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Babykins By Janet L. Stickney [email protected] "I think you should try it, just to see how hard it is!" "Nope," I said firmly. "Being pregnant is for women!" "Well, yes, that's true, but you have no idea how hard it is around here! You never help!" "I'll help," I stated in typical male fashion. "Yes, I know you will, because if you don't, your little secret will get out, and we don't want that do we?" She knew damned well that my dressing up was between us, and for her to use it as a threat was a low blow, even for her, but even then, she sent shivers down my spine. "Since you like to dress up so much, I was thinking that maybe it was time for you to experience what it's really like to be a woman! I think you should become a woman for a while, then get pregnant, and I mean going from inception to delivery!" "But that's impossible!" "Well, no, it isn't. I've done some checking, and it can be done, and even better, you would not be the first guy to do it! What I was thinking, since you're about to lose your job when the plant closes, that you assume the role of a typical wife. You do all of the things that I normally do, dress the way I do of course, then you'll "get pregnant." They have devices, things that allow men to look and feel pregnant, and all we have to do is add water, right up until you're ready to deliver! Then we let out the water, and you'll be back to normal!" "But... that would mean that I would have to be a woman full time!" "Most pregnant women are silly! Now, go fill the tub while I get the bubblebath. I want you to get as hairless as it's possible for you to get." "Now?" "You got your letter of dismissal today. You'll get paid for the next two months, but after that you'll be unemployed, so there's no reason to report to your office, and no reason to say no. So yes, I mean now." I was torn between complete and utter dismissal of her suggestion, and jumping in the tub as fast as I could. Being able to be a woman full time had been a long time dream of mine and she knew it, but being pregnant, such as that went, wasn't even on my radar! Never! I looked at her, saw no deception on her face and again wondered if it was even possible. Janet is my sister. We share our living arrangements because we inherited the house together, and both of us being single, neither of us had any notion to move. We had the traditional roles even though we were brother and sister, not because of any plan, it just worked out that way. Besides, living together in the house was cheap since we owned it together. Janet got pregnant when she was 17 by some guy that ran off, leaving her to bear the child, a boy; she put him up for adoption, and he was gone the day he was born. Now, at age 21, here I was, about to face the same dilemma! If I did what she wanted me to do, I would be, in effect, be an unwed mother! "You know you're going to do it; I mean, you've been playing dress up in my clothes for years! This is your chance to finally see what it's like to be a woman, so why not take it?" "But pregnant? What's with that?!" "It's like you said. Being pregnant is the ultimate experience for a woman, and since you say you want to know what it's like to be a woman, be treated like a woman, and have the same limitations a woman does, well, living as a woman, then becoming pregnant, will show you every one of those things. That's why!" I went in my room, only to see clean towels and bubblebath on the bed. It wasn't that hard a decision tomake, so, throwing my brains, along with every bit of common sense I had, right out the window, I undressed and went in the bath. Two hours later I emerged as hairless as I could get, the hair remover and the razor having done a wonderful job of it, and after using the skin lotion, my skin felt smooth and soft. Janet had always known about my dressing up, and had even helped me a few times when we were teenagers; we had even gone out together a few times in fact. But what she was suggesting was going to test me in ways that I could only imagine; well, I could imagine them, I just didn't think I would ever face them! Unfortunately, she knew exactly how to push my buttons, which is why I ended up standing there with a pair of panties in my hand. I wasn't some clueless schmuck that couldn't figure out what was happening; I could just say no, and while she might pout a bit, that would be the end of it. However, between my savings and her wages, I knew that we could do it, and there might never be another, or better, chance for me to live full time as a woman ever again. I also knew that I was going to do it. But I was going to do it my way, not hers. I had secretly purchased one of those vagina panties some time back, but only wore it once, for about a week. It was a delicious week, yet, for me, if I was going to dress as a woman, there just couldn't be any middle ground; I always knew that if I was going to do it full time, then I was damned well going to do my very best to not only look like a woman, I was going to be