Good Medicine Sophomore YearChapter 19 Good Advice
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June 25, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio
“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or not,” I replied.
“Why?” Becky asked. “We’ve done it before. I don’t have a steady boyfriend. And you said you don’t have a steady girlfriend.”
“That’s true. May I ask a very blunt question?”
“Sure.”
“Are YOU looking to be my girlfriend?”
Becky shook her head slowly, “Remember what I said back in October? That I had no illusions about this and that I had no designs on you? But that if I had the ability to make a wish it would be to explore a relationship with you? Well, I want to explore one. I’m not asking for a commitment from you, Mike; just a chance. If nothing comes of it, then nothing comes of it. But I want you to make me feel the way you did that night in October and I want to make you feel good. Please?”
“I’m not sure how that would work with you in Michigan and me here.”
“We would talk on the phone, see each other occasionally on breaks, and see where it leads.”
I decided to try a bit of levity.
“Bed, I’m assuming.”
That had the desired effect, as Becky laughed, hard.
“Well, yes, but I meant in the future.”
“Bed IS in the future,” I said, continuing to tease her.
“I mean FURTHER in the future!” she said, still laughing. “As in after Monday!”
“If I agree to sleep with you, my dad is going to give me grief about it.”
“But not your mom?”
“Mom doesn’t give me grief; she just makes observations and lets me make the necessary conclusions.”
“Necessary?”
I chuckled, “If you remember, she just asks the right questions in a way that makes the answers obvious if you stop to think about them.”
“Your mom is totally cool. I talked with her a lot when I stayed here before going back to Michigan. Your dad always seemed a bit stand-offish, though he was really sweet.”
“He’s just quieter and more introspective,” I said. “I’ve started talking to him more and it’s helped. But usually I seek him out because he’s more comfortable that way.”
“Will you talk to him before we go to bed?”
“Slick,” I grinned. “I’ll talk to him and then decide IF we’re going to go to bed!”
“You don’t want to?”
“I never said that!” I protested. “I’m debating the wisdom of doing it.”
“Neither of us are virgins...”
“Obviously!” I interrupted, chuckling.
“And we’ve done it together before. We like each other and are friends. Maybe we can be more than friends; maybe not. But I LIKED having sex with you. I WANT to have sex with you! And if I recall correctly, and I’m sure I do, YOU liked having sex with ME!”
“I did.”
“I haven’t done it with anyone else, so it’s just the way you left it!” Becky smirked.
“I’m actually hoping it’s been washed since then!” I chuckled, wrinkling my nose.
“You dope! You know what I meant! And if you’re concerned, you could help me wash it! I’m sure you wouldn’t mind!”
“You know, my mom predicted this,” I said.
“That you would help me wash there?” Becky giggled.
“NO! When I told her I planned to sleep on the sofa bed she reminded me that’s not what happened last time.”
“So she’s OK with us sleeping together in your bed?”
“I think the best way to put it is that she won’t object.”
“And your dad?”
“Will tolerate it, but he’ll ask me questions to make sure I’m treating you properly.”
“Like, your techniques and how many times I orgasm?” she smirked.
“NO! That I’m not lying to you or misleading your or taking advantage of you.”
“And if I WANT to be taken advantage of?” she laughed.
“You really are in a mood tonight, aren’t you?”
“I thought you liked being silly and teasing.”
“I wasn’t objecting, I was just making an observation.”
“If we leave the lights on, I can observe your technique and report back, if necessary!”
“I don’t THINK so!” I chuckled.
“So no lights then?” she smirked.
“Lights are fine. Reporting back is NOT!”
“So you will?”
“Let me talk to my dad first, OK?”
“What are you going to say?”
“The truth. Then I’ll listen to what he has to say and decide what to do.”
“It’s so weird that you talk to your parents about sex!”
“I hope I can have these kinds of honest and frank talks with my kids. I think it’s helped me a lot. I just wish I’d started talking to my dad sooner.”
When we arrived home, I was happy to see my parents were still up, and I asked my dad to talk. We went down to his workshop where we could have some privacy.
“Your mom predicted you’d come talk to me when you came home.”
“I’m not really surprised,” I replied. “When I told Becky she could visit, Mom pretty much suggested what Becky had in mind.”
“And you think this is a good idea?”
“I didn’t come here to tell you that Becky and I are sharing a bed; I came here to talk to you about it.”
“But you’re going to do it, aren’t you?”
“I haven’t decided. She asked, and we talked about it on the way home from the movie.”
“You’re sleeping with Jocelyn,” he stated.
I nodded, “And last week she told me Becky was going to ask! Maybe I should have realized, but Becky likes me.”
“As in she wants to be your girlfriend?”
“So it would seem, though she was totally up front about the fact that distance presents a problem. She wants to explore a relationship.”
“Having sex is NOT exploring a relationship, Mike.”
“That’s not the exploration part,” I replied. “She was going to ask me to sleep with her no matter what. The fact that she’s interested in a potential relationship changes the picture pretty dramatically.”
