Good Medicine Sophomore YearChapter 26 Martyrdom
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December 18, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio
“Don’t you want to give this to Jocelyn directly?” Mrs. Mills asked.
“Want to? Sure. But she made it clear she doesn’t want to see me. I’m half-expecting her to return the gift unopened.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it!” she replied firmly.
“Please don’t force the issue,” I pleaded. “Whatever is wrong with Jocelyn isn’t going to change because you pressure her. In fact, that might actually make things worse.
“I’m not sure they could be worse between the two of you.”
“I do not want to find out,” I said. “Please just put the gift under the tree and let her open it on Christmas morning, if she wants.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I’m not sure about anything, Mrs. Mills, except that I love Jocelyn and want to fix this.”
“Do you want me to give her a message?”
I shook my head, “No. Just ensure the gift is under the tree as I asked.”
“I’m sorry, Mike.”
“Thanks.”
I headed back home where I found Liz sprawled out on the sofa.
“How are you doing, Liz?” I asked.
“OK.”
“Mom said you and Mindy had a fight.”
“I tried to do what you said. I had a fight with Emmy, too.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not really your fault. Emmy just has a big mouth.”
“Is that what started this whole thing?”
Liz sat up and I went to sit on the couch next to her.
“I think so. Emmy was bragging about how great you were, and Mindy got the idea she wanted the same thing. And Emmy just kind of egged her on.”
“Great, huh?” I smirked.
“Don’t be gross, Mikey!”
“What was Emmy’s point?”
“I don’t know, really. And she’s pissed you’re trying to interfere with her and Clark.”
“There IS NO ‘her and Clark’. There’s Clark liking the idea of screwing the racist’s daughter. And I guess Emmy is doing it to get back at her dad; though if he ever finds out...”
“Yeah.”
“She’s not going to stop, is she?”
“No.”
“Nuts,” I sighed. “If I don’t get the RA position, I’m going to have to change roommates.”
“That sucks.”
“Have you heard from you know who?” I asked.
“Mom and Dad went to Grandpa’s. It’s safe to talk. Yes. You aren’t upset anymore?”
“Would it change anything if I was?”
“No. I know what I want, Mikey. I know Mom and Dad will freak and I’ll need you.”
“I love you, Liz. I think you’re making a mistake, but it’s your life and you have to live it the way you want.”
“Thank you. Can I ask you a serious question?”
“Sure.”
“Most guys would just do what Mindy wants. She’s cute, has great tits, and she’s practically begging for it.”
“Not practically,” I said with a slight smile. “Actually. It just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. It’s not because I’m hung up on Jocelyn or Angie or Tasha or Katy, either. There needs to be something more than just going to bed with anyone who asks. Maybe you don’t agree, but that’s my take. I’m not saying you have to be in a committed relationship, but sex just for the sake of sex doesn’t make sense to me. And I’m not sure I COULD have sex just for the sake of having sex.”
“You’ve never just wanted to fuck someone and done it?”
“I THINK the answer to that is ‘no’. But I don’t trust my understanding of my own motivations enough to say definitively.”
“Too much church!”
“I don’t think that’s the whole answer. At first it was, but now I’ve discovered that it’s WAY more complicated.”
“It’s just sex!”
I shook my head, “Not for me. And that’s my decision. Just as being with Paul is your decision.”
“Well, at least you didn’t pick up Dad’s warped views, though Mom isn’t a lot better.”
“I think you haven’t talked with either of them enough to know what they think. Part of the problem is how Mom found out you were having sex, but also with whom you were having sex. You blurting out you weren’t a virgin probably wasn’t the best way to start that conversation.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered, really. You’re a guy, and they would have been WAY less upset about it if you were fifteen, even if I waited until I was eighteen.”
I shook my head, “As I said, you haven’t talked with them enough to know. And I haven’t told you what they’ve said to me. But don’t assume they approve or that they haven’t let me know why they think I’m wrong.”
“Think they’d EVER have let Paul sleep over the way they have Becky?”
“I think the circumstances are so different that there is no way to compare them! But you know what? Dialogue helps. I know you don’t want to talk to them, but you should.”
Liz shook her head, “They don’t understand, and they never will.”
“I think you have to give them a chance.”
“Just like you gave Mindy?” Liz smirked.
“Totally different circumstances. Talk to Mom and Dad. Really talk. That means listening, too.”
“I’ll just cause bigger problems and make everyone mad. No.”
I shrugged, “It’s up to you, but I’d sure try it.”
“Oh, I almost forgot. There’s a note by the phone. April called and wondered if you would come to lunch today.”
“I don’t have plans, so maybe I will.”
“She’s reeling you in!” Liz laughed.
“No chance. There’s example number one of why it’s not ‘just sex’. Or example number two if you consider how badly things went with Jocelyn once she had her accident. Let me go call April.”
I got up and went to the kitchen and called April, and agreed to come by her house around noon for lunch. After I hung up, I went back to sit with Liz. We talked for another hour or so, mostly about school and friends, hers and mine, and then I changed clothes and drove to April’s house.
