Girl FagChapter 22 free porn video

It was getting sorta late, like around ten when I got on the computer. I didn't use it a whole lot. It just seemed kind of boring usually and the games my brothers liked either freaked me out, like that Doom game that Mark played, or just didn't make a lot of sense, like the Black and White game that Scott enjoyed so much. He had a really big cow that would dance with his villagers. What kind of game is that? Steve used it just so he could check out his muscle girls and Henry, well, who knows ... He always seemed to doing nothing when someone was around, so he was probably just checking out porn.

I was gonna check out some porn too, which was a first for me. Not cause I had anything against porn, I didn't really care one way or the other, it was just that it seemed silly to look at pictures when you could be doing something else. Especially now that I had someone I could be doing that something else with, you know what I mean? But I really wanted to figure this BDSM stuff out, or at least get some ideas, so I ran a search on BDSM and that gave me a headache. You know how many links that'll give you? Like 56 million or something and how was I supposed to know a good one from a bad one?

I just sort of chose them at random, really, but the ones I was picking were like ads for web sites that wanted my credit card number. I didn't even have a credit card, but I saw some pretty sick pictures. A spanking is one thing, but like putting a girl's boobs in a vise? Uhhh ... No thanks! I didn't like my tits a whole lot, and I wished they were even smaller than they were, but if someone ever tried to do that to me I'd declare nuclear war on his butt!

I heard Daddy coming in the kitchen, so I hit the little button at the top, the one that looked like a house, cause that got me to the email thing fast, and I typed in my nickname and my password, and I had some email. Spam mostly, but some fan mail which was always nice because it was serious mail. I don't mean like email from guy saying, 'You built a great car and you rock' this was like from the California Porsche Enthusiasts telling me they were showing off that old Boxter I'd painted in San Francisco and if I wanted to come down, with my family, they'd hook me up.

For whatever reason the painting I did got a lot more notice than anything else, but I'd put a zillion hours into that Porsche. We all had, even though dad kept saying "Heil Hitler" everytime something went wrong. Like Mark fabricated a new oil pan, cause the old one didn't fit anymore, and it was exactly one ghost too wide for the place it was going. Mark swore he made it right and we measured it, all of us, the pan and the mounts, and it shoulda fit. "Heil Hitler" as my Daddy said ... That's a ghost, in technical automotive talk. When something should fit and doesn't for no good reason. All you can do is swear, make another one the exact same size, and watch it slide right in perfectly. Weird, huh?

Anyway, other than that I didn't have a lot of new email. I'd never gotten a real email in my life, like from a friend? But I hadn't ever sent one either. I wondered if Julie had an email, maybe we could share pictures or something. Except I'd rather see her in person. But maybe if we got one of those webcams, cause she seemed like sort of a strict girl, you know? And Beaverton was a long ways away and just seeing Julie smile would be ... Hmmm.

Daddy was with Scott, who'd just gotten back from Pullman and he was walking in the little den where I was. "Hey, Ann. I was just gonna do that too," he gestured at the computer.

"Oh, sure. I'm done anyway," I shrugged and got up.

Daddy was going up the stairs and I listened to his footsteps as Scott checked his email and talked to me about how the weekend had been. I didn't really say a whole lot about what I'd been doing, and Scott was his usual vague self about what he'd been up to. I grabbed one of the old dining chairs we had by the computer desk and pulled it up, figuring Scott might be a good person to talk to, so long as we were quiet and alone.

"Hey, um, could help me with something?" I asked Scott when it looked like he was done with what he was doing, except he never was. Scott ran the business online, him and David, but mostly Scott and so he was always busy with stuff on the computer.

"Sure, you got homework or something?"

"No," I shook my head. "Nothing like that. I was wondering about BDSM and stuff like that?" my voice was real soft and I glanced over my shoulder, but nobody else was even downstairs.

"BDSM?" Scott narrowed his eyes a little. "What do you want to know about that for?"

I shrugged, "I just want to, that's all." Then I giggled, unable to help myself and Scott was gonna find out from Steve anyway, "I got a girlfriend, Jane Hudson, and she likes it, kinda."

"You have a girlfriend?" Scott looked like he didn't believe me right away. "I thought you wanted to be queer, like a guy?"

