Good Medicine Sophomore YearChapter 26 Martyrdom
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July 25, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio
“Hi, Angie, it’s Mike,” I said when she answered the phone on Sunday afternoon.
“Mike? We just talked during the week! What’s up? Is there a problem with me coming to visit in two weeks?”
“No, not at all. I wanted to talk to you about the problems I’m having with Jocelyn.”
“Uh-oh. Did something bad happen?”
“You could say that,” I sighed. “Do you have time to talk? This won’t be a short conversation.”
“For you? Of course!”
I explained, as best I could, what had happened. There really wasn’t a way to leave out the fact that Jocelyn and I had been intimate, and that I’d ended that part of the relationship. I felt kind of bad for talking about it, but I needed advice, and there really was nowhere else to turn. Angie mostly listened, only asking one question to clarify something I said which seemed contradictory.
“So, I guess you can see the problem now,” I said after I finished explaining.
“First, please don’t get depressed.”
“Too late,” I said.
I’d been fine when I’d arrived home the previous night, but hadn’t been able to get to sleep because everything that had happened with Jocelyn had churned in my mind, and by morning, I was an emotional wreck once again. Church hadn’t helped the way it usually did, and I’d left immediately after the service, begging off from even having coffee by saying I wasn’t feeling well. Tasha hadn’t been happy, but she’d said she understood.
“Depression is dangerous, Mike,” Angie warned. “I have a friend who basically shut down for nearly a year before she got help, and even now she’s barely able to function. We were worried she might try to kill herself.”
“That’s not going to happen,” I said. “I’d never do that.”
“Well, then please don’t do anything foolish.”
“My mom said the same thing.”
“How can I put this delicately? You can’t get out of it from, uhm, physical pleasure.”
I had to laugh.
“So I can’t screw my way to a good mood?”
Angie tittered, “No, I don’t think you can.”
“It might be fun to try!” I countered.
“Is that what you really want, Mike? Just physical pleasure?”
“No, of course not! But you and my mom seem to think I might try that solution. I do have a bit more self-control than the two of you seem to think.”
“I know, Mike, but depression is dangerous.”
“You know this just from your friend?”
Angie sighed, “No. From me.”
“What? You don’t seem depressed!”
“We can talk about me later. I’m concerned about you.”
“I’m not going to do anything stupid, Angie,” I said. “I called for advice from a close friend.”
“You might not want to hear this, but maybe Jocelyn is right. Maybe time apart is just what you need. She can get her head straight, and you can, too. You just broke up with Melody, after all.”
“More like she broke up with me,” I said.
“Over something you did, KNOWING that she would have a problem with it. Honestly, if I understand it correctly, you could’ve slept with anyone you wanted EXCEPT Jocelyn, and Melody would have been OK with it, at least in the short term. You guys weren’t steady, and she wasn’t jealous of anyone, including me, and you spend WAY more time with me than you do with her.”
“Fine,” I said testily. “I caused the breakup.”
“Relax, Mike. And, in my honest opinion, it was doomed from the start. You just ended it sooner than it would have ended naturally. She was never, ever going to compromise enough for you on the church issue. And you knew that, even before we talked about it when you visited me. You were just in denial.”
“Because I decided to simply put off dealing with that for the future?”
“Why did you do that?”
“Melody made a good argument that we could work out a compromise over time. Well, it seemed like a good argument until I realized what her ultimate goal was.”
“Besides getting you into bed?”
“You still think she was trying to manipulate me, don’t you?”
“I’ve seen it happen, Mike. And please don’t get angry with me for saying this, but isn’t that sort of what Jocelyn is doing now? Demanding sex as a price for staying with you?”
“It’s more complicated than that,” I said. “I think in Jocelyn’s mind, me saying ‘not now’ is the equivalent of saying ‘not ever’ and I told you my concern.”
“Children.”
“Yes. I’m not ready to make a decision about that right now because I don’t know for sure how I feel about it. I thought I did, but now I’m only sure that I’m not sure. I was really hoping for a few peaceful years by not worrying about things that far in the future, but it looks like that’s not going to happen.”
“Perhaps Jocelyn going away for a while will help you achieve that goal.”
“I don’t see how. She’s been my best friend forever.”
“And she won’t be if she’s somewhere else for a while?”
“No, but I’m afraid we’ll grow apart,” I sighed.
“Maybe you both need to grow, and this is how it happens.”
“Maybe, but I’m concerned about her.”
“That’s a different thing from the problem of being apart. You’re sad; she sounds like she might be depressed.”
“My mom talked to Jocelyn’s mom and I guess Mrs. Mills is going to talk to the counselor who helped Jocelyn after the accident.”
“That’s good. Are you going to be OK?”
“I have some friends here who are helping.”
“Good.”
There really wasn’t anything else to say, so after a bit of small talk, we said ‘goodbye’ and hung up.
July 26, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio
“Still in a playful mood?” Amelia asked when we met in the parking lot of the hardware store.
“Yes! But you sure weren’t!”
“Janey was really in the groove at the pool! She just loves to tease and joke around like that.”
“Is she really that wild? Or was it all just talk?”
