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‘This is your last chance,’ Mazie said. Mazie was my best friend. Her son, Terry was the same age as my son, Danny.

‘You tell me the same thing every month,’ I said as I poured her another cup of coffee.

‘Some month it’s gonna be true. If it already isn’t true.’

‘What are you saying?’ For the first time, I was scared.

Mazie took a sip and hesitated before saying, ‘Well … you don’t even know if YOU can get pregnant anymore. It might not just be Mel. It’s been so long.’

‘I still get my periods. On time, every month. And the doctor said I was still fertile.’

‘Even so,’ Mazie said. She raised her eyebrows.

It suddenly dawned on me she was right. Melvin and I had been trying desperately forever. Even more desperately these last five years since the accident that left him paralyzed, his legs useless and withered. We both wanted a c***d, but I suspected that having a second would make him feel more alive and vital once again.

‘We tried normally a lot and then it’s been the in vitro that never worked, and now it’s going to be artificial insemination for the third and last time. Mazie, maybe you’re right.’ I slumped into the chair at the kitchen table. Mazie got that look you get when you see a hurt you can’t heal, but want to try anyway.

‘I’m sure it’s gonna work this time, Jan. I got a good feeling. I’m betting in two weeks or so you’ll be expecting again and all this talk will be something we’ll laugh about.’

She patted my hand and rubbed my arm to comfort me, but I didn’t feel any comfort. All of a sudden, lots of things I never said before were streaming out: ‘It’s Mel. It’s pitiful. It was pitiful before, but now, after the accident …’

‘It can’t be that—’

‘It’s worse than you think. It’s worse than even I let myself believe. The sex between us was never any good. Mel never cared about my needs or maybe he didn’t know what my needs were, or what any woman’s needs were. And since he’s been paralyzed, he can barely keep an erection, if that’s what you want to call that semi-hard thing, for more than a minute. I have to place him on the bed, get on top and jam my hips down as fast as I can to try and harvest the few drops of whatever drips out of him.’

‘Jan, that’s the actual sex. But, you’re going to do the artificial insemination again. That’s got to work.’

‘You should see the little watery stain Mel delivers into that specimen jar. Any rational person would know it’s not enough in volume or potency to get me pregnant. I’ve got just the opposite problem with Danny. I keep having to pick gooey tissues off his floor. What does he think, that I figure he’s blowing his nose 100 times a day?’

‘Hey, he just turned 18. If you don’t have all the ammunition in the world at that age, you never will. Too bad he couldn’t lend his father some of that rocket fuel. That young, and an athlete in tremendous condition—his sperm count is probably off the charts!’

‘Off the charts,’ I whispered.

Danny was my only c***d, and his 18th birthday was just last week. He was, at the same time, a joy and a headache. He was bright and handsome and well built from constant exercise. But, he was rebellious and argumentative. He wanted things his own way and was stubborn like his father.

‘What did you say?’ she asked.

‘Nothing. Just thinking this whole thing over. It’s funny how here I am trying to get pregnant, and I’m constantly warning Danny NOT to get a girl in trouble. You know how boys are at that age.’

‘Yeah. They got one thing on their minds, and that thing is between a girl’s legs. They’ll fuck anyone who’s the least bit willing. They’ll prey on the slightest sign of weakness.’

I’d heard Mazie use the word ‘fuck’ before, but I had never associated it with my own son.

‘Danny looks exactly like father,’ she said.

‘Yeah, it’s amazing. But, that’s a f****y characteristic. All the men, going back generations, are carbon copies. It must be some super dominant genetic trait, or something.’

‘We won’t know for many years with Danny, after college and meeting the right girl and getting married and everything. And this generation is waiting until their thirties to ever start a f****y. A long time,’ Mazie mused as she finished her coffee.

‘Maybe not,’ I whispered again, my non-seeing eyes on the window, but my inner vision in deep thought over a wild idea that almost bubbled to the surface of my consciousness.

She got up and said, ‘I don’t know what the answer is. I wish I could have been more help.’

‘Maybe you helped more than you know,’ I said and hugged her goodbye.

*******************

‘Where’s Dan?’ Melvin demanded.

‘He’s at football practice. You know that.’

‘How do suppose I can keep track of what goes on outside this damned hospital?’

‘It’s a recuperation facility, Mel. It’s beautiful here.’

My husband had his fourth unsuccessful spinal operation and was rehabbing yet again. I didn’t blame him for being in a foul mood, but it didn’t make it any easier to take.

‘You’d think he’d want to visit his father once in a while. That’s all.’

‘You two always find something to fight about. I’m sure he’ll come soon.’

‘Did he start applying to colleges like I told him to?’

‘Not quite yet,’ I said. Danny kept saying he wasn’t going to college. He didn’t see why he should waste four years. I tried to persuade him, but it was no use. I had nothing in my power to get him to do it.

‘Jennifer, you do whatever it takes to get that boy on the right track. You hear me?’

‘Anyway, today’s not a good day for him to be here. I’ve brought the specimen cups for you to use. I’m ovulating tomorrow and we’re trying again.’ I dug into my bag and showed him one of the two identical cup. They had screw top lids and his ID info typed on labels stuck to the sides. The clinic, because of Melvin’s condition, had allowed me to deliver his ‘sample’ myself.

‘At least if I knock you up one last time, it’ll prove I’m still a man,’ he growled, the bitterness of his voice biting through me.

‘Knocking me up’ echoed in my brain. It made it seem so cheap, and useless.

‘I’ll leave you alone while you fill that,’ I said.

‘NO!’

‘What?’

‘I want you to do it for me. And I want you to use your mouth to get me hard.’

‘Mel, you know I don’t do that.’ It was true, something had always kept me from performing oral sex. It just seemed so gross, so wrong to me.

‘I should have known you have no compassion. Not even any pity. Not even after all I’ve been through. Even though you were driving the night of the accident that caused this.’

Again with the guilt. I’d do anything to get rid of it. Maybe that was part of the driving f***e behind trying to get pregnant again.

‘Here, you close your eyes and I’ll do the rest.’ I approached, and mercifully he complied.

It took five minutes for him to get an ‘erection’ and then another minute before I caught a thin, weak issue of a few drops of clear liquid. My mouth at its driest could spit more than that. I had no hope this would get me pregnant.

Out in the car, Danny sat looking at his phone. He didn’t even glance up as I slid behind the wheel.

‘Did dear ol’ Dad mention me?’

Danny wouldn’t come in to see his father. It had nothing to do with my task. They just didn’t see eye to eye any more. Before the accident, Melvin was proud of his son and his athletic abilities so much like his own. Now, I felt he was jealous of Danny’s perfect body, always comparing his own withered limbs against his son’s strong and fully-functioning legs.