Cassie was working, but Mr. Nash was home. He left us alone, though, and it was April, Chastity and me in the kitchen. April was kind enough to have remembered that it was the Nativity Fast and served vegetarian vegetable soup and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When we finished eating, she fed Chastity, and then handed her to me to hold for a bit.
“You look like a natural,” Mr. Nash observed as he walked through the living room.
“She’s a cute little thing,” I said. “But I don’t think I’m ready for one of my own just yet!”
“Here’s a tip for you Mike, and I don’t mean this in a way that’s trying to pair you off with April, but you’re never ready. Having a baby is life-changing in ways you wouldn’t expect. Decide when is the best time to have your kids and have them. Don’t wait until you’re ready, because you’ll NEVER be ready, if you get my meaning.”
I nodded, “It’s an awesome responsibility.”
“And perhaps the most fulfilling thing I’ve done in my life,” he said with a smile. “I’ll leave you two kids alone now. I have a few hours of work to do in the garage.”
He went out the front door and I saw him walk past the front window to the detached garage.
“Let me put her down,” April said.
I carefully handed Chastity to April and April swaddled Chastity in a blanket, then put her in the playpen to sleep.
“If I wrap her arms like that, she sleeps better and doesn’t startle herself awake.”
“I’ll file that tip away for much later,” I chuckled.
April came back to sit next to me on the couch.
“Dad said he won’t bother us for a couple of hours,” she said quietly.
“April,” I said gently. “That’s a really bad idea.”
“Why? He won’t get angry. He likes you a lot, Mike. And it’s not like he thinks I’m a virgin!”
“Obviously!” I laughed. “But I was more worried about YOU than about your dad. I can’t make the kind of commitment you’re looking for. And before you protest, I’m not even talking about marriage or engagement, but the idea that it might be possible. I don’t think it is.”
“Ever?” she asked.
I shrugged, “Never is a long time, but we have fundamental differences which would create serious long-term problems.”
“Church?”
“That’s a big one, yes. But there’s also the challenge of supporting a wife and kid now, or during medical school. You’d have to support the family at least until I became a Resident.”
“And if I just wanted someone I cared about to make me feel good and make me feel loved?”
“Sex isn’t love,” I said gently. “They’re related, obviously, but having sex doesn’t mean you’re being loved. There’s a difference between making love, and well, pardon me, fucking.”
April laughed, “You were always so proper!”
I nodded, “I know. But I think you’re asking for the first, not the second, even if you say it’s the second. I don’t think it is. And I can’t do that with you.”
“Ever?”
“Again, ‘ever’ is a long time. I have no idea what’s going to happen in the future, but you can’t count on it even being a possibility. I like you a lot. But that’s not enough.”
“You know I never stopped loving you,” she sighed.
I nodded, “I was sure that was the case when we broke up, and I’m sure it’s the case now. But I’ve changed a lot since then.”
“So have I!” she protested.
“Yes, of course you have. And in a sense, that’s the key to the fact we can’t go back to what we had before. Anything that might happen would have to be new, and based on developing a relationship.”
“But isn’t that what we’re doing?”
I nodded, “Yes, though neither of us know where it’s going to lead, but the one place it simply can’t lead today is to your bed.”
“You don’t have to do it in bed!” April teased.
“I know,” I chuckled. “But I’m sure you understand what I was trying to say.”
“I do,” she sighed, and sagged back on the couch.
“We can be friends, April. I mean, if you want. If seeing me causes you to be upset, I understand.”
She shook her head, “No. It’s just, well, I’m lonely and I really enjoyed being with you when we were dating. I was foolish and should have had more of an open mind. Now I guess it’s too late.”
“I know I’m repeating myself, but I CAN commit to being your friend and seeing you when I come home. If you want.”
She scooted close and put her head on my shoulder. I debated, briefly, if I should put my arm around her, and decided I could. We sat for about ten minutes with her head on my shoulder and my arm around her, and then she sat up.
“Thanks,” April said. “Will you come see me again before you go back to school?”
“I’m working all next week, but I think I could manage an evening, if that’s OK.”
“Sure. Just let me know which one.”
“I will.”
We got up and she walked me to the door where we exchanged a chaste hug, and then I headed home.
“How is April?” Mom asked when I walked in.
“Lonely, but otherwise OK.”
“And her baby?”
“Chastity is REALLY cute, and she likes me. It’s cool holding her, but I am NOT ready for one of my own anytime soon! This one I can give back whenever I want!”
Mom laughed, “Exactly what your grandfather says about grandkids! While I’m not saying anything about April, could you see yourself raising Chastity?”
“I guess so. Why do you ask?”
“Dear God,” Mom said with an exaggerated sigh, “my son is extremely smart and TOTALLY clueless!”
Doubly-so, given we’d actually discussed the point in the not-too-distant past.
“Jocelyn,” I said.
“Jocelyn.”
I took a deep breath and let it out.
“She’d have to actually talk to me first,” I said. “And that doesn’t look as if it’s going to happen.”
“I didn’t ask before you left this morning, but what did you buy her?”
“A pair of stuffed bunnies. They’re each wearing a collar with a name tag. One says ‘Jos’ and one says ‘Mik’.”
