The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis 8: Where Did You Expect May To Be free porn video

"Dobie Gillis" was played by Dwayne Hickman (talk about a name). He was the white hired hand in "Cat Ballou", and he starred in such classics as "How to Stuff a Wild Bikini" and "Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine". But more pertinent to these stories, he was in "Doctor, You've Got to Be Kidding!" starring Sandra Dee (I saw it: A nice, wholesome movie). The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis 8: Where Did You Expect May to Be? By Ron Dow75 A blond, crew cut, average 1960's Working Middle-Class teenager sat on a marble bench before the bronze replica of Rodin's Thinker. And that was all that was to be seen. It was a well lit but dark gray emptiness he was in. He finally opened his eyes. Taking his chin off of his fist, he looked around. "Well, I'm finally alone with my own thoughts." He rose up, "You wouldn't know it by just looking around, but right now I'm riding in a limousine surrounded-and surrounded is a good term for it-by two friends. 'Friends' in the sense of 'With friends like these...' Each has their own financial reason for wanting to see me married. Not to them, mind you, but to my oldest and best friend, my one and only true friend in the whole of my miserable life. "Why is it that we do not rush to marry our best friends? Other than that, of course, for most people our best friends also happen to be of the same gender. "I do not have that difficulty any more. My oldest and best friend, Maynard G. Krebs is now May Nardgee. Shouldn't May, now, be my best friend? Logically, and even using post-'Brown vs. the Board of Education' moral standards, you are not supposed to care what is on the outside; it is what's on the inside that matters. But when it comes to men and women, logic and morality are hard to apply. "Ask yourself, how easy is it for you, if you are a healthy, normal, red-blooded American male, to ignore what is on the outside of a healthy, normal, red-blooded American female? Do you ever try to look beneath her succulent, red lips; her swan-like neck; her Cupid's bow shoulders; her soft, unblemished skin; her... Uh; yes. "Or is the furthest you'd like to look beneath is under her clothes? Crudely put, but that is the nub of my problem. "Those that study animal behavior say that the stickleback fish will become an aggressive thief in order to build a home that will satisfy a stickleback-female. The peaceful herbivore will spend his fall thinking of little else than to do bodily harm to another peaceful male herbivore, all for the sake some female herbivores. And the male mantis will literally loose his head over a female mantis. "Mother Nature has condemned us males to go through life seeing only the surface reality. (Or smelling, if you are not a binocular animal.) That is why, I think, philosophers and scientists are mostly men; they recognize how limited our understanding is. That is also why most politicians and military people are men; they do not recognize this. "It is true that there are men who can ignore those features that make a woman a woman, and be friends with her. Do you honestly think I, Dobie mock-Gillis, could be one of those? And for how long? Once those men stop ignoring the fact that his friend is a woman, can they ever really go back to being friends? 'Just' or otherwise? "They say that the longer two people are married, intimacy can be replaced with friendship; passion with familiarity. Sex, then, stops becoming something that is looked forward to, but, rather, is viewed as a social bond between a husband and wife. They, then, look beyond what is on the surface of their aging bodies. "-That is why I need a life-altering love: It's the only way shallow me is going to look beyond what's on the outside of a girl!" +++ Dobie was forced back into a reality not of his own making. The limousine had pulled over to a stop; it had arrived at its destination. Dobie said, "I am in the middle of the seat, and don't have a clear view out of the side windows." Chatsworth noted, "And you've been avoiding looking out of the front window." The brunette with the side-swept bangs was without his usual coat-of-arms blazer, and ascot. Except for the two undone top buttons, he looked like a (very) young businessman in light gray slacks and a dark gray jacket. Dobie's excuse was, "I want to be surprised: Okay?" Thalia said, "Well, now is the time for the pay off. We're here, and you can get your surprise." The cut-short and permed blonde with the petit, trim body was dressed in a narrow lapelled, knee- length dress shit with gold buttons. The short jacket was open, allowing the ruffles to emphasize her bosom. Dobie sheepishly asked, "Is it a surprise?" Chatsworth said, "If you mean are you at