Faye's Days free porn video

Heythere, say there.

My name'sFaye and this all really happened during 2 ? days in late 2002. But first ofall, I want to tell you that it?s okay if you skip the part about me and go tothe dirty part.? I understand.? No, really!?

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?Thank youfor still being here with me. I'm not sure why I?m typing this or what I?ll dowith it.? I guess I?ll upload itsomewhere because, well, what else can I do??I can?t print copies and send them as Christmas cards to my friends

?because I don?t HAVE any friends.

What I DOhave is have autism, which means that I don't like talking to people. Evenbeing in the mall makes me feel confused and upset because of all the noise andconfusion.?

It alsomeans that people think I'm really strange (though I'm not sure exactlyhow).? I feel like I'm just ?me?, butpeople see me as being impolite, emotionless, abrupt, naive, inappropriate,disturbingly ?intense? (whatever that means), shockingly direct, far tootrusting, boringly matter-of-factual, and utterly tactless.?

By theway, if it matters, I have medium-to-short very dark brown hair which I used todye lighter, am 32 now (but this happened when I was 27), weigh about 145, andam 5'11".? I know I'm"cute", but like being "smart", that's just another reasonfor people to be jealous and hate you.?

I havedegrees in computers and astronomy but quit my job at the nuclear engineeringcompany in 2002 after I told a coworker what I did over the three-day weekend,because it was SO exciting and sexy.? Butinstead of thinking it was sexy too, she didn?t say anything.? Then I found out she told everybody else, andthey all treated me with scowls and weird looks, so I just WALKED OUT and neverwent to another job again. How I live without working is another story.? I?ll tell you after the main story. Speakingof which?

IF YOUSKIPPED THAT BORING STUFF TO GET TO THE "DIRTY" PART, OKAY, HERE ITIS

I onlyhad sex once before, with a guy in high school who was probably autistic too(Dave). He was an extreme "nerd", with no friends). He had been mychem. lab partner the previous year.? Wedidn't date or kiss or even smile.? Hejust asked me after school one day waiting for the bus in the media center if Iwould like to try doing it, since he never did and I guess he figured I didn?teither.? We just went in the woods behindGHS and took off our clothes, but didn't talk.?It was like some kind of serious "procedure".?

We eachexplored the other person's body (I don't have any siblings and he didn't havea sister and I never saw a naked guy before).?So THIS was a dick!? Wow, and thatmust be where he was circumcised.?Coo-well!? It really does have alittle ?head?, and I guess that hole is where they pee and cum comes out.? And the ?scrotum?, it looked like the skin onit was made of a big dried apricot with hair.?And in the sack, there were two little THINGS in there, like grapes:wow, those were his BALLS!? GodDAMN!? I stroked them like they weremagical, to be worshipped.? That made hisdick twitch.

I lay onmy back and he examined me between my legs.?He licked his fingers and put one in my cunt and my asshole at the sametime, pushed his fingertips together and pulled real hard.? It hurt but I forced myself not to move.? He sucked my clit REAL hard until it hurt,but I didn?t move then either.? Hepinched my vulva lips hard too, and bit my nipples, and sucked on them real,real hard until blood came under the surface.?He probably didn?t know how much he was hurting me as I was beingexplored and examined, but I liked it because I liked him, and was beingobedient.

When itwas my turn to look at his dick I licked it, and smiled at him, but his eyeswere closed.? I asked if I could suck it,and he nodded.? It tasted strange, likesalty skin. Everything else I ever put in my mouth was to eat.? The skin was loose, like on a chicken?sneck.? It felt soft on the outside buthard near the center, like it had a soft bone in it. I guess I was expecting itto be isotropic, like a popsicle.

And itwas hot.

I suckedon the head and I licked the clit part at the bottom of the head with mytongue, which made him moan and start thrusting it into the back of mythroat.? I was so proud that I had donethat for him, given him so much pleasure, and in such a crude, obsceneway.?? As he thrusted into my face, I wasaware that suddenly I wasn't doing something for ME or even doing something forHIM, but my mouth and head were just female body parts being used by histhrusting dick for his own pleasure as his balls were slapping against my chin

When hetold me to lie on my back, I didn?t want him to take his dick out of my mouthand I tried to keep it in, but he took it out anyway.? I squeezed my lips on it as it passed throughthem to get every last moment of this glorious dick-suck experience that Icould.?

I laid on my back on my pile of clothes and felt SOOexcited.? I opened my legs really fastand held them as wide as I could with my feet slightly off the ground.? I could feel sticky-bush stems pushingagainst my ass, hurting me.? I leaned myhead back, looked up at the sky, and waited to be fucked.? I also liked that feeling of lying with mylegs open, silently and obediently waiting to be fucked. I would have patientlywaited for hours.

Veryserious-looking, he got on top and then Dave fucked me.? I had heard it hurt the first time but exceptfor stretching a little, it didn?t, maybe cause Iexplore myself so much from being curious.?We never even thought to use protection, which? is strange.? Neither of us made any noise or moaned likein the videos.? We didn?t look at eachother or talk.? I didn?t cum but I likedbeing fucked. It was like a revelation.?It made me feel happy and loved, and I pretended he was myboyfriend.? Mom had always told me it wasa dirty and horrible experience but now knew she was lying to me. I still don'tknow why.

He cummedinto me silently, then put on his clothes without saying anything and left melying there alone, naked in the woods.

It wasPERFECT.

I waslying there alone, full of his cum.? Itwas running out of me slowly and I watched it do that for the longest time,fascinated. Since I began having sex feelings I have been fascinated by mycunt, but never as mush as seeing it with cum dripping out after being fuckedfor the first time.? That image will bewith me forever.?

I hadnever even seen a close-up picture of cum; I thought it would be grey andwatery, but it was thick and white.? Ismelled it and was surprised that it has a slight odor, and I tasted it,tentatively.? Sticky!? Then I use two fingers to scoop a lot of itout and ate it.? I reached my fingers inas deep as I could and scooped it out and into my mouth again and again untilthere wasn't any more of his cum left inside me, not because I liked the tastebut because it was HIS: DAVID?S SPERM had come from DAVID? BALLS and he pumpedit into my cunt with DAVID?S DICK when DAVID FUCKED me and I was NAKED.?

I wantedto be OWNED by David.

That?swhat I was thinking as I masturbated until I cummed too, with his sticky ?yick?all on my face and fingers and in my mouth.?I lay there naked for about 15 minutes more, thenmasturbated again, tasting his sperm.? Ihad also rubbed it all over my face and in my ears, and it was beginning todry.? I left his cum on my face until Itook a shower the next morning, and I was SO sorry to have to wash it off.? To me, it was like an invisible badge ofownership? and it had come from his BALLS!

Eventhough it was getting dark, I didn?t want to put on my clothes.? I sat there for about an hour, just lookingaround and thinking.? I wanted anotherboy to discover me there, naked. I thought about what I would do.? Would I take his dick out of his pants andstart sucking it without ever saying anything??I lay on my back with my legs open and my eyes closed and pretendedthere was someone there and I was waiting for him to use me.? When it occurred to me that a GANG of boysmight find me, mean ones, I masturbated for a third time. I didn?t want to puton my clothes.? I wanted to be dirty andnaughty and obscene and smeared with cum and lewd and bad and fucked and nakedFOREVER.

The nextday, I was excited at the prospect of seeing him and watched the door for himto come in to the class we had.? When hedid come in my heart raced, but he didn?t look at me.?? I thought we would be friends and maybe eatlunch together or maybe even go to McDonald?s or something. I would even payfor mine myself.? I smiled at him twice,hoping he would be my friend now.? But heavoided me because he was embarrassed, so I figured I'd be embarrassed too and(literally) never talked to him again.?That was all right, I guess.? Imean, it was okay.? It made me kind of sad,though.

That'sthe closest I ever got to having a boyfriend.? Other than that, I never went out on a date,even in college.? When guys were friendlyin college, they were much more direct and it scared the hell out of me.?? They?d put their arm around me when justtalking someone?s dorm room about something unrelated, like there was thissecondary, unspoken? parallel context,which was SO creepy.?

I feltconfused because I didn't know exactly what to say, and I have this HUGEhistory of people getting mad when I said stuff?(any stuff), so I always pretended like I didn't understand that theywanted to kiss me and climb on me.?Sometimes I had to push them away and get upset and leave.? Plus I hate the idea of being kissed or heldor talked to or even looked at, because sex is embarrassing and weird andcreepy and scary, and it reminds me of being a mother and a grandmother andevolution and the galaxy and the monolith and death.

