No Martyrdom For Helen Reddy free porn video

No Martyrdom For Helen Reddy by Cabinessence Dedicated to the Robins, Caroles, Tracys, and Jeffreys in my life and hopefully in yours. Sometimes, when you are sitting home alone late at night, you feel that the past is all that you have left to cling on to. It is somehow always there for you, constant, never changing. It never leaves you. It is part of what has made you what you are today. My own past is that I grew up in a small town in Iowa not too far from the legendary Field of Dreams. But that field was built for dreams of a more masculine sort and mine, you see, were quite different. That is why I needed to get away, to escape the past that had enveloped me and attempted to take control. I needed to find my own future somewhere else. So here I am on a Friday night sitting on a hotel bed, replete with the mint on the pillow, in a Holiday Inn somewhere back home in Iowa. I have once again returned to the town where I grew up. But all the memories of growing up here seem to belong to another person, a person who had ceased to exist almost a decade ago. It is hard to face the past when your own face has changed. All those past memories belong to a once confused young man named Jeffrey Thomas, but the face looking back in the mirror tonight is that of an attractive, if I may say so myself, middle aged woman named Tracy Summers. It was on a surgeon's table in Colorado back in July of 1990 that Tracy was born and Jeffrey was forever wiped from existence. But his shadow has never strayed far away from me. It is very easy to separate yourself from your past life and go stealth as they say in the community when you are no longer surrounded by the remnants of the days gone by. I have been living for over the past ten years in Palo Alto, California working for a software company in Silicon Valley far away from Iowa. It was a place where they didn't care about your own personal sexuality, only that you could pound out the code to meet a deadline. So transitioning on the job over ten years ago was easy. They already had one transsexual working there so I had someone there to blaze the trail and to confide in when I wasn't sure I could go through with it. With the transient nature of people in the software industry there were very few people left after a while who remembered Jeffrey and most that were there now only knew Tracy. Then again there were also a few men there who wanted to know Tracy in a way they would have never wanted to know Jeffrey. I had left home initially to go to college at Stanford. I just had to get out of Iowa and to a place that was totally different. I was so confused sexually as a teenager, but my confusion started first at puberty. I wasn't like many transsexuals in the respect that I felt like I was a girl from very early on in life. I never experienced what could be called "Barbie" envy, wanting to play with the girls. Maybe it was my upbringing that didn't offer it up as a possibility. Sure I didn't feel comfortable during my childhood years, I never felt like I fit in, had few friends, never developed the macho drive and swagger like other boys, but I chalked it up to being a loser not being a transsexual. Besides very few people I grew up around even knew what a transsexual was, remember these were the unenlightened times before Jerry Springer and Donahue. I did remember seeing a show on transsexualism on the David Susskind show, but at the time I was too young back then to make the connection. One question did stay with me though, so maybe it did register a bit on the Benjamin scale. They asked one transsexual guest about whether she supported women's lib to which she replied. "Honey, I went through all kinds of trouble just to be able to wear a bra. Why should I now want to burn it?" During high school I only had sex with this one girl, Carole. It felt strange that every time we made love, I felt more like an observer of the act than a direct participant. I was more interested in watching the reactions of her body in orgasmic rapture than in enjoying the responses of my own. Once when she was on top, I watched her large breasts bounce and a wish ran through my mind that if only I could have a great pair of tits like that. (Of course now I do have a pair just like hers, a still firm pair of 38 C's, that set me back a couple of thousand dollars.) I never thought of her in the way other guys thought about their girlfriends. In some ways I envied her and wanted to be just like her. I wasn't sure why back then. We broke up after the senior prom when there was no reason for this fa?ade to continue anymore. I haven't seen her since graduation. I heard she had moved to New York and became a writer. At Stanford finally I realized I was gay and mostly hung out with the gay crowd, but gay sex didn't seem to excite me either. It didn't seem natural. I was also frightened as to how my parents would react if they ever found out what I was doing. It wasn't until one night that a buddy of mine took me to a drag bar in the heart of San Francisco that I realized how I would finally fit into this gender oriented society. I was amazed, there