“No comment,” Amelia said with a smirk. “And you precluded finding out first hand because you think she’s too young, even though she’s seventeen.”
“Are YOU that wild?” I asked.
“You chose not to find out because I’m dating someone!”
“Maybe ‘Truth or Dare’ WOULD be a great idea!”
“You precluded THAT because you’re afraid of Mindy! And I don’t understand that! She’s sixteen, so she’s legal, and she was looking at you like a hunting cat looks at a mouse!”
“Being ‘legal’ isn’t the question. As I said at the pool, she’s still a High School girl and I’m in college.”
Amelia shrugged, “Suit yourself. You can get the answers to your questions if you REALLY want them! And you never know what ELSE might happen!”
“Truthfully, that’s probably the last thing I need right now.”
“You’re a college guy! You should only be worried about three things! Your grades, your supply of booze or weed, and your supply of pussy!”
“And college girls?” I asked. “What do THEY worry about?”
“Grades, booze or weed, and dick!” she laughed.
“I’m not sure that’s the best outlook.”
“Oh, come on! College is the time when we’re supposed to do all that stuff. Then we graduate, get jobs, get married, have kids, and become our parents! If you don’t ‘let it all hang out’ now, when you’re in college, then when?”
“Who says you have to live your life that way?”
Amelia shrugged, “Nobody. But once you start working and have a family, you won’t have that chance. You’ll become a doctor, live in a nice, conservative neighborhood in a nice house, have a pretty wife, 2.2 kids, a dog, a cat, and a relatively calm life. What happens when you realize you missed out on doing some stuff that you can’t do because of all of that? A midlife crisis, that’s what! My uncle and aunt are divorced because he woke up one day and decided he wanted a sports car, a young girlfriend, and no responsibilities.”
“And so he just bailed on all of his commitments?”
“Basically.”
“I just don’t see that happening with me.”
“Maybe not to that extreme, but you could be unhappy and unfulfilled for the rest of your life.”
“Because I don’t drink and don’t fool around?”
“Those were just examples, but they are what college kids do, you know!”
“So you’re telling me I should find a way to get a bottle of booze and get you into bed? And your sister?”
“Is that what you want?”
“I suppose it depends.”
“On?”
“If I can get you both at the same time!” I grinned.
Amelia laughed and smacked me on the arm.
“I like you when you’re goofy and so does Janey. You’re a lot of fun.”
“So no threesome?” I smirked.
“You never know what might happen if you play ‘Truth or Dare’.”
“I think we need to get to work!”
We both laughed and walked into the building. I marveled at the fact that when I was with Amelia and Janey, I was in a much better mood than I was otherwise. I enjoyed the silly banter and the teasing, and it was helping with my attitude. That didn’t change the fact I was sad about the situation with Jocelyn, but it certainly helped take the edge off, as it were.
Amelia and I didn’t have a chance to talk during the morning, but we did have lunch together, as Mrs. Orlova included Amelia in our lunches because she was Orthodox. Of course, eating with the Orlovs meant our conversation had to be «культурный». Because our afternoon was busy as well, we didn’t talk again until we were walking out to our cars.
“Want to hang out tonight?” she asked.
“I’m heading to karate now, and I told my mom I’d be home for dinner. After dinner?”
“Sure. Come on over. We’ll both be home all evening.”
“OK. It’ll probably be around 7:00pm after we eat, and Liz and I do the dishes.”
“That’s cool. I’ll pick up some ice cream and stuff on the way home.”
I headed to karate, and after practice went home, showered, and dressed, then read until dinner. When Mom called us to the table, I let her know I’d be going to Amelia and Janey’s house after dinner.
“Good,” she said. “That’s better than sitting at home and moping.”
“Have you spoken to Jocelyn since Saturday?” Dad asked.
“Last night, but I didn’t make any progress in getting her to talk to me. Mom’s advice was to wait a day or two and try again.”
“What’s with the Riley girls?”
“They’re friends, Dad. Amelia has a boyfriend. Besides,” I added casually, “I was thinking about asking Mindy Ellison on a date.”
“Nooooo!” Liz whined instantly.
“Wow, Lizzy,” I chuckled. “You are SO easy to wind up!”
“Asshole,” she spat.
“Elizaveta Petrovna!” Mom said harshly. “A little bit of teasing does NOT warrant the use of such unladylike language! You’re grounded for five days!”
“Mom, go easy on her, please,” I pleaded. “I said that purposefully to get her goat.”
“Which doesn’t excuse her use of that word!”
“No, but it’s my fault.”
“No, it’s not, Mike,” Mom said firmly. “We are each responsible for how we respond to things that happen. Even if you were goading her, it doesn’t justify her response.”
“OK,” I said, though I didn’t fully agree, and I felt bad.
“Mike, don’t look dejected,” Dad said. “Brothers and sisters tease each other. That’s normal.”
I shook my head, “Liz, I’m sorry.”
She glared at me, and I was sure the only thing that kept her storming away from the table was the sure knowledge she’d be in even MORE trouble. We ate in silence and I could feel the icy chill emanating from my sister. It didn’t get any better while we did the dishes, and I half expected to get a knife in the back.
