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Can I Love? free porn video
All my life I have wanted to be loved. To find that person that would hold me, caress me, kiss me and love me. I never dreamt in my wildest dreams that I would finally find that person. At 19 I was raped by a crazy drunk. The smell of whisky still haunts me, the coldness of his fingers as he tried desperately to stimulate my mind and my body. The way he gripped my arms tightly within his hands as he held me to the ground, grinding his body into me. In that instant I froze, my body would not give into his caresses nor would it find the energy to fight back. I became pregnant.
My father told me I was dirty, a whore, that my child would be dirty too. He ordered me to get rid of it, but nothing within my body would let me. I tried to call up the abortion centre, but still I just couldn’t pick up the courage to go through with it. The sickness, the headaches, the constant stomach cramps, these I learned to love and with it, I fell in love with my child.
At 24 weeks I went for my first scan. I sat alone. Surrounding me was couples, snuggling, canoodling. I felt hatred for the man that did this to me, that made me unable to love another man. The appearance of the hospital burned in my mind, and the smell made me retch. I could think of nothing worse than to go through the birth of my child alone. Insanity reached me at that instant. I wanted to harm myself and my child!
‘Sarah George,’ the name entered my thoughts. That was me, my baby, and I was going to be checked up. As I entered the office, I couldn’t help but notice an attractive young man, with dark messy hair fallen scruffily over his face. He had bright blue penetrating eyes, although they were not staring at me, I could feel the look that would be given off by them, knowing they would make my legs melt. As my eyes moved further down his body, I noticed how tanned he was. He was wearing a smart suit. With the jacket buttoned up, a big loose knot on the tie, all worn with tidy black trousers. His shoes were brown and suede, a sense of style I thought to myself.
As I brought my face back to look at him, I noticed he was looking back at me, smiling smugly. I instantly blushed, feeling the red blotchiness crawling up my skin, finding my cheek bones. ‘Great,’ I thought, ‘I look like a bloody cherry tomato, I’ve shown I’m a single parent and all in front of a gorgeous bloke. Brilliant.’ I smiled at him slightly, before moving into a room where my nurse was waiting.
Everything was fine with my baby, what a relief. No foreseen problems, how could it possibly be a devil child? As I left the room, again I entered the office, purposefully not looking around and exited quickly. As I got to the door I felt a hand on my arm, I felt the coldness, the harshness of the grip. I smelt the whisky, I was back on the floor being raped by a dead weight that I could not seem to shift. I screamed and I lashed out, never again was I going to be raped. I was held more tightly, more hands on my body, forcing me to be still. This time tears came, through my panic I knew if I was raped, I would probably lose the baby. Defeated, I stopped fighting, I cried to myself and felt the hands soften and someone was holding me close to them. Stroking my hair, telling me things were going to be ok.
When I finally opened my eyes, the smart man was holding me tight. There was no roughness about him, everything he did was gentle, and he smelt good. The smell of whiskey vanished. This helped my fear disappear slightly. He moved back, careful not to let go of me. I looked around, my nurse was stood beside me holding my hand bag.
‘Umm, excuse me, I’m really sorry for scaring you, I just wanted to give you your handbag back.’ She said it so quietly and timidly, I almost didn’t hear.
The man beside me thanked her, took the bag and turned back to me.
‘Is everything alright Miss??’ When I didn’t reply he spoke again, ‘My names Tom, your Sarah right? Would you like me to get you a taxi? Take you home? Get you a coffee?’
I felt the tears coming back, I felt so stupid. A nurse had tried to tell me something and I had freaked out, completely. With a man next to me so sweet and I couldn’t even thank him. Embarrassment was beginning to catch up with me, I realised how stupid I had been. I stood up quickly, snatching my bag off the tall stranger and stormed off.
As soon as I was outside the hospital building, feelings of emotion swept back over me. How could I have been so stupid? Was this one night, one horrible night, going to ruin my life forever? Was I ever going to get my life back? I then remembered the tall man, Tom he had called himself. How could I have been so rude, all he had done was try to hold me, to stop me crying, the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world. And I had pushed him away, rejected him. Even if it was only for that one moment, the heat of his body, the strength of it as he held me tight made me lust for him. I wanted him, I had never wanted anyone before like this.
Tempted as I was to re-enter the hospital and make my apologies, I couldn’t bring myself to it. As I walked away from the hospital, I flagged down a taxi, never letting my thoughts stray off Tom. As I entered my taxi, I knew I should contact my sister, my only family member still interested in me, and let her know that everything with me and the baby was ok. As I reached for my cell, I noticed a piece of paper folded up at the top of my bag. As I opened it, a tiny bit of hope rushed through my body. Slowly I unfolded it, un-wrapping each crease carefully. When it was fully unfolded, I looked down to three letters and a number. Tom was the name written in smart handwriting. I quickly pulled out my cell, forgetting about contacting my sister and typed two words. ‘I’m sorry.’ Leaving it at that, I flipped my phone shut, carrying on with my journey. After five minutes of driving my phone rang, I answered it within the first ring, breathless to talk to Tom.
‘My, that was a quick answer, you expecting a call sis? How was the scan?’ Although I didn’t know Tom, I was secretly disappointed that he hadn’t yet contacted me.
‘Hey sis, yeah the scan went ok, there’s nothing wrong with me or the baby everything is fine. Stuck in traffic now though, hold on.’ I leant forward to the driver and asked if he could take a different route to get me home faster. ‘Yeah, I just asked the driver to take a different route and when I said I wanted to be home faster I didn’t mean that …’
My world went black. I woke up in a white room, the world was all hazy, and nothing seemed real, or seemed to make sense. I couldn’t remember anything. I strained my eyes a bit more to see my sister staring at me. I opened my mouth to speak but found it was covered with some harsh plastic. I looked up at her, the panic rising within me.
‘Shhhh,’ she whispered, ‘you were in a car crash baby, your taxi driver ran you into a lorry, but everything will be fine.’
From the look in her face I knew that everything was not going to be fine. I stared deep into her eyes and knew. I knew I had lost the baby. The words croaked out my throat, I knew she couldn’t hear me but she shook her head, and too started crying. Together we lay crying in despair for the baby I never got to have. For a while my body seemed empty, like there was a piece of me missing. My heart stung from the grief at losing not only by baby but a piece of the person I was to become. When my sister left that night I cried and cried and cried. Never had I felt so lonely.
At some point, I must have cried myself asleep because I was woken to a nurse fussing over me telling me that my husband had arrived to see me. ‘Husband?’ I thought to myself, ‘I don’t have a husband… do I?’ Was I forgetting something? I racked my brain, searching for a memory of a husband and finally decided that I definitely hadn’t got one.
A knock on the door brought me back to my senses, as I looked up I saw a tall man, with a well cut suit on and a bu
nch of flowers in front of his face. He neared me slowly never once talking, or showing his identity. He walked past me and placed the flowers on the windowsill. I had a clear view of a lock of short, messy, dark hair, strong masculine shoulders and a pair of long muscular legs. Slowly he turned and I recognised him within an instant. ‘Tom??!’
‘Hello babe,’ was all he said.
Lianne
- 22.12.2022
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