"Yeah, I do," I nodded, only half-realizing how weird my conversations were getting these days. "But I'm sort of a queer girl now, too."

"Uh, okay," Scott laughed. "You're so weird, Ann. I thought I had problems!"

"I know!" I laughed, grabbing Scott's arm. He was the only one of my brothers with blonde hair like mine, and it was long. I wondered what it would look like on me. "So, um, can you help me?"

"Yeah, I can help you. I know some stuff," he shrugged. "I know some web sites too, what do you want to know?"

"I don't know, uh ... Everything?" I laughed.

"There is no everything," he grinned at me. "Here, this place is sorta handy." He was taking us to something called 'The Deviant's Dictionary' which seemed to have definitions and explanations for just about every kind of sex you could think of, and a whole lot that you couldn't.

We looked at that stuff for awhile and at least I got a good understanding of some of the terms, but it wasn't really like talking to someone either. I wished I'd gotten to talk to Coach the day before, instead of just getting half-raped by Levi. The good thing was that I'd get to see Coach in the morning, assuming he'd be there, but I didn't figure on him standing me up. Even if he did feel bad for the way his friend had acted.

"Does this help at all?" Scott asked me.

"A little, I guess, I don't know," I shrugged. "Reading that stuff I think I'm sort of submissive more than dominant."

"Maybe you're a switch," Scott was moving the mouse, looking around until he found some paragraph talking about 'Switches' whatever that was and as I read it, I started feeling a little better, mostly cause it sounded like me.

A switch is someone who can be submissive or dominant, depending on who they're with and what they feel like doing. That sounded a lot like me just because I was sort of a switch between boy and girl. I mean, most of the time I was a guy and I just wanted to do guy things, but every now and then I felt different, like a girl, sorta, and I just tried to hide those feelings away and ignore them. I was also kind of a switch about being straight or gay, since I wanted to be gay all the time, but technically I was straight when I was with a boy, even though I felt straight when I was with a girl.

So if I was a switch when it came to my gender, and I was switch when it came to my sexuality, then it made total sense that I'd be a switch when it came to this BDSM stuff too! Didn't it? I mean my whole life was nothing but switching, right? So this just seemed too good to be true, really. I was tailor made for being a switch. I grinned and practically rubbed my hands together as I puzzled all that over in my little brain, deciding that yeah, it was okay to let Coach totally dominate me one day, and then find myself getting turned on because I could make Jane blush with embarrassment the next.

That might have been all I needed, just a little explanation to really give my confidence a little something to fall back on. I still didn't know exactly what I was doing, or how to go about doing it, but at least I didn't have to worry that I was trying to fool myself. I was okay and I know that probably doesn't seem like much to anybody who never went through the stuff I was going through, but believe me, it was a big deal to me.

"You like that huh?" Scott was chuckling at my reactions as I started understanding things a little better.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Thanks, Scott."

"No problem," he killed the web page and then cleared the history and emptied the temporary folders where all the stuff we'd looked at was stored. "No sense leaving any evidence," he grinned. "You know, when pop finds out you got a girlfriend..."

I laughed at him, "Daddy knows already. I told him."

"Really?" Scott sat back a little. "What uh, what did he say?"

"He said it was my life," I shrugged. "If I could handle the trouble then he was okay with it."

"Maybe he figures it's like a phase or something," Scott wondered. "Like you'll grow out of it."

"Maybe," I looked at my brother, rubbing his thigh. "You ever think about telling him?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "Sometimes."

"He might be cool with it," I said.

"I don't think it would be the same thing to him," Scott sighed. "Guys like lesbians, even the ones who say they don't." He made me laugh at that. "No, I'm serious. Guys are into it, I mean as long as they're lipstick lesbians."

"Lipstick lesbians?" I grinned at my brother, like what was he talking about?

"Yeah, like you and Jane," Scott smiled. "She's definitely a lipstick lesbian."

"What about me?" I asked. "I don't wear lipstick."

"No, you don't, you're just a dyke," Scott laughed at me, teasing me a little. "Let's go to bed."

"Mmmm ... I gotta make a phone call first. I'll see you in the morning," I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Dyke, huh?" I said under my breath and laughed. That sounded like a really bad word for some reason, even worse than fag.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked Julie quietly.

"Hi. I was just sleeping a little," Julie answered, sounding like she'd been sleeping a lot.

