By: Greg
Chapter 1
The Honduran city of San Pedro Sula is the city of my birth. My beloved grandparents would cry for what has taken place here. I am thankful they never lived to see that what was once a lush, peaceful city has now turned into a violent, gang-infested nightmare.
I will only use my given name Maria, for I am ashamed of many of the things I have done in my short life. The slum that I have grown up in has been taken over by a local gang. Barrio-18 rules this entire region. At first, they just controlled the drug trade, so if you avoided that you were generally left alone. Over the last few years they have taken over everything. They extort payments from honest businessmen. They rob and harass people with no fear of the police. They now control the lives of everyone, and are hated and feared by all living here.
My papa was an important man in his time. He was killed by political rivals five years ago. The government never took any steps to avenge his murder. My older brother Carlos tried to be strong for Momma and me, but he was only two years older than me. These were violent times and it required strong, grown men to protect their families.
Since Papa’s death we could no longer afford to live in our old house. Momma was forced to sell, and now we rented a tiny shack just a few blocks away. I think it was actually a converted garage for the larger house out in front. I was always so ashamed of the way we were now living, that I never invited any of my friends over for fear of the look on their faces if they saw our little place.
Our little family was often the target of insults by neighbors. They held my papa responsible for failing to take a tougher stand against the corrupt local government officials. Papa was resistant to use his influence to force them out; he preferred a non-violent approach. Giving of his own life was apparently not enough for some people. Crime was now in charge and corruption within the police allowed criminals to run free.
I was sent away right after Papa’s death to live with Momma’s sister, Theresa, for almost four years. It was during this time that my body was going through many changes. It was only when I noticed how young men would look at me that I began to discover the curse that was on me. I wasn’t like the other girls with plump bottoms and wide hips. Momma had been very attractive in her early years, and from the pictures my aunt showed me, I was the very image of her at that age.
My beauty would have been a blessing in any other culture or time. Somewhere else I might have even become an important celebrity or at least attracted a rich husband. Here however, I attracted only the wrong people. Egged on by some girlfriends, I began experimenting with make-up and some flattering clothing. I really didn’t need it to attract the boys, because everywhere we went all the boys seemed to focus on me.
My aunt would say to me how my natural beauty was handed down by the ancient ones. My looks reflected my heritage. My high cheekbones and full lips were a trait past to me from generations long ago. My grandmamma was full-blooded Ch’orti’ Indian. She was descended from the Mayans who were known to all as the God’s chosen people. Ancient beliefs held that men of these tribes were rewarded from the wind and earth Gods with the most beautiful wives.
I had full breasts and a narrow waist. Any tight fitting clothing would define the natural curves of my hips. Coal black eyes and brows were features that I must have picked up from my Papa’s side of the family. My aunt would often warn me that this was a blessing and a curse.
Unfortunately, I was also becoming a bit of a rebellious teenager. I started hanging around with the local boys who wished to take me out. Honduras is a poor country with slums everywhere. The one thing the government does do is supply free birth control pills to any girl wishing them. I was offended, but my aunt marched me right up to the dispensary, and I was given my pills. The government would rather no babies be born than to have still more poor mouths to feed.
I was eventually sent back to live with Momma after my aunt’s husband left her. She didn’t have any income now and could not continue to feed me. Once back in the slum with Momma I resisted her pleas to tone down my style of dress. Of course, I wouldn’t listen. I had a mind of my own. I was nineteen now, and felt I had the right do as I wished.
Momma only had the one sister and one brother Enrico. He was a hard worker. He ran a small business doing home repairs. He and his family lived not too far from us, but they didn’t stop by that often. I think he was always busy keeping his business growing to support his wife Sofia and his son Luis. Other than that, Momma, Carlos and I were now on our own. The tiny shack Momma was living in was an embarrassment to me. Carlos was there, and I had truly missed him. I loved my momma, but I couldn’t live like this.
The gang’s presence in our neighborhood was always felt. You seldom ventured out alone and never after dark. Yet, I was young and arrogant. I figured my looks offered me some kind of privilege or immunity. Sure, I got the whistles and cat-calls. I just took them as a compliment. Most of the gang members were losers and most were ugly. I kind of figured they would be intimidated by a confident girl like me. Most times my bluff worked. I found that a couple of the uglier ones actually seemed flattered that I would even nod a polite recognition of their existence.
One of the higher-ranking gang members was a guy nick-named Lobo. I’d run into him probably a couple times a week. Actually, I think he was searching out where I might be and was pretending to “happen” to be in my path. I thought it was a little cute the way he was trying to get to say hello to me so often.
“Machismo bravado,” I thought. He struts like a young rooster, yet he is unsure of himself around a girl like me. This little game went on for a couple months. Of course, I knew why he was really checking me out, but I really had no idea as to the seriousness of the game I was playing. My brother Carlos knew about Lobo and had tried to warn me off. Carlos had grown up with some of the gang’s members. Some had even been friends with Carlos up until they joined the gang. Once in the gang however you only associated with other gang members. Everyone else was “prohibido.”I was returning from the market carrying a small package one day, and of course I ran into Lobo.
“Hola, buenos dias, how are you today?” he asked rather timidly.
“Fine, and you,” I said.
“It is beautiful day for a walk,“ he would offer, trying to be charming.
This little verbal dance would continue each time we met. I don’t think he had rehearsed anything more to say past this. In my culture it was not proper for an unescorted young lady to strike up conversations with just anyone walking down the street, even today. But still, I was flattered. Our shy exchange bounced back and forth like to two school kids, with maybe one having a blossoming crush on the other.
He must have finally worked up the courage to actually approach me. He practically took the package from my hand and offered me an escort home. He seemed to already know exactly where I lived. I was totally embarrassed by this because I didn’t want anyone knowing that I lived in an old converted garage. He seemed polite in a weird sort of way. He offered his name and even though I already knew it, I pretended not to. I said thanks in appreciation for his small act of kindness.
Lobo was not really a bad looking young man. He wasn’t as tall as I would have preferred, and I think that bothered him somewhat. He was always trying too hard to impress me. He always acted so tough if anyone else was in sight, but if we seemed alone he would lose his toughness, just a little, and become calmer. He always seemed to prefer black or darker clothing laced with steel riveting. His curly hair style looked to be another attempt to try to add to his height and overall physical size.