were all these beautiful women on stage and they all had nice tits, big round asses, and penises. We never had realistic drag queens back in Iowa, just a bunch of overweight guys wearing wigs and concealing coconut shells or balloons under their shirts at the school follies. As I watched the dancers on stage take off what little they already had on, the thoughts of envying Carole's femininity resurfaced. It was then I felt that Jeffrey's days were numbered and that Tracy's gestation had begun. I soon became a regular visitor at the club and got to become good friends with a dancer there named Laura who was once called Larry. She gave me advice on the best places to get hormones, breast implants, and even the sex change surgery. She was a virtual Transsexual Consumer Reports. She even timed her own surgery to be right after I graduated from college, so that I would be free to stay with her while she healed. She returned from Colorado with a very realistic looking vagina. I helped her though the ordeal of dilation hoping that someday I would be going through it too. I just hoped it wouldn't be as painful. But I knew then that this was what I ultimately wanted to do, was destined to do, but first I needed a decent job to help pay for it. Laura had spent over twenty thousand of her hard earned dollars to become a woman. She used to look at the overweight and out of shape women who passed by and said that the reason that natural women take their bodies for granted is because they got them for free. Even though I knew in my heart, one day I would follow her on the road to womanhood, there were still a few things stubbornly holding me onto my maleness. First and foremost was the love I had for my father and how I didn't ever want to hurt him if he ever found out. He wanted me to one day follow in his footsteps, which would be pretty difficult to do in heels. It would be hard to tell him the truth. Then what they first called the gay plague hit. I took this as a sign. I felt that maybe I was escaping my maleness just in time. The early rumor going round was that straight sex was immune because the female vagina was a shield against whatever was causing this. This was soon found to be untrue, a woman could get AIDS through normal unprotected sex just as easily as a man could get it though anal sex. But for a while it added to my pro-female momentum. Then the last thread holding me to my already condemned penis was finally severed, my father died of a heart attack. Always in the back of my mind I was always worried what he would think if he ever found out. Then suddenly he wasn't there anymore and his thoughts would no longer be there to judge my life. The burden was now gone, but also so was the love. It wasn't a fair trade at all. I returned back home for the funeral. My mom was a lost woman, she seemed to have suddenly gotten old and helpless. She looked like she had lost the meaning to her life. I was now all that she had left and so I decided to stay there with her until she felt better. However it was a gradual decline and very painful to watch. I tried to keep her spirits up, hell I even dated women so that the dream of grandchildren might give her the will to live, but she joined dad in the graveyard less than three years later. My best friend from high school, Robin, comforted me at the funeral. As he hugged me I felt a more emotional and physical response than I knew he was expecting. I didn't want to leave the comfort of his arms. With him I no longer felt I was alone. Yet, I knew that this was not the proper time to act upon my feelings. The right time would come soon enough. I was now 27 and since I was no longer anybody's son, there were no reasons left for me to remain male. So I came back to California. With my inheritance and the money I had saved up already, I had enough to seriously begin my journey towards womanhood. First I started taking hormones, but while that distributed the fat to give me the desired feminine curves, it also gave me mood swings. I was becoming very difficult to live with at that time and it didn't help at all that I didn't look at all like a passable woman. I was always getting clocked. I then decided that I needed professional help. So I went to this plastic surgeon that Laura had recommended. I was told that he could make a silk purse out of sow's ear. I wasn't that optimistic, frankly I would have settled for a polyester one. I just told him to make me look pretty and I wound up looking like Helen Reddy. I don't know what was worse, being clocked as a TS or having complete strangers come up to me on the street crooning "You And Me Against The World". Laura took one look at me when I got back from surgery and said: "Girl, back in the seventies a queen who looked like you could make good money singing "I Am Woman" in a club. But these days Boy George sings it on TV and no one bats an eyelash." "Well I am not going through this to be a drag queen. I want to be a woman." "Don't sweat it, some of the best drag queens around are women. Look at Marlene Dietrich. Hell I sometimes wondered if Miss Helen herself wasn't really a man in drag." "Certainly