"Sorry I woke you up. I just wanted to..."

"No, that's okay. I'm glad you called," I could hear her stretching just a little, making a soft little sighing sound.

"Really?" I asked, smiling happily to myself.

"Yeah. I was thinking about you."

"Oh yeah? Thinking about me how?"

"Uhhh..." she giggled a little.

"Come on, you're always teasing me," I scolded her softly. "What were you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about you being a boy, sorta..." she swallowed hard enough so I could hear it over the phone.

"Yeah, well, I am a boy kinda."

"Yeah, that's what I mean, if you're sort of a boy then um, I was thinking about, uh..." Julie paused for a couple heartbeats. "I was thinking about kissing you."

I think she was holding her breath, maybe wondering if I'd laugh at her or just hang up.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that..." she was apologizing quickly and I cut her off.

"It's okay," my heart was beating faster. "I was um, thinking about kissing you too." I licked my lips. "Before, when we were talking, I sort of wished I could kiss you."

"Really?" Julie's voice was so soft then.

"Yeah. I uh, I like you a lot."

"I like you too."

"I mean I like you more than just a friend."

Now it was my turn to wait for her to laugh in my face or slam the phone down in my ear, but I didn't really think she would.

"Me too," Julie whispered. "Since before, but I was afraid to say it."

"Yeah, me too," I sighed softly. "I didn't think you'd like me cause I'm a girl."

"I didn't think you'd like me cause I'm a girl!" she giggled and I laughed too. Feeling like I was on top of the world suddenly.

"I really want to see you."

"Come over tomorrow, after school," Julie said, her voice quietly excited.

"I can't, I got football after school."

"Please? Just once, skip it and come over. I want to see you too," Julie begged me.

"Um..." I thought about it. I could afford to miss one practice, right? I could tell Coach I had some family thing or something, he'd be okay. I just needed a ride, but I could get one. "Okay. I'll come over like 4:30 or so, uh, where do you want to meet?"

"Really!" Julie laughed happily. "My house, just come here, it'll be okay."

"Your house? Uh, alright," I shrugged to myself figuring her parents must both work or something. "Where do you live?"

I wrote down directions to Julie's house and we talked for a little bit longer, mostly just both of us complaining about living so far apart. It was weird talking to her and knowing that she really liked me the same way I liked her. I'd been so full of doubt and fear before, wondering if we were just friends or what, but now I knew. She wanted to kiss me even, it would be her very first kiss ever and she wanted it to be with me. If we weren't in love I didn't know what the word meant.

Greg was just coming in when I was dialing Jane's number; he gave me a little wave and a smile and went upstairs. He'd been out with his newest girlfriend, little Carol Hahn, the seventh grader, according to my brother Henry as we'd sat around the dinner table earlier. She was only 13 and Steve had said that was sorta young, even for Greg who was just barely turned 16, but Daddy had just shrugged and if he didn't care, then it was okay. I wondered how Greg had hooked up with her, since I barely knew her even though we went to the same school.

"Hey girl," I said softly when Jane picked up her phone.

"Girl huh?" she giggled. "I like it. What are you doing?"

"Calling you!" I laughed. "You made me promise, remember?"

"I shoulda made you promise to come over," Jane hadn't been asleep at all from the sound of her voice.

"Guess what," I said, and this was what I'd really been waiting for.

"What?"

"I told my dad about us," I told Jane. "That I'm really mostly a guy and you're my girlfriend and..."

"What?" she practically shrieked and for just a second I thought I'd totally screwed up somehow. But wasn't this what she wanted?

"I told him..." I repeated slowly, " ... and..."

"You're so awesome!" Jane sounded like she was bouncing off her butt. "God! That's cool! You really love me, huh?"

"Yeah," I laughed, feeling much relieved.

"I love you, Ann, so much! God! That's the best ever!" Jane was breathing heavily and I just listened to her for a minute, feeling pretty good about myself. "I am so gonna fuck your brains out when I see you again! I swear, Ann! I'm gonna do everything, okay? Whatever you want."

"Okay, yeah," I grinned foolishly into the phone and life was pretty good right then. "So ... What are you doing?" I asked.

"Huh ... Oh! Um, just painting my toes, wondering why I have a boyfriend who never calls," Jane teased me, trying to act cool after her recent excitement.

