My New Life free porn video

My New Life by Jennifer Adams for Alice Kirksey ©Jennifer Adams This is my account of the changes in my life as requested by my therapist Ms. Robel. I would like to thank Jennifer Adams for writing my short biography. After many agonizing hours of thought I have decided to share what happened to me with others who might be going through what I have gone through. Even though it is very unlikely that it will happen to anyone else, you never know. I remember the day it all started for me as though it was yesterday. It was a typical day in the life of Alan Watkins. After a morning of crunching numbers, I was a Chinese restaurant in a small plaza for lunch. I was thinking about the discussion I had with my wife that morning. She was at the end of her first trimester of her third pregnancy. I loved watching her body as it transformed for childbirth. She told me that I would not find it so exciting if it was happening to my body. I told her that she should be excited, she was doing something that I could never do and I felt a little left out. She was creating life. Don't get me wrong, I knew and still know that it's no bowl of cherries. After all, life is not a bowl of cherries, right? Anyway, I was thinking along these lines as I left the restaurant. I really wasn't even paying much attention to anything going on around me. I knew that it was overcast and threatened to rain, but it had been like that all day. I did notice a very young woman near by. She was perhaps nineteen or twenty. She was just outside of the canopy that lined the plaza. Just as she came with in a few feet of me, a strange thing happened. From out of nowhere, a lightning bolt struck her. Jarred from my own revelry, I rushed to her aide. As I reached out and touched her, my whole world went black. Slowly, I worked my way through the heavy dark fog of unconsciousness. As I began to wake, I seemed to be having trouble making the connections with the muscles in my body. I couldn't seem to open my eyes. By the sounds and my last moments of memory, I surmised that I was in the hospital. The confusing thing was, that these were not the sounds one would associate with the emergency room. It appeared that I was in a different part of the hospital. As I lay there, I could feel sensations beginning to return to my body and was beginning to lose that disembodied feeling. I tried to take a mental survey, but it proved to be futile. I was still not fully feeling my senses. I laid and listened to the sounds that were going on around me. I heard a woman groan and another woman say. " I think she's very close doctor." the woman groaned again. I heard the doctor reply, in part. " Yes, nurse. Take her to.... room two and .... prepped." " Right away, doctor." Came the reply. I thought I felt a hand holding mine. Sara, I thought. But then I realized that the hand felt too rough to be Sara's hand. This confused me. If not my wife, then who? It could be none other than a man's hand. That ruled out a little more than half the world. As I was considering this I became overwhelmingly tired and could feel lucidness seep away from me as I once again drifted off to unconsciousness. As I drifted back to consciousness I became aware that more of those sensory messages seemed to be reaching my brain. I was still unable to move at this point so I tried to take in what I could. At least I no longer felt out of touch with my body as I did when I had last awakened. I could clearly feel my hand, but now there was no other touching it. I tried to feel other parts of my body and could also feel my other hand and it too was devoid of the hand I had felt previously. In my mind, I traced the feeling in my hand up my arm slowly reaching my shoulder. Next I traced the other arm and brought the feelings together at my neck. One of the things I was able to detect was cool air on my skin. Then I mentally led the feeling up my neck and onto my face. I then became aware of another sensation as my shoulders came alive with feeling. I could feel something lightly touching them, almost tickling them. Hair, it had to be. My mind reeled with the possibilities. It could be none other than my hair. If my hair was touching my shoulders, that would explain why I sensed being in another part of the hospital other than the emergency room the last time I was awake. I must have been in a coma for quite a while. But I'm sure that Sara wouldn't have allowed my hair to get this long. But what if Sara didn't know I was here? What if there was a mix up and no one knew who I was? That might explain the male hand that was holding mine. That may have been a hospital volunteer keeping a vigil at my bedside to aide in my recovery. They didn't do that did they? I asked myself. Then unconsciousness loomed over me like a dark cloud. I was too tired to resist and gave myself to it's comforting embrace. This time, when I awakened. I pushed the questions out of my mind and set about the business at hand. First, an experimentally attempt concluded that I still could not open my eyes or move any part of my body. I started where I had left off last time, with my face. After feeling all I could with the skin on my face and discovering that I could at least see light through my eyelids, thank god I wasn't blind. I began to move the sensation of felling back down though my neck and into my chest. There the signals became very confusing and I couldn't seem to figure them out. I could feel the skin on my chest but the contour feel foreign to me and just wouldn't register in my mind. I decided to skip it since I didn't want to wear myself out trying to consider the reasons for these odd sensations. I moved down to my abdomen. It felt very narrow and thin. Of course, I reasoned. I had been here a while. Most likely fed by IV. Therefore my stomach and the any fat cells around the area would have shrunk. But wait, I could feel the contours of a slight bulge around my lower abdomen. Famine victims' stomachs swell, but was that true of people being fed intravenously? As I pondered this, sleep once again came for me and I was once again unable to escape its grasp. As I once again awoke, I tried to open my eyes. Again I could not seem to control the right muscles to do the job. It was almost as though my mind was fighting to control this body. Like oppressing a people that didn't want to be oppressed. I tried to move my finger and was able to get it to quiver ever so slightly. It was a major accomplishment, I think. I could feel the rapid drain on my energies immediately, so I abandoned the effort for fear I would know the void of unconsciousness again much sooner than I wanted to. I started again with the slight bulge, but chose not to attempt to figure it out. I pushed the sensation lower into my pelvic region. I felt the counters of my hips and again it seemed out of place. I dismissed any questions until I explored further. I felt my groin and tried to feel my penis and testicles, or more likely, my scrotum. I could not feel anything. In fact, I couldn't feel them against my groin or upper thighs. It was as though they weren't even there. Impossible! They had to be there. What a thing to lose feeling in. I tried to continue the expedition, but couldn't stop thinking about losing the feeling in my genitals. As I mulled this over in my mind, sleep came again. I awakened again, this time I went right to work on feeling my legs. As I felt down each leg and also my feet. Something struck my as odd. Feeling from head to toe, the size of my body felt out of place. I thought that my body should be longer than it appeared to be. The loss in mass was easily dismissed as the length of time I probably spent without the nourishment I was accustomed to when eating food, but that shouldn't effect the length of my body. I figured that I must be misinterpreting the sensations in