a place you'd rather not see your damsel indelicatus..." Dobie said, "I mean: Is it the place I was thought you were taking me?" Chatsworth smiled smugly, "You ask me if I am your mind reader? We are in Little Bostown, a track of real estate in sorely in need of urbane renewal, in front of the "Roxy-Palace Theatre"." Dobie exclaimed, "What's May doing here!!?! She's not 'Anne Ville'!" Chatsworth agreed, "No, she's not. She is now 'May Nardgee'." Dobie was startled, "What!?! Not even May is-" From outside: A breathy voice said, "Oo, lookit, Nannette; a limo! The R-P is getting some class again." A short and curled henna redhead but who was otherwise heavily made-up in an oriental fashion leaned over so she could look into window, "Are you just here for opening night, or can we interest you in some other entertainment?" Dobie recognized her as the 'dragon lady' of yesterday. She wore the same short black-with- flowers silk dress with the slits up both thighs. A third girl's voice said, "I told you if we went to work early today we could get lucky. Those tarot cards know things." The first, the Marilyn Monroe impersonator told her, "You just wanted to wear your gypsy costume." Nanette smiled hungrily at the two males in the back seat, especially the well-dressed one, "We have all sorts of costumes. Name your fantasy, and we can give you it." Thalia informed her, "My fantasy is to swim in a pool of money." Nanette answered with, "You and me both, sister." Dobie wondered, "Wouldn't you get paper cuts?" Nanette rolled her eyes and smiled, "What a way to go." Thalia said, "I was not aware that common business women took the time to do requests." 'Marilyn', dressed in a short, gauzy version of the famous dress of "The Seven Year Itch", nudged the redhead over to look inside herself, "That's what makes us different. You know, our shtick. Nowadays everybody has to have a gimmick." The third, a mulatto dressed like a cinematic gypsy leaned over to look into the window by Thalia, "It's an option that brings in extra money, when it works." 'Marilyn' added, "And it gives us something this boring job doesn't." Nanette added, "Besides, the johns notice us more, because we don't look like all the others around here." Chatsworth said, "The only John around here is my driver; and he is under the strictest of Mumsie's orders to see that I am not overly entertained." Marilyn said, looking into the man in the front seat, "Gee, a chaperon that packs." Dobie said, "He's got a gun!?!" Nanette told him, "That bulge is there not because he's happy to see us." Thalia asked, mainly the closest one, "You appear to be professionals that understand the principles of marketing your wares. The only thing missing in your approach seems to be the prime directive in any business, location. Why don't you turn to a more profitable branch of your avocation, and be, say, call girls?" Dobie cried, "Thalia!" The gypsy told her, "It all has to do with territory and, uh, 'unions'." Nanette agreed, "Yeah: 'Unions'." Chatsworth sympathized, "Unions, the enemy of all free, caveat emptor enterprise." Dobie told Thalia, "Don't even think about it!" Thalia said about the silly idea, "If one does not look for opportunities, they will not be found." +++ Outside, the mostly brownstone buildings were rundown, and the streets were dirty; a patina of unwholesomeness clung to everything. Dobie was not in Middle-Class America, any more. It reminded him of the stories he'd heard from Maynard about his jazzy friends and Kansas City. Marble, chipped and chiseled in places, covered the ground floor of the "Roxy-Palace Theatre". The marquee overhang, it's lights still unlit in the late afternoon, and missing several colored bulbs, no longer advertised 'Belle Peppurr, the Volcano Goddess'. Instead, the headline act was 'April Showers'. Chatsworth had been well briefed, "It really is opening night." He still had his air of bemusement. Dobie asked as they entered the outdoor mezzanine with the ticket booth in the middle, "Why don't we use the stage door? That's how they do it in the movies." Thalia told him, "If you hadn't noticed, this is not the movies. Going in through an alley door, would mean associating with those creatures." Dobie said, "You were willing to associate with those other, uh, creatures." Thalia answered with, "Only to explore future business possibilities. It is obvious there is no future in this end of the market." Chatsworth motioned towards the large "chauffer" with them, John, "Miss Menninger is correct. Associating ourselves with entertainers such as these would do little to enhance our futures. My concern is to demonstrate, as future head of the Osborne clan, that I can ably handle this little problem within it." Dobie looked back and up at the large but non-descript man in the off-black uniform and