the best woman I could be! I pulled the panty out of the drawer along with the special lubricant, and after a small application of the lotion, I pulled it on. Making sure that my parts were snugly in place, I used, for the first time, the glue to adhere the panty to my waist as well as the tabs on the backside. My breast forms were not the best, but they would do until I changed them for something better, much better. With my manhood no longer present, with wider hips and a bigger butt accenting my lower half, I slipped on the panties, then the bra, using my cheap forms to fill out the cups. After that came makeup, the pantyhose, dress and shoes. I used my wig because my hair wasn't quite long enough to satisfy me, and after adding earrings and lipstick, I left the room to find Janet. She had not seen me dressed for a long time, and since I had gotten a bit better at it, I wanted to surprise her. I walked into the kitchen and found her sitting at the table. As she looked up.... "Holy Cow! You look fantastic! I figured you would look good, but damn girl!" "If I'm going to do this," I told her firmly, "and I'm still not sure that I am, I need to get some better breast forms, and I simply don't have a thing to wear!" That brought a giggle. "I'll bet we wear about the same size, so we can share things like skirts and dresses, at least for a while, so all you'll need are shoes and lingerie." "If I do this, but..." "Oh I think you'll do it, it's something you've always wanted to do! Dress as a woman full time I mean. And I agree about getting better boobs, so why don't you do that this week?" "Maybe I will!" That was on Tuesday. I thought about my options for along time before I made my decision. There were lots of options, some quite inane, some quite expensive, but a few were in the middle, which meant affordable. I made a few calls, and on Thursday morning, after spending an hour getting ready, I left the house dressed as a woman for the first time since I was 19. I was edgy but not scared; after all, even if someone did figure it out, what were they going to do at 40 miles an hour? Jump in? It took about an hour to get there. As I walked in I wondered again if this were the best option. The smell of antiseptic filled the air, and a pleasant nurse greeted me. When I told her why I was there, she ushered me into the doctors office. He came in a few moments later, listening as I told him everything that Janet and I had talked about, what I planned on doing, the faux pregnancy she insisted on, and why, then asked him if there was a way that I could get away from using breast forms. "Yes of course! You can get the best in breast implants, but the best ones are very expensive, and the healing time can be over a month. You can start on hormones, which, if you are serious about this, I would recommend anyway, but your breasts would be your own, and, as expected, will last a very long time. There is one other option, we have a new procedure where we simply enhance what you have. But, as in a normal breast implant operation, we will have to make a very small incision just under the nipple. We insert a small bag which we fill with saline solution. I know it sounds like a breast implant, but it's much less than that, and the recovery is maybe two weeks, versus several weeks, or even a month, and we can continue to add to the saline as your skin stretches. The cost is comparable to that of a great set of custom made breast forms, and as a result they do not have that round, half a basketball look that some of the others do. They will tend to sag and react as a normal breast would." I asked him some other pertinent questions, then scheduled the procedure after he assured me that with my build and the amount of natural breast that I already had, within a month, maybe a bit more, depending on how much my skin stretched, I could be a full B cup, possibly more, depending on how the hormones worked on my system. An implant of any kind was a big step, but being pregnant was an even bigger event, one that would last a minimum of nine months, and since I couldn't just show up pregnant, I could safely add a few months, maybe longer for that too! All of which meant that I was facing almost a year, probably more as a woman! There was no way that I would even try that unless I had the self confidence needed, and having my own boobs would certainly make it very hard for anyone to say that I wasn't a woman, which is why I decided to do it. The cost was just about the same as the very best breast forms, lasted longer, and would be all my own. The doctor also suggested something else, which I told him I would think about. He scheduled the appointment, then, with my permission, gave me a shot that secreted a long lasting pill that would deliver estrogen into my system at a regular rate. I know, it was way out there, implants and hormones, simply to feel "safe," but it was more than that. If I were going to do this, then I wanted to enjoy being a total woman, not always scared of discovery, and if I was ever going to do