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April 2, 1997 A Change of Direction: An Alternative Ending to Mike Allegretto's Change of Pace This story is based on and derived from the situations and characters developed by Mike Allegretto and Caitlin B. in their collaborative story, "A Change of Pace", posted 2/16/97 on ASSTG. If this story is published on any newsgroup under this author's account, it is done with the express permission of the original authors. No archiving or redistribution of this work is permitted without this copyright attribution included, intact and complete, in the posting/archiving. Archiving/publication of this author's work on any system that requires payment in any form is prohibited by the author and is in violation of my copyright to Chapters 7 and beyond. Change of Pace [email protected] (Mike Allegretto) 1997/02/16 Reprise from A Change of Pace 6. Chapter "That was dirty pool, mother" Jack complained. She looked up from some picture album she was paging through, and set her coffee down. She looked her new daughter directly in the eye. "Well, you've had all morning to explore your own feminine body rather than some movie star's. Have you learned anything?" Jack just shook her head. How could she expect her to talk about something like that. Gosh mom, I never thought I'd have the chance to inspect a real hymen - thanks for letting me do it first hand? "About what I said." Jack broached the subject nervously. "About needing more time?" she smiled wickedly. "You can't really count that as consent." Jack objected. "The statement 'I need more time', especially in hot and heavy breathing, would be interpreted by most people as a request." She countered while flipping to another page of the photo album. "You said I could change back when I wanted to." Jack tried switching to a different tack. "Only after you are acclimated." she reminded him. "You have _not_ acclimated." "That's for sure." Jack commented staring at her nails. "Whatever possessed me to paint my nails?" "That would have been the Training Wheels." Laurie explained "I gave you some of Scully's thought patterns and habits. I actually alternated between physical changes and slipping in little mental assists. " "Like what else?" Jack queried. "As in last night you knew when your hair was a mess, young lady." Laurie pointed at Jack's new black hair. "That needs brushing before you even think of showing your face anywhere." Jack shuddered at the thought of showing this new face anywhere. Still it was probably something that was better left unsaid. "I take it that the 'Training Wheels' are gone?" "Those were Scully things - you have to learn how to be your own woman, Jacqueline. That's how we all manage it." Laurie explained, pausing to look at the photo album again. "Still I _might_ decide that you were only giving provisional consent. Should you ever want to be male again I'm not sure I want to set the precedent that consent can be obtained after you get the girl on the edge of orgasm." "You _might_ consider it provisional?" Jack jumped at the chance. Still she had to be careful. She knew that when her mother said she _might_ do something it meant that she had further points for Jack to listen to first. "Even with an eight hour extension you continued to explore only the physical aspects directly related to sex." Jacqueline could recognize that her mother was now in lecture mode. "Do you really believe that life for a woman is about getting laid and having orgasms? I expected you to learn far more." "Mother, you were throwing the changes at me every fifteen minutes. I couldn't even finish looking at one thing before two others were already changed!" Jack protested. "I did notice a lot of nail polish remover was gone." Laurie conceded. "Maybe I should have provided the training wheels on How to paint your nails at the same time as the idea that they needed to be painted." "Well I can't possibly learn anything about what really being a woman at a pace like that. If you want me to find out any of these 'sacred' truths I'll need more time." Oh shit, Jack things to herself. Her mother's grin left no doubts. She savored her victory while gazing longingly at the photo album again. "So how long before I'm acclimated enough to be turned back." Jacqueline asked, resigning herself to the fact that it was now her name for at least awhile. "Oh, I don't know. At least a year." her mother replied sipping on her coffee. "A Year! But what about school?" "Don't worry, records are easy to take care of." she reassured new daughter. Jacqueline sighed realizing she had no choice. "Well, I suppose I could stand a year." Laurie finished her coffee without comment. Jacqueline suddenly realized she didn't recognize the photo album her mother had been looking through all morning. "Do you want to take a look?" Laurie offered, spinning it "I've kept it safe all these years." Jacqueline took the album and started looking. They were old family photos. He could recognize his grandmother from when she was about Mom's age. But who was the teenage boy? He didn't remember any uncles. Oh shit, suddenly he knew who the pictures were of. "Grandmother gave you an initiation too?" she asked. Laurie nodded. "But if anyone asks, that's your Uncle Larry. They don't have to know that he doesn't exist anymore." "How long were you stuck as Larry?" Jacqueline asked. "Those were taken when I was almost eighteen, about three years before you were born." Laurie explained. "The 'initiation' was a graduation present from my mother. It took me three years for me to learn enough Magic to do a Transformation Spell. Oh, did I forget to mention that you will have to apply the reverse Transformation Spell yourself?" Jacqueline gulped. If it had taken her mom three years she knew it would take her at least four. She was going to be female through college. She did not like this one bit at all. "Wait a second," Jacqueline started running over the numbers aloud "If it took you three years to learn how to Transform yourself back, how could you have had me when you were twenty one?" "Jacqueline, I certainly hope you know how babies are made, especially since it effects you far more directly now." "No," she replied "How could you be turned into a guy when you were eighteen, take three years to learn how to turn yourself back, then meet dad, get married, get pregnant and give birth to me nine months later?" "The truth is out there. "Laurie answered "There should be enough Scully left in you to come up with a _rational_ explanation." Oh god, Jacqueline just sat there numbly. "It took you three years to learn _how_ to use the Transformation Spell, but you never did _use_ it, did you?" "Not until last night, darling daughter of mine." Laurie explained "I'm sure you can figure it out just as quickly. You know what they say - Like Mother, Like Daughter. And we both had a lot of catching up to do." End Reprise A Change of Direction by Tigger 1997 All Rights Reserved. Chapter 7 "I'm not going to be pulled in just because you were!" Jacqueline stared icily. "I want to learn what I have to know as quickly as possible. I don't want to be female a month longer that I have to!" "That's your choice."Laurie conceded "But you won't like some of the lessons required, especially if you really want to take them immediately." "Just as long as it can really be over and done with in a year." Jacqueline seethed. "You had better not have been lying about that." "Now Jacqueline, I never lied to Jack, and I won't lie to you. It can most assuredly be done in a single year." Laurie assured her daughter. Of course, Laurie added to herself. You'll have to acclimate very quickly, since the most intricate portion of the Transformation Spell can only be learned while in the delivery room, and the final nuances while nursing your newborn. "I don't believe you." was Jack's cold reply. Laurie's