Mom laughed, “I’m not sure rabbits send the right message!”
“Mom!” I protested. “It was totally innocent. Stuffed bears just seemed so clichéd. I’m not a big fan of dogs. Cats, sure, Jocelyn has a cat. But bunnies were available. So were dogs and bears. I didn’t see cats.”
“What message are you trying to send?”
I shrugged, “That I love her and I’m thinking about her. And before you say anything about giving the wrong message, I’ll be happy if she gets ANY message and talks to me. I have no preconceived notions about where this leads, except I want to be ‘Mik and Jos’ again. Beyond that, we’ll take it one day at a time. I have NO preconditions. None. And no limitations. I just want to fix things as best we can, whatever that means. But that means she needs to talk to me. And I’ll do it on her terms, where she wants, how she wants. But one thing I won’t do is let her push me around or abuse me.”
Mom nodded, “I was just about to say something about that. There are lines you can’t cross. You’ve drawn a few lately, with Mindy and April, for example.”
“I have to draw one with Clark,” I said. “I’m going to apply for the RA position, but if I don’t get it, and he’s still seeing Emmy, I have to get a new roommate. I don’t want to even contemplate how bad things are going to be if Mr. Nelson ever finds out.”
“I did my best to talk to Emmy, but she blew me off, just as she did Liz. Emmy is angry with her father and this is her way of taking revenge.”
“No kidding. I’m still trying to figure out what her game with Mindy is.”
Mom laughed, “Seriously? If she were to get you and Mindy together, you’d quit complaining about her and Clark because Mindy would be, well, entertaining you.”
I laughed, “Yeah, well, THAT is not happening. Having an underage girl in my room would run too many risks, even if I was interested. And underage for the University is eighteen, not sixteen, by the way.”
“Which makes sense if you think about it from their perspective.”
“Oh, I wasn’t complaining. I just was pointing out one more reason to avoid Mindy. Unfortunately, if she comes to Taft again, I’m going to have to report it and that will get both Emmy and Mindy banned from campus. That’ll piss off the two of them and Clark, but I can’t take any risks with that «сука», Dean Parker!”
“You’ve managed to dodge the problems so far.”
“Barely,” I said. “I didn’t tell you about Clark getting rousted by the McKinley cops because someone reported he was trading pot for stolen property. He’s not, by the way. He drinks, but no drugs. Same as all my friends.”
“That’s not good. Not good at all.”
“No kidding.”
“So, who would you room with?”
I chuckled, “Angie, Sandy, Sophia, Clarissa...”
“Good luck getting that one past Housing!”
“I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll just go for random match if I don’t get the RA spot. I have to put in the application as soon as I get back, and I already have the professors lined up for sponsorship. Dean Parker will oppose it, but if she does, she’s likely to get in trouble because she’s not permitted to say a word about what happened last year. She tried at a meeting earlier in the semester and the Chancellor shut her down, fast. So did the school’s legal counsel.”
“What is that woman’s problem?”
“She’s a radical feminist,” I said. “And she hates men. She’s divorced, and the rumors are her husband dumped her because she cheated on him with a woman. Fortunately, there is only a handful of professors and students who support her. Melody predicts that Dean Parker’s position is going to gain traction and cause real trouble.”
Mom shook her head, “I gave up on the women’s movement when it became more about bashing men and wrecking society than ensuring equal treatment and equal opportunity. What do you think your chances are for the RA role?”
“Decent,” I said. “With two tenured professors and Doctor Hart signing as sponsors and providing recommendation letters, as well as having top grades and not having any disciplinary issues, it’ll come down to who else applies. There are eight male RA positions in our dorm.”
“What would your duties be?”
“Making sure the dorm rules are enforced and being available if someone needs help. It doesn’t take a lot of time, really, and the benefits are no dorm charges as well as a larger, single room. I’m willing to give up the time in exchange for adding to my financial reserves. I found out that in medical school, the RAs are interns from the hospital, but they have very limited housing. Most students live in apartments.”
“Things seem to be going reasonably well.”
I nodded, “Except with Jocelyn.”
I left Mom and went up to my room. I stretched out on the bed with a book and read until it was time to head to Vespers. Tasha was waiting for me when I arrived and after a quick hug, which was all we could get away with at Church, we walked into the Nave and stood together for the service. That was a rare thing, but obviously her mom had agreed.
As I waited for the service to begin, I thought that this was Tasha’s vision of the future, though I suspected that vision included three or four kids standing with us. I could certainly think of far worse scenarios, and honestly none better, though there were others which I felt might be equally good. But that was in the future. For now, I focused on the sights, sounds, and smells of a traditional Orthodox ‘lamp-lighting’ service.
“You make a lovely couple!” Mrs. Orlova said when Tasha and I walked out into the narthex following the service.
“You have to say that, Mrs. Orlova!” I grinned. “You matched us together!”
She laughed, “Of course! Because you make a lovely couple! A good faithful Orthodox boy who will become a doctor and a good faithful Orthodox girl who will be mother to many children!”
“I have a long way to go before becoming a doctor!” I said. “More than two years of college and then four years of medical school.”