I bet youdidn?t know that ?2001? was really a metaphor for puberty.? Yup!?The blast on the moon was first masturbation, Jupiter was a girl, andHal?s ?secret? was knowledge that there?s a hidden purpose to life that littlekids don't know.? Poole was one way ofdealing with it, and Bowman was the other.?And the stargate was? a CUNT. If you enter it and ride to the end,there?s an explosion, which starts a whole new universe... a new life.

I havealways chosen the Poole way, the wrong way.?I chickened out; I let Hal beat me at chess.? For instance, all my classes were with guys-- nerds, which I liked a LOT.? They werethe only people I could ever truly talk to about cool stuff like thermoelectricsand LISP data structures.?? And theyexplained stuff to me, like how a stereo signal works and three-phasepower.? Around them, I forgot I was agirl with a cunt and they were guys with dicks, and we just were SO excitedwhen we made something cool work!?? Butwe never got excited about? OTHER things.

BUT:

Filmsymbolism and crazy talk are not what you're reading this for.? I can hear you say: ?yeah, great, but this isa BDSM site.? So far, she?s only writtensome fuck, and not very much of it.?Where?s the WHIP part?? When isthis bitch gonna CRY??

Okay,segue (strangely enough, that rhymes)?

I guess Iwould have liked to have been fucked by some of the CS dept. guys, but sex isjust so... DIFFERENT from everything else in life.? I mean, I guess one minute I?m supposed to beall "so what do YOU think the recursion termination condition is" andthen suddenly it's like "say, how 'bout I lie on the computer lab floorand you STARE INTO MY ASSHOLE WHILE YOU FURIOUSLY LICK MY GENITALIA LIKE ANINSANE, OUT-OF-CONTROL ANIMAL AND THRUST YOUR HARD DICK DOWN MY THROAT AND SLAPYOUR HAIRY BALLS AGAINST MY FACE unless that?s inappropriate, in which case Iguess we?d better calculate the optimal loop index increment instead?.

Owww, theinconsistency!? Context faultinterrupt!? Shutdown!? Embarrassing? embarrassing!? Abort!

??I?m sorry Faye, I?m afraid I can?t DO that?.

THAT?Swhy I never went out on dates in college.?Because no matter how relaxed the situation supposedly is, the abovediscontinuity is always implicitly manifest.?Except while you?re actually doing it, sex is just so blatantlyembarrassing and pointless, the elephant in the room that nobody talks about,and I?m just no good at politely ignoring the obvious.? And in casual social situations like thedining hall or a mixer, the secret/obvious elephant is slapping me in the facewith its tail so hard that I stutter and mumble and can?t talk.? But no matter how much I?d prefer to saysomething like ?Sooo? you?re a GUY.? Thatmeans you have a DICK, right?? I?m not allowed to do that.? It?s not POLITE.? People would think I?m crazy, when really I?mjust retarded.? So I have to talk aboutwhatever is consistent with the nominal context and pretend I?m not beingslapped silly by the elephant?s tail.

Oops,crazy talk again.

Sorry.

ANYWAY(here comes the pain and humiliation part): One day I met a girl I knew fromhigh school at the Safeway.? She askedfor my number and she called me to talk.?She?s married now and they bought an old 1932 house way in thecountry.? Her husband likes to tie her upand whip her-- HARD.? And she told methat sometimes he locks her in a closet all weekend with her hands handcuffedto her feet and only takes her out to fuck, and then he puts her back in? the closet.? That was so sexy, I felt numb.? One weekday morning, he locked her naked inthe trunk of his car.? She didn?t evenknow where he was taking her.? When helet her out they were at the farm where he works, and he tied her to a table inthe barn all day for all the other guys to use when they took a break fromwork.? She also said ?and once he whippedme ?till I passed out?? then GIGGLED!??

It wasAMAZING. It really happened to somebody I know; it wasn?t a fantasy this timeor a fake movie with a ?bondage model?.?I was astounded, but she said she LOVED it!? Those were her exact words.? I could hardly hold the phone or talk becauseI felt like I was on drugs.? I know myvoice was shaking.

After wehung up, it was all I could think about.?I knew that there really were people that did those sorts of things,but, god!?? It HAPPENED, Diana really DIDit!? Her words echoed in my brain: ?No, ILOVED it?.?? My mind was swimming. It waslike a release and a revelation; everything I had been told in my life waslies, awful, horrible, evil, anti-happiness LIES.

I went inthe bedroom and rubbed the nub until I cummed, which took all of fifteenseconds.? I did it a couple of minuteslater too, pretending it had been ME in the barn.? And twice again that night and first thingthe next morning, every time pretending it was ME climbing out of the trunk andME walking across the dirt parking lot with bare feet, and ME entering a barnfull of guys who weren?t expecting me while my husband stayed outside, and MEwho lay on the floor and spread my legs, never saying anything to the surprisedmen.? It was ME tied to the table allday, unable to move, waiting patiently for someone else to fuck me, cum in me,use me and walk away without ever thanking me or saying anything or even acknowledgingI was? a person.

I don'treally drink, but I did the next day so I could call her up and ask her (aftera lot of beating around the bush, so to speak) if maybe, uhh, she could get herhusband to lock ME in his car and give ME to his friends.

I figuredshe?d just hang up because every time I say something stupid and direct,particularly if it involves feelings, people don?t say anything, look at meweird, walk away, and are never friendly anymore... and I never know why.??? I got thrown off the majorgeeks discussionforum for talking strange, and I still have absolutely no idea why.? All I talked about was stuff likeoverclocking my GeForce 7800.? I didn?teven talk about sex or anything.? Thathappens to me all the time, people hating me for no reason they can explain.

But to mysurprise Diana got all excited and offered to put him on the phone.?

NO!?

I didn'twant to know him or talk to him, I just wanted to be tied up, whipped, andraped.

So shewas the intermediary, and after a couple of days of back and forth, we decidedthat on the 3-day weekend, he would gag me at the front door without sayinghello so I wouldn?t have to figure out what to say, and go in the basement,strip naked, and do whatever I was told.?Then if everything was going okay, he'd get one of his friends to comeover and help dominate and rape me all weekend.?Anonymously.

Well,what I thought would be fear, my brain interpreted as excitement!? Part of the deal was that I would never haveto say ANYTHING to ANYONE, that no one would ever askmy name or talk to me, and I'd be just a sexy naked girl body for them to hurtand humiliate and use in any way they want to for their own selfish physicalpleasure.? That was the best part, feelingI wasn't responsible for once. That whatever happened, it wasn?t my fault andnobody could hate me for doing something screwed up because it involvedfeelings--?particularly these strange, new ones I never realized I hadbefore.

I countedthe days ?till Friday, and couldn?t concentrate at work to the extent that Isaid I was sick and had to leave early.??I took a shower and washed my pussy and ass hole real good, dreamilythinking about how in less than an hour they would both be examined real closelyby a strange man.? A couple of daysearlier, when Diana told me to use an enema before arriving, I almost droppedthe phone and masturbated then and there.?Now, I felt so deliciously shameful doing it, knowing why I was.

I shavedthe hair on my cunt short, shaved my legs and armpits, and put on perfume; Iwanted my rapist to like me, and I wondered if what I hoped was coming wasmaybe too good to be true, that it couldn?t REALLY be about to happen.? I considered what to wear, but realized thatit didn?t matter because if this really happened, I would be taking my clothesoff first thing, and not putting them back on for three days.?

Iconsidered bringing them a present to thank them for raping me, but my subtle,autistic jokes were never recognized as such, and anyway, the real present Iwas bringing them was in my pants.

I hopedthey?d like it.

AIRLOCK

When Igot to their house I stood on the threshold of a dream and thought aboutwhether I really wanted to do this.? Yes,it could be dangerous, but I was more worried about doing something wrong.? I pressed the doorbell button three times,paused, then pressed it three times again.? Diana opened the door and I felt the warm airblow out.??

She said?hi? but didn?t ask me to come in.?? Isaid ?hi? and stood in the doorway, staring at cracks in their linoleumfloor.? When I had had enough of that, I? concentratedintensely on the fact that electric outlets in 1932 were not only unpolarized,they weren?t even grounded.? I hoped thatin the increasingly unlikely case that anything actually happened tonight,someone would shock my vulva with electricity.

But she never said anything and I was becoming concerned that thiswas another instance of ?it? happening.? In this case, someonemaking a joke and me not knowing it:

?Faye!? What are YOU doing here??

?You meanyou thought? I was SERIOUS???

?Who isit, honey??

?It?s? it?s Faye, darling.?That talk, she thought it was for real.?

?Oh my god.?

Thingslike that happen to me all the time.?Never about sex before, though.

I juststood there awkwardly, wondering if I should just turn around and walk away,which is what I usually do when ?it? happens.?Then her husband came and stuffed a cloth in my mouth and put duct tapeover it.? WHEW!?? He grabbed me by my upper left arm and ledme to the basement and Diana followed.?Nobody had said anything else yet.?