eyes slued to her Transformed son. "That book proves you lied to me. By omission, certainly and by making promises you did not intend to keep. You never intended to return me to normal." Anger sparked in Laurie's eyes. "I beg to differ, young lady. If you had asked to end the Transformation it would have ended. Now it is beyond my power to reverse it." The bleak lack of any emotion in her child's response chilled Laurie's soul. "Perhaps, but you have a world of history on your side," Jack lifted the album to her, "to prove that, without beforehand knowledge, the Transformed person is not going to make that decision because the full ramifications have been left. . ." the finely made fingers whirled in the air as if to pull the correct words out of the ether, "intentionally unclear?" Laurie pursed her lips and refused to answer. "How long, Mother? How long has this. . . this abomination been inflicted on the men of our family? And how could you do it to me? And why should I believe you when you say that it is beyond your power?" "ABOMINATION?" Laurie's temper was back in full measure. "How dare you call it that? It is a gift! A wonderful gift and you will damn well learn and accept that basic truth if you want any hope of returning to your pitiful male existence. I *love* you and I will not have *you* say or think otherwise. I loved Jack enough to give him these gifts of magic and womanhood because I have had both and wanted to share them with the son I love." "Forgive me, Mother, if I don't share your enthusiasm for these . . . gifts." The disgusted look on Jack's face left no doubt of what he had wanted to say about those gifts. "And you did not answer my question, Mother, so I will answer it. Too long. This unwilling Transformation stunt has been going on for so long that you fail to see the wrong you have done to me, your son. Well, it ends here and now. I will be the last of our family." "What??" Laurie's head snapped up. "What did you say?" "I won't perpetuate this horror myself nor will I permit it to be perpetuated on any child of mine. I will not even bring a child into a world where you consider it *your* unequivocal right to take away that child's life and dreams because *you* think you know better." Laurie went very still, the full import of what her child had just said shocked her into speechlessness. This was not going at all well and certainly not as it had gone with her own mother nor as Mum had told her it had gone with all the previous generations of her family. Had she done something wrong in casting her spell? Had she missed some key element of the enchantment that would have made Jacqueline more able to accept and enjoy her new situation? Choosing her words very carefully, she tried a more conciliatory tact. "You would deny me a grandchild to love?" It did not work. "It ends with me, Mother." "But you have already tasted the power of your femininity, and of your new sexuality. Before you can learn enough magic to change yourself back you may well end up pregnant." "Even assuming I choose to be actively female, which is a stretch, there are ways of preventing conception. This is the Twentieth Century." "Women on birth control have babies every day, Jacqueline. There is no foolproof way of preventing conception short of abstinence." And you won't be able to do that, my daughter, Laurie thought. Another little aspect of this Transformation is that your female needs are extremely well developed and demanding. Soon, your fingers will not be nearly enough for you. "Again, assuming that something goes very wrong, there are ways of ending an unwanted pregnancy. And it *will* be unwanted, Mother. No child of my blood will come into this world because I cannot trust you." All remaining color drained from Laurie's face. "You can't terminate, Jack." she whispered, not realizing that she had fallen back to using his male name. Seeing the look on her child's face, she hurried on. "It is not only a moral thing, daughter, it is a rule of magic, as well. Someone who deliberately snuffs out the spark of life from another human can never again wield the power." "Then my dreams will die with the fetus, Mother, for I cannot, will not permit a child of mine to face what I am facing right now. I won't Transform him or her, but as long as you live, you are a threat because you don't believe there is anything wrong in stealing a dream." "You keep saying that. What dream? You can become a male again, if you choose." and after you give me my grandchild she added in a whispered thought to herself, "What dreams have I taken from you?" "College. It took you three years, Mother, so it will probably cost me at least that much. I will not play college sports. I won't go to a prom with my best girl on my arm. I won't learn all the things a man needs to know to live in a man's world as a man. You might as well have killed me, Mother, and have had done with it." Tears came to Laurie's eyes. "You cannot mean that. You are just upset right now, overwrought. Honestly, Jack, it is not that bad. In fact, *being* a fellow's best girl at the prom really is rather wonderful, if you would just give it a chance. Nothing else needs to change. I am sorry I hurt you for I see now that I have, but I did not mean for it to be like this." Jack watched his Mother's tears with a detachment born of a soul deep fury. "I will give you one chance, Mother. Reverse the spell, right now. Return me to normal, give me back the life *I* want for me instead of the one *you* want for me and I will not do anything to prevent having children. Otherwise, live with the fact that you have ended our line with your gleeful lack of concern for my wants and dreams." If anything, the tears flowed harder. Last night, Laurie could have reversed the Transformation. She could have given her son back the life he evidently wanted enough to threaten her this way. Now, that was beyond even her power because the final spell she had cast upon his "request" for "more time" had been very carefully crafted so that only Jacqueline could reverse it. Which she could not do until she had learned the lessons and the magic necessary to effect and control the Transformation Spell on her own. Lessons that included giving birth and nurture to a child she now insisted she would never permit to be born. Goddess, what *had* she done? "I have to leave." Laurie sobbed and ran from the room leaving a furious former son, now daughter, behind. Twenty minutes later, a starkly composed Laurie returned to find Jack exactly as she had left her. She was simply sitting there, staring at the picture album. Goddess, but her son made a beautiful woman. Dark hair, dark flashing eyes and an olive complexion gave hints to the family's Gypsy ancestry. In the right period costume, the girl would have looked right at home in their Great Great Great Grandmother's caravan wagon, dancing to the rhythm of a tambourine for the coins men would toss her way and telling fortunes by fire light. And the son she had given birth to hated the very thought of that. Probably hated her, too, for her part in it. Still, there was nothing more she could do about it. Laurie had spent the last fifteen minutes pouring over her ancestral texts, looking for a charm or potion or spell that would undo what she had done, but to no avail. She had done her work far too well in that respect and evidently not well enough in the sense of easing her child's acceptance of this change as the wonderful gift Laurie had seen it as. Now, she had no choice. She had to play this debacle out the only way she had left to her and hope, that in the end, she did not lose her child in the process. With great care, she walked back to her seat across from her daughter and sat down. "I cannot undo the Transformation, Jack. I have gone through all my records, and no one except the Transformed One has ever been able to reverse