When we finished doing the dishes, I went upstairs to brush my teeth, and Liz was waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom.
“Thanks, asshole,” she hissed.
“I’m sorry, Liz. I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”
“But you did!”
“I’m sorry. Look at it this way, it’s only five days, so you can still go to the pool with us on Saturday.”
“That would be the fifth day!” she protested.
“Not if you count today as the first day!” I grinned.
“She’ll never buy it!” Liz objected angrily.
I shrugged, “All you can do is try. I really am sorry.”
“Yeah, right,” she replied, and turned to go back to her room.
There wasn’t anything else to do except let her stew, though I was going to talk to Mom one more time. I found her and Dad sitting on the patio drinking lemonade.
“Mom, I think you should cut her some slack,” I said.
“I know you do, but I’ve made my decision. Changing it now would give her license to try to get away with it in the future.”
“But I caused it!” I protested.
“What we said before is still true, Mike. But there’s a lesson for you to learn as well.”
“That I can wind up Liz like nobody’s business?” I said with a silly smile.
“That’s not QUITE the lesson I was hoping you had learned!”
“That I SHOULD ask Mindy out?”
“Get out of here!” she laughed. “Now you’re trying to wind ME up hoping I’ll do or say something that will let you push me to reduce Liz’s sentence!”
“Perhaps,” I replied.
I went back through the house and out to my car to head for the Rileys’ house. We had a good time eating ice cream, playing lawn darts, and talking before I headed home to go to bed.
July 29, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio
“She doesn’t want to speak to you,” Mrs. Mills replied.
“Is she OK?” I asked.
“I took her to see Doctor Henderson today, but the conversation was private and because Jocelyn is over eighteen, she has to give me permission to talk to Doctor Henderson. She didn’t.”
“Do you think it might help if I speak to Doctor Henderson?”
“She can’t tell you anything, either.”
“I understand, but maybe I can provide some perspective. Or something. This is really bothering me, and I miss seeing and talking to Jocelyn.”
“I know, Mike. I’m sorry we pushed both of you so hard on the issue of sleeping together. We shouldn’t have done that.”
“It wasn’t just you, Mrs. Mills. My dad talked to me, too.”
“We probably should have left you two to sort things out rather than push you away. I am sorry.”
“I accept your apology. But how do I help Jocelyn?”
“I don’t know. Give her some time, I guess. She’s seeing Doctor Henderson again tomorrow.”
“And her decision to leave West Monroe?”
“She’s adamant about going to Purdue and nothing her father or I can say seems to work to dissuade her.”
“When should I call again?”
“Try on Sunday afternoon. I’ll encourage her to call you and at least say ‘hello’.”
“Thanks.”
We said ‘goodbye’ and I went to my room and lay on the bed, wondering if I had lost my best friend in the world.
July 30, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio
“Are you in a better mood?” Amelia asked when I arrived at the Rileys’ house.
“Not really. I just want her to talk to me, that’s all.”
“Maybe give her some space?”
“That’s what my friend Angie suggested.”
“Right now you’re just driving yourself nuts. I’m not saying forget about her, but you’re obsessing.”
I sighed, “I guess I am.”
“Well, maybe the movie will take your mind off it. I heard Debra Winger gets her clothes off!”
“You do know I enjoy movies for the story and characters, right?”
“And seeing a naked chick isn’t a plus? I want to see Richard Gere’s butt!”
“Just his butt?” I teased.
“If they show his dick, it would get an ‘X’ rating! I swear, it’s a freakin’ double standard!”
“And THAT is your criteria for a good movie?” I asked.
“Never seen one in the movies,” she laughed. “Like I said, it would be X-rated!”
“You could show us!” Janey teased.
“Right here?” I asked. “I think I’d get arrested! And then we’d miss the movie!”
Both girls laughed, and then we walked out to the car for the drive to Rutherford. We each bought our own tickets and sodas, but split the cost of a giant tub of popcorn. When we found our seats, I sat between the girls and set the popcorn on my lap so we could share.
About twenty minutes into the movie, I felt Janey’s hand on my leg, just above my knee.
“That’s not where the popcorn is!” I said quietly.
“Maybe I’ll find a Blow Pop!” she teased, sliding her hand a few inches along the inside of my leg.
“And figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center?” I whispered.
“Shh!” came from a woman who sat in front of us.
Janey sat back in her seat, but didn’t move her hand. I wasn’t quite sure what to do. The first thought was to put my hand on HER leg, a bit higher than where she had hers on mine, but I was pretty sure that was a bad idea. I thought about doing nothing, but in the end, decided to carefully move her hand. I put my hand on hers grasped it gently and lifted it, placing it on her side of the armrest.
Janey ate some more popcorn, and perhaps ten minutes later, I felt her hand on my thigh, MUCH higher than before. I took a deep breath and let it out, then grasped her wrist to move her hand. She resisted a bit, and as I moved her hand away, her fingernails brushed my crotch, which resulted in a VERY uncomfortable reaction.
I shifted a bit in my seat, trying not to be obvious, happy that the nearly empty popcorn tub was in my lap, though in the dark theater I wasn’t sure either girl could notice. I was trying to figure out what Janey was up to, while also trying to follow the movie. Nothing more happened during the movie, and when it finished, we each stopped in the restroom. I was out first, which was the norm when girls were involved, and Amelia and Janey came out together.