“And having a lovely wife at your side will encourage you!”
“Yes, that’s true,” I grinned, humoring her.
“Have a good evening, you two!” she said.
I took Tasha’s hand and led her to where her father was standing so we could tell him we were leaving. He smiled and nodded, and Tasha and I left. We hurried to the car in the light rain, and I let her in first before getting into the driver’s seat.
February 5, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I owe you an apology for earlier. Not for what I said, but how I said it.” “And I owe you one for interfering in something I shouldn’t have.” “I’m going to need to talk to Dad, too,” I said. “But again, only for walking away, not for objecting to his classification of April as not being a ‘nice’ girl.” “I thought for a moment you were going to say, ‘make Mom’ instead of ‘make me’.” “For a moment, I was. But at that split second good sense overcame my...
May 9, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Is something wrong?” Kristin asked on Monday morning. “What do you mean?” “It just felt as if you were somewhere else last night when we were fooling around.” I had been, because once my sleep deprivation was past, I had basically obsessed on the bishop’s comment about ‘choosing’ and the myriad of possibilities I had to choose from, AND the potential problems each of them might create. What he had said about serving at the cathedral and in other parishes only...
June 12, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “What’s going on between you and Jocelyn?” Mom asked when I returned upstairs after talking to Dad. “I thought that was obvious,” I smirked. “Or did you want details?” “Pass,” Mom laughed. “But seriously, Mike, what’s going on?” “We love each other. We had a long, long talk about everything and this is what we want to do. We’re not going to marry; we both understand that. And I’m not going steady with Melody.” “Do you love Melody?” I shrugged, “I have no...
January 29, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “These cookies are excellent!” I took another bite and washed it down with a bit of hot cocoa. “Believe it not, it’s just the ‘Toll House’ recipe!” Kristin said. “I’m glad you like them.” “You liked my songs?” “Oh man, those love songs made me shiver! You must have really loved her.” “I did, and I still do, but it doesn’t really matter now.” “I guess not,” she said quietly. “Why pick me to sing to?” “I saw a pretty girl who didn’t have a guy with her,”...
September 19, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Mishka!” Tasha gushed when I called her on Sunday afternoon. “How are you?” “Good. How are things in West Monroe?” “You know nothing changes here. Church is the same. School is the same. Home is the same. And you?” “School is about the same as last year, but I’ve made some new friends.” “I want to meet them! Do you think Sasha and I could visit in two weeks?” “If your mom and dad approve, yes.” “They will, so long as I bring Sasha. She promised not...
January 13, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Mike?” I heard from behind me. I was sitting on a bench under a tree while snow fell around me. I wasn’t wearing a hat or coat or gloves because I hadn’t put them on when I’d walked from my room. I’d wandered around for a bit, then sat down on a bench near the edge of campus. “Mike?” the voice repeated, but I didn’t respond. I was still reeling from the pictures Jocelyn had sent me. It wasn’t that she was having sex, apparently, with a bunch of different...
June 6, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Jos,” I sighed. “It’s not that simple.” “Isn’t it?” “Come on! You know that would end things between Melody and me!” “I believe Melody has been good for you, but is she THE ONE? Wait! Don’t answer. If she was, you wouldn’t be dating Tasha and Katy, and you wouldn’t still be carrying a torch for Angie.” “Angie is just a friend,” I protested. Jocelyn smiled, “I’ll take that wager anytime you want to make it. You can answer my first question now.” I...
August 20, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Mike Loucks,” I said to the young woman at the desk in the brand-new Rickenbacker dorm. She flipped through the manila envelopes and pulled out the one with my name on it. “Your room key, a sticker for your ID to update it for this year, a new student handbook, and your parking sticker,” she said. “Parking sticker?” “The lots are all numbered now, and you can only park in the lot you’re assigned to. Yours should be next to this dorm.” “What about...
September 14, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “How did your parents fight?” Doctor Hart asked. “They didn’t,” I replied. “Whenever my dad disagreed with my mom, he went to his workshop in the basement.” Doctor Hart smiled, “OK, perhaps I should have phrased that better. How did they resolve conflicts?” “Just as I described.” “And after he hid in his workshop?” “He basically stayed there until he accepted that my mom was right, then went to make up. Do NOT ask me how!” Doctor Hart laughed, “The...
March 25, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to talk to you earlier,” I said to Mom when I arrived home. “I understand. You’re home a bit early.” “There really wasn’t anything playing at the movies we wanted to see. We’re going to have breakfast tomorrow and spend the day together. We’ll be at Vespers, though to prevent any explosions I’ll drop her at home so she can come to church with her family.” “I talked to your grandfather on her behalf,” Mom said. “I think...
October 16, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “I had the weirdest experience today.” “Oh?” Mom asked with an arched eyebrow. “I stopped in to see April. She was nursing Chastity. Later, April let me hold her. I was just blown away by the whole experience.” “Babies change your life in many, many ways.” I nodded, “It was like scales fell from my eyes. You know, things I knew intellectually but didn’t really understand.” “Care to share?” “Let’s just say my views on female anatomy changed a...
