Finally, at about 5, a nurse came into Lily's room and told me that Clarisse's surgeries were completed and that they went well. I could see her at 7. I was very relieved. At 7, I said goodbye to Lily and went to Clarisse's recovery room. She had had both facial surgery and SRS. Her face was bandaged, but I could see her eyes. She was still very drugged up, so I just held her hand for a while. Then I told her I would see her tomorrow. I think she nodded. I went back to my room. I knew Sam and his family would be getting back to his room late tonight, so I didn't expect to hear from him. I ate my leftovers, spent some time cleaning up, and took a long soak. Then I checked my messages. I had a text from Ken saying that he was still working on getting a helper back to Thailand, but they hadn't put anything together yet. I sent him a response, and it led to a series of texts. Here they are Ken: No news on getting helper to Thailand. Still working on it. Me: Thanks Ken. Clarisse out of surgery. Doctors said all's well. She's bandaged all over. Still groggy and can hardly talk. But OK. They will remove facial bandages in few days. Ken: Thanks Helen. Do you have Facebook? Here is my page. [link] Me: You look familiar. I'm not on Facebook. Here is picture. Ken: You look like kid. Me: Thanks lots. Ken: No offense. You are pretty. You look familiar to me too. I graduated from U Wisconsin 10 years ago. Was in Army 7 years. Injured in Afghanistan. Had to leave service. Just as well. They're still not very friendly to gays. Now bartender in Paduka. (I realized now where I must have seen him. Elvis had probably treated him as a medic in Afghanistan. But I couldn't say that. The spells wouldn't allow.) Me: I've never been any of those places. Ken: How about your history? Me: Graduated from Tempah, Texas high school last June. Spent a few months at West Texas State College. Spent 6 months in Las Vegas. Recently moved to Reno. Ken: Nothing there rings a bell. What were you doing in Vegas? Me: Showgirl. Ken: Cool. Why leave? Me: Pregnant. Ken: Oh. Why not abortion? Me: Not baby's fault. Should have chance at life. Ken: OK. Thanks for what you are doing for Clarisse. She's crazy, but sweet. Me: Why Crazy? Ken: All trans women are. Why would anyone want to get their cock cut off just to be a chick? No offense intended. ?? Me: ?? None taken. I don't completely understand either. I guess strong desire to be part of superior gender. Ken: Touch?. ?? I'll get back to you if/when can get help for Clarisse. Me: Thanks Ken, Regards. I also texted Cathy that the surgeries went well and that Clarisse seemed OK. She didn't respond. I was surprised to get a phone call from Sam at 9:30. I said, "Hi, Sam. Nice to hear your voice." He said, "It's nice to hear your voice too, Helen. The girls said I should tell you hi. I hope you had a nice day." I said, "It was good. I put Clarisse in touch with her cousin just before her surgery, and they had a nice talk. And I spent a lot of time with Lily. She really is a good friend. I should tell you that I confessed to her about sleeping with you." He said, "What? Why did you do that?" I said, "I just wanted to. I wanted to get her take on things. She's so smart. Did I ever tell you she went from high school to being a doctor with two specialties in only 9 years? That's unheard of. I think she is as smart in her own way as you are in yours." He said, "Nevertheless, it seems like what we did is pretty personal to tell even to a smart friend." I replied, "Sam. women share such things with their friends. And then their friends ask questions to help each other think things out. I'm sorry if you feel I betrayed a trust. I'm sure Lily considers this a privileged communication between good friends. She won't pass it around. She's not that kind of person. And to make sure, I'll tell her how private that information is." It struck me then that Elvis would never have told a friend anything like that under any circumstances. But it seemed natural to Helen. I said, "Besides, it's not as though I told her everything about what we did. Just the basics." Sam grudgingly said, "OK, Helen. Sorry. I didn't mean to overreact. So, what did Lily say when you told her." I said, "She just cautioned me to be careful. She doesn't condemn me for making love with you. She said it's wonderful to make love to someone you care for so much. She did remind me to wash the sheets before she left the hospital." He laughed at that. He said, "Helen, I don't think I can come over to see you tonight. I'm too tired, and I don't want to leave the girls alone. I will really miss you. I love you, Helen. And that is not a sweet nothing. It's a sweet something." I laughed at that. I replied, "Of course, you can't leave your girls alone. I would never expect you to endanger your children for me, Sam. I miss you and love you too!" He said, "Thanks, Helen. I thought about you all day, though. I wish you and I and Madison and Morgan could be together all the time. I dreamed about us walking hand in hand while the girls ran around and laughed." I replied, "That sounds great, Sam. Except I want to run around and laugh too." That made him chuckle. He said, "I'm sure we would have times when we could run around and laugh. I didn't mean we would have to give up fun like that." I replied, "I know, Sam. That vision sounds delightful. I'm afraid, though that I have some heavy responsibilities that I need to fulfill. You know I'm pregnant, right." He laughed and said, "Duh." I said, "And I got an email from my sister that they are way behind on payments on my aunt's medical bills. And their house was mortgaged to the hilt to pay for an earlier medical problem. They have no income and no insurance. It's a mess. I may have to get them to declare bankruptcy and give up the house and come live with me. If that happens, I will have to give up the baby after she is born and go to work on a couple of jobs to take care of them." He said, "I don't mean to cast aspersions on them, but can't your aunt and sister work?" I replied, "A little. My aunt is still recovering from her cancer treatments. And my sister is a junior in high school. I don't want her to work too much. She's very smart and deserves to have the chance to do well in her last year and a half of high school. I'd like to see her go to college." He said, "Then living in the outbuilding is perfect. The school district is very good." I said, "Yes. There is that. But I like to contribute my share, and that couldn't happen if you just gave me free housing. I'd wind up totally dependent. I'm not very comfortable with that." He said, "But Helen when you are near delivering a baby and then just after delivery, you can't work. A certain amount of dependence on someone is inevitable. So why not depend on someone who loves you?" I laughed and replied, "Will you still love me when I can't have sex for two months? Or when I am absorbed caring for a newborn? When I'm not giving anything, just taking? When I'm a drain on your time and energy? When I'm not pretty?" He said, "Yes. Yes, I will. I promise I'll still love you. I will still be mesmerized by your practical common sense, by your good humor, by your interest in the natural world, and by your basic goodness. I know things will be better with you here than without. I really, really want you to come and stay at my home." I thought about it and decided the assurances that this would succeed were as good as they could be, short of a marriage proposal, which was way too much to expect. I said, "OK, I will plan on it. When I get back to Reno, I will start the process of moving." Then I thanked Sam and told him I loved him. My practical side had decided. But I was worried that the decision was unwise. On the other hand, I did not really have many options. So, I would work hard to make it work. I knew that left me even more vulnerable. I'm sure other women had been in the same situation. I wished there was data telling how often letting yourself be dependent on someone who said they loved you would work out. On the other hand, my emotional side had made the same decision the first time Sam had made the offer. My heart sang at the idea of living with him. Then Sam said, "would you join us for dinner tomorrow, Helen? We will be eating late so you won't miss too much visiting time." I said I would love to, and he said he would call during the day and tell me where and when? Then he said, "I must get some sleep, Helen. We have to leave on a tour of Bangkok early in the morning. Good Night. I love You." I told him I loved him too, and we hung up. As I got ready for bed, I thought about what I had committed to and the implications. First, I would have to tell Celia that I had to leave the apartment. Had we signed a year's lease? I think we had. So, I would have to find a new tenant acceptable to my landlord. And to Celia. How would that work? And I probably would have to find a new job near where Sam lived. I would have a hard time getting into downtown Sparks to Lily's office. And, my God, I would have to break up with Danno. That was going to be so hard. He was really a good guy. And if I were going to bring my aunt and sister back to live with me, I would have to talk to the witch's coven. There was no alternative. The spell keeping me from communicating with my aunt and sister would have to be undone or modified. For that matter, I would also fight to get the spells that made me need abusive sex every week undone. And the spell that kept me skinny and weak would also have to be undone. As weak as I was, I knew childbirth would be dangerous for both my child and me. But talking to the witch's coven was dangerous, even if I could argue that they had been wrong to cast those spells on me. The witches were powerful and unpredictable. They might change me into something much worse than what I was, into an animal, or a sick person or an invalid. But I had no choice. I would start by talking to Evelyn, the interpreter. Should I call now? No, she might show up right here and haul me away. Then I couldn't help my friends after their surgeries. I decided to call just before I left, before I moved to Sam's outbuilding. After all, if the witches changed me into anything but who I am, I wouldn't have to worry about moving. Then I realized I had made a momentous decision. I wanted to be who I am now. I wanted Helen's future, not Elvis's. I woke up the next morning and enjoyed my coffee and cooked an egg and toast. Then I went off to the clinic and visited Lily. She looked much like yesterday. Today was now 5 days after her surgery. As always, Lily was in a good mood despite being confined to a hospital bed and having post-surgical pain. I told her good morning, and she smiled and said, "Hey, Helen. Did you have a good night? I laughed and said, "Well, pretty good, but not as good as some other nights." She said, "Oh?" I said, "Sam and his family were out in the hinterlands of Thailand touring and didn't get back until late." Lily said, "You know your tails of debauchery are all that keep me going here. You need to up your game, girl." I said, "Sorry. But I did have a romantic conversation with Sam on the phone." She said, "Oh?" I said, "Yes. He asked me again to stay at the outbuilding at his home after they finish it. I'm afraid I said 'Yes.'" She said, "He didn't ask you to marry him, did he?" I said, "No, but he assured me he loved me and would always love me. I don't know. That seems unlikely. After all, I'm just ..." Lily said, "Stop right there. You are not just an uneducated prostitute. You're sweet and kind and strong and hard-working and moral, and you're my friend, and I won't listen to anybody bad-mouth you, not even you." That made me cry, and say, "Thank You, Lily. Your friendship is a blessing." Then she said, "So, when will you move? I said, "Soon after I get back to Reno. I need to tell my landlord and Celia so they can find a new tenant acceptable to everybody. And this all plays into something else that is going on. Lily said, "What's that." I explained the issues my aunt and sister were having and said I might have to provide a home for them. I said, "In one way that would be great. I would love to have them with me. But in another way, it would make working even more critical, even if I didn't have to pay rent to Sam. I couldn't tell her I would need to persuade a coven of crazy, nasty witches to change the spells they put on me before I could even contact my aunt and sister. She said, "Well, you have a lot on your plate. But I assume you get along with your aunt and sister." I said, "Yes. They are wonderful people." She said, "Good. Then they might want to help you when you give birth and afterward. They might be a wonderful benefit, not an additional burden." I said, "Lily, you are absolutely right. I have been looking at this in an unduly negative way, and not seeing the positives. You're brilliant. Thank You!" That caused her to blush. We chatted about less weighty issues for another hour, and then Lily got tired. I decided to go see Clarisse. Clarisse was awake, but with her face bandaged and hurting, she couldn't talk much. I talked for a while. I told her about what had happened with Sam and me, and about my text exchange with Ken. I said, "I'm really getting to like Ken. He's a sweet guy." She whispered, "Yes. Too bad he's gay. But then I never would have known him if he wasn't." Clarisse got tired and went back to sleep after less than a half-hour of visiting. But I stayed another half hour and sat with her and occasionally told her I hoped the best for her and was glad I met her. Then I went out to the waiting room to pass the time. I sat there until 1. Then I went out for lunch and brought the leftovers back to my room and returned to the clinic. By that time Lily was awake, and we talked for several hours. I mentioned that Clarisse had had her facial surgery at the same time and was having a hard time communicating at all. Lily