Always Finding TroubleChapter 18
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If you want a strange feeling, try waking up with your wanger about to give a gently sucking mouth a large load of juice. Oh my, it is totally more than a body can handle. When I was totally sucked dry, my Love, Bobby said, "Time for breakfast, Honey. We fell asleep in the IHOP parking lot."
Wonder how that happened?
My semi-dream revealed that I ate with both ladies grinning at each other. Bobby said, "You know he's mine don't you?"
The tall, buxom, Wanda said, "I'm not trying to take him away, I'd like to share him though."
Bobby asked, "Do you think he can handle both of us?"
Wicked Wanda answered, "He should be able to if he doesn't have to fuck Jan and Marie every day."
Bobby countered, "But they are our friends too."
Wanda responded, "Only as long as they get some dick along with us."
"Aren't we being a little stingy?" Bobby was sincere.
"Not really, both of us need more dick than those two do."
"How do you think Chuck will feel about this?" Bobby questioned.
"He loves you so much, he'll do whatever you want him to do."
"Why would I want you to be a second wife or girlfriend, instead of Marie or Jan?"
"I'm more mature, more playful, and I eat pussy better than either of the other two."
Being sort of cognizant of the conversation between two awesome ladies, I asked them in this dream or dream like state, "Please, understand my allegiance is with Bobby. You are totally captivating, Wanda, and I'm flattered that you want to compete for me. If you want to enjoy me and give Bobby pleasure too, please do. I think your competition will give us a lot of enjoyment by letting you both enjoy each other and me. I think you are wonderful, but Bobby is still first."
"That makes me want you all the more, Chuck. You are so loyal, so totally committed, that I want to suck the cum from Bobby every time you put some in there. You two are a total sexual awakening. I love you both."
"Oh shit, what was that? What did she say? Is it too easy for her to say that?"
Wanda snuggled up to my back, fondling Bobby's body in front of me. Both girls settled back down to fall asleep. Bobby started to, then held my hand to her breast.
Strange dream or was it?
I awoke slowly, groggily, and in a different position than normal. Bobby was lying with me, but so was this long, big breasted, woman. Oh yeah, Wanda. It took me a minute or so to put everything together before I became energized.
Sliding from between them woke them both. They sat up, caught me, and both kissed me. We did get up together. I shaved and brushed my teeth while they showered together. After I showered, they helped me to the bed so I could dress and get my leg attached.
In the kitchen, we began to make breakfast. Wanda said, "Let me wake the other ladies. I think I can do it gently. She quickly returned and the two girls came into the kitchen shortly after, dressed and ready for work. Wanda spent a few minutes explaining how to take care of some of the many plants that she had brought. I listened closely as I thought it might be left up to me to maintain them.
Just as we were ready to go into the office Bobby said, "Am I really going to get a surprise today?"
"You are, my Love, I think you will like it."
Marie, the consummate gun lover asked, "Will I get one of the new laser-sighted Glocks?"
"We'll see, Marie. They should go on an as needed basis."
Jan was very quiet this morning and only asked for a kiss from each of us. She gave me a toe curler that told me she wasn't giving up.
We stopped for several dozen donuts this morning to divide between the Marshal's Service, the Bureau, and the garage. Bobby questioned why I told her we both had to park in the garage in Hank's ready slots. I suggested it could be because her protection was ordered. A total truth.
I went to work while Bobby did the same and gave the daily briefing. Hank called me and said, "The Escalade is washed, waxed, and detailed. Come and get it."
Bobby wasn't that busy, so I told her a white lie. "I need you to go with me for a few minutes, come with me, okay?"
With an unsuspecting innocence, we walked over to the garage. In the station chief's spot was a gorgeous dark maroon Escalade. Bobby's first comment was, "I wonder who's parked in my slot? It sure is an awesome car."
Hank strolled out and dropped the keys in my hand. He said, "Was able to pick up the third seat for a song. Kirby's salvage just happened to have one."
I asked Bobby, "We should steal it, what do you say, let's take it for a joyride," I handed her the keys and said, "You drive."