Momma had no clue as to what I had been up to. I was playing it loose with a major bad guy in the neighborhood but my luck was about to run out. Carlos’ pleas had held no importance with me. I ignored his warnings and would continue to stop and make small talk with Lobo. He really didn’t seem that awful. Maybe he just needed an understanding friend.
I severely underestimated the gang’s power and ruthlessness. Maybe the individual members themselves weren’t all that bad, but all combined they became a pack of dangerous animals. Still, I reasoned it would be better to at least be on good terms with one or two of them if I could. The day this all changed will stick in my memory until I die.
Lobo asked me if I wanted to see where he hung out. I innocently figured it would be his home, or maybe their silly clubhouse. I had no clue. I felt special as he escorted me along the streets of my neighborhood. All others gave clearance to us. He walked like he owned everything around us. We had gone maybe eight to ten blocks. I was still totally comfortable because this was still my neighborhood.
At a major street intersection, a ratty looking vehicle pulled up along-side of us. Guys I had never seen before were inside. Lobo ignored me and gang-signed some code, or hand-shake with a couple guys in the front seat. The rear doors popped open and I was invited in.
This next moment would change my life forever. My world would change, and the lives and futures of many others would come to be altered because of my foolishness here. To this day, I wish I had never set eyes upon Lobo. Every bit of common sense should have told me not to do it, but I did.
I got in.
The car lurched and off we went. I was flanked by Lobo and squished against some other big greasy guy with tattoos all up his neck. His arms, hands, even fingers were covered. This guy never even smiled the whole time I was there. Maybe ten or fifteen minutes passed when the guy driving pulled a U-turn right in the middle of a block. With tires squealing, we pivoted and pulled up in front of a two-story brick building. Gang symbols covered the crumbling walls. It looked junky out back as though the residents just tossed the garbage out the rear doors. My hands still shake even today, just describing that awful place.
We all piled out of the car and walked to the front of the building. Several sentries stood watch out front. I thought, “as if this would be worth protecting.” Walking into that place would change my life forever.
Recruitment into a gang was different for guys and girls. Young men would be groomed from early on doing small tasks and rise in status as their roles changed. Girls had but one way in; fucking!
Being young and stupid, I figured I had this under control. Lobo wasn’t that bad looking. If he wanted to get it on with me I’d do that. I wasn’t a virgin anyway. A boy near my aunt had taken that almost a year earlier. Besides the status Lobo seemed to hold would at least give Momma, Carlos and I, a little protection from the other low-life’s hanging around. I figured it would be better for us if he was at least partial to me.
Some dirty warm bottles of beer were handed to us as we climbed a narrow flight of steps up to the second floor. I was quietly rubbing the top portion of the bottle trying to wipe any grime from where my lips would touch it. I didn’t want to offend any of them right off.
Upstairs were maybe fifteen to twenty guys hanging around. I was relieved to at least see a couple other girls there playing pool over by a bar. A cloud of tobacco smoke hung like a curtain across the ceiling. Lobo and I sat at a table and opened our beers. Some guy walked up and offered Lobo a hit from a joint. He accepted and then passed it to me. I thought just to be polite I should.
The buzz was almost immediate. It even made swallowing the beer possible. Lobo began talking, and I seemed to be paying attention, but I was more interested in the surroundings. So this was it. This was the big bad lair. I took a second hit from something someone shoved in-front of my face, after that things got real fuzzy. Lobo was asking if I wanted to go to the lounge with him. I was feeling really dizzy at this point and figured maybe the chairs or a couch would be more comfortable.
I remember Lobo and I were going down stairs again, and then into a basement area. It was dimly lit and smelled of mold. I was thinking like a dumb ass, so this is where the secret meetings are held. I flopped down at the first open spot on a ratty couch. My legs were so wobbly it felt good to sit. Lobo sat next to me. He offered another hit off something, but I refused it this time.
Lobo was complimenting my looks and the sharp way I dress. I kind of figured he wanted sex. I could tell because we were completely alone, and he was acting very nervous. I started kissing him and he responded awkwardly trying to push his tongue into my mouth right away. The stale taste of beer was still very present, so I kind of cut it off there. He began pawing at my breasts and I remember opening my blouse to expose myself. At this point he began trembling. ”Timid little boy,” I thought to myself.
I was trying to loosen my pants and I figured this wasn’t going to be the best fuck I would ever get. He seemed unsure and almost clueless about how to enter a girl. He lunged at me poking his cock around like a horny dog. Finally, he got it right. I laid back and tried to enjoy his best effort.
He hurt. The dumb-ass hadn’t lubed up or anything. From some place he offers me another hit off a joint. I figured I might just need this, so I drew a drag and held it. I noticed he didn’t. I vaguely recall his effort because he didn’t seem to last that long. I do remember him grunting while his hands were pushing my breasts around. It wasn’t doing anything for me.
Suddenly, someone was trying to open my mouth and kiss me again. This time I closed my eyes. Then, I felt a cock being slapped against my breasts. A pair of hands began squeezing my breasts down really hard.
“Hey!” I said, “Not so rough.”
When I looked up it wasn’t Lobo. The big guy from the car with all the tattoos was shirtless and was slobbering all over my breasts. I tried to get up but was held down by yet another pair of hands. The tattoo guy straddled me. I looked down and saw his stiff cock pointing right at me. He starts lining up his cock to fuck me and I started to scream.
“Get the fuck off me!” I yelled.
Before the next words could even leave my mouth, a hand covered my face. Another hand began stroking my hair. Hands seemed to come from everywhere. The tattoo guy rams his cock up into me. It was so hard I thought it was a steel bar. I squirmed all that I could, but he continued. He was pumping at me like he had never gotten laid in his life.
My whole body was being tossed about as the guy jerked at my hips. Now some shit-head with a hard-on was trying to jam another cock into my mouth. Fingers pulled my mouth open just in time for a load of cum to land diagonally across my face. No sooner had one guy stepped away when another would launch a spray from the opposite side.
The tattoo guy was now groaning and began spewing his filth into me. I wiggled to try to push him out, but I think this just added to his pleasure. I couldn’t breathe, I needed air. All I got was a constant rainstorm of cum. Droplets pelted my face and neck from all directions. I think the tattoo guy was now done, and instantly another guy jumped on me and starts lining up his cock. That one hurt too. By now I could feel the loads still inside me being worked around. Cum-shots continued splattering my body.
