Origins of the Personalia
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Something Personal Ch. 04 free porn video
Nina met Daniel for lunch the following day. What started as an awkward conversation eventually became relaxed as they began to rediscover their old friendship. Nina was still reeling from the news, but also felt like a weight had been lifted somewhat now that she knew the reason why he left her. Naturally the conversation turned to Gavin. Daniel had called her the previous night to make sure she was okay, and she could tell even now he didn’t believe her.
‘It’s fine. He was never going to hurt me,’ she insisted.
‘Why did he think I was going to?’ Daniel asked.
‘I’m not sure, he’s been concerned about how often you would call,’ Nina explained. ‘I guess he thought you were some kind of stalker.’
Daniel looked so horrified at the thought that Nina couldn’t help being amused.
‘Well, you can’t blame him,’ she pointed out. ‘He doesn’t know you, and you did call a lot,’ she joked.
‘Yeah, but to immediately jump to stalker,’ Daniel said, stunned.
Nina shrugged, not wanting to divulge her suspicions about Gavin’s parents and childhood.
‘How long have you been seeing him?’
Nina looked up in shock. ‘We’re not together. We’re just friends.’
Daniel studied her for a long moment, nodding thoughtfully. ‘If you say so,’ he said lightly.
She narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Shut up,’ she said.
He chuckled. ‘I’d like to think I still do know you pretty well, you know,’ he remarked. ‘And I don’t have to know him to see that he’s crazy about you.’
‘We’re just friends,’ she repeated firmly.
‘Okay,’ Daniel said, feigning innocence.
Nina went home feeling somewhat lighter-hearted after her conversation with Daniel. Gavin was another story, that still muddled her brain. It was a long week with no contact with him, a long, lonely week where she often found her gaze wandering across the street to his living room window, not knowing whether she hoped or dreaded seeing him there. She was at a loss as to how to handle it. She missed him, sure, but also couldn’t avoid the disturbing memory of his rage.
—
Gavin slammed the file drawer shut and leaned over the desk, resting his forehead on his arms. He went to Bill’s construction site every day off that week, throwing himself into twelve-hour days just to avoid thinking about Nina, but it wasn’t working. If anything, it made his feelings for her even more painfully clear to him.
It was killing him to not see her or talk to her. But his reaction to both her car accident and Daniel’s appearance served as a reminder that being around her, being with her as a casual sex buddy was just as painful. Even with how much he needed her friendship, he couldn’t handle the confusion of ‘just sex’ with her. He doubted he would be able to manage going back to only being her friend. The fuck-buddy non-relationship was corrosive, it had undermined the friendship they had both enjoyed so much.
He shook his head and pushed away from the desk. Not that it mattered. She obviously didn’t want anything to do with him after the way he acted. She hadn’t wanted more from him before Daniel showed up, anyway, and certainly wouldn’t want to be with him if she knew the whole story of his past.
Walking to his apartment building that night, he was stunned to see her waiting outside. His feet stopped briefly before continuing slowly toward her.
‘Hey,’ he said quietly.
‘Hi,’ she replied cautiously.
There was an awkward silence while they eyed each other. Finally Nina steeled herself to speak.
‘I was hoping – do you want to talk to me…about what that was all about?’ she asked tentatively.
‘Gavin?’
They both turned at the new voice to see Marta approaching. Gavin suppressed a sigh.
‘Hi,’ he said. ‘What brings you here?’ he added. He was hoping he didn’t sound rude but wanted Nina to know that he hadn’t invited Marta, that this encounter was totally unplanned on his part.
‘I…need to talk to you,’ Marta said, glancing at Nina.
Nina chewed her lip, folding her arms across her chest. Gavin looked between them, frustrated. The last thing he wanted was to have one uncomfortable conversation, and now there was the potential for two. Struggling to keep his voice even, he held out his keys.
‘Do you mind waiting for me upstairs? I’ll just be a second.’ His hand remained outstretched without Marta moving.
‘It’s really important,’ Marta said plaintively.
‘Okay,’ he said, clenching his jaw. ‘I’ll be right up, I promise.’
She rolled her eyes and took his keys, throwing a sharp look at Nina over her shoulder as she entered the building. Gavin faced Nina but looked past her, over her shoulder.
‘Gavin?’ Nina prompted. ‘Can we talk about -‘
‘No,’ he said sharply. ‘I still think I’m right about him, but I can’t force you to believe me.’
‘Look,’ she said with a sigh. ‘He just – ‘
‘I don’t want to hear it,’ he snapped.
‘Jesus,’ she said, startled. ‘What the hell is going on?’
He stared at her, trying to find words.
‘I – I can’t do this anymore,’ he said in a tight voice.
‘Do what?’ she asked, baffled.
