Letters
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A Life In Letters free porn video
Hannah picked up the letters which the postman had just delivered. In
amongst the usual collection of junk mail was a handwritten envelope.
Hannah smiled as she recognised the handwriting and, carefully opening
the envelope, removed the letter inside. She unfolded the letter and
read it:
"Dearest Hannah,
We've known each other for as long as I can remember and, in that time,
I've seen you grow from the vulnerable and confused child into the
beautiful, self-assured woman that you are now. You are the woman I
always dreamed I'd meet and, whenever anyone asked me how I would
describe my ideal woman, I would always describe you even though, as we
both know, my interests lay elsewhere.
But I know that I could never have been your ideal man. You need
someone strong and assertive; I am shy and sensitive. You need someone
who can always be there for you; for the reasons we both understand,
that is a commitment I can never make. You deserve someone better than
I could ever have been.
I wish there was another way but I know in my heart that the only thing
I can do now is to let go of you so that you can grow and flourish in
the world. Please don't be sad and definitely don't miss me. Remember
me if you want but if it's easier for you to forget me, I'll
understand.
So now, dearest Hannah, it's time for you to look forward to the rest
of your life. The world is ready for you and I know you are ready for
the world.
Goodbye, good luck and thank you for being a part of my life,
David x"
A tear trickled down her cheek as she read David's letter. She always
knew this day would come but, as she read his final sentence once more,
she knew that she would desperately miss him. She dabbed her cheek to
dry the tears and then went to her bedroom and removed a small box tied
with a pink ribbon from the wardrobe which she placed on the bed beside
her and opened.
Inside the box were several letters, each one inside a carefully opened
envelope and with the same handwriting - David's handwriting. She'd
read each of them many times before but, today, she wanted to read them
once more. She removed the first one from its envelope which had
distinctly childish handwriting on it.
"Dear Hannah,
I liked playing dress up today! I hope you did too.
I hope we can do it again
Love from David"
Hannah remembered the day well. She was five at the time and been
invited round to a friend's house with several other children, both
boys and girls. After running around the garden for a while, they
decided to dress up and various costumes were available to wear. The
other children dived into the boxes picking out outfits for themselves
but, by the time Hannah could get near the boxes, there was only one
left - a princess dress.
This should not have been a problem for Hannah but it was. A big
problem in fact because Hannah was not, at that time, female. She was
a little boy called....well, that's not a subject Hannah likes to talk
about any more. Her parents had always gently tried to steer her
towards boys" toys but couldn't help noticing that she played far
better when visiting their friends who had daughters. They reassured
themselves that it was just a phase she was going through.
"You've got to put this one on!" demanded Charlotte, her host, also
five years old but, for some reason, dressed as a knight in armour. "I
need a princess to rescue."
Hannah vividly remembered her protestations but, even as a boy, she was
no match for Charlotte's much more robust personality so, in the end,
she complied.
"Oh, what a beautiful princess," gushed Charlotte's mother before
realising that the princess wasn't one of her female guests.
"We're hoping it's just a phase," reassured Hannah's mother when she
arrived to collect her son. But, of course, it wasn't a phase. Hannah
had never forgotten how it felt to wear the princess dress - the
softness of the fabric and the swishing of the skirt - but, for many
years did not understand what it all meant. She just assumed that all
boys liked to dress up as princesses from time to time. The only
problem, as far as Hannah was concerned that her parents wouldn't buy
her a princess dress of her own, even though she asked them several
times.
Hannah reached for the next letter. The handwriting was more mature
but unmistakably from the same hand as the first. She started to read
it.
"Dear Hannah,
I can't believe that we've known each other for so long and yet it took
me until today to realise how beautiful you really are. I know it was
only the dress rehearsal for the school play but you looked amazing and
I know the others thought so too!
Today, I think we saw the real you at last and I really hope that we
get to see a lot more of you.
With love and admiration,
David x"
As she read the letter and remembered the school play, Hannah smiled.