The years of jealousy and scorn had turned their relationship sour, and even though it might have been my imagination, I think that Danny actually rubbed his superiority in his father’s face at any chance he got. He countered his father’s bitter sternness by showing him he could do things his father couldn’t.

‘Did you get what you came for?’ Danny asked, giving a spiteful little laugh.

‘Yes,’ I sighed. ‘We have to get it to the clinic so they can care for it until tomorrow, when I go for the procedure.’

‘Tell me you really think it’ll work this time. You’re dreaming! You’re delusional!’

‘Danny, don’t talk like that.’

‘Come off it, Mom. He has no chance of getting you pregnant. Not in a hundred years. If I were you, I’d give up. Or, at least go to another plan.’ He still hadn’t looked up from his phone.

I sat there staring ahead, knowing what he had said was true. That’s when four recent thoughts came together:

1. Another plan

2. Gooey tissues

3. Off the charts

4. Rocket fuel

I didn’t know if I was crazy, desperate, or desperately crazy. I didn’t even know if I could say the words I knew I had to say.

‘Danny, you like k**s, don’t you?’

‘Mom, we talked this over before. You know I’d like a little b*****r or s****r. You know that. That’s not the problem.’

‘I know that, but … in the future do you think you’d want a c***d of your own?’

‘I’d sure be a better dad than Dad. I’d treat them right.’ This time he looked up and his blue eyes met my brown eyes squarely, and I knew what he said came from his heart.

‘Danny, I’m going to say something, and you can say ‘no’ and I’ll understand. It’s something that is going to shock you.’

‘Mom, you’re the most unshocking person I know. I don’t think you’re going to shock me very much.’

I didn’t even know how to begin. I couldn’t just come out and say what I wanted to say directly. ‘Danny, I know you have a lot of energy. A real lot of extra energy that you have to let out at times.’

‘What are you talking about, Mom?’

This was sooo awkward. ‘You know I clean your room on a regular basis and throw various debris and clutter away.’ I was sounding like an idiot.

‘So? You want me to keep my room cleaner with my extra energy? Just say it then.’

I took a deep breath. ‘No, that’s not what I mean. I guess by energy I mean sexual energy.’

‘Oh, you mean the tissues?’

He didn’t seem the least bit embarrassed. ‘Yes, that’s what I mean.’

‘That’s just on the weekend, after our games. I don’t jerk off during the week so I stay strong for the game on Friday night.’

Today was Wednesday. Hence, I didn’t notice any tissues for a while.

‘How would you feel if instead of a tissue, you did some good with that energy?’

‘I don’t get it?’ He looked confused.

‘Maybe this is a real bad idea,’ I said. ‘Forget it.’

‘No, Mom. What are you saying?’

I pulled out the clinic cup, the extra one. I couldn’t find any words to say, and just held it there. We both looked at it for maybe the longest fifteen seconds in history.

It was Danny who spoke first. ‘You want me to fill this?’

Before answering, I thought back to Melvin’s pathetic effort, and the word ‘fill’ almost made me laugh. But, it made me remember about a month ago when I was passing Danny’s room and heard his groaning. I peeked in just in time to see him ejaculating into a wad of tissues in his hand. Four or five thick cables of sperm gushed from his fist. I had quickly retreated before he was done. For a week I felt guilty over invading his privacy.

But now I wondered if he could indeed fill it.

‘I know I’m asking you something no mother ever should. But, it would probably save our marriage and—’

‘You want me to get you pregnant?’

‘Well, yes—technically. It’s my last chance. I really feel that, Danny, or I wouldn’t put you in this situation.’

He took the cup from my hand and asked, ‘They got a rest room in there?’

I nodded. He got out of the car and I watched his 5’9′ 170 pound body jog to the clinic. I was numb, not knowing what to feel.

A few minutes later, he walked back to the car and handed me the cup. Then I knew what to feel: disappointed. It was empty.

‘Before he looked at his phone he said, ‘I thought about it and decided this wasn’t the right way to do things.’

**********************

The ride to the clinic was in silence.

I felt like a stupid fraud when I delivered Melvin’s ‘sperm.’ The technician tried not to react when she surveyed the contents, but I saw her eyes widen, and the sad look she gave me betrayed her thoughts.

‘We’ll see you at nine tomorrow morning,’ she said, a note of false optimism in her voice.

The ride home was also in silence. Danny and his damned phone. I guess he couldn’t care less about the situation I was in. I had given him the option to say no and he did. I shouldn’t be as angry as I was. But—I was! I was angry at Melvin, and I was angry at Danny.

I slammed the car door and went to the kitchen to start dinner.

Danny came in and sat down at the kitchen table.

‘Mom.’

‘Dinner will be ready in half an hour. Why don’t you go to your room or watch TV or look at that damned phone—or something. I need to be alone.’

I didn’t want to sound angry, or to be angry, but I failed on both counts. I was angry at Danny for not going along with my plan, and I was angry at myself for asking a young boy to make a life changing impossible decision.

‘Don’t be mad, Mom.’

I put down the knife I had been using and turned to him. ‘I’m not mad, Danny. Just frustrated. Come give mom a hug.’ I spread my arms wide.

He got up and took me in his arms. We were about the same height. I rested my head on his shoulder and teared up. ‘I was wrong to ask you what I did today. I’m sorry.’

‘There’s nothing to be sorry about, Mom. I think it was a good plan.’

He must have been saying that to make me feel better. ‘Lucky one of us had some common sense today. Right k**do?’

‘I STILL think it’s a good plan.’

Now that confused me. The plan was over. The procedure was set. I was going to get my treatment tomorrow when I ovulated.

Danny sensed my confusion and held me at arms length.

‘Mom, when I got to the rest room today and looked at that cold, plastic bottle you gave me. I knew it was wrong. That’s not the way your baby should be conceived.’

‘I’m not following you,’ I said.

‘I didn’t decide I didn’t want you to have my baby. I decided that wasn’t the WAY I wanted to do it.’

‘Danny. We can’t have you go into the clinic and give your sample there. We could never let anyone know. So today was the perfect chance to make the switch.’

‘But, Mom, I know a way where there will be no switch.’ He smiled and hugged me close.

He whispered in my ear, ‘Mom, I want to make love to you.’

‘DANNY!’

‘Think about it. It would be perfect. You’re at your most fertile and I’ve saved up four days of cum! You would get pregnant for sure. Admit it!’

He sounded so sure and so excited over his ‘plan.’ I had thought I was going to shock him that afternoon, but he outdid me by a mile. I was more than shocked. I was speechless.