‘I don’t think I can be around you,’ he said, unable to keep the words in. ‘I – I want more from you. And I can’t – do this. I can’t just be your friend anymore. And I can’t be just your fuck buddy.’
‘What?’ she whispered.
He nodded. ‘You heard me. I can’t do it, Nina.’
‘Gavin…’ She stopped, blinking rapidly.
‘I have to go,’ he said quickly before rushing into his building.
—
‘You’re going to talk to me,’ Catherine said, brushing past Nina and flopping on her couch. ‘You’ve been avoiding us – me – for weeks. Now, what’s going on?’
Nina sighed and dropped to the couch next to her friend. She hadn’t done anything other than work and come home since the day Daniel surprised her and Gavin freaked out. She missed them – him – but couldn’t face them. Not when she knew it would be horribly awkward to be around him. Not when she knew how much it would hurt to see him.
‘Nina,’ Catherine said worriedly. ‘Please tell me what’s going on.’
Catherine remained silent while Nina told her everything, her eyes growing larger as Nina spoke. They sat in silence for several minutes after she was done.
‘I never thought I would say this to you of all people and not be joking,’ Catherine said slowly. ‘But you’re an idiot.’
Nina’s head shot up. ‘Gee, thanks?’
‘I mean it, Nina. Gavin’s a terrific guy and he’s nuts about you. Why would you let him just walk away?’
‘Cath, he was about to rip Daniel’s head off – for no reason. That wouldn’t freak you out? I can’t even tell you – I didn’t recognize him at all. It was scary.’
‘Okay, I get that. I’m sorry,’ Catherine said, giving her a hug. ‘I really am. It must have been frightening. But it was because he cares about you so much that he’s that protective of you,’ Catherine pointed out.
‘I don’t think so,’ Nina insisted. ‘He was in a daze of some kind, like he didn’t even know what he was doing.’
‘But – you shouldn’t let it ruin what you two have -‘ Catherine implored
‘We don’t have anything,’ Nina snapped. ‘He doesn’t even want to see me now anyway!’
‘Jesus Christ, that’s just because he’s hurt. He’s wanted you since he met you,’ Catherine said sharply. ‘Why do you think he hasn’t gone out with anyone in all this time?’
‘What?’ Nina asked, baffled. ‘Of course he has – he flirts with women at the bar all the time. And we both know he slept with Marta.’
Catherine’s expression fell and she looked at the floor.
‘What is it?’ Nina asked cautiously. ‘Is he seeing her now?’
‘No,’ Catherine said instantly. ‘Look, he flirts, because that’s his nature, it’s like breathing for him. But Mark told me he hasn’t gone out with any of them since you two met.
He’s been waiting for you,’ Catherine told her. ‘I don’t think he realizes it, of course, even though it’s obvious to everyone else. Except you, of course,’ she added with a playful grin.
‘Well, whatever,’ Nina mumbled. ‘It doesn’t matter. I can’t date anyone now. I don’t know if I ever will.’
Catherine sighed. ‘Nina -‘
Nina noticed Catherine’s concern and gave her a worried look.
‘I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through – going through a divorce,’ Catherine said slowly. ‘But…you’ve changed.’
Nina rolled her eyes. Of course I’ve changed.
‘How?’ she asked stiffly.
‘You’ve always been straightforward and logical, of course,’ Catherine said earnestly. ‘But now…you’re even more reserved. Like, cold…severe.’
Nina could feel her friend watching her apprehensively. She wasn’t upset by the assessment, appreciating when others could be as direct as she was. It just wasn’t anything she’d considered before.
‘I am?’ she asked quietly.
‘Yeah,’ Catherine murmured. ‘I get why, I do. But…it’s not you. And it’s no way to live.’
‘You might be right,’ Nina admitted. ‘The whole thing with Daniel really messed with my head. Maybe now that I know the whole story, that it really wasn’t anything to do with me…maybe I can get past it.’
‘I hope so. About Gavin -‘
‘Cath, I just – can’t. Not now. Besides, he said he couldn’t be around me anymore. I have to respect that,’ Nina told her firmly.
‘That’s not what I was going to say,’ Catherine said slowly. ‘That Marta thing – that was just a diversion…but…’
‘What?’ Nina asked impatiently.
‘She’s pregnant.’ Catherine gave Nina a sympathetic look.
Nina’s eyes widened.
‘What did you just say?’
Catherine sighed sadly. ‘Marta’s pregnant.’
Nina jumped to her feet and began pacing, clutching her stomach. Catherine stood as well.
‘You okay?’ Catherine asked worriedly.
Nina swallowed against the lump in her throat. Pregnant.
‘Oh, God,’ she muttered.
‘Yeah. He’s freaking out, according to Mark,’ Catherine told her.
A pained sound came from Nina’s throat and she nodded weakly.
