Hogan's Heroes 1: Col. Hogan Was A Patriot free porn video

Hogan's Heroes was: Created by: Bernard Fein and Albert S. Ruddy Produced by: Ed Feldman, for Bing Crosby Productions Hogan's Heroes 1 of only 2: Col. Hogan Was a Patriot By Ron Dow75 November, 2001, the Pentagon, America: Col. Weston had just turning the third combination that allowed a vault in the lowest level to be opened. He paused before turning the valve that unlatched it to tell Maj. Hakim, "Now you can be told why you have been summoned here. This is the U.S. Military's Archive of Non-Declassifiable Secrets. No freedom of information act can reach down here. "And, from that of it you'll be allowed to see, I think you'll understand why." He turned the metal spokes. But before he pulled the door open, he said, "You understand that the punishment for divulging anything you see can go all the way up to the death sentence?" The major swallowed, but duty bound, nodded. The colonel returned the nod, and opened the door that could withstand anything but a direct atomic blast. "Because of your special background, it has been decided by the highest authority that you would make the final decision about the whether to implement 'Divine Justice'." Inside it looked much like a bank's safety depository, except the boxes were long and wide enough to hold reams of paperwork. There were long, narrow metal-and-granite tables with stool underneath down the middle of the aisle. The colonel strode to the back of the vault. "It all began in 1945, in Nazi Germany. A U.S. Army Air Corps Col. Robert Hogan out of Ohio and the RAF ran Project 'Papa Bear' out of a prisoner of war camp called a Stalag. Its original mission was as a way station to process pilots who had been shot down behind enemy lines and who had escaped from a different Stalag." The colonel paused to emphasize with his hard gray eyes, "No one was allowed to escape from Stalag 13, itself." He continued, "The Project became a bigger success than the brass could have hoped, thanks to Col. Hogan's, 'creative' approach. Unfortunately, that willingness to makeup his own rules broadened his mission into sabotage and espionage. That fifth brigade action, too, was successful." The colonel had at last reached the pertinent box. He had his keys ready, "But it was those was what finally proved to be 'Papa Bear's' undoing." It took three keys in three keyholes. He brought out the box with the sealed file inside. He personally carried it to the table. "If he could have just obeyed orders, what happened to him and his people would not have occurred. Remember that as you read it, Major." He nodded, and left. The major was left alone to discover the ultimate fate of intelligence legend Col. Hogan and his heroes. All missing in action, never to be heard from again. January, 1945, LuftStaLag 13, Germany: Late afternoon. The compound had high barbed wire fences and guard towers. Outside Luftwaffe corpsmen patrolled with dogs and rifles. Those buildings not meant to house Germans were put together little better than packing crates. What snow that didn't melt through the tarpaper roof was collected in barrels. Out of the barrel in front of hut two, a tomato soup can rose. Inside the hut a dark haired man in a black leather flight jacket, brown pants and light gray blue shirt was bent over a sink behind the door, his US Army Air Corps brown colonel's cap turned around as he peered through a two-faucet tap that no longer pointed down. Next to him a very raw-faced dark blonde sergeant asked, "What do you see, Colonel Hogan?" [He was a moderately short young man in faded green fatigues and a dark leather jacket that was so worn the back of the wool lining could be seen. His dark leather cap with the raised earflaps was also wool lined.] Hogan said, "Carter, I see the back of fat Schultz's back." And he straightened up, frustrated. The black corporal in the brown wool brim cap said, "Well, a general lock-down of the prisoners was ordered. It must be big, if Schultz thinks that he has to demonstrate he's standing at his post." [He was in brown pants and faded green coat, and tan shirt.] The short corporal in the red beret said in his French accent, "Aa! The only thing that Bosch thinks with is his big belly!" [He had on brown pants, a red sweater, white shirt, and a burgundy scarf.] Hogan said with that tone of humor he always tried to use for the sake of morale, "Exactly! That's why you're the one to volunteer to go out there, LeBeau." Louis LeBeau cried, "Me!?! Anybody caught outside