An Xmas Fairytale free porn video

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A Christmas Fairytale By Freddie Clegg

All Characters and Situations Fictitious

No fabulous creatures were harmed in the production of this fairy tale.

Have A Very Happy Xmas

& Stay Away From The Elf Bars

? Freddie Clegg 2007  Not to be reproduced or reposted without permission. [email protected]

Deborah Snowdrop was not feeling well.

There are few less attractive sights than a fairy with a hangover and for Deborah, it didn't feel any better from the inside.

It was always the same at this time of year. She'd go to some bar planning on having a quiet drink or two with a couple of girl friends. Then a bunch of elves would turn up having rolled out of some office party, bragging about how they'd all finished painting rocking horses or toy trains or whatever for the year and made their bonuses and now they were going to have some FUN.

Or the pixies would be out on the pull, out of their heads on mushrooms, looking for some of their sort of music which - as far as Deborah Snowdrop was concerned - was repetitive, electronic and involved too many flashing lights. They'd all be busy experimenting to see if a slice of Fly Agaric with an Archer's chaser really did what it was reputed to. They hadn't worked out that what a girl first looked for in a bloke was some level of consciousness.

Even the trolls could be found enjoying, if that was the word, themselves. Let out from what ever dark corners they skulked in the rest of the year, they'd go on skulking together but in the corner of a bar. They'd be working their way disconsolately but efficiently through glass after glass, usually of flat, warm beer while they complained that it wasn't like it was when they were younger – even the young ones – and that even if it was it cost more now.

Somehow Deborah Snowdrop and her friends always seemed to get caught up in things. It wasn't that elves were attractive as such, or that pixies were particularly engaging company, or that trolls were – well anything really. But somehow the season seemed to make them all more persistent.

The elves were the worst. They all used the same chat-up lines. ?Why don't we go back to my crib and see if you can make the bell on my hat ring?? was one of the more amusing ones. At least until you'd heard it for the thirtieth time. And, of course, there was always, ?You fairies are good with wands, why don't you come and rub mine to see what magic happens?? But they had plenty of money at this time of year – it was always busy in the workshops in December – and they all seemed determined to spend it.

Which was what accounted for the line of vodkas that had been set up for Deborah and her friends and the drinking game and the karaoke session and ...

Deborah groaned quietly at the thought of it. Her headache was certainly not elf sized, but on the bright side she wasn't lying in bed beside a naked elf wearing one of those stupid hats with the bell on the top. And at least her stomach wasn't too bad – she hadn't made it as far as the ?let's all get a kebab? stage as far as she remembered.

What did she remember?

Well there was the last vodka and she and her friends had gone to the powder room. She'd wanted a cigarette but they didn't allow smoking in the bar. The fire door at the end of the corridor had been propped open and she'd stepped outside. One of the elves had been out there. He'd given her a light and told her he thought her dress looked nice but would look even better over the chair in his bedroom. He'd staggered back into the club when she told him to fuck off. Which had been something in his favour, Deborah had thought.

Then what?

Oh yes. Oh shit! Then someone had pulled a sack over her head and she'd been lifted up. That had been when she passed out. And how, she guessed, she came to be here sitting on the floor, in what looked like a tiny room, with the silver wreath of flowers that she wore on her head in a distinct state of disarray and the wand that had been tucked into her belt, badly bent and almost certainly, from a magical perspective, broken.

On the positive side she was still wearing the same, possibly too short, silver dress and she still had the little handbag that held her most precious clubbing possessions; credit card, lippy, a packet of condoms (well they said a fairy couldn't get pregnant shagging an elf if he didn't have his hat on, but frankly Deborah didn't believe them and besides there were lots of other things that you certainly could get), a spare pair of knickers ..... and the obligatory bag of fairy dust.

She looked around. The tiny room started to move. It was like she was in an elevator but much more jerky. The movement stopped apart from a gentle swaying that would have been pleasant if it wasn't having the effect of bouncing Deborah's brain around inside her skull.

Light shone into the room as a window opened.

She looked up. A single, blood-shot, eye was peering in at her through the bars of the window. What she could see of the green warty skin around the eye told her all she needed to know. An ogre. She was in some sort of cage and the cage belonged to an ogre.

The eye moved back a bit. She could see all of the ogre's face. It wasn't much of an improvement. What was more when he went to speak the subtle perfume of his breath practically pinned Deborah to the back of the cage.