"Yeah right!" I laughed. "What did you do today?"

"We went over to Beaverton, me and Sherry. Hey did you know they got a new store there? Sorta downtown, it's an accessory store."

"What's that?" I asked, having no idea what an accessory store was.

"It's where they sell like jewelry and makeup and hair clips and stuff," Jane laughed. "Accessories, you know? They do manicures and pedicures there too, but it's kind of expensive. Some Vietnamese woman owns it."

"Oh," I shrugged to myself, wondering what the big deal was.

"It's cool, they doing piercing too. The lady said she'll pierce anything!" Jane giggled and lowered her voice. "Sherry wanted me to get my nipples pierced, but I said I'd have to ask you first."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, a little more interested suddenly.

"Yeah, wouldn't that be cool? I could get like rings or something, I don't know," she paused. "Would you like that? Do you think it would be okay?"

It was her body, I didn't really know why she was asking me, but that was her thing anyway. She would look pretty hot with pierced nipples though, I thought. I could even get like a little chain or something, I grinned to myself, imagining the things I could do and wondering if I wasn't turning into a total dyke or something, thinking that was probably the right word for what I was.

"Uh, yeah," I cleared my throat softly. "Yeah, that would be pretty hot."

"Yeah, I think so too!" Jane gushed. "I want you to be there though, you know, so you can watch and everything. Okay?"

"Sure, yeah," I was agreeing, not really understanding completely what I was agreeing to.

"So tomorrow then, okay?" Jane asked. "Like right after practice? I have cheerleading until 5:30 and you got football, right? I'll pick you up?"

"Tomorrow?" I blinked hard at that. I was skipping practice so I could meet Julie and hopefully give her the first kiss of her life.

"Well, yeah," Jane sounded a little concerned. "You can't go or something?"

"Uh, well I was sorta going to skip practice," I said slowly, trying to think really fast.

I was going to Beaverton, and I needed a ride, but going with Jane? She might want to see me kiss Julie, just cause it would make her feel excited or bad, or something, but what would Julie think? She would freak out, I told myself, that's what she would think. Unless Jane was just like a friend of mine, not a girlfriend at all, then maybe...

But that wouldn't work, I told myself. It was a stupid idea and even if I could get Jane to somehow pretend she wasn't my girlfriend just so I could kiss another girl, Julie would know. Wouldn't she? I mean you can't just stop being boyfriend and girlfriend and fool someone else, especially the way Jane acted. And who was I fooling? If I told Jane not to act like my girlfriend she was gonna be seriously pissed. I knew I would be. I wouldn't care at all about the other girl, in fact I'd go out of my way to make sure everyone knew who the real girlfriend was, you know what I mean?

Nah, it was a horrible idea and it was gonna get me killed if I tried it. One way or the other, either Julie or Jane was gonna hate me, probably both of them, just because I was having my period and so freakin' horny I couldn't think straight. It was making me greedy, that's all, just plain greedy. So no, I wasn't gonna say what I was gonna say, was I?

"Skip practice? Why?" Jane asked, just like I knew she would.

"Cause um, you remember that girl, Julie? The one I told you about?" I held my breath.

"Yes," Jane answered cautiously.

"Well, she uh, she wants me to come over to her house tomorrow and uh, well..."

"Oh, well that's okay," Jane said in a neutral voice. "I'd love to meet her."

"She. Well, um ... Her and I ... She doesn't know about ... You," I was still holding my breath and my voice was a hoarse whisper.

"So? You can tell her all about me tomorrow," Jane giggled, but it made me nervous. "You can tell her how you thought about her while you fucked me."

"I ... Uh, could..." I laughed weakly, hoping she was joking. "I'd rather sort of let her get used to the idea that me and you are ... Friends though. First ... I mean, and then uh, later ... You know, sorta tell her about the, um, other stuff."

Jane laughed, "You want to pretend like I'm not your girlfriend?"

"Um, yeah," I winced and braced myself.

"Okay," Jane sounded like it was no big deal.

"Okay?" I blinked with disbelief.

"Okay. Yeah, you like her right? I told you before, it's up to you. I'll do whatever you want me to, Ann," Jane said quietly. "If you don't believe me, I guess here's your chance to find out, right?"

