Catherine
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Mary Catherine free porn video
She stood at the window staring out at the city lights, her arms wrapped around her, her mind fixing on the city lights in the distance. She didn’t hear him come up behind her, but then she felt his breath on her neck followed by soft light kisses.
‘You smell so sweet honey,’ he said in a very soft voice.
She shivered as he kissed her, and felt her body responding to her touch. Her mind raced. She felt the confusion of loving to be kissed and hating it too. She loved the feeling of excitement in her body, and hated it at the same time. She’d fought within herself over this confusion so many times, but she found herself being torn in two directions every time.
As his kisses moved towards her ear, she felt his hands on her hips. They moved slowly up over her stomach until they were holding her breasts. Again she shivered, her eyes once again fixed on the lights in the distance. She knew he loved her, she loved him, so why did she feel so wretched when he touched her.
As she stared off into the distance, she detached.
When Mary Catherine woke up she was in her bed cuddled up with her large teddy bear. She’d love that bear since her father had gotten it for her when she was only eight. It had lost some of its fur when she’d petted it so much. Her mother told her six years ago that she should throw it out, but it was a gift from daddy, how could she ask her to do such a thing? But then she knew her mother never seemed to understand her.
‘Mary Catherine, are you coming down for breakfast or not?’ Her mother bellowed.
‘Yes mom!’ She replied equally loud. She hated her mother. She’d wished her dead a thousand times, but again, she was unable to put her finger on exactly why she felt that way except that she knew her mother was evil.
Half way through breakfast her mother asked, ‘Mary Catherine, I expect you’re going to confession tonight?’
She just nodded that she would. She knew her mother’s questions were actually commands. She dared not contradict her. The last time she’d contradicted her mother was when she was 18 and applying to colleges.
‘But mom,’ she’d said, ‘Boston University is a very good college!’
‘I’ll not have any child of mine going to one of those heathen schools!’ Her mother had replied. Her mother believed that any college other than Boston College, Holy Cross, or Notre Dame, was a freeway to hell, and had told her as much. She was in her senior year at BC now, doing well, and hating every minute of it. To spite her mother she’d recently taken up drinking and smoking. She knew her mother wouldn’t approve, but she didn’t have to know either.
That evening she’d gone to St. Monica’s for confession.
‘Bless me father for I have sinned,’ she began. She didn’t have to try to remember how long it had been since her last confession. She was there last week, and the week before that, and the week before that. Another thing her mother insisted on. ‘Maybe that’s why I hate her so much,’ she thought. ‘Daddy wouldn’t make me do this. He loves me!’
‘Father, I’ve had acts of impurity.’ She began.
‘Is that you Mary Catherine?’ Father Monaghan asked.
‘Yes father,’ she replied extremely sheepishly.
‘Mary Catherine, didn’t we have this same discussion last week?’
‘Yes father.’
‘I don’t understand it. You come from such a good family. What possesses you to do such things?’
A good family, she thought. She noticed how his Irish brogue always seemed to get deeper when he got stern. If he only knew about her good family. ‘I don’t know father.’
‘So Mary Catherine, I haven’t seen himself at church lately. Why is that?’
‘Himself’ was her father, it’s an Irish saying. ‘I don’t know father.’
‘Well you just tell him I’ll be looking for him tomorrow.’
‘Yes father.’
‘For your penance say a good act of contrition, three hail Marys, and one our father. And Mary Catherine,’
He always paused at the end like that, she hated that he did that. ‘Yes father?’
‘Sex is for within the bonds of Holy Matrimony and only there. Do you want your immortal soul damned to hell?’
He always asked that question too. She wondered if he thought that maybe she’d change her answer. ‘No father, I don’t.’
‘Well, you’ve got to tell this lad that you’ll do it no more, do you hear me Mary Catherine?’
‘Yes father.’ Tears were coursing down her cheeks by that time. They always did. She wondered if he could see her though the pale screen between them. She thought that since she could see him then certainly he could see her, so he was a heartless bastard. Then she hated herself again for thinking a priest could be a bastard. Certainly she’d sinned again. She hated herself for what she’d become, and she felt powerless to do anything about it.
But when Sunday morning came around it was as it had been so long, just she and her mother going to mass. She had three brothers but they were all older and moved out of the house. ‘Mom, Sean said I could go live with him.’ Sean was the youngest of her three brothers. He had moved to Boston’s south end and out of South Boston. It was a lie, he hadn’t asked her, but she wanted to see what her mother would say.
‘Your brother is doing quite well thank you very much. He doesn’t need you under foot.’
She wanted to yell at her mother that Sean was living in the south end because he was gay, and that was a very gay friendly end of the city. Sean hated dated girls in high school, but it was just a cover. He’d confided in her about being gay before her even graduated from high school, and last May he’d graduated from Villanova and moved back to Boston. Her mother had wanted Sean to move back home but he’d said he needed to stand on his own two feet. This was something that greatly appealed to her mother, but there was the lie of omission there as well. But it had to be that way, for her too.