my body. That jolt, what ever it was, must have really screwed up my senses. I attempted to open my eyes and was actually able to part them ever so slightly. Just as the dim light from the room began to filter through my parted lids, I passed out. This time as I woke, I could tell that I had much more control over my body. I felt even more connected to it than the previous times. I opened my eyes and they actually opened. I had a hard time moving my head to look at myself but I could open my eyes. That was a big improvement. I centered my attention on the area of my chest that felt alien to me earlier. I could feel a mass attached there. No, wait. Two masses about the same size. They seemed to be slightly to either side of my chest. I could feel them in my armpits as though my chest was swollen. How odd, I thought. Then I zeroed in on my groin. Again I could not feel my genitals. Well... that wasn't exactly true. They seemed to have been moved inside my lower abdomen. It took my several minutes, but I was finally about to move my hand to the area in question. I felt light and airy material covering a smooth area, where my penis should have been. With great effort now, I reached my fingers inside the waist band of my underwear and felt past the hair that was there. Then I felt, with my finger, a slit like my wife had. Now that was very odd. And that was all I was going to consider at that point. Everything once again faded to black. I came to again with my last discovery formats in my mind. My finger was still where I had left it. That meant that no one had moved it. If I had been unconscious for any length of time, a nurse would have moved my finger wouldn't they? That would mean that my periods of unconsciousness weren't as long as I had thought. I also had to consider why I now I had a slit running between my legs. That would mean that, as impossible as it sounds, I was somehow a female. That would explain the swollen feeling in my chest. That would be breasts. But how? I pulled my hand out from under the covers and looked at the light pink long nails that capped each finger. Since, I'm sure that I did not paint my nails this shade, I must have taken over someone else's body. If that was the case, who did I become? Did she become me? Was there still a me left to be? As these questions raced through my mind, I heard the door open and a young man wearing a flannel shirt came into view. He looked in my eyes and turned and ran out of the room excitedly yelling. " Doctor! Doctor! She's awake." I must be the she, I figured. That obviously wasn't the doctor. I lay there waiting for answers and thought that I should try to speak so I could ask the questions I needed answers to. " Ugh... ugh." My voice sounded just awful. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. " That's okay, dear." I heard a woman's voice tell me. " You are going to have a hard time getting used to using your new voice." My new voice? That meant she knew something. I looked up questioningly. She continued. " Yes, I do know what happened. I don't know how it happened, though. As I'm sure you already know, you are now a woman." I nodded slightly. She went on. " Emily Alice Kirksey to be exact. We know what happened because Mrs. Kirksey woke up in your body a couple of hours ago." I must have looked stunned because she said. " Yes I did say Mrs.. The body you now inhabit is a 20 year old married woman, but that's not the most important part. That will have to wait for now. You are going to need to get some more rest. Try to sleep now. I know you are very weak." My eyelids were getting heavy. "Before I go, would you like for your wife to come in to see you?" I nodded. Sara walked in after the doctor left and she came over and gave me a hug. " Oh Alan, I don't know what we're going to do." We both cried on each others shoulder until I feel asleep once more. When I woke again, I was alone. I thought about all I had learned. Somehow, that lightning strike had switched me with the young woman who I had tried to help. I was now a twenty year old married woman and there didn't seem to be any way to change that. We can't do that medically. That meant that we were now stuck as each other. I would have to spend the rest of my life as Emily and she would have to be Alan. I laid as thought about what that would all mean. Would I live with Emily's husband? Would Alan stay with Sara? Did Sara deserve to be left alone? Did Emily's husband? Should I try to take over as his wife? If I did, how would I be able to allow a man to make love to me? How could ever find men attractive? Did Emily have any children? That would sure throw a monkey wrench into the works, wouldn't it? The door opened and the doctor stepped in. " How are you feeling, today? You slept through the night." I tried to answer. " I ugh... ar...." " Try talking in a higher voice." The doctor suggested. I did and was able to say. " I feel a little better." My new voice sounded funny to me. " Do you feel up to talking with me for a little while? I hate to disturb you so soon, but there are things we need to talk about." The doctor looked as though she were sitting on a skillet. I resisted looking for a flame under the chair she was sitting on. " I think I can manage it." I said, ignoring the urge to clear my throat incessantly. " As you know, there is really nothing we can do to put you back in your own bodies." I nodded. " Unfortunately, you are going to be the young woman you have become for the rest of your life. Well you won't always be a young woman..." I chuckled despite the gravity of the situation. I mean, it's not everyday one deals with changing gender without a choice. The doctor went on. " I'm not here to work out the details of who is going to live with whom or any of that. The other thing I didn't tell you last night is, Emily...er... you are 10 weeks pregnant..." My eyes shot open. What! I screamed to myself. Pregnant?! Now what? "... You can still abort the pregnancy but Mr. Kirksey would really like you to please carry the baby full term and uh... Mr. Kirksey... uh... Jeremy... has offered to let you stay with him while you are pregnant. Uhm... That is... if you will finish carrying the infant." The doctor concluded. Now I have always taken the attitude on abortion that since I was not a female, I could not make an adequate judgment about abortion. Now I was a female so that defense no longer worked. It didn't take me long to think about it. I mean if it had been the other way around and Jeremy had become my wife, I would want him to carry the baby too. Not to mention the fact that it wouldn't be right to destroy something that his wife had given to him out of love, no matter how I felt about him. I would just have to do this. " Doctor, I don't know about who will live with whom or what not, but I will carry this baby to full term. It just wouldn't be right to do anything else." I said. I was beginning to get used to my new voice. " Mr. Kirksey would like to come in and thank you. Do you mind? I mean in your condition?" She smiled warmly. " Sure, I don't mind. I'm sure he's seen this body like this before." I returned the smile. I was a little nervous. I was about to meet my husband for the first time. He wasn't really my husband, but then again he was. I brushed my hair back with my hand. It felt really long. I still hadn't seen myself. The door opened again and I saw the figure I had seen the night before. Timidly, he walked into my view. " Hi, Mr. Watkins... Emily... Alan." " Hi, Jeremy?" I asked and he nodded. " As to what to call me? I guess that I'm not Mr. Watkins or Alan anymore. Calling my Emily just doesn't seem right. I guess the next best thing is to call me Alice. Not my first choice, but who got a choice in this anyway?" I offered a weak smile and he returned it. " I can't tell you how grateful I am to you for agreeing to