is to be shot!" His hand around the little corporal's shoulder as he pushed him towards the door, "You won't get shot. All you have to do is make sure you're standing behind Schultz." Andrew Carter's face broke out in a boyish grin, "Yeah! No bullet can get through all that blubber!" Cpl. Louis LeBeau still protested, "Why me!?! Why is it always me!?!" From the bunk bed he was lying sideways on, reading, a corporal with a British accent said, "It's because you're small! It's always because you're small. You make the hardest target to hit." [He was in a blue coat and pants with a lighter blue turtleneck.] LeBeau started muttering in French, while Carter moved to hold up a blanket behind him and the Colonel. His free hand on the doorknob, Col. Hogan assured his man, "You know it's because you're the best chef Herr Stomach has ever met. He'd willingly sacrifice any other part of his body for you and your strudel." Just before he was about to be pushed out of the crack in the door, the Frenchman told them, "I'm the best chef any of you philistines has ever met!" To which the Brit said, "Amen to that, Mate!" Then he said to whoever would listen, "The British are less gourmet than even the Americans. We invented kidney pie, you know." === In the fading light, the Free French fighter kept as close to the wall of the hut as the uncleared snow allowed, looking around nervously. They did not assign the best fighting men to a POW camp, but with the war going badly for the dirty Bosch, one of them might decide to be a "hero" and take out a few of the enemy that couldn't fight back. The large in all physical sizes sergeant in the shin-long gray-blue-with-silver-trim wool coat was using the rain barrel to lean against, trying not to look like he was "sitting". LeBeau also saw that Hans Schultz's rifle was really not a parade rest, but, instead, was being used as a staff to further help take his enormous weight off his sore feet. LeBeau said, "(Psst, Schultzie!)" He could see their warm breaths in the cold. The sergeant stood up, trying to look like he was alert, rifle at the ready, "Halt! Who goes there!" His hands tucked into his armpits, LeBeau whispered back, "(It's me! Hasenpfeffer.)" Schultz's eyes grew hungry, "Hasenpfeffer..." Then he realized he wasn't about to get fed, "Oh, it's you LeBeau." LeBeau hurried to get close to the shadow in the searchlights. In a lowered voice, "I had to get some fresh air." Schultz said, "Hnh, me, I can do without the fresh air. I'm also never going to walk, after the war. I'm going to start a delivery service, and let others do that for me." LeBeau patted the round belly with the back of his hand, "You have to get some exercise. All that fat isn't good for you." The sergeant turned around to lean on the barrel again, "I'm also going to have somebody build me a chair that'll do all that for me while I eat." The corporal stayed close, glancing around, "Schultzie, what brings the SS and the civilians they're protecting here?" Schultz was about settled back down on the barrel, "I don't know. But if it involves the Nazi Party's own soldiers, it has to be bad news. They like to deliver it personally." LeBeau pulled the arm of the massive man, trying to sound like a concerned friend, "You'd better not let them hear you say that." Rather than having to use his feet to resist, the sergeant let the corporal move him, "Are you kidding? They like being known as bad men. If you say anything nice about them, that's when they'll shoot you." LeBeau looked around the bulk at the tomato can, but continued the conversation, "Colonel Klink is always saying how wonderful the SS and Gestapo are." The tired sergeant tried to smile, "And he's at the top of their 'Friendly Enemies' list, I'm sure. As soon as any of you prisoners escape, there won't be any reason not to shoot him." LeBeau offered, "Do you want one of us to escape?" Schultz shook his weary head, "Not today. As soon as my duty shift is over with, I'm crawling into my bed, and sleep. With any luck the war will be over with by the time I wake up." === The opposite of Schultz, Carter eagerly asked, "Well, Colonel Hogan?" Bent looking through the faucets as if he were a captain on a submarine, "All the crates look like crates. They're not moving anything into the Rec Hall that can be identified that way." The Afro-American who had taught them not to use the word "Negro" or its variances, said, "At least we know they're not bringing in any conventional weapons." The Colonel straightened up, moving his