the change successfully." "So, others have found the change not to their liking?" The comment was snide and was meant to wound. Laurie did her best to ignore it. Instead, she steeled herself not to rise to the spite in Jack's voice. There was nothing to be gained at this point by fighting. "According to my family records, there have been fifty male to female Transformations attempted in our family over the past two hundred years. Of that number, five men refused the final Transformation and were restored to their masculine state at the end of the first hour. Of the remaining cases, five members of our family who completed Transformation attempted to reverse the spell. The three who completed the learning succeeded in undoing Transformation and lived out their lives as men. However, the other two who tried to reverse the spell were not successful. One attempted the change before completing all the steps of the learning, and the other forced his mother to attempt a counter-spell. Both died." Jack sat back, legs akimbo, in a posture of utter male dejection. It made Jacqueline look completely ridiculous and rather lewd, but Laurie bit her lip and said nothing. Trying to enforce the little niceties of ladylike deportment would not help Laurie's weak case with her daughter. Jacqueline looked up, her black eyes bleak and filling with tears. "Then it is over. I know you won't attempt it because you won't kill me, but in truth, I am not sure I wouldn't rather be dead right now." "That is enough!" Laurie's ringing rebuke stunned Jack. "I will apologize one more time for my stupidity in thinking you might be intelligent enough, open enough, to appreciate what I did for you. However, you are alive. You are a beautiful, intelligent human being who happens to be female and that *can* be temporary. You have the potential to undo what you find so absolutely distasteful if you will only quit whining and get on with what must be done. You don't know anything about the power you could wield, but just so you might begin to understand, consider this. You say I have stolen your dreams, that I am denying you the opportunity to go to college as a male. If you complete the training and if you master the skills I will teach you, there is no reason that you cannot Transform yourself into your male self, at any age you desire. You want to be an eighteen year old again, then make it so when you perform the Transformation Spell on yourself. It will be within your capabilities." "And all I have to do is learn your little magicks and do your little tests, is that it? Which you have already said I will find distasteful. Let's not forget that." "No, in your current mind set, I imagine they will be bloody awful for you, but that cannot be helped. It is the only way that I can find in my records to undo what I have done without causing your death. For my part, I give you my most solemn oath that I will teach you everything you need to know as quickly as you can absorb and master the knowledge. In return, I want your promise that you will do nothing to try and accelerate your return to manhood. I won't teach you without that promise because, while I don't want to live with your unhappiness on my conscience, I refuse to be the cause of your death." Jack considered that. Laurie wanted to squirm under the power of her unblinking stare. Goddess, but would Jacqueline be powerful once she learned to focus her craft. Finally, Jack drew herself up and spoke. "Very well, Mother. I agree and you have my promise on that score. Just one other thing, though. If I ever am given cause to believe that you are not being completely truthful with me again, or that you are playing games with me, I will leave and never come back. I will live the rest of my days as you have made me, but with one small change. I will have myself surgically sterilized so that this ends with me." She is striking out, trying to hurt me, as she has been hurt, Laurie thought. She shook her head. This was going to be so very hard. Why had it not been hard for her and her mother? What had she done wrong with her own, beloved child? "Well. I guess that tells me what you really think of me. I could say that our family tradition says that I have done nothing to deserve that, but there are exceptions to every rule and you evidently are the one that proves it." She shrugged. No sense in avoiding the worst of it. "Very well. I will agree to your condition subject to one of my own. I cannot tell you everything. The tasks you must undertake have lessons that you must learn yourself. If I tell you what is going to occur in those cases, then you might as well not do them and you will not achieve your goal. You will simply have to trust me on this or we can go no further. You would lose your chance to master the Transformation Spell." "Trusting you right now is difficult, Mother." Jack watched as her arrow shattered her mother's hard won calm, as she had intended it to do. Oddly, she felt a little ashamed. "All right. I agree to your condition, but my statement stands. Any other little non-truth and it is all over for you, for me and for whatever hope of family continuity you still might harbor." "I cannot let you do that, Jack. That is your male ego talking and I will not permit you to do something that stupidly harmful to yourself just to lash out at me. If you attempt to leave, and if you follow through with your threat, I will use my magic to stop you. You know I can influence minds and I will make it impossible for you to take such a horrible step." The hopeless shrug from her daughter nearly broke Laurie's heart. "You must do what you think you have to do, Mother, as must I. You've already taken away the things I thought I wanted, why not my free will, as well. Seems that would be the simplest thing all around. Abra Kadabra, Bibbity Bobbity Boo and Jack is a happy Jill. Or Jacqueline. No more muss or fuss. Must be easy as pie for a wheeler-dealer spell caster like you." Laurie's answer was all but inaudible. "If I do that, you will never wield magic because once a mind is opened to magical suggestion, it is open forever. You cannot shield it against someone else's influence. Only free minds can focus the power of the Goddess. If I take away that choice, you will be Jacqueline for the rest of your life." She saw the 'so what' look in her daughter's eyes and hardened her heart and her voice. "The only difference between my way and your way, sweetie, is that I *will* have my grandchild. If you force me to take your mind, I will go all the way and turn you into the perfect wife and mother. I swear it! If your children are all I can have of you, then I will have them." Jack was strangely unresponsive in light of her ultimatum. Laurie waited for her to say something, but she didn't. Finally, Jack stood and looked down at her Mother. "I guess that says it all. You hold all the cards. If I don't do as you say, I end up as I am - a baby farm for future generations of witches. Your kindness and concern for my feelings in all this almost makes me wish we lived in Salem. When do we start, Mother-darling?" The cruel remark and the sarcasm dripping from what had been her son's favorite endearment cut at her soul like a barely sharp knife, leaving ragged bleeding bits in its wake. She would not cry, not again. Not in front of her. "Tomorrow," she rasped out. "I need some time to prepare and to fix things like those records you mentioned. You need some time to deal with the anger in your soul. Tomorrow is soon enough." Probably too soon, she thought, but the early lessons would be the easiest, and Laurie would be the one who decided when the objectives of those lessons had been achieved. "Very well, Mother. I will be in the garden." and with that, Jacqueline turned on her heel and strode to the garden. The absurd picture of it drew forth a watery chuckle from Laurie after the door slammed