would but a new spin on "I Don't Know How To Love Him"" We both cracked up at that. I dyed my hair bright red and grew it long so I would look less like Miss Reddy. I had my surgery as I said in 1990 in Trinidad, Colorado. I suffered some discomfort and some occasional bleeding afterwards, but I was very satisfied with the results. I also had my boobs done at the same time. I had them made the same exact size as Carole, the only women I knew in the biblical sense. (Of course that phrase never made sense to me since there are no sex instructions in the bible. Maybe they meant the Ruth Westheimer version of the bible.) Now they were a firm pair of 38 C's. I am so proud of them I just had to mention them again. During the next eight years I had numerous sexual exploits with various men and even a few women. But none of them worked out. It even took a while before I was fully orgasmic, but I was able to get by in bed with my best Carole imitation. I figured that as soon I had found myself, I would then be able to find someone else, but it wasn't that simple. Since I was new to womanhood, I had no reference points about romance. Every time I started thinking about what I wanted in a man, I started thinking about Robin my best friend in high school and the way he held me in his arms. Don't get me wrong he wasn't a stud. He never had a steady girlfriend in high school, hell I heard he still wasn't married, but I always felt it was because girls never took the time to know him the way I did. I would have daydreams about how if I had been a girl back in high school we would have ended up married. Well dammit I was a woman now and maybe there was still some hope to be able fulfill that dream. So here I was getting ready for the big reunion. I felt as nervous as a debutante before her big ball. Would Robin turn out to be my Prince Charming or was that an unrealistic dream that I was still clinging to? Maybe that's why you couldn't find glass slippers anymore at Payless. I looked at myself in the mirror. I'll admit, I did look hot. Appropriately I was wearing a big ol' ruby red dress that was cut low in the front to reveal the twin voluptuous affirmations of my new womanhood. The reunion was downstairs from nine to one in the ballroom of the hotel where I was staying. In front of the ballroom was a banner proclaiming "Welcome Class of 1978 - 20th Anniversary Special Edition". As I approached the entrance, I could hear the once familiar strains of "Play That Funky Music White Boy". Somehow hearing that song again after all these years made me feel nostalgic instead of making me cringe like it did twenty years ago. Perhaps with the sex change I no longer felt like they were talking directly to me. Besides, I don't believe you could find real Funk in Iowa if you tried. Sitting behind the desk in front of the ballroom were two women who were cheerleaders in high school and seated next to them were their husbands who were once football players and now were both used car dealers. As I waited in line to register I could hear them going on about their children who were now also cheerleaders and football players in high school. Well there is nothing like propagating the species. And what would high school be like if these human sub species were to suddenly become extinct? As I reached the front of the line, I noticed on the table that there were these nametags for everyone attending with their graduation yearbook picture on it. I found mine and yikes, even back then I had Helen Reddy hair. Then one of the cheerleaders named Angela whom I only vaguely remembered as a twit greeted me as I moved to the front of line. "And who are you? Let me guess, you look very familiar. Judy Ryson right?" "No, I'm Jeffrey Thomas. Well I was back in high school." "You are kidding me right?" "No, I was Jeffrey Thomas but now I am Tracy Summers. I had a sex change." "Oh you are one of those trans people that I see all the time on Jerry Springer right?" "Transsexual, yes I am. I was supposed to be on Jerry last month but I got bumped for a "I Am Sleeping With Your Physics Teacher" segment. It got ugly when one of them brought in an atom smasher." "I don't that believe I ever saw that one. Well don't fret there, from what I see you make a fine woman, and there is always Maury right?" "Sure. Thanks." I was half tempted to say "You're a little touched you know, Angie baby", but I was glad someone mistook for me for someone besides Helen Reddy. I picked up my id badge and pinned it to the front of my dress. The ancient masculine image now set next to my ample cleavage made for a very incongruous sight indeed. As I walked away, I could hear the whispering begin behind me as if I was some kind of freak on display. But I wasn't some kind of freak, I was a woman and as Helen sang, hear me roar. I was prepared to become a martyr tonight to the cause of transsexuality, but I was hoping to find understanding instead. But I really didn't care what they thought, only what one person thought and I started my mission to find Robin somewhere out there on the vast darkened ballroom floor. It would be time to see if my fantasy could stand the test