cap. He had seen men like him in lots of movies, but they never had the billing where you'd remember their names. "So we're going to have to wait until after the show to talk to May?" John smiled. +++ Inside, the theatre did have the architectural remnant of a palace. On the ceiling was painted a tableau of Greek gods and goddesses looking down on the mortals below. Two tiers of gold painted, now flaking, balconies with carved or molded flourishes Dobie associated with Louis XV furniture. But the hundred or so puce folding seats were those found in any cheap movie house; and there was no longer a carpet on the floor. The stage with the runway coming out from the middle could have held, at one time, a good-sized revue, minstrel show, or grand spectacle of several novelty-acts performing at once. Now it didn't even have a curtain, just a backdrop of a wooded lake with winged water nymphs wearing, at most, long wispy sashes. This, too, needed washing. There were over a dozen people in the waiting audience, all in the front rows, and all men. They seemed to be either young or old men; there were hardly any middle-age men. Thankfully, there seemed to be only a couple with trench coats. Thalia wanted them to sit middle right; John wanted to be closer. Dobie and, more particularly, Chatsworth did not object. The quartet of Thalia, Chatsworth, John, and Dobie, took their cues from the others about them, and didn't talk. For long minutes. At last a creased man in a loud striped sports coat and checkered tie came out from stage right. He reminded Dobie of this gravely voiced old-timer that popped up in Jerry Lewis movies. He held a microphone and was pulling on its long cord as he walked, "Hello, Germs! I would say 'Hello, Ladies and Germs', but there doesn't seem to be any ladies here." Thalia fidgeted in her seat. "If you expect any better jokes, forget it! You didn't come here to hear me do my act, and I didn't come here to do my act. I am all that's left of the grand tradition of burlesque. Some of the greatest radio and TV comedians started in burlesque. Burlesque was vaudeville with girls. Now vaudeville is dead, and all that's left of burlesque is the girls. "Some guys, when they're yellin' for me to get off the stage, ask me why I stay. I tell them about the knife-catcher; he would say, around the bowie knife, "What!? And give up show business!" "But I like girls. I'm not so far over the hill that I've coasted to a stop. They needed somebody to introduce the girls, and stall until the next act is ready, and they asked me. I had one question, 'Do I get free backstage passes?' They told me, 'It's up to the girls to accept any passes.' "I can tell by the tom-tom of finger tappin' and the dancin' of foot-shuffles it's time to start the show. So before the war woops begin, I'd like to introduce the opening act." He turned his upper body around, "Can I introduce the openin' act?!" He looked at whoever was waiting in the wing, then, turning himself back around, said to the audience, "Openin' acts are for those at the bottom rung in billin', if they get any billin' at all. So don't blame me for what's about to come out." And he stepped backwards as he gestured towards stage left, "Presentin', 'Salome, and Her Dance of the Seven Veils'!" Dobie nudged Chatsworth and whispered, "I thought you said she was calling herself 'May Nardgee'?" Out on stage pranced a girl; the thickness of the gauze and the number of colored veils (attached to her cap, hung from her shoulders, crossing her arms, and tied around her waist) suggested more than revealed her semi-nude body. When she extended a leg, she revealed only that she was wearing one of those gauzy harem pants Dobie saw women wearing in Hollywood Arabian movies. Her dance was barely a dance, and it was barely graceful. By the time she'd come to the runway, the audience was getting impatient, and beginning to make noises expressing it. The woman's brown eyes surveyed the room as her hand went up to unhook the long veil that covered her face. She was looking at Dobie when she revealed her face: "Hello, Dobiekins!" (Nose scrunch.) Dobie scrunched his own nose, then cried, "Zelda Gilroy!!?" The audience became surly now that they saw her face and figured out how squat and stocky her body was: (Bronx cheer!) "Boo!" "I'm not that hard up!" "Put it back on!" "She's the only argument for becoming Muslim!" (Ha, ha!) "Did the sheik take all the half-way decent lookin' broads?!!" "If I had her in my harem, I'd leave her behind, too!" "Go back to Araby!" "Give us Americans!!" Dobie had rushed to the edge of the stage, "Zelda! What were you thinking!?!" He held up his arms for her. As she stooped forward, putting her hands out for his average- width shoulders, she smiled, "Well, I was thinking I would get more than your usual cursory