The onlythings he said to me the whole weekend were ?take off all your clothes? and(later) ?it?s okay, don?t worry, you can scream asloud as you want?.?

Diana saton the couch and watched.? I sat on thefloor and took off my shoes and socks, then stood up and took off my jeans andthen my T-shirt.? I never wear a brabecause my breasts are medium-small.?Then I pulled my panties down, hesitating before showing my bush, thenpulled them all the way down and stepped out of them.? Finally, I as naked!? I just STOOD there in front of a strange manwith grey tape over my mouth and my hands against my sides, staring at theshort-trimmed, dark brown hair on my pussy, figuring that he was looking at ittoo.? Nobody said anything or moved forabout 30 seconds.

It wasVERY embarrassing, which was SOO sexy!?My face felt literally hot from blushing.? He told me to lay onthis heavy coffee table like table, only it was higher than a coffeetable.? It was his workbench, which hehad dragged to the middle of the room. Then he ordered me to spread my legsopen, and he examined my cunt for a long time while I either looked the ceilingor looked at Diana, who smiled.? So far,lying naked in front of her husband while he examined my cunt was the sexiestmoment of my life.

STARGATE

After afew minutes, he started pinching it and pulling the hair on it.? He pulled on the lips, and pinched the leftone with his fingernails, which made me say ?ow?.?? Then he picked up a real leather whip andwhipped my open legs, and I jumped and screamed through the gag, YOOWWW!? It was actually happening!?? I was finally being whipped, for real!? I was SO excited!??

He tiedme with my legs spread open and my arms out of the way so I couldn't move, thenkept whipping me over and over real fast on my hips and tummy and upper legs,but? mostly on my cunt.? And not once in a while, gently and fake likeon porn videos, but he got a mean face and whipped me REAL fast, and angry andvicious and hard as he possibly could for, maybe, 30 seconds.? THWAK THWAK THWAK THWAK THWAK THWAK THWAK?

After thefirst THWAK, I was stunned.? I didn?texpect it to HURT so much.? After thesecond THWAK I was panicking, struggling desperately to close my legs, and byabout the fifth THWAK I began screaming those loud, high-pitched, frighteningscreams that women do in monster movies. After a while I couldn?t distinguishthe individual blows, it was just one continuous hurting of me, and though mymouth and eyes were wide open, I couldn?t scream anymore.

When hesuddenly stopped, it was silent and I realized I was crying.? I was glad that the whipping had ended, but Iwas afraid that because I was sobbing so hard that Diana would feel sorry forme and stop the whole thing.? Having beenthrough it herself, she didn't. In fact, I looked over and she was SMILING!

When hewas hurting me I was wishing desperately that she would stop him, but not afterit was over.? When it was over, I feltdefeated and degraded and humiliated and dominated.? I was burning with pain from my chest to myknees and burning with desire to be raped in my cunt.? I felt a powerful desire to give in, to offermyself, to please him, to acquiesce.? Iwanted nothing but to surrender my cunt to this man who had whipped me, for anypurpose he wanted to use it for.

I didn?trealize he had taken out his dick until he suddenly started? fucking me.? He thrust into me insanely and very fast , like a crazy man, and cummed deep into my belly afterabout 20 seconds. It felt SOO GOOD oh my GOD!!!?? Finally, I was being raped? and while I wascrying!?

It wasonly the second time in my life I had been fucked.? I was the happiest girl in the solar system.

I felthis dick twitch while he pumped sperm into the back of my cunt for about tenseconds.? Then he pulled his dick out ofmy body suddenly, without even looking at me, and turned away.? He zipped his pants and kissed Diana deeplyand slowly, and talked to her quietly for a while but I didn't listen. Theywere holding hands.?? They completelyignored me, gagged and on obscene display.?Her husband?s cum was running out of my cunt and down my red, weltedskin.? I felt like I was part ofgod.? And really, I was.

About tenminutes later, without talking to me, he turned me over and rubbed KY on theend of a two-foot long piece of broom handle, and pushed it more than a footdeep into my ass.? Then as she wasblindfolding me with a sleep mask, Diana smiled and said ?he puts that in metoo, and now I know what it looks like?.?Her husband asked her what it looks like. ?I didn?t know it went in thatdeep? she said, ?and it looks submissive and real, real sexy!? I could hearthem kissing.? Then they turned out thelight and left me in the dark, attached to their furniture.

God DAMNmy ass hurt (it was up in the air).? Oneend of the broom handle was sticking out and I could feel my asshole squeezingagainst it and the other end REALLY deep in my guts, behind my stomach. I couldeven feel that the end was rounded.?? Ihad NO idea your ass went that deep!?

I wasbeing left alone in the dark like an object in storage to be used later.? I didn?t think it was possible for a girl tofeel sexier.? I peed. It was warm and randown my leg.

They cameback maybe an hour later.? Diana asked mehow I was doing and I answered ?murmph-murmph?, so she ripped off thetape.? OWW!? I thought that was unfair.? Is was her husbandwho was supposed to hurt me, not my friend!?

I said"don't ASK me that anymore, just tell him to DO whatever he wants tome!"? I was actually angry, becauseI didn't WANT to be consulted and interviewed while beingraped!? We had specifically AGREED thatwouldn?t happen and I was wondering if they?d break any other rules (theydidn?t).

Thatweekend, I never felt more free!? I peed on the floor whenever I wanted (I wasover a drain) and I didn't even care. I cried when I wanted to cry and Iscreamed when I couldn?t not scream.

I thoughtthis would be a long essay but I can see that it's going to be short becausethere's really not a lot to tell.? Also,I feel silly writing it.? Am I REALLY going to post this online somewhere?? Probably not, even thoughit doesn?t use my last name.? I?llprobably chicken out and it will remain on my hard drive until my systemcrashes someday and then it will be lost.?

Anyway,to finish this up, his friend came over, then more of them, and men fucked meand whipped me and burned me and stuck pins in me and stuck things in myasshole and left them there, and hung me from a black steel gas pipe in theceiling and sucked my tits without asking my permission and clamped my nipplesand cunt with clothespins and paper clips.?

I didn'thave to worry about shitting because four times, guysenema'd me before using the tightness of my asshole to masturbate with.? And except when they hung me from the ceilingand whipped me almost to unconsciousness, they kept me tied to the furniturecontinually, without stop, from Friday night until Monday afternoon.?

I don?tknow if that sounds sexy or just sick.?

I don'tcare though.? Sometimes, you decide thatfinally, you JUST DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ANYMORE, like in that songon Quadrophenia called ?The Rock?, where Jimmy makes this big decision to stoptrying, and just BE.

I'm notsure how many guys tortured and raped me, since they came and went, so tospeak, all weekend. But as time went on, there were more and more guys in thebasement, maybe 8 at the max.? I'm suretheir friends told their friends and that's how there got to be more ofthem.? I guess that?s an advantage tohaving friends.?

No onewas over about 35, but several were teenagers, and two looked 13 or 14.? They weren't innocent children though; theywere mean rednecks who hurt me and fucked me and used me just like the others.

Never inthe whole weekend did they once advise me of what they were going to do tome.? They just did anything they wantedto my body, like I was a dead girl or a sex doll toy for them to play with andhurt.?? In fact, once when I was laid onthe table face up with my legs straight and my arms at my sides and a guy wassqueezing by breasts over and over and another guy was sucking my hard clit, Ilet my jaw relax until my mouth opened, closed my eyes, and pretended that theyhad just strangled me and I was a dead girl body which they were using for afew more hours before dumping me in the woods for the dogs to eat.?

That wasthe only time I cummed.? Oh god, it wasWONDERFUL!? I never felt so much like aGIRL instead of a person!

HOW ITENDED

When itwas all over late Monday afternoon, Diana untied me and let me take a showerbefore I left. I had asked ahead of time for her husband to go somewhere elsewhile I was preparing to leave, so it wouldn't be a "social"situation.? He didn't even mind!?? I also asked her for Novocain ointment and agauze pad for the burn, since It hurt to wear pants(someone had stolen my panties).

The veryfirst thing I did when I got back to my apartment was strip naked and masturbate.? For along, long time.? Most parts of body was still in pain, particularly my ?female parts?.? There were a lot of little red dots where Iwas stuck with pins, and the burn hurt a lot.?But it was all fuel for masturbation for me, just like I hope it is foryou.? In fact, if I ever do publish this,my intent is to read it while I masturbate and imagine that maybe some guysomewhere is reading it too, a complete stranger using me all over again andwe?re both thinking about it.? At least,that?s what I?M going to do.? I?ll do itat exactly 0400 GMT every day, at least until I feel silly about it.?? AUTHOR NOTE: That turnedout not to be necessary.? Thefirst two days after I uploaded this, someone downloaded it every EIGHTEENSECONDS!? I can rub any time I want, andsomeone, somewhere is using me. This time, it?s YOU.

