A Well Lived Life Book 1 BirgitChapter 27 Decisions
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January 12, 1992, Chicago, Illinois
“Hi, Sweetheart,” I said when she answered the phone on Sunday morning.
“I’m sorry I had to head home so quickly after the announcement. And I’m sorry to take you by surprise that way.”
“A normal person wouldn’t have the kind of physical reaction I did.”
“You are NOT a normal person!” Bethany said with a laugh.
“That isn’t exactly a revelation!” I laughed. “I totally understand why you wanted it to be a surprise. I wasn’t upset. Jessica’s decision bothered me much more.”
“Because you don’t want the limelight. You never have. You like your circle of friends, and don’t want much to do with any public speaking. I hear you even hate talking to your own employees as a group!”
“It’s not that I hate it, but I’ve always disliked long-winded speeches, so I don’t give them.”
“But, initially you didn’t want to run the company.”
“True, and long-term, I don’t want to, either. But forget all that. It was, to say the least, quite a surprise. But, as I’ve thought about it, nothing could make more sense.”
“I’m glad YOU think so!” Bethany said.
“I already had a discussion with Doctor Mercer. I was pretty harsh, actually. But I guess I’ve finally had it with her telling me that sleeping with you when we were fifteen was a mistake. And with her telling me that sleeping with you now is a mistake.”
“You aren’t sleeping with me now!” Bethany protested.
“Oh goody,” I teased. “Now YOU’RE being pedantic! You know what I meant. Do I have to be explicit?”
“You mean like your promise to fulfill that dream?” she laughed.
“Whatever!” I chuckled. “Anyway, I told her she was wrong about you this time as well. That you were made for this role, and your entire life, from the day you were born, through all the tragedy, was leading you to this position. I can’t think of anything that fits you more than running the new center.”
“She told me you really pushed back hard. She was actually surprised by that.”
“She caught me in a transitional period. There have been some developments since you all sprung that series of surprises on me.”
“Oh?”
“The short version is, I had a tense discussion with my wives about the scheming, especially an offer they made to you.”
“Tense discussion?” Bethany interrupted.
“Tense. I was pissed because they decided some very important things without even consulting me. I know you all know I can be led around fairly easily. Well, no more. I told my wives I’m taking over as CEO of the family.”
“Wow. I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s been a long time coming, don’t you think? It’s time to finally be rid of that submissive personality that my mom created in me and be who I’m supposed to be.”
“All this because they offered to let me live at your house?”
“That was just part of it. The entire thing with my sister has really weighed on me and I’ve discovered more about myself in the past few months than in all the years writing in my journal. I have a pretty good understanding of what happened and why. I took over as CEO of NIKA against my will, once again because of my sister. I’m guessing you see a pattern here.”
“I do.”
“Then on Friday, a number of things forced the issue. Jessica’s donation ended any chance of living a quiet, private life. Then I talked to the Press, which led to another interview that’s going to profile NIKA in next week’s Crain’s Chicago Business. Then the revelation that the girls had made their offer to you, which Jesse backs wholeheartedly.”
“They told him?!” she gasped.
“No, of course not! But when I got home he was literally, and I mean literally, bouncing off the walls about Nicholas moving to Chicago and told me his plans for sharing his bedroom with Nicholas and you moving into the house!”
Bethany laughed hard, “He and Nicholas were going nuts when I eventually got back to the house.”
“Anyway, I was upset about all of that, and I let Jessica and Kara know just how cross I was. I was pretty harsh with them. Not because Jessica can’t spend her money as she wishes; she can. But as I pointed out, in addition to forcing me into the public eye, she also didn’t understand the tax implications. I’m also not sure I’d have depleted my savings and investments as much as she did, but that’s her call.
“The bottom line was lack of communication. And that led to some pretty harsh words, as I said, with the end result being me declaring myself CEO of the family. And that means that for all decisions that affect the family, I am to be directly involved. As I pointed out to Jess with regard to the donation, I’d have suggested making it anonymously, and before December 31st, because the legal costs will pretty much wipe out my bonus for 1992, meaning last year was a higher tax year.
“In the end, it’s really only going to make a small difference in our taxes, but the point was important to make. And as I told her, I wouldn’t have forced her to make the donation anonymously, but I would have liked to have input. And time to prepare. The funny thing is, overall, it worked out better this way because it forced me to reconsider my own path through life.
