Transformations DiversityChapter 16
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[Missy] March
Missy should have felt frightened, or miserable, or something. Instead, she felt mostly numb. Truthfully, she felt a little bit of satisfaction, too. Melanie Farnsworth, her mother, actually looked like she had tears in her eyes! Of course, those could not be tears of sorrow for her daughter. They would be tears of frustration that her efforts to make something of the girl had taken a major setback.
Missy's father, James Farnsworth, just looked grim. James Farnsworth looked grim most of the time, so that was no headline-maker. But this was Missy's fourth arrest for shoplifting, and there was plenty of cause to be grim. There would be no negotiating out of this one.
Missy had tried so hard for her whole life to generate some other expression on James' terminally grim face. At about age ten, she had given up trying to produce one of love, or even just tenderness. Even a child could tell that that was an impossibility.
When puberty had hit, Missy foolishly thought she might spark at least a look of recognition or interest in her father by showing herself. She made sure that he got a blow-by-blow view of the growth of her breasts. She wore only panties as often as she could and made sure that he could count the new hairs one by one as they appeared over her privates. He could have counted them if he had just looked, that is. Instead, he pointedly turned away any time he thought she was being indecent.
Missy's little displays had not gone unnoticed, though. Melanie went ballistic every time Missy appeared without 'appropriate' attire. The lectures were loud and heated, and the various punishments were harsh.
The worst punishment of all happened when Missy's older brother Richard was home. He was eight years older than Missy and mostly away at college as she stumbled through puberty. The age difference was too great for the siblings to have been close friends, but Richard (Ricky to her, but only in private) had always been nice to his little sister.
As the eldest and the only son, Richard felt the enormous pressure of being a scion of an old money family. He also absorbed or withstood the pressure and emerged strong, independent, and resilient for it. For him it had been a proving ground, and he had the strength to prove himself very well.
When Richard came for a visit, Missy tried to spend every possible minute with him, and he tried to accommodate her as much as his social schedule would permit. Having failed to produce any complimentary reaction from her father, Missy had given Richard plenty of chances to check out her sexual progress. And he had reacted! He had complimented her! It felt so wonderful that Missy became almost giddy with the pleasure.
Unfortunately, that giddiness made Missy a little careless. Melanie caught her daughter 'accidentally' dropping the shower towel wrapped around her as she encountered her brother in the upstairs hallway one Sunday morning. Richard tried to intervene and soften the punishment, but Melanie went berserk, spanking the naked twelve-year-old again and again on her bottom, ordering Richard to watch as his sister writhed and danced with the pain.
Richard felt bad, even though he had done nothing to cause the problem. Late that night, he came into Missy's room and woke her. "Missy, I'm sorry you got in trouble for showing me your body. I really enjoy looking at you. You're growing up so nicely."
"Really? How come Daddy doesn't think so? He won't even look," she wailed.
"I don't know, Sis. He's pretty, um, uptight about most things. Look, I think you should stop trying to get his attention. It will only make Mother more angry. I hate to see you punished."
"I guess. It's dumb to have to wear so many clothes in my own house."
"That's not the only problem you will be having, Missy. I'm sorry I can't be around to help. Promise me that you will let me know how things are going, won't you?" She tearfully agreed.
"One other thing, Sis. I know you want men to appreciate you, but please, please, don't go showing yourself to any boys or any other men. That's dangerous. Do you understand?" Again, a tearful agreement.
Melanie and James viewed the task of child-rearing somewhat as a blacksmith approached his work. The child was to be formed into the proper type of adult by whatever means necessary. If it took a lot of heat and pounding, well, so be it. With Richard, the pounding came mostly from his father. As so often happens, Melanie treated her male child with something near to reverence. Oh, she corrected him, but there was never the relentless pressure that she later poured on her daughter.
Missy, named Melissa and called that exclusively by her parents, was by no means a weak-minded or submissive child. But she had a major need for reinforcement, encouragement, and tenderness. Melanie felt no reverence at all toward her daughter. She knew how a girl should behave, and she was going to make certain that Missy complied.
Mostly, Missy just went along, suffering her disappointments and longings in silence. But a person under pressure, especially a young person at a critical juncture in their life, will always find some way to express rebellion or independence.
Missy used her body for serious, though subconscious, rebellion. It was apparent quite early that that she would inherit her general configuration from James. She quickly shot up to 5'10", long before she had any significant padding so soften her shape. The first rebellious thing she did was to adopt a slouch. Part of the reason was embarrassment that she was so much taller than her compatriots. The rebellion came as Melanie more and more rode her about her posture and her gait.