said, "Yes, I will face that, and more, after my full facial surgery in 9 days. But it will be worth it when I am done. Tell her hi for me." Then I went back and spent an hour with Clarisse. The situation was much the same as this morning. I talked a little, but other than that I just held her hand. For once I got back to the room a little early. I read for a while and then fell asleep. Sam called at 7 and told me dinner was at 8 at a restaurant near the shopping plaza. He said he would be there in a half- hour and walk me to the restaurant. I got up, brushed my teeth, changed into a pretty blue dress, brushed my hair, put on a necklace and some earrings with a Thai Motif I had bought at the shopping center, refreshed my makeup, and put on some low heels. It was just in time because Sam rang my doorbell at that moment and greeted me with a long kiss. Then I wiped his lips and redid my lipstick. We laughed and started walking, hand in hand, toward the shopping center. It was a very happy moment. As we walked, Sam told me about their day touring Bangkok. He said they didn't cover much ground because of the traffic but saw lots of interesting sights. We got to the restaurant a little before 8 and joined Sandra and Roger and the girls who were waiting and were seated. The conversation was light and animated at first. But one of the girls mentioned that she was glad I would be moving into the outbuilding. Sandra's mood changed instantly. She must have been thinking that Sam and I were having a fling and that as soon as we left Thailand, we would stop seeing each other. She looked at me suspiciously and said, "Are you sure that is best for you Helen. It's a long way from where you work in downtown Sparks. And the cost of bus transportation added to the rent would be fairly expensive." Sam said, "Oh, I won't be charging her any rent." I could see Sandra's face get redder, and she asked, "Who's idea was that?" Obviously, she thought I had manipulated Sam into offering me free rent. Sam jumped in and said, "It's my idea, Sandra. Helen will be bringing her younger sister and aunt to live with her and will find it hard to work a lot of hours when she gets close to delivering the baby and then the next six months after that. So, I offered to help her out." I'm sure Sandra concluded from that comment that I fed him that information to get an offer of free rent. That was not true; at least I hoped it wasn't. Had I subconsciously hinted that I could use help? I didn't think so. Sandra gritted her teeth and said, "Helen should get an abortion so she can take care of her own family." I couldn't answer that without losing my temper, so I just remained silent. Sam said, "Sandra, Helen is willing to make the sacrifice to bear her child. It is her decision, and I will respect it." I thought, 'God bless him for that.' Then Sam said, "Besides, having Helen and her family in the outbuilding will benefit me too." Roger asked, "How's that, Sam?" Sam said, "My in- laws have decided that living with me and caring for the girls' full time was not good for either them or the girls. So, they have asked me to work toward getting someone else at home with the girls after school. They want to spend the winter at their property in Florida, which they have not been able to do much more than visit since ..., well for six years. If Helen and her family were willing, it would be perfect." 'What,' I thought. 'Why didn't Sam mention that to me? Am I being manipulated?' But I didn't say anything right then. However, Madison jumped in and said, "You mean Grandpa and Grandma are moving?" She looked as if she might cry, as did Morgan. Sam said, "Only until summer, honey. They will live with us during the summer." Morgan started crying. She said, "I don't want grandpa and grandma to move. I love them." She was joined by Madison. I put my right arm around Morgan, and she held me. I said, "I'm sorry, Morgan. I'm sorry." Madison saw what was happening and hugged me from the other side, and I held her in my left arm. After the girls cried themselves out, Madison said, "Will you be there after school with us, Helen? Please?" I said, "If your father wants, honey. But you know your father loves you and will make sure you are all right, OK." She nodded, dubiously. Then I looked across the table and saw that the other three adults were looking at the girls and me. Sam had a little smile on his face, Roger looked curious, and Sandra looked angry. Damn her. But I realized that whatever I wished; I would have to have a relationship with her. I needed to reassure her that my intentions were good. But what did 'good' mean? That I didn't love her brother. But I did. Or that he didn't love me. But he said he did love me. That I wasn't trying to inveigle myself into Sam's family. But if I lived on Sam's property and took care of his daughters, I was to some extent already part of his family. I guess Sandra would just have to assume the worst. In time, I hoped to show her I was a positive influence on the girls' lives and in Sam's life. I tried to be as quiet and circumspect as possible over dinner, not wanting to provoke any more outbursts from Sandra. When dinner was over, Sandra found an excuse not to watch the girls while Sam walked me back to my motel. Clearly, she was no longer going to do anything to facilitate a relationship between Sam and me. So, I and Sam and both children walked together back to the hotel. It was just as well. I needed to get my emotions under control before Sam and I had a conversation. As they left, Sam kissed me goodbye. I whispered in his ear, "Are you sure Sandra likes me?" He said he would call, and we could talk. Sam called late that night. He said, "I had a talk with Sandra and told her how I feel about you. She was upset and told me you were not in my class intellectually or morally, but I told her that was bullshit and that I wasn't going to give you up for anything, and she finally agreed to try to get along with you." "Well," I said, "that's a start." Then I asked him, "Why didn't you tell me that you had in mind that I would care for your daughters before and after school?" He said, "I thought I had, but apparently not. I apologize." I said, "Look, Sam. I have no problem helping you and caring for Morgan and Madison before and after school. I really like your daughters. I just don't like being blindsided. Please keep me informed about things that affect me." He replied, "I will try. I'm sorry I forgot." Somehow the thought persisted that the need to find someone to be home for his daughters was partly or wholly the reason he wanted me to live there? I hoped not. I hoped that his expressions of love were the real reasons. And I had to believe him that they were. I loved him. But if evidence mounted to the contrary, I could not be blind to it. On the other hand, one of the benefits of the arrangement was that I got a free place to live while I was very vulnerable. That benefit would be there even if Sam's offer wasn't primarily motivated by love. But if it turned out he didn't care for me as much as he said, it would hurt. I suspected that these thought and been shared by many women who had been offered free or almost free housing by men they loved. But born women were probably more prepared than I. They may have seen similar situations, or had talked about such situations with their girlfriends or female relatives, or had read about them in romance novels. Elvis had none of those experiences. So, Helen was making it up as she went along. I wished Celia or Trudy or Aiko or Ally were available to talk to. Talking to someone might help me get my thinking straight. I decided to try to contact one of those three the next chance I got to make calls and ask if I was too paranoid. And I could talk to Lily. She had not been born a woman. But she was very insightful. Then I heard Sam say, "Helen, are you there?" I realized he had been talking while I was thinking. I said, "Sorry, Sam. I was just thinking. What were you saying?" He laughed, "What were you thinking?" I said, "I was thinking about how vulnerable a pregnant, unmarried woman was. Nothing surprising." He said, "I suppose they are. I've never thought about it." Of course not, he was a man, and would never be in my position. Then he continued, "I know you have nothing but my word. But please believe me that I will never take advantage of you. I'm here for the long-haul. I love you, Helen." God, I hoped that was true. I said, "Thank You, Sam. I love you too. I look forward to being with you more when I move to your place. When do you think it will be ready?" He said, "Well, now that we have decided to go ahead, my father-in-law wants to spend some money getting the outbuilding cleaned up and doing any necessary repairs, rather than doing it all himself. I said he could spend up to $20,000. I'm hoping he can finish it in a month, two at the latest." I said, "OK. I will aim at being out of my apartment in two months. Please keep me up to date on the date though. I don't want to be homeless if there is a delay. Sam replied, "Don't worry. You won't be. If it comes to that, you can move into the main house. There is an extra bedroom we are using as storage. Or you can sleep with me." I gasped, "Sam, that wouldn't be appropriate. What would we tell your girls? Or your in-laws?" He said, "Well, I already told my mother and father in law that I found a girl that I really, really liked. They aren't stupid, Helen. They wouldn't be surprised if we were sleeping together." I said, "OK. But I would feel very awkward if it came to that. Would your in-laws still like me, do you think?" He said, "Oh, Helen. How could they not? You are a very sweet, loving woman. I'm sure they would like you. There might be a twinge of feeling that you were taking the place of their daughter. But they have been hinting for a couple of years that I should find a good woman to be a mother to Morgan and Madison. So, I think it would be OK." I couldn't help myself. I asked, "So, do you really love me, or are you just looking for someone to mother your children? I mean, I am happy to be a mother to them. They are very sweet girls. I just want a relationship where I am loved too." As I heard myself talking, it was clear how feminine I had become. The transformation spell that the witches had used on me had been damn effective. He said, "Helen, please believe me. I do love you. I loved you when I met you months ago. Besides being pretty, you comported yourself with such dignity and poise despite being in a very compromised position. And you showed how competent you were by helping that boy who was injured. And then we talked, and I became aware of how intelligent you were. The only question was your morality. And now you have shown how moral you are by deciding to carry your baby to term. I love you, Helen. No ifs, ands, or maybes. But I must admit if you didn't warm to my girls, and they didn't warm to you, I don't think that love would have gone anywhere. But you did warm to them, and I knew that you were the girl for me." At the end, I cried alittle, and said, "I love you too, Sam. I love you too." Then Sam said, "On another subject, Helen. Tomorrow we are going on a tour of Bangkok at night. It should be fun, and I bought an extra ticket for you. Would you please accompany us? I said, what time is it? He said, "It's from 7 to 11. It includes dinner. I would walk you back to your room afterward." I said, "I'm not sure it is wise for me and Sandra to spend 4 hours together." He replied, "I love both my sister and my girl, and I won't give either one of you up. It's really important to me for you to get along. Please, Helen." I replied, "How can I say anything other than Yes, Sam? OK, I'd be happy to go with you tomorrow night. When and where should I meet you?" He said he would call me tomorrow and tell me. After that, we said goodnight and hung up. By this time, it was very late. I got myself ready for bed. But my sleep was fitful. I dreamed of Sam's parents-in-law not liking me when they met me and being angry. And I dreamed of constantly fending off insults from Sandra. And I dreamed of things not working out between Sam and me and the girls and me having to move away. These dreams were worse than any nightmares. I woke in a cold sweat at 1 AM and got up and listed out possible ways to make my relationship with Sandra and Sam's In-laws work, and ways to have fun with the girls so that we could bond more. That helped a little, and I finally got back to sleep. The next day I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. So, I got myself up and had breakfast and went over to the clinic. I visited Lily first. Today was day 6 after the surgery for her, and she was excited because tomorrow she got her vaginal packing and catheters out. She was looking forward to a little more freedom. Her excitement was contagious, and I felt much better. I decided I needed to talk to someone about the situation with Sam. I told Lily about what had happened yesterday, and what Sam had said. I told her about my misgivings that Sam had invited me to stay at his house not because he loved me, but because he needed a mother for his children. She said, "Look, there's a tendency to think that human beings are consistent in their thinking. But I don't think it is true. Certainly, I'm not. When Sam looks at you and says, 'I love you, Helen,' do you believe him?" I said, "Yes." And does he treat you well, and make you feel good about yourself?" I said, "He does." She asked, "Do you like his daughters?" I said, "Yes, they are sweet girls." She said, "Then so what if he also wants you to be a mother to his daughters?" If anything, that is good for the relationship. It means he needs you as much as you need him, right?" I said, "You're right, Lily. Why didn't I think of that?" She said, "Because you are not manipulative, Helen. You don't think in terms of getting something on someone. You are naturally warm