“So what did you think?” Amelia asked.
“It was pretty good,” I said. “A bit corny at the end, but otherwise really good.”
“And Debra Winger?” Janey asked.
“Not bad.”
“Not bad?” Amelia asked. “That’s it? ‘Not bad’?”
“Yep. Not bad.”
We left the theater and walked to my car in silence. My reluctance to say anything more about Debra Winger was because of what Janey had done during the love scene. And that made me reticent to say anything further about the obviously very sexy Debra Winger. I felt it was better to just let the incident pass, and if there was a repeat, then talk to Janey. I realized, too, that I shouldn’t have teased back about the ‘Charms Blow Pop’, as that only would have served to encourage her.
February 5, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I owe you an apology for earlier. Not for what I said, but how I said it.” “And I owe you one for interfering in something I shouldn’t have.” “I’m going to need to talk to Dad, too,” I said. “But again, only for walking away, not for objecting to his classification of April as not being a ‘nice’ girl.” “I thought for a moment you were going to say, ‘make Mom’ instead of ‘make me’.” “For a moment, I was. But at that split second good sense overcame my...
May 9, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Is something wrong?” Kristin asked on Monday morning. “What do you mean?” “It just felt as if you were somewhere else last night when we were fooling around.” I had been, because once my sleep deprivation was past, I had basically obsessed on the bishop’s comment about ‘choosing’ and the myriad of possibilities I had to choose from, AND the potential problems each of them might create. What he had said about serving at the cathedral and in other parishes only...
June 12, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “What’s going on between you and Jocelyn?” Mom asked when I returned upstairs after talking to Dad. “I thought that was obvious,” I smirked. “Or did you want details?” “Pass,” Mom laughed. “But seriously, Mike, what’s going on?” “We love each other. We had a long, long talk about everything and this is what we want to do. We’re not going to marry; we both understand that. And I’m not going steady with Melody.” “Do you love Melody?” I shrugged, “I have no...
January 29, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “These cookies are excellent!” I took another bite and washed it down with a bit of hot cocoa. “Believe it not, it’s just the ‘Toll House’ recipe!” Kristin said. “I’m glad you like them.” “You liked my songs?” “Oh man, those love songs made me shiver! You must have really loved her.” “I did, and I still do, but it doesn’t really matter now.” “I guess not,” she said quietly. “Why pick me to sing to?” “I saw a pretty girl who didn’t have a guy with her,”...
September 19, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Mishka!” Tasha gushed when I called her on Sunday afternoon. “How are you?” “Good. How are things in West Monroe?” “You know nothing changes here. Church is the same. School is the same. Home is the same. And you?” “School is about the same as last year, but I’ve made some new friends.” “I want to meet them! Do you think Sasha and I could visit in two weeks?” “If your mom and dad approve, yes.” “They will, so long as I bring Sasha. She promised not...
January 13, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Mike?” I heard from behind me. I was sitting on a bench under a tree while snow fell around me. I wasn’t wearing a hat or coat or gloves because I hadn’t put them on when I’d walked from my room. I’d wandered around for a bit, then sat down on a bench near the edge of campus. “Mike?” the voice repeated, but I didn’t respond. I was still reeling from the pictures Jocelyn had sent me. It wasn’t that she was having sex, apparently, with a bunch of different...
June 6, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Jos,” I sighed. “It’s not that simple.” “Isn’t it?” “Come on! You know that would end things between Melody and me!” “I believe Melody has been good for you, but is she THE ONE? Wait! Don’t answer. If she was, you wouldn’t be dating Tasha and Katy, and you wouldn’t still be carrying a torch for Angie.” “Angie is just a friend,” I protested. Jocelyn smiled, “I’ll take that wager anytime you want to make it. You can answer my first question now.” I...
August 20, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Mike Loucks,” I said to the young woman at the desk in the brand-new Rickenbacker dorm. She flipped through the manila envelopes and pulled out the one with my name on it. “Your room key, a sticker for your ID to update it for this year, a new student handbook, and your parking sticker,” she said. “Parking sticker?” “The lots are all numbered now, and you can only park in the lot you’re assigned to. Yours should be next to this dorm.” “What about...
September 14, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “How did your parents fight?” Doctor Hart asked. “They didn’t,” I replied. “Whenever my dad disagreed with my mom, he went to his workshop in the basement.” Doctor Hart smiled, “OK, perhaps I should have phrased that better. How did they resolve conflicts?” “Just as I described.” “And after he hid in his workshop?” “He basically stayed there until he accepted that my mom was right, then went to make up. Do NOT ask me how!” Doctor Hart laughed, “The...
March 25, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to talk to you earlier,” I said to Mom when I arrived home. “I understand. You’re home a bit early.” “There really wasn’t anything playing at the movies we wanted to see. We’re going to have breakfast tomorrow and spend the day together. We’ll be at Vespers, though to prevent any explosions I’ll drop her at home so she can come to church with her family.” “I talked to your grandfather on her behalf,” Mom said. “I think...