The play was "Peter Pan" and she'd been cast as Mary Darling, the
children's mother. This was not unusual in her school; as a boys"
school, several other classmates had been cast in female roles - Wendy,
Tinkerbell and other fairies - but her role meant that she'd been
provided with the sort of clothes a mother would wear - a knee length
skirt, blouse, cardigan, tights and high heeled shoes. High heels! As
a 14 year old boy, she'd never worn high heels before, except playing
in her mother's shoes when she was very young but as she slipped first
one foot, then the other into the shoes and stood up, something just
felt right. If only this was part of her regular school uniform!
Makeup was next and, after the teachers had finished, she was
unrecognisable and looking every inch the glamorous mother.
Of course, the sight of her in makeup and high heels made the boys pay
attention! Paul, who was playing her husband George, seemed far more
attentive than he had been in the earlier rehearsals, quite happy to
put his arm round her far more than the script demanded and even kissed
her on the cheek without complaining. Not that she minded; Paul was
popular in the class and, as she felt him hold her tight, she just felt
warm inside.
Not surprisingly, when the play was over, things went back to normal
and any thoughts of lipstick, eyeliner and high heels had to be put to
one side, at least for now.
She opened the next letter on the pile.
"Dear Hannah,
Today you shared your innermost thoughts with me. I'm sure that no one
has the slightest idea of the secret you've been carrying but you know
that your secret is safe with me. I understand the pain you have
endured but now you have finally accepted how you feel, things can only
get better for you.
I know that you still have doubts but I don't! I know that you are
going to grow and blossom into a beautiful woman and true happiness is
now yours to take.
With love,
David x"
Hannah remembered that day as if it was yesterday. The night before,
she'd seen a programme about transgender people on Discovery Channel
and it was as if a light had been turned on in her mind. All of the
confusion she'd felt about her gender suddenly made sense. She'd not
just been watching a TV programme about transgender people; she'd been
watching a programme about herself!
Her mind wandered back to the time she'd asked her mother what she
would have been called if she'd been a girl. "Hannah Elizabeth" was
the reply and, from that moment on, she thought of herself as Hannah.
All she needed to do now was to figure out how to become female like
the transwomen in the programme.
But before all of that, she needed to pluck up the courage to tell her
parents. It was never going to be easy particularly as they'd been
less than supportive when she'd told them that she thought she might be
gay a few months earlier. If the thought of their son being attracted
to other boys was bad enough, what would their reaction be to the
declaration that their son wanted to become their daughter?
The next letter she opened reminded her of the outcome.
"Dear Hannah,
Today you took a giant step forward by sharing your plans, your hopes
and your fears with your parents. As you said, their reaction was
beyond your wildest dreams and, also as you said, I think your mother
suspected something for a long time!
Coming out is hard as I know from when I finally came out to the world
but, once you've taken that step, everything else in life is easy.
Trust me, I know!
Anyway, now there is nothing stopping you from realising your dream so
go for it and remember that I'll be with you on every step of your
journey!
With love,
David x"
"Mum, Dad, I've got something to tell you"
The three of them were sitting in the lounge when Hannah took a deep
breath to start the conversation. Her parents listened silently as she
told them of her struggles, anxieties and general unhappiness and, as
she finished, she dreaded the response which she knew was coming. Her
mother spoke first.
"Darling, you're our only son but, more important, you're our only
child. I've always suspected that something was wrong but even when
you told us that you thought you were attracted to other boys, it just
didn't seem to explain things in the way that you now have. This isn't
going to be easy for you but I'm sure I speak for both of us when I say
that we'll support you in every way we can."
Her father nodded his agreement.
The three of them talked well into the evening making various plans,
continually referring to websites to fill in the admittedly large gaps
in their knowledge. By the time they'd finished it was past midnight
but plans had been made for a major clothes & makeup shopping trip the
following weekend.