and giving even if you don't think you owe somebody something. That's one of the reasons I like you." She continued, "Now staying at Sam's home has the advantage that you can see if he is as loving as you think he is. I think that unless there are some big problems, you should go for it." I blushed at being lectured like a kid. But she was right. I need to put my worries aside and work on my relationships with his family. After chatting for a while longer, I went to visit Clarisse. She was awake, but just lying there. I asked what was wrong, and she said she was bored. I said, "Didn't you bring a book or two?" She said, "Yes, but I wear reading glasses and can't put them on with the bandages." I asked, "Well, would you like me to read to you?" She perked up at that and said, "Would you, Helen?" I said, "Sure. Where is your book?" It turns out everything of hers was in a closet in the recovery room. I had to dig for it but finally found it. It was a very sweet transgender romance. I started at the top of the page with the page marker. After an hour, it looked like she was asleep. I said softly, "Clarisse, are you awake?" Since I got no answer, I put the book on a table by her bed and tiptoed out of the room. I went out to the waiting room and decided to check my messages. I had a text from Celia saying that Arnie was staying with her most of the time now, but that he promised he wouldn't bother my room. He was living with his sister, but that was an hour's drive away, and our apartment was much more convenient. He was an officer with the Sparks Police Department. I texted back, "Remember to tell our landlord. Is this going to be permanent? That would probably be OK. I have been offered an apartment for free starting in a couple of months. It is about 40 minutes away from work. However, considering the cost of our apartment, it would be worth it. But I wouldn't move out on you until we had another acceptable tenant lined up." I sent it and logged into my email. But there was a beep indicating an incoming text. I brought the messaging ap back up, and it was an answer from Celia. She said, "A free apartment! How many guys did you have to fuck for that? ??" I just shook my head. Celia's humor could be very crude. I sent back, "Just one. But he's a wonderful lover.??" Celia responded, "Maybe Arnie would like to take over the lease and your bedroom.?? I know his sister would like him to find someplace else permanently." I texted, "If not, I will help find you an apartment partner. I promise I won't leave you in the lurch." Well, that took care of one person I had to notify before I got back. Another was Danno. That was going to be much harder. 26. Big Email from Mitty, Talk with Evelyn, xxxxx Then I looked at the email ap. I was surprised that I had an email from my sister. She usually only emailed every week, so this was much sooner than I had expected. My sister wrote, "Elvis. I wish you were here. We had a visit from a guy who said he was with the FBI, but I don't know. He was looking for someone named Helen Watson. His manner was threatening, like some sort of gangster, and Aunt Marge was frightened. He showed us a picture of this Helen Watson. She looked like she could be our sister, Elvis, except she was soo skinny. Aunt Marge and I both told him we didn't know her. He said he would be investigating, and if he found out we were lying, things would not go well with me and Aunt Marge. He mentioned that this Helen had a contract, and threatened that I might have to fulfill it if they couldn't find Helen Watson. Do you know anything about this? Are you even getting the emails I send? If so, can't you answer? You can trust me not to tell anyone." That email made my blood go cold. I was certain that guy was from the mob, looking for Blossom, their whore, so they could drag her back to Vegas and enforce the terms of the contract she had signed, including aborting any stray fetuses. And, somehow, they had gotten Helen Watson's Tempah, Texas address. Damn it. That put my sister and aunt in danger. Damn it, Damn it, Damn it. Could I do anything about it? Unfortunately, my options were limited. The spells wouldn't allow me to tell my sister to flee, and even if I could, I didn't think my aunt could easily pack up and leave. Her health was too fragile. I couldn't very well call Vegas and tell them I was coming back and to leave my family alone. I had a baby to protect. It had been a long time since I had wished I was Elvis again, but now I did. All I could do as Helen was hope that the mob wouldn't find any evidence that I was part of the same family as my aunt and sister in Tempah, Texas. But that evidence was probably out there, planted by the coven. I could only hope that the mob investigators were as incompetent at investigating as their performance up to now indicated. After all, it had taken them months to find Helen's Texas address. But sooner or later I was sure they would move against my aunt and sister. And, unfortunately, the mob was very competent at intimidation and coercion and worse. This new threat to my aunt and sister made it imperative that I go back to Collegeville and have it out with the coven soon. The coven could protect them if I could persuade them to do it. Then I realized Celia and her family were in danger too. Like me, she had fled her contract with the mob, and they were probably looking for her. She had a family somewhere. She was very reticent to talk about her background. I knew her father had been a cop. But little else. So, this was bigger than just me. I had to contact the coven and convince them to help before the Mob moved against us. Well, I guess there was no time like the present to contact the coven. I went back to my room so I could talk in private. Then I took out the card that Evelyn, the interpreter, had given me last February right after my transformation. I dialed, and a female voice said, "Hello." I replied, "Hello, Evalyn. This is Helen." There was a period of silence, and then Evalyn said, "Hi, Helen. What's up?" I said, "Evelyn, I need help. Please hear me out before you hang up." She said, "OK. Go ahead." So, I told her everything that had happened to me since February. I tried to make it factual and clear; otherwise, it would take forever. For that reason, I left out Hugh's revelation and my relationships, including Sam. Even so, it was a convoluted story. When I finished, Evelyn asked, "So, you are asking the coven to help protect you, your sister and aunt, and this other woman, Celia, and her family. Why would we do that? After all, them being in danger is a consequence of your own actions. If you had just stayed where I put you, everything would have been fine." I replied, "But if I'd stayed put, they would have forced me to have an abortion. I couldn't let them do that. My child is innocent and deserves a chance to live." She said, "Your baby. What do you mean, 'your baby?'" I replied, "It's not complicated. I'm a woman. I'm pregnant. The fetus is my baby." She replied, "How did you get pregnant? Is this the child of one of your johns? Were you sloppy with birth control?" I replied, "Well, it did take a while to get the hang of birth control. So maybe the first pregnancy was sloppiness." She said, "The first pregnancy. How many times has this happened?" I said, "Just twice. I got pregnant within the first month after I got to Las Vegas. That time, I must have miscalculated. Or I wasn't sure when my period started. I understand that is hard even for born women. I don't know. Plus, I was required to accept dates unless I was menstruating. But not unprotected sex, unless I was sure I was not ovulating. But even then, sometimes a john would decide he wanted bareback, and it was hard to say no. And there is the chance that a condom would break. With all that, getting pregnant is not such a surprise." She asked, "What happened to the first pregnancy?" I said, "They sent a guy over to bring me forcibly to an abortion clinic." What happened still hurt me and made me angry, and I guess it showed in my tone. She asked, "who are 'they?'" I said, "The mob. They run AAA Escorts in Las Vegas." She said, "OK, so you had these two pregnancies because you were sloppy?" I interrupted her, "No, the second pregnancy wasn't sloppiness." She asked, "Was it intentional?" I said, "No, a john raped me. He was a special assignment, so I knew he would hurt me a little. That was part of the contract. But be beat me half to death and forced himself on me, without a condom. That's how I got pregnant." She said, "That's crazy." I replied, "You referred me to this agency because it was supposed to be safe. One of the reasons it would be safe was that they would screen the johns. The john said he would use a condom, so AAA assigned me, even knowing I was in a time when I could get pregnant. When I was forced to have sex without a condom, I got pregnant. OK?" She said, "OK, I understand now." So, you were pregnant. Why not have an abortion and be done with it. The child was the result of rape. Surely it would be OK to abort it?" I said, "The child is innocent. It had no choice in how it's conception. It is part of me. I can't kill it even if the father is a scumbag. Heredity does not determine behavior. With parental love and guidance, this child will be a good person." Evelyn said, "So are you planning to keep the child?" I said, "If I can. I mean, if I think it would be better for the child to be adopted out, I will do that. But right now, I think I can provide a good home." Evelyn said, "So would you be the child's mother?" I said, "Of course." She said, "Not the father?" I said, "No. I can't be the father. I'm a woman?" She came back with, "Are you?" I said, "Yes. I am. The spell you put on me was very effective." She said, "What spell was that? I said, "The spell making me a woman. The physical change was instant. The mental took a few months. But it worked. I'm a woman. I identify as a woman. I'm happy being a woman." She said, "You're happy?" I said, "Yes. I mean, there are things about the spells I hate. But being a woman isn't one of them. I've gotten used to it, I accept it, and I even enjoy it. I'm going with a wonderful man. If things work out, we will marry someday." She asked, "Hmm, were you straight before, did you like women?" I said, "Yes, although I wasn't any lothario. I didn't have that many dates. But yes, I liked women." She said, "And now you like men?" I said, "Yes. I assumed that was due to the spell making me a woman." Evelyn said, "Helen, the spells were intended to make you miserable as a woman. You had a compulsion to have sex with men, but you were supposed to hate it because in your mind you would continue being a straight man. The spell turning you into a woman was supposed to only work on your body, not on your mind. So, what you are saying is a total surprise. I suppose it shouldn't be. After all, we know one of the initial spells had a glitch in it. So, it's not too surprising that another did too. I asked, "What do you mean?" Evelyn said, "You remember the spell that was supposed to make you the same as April, except a little weaker?" I said, "Yes, I remember it all too well." She said, "You were supposed to be the same age as April was, 19." I said, "Yes?" She continued, "But that spell actually made you younger. It made you 14 years of age physically. That was because we adapted it from an old spell that would make a man into a young girl who was of marriageable age in the middle ages. Somehow, we didn't fix the age change properly. That is why you look so young. I said, "OK. Well, it hasn't been such a big deal, because you supplied ID that I was 19. So, it had little effect, except occasionally someone wondered my real age." She said, "Exactly, that is why we didn't worry about you being too young and haul you back to Collegeville to correct your age." I said, "OK, do you think my being happy as a woman is the result of an error in the spell. If so, I don't want to change." She said, "I don't know. I do know that after we found the age error, we reviewed all the spells for errors and didn't see any. There is another possibility." I asked, "Oh. What's that?" She said, "It's possible you were somewhat feminine as Elvis before the spells and then changing physically to a woman caused your psyche to shift strongly to the feminine. I said, "You mean I was mixed masculine and feminine before but having the body of a woman caused my mind to feminize." She said, "Exactly. What do you think about that possibility?" I said, "It's possible. As I said, I was never a lothario. But I never dreamed of being a woman either." Evelyn said, "Well, it may not matter now. Either way, the coven will not like that you are happy. That was not their intent. They may insist on changing you so you are psychologically a man, for you to suffer. So, now that we have talked, I wonder if we should just leave it alone and never tell the coven that we communicated. I'd prefer you to stay happy. You have come a long way since we put the spells on you. You are not the same rapist and abuser you were then." I said, "Well, it turns out I never was a rapist or an abuser. I grew up in a family where women were always recognized as equals, like most families these days. And I internalized that and always tried to treat women well." Evelyn said, "That is not what you were saying the last time we talked." I said, "I know. I looked at the DNA evidence and said I must be guilty. But I never did remember doing what I was accused of. And it always puzzled me because I had never behaved that way before. But I ran into a former fraternity brother who gave me some information that I had never had before." Evelyn said, "What information?" I told her, "Have you ever heard of an electro-ejaculator?" She said, "Oh, my God." I said, "So you have heard of such a device." She said, "Of course. My brother is a veterinarian. So, what about it?" I said, "Well, I found out that my former