?

See why Ican never share my feelings with people???Cause that?s the kind of thing I think about.? I ignore things everybody else pays attentionto and I notice things you?re not supposed to think about.

One thingI notice when I go to the bathroom is that my ass hole is permanently stretchednow.??? When I use toilet paper, I canpush my finger way, way in, and it doesn?t get squeezed.? It?s MUCH wider that it ever possibly couldhave been naturally if I hadn?t been raped in it so many times thatweekend.? You know what?? I?m secretly proud of that!? It?s like what they did to me then reachesinto the present.

It neverbled, probably because I was very very insistent beforehand about there being aLOT of KY used if her husband decided to do that to me.? They SURE stretched it though!

I hadtold them I was on the pill but I wasn?t really, assuming one of the strangerswould impregnate me deep in my body, and I could watch my tummy grow day by dayas my rape continued? to happen before myeyes.? I got aroused thinking about howlong to let it go before getting the abortion. The longer I wait,the more dangerous and sexy it would have felt!?? It would have been the ultimate of somestrange man using my body.? But to mysurprise it didn't happen.? It turns outthat women can only get pregnant some times (believe it or not, I didn't knowthat.? More likely, I was told once butdidn't pay attention). My dad went crazy because he was in 'Nam and my mom wasa drunk who never told me anything.? Shedied, but not from drinking.

Maybethey should have used rubbers (not my parents, my rapists).? I may have been stupid for not to makingthem, but I wanted to be fucked by naked dicks, not plastic dildoes.? Plus, all STDs are easily curable except for AIDS, and the probability of getting AIDS from having sexone time with a white guy who's not a fag or a drug shooter is one inninety-thousand.? A lot of people don'tknow that because of all the (well-intentioned) hype by the gays.? I did get crab lice, but that was easy tocure.

Anotherway that my torture and rape reached into the future is that I have permanentwhip marks on the top of my breasts (and other places too), so I can never wearanything even slightly low cut in public for the rest of my life, unless I wantpeople to know that I let myself be whipped really really hard and (presumably)liked it.

MaybeI?ll wear low cut blouses just for that reason!?It would be a characteristically crude, bizarre, and ineffective way forme to communicate with other people though, and would probably backfiresomehow.

Also, ifI?m ever even partially nude with a man, those marks will be my way of lettinghim know that it?s okay to grab me, strip me naked, tie me face down to his bed,and whip me unmercifully until I?m screaming and crying into his soft pillow,begging to be brutally fucked.? So if younotice someone like that at the swimming pool, followme home and rape me. Just for god?s sake don?t ASK me about it first or Ipromise I?ll deny everything and tell you to get out!

THINGS IWAS SURPRISED I LIKED

Definitely, being branded.? It sounds stranger than itis.? It's really just like being burnedwhile cooking at the stove, except 1) it?s by something with a shape 2) it?snot by accident, 3) it?s deep enough to be permanent,4) it?s submissive, and 5) it?s sexy.??Though they had touched my breasts and legs with cigarettes to make mejump, I didn't know they were going to burn me like they did.?? I watched them bend a coat hanger into whatwas supposed to be the letter "R", but the scar looks like a Chineseword or something, probably because I jerked around when they held it to myskin.? They tried to heat it up with acigarette lighter, but it just made me go ?YAAAAW? and didn't burn my skin, sothey took it upstairs to the stove.? Whenthey held it to me, it went ?ssssst? and really, REALLY hurt and Iscreamed.? I thought I could smellburning flesh briefly, but it was overwhelmed by the awful cigarettesmoke.? He said they branded me on myupper inside leg instead of my ass so they could still whip my ass.?

They wereSO kind and considerate!?

Everytime I look at the scar, my cunt gets wet inside, and when I masturbate, Itouch it and it hurts, which makes the memory so much more real.? I also feel the places on my ass where thewhip tore up the fat layer under the skin.?It's still distorted even though the skin is healed, though I doubtanyone would notice.? It?s hard to tellin the mirror.? I feel so proud of thepermanent wounds on my soft, female ass.

By theway, YES these things hurt awfully and YES I would have begged them to stop ifI wasn't gagged.? In fact, I? begged them to stopeven though I was gagged.? But when theydid stop doing something, the pain lessened and turned to intense pleasurewhich, with the embarrassment of what it involved and the humiliation of havingsubmitted to it, made me VERY wanting to be fucked.?

Iparticularly liked it when someone would torture me and then IMMEDIATELY fuckme the moment he stopped hurting me.? Nomatter how I had just been tortured or how hard I was crying, when they fuckedme I always held my cunt real tight, as tight as I possibly could, to give themthe most pleasure.? Even though no onetold me to, it felt like doing that was submission and obedience. Plus when Idid that, sometimes they moaned? when they cummed into me. It wasn?tnecessary for me to squeeze when they used my ass hole though.

I alsoliked it when sometimes, after they cummed into me, they slapped my face andwalked away (after one guy did it, they all started doing it).? That emphasized that it wasn't love--that itwasn't caring and personal.

I alsoliked when they were just sitting around fully clothed drinking and talking andignoring me while I was tied, gagged and naked with my legs held open by ropes,my hairy cunt exposed to them, waiting patiently and helplessly until one ofthem wanted to use it or hurt it or do something embarrassing and humiliatingto it.? It was theirs for them to use, andI wanted to them to do everything they want to it.? All of their secretshameful fantasies that they never though a girl would let them do, I wantedthem to do all of those things to it.

Before itall, I had been afraid I would get sore and stop liking being fucked, but thatdidn't happen.? I figure I was probablyfucked between 50 and 100 times in 2 1/2 days, but that's just a guess.?? Maybe it was 200, I really have no idea. Myasshole got plenty sore though!? Plus Ispecified ahead that they had to use a lot of KY (which I brought over but ranout of until Diana went out and bought LOTS more).? One guy enema?d me and then pumped two WHOLEtubes of KY in my ass before he fucked me there!? Then when then next man turned me over andfucked me on my back, the KY had melted from my body heat and the thick, gooeysantorum was running out of my ass.

Earlier,another guy had squirted bottle after bottle of hot-water into my ass until Iwas moaning and pleading, and he couldn?t squirt more in without it squirtingout at the same time.? I felt the waterstretch my intestine tightly and migrate to my right side, then up higher.? I wondered if it would reach my stomach.? He fucked me deep, deep up into my asswithout letting the water out first, which hurt and gave me horrible crampingand I was afraid my intestine would break. He took a LONG time to cum.? This was the most invasive thing that anyonedid to me.

After hewas finished and pulled out, the water exploded over the floor.? Some of it even hit the wall.? There was more than I ever would possiblyhave imagined, probably between a half gallon and a gallon.? It continued for a long, long time until itwas just a warm dribble. That felt SO good!?Believe it or not, pushing the water out was one of the best feelings ofthe whole time.? Then I just lay thereand rested, and thought about what was just done to me, and that I hadwillingly submitted to it being done.?

I felt SOhappy.

I'm gladI didn't have a safeword because then it wouldn't be real rape, just a bullshit,? safe, fake Disneymake-believe game.? I mean, I trustedthem not to kill me or cut my face and stuff.?Plus, Diana was my friend.? And Ifigured that one guy might do that sick stuff, but ten were unlikely toconspire to commit murder when there?s no money in it

Also, ifI had a safeword, I would have used it MANY times, so I'm glad now that Ididn't.?? It would have beenshameful.? That?s also one reason Iwanted to be gagged, so I couldn?t beg them to stop hurting me (which I wasdesperately trying to do).

I likedbeing suspended by my wrists onto my tippie-toes and being whipped HARD while Iscreamed and cried and everyone just sat around and drank and laughed.? There was one time when one guy would whip meas long as he wanted, then when he stopped, anotherguy would start whipping me with fresh enthusiasm.? There were about seven of them.? Some guys whipped me two or three times.? They whipped my armpits, my wrists, myelbows, my hands? literally everywhere except the soles of my feet and myhead.? I was whipped continuously by thesame thin leather whip for probably between 30 minutes and two hours, until Iwas groggy, like being drunk, and almost unconscious.? I think the only reason they stopped wasbecause I wasn?t moving anymore.? Thenthey cut me down and I fell on the floor.?They pushed my legs open and they each fucked me in my cunt right whereI fell.? That lasted a long time too,maybe a half hour.? I barely rememberthat part, except that I wasn?t crying or moving, I hurt all over but not anyplace in particular, and that the cement was hard but felt good because it wascold and wet.