“And it didn’t stop there. On Tuesday, Jeri handed me a copy of a press release naming me to the Lundgren Foundation Board of Directors. She and I had a bit of a debate about that, but, in the end, she made persuasive arguments. And that led to another discussion about inside information she had about something going on with NIKA. I wasn’t happy she’d withheld it, but, once again, things worked out for the best. She and I reached an agreement that she’d share information like that immediately, and I’d grant a favor she’d requested.”
Bethany giggled, “She’s engaged to Howard! So I know it’s not THAT!”
“No, Miss ‘Mind in the Gutter’, it’s not that!”
It wasn’t THAT with HER, but it was THAT. But Bethany didn’t need to know.
“You, Steve Adams, are going to sit on the Board of Directors of the Foundation? Seriously?”
“Seriously. But that’s not all. On Wednesday night I had a meeting with one of our important customers, a real over-the-top, type-A personality who is often a jerk. I simply TOLD him to write a check to the Foundation for the Center. You have another $10,000 to work with.”
“You? You did that? Wow!”
“Is it that much of a surprise, really?”
“Yes and no. Yes that this transformation happened almost instantaneously. No, in that the REAL you is coming out now. Your mom beat you down so far and so hard, that it’s taken ten solid years of counseling and hard work to break out of your old mold. I am very happy. I’m sure Doctor Mercer will be as well.”
“Except for me disagreeing with her.”
“With you, she’s used to it! That said, you are following her prescriptions with regard to your sister, aren’t you?”
“To the letter. I see Stephanie for Sunday dinner, and that’s it. And Ed is always with her when she’s here. Well, not for Girls’ Night Out, but she’s with the women and Ed is with the men.”
“Fran is very concerned about the engagement.”
“I told Doctor Mercer she was wrong about that, as well. I understand her concerns, but the overriding thing in my mind, is that my sister ACCEPTED Ed’s proposal. Consider how she responded to the mere thought that Jorge would propose. Stephanie has, at least partially, accepted that I can’t marry her or father her children. That is a HUGE step in the right direction. If anyone is going to bring my sister out of this, it’s Ed. That man has the patience of Job.”
Bethany laughed softly, “Far be it from me to say ANYTHING good about my little brother, but I think you’re right!”
“Don’t get me wrong about Doctor Mercer. She’s been a huge help to me, to you, and to my sister. But I am sure you know that psychology isn’t an exact science. It’s not like chemistry where you can exactly predict a reaction, or Newtonian physics, where you can do the same thing. It’s more like quantum physics where there are a series of probabilities and you can’t be absolutely sure how the probability wave is going to collapse in any given scenario. I know that’s an over-simplification, but I’m Stephen Adams, Computer Scientist, not Stephen Hawking, Cosmologist and Astrophysicist!”
“I know,” Bethany sighed, deeply. “I told you what happened with Missy Easton’s little sister. We thought we were helping, but in the end, we might have pushed her over the edge.”
“Don’t beat yourself up too much on that one, Bethany. You didn’t get involved until after Missy killed herself. With a father who started raping both of them at age 8, aided and abetted by their mother, I’m not sure any amount of counseling would have helped.”
“That doesn’t make it any easier.”
“No, I’m sure it doesn’t,” I said.
“You object to his execution, don’t you?” Bethany replied.
“The law is clear and calls her death first degree murder. Not to mention raping his own daughters. I suppose if there were ever a case where I would really have to stop and think about it, this might well be the one. But, and this is important, I can’t draw the distinction, even for something as heinous as this. It still amounts to judicial murder. By the way, that Trib reporter, Jakes, wants an advance copy of your book for his niece who was raped. Her dad resolved the issue my way.”
“He killed the rapist?”
“Yes. Five years for manslaughter. If I’d been on the jury, he would have walked.”
“Nullification?”
“Damn straight. I know you all think I’m encouraging vigilante justice, and maybe I am. But there are some things I simply can’t abide, including the abuse of children and rape. And in this case, it was both. Remember, I only had Josh beat up.”
“So you finally admit that?”
“You’ve known it for years! And you know I was very happy when someone in prison resolved the issue permanently.”
“You are a very strange man. Non-violent to a fault in most instances. But if someone messes with your family or friends, or someone violates your personal code of honor, you’ll take them out. All the way out.”
“It hasn’t happened yet,” I said. “I believe people who know me understand that. Peace through superior firepower, as your husband used to say.”