My breasts were becoming raw from all the pulling and twisting. “What in the hell were they trying to do?” I thought. “Rip them right off me?” One or two guys were over me, biting and pulling at my nipples. I could feel hot cum pooling on every spot on my body. More grunting and another flood of cum spilled into my cunt. I knew it had to be full by now. Cum had to be being pushed out of me at this point. I lost count of the cocks that entered me. My eyes burned from the biting sting of semen splattered about on my face. I was blinded. Each time I got a hand loose to rub out an eye a new load would replace it.
One cock, then another, and they just kept at it. I couldn’t speak or scream out. Anytime I opened my mouth for a second some dick would launch a spray into my throat. I had already choked on half a dozen already. Would it ever end? Surely everyone there had to have had their turn by now.
“Lobo?” I called. “Lobo help me!” I cried.
“Lobo, you fucker, where the hell are you?” I screamed.
I was trying to maintain some sense of myself. I didn’t want to completely lose all control. I was completely covered with cum. The only good thing about this was that eventually no one seemed to want to touch or pull at me anymore. My breasts were incredibly sore from bites, pinches and the constant pulling that they had endured.
Suddenly a pair of hands clenched my face, and through tears I could make out two girls. These were probably the ones I had seen earlier upstairs. They were trying to force my mouth open. The one got my lips apart and held my jaw down. Someone from behind pulled my hair back against the cushion and the stupid bitches began spitting right into my mouth.
One, then the other spat huge gobs at me. Most entered my mouth and the rest mixed with the tracks of semen on my face. They were scooping the remains of cum off me and scraping it off into my mouth. I gritted my jaw. I think they knew better than to get a finger near my teeth. I’d have bit their fingers right off if I could, and I think they knew that.
While they were doing this, I spotted Lobo across the room standing with some of the others laughing and just watching. They had beers in their hands and were rubbing their crotches as the girls assaulted me.
My composure broke. I couldn’t stop crying. I was pissed and scared up until now, but I realized that this was all just entertainment to them. Lobo wasn’t going to offer me any protection or friendship. He just used me to supply the gang with a fun night. This was all for nothing. I went from rage to collapsing into fear. I guess they had finally gotten their fill of my shame. The girls released me and followed the guys upstairs.
Just as I thought it was over, a lone guy comes running down the stairs. I guess he had gotten there late. The others must have said I was all his. The look on his face as he approached me broke all the remaining strength that I had.
He had this look of revulsion on his face. I was a total mess: reddened skin matted with cum sickened him. I was not even fuckable. He looked at me for a couple moments but didn’t seem to be able to muster up a hard-on. I was weeping uncontrollably. I looked up at him and thought “Really, you want some of this?”
He looked me over for a few seconds, put his head down and slowly walked back up the stairs. I sat there for a long time trying to get myself together. The backsides of my thighs hurt from all the rubbing. Belt buckles and studs on the pants of some who hadn’t removed them had raked the backside of my legs raw.
I guess I finally realized no one was going to come down and help me so I tried to stand. Cum was flowing out of me trailing down my inner thighs. I took a couple of small steps. I needed something to wipe myself with. Looking around there was nothing. By the one corner was a closed door. I thought it might be some type of closet or maybe a bathroom. I sort of shuffled over to it, carrying my soiled clothing. My shoes were scattered somewhere on the floor and bending over to pick them up was excruciating. The door wasn’t locked so I tugged it. It was jammed, so I pulled harder. The door popped open towards me. It was dark inside. I found a pull chain for the light.
The room was empty except for two bags lying on a small wooden table. One, a dirty green backpack and the other was a duffel-type bag. Maybe someone had some clothing in there that I could use to wipe up with, I thought. I unzipped the duffel-bag and was stunned to see bricks of white power wrapped in plastic stacked neatly in rows. Heroin or cocaine, I couldn’t be sure which. I let go of the bag as if it were an electric shock.
I pulled the backpack up and opened it. I could not believe my eyes. Tight stacks of bills were arranged in neat bundles. Some were Lempria, but most were US dollars. Every space available was packed tightly. I touched some, maybe out of disbelief. I trailed my hand down one stack and pried back one bill. One hundred-dollar US bills, thousands of them. I drug my thumb down slowly. Were they all hundreds?
My hands shook, my body chilled at the revelation that I had stumbled onto the very thing the gang relied on; cash, thousands, probably hundreds of thousands. This was likely part of hard-earned money they had taken from people all over the slum as extortion too. Poor people’s desperately-needed money was here, mixed with ill-gotten drug sales.
I sat on the floor and began trying to get my shoes back on. I pulled my bra on right over the moist stains still clinging to me. I couldn’t find my panties, so I just pulled my jeans up and felt the wetness still trailing down the inside of my leg. My hair was a mat of drying semen. I tried to hold it back and it actually clung together due to all the goo drying in it.
As I reached for the light and turned it off, I looked out across the basement. Towards the back of the room I could see a set of stairs leading up to the rear. I shuffled weakly in that direction. The heavy door was held shut by three heavy draw-bolts which were covered in rust and webs. The door hadn’t been opened in probably years. Only a few steps up and I could see through the dirty windows that it was now very dark outside. I could hear the muffled blare of music coming from somewhere upstairs. The celebration was already underway. I guess I had only been the warm-up for the evening. I forced the bolts back and pulled the door open.
The rear of the building was a junk pile. Trash and garbage littered the whole area. The alley seemed even darker and would be the best way out. Something in me would not let it go. The bastards had taken all of my dignity. I knew that Lobo would still see me around and think of me as shit. Fuck him!
Maybe it was some of the fogginess of the drugs they had used on me. I know the rage was building inside of me, but I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t believe my legs as they turned on their own and I staggered back into that basement.
The stash in the closet! I deserved it! I had certainly earned it. “Fuck them! Fuck them!” I kept repeating. I went back in, yanked open the door, grabbed both bags and pushed the door closed. I practically stumbled going up the steps and out into the cool evening. “Bastards, god-damn bastards every one of them!” I said to myself. I could now hear the party in full-swing even half a block away.