By theway, when I was suspended (by my wrists or feet), they wrapped a small towelbetween me and the rope.? One guysuggested hanging me by my neck but everybody else shouted ?NO!? all inunison.? That was kind of funny.?? See, they DO care about me!

?

I likedbeing fucked by two guys at once because it emphasized that I was being USED,not "made love to". Three was good too, but it was hard to payattention to what was going on.? I likedsimultaneous ass and cunt better than cunt and mouth.? They never did ass and mouth at the sametime.

I likedbeing called ?bitch? and ?cunt? and ?slutty whore? when they slapped me.? I liked that they were uncaring when Icried.?

I likedwhen they held me by my hair and fucked my mouth, rather than making me move myhead up and down.? It was more brutal andless loving that way.

I hadnever swallowed cum before but I liked doing it, not because I liked it (it wasSTICKY and? ICKY),but because it was submissive and humiliating.?It was like they made me digest their sperm, making the most intimatepart of them part of my own body forever.?How sexy is THAT!!!

I likedwhen they did something extra to me when they cummed, like touch my leg with acigarette or squeeze both my nipples as hard as they can, making me scream forthe few seconds it takes them to pump a whole teaspoonful of cum from theirhairy balls into my battered cunt.? Iliked it if, when they pulled out, I was crying.

And I'msurprised that I liked being stuck with pins in my vulva (outer pussylips).? One guy stuck four thumbtacks inthem before he fucked me, but that merely hurt like a toothache, not good likethe pins were.

Once theywere in, pins in my nipples hurt a LOT less that I figured they would.? In fact, when they left them in while theydid other stuff to me it felt REALLY good.?I'm thinking of getting my nipples pierced, just so it hurts like thatall the time.? Pins pushed deep into mybreasts felt good too usually, but sometimes they had that bad ?toothache?hurt, depending where they pushed them.?Beforehand, I was hoping they would have metal skewers and push themdeep through the base of my breasts, but nobody thought of it, and afterfeeling the pins, I didn?t suggest it.?If I ever do this again, I?ll suggest it ahead of time so that I can besorry I did.

THINGS IWISH I HAD CHANGED

I wish Ihad said ?no smoking? or that we had done this is outside in the woods or in anopen structure like the barn where Diana said her husband had whipped her once.

I wish Ihad had a pillow under my head and my back when they had me tied to thefurniture with my legs held open and my ass hole and cunt on display for almosta whole day.

I didn'tlike being hung upside down because it was distracting, and after a while I gota headache. And I was worried the rope would break.?? Plus, Diana told them "don't do that,it's dangerous", but I don't know why it would be, unless she was talkingabout the rope.

I likedbeing suspended by my wrists, but only for a while.? It took too long for them to figure out totie my feet to keep me from kicking wildly as I was whipped.? Also, it cut off the circulation and my handsgot cold and numb.

I didn'tlike being hit with anything wide, like a paddle (actually, just a piece ofplywood).? They didn't have a cat 'o ninetails or any other fancy SM stuff.

I wishthat during it, the guys WOULDN'T TRY TO TALK TO ME!?

GodDAMN!!?

Fortunately,most of them were cruel and uncaring, but sometimes one would ask me if IREALLY wanted it or if I was being coerced or maybe paid, blah blah. Particularly if I was crying.? One asked me my name (against the rules) andtried to be my friend.? Jeezis, what am Isupposed to say?? "Shut up andtorture me, ass hole"?? It reallykilled the mood!

?

I wishsome of the guys hadn't smelled so bad.?And I wish they would have washed their dicks before fucking my mouth,even just with a damp cloth.? Thoughstrangely, I didn't mind when they fucked my ass until they were about to cum,then pushed their dicks into my mouth and emptied their balls into it for me toswallow.? I would have preferred thatthey didn?t thrust their dicks down my throat every single time, not because Igagged (I can control that), but because I like when they cummed into my mouthso I could lick the ?guy clit? on the bottom of the head and feel the cumshooting out of the little hole onto my tongue, like a reward for me doing itright.

I alsowish I had specified times to eat, as it was a big deal to get them to feed me(Diana fed me cold pizza several times while I was tied up and nobody wasaround to use me), but being real hungry while they had pizza was distractingand not sexy.? Also, I should have specifiedthat she offer me water at least once an hour, though eventually she did.

I wishsomeone would have figured a way to fuck me in my cervix and pump his spermdirectly into my womb, maybe even making it swell and filling it up.? That would have been the guy who deserved tomake me pregnant.

I alsowish that they had shared their beer with me, as they were all drinkingit.? Cases and cases of malt liquor witha black label (I forget the name), but all I had was water.? They did pour it on my back though (beer notwater).? That reminds me, I also wishthey would have hosed me down every few hours because I was all sticky andsweaty and itchy.

By theway, when you see girls in porn all covered with cum, that's fake.? When you're gang-raped forreal, the guys ALL cum in your mouth or cunt or ass, not on your stomach orface or tits.? After you've beenfucked like 20 times though, it does run across your asshole, down your leg,and makes a pool on whatever you?re tied to.

I alsowish I had told them ahead of time not to torture my clit; it's toosensitive.? And I was always afraidthey'd cut a nerve with a pin or that a burn would leave scar tissue and then Icouldn't ever feel it again, but fortunately, that didn't happen.

And Iwish there had been a clock there.? Iknow that in fantasies, everything happens ?outside of time?, but when you?veactually been really tied up for two days, you kind of wonder how much longerit will go on (even if you like it).?There was no window, but I could tell what part of the day it was by howmany guys were there.? For instance, theyleft me alone in the dark for several hours in the mornings and I slept.? It was strange, but made me deeply happy towake up and realize that I was tied to a table naked in a stranger's basementand that I?ll be raped again soon.? Itwas like waking up and realizing you don't have to get up for work todaybecause you?re on vacation in Australia after winning the 30 million dollarlottery.

I wish Ihad had them sterilize the pins because my nipple got infected.? I used antibiotic ointment but I was afraid Imight have to go to the doctor (and what the HELL could I say?)? Ultimately I ate a two-inch strip of theointment and that cured it!? In pornmovies, they use syringe needles.? Godknows where you get them.? I can seegoing to CVS and saying "may I please have 500 syringe needles?? I'm going to be tortured all weekend bystrangers but I want to make sure I'm nice and safe like my mommy wouldwant".

I wish Ihad specified that they not pee in my mouth.?I know it's sterile, but it was disgusting, not sexy.? They told me to drink their piss, but I justpretended to.? I don?t even feel badabout that, because drinking piss isn?t sexy, it?s bullshit.? Thank god nobody crapped on me!

I likedit when they made me cry. Then, I felt like I was a real person with feelingsinstead of a broken robot simulation, which is how I feel when I?m aroundhumans, or that I don't exist at all, which is the rest of the time.

And Iwish I had said not to choke me with their dicks when fucking my throat,because I couldn't breathe for a long time and I had to bite their dicks tomake them stop, which wasn't cool.? Iwish someone would have given me deep throat lessons so I could have done itright.? I could have learned on my own ifonly they would have cooperated, but they just thrusted angrily, which was goodin a way.? Still I'm sorry I never feltone of the men cum deep in my throat, half way to my stomach.? It would have been sexy to have been usedlike that.? I knew a girl who had atracheotomy and I was actually wishing someone would do that to me, then use my throat for a long time.

Andfinally, I wish I had specified that they had to stretch my asshole beforefucking it the first time. It hurt too much until someone told me to"push, like you're taking a crap".?The other guys said ?woo-woo, how would YOUknow?, and he said his doctor told him when he got a colon exam, but they stillcalled him ?Bruce? and ?Maurice? and ?William? for a while until they forgotabout it.

The KYmade it okay for everybody to fuck my asshole when they used a lot of it, butearlier I remember thinking that I can see why guys in prison don't like this.Eventually I liked being ass-fucked because of the extra humiliation and becausethey were fucking deep into my guts, not just my dainty feminine"vagina" like good little boys are supposed to do.? Also, deep in my guts I could feel thestrangers? warm cum pumping into me, trying to make my body pregnant, which Icouldn't feel when they fucked my cunt.

One guytried ?fisting? me (pushing his whole hand into my cunt) while the otherscheered him on.? But even though hepushed and pushed (and I screamed and screamed) it was too tight and hecouldn?t.? That?s too bad.? Part of me wishes he had just FORCED his handin, and sometimes I wish he had.? Butrealistically, he really, REALLY wanted to put his hand inside me so intimatelylike that, it was NOT from lack of pushing very, very hard that he didn?t.?