“The threat that you will use violence reduces the chances that you’ll actually need to. Having a black belt is, in and of itself, enough to deter most people.”
“As Kurt has told Pete several times, he needs to shoot me from across the room, because if I get close, Pete’s dead!”
“What the heck was the context of THAT conversation?”
I chuckled, “The things you miss not being in Chicago. Pete put together an official ‘Steve Adams Rants’ list, and shared it with the guys. Jamie let the cat out of the bag, and I jokingly told him Pete was a dead man. Well, you know our friends, and Kurt decided to joke about it. Of course, I got my own licks in by pointing out that Melanie made her living with her mouth!”
“You and Melanie have always been at each other like that. Once you quit screwing, she was the big sister and you the little brother. And I don’t mean anything by that, if you know what I mean. It’s been like that since she and Pete got back together, and it’s fun to watch.”
“Pete agrees with you, because I can say things he never could. Well, not if he wants to stay alive!”
“True. Are you really OK with all of these changes? I mean, really?”
“I am. I’ve embraced the new me. The only thing I need to do is make sure I don’t take it too far and end up like that customer I told you about before. But I have Jesse and Matthew to knock me down a peg or two when necessary, not to mention my friends.”
“I noticed you didn’t mention your daughter.”
“And what are the chances that my Pumpkin will ever say one word against her dad?”
“Zero.”
“Exactly. So all of this brings us to a decision I need to make.”
“I can find my own place,” Bethany said. “The salary for the director is sufficient to live comfortably. And I’ve saved most of my income since Nick’s death, plus the benefits I received.”
“And you may well decide to do that. And I’m fine with that. But, if you want, you’re welcome to move into the house. The spare bedroom upstairs is yours for the asking, and Nicholas could sleep either in the boys’ room in the house, or share a room with Jesse, assuming Jesse’s moms were to agree.”
“And?”
“And nothing. That’s the offer. Anything beyond simply living here is outside the scope of this discussion.”
“Of course it is, Mr. CEO!” she laughed.
“Bethany, you living here, and you and I making love, are two completely separate topics in my mind. They have to be. I would love to have you live here. The other thing is so much more complex and there are so many pitfalls, that we can’t take a decision like that lightly. You know how I feel about you, and always have. I know how you feel about me, and always have. From a purely physical standpoint, we both want it. But we can’t be dumb. We aren’t fifteen anymore. And there are far more people involved than me just asking Jennifer if it’s OK.”
“I believe she sent me to you, not just said ‘OK’.”
“Yes, but you get the point. A lot has changed in the last thirteen years. Or the last seven. Or the last two. Take your pick.”
“Yes, it has. May I put on my psychologist hat for a moment?”
“Do you ever take it off?” I teased.
“We talked about that. We HAVE to. Otherwise we’d drive ourselves crazy!”
“A very short drive in your case, Sweetheart!”
“Hah! My question is, are you still struggling with honoring your friendship to Nick?”
“I don’t think so,” I replied. “Abbie and I actually talked about that in the context of her relationship with Jason and how he was still acting as if he were married to Stephie. Abbie was quite annoyed with him because Stephie’s been dead for four years. I told Abbie that I understand how Jason felt. And THAT annoyed Abbie as well. She got on my case, probably rightly so, for a misplaced sense of honor and duty. And you know from when you were here that she finally helped Jason past that impediment.”
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October 29, 2000, Chicago, Illinois Birgit followed me as far as the stairs, then scooted upstairs when I went to the front door and opened it. “Hi!” Sophie said. “Hi!” I replied and held the door open so she could come into the house. I closed the door behind her then led her to my study where I waited until she went in, and then walked in, closing the door behind me. I nodded to one of the wingback chairs, she sat down in one, and I sat down in the other. “Is something wrong?” she...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois I walked in the near 90°F heat to Carla’s place. I was grateful that the humidity of the morning had dropped significantly; otherwise the heat would have been unbearable. By the time I walked up the steps to the apartment over the photography studio and knocked on her door, I had broken into a light sweat. Carla answered almost immediately and invited me inside her studio apartment. The air was moderately cool, and the window air conditioner was running full...
July 1982, Milford, Ohio On Tuesday morning, I kissed Kara goodbye and headed to my parents’ house for my usual morning routine with my little sister. She was happy that I could spend the morning with her and asked to take a walk, so we weren’t in the house with my mom. “Let me guess — this walk will end in the clearing,” I said with a smile. “Yes,” she said, taking my hand as we walked down Overlook towards Klondyke. As usual, we turned around and walked back, taking the path to the...