?What's your name?? the ogre said.

?Deborah,? the fairy answered. Coughing a bit at the fetid smell of cabbage and old cheese. 

The ogre shook his head. ?No it's not. You're a fairy. Fairies aren't called Deborah. Least ways not outside Fairy Porn. You weren't in Debbie Does The Pixies were you?  Hurr. Fairies are called 'Buttercup' or 'Peasblossom' or 'Cowslip'.Though in your case it might be 'Cowsarse' I suppose. Hurr, hurr!?

That's unfair, thought Debbie looking behind her, although the short skirt of her dress did make her bum look a bit big. She called herself Deborah because it seemed a lot more fun than 'Snowdrop'. Deborah, Debbie, Debs,all of those were fine but 'Snowdrop'? It wasn't her at all! It would have to do for the ogre, though. ?It's Snowdrop. Deborah Snowdrop. Why don't you let me go?? She tried a winning smile at the single blood shot eye that was staring in at her.

?Hurr, hurr, because I don't want to,? the ogre said. ?What's the point in me catching you up in my little sack, putting you in that little cage and taking the risk of you heaving all that vodka all over it just to let you go again? Nah! That doesn't sound like the sort of idea even an ogre would go for, does it??

Deborah thought about it. He was right of course. Even ogres weren't that dim. ?If you let me go, I'll grant you a wish. I can grant wishes. How about that??

?I dunno,? said the ogre. ?Most time wishes seem to turn out wrong. I don't really trust magic. Not since they started letting school kids do it. And that lot that live on that world with the turtle. They're just mad most of them. Naw! I'll stay away from wishes, thank you.?

?Well there's other things that fairies are good at...? When all else failed, Deborah Snowdrop, knew that one of her flirtatious glances and a suggestive word was enough to divert elves, pixies and even, on a good night, trolls. Perhaps it would work on ogres too. 

?We'll see.? The ogre poked a finger through the bar of the cage. It was almost as wide around as Deborah's head. She backed away but the finger followed her pinning her to the back of the cage. She squealed. ?Hurr,? the ogre responded, moving his finger in a motion which might have been construed as tickling if it hadn't been so large. ?Hurr.? The eye squinted in. ?Who's a slutty little Snowdrop then?? he smirked.

Deborah, who realised that the ogre's finger stroking across the silk of her dress had left her nipples standing up like, well, like the warts on the ogre's nose, squealed again and put her hands up to cover her breasts.

The ogre chuckled, ?Hurr! Not the sort of thing you had in mind? Never mind, I think you can stay anyway.?

Deborah tried to think what she might do to escape. All she had was the few things in her handbag. She hit on a plan. She would get the fairy dust, throw it at the ogre's feet, that would lift him off the ground – because that was what fairy dust did – he'd drop the cage in shock and all she had to do was to flap her wings like nobody's business so that when the cage hit the floor and shattered she'd be flying free.

Perfect!

Well, not too perfect but as good as she could think of. She fumbled in her handbag and found the bottle.

?What are you doing in there,? grunted the ogre peering into the cage.

?This!? said Deborah hurling the bottle to the floor.

It missed the ogre's feet but hit the floor anyway and shattered, showering its contents over the ogre's faithful dog as he sat by the fire trying to work out if it was worthwhile getting up now that a cinder was actually smouldering in his fur. To the dog's dismay it found itself floating above the ground at the height of the ogre's head. The hound yelped disconsolately; the ogre laughed with gusto and Deborah shrank back in her cage disappointed at the failure of her plan.

?Oh dear me,? the ogre said. ?I can see what I've got to do with you, darling. Take your stockings off.?

?What? No! You can't tell me to do that!?

?Yes I can darling, I'm a fucking ogre. We're not all jolly, home-loving souls like that smart arsed, bugger Shrek, you know. Some us are still down right nasty and I'm one of them. So get your fucking stockings off!?

?No!?

?Just get them off. Unless you want me to pull the dress off, tear it up and use that? The ogre wasn't prepared to listen to Debbie's objections.

?What do you want them for?? Debbie was struggling out of her stockings and trying to preserve some measure of modesty in her short skirt at the same time.