October 16, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “I had the weirdest experience today.” “Oh?” Mom asked with an arched eyebrow. “I stopped in to see April. She was nursing Chastity. Later, April let me hold her. I was just blown away by the whole experience.” “Babies change your life in many, many ways.” I nodded, “It was like scales fell from my eyes. You know, things I knew intellectually but didn’t really understand.” “Care to share?” “Let’s just say my views on female anatomy changed a...
January 1, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Good afternoon, Father Deacon,” I said. “Good afternoon, Mikhail Petrovich. Sit down, please.” Tasha and I exchanged a look and we sat down on the settee, but with about a foot of empty cushion between us. “I would like the truth, Mikhail Petrovich. Have you and Tasha been behaving inappropriately?” That was a good question to which ONE answer was ‘yes’, but another answer was ‘no’. I was reasonably certain he was asking the second question, not the...
April 3, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Hi, Mike!” “Hi, Mrs. Landers.” “Come on in. Nancy is putting the finishing touches on dinner.” I hadn’t said anything to Nancy about my fasting rule because I didn’t want to create any issues with their Easter dinner. “Thanks!” “Your Easter isn’t for another month, right?” she asked. “May 8th, though our service starts about 10:30pm the night before.” “We went to midnight mass when I was little, but Nancy and I prefer the first morning mass at 5:30am....
July 23, 1982, Circleville, Ohio “I’m sorry I missed our date late Friday,” Katy said after greeting me with a kiss and letting me into the house. “That’s the fourth time you’ve apologized! I accepted your apology when you called to tell me, and for that, you don’t have to apologize! How is your grandmother?” “No change since we spoke on Wednesday. Mom is still there, so it’s just Dad and me. He’s out with his friends tonight, so we have the run of the house. I figured we’d cook, eat, use...
January 25, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “You won’t believe what happened on Sunday,” Dale laughed. “What?” “You know Pam’s roommate? The hot cheerleader chick?” “The one you’ve been drooling over since day one?” “Yeah, but I think I have to reconsider. Liking her appears to be VERY dangerous!” “What happened?” “Remember how I said she was dating a guy, even though she was hung up on a guy from Chicago?” “Sure.” “I found out Pam dated him at one point, too! The guy is a legend! Anyway, he...
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June 25, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or not,” I replied. “Why?” Becky asked. “We’ve done it before. I don’t have a steady boyfriend. And you said you don’t have a steady girlfriend.” “That’s true. May I ask a very blunt question?” “Sure.” “Are YOU looking to be my girlfriend?” Becky shook her head slowly, “Remember what I said back in October? That I had no illusions about this and that I had no designs on you? But that if I had the ability to make a wish...
August 28, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Duh!” she laughed softly. “I’m in your bed! What do you think?” “I think you need to go back to my sister’s room before she or my parents find out and kill both of us!” “Come on, Mike! I want to do it with you! Don’t you want to do it with me?!” She was cute and had a great body, but the LAST thing I needed was ANY kind of relationship with Mindy, even one where I only did what I’d joked with my mom about doing — banging her like a drum! “Just go,...
September 12, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Hi, Jos,” I said when her roommate called her to the phone. “Hi. How are things?” ‘Shitty!’ I wanted to say, and not in Russian. I also wanted to tell her I missed her and wanted to see her, but saying that might only make things worse. At this point, though, I wondered what ‘worse’ might be. “OK. How are you doing?” “I’m getting used to the routine and how different things are here from West Monroe.” Her answer was flat, and she sounded...
October 8, 1982, Circleville, Ohio “I want to, yes, of course; but we reset things for good reasons. Why the change?” Katy got up from the couch and sat back down in my lap, draping her arms over my shoulders. “I wanted to from the minute I saw you naked. I’ve dreamed about what it would be like.” “I felt the same way when I saw you naked,” I said. “Well, even before, when you first let me touch you. But I can’t promise you anything right now, Katy.” She sighed deeply, then moved her...
October 16, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio After my talk with Mom, I went to find Liz, and invited her to sit on the floor of my room to talk. We sat side-by-side, leaning against the bed. “Why in here and not in the basement?” I felt it was my duty to warn Liz, as my sister, of the way voices carried through the heating ducts. Mom had told me, in confidence, but I couldn’t in good conscience keep that vital piece of information from Liz. “Because voices carry through the heating ducts,” I...
November 13, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “So, what do you want to do tonight?” Nancy laughed, “As if you have to ask!” “I mean BESIDES that!” “How about we grab some dinner and then see The Man from Snowy River. It’s an Australian film and it’s had excellent reviews. Then we can come back here.” “Dinner and a movie, sure. The other thing? Let’s not move so fast, OK?” “We’ve done it before...” “Yes, we have. Remember that I gave you a choice? I think you immediately figured out what the choice...
November 29, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Now that you’ve had a night to sleep on it, what do you think?” Sandy asked, snuggling close. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to ask you?” “Probably, but I thought you might have changed your mind or had more of an idea what you meant.” “I asked my mom if there was anything wrong with marrying a friend.” “Me?! Have you lost your mind?” “A long time ago!” I chuckled. “Probably about the time the heavy doses of testosterone started coursing through my body...