The second part of Missy's body rebellion was her weight. She was not naturally prone to fat, but she discovered at thirteen that she could put on weight by eating voraciously. When she had overcome her initial skeletal appearance after her growth spurt, she just kept on eating because it was a source of comfort. When Melanie began a drumbeat of criticism about Missy's weight, it just drove the girl to eat more and more.
Of course, a lot of what Missy could find to eat was not of high nutritional quality, and she was at the prime age for acne outbreaks. The result was predictable. By the time she reached sixteen, Missy was pretty unattractive. Her excess weight gathered in all of the predictable places. She did not even have the common fat woman's consolation of massive mammaries. The genetics from her father's side carried a medium-sized breast template. Being almost fifty pounds overweight was not a pleasant way for Missy to celebrate sweet sixteen.
At thirteen, Missy had found another form of rebellion, shoplifting. It made no sense, given the generous allowance available to her, but in fact, most shoplifting is not driven by need. For many young kleptos, it was just a thrill. For Missy, it was a way of horrifying her parents. And horrified they indeed were. Three times, she had been caught. By the third time, it had taken major maneuvering by James to keep her from being prosecuted.
Both Richard and Missy had been set up with generous trust funds by their grandmother. That was another club that her parents, Melanie in particular, used on her with great regularity. They threatened to invalidate the trust if she did not straighten up and meet their expectations.
That was the world Missy lived in: always threats, but never encouragement; always expectations, but never consideration; always shame, with nothing to be proud of.
"How could you do this to us?" Melanie shouted. "Don't you realize the embarrassment this will cause the family? Why on earth would you steal some slutty underwear, anyway. You couldn't possibly wear it the way you have let yourself go. I just don't understand it!!"
'You got that right', Missy thought to herself bitterly. She could not remember a time when Melanie had ever understood her. Or even made a reasonable attempt to understand. Impossible as it seemed, James looked even more grim than ever, looking stolidly at his miscreant daughter.
That was the moment when Missy felt the biggest sense of relief of her whole life. After all of the psychological blows that had rained on her, she had finally managed to deliver one that really hurt her tormentors.
Missy was very intelligent. In fact, academics was the only place where she met her parents' expectations. She did not do that to please them, but out of an instinctive sense that it would be important to her when she someday was free of them. She knew that she was in for probable imprisonment somewhere. She had folk-level knowledge of the deprivations that jail and reform school implied, but she could hardly dwell on that. She would be where they could not get at her. That was worth almost anything.
Since her third arrest, Missy had been seeing a therapist, named Roberta, by order of juvenile court. Roberta had made a good deal of progress getting at the causes of Missy's behavior. She had found a rather appealing young woman diguised by the fat, the slouch, the acne, and the surly attitude. Unfortunately, she had had only three months to work with Missy, and had not gotten to the point of bringing in her parents.
Roberta was very distressed at the news of the latest arrest. She hated to miss her chance to bring about some real change in the girl, and went to work trying to find some way to keep her patient out of jail.
Missy had one surprising reaction to her arrest and probable incarceration: she stopped eating. Rather, she stopped eating to excess. She had never liked being so grossly overweight, but the need to rebel by overeating was driven by something she could not control. That something was the need to deliver a severe blow of revenge to her parents. That blow had been delivered and the subconscious need to overeat was lifted.
As the legal wheels ground into motion, Missy continued with her normal life. It was just before spring break, and she even returned to school for the last few days. She developed a serenity that infuriated Melanie because it seemed to make the girl impervious to anything her mother said or did.
Missy's arraignment was scheduled for three days after Easter, and James was scrambling furiously to find a way to keep her name from any court docket. He was having no luck, and anger and frustration were augmenting his usual grim visage.
Roberta came up with a possible solution. A couple of journals had carried case reports of patients who had received tremendous help after spending time at Transformations. She did some quick research, and despite her basic aversion to the idea of forced nudity, she called Dr. Julia Waxman and explained Missy's situation.
Julia had not viewed the Tee as a place of punishment, although she had accepted the Halls in lieu of a trial for them. Roberta explained that Missy did not need punishment. What she needed was separation from her parents and a chance to develop what Roberta believed was a very nice personality. Having Missy sentenced to Transformations in lieu of a trial would appeal to the Farnsworths because it protected their name. Because of the nudity requirement and the strict achievement goals that would be set up, it had the appearance of punishment, as well.