‘And – and she’s keeping it?’ Nina asked in a tight voice.
‘Sounds like it,’ Catherine said softly. ‘Look, I know he said he can’t be around you, but you are his friend. And he needs his friends now, even if he can’t admit it,’ Catherine pointed out.
Nina sat gingerly on the couch, nodding again.
‘Besides, the other guys are your friends, too. Everyone misses you. So you should come out with us tonight.’
‘I’ll think about it,’ Nina muttered.
‘Good. Because frankly, they’re starting to annoy me with how much they ask about you. It’s like my charming personality isn’t enough for them or something,’ she said haughtily, her eyes twinkling.
Nina smiled despite herself, giving Catherine a grateful hug.
When Catherine left, Nina shut the door behind her friend, flattening her back against it. Her breath was coming in short, painful bursts, her chest so tight it was burning. She slid to the floor, letting the tears fall.
—
Nina shuffled into her kitchen and made some tea. She couldn’t shut her mind off and had been tossing and turning for hours, same as she had the past few nights since hearing the news. The echo of Catherine’s voice had been repeating on a loop in her head. Marta’s pregnant. Considering how floored she was, she couldn’t begin to imagine how Gavin was feeling.
Making herself comfortable in a chair by her window, she wrapped her hands around the mug and stared outside absently. A light coming on across the street caught her eye and she realized it was Gavin’s apartment. She could see him pacing and reached for her phone without thinking.
‘Nina?’ he said in surprise.
‘Hi,’ she said awkwardly. ‘I saw you were up.’
She watched him walk to the window and look down at her apartment. She lifted her teacup with a small smile.
‘Can’t sleep?’ he asked.
‘No – you, too?’
‘Nope.’ He sighed and she watched him drag a chair to the window to sit down. He leaned on the sill and looked at her. ‘I guess you heard,’ he said flatly.
‘Catherine told me,’ she admitted.
‘Yeah,’ he said morosely.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked timidly.
‘No,’ he said with a sharp laugh.
‘Understandable.’ She bit her lip. ‘But – you’ll be a great dad, Gavin.’ Despite the truth in her words, saying them hurt her more than she expected.
He snorted derisively.
‘It’s true. Once the shock wears off, you’ll be excited about it. I know you will,’ she said reassuringly.
He made a noncommittal sound and she saw him running his hands through his hair.
‘So, when is she due, anyway?’ Nina asked, trying to find the positive of the situation. ‘Have you been able to see the baby on an ultrasound yet?’
‘No – she didn’t want me to come with her to the doctor. I don’t know when she’s due, she said she’s not sure.’
Nina’s brow wrinkled. ‘But – I mean, she must have an idea. You were only together that one night, right? Unless -‘ She stopped, horrified at the thought that he might have kept hooking up with Marta after they’d started sleeping together.
‘Just once,’ he confirmed bitterly.
Nina let out a long breath, relieved. ‘So, it would be easy to calculate how far along she is.’
‘I don’t know,’ he repeated.
‘Why wouldn’t she want you at the doctor appointments?’ Nina asked.
‘I don’t know,’ he said again, sounding impatient.
Nina gave a start as some horrible thoughts occurred to her. She blurted the words before she could tell herself not to.
‘Gavin – are you sure she’s really pregnant?’ Or that you’re the father if she is? she added silently.
‘What?’ he exclaimed.
‘Well, it’s just – I would think she’d be excited about it, and want to share doctor’s visits with you…’ Nina trailed off anxiously. ‘Most women would want the fathers there for that kind of stuff.’
‘So you think she’s lying? To – what? To trap me? Am I on Jerry Springer right now?’
‘I’m sorry,’ Nina said meaningfully. ‘I am. I don’t want to upset you. But, you really don’t know her, and it’s a possibility. That’s all. I hope I’m wrong.’
‘Of course you’re wrong,’ he said heatedly. ‘Just because things went to shit with us doesn’t give you the right to say things like that.’
‘That’s not why I said it,’ Nina said, hurt.
‘Right,’ he said sarcastically.
‘It’s true,’ she replied stiffly.
‘Whatever,’ he said. ‘I have to get to sleep. Thanks so much for your call,’ he added harshly.
‘I’m sorry -‘
‘Goodbye, Nina.’
—
While driving home Nina had to force herself to concentrate on the road. The past few days had been consumed with her last conversation with Gavin. She slammed her car door shut and impulsively kicked one of her tires in frustration.
‘Problem?’
She looked up to see Keane approaching her with an amused smile.
‘No. Everything’s just peachy,’ she said sarcastically. She sighed. ‘Sorry. How are you?’
‘I was just coming to see you, actually. I got my ass chewed out by Gavin yesterday, so I’m also terrific,’ he replied, matching her sarcasm.