behind Jack. She had looked so silly trying to walk like a man in that compact, curvy body. Bouncing like that probably hurt like hell. Well, dealing with her first brassiere was a milestone in any girl's life. Only most girls started with training bras fitted over a dreaming young girl's hopeful almost-bumps. Her daughter had to face a garment intended for a grown woman and was going to have to fit it over fully formed B or C cup sized breasts. How was she going to pull this off, she asked herself again. How was she going to get her child through all the training, all the lessons that she would need to come into the fullness of her powers? Especially when the entire process had to culminate with the ultimate expression of the woman-power, the giving and nurturing of life? Somehow, she had to manipulate her child into accepting . . . no, that was not enough. Her child had to glory in his new found womanliness in order to gain the power. Somehow. Sighing, she rose from her seat and headed for her library. First things first, she reminded herself, wearily. She needed to make a place in this strange new world for her daughter. There were records to change and memories to adjust before Jacqueline could take Jack's place. After that, she would have to go clothes shopping. Jack could get by on sweats and castoffs for today, but she would need enough real clothes to get started tomorrow, and Laurie's own wardrobe would not do for her daughter. For one thing, her stuff was not appropriate for a teenager, and for another, her things would probably not fit Jack. Laurie's experienced fashion-eye told her that Jacqueline was slimmer in the waist and bigger in the bust than her Mother. What a waste, she thought, casting such lovely pearls before such a male chauvinist swine. Well, it was her job to help her daughter learn to appreciate her new riches. It was much more than she had let on to Jack. If Laurie was right about her daughter's potential, Jacqueline's power was going to be greatly needed in the dark days to come. A Change of Direction Chapter 8 "Where the hell was he?" his still sleep fogged mind demanded. Slowly, he fought his way to full wakefulness and tried to take stock of his surroundings. Nothing was familiar. Nothing was as it had been when he had fallen asleep or as it had been for the last four years of his life. Only his window that overlooked Mum's garden was where it belonged, but everything else was. . . . wrong. His basketball poster, his model planes and cars, his sports memorabilia - every single thing that had been his was gone. In their place were odd, fragile looking little nick-nacks, crystal statues, dolls and a rock singer poster. A male rock singer that Jack could not stand in the least. And all *his* furniture was gone, too, replaced by a very feminine, ivory colored ensemble. Even the bed he'd fallen asleep in was gone, replaced instead by a frill-laden canopy bed. Mother. It had to be Mother. His hands came up to cup the soft mounds of flesh that now a part of him. It had not been just a dream, after all. A nightmare, maybe, and from the looks of his room, Mother had used her magic to up the ante while he'd slept. He started to get out of bed and nearly fell when instinctive movements learned over the course of a lifetime did not take into account his new center of gravity. Overbalanced by his new weight distribution, he only just caught himself on the bed frame. Carefully, and with a great deal of conscious effort, he rose again and moved about to inspect "his" room more closely. His large dresser had been replaced by an ornate armoire while his desk had become a vanity table covered with a variety of tubes, bottles and pots that held things he really did not want to think about. On entering his walk-in closet, he was greeted by nothing but rows of empty hangers and shelves. Every hint of his male identity had been ripped from the room, as ruthlessly and as completely as his masculinity had been ripped from him. In stunned disbelief, Jack stood there in the door to his closet and quietly mourned the loss of all the little prizes and treasures of a lifetime. A stray lock of hair fell across his face and resisted his best effort to clear it out of his eyes. Slowly, he walked over to the vanity and found the very feminine hairbrush he knew would be there. His mother was nothing if not attentive to the fine details. Jack quickly came to rue that he'd never gone through a "long-hair" stage as a male so that he could have known how to deal with the shaggy mane. Brushing that tangled black mass was itself a tortuous experience in self abuse. He quietly admitted to himself he should have listened to Mum's advice and brushed it out more thoroughly the previous morning. He brushed it furiously until he could not find any more snarls and then tried to figure out how to keep the damn stuff out of his face. Rubber bands seemed the simplest solution, and soon his mane was gathered behind his head. It was not elegant, but he could see again. A butch cut was looking better and better to him. What to wear was the next question and there was only one answer immediately evident. A pair of white panties and a folded white cotton terrycloth robe rested on the cushioned stool in front of the vanity table. A pair of pink rubber shower slippers, rested beside the stool on the floor. Jack stripped off the sweatshirt and man's jogging shorts he had worn since yesterday and donned the garments his mother had left for him. He was disappointed, but not especially surprised, when his discarded clothes had simply disappeared before his eyes. As ready as he was likely to be, Jack moved out of the relative sanctuary of his room, and went off to face his Mother. He found her seated at the kitchen table, sipping coffee, a plate of toast in front of her. Her chin rested heavily in the palm of her free hand. Dark smudges bagged under her half open eyes and fatigue lines cut starkly into her normally smooth face. Walking past her to pour a cup for himself, he turned back to her. "Busy night, Mother-darling?" he asked with heavy irony, as he sat down across from her. She cocked one of her eyes at him, but displayed no other emotion at his jibe. "Obviously, Jacqueline. There was a lot that had to be done if we were going to be able to start your training today." She reached down and pulled up a stack of papers from the chair beside her and slid them across the table. "You will need these. ID's, driver's license, health insurance card and all your other personal effects and accounts, but all now set up in the name of Jacqueline Donovan instead of John." "And my friends? The people who know me?" "Now remember only Jacqueline, and as for friends, some adjustments had to be made there, too. You have a history of being one of the girls instead of one of the boys. You are the cheerleader instead of the cheered. And before you jump on me, no, you don't have a boy friend. Given your looks, that may raise some issues for you, but I figured you would rather deal with those questions instead having to deal with a man." Jack's face fell as he took it all in. Finally, he sighed and took a bracing sip of his coffee. "So, my life is wiped as clean as everything that was mine was blotted out of my room. Is nothing mine, anymore, Mother?" She was simply too tired to argue with him. The magic she had expended the night before had taken its toll on all her resources. She was exhausted and needed rest. "Had to be done. Step one of your trip back to your old male self. Every little reminder of your masculinity will set back your progress. Remember, the requirement is that you must fully acclimate to being a woman." She looked up and saw the pain in her daughter's face and immediately understood. "Oh, don't look that way." she said disgustedly. "None of your things are gone forever. The instant your chromosomes are