"Uh, yeah." Or it was Jane's chance to totally ruin my chances with Julie. But I couldn't believe she was that devious, was she? That would just be plain old fashioned mean. But I was being kind of a dick, wasn't I? Maybe I deserved something like that.

"Good, so um, I'll skip out too and pick you up at your house after school, okay?" Jane sounded happy and I really hoped she was.

"Sure, okay."

"What?" Jane giggled. "You sound like you're sad or something."

"No, I'm not," I tried to sound a little more enthusiastic. "I'm just tired I guess."

"Too tired to make me cum?" Jane whispered with a soft laugh.

"Huh?"

"Tell me what you're gonna do to me after I get my nipples pierced," Jane sighed and I imagined her in bed, getting comfortable for a little bedtime story.

So I spent the next hour sitting on the kitchen floor, rubbing my hard little clit through my pajama bottoms and listening to Jane moan softly as I told her one. I was starting to get the hang of this boyfriend thing.

Monday morning came early, a lot earlier than I thought it would, but I got up anyway. The first thought I had was that I was in trouble, because I woke up thinking about Jane, or maybe Julie, but most probably both of them, really. I just tried to put them out of my mind though. I mean, I'd made my bed anyway, so I'd get the chance to lie down in it later. But part of me was thinking that if there was ever a day for a really big asteroid to hit the earth, this probably wasn't gonna be a bad one for it.

What the heck had I been thinking last night? Introducing Jane to Julie? I had to be whacked!

Coach was at the school weight room, just like always, and if he was surprised to see me, he didn't show it. He didn't try to apologize for anything either, which I was glad of. I didn't want to have to try and tell him that none of what happened with Levi was his fault, and at least half of it was probably mine anyway. We just got to work on those girly tits of mine, and the rest of me too, since Coach figured it was best not to take any chances with girly hips, or girly thighs either.

"Hey Coach?" I was grunting under a set of barbells that I was doing butterflies with. "What uh, what do you know about BDSM?"

"What do I know about BDSM?" Coach chuckled. "What do you know about cars?"

"Everything," I grunted. "Almost."

"Well, there ya are, boy."

"I uh, well ... I got a couple uh ... Problems," I was fighting those darn weights.

"What sorta problems? ... Keep them arms straight, no bouncing ... Slow it down."

"Yes sir," I focused on doing the weights the way I supposed to do them. "Girl problems."

"Girl problems?" Coach laughed. "Okay, I know a damn sight more about BDSM than I do about girls, Russet."

"I got a girlfriend and she wants me to tell her everything," I was done with my sets and I sat up, panting a little. "Like what to do and what to wear, everything. She says she'll do whatever I want, even if it really embarrasses her."

"Heh," Coach snorted.

"And I got another girl, but she ain't really my girlfriend or anything, but she acts all guilty and says no all the time, like she doesn't want me touching her. But I know she really does cause she cums like crazy when I do." I might have blushed a little saying that last part, but I was so red faced and sweaty already I doubt Coach would have even noticed.

"And that's your problems?" Coach looked at me like I was pulling his leg.

"Yes sir," I nodded.

"Let's do 15 minutes on the Stepmaster, get those legs burning."

Coach dragged me over to a machine that had the unique ability to make me cry after five minutes of using it. He wasn't kidding about burning my legs.

"Bout level 6 for a good warm-up," Coach chuckled and I moaned.

"Hell son, it don't sound like problems to me," Coach shrugged. "Sounds like you oughta turn Mormon and marry them two girls."

I laughed, despite moving my arms and legs like I was running up an endless flight of stairs at a pretty good clip.

"But I take it that you ain't exactly sure what to do with opportunities like those," Coach nodded thoughtfully. "Okay, this first girl, your girlfriend, she likes BDSM, is that what your saying?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so..." I was breathing hard, sorta bouncing up and down as I ran. " ... She likes it when I embarrass her ... In front of people ... Make her do sexy stuff ... You know?"

"Hmmm..." Coach rubbed his nose. "And this other girl, the guilty one, what's the deal with her? She's guilty about what? Her parents finding out she's queer or something?"

"Uh-uh..." I shook my head, " ... She doesn't want to get caught with me ... At uh, at work..."

"That so?" Coach smiled. "So she's older huh? Not so old as me though I bet." He chuckled then, "She likes it when you take charge though, sorta make her do it?"