inattention. Not only did you look at me as a woman for one all too brief moment, you're now touching me." Dobie told her, "Don't remind me while I'm trying to help you!" Zelda's full weight descended upon the anything but strapping young man; his knees and back buckled. He stumbled backwards, towards the seats. They were about to fall on Chatsworth and Thalia before John rose to save them. +++ As John deposited Dobie and Zelda in the seats next to his, the M.C. had come back on stage, tugging on the microphone cord when he wasn't wiping his sweat with his handkerchief: "Like I said, it wasn't my idea! But it was a pretty funny bit, wasn't it?!" He encouraged the audience to agree with him with hand gestures. Those didn't last long, "That was what the original burlesque was about. But now that we've had that piece of nostalgia, let's get on with what burlesque is about today: Without any further ado- Please!-I give you May Nardgee!!" The sound didn't come from the stage, it came from the up the aisle on the other side of the theatre from. It was the sound of hands on a drum, a conga drum. And it was the sound of free form poetry, "Man; woman; Birth; Death; Infinity-Dr. Kildare! Is there, like, a doctor here? Like, why are you here? Why are we, like, all here? Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald!" Craning his neck, Dobie finally saw the 5'6", raven-haired beauty. All that he could see of the 35C-25-36 figure he knew she had was covered up by an oversized/Maynard-sized gray sweatshirt with the arms cut off. Her arms were raised to beat the cigar- shaped drum strapped over her far shoulder; he was fairly certain in the dim light off the stage that she wasn't wearing a bra. Her spontaneous verse continued as she headed for the runway: "...Mel Torme and, like, chestnuts roasting in the heat wave! Take your clothes off, if you're, like, hot. Is nudity, like, just a state of mind? Think cool thoughts!" When May had reached the edge of the stage, she slipped the conga drum off and set it down beside it. "Skinny dipping is, like, cool! Let's all, like, jump in the frog pond! Leap frog with frogs legs and, like, chicken legs! Thighs!" She jumped, to end up sitting on top of the drum, her hands using the stage to balance herself. Dobie (and at least John behind him) had risen to his feet. Yes, he could see her thighs. If May was wearing anything but the beat-up sweatshirt, it wasn't visible. "-And arms!" May said, as she put her weight on them to bring the rest of her body up onto the stage. "And, like, breasts squeezed between them. Like, chicken sandwich, even!" But Maynard's habit of taking shortcuts combined with her good shape to get the rest of her up to the stage. It was first one knee, then a foot, with Dobie trying to see if she had remembered to put on a g-string. When she was standing on her bare feet on the boards of the runway, Dobie wished Maynard had been shorter, as his sweatshirt now came down to May's mid-thighs. "Mayonnaise and celery on-yeah, like, whole wheat! Hold the tarragon and the East Indies; things are, like, spicy enough!" That little problem Dobie had with the hemline was forgiven when she bent over to lift the conga drum; she did it without bending her knees much. Zelda grabbed Dobie by the arm before he could move to see if May had, indeed, worn a g-string. There was also the problem of John stepping over the row of seats in front of him. Dobie had to step to one side of him, and be satisfied with the long, rising curve of May's legs, and the beginning of anterior curves. "Cayenne and curry; heat, like, rises! Arise fair sun, we are, like, back to the heat wave! A tropical heat wave-like, with conga drums! Oh, Lucy, what happened to, like, Desi?" And May finished that line by slapping the drum now up in front of her. Because Dobie and John (but not Chatsworth) were standing up, other men in the audience had decided, too, that was the best way to see things. May started hitting the drumhead with one hand only, "Babalu! Babalu is what babies want and do! And it's, like, what mamas have to do!" Her left hand and arm came out of the sweatshirt's collar. When her left shoulder was bared, her left hand took over from the retreating right. "Mamas, like, do, in do or curlers. Neither snow, nor sleet, nor morning sickness... And this is, like, how it all begins!" Her right hand, arm and shoulder where now bare, too; the collar of the old gray sweatshirt was now down to just above her breasts. She hit the conga drum with both hands: "Muumuu; the cow, like, jumped over the moon!" She stopped; "And the dog gets to laugh!" Dobie wanted to move closer to the stage, as did those closest to the stage. But Zelda blocked his way, ready to elbow him in the solar plexus. The M.C. and a bouncer dressed like a bowler appeared on the stage behind May. May had stepped from behind the tall drum: "Laugh, and yip, and, like, howl!! Ginsberg! Kerouac, the Beat Generation... Like, come and crash on my pad! In the name of, like, performance art!" She took some material, and lifted the sweatshirt up. Dobie wished that May had more stage sense; at the angle he was in, all he could see of the body she was exposing were that anterior curve, her hips and the swell of her lower abdomen. At least, May was coming to her breasts. He would get to see those, if Zelda let him live. The M.C. announced: "The next act-Now!!