“Are you interested in her that way?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know. Jocelyn and I have been having some serious heart-to-heart talks about that exact topic. Not about Becky, but about Melody, Tasha, Katy, and Angie.”
“Ask yourself this question, Mike — is that the kind of man you want to be?”
“Dad, the only girl I ever asked to have sex with me turned me down, and that was a good thing. I’m not casually having sex. In fact, I put the brakes on with two of the girls because I don’t want to be that ‘kind of man’, as you put it. Jocelyn and I had a long, deep conversation before I spent the night with her. Becky and I had one back in October, and another one tonight.
“I guess the thing to say is that I don’t think sex should be reserved for marriage, but I also don’t think it should be casual. I’ve turned down several girls at Taft because there was no relationship or real possibility of a relationship. And before you raise the question of Jocelyn, it’s complicated. Very complicated.”
Dad smiled and nodded, “So your mother says. You and Jocelyn have a very, very intimate relationship that started in kindergarten. She’s your best friend. You two are obviously compatible in every way imaginable.”
“You’re telling me she’s the perfect mate, aren’t you?”
“You could adopt, Mike.”
“Did you and Mom plot together?” I asked with a sigh.
“Your mom might have said something to me about it,” Dad said with a soft smile. “Being a parent isn’t only about biology.”
I took a deep breath and blew it out, “I hear you. Doctor Hart and I talked about options back when Jocelyn told me about the hysterectomy. I also did a bit of research into adoption. My real concern, as is Doctor Hart’s, and Jocelyn’s, for that matter, is that I’m so set on having biological children that marrying someone who can’t have kids might end in disaster.”
Dad nodded, “I can’t tell you what to do about that any more than I can tell you what to do about Becky. You’re an adult, Mike. But I think you should reconsider the situation with Jocelyn. Talk with her about it. Talk with your mom. Talk with your counselor if you feel the need to. Just be sure you’re making the right decision about Jocelyn.”
“You ARE telling me what to do about Becky,” I countered. “If I reconsider things with Jocelyn, then there isn’t a chance for Becky.”
“Despite my confidence, I’m not the one who has to decide. Neither is your mom. If YOU can’t do it, then don’t force the issue. Your mother and I have known Jocelyn for as long as you have; in fact, you insisted that we both meet her right away!”
I nodded, “I knew she was special that first day in kindergarten.”
“We’ve watched the two of you grow up together and have seen for years that the two of you have something special. There are married couples who can only dream of having a relationship similar to the one you two have. We are biased in Jocelyn’s favor, obviously, but we would never tell you what to do. We’ll love whichever girl you marry as our own daughter. You have my word on that.”
“Thanks,” I said, then sighed. “So much has happened. I just don’t know.”
“And if you don’t know, then you need to keep your options open. Don’t force things, Mike. That will only make things worse, and might ruin a beautiful friendship.”
“Which is what our concern was before we went to Cincinnati last Summer. It almost happened when she had her accident. We’ve managed to get past all of that and get our friendship back to where it was.”
“And now, in addition being afraid of doing anything to mess up the friendship, there is the question of biological children.”
“Yes,” I said nodding slowly. “But I don’t know if I can get past that stumbling block.”
“Only you can make that decision,” Dad said. “Don’t rush into it.”
“I have no plans to rush into anything with anyone.”
“Except bed with pretty young girls?”
I looked at my dad’s face and suppressed a laugh.
“Are you jealous?” I asked with a silly smile.
“That, Son, is a question I dare not answer!”
“Because he values his life!” Mom laughed from behind me.
“How long have you been listening?” I asked.
“Just from your dad’s question about pretty young girls!”
“And Dad saw you, didn’t he?” I grinned.
“Of course!”
“I think I’m going to go upstairs,” I said.
“Mike, do what’s best for you,” Mom said.
“As if that was an easy thing to figure out,” I sighed.
“Mike, make your own decision,” Dad said.
I nodded, “Good night.”
They both said ‘good night’ and I headed up the stairs to find Becky waiting in the living room. I needed time to think, and I probably needed to talk more with Becky. There was something gnawing at me, but it was something I couldn’t voice to anyone. I’d have to think it through for myself.
“Let’s take a walk,” I said.
Becky sagged back on the couch and looked sad. I walked over and took her hand, and led her out the front door. I remembered a walk taken just over a year previously where I was the one who was unhappy. Jocelyn, Dale, and I had walked into West Monroe, and back, after I’d blurted out my feeling for Jocelyn and she’d shot me down. And it was Jocelyn who was foremost in my mind.
What was bugging me was that if my parents were correct, and Jocelyn felt the same way, why in the world would she suggest I be with Becky? I was making an assumption, but the more I thought about it, the more I was sure the assumption was correct. Everything fit. So why? To drive a wedge between me and Melody? That certainly fit both what she had been saying and what my parents were saying.
“What did your dad say?” Becky asked quietly.
“Actually, it was mostly about Jocelyn, not about you.”
“Jocelyn? Why?”
“Because my parents believe she and I should be together. They both made some pretty strong arguments as to why.”