I tried to push him away, but he held me tight with those strong arms of his. Here we were, a 40-year-old mother and her 18-year-old son in an embrace in the middle of the kitchen.

‘Just think, Mom, tomorrow you’re going to get pregnant. Finally pregnant. After all this time, pregnant. Say something, Mom!’

‘NO!’ That’s the only word I could think of so I said it again: ‘NO!’

‘But it’s the perfect plan. Dad would think it’s his baby. It would look just like him because we look so much alike. He would never know. He would be happy and probably let up on you and me. And you would be happy with another c***d.’

‘NO! Let’s pretend you never even suggested anything like that, young man! NO! I don’t want to hear another word about it.’

‘And doing it the natural way would increase the chances by a lot. You see how much I cum, Mom!’

‘We’re NOT going to have this discussion.’

‘I know you were watching me when I jerked off that time. I could see you looking in. You were in my bureau mirror. You watched the whole time. Did you see how much cum there was? And that was the second time that day. Just think how much four day’s worth will be. You’ll get pregnant for sure.’

‘Danny, a mother and son can’t have sex. That’s called i****t, and it’s wrong.’

‘We’re doing it once for a specific purpose. We’re doing something for a few minutes that will make our f****y happy for the rest of our lives. What’s wrong with that? Think of the big picture!’

He was throwing my own line back at me. I always told him that when he was making decisions.

‘Aren’t you embarrassed to even think of doing something like that with your own mother. And not only that … I’m so much older than you. Don’t you only think of girls your own age when you do that to yourself … masturbate?’

‘You’d be surprised who I think of the most.’

‘Danny …’

‘It’s Mrs. Walker.’

‘MAZIE WALKER? My best friend? Your best friend’s mother? She’s older than I am by 8 years! She’s almost 50!’

‘Yeah. I’ve wanted to fuck her for about five years now. She’s got that great body and that grey hair and those big boobs too.’

‘I can’t believe you!’ This was another shock. Hearing that my son wanted to have sex with my best friend. She was a beautiful and sexy woman, I had to admit. But, dignified and modest. ‘I don’t think it’s right for you to have filthy thoughts about Mrs. Walker.’ I tried to sound stern.

‘Oh, they’re not filthy thoughts. Just us having oral sex and her riding on top of me mostly. That’s the one that gets me the most. Her on top of me.’

Danny was speaking so matter of fact like. He could have been telling me what was on TV that night.

‘That’s enough of this, Danny. It can’t happen and that’s that. Your father is the only man I’ve loved and the only man I’ve ever had sex with. And that’s how it is and how it will be in the future.’

‘All I’m asking is that you think about it. All the sperm I have inside of me here,’ he grabbed his crotch, ‘think about if it was deep inside you. You know you would get pregnant. Admit it.’

His suggestion did make me think about it and admit to myself that all that sperm would indeed impregnate me.

‘All we have to do is get it from here,’ Danny repeated grabbing his crotch, ‘to here.’ He rubbed his hand against my lower belly. ‘And there’s one sure way of doing that.’

‘And that way is OUT. Forbidden!’

‘A few minutes. That’s all. Think about it.’

‘No.’

‘Promise me you’ll think about it.’

‘No.’

‘We have this one shot at this, Mom. It’s perfect. The clinic will think they did it. Dad will think he did it. We’ll have a new baby to love. And only we’ll know the truth.’

‘This discussion is closed,’ I said.

‘Just promise you’ll think about it. Take all the positive things I said about it and think about them. A few minutes versus a whole lifetime of happiness. And, us having another life in this world we can love.’

That jolted me. Another life. A baby to love. The most wonderful thing in all the world. This was my last chance—

‘It can’t happen, Danny. That’s the end.’

‘You said you had only made love to Dad and you loved him. Well, I love you, Mom. And you love me. Doesn’t that count for anything?’

‘It counts as the love between a mother and son, not the love between a man and a woman. A man and a woman feel a special excitement for each other’s bodies. There’s a passion there that isn’t present with a mother and son.’

‘That’s only because we haven’t appreciated each other, naked that is. I can tell you got a great body, Mom. When you’re in your bathing suit, you look great. All the guys k** me about what a beautiful mother I have.’

Suddenly, I wondered if I was in any of Danny’s friends’ fantasies.

‘Danny, after a certain age, a mother and her son shouldn’t see each other naked. It’s a private thing for lovers only.’

‘And, that’s just it. We should be lovers tomorrow. To make a baby. It would work. You have to admit it. What would happen if all my cum shot deep inside you, Mom? What would happen?’ He grabbed my shoulders and looked into my eyes and posed that very question again, ‘What would happen if I came inside you tomorrow?’

Whether it was the tension of the day, the fatigue, the emotions … I don’t know, but my answer, swimming up from my subconscious blurted out: ‘I would get pregnant.’
‘Think about THAT, Mom,’ Danny said as he left the kitchen.

*****************************

‘It’s my own fault,’ I said to myself.

I was getting ready to shower. Dinner had taken place without any mention of the taboo subject. Much to my relief. Maybe it would all be an uncomfortable thing in the past.

I couldn’t help blaming myself though. If I hadn’t made my original request, Danny never would have even started thinking in the baby-making direction. Especially the part about making love to his mother.

I had stripped off all my clothes in my bedroom, and before I could put on my robe, I heard a slight noise behind me. I whirled just in time to see Danny taking a snapshot with his phone. A photo of his naked mother.

‘DANNY!’

‘You look beautiful, Mom. What a great body you have!’

‘Delete that this second!’ I had whipped my robe on and tied it tighter than I usually did.

‘Have a good shower, Mom.’

Danny left and I sat down on the bed. Shocked yet again. My teenaged son now had seen his mother naked.

My phone beeped and I found I had two texts. Both from my son, and both photos. One was of me facing away. The caption said ‘Great ass, Mom!’ The other was when I turned around. There was a surprised look on my face. The caption read ‘I’m glad you don’t shave, Mom!’

The black triangle of my full bush was evident.

I didn’t know what to think any more. I replayed what we had said and about our bodies and the line between a man and a woman and a mother and son. Perhaps Danny was trying to blur that line.

I showered and got into bed. sl**p wouldn’t come to me in the darkened room, lit only by a nightlight. I started thinking. Thinking thoughts I would have imagined impossible just hours before.

One image that kept coming back to me was of Mazie Walker. She was naked and on top of Danny. Her face was smiling and obviously enjoying herself. I couldn’t believe I was visualizing my son fucking. Yes, fucking. He was my son and I was replaying his own fantasy. That image was stuck in my head.

It was stuck in my head until I heard the word ‘Mom.’

My eyes flew open and saw my son next to my bed. He was naked and lighted dimly.