Hannah yawned and got up to leave the room. "Goodnight Mum, goodnight
Dad," she said before turning towards the door.
"Goodnight Hannah," came the reply.
And that was the point at which she crumbled. More than anything,
she'd just realised what the unconditional love and acceptance from a
parent actually meant. She understood that losing their son was not
going to be easy but they had accepted her as their daughter.
As she turned back and went to hug both of them, she sobbed
uncontrollably. Finally, through the tears, just two words emerged.
"Thank you."
She carefully replaced the letter in its envelope and exchanged it for
the next one in the box.
"Dear Hannah,
OMG he was soooooo hot! And you got to kiss him and he wants to see
you again! That was one good looking guy and I don't mind admitting
that he's just the sort of guy I dreamed of meeting. Something tells
me that he only has eyes for beautiful girls like you so I was never in
with a chance!!
I always knew that going to that party was going to be good for you but
I know you had doubts. After all, it was a big step for you but you
were always going to turn heads!
You are now well and truly on your journey and I hope that this, more
than anything, will convince you that you can look forward to a
wonderful future.
With love and more than a little envy (rather a lot, actually!),
David xxx"
Hannah smiled as she remembered her first kiss and, as David rightly
observed, the guy was indeed hot. She hadn't wanted to go to the party
but, in the end, David convinced her that she should go. However, it
was a big step for Hannah; by now, all of her friends knew of her
transition plans but she still wore androgynous clothing. But this
party was different; the invitation said "formal wear" and Hannah knew
that that meant dresses and heels for the girls.
For days, she agonised over whether or not to go. She was, of course,
desperate to wear a dress & heels and see herself properly made up.
What teenage girl wouldn't?! But how would her friends react. Would
the tolerance of her androgyny turn into hostility? Would she be left
isolated as the boys clustered round the other girls? She was now very
good at creating a fake cleavage and could easily pass but, down below,
as far as she was concerned, she was definitely not a girl and whilst
careful tucking could hide it, there was no denying that it was still
very much there and could have a mind of its own on occasions!
In the end, David convinced her it was now or never so she went.
And she needn't have worried! As soon as she stepped through the front
door, all of the girls crowded round her telling her how good she
looked and asking where she had bought her clothes from. The boys were
more reticent, of course. They all knew that she looked amazing and
any one of them would have jumped at the chance of a date if she'd been
a natural born girl. The irony was that they all knew that they would
probably feel envious of any boy who paired up with her but worried
that, if it was them, they would forever be called "gay" by their
friends. They were soon going to find out which of their suspicions
was correct.
"Hello, I'm Julian."
Hannah turned round to see a tall boy, probably a year or two older
than her standing in front of her. She'd not seen him before but was
instantly mesmerised by his looks. She felt herself blushing.
"Shall we go and get a drink?" urged Julian.
Hannah followed him into the kitchen where he poured her a glass of
wine and then he led her into the garden where they sat down together.
"You're Hannah, I gather!" smiled Julian.
"Yes. How did you know?"
"Well, ever since I got here, all I've heard is 'Have you seen Hannah?
Doesn't she look amazing?' 'I've got to get that dress and shoes that
Hannah's wearing' and "Hannah looks hot tonight,' so I thought I'd come
over and see for myself."
"And?" Hannah giggled.
"And they were right," laughed Julian.
Hannah then became serious.
"But you know...." she started.
"Yes, I know," interrupted Julian. "Ellen took me on one side and told
me when I asked her who this Hannah that everyone was raving about
was."
Hannah's face fell. "Ellen betrayed me?" she asked sadly.
"Definitely not. She actually told me to be gentle with you as it's
your first time out. She told me that you are the sweetest girl she's
ever met, told me about the challenges you've faced and said that if I
had a problem with it, to go and find someone else because you're the
last person she'd want to see hurt."
"And do you have a problem with it?"
"You must be joking! I'm sitting here talking to the most beautiful
girl at this party, the one who everyone's talking about so why could I
possibly have a problem with it?"