I walked for blocks and blocks. I knew I was miles yet from home. Eventually I made my way to a busy road thinking maybe someone would give me a ride. I stood along the curb but soon realized the futility of this. Occasionally a lone truck would speed past. No one slowed down. This was still a bad area and no driver was going to stop. I looked a mess. I smelled of cum, my hair all matted down now. No one would ever…..
“The money.” I thought for a second and figured maybe it would improve my chances. I unzipped the backpack and tore the band on a pile of bills. I snaked out a single one-hundred dollar bill and walked for a bit until I was clear of any buildings. I stood in an open spot and waited for the next group of vehicles to go by.
As the next vehicles approached, I held up the bill and slowly waved it. The group of cars blew past me. The next ones did the same. But then, suddenly the last truck in the group slowed, brake lights came on. I couldn’t believe it. An old pickup backed slowly towards me. The windows were already down. An old man was behind the wheel. He stopped and studied me for a second.
“Hola, Señor,” I started
“Do you wish a ride?” he asked.
“Please sir, if you wouldn’t mind,” I choked out the words.
“You can hop in the back if you want to,” he said motioning over his shoulder.
I climbed in quickly before he changed his mind. He started off down the road with me riding on the crates he had stacked in back. The night air was cleansing in a small way. The stench from my body was being blown away. The wind and my tears had finally washed away the remnants of the gang’s attack from my eyes.
I began staring at the bill fluttering in my hand. I had never touched a bill so big. I knew they existed, but never dreamt I would have something like that in my own hand. We went along for maybe fifteen minutes when off to the right I began to see the familiar shapes of the church steeples of my neighborhood. I tapped on the rear window and the old guy started slowing down and then came to a stop along the shoulder. I slung the duffel bag over my shoulder, grabbed the backpack and climbed out the back.
I walked up on the passenger side and still holding the bill, tried to offer it to him, but he waved me off. He was a kindly-looking old gentleman, a farmer most likely. His weathered skin and calloused hands displayed a hard, but honest life. I let the bill fall from my grip and it landed on the seat next to him. I thanked him, and he was off.
Chapter 2
I tried to creep as silently as possible into my little home. I had hoped not to wake Momma but I had just gotten inside when the light came on. Momma was still dressed and had been sitting in the dark waiting for me.
I will never forget the look on her face. I was a total mess. My eyes reddened; hair all matted down. The damp stains down my pant legs were still visible. She started crying. I couldn’t touch her. I started crying too. Tears I didn’t know were still in me flowed down my cheeks. During all this, Carlos had woken up. He was completely shocked at my appearance also.
As only a mother can love her offspring, Momma’s first instinct was to grab washcloths and begin bathing me. She waved Carlos away with no voice, just heartbreaking moans. She ran the warm water in the tub and laid out towels on the floor. She carefully helped me remove the clothing which was stuck in places to my skin. Her agony and hurt grew as each article of clothing was peeled away.
My breasts were covered with bite-marks and scratches. She knew! She knew in her heart what I had gone through. The rape had left marks on places all over me.
She gently stroked my face with soap and a soft cloth. Pouring warm water over my head was the most comforting feeling I could ever remember. Soapy water cascaded down my shoulders taking the filth with it. She wrapped a towel around my head, pulled my face into her bosom and held me there. I could feel the vibrations in her body as she wept.
We didn’t speak of the things that had happened. There would be time for that later. For now, she just wanted to hold me, and reassure me that I would survive this. She was just thankful that I was alive. Our moment in the bathroom was short lived. As she led me out the door into the cool room, Carlos was standing there with the two bags I had dropped on the floor. He had opened both of them. The contents were clearly visible. Momma looked to me. Her face was white as a ghost.
“Maria, what…?”
Carlos was speechless also, but he already knew. He picked up a brick of the dope and held it out.
“The gang’s?”
Somehow in the clear light of our small room the reality of what I had done was beginning to dawn on me. Momma started to panic.
“Take it back,” she said. “Take it all back,” she kept repeating herself.
Momma’s voice began to show her terror.
I was shivering now and almost ready to pass out. I hadn’t thought of the consequences. I hadn’t thought at all. Carlos just stood there with a blank look on his face. As if it wasn’t bad enough already, the first words out of his mouth were “They will kill us all for this.” We all knew it was true.
“Take it back,” Momma kept repeating. Carlos looked at her disbelieving. “We can’t, Momma, they will murder us all and cut our heads off.”
Carlos sat on the bed shaking his head. “We are all dead.”
“Dammit, stop saying that!” I said.
Momma cradled my head almost shaking it. I knew she was beside herself, and yet still wanted this all too just go away. Carlos finally said the most responsible thing.
“We’ve got to get Uncle Enrico. He will know what we should do.”
“We will, first thing in the morning,” Momma said, “Now we need to sleep.”
“No! We have to now!” said Carlos, almost crying. “They will be here tonight and kill us for sure.”
Carlos began getting dressed. He needed to get to a friend’s house to borrow a phone. We were too poor and didn’t have that luxury. He hurried out as soon as he was dressed. Uncle Enrico was speechless when he arrived and heard what I had done.
“My God child, what were you thinking?” he said.
I had shed enough tears that evening to last my lifetime. The horror I had brought down on us all would be the end of everything I have ever known. Uncle Enrico paced the floor. He was shaking his head trying to devise some way. He hadn’t seen what they had done to me, and Momma’s pleas of returning it went on deaf ears. I had never seen Uncle Enrico so upset. Finally, he grabbed Momma and sternly held her arms to her sides.
“Mija,” They will kill us if we try to return it, don’t you understand this? We have very little time. We must leave. We must all leave. They will hunt each of us down and kill every one of us. We have to leave here now.” His words didn’t register at first.
“For how long?” I asked sounding dumb.
“Forever,” was his stern answer. “Pack, pack quickly. Now! And take only what you need, hurry!”
How does someone tell you something like that, “Just leave your life?” My world was changing right then in the early morning hours of that day. Things would be different from all that I knew from now on.
We loaded up Uncle Enrico’s work van with every scrap of our small lives. We had to disappear forever. We traveled quietly through the night to an old warehouse Uncle Enrico had rented for tools and materials he used in his business. I had assumed we would go to his house at least until morning, and I was foolish enough to ask. My world continued to crash down around me as he looked at me with disbelief in his face.