January 1, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Good afternoon, Father Deacon,” I said. “Good afternoon, Mikhail Petrovich. Sit down, please.” Tasha and I exchanged a look and we sat down on the settee, but with about a foot of empty cushion between us. “I would like the truth, Mikhail Petrovich. Have you and Tasha been behaving inappropriately?” That was a good question to which ONE answer was ‘yes’, but another answer was ‘no’. I was reasonably certain he was asking the second question, not the...
April 3, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Hi, Mike!” “Hi, Mrs. Landers.” “Come on in. Nancy is putting the finishing touches on dinner.” I hadn’t said anything to Nancy about my fasting rule because I didn’t want to create any issues with their Easter dinner. “Thanks!” “Your Easter isn’t for another month, right?” she asked. “May 8th, though our service starts about 10:30pm the night before.” “We went to midnight mass when I was little, but Nancy and I prefer the first morning mass at 5:30am....
July 23, 1982, Circleville, Ohio “I’m sorry I missed our date late Friday,” Katy said after greeting me with a kiss and letting me into the house. “That’s the fourth time you’ve apologized! I accepted your apology when you called to tell me, and for that, you don’t have to apologize! How is your grandmother?” “No change since we spoke on Wednesday. Mom is still there, so it’s just Dad and me. He’s out with his friends tonight, so we have the run of the house. I figured we’d cook, eat, use...
January 25, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “You won’t believe what happened on Sunday,” Dale laughed. “What?” “You know Pam’s roommate? The hot cheerleader chick?” “The one you’ve been drooling over since day one?” “Yeah, but I think I have to reconsider. Liking her appears to be VERY dangerous!” “What happened?” “Remember how I said she was dating a guy, even though she was hung up on a guy from Chicago?” “Sure.” “I found out Pam dated him at one point, too! The guy is a legend! Anyway, he...
July 25, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Hi, Angie, it’s Mike,” I said when she answered the phone on Sunday afternoon. “Mike? We just talked during the week! What’s up? Is there a problem with me coming to visit in two weeks?” “No, not at all. I wanted to talk to you about the problems I’m having with Jocelyn.” “Uh-oh. Did something bad happen?” “You could say that,” I sighed. “Do you have time to talk? This won’t be a short conversation.” “For you? Of course!” I explained, as best I could,...
February 7, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Hi!” Kristin gushed when I went to her room just after lunch. “Come in!” I walked into her room and she offered hot cocoa, which I accepted. We sat down on the couch. “Sorry I ran out of cookies. Mom will send more in another week or so.” “I’ll need to run an additional lap every morning to make up for the extra calories!” “I go to a dance class three days a week to keep in shape. I heard you’re into karate.” “Yes, I go three times a week as...
June 25, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or not,” I replied. “Why?” Becky asked. “We’ve done it before. I don’t have a steady boyfriend. And you said you don’t have a steady girlfriend.” “That’s true. May I ask a very blunt question?” “Sure.” “Are YOU looking to be my girlfriend?” Becky shook her head slowly, “Remember what I said back in October? That I had no illusions about this and that I had no designs on you? But that if I had the ability to make a wish...
August 28, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Duh!” she laughed softly. “I’m in your bed! What do you think?” “I think you need to go back to my sister’s room before she or my parents find out and kill both of us!” “Come on, Mike! I want to do it with you! Don’t you want to do it with me?!” She was cute and had a great body, but the LAST thing I needed was ANY kind of relationship with Mindy, even one where I only did what I’d joked with my mom about doing — banging her like a drum! “Just go,...
September 12, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Hi, Jos,” I said when her roommate called her to the phone. “Hi. How are things?” ‘Shitty!’ I wanted to say, and not in Russian. I also wanted to tell her I missed her and wanted to see her, but saying that might only make things worse. At this point, though, I wondered what ‘worse’ might be. “OK. How are you doing?” “I’m getting used to the routine and how different things are here from West Monroe.” Her answer was flat, and she sounded...
October 8, 1982, Circleville, Ohio “I want to, yes, of course; but we reset things for good reasons. Why the change?” Katy got up from the couch and sat back down in my lap, draping her arms over my shoulders. “I wanted to from the minute I saw you naked. I’ve dreamed about what it would be like.” “I felt the same way when I saw you naked,” I said. “Well, even before, when you first let me touch you. But I can’t promise you anything right now, Katy.” She sighed deeply, then moved her...
October 16, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio After my talk with Mom, I went to find Liz, and invited her to sit on the floor of my room to talk. We sat side-by-side, leaning against the bed. “Why in here and not in the basement?” I felt it was my duty to warn Liz, as my sister, of the way voices carried through the heating ducts. Mom had told me, in confidence, but I couldn’t in good conscience keep that vital piece of information from Liz. “Because voices carry through the heating ducts,” I...
November 13, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “So, what do you want to do tonight?” Nancy laughed, “As if you have to ask!” “I mean BESIDES that!” “How about we grab some dinner and then see The Man from Snowy River. It’s an Australian film and it’s had excellent reviews. Then we can come back here.” “Dinner and a movie, sure. The other thing? Let’s not move so fast, OK?” “We’ve done it before...” “Yes, we have. Remember that I gave you a choice? I think you immediately figured out what the choice...