Actually,I thought I would pass out during that, probably due to low blood pressure fromscreaming, I?m not sure, but my sight got dark and my hearing got ?blurry?,like underwater.? It also might be thesame thing that happened when I was suspended and whipped, and I got sluggishand slurry.? I don't know why thathappened either.? I have heard thatchildbirth was the most horrible pain you can experience.? I always thought that was bullshit but now I believe it.

When Ithink about it realistically, I realize that if he had pushed even a littleharder, he would have split me open and the party would have been over.? God only knows what I would have told thehospital? not to mention my mom.? She putme in the mental hospital anyway when she found out about all this, but that?sanother story.

THE IN-YOUR-FACE REALITY VS. SIMULATED EXHILARATION

There?s a subtle difference between somethingreally happening and merely thinking of it as an intense masturbation fantasy(and for me it has been both).

Between the time Di told me about the things her husband did to her, and when Iallowed him to do them to ME, I spent a lot of time thinking what it would belike.

The difference was that when imagining something intensely (while rubbing yourclit or, presumably, the head of your dick), your mind focuses on one or twoaspects of it, the details vanish, and the background becomes blurredcardboard.  It has to be that way, or you can't cum.  When Ifantasized about it, I could imagine my legs held wide open with my feetslightly in the air and my hairy vulva obscenely exposed, or my wrists beingattached to the ceiling and my tits and nude hips and bare feet all on displayfor the men to stare at before they angrily whip me almost into unconsciousnessand take turns raping me.

When it really happened, it was just like that, yes.  And the shame andsubmission and blatantness were more than I could ever have hoped for.? I felt UNIMAGINABLY SEXY.  I couldn'tpossibly BEGIN to describe it.  The overload-embarrassment of being theonly one naked in a room of MEN ? generic, faceless strangers who were soongoing to FUCK me -- was so intense that it made me feel drugged, probably, likeheroin.

But there were a huge number of little things also going on, like the glare ofthe two light bulbs and the shadows they cast, the moldy smell of theirbasement, the "whoosh" of cars when they drove by, the feel of gentleair on my body and low rumbling when the furnace turned on, the salty taste ofmy tears, the fact that the air was comfortable for them but just a little toocool for a naked person, the ??bzzzzzt? of the door buzzer when another coupleof guys showed up drunk to fuck some crazy girl who would let you do anythingto her, the cold, hard concrete against the bottoms of my feet that made meaware I was bare with no clothes on like after I get out of the shower, exceptin a room full of strange men...  I could literally list a thousandthings.

None of these are by themselves important enough to make the experience anydifferent from the intense masturbation fantasy.  But the confluenceconspires to give it a REALITY and a PRESENCE which grounds the experience asbeing in the same universe as boring, ordinary reality, like standing next to atelephone pole with rusty staples in it while waiting for the light to changeso you can cross the street, looking at an old car in the parking lot andnoticing that the windshield is dirty and the wax is faded, or looking at theold grease they've spilled on the parking lot in front of the recycling barrelbehind Burger King.

I don't know how to express what I'm trying to say.  These things, whilenot exactly distractions, gave the experience a texture and reality that areabsent in dreams.  Look around you now. (Go ahead, I'll wait!).   Doyou think there is any possibility you are in a dream right now?  No,that?s ridiculous!  Why not?  After all, everything you see issomething you've probably seen in moves or dreams. 

But there's a sense of being a small person in a large 3D world that makes itobviously different from watching the same scene in a movie theater.

In the fantasy, you picture yourself lying on your back holding your legs apartand things being done to you.? But whenit happens, what you actually SEE is the ceiling.? A better example: I had imagined a baseballbat being pushed into my ass and deep into my belly.  But whenhe really did that with a broom handle, there were little specks of sand stuckto the wood, and flecks of paint missing making it rough, and I could feel themscrape against my stretched, asshole, and I could feel the larger ones scrapeagainst my insides.  You don?t notice these things when you?re justrubbing your clit, wishing it would happen.

In the fantasy, he pushed the baseball bat into my body at a constantrate.  In reality, he stopped, then pushed, then stopped, pulled out alittle, took a hit of his cigarette, pushed again, then pushed it in HARD --eventually going deeper and deeper, and deeper into me.

I know this isn?t freshmen physics, but this is important to me. When I waslying in bed rubbing my clit, the imaginary baseball bat had no resistance; itjust slid right into my backside. But when it was really done to me, some partsof the broom handle had more KY and other parts had almost none, and so haddifferent friction along the length of the wood when my anal muscles squeezedagainst it.  This caused the high friction places to pull my asshole intomy body a little bit, and then release it to fold back out after the frictionpart of the broom handle was pushed deep inside my body.

And when simulating it in my mind, I couldn't feel a long object move aroundinside me, between my hips and behind my stomach, ordering me by its presenceto stay still, nor could I feel the blunt rounded top poking and prodding theplace where my colon bent to the right, preventing it from being pushed anydeeper into me.? Nor could I imagine thehard boner pushing the front of some guy?s pants as he humiliated me in thisway, or the sound of him walking to the other side of the table, unzipping, andtaking it out to fuck my? mouth with,after he had finished impaling me internally on a long wooden pole.

An of course, when I was imagining it, Iliked it and it didn?t hurt.? When itreally happened, I liked it and it DID hurt.

Those were just a few of the thousands of subtle but collectively impressivedifferences between being stripped and humiliated for real, with peoplewatching me, and it merely being something to think intensely about to makemyself cum.  And I've only just mentioned 20 seconds' worth, but it waslike that for 2 1/2 days, continuously, with no reprieve other than the fewhours in the mornings when I could sleep tied and gagged and immobile, attachedto their furniture in the dark.

Lying in my bed, I had imagined kneeling down, my head on the table and one endof a baseball bat deep inside me with the other end sticking out of myass.  What I didn't think about when masturbating was how juice would runout of my swollen cunt starving to be fucked, and down the bottom of mystomach, or how exposed I would feel while two married people just stood thereholding hands and watching me be skewered in silence for over a minute as Iobediently waited and prayed to be fucked by someone, anyone, even a dog or anegro.

It was the most wonderful experience of my life.

MONOLITHIC

I havethis fantasy of lying on a bed in a room with antique furniture and florescentlight panels in the floor.? I am nakedand my lover rolls up his sleeve and forces his hand into my girl opening,painfully stretching it until his fist is next to my cervix, which is coatedwith his cum, from his previous ?sessions? with me.?

Then hisfingernail tears the thin delicate tissue at the top of my vagina and pusheshis finger and then his hand through, tearing it more.? He pushes my uterus aside; it?s not what hewants.? His arm is deep in my cunt to hiselbow but I hold my legs open obediently and stay silent as I feel him exploremy internal organs.? They all belong tohim now, and he explores each one individually.

If heever pulls his arm out, blood will follow, so I hope he keeps it in me for therest of my life.

I feelhim cut a hole in my diaphragm and push deeper, deeper. It doesn?t even hurtvery much.? Then, finding what he isreaching around inside me searching for, he squeezes my windpipe and stranglesme from inside until I pass out, then graciously and lovingly grants me my lifeand allows me to wake again.? When I do,I feel a tickle in my chest.? He has beenpatiently waiting for me while he holds my beating heart in his hand.?

I amultimately vulnerable now; he owns me.?He looks up at my face; it?s an inquisitive look. I smile weakly, andwhisper ?do whatever you want to me?.? He says ?and what do YOU want me to do???

?Completeme. Finish me. Please, I?m begging you to!?

?

I gazeacross my small breasts and hard nipples, over my bare tummy and trimmed pubichair and past my hard clit at my legs spread open.? Fascinated by his arm in my cunt up to hisshoulder, I wait obediently to see what he will do to me.? He holds my precious, priceless, beautifullife in his hand, and I willingly gave it to him.?

I canfeel his hot breath on my stretched, hairy vulva.? I open my legs still wider as he licks myclit and makes me cum, and squeezes my heart until it stops.

My lastwords are ?thank you??.

Thankyou,

TechnoFaye

=================

PS:

While youhide the hand lotion and wipe up the cum with a papertowel, let me do something on the side here?

HEY MOM, YOU OLD DRUNK BITCH!? TOO BAD YOU?RE DEAD SO YOUCAN?T SEE THAT YOUR *GOOD* GIRL IS A SLEAZY, SLUTTY WHORE WHO?LL GIVE HERSMELLY CUNT FOR FREE TO ANY MAN WHO WANTS TO USE IT!? AHH HAHAHA!?

SOMEDAY IWILL BE STRANGLED TO DEATH BY A STRANGE MAN WHILE HE CUMS INTO MY TORTUREDNAKED BODY ? AND I?LL LIKE IT!? I?LL? SMILE, AND THANKHIM FOR DOING IT AS I DIE!??

WILL ISTILL HAVE TO BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF *THEN*, YOU AWFUL EVIL, HYPOCRITICAL,RELIGIOUS MONSTER???? I HOPE YOU?RE IN==HELL== !!!!!