‘I studied your photos for a long time, Mom. At first you looked just like my Mom. But then, something happened. I saw you as a beautiful and sexy woman.’

‘Danny, shut up. Shut Up! You don’t know what you’re saying.’

‘I know a real woman when i see one. Mom, you have such a great body. Those tits are as good as magazine models. I’ve seen your bras: 38D. Just right. And you’re in such good shape from all the exercise and watching your weight. Only Dad and I know how good you look. And he doesn’t appreciate it.’

‘Leave this room right now.’

‘It’s only fair you see me too,’ he said disregarding my order. ‘I’m in good shape too. Don’t you think?’

Danny’s body almost glowed in the low light. His chest was covered with muscle and his abs were defined without being obnoxious. His thighs bulged with muscle and his calves swelled with every step he took. He was approaching my bed.

‘Go to bed, Danny. I’m warning you. You’re going to be in big trouble.’ As I said this, my eyes drifted to his waist—and below. My son’s penis dangled as he walked. But something was happening. It started to twitch and then grow. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.

By the time he had gotten to my bedside, it was almost fully erect.

‘Danny, you should be ashamed of yourself, parading around like this in front of your mother.’

Now the head of it was swelling. It was fully erect. And it was magnificent. Much bigger—longer and thicker than his father’s.

‘Look what you did to me, Mom. Look what thinking about you did to me.’

‘Danny,’ I said, never taking my eyes off the tip of my son’s cock. Was there a glint of liquid on the tip? It was hard to tell in this light. Finally I said, ‘You have to leave. Right now before you do something you’ll be sorry for.’

‘I’m not going to do anything, Mom. That’s for tomorrow. That’s when we’re going to do something. Something important. That’s when we’re going to make a baby. Make it right here.’ He stepped close and tapped the bed.

‘Danny. Go,’ I whispered. The head of my son’s cock was now just a foot from my face. I could smell something, something musky and heady and strong. I was smelling my son’s lubricating fluids. It was clear they were leaking from the depths of that throbbing shaft.

He took another small step forward and I instinctively put a hand up against his hipbone to stop him. He didn’t offer any resistance, but gently placed his hand on mine. He backed up and inch, freeing my hand from his hip, and guided my palm to his hot penis.

I should have immediately recoiled, but didn’t. Danny closed his hand around mine and put pressure on his cock. He slowly thrust his hips back and forth a few times.

I was paralyzed by the audacity of the act and the electric feel of a real rock-hard cock in my hand, so different from his father’s earlier in the day. I couldn’t pull away and I couldn’t speak.

‘How is that going to feel inside you tomorrow, Mom? My cock will reach deep when I cum and make you pregnant.’ He took his hand away, and to my horror, mine stayed and even gave his cock a slow pump before I woke up to what I had done. My hand flew off his cock.

‘How dare you!’ I said.

‘Tomorrow’ was all he said as he left. I watched his taut and muscular butt as he walked away.

I looked at my palm, it was shiny and slick with precum. I brought it to my nose and inhaled deeply. It had been so long since I was with a virile male. My body was remembering things I didn’t know I had forgotten.

I dipped my hand down to my crotch. My son wasn’t the only one whose body was producing.

My panties were soaked.

**********************

I hardly got any sl**p. I kept having that image of Mazie riding Danny. Then, because Danny had mentioned oral sex, I pictured Mazie on her knees in front of my son, sucking his penis.

Then, I guess because he had been so close to me, I envisioned myself inching forward and taking my own son’s penis into my mouth.

I couldn’t believe it. That had always disgusted me in the past, and there I was fantasizing about it. I kept shaking my head ‘no’ and trying to banish the thought. Thankfully, sl**p finally came to me well after 3 a.m.

Mazie, that same Mazie, was taking me to the clinic while Danny was in school. She came over just as he was leaving.

‘Hi, Mrs. Walker,’ he said and walked over to give her a hug. She was shorter than me and dressed in her ‘uniform’—a denim shirt with snaps that did little to conceal her big breasts, and jeans. She and her husband had owned a small horse ranch. Since he passed away, she and her son, Terry, did all the chores and kept it going. All the physical labor kept her in remarkable condition.

Danny looked at me over her shoulder as he hugged her and smiled. His confession about his ‘go to’ jerk off dream made him look to me in a conspiratorial way.

I avoided his glance as best I could, but that didn’t stop me from feeling a little bit ashamed about my previous night’s imaginings. And, there was another feeling, something that surprised me: jealousy. I was jealous of Mazie being in my son’s arms.

He rubbed her back and she didn’t resist, and maybe even snuggled a little.

‘I’m off to school,’ Danny said. ‘Good luck, Mom. I have a very good feeling about today. You’re definitely going to get pregnant today!’ He smiled at me in a knowing way that made me think this wasn’t over by a long shot.

‘You’ve got a regular hunk there, Jen.’

‘What?’ Mazie had broken me out of my thoughts about how to handle Danny and his preposterous proposition.

‘Danny,’ Mazie continued. ‘He’s so handsome, and what a body! He’s all muscle.’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘You don’t see it because you’re his mother. I bet all the girls just drool over your sexy son. I don’t mind saying so myself—he’s yummy!’

I looked at Mazie like she was crazy, but I knew now, after last night, that she was right. My son was a stud, with a body built for sex and a cock to match. He had partially accomplished what he had wanted: he blurred the line between mother and son … and man and woman. I could now appreciate him as a man. Not that that made any difference about my decision to nix his plan.

‘If I were younger, and he were older, and he liked older women, and so on and so on,’ she said, then sighed.

‘How long has it been … since Bill died?’

‘You really mean how long has it been since I’ve had sex! Bill passed away seven years ago, so there smarty-pants, now you know. You probably think I’m a sexually frustrated old broad who needs a good fuck.’

‘Mazie, I didn’t mean to—’

She laughed, and said, ‘And you’d be right!’ She laughed again. ‘But, running the ranch alone and raising a son—alone—takes up all my excess energy. Still, holding a young virile buck like that gets the juices flowing again and wakes things up, if you know what I mean.’

‘You know, Danny’s always had a crush on you.’ I didn’t know why I was sharing this with her. It was all so confusing. Maybe I wanted to redirect his interests and intentions.

‘Really? He’s just like my own son to me. I mean we’re known each other forever. But, now that you mention it, I do catch him watching me once in a while. I wonder what he’s thinking?’

I knew exactly what he was thinking, but wasn’t about to share that. ‘Hey, he’s 18 now and legal and can make up his own mind.’

‘Are you saying …?’

‘All I’m saying is that he’s a big boy now and can make big boy decisions.’

Mazie shook her head in puzzlement.