fraternity brother, Hugh Hampton, set up the whole thing. His friend, Jimmy Benson, invited April's Sorority sister to a dance. For safety, she persuaded April to go too, and Jimmy got me to go. That wasn't hard. Physically, April was my dream girl. At the dance, Jimmy fed date-rape drugs to the girl he invited, and to April and me. When we passed out on the way home, Hugh swooped in and raped April using a condom. Then he used an electro ejaculator on me and put the resulting sperm into April's vagina. Jimmy took the two girls back to the sorority and me back to the fraternity, and he and Hugh sat back and watched the fun." Evelyn said, "Damn. And the police and the women's groups on campus and the coven all fell hook, line, and sinker for this fraud." I said. "Yep. But there were two people you didn't mention who also fell for it. April and I were totally convinced that I was a rapist and an abuser. I lived for months with the self-hate that engendered. It caused far more psychological pain that anything the spells did." Evelyn said, "So how did you find out?" I said, "I think that Hugh had heard that there were prostitutes in Vegas that would let him hurt them, for money. He decided to check it out. Hugh likes to hurt women. He certainly hurt April. I think at first he was just going to have some fun beating up an escort while he fucked her. I don't think he planned to kill the escort. Too risky with the mob involved. As it happened, I was the escort assigned to him. He recognized me. He had heard rumors about what the coven did to me." That caused Evelyn to gasp and curse. I continued, "Anyway, he figured out I was the former Elvis. He couldn't resist bragging how he had made a fool out of me. After that, he had to kill me because he was worried that somehow the story would get out. But because he likes hurting women, he couldn't just kill me. Instead, he first raped me and beat me, just as he had raped and beaten April in Collegeville. Except he didn't wear a condom. Why? I don't know. Maybe putting his seed into me represented total domination. I believe Hugh is an extreme psychopath. Like Ted Bundy, but smarter and much bigger." Evelyn said, "Yes, I remember Hugh from the trial. He's huge. How did you survive?" I said, "After beating me and raping me, Hugh tried to terrorize me. He gloated about what he had done and told me I was going to die. From the beginning, I knew I couldn't even begin to defend myself physically against even an ordinary man. So, when I was out on a date, I always had a stiletto hidden in my boots and a pistol hidden in my purse. Even with that, I was very vulnerable, but at least I had a chance. After Hugh said I was going to die, I managed to get my stiletto out and stab him. It didn't hurt him badly, but he stopped for a moment to figure out what was going on. I ran and found my purse and got the gun out and shot him. Then I called the police." Evelyn said, "Wow, what a horrific experience." I said, "Yes, it was. But I had toughened up as an escort, so I survived. Despite the horrific nature of our interaction, Hugh gave me a gift of great value." She said, "What was that?" I said, "He gave me back my self-respect. I had hated myself for months because of what I thought I had done to April. What he told me lifted that self-hate from me. If you've never hated yourself, you wouldn't understand how liberating that would be." She said, "I guess not. I'm sorry you had to go through that experience." Then a thought struck her, and she said, "Is Hugh the father of your fetus?" I said, "Yes." She said, "And yet you refuse to abort the fetus." I replied, "The fetus didn't mistreat me. And the sins of the father don't come down to the child. This child is innocent and with a proper environment will grow up to be a good person, as would all children. And the child is part of me. No, I won't abort it." She sighed and said, "OK, what do you want me to do?" I said, "After the rape, I had to flee Vegas to avoid having the mob force me to get an abortion. I want you to protect me, my sister and aunt, and my friend, Celia, who fled with me, and her family from the mob. I want the coven to modify the spells they placed on me. I want them to lift spell keeping me from communicating with my aunt and sister. I love my family, and since I am innocent, it doesn't seem fair to punish me by keeping me from them. I want them to lift the spell keeping me weak and defenseless so that I can carry this baby to term. And I want them to lift the spell requiring me to have abusive sex every week." She said, "So, are these things worth the dangers of approaching the coven? I answered, "What are the dangers of approaching the coven?' She said, "If the coven doesn't believe you, they could do a lot of things to make things worse for you. I think just the possibility that you are innocent would provide a large counterargument to them doing anything drastic. On the other hand, if they find that what you are saying wasn't true, there would be a lot of anger in the coven directed at you, and anything could happen. And anything bad the coven decided to you would probably cause your child to be aborted. So, we should only proceed if you are sure you are truly innocent. I said, "Well, Hugh is a pathological liar. But I can't see any reason for him to make up this strange story. And the use of the electro ejaculator is corroborated by the pain in my groin area I felt the morning after April was raped. So, I do think the story is true. At this point, I must take the chance. As things are now, I doubt I can even carry the child to term. And I just can't sit still while my family is in danger. She said, "OK, I will put a temporary spell on the mob preventing from contacting you or Celia or your families. It is a weak spell. If they should accidentally run into Celia or you or our families, they could hurt them. And it would not apply if the mob subcontracted action against Celia or you or your families. But it is the best I can do. I can't make them forget about the entire incident. That would involve canceling your reality, which I'm not authorized to do. And I will try to call a meeting of the coven to discuss this. That would take at least a couple of weeks." I said, "Can you investigate to see if the story Hugh told is true. I would think you could cast a truth spell on Hugh or Jimmy and determine the truth fairly quickly." She said, "Yes, but if the story is not true if you are truly a rapist and an abuser, then things will go very badly for you. Are you sure you want me to investigate?" I replied, "Yes, the truth should determine whatever happens, good or bad." She said, "OK. I will keep you informed. I should know about the truth of the story and when the coven will meet in a week or two." Then we said goodbye. I took a deep breath. Now I was committed to dealing with the coven. Oh, well. That seemed inevitable. I would either be free in a couple of months, or I would be a frog. What the hell? That's what I told myself to buck up my courage. But to tell the truth, I was scared spitless. If only I hadn't been tempted by April's charms many months ago. But would that have been better? I don't know. It is hard to compare happiness for different situations. But I knew that when I thought of a future with my baby and with Sam, it made me happy. Maybe it was worth all my travails? A few days later, I got a text from Evelyn that the coven had successfully placed a no-contact spell on the Mob, and they could not come anywhere near me, Celia, or our families until the coven took final action. 27. Final weeks in Thailand xxxxx I went out and got some green curry fish for lunch and brought the leftovers back to the room. Then I went and visited Lily and talked for a couple of hours. Finally, I went back to Clarisse's room and read to her for an hour. I was now tired and went back to my room and took a nap. At 7, I heard a rap on the door, and Sam was here, with the girls. The girls were very excited about tonight's tour. I think it was because it was different, being out at night. It was a tour in a large power- assisted pedicab. That was different too. The twins talked nonstop as Sam led us back to the gathering point. I stopped worrying and focused on having a good time with Sam and the girls. Even Sandra was congenial this night. At the end of the evening, Sandra even agreed that she and Roger should take the girls back to their motel, while Sam walked me home. We had time for a 'quickie' when we got back to my room. As always, Sam was a wonderful lover and made me feel great. The next morning was day 11 in Thailand. It would be a big day. Lily would get her packing out, and Clarisse would get her facial bandages off. I hoped they would happen at different times. I went to Lily's room first, and she was cheerful and eagerly anticipating her 'unpacking.' We talked for a while, and she told me it would occur right after lunch. I listened to her anticipation for a while, and then told her I needed to check on Clarisse because she had an unwrapping sometime today. Unlike Lily, Clarisse was dreading today. They would remover the facial bandages at 3. But they had told her it would be uncomfortable, and her face would be swollen. Clarisse was a glass-half-empty kind of person and talked about her concerns that something might have gone wrong and that she would look like a freak. Finally, I suggested I read to her for a while, and she agreed. She was asleep in about a half-hour, but before I could leave, the nurse came in and woke her back up and gave her a pain pill. So I read to her some more. Clarisse fell back to sleep at about noon. I went out for lunch and brought the leftovers to my room. There were getting to be quite a lot of leftovers. I supposed I should stop buying lunch and eat in the hotel until they were gone. Before I left, I checked my messages. I had a text from Ken. He said, "I have gotten two weeks off and will be there in 10 days, about when you said Clarisse is out of the hospital. I hope you can cope with Clarisse until then. I got the same flight back as Clarisse so that I can help her on the plane as well as in Thailand. Maybe we can all get together while I'm there. Best, Ken." Well, Clarisse would be happy about that, I thought. Then I went back to the clinic and up to Lily's room. I realized I was a little late, so I rushed into the room. Checking my messages had delayed me. Lily laughed and greeted me with, "You are here in plenty of time, Helen. They have delayed the start time to unpack my vagina for a half hour. Darn, I can't wait to get rid of this packing." I said, "Oh. Bummer." She said, "Oh well. A short delay won't hurt anything." That is why I liked Lily so much; she was always positive. We chatted for a few minutes. Then the Doctor and Nurse came in. The Doctor looked at me and said, "This procedure might be hard for a young girl to look at. It will be gory and bloody." After a moment, I realized he was talking to me. I said, "I'll be OK, Doctor. I have seen blood before. I'll be fine." I think the doctor was about to insist that I wait outside, but Lily said, "Helen is very calm and composed, Doctor. She will be fine." He shrugged and said, "OK." Then they put a waterproof sheet under Lily. They pulled the covers back and removed several layers of bandages, piece by piece. I know the pulling and pushing hurt Lily. As Elvis, I had had to do it to other patients in other contexts after other types of surgeries. But Lily was a trooper and bore it silently, although she winced many times. The nurse thought she saw a problem, but it was just dried blood from one of the stitches. The doctor told Lily that she was lucky that the penis and scrotum were large enough that they were able to make a vagina 6 inches deep from just those. It was more sensitive and less likely to shrink if the dilating was not done perfectly than if they'd had to use other tissue. Next, the doctor removed the packing. I know that was very painful. It required water douches and pulling the packing out where it strongly stuck to the new vaginal walls. When he finally finished, I saw Lily sweating, but she had born it with grace and forbearance. Then the doctor removed the catheter and did a depth test, and announced, "Still 6 inches. Very good." Last they brought out a bedpan and tried to get Lily to pee. She couldn't. Then the Doctor told her to try sitting on the urinal. With help, carefully and painfully, Lily got up, they situated the IV stand, so it was free to move, and she toddled to the bathroom. The nurse and doctor watched her. Finally, she said, "I think I would be more successful if no one was watching. So, the nurse closed the door. A few moments later, I heard her pee. Her first pee as a woman. She opened the door with a smile, the doctor and nurse helped her get up, and she slowly toddled out and went over to the bed. When she was back in bed, she smiled at everyone. The doctor said to Lily, "Time for your first dilation." Then he looked at me, and asked, "Are you the person who will be assisting later? Are you sure you're comfortable with this? It's unusual to have someone so young involved. Do you feel OK doing this?" I said, "Yes, Doctor. I'm not as young as I look. I'll be fine." I was a little miffed. I wanted to tell him that I spent three years as a medic in a war zone and six months as a whore, that I'd seen things that were much more unpleasant than dilating a vagina. But not only would that have violated one of the spells, but it would have led to having to explain things that I absolutely did not want to discuss. The doctor shrugged his shoulders and said, "if you need help, Helen, please ask. OK, Helen, come over here so you can see. The nurse will do the dilations the first few days until we are confident Lily and you can do it properly. I asked if I could record a video of what he did, but he was reluctant, so I decided just to take copious notes, which I