She didn't get it until we were both in the car when she realized I was teasing her. "Is this my surprise?"
I smiled.
"This is awesome. Wow, it's so nice. The interior is all leather, and look at this, it's a department protection sticker. Is this thing protected?"
When I smiled, she started it, slid the sun roof back and forward, rolled all the windows up and down and up again. Bobby gently put it into gear, and as she went by the grinning Hank, floored it to make it smoke the tires as she fishtailed out onto the street.
"Yee haw!" Bobby was yelling in her exuberance. She blasted out Kennedy, and thank goodness, it had a green light to four wheel skid around to get on the approach to Adamo drive. If a Tampa cop had been around, she would have raced him. Thank goodness the elation didn't last long enough for us to either hurt anyone or to get a ticket.
She pulled over to the curb and gave me a lip lock that told me everything between us was perfect. "Thank you, Lover. I didn't really want to drive that Expedition. It was a freebie, so I was going to take it, but it was going to cost a fortune to get it protected. I know I don't need a protected car, but I've been in one for so long, I might screw up. This is perfect. What a classic car."
When we drove back to the garage, she got out and gave Hank a kiss that made him have to change shorts. She put the car in her parking slot behind our building.
Upstairs, she was twirling the keys around her finger as she stopped in to see Wanda. "Just wait till you see it."
She went back to her office where we later heard she lorded over everyone that she had a new, or at least almost new, protected Escalade.
When Bobby left, Wanda grinned at me and said uncharacteristically, "You did good."
My work was nothing until ten when I left the office for five minutes to see the Bureau chief. I returned to find my e-mail log was filled and my in box was over the sides.
Oh well, all good things must end. I went through the e-mails quickly to make sure there was nothing earth shattering and attacked the in box. Damn, we had enough incident reports to choke an elephant I read them all and only pulled two for clarification. I quickly e-mailed both of the initiators of the reports and went on to the other items. I was requested to visit a station tomorrow. I wonder why they couldn't ask me in advance. One of our ACEs in St. Louis was getting married in the future and asked if I would give her away. (For crying out loud, don't they have someone closer to them than a one legged dude from Florida.) The kicker though, is a relocation that had been shot at multiple times while going through a trial, and refused to be relocated without taking her horse with her.
I e-mailed the station and said, "Make sure the horse is clean and transport the horse to a stable near the relocation. Make sure you transport all of her tack as well. Give her an allocation or stipend to care for the horse until she can do it on her own."
A female Assistant Station Chief called me a few minutes later and said, "I didn't think you would allow us to do that and I was going to try to figure out how to get the service to get the horse to the lady. You even remembered the tack. Do you have a horse or did you ever have one?"
"No, I didn't. I did work for a man who had a lot of horses and I helped care for them while I was in high school."
"I'm happy to work for you, Mr. Johnson, thank you. The relocation thanks you too."
The rest of the paperwork was bullshit that I had to read and sign. There was another update to our manual that I read, checked into the site and took the quiz, then put it into the binder.
I buzzed Wanda. She came in with her steno pad.
I asked Wanda about the station transfer. She said it was one that had been on hold because John could not get there and he had not approved it. Because the request was re-submitted during the transition, the request was automatically granted. I had to go.
"What about this giving away the bride thing?"
"Do it. Have a lot of pictures made of it. Make it into a service newspaper highlight. Make sure someone goes with you to photograph everything and write an article and a report to send to D.C. It's good for brownie points."
When I asked, "That's a lot of money to spend to go to a wedding, isn't it?" Wanda answered very dryly, "She didn't ask for a wedding present, did she?"
Oh well, now let's see if Bobby will go with me. Let's check dates.
"Wanda, get me to this station transfer in the morning. Make sure I have all of the paperwork and dossier of both people and on why this is happening."
"Find out more about the wedding and do help me with a present. I will pay for it personally. It should not be an office expense. There will be enough expense just getting me there and back."
A few minutes later, I went into Wanda and asked, "Do we have some kind of software or a big white board that I can easily refer to so I know when I'm going to be where?"