?sorry,that just kind of happens sometimes.?It?s even more embarrassing when it happens in the line at thebank.? Please ignore it.

PPS:

After thinking long and hard (so to speak), Idecided to include my phone number: 202-456-1414.  I'm doing it because Iwant to be verbally and physically abused by a man, and this is the most directway to do it.

But I don't want to waste my time playing ?mommy? to little boys and apologeticwhiners. If you want to suck my tits, you can?t be a baby; you have to TAKEthem from me.? Plus, I wouldn't know whatto say.  I only want to talk to a brutal man, a REAL man who's willing toshout at me and take control, or I'll hang up and block your number. 

To prove you're not a wimp, as soon as I pick up, before I even say"hello", you have to shout into the phone "Listen to me,bitch!  I'm enraged, and I'm coming over there right now to get thatsleazy bush!"

After that, I promise you a VERY interesting conversation (wink, wink)!

PPPS:

Seriouslythough, in the unlikely case you track me down, please don't ask me to have sex(if you ASK first, it's not rape, is it?).?Plus, I HATE meeting people (and I mean that)!

If, in myeveryday life, I were just minding my own business and some obsessed weirdo whoreads this grabs me off the street, pulls me into a van, slaps me around, rapesme for REAL, then dumps me bruised and naked on the side of the road at 5 am inthe middle of nowhere 100 miles away and drives off laughing, well... maybeTHAT would be okay.

PPPPS:

Pleasestop sending me email about how sick I am, or how I need psychiatric carebefore I get hurt because I don?t care. It?s a perfect example of why I don'thang around people.? One girl (a lesbian)was FURIOUS that I had used the word ?fag? in my little memoir.? She even copied her nasty letter to themanager of bdsmlib, as if that?s going to get me banned(!)

Here,look what we famous authors have to put up with:

???????????

==============

From : ??????????? Maaya Hitomi

To : ???????????????? faye kane

Sent : ???????????? Thursday, February 1, 2007 11:58 PM

CC : ?????????????? [email protected]

Subject : ??????? Excuse me?

???????????

I havecc?d this email to the webmaster of BDSM library.

Fag is avery offensive term, do not use it in the future todescribe a homosexual man.

(Fag =Homosexual is a FALSE statement)

I do understandthat you have autism but that doesn?t mean that you should be allowed to beoffensive to people of any race, religion, sexual variant, gender identity,etc.

Unprotectedsex is unprotected sex. Whether with a virgin white 18 peakof the line male or anyone else. Unprotected sex is dangerous andshouldn?t be encouraged unless each feel comfortable enough with each other

I willnot sit idle with people of my community (LGBT) are being attacked with wordssuch as fag, and saying that HIV/AIDS is a gay/black disease.

Maaya

============

I mean,JEEZUS!? I write about being kidnapped,tortured, gang-raped, and murdered, and SHE takes offense that the guys didn?tuse a rubber!

So I senther this:

==============

From : ??????????? faye kane

To :????????????????? Maaya Hitomi

Sent : ???????????? Thursday, February 1, 2007 11:58 PM

Subject : ??????? INCEST

???????????

DearMaaya:

You?remotherfuckin? CRAZY!

Sincerely,

Faye

PS:

I?mconfused.? Which homosexuals are notfags?? The ones that look like cowboys orthe ones dressed in biker costumes?? Andthe Village People guy that looked like a sailor, was he one or not?

=============

God, nowI just masturbated while thinking about being whipped by a fat, psychotic Japbull dyke!

I am SOOa slut!

PPPPS:? TOP TEN QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK ME BY EMAIL

ONE

Yes, yes,it really happened.? I didn't embellishit either, except that the part about being suspended and whipped tounconsciousness didn?t happen to me, it happened to Diana. But everyone emailedme for ?More details!? More details!? andsince it really did happen to her, I included it just as she described it tome.? And I am revealing that fact here.

When Istarted writing this, I didn't even know I was going to put it online or showit to anyone.? tHOUGHIT'S ALL LITERALLY TRUgod damn caps lock!?Though it's all true, I emphasized the stuff that I thought was sexy andleft out the un-sexy stuff.?

That maybe why an emailer said my story sounds unreal, ?like a cartoon?.? But if I included boring stuff to ground itin reality, it wouldn?t be as intense.?For instance, I imply that the room was always packed with horny men,but there was almost always just me and one or two others, and long stretchesof time of just me alone.? If someone hadhad a camcorder there, it would just be another shaky handheld home video ofsome girl being fucked.? Nor was it?magical? to any of the men.? I was justa crazy girl who won?t talk but lets you fuck her. Plus, they were drunk andmostly didn?t give a shit and lots of times couldn?t cum.? The profound cosmic significance of it wasall in my feelings.? And that?s whatI tried to express here.

Somethingutterly amazing to me is that emailers tell me they don't believe I haven?t hadsex in four years.? I would like toaddress this, but I don't know why people find it hard to believe. I?mautistic.? I?m homeless. I?m crazy.? I smell like the kinds of cheese Frenchpeople eat. Plus, to me, being naked in the same room with someone of the othergender is SO astounding that if everybody else didn?t do it like, all the time,I would find THAT hard to believe.

?

TWO

No I'mnot interested in writing another story, because it would have to be fiction? and I'm notcreative in that way because the story wouldn't be "bound" toanything (so to speak), like an experience. I can't just make stuff up out ofnothing.? For instance, I can dotechnical writing because it's bound to the underlying device or software I'mwriting about.

THREE

West Virginia, near the Maryland border.?But I don't live there anymore.?For some reason, a lot of girls in that area let stuff like this be doneto them.? Her sister and cousin did ittoo.? I think it?s something in thewater.

FOUR

Thereason I use the word ?cunt? to shock people.?Why?? Because that?s what it is. Idon't WANT? tocreate precious little infant babies in my vagina.? I want to be brutally fucked in my hairy,animal CUNT. If I could, I?d project filthy porn movies on the wall of thesubway station that they couldn?t turn off, and everyone would try to look awayand be embarrassed.? And I?d scream ?SEEpeople?? That?s YOU!? Look at it; that?s what YOU are, and areASHAMED of!?

Ofcourse, since I?m too shy to look the subway cashier in the face, it?s unlikelythat I?ll actually do that.

FIVE

No, Inever saw any of those men again, though I talked to Diana on the phone a fewtimes.? It turns out they were the guysher husband worked with, the same guys who had done the same thing to her.? She since left him because he killed her catjust to make her cry.? When I heard that,I seriously considered killing him.

SIX

No, noone ever shocked me with electricity.?That was probably good, as it?s the ?toothache? hurt rather than thesexy ?whip? hurt.

SEVEN

Nooffense, but I'm not really interested in reading your fantasies.? Not because they're perverted (which is GOOD),? but because they'reFANTASIES:

------->"Don't DREAM it, BE it".

Go outand DO that stuff; don't tell ME about it!!?

Though Iadmit, some of you write really well.?Post that stuff online, don't send it to ME!

EIGHT

AlthoughI'm sure you're a nice guy (or in a few cases a GIRL(!)), I don't want to meetyou at a motel for a "play session", pose for pictures, be in yourhome movie, or any of the other creative stuff you request (see my blog).? But mainly because I don'twant to meet anyone at all, for any reason, nor do I want to talk to you (oranyone anywhere) on the phone.? Ihate talking on the phone, I LIKE being alone because I have homophobia: I hatehomo sapiens.

Nooffense.

I do likemy cat, if that helps!

NINE

I haven'thad sex since that weekend (yes, years) or go on dates or hardly talk to peopleat all.? I masturbate until I cum three or four times a day though.? Since I don?t work anymore, I also learnstuff and take naps all day.? I amcompletely naked all day, every day, sometimes for weeks at a time.? It makes me feel sexy.? I only dress to go to the store.? The story of howthis can be and pictures of the strange way I live are on my blog.

I amhomeless and live in the woods under a plastic tarp.? I hacked onto the power grid and use wirelessinternet.? Again, there are pix of mylittle hidey-hole online.? Early on, Isaid too much, including what became clues to finding me, and now I am plaguedwith stalkers.? I hope to god none ofthem finds me.? If I suddenly stop makingblog entries, one of them did.

I like towatch videos I download from pirate networks like eMule of REAL people doingREAL stuff.?? I *hate* watching fakemoaning, and whore makeup, and the girl wearing platform shoes (what's withTHAT??), and the guy pulling out before he cums.? I download free porn movies via eMule in thebackground 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and process it all at once when itstack up to, like, 100 gigabytes.? Ireview the movies quickly, deleting 99% of them after skipping through them inabout 10 seconds.