She drove me to the clinic and they clinically did their best. They tried to be encouraging, but when I pressed them on my chances, they said very low, a couple of percent chance of success at best. You know what that means: another failure. All because of Melvin’s lousy nonexistent sperm.

*************************

I spent the afternoon dozing, probably catching up on the sl**p I had missed.

I also spent the time coming to the realization that it was all over. I would never get pregnant again. That was the new reality and I just had to live with it.

No more false hope, no more disappointments with Melvin, no more costly procedures. It all had to be in the past now.

Danny got home from football practice in the late afternoon. I hadn’t even thought about dinner.

‘Why don’t we order a pizza, nice and easy,’ he suggested.

A half hour later, we were eating sausage and mushroom at the kitchen table.

‘How did it go today?’ he asked casually. It was the first time either of us mentioned the elephant in the room.

‘Really well,’ I lied. ‘They’re really optimistic.’

‘Come on, Mom. Be truthful with me. I’m part of this f****y too, you know.’

I looked down at the piece of pizza in my hand for a long time, then said, ‘All right. They’re not very hopeful. There wasn’t enough to make the chances very good. Danny, you have to understand now that you’ll never have a b*****r or a s****r. That’s just how it is.’

‘Mom, you have to open your mind to the possibilities. You KNOW if we made love tonight you would get pregnant. You KNOW that!’

‘Danny, OK! I DO know that! But it wouldn’t make it right. It wouldn’t make it natural. When I suggested using your sperm, that was one thing. You would have been a donor. And even if we did have a c***d that way, we would have still been mother and son. What you’re suggesting crosses a line that would redefine our relationship for the rest of our lives.’

‘So let’s redefine it. What would be so bad. We would be mother and son, but added to that we would be the parents of a k** we would both love. You know we would love that c***d. And Dad would feel more like a man again instead of decaying like he is.’

I had been only thinking of the sex act between us, not the results of a pregnancy. It would be so nice to have a baby in the house again.

‘I’ve been through enough today, Danny. At the clinic—’

‘Yeah, the clinic. The cold bright clinic that has no humans in it. Only technicians with their white coats and fake smiles. Picture what they did to you today, all nice and tidy and antiseptic and not caring at all. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. After you remember that scene, picture me, and real human being on top of you, a real woman, and me pumping about a quart of hot cum deep inside you! Mom! That’s how it should be done, and that’s how we can do it tonight!

I sat there with my mouth open. I had nothing to say.

Danny got up quickly. ‘I’m taking a shower. Think about it, Mom. Think about it. This is your only chance. Your last chance.’

I thought about it. All of it. And the one image that wouldn’t leave was of my son pumping his sperm into me.

*****************************

I heard Danny finish his shower, gave him some time to get to his room, and then took mine.

I let the hot water try to soak all the pain and indecision and guilt and sadness away. Of course, it didn’t work.

In my bedroom, I was about to put on some panties and a robe. That’s when i heard ‘Mom.’

I turned and there was Danny … naked. And, here I was … naked.

We had both seen each other naked in the last day, but this is the first time it was in the same room, at the same time.

‘Danny! You have to leave. You can’t invade my privacy like this! We can’t be here … like this … naked together.’

I made a grab for my robe, but Danny was too quick. He turned me to face him and held me tightly by the wrists. I could writhe and struggle, but couldn’t turn my front away from him.

‘Mom, it would be so easy. Right now. Just let’s get on the bed and make a baby. So easy.’

I struggled some more, and noticed his eyes were on my breasts as they swayed and jiggled with every movement. My nipples were rock hard from the emotions and the movements.

‘Mom, you’re beautiful. And your body is ready to make a baby. You know it! Let me make you pregnant. Look how close we are to it. Just a few inches away. What’s in my balls just has to travel from here,’ he grabbed his testicles, ‘to here,’ he boldly reached out and cupped my crotch, pressing on my pubic hair.

‘DANNY!’ I screamed as I slapped his face with my freed hand.

He wrapped his arm around me and pinned my arm by my side and pulled me tight against him.

‘Mom, you know all that we talked about today makes perfect sense. We’ve seen each other naked. You have to admit we’re not just mother and son any more. Our bodies are turned on by each other. We’re man and woman too.’

And with that, he lowered his head and his mouth took in my right nipple.

‘NOOO!’ I cried. ‘STOP!’

His mouth sucked, and a jolt went through my whole body.

‘Stop, please stop,’ I said.

I felt his rough tongue swirl around and around.

‘Danny, this is so wrong. You don’t know what you’re doing. You may think it’s right, but it isn’t.’

His answer was to switch to the other nipple.

‘AHHHH!’ I exhaled everything in my lungs.

He tried to kiss me, but I violently turned my head back and forth. I could feel the heat from his body as he held me tight.

I could feel something else. Between us he had trapped his penis. It was now throbbing and fully erect. It hugged against my body from my vagina to my navel.

‘I have to sit,’ I said. I had become dizzy with all the effort and the situation. ‘I have to sit, Danny. Please.’

There must have been something in my voice that told him to go along with my request. He released me and pushed me back until I could lower myself to a seated position on the bed. He never let go of my hands.

I had my eyes closed and my head lowered.

‘Danny, this has gone too far. I told you all the reasons why this is wrong, why we could never do this, why we could NEVER be ready to do this.’

Danny guided my hand and suddenly it was encircling his penis. I had my son’s red hot cock in my palm.

My eyes flew open and saw a string of precum stretching towards the floor.

‘You know what that is, Mom? That’s lubrication. To help lubricate your pussy.’ Quicker than I could react to, he reached between my legs and ran a finger alone my vaginal slit.

‘DANNY!’

‘Look, Mom,’ he said as he held up his finger. It was shiny and wet. He rubbed his thumb against it and little gooey strands showed how thick that fluid was. ‘You know what this is? Lubrication. Admit it our bodies are ready.’

Danny f***ed my hand back and forth, pumping his cock.

‘Look how excited and ready I am, Mom.’ He took his hand away, and again, mine remained of its own hypnotic will.

I squeezed gently and a new flood oozed out of the dark hole at its tip. My eyes wouldn’t leave it. I pumped again in a long stroke, and got more of a reward from my son’s depths.

‘Mom. You need this. I know it’s been a long time. You need to feel like a woman again. A woman that a man desires. You can see how you make me feel. I can tell from your body that you need this. Not only to get pregnant, but as a woman.’

‘Danny, I admit my body is responding, but that’s not what makes us human. That’s the a****l nature in us. We can’t let that rule us. We have to be able to balance all the factors and come up with a decision.’

‘OK, Mom.’

‘Danny, please don’t f***e this.’

‘Will you promise to think about it with an open mind?’ he asked.

‘Yes, but I need to be alone for a while.’