"Sorta..." I nodded, " ... Uh, I think so."

"Okay, okay..." Coach gave that some thought, "You gonna see this woman today? Tonight maybe?"

"Nope," I was saving my breath.

"Well, next time you're with her you try this, when she starts saying no, I mean the second she says it, you slap her face." I looked at Coach sharply. "Not hard or nothin', just a little one so she knows you care. If she gets pissed do it again and tell her to shut-up, I mean that. Sometimes a little bottom bitch will wanna find out if you're really on top. You slap her again and tell her to do something, whatever gets you off with this girl. Tell her to take her clothes off or something. Don't say it mean, just say it like there ain't no room for discussion, got it?"

"Wha ... What if she ... Gets pissed ... Uh ... Again... ?" I panted.

"Then you tell her you're sorry and offer her some gum. If this woman is actin' like you say she does, she ain't gonna be really pissed at all. But you gotta be on top, right? She's your hole, that's it, no arguing. If it don't work out, don't be mad, don't hate her, just say okay and leave."

" ... Okay..." I nodded weakly. I still had 10 minutes to go on those stairs and I could barely get the word out.

"Now the girlfriend," Coach dialed the machine up to eight and I was running harder, pushing my legs against even more resistance and my ass was aching! "She's sorta like the other one, but different. The woman don't want to be caught, but that's her excuse for playing hard to get and if she's letting you bang her at work, then hell, the risk is making her pretty damn happy too."

"Uhhh-huh..." I nodded, finding my second wind.

"But the girlfriend, she doesn't just want to be caught doin' what she ain't sposed to be, it doesn't get real good for her unless she is caught. Right? Or am I misunderstanding what you told me?"

"N-No..." I coughed a little and picked up the pace, trying to keep my little meter green and happy for Coach.

"Okay, then so you're feeling a little stuck, I bet," Coach grinned at me. "Tryin' to think of ways to get her in trouble without getting in a lot of trouble. That's a tough one there, those humiliation hounds are dangerous. A little wild and unpredictable, but a hell of a good ride, boy. Hell of a ride."

"She uh ... Likes ... BDSM..." I breathed, watching the clock go down too slowly. Five and half minutes to go.

"Well, there you go then," Coach nodded. "You just gotta redirect all that passion. Make the public stuff a special occasion, a little reward for all that hard play in private."

"Y-Yeah..." I spit a little on the towel hanging around my neck.

"You think you could whip her tits? Like I done to you?" Coach narrowed his eyes at me.

"I ... I think so ... Coach..." I huffed. "I'm a ... A switch..."

"A switch huh? Where'd you learn that, boy?" Coach laughed.

" ... In ... Inter ... Net ... Internet..." I nodded as I finally got the word out.

"Internet huh?" Coach shook his head. "Well you might be a switch, Russet, or you might just be one mixed up little fag. Time will tell. Best thing you can do is whip her tits straight off. A girl loves her tits, her pussy too, but tits can take a lot more punishment than a pussy can, plus it scares the hell out of 'em."

"Oh..." I smiled weakly, thinking about how scared I'd been and I didn't even like my tits that much.

"Get her used to safety words, talk about limits and how and when and why to stop, and how stopping is just as important as starting. Let her know you're gonna take care of her, be confident all the time, every minute you're with her, not just when you two are playing, but all the time. She's gotta see it, gotta know you're in charge so she'll believe it when she has to, see? When her skin's burning and her body's shivering, and her gut's aching, she needs to remember that she's never seen you weak."

Coach reached over and cranked the dial up to nine.

"That'll make her strong too. You got all that?" Coach was standing there with his arms crossed.

"N-Not ... Uh ... Really..." just a couple more minutes, I thought, and then I could die.

"Heh," Coach chuckled. "I didn't figure."

Awhile later, after I'd recovered, Coach had me doing some pull-ups. "Screw all those machines, Russet. A good pull-up works more of your body than any contraption ever devised by mortal man."

"Kay..." I grunted. I was doing sets of 20, five of them, and a hundred pull-ups was a bunch.

"Here," Coach put a big hand under my butt, helping me just a little to get through the last dozen or so. "If you're serious about playin' smack bottom with your girlfriend, just bring her round my place sometime. I won't do nothin' but watch, give you some tips maybe, make sure you don't step on your dick."