November 29, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Now that you’ve had a night to sleep on it, what do you think?” Sandy asked, snuggling close. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to ask you?” “Probably, but I thought you might have changed your mind or had more of an idea what you meant.” “I asked my mom if there was anything wrong with marrying a friend.” “Me?! Have you lost your mind?” “A long time ago!” I chuckled. “Probably about the time the heavy doses of testosterone started coursing through my body...
January 2, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio When I arrived at church on Sunday morning, I was pleased to see Deacon Vasily with Father Herman, saying their entry prayers. I stood quietly in the nave while one of the acolytes, a Junior in High School, lit the oil lamps and ensured everything was properly arranged in the altar. As I stood there, I wondered what would happen when Tasha arrived. Where she stood would speak volumes about what had happened the previous evening when they had missed...
March 8, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “You don’t look happy, Mike,” Mom said when I greeted her after arriving home. “Tasha and I had a serious disagreement.” “Uh-oh. Because of her dad?” I shook my head, “No, it’s way more complicated. We can talk after dinner if that’s OK.” “Sure. Your sister and her friends are up in her room.” “The tradition I started?” I grinned. “Exactly. You had Jocelyn and Dale at every birthday celebration from the time you were in second grade. And before that,...
December 27, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m tempted, but not tonight. I’m not saying never, but not tonight.” Janey frowned, “Nothing I can do to change your mind?” “Remember what I said about slow but sure.” “Can I see you again before you go back to Taft?” “Maybe Friday?” “Sure.” “We’ll talk at work. You work every day, right?” “Yes. How about another kiss?” I smiled and pulled her closer again and we exchanged another soft French kiss. “Good night,” I said when we broke the kiss a...
February 4, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Emmy?! What are you doing here?” “She came to talk to me,” Liz said quietly, from behind me. “OK. Is there anything I can help with?” “No.” “You know, if her dad finds her here...” “I know. Just go upstairs, OK? I’ll come talk to you later.” I nodded and went upstairs. The door to my parents’ bedroom was closed, and I didn’t see any light leaking from under the door, which meant they were most likely asleep. I stopped in the bathroom to brush my...
October 26, 1982, McKinley, Ohio When we returned from biology lab on Tuesday morning, a large group was milling around the entrance to the dorms. I saw Melody and walked over to ask her what the issue was. “The police busted Jeremy for pot,” she said. “Nobody can go into the dorm right now.” “What? For one or two joints? I thought they decriminalized pot.” Melody laughed, “One or two joints? You’re joking, right? He’s the main supplier in our dorm! How did you not know that?” “Because I...
January 21, 1983, McKinley, Ohio I still hadn’t decided on the answer to Clarissa’s final question when Angie and I went to run on Friday morning. One thing I was reasonably sure of was that saying ‘no’ would likely be equivalent to saying, ‘not yet’. Milena and her friends didn’t seem likely to withdraw the offer anytime soon, though they would all complete their Master’s or undergrad degrees in May. But that wasn’t the thing which was in the front of my mind. What was foremost was what...
January 21, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Light snow was falling as Angie and I left Doctor Blahnik’s house to walk back to the dorm. “That was fun,” Angie said. “Sorry about the minor indiscretion.” “It’s OK, Mike. Why would she assume otherwise? She knows we run together, pray together, and go to church together. Why do you think everyone calls me ‘Mrs. Loucks’?” “But still...” “She’s just very open and a lot of fun. I wish more professors were like her, even if she made me turn purple!” “I...
September 16, 1982, McKinley, Ohio Sandy hadn’t moved, but the feeling of her leaning against me changed with her question. My first thought was Angie, and I lifted my eyes to hers, and found a bemused look on her face. I realized, at that moment, that the dorm opinion of her being ‘Mrs. Loucks’ wasn’t all that far-fetched. In some ways, I was treating her that way, and she certainly was, in some ways, acting like a wife. I’d known that before, but my instant, gut reaction of looking to her...
December 26, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Shit!” I swore vehemently, and in English for effect, when I walked out onto the porch on Sunday morning. “Mikhail Petrovich!” Mom said sternly. I picked up the box on the front porch and turned to show her. “«Говно»!” she replied. I nodded, “Nice to know you agree with me.” The box was the one that held the two stuffed rabbits I’d bought for Jocelyn. The fact that she’d returned them spoke volumes, and short of putting up a tombstone, I wasn’t sure...
January 1, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “It’s open, Mindy!” I called out. The door opened and she came into the room. “You were expecting me?” “I’d have been seriously disappointed in my ability to predict your behavior if you hadn’t shown up!” “A little too obvious?” “You might say that! May I give you a tip?” “I’d rather have the whole thing!” Mindy smirked. I laughed so hard I had to sit down on the bed so I wouldn’t fall over. It took me a full minute to recover enough to be able to...