For morefree porn movies of every conceivable kind than you could ever possiblyimagine, run the public-license, free, file sharing software eMule, availableat emule-project.net.? You can also getdirty pix and any song you ever heard of.?Note to editor: before deleting that as an advertising link, go to thesite.? You?ll see it?s not a commercialsite but a P2P program written by volunteers as part of the public open sourceforge project with no adware or spyware or shitware.? Also, I just use it and recommend it, I am not associated with it.

TEN

No, Idon't have a web site.? I don't reallyhave anything to put on it. I?m certainly not selling anything (including videos,pix, or my pussy).?? But you can look atmy myspace page; there?s a blog of my thoughts about politics and life for youto ignore, and lots of ?fuck? entries for you to masturbate with. None of it?s fiction, it?s just my thoughts about stuff.? There is also two pics of my face, two nudepictures of my body, and one pic of mister kitty there, but they don?t allownudity on myspace so they are both ?artsy? type nude pictures. I have threereally low-quality pictures of my vagina taken with a cell phone too.? They are on an image host, but the links arein my blog.? Registration is not requiredand there are no advertisements there.

=======================? FROM MY BLOG

THINGS MY FUTURE HUSBAND WILL DO IF HE REALLY LOVES ME

• Get a boner when he sees me crying.

?        Notallow me to eat unless he has masturbated into my food.

• Make me stay awake and suck his dick allnight while he sleeps then make me go to work while he lies around all daydrinking beer.

• Handcuff me to the living room sofa, deny me foodand water for two days, eat pizza and beer in front of me with anotherwoman, then turn off the lights, leave me in the dark, and take her intothe bedroom.

• Make me hitchhike naked and tell people "I'mautistic and this is the only way I can think of to get sex".

• Whenever he brings his friends over to watch thefootball game, make me sit on top of the set naked with my legs open sothey can look at my cunt if they get tired of the game and throw beer cansat me when the other team scores.

• Inject hot water into my vulva so they becomeswollen and red, take pictures of them while I'm in pain, post them on theinternet with my cell phone number, and order me to describe it to anyonewho calls.
• Keep me locked in a box under his bed for a year,only taking me out to use as a nameless masturbation doll for his ownselfish physical pleasure.

• Cut my vocal cords and make arule that I never look at any other part of his body but his dick.

• Handcuff my hands behind my back,bend me over the bathtub naked, and fuck me from behind. As incentive forme to make my pussy muscle tight, hold my head underwater and not let mebreathe until he cums.

• Tear my clothes off, whip me brutally, throw me outinto the snow naked, lock the door, masturbate while looking at me throughthe window huddled and shivering, and not let me back in until he cums.

• Attach my nipples to hooks in thewall so I dare not fall asleep, and make me stand like that for a week.

• Push his arm into my ass up tohis shoulder, but since it would hurt too much and he cares about me, doit after he whips me into unconsciousness.

• Put one wire just inside myasshole and another deep, then plug it in becauseit makes my cunt tight.

• Keep me bound and gagged naked ina plexiglass box in the living room as a coffee table. Put two holes in itfor my tits to stick up through, and use them to put cigarettes out on soas not to dirty the ashtray.?? Keepme like that when he has cocktail parties and everybody smokes.

• Before I get in bed every night,make me get on my knees and say a prayer to his dick, thanking it for whatit is about to do to me and begging it to be merciful tonight.

• Buy a ground-level apartment in the city, stick myhead through a hole in the wall so I can be seen by everyone walking by onthe sidewalk , brace my mouth open, and put asign over my head for that says "public urinal".

• Sell me to another man for keeps -- someone whodoesn't like me.
• Tie me naked to the hood of his car with my legsspread open and drive through the city at noon honking the horn.

• Leave me overnight with a sadist just released fromprison.? Give him $200 and theinstructions: "torture her in ways that I could never bring myself todo and return her the next day with a video".

• Make me walk back and forth in Las Vegas wearingpanties and a bra selling my pussy for $200, and when the men are done,refuse their money "because you fucked me so good".

• Handcuff me, rub lighter fluid on my vulva, light iton fire, and fuck me in my ass while I scream with pleasure.

• Make me go to a biker convention wearing nothing buta T-shirt that says "Bikers are fags!".

• Tie me naked with my legs spread facing a TV camerabroadcasting full screen hi-definition and free on the internet and leaveme there all day while he goes to work, watches me from his desk, and poststhe IP address on alt.sex.bondage.

• March me under a bridge, handcuff me to a case ofcheap wine, pull down my pants, leave me with the angry old drunks, anddrive away laughing about it.

• Buy a decibel meter from Radio Shack and hold anall-day contest for his friends to see who can make me scream the loudest.

• Let his five nephews in their early teens fuck me assex education.

• Keep me on the edge of starvation and feed menothing but other men's cum.

• Have me fill my cunt with strawberries and whipped creamand lie on the dinner table with my legs open, eat them from me with along wooden spoon, beat me with the spoon, then tell me to go away.

• Tie me to a picnic table in the back yard when it'ssnowing, dump a bucket of cold water on me, wait five minutes, then dump abucket of scalding water on me too.

• Drug my food, and when I pass out on the sofawatching TV, strip me, stuff me in the car trunk ,drive me out in the country, and dump me naked on the side of theroad at 3 AM so when I wake up I'll have no idea where I am, how Igot there,  or how to get home.

• Cut off my toes and sell them on eBay for a dollareach as "fake novelty toes"  andnot give me any of the money. Amputate my arms andlegs, cook them on his grill, ?and keep me stored blindfolded, gagged, and hanging in acloset until he wants to strangle me, fuck me after I'm dead, framemy vagina and hang it in his living room, mount my head on a post next tohis bed with the mouth open, throw the rest in a dumpster, and find a newgirlfriend who uses the head as an ashtray.

Ohhh GOD, that is SO romantic!!

I have to go masturbate now....

=======================? FROM MY BLOG

To paraphrase Yoda: Do or do not. There IS no "think".

You wanna know how crazy I really am?  As much as I would be disgusted bya love struck, puppydog stalker, if one finds me, I will STILL do whatever hetells me to.  I can't explain why, I don't want to think about why, and itmakes me angry to even consider that I should have to explain why.  It'sjust who I am.  In fact, it seems obvious to me that ALL women feel thisway, they just suppress it. 

It's like a young cat, all spit and piss, but when you pick her up by the skinon her neck she is programmed to go limp.

I went to a great deal of trouble to camouflage this place so that nobody findsme. I hope nobody EVER finds me, so I can live my simple life alone inpeace. 

But if someone does, I will be naked (like I always am, like now).  I will  ignore his wimpy yappity-rap about howgood it is to finally meet me, and open my legs and lie there silent. Eventually he will either shut up and go away, or shut up and fuck me. 

If the tells me to turn over, I will.  If he tells me to suck him toorgasm, I will, and I will swallow his cum without being told to.  If hewhips me with a thin branch, I will submit, and try hard not to move or makenoise. 

If he tells me to walk through the woods to his car, I will do it -- but onlynaked.  He can drive me to his house where he can do anything he wants tome for as long as he wants because he is my owner.  He can even give me tohis friends.  Hopefully, he will eventually bring me back.  If not,then for the rest of my life I will be his devoted, obedient sex slave. 

I don't ever want to know his name.

The only time I will get mad is if he EVER tries to make me wear clothes, lookhim in the eyes, or talk to him as a person.  Then I will call the policeand prosecute him for kidnap and rape.

===================? MY BLOG IS AT:

http://blog.myspace.com/fayekane

NOTE:? The shitty system only shows 15 items at atime. Click "older" in the left column to read them all!

NOTE:?? If it?s not there anymore, then myspacekilled it.? Email me [email protected] to see where I moved it to.

NOTE: itis not all sex.? I also talk aboutpolitics, how I miss college, meeting Leonard Nimoy, being stalked,overclocking, and the problems encountered when evangelizing for FrederichNietzsche.? And some fucked-up pictures.? And a few of my favoritepirated BDSM porn videos.

Okay,it?s mostly sex.

===============

This oldman

He justfits

Hesquirts knick-knack on my tits

With aknick-knack, paddy *WHACK*, give that dog a boner

TechnoFay?s a roving loner

?.Byenow,

---?Techno? Faye Kane, homeless smartmouth: the recursively enumerated,insufficiently remunerated, double data-rated, tripleX-rated, psychoactive, hyperactive, hyperbolic, hypergolic, solidgold, triple-holed, St. Vitus' dancin', pull down her pants and underemployed,overjoyed, low-class, kiss-my-ass, masterpiece-makin?, masturbatin?, windowledge over-the-edge, screwy, chiral, downward-spiral, ass upended,fair-weather-friended, titty-peek girl geek.

3/18/07