"Wanda led me back to my office and typed in "Schedule" and it showed today as the first day of the calendar and six weeks of events. Each entry had a link that when I clicked on it, an entire memo complete with photographs popped up."
"This is wonderful, thank you for getting it and setting it up for me. It's going to get crazy, isn't it?"
Wanda smiled and said, "Very."
I went back to the e-mails and answered all that I could and forwarded some to Wanda that I had no clue as to what the writer was talking about. I figured she would give me a link to inform me of what the true nature of the e-mail was, and then I could decide and respond.
That took me all the way till noon, which brought Conish into my office with more in-box shit, and Wanda with a classic smirk. I remarked that I needed lunch and Wanda walked in with an envelope and said, "You are expected at some executive restaurant a few blocks away for a one o'clock luncheon."
I updated my PC screen and said, "It's not on my schedule." Wanda said, "It might be more of a personal nature, Sir. The lady said it was imperative that she speak with you and offered to buy lunch."
"Who am I meeting?"
"A Veronica Highsmith, Sir."
"Did you run her?"
"Yes Sir, here is her dossier, there is nothing flagrant within. She is a respected member of the community and quite wealthy I noted. She may be trying to get us to buy a building."
I took a deep breath and thought. A free meal is a free meal. Checking my watch, there was just enough time to walk there. I asked Wanda, "Am I supposed to bring anyone with me?"
"She didn't ask for anyone else, Sir."
The place was near where we were the night before for the after work beer. I was able to walk there quickly and went to the podium at the entrance. A man came up and asked, "How may I help you, Sir?"
"I am to meet a Veronica Highsmith at one o'clock. Could you seat me early and bring me an Ice Tea?"
"You will have to wait for Ms. Highsmith. She prefers those who are meeting her wait until she arrives."
Okay, I can play her game for a few minutes. At one oh five, I advised the greeter, "Please convey my regrets to Ms. Highsmith that I have a busy schedule and could not wait any longer."
The man sputtered and did everything he could to get me to wait. I walked right into an open elevator and pushed "1."
I was almost back to the office and about to stop at the hot dog vendor when my cell phone rang. Wanda said, "Ms. Highsmith is now at the restaurant and is waiting for you."
"Please call her and advise her to make another appointment and to either make it at our office, or be at the appointed place at the requested time."
"I don't think I should tell her that."
I had an idea. "Let me speak to Conish."
"Conish, I want you to advise an individual who requested a specific appointment with me and who was not on time. I want her to make another appointment either at our office, or to be at the appointed place at the time requested. Can you do that?"
"Yes Sir, Mr. Johnson."
"Let me speak to Wanda so she can give you the information."
I asked Wanda to give Conish the appropriate information and then asked if I could bring anyone anything back for lunch. She almost choked.
I bought ten hot dogs and four Coke Zeros and headed to the office. I gave each of the ladies two hot dogs and packets of mustard and catsup, along with a Coke Zero.
Wanda was embarrassed, but thanked me for the lunch.
I went into my office, shut both doors, opened the doors for the TV, and turned it on. I pushed the telephone button that said, "DND" and enjoyed eating my two hot dogs very slowly while watching Fox news.
At one forty, twenty minutes after I began eating, I shut the TV off and turned off my DND button. I opened the two doors to the offices so I could be a part of the office activity, and noticed a little bit of a strain. Tough shit, I don't know this Veronica Highsmith from Nancy Reagan, and would much rather meet Nancy.
My e-mail was filled to the brim with mostly bullshit. I dumped what needed to be trashed, and answered those that needed to be answered. I went out to Wanda and asked, "Do you have my schedule for tomorrow with the appropriate paperwork?"
Her face reddened and she said, "I will have it by five."
I looked at my watch and said, "I have an appointment at three, please have it prepared by then as I will probably not return until day after tomorrow."
She shot herself in the foot, "But Ms. Highsmith wants to meet you later this afternoon."
"That's not possible today. I don't know who she is and she has not advised us of what she wishes to discuss. If you prefer for me to call her, I will, otherwise, tell her to make a mutually agreeable appointment."
Wanda looked at me and slipped from her rigid demeanor, "You can be a bitch sometimes can't you."