It certainly sounded like punishment to Missy when Roberta first broached the idea. Since her earlier streak of exhibitionism had been squelched, she had become extremely body shy. It was so bad that she avoided looking at herself in the mirror when she got in and out of the shower. To have to be naked for a long time, and with men around! That was too terrible to even consider. She declared firmly that she would rather go to jail.
Roberta had to haul out the big guns at that point. They had only a day or two to file any kind of a petition for a delay to consider alternate punishment. Calling the Farnsworths, she asked for an urgent meeting. When told that they were both too busy, she told them it was about a possibility of keeping Missy out of jail. They were in her office in forty-five minutes.
"There is a place called Transformations that has an incredible success record of turning women's lives around. The residents go in with aggressive goals set up which they must meet or they will be discharged. The goals include weight loss, physical conditioning, academic achievement, and any others that fit the particular patient." Roberta knew that Melanie would be hooked by the weight loss requirement.
"What if they don't meet the goals?" James asked.
"In Missy's case, it would mean she would stand trial."
"This place does not sound like a place of punishment. Why would the court accept it instead of trial?" James again asked.
"It was not designed as a place of punishment. It is run by a distinguished psychiatrist, and all residents are treated as patients. The one factor that might make it qualify as punishment is this: the residents cannot leave once admitted, and they are naked the entire time they are there. Furthermore, a number of the staff that work with the women are male."
Melanie exploded. "That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! You can't be serious! That can't be legal!"
"Oh, everything has been tested legally and there has never been any problem," Roberta assured her. "Missy's reaction was as strong as yours. She said she would rather go to jail.
"Please, Mr. and Mrs. Farnsworth. More than just the crime she committed, Missy has some psychological issues that need to be addressed. Transformations has an incredible success record with such problems. Jail for a teenaged girl is a truly awful prospect. In many cases, the girls are completely lost to their families when they come out. To say nothing of the publicity of a trial or the blemish on her record."
"But if she won't go... ?" Melanie wondered.
"I am asking for permission to fly there with her tonight. If she sees it and talks to some residents, perhaps she will change her mind. Even if she does not, I believe you could make the decision and not give her the choice."
"Then why bother with the trip?" James asked.
"Her chance of success is greater if she is willing to go in."
"OK. When do we have to be ready?" Melanie asked.
"You don't. Only Missy and I will be going." That triggered quite an argument, but Roberta held strong, and by early evening, Missy and Roberta were on a plane for the ninety minute flight.
Missy knew she was in another world when she stepped through the door of the large but unimposing structure. She was unable to move as she was greeted by an attractive forty-something woman wearing nothing but a smile.
"Hello, I'm Norma, and I work here. I have the privilege of greeting new residents and helping them get comfortable. I know you aren't a resident yet, but I would be with you like this if you check in. There would probably be some girls more your age with you for the first day, also. We know how hard it will be to go naked for the first time. We've all done it."
Missy spoke hardly a word as she and Roberta were given a tour. It was shocking to see all of the naked woman. They were all going about unconcerned with their nudity. Missy just knew that she could never be that relaxed. In fact, she could never, ever do this.
She was introduced to several male employees, a couple of them her age. It made her almost faint to think that those same men and boys might see her awful body without any clothes on.
After the tour, Roberta took Missy into an office where she met Dr. Waxman. "Missy," Roberta started out, "we are going to be frank with you. We are trying to pull one over on your parents." That certainly got Missy's attention.
"We do not think you need to be punished. We think you need more than anything to be isolated from your mother and father for an extended period. I know you are frightened to death of having to be naked, but wouldn't it be worth it to be your own person for a few months?"
"We'd like you to join us all for lunch," Julia added. "Talk to some of the women and the guys. I personally picked all of my employees, and I believe they are the nicest, most respectful people you will find anywhere. You have no need to be afraid of them."
"But ... naked... !"
"There is a very sound reason for that," Julia stated. Then, she went into an explanation of the immersion therapy and re-birthing concepts. After that, she made some specific references to Missy's situation. The girl's intelligence could not help being swayed by the strength of the beautiful doctor's arguments. Still, there was the problem of nudity.
Missy did manage to make conversation with some of the people at lunch, even with two of the younger guys. She fought not to fall instantly in love with both of them. No boy had ever treated her like that. Oh well, if she ever did undress for them, they would run away in fright.
On the plane on the way home, Missy was listening to her iPod. "What are you listening to, now?" Roberta asked.
"Oh, I like country music - my parents hate it. I'm listening to Lindsey Hall. I can hardly keep from crying every time I hear her sing."
"She's that good, huh?"