carry my baby." He said. " I'm glad I could help. In such a strange situation, we all have to do what we can to make the best of it." I replied. Timidly he stepped to the bed and reached in and gave me a hug. It felt strange to be hugged by this man I had just met. I felt my breasts pressing against his chest. Then it became slightly comforting. I thanked him. I hadn't realized how much I needed a hug until that moment. He said. " I think you're right. We should all try to make each other as comfortable as possible in this very uncomfortable situation. Your wife said that you would probably carry the child." He kissed my cheek and left. I felt someone squeeze my hand. It was Sara. I asked her to get me a mirror. As I gazed into the mirror. I recognized the cute face I had seen at the plaza. Now it was my face. I studied my new face for several minutes. It had an elfin look to it that I had always liked in women. I was amazed that this pretty face was actually me. I even had her soft blue eyes. It was truly remarkable. You would have to view someone else's face looking back at you from a mirror to fully understand the magnitude of what I was seeing. For those of you who have gone through this I'm sure you understand. I wasn't as upset or unnerved as I would have thought I would be. It took some time before I was able to associate that face with me. Now it's as natural as if I'd seen it since birth, even then it wouldn't have been the same face I have now as it would have changed as I grew. After looking at myself in the mirror. Sara and I talked for a long time. She told me how proud she was that I agreed to continue with the pregnancy. We also talked about what the future held for us. Obviously, we could no longer be a couple, unless we became a lesbian couple. I still liked women, she didn't. That would pose a problem. We could be friends. Fate had reduced our five year marriage to girlfriends. I suppose it was for the best anyway. With the way married couple run out and get a divorce after six or seven years. (I really didn't and still don't believe it, but I still try to convince myself. Sour grapes if you will.) She told me that Emily seemed to be a very nice person and seemed to holding up as well I was. I told her that it was probably shock and she agreed. I told her that I would like to meet Emily and that a discussion between the four of us might be in order. Sara agreed and said she would set it up. Then just as she was about to leave me for the night, she said that my mother had come from Illinois and did I want to see her. Tomorrow would be fine. " She knows what happened?" I said in disbelief. I hadn't even thought about my parents. I had been my father's pride and joy growing up. His wonderful only son. Now I was a young pregnant girl. My mind did cartwheels. " Yes she does and she really wants to see how you are doing. She doesn't know exactly what to do in this situation. She said that if you didn't want to see her, she would understand." " No, no. Of course I'll see her. I wouldn't turn my own mother away. What kind of son does she think I am..." We just looked at each other and could help but giggle like school girls. What kind of son indeed. " In the morning then?" Sara asked. " No, now I guess. Is she really broken up about all this?" I fretted. " Well, she has had some time to cry it out of her system... but you never know." She replied. I nodded that I understood. " Is my father here too?" " Yes. He wanted to let your mother see you first." She said. Again I nodded. I was getting sleepy but prepared myself for my mother's reaction. I just couldn't turn her away tonight. The door opened and I heard my mother's shoes on the tile of the floor. Then she peeked around the edge of the bed. " Hi?" She ventured. " Hi Mom." I beamed, trying to make her think everything was all right. She looked stunned for a moment and said. " My, you are a pretty girl. I mean... Oh, Alan." She threw herself on my and hugged me. She cried and apologized for crying. I told her that it was okay. This was a difficult thing to go through. I was still a little in shock, luckily. We talked for a couple of minutes and then she went and got Dad. I heard him come in. He sounded like a frightened little boy. Ever so timidly, he peered over the edge of the bed at me. " How you doin' Son." He jokingly said. " Fine Pop." I replied. My feminine voice sounded out of place, but he didn't seem to notice. " You know. This is a difficult thing here." He gestured toward me. I was about to verbally attack his soon to come insult when he shrugged me off and said. " I'm still proud of you. You are taking it like a real man... ah... well... You know what I mean. And going to carry that baby. Whew, man! That took a lot of guts, kid. I mean to become a woman, but then to carry a baby too. I know that we've had our differences in the past, but I want to be here for you." I laid there stunned as he took my hand and kissed my forehead. Was this the same man who screamed at me for missing the last out in little league? The same man who teased me about joining the chess club? " Dad? Now I'm a girl and that changes everything?" I probably shouldn't have asked, but I just had to know. My old man, he didn't even look shocked by my question. He just said. " Maybe I didn't show as good as I could have, but you've always been my pride and joy. I can only guess how hard this must be to wake up and find out that you are someone else. I just want to let you know that I'm in your corner and I'm proud of the decision you made. Not everyone in your position would do that." I looked up at him and smiled. " Thanks Dad." I said. He considered me for a moment and then he said. " You know, you really have a very pretty smile." I just blushed a little. I knew the whole thing would start sinking in soon so I decided to enjoy it while I could. He kissed my cheek and said good night and left me to my thoughts as I drifted off to sleep. After breakfast, Sara and I met with the Kirkseys. It must have looked like some bizarre battle of the sexes. Sara and I were on one side as the girls, and the Kirkseys were on the other as the guys. We talked about what had happened and why it had. We came up with zilch. We tried to talk about how to reverse it ( we all knew that was impossible but felt compelled to explore it anyway). Then we went through the could of, would of, and should of's. That too, proved useless. Then we discussed where to go from here. Emily in my old body kept telling me how grateful he was that I was going to carry the baby. Frankly, I was getting about as sick of hearing about it as I'm sure you are, but it continued anyway. What we ended up deciding, was that I would go home with Jeremy and Alan, who had assumed my old middle name and went by Mike, would go home with Sara. We would discuss other arrangements after the baby was born. For now Jeremy wanted to make sure I was taken care of while I carried his child and Sara returned his generosity by letting Mike stay with her. After the meeting, I got to meet Emily's parents and Jeremy's parents and they met my folks. Then My mother sat with me for a while. The doctor wanted to keep me one more night for observation, but Mike was being released tonight. My mother helped me up and to the bathroom. It was the first time I had gotten up since I received this body. Even after having it for a day and a half, it felt very odd to move with it. I did my business and washed my face and hands. It really did wonders to make me feel better. My mother tried to fill me in a little bit on what it meant to be a woman and what to expect from the pregnancy. How I would feel bloated and crampy. She also taught me about feminine hygiene. She said that I would probably feel better with her teaching me than anyone else. Looking back on it, I think she was right, although I didn't agree