did, although it was hard to keep up. The Doctor showed Lily the process with the smallest dilator, and even that hurt her. He told her she had to dilate five times a day for at least two months, then three times a day for another three months, and then once a day for nine months, and after that twice a week unless sexually active. Each session the dilator should be in as far as she could comfortably get it for at least 20 minutes. Lily laughed and asked, "So, if I'm married and my husband goes on a business trip for a week, should I dilate for that period?" He said, "Yes. There is always the possibility that your vagina will start to constrict, and if that happens, it would require surgery to open it again. Don't take that chance." Then Lilly asked, "How long should I wait before I have sex?" The doctor told her, "At least three months, but to be safe, I'd recommend six months." But even at six months, you shouldn't have sex until you are comfortable dilating. Then Lily asked, "What does comfortable mean? Pain- free?" The doctor said, "Well, with the largest dilator, you may not be able to get pain free. I think we got plenty of thickness down there as well as plenty of length, but we won't really know for a while. So, it is very important you dilate according to instructions. That is the only way we can get you to your maximum length and width." Lily said, "OK, doctor. I will be very careful to dilate according to the schedule, maybe a little more." Then the doctor left. The nurse spent a few minutes recording some medical information, and she told Lily she would be back in a couple of hours to check on her. I asked Lily how she was. She smiled, and said she was fine; she was on her way to where she wanted to be. We chatted for a while, and She laughed that people looked at me and saw a kid, when she knew I was very competent. I laughed with her. The doctor's comments had been a little irritating but getting upset wasn't going to help. Now that Evelyn had told me I was physically 14 years old, I understood much more the Doctor's point of view. But that didn't mean I would concede I was a kid. I had been on this Earth 26 years and would not let myself be limited to tasks suitable for young girls. Then we talked about other things. I told Lily how Clarisse was so negative, and how it was depressing, and I asked her advice. She said, "I understand that the first few days after facial surgery are very painful. Maybe she will become more positive when the pain goes down a little." I figured Lily had read up on facial surgery because she would be having full facial surgery herself. She continued, "Do you want me to give you advice on how you can help Clarisse be more positive, or how to not be depressed." I said, "Both." She said, "Both are hard. If you like her and want to help her, her mood will affect you. But you need to keep reminding yourself that things are not as bleak as she thinks. However, I would not recommend having a frank talk about her mood. You want her to express herself. But try questioning some of her bleak assessments, are they true, and what they mean? Maybe you can help her develop the ability to analyze things better. But you can't make her change. Just be her friend. That will be best." I realized that she was telling me that facial surgery hurt and would lead to Clarisse complaining, and I just had to deal with it. I would just have to keep on trying to help her look at the good things that would come about from the surgery. Maybe that would help her. Now I felt guilty for being irritated at her complaints and vowed to be more patient. After a while, Lily wanted to use the bathroom again, but there was no nurse to be seen. She rang the buzzer, but still no nurse. I said, "I can help you out of bed, Lily." She said, "Are you sure?" I said, "No problem." I went to the side of the bed and helped her slide over a little, moving her legs first, then fanny, and then torso. Next, I told her, "Now we're going to lift, so you are sitting on the edge of the bed. You need to help me as much as you can." I put my right arm under her shoulders, and my left arm under her legs, and bent down to a crouch and stood up, lifting her knees, and helped her sit, just as I learned as an army medic. It was hard because I was now thin and not very strong, but it was a lot easier than when Elvis had had to do the same thing for a 260 lb., 6' 4" GI. Then I helped her turn, so her legs were over the edge of the bed and lowered the bed, so her feet were on the floor. I squatted down again, had her put her arms on my shoulders, and stood, helping her stand. I smiled at her and said, "See, easy-peasy." She looked at me and said, "Where did you learn that, Helen. It's as though you've done it a thousand times." I lied, "When my aunt was sick, I had to help her." She said, "Oh, right." After Lily got back from the bathroom, and I helped her to bed, I told her I had to check on Clarisse and left. Clarisse was asleep, so I sat and read while I waited. A nurse came in a few minutes later, the same one who had been working with Lily. She looked at me and did a double-take. I smiled and said, "I have two friends in the clinic." The nurse woke Clarisse up, and helped her sit up, and gave her a little water. Then the doctor came in, a different doctor than had unpacked Lily. He started explaining what he was going to do but was talking fast and with his accent, I had a hard time following him, and I could see that Clarisse did too. After this went on for a little while, I interrupted and said, "Doctor, she is not following you. You need to speak more slowly and make sure she knows what is going on." He seemed to be in a hurry but did stop to ask Clarisse if she had understood him, and she shook her head No. So, he started from scratch, speaking slowly and asking if Clarisse understood each step. Finally, he said, "OK, let's get those bandages off. Remember, you will be a little swollen and bruised. You will look much better in a few weeks." The doctor removed several layers of bandages and finally exposed Clarisse's face except for a bandage on her nose. He said he would remove the nose bandage and packing in another week. When the bandages were off, Clarisse's face was swollen and black and blue in places. Partial facial surgery had included a nose reshaping and reduction. They told her that they would not take the packing out of her nose for another ten days. Clarisse wasn't happy about that. After the bandages were off, they put on an elastic thing that went from her forehead to her chin but left her face more or less open. The doctor said it would prevent swelling and would provide some protection. The partial facial feminization surgery involved only soft tissue changes, shaving the adam's apple, reducing the nose, changing the hairline via a facelift, lip and eyelid surgery, neck liposuction. It did not include any brow or orbital changes, jaw reduction, or chin surgery. It looked to me as though Clarisse would look much more feminine and pretty after the swelling went down. But Clarisse, looking in the mirror, was clearly disappointed. I hoped I could get her to look at things in a more positive light. Then the Doctor talked to Clarisse about what she needed to do during recovery, including no heavy lifting and not leaning over. When the doctor had left, she said, "Be honest with me Helen, I look like a freak, don't I?" I said, "I don't think so. I can see you will look more feminine and attractive. It will be fine. There are men out there who will think you are very attractive." She said sarcastically, "Sure there are. Helen, don't lie to me. No man will think I'm pretty." Then she started to cry. I said, "Look, Clarisse, you look like a tall, athletic woman. Lots of men think such women are attractive. If you keep a positive outlook, you will find one of them. Some women look less attractive than you but still have a good relationship with a man. We sat for a few minutes. Finally, I said, "Clarisse, what are you feeling?" She looked at me, and said slowly, "I guess I'm OK, Helen. My face hurts bad. Even with the pain meds they are giving me. I hope it stops hurting soon." I knew she had stitches in her mouth and that it hurt to talk. I asked, "Do you want me to read your book to you, Clarisse?" She said, "Would you? That would be nice, Helen?" So, I read for an hour and finished the paperback. I asked her, "Do you have another book, Clarisse?" She said, "Yes, but it's in my hotel room." I asked, "If you want, I can get it for you." She said, "OK. My key is in my purse." Then I told her the news about Ken coming back to help her. She smiled about that. She said, "He's a good friend. It's too bad he's gay." I smiled at the irony. Before the surgery, which had seemed so important to Clarisse, she might have had a relationship with Ken and seemed to welcome such a relationship, at least in theory. Now, she was saying there was no chance. I guess that showed how important the need to appear as a woman was to her. And the fact that Ken would come and help her, despite there not any longer being a chance for a relationship, was a testimony to how good a guy Ken was. Wow. Then the nurse came back in, and Clarisse complained of pain. The nurse put some pain med into her IV, and Clarisse drifted off. I got her purse out of the locker and found her room key and put it in my purse for now. I went to see Lily again, but she was asleep now. So, I walked over to Clarisse's hotel and found the second paperback and brought it back to the Clinic and left it in Clarisse's room and put the key back in her purse. Then I went to the waiting room and checked texts and emails. I had a text from Sam saying the tour they were on today was going to be late and they would be back in Bangkok late. He would see how things developed, but it looked like we couldn't see each other today. That was disappointing. And I had a text from Aiko asking how things were going with Lily. I guess she needed reassurance that all was well, and I sent a long email telling her what was happening. I also said I had found out more about the facial surgery Lily would have in a week, and it was very painful. And Lily knew it was painful and was showing great courage in maintaining her equilibrium in spite of that. I said how much I admired her for that. Only after I sent that text did I realize how masculine It sounded. Or did it? Maybe women had the same standards for courage as men and admired people who showed it in the same way as men? Not growing up as a woman, I didn't know. Then I spent a couple of hours reading my kindle and went back to check on Lily and spent an hour talking to her. She talked about the next steps in her transition. Then Lily joked about how she might go about looking for a man with a dick that was exactly 6 inches long when turgid. I was able to contribute some suggestions, and we both laughed until it started hurting her stitches. I told her that Aiko had texted me asking how things were, and I had sent a detailed message giving her Lily's status. Lily laughed about that and asked, "Do you think I'm really such a Pollyanna that you can't trust me to tell if I am not doing well?" I laughed and said, "Yeah, Maybe." She rolled her eyes at that. I told Lily how Clarisse had looked after getting the facial bandages off. Lily said, "Did her face hurt a lot?" I said, "Yes, that's what she said. Do you know how long the pain lasts?" Lily said, "Well, she will have the stitches in her mouth removed in about a week, a few days after she gets her vaginal packing removed. I think she should feel better a couple of weeks after that. So, she should feel OK when she gets on the airplane, although neither her face or pelvis will really feel well for a month or two after that. I think the full facial surgery takes longer." She said the last sentence soberly, and I knew she was thinking about what she faced herself. After an hour, Lily was tired, and I needed to see Clarisse for a while before they ended visitor hours. Clarisse was sitting up in bed, quietly crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, "It hurts so much, Helen. I had no idea it would hurt like this." I called the nurse for a pain pill, but she said it was too soon. So, I just read her new book to her for an hour and a half until the nurse came in with a pain pill, and she fell back to sleep. They tried to shoo me out when visiting hours were over, but I convinced them that being read to was important for Clarisse. It was now 8 PM, and I was not inclined to walk around Bangkok by myself, and I had lots of leftovers in my room. So, I went up there intending to warm some dinner, but I lay down and watched BBN and fell asleep. I woke up to a phone call from Sam. Sam said, "Hi, Lily. How are you doing?" I said, "Great, Sam, now that I've heard from you." Sam said, "The girls have been cooped up on a bus all day, and really want to walk a little. I was thinking of coming to pick you up and then the four of us having a little something to eat. How about it? We could be there in 20 minutes." I said, "Perfect. I'll wait for you at the front." He replied, "No, the girls want to knock on your door. OK?" I said, "OK, see you guys soon." That meant I would have to not only change to nicer clothes and refresh my makeup but clean up the room. I rushed madly around the room, putting things away and then was just working on my makeup when I heard a knock at the door, several knocks. I opened the door, and the twins rushed in and grabbed me, and I leaned down and hugged them. Then I invited Sam in before I retired to the bathroom again. I was ready in 10 more minutes, and we left. I remembered Elvis after being delayed when picking up a date and wondering why the heck she couldn't be ready when he arrived. Now I realized that getting ready could take a lot of time for a woman. We walked out to a place called 'Fish and Chips Bangkok.' I guess Madison and Morgan had been