“I have to disappear also. They will kill every one of us. My family too! Don’t you understand this either?”
I felt so guilty and terrified at what had I done to the ones that I loved so much. Uncle Enrico left to rescue his family. Everything they knew and loved was going to be being ripped from them that morning also. I couldn’t deal with it anymore, and so I slept.
I awoke to the sounds of Momma talking. My Aunt Sofia and my cousin Luis were there. I didn’t see Uncle Enrico anywhere. Carlos was eating some food which someone had brought in. As I began to stir, my body reminded me immediately of the abuse I had suffered the night before.
My legs still ached, and my breasts were extremely tender. Momma came over with a small glass of juice which I tried to drink in small sips. Aunt Sofia was just staring at me. I knew she hated me in that moment. I felt like shit for having destroyed their lives too. Cousin Luis came over to me and began to hug me. I winced from the pain. My breasts felt as if they had been treated like punching bags.
“I am so sorry,” was all I could say. “So very sorry.”
After a little bit, Uncle Enrico showed up driving a rental truck. It dawned on me that all worldly possessions of both families had to go with us. Aunt Theresa, his sister, was with him. He must have driven across town to bring her into hiding also. I guessed that everything she owned was in the back of the truck also.
This was crushing my spirit. Just how many lives had I destroyed last night? And after Theresa fed and housed me for all that time. Uncle Enrico came over and handed me a wrapped sandwich. He touched my head in a loving gesture. I felt so horrible. I knew they were all hating on me for causing all of this. The adults were discussing various options and plans. Both Aunt Sophia and Momma cried several times. The voices got loud and then urgent whispering went on. Luis was called in and they listened to his opinions. I just sat quietly on some boxes nearby. My knees were drawn up and I just stayed that way. I wouldn’t have had the nerve to offer any suggestions. After what seemed like hours Uncle Enrico called Carlos and I over where they were talking this all out.
I guessed that some decision had been reached and agreed upon. Momma and Aunt Sofia were still crying. Aunt Theresa sat there expressionless. I think in she was just in shock. Carlos and I walked over. I gave Momma, Sofia and Aunt Theresa a gentle hug. They each patted my arm softly.
I always had trusted Uncle Enrico. He was a man of the world. He knew things. He had spent his life dealing with issues surrounding his situation. Raising a family here was a challenge and he was an honest, common-sense man.
“Okay,” he finally said, “This is where we stand. Maria, the problem is this,” he said holding up a package of the dope. “This is not the gang’s property; it is Sinaloa,” he said in almost a whisper.
“See here, look at these markings. I know of these people”
I had heard the name before also.
“The Sinaloa cartel will kill for this. “All hell is about to break loose, Maria,” he said looking very grim. “The Sinaloa cartel is absolutely ruthless. They will not only kill us, but even kill people we know. Torture is their specialty. There is over half a million US dollars in that bag, and this heroin you took is worth at least that much.”
“Six hundred twenty-five thousand,” corrected Carlos.
My brother had had been passing time by counting the money. He had been quietly arranging the stacks of bills in piles on the floor. Uncle Enrico looked me square in the eye and said,
“Congratulations young lady, you may have just fulfilled your papa’s wish.”
“The cartel will likely exact a terrible revenge on the Barrio 18 gang. They may kill or torture every last one of them. The smart ones would disappear; the stupid ones and their families will likely die in a most horrible way,” he said.
“We will survive,” he repeated trying to convince himself and us.
“We must survive.”
Chapter 3
The plan was difficult. We had to split up. Uncle Enrico said they would be looking for us all together so we stood a better chance dividing in two. I was hearing the words, but the details were a blur. Luis would go with Carlos and me and we would take the drugs and some cash and make our way to the United States border. We could not afford to be stopped by authorities because the cartel owned most of them.
Momma, Sofia, Theresa and Uncle Enrico would head west then north along the west coast. It was better to not know each-others exact route. They could not be carrying any of the drugs because they would pass check-points and borders. Luis, Carlos and I would travel the route by rail like most of the poor single immigrants. There was less chance of us being stopped if we mixed in with the crowd.
Luis and Carlos knew of web sites on social media where we could make contact with our parents once we were at the border or had even made it across. They wrote these down and agreed on false names to identify ourselves to each other. They explained to Uncle Enrico that public libraries had access to the internet. We would try to leave messages, if possible along the way. Luis warned them against using any cell phones, as these can be tracked. The reach of the cartel was everywhere.
We all lent a hand packing what would be carried in the back of the truck, but how do you stuff three families entire lives into a small truck? I felt so miserable. I had destroyed everything my Uncle and Aunts had built, and Momma too. Each time I picked up a photograph frame or personal memento, tears began to flow down my face. Uncle Enrico was busy attending to the details of our journey. He looked over and saw my face. He walked up to me and gently pulled my head against his chest. He rubbed my shoulder and walked me away from the truck. We crossed to a quiet corner. He pushed me down onto a little wooden box.He squatted down right in front of me and cupped my face and lifted my chin. I looked right into his dark eyes.
“Maria, this can be a new start for all of our lives,” he said softly.
“We all love you, and understand what you went through.”
Uncle Enrico went on to explain that life wasn’t good for his family either. The gang’s extortion demands were bleeding him financially. He had to pay to live and work each time in the neighborhood. He was to soon lose his home also. He hated the way things had become. He held my face up and forced my gaze.
“You have given us a chance at a better life Maria. We just need to work together to make this happen.”
“I love you all so very much,” was all I could think to say.
I resolved right then to do whatever would be necessary to see that we would all be together again, and in a better place. Uncle Enrico felt that we could spare no time and that we needed to get moving immediately. We couldn’t be sure how long it would be before the gang realized the stuff was missing. Once they discovered it, they would fan out frantically searching for us themselves. Maybe they could delay the cartel until it was obvious they had lost the money and the drugs.
Eventually though the cartel would learn the truth and the vengeance would begin. Hopefully, the cartel would think one of the gang had taken it at first. It might take the torture and killing of every last gang member for them to learn the truth. Yes, running made us look guilty, but to stay was certain death. The gang would pay for their stupidity as an example to other gangs. Then, the cartel would come after us.