it, then this was my best chance. On the way home I stopped and bought more panties, but no bras because I wasn't sure of the size I needed. For the next two days I was edgy and nervous, having told Janet only enough that she would drive me to the hospital and get me home again. I did not tell her what he was going to do. That was my secret. The more I thought about what I was about to do, the more I knew it was the right thing to do; being able to wear anything a natural woman could wear would give me more than enough confidence to not only live as a woman, but also, eventually, to get "pregnant." It took only a few hours, but when I left the hospital two days later I had smallish breasts, maybe a big A cup. I wasn't sore, but I knew it was coming, and counted on the pills he gave me to get me through the pain. Janet found out what was going on the minute we walked into the hospital and the doctor blurted it out. Janet, thoroughly shocked, could only watch as I disappeared behind the doors. Three hours later I emerged with boobs. After we finally got home, she demanded to see, but I was covered with bandages, so she, like me, had to wait for almost a week before either of us got to see his handy work. Like Janet's, my breasts had just the right amount of sag, yet were firm and perky. As I held them in my hands, all I could do was grin. I promptly went out and got fitted for bras, buying several in different styles. I liked the soft cup front hook bras, and using a small gel insert, I had the full B cup I wanted. More panties and pantyhose, I got my ears pierced, and bought makeup better suited for me. You could say that I had leaped before I looked, and maybe you would be right, but having the knowledge that I had a woman locked inside of me for all those years, one that had been slowly dragging me down; when Janet opened the door for me to try it, I took it, scarcely looking back. I didn't really have to think about it. From the moment I left the doctors office I was a woman. All I had left to do was learn how to be one. Day after day I struggled to walk and move like a woman, their natural fluidity escaping me; but I kept practicing, and after a few months of hard work, I was just close enough to being natural that Janet said that it was time that I met the world, meaning that the two of us would go out. It would be a big step, to go to dinner then a nightclub, but she insisted that I was ready. My preparation began with a trip to the salon to get my hair trimmed and styled. Still on what I thought was the short side, by the time they were done, my hair was every bit as feminine looking as I had hoped. Once I got home, it took hours to get ready, as I made sure that there wasn't one extra hair anywhere, that my special panty was firmly fixed in place, and my skin was as smooth and silky to the touch as I could get. Then came the sexy panties with bra to match, pantyhose and makeup, earrings and the dress. As I stepped into the shoes I got butterflies, but they went away as soon as I looked in the mirror. I used the red lipstick and some perfume, then grabbed my purse. I was as ready as I would ever get. Janet drove, and as we motored along.... "This is a very classy place Susan. Just be yourself, and use what you've been practicing. We'll have a very nice dinner, then hit the club later, but I don't want you to be a wall flower! I want to see you out there dancing and having a good time! Understand?" "Yeah, I get it, but...." "And if some guy hits on you, and he's cute, well, go with it! I mean, you do want to get pregnant, right?" "But I'm not... I...." "You have become a very attractive woman Susan, and attractive women get hit on! Besides, it takes a guy to get pregnant, or didn't you remember that?" "I remember," I said a bit sullenly, "but I'm not.... I've never.... with a guy I mean..." "Don't worry so much! Just be yourself, and I promise that you'll have a great time! Besides, it's not like you'll be jumping in the sack with the first guy that comes along, not on your first meeting anyway!" We were seated, and almost immediately had a waiter at the table. We ordered dinner, then, just as we finished eating, two guys walked over! The tall one spoke to Janet. "We saw that you ladies were alone, and thought perhaps that we might buy you dessert? It's such a nice place for couples that we thought we might join you?" Janet looked me, but I found that I was afraid to say a word, so.. "that would be nice. I'm Janet, and this is my sister Susan." "I'm Greg, and this is my brother Jeff." Janet invited them, so they joined us, Jeff sitting next to Janet, Greg next to me. Both were very polite of course, and I did my best to be as feminine as I could. I must have done okay, because neither of them gave me any funny looks. When Janet mentioned that we were headed to a club, they asked if they could join us, and of course, Janet said yes. She didn't ask me, she just did it. Saying that I had to "freshen up," I dragged her butt into the ladies room with me. "What the hell are you doing?!" "Why