“Are you thinking of doing that?”
I shrugged, “I have no idea what I’m going to do. Mostly I’m trying to figure out what Jocelyn is thinking.”
“Isn’t she your best friend? Why not just ask her?”
I laughed, “If only it were that easy. She and I have talked about this, and I thought we’d come to a conclusion, but now I’m second guessing myself.”
“Why?”
“Because I could read what Jocelyn said in a couple of different ways, but there’s one way which makes everything fit.”
“You lost me.”
“Sorry. Basically, she encouraged me to date and just have fun, rather than try to have a serious girlfriend, at least for the next few years. The rationale she gave was about Tasha, and to some extent, Angie, but I wonder if it wasn’t really for her.”
“But she can’t have kids, right?”
“Which has been my hang-up ever since I found out about the hysterectomy following her accident. My dad said something today that really opened my eyes. He said being a parent isn’t only about biology.”
“No kidding,” Becky said with a sad sigh.
She had a very good point, even though it wasn’t uttered aloud. Her biological parents were downright evil and her life at home had been nightmarish.
“I guess I’m just not sure about adopting. First of all, from everything I understand, it’s expensive, and I wouldn’t be able to afford it until after my internship, if even then. Second, would an adoption agency put a baby with a family where the dad was working 96 hours a week? Or even 80, during my first year of Residency? Especially with my wife probably needing to work at least until I’m a Resident?
“It’s funny, because my mom said I had the relationship part worked out in my head, but that the practical matters would be what drove my decisions. She was talking about marriage, but I think babies, whether biological or adopted, are just as much of a practical challenge, if not more. With biological kids, it’s just making the decision for yourself. You don’t have social services agencies deciding if and when you can have a kid. And after my experience with Family Services, they are the LAST people I want involved in my decision to have kids.
“The other thing is, adoption takes a long time from what I hear. And if I can’t even start until I’m a Resident, and have to be approved, and then wait for a baby to be available, I’m not sure we could have the three or four kids I think I want by the time I’m thirty-five. I really don’t want to be in my fifties with three or four teenagers!”
“So kids are more important to you than who your wife is?” Becky asked.
“I guess it sounded that way, didn’t it?” I sighed. “That’s not what I believe. I was just going over the practical issues. It’s the same as figuring out my finances. I sometimes get locked into a mode of thinking when I’m trying to resolve what appears to be a blockade to what I want. Kind of like my focus on school.”
“Maybe that’s what Jocelyn is trying to get you to do — forget those practical issues which don’t matter until much later and just enjoy being in college.”
“That has to be tempered with ensuring I get straight A’s. Right now, that has to take priority.”
“Including over relationships, right?”
I nodded, “Yes.”
“Sorry to go back to the issue of kids, but you know there are no guarantees you could have your own, and sometimes it takes a long time, too.”
“I know, though April Nash and Jocelyn’s parents might dispute that!”
“Liz told me your ex-girlfriend was pregnant. Do you think she was trying to trap you?”
“You mean because she asked to go out with me? I have no idea. Liz thought it might be possible, but I just don’t think April would do something like that. That said, I do think if I’d slept with her she would have taken it as a commitment to marry her, and THAT would have ended in disaster because she wouldn’t marry in the Orthodox Church.”
“So, back to the present ... what are you going to do?”
“The more I think about it, the more I’m sure Jocelyn is right, and that I shouldn’t be overly serious with anyone in the short term, and not worry about it for a couple of years. That’s when at least one situation will come to a head.”
“Tasha?”
“Yes. Around the time she graduates, or a bit before, she’s going to expect to be my steady girlfriend. I can put off a decision until then, but no longer. And it will foreclose that possibility if I don’t ask her by then.”
“And you and me?”
“Actually, a couple of things we’ve talked about are relevant. You’re Baptist; I’m Russian Orthodox. And there’s the situation with my education and training. You said you wanted to explore a relationship, but those two things are pretty much not negotiable. There’s a bit of wiggle room on Church, but it’s about how much, not what, if you get my drift.”
“Church I think I could deal with. It would be strange at first, but I’m pretty sure it would be OK. Despite the situation at home, I always felt I’d marry a good Christian man.”
I chuckled, “I’m not sure I’m all that good!”
Becky smiled, “We both sinned. Together!”
“A fair point,” I chuckled. “Have you ever been to a service at a Catholic church?”
“Once, with my friend. I didn’t find it all that weird, though my dad flipped out when he heard about it.”
“And you saw our church last Summer, so you know we’re kind of over the top compared to Roman Catholics.”
“‘Smells and bells’ as my dad called it? Obviously, I’d need to experience an actual service, but I think I’d be fine. It’s the not having significant time with you during your training part that is the real concern. I just have no idea how I’d feel. But we’re apart most of the time now, so, maybe, that tells me something. But if you’re not going to go steady with anyone for a couple of years, does that matter right now?”
“I suppose it doesn’t, though if you come to the conclusion you can’t handle either of those things it would mean it could never get serious.”