January 2, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio When I arrived at church on Sunday morning, I was pleased to see Deacon Vasily with Father Herman, saying their entry prayers. I stood quietly in the nave while one of the acolytes, a Junior in High School, lit the oil lamps and ensured everything was properly arranged in the altar. As I stood there, I wondered what would happen when Tasha arrived. Where she stood would speak volumes about what had happened the previous evening when they had missed...
March 8, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “You don’t look happy, Mike,” Mom said when I greeted her after arriving home. “Tasha and I had a serious disagreement.” “Uh-oh. Because of her dad?” I shook my head, “No, it’s way more complicated. We can talk after dinner if that’s OK.” “Sure. Your sister and her friends are up in her room.” “The tradition I started?” I grinned. “Exactly. You had Jocelyn and Dale at every birthday celebration from the time you were in second grade. And before that,...
December 18, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Don’t you want to give this to Jocelyn directly?” Mrs. Mills asked. “Want to? Sure. But she made it clear she doesn’t want to see me. I’m half-expecting her to return the gift unopened.” “Not if I have anything to say about it!” she replied firmly. “Please don’t force the issue,” I pleaded. “Whatever is wrong with Jocelyn isn’t going to change because you pressure her. In fact, that might actually make things worse. “I’m not sure they could be worse...
December 27, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “I’m tempted, but not tonight. I’m not saying never, but not tonight.” Janey frowned, “Nothing I can do to change your mind?” “Remember what I said about slow but sure.” “Can I see you again before you go back to Taft?” “Maybe Friday?” “Sure.” “We’ll talk at work. You work every day, right?” “Yes. How about another kiss?” I smiled and pulled her closer again and we exchanged another soft French kiss. “Good night,” I said when we broke the kiss a...
February 4, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “Emmy?! What are you doing here?” “She came to talk to me,” Liz said quietly, from behind me. “OK. Is there anything I can help with?” “No.” “You know, if her dad finds her here...” “I know. Just go upstairs, OK? I’ll come talk to you later.” I nodded and went upstairs. The door to my parents’ bedroom was closed, and I didn’t see any light leaking from under the door, which meant they were most likely asleep. I stopped in the bathroom to brush my...
October 26, 1982, McKinley, Ohio When we returned from biology lab on Tuesday morning, a large group was milling around the entrance to the dorms. I saw Melody and walked over to ask her what the issue was. “The police busted Jeremy for pot,” she said. “Nobody can go into the dorm right now.” “What? For one or two joints? I thought they decriminalized pot.” Melody laughed, “One or two joints? You’re joking, right? He’s the main supplier in our dorm! How did you not know that?” “Because I...
January 21, 1983, McKinley, Ohio I still hadn’t decided on the answer to Clarissa’s final question when Angie and I went to run on Friday morning. One thing I was reasonably sure of was that saying ‘no’ would likely be equivalent to saying, ‘not yet’. Milena and her friends didn’t seem likely to withdraw the offer anytime soon, though they would all complete their Master’s or undergrad degrees in May. But that wasn’t the thing which was in the front of my mind. What was foremost was what...
January 21, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Light snow was falling as Angie and I left Doctor Blahnik’s house to walk back to the dorm. “That was fun,” Angie said. “Sorry about the minor indiscretion.” “It’s OK, Mike. Why would she assume otherwise? She knows we run together, pray together, and go to church together. Why do you think everyone calls me ‘Mrs. Loucks’?” “But still...” “She’s just very open and a lot of fun. I wish more professors were like her, even if she made me turn purple!” “I...
September 16, 1982, McKinley, Ohio Sandy hadn’t moved, but the feeling of her leaning against me changed with her question. My first thought was Angie, and I lifted my eyes to hers, and found a bemused look on her face. I realized, at that moment, that the dorm opinion of her being ‘Mrs. Loucks’ wasn’t all that far-fetched. In some ways, I was treating her that way, and she certainly was, in some ways, acting like a wife. I’d known that before, but my instant, gut reaction of looking to her...
December 26, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Shit!” I swore vehemently, and in English for effect, when I walked out onto the porch on Sunday morning. “Mikhail Petrovich!” Mom said sternly. I picked up the box on the front porch and turned to show her. “«Говно»!” she replied. I nodded, “Nice to know you agree with me.” The box was the one that held the two stuffed rabbits I’d bought for Jocelyn. The fact that she’d returned them spoke volumes, and short of putting up a tombstone, I wasn’t sure...
January 1, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “It’s open, Mindy!” I called out. The door opened and she came into the room. “You were expecting me?” “I’d have been seriously disappointed in my ability to predict your behavior if you hadn’t shown up!” “A little too obvious?” “You might say that! May I give you a tip?” “I’d rather have the whole thing!” Mindy smirked. I laughed so hard I had to sit down on the bed so I wouldn’t fall over. It took me a full minute to recover enough to be able to...
March 26, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio Vespers with Tasha next to me was positively weird. I had no idea what she was thinking nor what she intended. But the MESSAGE she was sending was loud and clear to anyone who saw us, and was very specific for three people — Janey, declaring I was STILL Tasha’s property; Deacon Vasily, declaring she was still going to see me; and Mr. Orlov, stating that she didn’t care about his opinion. I could tell the message to Janey was clearly received when she looked...