On Tuesday afternoon she met up with her girlfriend Natalie. She’d met Natalie as a sophomore at BC and they’d become close. On this day Natalie invited her back to apartment, a one bedroom basement apartment on Commonwealth Avenue in Brighton.
Natalie had noticed Mary Catherine’s drinking and had voiced her concerns. She felt Mary Catherine was maybe drinking a bit too much, but Mary Catherine had told her she had it under control, so Natalie took her at her word. On this day Natalie had told her she had some really great cheese and a bottle of wine begging to be drunk.
Natalie trailed her as they entered the apartment, but they were no sooner in when Natalie took Mary Catherine in her arms and kissed her with the kind of passion reserved for those in love. Natalie was. Their kisses were long and wet. They each tried to devour the other. Natalie gently moved the two of them towards her bed until the both fell upon it without breaking from their kissing. Once on the bed, they moved their hands over their bodies, pushing and pulling at the clothing between their hands and the skin they each desired.
With urgency they each removed the outer clothing from the other’s body, but stopped at removing their bras and panties. It was like they were satisfied with that level of dress, or undress.
‘I have to go to the bathroom,’ Mary Catherine said suddenly. She broke from Natalie’s grasp and rushed the bathroom.
‘I’ll be here for you when you return honey,’ Natalie called out.
‘I wish she wouldn’t call me honey,’ Mary Catherine thought. ‘he calls me honey, that’s his word.’
When Mary Catherine emerged from the bathroom she didn’t see Natalie on the bed. Suddenly she felt Natalie’s body pressed up against her back. Natalie put her hands on her hips and moved them up slowly to her breasts, just as he had. Emotion overwhelmed Mary Catherine, and the tears burst forth uncontrollably.
Natalie had never seen her so emotional. She moved around to Mary Catherine’s front and took her back in her ar
ms. ‘What’s the matter honey?’ She asked her as she caressed Mary Catherine’s hair.
He did that too her too, and Mary Catherine recoiled suddenly from Natalie’s touch. ‘What’s wrong? What’s wrong?’ Natalie asked feeling utterly confused by Mary Catherine’s actions.
‘Nothing.’ She lied.
‘It must be something.’
‘No! It’s just that,’ Mary Catherine was stuttering. ‘I don’t know!’ But she did know. She hated her life.
‘Don’t you love me anymore?’ Natalie asked this fearing the answer.
‘Of course I do!’
‘Then what is it? No one cries this much over nothing at all.’
‘I, I, I,’ Mary Catherine was crying and whimpering, ‘I can’t tell you.’
‘Is it that guy?’
‘How did she know?’ Mary Catherine wondered to herself. She’d been so careful to keep it a secret. Natalie knew she’d been seeing a man when they met, but she thought she’d convinced her that she’d broken it off.
Finally, broken, emotionally drained, and lacking any other thought she said, ‘Yes.’ In her softest voice.
She saw the shock quickly cover Natalie’s face and then the sting of her hand as Natalie slapped her hard across the face. Mary Catherine took the slap and didn’t show that she’d felt even a little pain. But that was because she hadn’t. Mary Catherine had quickly retreated from her conscious observation of Natalie and gone into her own little safe place. She liked this safe place. It seemed like it had always been there, a place she could go when things got too painful, when life beat down on her.
Then in the distance she heard someone calling her name, over and over again. As if emerging from afar Natalie saddened zoomed in front of her. When she’d heard her name being called she knew immediately it was Natalie because she could see her calling off in the distance. Then suddenly Natalie was standing right in front of her, as if by magic. Then she saw the tears streaming down Natalie’s face and her Natalie apologizing over and over for having slapped.
Then she saw her hand pressing down on Natalie’s shoulders and forcing her down into a kneeling position. A voice was barking at Natalie to do this. The voice sounded disturbed as it questioned Natalie about having the gall to have slapped her face. She felt like an observer. The voice commanded Natalie to do things to her, to say things to her, things she didn’t understand, and words she knew she never said but it was her voice saying them. She felt strong, powerful, in command. She liked this feeling of total control.
She watched Natalie allow herself to be demeaned and she secretly liked it. This had happened before, it wasn’t the first time. It’d happened for other reasons, but it had happened. There was a thrill about it too, indescribable. She didn’t care that she’d wake up in the morning crying like a little baby. That person was weak, and she hated that person anyway.
The afternoon turned into evening, all a sexual marathon. When she was sated she’d leave Natalie. She didn’t fear that Natalie would want to break off the relationship. She didn’t care actually. She knew she could always find another.
Natalie saw Mary Catherine the next day and tried to make plans with her to go out on Friday night.
‘I can’t, I have plans already,’ Mary Catherine said.
‘Is it him?’ Natalie asked.
Mary Catherine was surprised by the boldness of Natalie’s question but even more surprised by her answer, ‘Yes, it is!’ A shudder went over her as the last word escaped her lips. Who had said that? Then she saw the wetness in Natalie’s eyes. Compassion grabbed Mary Catherine and she quickly took Natalie into her arms and apologized profusely. That last thing she said was that she’d break up with him on Friday, not to worry.