cap around, "Right. There's noting conventional about what they're up to." The Brit asked, "How do we know Kinchloe is right? Maybe they've broken the big weapon down into parts?" Carter volunteered, smiling, "If they were going to hide one of those buzz bombs, they'd have to just to get it through the Rec Hall doors!" Hogan answered, "Why have to go to all that bother trying to hide something from prisoners? Who do they think we're going to tell?" Cpl. James Kinchloe spoke up, "Unless that's the whole idea. Maybe they're wise to our little operation, here." The British corporal said, "It would be the first time the krauts were wise about anything." Col. Hogan told them, "They got wise to us ages ago, Newkirk. The Gestapo State Police are not the sort to wait for proof before they bust heads." Carter said, more seriously, "Yeah! Those Nutsie are nasty." Cpl. Peter Newkirk let himself drop down from his top bunk, "If they know about us, why haven't they done anything to us, yet?!" 'Ivan' Kinchloe said, "Several good reasons, up to and including our dear Colonel Klink. Short of massacring the whole camp, they'd have to take at least a semi-competent officer away from their two front lines. And running this camp is the only thing Klink has shown he can do. Thanks to us." Newkirk's concerns were not eased, "I find it entirely unbelievable that Klink is the reason we're still alive." Hogan said, "There's also any intelligence they may get from those we help. If we are a bottleneck that POW's and agents in the area have to go through, they know where to start sniffing for trails. "There's also the high likelihood that the Germans have a 'Herrmann's Heroes' operating out of a British POW camp." Newkirk nearly cried, "No! A spy ring back home!?!" Carter said, disappointed, "Gee. And here I thought we were original." His Colonel assured him, "We were! They got their idea from us. If they shut us down, then the Allies will reciprocate; and vice versa." Kinchloe, saw more of the big picture, and liked it even less, "See? Several good reasons." Hogan said, "Several good reasons, and one great reason. 'Nimrod'." Most all of the dozen men in the barracks reacted to that name. Newkirk said in awe, "Nimrod. Gar-Blimey!" Carter said, "Nimrod: Wow!" But the crooked grin froze on his face, "Who's Nimrod?" Kinchloe told him, "'Nimrod' is the ultimate double-agent; the most wanted man in Germany. He's said to have stolen more secrets from the Third Reich than any other single intelligence agency. He's British, but he's so good at being a kraut Nazi, nobody has an idea who it is." Cpl. Newkirk's deep respect for his commanding officer deepened, "Except Colonel Hogan." Carter stepped closer to his idle, "You do?! Who? Who is it, Colonel?!" Hogan smiled, pleased, "And spoil the surprise?" Then became more serious, "Look, if I blab it to you guys, you might-accidentally- give him away. The reason 'Nimrod' has been so effective behind enemy lines is that when you see him you can't help but see him as an enemy." Kinchloe agreed, "Where would we be, if the people we work with didn't see us as heroes?" Newkirk said, "Right, you are, Colonel. I'll treat all the Nasties the same. Being shot is the risk all spies have to take." Carter said, "Aren't we spies?" Hogan told him, "Carter!" Carter nodded, "Right!" and, feeling embarrassed, awkwardly stepped away. The door opened, and an SS thug, not Schultz tossed the luckless LeBeau in with one hand, while keeping his finger on the submachine gun with the other. "Narr!" LeBeau barely kept to his feet. Hogan was already putting himself between his man and the guy with the weapon, "LeBeau!! What have I told you about going outside! Too much fresh air is bad for your health!" The corporal kept his head low, "Sorry, Mon Colonel, but I'm French! You have no idea what it means to be stuck smelling un- perfumed men all the time!" The plug-ugly barked, "Frosch!" and slammed the door shut. Carter immediately told the Corporal, "Guess what!? Colonel Hogan knows who Nimrod is!" "Carter!!" more than one of his barrackmates cried. LeBeau, dusting himself off, said, "If it's somebody I love to hate, then I choose Schultz. The only reason I got caught was because he couldn't lift his flat feet and fell on me! He straightened up, becoming more animated, "He nearly killed me- Being crushed is a worse way to go than being shot! At least a bullet gives your death dignity." Hogan tried to sooth the sensitive ally, "I'm sure Schultz is sorry." The corporal told him, "You