with her at the time. It was still humiliating for her to see me like this. She just kept telling me not to worry about it. Being a woman was like anything else, once you get used to it, its not too bad. I supposed she was right. It's funny, the amount of wisdom mothers seem to have. Over the next day, I was given some of Emily's clothing and my mother once again came to my rescue and helped me learn how to wear women's clothes. The panties weren't a real challenge but the bra... I was glad she was there. She had me get into some loose fitting slacks and a maternity blouse. I felt a little silly but my mother held my hand and kept telling me not to worry, I was a woman now and this was all natural. I was beginning to get used to the way my body felt when it moved and after a little while, I actually forgot that I was a woman. It was all beginning to feel normal. Later that evening I was released and my mother insisted that I spend a week or two with her and dad so she could help me adjust to my new lifestyle. Sara, Mike, and Jeremy all agreed that would be a good idea. I thought it might do me some good also, so I went home with them. At home, everything was a mix of emotion. My room felt familiar but my new body in it, felt out of place. Mom said that would change. She helped me redecorate it a little. Much to my protest, she insisted on making it a little more feminine than I wanted. She argued that it would help me to adjust. My father came in and said it looked nice. Just like he would expect a young woman's bedroom to look. I don't know why, but whenever my Dad mentioned my femininity, I blushed. Not because I was ashamed like I thought I should have been, but more from pride that I was adjusting and taking it like a man so to speak. Finally, after a week or two of being "home" at my parents and lessons on how to be a woman. My parents went to visit my sister and her husband for the weekend. They had tried to get me to go with them but I insisted that I needed some time alone. Reluctantly, they left me at home, but only after my mother gave me a barrage of instructions on everything from how to cook myself dinner to what to do if someone came or called for them. I watched them pull out of the driveway with a sigh of relief. I walked over to the easychair and smoothed the skirt of my maternity dress before I sat down. It was becoming second nature to act as a female. I thought about what my life had become. I mean, I have already overstated the obvious, I am now a woman who is pregnant. No, what I thought about was what it meant to be a mother. I mean, at first, I figured that I would just give the baby to Jeremy and that would be the end of it. But now? Now I was wondering what it would be like to be this child's mother. I would be giving this child life, yet I was somehow beginning to feel like I needed to protect it and nurture it. Was I really the mothering kind? It felt as though it would be somehow rewarding to raise this child. As a father of two children I always got the third handed approach to parenting. I was only there part of the time since I was out putting bread on the table. I mostly got to do the discipline or an occasional hug at bed time. But to actually be with a child for the first five years of its life? Well, it wasn't like I was going to go back to being a father. I wanted to find out about being a mother. I watched Sara with the children and I knew that the relationship between a mother and her children was worlds away from a father and the same children. They were his in a biological way, but they were more hers because she was there for their basic needs. The bond was different. Both are essential but totally different. Could I be a mother? Again biologically speaking, that was more than obvious, but to actually do it. Hmmm, now that was the sixty-four dollar question. Was I getting a maternal instinct? I didn't even know all I needed to know about being a woman. How could I ever begin to understand how to be someone's mother? Was I losing my mind? I got up and walked to the full length mirror in my bedroom. I turned this way and that. My belly was really starting to stick out. I knew that my bras were getting a little tighter through the cups, so my breasts were beginning to swell. As I looked at myself I realized that I was now at the end of my first trimester just like Sara had been. Sara! Over the last two weeks, I had become so self absorbed I had forgotten about my sweet wife and her pregnancy. Oh my! How could I? I ran back downstairs to the phone and dialed my old number. A male voice answered. " Hello?" I knew that voice. It was mine, or it used to be. " Hi Mike? It's me... Alice." Even though I had been getting used to using it, saying it to it's original owner seemed somewhat odd. " Alice!" He exclaimed. " How are you? We haven't heard from you since you went to stay with your parents." I became a little flustered. " Uh... I'm fine, Mike. I mean... I'm sorry I haven't called. How are you? And how is Sara?" Oh my! Now I was babbling. " Slow down..." He comforted and it seemed to help some. " We're fine. Would you like to talk to Sara?" " Uh... yeah. I mean yes, please." Trying to sound like I had it more together. I don't think he bought it. " Here she is..." I heard him tell Sara it was me. Then she got on the phone. " Hi, honey? How are you? We were worried about you, but thought it best to give you a little time." " You mean, you're not mad at me?" I asked. " Good lord! whatever for?" She asked lightly. " Well... I haven't called in two weeks and I haven't even been worried about you and the baby." I said tearfully. " You have a lot to deal with, dear. It's not enough that you woke to find that you are someone else and another gender, but then to find out that you're pregnant, too? It's a wonder that you are even sane. Jeremy and I have been helping Mike get through this so we have some idea what it must be like for you. Are you all right? Do you need anything?" Sara's concern was genuine and I could tell that she didn't hold any bad feelings against me. This did little to help my feelings of guilt for getting too self absorbed to even think about her. Maybe she was right, but I still should have thought about them. " No, I'm fine. I guess after taking my mother's guided tour of femininity for the past two weeks, it finally dawned on me that I had forgotten all about you and the baby and Mike and Jeremy and the fact that they were worried about their baby in my belly and that they must be going nuts wondering where and how I am doing with their child. I never even thought about the baby or Scott and Lena. How are they, by the way? I hope they're ok, I mean god! What kind of father am I when I don't even care enough to worry about the two children I already have." Through my babbling, I began to cry. " I mean you are a woman and you aren't as inconsiderate as I have been. Oh Sara, I want to have this baby I mean really have this baby and care for it and nurture it. I want to be this baby's mother, but what kind of mother forgets about the children she already has? How can I even think that I'm qualified to be someone's mother. Shit! some little life will be depending on me and I am so involved with my own problems I don't care about anyone else. What if I forget to feed the baby because I'm crying over the loss of my dick?" " Alice! Listen..." " No really Sara. Do you think I'm too petty to be someone's mother? Really? I mean maybe I could do it. I might be able to raise a child. Hell! That's a lot of work, though. Can I handle it? Can I? Sara?" I couldn't believe I was rambling on like I was psychotic. The only thing I can think is that everything was catching up to me. Sara sounded really scared. " Alice?! Are you alone?" I stopped my babbling long enough to tell her yes. " Look I can't get there right now, but I showed