March 13, 1994, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Steve!” Ailea said when she opened the door. “Hi,” I replied, accepting the offered hug. There was no touching of lips, just of cheeks, and I wondered if I’d misread her intentions at her birthday lunch, or if, perhaps, she detected my reluctance to return the offered affection. “Lunch is ready, so go ahead and sit. I’ll bring it in from the kitchen.” I went to the low table, sat down, and a minute later, Ailea brought miso soup and sushi, our usual...
April 3, 1997, Dallas, Texas “Remember what I said about drinking too much,” I said, as I poured bourbon into three cups. We’d stopped at a liquor store, bought a bottle of Blanton’s, and then returned to the small suite I’d reserved at the Westin. Deborah’s room was down the hall, and Krissy’s was two floors below. Krissy’s comment had caught me a bit off guard, but I hadn’t reacted visibly. I didn’t know her quite well enough to know if she’d been teasing with Deborah, so I was being...
March 28, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “This day belongs to you, Kara!” I said when the three of us woke on Thursday morning. “Happy birthday!” Jessica said. “Thanks,” Kara replied happily. “I think I’d like an amazing birthday fuck from our husband, and then a nice loving shower with my wife!” Kara said. “Do we have enough time?” I asked. Jessica giggled, “I set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier!” “Then let’s not waste any of it!” I said pulling Kara to me. Kara’s squeals as I plunged...
September 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois On Monday morning I went to my study to make a surreptitious call to ensure that the surprise I’d planned for Kara was still going to happen, and after confirming that it was, Jesse, Matthew, Michael, and I began preparing for the Labor Day party by getting beer and soda into coolers, getting the grill ready, setting up tables and chairs in the backyard, and ensuring the liquor cabinets were stocked while my wives and daughters worked on food prep in the...
September 1, 1987, Chicago, Illinois “I heard that you have some kind of plan to help Ed,” I said to Connie. “There’s no plan,” she replied. “A witness who saw the shopkeeper alive after Ed left came forward.” That sounded convenient, and I wondered if the witness was real or someone that Anthony had put forward to solve the problem. Certainly, the videotape was real, because I couldn’t imagine how Anthony could have faked that, but the witness? Who knew? “So is he being released? Or is...
August 17, 1997, Chicago, Illinois We finished lunch and Marissa and the younger kids went to play, but Natalie sat with the adults to talk, with coffee, tea, or soft drinks. The Sarcus were very comfortable, but the Heaths were still struggling. But, vitally, they hadn’t left and hadn’t insisted Natalie leave the group. “Can you explain how you developed this attitude and approach?” Chris asked. I nodded, “It started when I was just a bit younger than Natalie. My mom was a total control...
July 1979 — Falkenberg, Sweden On Friday, when I got back from my run, Pam was in her bra and panties again. I whistled at her, she giggled, then finished dressing. I showered, and we went to breakfast and finished up our last day. Once class was done, we were pretty much free. On Saturday, we’d have several optional activities and then on Sunday we’d head back to our host families. After dinner on Friday, I took Pam’s hand and we walked towards the river. It was quiet and peaceful, and...
July 1980, Over the North Atlantic We reached cruising altitude, and I settled back to read my book. Pam raised the armrest between us, snuggled close to me and read as well. The cabin crew offered drinks, and I had my first Coke in a year! Meal service began about an hour and a half into the flight. After the cabin crew picked up the trays and offered drinks again, they passed once more, offering headsets for the movie. Trevor and Maria took them, but Pam and I didn’t, instead we turned on...
July 8, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “Is it really that surprising?” Leah asked. “I suppose not,” I replied. “I just didn’t read too much into the kiss on the cheek.” “I didn’t think it was a good idea to kiss you on the lips with all those people around, because I had no idea who they were or what they would think. You were VERY careful with our dance, so I kind of followed your lead.” Which showed very mature thinking on her part. Both of these girls were exactly the kind of students I...