not let them go with us? I mean, I'm a girl, and you're a girl, and they are kind of cute, so why not?" "But I'm not... I can't..." "You are, and yes, you can! And besides, this is what you wanted... isn't it?" "Yeah, but..." "You listen to me Susan! Greg is obviously taken with you, so go out there and be the girl he thinks you are! Christ! You have your own boobs now, and I know all about that panty you're wearing, so don't try to tell me that you can't do this! Besides, there are lots of ways to take care of a guy, if it comes to that!" Janet was right on all counts, it was only my long held innate fear that was holding me back. I used the bath, added lipstick, and joined Janet as we walked back to the table. As we left, Greg slipped his arm around my waist, then walked me to our car. They were going to follow us, but Janet wanted to stay with Jeff, so I ended up in Greg's car with him. He drove carefully, even though he kept looking at me and smiling. "What?" I asked, "Is there something wrong?" "No, you're just so pretty that I can't stop looking at you." "You probably say that to all the girls you meet." "I just moved here Susan. Jeff has been here a while, so, I haven't met any girls, and I don't have a girlfriend. What about you? Any boyfriends?" "No, just me and Janet. We share a house we inherited." "So... you would be free if I called you?" "I might, it depends on whether I give you my number!" Just then he pulled into a parking space and we went inside. The noise was loud, as in almost deafening! Looking around, I saw Janet covering her ears, and went to her. "Let's get the hell out of here!" I almost yelled in her ear, "It's too loud!" She nodded her head yes, and grabbed Jeff's hand, leading him outside. The four of us stood there getting used to the silence, then.... "Listen," Jeff said, "I know a place that has a nice trio, jazz I think, and we can have some drinks and talk." It was everything Jeff said it was, and we settled at a round table overlooking the small pond beside the place. The lighting, the soft jazz, and the drinks worked together to loosen both Janet and I up a bit, and I became less self conscious of what I was doing. I talked, laughed, and even danced with Greg. It was a new experience to have someone treat me that way, and it took a bit before I got used to it. Greg and I were sitting there for a moment after that dance, then he took my hand in his. Under the table, but still, he held on, then, his hand drifted south, to my right leg. I put my hand over his to deter and further exploration, but didn't move his hand; I'll admit that it felt nice in a way. Then Jeff and Janet excused themselves, walking towards the small garden outside. "Your sister and Jeff make a nice looking couple." "Yes, I suppose, but it's way to early to suggest that!" "I'm not, I'm just saying. They seemed to hit it off quite well." "It seems so, yes." "Can I call you? I was thinking maybe...dinner?" I surprised myself when I said yes, then gave him my number. He asked, and since I had to know if I could pull it off, being a girl, by myself, and what better way than on a date? And besides that, given the way Janet had taken to Jeff, there wasn't much doubt that I would see him again, so why not go out with his brother? By the time we got home Janet was on cloud nine. Smiling the entire way home, even I could figure out why. Jeff was good looking, and she had not dated very much since our parents were killed. She was ready to move on, and Jeff was a likely candidate. I neglected to tell her I had a date scheduled for a reason. I did not want to have her suggesting anything. I was going to see how I did on a date, all on my own. I also found myself unable to continue just sitting home practicing, and regardless of her wanting me to take care of the house, I had to have something to do, so I started looking for a part time job. Because of the numerous job loses, the only thing I could find was working as a waitress at a family diner. I scheduled myself for four days a week. That would give me time to take care of the house and still have some money. Janet understood when I told her, so I began work the following day. Going from a male oriented job of modest authority to waitress was a bit of a shock, especially having to wear those short, form fitting green dresses. The hem was almost three inches above my knees! I managed to do okay, with only a few mistakes on the orders, it was all that other stuff. Like getting hit on almost all day; or feeling a hand running up the back of my leg once in a while. I almost complained, but the other girl, Angie, told me that the guys that touched usually gave big tips, so I didn't rock the boat very hard. It was harder than I thought it would be, standing on my feet all day, but Angie suggested the type of shoes to get, and I stopped on the way home and got them. I made almost $65 in tips alone that first day, which surprised me a little. If that remained about the same every day, then I would make almost a grand a month, just in tips! Add in