"Well, I may just be in fancy dress for the evening," laughed Hannah,
her mood lightening again. "And I'm normally a monosyllabic gamer
called Brian."
"Are you?"
"Er, no," giggled Hannah, "although I don't normally look quite this
glamorous!"
"Only a matter of time, I'm sure! Anyway, girl, boy - who cares?"
laughed Julian, dropping a little hint to Hannah that whatever she was,
it wasn't going to matter to Julian who then continued, "So, tell me
all about yourself!"
And for the next two hours Hannah and Julian talked and laughed
together. Their chairs gradually moved closer together until the
inevitable happened. All of a sudden, they were gazing into each
other's eyes.
"My god, you're beautiful!" said Julian.
"You're pretty hot yourself" giggled Hannah, the look in her darkly
lined eyes leaving Julian in no doubt that she was attracted to him.
Their lips touched and, holding each other tightly, they kissed
passionately, their tongues performing a ritual dance as they explored
every inch of each other's mouth.
And, as word spread about what was happening, all of the party guests
made their way to the garden to see for themselves.
And did the boys start calling Julian "gay" for what he was doing? Not
at all!
And were the boys envious of Julian for getting off with the hottest
girl at the party? Absolutely!
Hannah returned to the box and removed the final letter.
"Dearest Hannah,
This is a hard letter for me to write and I've agonised about it for
days. The thing is that I have to tell you how much I love you before
it's too late.
I often wonder whether, if things had been different, we'd have spent
the rest of our lives together. To me, you are the perfect woman,
everything I'd ever want in a partner. I see a lot of myself in you,
well the good bits of me anyway, and watching you blossom into the
beautiful woman you are now has only strengthened my feelings. I know
that you don't think you're anything special but, believe me, you are.
To have the strength of character to follow your dream is amazing and,
every time you look in the mirror, you must know that all of the pain
and anxiety was worth it. As you know, my feelings for you have caused
me to question my own sexuality on many occasions! Why does life have
to be so challenging?!
But, if things had been different, would you have been interested in
me? Somehow, I'm doubt it! Yes, as I've already said, I see a lot of
myself in you but you're so much more than that. You are a confident
woman, I am a shy guy. You are already moving in circles that I could
never have dreamed of breaking into. People naturally gravitate to
you, enchanted by your personality; I'm just the lonely guy on the
outside looking in.
And I know that, in your heart, you realise that too. We would always
be two ships that passed in the night on paths destined never to cross.
Thank heavens I like guys so this isn't going to be a problem (LOL!)!
But before I go, mark my words. You are going to meet the most amazing
man and be the most amazing wife to him. He will never forget how
lucky he is and his friends will all envy him. You will both achieve
success that you never believed possible and, as you grow old together,
you will experience nothing but joy. That is your payback for all of
the challenges you'll have had to overcome to get there.
With love and lots of it!
David x"
Hannah felt tears welling up as she read the letter. She had known for
a long time that she was David's ideal woman and, as he admitted in his
letter, had questioned his homosexuality many times. But she also knew
that David was right. She was now a sophisticated and elegant young
woman and David was still the slightly scruffy, ill at ease boy he'd
always been. Fortunately, she'd never been in the position of having
to turn down a romantic advance from him but, as she looked at his
deeply beautiful words once more, hoped that she would have let him
down gently if she'd had to.
She thought back to her time with Julian at the party. He was
everything David wasn't - tall, handsome, self-assured, confident,
smart, the list went on. The sad fact was that, whilst there was
nothing intrinsically wrong with David, Hannah could see that other
guys could give her more than he ever could.
So yes, David was absolutely right. In the parallel universe where he
was straight and Hannah was a natural born girl, their paths would
probably never have crossed and, even if they had, would ultimately
have caused disappointment for David.
As he said, thank heavens his sexuality meant it wasn't a problem!