getting tired of Thai food and wanted something western. I just had a single piece of fish and some fried rice with vegetables. It was quite good. We had a British waitress who apparently was puzzled by our relationship. He saw Madison and Morgan were Sam's daughters but didn't know how I fit into the picture. She must have thought I was half Thai and tried out a few Thai words on me. I said, "I'm sorry, I don't speak Thai. How about English?" That caused Morgan to giggle. At that, the waitress gave up trying to guess what my relationship might be with Sam, which she shouldn't have done in the first place. We had a nice conversation, and Madison and Morgan told me all about their day. They were very verbal for 8-year-olds, and I enjoyed their observations. Then I told Sam about Lily and Clarisse both getting bandages off. I told him in broad detail about Lily's changes. The girls listened wide-eyed. And I told him about how Clarisse had had soft tissue cosmetic surgery and how bruised and swollen she looked and how much she hurt. Finally, Madison said, "Helen, why did Clarisse have surgery?" I had told her this before, but it was complicated enough that I couldn't blame her for asking again. I said, "So she will look like a woman, Honey. And have a vagina like a woman?" Of course, she asked, "Why?" I said, "She just feels like she's a woman, not like a man. She wasn't comfortable doing the things that men do." She asked, "What kind of things?" I said, "She wanted to wear women's clothes, and do women's things." Madison wanted more and more detailed explanations. Finally, Sam said, "Let's let Helen eat her dinner, Madison. Maybe later she will answer more questions." In truth, I was having a hard time with all the questions. As Elvis, I had been very comfortable as a man. And now I was very comfortable as a woman. I guess I didn't understand myself enough to answer gender-preference questions very well. I would have to think about it more to give Madison a good explanation. Then Morgan whispered in Sam's ear, and Sam looked sort of embarrassed and said, "Morgan wonders if you would walk with her to the bathroom." Then Madison said, "I have to go too, Daddy." So, I took them both to the bathroom. We had to wait in line, which allowed me to talk with them while they were waiting. I tried to ask fun things, like what they liked to do, but they told me a lot about how they felt about things. I learned that they were having fun in Thailand but hated missing school. They had started second grade just a week before they had to leave for this trip. They and Roger and Sandra would be going home soon when the conference started, while Sam would stay another week and a half. I hoped he would find some time to be with me during that time, but I knew from the time in Las Vegas that he was very intense when he was working. I learned that Morgan and Madison had liked second grade, even though they were only there a week. And that they had already made a lot of friends. I learned that they loved their grandparents, although they considered them very old-fashioned. I ask them how old-fashioned, and they related some of the ways they did things, like insisting on a landline telephone and not knowing how to use apps on their cell phones and laughed. But it was a sweet laugh, nothing malicious. And they told me they were happy I was there and would be living in the outbuilding at their home. They said I was fun. I told them it was easy to be fun when I wasn't responsible and didn't have to tell them 'no.' That caused them to think for a moment, and Madison said, "I bet you will still be fun some of the time." It turned out to be just a nice evening, even though Sam and I didn't have any time to ourselves. But I did get a goodnight kiss, and the girls laughed at us. I went to sleep happy and dreamed about us being together forever. Somewhere in the middle of the night, I woke and realized that I had missed some of Lily's dilations by the nurse the previous day. Damn. That was something I needed to learn as much about as I could. Tomorrow, I had to be sure to be at the clinic all day with only occasional brief absences. No going for a walk or meeting Sam for a long lunch or walking out for shopping. I got up early, had some cereal and fruit, and went over to the clinic as early as they would let me in. I went to Lily's room, and she was awake. I told Lily I was sorry not to be there at the later dilation session yesterday. Bless her heart; she said it was OK, nothing different than the first time. I said, "Let's see if we can get a schedule so I can be sure to be here." Lily agreed. The nurse came in at 8 and did Lily's first dilation. She had various tricks to make it more comfortable and easier and to allow Lily to do something else during the dilation, which lasted half an hour. I watched closely and wrote them all down. Then I asked the nurse if she had a schedule of times she did dilations, and she said she didn't, but she did them approximately every three hours, so at 8 AM, 11 AM, 2 PM, 5 PM, and 8 PM. I decided to be here a half-hour before each time. Then the nurse said, "Oh, you're Helen, Right?" I said yes, and she continued, "Since you're going to be helping therapy, we can get you a 24-hour pass, so you can come into the clinic whenever you need to. I will have one made up for you and bring it to Lily." Then the nurse left, and I asked Lily how she felt. She said, "I feel pretty good. The dilation was not all that uncomfortable, although they are still using the smallest dilator and I understand the level of discomfort will increase as they go to larger sizes." I said, "Glad you feel OK so far. I will learn as much as I can so I can do a good job assisting." She smiled. We talked for another hour before she decided to take a rest and I left her and went to Clarisse's room. I am starting to describe things that were very interesting to me as they happened, but probably not interesting to the reader. I will now give a broad overview of the rest of my time in Thailand, only talking in-depth about a few incidents. Lily recovered well from SRS but developed a mild infection at about 12 days. So, the Doctor did not allow her to be one her own for days 13 and 14 after SRS, as she had hoped. On day 14, she had a full facial feminization surgery. It was far more painful than Clarisse's partial surgery, and she was in some degree of pain to the day she left Thailand. However, the swelling went down during recovery, and she looked fairly good boarding the plane to Tokyo three weeks after the full surgery. Even though she was in pain, she insisted on going on the 'Bridge over the River Kwai' tour, and, near the end, on walking around Bangkok a bit. When Lily got back to Reno, she still had three weeks until opening the office. She stayed with her sister during that time. She told me later that staying with Aiko was a great experience, and she even managed to convince Aiko's husband that she had done the right thing for herself. Clarisse's recovery proceeded with no problems, although she was constantly worried. By the time Ken got to Thailand, she had been released to recover in her room. Both her face and pelvis pain were sort of tolerable at this point. Ken was very good for her. He was optimistic, gentle, and funny. Her mood lightened considerably with him there. Unfortunately, Clarisse had a sudden attack of modesty, and she would not allow Ken to help her dilate. So, I continued to be her helper for that. Additionally, Ken was freaked out by needles, so if there were shots to be done or blood to be drawn, it was up to me. When a room down the hall from Lily and I came free, I managed to persuade Ken and Clarisse that living in different motels was making my life very difficult. So, Ken moved them to our motel. Then at least I didn't have to run from motel to motel to help Clarisse dilate. Clarisse didn't really like to talk on the phone, so if she needed help, Ken would call me and ask for Nurse Helen. After a while, Lily started using the same term to signal when she needed medical help. I laughed about it but loved the title. After I told him about what I'd learned about Clarisse's Family, Ken badgered Clarisse to call her cousin Cathy when her throat felt good enough to talk easily. They wound up having several long conversations and arranging a visit between them. And Clarisse finally talked to her mother. Clarisse managed to get grudging acceptance of her decision to become a woman. It was not enough for Clarisse, but it was a start. Ken also badgered Clarisse to go on the 'Bridge Over the River Kwai' bus tour and to get out and walk with Lily and me occasionally. All in all, he was a very positive influence on Clarisse, and I was glad he was there. The thing I had been most worried about with Clarisse, deciding she had made a huge mistake getting SRS and wanting to go back to being a male, never occurred. Her mood picked up as the month went along, and she seemed happier and happier. There was never again any suggestion she might try to harm herself. I hoped those bad feelings were gone forever. When Ken arrived, as soon as he saw me, he asked if I knew a former Army Medic called Elvis Watson. I lied and said, "Yes, he's my brother." Then I told the story about how Elvis had been accused of rape but not convicted, and that no one had seen him for over eight months. I said that he was innocent; he wasn't that kind of guy. Ken agreed and over the next couple of weeks, he relayed many stories from when he was a friend of Elvis's. In turn, I relayed some experiences of Elvis growing up, from his sister's point of view. It was a bittersweet experience since I knew Elvis would never exist again. Ken said another friend, Thomas Lincoln, was getting married and was looking for Elvis to be a groom at the wedding. Then he said, "Hey, you ought to dress as a boy and do it." I considered it for a moment, but then told him that there was no way I would look like anything but a pregnant girl however I might dress. He laughed and said, "I guess that's true. But they might like you to be at the wedding just as a friend. I remember Thomas and Elvis were very close friends." I nodded and said, maybe. By the time Ken and Clarisse left, we had formed a strong friendship, and I anticipated occasional get-togethers over time. Ken was the only one of Elvis's friends that was also Helen's friend. Unfortunately, I did not see any way to make Thomas Lincoln's wedding. I feared that friendship was gone forever. Sam and the girls and I continued to get together occasionally in the evenings until Roger and Sandra and the girls went back to Reno. My love for him seemed to deepen as we spent time together. However, there seemed to be a lot going against our relationship. But I had decided not to worry, but just enjoy our time together for now. Worrying about the future wouldn't help. After the girls had left and the physics conference started, I expected not to see much of Sam, as had happened in Vegas. But I was surprised when he continued to call and when he invited me to his room the first evening. He said that in Vegas, he got absorbed in his work and forgot to follow up with me and that he was not going to make the same mistake this time. That made me cry and tell him how much I loved him. We spent a lot of evenings together while he was there, and I deeply regretted it when he had to go back to Reno. Sam was surprised when I asked to see the agenda for the conference, and I asked him some questions about some of the presentations. I told him I would give my eye teeth to be able to spend time understanding what was going on. He said he could probably get me into a couple of sessions, but I told him I needed to focus on what I was here for, to help Lily. But I appreciated his offer. My sister continued to email frequently. She said the free legal aid place had not been able to help them. They said the collection agency was acting legally, so they had no real recourse, except continue to ignore all debtors until the courts made a judgment. That could take a couple of months or a couple of years. My sister said she didn't think Aunt Marge could tolerate the tension of waiting to be thrown out of their home. She thought it would be better just to liquidate assets and move out. She and Aunt Marge were talking about it. Another time she emailed that a neighbor had seen the guy who claimed to be an 'FBI Agent' in the neighborhood, but he had never come to the house. I hoped that was because of the no-contact spell. A little over a week after Evelyn put in the no-contact spell, she texted, "I have contacted most members of the board of the coven, and they have authorized me to investigate Hugh Hampton. Specifically, I am authorized to question Jimmy Benson under a truth-telling spell." I texted back, "You sound like a security officer for the coven or something like that." Evelyn texted, "That's what I am." Then I texted, "Anything I can do?" She texted back, "Pray that Jimmy corroborates your story. The coven will meet on November 10 to discuss this case." That was a couple of weeks after I got back to Reno. I would only have a few days to do what I needed to do in Reno before I was off on another trip. The next time I talked to Sam, I told him, "I need to go see my Aunt and Sister on Nov 10. That might delay my move to the outbuilding." He said, "My father-in-law was lucky to find a contractor with a hole in his schedule. The contractor is starting work very soon, and the outbuilding might be complete by November 10. It'll be close." The one thing that I was really worried about was Danno. I cared for him and hoped he wouldn't be too hurt when I broke up with him. But I got a call from him a week before I left Thailand, and he broke up with me. He had met a girl, a freshman, and they got along really well. And she loved cheering for him at his games. He hoped we would always be friends, but he thought it was better