?I'm going to tie you up,? the ogre chuckled as he prised open the door of Debbie's cage and reached in with one thumb and forefinger. He grasped Debbie as gently as he could between them and pulled her from the cage, squealing with terror, kicking and waving her arms and flapping her wings. Ignoring her cries and struggles, he carried on conversationally. ?Every body knows even a fairy can't wriggle out of fairy silk and I'm reckoning your stockings are made of fairy silk. So they should do nicely.?

Debbie looked down, she felt like she was a mile in the air. Way beneath her was the stone flagged floor that had shattered the bottle of fairy dust. Normally it wouldn't be a problem but with the way the ogre was crushing her in his grip she wasn't confident that her wings would be working properly before she fell to the floor. Suddenly wriggling didn't seem like a great idea.

The ogre was carrying her across the room. He put her down on a wooden board on his table, pushing her face down with the tip of his thumb in the middle of her back. She felt a curious pricking sensation. He removed his thumb but she still couldn't move. She looked over her shoulder. Two enormous pins, one through the tip of each of her wings trapped her face down on the board. ?Hurr, hurr,? the ogre chuckled as Debbie pounded her fists on the board in frustration as she tried unsuccessfully to wriggle free.

Debbie felt him grip her arms twisting them gently but firmly behind her back. She couldn't see him working away with a pair of tweezers but she felt him pull a stocking around her wrists tying them securely.

?Now I hope you understand how people have got things wrong about us ogre's. We're not all  brute force and ignorance. Well not all brute force, anyway,? the ogre said, conversationally but without really expecting a reply from the helpless Deborah. ?I mean, take now for instance. Do you have the slightest idea how little difference there is between me resting my thumb here,? Deborah felt a touch between her shoulder blades, ?and me going, ooops, squish, sorry!?

Deborah squealed in fright at the prospect.

?Hurr, Hurr, only joking. Just thought you might be getting a bit bored there. I've nearly finished. It's just a bit fiddly.? Deborah tried to pull her wrists apart but the knotted silk of her stocking wasn't giving way. And then the ogre started on her ankles, tying them together as tightly as her wrists. The ogre pulled out the pins, picked Deborah up and stood her on her feet. She found it hard to stand with her legs tied together but eventually got her balance. The ogre had turned his back. She looked around the room wondering how she might escape. She had just decided that she might try to fly up out of the ogre's reach – at least her wings would be working now when there were two loud bangs behind her.

?Hurr, that'll do it,? the ogre chuckled. Deborah tried to flex her wings to no effect. She looked at him.  He was holding an office stapler. He'd stapled her wings together. It hadn't hurt her, there weren't any nerves in the gossamer thin membrane, but she couldn't flap  them at all. ?Its for your own good. We get that Puss-In-Boots round here and you can imagine what he's like with anything that flutters. I've just got your well-being at heart.?

?This isn't fair,? Deborah yelled, ?I won't be treated like this, I won't, I won't, I wummmpph!?

The ogre had found her spare pair of knickers. Now they had been pushed between her lips, stuffing her mouth with silk. He'd cut some very narrow strips of tape from somewhere and plastered them across her mouth. ?This isn't easy,? he said as he used the head of a match gently to push down a loose end. ?It's just as well I used to enjoy making models when I was a lad. Good training for this.?

Deborah hummphed with annoyance behind her gag but without attracting any sympathy.

?Now then, I expect,? the ogre said, in a portentous tone, ?I expect you're wondering why I've brought you here. Hurr, that what all the great detectives say isn't it? Hurr.? He peered down at the helpless Deborah who was wriggling on the table where he had left her. Her struggles hadn't achieved much beyond rucking her short skirt up over her hips. She was currently wishing she had worn one of her longer, diaphanous dresses. The ogre's toothy grin demonstrated that he was glad that she hadn't. ?Well this is why.?

Deborah squealed as she felt herself lifted up and carried across the room. There was a fir tree in one corner of it and she realised at once what was to be her fate. The ogre set her down at the very top of the tree pushing her up against the thin woody tip. He pulled a short length of wire around her waist and then around the tip of the tree, pinioning her to it.

?There,? the ogre said, with a happy smile, ?it's Christmas eve. I'm going to decorate my tree and this year I've got a real fairy for the top of it.?

Deborah squealed and wriggled again. It didn't look like she was going to get free for twelve days at least. 

+++ The End +++

? Freddie Clegg 2007  Not to be reproduced or reposted without permission.