February 27, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Father, Angie had to withdraw from school for health reasons, and she’s gone home to Cincinnati.” “Lord have mercy! I didn’t realize she was ill! Do you have her home number?” I nodded and handed him a piece of paper, “You might want to speak to her mom first.” He nodded, “I’ll do that. She’s aware of Angela’s intention to be chrismated?” “Yes. They helped her find a church in Loveland to attend last Summer when she was home. They’re supportive, but...
February 5, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I owe you an apology for earlier. Not for what I said, but how I said it.” “And I owe you one for interfering in something I shouldn’t have.” “I’m going to need to talk to Dad, too,” I said. “But again, only for walking away, not for objecting to his classification of April as not being a ‘nice’ girl.” “I thought for a moment you were going to say, ‘make Mom’ instead of ‘make me’.” “For a moment, I was. But at that split second good sense overcame my...
May 9, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Is something wrong?” Kristin asked on Monday morning. “What do you mean?” “It just felt as if you were somewhere else last night when we were fooling around.” I had been, because once my sleep deprivation was past, I had basically obsessed on the bishop’s comment about ‘choosing’ and the myriad of possibilities I had to choose from, AND the potential problems each of them might create. What he had said about serving at the cathedral and in other parishes only...
June 12, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “What’s going on between you and Jocelyn?” Mom asked when I returned upstairs after talking to Dad. “I thought that was obvious,” I smirked. “Or did you want details?” “Pass,” Mom laughed. “But seriously, Mike, what’s going on?” “We love each other. We had a long, long talk about everything and this is what we want to do. We’re not going to marry; we both understand that. And I’m not going steady with Melody.” “Do you love Melody?” I shrugged, “I have no...
January 29, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “These cookies are excellent!” I took another bite and washed it down with a bit of hot cocoa. “Believe it not, it’s just the ‘Toll House’ recipe!” Kristin said. “I’m glad you like them.” “You liked my songs?” “Oh man, those love songs made me shiver! You must have really loved her.” “I did, and I still do, but it doesn’t really matter now.” “I guess not,” she said quietly. “Why pick me to sing to?” “I saw a pretty girl who didn’t have a guy with her,”...
January 13, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Mike?” I heard from behind me. I was sitting on a bench under a tree while snow fell around me. I wasn’t wearing a hat or coat or gloves because I hadn’t put them on when I’d walked from my room. I’d wandered around for a bit, then sat down on a bench near the edge of campus. “Mike?” the voice repeated, but I didn’t respond. I was still reeling from the pictures Jocelyn had sent me. It wasn’t that she was having sex, apparently, with a bunch of different...
June 6, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Jos,” I sighed. “It’s not that simple.” “Isn’t it?” “Come on! You know that would end things between Melody and me!” “I believe Melody has been good for you, but is she THE ONE? Wait! Don’t answer. If she was, you wouldn’t be dating Tasha and Katy, and you wouldn’t still be carrying a torch for Angie.” “Angie is just a friend,” I protested. Jocelyn smiled, “I’ll take that wager anytime you want to make it. You can answer my first question now.” I...
August 20, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Mike Loucks,” I said to the young woman at the desk in the brand-new Rickenbacker dorm. She flipped through the manila envelopes and pulled out the one with my name on it. “Your room key, a sticker for your ID to update it for this year, a new student handbook, and your parking sticker,” she said. “Parking sticker?” “The lots are all numbered now, and you can only park in the lot you’re assigned to. Yours should be next to this dorm.” “What about...
September 14, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “How did your parents fight?” Doctor Hart asked. “They didn’t,” I replied. “Whenever my dad disagreed with my mom, he went to his workshop in the basement.” Doctor Hart smiled, “OK, perhaps I should have phrased that better. How did they resolve conflicts?” “Just as I described.” “And after he hid in his workshop?” “He basically stayed there until he accepted that my mom was right, then went to make up. Do NOT ask me how!” Doctor Hart laughed, “The...
March 25, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to talk to you earlier,” I said to Mom when I arrived home. “I understand. You’re home a bit early.” “There really wasn’t anything playing at the movies we wanted to see. We’re going to have breakfast tomorrow and spend the day together. We’ll be at Vespers, though to prevent any explosions I’ll drop her at home so she can come to church with her family.” “I talked to your grandfather on her behalf,” Mom said. “I think...
October 16, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “I had the weirdest experience today.” “Oh?” Mom asked with an arched eyebrow. “I stopped in to see April. She was nursing Chastity. Later, April let me hold her. I was just blown away by the whole experience.” “Babies change your life in many, many ways.” I nodded, “It was like scales fell from my eyes. You know, things I knew intellectually but didn’t really understand.” “Care to share?” “Let’s just say my views on female anatomy changed a...
January 1, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Good afternoon, Father Deacon,” I said. “Good afternoon, Mikhail Petrovich. Sit down, please.” Tasha and I exchanged a look and we sat down on the settee, but with about a foot of empty cushion between us. “I would like the truth, Mikhail Petrovich. Have you and Tasha been behaving inappropriately?” That was a good question to which ONE answer was ‘yes’, but another answer was ‘no’. I was reasonably certain he was asking the second question, not the...