of reality. As I walked around, I could feel that I was slowly becoming the object of attention. As the whispering made it's way around the punch table, I could see the look of disgust on the faces of many of the woman as they pointed me out. It was if I was trying to usurp membership into their ranks. And then there were the men with some of them grasping their crotches to make sure no one had robbed their family jewels. Did they feel that what had happened to me was somehow catching? As I walked around, no one approached me, no one asked me to dance. I felt like a leper at the prom. But after all my years of struggle, I was more than able to ignore them. Besides, I was on a mission with destiny. It didn't take long to find him. He was standing alone on the side of the dance floor as usual. He didn't look that much different, a little more weight around the belly perhaps, a little less hair on top. But I stopped dead in my tracks, unable to approach him. What if the shock of finding out who I was before stops everything before it has a chance to start? I panicked and took off my id badge. I figured I'd let my tits cast their spell first and then let him know. So I walked on over to him with a very sexy feminine gait. "Hi it's Robin right?" I had to talk loud to be heard over the band, not a very feminine approach. Fortunately my cleavage talked femininely enough as he looked up at me first smiling and then looked very confused. "I'm sorry I don't remember you. I don't know why though. You would be the type of person I would find very hard to forget." "Hi, I am Tracy Summers. That's all right it has been twenty years since high school. And well I didn't have these babies when I was in high school. I had them done." My tits had worked their magic in record time. "I still can't remember who you are. Where is your badge? Let me see your picture." "It's around here somewhere. I couldn't really find an appropriate place to put it on a dress like this. You understand?" I smiled and gave him one of my looks that said you' ll get laid tonight if you don't fuck it up. "Yeah, I can see how there isn't much extra space on that dress." He said very flustered. Let me tell you, tits are worth their weight in gold. "Look the band is kind of loud. Could we go somewhere where we can talk without yelling." I said still shouting. "There is a meeting room across the hall. Nobody should be using it this late." So we walked together over to the meeting room across the hall. It was dark so I turned on the light. The trashcans were still full with the remnants of today's meetings. I hoped this revelation would go well. Otherwise I might end up there in the dumpster with the donut crumbs. "So are you going to reveal your secret identity? You do look familiar." "That because I look like Helen Reddy." "Yeah you do, now that you mention it, but she didn't go to our high school." "No, she's Australian, but I don't know if you can handle the truth about who I really am." "Try me." "Okay. This is hard. I am, or was Jeffrey Thomas. I had a sex change operation about eight years ago." "You're kidding, right?" "No. I'll prove to you that I am or was Jeffrey and that I am not kidding. Certainly not like you did with Amy Madison that time when you put a fake ice cube with a bug in it in her milk at lunch and she sprayed a mouthful on everyone at the table. You got two weeks detention." "I was framed. Hey that wasn't even my fake ice cube." "I was mine, but you took it." "Hey only Jeffrey knew how?.." His eyes would have popped out of his head if they were not already held in place. "So do you believe me?" "But why?" "Why did I change my sex or why did make my former best friend believe that he might be getting somewhere with a hot chick only to reveal to him that it really is former best friend from high school?" "Well at least you didn't do it on the Jerry Springer show." "You aren't a good enough fighter to be on the Jerry Springer show. And besides I was never into public humiliation. Besides the less people who know that I am transsexual the better. But I didn't want to deceive you. I just wanted to be able to tell you in private and in my own way. You deserve that much. We were really close. I have always felt that if I had been born a girl, we could have made a great couple. Then neither one of us would have to have been as lonely as we have been these past years. But we have a chance to correct that now." "This is just too bizarre. I hope you didn't go through all this because of me." " No, I didn't do it because of you. You see, I had this terminal case of jock itch and I was told that this was the only solution." "Ha Ha." "No, I did it because I had to. I needed to do it to survive. This is who I am. This is who I really am inside. I needed the outside to match what I felt inside. I am woman hear me roar." "No, wonder you wanted to look like Helen Reddy. But you cut off your?..geesh this is not natural." " Not natural? Who is to say what is natural? Didn't we learn in bible class that woman was created from man? I just did it with a little surgery and it didn't even cost me a rib." " But Adam and Eve were never