We needed to be ahead of them, faster and farther than they would ever look. Getting out and away and from San Pedro Sula would be the most dangerous part. If the gang hadn’t discovered the theft, we had a good chance. Otherwise, they would be waiting for us. We dare not go back to any place the gang might be waiting.
Uncle Enrico said it was about 280 km. to Guatemala City. If we left very soon, we could make it before dark. The border between Honduras and Guatemala was poorly guarded and a routine crossing. He had made the trip often for supplies and material he used. It was mostly main highway and we would blend in with the other commercial traffic. We would travel all together at least that far. The railroads heading north-east would carry Luis, Carlos and me from there.
Most highways heading up into Mexico were patrolled by authorities and many drug enforcement stops were along this route. Uncle Enrico would drive towards Mexico City. The four of them would appear to be just poor immigrants traveling north.
The money was easy to hide, but the drugs scent would attract drug dogs if they were ever stopped. Uncle Enrico had me wrap the duffel bag several times in layers of trash bags. He worried that even the residue smell might alert dogs to the trucks contents even after we had split up. He didn’t want authorities to have any suspicions about them. A search might find the money instead.
Within the hour we were bouncing down the rough roads of town. Luis, Carlos and I huddled in the rear among our family’s only portable possessions. I kept the duffel bag on my lap in order to keep the scent from mixing with the rest of the load. It would be about a six-hour drive. If we made it, it could be the first step of a better life for all of us.
Staring at the wrapped duffel bag was a constant reminder of the attack. My only solace was the knowledge that in the next few days Barrio 18 would be no more. The hardest part would always be not knowing exactly what did happen back home. We could never go back, and I would always wonder who survived. Friends, neighbors, those who knew us might suffer terribly. Uncle Enrico was a man of his word. If he told you something would happen, you could trust it to be true. Yet the not ever knowing would always haunt me.
Each hour ticked by slowly. Each one meant our chances were better. We stopped for petrol once we were well into Guatemala. We might have been leaving the reach of the gang, but the danger of the cartel would always surround us. Uncle Enrico knew Guatemala City well. He had business contacts there. He felt the need to rent a different truck. He figured each time we could cut a trace to us was a good thing.
It was a warm evening and he had gotten us enough food for a meal. He had also purchased some wrapped food for us on our journey. My Uncle had also purchased a small pocket compass, and I saw him pass this to Luis. He stood in front of him proudly, his strong hand grasped his son’s shoulder.
“Norte, Norte, always Norte,” he quietly told him.
We sat in the dusty truck rental place eating our food. We were all staring at each other as if we might never see each other again. Momma broke down several times crying. I could hardly eat either, but I knew we needed to do so when we had the chance. We transferred the load of the truck into the new one and sort of stood there not wanting to face the next thing.
My Grandpapa used to tell me about a type of bird, I have forgotten its name. He said that if the bird’s nest or the young ones were threatened the mother-bird would feign injury and run across the ground as if crippled. She would flap her wings and drag herself to draw predators away from her young. I loved and trusted my Uncle. I knew that he wanted us all to succeed, but I couldn’t help feeling he was putting Carlos, Luis and my life ahead of theirs. I believed in my heart that this was what he was really doing. Uncle Enrico was leading the danger away from us. He had already told us the cartel’s strongest hold was on the western routes heading north. Our path would lead us away and eastward along the less obvious gulf coast. Their route would lead them right into the region Sinaloa controlled the most. I walked up to Uncle Enrico and put my arms around his shoulders. I kissed his cheek and told him how much I loved him.
Uncle knew where the migrants usually hung around. The rail-yards were closely watched and only if you contracted with, and paid locals, could you get in the line moving north. It would just be the first of many controlled illegal routes one had to pay to use. Luis, Carlos and I split the drugs equally among us. We buried five packages in each of our backpacks and hid lower denomination bills among our clothing. Uncle felt it would be more normal for us to not be having larger bills. It might seem like a trail if we used hundreds all along the way.
I could hear Momma crying softly. I couldn’t bear to look at her. I had hoped to see and remember her smiling. Aunt Sofia eventually broke into tears also. Uncle Enrico drove us only a little bit before pulling to the side of the road.
We climbed out the back of the truck and approached the cab. Momma’s head was buried in her hands. Her body was heaving as if her heart was being ripped from her. I climbed over my aunts to Momma. I hugged each one as I made my way back out. My brother and Luis did the same. Carlos and Luis promised to look out for me, and just like that, we watched them drive away.
Trucks were available for hire to haul people to the train yards forty miles north of the city. Groups of twenty to thirty people were awaiting their turns. Small groups were assembling down at the other end of the street. As we approached, I noticed something. There were no families, no wives, and no children. Only young men! I couldn’t pick out a single girl from among any of them.
This was a shock. Only young men seemed to be awaiting the trucks arrivals. A sick feeling was starting to wash over me. This was not what any of us had envisioned. I had supposed groups of families all happy and cheery at the prospect of a new life would be milling around. Instead, seedy bunches of young men stood around smoking and all trying to look tougher than the next group.
Luis acted quickly. He pushed Carlos and me into a darkened alley. He backed me up to a wall and started looking around. I had thoughtlessly sort of made-up for meeting new people, new friends. My perfume was noticeable and my snug fitting jeans showed the hips of a young girl. Luis reached into a pile of garbage and began rubbing my face with a rancid scrap of newspaper. Stains of “God only knows what,” were impregnated into that paper. He pressed it into my face and began scrubbing. He dipped it into the stagnant water on the ground and continued smearing the filth across my cheeks and forehead.
Tears welled up in my eyes as the stench entered my nose. I began crying. I knew that what he was doing was necessary, but that didn’t make it any easier. Carlos was totally clueless and tried to stop Luis from this assault. With tears flowing down my cheeks, I pushed my brother away. I knew why Luis had to do this, and I was determined to bear this out. My face was being covered with the filth and grime from the dirty alley floor.
Luis tugged again and again at the stretchy material of my hoodie trying to conceal my breasts. He then pulled the hood up covering my head and released the straps of my backpack. He lowered it trying to cover my butt. It now hung loosely deflecting attention from my hips. Luis cradled my face firmly. His nose was only inches from mine. He shook my head.
“Stop crying now!” he whispered firmly, “You stop it!”