better believe he's sorry! A pig SS lieutenant saw it, and thought he was capturing me. He conscripted Schultz on the spot to help his troops because they're short enough men." A grin broke out on Hogan's face, "Gentlemen, I believe we have just had our first lucky break." === Carter was at the bottom of the well that lead from under one of the bunk beds to the complex of tunnels that ran under the camp. He was talking up to Newkirk, who was coming down the ladder formed from the slats of the bed, "I think Nimrod is Colonel Klink! N... nobody would imagine him as a spy." Then he looked away to chuckle, "Nobody would imagine him as a colonel, either." Newkirk, irritated, looked over his shoulder to tell him, "Carter! It's not Colonel Klink! In the cinema and radio, if you say who it is, it's never them!" Carter tried to think about that, "Oh. Th... then you're saying just because I said it might be Klink, it's not going to be Klink??" One hand holding up one phone of the headphones to an ear, Kinchloe was sitting in front of his short-wave radio, adjusting and tuning it; he was still listening out of the other ear, "I say its Major Hochstetter, the head of the local Gestapo and honorary SS. There's a guy you can't think of as anything but an enemy." Newkirk was down with the others now, "Naw, the major is too small a fish to be a guy who gives Ol' Heinie Himmler fits. If it's somebody we know, it's got to be General Burkhalter!" Carter grinned, "A fat spy!" Newkirk said, "A spy comes in all shapes, and sizes. Look at Tiger-35, 23, 35, and all woman." Carter said, "I know. It's just that I think of spies as, I don't know, something out of the comic books." Newkirk sighed, "What?! You expect agents to have super-secret, super-spy equipment? Garr! Talk about living in a fantasy world." Kinchloe was just putting his headphones over both ears, "Carter, you're a spy." Carter said, "I know. I just wish it were more like the comic books, or movies. It's cold and lousy living like we live." === Above, the lights flickered. Coming out of the Officers' Quarters, and the only personal room in the hut, Hogan saw what was happening over by the potbelly stove, and barked, "LeBeau!! Are you putting coffee in the coffee pot?!" The little corporal in the chef's hat looked up from what he was doing, smiling, "Don't worry, Colonel, this is the real coffee pot. The Bosch have to see us drink coffee, if they're not to get suspicious." He lifted the lid that looked like kindling logs in the bucket beside the stove, "Here's is the real speaker." Hogan fetched it, "With the coffee we get here, I wish we could go without having to drink it." LeBeau nodded, "I know. The filthy swine open our Red Cross packages, and save some of the supplies for themselves. They don't think we know they put sawdust and other substitutes in with what they leave. It's enough to make a Frenchman's palate weep." Hogan sat down at the four chair plain wooden table near the stove, taking the lid off, and hooking the coffeepot itself up to the wire that connected him to their prime source of information. LeBeau thought he knew what was happening, "The camp has visitors." Hogan nodded, "Having the parameter fence electrified was the best idea Klink ever had from us." === Hilda, Klink's second secretary at his time at the Stalag, a vision of ponytail blond Aryan peasantry in her white blouse and a tight below-the-knee skirt, opened the door to announce, "General Burkhalter, and Major Hochstetter here to see you, Herr Colonel." The bald, somewhat lean man with a monocle rose from behind his desk, "Both!?! At the same time!? -Well, don't stand there. Let them in!!" An arrogance-tinged voice said, "I don't mind waiting a while longer. Not with such a charming distraction to keep me company." Hilda smiled at the man, almost as if she were encouraging him. An impatient, mean voice said, "General, rank won't allow me to enter the office before you without your permission!" The General replied, "My thought exactly." Hilda stepped aside to let the wide and jowlly man in the well- tailored light-gray-blue-with-black-trimmings Luftwaffe uniform with large turned-over red lapels enter. Col. Klink was already out from behind his desk, smiling and saluting, "General Burkhalter! What a pleasure it is to see you again (so soon). Welcome to my humble camp." When the small man in the black-with-silver-trim uniform entered, Klink nodded briskly towards him, saying, "And you, too, Major Hochstetter. Heil Hitler." To which the small, dark