you parents house to Jeremy the other night. I'll call him and ask him to go and be with you. Hold on. I'll be right back on the line...." There was nothing, then. " Are you there? Just wait a minute, Honey? Alice?" I broke out of a trance. " Yes, I'll wait a minute." I said in a daze. When Sara came back on the line, I was much calmer. We chatted quietly until Jeremy arrived. I heard a knock on the door and asked who it was. " Jeremy Kirksey" Came the reply. I let him in and said good-bye to Sara. Jeremy and I talked well into the night and even into the morning. I explained my feelings and my fears. Among them, living with someone I didn't even know until the baby was born. He confessed that while I was here at my parents, Mike had stayed with him until he got to know Sara a little better. He also assured me that to the best of his knowledge there was nothing sexual between Mike and Sara. This had taken me a little by surprise since I hadn't even thought about the fact that Sara was a woman and Mike was, not only a man, but a man that looked like Sara's husband just like I looked like Jeremy's wife. He told me that Mike was going to try sleeping on the couch tonight for the first time. Jeremy also assured me that he had no intentions of anything sexual between us, so I didn't have to worry about him trying to get me into bed. He told me that after the baby was born, I could just come back to my parents if I wanted or I could stay and take care of the baby. Jeremy was a perfect gentleman and finally left as the sun was coming up. I did make him a light breakfast before he left. Then relaxed and thoroughly exaughsted, I put on my nightgown and climbed into bed. I awoke the next afternoon and tried getting into being a girl. I took a long hot bubble bath. I was amazed at how relaxing it was. I made a note of it. Then I shaved my legs. After my bath, I toweled off and used an after bath splash. It seemed to soften my skin immediately. In my room, I put on the prettiest pair of panties I could find. They were soft pink with white lace at the legs and waist, and a satin bow just below my naval. I put the matching bra on and looked in the mirror. With my belly beginning to stick out, I wasn't model prefect, but I could see my beauty. I found a lace slip and a pretty floral print dress with fringe about the collar. I curled my hair and then I did something I had never done and said I never would. I sat at the vanity and began to try my hand at applying make up. When I was finished, I had to laugh in spite of myself. I looked like a clown. My lipstick was too heavy and so was my blush and eyeshadow. My attempt at eyeliner looked ridicules and my eyelashes looked like giant spiders. I decided to pretend it looked sexy and I sat down and painted my nails. When I finished the second coat on my hands I looked at them. My toe nails didn't look too bad, but my fingernails looked they had been painted by a kindergarten kid. I decided to ignore it and then I got up and tried my hand at housework. By the end of the day, I was exaughsted and didn't have much to show for my efforts. I would defiantly have to rethink this housekeeping stuff if I was going to do it all the time. At that point I came to one very important conclusion. I really needed to think this baby thing all the way through. I plopped down in the easychair to contemplate these things and nodded off. I was awakened by the telephone ringing off the hook. I went to it and picked it up. " Hello?" I asked. It was Jeremy, he wanted to take me out for dinner. I immediately felt flustered. I agreed and he showed up an hour later. I did what I could to fix my face. It was a little better, but I still looked like a junior high school girl playing with her mother's make up. He escorted me to the car and opened the door for me to get in. I obliged and sat on the seat and then turned my legs into the car like my mother had taught me to do. He took me to a very nice restaurant. The hostess seemed to know us and kept calling my Mrs. Kirksey. I felt a little uncomfortable at first, but I was able to tolerate it after a little while. This was the first real time out in public. I had gone out with mom to the grocery store and walked around the neighborhood and stuff. This all seemed different somehow. The whole thing was really nice. Eventually, we ended up back at my parents house, were we again talked for a long time. Jeremy continued taking me out on "non-dates" as he called them. He came over to my parents often for dinner. Mom and I usually cooked these dinners while dad talked with Jeremy. From time to time, I could hear them mention how feminine I was becoming. This made my feel like I had been kicked out of a club or something. Eventually, I moved into Jeremy's house, in the guest room. Now I was really waddling around like a giant hippopotamus. Jeremy assured me that I did not look like a hippo, but I had a hard time believing it. It took me a little while, but I finally settled into being the house person. To the outside world I was Mrs. Jeremy Kirksey. Only Jeremy and I knew our arrangement. Well, my parents as well as Sara and Mike also knew. I also got to spend time with Sara and the kids. We became quite close and turned out to be even better girlfriends than we were husband and wife. We also had the comfort of going through pregnancy together. Out of respect for me and how it would look, Jeremy didn't date anyone else. He ended up taking me out as his date on Friday nights. I was really beginning to enjoy this being a woman thing. Well... it was at least becoming bearable. I was getting more skilled at make up and was actually able to look quiet pretty. I had found Emily's needle point and had picked it up rather easily. I was still doing the housework as much as I could. When I didn't feel up to it, Jeremy was a real dear and took it over without any complaint. As time went on, my belly and my breasts continued to swell. Sara kept taking my out for new clothes or handed me down her things since she was a little bit ahead of me in the expanding department. Jeremy and I also went out with Mike and Sara and my mother was still a regular visitor to mine and Jeremy's house. I still remember the first OB/GYN appointment. I can't begin to tell how it felt to be exposed to someone I barely knew. Luckily it was the same doctor I had in the hospital. She had me lay back on the table and put my feet in a set of stirrups attached to the end of the table. I knew what those were and what was about to happen. I had seen my wife go through it enough times. Now it was my turn. I felt her feeling around my vagina and then she stuck a finger in it. I could feel her moving it around as she tried to comfort me as best she could. Then she asked. " Metal or plastic?" I wasn't sure what she meant, I figured, what ever it was metal was usually better than plastic so I chose metal. Then I felt something start going inside me. I jumped back a little, but she reassured me that it was nessicary. So I sat back and tried to relax as I felt this cold metal thing going inside me and then I felt it spread me open. The doctor bent down and looked between my legs. She told me that it would be a little more involved than this when I did have the baby. Then one night after I cooked a particularly good dinner. Jeremy kissed me and told me it was wonderful. Then he apologized and swore that it would never happen again. I think that actually upset me more than the kiss. As surprised as I was, I really liked it. He had wrapped his arms around me and it felt so, I recall a term used by some girls in school, dreamy. My head swam a little and I could feel my nipples tighten a little. Nothing was said about this again and I was very disappointed by it, but just went on. Time continued marching on and Sara's and my due dates came up sooner that we thought they would. Mike