‘I’ll be in my room.’

And with that, my naked son left his naked mom.

*******************************

For the first ten minutes after Danny left, I paced the floor and tried to calm down. My body was shaking with nerves, anger, and I had to admit … desire. I don’t think I had ever been this horny.

Danny was right. My body was on fire. Every part of me was ready, ready to make a baby.

Every part but my mind. That still clung on to that shred of motherhood I had developed over the 18 years of my son’s life. He was my son, first and foremost. I had to keep that in mind. It was much easier to do that when he wasn’t in front of me naked.

Then, like he said, he became a man too. A man with a big, juicy cock. A cock that could easily get me pregnant.

If it were just lust I was feeling, if it were just a question of crossing that line over carnal desire, it would have been so much easier. I would say no with no problem. But, the added feature that made this so difficult was that there was a purpose to what Danny was proposing. A good purpose that made all the sense in the world.

All the sense until I remembered again he was my son. And if we did this he would become a father, a father to my baby. A father to OUR baby.

As soon as I had it all straight in my mind one way, all the reasons and factors would go against it. Then, I would be good with the other way—for a while.

Finally, I decided that it was selfish of me to want a baby so badly that I would potentially permanently scar my son by having sex with him.

I called Danny on my phone. It would be easier this way.

‘Danny.’

He answered, ‘Yeah, Mom.’

‘Baby, I’m sorry. We can’t go through with this. That’s my decision and the way it has to be.’

‘Mom, at least have to courage to tell me face to face.’

He hung up and a minute later came into the bedroom. He, at least, wasn’t naked. He had on his sweatpants and a T. I had on my robe, bra, and panties.

I stood up and met him near the door. ‘Danny, I really gave this a lot of thought and after weighing all the factors—’

Danny roughly took me into his arms and before I could turn away planted his lips on mine. I struggled but he kept kissing me and when I opened my mouth for a breath, his tongue entered and probed, tasting my mouth and tongue. Again and again I tried to break free, but his hands roamed all over me—my back and my ass. He rubbed and squeezed my ass as he continued to explore my mouth.
I was weak from the exertion and the invasion of his tongue. My mouth started to respond by reflex, and then by desire. His hands went to the tie of my robe and freed it. In one motion he slipped it over my shoulders and let it drop to the floor.

There I was only in my bra and panties.

‘Mom, I love you,’ he said and then kissed me gently. I melted into his arms and kissed back. It had been years since I was held … and desired.

‘I love you, Danny,’ I whispered into his ear.

His hungry mouth went to my neck, kissing, biting, and sucking gently. His hands fumbled with the clasps of my bra, and soon they were free. He pulled the straps off my shoulders and I let it fall, exposing my breasts to my son. He trailed his kisses down from my neck to my breast. His strong hands now rubbed them and cupped them and weighed each one. He slowly brought his mouth to my nipple and sucked.

‘Oh my God!’ I said as I raised my face to the ceiling.

Danny’s thumbs went to the waistband of my panties. In one last effort, I grasped his hands and pleaded while looking into his eyes, ‘Danny, are you really sure?’

His answer was to kiss me while he slid my panties over my hips. They drifted to my feet and I stood there totally naked.

My hands went to the bottom of his t-shirt and raised it over his head, exposing that taut physique. I dragged the elastic waistband of his sweatpants over his hips and thighs. He wasn’t wearing anything under them.

We hugged and clung to each other for a few moments. Mother and son. In another few moments we would be totally man and woman. a fertile woman and a virile man doing what nature intended: procreating.

‘Danny, it’s been such a long time I—’

‘Don’t worry, Mom. I’m going to be gentle. I want this to be a great experience for us both.’

He guided me to my own bed, to his father’s bed. Here was my son, taking the place of his father, not only occupying the space, but usurping the function: getting his wife pregnant.

We lay next to each other for a few minutes, saying little meaningless yet meaningful things you don’t remember later. We kissed and hugged and Danny explored my body with his hands and fingers.

‘You’re really wet, Mom.’

‘I guess I’m as ready as I’m going to get. Are you, Danny. You can still back out if your want, Baby.’

His answer was to position me on my back, spread my legs and climb between them. I felt his hard cock brush up my vaginal slit and part my pubic hair. I reached down and took his hot penis in my hand. I dragged it up and down a few times, coating myself with his precum as well as coating the shaft with his mother’s lubrication.

Then I fitted the tip at my opening and said, ‘Nice and easy.’

Danny nudged ever so slightly, and half the head of his penis entered me. It dawned on me—my son’s penis was entering my vagina! This was actually happening!

Danny pulled back and nudged again. The whole purplish head of his penis was engulfed by my long-underused pussy.

‘Ohhh!’ I whispered.

‘You OK, Mom.’

‘Yes, yes. Keep going.’

Danny pulled back and this time slipped half his length in.

‘Aaahh!’

‘Mom, this is amazing. You’re so tight.’

Back out and with one last long push, Danny plowed all the way into his mother. Son and mother were fully joined! Man and woman completely coupled!

‘So deep,’ I whispered. ‘Oh, Danny … never … never … so deep!’ It was incredible. Danny was reaching farther into me than his dad ever did.

‘Mom, you feel so good.’ He kissed me tenderly. I kissed him back. ‘We’re doing it, we’re really doing it.’

Danny’s voice had amazement in it, like he couldn’t believe it. I could hardly blame him. Just a few days ago, I would have found it impossible to imagine I’d be flat on my back in my husband’s bed with my son sunk deep in my throbbing pussy. But here we were, mother and son about to try and create a new life.

A new life. Maybe this was the beginning of a new life not only in my womb, but for Danny and me too. Life would never be the same. There was no going back now.

‘Ready, Mom?’ Danny said as he gave a meaningful look. I knew he was holding back, not letting his body do what it wanted, which was start thrusting with all his boyish, teenaged, hormone-fueled fury.

‘I’m ready, Danny. Do it, please do it to me. Just remember, when you cum, cum as deep as you can and be still there. We want as much of you to reach as far as possible to—’

‘I know, Mom, to reach your egg to get you pregnant.’ Then Danny let out a low growling ‘Mmmmmm!’ and began a slow in-and-out. His eyes were closed and if I didn’t know it was intense pleasure, I would have thought he was in pain. Maybe the human face knows only the same expressions for both.

I don’t know what my own face was showing. It had been so long since I had ‘real’ sex that this was almost a virginal experience to me. I was gasping with each invasion. My hips began to vibrate, then to meet each thrust of my son.

It seemed every inch of our skin was in contact. His hard chest pressed hard against my soft breasts, which cushioned my boy. My hands went to his butt, and I felt his hard gluts tense and strain with each downward motion. I pulled at them to get my son even deeper inside me.