-is 'Randi Anne Ruff and Texass Starr, and their Whips versus Guns!'" As he was talking, the bouncer had come forward, and picked May up around her waist. "It is the interesting act, with lots of sex and violence. The girls remove each other's clothes using whips and guns in a showdown at..." While the bruiser who was as large as John carried May out under his arm, May, face to the auditorium, continued her act, "What is, like, art-only the critic asks! Ask yourself, and that is, like, art! It is, like, Arts and Crafts! It ain't, like, being arty and crafty! -Even artful and..." Zelda pushed against Dobie, "Come on; it's time to go backstage." Dobie said, resisting, "How can they do that? I mean, with whips and guns wouldn't they hurt themselves?" Zelda told him, "It's all done with wires. Now, if you don't move, I'll take my clothes off!" Dobie moved. +++ It looked like even big John wasn't going to be enough to get them backstage, thanks to a monster named Percy. But Chatsworth spoke to him in a language even the 6'5" man in makeup, an open shirt, and a silver rope necklace understood. Once past the door that was normally reserved for people like Percy, short Zelda found it hard, despite the veils she used, to keep herself between Dobie and both the cowgirl and Indian on stage and the couple of girls off stage in open bathrobes adjusting sequined nets, pasties and g-strings. Thalia offered her help, "Dobie, we have business to take care of! If you need something to bring your mind into focus, just keep your eyes on me. I'm much more attractive than these lower forms of female allure." Dobie said, "But you have clothes on!" The Angel of Mercenaries said to him, "You have my permission to imagine me without clothes on. I shall deduct the charge from your account." Zelda told her, "If he gets an account!" This being a once legitimate theater, they had to ride an old cage elevator up to the second floor. There were a few more girls in the grimy hallway; Dobie was disappointed that they were wearing normal woman-type clothes. He was also disappointed that the ones with the most makeup on eyed John, while the two without much makeup on wanted to get the eye of Chatsworth. The room they'd been directed to had something that the other doors they'd passed didn't: A large pink, glittered star. Dobie asked, surprised, "May is the star??" Chatsworth said with a tone of ridicule, "I highly doubt that! Not with the act we were witness to." Thalia quite agreed, "That woman has no idea on how to sell herself. The only reason anyone would give her special favors is because-" The door opened; and May said, "It is, like, you guys! Like, hurry, and come in quick like!" Thalia was happy to comply, followed by Chatsworth. Zelda made sure her untouchable body was between May and Dobie. Any thought of not going in Dobie may've had was put to rest when John stayed behind to guard the door (and have the girls talk to him). +++ The green room had an 'antique' swivel chair with greener cushions in front of a narrow table with a faded rose-print tablecloth. It was practically covered with more kinds and types of makeup than Dobie had thought there were. Besides a hand mirror, there was also a small square mirror leaning against a larger mirror with light bulbs running around its frame mounted on the wall. Also on the wall were faded posters of the "Roxy- Palace" and the acts that it had hosted in its glory days. There was an overstuffed chair at right angle to the vanity. A folding screen behind that only went halfway across the room, and part of a daybed could be seen. On the far wall was an old leather sofa in front of a coffee table with ashtrays, matches and a lighter, books and magazines, and a size black D bra. On the wall next to the door was a cabinet with liquor bottles showing on top. May was still dressed only in one of Maynard's old gray sweatshirts. Dobie noted again what smooth and creamy legs she had. "If they sent you to, like, tell me I have to wear a g- string thing, then I'm telling you I'm not going to do it!" Zelda nodded, "I thought that was why they, to use the argot of the trade, gave you the hook. May, you broke the local ordinances!" May defended herself, "I didn't break anything. I was very careful with