March 26, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio Vespers with Tasha next to me was positively weird. I had no idea what she was thinking nor what she intended. But the MESSAGE she was sending was loud and clear to anyone who saw us, and was very specific for three people — Janey, declaring I was STILL Tasha’s property; Deacon Vasily, declaring she was still going to see me; and Mr. Orlov, stating that she didn’t care about his opinion. I could tell the message to Janey was clearly received when she looked...
April 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “So what had you nearly bursting at breakfast this morning?” “I’m no longer a virgin!” Clarissa exclaimed. “And Oh! My! God!” “That good, huh?” I grinned. “You have NO idea. Well, maybe you do because you’ve had sex!” “From a guy’s perspective, anyway.” “Can I ask you something?” “Sure.” “Do you like the taste?” I nodded, “Very much so.” “And do different girls taste differently?” “Yes, but it’s kind of subtle, though I notice. Did you kiss her...
April 23, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Tasha demanded you not date me?” Janey asked. “Actually, she requested that if I date her, I not date anyone at either church because of the trouble it could cause with her father, the priests, and Vladyka ARKADY.” “Very neatly excluding me by appealing to your desire for peace.” “I know that’s how it looks, but honestly, I wasn’t seeing you at the time, and certainly didn’t believe you were going to show up here tonight to talk to me, or any other time for...
Palm Sunday, May 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Where are your palm branches?” Clarissa asked when I returned home from church. “Just how many palm trees do YOU think grew around Moscow and Saint Petersburg?” “Probably not too many.” “Which is why I have pussy willows in my hand!” “It’s Palm Sunday and you’ve already been to church Friday night, Saturday morning and night, and this morning.” “It’s only just begun,” I chuckled. “Tonight is the first Bridegroom Matins.” “If I wanted to see the...
August 23, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Well, here we go again!” Jason said as he, Clarissa, Sandy, and I plopped into front row seats in the O-Chem classroom.” “Look at it this way,” Sandy laughed. “You’re about one sixth of the way done. We doctors are about one eighth, not counting the Summers we have to work for no pay and our intern year when we get a small stipend! By then you’ll be earning major bucks developing bioweapons for the CIA!” “I’m actually thinking of doing a PhD at some point,...
January 15, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “No way!” Dale protested. “I’m serious, Dale. Ten Polaroids. She sent them to my parents’ house and my mom brought the envelope to me on Thursday.” “I don’t believe it. That’s not her. It’s not!” “They came from Purdue,” I said. “They were postmarked ‘West Lafayette, Indiana’ on Saturday.” “Shit. I called her on Saturday morning. I pushed her to admit you guys had been together. I’m sorry, Mike.” “It’s not your fault, Dale.” “But I think she did that in...
February 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “What the heck were you thinking?” Doctor Hart snapped. “That has to be about the dumbest thing you could possibly have done!” “Funny thing,” I said. “I agree with you.” “There is nothing funny about what you did! You’re lucky as hell that it turned out as well as it did!” “Again, funny thing, I agree with you.” “Cut it out, Mike!” “Sorry. I beat myself up enough about this that I’m not sure I need your help.” “So why tell me?” “I thought I was...
February 5, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “This is heavenly,” Janey sighed. She was sitting in front of me, leaned back, with my arms around her, in a tub full of warm water and lavender bubble bath. “I could get really used to this,” I agreed. “When you finally get paid a decent amount, we’ll build a big house with a shower and tub like this.” “And a sauna,” I said. “Who has a sauna?” “Katy’s parents.” Janey laughed, “Did you?” “Just some fooling around but not that.” I ran my hands up...
February 15, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “How did it go?” Clarissa asked when I walked out of the interview room. “I owe you guys big time! My biographical sketch seemed well received, and the answers you all helped me prepare were perfect. Dean Parker walked right into Melody’s trap!” Melody laughed, “Of COURSE she did. She’s so predictable. Did she try to pry into your private life?” “She started to ask the question and Dean Foster cut her off before she could finish.” “Awesome!” The three...
February 20, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Clarissa and I lay together for about fifteen minutes before I heard voices and a soft knock on the bedroom door. “I think the posse is here,” I chuckled. “Bummer,” she sighed. I reluctantly released her, and we sat up on the bed, leaning back against the wall. “Come in!” I called out. Sandy opened the door and I could see the rest of the gang was with her. “Anything interesting going on in here?” she smirked. “Just the lesbian girl talking to her...
March 28, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio As I drove home, I considered my conversation with Tasha, and realized it was, in its own way, very close in character to conversations I’d had with Clarissa — intimate, honest, and designed to build a relationship. That, as much as anything else, confirmed that her conditions were not only wise, but the correct course of action. In one sense, it really only excluded Janey, but I felt my conversation, or rather, attempted conversation, with her had closed...
July 16, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “You’re not seeing Katy tonight?” Mom asked on Friday morning. “No. Her grandmother, who lives in Pittsburgh, fell and broke her hip. They were leaving this morning and won’t be back until sometime next week.” “We haven’t talked about you and Jocelyn since last Saturday.” “There isn’t much to say,” I said. “She and her parents are basically not talking. That’s why we’ve been hanging out here, at the pool, or at Grant Park.” And Jackson Lake, but I didn’t...