Email: [email protected]

For PDF copies of my tales, join my web group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/freddies_tales/

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I was in the pool with him inside the condominium building , everyone is asleep , my uncle got the pool maintenance keys and i tought it would be nice to dip in the water before sleepdrunk and back from the family party , the only 2 of is living in mtlhe didnt bother with his boxer and i got a good look at him going in the pool nakedhis fat big cock between his legs made me froze in place, mine way more small on the avg sidegetting naked in the pool him smilling at me to dark to see him stroke...

3 years ago
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xmass party

Its this time of the year thinking at the party where i finally gave in to the desireafter so many drinks i coudnt help myselffollowing him outside to smoke a cigarette offering to smoke in my car to escape the cold weatherhe was divorced, 45 cool black guys in the HR team we smoke a cigarette casually talkingsit in the back of my outbackfeeling so anxious he wouldnt want it if he sees it, maybe he had alreadythe golden box in the center consoleflavored magnum condom i was craving to try on a...

1 year ago
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XXXmas Party

I was about to attend my first Christmas party at my new job. I didn’t know what the protocol was in terms of what happened after, whether we all hit the town together or called it a night and went our own separate ways, so I had made arrangements to meet a few friends. We were under strict instructions to meet for lunch at 2pm and so was a little surprised when we all started leaving at noon to make a 15min journey. As it turned out the tradition is to hit every bar on the way down to the...

2 years ago
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Xmass little elves

It was straight out a Xmass movie , i needed money real bad and had to get a job as a Elf of Xmass for this company managing packaging and delivering of Xmss presents during covidbut i got very uncomfortable when the lady gave me the skimpy elf outfit to put on i went in the room to dress and it was a weird feeling i was very tight in the green and red outfiti got out and she smile''great you look perfect''''but this here we cant have you walk around your little cock bulging out like...

2 years ago
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Luminous The PlayingField App

I normally wore my strappy black bodysuit with jeans or some denim shorts. But on its own, it was downright sexy. I let a strap fall from my shoulder and angled the camera a bit to obscure my face. The idea that someone…a stranger would be seeing this turned me on incredibly.  I decided to be bold. I unsnapped the bottom of my bodysuit, letting the flaps fall loose. I positioned the slim fabric over my private area and leaned over seductively.  SNAP! The camera shutter went off.  Suddenly, I...

Lesbian
2 years ago
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Gun Culture Chapter 6

"The bastard stands there, across the field," A voice said from behind. My horse twitched a little, but she was well trained. She was painted with the same blue paint as my own face had been adorned with, a symbol that she was as blessed as me by the gods. The blue does not rub from our faces and the solace does not erase easily from our hearts. It's the true meaning of blessed. I risk a glance backwards at my father, the leader of our army. He is watching me, arrayed spotlessly in all...

1 year ago
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Nuns Vs Knights

In front of a smaller than average congregation, unusually attended by a few of the kingdom's notably agnostic Knightly Order of Dyna, the head priestess of the Holy Church of Merridan addressed "her flock," as it were... even though the warriors in attendance actually outnumbered her faithful. "In conclusion, give generously, my brothers and sisters. A heart that strays from our divine creator, Geod, is a heart that is susceptible to corrupt thoughts and malice against one's fellow man. A...

Fantasy
3 years ago
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cuckold lifestyle 8

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I had just finished working on a friends Chevy van. It is one of those raised roof vans with a TV and all that stuff. I was just about to go inside and get cleaned up when guess who drove up. TIM, yeah my wife's steady fuck buddy. He and I talked for a few minutes before my wife came outside to see who I was talking to. She was wearing her bikini and had been out by our pool sunning. I told her I was finished with Bob's van and was about to clean up...

3 years ago
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The Steam Bath

The steam bath looked to be empty. It’s just about dinner time, so most of the hotel guests should be off making arrangements for supper. My husband and sons are on a snorkeling trip, and won’t be back until later in the evening, so I have all the time in the world to relax. Wrapped in my towel supplied by the resort, I walk past the spa and towards the steam bath. I’ve just come up from the beach, and I’m looking forward to some ‘me’ time in the steam bath. It’s wonderful! The steam is so...