November 8, 1993, Chicago, Illinois A dark fog swirled before my eyes as I tried to take stock. My head hurt, badly. I felt something on my face and realized, dimly, it was an oxygen mask. My right hand was uncomfortable and I recognized the feeling of an IV and pulse-oximeter. My left arm ached fiercely. On my chest I felt the pads and wires of an EKG. I didn’t feel anything else wrong as I continued taking inventory. I tried to open my eyes, but the fog didn’t clear. I tried to speak, but...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois In the morning Anala and I ran as we had the previous time, then showered together, carefully washing each other’s bodies in an intimate but non-sexual way. After our shower we went to the kitchen and I made breakfast and we sat down to eat. “Steve, may I make a suggestion?” she asked. “Sure.” “Broaden your circle of friends. Other than me, all of you are white, nominally Christian, 20-year-old Americans. And you don’t invite me to your Sunday...
June 23, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Steve,” Kimmy said over the intercom, “I have a Suzanne Aavik for you.” “Thanks,” I replied. “Put her through, please.” A few seconds later, Suzanne was on the line. “Hi!” she exclaimed when I greeted her. “I’m in Chicago for three weeks. Can I still run away and join the circus?” I chuckled, “You might want to find out what the circus is actually like before you join! If you’re free, you’re welcome to come to the house tomorrow or Sunday and meet the...
March 1979 Monday was back to the normal routine of school. Debbie Courtney, who lived across the street and had turned fourteen the last week in February, started flirting more with me on the bus each day. Debbie Vaughn, who lived just down the street, would turn fourteen on March 16th and invited me to her birthday party. And Donna Woody, who lived just down the street in the other direction, would turn fourteen on March 20th. She had made it clear what she wanted for her birthday, and in...
June 2, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “My office, please,” Sensei Jim said after class on Saturday. I followed him to his office and waited for him to bid me to sit. He did, and I sat in the usual chair across from him. “She has a real problem, you know that, right?” he asked. “I do. That’s why I insisted she start seeing a counselor.” “I run a huge risk having her here with that kind of temper and her violent acts.” I nodded, “I understand. May I ask what you intend to do?” “I really don’t...
February 21, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Sweetheart!” I said, greeting Bethany at the door. “Uncle Steve!” Nicholas exclaimed. I took him from his mom and he hugged me tightly. “Is Jesse with his moms?” Bethany asked. “Yes. They won’t bring him back over tonight so you and Nicholas can surprise him in the morning.” “Perfect!” “How was the drive up?” “The same as usual. Just a bit of traffic in Northern Indiana. Otherwise, smooth sailing. It was driving the other direction that was a...
November 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Good morning, Sensei,” Miyu said when Kara, the girls, and I walked into the dojo on Saturday morning. “Good morning, Miyu.” “Do you have a moment, please?” I nodded and we went to the small practice room for privacy, as Sensei Jim had a family in his office. “What can I do for you?” “I need you to meet a young man,” she said. “I think you might be taking this ‘not do anything without permission’ a bit too far!” Miyu shook her head, “No, I’m not....
May 1979 The limo dropped me at home about 9:00pm. I took my stuff to my room, stripped, and hung up the tux. The rest of the things went into the hamper. I took a shower, put on shorts and a t-shirt, and walked down the hall into my dad’s office. I saw no reason to put this off any longer. “Stephen, you need to explain yourself!” my mom demanded. “I was in Mrs. McGrath’s, well, Mrs. Sanders’ now, wedding, as I said.” “You walked her down the aisle! You’re sixteen and not even related to...
November 3, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “I still don’t understand why you told everyone to leave Katy alone last night,” Elyse said on Saturday morning. “Because we weren’t going to talk her out of it. I could tell by the way she told us. I hoped letting her sleep on it would allow her to hear what we had to say. Obviously I was wrong.” “I was surprised that she wouldn’t talk to Jennifer at all,” Kara said. “I thought Jennifer would be the one to get her to listen to reason this morning.” I...
February, 1983, Chicago, Illinois Our first joining since the previous summer was slow and sweet, trying to express our deep love for each other through the motions of our bodies. When we finished, Karin held me tight and refused to let me move off of her. “Sleep there, please,” she whispered. I kissed her once more then adjusted my pillow so that I could rest my head next to hers. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it was what Karin wanted. The feel of her firm body under mine,...
July 3, 1996, Chicago, Illinois I blinked several times and took a breath before responding. It didn’t help. The best I could do was contain my visceral reaction at her completely out-of-line request and her wrong-headed assumptions when she had NO idea what had happened in my life the previous eight months. “What makes you think you can make that request after refusing to talk to me for nearly eight months? And equally importantly, without explaining Alexi? And without giving me the first...