"Yeah. I've read her story. Her folks were almost as bad as mine. "It's like she's singing right to me. You know, I read somewhere that she volunteered at a place something like Transformations." The conversation ended there, but Roberta made an urgent mental note to follow up on Lindsey Hall.
"Missy, when we get back, I want you to pretend to be scared to death to go there. I already told your father to file the petition."
"I don't have to pretend. How could you just do that?" Missy demanded. "I thought we were just checking it out!"
"I'm sorry, Missy. I feel like I have tricked you. But I'm asking you to trust me to know what will be best for you. You DO NOT want to go to reform school. You cannot believe how bad it would be."
"Worse than living naked in front of men?"
"Much worse. With none of the positive things you saw there."
"I can't say I'm not upset with you, and I'm scared to death, but I'll go along. Just promise me that they can't get at me if I get in there."
"You have my word."
[Jessica] Mid April
Julia was both pleased and concerned that Jessica Conroy had asked for an appointment. Matt Conroy had offered to pay for treatment for his ex, but at the time, there had seemed little chance that Jessica would take up the offer.
[Jessica] Flashback
Jessica Longley Conroy was on the ragged edge of sanity. She was not aware of this, but she was certainly aware that her world was not the way she wanted it.
Five months after her marriage to Matt, one part of Jessica feared it was approaching an end. Another part of her worked very hard at maintaining the pretense of a happy newlywed couple.
For most of the five months, Matt had been sleeping in a separate bedroom, and there had been no sex.
The little contact card had hit Jessica like a high-voltage electric shock. Matt, her husband, was rooming at the convention with Leslie, the admin assistant at the company! Leslie wasn't even that pretty! Jessica knew Leslie could not compare with her in the looks department. She knew that very few women could. For a moment she wondered why Matt would do such a thing, but the answer was obvious: it was sex, again. It seemed like everything came down to sex.
Her next reaction was panic. The thought of losing Matt almost paralyzed her. Her mother had told her again and again that Matt cheating on her was the best thing that could happen because she would get the divorce that they had planned for all of those years. But despite what Marie said, Jessica did not want a divorce: she wanted Matt.
Oh, there had been some terrible times, some confusing times, but in a strange way, their current marital situation was comfortable for her. She missed sleeping beside Matt terribly, but at least the threat of sex was removed. Now, if he had another woman, everything could be upset. She would lose her nice, safe relationship.
Jessica's reaction to the discovery of Matt's 'infidelity' was totally irrational. But at that point, she was definitely not rational. Matt had been her safe refuge that protected her from the irresistible sexual pull of Rod Turner. Now, to her mind, that refuge was lost and there was no more protection from Rod.
If Jessica had been rational, she would have done whatever was necessary to protect herself from Rod's hold on her. Not being rational, she did just the opposite - she called Rod.
By the time Rod had left, Jessica was already horrified and sickened at what she had done, and done willingly. Also, for the first time, she realized that she should have been doing those things all along with the husband she genuinely loved, and enjoying them.
After her trip to the office, she knew the terrible mistake that she had made in assuming that Matt was rooming with Leslie, the receptionist. That just deepened her panic.
During the interminable three-day wait for his return from the convention, her determination to be the kind of wife he wanted grew. That was how she greeted him at the door, but to her dismay, he did not respond in kind. Later, the reason was clear as he laid before her the damning proof of her infidelity and dictated the conditions of her divorce.
The next day, Jessica waited in the house in the forlorn hope that Matt would at least return and talk to her. When the divorce papers and the check were delivered in the afternoon, she realized that it was a lost cause. She packed as much as she could get into her car and left for her mother's.
Actually, she would have preferred to go almost anywhere other than Marie's, but she did not even have the ability to plan a different course. Part of her knew that Marie would be shocked and outraged, but a bigger part was so dependent from all of the years of conditioning that she had no choice.
Some part of her was alert enough to realize that Marie might well try to destroy the divorce documents. She thought of going to the lawyer's office to sign them immediately, but that was beyond her at the moment. Marie was still at work when Jessica got to Marie's house. She found a place to hide the papers and the check in the garage. That was the limit of her capacity for independent action and when Marie got home, her daughter was a quivering, incoherent mass curled up in her old bed.
Marie's reaction was predictable. Once she had extracted the details from the barely coherent Jessica, she tore off for Matt's house. He had returned there after work, thinking that he had had enough time to compose himself for a conversation with Jessica.
It was a great relief to Matt that Jessica had left, but that relief was short-lived when Marie showed up. That encounter was actually cathartic, bringing the first bit of closure to the situation.
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