major with the moustache replied, "Bah!" Klink pointed, saying to the General, "He forgot to say 'Heil Hitler'!!" The General looked at him with cold fisheyes, "So did I." The large man headed for the visitor's chair nearest the desk, "Before you can make any more inane observations, we will get right to the point of our visit." Klink felt important, and nearly skipped as he headed back behind his desk, rubbing his hands, "I am always happy to contribute any help I can to the war effort and our just cause!" The surly major took the seat beside the General, "If you really wanted to help, you'd de-fect!" The General preferred to look at Klink, but just barely, "How would that help us, if he is still on our side." Klink reported, "Yes, General, I'm always on the side of the Fatherland!" The General told him, "I said no more inanity! Now, I'm sure even you are aware of the civilians in this camp." Klink nodded, taking this all as a high-level briefing, "M.. hm! M.. hm! The scientists." Hochstetter's voice rose, "Who told you they were scientists!?!" Klink wanted to cower, "Nobody! Nobody! I just assumed...." Hochstetter ordered, "Assume nothing!! Thinking is not part of your job!" Burkhalter commented, "You're not very good at it, anyway." Klink nodded in acceptance of his orders, "Yes, sir. But, if I may ask, who are these civilians?" The General pursed his lips, not wanting to say, "Scientists. They are here to ensure the victory of the Aryan race, no matter the outcome of the war." Klink grinned gleefully, "Victory!" Which changed to, "...no matter..." Hochstetter yelled, "Klink! You're think-ing!!" Klink quickly assured him, "Sorry! It won't happen again!" Burkhalter again commented, "I doubt it happens much at all." He said, "The scientists are here for the usual reasons why we choose your camp for important matters. I won't bore everybody with a repetition of that logic." The major said, distractedly, "Plus it's near the front lines." Klink became a little alarmed, "That close?!" The General said, "Normally, we would have a secret project as far removed from possible attack as possible. However..." Hochstetter cried, "He doesn't have to know 'However'!! We told him too much as it is! Why we would bring the salvation of the National Socialist cause to the camp at the center of the greatest concentration of sabotage and espionage is beyond me!!" The General finally turned his cold, arrogant eyes on Hochstetter, "That is why you're a major." The major wanted to say something, but seethed, instead. === The board under the mattress of one of the lower bunk beds had risen up as the slat-frame had angled itself down into a hole that had opened up under the bed. The first up out of the hole was Kinchloe, "What did we miss, Colonel?" LeBeau told him, "Right now, not much. They're just checking to see what Klink can take from us to give to the scientists- without-conscious." Starting when just his head above the floor, Newkirk said, "That tears it! We have less than less of enough as it is! I say our mission is done with. There hasn't been any pilots shot down, or soldiers to help back to the front lines for weeks." Carter was right behind him, "Yeah. Anything that's worth blowing up, either the regular troops do it, or we're ordered to leave it alone!" Col. Hogan got up, "Then, men you'll be happy to know we were ordered home. Project 'Papa Bear' has been terminated with honors." Leaning against the bunk bed post whose lower bed was moving back down as the slats/ladder was moving into place under it, Newkirk raised a hand, "Before you cheer, Carter... Let's hear the bad news, Colonel." Hogan smiled at them, "How well you know me." Newkirk said, "We try." Kinchloe agreed, only half humorously, "It isn't easy." Hogan turned to start pacing, "Those orders were issued two weeks ago." "What!?!" was the general response. While Newkirk said, "I knew it. We've spent two bloody weeks in this rat's nest that we didn't have to. In winter, no less." Their Colonel addressed them, "Hear me out. I figured that the inventors of U-boat wolf packs, blitzkriegs, dive-bombing, and V- 2 rockets wouldn't go down without a sneak attack. Since Nimrod likes to steer his problems over to us, I was sure there could be one last mission for us. "And, from the sounds of it, it may well be our most important one." Carter asked, "Bigger than the Manhattan Project?! (Whatever that is.)" Kinchloe asked, "Bigger than what we did on D-Day?" Hogan said, "Much. 