for both of us. I was very happy he had made that decision himself. As much as I liked him, I could never have been the companion he deserved, being pregnant, and being psychologically almost ten years older than him. After Danno called, Rosemary called me and said she had tried to talk Danno out of this and was sorry that her brother and I were not together any longer. But she hoped she and I would still be friends. I told her I hoped so too. I also exchanged texts with Celia, and she told me she and Arnie had decided to live together, and the manager had approved Arnie replacing me on the lease. It was amazing that all these things were lining up so well. It was almost as though a higher power was involved. When Lily and I left Thailand, she was still in some pain. But not major pain, so she was relatively comfortable on all the flights. We arrived in Reno feeling pretty good. But she didn't feel up to driving yet, so she had arranged for Aiko to take Uber to the airport and drive us to our destinations. Lily was going to stay with Aiko, so she dropped me off at my apartment. I told her I could handle the suitcases, so they didn't stop. 28. Move to Sam's Place xxxxx By the time I left Thailand, the suitcase I had borrowed from Celia was full-full-full. On the US portion of the flight, I had had to pay for an overweight bag. I had called ahead, hoping Celia would help me carry it up the stairs. When I rang the bell from the front entrance, Arnie came down and helped. I was surprised that Celia and Arnie had completely rearranged the apartment, bought some new furniture, and put all the things of mine that had been in the living room and kitchen and bathroom into my room in a pile. I looked around and told Celia, "Wow. How domestic of you." She blushed and said that they had had a great time shopping together and setting up the place just the way they liked. They hoped I wouldn't mind. They hadn't planned it. It had just happened. I looked at them standing close together, occasionally exchanging touches and hugs, and couldn't possibly be upset. I dearly hoped they would be happy. I took out the gifts I had bought for them and told them all about my trip. I'm sure I bored them to tears in the process. As I did that, I realized that this was yet another big change in my life. Celia and I would no longer live together. I broke down in tears and told her how much I had appreciated her help through the last nine months and wished her the very best. That caused her to break down crying and hug me. In the meantime, Arnie disappeared somewhere; I'm sure thinking we were both crazy. That caused me to reflect on something else that had changed. I went right to bed after that. I had three days here before catching a bus to Collegeville, and there were lots to do. The next morning, Sam and his father-in-law, Amos, showed up at 10 in a very big truck to help move my stuff. The outbuilding was not ready. They were still painting. But there was a place to store my stuff while I was away. The girls had wanted to come along, but Sam told them they needed room for boxes. That reminded me, I didn't have any boxes. We had to run to a nearby moving company and buy several big boxes and tape. When we got back, I wrapped things in newspaper, while Sam and Amos taped up the boxes and packed them. They insisted on packing them full, so I couldn't possibly move them by myself. But I suppose there was no reason I would have to. Then I went to say goodbye to my landlords and settle any amount owing. I introduced Sam, and of course, they immediately started teasing me that he was handsome and I was lucky, etc., etc. I told them we were just living together, not getting married. Everybody laughed at that, and I turned red. Oh, well, it was all in fun. It turned out I owed nothing. Arnie had started paying immediately on moving in, and I had a deposit coming back, so they actually paid me $180. Then I hugged them and thanked them for their consideration. They told me to come back and visit, and I said I would, although I didn't see how since I would live so far away. On the way to Sam's house, I sat in a small back seat behind the two men. Sam's father-in-law seemed nice and easy-going and approachable. Could this be the controlling father-in-law described by Sandra, who made it hard for Sam to date the last few years? I didn't see it. It was a long drive with quite a bit of elevation change. We arrived, and the girls ran out of the house and hugged me and excitedly told me what they had been doing in the two weeks since I saw them last. It was sweet. Then Sam took me on a tour. I met his mother-in-law, Irene, who regarded me suspiciously. She immediately made an off-the-cuff remark about Sam robbing the cradle. Then she steered the conversation to their daughter, Sam's wife, who passed away four years ago, and how wonderful she was. She asked me if I was planning to attend college, and then informed me that her daughter had gotten a Ph.D. in Math before she had married Sam. Then she noted I was pregnant and asked if the baby was Sam's. Sam did appear to have one controlling in-law. But I was determined to get along and worked hard to butter her up. I told her how wonderful the girls were and how that must mean she had been a very positive influence, and how well the house was decorated, etc., etc. It was all true, but I laid in on thick. After a while, Irene seemed to accept that I cared for the girls and Sam, and was not just some gold- digger, prepared to take his money and run. Irene asked, "Sam told us he met you as a dancer in Las Vegas. What kind of dance was it? Ballet?" I told her, "No, I was a showgirl, Mrs. Roberts. I danced ballet growing up. But I wasn't as serious as I now wish. However, the ballet training did help me get a spot in a dance troupe in Las Vegas." She asked, "Hmm, what kinds of dance did you do as a showgirl, Helen?" I told her, "Well, most dances are very energetic and emphasize group moves, sort of like a can-can. We aimed to provide flash and enthusiasm for customers at Las Vegas Shows." She seemed faintly scandalized, perhaps envisioning me kicking my legs up and showing my underwear. It's a good thing she didn't know what I really did in Vegas. Then Irene said, "Oh, I had hoped you were a real dancer. You could encourage the girls. Their friends are in ballet, and they want to sign up." "Well," I said, "I think showgirls are real dancers. We practiced very hard to provide a dance that was precise and fun. As far as ballet, I would definitely encourage the girls to do that. It gets them in condition, which is important for their health. Besides, it's a lot of fun." She said, "Yes, I suppose so. More important, it will develop their interest in the arts." OK, it was clear we were not on the same page on this. Elvis hadn't been interested in artistic expression when he did ballet, but more in jumping high and having fun. But I guess such things were part of artistic expression, so maybe we weren't so far apart. Then Irene asked me, "What else did you do in high school, Helen." I said, "I was active in drama and played soccer. I was the top scorer on the team in my senior year. And I was unusual in that I loved my classes. I graduated with a 3.96." She said, "Really. Why didn't you attend college?" That led me to the story of how my parents met in Japan and how my mother could not adjust to America and took me back to Japan and how I had lived there until she died, when I was 9, and then I and my sister had moved back to the US to live with my father." She said, "It must have been hard for your father to provide a decent home for two girls, especially if he was still working." I told her, "My aunt lived with us and worked with my father to provide a happy home. But my aunt got cancer, and she had no insurance, and when it came time to go to college, there was no money." Irene then said, "Well, I think that if you had tried, you could have found a way." Irene was starting to get on my nerves. But it was important to have a good relationship with this woman, so I couldn't let her get to me. Finally, she released me to finish the tour. Sam said, "Good show, Helen. I think she likes you." I asked, "How can you say that, Sam? She did nothing but criticize me." He replied, "Well, she does that with everybody, even her friends. The only ones she doesn't criticize is the girls. They can do no wrong. But they do love her dearly." I said, "Point taken, Sam. I will do my best to maintain a good relationship with her." We were momentarily alone, and he said, "Thanks." And hugged me. Hugs and kisses were one of the upsides of being here. The property had a quirky layout. It was on a three-acre lot, of which Sam said at least3/4 acres was not very useful because it was hard rock. (We were in the Rockies after all.) You could have built on that 3/4 acre, but it would have been very costly. The property had a 5-foot fence on three sides and a stream on the last side. You reached it through a 500 ft road from the highway. That road had about ten turnoffs to other homes, so there were some reasonably close neighbors. The road accessed the highway at a town called Rosedale with a small grocery store and a public and school bus stop, so I was not totally trapped not having a car. The outbuilding and the main house were on the left near the stream. The outbuilding was separated from the house by about 150 ft and was a nice 1500 square foot single-level home with its own parking area. The main home had started as a 2300 square foot rambler, and then had a 1200 square foot apartment added on where Sam's mother and father in law now lived. The apartment had been built partially onto the rock area. It had its own large bedroom and a living room over the rock area and a kitchenette and bathroom on the edge of the soil covered area. So, it was well designed to maximize floor space without having to dig up a lot of rock. There was a large three-car garage separated from the house on the rocky area straight ahead of the access point. The garage had another 1000 square foot apartment above the area for cars that could be rented or could house family members. Sam said the guy who built it had his oldest son and daughter-in-law living in the outbuilding and various in-laws and younger children living here and there. Sam had bought the house last summer when he moved to be closer to UNR. The main house and attached apartment were in good shape, but the outbuilding and apartment above the garage were a mess. He said he didn't need all 6000+ square feet of living space, but it was affordable and did provide a comfortable living area for his in-laws in the main house so they could be close to his daughters. However, he had been cognizant that any area without anyone living in it would tend to deteriorate. So, he had been happy to offer the outbuilding to me when he heard I would need it. I protested though, "Sam, you should get something for the outbuilding. It makes no financial sense for you just to give it away." He said, "Helen, I am getting something for it. I'm getting the satisfaction of seeing you every day. And I'm getting someone to help with my daughters. And if I play my cards right, I'll get some hugs and kisses." I blushed at that. Sam's mother-in-law was standing right there when he said it. Irene had to be aware that Sam and I had a close relationship. As the years had gone by since her daughter had died, Irene had started to feel trapped and had realized that she and Amos could never have the retirement they wanted unless Sam found a new wife or housekeeper/au pair. So, she had given up the idea that no girl Sam might be interested in was good enough to care for her granddaughters. Instead, Irene adopted the more realistic point of view that if her granddaughters liked Sam's girlfriend and Sam's girlfriend seemed mature and responsible, then Irene would not oppose Sam's romance. But when Sam told her he was interested in a pregnant half-Japanese high school graduate, and when she saw how young I looked, I'm sure that provided a real test of Irene's decision to be more reasonable. We'd see how it went. The girls wanted to show me the neighborhood. I figured now was the time. It was a nice day, and I was only six months along and still fairly mobile. So, we walked to the small town. They showed me the bus stop and the little grocery store that served the town. Then they showed me all the houses in the town that had their friends in them. Of course, some of their friends were out playing, so we had to stop and talk. At one house a girl about the same age as Morgan and Madison invited them to stay and play. They asked me, "Please, Please." So, I called Sam, and he said, "Sure. Tell them I will pick them up in an hour." I relayed the message to the girls and spent a few minutes talking to their friend's mother. I was about to walk home, when she said, "Wait, you're not going are you. I said, "Well, their father will be here to pick them up in an hour, so I was going to walk back to his house." After a moment's conversation, it was clear she thought I was their babysitter and I should be with them all the time. When I told her that I was a friend of their father and was going to live in a building on his property, she became somewhat alarmed, asking what about my family. I said, "I hope to bring them here and have them live there too." She was confused, and I couldn't blame her. I finally said, "Maam, I'm 19 years old. I've been living on my own for almost a year." After we got everything ironed out, we both laughed about the misperception. Her name was Andrea. She asked me to stay for coffee, and we talked almost the entire hour the girls were allowed to play. Andrea was about Elvis's age. We had a lot in common, and I enjoyed the conversation. She asked if I was going to be caring for the girls too, and I said probably. She said, "Good, I hope we can talk more. Most of the wives here are in their