Nina looked at him in surprise. ‘What happened?’
‘I tried to advise him to be careful about Marta.’ Keane leaned against her car, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
Nina snorted. ‘I can imagine how that went.’
‘Yeah, I hear you tried the same thing,’ Keane remarked.
‘I asked him if he was sure she’s really pregnant,’ Nina said in a quiet voice. ‘I managed to stop myself from asking how he could be sure he’s actually the father if she is,’ she added bitterly.
Keane looked surprised. ‘Huh. I didn’t think about her lying about being pregnant. I was m
ostly worried about him marrying her because he thinks it’s what he’s supposed to do.’
‘Shit,’ Nina said in horror. ‘He said he was going to marry her?’
‘No,’ Keane assured her. ‘I think it was more my concern than it actually occurring to him, but I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t talk to him about it…I just hope I didn’t inadvertently put the idea in his head. If she’s not really pregnant that makes it even more worrisome – you know she’s not a US citizen, right?’
‘No, I didn’t.’ She slung her bag over her shoulder in determination. ‘We can’t let that happen,’ she said fiercely.
‘How do you plan to stop it?’ Keane asked.
She chewed her lip thoughtfully. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. ‘But I’ll think of something.’
Keane chuckled appreciatively. ‘I know you will.’
When Nina got home, she paced her apartment for several minutes, keeping an eye on Gavin and Brett’s apartment window. When she saw Brett walk through the room, she grabbed her phone.
—
Gavin was on his bed, the heels of his hands pressed into his eyelids. He was alternating between anger at Keane’s accusations of Marta – as well as his last conversation with Nina on the subject – and extreme exhaustion. He was just so tired of this whole mess. He’d never thought seriously about being a father, even in the abstract the concept sent him into a panic. It didn’t seem possible that it was actually going to happen.
Sighing heavily, he dug his phone from his pocket and dialed Marta’s number.
‘Hi,’ he said when she picked up. ‘Are you at home? We need to talk.’
—
Nina was sitting nervously on Bill and Diane’s porch the next night, barely feeling the chilly rain, when Bill and Gavin walked up to the house. Brett, also worried about Gavin, had readily told her where Gavin would be tonight, and Diane had suggested she come over. Bill was expecting her, but Gavin wasn’t, and the look in his eyes was one she’d never forget. Pain, anguish, regret, hostility, betrayal. He had never looked at her that way before. She felt instantly queasy but couldn’t look away. Bill quickly disappeared inside and they stood there staring at each other for a long minute before speaking at the same time.
‘I guess you still think she’s lying -‘ Gavin said harshly.
‘Don’t marry Marta -‘ Nina blurted.
Anger flashed in his eyes. Nina swallowed hard.
‘I don’t know if I’m wrong about her, but I don’t really care. Just – don’t marry her,’ Nina said unsteadily.
‘What?’
‘Just. Don’t. Marry her,’ she repeated.
‘Why?’
‘Because -‘ She stopped and pressed her lips together.
‘Nina?’ he prompted.
She shook her head slowly, opening her mouth but finding no words coming to her.
‘Nina?’ he said softly. ‘Why don’t you want me to marry her?’
‘Because…having a kid is no reason to get married,’ she said weakly. ‘It’s a big deal. No one should rush into it. Not when you barely know each other.’
‘Is that really why?’
‘Of course it is,’ she said impatiently. ‘I’ve been through a divorce. It’s not picnics and rainbows.’
‘Yes, I know you’ve been through a divorce,’ he said sharply. ‘You don’t have to remind me.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You think I don’t know that your divorce is why you’ve closed yourself off to everyone? To letting anyone in? To letting me in?’
‘I let you in,’ she said plaintively. ‘As much as I could.’
‘Right,’ he said sarcastically.
‘It’s nothing -‘
‘Nina, I swear to God, if you tell me it’s nothing personal one more time I am going to lose my fucking mind,’ Gavin snapped.
‘Fine,’ she seethed. ‘What about you?’ she blurted. ‘Like you’ve told me every little thing about you? You still haven’t given me a good explanation for why you freaked out on Daniel that day, even after you saw how much it scared me. So don’t act like you didn’t keep parts of yourself from me, too.’
‘What do you want me to say?’ he shouted. ‘That I was scared out of my mind that he was going to hurt you?’
‘But why would you even jump to that conclusion? It was like you were a completely different person.’
‘Because I know what men can do, Nina. I’ve seen it. I know what kind of animals some men are – how they can appear to be perfectly normal to the world and then in private they beat the shit out of -‘ He stopped, his eyes widening.
‘What…happened?’ she asked slowly, scared of the answer.
‘Nothing.’
‘Really? You’re just going to keep shutting me out? Gavin, you were my best friend. And now it’s…nothing. I hate it.’
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