'Victory, no matter what'." LeBeau whispered, "Sacre Bleu!" Newkirk shivered, pulling his lapels closed; "Thanks a whole bloody lot, Nimrod." === Kinchloe told Hogan, "I got hold of London, like you wanted, Colonel." Then he smiled like somebody reporting to a child what its parent had said, "They weren't too happy with you." Then, "That is, until I told them Nimrod is involved. They're ready to move on their end as soon as we can supply them with information." Hogan asked, "You told them that scientists are involved?" Kinchloe took a piece of paper out of his pocket, "They gave me a list. These are the ones they've lost track of." Hogan took it, and looked it over, "It's a long list." Kinchloe said, "Hopefully most of them are dead, or deserted." Newkirk said, "In my continuing effort to spread sunshine, Colonel, what's to say our lot aren't using aliases." Hogan pocketed the list, "Nothing. Nothing, but Nimrod." Carter said, frustrated, "Why doesn't he just tell us?" Newkirk said, annoyed, "Then he wouldn't be Nimrod." Less than cheerfully, LeBeau said, "I just hope Monsieur Undercover hasn't gone into character so much that he forgets he's on our side." === Back out of the hole the ladder came Sgt. Carter, "Colonel, we have a problem, we've run out of pipes." The officer looked away from the map of the camp that rolled down from behind the frame of one of the top bunks, "You're underground. Borrow some." Carter looked at him, trying to decide if he was serious, "But wouldn't they be missed. I mean people are bound to notice their missing. The Gestapo might ask questions." Hogan pulled, and let go, letting the map snap back up into hiding, "The Gestapo does not look into petty thefts. But you're right it will invite attention. Reliable Running water is one of the things that separate the goons from the prisoners." Carter dared to suggest, "You have running water." Hogan told him, "In the interest of the war effort, I give you permission to take my sink's pipes." Carter, patriotically proud, said, "Yes, Colonel!" Hogan paused on his way out the door to say, non-seriously, "But I draw the line at my Meerschaums. There is only so much a man should be called upon to sacrifice for his country." Carter said, "O... okay." The Colonel left, Carter asked himself, "What's a Meerschaum?" === Hilda withdrew her lips from Robert Hogan's to catch her breath. She smiled, and said, "You know you're the only reason I remain here." Hogan lazily moved his hands on her back, "You're the only reason I remain here, myself." Hilda took it as a joke, "Liar." Hogan's hand moved lower, "No, honest. Without a beautiful girl to date, I wouldn't be able to think straight. Girls would be the only things I could think about." Hilda pushed herself back from his chest, "So, any beautiful girl would do? I'm not special?" Hogan pushed on her back, urging her closer to his lips, "Don't let anybody tell you you're not special." Hilda did not resist, and moved her lips back to his. They kissed for several... "Hogan!?! What are you doing here?!" Colonel Klink asked, coming out of his office. His timing, as always, worked to torment him. Hogan took his lips off of her to say, "What else do lips do to a secretary? Dictation." Klink moved his knees but did not stomp, "But she's my secretary!" Hogan forced himself out of the clinch, "Oh, sorry? Do you want to dictate?" Klink said, "Am I German?" As Hogan made to enter the camp Kommandant's office, Hilda put a hand on his upper arm while reaching within his leather jacket. From his army blouse's breast pocket, she pulled a handkerchief, "You have lipstick." Hogan smiled at her, and, taking the cloth, said, "Thank you. It's never a good idea for a soldier to show red." === Closing the office down, Colonel Kink asked the other colonel, "Why are you bothering me at this late hour?!" Hogan stopped near the desk, "I came as the ranking Allied officer in this camp to ask if you wish to surrender?" Klink cried, "WHAH-t!?!" and hurried to confront the man. Hogan said in the tone of one negotiating from strength, "Don't tell me you haven't felt the ground shaking lately?" Klink nodded, becoming nervous, "Yes, I've felt it." Hogan paced toward the side of the desk, "Artillery fire. It means the frontline isn't too far away." Klink said, "That's some battle. It's been going on for over a week." Hogan was now around to the desk side, "So you can imagine how the Americans are going to feel when they get here. We're the impatient sort, you know-and you've delayed our march onto Berlin!" Klink nodded forlornly, slumping, "You're