mid-thirties and seem so old. It's nice to have someone more my age." I thought that would be fun, too. When Sam showed up, I went out to meet him. He got out of the car, walked up, and gave me an innocent hug. Andrea looked at me, wide-eyed, and I could see the wheels spinning. What was our relationship? Had he gotten me pregnant and was now providing me a place to live in return for childcare? What would I do in return? Would it be OK for the girls? Should she allow her daughter to visit Morgan and Madison? I would have had similar questions if I were in her shoes. Andrea invited Sam in for coffee too, and I did my best to reassure her that although Sam and I were a couple, I would be living apart from Sam and that my family would be there and that I would not be doing anything to make Morgan and Madison unhappy. She asked me, "Is that Sam's baby you are carrying?" (I learned later that this directness was typical of Andrea.) I said, "No, my child is the result of rape. Lots of people have asked why I don't get an abortion, but I just can't. The child is innocent and deserves a chance to live." Then she asked, "Are you going to put it up for adoption or keep it?" I replied, "I don't want to release the child for adoption, but I might if I think it is best for the child." Then Andrea asked, "Don't you worry that you two essentially living together would be bad for Madison and Morgan? It was clear that she didn't buy that we would be living chastely, in the two different buildings. In truth, I didn't know the effect of Sam and I being together on the girls and was concerned about it. A couple living together without being married was not unusual these days. But what impact did it have on the children? I had to talk privately with Sam about that. But then Sam said, "It'll be OK. We plan to get married in a few months, anyway." I coughed and nearly spat my coffee on the floor. I looked up and saw both Sam and Andrea looking at me quizzically. To cover up that Sam had never asked me and explain why I lacked an engagement ring, I said, "Sam, I thought we weren't going to tell anybody that until the New Year's Eve Party." Andrea just smiled and said, "That's very romantic you two. Congratulations." Sam smiled and said, "Thanks." I followed up with, "Yeah. Thanks." Then she asked, "So where are you two getting married? And when?" Sam said, "We were thinking of taking the whole family to Las Vegas. It's warm in the winter, and that's where we met. And Helen has lots of friends there. She used to be a showgirl in Las Vegas." Andrea turned to me, "Oh, my God. Helen. That is so cool. I used to dance when I was a little girl, and I dreamed of being a showgirl. What was it like? How did you become a showgirl?" To say I was surprised by Sam's comments is a vast understatement. But I fought through it and managed to get out an explanation of how I tried out and made it to the B-league and of how much I enjoyed it. Then Andrea said, "Can you show us some of the dances?" I gave her a look and said, "Um, not now. You may have noticed that I'm 6 months pregnant. I'm not that agile right now." She said, "Oh. Right. So, after the baby is born, maybe we can get together, and you can show me some of the dancing. And I will try it too. The girls will really enjoy seeing their mothers dance." She continued, "Oh, my god. I just realized. You are getting married about the time your baby is being born. How is that going to work?" I turned to Sam and said, "Yes, Sam. How is that going to work?" He turned red. But Andrea said, "Oh. My husband and I will go with you to Las Vegas and help take care of the twins. And you can introduce us around. That will be so cool." I had not gotten the impression in our previous conversations that Andrea had such an enthusiastic personality. It was cute in a way. But I felt I had to draw back a little, and I said, "Andrea, we have just talked about this in very broad terms. We probably will delay the wedding a little until after I give birth so I can enjoy it a little more. Then Andrea said, "Maybe you should move the wedding up, and get married a month from now. Then you will be married during the holidays when your families are here. Sam said, "That might work." Then Morgan, who had been trying to get her father's attention, suddenly ran off and screamed, "Madison, Daddy and Helen are getting married in Las Vegas. Yeah." 'Good God,' I thought. Now Sam's in-laws will know about us. And I bet the entire neighborhood. Argh. After another half hour's conversations with Andrea where I emphasized again and again that Sam and I had not made solid plans, we got into Sam's wagon, and he drove us home. Morgan and Madison politely thanked their Dad for letting them play. Then they started asking both of us when we were getting married, and where, and could they be in the wedding, and ... I guess some young girls even at age eight had thoughts about weddings. I don't remember Elvis ever doing that. But Elvis was a boy. Boys don't think much about weddings until theirs comes along. I tried to emphasize to the two girls that their father and I didn't have solid plans yet. But they didn't seem to care. Their enthusiasm continued unabated. As soon as the girls jumped out of the car, they ran into the house screaming, "Grandma, Daddy and Helen are getting married," Finally, we were alone. I said, "Sam, what was that about? How could you tell a stranger we were getting married when we've never even discussed marriage?" He was subdued. He said, "I'm sorry. It just slipped out. I've been thinking of proposing marriage, and we were just sitting there, and there seemed to be a problem with us not being married, and I thought it was a helpful comment." I said, "It would have been much more helpful if we had actually decided to get married before you said it." Then Sam said, "Don't you want to get married, Helen? You said you loved me." I said, "Oh, Sam. I do want to marry you. I'd hoped you would ask. But I would like to have everything thought out before we announced it. Your in-laws are going to be coming out in a minute asking what the hell is going on? What will we tell them? We need to talk about these things before we announce them." I continued, "Sam, getting married around the time I give birth is not going to happen. I just can't deal with both things at the same time. And I don't want to get married and then go through 6 weeks of chastity because my body needs to recover from birth trauma. He said, "I suppose. How about Las Vegas in June. You should be fine then." I said, "Yes, but I am worried that if I had a public wedding in Las Vegas, the mob would see and try to punish me for breaking my contract with them. Remember, there's a reason I fled Las Vegas." He said, "How about a Christmas Wedding right here? Our families will be in town anyway. So, it makes it easy for everybody." Then I heard a tap on my window. It was Irene, Sam's Mother-in-law. Well, time to face the music. Sam rolled down my window, and I smiled and said, "Hi Irene. What's up?" Her face said she was not pleased. She said, "What is this about you and Sam getting engaged. How did that happen? Don't you think you could have talked this over with us before you announced it to a stranger?" I noticed she was asking me, not Sam, who was sitting in the truck with me. What did that mean? I said, "I'm sorry, Irene. We talked about it in Thailand and just decided today (a couple of minutes ago?) and haven't had a chance to discuss the schedule with you." She must have caught that we would negotiate on the schedule for their convenience, but that the decision to marry was not something we felt obliged to talk to her about, because her face flushed, and expression hardened. But to give her credit, she choked her displeasure down and smiled and said, "Why don't you two come in and sit down and tell us what you are thinking. Please." Since she said the magic word, I turned to Sam and said, "Is that OK, Sam?" He nodded, and we went in and got some tea. By the time Irene and I served tea, Irene had composed herself, Sam and Amos were talking about our whirlwind romance in Vegas and Thailand, and the girls were whispering to each other and giggling. Irene opened the conversation with, "So tell us what this is all about, Helen." I said, "Well, it's pretty simple Irene. Sam and I have fallen in love, and Sam asked me to marry him, and I accepted. Now we have to iron out the details of our wedding and what will come afterward." Irene took a deep breath. Sam had told her that he loved me. So, she had probably suspected this would happen but thought it was a way off and that she might be able to dissuade Sam. She said, "This is very sudden. Wouldn't it be better to get to know each other better?" Actually, I didn't disagree. So, I looked at Sam. He said, "Maybe. But we love each other. We want to be together all the time. To do that without being married would give the girls the wrong idea." I think that made Irene realize that we both were concerned about the girls' perceptions and made her feel better. But she still asked, "Helen, you look so young. Are you sure you're mature enough for this?" That was a fair question. I replied, "However I may look, I am 19 years old, Irene." She said, "19? Are you sure?" I replied, "I don't have a birth certificate. I was born in Japan. But I have a certification of entry into the United States dated ten years ago saying I was nine at the time." She said, "But appearances matter. Everyone will think you're a child bride, which will not reflect well on Sam or the girls." I thought, 'What a bizarre conversation. I have actually been on this Earth 26 years.' Then I replied, "Look, I have been working two jobs for the last few months, both in a field related to medicine. That is on purpose because my goal is to be a doctor or nurse someday. My employers trust me to do the right thing, even though I appear to be younger than I am. When people get to know me, they will also trust me to do the right thing." And my appearance will be older with time. I don't think my appearance is a problem. Besides, if I dress properly, I look older. Today I am dressed casually, which makes me look younger." But Irene would not let it go. She asked the girls, "Morgan, Madison, do you think of Helen as an adult or as a playmate.: They both looked at me, and agreed, "Helen's an adult. A fun adult." None of the four adults knew exactly what that meant, but at least the twins hadn't said I was another kid. Then Irene moved on to another topic. She asked, "Helen, is the baby you are carrying Sam's?" I flushed, and said, "No, I dearly wish he or she were. But no." Then I told Irene and Amos the story of the rape and of my decision to bear the child." Irene said, "Bearing the child is very foolish, Helen. It restricts your options greatly. I hope you are sensible and decide to put it up for adoption." I said, "I haven't decided. But this child is innocent. It deserves a chance to live as much as any child, and I am determined it will have that chance." Irene asked, "Are you a Catholic, Helen." I said, "No, I personally believe that what I am doing is the right thing to do." Then Irene smiled at me for the first time and, "OK, Helen. I can respect that. I understand now why Sam cares for you. Can Amos and I help in some way?" I hadn't thought about that. I said, "Just being Sam's and my friends will help a lot, Irene." We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about the wedding. We finally agreed that the only thing that made sense was a June wedding. In Reno, or Las Vegas, or Texas. That was TBD. I slept in one of many spare rooms in the rambling house, and Sam came and 'visited' during the night. As always, he was so considerate and gentle. How could I have been so lucky as to have this wonderful man fall in love with me? If I were changed to a frog when I talked to the witches, I would at least have the memory of Sam to console me. The next day Sam drove me back to town. I needed to talk to Lily and Aiko that day, and then I would sleep in the apartment for the last time. The next morning, I would take a greyhound to Collegeville and face the witches. But of course, I told Sam merely that I was going to visit my aunt and sister. That would come to pass if I could persuade the witches to modify the spells. I told Sam that I would be away for a couple of weeks. I would call him every night. He told me, "If you don't, I will call you." Then we hugged, and he let me out at the apartment. I dropped some stuff in the apartment and then walked over to Aiko's house. Lily was staying with her while she finished recovering. It had only been a couple of days since I had seen Lily, but she already looked better. We reminisced about our time in Thailand, and Aiko asked all kinds of questions. Then I told them that Sam had proposed. We laughed about how it had happened, and then I asked both to be bridesmaids. They both accepted. I told Lily that I would have a hard time working full time if I was caring for two eight-year-olds before and after school. Lily agreed but said he would recommend me to a couple of doctors out near where Sam lived. They might need someone. On the way back to the apartment, I stopped at the restaurant where Celia worked. Between making drinks, she ordered a steak for herself, and cut it in half and gave me half along with some potatoes and veggies. Then she told me she was pregnant. I hugged her and congratulated her. She looked very happy. I asked if she and Arnie were marrying. She said they were talking about it. If they married, she invited me to be her maid of honor. I was touched. She joked that "I will be the talk of the town if I have a fourteen-year-old girl for my maid of honor." In turn, I asked her to be a bridesmaid. My sister would be my maid of honor. Then I walked back to the apartment. It was dark and cold by this time. I still carried my pistol for protection. Luckily I didn't need it.