April 3, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Hi, Mike!” “Hi, Mrs. Landers.” “Come on in. Nancy is putting the finishing touches on dinner.” I hadn’t said anything to Nancy about my fasting rule because I didn’t want to create any issues with their Easter dinner. “Thanks!” “Your Easter isn’t for another month, right?” she asked. “May 8th, though our service starts about 10:30pm the night before.” “We went to midnight mass when I was little, but Nancy and I prefer the first morning mass at 5:30am....
July 23, 1982, Circleville, Ohio “I’m sorry I missed our date late Friday,” Katy said after greeting me with a kiss and letting me into the house. “That’s the fourth time you’ve apologized! I accepted your apology when you called to tell me, and for that, you don’t have to apologize! How is your grandmother?” “No change since we spoke on Wednesday. Mom is still there, so it’s just Dad and me. He’s out with his friends tonight, so we have the run of the house. I figured we’d cook, eat, use...
January 25, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “You won’t believe what happened on Sunday,” Dale laughed. “What?” “You know Pam’s roommate? The hot cheerleader chick?” “The one you’ve been drooling over since day one?” “Yeah, but I think I have to reconsider. Liking her appears to be VERY dangerous!” “What happened?” “Remember how I said she was dating a guy, even though she was hung up on a guy from Chicago?” “Sure.” “I found out Pam dated him at one point, too! The guy is a legend! Anyway, he...
July 25, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Hi, Angie, it’s Mike,” I said when she answered the phone on Sunday afternoon. “Mike? We just talked during the week! What’s up? Is there a problem with me coming to visit in two weeks?” “No, not at all. I wanted to talk to you about the problems I’m having with Jocelyn.” “Uh-oh. Did something bad happen?” “You could say that,” I sighed. “Do you have time to talk? This won’t be a short conversation.” “For you? Of course!” I explained, as best I could,...
February 7, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Hi!” Kristin gushed when I went to her room just after lunch. “Come in!” I walked into her room and she offered hot cocoa, which I accepted. We sat down on the couch. “Sorry I ran out of cookies. Mom will send more in another week or so.” “I’ll need to run an additional lap every morning to make up for the extra calories!” “I go to a dance class three days a week to keep in shape. I heard you’re into karate.” “Yes, I go three times a week as...
August 28, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Duh!” she laughed softly. “I’m in your bed! What do you think?” “I think you need to go back to my sister’s room before she or my parents find out and kill both of us!” “Come on, Mike! I want to do it with you! Don’t you want to do it with me?!” She was cute and had a great body, but the LAST thing I needed was ANY kind of relationship with Mindy, even one where I only did what I’d joked with my mom about doing — banging her like a drum! “Just go,...
September 12, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Hi, Jos,” I said when her roommate called her to the phone. “Hi. How are things?” ‘Shitty!’ I wanted to say, and not in Russian. I also wanted to tell her I missed her and wanted to see her, but saying that might only make things worse. At this point, though, I wondered what ‘worse’ might be. “OK. How are you doing?” “I’m getting used to the routine and how different things are here from West Monroe.” Her answer was flat, and she sounded...
October 8, 1982, Circleville, Ohio “I want to, yes, of course; but we reset things for good reasons. Why the change?” Katy got up from the couch and sat back down in my lap, draping her arms over my shoulders. “I wanted to from the minute I saw you naked. I’ve dreamed about what it would be like.” “I felt the same way when I saw you naked,” I said. “Well, even before, when you first let me touch you. But I can’t promise you anything right now, Katy.” She sighed deeply, then moved her...
October 16, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio After my talk with Mom, I went to find Liz, and invited her to sit on the floor of my room to talk. We sat side-by-side, leaning against the bed. “Why in here and not in the basement?” I felt it was my duty to warn Liz, as my sister, of the way voices carried through the heating ducts. Mom had told me, in confidence, but I couldn’t in good conscience keep that vital piece of information from Liz. “Because voices carry through the heating ducts,” I...
November 13, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “So, what do you want to do tonight?” Nancy laughed, “As if you have to ask!” “I mean BESIDES that!” “How about we grab some dinner and then see The Man from Snowy River. It’s an Australian film and it’s had excellent reviews. Then we can come back here.” “Dinner and a movie, sure. The other thing? Let’s not move so fast, OK?” “We’ve done it before...” “Yes, we have. Remember that I gave you a choice? I think you immediately figured out what the choice...
November 29, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Now that you’ve had a night to sleep on it, what do you think?” Sandy asked, snuggling close. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to ask you?” “Probably, but I thought you might have changed your mind or had more of an idea what you meant.” “I asked my mom if there was anything wrong with marrying a friend.” “Me?! Have you lost your mind?” “A long time ago!” I chuckled. “Probably about the time the heavy doses of testosterone started coursing through my body...