the conga drum I borrowed from Little Rico; and I've, like, stayed in this room as much as I can." Thalia, having retreated towards an arm of the couch, informed the woman, "My chief competition means that you broke the law." Chatsworth, sitting on the couch primly with one hand over the other over one knee over the other, "It is an unfortunate fact that the authorities frown on full frontal nudity, especially below the waist." May cried with real sincerity, "The authorities; oh, no: I'm a criminal! They're going to, like, lock me up, throw the book at me, put me in a chain gang, making little rocks out of big rocks, make me eat-" Dobie cried, "May! It's not that big a crime! At worst, it's a misdemeanor." May sighed with relief, "You mean I won't have to, like, go to jail?" Dobie hesitated, "Well, uh... Let me see the evidence-" Zelda cried, "Dobie!!" Thalia informed the woman, "If you are caught, you will have to pay a fine." Which, to her, was worse. "Nominal as it may be, I suggest you wear that, uh, g-string thing." "Salome" Zelda told May (and Thalia), "That's only if you keep working here, May. Which begs the question-" Dobie cried again, "Hey, yeah: What are you doing here?!" May told him, "Hiding, mostly. It's, like, not the same out there, when you're a girl. People stare." Dobie told her, "People stared at you before!" May answered, "That was staring at me because, like, I was different, you know, like a bohemian, an outcast from society, a rebel without-" Dobie held up his hands, "We get the picture!" Zelda, trying to be patient, "May, if you don't like being stared at, why did you agree to work here?" May told her with perfect May logic, "Here, people are supposed to stare at you, if you're, like, a girl." Dobie told Zelda, "Ask a silly question." Then, "Now, May, what about the girls? I thought you didn't like girls, as a group, that is." May, again, had the answer, "Remember what they told us in Public Speaking, about how to, like, relax when nervous about meeting people?" Dobie nodded, understanding, and wishing he didn't, what she was talking about, "So; as long as the girls are, uh, nude...?" May said, "Yeah! It's, like, when they have their clothes on they're scary!" (Thalia asked Chatsworth, "Is that why you're always smirking?") (Chatsworth told her, "An Osborne does not smirk. We gloat. And without money, people are naked.") (Thalia said, "Compared to you, everybody must be 'naked'.") (Chatsworth gloated, "Exactly.") Dobie asked, loudly, "May! Of all the places you could've picked to find naked women, why this place!?! This is where the girl you replaced worked!" May brought her chin in, genuinely surprised, "It is??" Dobie said, "You didn't know that?" Then he looked towards the door, "Why do I get a feeling I just set up an entrance?" And, yes, the door opened. And the woman's star-quality it up the room. She had long wavy red hair that ended in curls. Her well- made-up face was too small and elfin for her tall body. That length, despite the green sundress, seemed to be mostly from her long, attractive legs. Her narrow waist helped emphasize them. And yet, to Dobie, the way the short yellow cloth jacket extended out, she seemed to have more than the average woman in that measurement, as well. Besides the sky blue knit bag over her shoulder, she was carrying a wrapped bouquet of a dozen long- stemmed roses. Dobie, remembering to close his mouth, said, not asked, "You're 'April Showers'?" The woman who made peasants out of beauty queens answered, "Yes. But you already know that." Dobie shook his head, "No. But I figured it out: 'April Showers brings May flowers'." April turned her attention to May, "That's right." She wafted the short distance between them, her mere presence moving aside people. She leaned forward and, as she handed May the roses, she said, "These are for you, my friend"; and kissed her on her blushing cheek. The End of this chapter Pretending these are TV episodes, April Showers is played by Shirley MacLaine. If you don't know the connection the movie actress has with this show, you need to visit a search engine. (Sorry about the fan-like gushing, but the needs of the immediate story require it.) Maybe, when/if Dobie gets money, I'll do my version of "What a Way to Go". My apologies for not letting May, or any other girl, be nuder; but it's important to the character and story that Dobie remain a looser up until he gets lucky. Putting the monolog inside the mind of Dobie is not a complete cheat, they used that trick when he spent a year in the Army, a year after this story is set. (This is an alternative world; what happens to Dobie and his friends can diverge greatly, now, from the canon of their TV history. It also explains why some of my memory may not match with something in you may see any reruns you may come across.)