The Count of Monte CristoChapter 58 M Noirtier de Villefort
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Based On A Coversation 2: A Place For US free porn video
Based On a Conversation Two: A Place for Us
By shalimar
In many respects I am a lucky woman. In the net I have a
number of virtual sisters, daughters and nieces that I love
and love me. I give them my love and feel their love in
return. They are in the center of my heart and I hope
others will join them. In this environment I am my alter
ego, The Evil Witch.
But in other respects I am not that lucky. Hugging my net
sister when she is fifteen hundred miles away is not the
same as hugging her in real life. Talking to her on the net
is not the same as just walking to her home and being with
her. Rocking a thirty-year-old that needs to be my five-
year-old daughter on the net is not the same as she is
crying and fighting sleep in my arms. I need to put her to
bed with her stuffed dolls around her so she won?t feel
alone and kiss her. I need to read her a Dr. Susse, watch
her play on the swings, help her with a puzzle, or have her
help me make some cookies. Of course she could lick the
bowl.
There are other issues as well. It is the fact that even
with HRT and SRS it is only the best that modern medicine
can do. Even then I am still not genetically female. There
is no way I will ever give birth. The view in the mirror is
still too masculine. I don?t know if I could ever get rid
or my beard or the rug that covers my body. I am too tall.
My voice is too deep. The hair where I need it is missing.
I need to put makeup and look pretty, not like someone who
is trying to pass. And if I try to pass I might get beat up
by someone who believes he is a ?real? man. Or I might just
be lucky enough just to get a snide remark. I need to be
with woman as a woman, not a freak. And if I need to go to
the restroom in a public place it is with a sister or a
girlfriend. I need to be with a man as his woman and know
that he is or will be the father of my babies.
I feel that hurt and anger. It is because I was born with
that genetic defect that said I should be playing with guns
and trucks instead of dolls and jewelry. Part of me needed
to rebel and wear that dress but part of me said not to
hurt anyone else so be what I appear to be even though that
genetic defect eventually changed me in ways that was
different from what I would have liked my body to change.
I also feel the hurt and anger of others. Some of us
constantly lash out way out of proportion to the situation.
Some of us want to do violence because of our pain. Their
pain is my pain. I feel my sister?s pain because my
daughter lashed out at her inappropriately.
And most of society won?t let us get the peace that HRT and
SRS would give us. We didn?t choose this way our bodies
did. And when we do try for that peace others will insist
that we do what they say. They may even go to court to
enforce it. In reality we need the outer peace as much as
we need the inner peace.
But I will love and continue the be the woman I?m becoming
and will continue to share myself with others and I will
continue to pray for that miracle that will allow me to
heal myself and others. As my ?five-year-old? told me a few
days ago the song, ?Somewhere? from ?West Side Story,?
which prayed for the end of the stupid prejudices of that
generation, is really a theme for us:
Somewhere there?s a place for us,
A time and a place for us,
Hold my hand and we?re half way there,
Hold my hand and I?ll take you there,
Someday,
Somehow,
Someway.
Wynona
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