August 18, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “And you’ll come home and see me, Mishka?” “Of course, Tasha!” I replied. “On breaks for sure, and I promise to try to come home at least one weekend a month, though I can’t guarantee it.” “Dad said I’m allowed to come see you, but I have to bring Sasha with me and Sasha has to be with us the entire time!” I chuckled, “I don’t think he trusts you to be in my dorm room!” “I think you’re right!” she giggled. “He’s afraid we will make passionate love...
October 31, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “What are you doing here?” I asked. “And please tell me you just arrived!” “Mom and Dad were away for the weekend,” Emmy replied with a smirk, “so I came to visit! And I got here last night!” “Please tell me you didn’t...” “All night! Wow!” “Your dad will kill ALL of us if he finds out!” “I’m not going to tell him! Are you?” “No, of course not! But seriously, Emmy, this was super dangerous!” “And super fun!” “Where’s Clark?” “He went to the...
March 12, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Cheating on me? Really?” “I know it sounds strange, but I know how much you and I love each other, and how close and intimate we are, even if we don’t kiss and touch and stuff. It’s really weird. I WANT to be with Glenda, you know, that way, but that doesn’t change the feeling.” “That way?” I grinned. “I know you aren’t clueless, Petrovich! You do the same things!” “I know. I’m teasing you, Lissa! Is this feeling going to be a problem?” “I don’t think so....
March 27, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I told Mom I’d make you dinner tonight,” I said to Liz when I arrived home. “How does penne pasta with arrabbiata sauce and a salad grab you?” “That sounds good! I could invite Mindy and Maggie?” “It’s up to you,” I replied flatly. “I have enough ingredients and there’s plenty of penne in the cabinet.” “Is something bugging you?” “Not bugging me, per se, just making me think. I had a long talk with Tasha and the last thing she said was very, very...
April 9, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “I still don’t like the way Clarissa interfered last night,” Kristin said on Saturday morning after we made love. “You know how important church is to me, right?” “Sure, but she didn’t have to be a bitch about it!” I took a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t see it that way. She was simply trying to point out something which is true. When Holy Week rolls around, I’ll be in church every evening from the Friday before Palm Sunday until the following...
August 1, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio Soft laughter reached my ear from Cincinnati via the magic of the Bell Telephone Network. “That is just TOO funny!” Angie declared. “Funny? Why do you find it funny?” “College boy breaks up with girlfriend and has serious falling out with his best friend. Swears newfound celibacy and is almost instantly propositioned by two High School girls who are ‘off limits’ because he decided High School girls are too immature, despite dating two other High School...
September 9, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “White boy! Phone for you!” Clark called out on Thursday evening while I was with the study group. I got up and went to our room to pick up the phone. “Hello?” “Hi, Mikey,” Liz replied. “I just called to say, ‘thank you’.” “For what?” “Making Mindy come back to my room.” I chuckled, “Do you know how difficult it was to kick a hot, naked fox out of my bed? And then, after she turned on the lights so I could see her body, kick her out of my room?” Liz...
October 2, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Mishka!” Tasha squealed. She flew across the lobby to where I’d just stepped off the elevator and threw her arms around me. I hugged her, and then she kissed me, turning a soft kiss into a fierce French kiss, pressing her body against mine. It was a good minute before she broke the kiss and released me. “Hi, Mike!” Sasha laughed. “Hi, Sasha.” Her eyes twinkled, and she gave me a very nice hug. “I don’t think Tasha would like me kissing you the way she...
November 20, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “No bacon or eggs? Seriously?” April asked on Saturday morning. “The general rule for fasting is no animal products of any kind.” “But you didn’t do that when we were dating?” “Because I wasn’t interested in debating it with you,” I replied. “That was probably a mistake on my part.” “So now what?” “I’ll eat what you’re making,” I said. “It falls under the ‘hospitality’ rule which says you should eat what you’re served. I’ll eat waffles, eggs, and...
December 31, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Why don’t you come inside for a bit?” Janey said. “Just hang out, OK?” I smirked,” Will you walk into my parlour?’ said the Spider to the Fly, ‘Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy; The way into my parlour is up a winding stair, And I’ve a many curious things to show when you are there. “ “So, like Hotel California? You can check out any time you like but you can never leave?” I chuckled, “That’s probably not QUITE as culturally...
January 30, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Well isn’t THIS a fine mess,” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to depress you,” Clarissa said. “I was trying to make a point.” “Besides the fact that we’re in love, soulmates, and you’re a lesbian, which kind of makes it all moot?” “Oh, it most definitely does NOT! For someone who has been with at least half-a-dozen girls by my count, you sure have this really stupid mindset about sex! If it was so damned meaningful, you wouldn’t be so free with it! Get your head...
March 9, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio If Tasha hadn’t already been upset by Clarissa, Robby, and Lee, her face showed she was beyond livid with me now. The kiss Janey and I had exchanged wasn’t just a peck on the lips, but the kiss of a boyfriend and girlfriend, if not lovers. And Tasha had seen it. She knew I dated, but she didn’t know I was involved with Janey to that degree. And given the spat Tasha and I’d had the previous night, I could imagine all the evil thoughts going through her...