the same person." "Okay, but the point is that they were two people who were meant to be together. Just like you and me. You once asked why couldn't you ever find a girl who shared the same kind of interests with you like I did. Well now I have become that woman." I tried to take his hand but he rebuffed me. "Hey, stay away from me. You may have had it removed, but to me it will always be there. You are not a woman, you are my former best friend who has butchered himself because of some insane notion that he should have been born a girl. " "It is not an insane notion. There are thousands of people like me in the US alone. And besides I am not that much different from other women, especially where it counts. A lot of men have told me that. It is just that I don't have periods, and hey that's actually an advantage. I can fuck any day of the month. Besides you don't have to decide right now. I can wait. I have waited this long already. I have no biological clock to worry about. And I don't see where there are all these other women running after you, so I may be your last chance." " No, I still have chances and with some real women too. They were all just busy tonight. And excuse me, but I don't believe that having ovaries is too much to ask for in a female partner." "Won't you even give it a chance? " . " Look it will never work I will always know who and what you were. I will always know what once was down there. I'm sorry." As he ran out, I shouted as I burst into tears. "Yeah, well with all the pussy that you've had in your life, I doubt you would ever be able to tell the difference." I sunk down in one of the cold metal folding chairs and started to cry. What a fool I was! I was alone for I guess about ten minutes crying my soul out when still another ghost from the past entered my life. "Hey they told me you were in here and that you were a ?wow?hey why are you crying?" I raised my head and saw Carole standing in the doorway. She had some traces of crow's feet around her eyes, but time had so far left her alone. The biggest change was that her once long raven hair was now cut very short. "I tried to make a play for Robin and he freaked." "Gosh when you were a guy you never tried to score this quickly." "No, it was just a foolish idea that I had. I figured we were always close and that maybe we could try to be a couple. I should have realized that it was my dream and not his." "Yeah well I have learned that guys aren't worth it. That's why I became a lesbian." "Boy this is a night for surprises, I didn't do anything to turn you off guys?" "You are actually the only man I had a relationship with that I didn't feel was a total jerk. Maybe it was because inside all the time you were really a woman. You know this is strange, because for a while I was looking for a woman who would treat me as gently and as thoughtfully as you did when we were dating. And now?" She looked at me like the cat who had finally found a low-cal canary as she said " Hey this party's a bummer. Gosh now I remember why Disco died. You want to go back to my hotel room for awhile?" "Okay." I don't know why I agreed to go. Maybe it was because I still cared about her, still worshipped her. Wasn't it that I had remade myself in her image? Wasn't it about time that I got down on my knees and paid homage to her by eating her pussy? We entered her room and sat down on the bed. My mind raced back to the last time we were in a bed like this together. I couldn't believe how much the round mint on her pillow, wrapped in foil now looked like a condom. Of course now I was glad it was just a mint. "You know who you look like?" " I know, I look like Helen Reddy with red hair." "Remember how we used to joke around that Helen Reddy and Anne Murray were really lesbian lovers." "Yeah and I felt that Helen was out licking her Snowbird." "Yeah, we had to use these dopey pet names for our sex parts so our parents wouldn't know what we were saying. Well now you have your own Snowbird, hey Jeffrey?" "It's Tracy now. And yeah it's been about eight years now. And it feels wonderful." "I just can't believe that it's you. You look so much like a woman." "Well it cost me enough. Do you know that I had my breasts done to be just like yours. I peeked at your bra tag once when I was unhooking it." "Yes, but mine have started to sag." "Well mine can leak. They are filled with saline solution. It's like I have two little water mattresses on my chest." "Neat. Can I feel them?" "Sure." I undid the top of my dress and bared my breasts for her inspection. Carole came over and started messaging them slowly. She rubbed her thumb slowly over my nipple as I moaned. Then she undid the top of her dress and started rubbing her breasts against mine. "You are right they do look alike." All I could respond with was another moan. I was getting turned on. I looked at her in the eyes while we held each other and somehow the twenty years vanished. Then our lips were finally reunited. I guess those that don't learn from the past are condemned to repeat it. Carole broke our embrace and went over to her suitcase. She pulled out a strap on dilido. "Do you want to do it one