January 2, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio When I arrived at church on Sunday morning, I was pleased to see Deacon Vasily with Father Herman, saying their entry prayers. I stood quietly in the nave while one of the acolytes, a Junior in High School, lit the oil lamps and ensured everything was properly arranged in the altar. As I stood there, I wondered what would happen when Tasha arrived. Where she stood would speak volumes about what had happened the previous evening when they had missed...
March 8, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “You don’t look happy, Mike,” Mom said when I greeted her after arriving home. “Tasha and I had a serious disagreement.” “Uh-oh. Because of her dad?” I shook my head, “No, it’s way more complicated. We can talk after dinner if that’s OK.” “Sure. Your sister and her friends are up in her room.” “The tradition I started?” I grinned. “Exactly. You had Jocelyn and Dale at every birthday celebration from the time you were in second grade. And before that,...
December 18, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Don’t you want to give this to Jocelyn directly?” Mrs. Mills asked. “Want to? Sure. But she made it clear she doesn’t want to see me. I’m half-expecting her to return the gift unopened.” “Not if I have anything to say about it!” she replied firmly. “Please don’t force the issue,” I pleaded. “Whatever is wrong with Jocelyn isn’t going to change because you pressure her. In fact, that might actually make things worse. “I’m not sure they could be worse...
December 27, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m tempted, but not tonight. I’m not saying never, but not tonight.” Janey frowned, “Nothing I can do to change your mind?” “Remember what I said about slow but sure.” “Can I see you again before you go back to Taft?” “Maybe Friday?” “Sure.” “We’ll talk at work. You work every day, right?” “Yes. How about another kiss?” I smiled and pulled her closer again and we exchanged another soft French kiss. “Good night,” I said when we broke the kiss a...
February 4, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Emmy?! What are you doing here?” “She came to talk to me,” Liz said quietly, from behind me. “OK. Is there anything I can help with?” “No.” “You know, if her dad finds her here...” “I know. Just go upstairs, OK? I’ll come talk to you later.” I nodded and went upstairs. The door to my parents’ bedroom was closed, and I didn’t see any light leaking from under the door, which meant they were most likely asleep. I stopped in the bathroom to brush my...
October 26, 1982, McKinley, Ohio When we returned from biology lab on Tuesday morning, a large group was milling around the entrance to the dorms. I saw Melody and walked over to ask her what the issue was. “The police busted Jeremy for pot,” she said. “Nobody can go into the dorm right now.” “What? For one or two joints? I thought they decriminalized pot.” Melody laughed, “One or two joints? You’re joking, right? He’s the main supplier in our dorm! How did you not know that?” “Because I...
January 21, 1983, McKinley, Ohio I still hadn’t decided on the answer to Clarissa’s final question when Angie and I went to run on Friday morning. One thing I was reasonably sure of was that saying ‘no’ would likely be equivalent to saying, ‘not yet’. Milena and her friends didn’t seem likely to withdraw the offer anytime soon, though they would all complete their Master’s or undergrad degrees in May. But that wasn’t the thing which was in the front of my mind. What was foremost was what...
January 21, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Light snow was falling as Angie and I left Doctor Blahnik’s house to walk back to the dorm. “That was fun,” Angie said. “Sorry about the minor indiscretion.” “It’s OK, Mike. Why would she assume otherwise? She knows we run together, pray together, and go to church together. Why do you think everyone calls me ‘Mrs. Loucks’?” “But still...” “She’s just very open and a lot of fun. I wish more professors were like her, even if she made me turn purple!” “I...
September 16, 1982, McKinley, Ohio Sandy hadn’t moved, but the feeling of her leaning against me changed with her question. My first thought was Angie, and I lifted my eyes to hers, and found a bemused look on her face. I realized, at that moment, that the dorm opinion of her being ‘Mrs. Loucks’ wasn’t all that far-fetched. In some ways, I was treating her that way, and she certainly was, in some ways, acting like a wife. I’d known that before, but my instant, gut reaction of looking to her...
December 26, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Shit!” I swore vehemently, and in English for effect, when I walked out onto the porch on Sunday morning. “Mikhail Petrovich!” Mom said sternly. I picked up the box on the front porch and turned to show her. “«Говно»!” she replied. I nodded, “Nice to know you agree with me.” The box was the one that held the two stuffed rabbits I’d bought for Jocelyn. The fact that she’d returned them spoke volumes, and short of putting up a tombstone, I wasn’t sure...
January 1, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “It’s open, Mindy!” I called out. The door opened and she came into the room. “You were expecting me?” “I’d have been seriously disappointed in my ability to predict your behavior if you hadn’t shown up!” “A little too obvious?” “You might say that! May I give you a tip?” “I’d rather have the whole thing!” Mindy smirked. I laughed so hard I had to sit down on the bed so I wouldn’t fall over. It took me a full minute to recover enough to be able to...
March 26, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio Vespers with Tasha next to me was positively weird. I had no idea what she was thinking nor what she intended. But the MESSAGE she was sending was loud and clear to anyone who saw us, and was very specific for three people — Janey, declaring I was STILL Tasha’s property; Deacon Vasily, declaring she was still going to see me; and Mr. Orlov, stating that she didn’t care about his opinion. I could tell the message to Janey was clearly received when she looked...