Hannah replaced the letter in the box and sat on her bed to contemplate
all of the memories that had resurfaced. The dressing up when she
realised she liked girls" things, the school play when she got to
properly experience looking like a girl for the first time, telling her
parents, her first kiss with Julian and David's declaration of love to
her.
David, the only constant in her otherwise confused life. Always there
and always with a reassuring word for her. She re-read his final
letter that had arrived that morning. Was this really it? Was he now
out of her life for ever? She knew in her heart that he was but still
couldn't believe it. But she knew that, if it was true, she'd never
forget him and his words of support.
But there was no time to dwell on the past. She had an important
meeting in town and needed to get a move on or she'd be late. She
checked her reflection in the full length mirror and laughed - for all
those years, she'd been desperate for the right to wear a skirt or
dress but was now wearing a trouser suit. But it was fine because she
no longer had anything to prove, either to herself or to anyone else
and a trouser suit teamed with stilettos and beautifully applied makeup
was completely appropriate for a woman to wear for a meeting at her
lawyer's.
She walked to her front door passing a couple of rubbish bags full of
old clothes - "his" old clothes - they would have to be dropped off at
the charity shop later that day she thought and, locking the door
behind her, made her way into town.
------
"Hello Hannah, nice to see you again," said Stephen Jeffreys, her
lawyer as he invited her to sit down in his office. "I've got all of
the paperwork ready for you to sign."
As he handed her each form to sign, Stephen explained its significance.
"This one's to officially change your birth certificate, this one's to
change your passport, this one's for social security...."
By the time she'd finished Hannah felt like a celebrity giving
autographs as she'd signed her name so much.
Finally there was one form left.
"This is the deed poll, the official form to change your name."
Hannah looked at the form and read the text.
"I David James Williams have given up my name and have adopted for all
purposes the name Hannah Elizabeth Williams."
As she signed the form, she smiled to herself. David may have gone
from her life but he would certainly never be forgotten!
------
EPILOGUE
Fifteen years had now passed since Hannah's visit to the lawyer's
office to make her transition official.
Fifteen years had also passed since she answered her phone that evening
to hear
"Er Hannah, this is Stephen Jeffreys. If you feel that what I'm about
to ask you is unprofessional and inappropriate, please tell me straight
away and I will end the call and never contact you again. But would
you have dinner with me this weekend?"
Ten years to the day had passed since Hannah became Mrs Jeffreys and
four years had passed since she became the adoptive mother to two
adorable twins from a Romanian orphanage who were now playing happily
in front of her.
On the table in front of her was a slightly battered box tied with a
pink ribbon. Stephen came into the room and sat down beside her.
"What's that?" he asked pointing to the box.
"It's about time I showed you what's inside" laughed Hannah as she
removed the ribbon, opened the box and handed the contents to him.
"Have a read," she urged.
Stephen started to read the letters and, by the time he got to the
third one, the penny had dropped. He carried on reading in silence and
when he finished the final one, he turned to Hannah.
"You were a bit full of yourself weren't you!" he laughed.
"Whatever do you mean?"
Stephen read out a few snippets from the letters, most of which were
"David" telling Hannah how beautiful she was. Hannah laughed.
"I suppose I was a little too fond of myself but, as David, I hated
myself so much that I suppose that I did much prefer the female persona
I was creating for myself. In addition, of course, it was a big secret
for a long time but, even so, I needed someone to encourage and support
me and, for all of his faults, David would have done that for anyone in
a similar situation. After I came out and started transitioning, I had
my parents for support but, from time to time, I just used to wonder
what David would say so the letters carried on."
"I wonder what he'd say if he saw us now."
Hannah thought for a moment. She thought about the huge house they
lived in, the top of the range cars in the drive, their regular foreign
holidays and all of the other things that their successful careers had
brought them.
"I know exactly what he'd say!"
"And?" asked Stephen
"He'd say 'I told you so!'"
Alma
- 08.02.2023
- 4
- 0