3 years ago
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DONT BE LATE FOR DINNER

Back in my early days of my career in the plumbing business I had struggled and work long hard hours to gain the experience it would take to work a plumbing service van . When my big break came I found employment with a top notch company which quickly put BIG dollars in my pocket. The last thing I needed was to lose this once in a lifetime job by having an affair with my supervisors wife. When I first became employed at my dream job I quickly impressed one of my supervisors named...

3 years ago
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I Think I am Gay PT2

There really was little I could do to change things, I realized. I hadn't told anyone but Marie that I was gay, but that was part of how she saw me. Who knew if she'd let anyone else know? Or if anyone had overheard part of our conversations? I was sucking the first guy's dick regularly still, always in his car, always getting off in mine, after, been buttfucked by another, so I wasn't lying exactly. I kept watching more sissy porn, but in my mind, I was imagining being fucked in all those...

1 year ago
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Mrs Franklin Teaches something new

“Kyle, you’ve failed all the tests do you want this class again?” “Not really, I just don’t get the stuff” “Then stay after for help, but that is little help to you now” “Is there any way I can make it up” asking in that pleading voice used so often in hopes of evoking sympathy. “Well there is one thing but I doubt you’ll want to do it” “I’ll do anything to pass this class” “Well then, I have had a sexual fantasy that I’ve wanted to do for a while” “Wait one sec, you want me to have sex...

2 years ago
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The Docter and the Intern

Ever since Gia first saw him at the hospital she just felt this overwhelming attraction. She worked at the ward for her internship, he worked at the unit next to it as a doctor. They met in the kitchen by the coffee machine. He made her an espresso with something extra he said, something special to help her through the extra long night shifts, he said. The espresso was delicious, addictively delicious almost. It was love at first sight. His dark hair laced with silver strands, his faint...

1 year ago
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Ecstasy and the Black Man

Twelve years ago, long before my wife, Laura, and I married, and when we were both still in college, we were little more than fuck buddies. Sure I would buy her drinks and we would flirt, but there was no way any thoughts of ‘long term’ had crossed either of our minds. The sex from the beginning had been great and a couple weeks later, it had gotten even better. I remember one night we got back to her place, and I don’t know who started it, but we both were slapping the shit out of each other....

2 years ago
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Happy Ending

Happy Ending by Eric Disclaimer, author's note X files belong to Chris Carter 10/13 products and Fox no infringement is intended This story came to me in a dream. With drawn guns Mulder and Scully stood outside a door. Hope and fear played across Mulder's face while Scully stood stoically at his side. " This is it, Scully - the Cancerman's lair. " " If the tip was right, Mulder. " " It's got to be right Scully! It all fits. " A disarming...

3 years ago
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The Mind KnowsChapter 2

"I'm telling you, the Dragonriders are all gay!" Bill and Bobby walked through the middle school hallway, ignoring all around them as they argued this important issue. Bill, in particular, was doing his best to not pay attention to his surroundings. Bobby's ghostly companion was giving his friend a blow job as she floated before his crotch, and that was one place you did NOT want to stare during a conversation like this. That her eyes, like that of all the creatures, was actually on Bill...

1 year ago
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Mom in cum sheet

100% fiction! this is one more again to celebrate a true experience.My name is Vinode Sharma and i m 45 years of age and i live with my husband and my son in up market posh area around delhi jaipur highway. A few years back, my husband , who works as a manager in a clothing company, bought a plush apartment in a suitable high class area for 45 lakhs. He spends most of his time at work. I won't reveal his name to maintain some secrecy. I had been happily married for about 25 years now and live...

Incest
3 years ago
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The Pianist Ch 03

Allie jumped slightly and felt a sharp intake of breath as she heard his voice. She turned slowly with a smile and said ‘As a matter of fact, I am…you.’ ‘Really, to what do I owe the pleasure?’ ‘Actually, I came to apologize for my behavior yesterday.’ ‘Well then, you can start by buying me a drink. Shall we?’ Nic offered his arm, and Allie surprised herself when she readily accepted. Nic led Allie to an open table towards the back where the music wasn’t as loud, and he ordered them a round....

1 year ago
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On the way to Sweden

The first part of this was sent to me by a reader who is on her way to Sweden and a new life with a husband that she had had less than a few months with in the States. I have edited her text a bit to make it a little more readable, but essentially, this is her story. Thank you, Sky. Without thought, I find myself walking over to your chair where you are sitting massaging your member watching me with a look I cannot explain because it is as if you are looking right though me,...