I wiped my eyes and steeled myself. I blinked a couple times and inhaled the foul odor he had covered me with. I ended my emotional outburst instantly. I pushed my hair behind my ears and back into the hood. I lowered my head and shoulders and I never looked up. I followed Carlos and Luis out of that alley walking as “manly” as I could.
We crossed the street and picked the smallest group standing near the road. I never looked up or spoke. We just waited near the others. Luis and Carlos didn’t smoke so there was no reason to address anyone else. Shortly, a couple box trucks turned onto the street and headed towards us. They cut their headlights as they approached.
So began our journey.
Chapter 4
We had to wait nearly two hours for our turn. We handed over the toll and squeezed into the back of the truck with maybe thirty others. The truck shook and lurched forward. It took nearly an hour before we reached our destination. The rear door opened, and we were herded like cattle towards a fence that had been cut. No one spoke. You just followed the person in front of you. A worn dirt path led down into the rail yard. Groups of young men stood around waiting. We were clueless and just stood waiting also. Bells rang and occasionally a horn blew. Luis picked up on the pattern, but sometimes too late.
I saw Luis slip the small compass from his pocket. He was figuring out which trains seemed pointing north. Uncle Enrico’s forethought had just given us an edge over most of the others there.
We began drifting over to a still line of cars. Luis had picked up on the pattern and figured out which train was heading northbound next. He got us near one of the middle cars and pushed me up to the ladder. Up on top were others who had anticipated this train also. Soon the train’s whistle let out a blare and it jolted to life. Yes, Luis was right! We were indeed moving in a northerly direction.
In a rush, a mob hit the train cars and fought for the few spaces left. Most didn’t make it as the train picked up speed, leaving those too slow to fall to the sides. We rode on through the night. Luis and Carlos lay along-side me. Luis would bump me each time I forgot and rolled onto my back. My breasts shone prominently when I was on my back. He kept pushing me onto my side throughout the night. The heat of the next day had me sweating constantly, but I knew to keep myself hidden.
Luis figured we were well into Mexico by now. Maybe headed to Veracruz. By that evening we had drunk all the water we were carrying. Thirst and food would be something we would need to pay attention to from now on. The motion of the train swaying as it plodded along became a familiar rhythm.
Sometime near midnight the train began to slow down. It didn’t alarm us at first, because we had waited as trains passed from the other direction several times already. Suddenly there were whistles and shouting. The train passed slowly under a metal bridge spanning the tracks. Uniformed men with rifles were standing on it shouting to stand up and place your hands on your head. Spotlights lined the sides of the train. A couple people near us tried to jump down and run away, but that resulted in probably breaking your leg or ankle. The train lurched to a complete stop. People near the ladders stood looking down into a web of flashlight beams.
Slowly a reluctant procession of riders began to climb down. Once on the ground the flashlights blinded everyone. We were led by guards holding rifles. No one doubted the seriousness of the guards. There were two large pens maybe fifty yards ahead. One was already full. The other was just being filled. They were herding us towards it. Carlos and I were at the very end of our group. Farther down the way, I could see white buses were lined up and being filled. Mexicali police were searching each person before they were forced on to the buses.
They would find the drugs and money! Surely, they would turn us over to the cartel. I walked slowly as we neared the pen. One guard up ahead was shouting directions. I was in complete panic. I won’t go back. I mumbled to myself. I will die first! Just as I approached the last guard on my left I froze. The guard looked at me and shouted, instantly I pulled my hood back revealing my long hair. The line moved on away from me. It was dark around us and his flashlight shown right into my face.
The guard had a look of total shock on his face. I wouldn’t budge. With almost no hesitation I started unbuttoning my shirt. My bra left no doubt in his mind that I was female. I fought back all emotion. I finished unbuttoning my top and reached under my bra and exhaled. With one swift movement I lifted my bra and my breasts sprang free and just hung there.
The guard’s mouth hung open as he stared at me. His partner up ahead shouted and then walked back towards us. His eyes widened as he gazed at my boobs hanging there. He turned around and returned to the pen door. He pushed the last guy in and slapped a padlock on it and came back over to the two of us.
The second guard was somewhat older. He grabbed my shoulder, shoving me towards a small guard shack right next to the pens. The shed was occupied by a third guy who must have been the officer in charge.
He was kicked back in a chair with his feet up on a small desk. He practically fell backwards as the other two guards pushed me in. He began to stand up and I drew up my bra up once again. You would have thought they had never seen breasts before.
I reached under my boobs and lifted them. I pushed them together and upward for the men to see. I kind of bounced them up and down. This caused all three men to gasp. The guy nearest me reached out and started to touch my one breast. I caught his hand and pulled it against my boob and moved his hand around. I stopped only to slide my backpack off. I removed my hoodie and sort of covered the backpack with it. I didn’t want them focusing on it too much.
I turned back around and grabbed the guy’s hand again and led it to my breast. The guy to my left was dumbstruck. I reached for his chin and pulled his head right to my left nipple. The guy started nursing like a baby. Thank God he was gentle, because they were still sore as hell from the other night. The guy behind the desk was awestruck. I looked him square in the eye. His buddy was sucking away now, making grunts as his lips pulled against my nipple.
“Do you want to have the best shift all this month?” I asked him.
“Dios Mio!” he exclaimed.
“Si, Si.”
“Three blow-jobs, Si? For me and my two friends to go free, Si?”
“Si, por favor,” he nodded with no hesitation whatsoever.
I pushed the guy off my boob and removed my shirt. I undid my bra and draped it on top of the back-pack along with my shirt. I turned around and the guy on my right just helps himself to my breast. The guy behind the desk seemed to be the boss so I guessed he wanted to be first. I pointed to his crotch and waved my hand. He needed no further encouragement. His pants dropped and he began digging his cock out. He began jacking at it franticly.
“No, no,” I said, “My job.”
He came around from behind the desk, and I knelt before him and drew his half hard dick into my mouth. I felt like such a whore doing this, but I had made myself a promise to do whatever it would take to see my momma again. I will suck cocks all the way up to the United States if that is what it would take.
I didn’t know for sure if these guys would stand by our bargain, but I saw no other option. I worked that guards cock like my life depended on it. I took it as deeply as was possible and stood up and offered my breasts to suckle at. I dropped down again and worked him for maybe another five minutes. Finally, he grabbed my head and started jerking urgently. Spurts of his cum shot off into my mouth like a hose. He violently thrust at my face until he was totally spent.