XY again, they will reappear. Just like magic." Jack could not quite hid the glimmer of a smile at her little joke, but tried anyway. "So, what is the plan for today, teacher? What little punishments are on the docket, today?" Laurie wanted to scream, but didn't. It wouldn't do any good and she needed to conserve what energy she still had. With a calmness that did not remotely resemble her actual feelings, she answered, "As long as you consider it punishment, Jacqueline, we might as well do nothing. Get this straight, okay? You have to work at this. Moreover, you have to want it. It would be best and perhaps even easiest, if you could want the experience for itself, for the simple pleasure of being a beautiful woman. But if you cannot want it for that, then at least want it because it is the only way you are going to achieve your goal." With great effort, Laurie used both hands to push herself to her feet. She kicked a shopping bag over to Jack. "You have two tasks today, one fairly simple; the other will apparently not be so simple. In that bag you will find a full set of clothes in your new sizes. Skin out. You need to learn how to dress yourself, and to get used to how women's clothes feel on your body. I suggest you dress and undress yourself several times until you get the hang of it." A sly grin momentarily lit her face. "There are several pairs of hose in there since you will probably run the first couple of pairs. Try to get it right before you ruin the last pair." "It might be easier if you would try not to have quite so much fun with this at my expense, Mother." Jack said darkly. Her momentary pleasure instantly evaporated. "I wanted to have fun doing all of this with you, Jacqueline. I'd always believed that when this time came for us, I would relive through you all the lovely and joyful things I discovered with my own mother when she taught me. Can't you let me have what little crumbs of pleasure that fall my way in this?" Jack was not going to let her make him feel small in this. He wasn't - this was her fault and if it was not as pleasurable as she had wished it would be, well that was a small thing compared to what she had done to him. He ignored her question and instead asked one of his own in a toneless, inflection- less voice. "You said there were two things I had to accomplish today. What was the other task?" Recognizing the implicit rejection of her request, Laurie responded in equally cold tones of her own. "You need to start thinking of yourself in the feminine. Understand that I can hear your thoughts, feel your emotions, Jacqueline. You are trying to perpetuate the image of yourself as a man stuck in a woman's body." "Well, that is exactly what I am, thanks to you!" he snarled. "As long as that is what you think you are, that is all you will be, daughter. And we can go no further in your training until you start accepting the reality of your female state." Laurie turned and walked back to stand before her child. "Believe me, Jacqueline, if I could somehow undo the Transformation, or if I could somehow go back in time and make it so that none of this ever happened, I would do it. No matter what the cost to myself. If my last drop of heart's blood would make you what you long to be, I would cut my wrists here and now. But those are not options. Only you can do what needs be done." She absently brushed an escaped lock of black hair from Jacqueline's eyes. "Only you. I am going up to bed and get some rest. Later today, we will go out and get you some more clothes." She spun on her heel and left the room. Jack, no, *Jacqueline* sat sipping *her* coffee in the eerie silence. He, dammit, *she* was at a loss about what to do next. This thinking in the female tense was going to be a bitch. *She* sat there for a little more than an hour, practicing *her* feminine thinking. Toward the end of *her* mental recitation period, *she* only had to correct him, blast, *her*self about every fifth or sixth time. Progress was progress, *she* supposed. Maybe it would even be good enough for a start, anyway. There was one problem, though. Maybe it was a holdover from the way *her* Mother had introduced him, err, *her* to *her* new self, but one thing was very, very clear. He/She/Whatever _*hated*_ the name "Jacqueline" and He/She/Whatever _*always*_ would! Well, there was not much to be done about it now. Not with all those records already done. *She* did not know much about how magic really worked, but *she* did know that changing all those records and memories had cost *her* mother dearly, and the strength Mum had expended doing that magic would not likely be replenished any time soon. Sighing, *she* decided that it was not a battle worth fighting and picked up the bag with his, no, make that *her* new clothes and trudged off to practice dressing. Five hours later, Laurie, alert and refreshed, came downstairs where she found her daughter sprawled on the sofa watching the 24-hour news channel. Apart from her ungainly and totally unladylike posture, Laurie's discerning eyes (and other, less common senses) could find definite improvements since that morning. The simple knit sweater and skirt set had been selected because they would not pose too many challenges for her daughter who still thought and acted like a son. No buttons on the "wrong" side, no zippers in the back - just a simple, loose pullover sweater blouse that draped casually over the waist of an equally loose, knee length skirt that zipped up the side. The pantyhose weren't rent from ankle to thigh with ladders and runs, and the simple black pumps with only the merest hint of a heel fit perfectly. Jacqueline had not ventured so far as to try any of the cosmetics her Mother had carefully selected and arrayed on her vanity, but she had made a fairly good attempt at taming that gorgeous hair of hers. She had done a reasonably good job figuring out how to put on the hair band that pulled the curling mass away from her face. Of course, that particular invention was probably the daughter of necessity since seeing clearly through long hair was annoying at best. "I can see that deportment and posture will be among our first lessons." she said aloud. Her voice obviously startled her child for she jumped and nearly slipped off the couch in her surprise. "Well, Jacqueline, stand up, please and let me get a good look at you." The eyes that met Laurie's were still cold and distant, but with great deliberation, the body moved to obey her request. Stage one begins, she thought - sullen, malicious compliance to any order, intermixed with enough body language to show just how obnoxious you and obeying you really are. Laurie moved behind her daughter, as much to gain a moment's respite from those eyes as to check out the rest of the outfit. "You need to be more careful with laying out your skirts before you sit, dear. The back of your skirt is frightfully wrinkled and crushed from the way you sat upon it, Jacqueline." "Jackie." The response was not at all what she was expecting and Laurie was momentarily at a loss for words. "I beg your pardon?" "I wish to be called Jackie. I detest the name Jacqueline - it reminds me too much of our confrontation yesterday and last night and therefore is non-productive - like the possessions I *used* to love and own. Since I suspect that you won't have the strength to change the world for me again anytime soon, Jackie is the best compromise I can come up with." "I see. That may be difficult for me as Jacqueline was the name I had chosen for you since you were born. That is really why you were called Jack. Since I always knew it would be my duty to bring you to your full powers by exposing you to the Transformation Spell, you have always been Jacqueline in my heart." That had been the wrong thing to say and Laurie knew it the instant she saw her child's face. "I was not born female and I will not respond