"No more or less than those demanding something I may be unwilling to give."
She was wide-eyed and surprised at my answer.
"I will poll my PC at three for my schedule and the forms for tomorrow. Be sure they are posted and accessible."
I packed my laptop. Made sure my desk was straight and clean and left the office. I stopped in to see Bobby, but was told that she was out to see a duty team. I asked if she was returning before five and Marie said, "She said she will be back to pick us up." I said "I have an appointment and need to leave. There is a good chance I can't get back by then."
"I'll make sure we all catch a ride with Bobby. She's in love with her new car."
I smiled as I went across the street to see Hank. As soon as he saw me, he said, "You did good. Bobby is nuts about the car. Do you want yours?"
"Take the keys to the 300 and give them to Wanda, then look for another car for me. One like the 300 or any other protected fast car would be cool, but fast is first."
As an afterthought, I asked Hank, "Give me a nasty duty car. It'll fit my mood."
"I have just the one." He disappeared and I heard a car that had either bad mufflers, or exceptionally loud ones, squeal tires all the way down from upstairs.
Hank slid to a stop in front of me in an older Camaro. The body was ratty, the interior was worse. It did have a hell of a stereo as it was blasting an old Blue Oyster Cult song. It sat there rocking, doing a "rump" "rump" "rump." Hank said, "This is about a nine hundred horse power engine with a very heavy cam. I've checked the suspension, brakes, and steering and it is safe. The tires are all very expensive, high-speed, low profile on some expensive rims. Be careful though, as I haven't been able to check all of the engine characteristics yet. I think this thing is scary fast. I want to fix up the body and interior, put some flow masters on it and use it for a toy. See if you like it. I know it won't fulfill passenger requirements, but it should be fun."
It responded well to gently putting it into gear and rolling out into the street. I looked up and down to make sure none of Tampa's finest were around and hammered it. As soon as I saw the smoke rising from the low profiles, I let up enough to get a grip and shot down the street. No sense in trashing a couple of two hundred dollar tires. The car gave you a secure feeling that it shouldn't have, since it had a racing harness in it instead standard seat belts.
I teased a couple of new Mustangs and even a Vette. The Vette driver stuck his nose up in the air and floored it smoking his tires for a half a block then pulled over because a Tampa patrol guy was behind him at the stop sign.
I had no destination, but I thought I would drive out to the little airport where I would probably take off from tomorrow. Wanda wouldn't screw the office with an expensive flight from D.C. and back for this one. I'm sure she would do her normal best, even if she were pissed at me. If she had a reason I should see this person, she should say so. I was thinking this babe intimidated the hell out of her. She shouldn't let anyone intimidate her. I was planning on jumping on it tonight.
Instead of going out to the airport, I went back to the office and went up to the office with my laptop at four fifteen. Wanda was surprised to see me. I said that I was able to take care of my business early. I opened my laptop and pulled my e-mails and the schedule. I printed out what I needed to have and stuffed it all into a file folder. She did use the charter, but it didn't leave until eight-thirty. I was only going to Mobile. I didn't even know we had a full station there. I answered the couple of e-mails and worked on the couple pieces of paper that were in my in box. As it got closer to five I put my laptop away again and went to Wanda.
"Did Hank give you the keys to your new car?"
"He did, but I don't know whether I will like it."
"It is the first choice you had previously listed, and is brand new inside and out. It is the exact color you listed for first choice, as well. I think it is beautiful. If you don't want it, I'll take it. A protected Chrysler 300 like that is priceless."
"It is what I really wanted," Wanda admitted.
"Good. I looked and found it just for you."
"You did?"
I smiled and saw a guilty look on her face.
"How about going down to that loud place, The Office again, I loved their ice cold beer."
"You're asking me?"
"I am." I added, "I'm sure Angie and Conish would enjoy coming. You could give them a ride home in your new car. It'll be fun."
Wanda's face lit up. "I'd love to go. Will you go ask the girls and ask Marie and Bobby as well?'