had rushed Sara to the hospital in the middle of the night and Jeremy took me over to watch the kids until her parents came. I couldn't believe how well Mike was handling everything. Sara had confided in me that she and Mike had decided to have a family relationship with Mike as the husband and father. I told her they had my blessing. It wasn't like I was going to ever reclaim the position. It was plain to see that he really loved her now. I just hoped I could find someone to love me now that I was a woman. I thought that might be an impossibility since I was still having trouble finding men attractive and my body wouldn't get aroused by women now. I did really like Jeremy he has become a real sweetheart, but alas, he is still a man and deep down, so am I. After Sara's parents visited her and the baby in the hospital, they came and relieved my watch. Sara's mother was very nice to me, but her father kept sneering at me. I wondered if it was because he thought I abandoned his daughter or because he thought I abandoned my manhood. There was that banished from the club feeling again. I was glad when Jeremy came and picked me up and took me to see Sara and the baby. She had a boy. Sara and I had a son. Even though, it was now Sara and Mike's son, I still felt the pride of being the baby's father because I really was. I was the father when Sara conceived. I wondered if Mike would have motherly pride when I gave birth to his and Jeremy's baby. I didn't have to wonder too long. I was taken to the hospital less than a week later. I was a little early, but not that it would hurt the baby. Or so the doctor told me. It truly was an experience to say the least. First, I was in labor six hours. It felt like being really, really constipated. I would have doubled over if my stomach wasn't too big to do so. The doctor got me up on a table and once again checked in my crotch. She said that I wasn't dilated enough and that I needed to walk. Walk, I though. I can barely stand to lay on the table, but walk I did. Sara was going to help me through it, but that was when we thought that I was two weeks behind her. Now she was in no condition to help me and Jeremy, my ever present guardian angel, jumped right in and walked me up and down the halls of the maternity ward. When I got a pain, he held me so I could bend to try and ease it. Then all at once, I felt like someone stuck a very large knife in my lower stomach and then kicked me in the groin. I would have said in the balls if I still had balls. Then I felt water running down my leg and all over the floor. Jeremy helped me sit down and sprinted off to find the doctor. When she got there and saw my condition she got a wheelchair and said. " Looks like we're about ready." She and Jeremy helped me into the chair and she wheeled me down to the delivery pre-op room. As they were taking me away, someone from housekeeping walked by with a mop and bucket. While I waited for a delivery room to open up, I thought my insides were going to explode. The doctor told me I was in hard labor and the baby was very close. I thought the other pains were bad. On a scale of one to ten, these were an twelve easy. Finally after what seemed like hours, I was wheeled into a room. Immediately, my doctor got my legs up and looked between them. I still wasn't used to this. She announced that the baby's head was crowning. I didn't need her to tell me that, it felt like I had a watermelon wedged in there. She reached under the gown I was wearing and told me to push. I squeezed Jeremy's hand and pushed like I was having a bowl movement. It was a little different since we girls have muscles in areas that men don't, but it felt similar. Then the pain between my legs became excruciating. I thought that I was going to be torn in half. I told the doctor, who told me that what I felt was the skin between my vagina and rectum tearing. She said that was normal and she would just put a stitch in it when we were finished. She told me to push again. More pain. "Again!" She said. I pushed again. Then she said. " Okay, you're doing real good. I just need you to push one more time real hard and then you can rest for a minute." I did and I could feel my vagina close around something smaller than before. I figured that it was the baby's legs. I felt the doctor give a little pull and everything pulled free. I felt her working between my legs for a couple of minutes then a sharp slap and a baby's cry. " It's a boy!" she shouted. Jeremy squeezed my hand, when I looked up at him he mouthed " Thank you." I just smiled at him. Another doctor took the baby over to a table and cleaned him up. My doctor turned back to me and said. " Okay, I need you to push real hard one more time to expel the placenta." I pushed and felt something like a deflated beachball scrunch through my vagina and then it closed. I can't recall the last time I felt such relief. I just laid there enjoying my relief as they cleaned me up down there. The doctor brought the baby over and asked if I wanted to see him. I thought that I should say no, but after all that, I just had to see what my body had nurtured. The doctor placed him on my chest. Jeremy was already cooing at him. They moved us both to a bed and wheeled us down the hall to the recovery room. Meanwhile, no one came to get the baby. I had him on my chest and Jeremy went to let everyone know all about the baby. He looked up at me making sucking motions with him mouth and then he began to cry. It was funny, but what happened next was that my nipple became hard. I thought a moment, this baby wanted a nipple, I had two it seemed silly to deny him. So I opened my gown and guided him mouth to my waiting nipple. An electric shock seemed to run through my body when the baby began sucking my nipple and there was a pleasant faint tickle in between my legs. It wasn't really sexual in anyway, but it felt good just the same. A nurse came by and said that was a good way to get my milk to come in quickly and that I should be able to nurse him until then with the lactose my breast was already producing. She assumed that I had already decided to breast feed and had discussed it with my doctor. The baby looked so cute as he took the food his mother's body made for him. It really was a magic moment. It seemed like a long time before someone from the nursery came and took the baby from me. Then I was taken to a room and moved to a clean bed where I promptly went to sleep. Just as I was dosing off, my mother came in and beamed at me. I smiled back at her now that it was all over and slowly lost consciousness. When I woke in the morning, another nurse brought me the baby. Apparently, they thought because I had been nursing the baby when they came to get him, that I was going to breast feed him. I was about to tell the nurse that I wasn't going to nurse him when I saw him making those sucking motions with his mouth and whimpering. My heart went out to him and I opened my gown and let him suckle. It felt even better now that I wasn't so exaughsted. So what, I thought, I'll just stay with Jeremy until I wean the baby. That settled it. I was now a nursing mother. When Jeremy came to visit me, he really wasn't in the hospital to see me, he asked me what was going on with me nursing the baby. He seemed a little agitated and I wanted to burst into tears. I calmed myself and explained how I ended up nursing the baby. He said that he was a little irritated because he thought that the nurses talked me into it. I told him that I had been thinking and thought that I would just stay with him and be a wet nurse. I would take care of the baby and nurse him in exchange for room and board. He said that he would think about it, but I could tell in his voice that he thought it was a good idea. He wouldn't have to worry about childcare. He kissed my gently on the forehead and thanked me for all I