to Jacqueline, so get used to calling me Jackie or perhaps just "hey, you" will do. What is in your heart is not something I am greatly concerned with at this point in my life, Mother." Laurie coughed to choke back the sob. "Very well. Jacqu... I mean, Jackie. I will try." The love Jackie still felt for his Mother twisted inside her own heart and he, dammit again, *she* tried to make it a little easier for both of them. "It will do you good, Mum, to have to stop and consider *your* words before you speak or even think. It will give you an idea of how hard thinking of myself as *she* and *her* has been and continues to be for me. Tell you what, we can spell my new call name with a 'cq', instead of a 'ck'. Jacqui." She spelled the name out aloud. "How's that for a compromise? Best deal you are going to get today." A little bubble of hope rose in Laurie's breast. "Okay." she whispered and then added. "Sounds fair." She shook off the emotion. They had much yet to do this day. "So, I will ask how the dressing up practice went since I can already sense your effort to think 'girl'. I applaud you progress there, by the way." You only have about 99.99% of the way yet to go, but that is further then I expected to find you given the way you reacted this morning, she thought. "So, are you ready to go shopping for new clothes? You need skirts, blouses, dresses, shoes and of course, some lovely knickers and other undies." she dropped her eyes to Jacqui's legs. "How many of your pantyhose are left intact?" A rosy blush crept up her daughter's cheeks. "Ummm. Just these." Laurie cocked an eyebrow. "They, uhhh, seemed to run awfully easy." "Those were the industrial strength, heavy weave nylon, dear, designed specifically *not* to run. I suppose you just tried to pull them on like trousers?" A hesitant nod was her answer. "Yes, well, there are tricks I will teach you before you put on any of the really silky stockings we will buy today. Any other troubles?" Another, even redder blush and a cough to clear her throat. "The bra. I am not flexible enough to reach behind me and latch it while trying to look in the mirror. I finally had to hook the thing in front and then spin it around behind me." "Good on you, girl. That works, particularly with everyday things. Some of the frilly stuff might need a little gentler hand, but we can work up to those. Other than that, how do you feel in those clothes?" "Underdressed. I notice drafts a lot. Very uncomfortable." Laurie nodded. The answers were honest and were to be expected. At least Jacqui was talking with her with some degree of openness again. "All right, then. You will get used to those feelings. We'll have you turned out to a fair- thee-well after today and you will have ample opportunity to get used to skirts and their little foibles and traps." "What about trousers, jeans? I would like some jeans, Mother." That was a problem. Mentally saying goodbye to their momentary peace, Laurie answered. "That is not in your best interest, dear. You already know how to wear pants. You will learn what it is to be a woman much more quickly if you work at being an especially feminine woman. You have so much to learn in a short time. Don't forget, besides your own goals in this, you will start school again in a few weeks. You will need a whole range of behaviors at your command to deal with school as a girl instead of as a boy." "Just one pair? For knocking about? Won't it seem strange to my girlfriends if I never wear anything but dresses and skirts?" Jacqui pleaded. "How about if I promise to always wear my frilliest bra and knickers when I wear the jeans?" Pleased that Jacqui had not gotten her back up, Laurie smiled. "All right, but just one pair. They will be very, very tight and you will also agree to wear only high heeled shoes when you wear the jeans, too." That would serve two purposes, Laurie thought. It was nearly impossible to forget you were a girl when wearing jeans that were a couple of sizes too small, and it would get her daughter into real heels more quickly. "Heels?" Jacqui momentarily bridled, but then deflated. "Okay, I agree." "Let's go get ready to leave. Your purse is with mine in the foyer and your new ID are already in it." Laurie turned toward the front door. "Mum?" The name she had not heard without sarcasm in over 48 hours brought her up short. She turned and cocked a brow at Jacqui. "Two things, first. One, I want to see a doctor - a real one, not one of your witch cronies. I want advice on birth control and I don't want you to interfere in any way or to try to stop me." Laurie understood where that was coming from. Jacqui was starting to understand the full erotic potential and demands of her new body. She was still female because she had been unable to resist the demands of her new sexuality. Conceiving a child was not on her agenda, *yet*, and she was trying to take action to avoid getting caught between some guy and her own burgeoning hormones. "All right. We can select one of your choice from the phone book, completely at random if that will make you feel more comfortable. However, you should understand that the proper term for the type of doctor you want is a gynecologist." The "so-what" look that revelation elicited made Laurie decide to change the subject. "One other thing, dear. You need to know something about Transformed women. Whether we use contraception or not, we get pregnant when we want the child of the man making love to us." "I want to see a doctor, Mother, and I want birth control." Jacqui's tone brooked no further discussion on the issue. Sighing, Laurie wondered what the girl was thinking. Obviously, she did not believe her regarding the effectiveness of the contraceptives. "Very well. We can set up the appointment right now and go as soon as the doctor can see you. I can go with you or you can go alone, but you have my personal word of honor, that I will do nothing to influence or impede you in any way. And the other thing?" The look of relief on Jacqui's face was painful to Laurie who was only just beginning to really understand how thoroughly she had shattered her only child's faith and trust in her. "I'd like to get my hair cut. Lots of women have short hair. I don't want to have to deal with this mop for the rest of my time as a woman." Damn, damn, damn! thought Laurie. "Jacqui, could we hold off on that, please? At least for a little while, until you have had a chance to learn how to care for your hair? You can always get it cut, but it will take months and months to grow it back. I think you should wear it long, just as I think you should stick to skirts and dresses, but if, after a reasonable attempt to live with it, you still want to cut it, then I won't stand in your way." "I could just hack it off in my room, Mother." the frustration was back in her daughter's voice. "Yes, you could. If you get to the point where you are that unhappy with it, then tell me and we will go straight off to the beauty parlor. Please, Jacqui, all I am asking is that you give me a chance, luv." Her eyes were wide with entreaty as she looked at Jacqui. "Please." She said again. The pleading in his, *her* mother's voice touched that hurting core of love inside Jacqui. "All right. I will give it two weeks, halfway until school opens. That should give you time to teach me how to deal with it so that it does not get in my way. If it is still a hassle after that, it goes. Fair enough?" "Fair enough. Now, can we please go? I want to go **SHOPPING** with my daughter." "Shopping." There was a world of difference in the way the two women said the word. "You sure you can't just get everything mail order? I'd wait." "Over my dead body, young lady. I am determined to enjoy this and nothing is going to ruin it for me. Now move that cute butt and let's go." A Change of Direction Chapter 9 Laurie gently eased her tired body into the steamy, fragrant