Faster and faster Danny ground into me. I pulled my hands away and threw my legs into the air, crossed them over his hips and locked my heels. I used the leverage to tip my pelvis up to welcome my son at an even better angle. I opened my eyes and took in the strange scene of seeing my painted toenails resting at such an absurd position on my own son.

‘Ohhh, Mom!’ Danny groaned.

‘Danny … Danny! That’s it! That’s it!’

My head was turning on the pillow, right, left, right, left. Faster and faster. As Danny neared his orgasm, I was starting my own climb to—

Wait! I suddenly realized that I couldn’t let myself go. Not let go completely. Not let my emotions break down that final wall and achieve an orgasm with my son. I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t cling to some shred of evidence that we were doing this solely for the purpose of making a baby.

Somehow, I disengaged from the intense pleasure I had been feeling, and submerged myself in the role of a mother guiding her son.

I stopped my body from moving so much and became more of a vessel to be filled than a sex partner.

‘Remember, deep, Danny, when you cum.’ My voice was missing the breathless passion it had contained just moments before. It was my motherly voice instructing her son.

I felt the head of Danny’s penis swell within me. He stiffened and drove himself as far into his mother as he could. ‘MOM! MOM! AHHGG!’ he yelled.

I knew he was cumming. Until this moment, some part of my mind had established that we really weren’t having sex … yet. But, now the line had both metaphorically and physically been crossed. My son’s potent seed had left his body and made the journey into his mother. We were as joined as any two human beings could be. Man and woman in their most elemental form.

‘Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!’ he groaned. A total of six times. I knew with each throaty grunt he was sending a hot, white, thick gooey blast of sperm and semen toward the vicinity of my cervix. True to his word, it felt like my son pumped a quart of cum into me. There was no way gobs of that wasn’t going to reach its destination.

I swear I could feel the heat of his ejaculation.

He finally collapsed on top of me.

‘Stay still, Danny. Stay still there and don’t move for a while. Let it all settle inside me. Good boy,’ I said and kissed his forehead. ‘Good boy.’ I hugged him close.

Now, as I lay there with my son’s deflating penis still inside me, I started to have all kinds of doubts and fears. The peak emotions had passed and now reality set in.

I had sex with my son. I had been persuaded, cajoled, and seduced into having sex with my son. I had to deal with that the rest of my life. And, Danny had to deal with that too. What if he regretted it? What if he pictured it as me having taken advantage of him? What if—

‘Mom, that was sooo great. I came inside you. Deep inside you.’

‘You did. I feel it. You did really good. Now ease out of me slowly. We want to keep as much of you inside of me as possible.’

He did as he was told. I looked and his cock was glistening with the combined fluids of son and mother. The sight of it made my hips twitch a couple times.

Danny made a motion to lie down next to me, but I said, ‘No. Get that big pillow and put it under my butt. I need to tilt back and stay still for a while to give all your sperm a chance to do its thing.’

He did as instructed. ‘Cover Mommy up so I don’t get cold. And then let me rest for a while.’

He threw the sheet and blanket over me, then bent down to kiss me. I offered my cheek, not my lips.

‘What’s the matter, Mom? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?’ Danny asked in a concerned voice.

‘Danny, nothing like that. What you did was amazing. Wonderful. Incredible.’

‘Then, what is it?’

‘Danny what we just shared is a rare treasure. I’ll always think of it as such. We set out to accomplish something that was great, and we did it. We did it mostly because of you. You couldn’t have done any better, not in a million years.’

‘But …?’ he asked. He knew from my tone of voice there was something I was going to add.

‘But, it was this one time and we have to get back to reality. Now you’re my son again and I’m your Mother. The sooner we can forget—’

‘Mom, I never want to forget what we did. How we felt together. Mom, I never came that hard before. Did you … I mean …?’

Danny wanted to know if he gave me an orgasm. It was natural. I couldn’t tell him what had really happened, that I caught myself and shut it down. ‘No, I didn’t. I didn’t reach that peak. In a guy, it’s a lot easier. It’s a lot more physical and not as much mental and emotional. For a woman, many things have to line up perfectly, and then it happens.’

‘You mean you could never cum with me?’

This is where I had to be a little bit creative if I didn’t want to flat out lie. Danny could never know how close he had gotten his mother to the edge. ‘You did your job great today. You delivered all you could of yourself inside me. My job was to receive it. Your job REQUIRED that you cum. Mine didn’t, so I didn’t get to that point. I told you, a lot of factors have to be right, and lot were, but not enough to make me feel that way.

‘I’m sorry, Mom.’

He sounded, not sad, but disappointed.

‘Danny, we did a wrong thing for a right reason. Let’s leave it at that. You’ve got to understand I’ll be feeling guilty about doing this for a while, maybe forever. I’m the adult here and should be more responsible. I want you to know you shouldn’t feel the least bit guilty yourself. You were only doing what I told you to do, what I let you do. It’s all on me.’

‘It’s all IN you, Mom!’ he joked. In spite of the situation, that made me smile. ‘I don’t feel the least bit guilty. I’m glad it happened. Real glad.’

I felt a little better. Still, I had to somehow reestablish our roles as Mother and son. It would probably take some time, so I was prepared not to push it.

‘Don’t ever be afraid to tell me about any bad feelings you have about this. Other than that, I don’t want to discuss our having sex ever again. This was one, beautiful, magical time we got to spend as few human beings get to do. And, you can never tell anyone else about this, especially your father. Do you understand?’

He maybe gave a nod, then asked, ‘When do we know?’

‘Huh?’

‘When do we know you’re pregnant?’

I figured this was the ONE question he should be able to ask since he was intimately, biologically involved.

‘About two weeks. My period is due in 10 days, and I’m like clockwork. Always have been since 12 years old!’

‘Mom!’

It was funny to see his embarrassment with talking about periods when he had just been shaft-deep in the same female geography. Maybe he was going to be OK. Maybe we were going to be all right.

‘Let Mommy rest now. It’s the best thing I can do to make this work.’

He disentangled his clothes from my panties and bra on the floor and as he left he said, ‘I love you.’

***********************

I managed to doze. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible with all that raced through my mind, but a kind of exhaustion caught up with me.

When I awoke, at first I didn’t remember what had happened. And, then I did. It all raced back with all the repercussions possible.

I looked at the clock and an hour had gone by.

‘Just as well,’ I said out loud to myself. I eased the pillow away from my bottom. I felt it and there was only a small damp spot. ‘Good, it stayed put.’ I was referring of course to he flood of cum my son had deposited. The more that stayed inside, the better chance of success.