2 years ago
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Kitten Darlas story

Kitten, Darla's begining By: Malissa Madison Sitting alone at the end of the counter in the diner, Driver watched as his mother and older sister fussed over a pair of guests who'd just arrived. He listened to the two cops as they waited to hear any news of the missing kid. His name was Sam, or Samantha, if he was dressed up like a girl. That thought gave him a shiver, being caught dressed like a girl. Boys in these parts just didn't do things like that. he sure hoped his...

1 year ago
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How to train your fratboy Ch 8

He was coming along excellently, Sir mused. Way ahead of schedule. She could afford to take her time today, and give the poor thing some honey to go with all that vinegar. "Do you like my shoes Bradley?" she asked, pondering herself in the mirror. Too sore to attempt to raise his head just yet, Brad rested his cheek on the floor and looked over at Sir's shiny black high-heels thoughtfully. His first impulse was to compliment his mistress, but seeing how obviously the shoes clashed...

2 years ago
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Deaths Door

She lay there, waiting. Her sweat-covered body was racked with frightenedsobs, her breathing shallow and ragged, her eyes drooping, yet panicked. Shehad been in this state of panic for three days. A tube that penetrated thehood let water through once a day, but the two small tubes that pierced hernostrils were the only source of air. The most torturous device of all, wasn'teven touching her. The end had been sharpened to a point, the shaft long andnarrow, like that of a broom. It was aimed at...

3 years ago
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Yoga Pant Loving Gets Nailed

Hey people,this is Amit (name changed) from New Delhi. I am a 22 year old man With slightly above average looks but possess a good built and dress according to it. People find me hilarious,hence attracting similar aged girls is not a big deal. But I have always longed for women over 30 years of age.All interested ladies can contact me at the moron who decides to neglect you suffer by using me!This is my first sex story on this platform,hope you enjoy it! The woman who had me going crazy is a...

3 years ago
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MY SEXUAL AUTOBIOGRAPHY PART 151

PART - 15 ANOTHER FACE OF SEX I was in Goa once again, second time within 15 days. I returned to Delhi to my hubby after spending about 15 days in Goa where I have played lesbian game with one of the friend of my husband. Many said this was a social work to give sexual satisfaction to a married and sexually unsatisfied woman. I always care for sex and the sex loving peoples. I have just returned from South Africa where I was with my hubby for world cup foot ball matches. This tour and...

4 years ago
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Jake The PIChapter 2

I drove over to Jenny's. My wife was right. Jenny was my best friend during childhood. We were neighbors and grew up together. It was funny that we never really dated. When I started my teen years, her family moved to the suburbs. We still kept in touch but not as often. She used to tell me about a lot of her personal life and I told her mine. As I mentioned, we were best buds, even though she was a girl. We never talked about love or sex between us. It was like the subject was out of bounds...

1 year ago
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Swallowing The Prize Ch 03

Over the next several weeks, men from the Minotti office would show up at Rochelle's front door. Having learned her lesson, she always made sure they verified who they were before she performed for them. She was struck by the professional and no-nonsense approach of these evaluators. Although she had her doubts at first, these men were truly serious about their business.On one occasion, a Minotti rep appeared at her door, and after allowing him inside, she took his dick in her mouth. Strangely,...

Oral Sex
3 years ago
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Debauchery With TV Mechanic

Hello! Dear ISS Patrons, I am Girija and am here on this site for the first time to make a true confession about my debauchery, after enduring 6 months of mental torment due to shame & guilt. I am 35 yrs old, married to Anantha who is 37. I am a South-Indian fair skinned woman. Men & women from my community are generally brilliant in academics; my husband & I are both Post-Graduates in Metallurgy & Science respectively. Even at this age, I look very fair & attractive; I stand 5’9” tall, which...

2 years ago
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The Love Boat

Even as I pulled into the long term parking structure near the dock, my mind wandered. Why the fuck was I going on a God damned cruise? I hated boats. Well it wasn't actually hate it was more a healthy dislike. Okay, we're friends of a sort. I mean I'm telling you my story and you're listening to it, so I can be honest. I'm fucking scared of being out in the ocean. No matter how big the boat is, I'm afraid. In fact if I had to be out in the ocean, I'd rather be in a small boat. There's...

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