bubbles and all but whimpered with pleasure. The two weeks since she had fouled up the Transformation of her son Jack into her daughter Jacqui had been difficult, to say the least. All the same, there had been a few noteworthy successes. She was lying in one of them. Jacqui had fallen hopelessly in love with bubble baths. Quite a departure from the son who thought that more than two minutes in a shower was wasted time. Of course, the innate sensuousness and sensuality that the Transformation imposed on Jacqui had a great deal to do with that. After that first time, when she had needed to frog-walk the girl into the tub after their marathon shopping expedition, Jacqui had practically grown webbed feet. It was a good thing they each had their own full bathroom or it would have been shampoo bottles at ten paces and may the more determined woman get the tub. After a week of work, she had convinced Jacqui that she could live with hair longer than the skull hugging bob she'd found in a fashion magazine. Not that her daughter would not have looked fantastic in that hairdo. They had ended up compromising, again. The result was a trim that left enough hair to reach down her back to her shoulder blades, but that was easy to brush out in the morning and that tended to stay out of Jacqui's face. The trip to the gynecologist had been a revelation to both of them. Laurie had been dumbfounded to learn that her daughter was "virgo intacto". That meant that her son had never enjoyed sexual intercourse with a girl or woman. By its very nature, the Transformation Spell Transformed virgins into virgins. Well, that was one experience that Jacqui had to look forward to that Laurie had no personal knowledge of - Larry had not been a virgin when his Mother had Transformed him, so Laurel had not possessed an intact hymen at her "birth". That could pose problems later on. She would need to discuss this with the others. For Jacqui, the unhappy discovery that "Dr. M. L. Sullivan" was a woman whose name was Michelle Louise had been daunting. It was something of a hoot to try and convince the girl that, given that she was now a girl, undressing and being intimately examined by a female was *supposed* to be less embarrassing for her. Still, it had all gone very well, and if Jacqui had asked questions more suited to a 12 year old just entering puberty than to a fully developed and nearly mature 18 year old, the doctor had done nothing to make her daughter more uncomfortable than she already was. All in all, the doctor did Jacqui a lot of good. Laurie would remember her for the others who had sons due for Transformation. The brassieres had been a minor problem. Jacqui hadn't understood how to adjust them and had finally been forced to come to her Mother for help because her shoulders and breasts hurt so badly at the end of the day. The misadjusted bras were pulling her bosoms in directions nature had not intended and were not distributing the weight properly. Besides, she had adjusted the back straps much too tightly in an effort to use the bras to hide her nicely rounded breasts. A few adjustments and realignments, along with a little motherly advice had solved those problems. And it wasn't as if the girl was grossly huge, anyway. She had a lovely figure, curvy where she should be, slender where she should be. If only she'd appreciate it, Laurie mourned. Cosmetics were another non-winner. The memory of Jacqui's furious tantrum at home after Laurie had sprung an unannounced, full up make-over on the girl during that visit to the beauty parlor still made Laurie shudder. That blowup had surprised Laurie almost as much as Jacqui's reaction to the Transformation. She had looked so lovely when the beauty consultant had finished with her, but Jacqui had not uttered a single word from the time the beautician had arrived at Jacqui's chair until they arrived home at the end of the day. She had, however, more than made up for that silence once she had gotten her Mother behind closed doors. Laurie had finally resorted to a little magical probing to figure out what had provoked so violent a reaction. It would have been funny had it not been so sad. Jacqui's still male mind had been turned on by Jacqui's beautifully made up face, and *he* (and it most definitely was the part of Jacqui that was still *he*) had not been able to handle it. And like most males when faced with something they can't handle, Jacqui had gone livid and had lashed out at the 'cause' of her problem. That had cost them a couple of days of seething tension. Worse, it had ended the shaky truce between them, as well. Jacqui cooperated with Laurie's lessons, but otherwise spent as little time as possible in her Mother's presence. Fortunately, things were settling down once again. With Jacqui's somewhat grudging cooperation, other, important lessons were proceeding apace. Jacqui was trying manfully (again the correct term) to be womanly. If the tone of Laurie's teaching was more appropriate to a Victorian girl still in the schoolroom than to a modern woman of the nineties, well, Laurie thought, that served a purpose, too. The very exaggerated gestures and movements she had drilled into him were too theatrical to be of any use in a modern setting, but what was left over, when Jacqui wasn't "acting out for teacher", was nicely feminine. In the course of these lessons, Jacqui had walked back and forth across the living room in her new high heels, balancing Jane Austen's _Pride and Prejudice_ on her head. She had learned to sit demurely, with her back straight and her knees together thanks to a few judiciously placed straps for reminders. She'd learned to pour and serve tea with the dexterity and aristocratic snobbery of a Regency Dame. She'd read, under duress, romance novels which she was subsequently quizzed on about the heroine's feelings and motivations. Her forays into public had gotten a bit easier as she'd become more used to her new skin and to the clothing that Laurie insisted she wear. Jacqui looked particularly good in Laura Ashley, but then, most good looking young women did. The more intimate lessons had been the hardest ones to get across to her only semi-willing pupil. Teaching her daughter the fundamentals of feminine hygiene had not been a fun experience for either of them. Jacqui had twice stormed off in a humiliated huff during those lessons. Only the fear for her daughter's health had spurred Laurie to finish those lessons. An internal infection might damage Jacqui's reproductive system which would put paid to any chance she might have of undoing the Transformation. Laurie had finally resorted to a minor touch of magic in order to convince Jacqui of the need for these female ablutions. Amazing what a simple urinary tract infection or just a taste of a vaginal yeast infection had done to help her daughter understand the ramifications of not keeping the inner woman clean. By tacit agreement, they'd left the twin issues of sex and sexuality alone. Although Jacqui would have to face them when she went back to school, there were ways of avoiding the issue for a short while longer. For one thing, it was going to take real effort to get the girl to go out with a boy, period, and for another, her child went to school for two things, learning and sports. She would have only the most innocent of contact with boys for the time being. Laurie was entirely happy to let that particular hurdle stay in the future. Jacqui needed more time to learn better the scope of her new body's needs and demands. At the same time, she needed to learn some control of her physical reactions, as well. The last thing Laurie wanted was for Jacqui to slip up with some guy and get herself pregnant. It was simply too soon. Getting pregnant now, without the fundamental grounding in magic necessary to finish learning the Transformation Spell, wouldn't do her daughter any good. Jacqui