I felt between my legs. My pubic hair was stiff and crusty with dried cum. The entrance of my vagina was gooey. I took a wad of tissues and jammed them there. Then got up. This had begun with a shower, now, a few hours later, I definitely needed another. I picked up the panties, those same panties my own son had stripped off me, and slipped them on to hold the tissues secure.

In the bathroom, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. There I was the same person I had always been, but different now. I stared at my face for a long time before saying, ‘Hi, I’m Jen, Danny’s Mom. We just had sex, and right now this minute I’m loaded to the brim with his sperm.’ I shook my head.

I looked at the reflection of my big breasts. My nipples were now relaxed. I couldn’t believe a short time ago my son had sucked and teased them with his tongue, driving me crazy.

‘At least I didn’t cum. At least I didn’t let Danny make me cum,’ I said. Thank goodness I had caught myself before I shattered that ultimate intimate barrier of sexual passion between a man and a woman. That seemed to give me some moral reinf***ement. You have to take what solace you can when you just had sex with your son. I guess.

The shower was hot, and long.

***********************

Mazie, my savior, came over with a big container of homemade soup.

‘Hi, Danny,’ she said.

‘Hi,’ he said before leaving the kitchen.

‘He hardly looked my way,’ she said. ‘Not like him. He’s usually so friendly.’

I couldn’t tell her my son had emptied his balls already today into his mother and didn’t have any need for fantasies.

‘Who knows with teenagers,’ I said. I knew more today than I usually did.

‘So. How do you feel now that you’ve had a chance to rest?’

Rest was not what had mostly taken place after I got home. ‘You know, I’m a lot more optimistic than I was earlier. I actually am feeling this is my best chance yet.’

‘Really? That’s not like you to change like this. Unless—’

‘Mazie, I know that look.’

‘Did something happen to make your chances better by any stretch of the imagination?’

Mazie had often encouraged me to have some affair to fill the void caused by Melvin’s disability, growing cruelty, and inattention. I never had even taken her seriously. But, she was relentless.

‘Wouldn’t it be the perfect time to pull the old switcheroo? Right? If you had some mysterious lover come and ‘water your garden’ today, so to speak—wouldn’t that be the perfect little scheme to stack the odds in your favor!’

‘You and your plots. You know I could only do that with someone I loved. You know my boring life. How many people have I recently fallen in love with?’

‘You’re letting facts get in the way of my theories, as usual. Are you telling me nobody visited today? And you didn’t go anywhere since I dropped you off?’

‘Just me and Danny since he got home from school.’ That was the truth. The falsehood by omission was that as we sat there, Danny’s sperm was wiggling and swimming around my ovum, looking to penetrate it as effectively as his cock had penetrated my vagina.

‘Well, it was a good theory.’

‘How many of your good theories have proven right?’

‘I’m due,’ she said.

‘How about if you make a theory about you finding a guy to water your own garden?’

‘I can’t tell you how long the drought has been,’ she said. There was little playfulness in her voice.

I knew it had been rough for her, being a single mom and trying to still run her horse ranch.

‘Like you said,’ I patted her hand, ‘you’re due!’

‘I should be going.’

‘Danny! Mrs. Walker is leaving,’ I called

Danny walked in and gave me a look I couldn’t identify. There must have been some reintegrating of all the emotions he was feeling.

‘Goodbye, Mrs. Walker. Thanks for the soup.’

Mazie looked at me. She had expected her customary hug from him, but it wasn’t coming today.

‘I’ll heat up the soup for us, Danny.’

‘No, Mom! I’ll do it. You shouldn’t be standing so much today. We have to give this the best chance we can.’

‘That’s right, Danny,’ Mazie said. ‘You take care of your Mom.’

‘I took special good care of her this afternoon, Mrs. Walker.’ He looked at me and smiled for a split second. I didn’t smile back.

Mazie leaned close an whispered, ‘He so cute with his concerns. He must really want a little b*****r or a s****r!’

More accurately, I thought, a son or a daughter. ‘Yeah, he’s something,’ I said instead.

**************************

We ate mostly in silence. I didn’t know if nothing needed to be said, or so much needed to be said we both didn’t know where to start. The silence wasn’t f***ed, and it didn’t feel that uncomfortable.

Maybe I was hoping it would continue and wouldn’t have to face any questions I couldn’t handle, either emotionally or just plain fact-wise.

‘Mom, I know you said we shouldn’t mention this afternoon any more, but I think we should talk.’

‘I agree.’ That seemed to surprise him. ‘Go ahead.’

He didn’t look up at me and stirred the rest of his soup around a few times.

‘You don’t have to be embarrassed, Danny. Nothing was your fault. Nothing. If anyone ought to feel guilty, it has to be me. I told you, I’m the adult and could have stopped it if I really wanted. And don’t think you persuaded me or talked me into it. You made a lot of really good points, intelligent points. You gave me a lot to think about, and I did. I made my decision. I admit there was a physical factor that I hadn’t counted on, but I’m a big girl and can handle that. I went into it with my eyes wide open.’

‘Mom,I never want you to feel guilty about it. I don’t have one regret about it. I hope you never do either. I think it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I never felt so close to anybody or ever loved anybody more than this afternoon. I think it was beautiful and I hope you’ll think so too when today is over.’ He reached over and took my hand in his. This was the first physical contact we’d had since the bedroom. Our hands together felt just like before, the closeness of a mother and her son.

I said, ‘What we shared this afternoon WAS beautiful. It truly was ‘making love.’ It all happened because we love each other and wanted to bring that love to another life we hope to create. That’s the difference between making love, and now your Mom’s going to shock you—that’s the difference between making love and ‘fucking.”

‘Mom! I never heard you say that before.

‘Fucking to me is when you have to have sex because your body can’t stand not to any more. There’s so much passion and desire that your mind can’t handle it. It’s a wild, out of control feeling that drives you to one goal and one goal only—an orgasm. That’s the only thing that can cure that emotional state.’

‘Mom. I—’

‘I’m only telling you this to point out how different what we did today was, how much purer our motives were, and how you shouldn’t ever feel it was wrong and feel bad about yourself.’

‘But, it was so special.’
‘It WAS special. And made more special because it was a once in a lifetime gift we gave each other.’

‘So … it could never happen again. I mean …’

‘No, Danny. Get THAT idea out of your head. We could never repeat what we experienced today, the beauty of it. We could never have a purpose so great as to want to make a baby together, never again in the same way it came about today. I can’t think of any reason I would ever find the courage or the strength to ask you to do that or to ask myself to do that again. Please respect that.’

‘I guess,’ he said. ‘Can I ask one question?’

‘Sure, Honey.’

‘Today, you know, as a guy, as a guy was I all right?’

He was asking for grade on his perfor