another $500 in wages, and I would have enough to get by without hitting my savings very often! Beat, I took a shower as soon as I got home, then found the note from Janet. "Susan, I'll be out with Jeff. Don't wait up! JJ" I slipped on a nightgown, got a beer, and settled in to watch a little television. It was early, only about seven, but I wasn't planning on going anywhere, so I got my housecoat and simply relaxed. I had just taken a sip of my beer when the doorbell rang! I fastened the housecoat, and answered the door, surprised to see Greg standing there. "Hi" "Hi Greg! What are you doing here?!" "When Janet showed up, I knew that I was definitely going to be out of place, so I left, and you were the only person I wanted to visit!" "She left me a note saying not to expect her home tonight, so you're probably right! Come inside." "You look great Susan." "In this? Let me get some clothes on. I'll be right back." "Don't bother. You look... domestic? It suits you." "Me? Domestic? Hardly! Let me get you some coffee." We sat and sipped our coffee, then he put his arm around me, pulled me closer, and kissed me. Not hard, but enough to let me know what he wanted. Even after living as a woman for over four months, I was still unsure of myself, especially where a man was involved. I desperately wanted to be a woman, to be totally accepted as one, and Greg was obviously prepared to help me in that regard. My most closely held secret had always been to make love to a man, but only as a woman would. There wasn't any doubt that he wanted to jump my bones, that was obvious by the way he kept moving around, trying to hide the tent in his pants. I had paid lots of money for that panty, knowing full well what I could do with it, yet always wondering if it would actually work as advertised, and my breasts were a full C cup by then, a perfect size for me. I wanted to know if I could do for him what any healthy normal female would do for a guy. It came on me rather quickly, and since Janet was away... I turned to face him, and kissed him back. Eventually his hand made its way to my breast, which made me feel tingly all over, and excited me to no end. I knew that it was sudden, giving in like that, but I was unable to stop myself. I had to know. I led him into my bedroom, and he immediately began to undress me, which didn't take long, and as I stood there naked, I reached out to undress him. His gentle yet firm manipulation of my senses had already led me to do things that I had never thought I would do. The sensations that rippled through me when he first kissed, then suckled at my breast was indescribable, and drove me deeper into the onrush of lust I was feeling. I touched him, stroking him as he lay next to me, the panting of his breath in my ear firm with excitement. I rolled him on his back and got up on all fours, my breasts hanging from my chest like ripe fruit as I turned my face to his manhood. That first touch of my lips on it made him quiver in anticipation, yet when I suddenly swallowed him whole, he almost jumped into the air. It was not as unpleasant as I had thought it would be, and worked on him until he was almost ready, then stopped. He grabbed me and pushed me on my back, and as I lay under him, my ankles around my ears, I guided him in, then felt his motion, the pulsating throb of his desire, which was very intense. When he had completed, he lay there next to me panting hard, and as I rolled up next to him I grinned to myself. I had satisfied him! Running my hand through the hair on his chest, I was thrilled beyond words. He stayed the night of course, and as I awoke, I smiled at him. Then I went to make the coffee. Standing there in just my nightgown, I had the overwhelming feeling, as if I were a wife, his wife, and found that I didn't mind that at all! I was humming to myself when he came in the kitchen, wrapped his arms around me, then cupped my breasts; I could feel his hardness pressing against my backside. "Have some coffee," I said. "I want you." "Coffee," I insisted. "Then breakfast. You'll need your strength." An hour later we were once again in the bedroom; I felt like a teenage girl as I pushed him back on the bed, then went to work on him. It was, unlike the night before, very easy for me to do that for him. I could not go back to the way I was before. I am a woman, he is a man, and we are both adults. I knew even before he showed up that returning to my old status was out of the question, so making love with Greg was just a logical progression in my journey to womanhood. After showers, he had to go to work, as did I, so we parted company. I was a very happy girl that day, and it must have showed, because Angie mentioned it. "You look chipper today Susan, new boyfriend?" "Yes, and he's cute as hell." "Just be careful honey, guys get what they want, and they leave us standing there, sometimes pregnant!" "Greg isn't like that! He's..." "He's a guy Susan, and all guys are like that!" "Not Greg!" "We'll see." Angie had been married twice, and her last boyfriend had just up