The other guard had been standing right along-side of us. I had reached over a couple times already and was using my hand to jack his cock. He jumped at his turn. His jabs poked his cock-head against the back of my throat constantly. He was so urgent that he wanted no part of my breasts. He wouldn’t let go of my head and he just pumped at my face until his orgasm. I swallowed and gulped as he hammered at my throat. I looked up to him and extended my tongue. The white layer of paste in my mouth was from him. I think he was pleased.
The last guy, the youngest was the most timid. I couldn’t help noticing a ring on his finger. He was married. I guess this was not something he did regularly, but he was not going to turn down this opportunity either. I did not know if his wife would do this for him or not, but I was going to be the best he ever got.
I stroked, sucked and took him as deep as my throat would allow. I pushed my breasts together and cradled his cock in my cleavage. I rubbed my breasts against his slippery cock until it burst forth his jet of cum. I rubbed my sore boobs up and down until I had milked every last drop from his wilting cock. I looked up at him and scooped up as much cum as I could find. I used my fingers to poke it into my mouth licking off the remains. I held my tongue out for his approval. His face revealed his satisfaction.
I stood up and faked a confident smile at them. I hated myself for doing this, but I figured I had a better chance if I just assumed they would follow their end of the bargain. I grabbed my bra and quickly put it on. I put my shirt on and got the hoodie over my shoulders. I stood there waiting. So, what would it be? My stomach was churning, and I thought I might throw-up. I was ashamed for what I had just done, but I steeled my emotions and tried to keep it together. The two guards that had brought me in went out side with me. My hands were visibly shaking as we approached the cage. Carlos and Luis had worked their way nearest to the gate.
The moment was at hand. The one young guard drew out a key and opened the padlock. He held the door partially open. I stood-fast expecting the bargain to be honored and to my shock, the guard looked right at me. I pointed to Carlos and Luis and he allowed them out. He slammed and locked the pen door.
“Vi, rapido,” he said pointing to the other end of train-yard.
The three of us ran. We fled the rail-yard area and didn’t stop running until we were out of sight of the very last train. The roads became dark very quickly. Finding our way would be impossible until morning. We came by a small ravine with some tall grasses growing up around it. We decided to stay put for the night in among the thick growth. I was so tired that anything would do at this point. I used my backpack as a pillow and just curled up on the ground.
Carlos was looking at me. I couldn’t see his face and it was too dark to read his expression, but I just felt like it could wait until morning. Luis sat down along-side me. I pulled him by the shirt and snuggled my backsides up against him. Carlos finally sat down, and I pulled him near to me also. I felt safe with their bodies touching me on each side. I didn’t care what they were thinking of me at this point, I just wanted to sleep.
Chapter 5
The morning would come too soon. Noise from the busy road nearby woke us. I was already missing Momma’s cooking and her warm daily greeting. We didn’t talk that much. Luis focused mostly on just how we needed to keep moving. Road side vendors sold foods and drinks along most major through-ways. We had to walk some but finally found a stand selling food. Water was the most awesome thing. I had taken it for granted back home. Here on the road you drank when you had the chance.
Luis was trying to figure out the best way to continue. He was told by the vendor that we were about three-hundred km from Veracruz. Carlos had been giving me the silent treatment all morning. While Luis was talking to the street vendor, I figured Carlos and I needed to talk.
“Por favor, hermano.”
I told Carlos that I loved him. I truly wanted only good things for us in the future. But we had to have a future for that to happen.
“You saw the Mexicali Police, didn’t you?” I asked. “Did you not think they would find the drugs and the money? We would all be sitting in jail right now waiting for the cartel to pick us up. Maybe by now they would have been torturing us, and we would soon all be dead.”
“Hermano, brother, I love you, but don’t judge me. I will do whatever needs to be done to see Momma again.”
“We will get through this,” I said pleading with him.
Carlos didn’t respond so I gave him a hug. He gave a half-hearted embrace in return. I knew he was ashamed of me, but I couldn’t see any other way.
Luis had learned that there was a refueling center not too far up the road. The vendor had suggested the best route into the city was by hitching a ride on a truck. He also warned against being seen walking along the road. Authorities didn’t like seeing too many vagrants on the roads heading into the city. They had enough problems. More homeless people heading into the city was just more trouble. Police would prefer seeing people leaving the city. Those people they left alone. You became someone else’s problem then. We thanked the man and headed up the road.
When we arrived at the truck stop it was near noon. It was a large travel center. The lot was full of over-the-road trucks all idling as the drivers were inside eating lunch. Our plan was to try to talk some driver into giving us a lift to Veracruz. Very few of the trucks were occupied and if they were, the drivers turned Luis down flat. The risk was too great. Trucks were always in danger of getting hi-jacked by thieves looking to steal the cargo. No driver would risk it.
After a dozen or so refusals we left the lot to go inside. At the very least we could eat lunch. The bar was lined with guys all eating the noon meal. We sat at a table and ordered some food. For now, we seemed stuck on how to get a ride. Carlos kept insisting we should just use some of the money we had brought along with us and offer to pay for a ride. Luis over-ruled this as very dangerous. Yes, we were literally carrying thousands of the cartel’s money, but there were many others hanging around the bar area who looked rather rough. Any display of cash money would attract the would-be robbers among them. They would figure we were carrying more money. We needed to look and act poor. Only begging would reinforce the idea that we didn’t have anything worth stealing.
Luis had learned much from his father. He had a thinking man’s head also. Carlos meant well, but was just plain clueless as to these things. We finished our meal and were trying to figure out our next move.
Two men over near the bar had caught my eye during lunch. They were both wearing matching company logo shirts. They had their backs to us now, but I noticed when we came in the one turned to look in my direction.
“Wait here for me here,” I said.
I left my jacket and backpack with Luis and headed into the girl’s restroom. Inside I tried my best to make myself attractive or at least clean. I scrubbed my face and pulled my hair back. I couldn’t waste time with make-up, but I felt maybe my youth would suffice. Instead of returning to our table, I walked towards the bar area. There was a seat open next to the two men I had been watching. They both noticed me right away. I sat and smiled. I began a polite conversation with the guy nearest me. His buddy was still eating, but had eyes all over me. As I made small talk, I could see his friend?