more time for old times sake?" "No, if I had wanted to do it like that anymore I wouldn't have spent almost fifteen thousand dollars to have it cut off. " " Sorry, I wasn't thinking how is this?" So she pulled out another one that had a penis head at both ends. That was much better. We spent the better part of the next two hours having sex. As I watched her I no longer felt that I was mimicking her, we were women who were coming on our terms. I was in control of my own orgasm and had developed my own style. Soon we were into a sixty- nine position and Carole yelled out. "C'mon baby lick that Snowbird." I had to laugh. We finally got up off the bed, freshened up and started getting dressed to go back downstairs too see if the party had any life and food and booze left. We were both hungry. "So what are you doing now Tracy?" "I work with computers. And you?." "I'm a reporter with the Voice. You know if we find out that we want to be together you will have to become bicoastal." " Hey I have been bi everything else, what is one more." We finished dressing and went back down to the dance. It was a little past midnight and the crowd was beginning to thin out. I guess it is not easy to party recklessly all hours of the night like you used to when you are constantly beeping babysitters to see if the kids are alright. The band was about to finish their break and start their final set. Carole then went up to the band's lead singer to make a request. "Sure we have the music to that song. It is in our Chart Toppers Of The Seventies book. I just don't think that anyone will want to dance to it." "We will dance to it. I guarantee it. Besides, there is a fifty in it for you if you do it. It is sort of our song." "Okay. Heck it's only one song. Besides this hasn't been the liveliest crowd tonight." Carole handed the girl the money and the singer went back to the band and told them of the change of plans. Carole took my hand and led me to the middle of the dance floor as the familiar strains began. She then put her arms around me and pressed herself tightly to me as the singer began. "I am woman hear me roar." The next three minutes were a blur. I could feel everyone's eyes were upon us as we were the only couple on the dance floor. I didn't care what people were thinking about as we became completely lost in our own personal anthem. Yes there was wisdom for the pain and yes I paid a price, I looked at Carole and realized just how much I had gained. Even though the world may frown on a lesbian and a transsexual, together we were invincible. As the song said we could face anything for we both were women, albeit not mainstream women. But we were women. We started to sing along with the "I Am Woman"'s as the song ended and I knew then there would be no martyrdom for Helen Reddy tonight. The singer then introduced the next song. "That was by request. I guess you can tell by whom. Our next song as made famous by Anne Murray will be "Could I Have This Dance."" Carole and I started cracking up. Had others made the same connection that we had? We continued dancing, falling more in love with every passing minute. I always felt this song to be hokey, but your viewpoint changes when you finally get the message. I was falling in love on the dance floor. Soon we were just one more couple in love as others joined us. Maybe being in love no longer made others feel you were a threat. We finally had blended in. Yes the past is always there unchanging, but you can be wrong in how you interpret it. I had always held the belief that it was for Robin that all these feelings from the past had resurfaced after lying dormant for so long. Could I have been wrong? Could it have actually been Carole for whom I had held this unrequited passion in my soul for all these years? Maybe the reason I had tried so hard to emulate her is that I wanted to become one with her. And isn't that the epitome of true love, the moment when two become as one. Who said had that? I know it had to have been someone more authoritative than the Spice Girls. But whoever it was, I knew it now to be true. As I looked into Carole's eyes I realized I had found the love I had been looking for the past twenty years. As the music swirled around us, I could sense her answer to the question would you be my partner every night. It is strange that how much things change, the more they return to the way they were. Holding Carole close again, it seemed like prom night all over again except that now we were both wearing gowns and I felt her bare bosom against my own. I realized I had become a woman not so I could have sex with men, but to fulfil an inner need. I was now the person I always felt that I should be. Maybe Carole was right when she said she sensed back then and that is why I was the only man she felt good about going out with. Maybe in the midst of all of my sexual confusion, my love for her was the only constant. All I knew I had found love again with the first person I was ever in love with. I looked into her eyes and said. "I love you Carole." "I love you too, baby." And Anne Murray wherever you are tonight I hope that your Snowbird is happy too. The End