April 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “So what had you nearly bursting at breakfast this morning?” “I’m no longer a virgin!” Clarissa exclaimed. “And Oh! My! God!” “That good, huh?” I grinned. “You have NO idea. Well, maybe you do because you’ve had sex!” “From a guy’s perspective, anyway.” “Can I ask you something?” “Sure.” “Do you like the taste?” I nodded, “Very much so.” “And do different girls taste differently?” “Yes, but it’s kind of subtle, though I notice. Did you kiss her...
April 23, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Tasha demanded you not date me?” Janey asked. “Actually, she requested that if I date her, I not date anyone at either church because of the trouble it could cause with her father, the priests, and Vladyka ARKADY.” “Very neatly excluding me by appealing to your desire for peace.” “I know that’s how it looks, but honestly, I wasn’t seeing you at the time, and certainly didn’t believe you were going to show up here tonight to talk to me, or any other time for...
Palm Sunday, May 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Where are your palm branches?” Clarissa asked when I returned home from church. “Just how many palm trees do YOU think grew around Moscow and Saint Petersburg?” “Probably not too many.” “Which is why I have pussy willows in my hand!” “It’s Palm Sunday and you’ve already been to church Friday night, Saturday morning and night, and this morning.” “It’s only just begun,” I chuckled. “Tonight is the first Bridegroom Matins.” “If I wanted to see the...
August 23, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Well, here we go again!” Jason said as he, Clarissa, Sandy, and I plopped into front row seats in the O-Chem classroom.” “Look at it this way,” Sandy laughed. “You’re about one sixth of the way done. We doctors are about one eighth, not counting the Summers we have to work for no pay and our intern year when we get a small stipend! By then you’ll be earning major bucks developing bioweapons for the CIA!” “I’m actually thinking of doing a PhD at some point,...
January 15, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “No way!” Dale protested. “I’m serious, Dale. Ten Polaroids. She sent them to my parents’ house and my mom brought the envelope to me on Thursday.” “I don’t believe it. That’s not her. It’s not!” “They came from Purdue,” I said. “They were postmarked ‘West Lafayette, Indiana’ on Saturday.” “Shit. I called her on Saturday morning. I pushed her to admit you guys had been together. I’m sorry, Mike.” “It’s not your fault, Dale.” “But I think she did that in...
February 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “What the heck were you thinking?” Doctor Hart snapped. “That has to be about the dumbest thing you could possibly have done!” “Funny thing,” I said. “I agree with you.” “There is nothing funny about what you did! You’re lucky as hell that it turned out as well as it did!” “Again, funny thing, I agree with you.” “Cut it out, Mike!” “Sorry. I beat myself up enough about this that I’m not sure I need your help.” “So why tell me?” “I thought I was...
February 5, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “This is heavenly,” Janey sighed. She was sitting in front of me, leaned back, with my arms around her, in a tub full of warm water and lavender bubble bath. “I could get really used to this,” I agreed. “When you finally get paid a decent amount, we’ll build a big house with a shower and tub like this.” “And a sauna,” I said. “Who has a sauna?” “Katy’s parents.” Janey laughed, “Did you?” “Just some fooling around but not that.” I ran my hands up...
February 15, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “How did it go?” Clarissa asked when I walked out of the interview room. “I owe you guys big time! My biographical sketch seemed well received, and the answers you all helped me prepare were perfect. Dean Parker walked right into Melody’s trap!” Melody laughed, “Of COURSE she did. She’s so predictable. Did she try to pry into your private life?” “She started to ask the question and Dean Foster cut her off before she could finish.” “Awesome!” The three...
February 20, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Clarissa and I lay together for about fifteen minutes before I heard voices and a soft knock on the bedroom door. “I think the posse is here,” I chuckled. “Bummer,” she sighed. I reluctantly released her, and we sat up on the bed, leaning back against the wall. “Come in!” I called out. Sandy opened the door and I could see the rest of the gang was with her. “Anything interesting going on in here?” she smirked. “Just the lesbian girl talking to her...
March 28, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio As I drove home, I considered my conversation with Tasha, and realized it was, in its own way, very close in character to conversations I’d had with Clarissa — intimate, honest, and designed to build a relationship. That, as much as anything else, confirmed that her conditions were not only wise, but the correct course of action. In one sense, it really only excluded Janey, but I felt my conversation, or rather, attempted conversation, with her had closed...
July 16, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “You’re not seeing Katy tonight?” Mom asked on Friday morning. “No. Her grandmother, who lives in Pittsburgh, fell and broke her hip. They were leaving this morning and won’t be back until sometime next week.” “We haven’t talked about you and Jocelyn since last Saturday.” “There isn’t much to say,” I said. “She and her parents are basically not talking. That’s why we’ve been hanging out here, at the pool, or at Grant Park.” And Jackson Lake, but I didn’t...