"Sure, I'll wait at the elevator for you guys." I had shut off my lights and asked the two clerks to go with us and they were all for it. In the station, I asked Marie and she was bobbing her head. I asked Sarah who had Dave at her desk and they both said yes. Bobby smiled at me and said yes, as long as we didn't stay long, because she wanted to drive her new car around to show it off to her family.
When we went downstairs to put our briefcases in our cars, Bobby saw I was putting my briefcase in the ratty Camaro. "What in the hell is that?"
"That, my Dear, is one very hot little number. It has a mill, motor to the uneducated, that has almost a thousand horsepower. If you're good, I'll give you a ride."
"Is it faster than the Mustang?"
"About twice as fast."
Bobby shivered, "It should probably be outlawed. Be careful and don't do to much wild stuff in it. Where did you get it?"
"It's one of Hank's confiscated toys that he's letting me drive until I find a car."
We were now walking toward The Office. Bobby said, "I'll bet you found that Chrysler for yourself and gave it to Wanda. What does an Office Manager need with a protected car like that?"
"It's exactly what she had listed on her spec sheet and it's the exact color. It was a stroke of luck."
She said, "Right, sure." "I'm sure there's more to it. It'll come out later. I like my car though. You did well. I would have never guessed when you were teasing me."
The bar was really busy again. They had a special on chicken wings. You got twenty for the price of ten when you bought a pitcher. I bought two pitchers and two orders of wings. We were lucky to walk in when two tables were leaving. We sat down while some people bused the tables. The outfits were different tonight. The girl who waited on us was pretty sexy looking, but I'd bet a left nut she was a dick grinding lez. She would smile at you, but there was a glare in the eyes. Oh well, to each their own, or something like that.
We were enjoying ourselves, knowing it would be about three more pitchers and everyone would have two beers. We didn't want any more wings as we would eat later.
We were all having a good time when this tall, willowy lady, with a leash attached to the collar of a cute, average sized, lady came to the table. She said, "Chuck Johnson?"
"At your service, Ma'am."
"Why didn't you wait for me at lunch?"
"I was told that I could not even have an iced tea until you arrived. I waited until five minutes past the appointed time, and left so I could get a drink of water or iced tea."
The lady's face became red. "You should have waited, it could have been important."
"Then you should have been at the appointed place at the appointed time. Please call again and arrange an appointment, but do not put my staff through the stress you put them through today. I am your employee, as I am a federal employee, but my staff and I are due the same respect that you are. Please show us that respect in the future and I will enjoyably return it."
That was so sweet the bitch couldn't bite back. What the fuck was up with the girl on a leash?
"Do you have a few minutes right now?"
I looked around and didn't see how we could hold a reasonable conversation. "Ms. Highsmith, if you would like to have someone hold your leash for you, we could step outside to have a private conversation. If that is not agreeable, we can do this another time."
She came over and stood in front of me, "You are a son of a bitch, aren't you. Jesus, and I have to deal with you. I can't believe you are the final say in this."
"Since I have no clue what you are referring too. I repeat, please call for an appointment and be there when you ask me to be there. I understand you didn't show till twenty-five minutes after the scheduled time."
I was bluffing, but I wanted to see what she would say, she took the bait, "I'll have you know, I was at the front desk at exactly one twenty-three."
"Your watch is two minutes slow."
I smiled at her to let her know I was trying to get her goat. She said, "May I offer you a refreshment?"
"Only if I can give your pet a drink. I can call for a bowl."
Ms. Highsmith spun around and pulled her toy out the door. All of our people were howling. That lady was too much. Wanda touched my arm and said, "I'm sorry. She did intimidate me, and she acted first of all as if she was very important, and that she had business to discuss with you that was a matter of life and death. She kept saying it was business that you had to decide on. Like I said, she did intimidate me. Thank Conish, she handled her just fine."
I smiled at Conish and said, "You've had a lot of experience with people like Ms. Highsmith, haven't you?"
"Yes Sir, and even with Ms. Highsmith. She is very wealthy and very well known within the community. She is very important too, to herself."
Conish smiled, very satisfied with her answer. I mouthed "Thank you." She smiled even more and actually blushed.