had done and turned to leave. I asked what he had named the baby and he said with a smile. " Eric." Then he turned and left. My parents came in next and my mother went on and on about when I was born and that she never in a million years thought that I would ever bare a child. I noticed my sister peeking around behind my mother. My sister and I kept stealing glances at one another. I think she was almost as embarrassed as I was. This was the first time she had seen the new me. It was obvious that we both felt a little awkward. My father congratulated me on being a real man having a baby and all. We three women looked at each other and grinned. My mother nudged him with her elbow and he said. " What?... Well, you know what I mean?" We just nodded. It seemed so far away since I was a man that it was almost like a dream. I knew that I hadn't always been a woman but it felt more natural to think of myself as such instead of thinking that I was a man in a woman's body. My parents finally left and my sister came close to the bed. " So? How do you like being the younger sister now?" She asked. " I'm older than you!" I protested. " Uh, not anymore. You are nearly seven years younger than me now." She chided. " Chronological age doesn't count." I demanded. She laughed. " Anyway, how are you dealing with all this?" " Not too bad. I guess. I was pretty numb at first and by the time my shock wore off, I was to busy worrying about this baby to concern myself with my gender. It wasn't easy, but I can cope." She said. " Well, one thing's for sure. I never thought you'd have a baby at all, let alone before me." She hugged me. We talked about a lot of things for quite a while. She helped me to get in touch with how I really felt about being a woman and said that if I let myself, I could really enjoy it. I supposed that she was right. She finally kissed my cheek and said good-bye. I went home to Jeremy's house in the morning. I was still a little sore and a bit stiff. Eric really took to sucking my nipples and I noticed that my milk came in rather quickly. A nurse showed me how to use nursing pads and they had Jeremy go and buy me a couple of nursing bras, after they had measured me. I held Eric as Jeremy drove us to his house. Soon my life settled down to normal. Well... normal for a woman who just had a baby. If one could call 3 a.m. feedings normal. Of course, since I had chosen to breast feed, guess who got stuck with the task. I did have to agree with Jeremy that it was better for the baby to drink straight from me and he did have to get up and work a job to support us. Sometimes, when Eric was softly dozing on my breast only sucking lightly from time to time, I would think about how strange life could be and how drastically mine had changed. In the end, I had to admit that I got what I wanted. I got to create life with my body and I got to nurture it was the same body. Sara once asked me how I liked being able to create life with my body now. I thought long and had for several minutes and finally I said. " Well, it was a little tougher than I expected, but I still think it's the greatest thing in the world." Without thinking I added. " I wouldn't change a thing..." I thought a little more and added. " Except, I would have liked to have switched with you." She got a far away look in her eyes and said. " I'm sorry. I don't think I could handle becoming the opposite sex as well as you and Mike have. I think I would have gone crazy." " It's different when you have to do it..." I began. " No, I have really thought about real hard so I could understand what you and Mike were going through. I think that some people just couldn't handle this happening to them and I am one of them." She said with a little tear in her eye. She said. " Alice, I have had to get on with my life. It was very hard at first, trying to live with Mike looking like you did and all. I finally had to pretend in my mind that you were dead and that Mike was a totally different person. In a short time, I was able to fall in love with him. The best thing for you to do is to get on with your life. I mean, Jeremy is a great guy and even if you don't think you could love him, you should try to find a man to love who loves you." Find a man to love? How could I love a man? I knew that I was a woman now, but I still felt like a homo when I caught myself looking at men. Should I try with Jeremy to form more than a platonic relationship? I asked Sara if that meant that she no longer loved me and she said that it was different now. It was more like sisterly love. After thinking about it, I had to agree that I now felt the same way about her. All though, she once aroused me sexually. I could not imagine myself in bed with her. The memories were even hard to look at. After nearly seven months, I could not think of myself as anything other than a woman. Being a man was like a faded memory. I knew that I had started life as a man, but to actually remember being a man was getting more difficult as time went on. Then another time, while I was talking with Mike about how everything had turned out. He suggested that I look a little closer at Jeremy. He said that it was so easy for him to fall in love with Jeremy when he was me. I blushed a little at these things and Mike apologized. I told him that it was all right, that I just wasn't ready to think of things like that. He said that he wasn't right away, but Sara was such a wonderful woman, she had made it easy. I said that I thought Jeremy was a wonderful man, I just had to deal with my own demons. He said that he understood. Mike and I didn't talk to much. We should have had a lot to talk about but we just couldn't seem to get over the awkwardness. He and Jeremy, one the other hand, got along as well as Sara and I did. I suspect they had their awkward moments as Sara and I did, but they did a lot together. They were together on the Golf course every Saturday during the spring and summer. I was glad that they could continue their relationship as Sara and I had. I don't think many would be able to do that. It was sometime later that I began to take another look at these questions with a different perspective. I had weaned Eric from my breast and he was now eating solid food. It had been nearly six months since that last conversation about finding a man. Jeremy was a good "acting" husband. He kept us feed and a roof over our heads. Still, something wasn't quite right about the whole living arrangement and I was beginning to fear that I would have to leave and get on with my life. It was then, that Sara came to my rescue. Only I didn't think so at the time. One day while we were sitting at in my kitchen drinking coffee, Sara coyly reached in her purse and pulled out a gift wrapped package and handed it to me. She said. " I bought this for you to try out your new body. There are batteries in it already." " What's this?" I asked. " Open it when you get ready for bed tonight. You'll know what to do with it." She smiled. That night when I was ready for bed, I opened the package. I looked like was a rubber penis with an on and off switch. " A vibrator?" I asked the air. There was a note attached to the empty box. It said: Alice, I thought I would help you discover the joys your new body can bring you. I hope this will show the joys of being with a man. Good Luck! With love, Sara At first I was appalled. She wanted me to shove that thing inside me? How disgusting to even think such a thing. It was bad enough that I was stuck with a woman's body with out doing something that seemed so dirty. I held it and tuned on the switch. It buzzed and vibrated in my hand. Then I noticed something. It actually felt good against my palm. It wasn't long before the idea to touch my nipple with it came to mind. That felt even better. It was shortly after that, I began to feel a tickling in my vagina. I stretched