April 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “So what had you nearly bursting at breakfast this morning?” “I’m no longer a virgin!” Clarissa exclaimed. “And Oh! My! God!” “That good, huh?” I grinned. “You have NO idea. Well, maybe you do because you’ve had sex!” “From a guy’s perspective, anyway.” “Can I ask you something?” “Sure.” “Do you like the taste?” I nodded, “Very much so.” “And do different girls taste differently?” “Yes, but it’s kind of subtle, though I notice. Did you kiss her...
April 23, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Tasha demanded you not date me?” Janey asked. “Actually, she requested that if I date her, I not date anyone at either church because of the trouble it could cause with her father, the priests, and Vladyka ARKADY.” “Very neatly excluding me by appealing to your desire for peace.” “I know that’s how it looks, but honestly, I wasn’t seeing you at the time, and certainly didn’t believe you were going to show up here tonight to talk to me, or any other time for...
Palm Sunday, May 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Where are your palm branches?” Clarissa asked when I returned home from church. “Just how many palm trees do YOU think grew around Moscow and Saint Petersburg?” “Probably not too many.” “Which is why I have pussy willows in my hand!” “It’s Palm Sunday and you’ve already been to church Friday night, Saturday morning and night, and this morning.” “It’s only just begun,” I chuckled. “Tonight is the first Bridegroom Matins.” “If I wanted to see the...
August 23, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Well, here we go again!” Jason said as he, Clarissa, Sandy, and I plopped into front row seats in the O-Chem classroom.” “Look at it this way,” Sandy laughed. “You’re about one sixth of the way done. We doctors are about one eighth, not counting the Summers we have to work for no pay and our intern year when we get a small stipend! By then you’ll be earning major bucks developing bioweapons for the CIA!” “I’m actually thinking of doing a PhD at some point,...
January 15, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “No way!” Dale protested. “I’m serious, Dale. Ten Polaroids. She sent them to my parents’ house and my mom brought the envelope to me on Thursday.” “I don’t believe it. That’s not her. It’s not!” “They came from Purdue,” I said. “They were postmarked ‘West Lafayette, Indiana’ on Saturday.” “Shit. I called her on Saturday morning. I pushed her to admit you guys had been together. I’m sorry, Mike.” “It’s not your fault, Dale.” “But I think she did that in...
February 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “What the heck were you thinking?” Doctor Hart snapped. “That has to be about the dumbest thing you could possibly have done!” “Funny thing,” I said. “I agree with you.” “There is nothing funny about what you did! You’re lucky as hell that it turned out as well as it did!” “Again, funny thing, I agree with you.” “Cut it out, Mike!” “Sorry. I beat myself up enough about this that I’m not sure I need your help.” “So why tell me?” “I thought I was...
February 5, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “This is heavenly,” Janey sighed. She was sitting in front of me, leaned back, with my arms around her, in a tub full of warm water and lavender bubble bath. “I could get really used to this,” I agreed. “When you finally get paid a decent amount, we’ll build a big house with a shower and tub like this.” “And a sauna,” I said. “Who has a sauna?” “Katy’s parents.” Janey laughed, “Did you?” “Just some fooling around but not that.” I ran my hands up...
February 15, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “How did it go?” Clarissa asked when I walked out of the interview room. “I owe you guys big time! My biographical sketch seemed well received, and the answers you all helped me prepare were perfect. Dean Parker walked right into Melody’s trap!” Melody laughed, “Of COURSE she did. She’s so predictable. Did she try to pry into your private life?” “She started to ask the question and Dean Foster cut her off before she could finish.” “Awesome!” The three...
February 20, 1983, McKinley, Ohio Clarissa and I lay together for about fifteen minutes before I heard voices and a soft knock on the bedroom door. “I think the posse is here,” I chuckled. “Bummer,” she sighed. I reluctantly released her, and we sat up on the bed, leaning back against the wall. “Come in!” I called out. Sandy opened the door and I could see the rest of the gang was with her. “Anything interesting going on in here?” she smirked. “Just the lesbian girl talking to her...
March 28, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio As I drove home, I considered my conversation with Tasha, and realized it was, in its own way, very close in character to conversations I’d had with Clarissa — intimate, honest, and designed to build a relationship. That, as much as anything else, confirmed that her conditions were not only wise, but the correct course of action. In one sense, it really only excluded Janey, but I felt my conversation, or rather, attempted conversation, with her had closed...
July 16, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “You’re not seeing Katy tonight?” Mom asked on Friday morning. “No. Her grandmother, who lives in Pittsburgh, fell and broke her hip. They were leaving this morning and won’t be back until sometime next week.” “We haven’t talked about you and Jocelyn since last Saturday.” “There isn’t much to say,” I said. “She and her parents are basically not talking. That’s why we’ve been hanging out here, at the pool, or at Grant Park.” And Jackson Lake, but I didn’t...