right. Unfortunately, I'm no longer the ranking officer around here. The General is." Hogan moved from behind the desk quickly, "Oh! Then I'll get the surrender from him!" Klink moved to stop him, "Are you mad!?! Burkhalter will have you shot... He'll have me shot!" And he shook his head at his bleak future, "He will never surrender. Being a General is all he knows how to be." Hogan got past Kink with, "Okay, if you say so." But, as he moved to the door, he warned, "But don't come to me when they strike the power plant and waterworks!" First dismissing the man, Klink raised the hand up to a God who never listened to him, only to drop it again, "Again with the waterworks?" === Back in the barrack, as he entered the door, Hogan said, "Newkirk, Kinchloe, I want you to bomb the camp's emergency water tower." Newkirk, still dirty and tired from his work underground, rose from table, "You can't be serious. Sir." LeBeau, across the table, was just as dirty. Hogan told them, "Carter's stealing their plumbing. There has to be a reason for them not to expect it to work." Newkirk griped, "Something else they're going to steal from us." Kinchloe reminded him, "We have our own water supply in the tunnels. And hot water heaters." Newkirk still beefed, "For all the fat lot of good it's done for us! We've still had to make it look like we were using their freezing water-And eating their Oliver Twist rations." "Look!" he said, putting fingers through some of the holes in his gray-blue RAF uniform. "We have clothes of every type and quality down there, but what do we have to wear up here?" Hogan put an end to it, "Think of those prisoners who really are in prison camps. Not to mention the slave labor camps... and worse." Newkirk, his war weariness put back in its place, said, "Yes, sir." === The other two disappearing back into the hole, LeBeau said, knowing he wasn't going to have a part in the mission, spoke from the other side of the table, "Are we going to 'bomb' the power plant, too, Colonel? It would stop the work of those filthy pig scientists." Hogan shook his head, "They brought their own generators. Whatever they're working on doesn't even require the power they can get from the camp's emergency generators." LeBeau said, "I say let the Allies finally bomb this miserable camp." Hogan said, "No. We want them here, working, where we can keep our eyes on them. Once we know they're about to succeed in whatever they're doing-Then we take care of them. The Germans will have lost that much more time ...If there's anybody to replace them." The Frenchman muttered, "The only good Bosch is a dead Bosh." Hogan said, "It's attitudes like that that's given us two world wars. (Not to mention the American-Indian Wars)." With that last remark, LeBeau's Gallic nationalism wasn't offended by the first. === His rifle barely resting on his shoulder, Sergeant Schultz shuffled back to his barrack, glad that his extra-long duty shift (=That's what you get for being a hero=) was over with. He nearly tripped over a wire. It went from outside the electric barbwire fence to (=Please, no=) Col. Hogan's barrack. Wishing he didn't have to, he went to look inside. Inside, the men were watching a movie in the dark. "Colonel Hogan..." he half asked, half begged. Hogan standing near the door, whispered, "Don't you know you're not suppose to talk in a theater?" Schultz was too tired to trade banter. He snapped, "What are you doing showing a movie in the barracks?" Hogan told him, "The civilians have taken over our Rec Hall!" The Sergeant told him, "Colonel Klink is not going to like this!" Hogan said, "Yes, he will. It's one of his favorites. It's about the blitzkrieg attack on Poland. -Look! Here's the part where they bomb Warsaw!" As Schultz heard the airplanes from the movie's soundtrack, he also heard it outside a fraction of a second later. Hans Schultz closed his eyes, and whined in frustration, "Hnnnnh!" Sure enough, he heard a bomb fall and explode. Hogan said, "Oh... Who on Earth would edit out the sound of the bombs, but leave the sound of planes in?" Carter spoke up, "We have to complain to our Nazi Audio-Vision man! I like the sound of bombs. Especially, when they explode. You know, there's nothing like the feeling of-" Hogan told him, "Carter!" Carter apologized, "Sorry." But he told those next to him, "But explosions are the best part of any movie." LeBeau started cussing in French. Then he explained in the German pidgin of the camp, "Now the movie projector has jammed!" Hogan