simply had too much to learn before she could begin to wield the power she would need to be male again. Telling her that she had to get pregnant once was a conversation Laurie wished she could avoid. Having to tell her that her first pregnancy wasn't enough did not bear thinking about. Secondly, and just as importantly, she took Jacqui's threat of abortion and self-sterilization seriously. Laurie knew the rigidity of her son's will (and his sheer pigheaded stubbornness) and really feared what *he* might do before her *daughter* had finished sorting herself out. She only hoped that Jacqui took her own threat of using mind control magic just as seriously. Otherwise, they were in deep trouble because the threat was hollow. She would not, could not do that to Jacqui, because that would be exactly what Jacqui had accused her of doing - destroying the last of her child's dreams. Laurie needed to talk to her Sisters. Some decisions had to made quickly and she needed their wise counsel. Maybe tomorrow she'd call Bronwyn. The chill of the rapidly cooling bath water pulled Laurie back from her reveries. Quickly, she washed off and got out of the tub. Her mind would not let her rest and she found herself going downstairs to get a book. On her return, she heard a muffled sound coming from inside Jacqui's room. She was about to discount it as her imagination, when she heard it again. It was a moan of pain. Tiptoeing over to the door, she peeked in. There on the bed, laying on her side and huddled into a fetal position about her pillow, was her daughter. Laurie moved into the room and settled on to the bed beside Jacqui. She looked up from her pillow, misery clouding her eyes. "Mum, I'm sick. I think I have that flu bug again, like I caught last winter. I feel so nauseous and my lower belly is in knots." Jacqui was in such discomfort, she forgot she was still cross with Laurie. Laurie had been expecting this. She had described this experience vividly in the diary she'd taken to keeping after her own Transformation. It was right on time, she mused, and evidently just as rough as her own first time. Gently, she put a soothing hand on her daughter's sweaty forehead and massaged her temples. "It's all right, luv." she whispered. "It's not the flu. It is just the first arrival of your monthly. To be sure, this is one of the less attractive aspects of your new station in life, but it is a miracle, none-the-less. You are a woman, now, Jacqui. You are starting your first menses." Jacqui pulled her covers over her head. "Oh, god, I had completely forgotten that part of this." Another groan signaled the onset of another round of cramps. "I don't know how I will ever forgive you for this, Mother." Although the words were sharp, the tone was not. It reminded Laurie of the gentle male/female bantering she used to engage in regularly with her son. It actually warmed her. "I know just how you feel, luv. I said much the same thing to my own Mum about this time after she Transformed me." Reaching down, she pulled the covers off her daughter and admired for a brief instant the lovely nightgown she wore. Jacqui had steadfastly refused to model her nightwear for her Mother, giving Laurie cause to wonder if she was sleeping in the buff. Evidently not, she thought happily. "Come along with me, Miss. Time for your first lesson on the care of the menstruating female. You don't want to get that lovely night shift all messy, now do you?" The technical aspects of inserting the tampon had been acutely embarrassing for her child. Sitting on the toilet, splaying her legs wide so that her *Mother* could demonstrate the process, had nearly reduced the girl to tears. Laurie had tried to make things easier for them both by injecting some humor into the proceedings, but Jacqui's expression told her that there was *nothing* funny about it. Maybe she'd look back on it, someday, and see the humorous bits in it, Laurie thought hopefully. Once the immediate problem of leakage was under control, Laurie had put Jacqui back to bed and given her a gentle back massage. Her knowledgeable fingers soon relaxed the tight muscles of Jacqui's abdomen and her daughter fell asleep almost immediately thereafter. A quick, magic-assisted examination of her daughter proved that all of Jacqui's internal organs were working and fully female. Phase one was complete. Her daughter was a fertile, sexually mature female. She could now begin learning magic. Her body had just taken the critical first step toward reversing the Transformation she hated so very much. The next step would come in ten to sixteen days when she ovulated for the first time. Quietly pleased, Laurie tiptoed back to her room and went to sleep. A Change of Direction Chapter 10 Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan This is *not*, underline that, please, *not* a diary and I am not going to open it the way I have read that teenage girls do by writing "Dear Diary" on every damned page. This is a journal, a record of my experiences as I work to become my own man again. It is also a place where I can vent in privacy. Actually, the whole thing is Mum's idea and she has promised some big deal oath that she will not use her magic to "eavesdrop" on any thoughts I express in here. It is a good idea, actually, although I refuse to tell her that. God knows, I need some place to discuss things or I will go crazy. I won't go to Mum and I can't go to anyone else. So this is the place where I will talk with myself. And with Jack. I know I promised Mum I would work to think of myself as the female I give every outward appearance of being. And I have. Mostly. But Jack is still a part of me, and he still needs expression. At least, he does if I/he/we are ever going to get through this with my/his/our sanity intact. Anyway, on with the writing.... 18 Days A. T. (*that's *A*fter *T*ransformation. I need a time scale. I would rather count "days to Re-Transformation", but I can't. Mum doesn't even know when that will happen. Or if she does know, she is not telling me. Which would mean that she is lying to me, again, and I really don't think she is - this time. I think I believe her. At least, I believe she does not know *that* bit of information, anyway.) I have just been assured that my *first* period is now officially over. I hereby apologize to all the girls I snickered at in the eighth grade when they turned green and had to go to the school nurse every month or so. I also understand the true meaning of "being on the rag". It has nothing to do with the various cloth implements intended to collect the discharge and thus keep our womanly parts and clothes from becoming a bloody mess. No, the phrase *must* derive from what the whole damned process feels like, particularly when it first hits. I can only liken it to having somebody reach inside you, grab hold of your guts with both hands and then try to wring them out like a wet dish rag. This is neither "wonderful" nor "glorious", Mum. Jack went into deep hiding during the whole four days, the damned coward. Left me alone to face the thing all by myself. Well, not quite. Mum was there for me. She was actually pretty great about the whole thing. I did not appreciate her attempts at humor. On reflection that was more because of a petty desire to pout and sulk then the lameness of her jokes. Some weren't *too* bad. Her back massages were *blissful* and the food she fixed for me was bland but it stayed down when I did not think anything I ate would. It's a strange thing and I don't know for sure, nor will I ask her, but I think she did something magical to blunt the worst of it that first night. Don't know why, just a feeling niggling in my head. Her hands felt sort of warm on my back, only it wasn't the hot kind of warm. Can't describe it, really, you just had to be there. Taking birth control pills every day sure seems strange. Not that I want