‘Promise?’ Natalie asked.
‘Promise!’
It was Friday evening and once again Mary Catherine was staring out the window at the city lights. But something else had caught her attention that evening. She could see the airplanes flying low overhead as they made their final approach to Boston’s Logan Airport. She liked to watch the planes because in her flights of fancy she was on one of them heading to Rome or London or some other place far away.
She heard him come up from behind her this time. She stiffened up quickly. He was kissing her neck, like he always did, and then placing his hands on her hips, like he always did. Now she felt she hated him. Now she felt she could do what she’d needed to do for a long time. She also knew she had to stay present if she was going to follow through with her plan. She could not drift off to her safe place like she usually did, not this evening. Then came that unwanted thought, she loved him. It wasn’t so he mind exploded. And she felt her body becoming aroused as he touched her in ways she didn’t want. ‘I hate this!’ her mind yelled and then another voice yelled back that she loved it. That voice told her she was a whore, his whore, and she’d always be his whore. He owned her and she knew it. And yet another voice told her she wasn’t a whore because he’d always told her he loved her and she knew this had to be true. It just had to be. It couldn’t be any other way.
Could it? The question hung there, unanswered, unanswerable, taunting her. Finally the other voice returned. The voice of reason, she felt. The voice that always told her the right thing to do. The strong voice. ‘Tell him now!’ The voice yelled in her head. It kept yelling at her.
She couldn’t take it anymore, and so she turned very quickly, violently, throwing his hands from her as she did and pushing him away from her at the same time. Then suddenly her had flew up from her side to hit him in the chest as she yelled at him, ‘Stop it! Stop it!’ It seemed like every time she yelled it she hit him in the chest and then she saw the surprise in his eyes, and the blood on his chest, and she stopped dead still.
From afar she could hear another voice. ‘Mary Catherine, what’s going on up there?’ It was her mother of course.
Mary Catherine screamed one of those blood curdling screams that brings everyone. The next time she heard her mother’s voice it was from just across the room, ‘Oh dear mother of God, what has happened here?’
Mary Catherine’s father did not die that day. Her mother had listened to her story and decided that it was made up because her Michael was incapable of such a thing. After all, he was a good Catholic boy and everyone knew it. Within the week Mary Catherine was a McLean’s Hospital following a severe emotional breakdown. Her mother had sent her there when she found out Mary Catherine had been drinking a lot the past several years. Certainly the assault on her husband was caused by alcohol induced delirium. It was easier to blame her daughter than look at her husband differently.
By the time she’d gotten out of the hospital Mary Catherine had spoken to her brother, Sean, and gotten him to agree to let her live with him. But when she told her mother, her mother had disallowed it and told Mary Catherine she’d have to stay at home until she graduated from BC.
It didn’t take long. Mary Catherine wasn’t in her bed two nights when her father crept in and lay down next to her. This time she didn’t retreat to her safe place. She hardened herself against him, and although she was powerless to stop him, she refused to allow her body to give in. It did. The dizzying powerlessness had returned. The torment and torture had returned. She didn’t know that she could survive another five months of this before she graduated. She wondered if she just gave in and tried to enjoy it, if that would work. The thought disgusted her. That was her answer and she knew it.
Instead of coming once a week he came twice, and then three times a week. Then one day two things happened, one really bad, and the other, not so bad. The really bad thing was discovering she was pregnant. There was no doubt about the father. And she being Catholic, there was no doubt about having the
child, she would. She was certain the not so bad thing was that she could tell him the next time he came to her that she was pregnant with his child. That should stop him. He came to her that evening. She told him but it didn’t stop him. Quite the opposite, it seemed to urge him on. He quite literally ripped her clothes off and was on top her just as quickly. He was thrusting into her harder than she ever experienced, grunting extremely loudly, sweat dripping from his body.
That’s when it happened. ‘What’s going on in hear?’ It was her mother’s voice. The next three words were the last three words Mary Catherine heard for a very long time. ‘Oh sweet Jesus!’
Mary Catherine once again retreated to her safe place. This time, however, she decided she’d stay there until it was safe to come out. How would she know it was safe? The strong person would tell her.
She’d didn’t graduate from BC as scheduled. In fact, is was ten years before she even returned. When Mary Catherine came back out to see the world everything had changed. Somewhere along the way she’d lost seven years of her life. It was like a long deep sleep, but she knew she’d been awake, but where had she been?
When she’d finally come out of her safe place, the first face she saw was Natalie. It thrilled her. Her first words to Natalie were, ‘I’m so sorry!’
‘Don’t be,’ Natalie replied, ‘you did nothing wrong.’
Natalie told Mary Catherine that she was in recovery and there was no rush.
Then Mary Catherine asked Natalie the one question she’d hoped to avoid for a while, ‘Where’s daddy?’
Yvette
- 12.07.2022
- 35
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