turned on the light of the barrack, "Well, that's it, men. Sorry, but there will be no movie tonight." All of the dozen men tried to sound disappointed. Schultz turned away, slamming the door behind him. As he hurried as best as his sore feet would allow, he noticed that the wire was gone. "I know nothing. Noth-thing..." he told himself heading to his cot. === Hogan asked Carter, "How soon before we can re-establish the tunnel to the Rec Hall?" Carter tried to do the calculations in his head (and it showed on his face), "Well, we had that little accident as I was testing how much dynamite to use on that special project you have me doing this past couple of weeks." Hogan speeded him up, "We all know you're sorry about causing a cave-in in that part of the tunnels. Now, tell me how long before we can open it?" Carter thought he saw an answer, "In the morning. Sometime, before noon, anyway. Un, unless there's another accident." Hogan stopped him, and said, "Do your best." Carter smiled, "I always do." LeBeau told him, "Try to do better." === The next morning, Colonel Klink opened his office door, and, again, found Hilda and Hogan kissing. He announced, "We've been waiting!" Hogan said, as he left the very hot and silky body, "You've been waiting!?" Hilda bowed her head, and kept herself from chuckling. She, too, had to wait. Inside, General Burkhalter and Major Hochstetter were waiting to glare at him. There was no chair for him. Klink said to Hogan, "What do you know about the bomb that hit the camp's water tower?" Hogan said, "Was that what that was?! All of my men were restricted to quarters. I stayed inside, because some of them are afraid of thunder." Burkhalter said, "A comedian. Colonel Hogan thinks Americans bombing the sources of water to the camp is funny." Hogan innocently asked, "'Sources'? Did they bomb the waterworks, too!?! I warned Colonel Klink-" Kink raised his hands to wave him away from the subject like a scared rabbit. Hochstetter leaned forward, biting on some of the words, "And how did you know it was going to happen Hogan!?!" Hogan reported, "As a pilot with nearly two consecutive tours of duty I know about bombing tactics." Then he said with all sympathy, "I hope not having water doesn't hurt your secret project in the Rec Hall." Major Hochstetter shot to his feet, "What do you know about that!?!!" Hogan glanced over at his counterpart, "Just what Colonel Klink has told me." Klink warned, "Hogan!" shaking his rabbit fist. The General leaned back in the Windsor chair, smug, "You'll be pleased to know it will not. The Project has already been developed and tested in the lab. We're here to field test it. The scientists are here to collect data." Hogan smiled at the news, "Well, I wish you luck! As a born- again-coward, I want this war over with as soon as possible." He then looked at the still angry and suspicious Major, and tried to convince him of his sincerity, "Too many missions can do that to a man. All that death and destruction gets to you." Wilhelm Klink, the "Iron Eagle", winner of Iron Crosses in both world wars, sadly agreed. === When Colonel Hogan returned to his hut, he heard moaning. It wasn't the kind of moaning he was used to hearing. It was from his men. Covered in dirt, the whole hut was lying on their bunks, sick. Hogan asked, "What's the matter?" Kinchloe had just finished helping an ashen Owens out of the hole, "I don't know, Colonel. All of a sudden we came down with something." His black brow, too, was sweating. LeBeau told him from his "death scene" (one arm across his brow, and the other over his belly), "We've been sabotaged! The filthy Bosch has poisoned our food!" Newkirk, lying on his back, his hands over his lower abdomen said, "Speak for your self, Frenchie. I never eat anything you cook." Colonel Hogan surveyed his men. "Where's Carter?!" Kinchloe told him as he collapsed on a bunk with Owens on a bunk, "He says he's going to finish the job you gave him." Hogan cried, "He's sick with dynamite!?!!" as he hurried to the still open hole under the bunk. He didn't make it, luckily. An explosion shook the ground and threw up dirt and rocks from the hole, making everybody dirtier. A layer of dust now covered everything, stones scattered about. Coughing, his hands around his mouth, Hogan called out, "Carter?!! Carter, answer me!! That's an order!!" Kinchloe asked, fighting to keep from lying down next to Owens, "Well?" Ranking Officer Hogan had to tell them the news, "The Hole is collapsed. It's gone." The End of this chapter