August 18, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “And you’ll come home and see me, Mishka?” “Of course, Tasha!” I replied. “On breaks for sure, and I promise to try to come home at least one weekend a month, though I can’t guarantee it.” “Dad said I’m allowed to come see you, but I have to bring Sasha with me and Sasha has to be with us the entire time!” I chuckled, “I don’t think he trusts you to be in my dorm room!” “I think you’re right!” she giggled. “He’s afraid we will make passionate love...
October 31, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “What are you doing here?” I asked. “And please tell me you just arrived!” “Mom and Dad were away for the weekend,” Emmy replied with a smirk, “so I came to visit! And I got here last night!” “Please tell me you didn’t...” “All night! Wow!” “Your dad will kill ALL of us if he finds out!” “I’m not going to tell him! Are you?” “No, of course not! But seriously, Emmy, this was super dangerous!” “And super fun!” “Where’s Clark?” “He went to the...
March 12, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Cheating on me? Really?” “I know it sounds strange, but I know how much you and I love each other, and how close and intimate we are, even if we don’t kiss and touch and stuff. It’s really weird. I WANT to be with Glenda, you know, that way, but that doesn’t change the feeling.” “That way?” I grinned. “I know you aren’t clueless, Petrovich! You do the same things!” “I know. I’m teasing you, Lissa! Is this feeling going to be a problem?” “I don’t think so....
March 27, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio “I told Mom I’d make you dinner tonight,” I said to Liz when I arrived home. “How does penne pasta with arrabbiata sauce and a salad grab you?” “That sounds good! I could invite Mindy and Maggie?” “It’s up to you,” I replied flatly. “I have enough ingredients and there’s plenty of penne in the cabinet.” “Is something bugging you?” “Not bugging me, per se, just making me think. I had a long talk with Tasha and the last thing she said was very, very...
April 9, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “I still don’t like the way Clarissa interfered last night,” Kristin said on Saturday morning after we made love. “You know how important church is to me, right?” “Sure, but she didn’t have to be a bitch about it!” I took a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t see it that way. She was simply trying to point out something which is true. When Holy Week rolls around, I’ll be in church every evening from the Friday before Palm Sunday until the following...
August 1, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio Soft laughter reached my ear from Cincinnati via the magic of the Bell Telephone Network. “That is just TOO funny!” Angie declared. “Funny? Why do you find it funny?” “College boy breaks up with girlfriend and has serious falling out with his best friend. Swears newfound celibacy and is almost instantly propositioned by two High School girls who are ‘off limits’ because he decided High School girls are too immature, despite dating two other High School...
September 9, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “White boy! Phone for you!” Clark called out on Thursday evening while I was with the study group. I got up and went to our room to pick up the phone. “Hello?” “Hi, Mikey,” Liz replied. “I just called to say, ‘thank you’.” “For what?” “Making Mindy come back to my room.” I chuckled, “Do you know how difficult it was to kick a hot, naked fox out of my bed? And then, after she turned on the lights so I could see her body, kick her out of my room?” Liz...
October 2, 1982, McKinley, Ohio “Mishka!” Tasha squealed. She flew across the lobby to where I’d just stepped off the elevator and threw her arms around me. I hugged her, and then she kissed me, turning a soft kiss into a fierce French kiss, pressing her body against mine. It was a good minute before she broke the kiss and released me. “Hi, Mike!” Sasha laughed. “Hi, Sasha.” Her eyes twinkled, and she gave me a very nice hug. “I don’t think Tasha would like me kissing you the way she...
November 20, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “No bacon or eggs? Seriously?” April asked on Saturday morning. “The general rule for fasting is no animal products of any kind.” “But you didn’t do that when we were dating?” “Because I wasn’t interested in debating it with you,” I replied. “That was probably a mistake on my part.” “So now what?” “I’ll eat what you’re making,” I said. “It falls under the ‘hospitality’ rule which says you should eat what you’re served. I’ll eat waffles, eggs, and...
December 31, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio “Why don’t you come inside for a bit?” Janey said. “Just hang out, OK?” I smirked,” Will you walk into my parlour?’ said the Spider to the Fly, ‘Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy; The way into my parlour is up a winding stair, And I’ve a many curious things to show when you are there. “ “So, like Hotel California? You can check out any time you like but you can never leave?” I chuckled, “That’s probably not QUITE as culturally...
January 30, 1983, McKinley, Ohio “Well isn’t THIS a fine mess,” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to depress you,” Clarissa said. “I was trying to make a point.” “Besides the fact that we’re in love, soulmates, and you’re a lesbian, which kind of makes it all moot?” “Oh, it most definitely does NOT! For someone who has been with at least half-a-dozen girls by my count, you sure have this really stupid mindset about sex! If it was so damned meaningful, you wouldn’t be so free with it! Get your head...
March 9, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio If Tasha hadn’t already been upset by Clarissa, Robby, and Lee, her face showed she was beyond livid with me now. The kiss Janey and I had exchanged wasn’t just a peck on the lips, but the kiss of a boyfriend and girlfriend, if not lovers. And Tasha had seen it. She knew I dated, but she didn’t know I was involved with Janey to that degree. And given the spat Tasha and I’d had the previous night, I could imagine all the evil thoughts going through her...