back on my bed and slowly ran it down my stomach. The pleasant feeling increased. When I reached the area of my pubic hair, I was in ecstasy. I slowly moved it down between my legs and into the folds of my libia. Then suddenly, I hit on a spot that sent shivers up my spine. I had played with enough girl's vaginas to know that reaction. I must have found my clit. I allowed the vibrator to rest there for a little while as I felt moisture a begin to trickle out of my vagina. Then I slowly slid the vibrator down to the wetness and lubricated it with my own juices and slid it back up to my clit and moved up and down on my clit. Then as my toes were about to curl up, I slipped down to my vagina and slid it. I was so wet and I was no virgin, so it slid right in. I brought my other hand up and gently rubbed, tweaked and rolled my nipples alternately. I could feel my passion build until at last, I reached an orgasm that caused my whole body to shudder as I knew it would from watching other girls. I had all I could do to stifle a very loud moan and then just laid there panting. I laid there with that vibrator still doing its thing inside me. I felt a couple more less intense orgasms as I tried to catch my breath. I couldn't believe how long the pleasure seemed to last. Finally, I turned it off but left it where it was. It felt so good I just had to feel it for a little longer. Well, that certainly changed my mind about using my vagina. It also got me wondering if having a man inside me would feel better. The next thing I knew, it was morning. I had slept with the vibrator in me. As I pulled it out, it stuck a little and felt like it was going to tear my lips off. I made a note not to leave it in that long again. After taking a shower and getting dressed, it was back to my normal routine of taking care of Eric and the house work. I noticed that I was in a more pleasant mood than I had been in a long time. I continued my nightly interludes in self gratification, except during that time of the month. Although, I wanted to then more than ever, it just seemed too messy. When my period was over I made up for lost time. A couple of weeks after my new gift, I was beginning to look as Jeremy in a whole new light. I could actually find him attractive and at times down right sexy. I began to wonder more about what a real man would feel like inside me. More specifically, I was wondering what Jeremy would feel like inside me. Jeremy was a true gentleman of his word and never made so much as an advance on me the whole time had lived in his home. If there was a move to be made, it would have to be me and I still wasn't curious enough to make it. Sara even took out when I some free time and pointed different guys out to me. She tried to get me to talk about what I found attractive about them, but I wouldn't tell her. Secretly, I found that my body reacted strongly to certain guys. I even found myself enjoying watching them in tight pants. I even imagined what the bulge in their pants looked like without clothes. I think I was changing my sexual orientation. Once, Sara and my sister Brenda took to see male strippers. I pretended to be embarrassed, but I enjoyed it thoroughly. I did feel a little strange looking at the business end of their equipment and getting filled with desire. On one hand it seemed normal, on the other it seemed ludicrous. My body didn't seem to be bothered by this at all. It was preparing itself for something it wasn't going to get. Good thing I had my little "friend". I was also noticing that there was more than lust in my eyes when I looked at Jeremy. I was starting to notice some of his character attributes and I found them to be attractive as well. I guessed that I could love him. Now all I had to do was screw up my courage and approach him about becoming more than friends. Finally, one Friday night after Eric went to spend the night with Jeremy's parents, I cooked a steak dinner and set the table with the nicest china and crystalware I could find. I put candles in a centerpiece and lit them when I heard Jeremy's car pull in the driveway. When he came in the house, he was surprised to see the table set as it was and asked me to did we owe the pleasure. I remember my heart pounding in my chest so bad that I could feel it through my whole body. I felt my nipples tighten as fear gripped me. I only stuttered slightly as I told Jeremy of my plans. He looked at me with a stunned expression and said that it was too sudden and that he would have to think about it. I was devastated and I began to cry. This had never been a normal reaction but I had been getting used to this kind of thing over the last eleven months so it wasn't too bad. He reached out and held me and hugged me tight. I couldn't believe how good it felt to be held in his strong arms. He asked me why I was crying and I told him that it took a lot of thought and courage to tell him what I had just told him. He assured me that he understood, but the suddenness took him off guard and that he didn't mean that he hadn't entertained similar thoughts himself. He just had never thought that I would want to have more than a platonic relationship. This calmed me down a little and he took out a Kleenex and dried my tears. He suggested that we eat the wonderful meal that I had prepared. Dinner was good. I had become quite an accomplished cook in my time as a domestic engineer. After dinner we just sat and talked. Finally, before we went to bed, in separate room, he held me tight and kissed me deeply. My body wanted a little more than that, but that was all he was able to give me. As time went on, we became a little closer and graduated to passionate kisses often. and kisses good-bye and hello. I still couldn't believe how much I actually enjoyed the closeness and the kisses of a man. The other thing was, now the football season was starting and we found a common interest. Sort of, I was a Dallas Cowboys fan and he was a Denver Broncos fan. Jeremy said that Emily had watched football with him, but never seemed to have the interest that I had. She seemed to have more interest in it now, but still she didn't share my enthusiasm of the game. We theorized that my male thinking had a little to do with it. Although, there were some other women who enjoyed the game as much as I did, we just choked that up to each his own. Several weeks later, Jeremy took me out to a fancy restaurant. I remember how excited I was getting ready. Eric was once again with Jeremy's parents so I had all day to get ready. I took a long hot bubble bath and shaved my legs and underarms, we girls don't have armpits you know. Then I powered myself in floral scented talc. It felt so good and relaxing. Then I sat on my bed and polished my nails. After that, I put on a matching bra and panty set with a matching garterbelt that I had bought while shopping with Sara. Then silk stockings, purchased at the same time. Now came perfume on my tummy and behind my knees. I put my slip and sat at my vanity and applied my make up and curled my long brown hair. I slipped my dress on. It was a beautiful pastel pink with a low V-neck that was covered with soft lace. It also had a tight fitting bodice. Luckily, I went back down to the size Emily had been before the pregnancy. The dress ended a couple of inches above the knee and showed my legs off nicely. I slid on a pair of open toed slingbacks and considered how cute my painted toenails showed through the open toe. Then I checked myself in the mirror. I was lovely, I knew. I had the benefit of knowing how I looked to men since I had once been one. I knew I was going to knock his socks off. I hoped I would get more than his socks off though. Just as I came out of my room, Jeremy walked in the door. He looked at me and his mouth hit the floor. I knew I had done everything right at that moment. He came over and kissed me deeply. I