August 18, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “And you’ll come home and see me, Mishka?” “Of course, Tasha!” I replied. “On breaks for sure, and I promise to try to come home at least one weekend a month, though I can’t guarantee it.” “Dad said I’m allowed to come see you, but I have to bring Sasha with me and Sasha has to be with us the entire time!” I chuckled, “I don’t think he trusts you to be in my dorm room!” “I think you’re right!” she giggled. “He’s afraid we will make passionate love...
October 31, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “What are you doing here?” I asked. “And please tell me you just arrived!” “Mom and Dad were away for the weekend,” Emmy replied with a smirk, “so I came to visit! And I got here last night!” “Please tell me you didn’t...” “All night! Wow!” “Your dad will kill ALL of us if he finds out!” “I’m not going to tell him! Are you?” “No, of course not! But seriously, Emmy, this was super dangerous!” “And super fun!” “Where’s Clark?” “He went to the...
March 12, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Cheating on me? Really?” “I know it sounds strange, but I know how much you and I love each other, and how close and intimate we are, even if we don’t kiss and touch and stuff. It’s really weird. I WANT to be with Glenda, you know, that way, but that doesn’t change the feeling.” “That way?” I grinned. “I know you aren’t clueless, Petrovich! You do the same things!” “I know. I’m teasing you, Lissa! Is this feeling going to be a problem?” “I don’t think so....
March 27, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I told Mom I’d make you dinner tonight,” I said to Liz when I arrived home. “How does penne pasta with arrabbiata sauce and a salad grab you?” “That sounds good! I could invite Mindy and Maggie?” “It’s up to you,” I replied flatly. “I have enough ingredients and there’s plenty of penne in the cabinet.” “Is something bugging you?” “Not bugging me, per se, just making me think. I had a long talk with Tasha and the last thing she said was very, very...
April 9, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “I still don’t like the way Clarissa interfered last night,” Kristin said on Saturday morning after we made love. “You know how important church is to me, right?” “Sure, but she didn’t have to be a bitch about it!” I took a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t see it that way. She was simply trying to point out something which is true. When Holy Week rolls around, I’ll be in church every evening from the Friday before Palm Sunday until the following...
August 1, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio Soft laughter reached my ear from Cincinnati via the magic of the Bell Telephone Network. “That is just TOO funny!” Angie declared. “Funny? Why do you find it funny?” “College boy breaks up with girlfriend and has serious falling out with his best friend. Swears newfound celibacy and is almost instantly propositioned by two High School girls who are ‘off limits’ because he decided High School girls are too immature, despite dating two other High School...
September 9, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “White boy! Phone for you!” Clark called out on Thursday evening while I was with the study group. I got up and went to our room to pick up the phone. “Hello?” “Hi, Mikey,” Liz replied. “I just called to say, ‘thank you’.” “For what?” “Making Mindy come back to my room.” I chuckled, “Do you know how difficult it was to kick a hot, naked fox out of my bed? And then, after she turned on the lights so I could see her body, kick her out of my room?” Liz...
October 2, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Mishka!” Tasha squealed. She flew across the lobby to where I’d just stepped off the elevator and threw her arms around me. I hugged her, and then she kissed me, turning a soft kiss into a fierce French kiss, pressing her body against mine. It was a good minute before she broke the kiss and released me. “Hi, Mike!” Sasha laughed. “Hi, Sasha.” Her eyes twinkled, and she gave me a very nice hug. “I don’t think Tasha would like me kissing you the way she...
November 20, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “No bacon or eggs? Seriously?” April asked on Saturday morning. “The general rule for fasting is no animal products of any kind.” “But you didn’t do that when we were dating?” “Because I wasn’t interested in debating it with you,” I replied. “That was probably a mistake on my part.” “So now what?” “I’ll eat what you’re making,” I said. “It falls under the ‘hospitality’ rule which says you should eat what you’re served. I’ll eat waffles, eggs, and...
December 31, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Why don’t you come inside for a bit?” Janey said. “Just hang out, OK?” I smirked,” Will you walk into my parlour?’ said the Spider to the Fly, ‘Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy; The way into my parlour is up a winding stair, And I’ve a many curious things to show when you are there. “ “So, like Hotel California? You can check out any time you like but you can never leave?” I chuckled, “That’s probably not QUITE as culturally...
January 30, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Well isn’t THIS a fine mess,” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to depress you,” Clarissa said. “I was trying to make a point.” “Besides the fact that we’re in love, soulmates, and you’re a lesbian, which kind of makes it all moot?” “Oh, it most definitely does NOT! For someone who has been with at least half-a-dozen girls by my count, you sure have this really stupid mindset about sex! If it was so damned meaningful, you wouldn’t be so free with it! Get your head...
March 9, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio If Tasha hadn’t already been upset by Clarissa, Robby, and Lee, her face showed she was beyond livid with me now. The kiss Janey and I had exchanged wasn’t just a peck on the lips, but the kiss of a boyfriend and girlfriend, if not lovers. And Tasha had seen it. She knew I dated, but she didn’t know I was involved with Janey to that degree. And given the spat Tasha and I’d had the previous night, I could imagine all the evil thoughts going through her...