and left. It kind of makes you wonder if it was the guys or her. She had a terrible track record with men, so any advice she gave me wasn't worth taking to heart. About an hour into my shift Janet and Jeff showed up. "Hi!" "Hi Janet. Have a good time last night?" "Probably about the same as you." "I see!" "No you don't," I said with a wink. "Did you make him breakfast?" "Of course." "Aha!" "No aha, he was hungry, that's all." "I'll bet!" They both she and Angie said in unison as Jeff merely grinned. The day went by quickly, and I was anxious to get home. Janet and I had to talk. She knew so much more than I did about men, which sounds silly, since legally I am one, but I had entered a whole new realm of existence, that of a woman. At the ripe old age of 21, and what everyone thought was a woman, there were so many things that I needed to know. Janet and I talked that night about men, my future, and hers. She knew that I had let Greg sleep with me, but she did not make a big deal about it. She simply wanted to know if I liked it. Well... duh! It was plain to the both of us that our futures were about to change. She really liked Jeff and was hoping for more, while I was very intent on completing my journey to full womanhood, and maybe a long future with Greg, or maybe another guy. The hormones had made my skin almost hairless, and very soft, I had my own boobs, and hips; the only thing missing was my own female genitalia. As the days became weeks, I became more and more fluid in my actions, and at work, my tips got better, and I actually had people requesting my section. Greg and I talked on the phone every day, and I actually felt giddy each time he called me "baby." Janet and Jeff became a very big item, and I began to see her less and less, often for days on end. That meant that Greg and I had the house to ourselves, and he and I became a couple, one that was virtually married! I cooked the meals, did the laundry, cleaned the house and put out, while he mowed the lawn, fixed the cars, and other household things that needed fixing. In effect, we were living together, and frankly, I was loving it! I liked being a housewife! As much as I loved it, Janet reminded me that the goal had been to experience pregnancy, and since Greg and I were sleeping together, why not? The why not was that I would have to tell Greg that I was unable to have children; I would not have to tell him exactly why I couldn't, just that I couldn't, and have him agree to accept me having a fake pregnancy. I really did not want to ask him. I was afraid that he would leave; then what? I thought about it for a long time before I approached Greg. I told him that I did not have the ability to have children, but not why. Then I told him that even though that was true, I wanted to experience being pregnant; the whole thing, for the entire nine months. He just sat there as I told him that, interested, but very calm. "So.... I think I can understand not being able to have children, it's not that uncommon, but why fake a pregnancy? I mean, what's the point?" "Having a baby is the pinnacle for a woman honey, and even though I can't have children of my own, I can enjoy the experience, and who knows, maybe it will make me a better mother if I adopt someday!" "Don't you mean when we adopt?" "What!? Are you asking me to marry you!?" "Susan, we're virtually married right now! So yes, I guess I am asking you to marry me!" I was stunned to say the least. Our relationship was one of mutual satisfaction, much like any marriage, yet to have him ask me that was not even on my radar! I'll admit that I had thought of it, but as much as I loved being a woman, I wasn't one, and how could I ever tell him that? I started to cry, unable to say yes or no. I was conflicted, but more, I was afraid. How could I ever manage to become a real woman without him finding out? And if I told him the truth, would he still want me? Greg rose up, took me into his arms and just held me as I sobbed. Never in my entire life did I expect to find myself crying over the love of another man, yet there I was, crying because the man I had come to love more than life, had asked me to marry him! "Is it that bad? Marrying me?" "No! It's not you honey, it's me! I'm... I'm not....a real woman!" I ran to my bedroom and slammed the door shut, convinced that staying there would result in my being pummeled into the floor. Just then the door opened violently, and I just knew the end was near. "Okay!" he yelled at me. "We have a few obstacles to get over, but we'll manage! Now tell me dammit! Will you marry me or not?" I jumped into his arms and sobbed on his shoulder, and when I slowed down I told him the truth. Eighteen months later he and I wed with my sister and his brother attending. I wore my very best next to nothing wedding lingerie, which lasted about ten seconds when he saw me. Our joining was wonderful, and still is. Our daughter Alice is now ready to start walking. We adopted her right away, and now my family is almost complete. One more baby would make it even better.