Our pitchers were becoming empty and we got up to leave. Bobby was going to show off her car to all her family, so would be home later. Wanda was going to take Angie and Conish home in her new car. Jan and Marie had a choice. I said, "I'm driving a bit of a rat tonight. It's clean but nasty looking. It does have some power that makes it special though. Both Jan and Marie's eyes narrowed. Both wanted to go with me. I said, I think there are rear seatbelts, but I'm not sure. If there are none then only one can go with me. Marie pulled a quarter and held it. Jan nodded and Marie flipped it. Jan said tails. It was tails. Jan smiled, Marie frowned and asked Wanda, "Can I ride with you if Chuck's car doesn't have rear seatbelts?"
"Of course, Honey."
Dave and Sarah walked me back toward the garage. Dave was telling me he thought he and Sarah might get married soon but it shouldn't change anything with her time on the job. "We'll be marrying because we want the bond and to get her mom off her back."
Wanda picked up her car and drove it to the back of the building where Bobby and I had parking places. There were no back seatbelts, so a dejected Marie got in Wanda's car. They waited for the Camaro to start. It started with a huge roar and sat there going "Rump, Rump, Rump."
As soon as it started, Jan jumped out of the car and stood back looking at it. "What's the matter with it?"
"It's a high powered motor."
"Ah, ah, can Marie ride with you instead of me?"
I smiled as Marie was back out of Wanda's car so fast, even I was amazed.
Marie knew how to buckle the racing style harness and said, "Show me."
We backed up and gently rolled out onto the street. We waited to get out on a smooth asphalt area when I punched it. Instant smoke. I let off so we wouldn't attract more attention than we should, and rolled up onto the access ramp to get on the highway. I had seen that the car had camouflaged lights in the front windshield area and in the back window. When we got on the highway, a lot of the traffic had already died down, but it was still really heavy.
I let the car roll up to about fifty then flipped on the lights and siren and nailed it in second gear. The front end lifted off the ground. When I hit third we were still burning rubber and the front wheels came up again. Marie was screaming with wild excitement. When we hit fourth gear, I noted that as we came up to about four thousand RPM, the speedometer said one forty. Whoa, this baby was hot.
I let off and dropped down to under seventy, looking for the next off ramp. I went down the ramp, did a U-turn and headed back the other way to go home. We were only about three miles down the road when a Tampa cop car gave us his lights and a burp on the siren. I pulled off and waited for the guy to strut up to the car. I showed him my badge and ID.
With a smirk, not even looking at my ID. he said, "Give me your license, the vehicle ID certificate, and your weapon."
I got out of the car and motioned him to the rear of the car. He came back with his hand on his gun. "You don't understand do you? I am testing an undercover car, the individual with me is the local station clerk. She must certify the vehicle. Please note my ID, and if you want, use your portable to call my ID in. I'm sure your shift supervisor has me on his records."
He reached for my ID and I held it back. "No one takes my ID. I said to use your portable."
"What are you going to do if I don't want to do it your way?"
"Arrest you and take you to the federal lockup. You know I can hold you for fifteen days before charging you."
"You're bluffing."
"Call your supervisor and ask him."
He tried to stare me down, but I was smiling. He frowned and used his portable to call his shift sergeant. "He said he is Charles M. Johnson, a U.S. Deputy Marshal and that he was going to arrest me. Can I just bring this guy in?"
The radio squawked back asking, "Did you look this man up on your in-car?"
"No, Sarg."
"Then I should let him take you in. See you in two weeks, Stupid."
"What's so special about this guy, he was speeding. I got him for careless and reckless."
"Did he shoot anyone yet?"
"What do you mean, shoot anyone yet?"
"Apologize to the gentleman nicely, get in your car, and come back to the station very quickly. You are in need of some very serious remedial training. Can Deputy Johnson hear me?"
"Yes, Sarg."
"Thanks for not shooting the idiot, and how are you doing, you asshole. I haven't heard of you shooting anyone for a good while. You lose your nerve or something, or did you get your quota?"
I took the mike from the officer and keyed, "You know there's a bag limit on scumbags. I have to wait till the season opens again."
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