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The heavy and powerful bass drums and guitar chords ripped through my ears and assaulted my senses as much as the sweltering heat, the bright white beams of light and the drips of condensation falling from the cool pipes above. I was pushed and shoved with the crowd in tune with the loud music. Angry voices yelled in cooperation with the lyrics of a world so cold, When passion's lost and all the trust is gone, Way too far, for way too long Children crying, cast out and neglected, Only in a world so cold, only in a world This cold Hold the hand of your best friend, look into their eyes Then watch them drift away Some might say, we've done the wrong things, For way too long, for way too long." I moved my arms and flung my head, a slave of the music coming from the bass, guitar and drums. I was dripping with sweat and my shirt clung to my back, I was dying of thirst. Despite the disgusting amounts of sweat and water that would be produced by the 200 people in that small building, it was still a precious commodity, being sold at the bar for $2.00 for a bottle. I forced my way through the mob of people, making my way to the bar. I made out Josh's familiar face in the dark mingle of bodies. "Are you alright?" he screamed, barely audible above the noise. "I just need a drink" I replied and Josh nodded his head in recognition. I worked my way through, noticing the farther back you got from the stage, the older, dryer and less common the people became. When I got my water I consumed half of it and doused the rest of it over my head. I can't remember spending a better 2 dollars. I sat and watched the band play, thinking all the time that I couldn't remember a better show. Closer to the doors in the back, I felt chilly and looking down at myself, I realized how ridiculous I must look to all the clean dry people back here. Dripping with sweat and probably smelling horribly, I relished in the feeling and loved how it made me feel even rawer. Feeling exhausted, I waited the few minutes for Mudvayne to finish its set, almost not believing the hour and a half set of heat and energy that they had played so far. The large plastic lights on stage had blue triangles on them, Mudvayne's symbol. The lights cut through the darkness and revealed smoke and water emanating through the air. I thought of the friends I came here with, lost in the sea of people at the front of the stage. Finally the set had ended and the mass of people had swarmed out of the steaming building, leaving a puddle of water covering the entire floor. I shivered in the cold breeze of the door, feeling the sweat evaporate profusely. I waited patiently for my best friend Dan deciding whether he wanted to buy the Mudvayne sweatshirt, or a T-shirt. I looked at my friend Dan's jacked body, sweating profusely like mine had because of the concert. I turned red with jealousy, remembering how it been just last year when he had caught the virus and had radically gained about thirty pounds of muscle. Ever since the virus came out 4 years ago in 1999 by a stupid accident in a huge biotechnology company, a stomachache and a headache may mean more than being sick for a few days. A company appropriately named Biotech had recently been experimenting in a virus that would alter a person's appearance, hoping to become a popular but by no means cheap alternative to plastic surgery. It would mean that supermodels wouldn't have to live on celery anymore and that silicone would no longer mean fake breasts. It meant that anyone with enough money could look like the woman of her dreams and every man's dream as well. It was going to change the world and make Biotech ridiculously rich. Unfortunately it did change the world, but for the worse. The proposed virus was eventually to be perfected so that it would only alter the DNA and give only the desired changes. The idea was that there would be a multitude of varieties of viruses, each one doing something different and each one being able to be given to a patient or customer through a simple shot. For example, if a woman wanted larger breasts, she would simply get a shot that would genetically alter her DNA to increase her breast size. The shots varied from waist size to foot size and shape, to the shape and size of a person's ear. The shots would be available for men as well, having proposed line of shots that would create the desired results for most men. These changes would include build, amount of muscle, penis size, face structure and hair type. I'm sure this all sounded wonderful and highly lucrative to the executives at the top of Biotech, they did not account for mistakes and errors. Eventually an unrefined version of the virus was mistakenly released into the air, randomly changing the DNA and chromosomes of anyone it came into contact with. In the beginning there was paranoia associated with the virus, everyone frightened of the havoc the virus could wreak on his or her bodies. And although the virus never killed anyone, it was still feared. This was because it would often times change people's bodies for the worse. An already attractive woman would literally overnight gain 30 pounds, or her hair would turn into a vibrant orange. The results were in all honestly fifty-fifty in terms of if the results were desirable or not. Not to mention that the virus was even known to change the gender of an individual as well as the age of an individual, creating many problems with identity. Identity theft had become a larger suspicion, although 99 percent of all suspected identity frauds were later proved false, it did raise an issue with security. For example, renewing a driver's license or getting a passport took at least a month of verification and researching on the governments part to ensure that no identity theft or false identity was occurring. In order to save countless amounts of problems with security, people were required to register at the police station when they knew that they caught the virus. One can easily see how I might fear this virus. I knew several people who had caught the virus and although most were trivial and didn't really affect the image of the person, a lot of them were just the opposite and quite dramatic. My best friend Dan had lucked out, having no damage done to his image, but I knew some people that were just never the same afterwards. One kid shrunk a full foot and had his hair turned red. A girl named Katrina, who was reputable for being the hottest girl in the school, went from a six pack to a beer belly. I guess in a way it was a good thing, it taught her a lesson, at least. She always was way too snotty and arrogant. My own mother had lost ten years from her age and was now only twenty-five. My dad must have thought he was the luckiest guy in the world. It was pretty strange, but it never really changed our relationship, besides my mom wearing a lot different clothing to show off her new body. It's pretty easy to see why everyone was afraid of the virus. You could never tell what it was going to do to your life, whether it was going to ruin it, or just change it all together. My friends Lenny and Josh sat on the worn pool table in the room on the other side of the bar, talking about the show. It wasn't long before Dan's dad arrived in his huge f-350 diesel pickup to give us a ride home. The ride home was mostly silent with the exception of words about the concert. I couldn't stop thinking about how intense it was and how the band played for full two hours without stop. It was unbelievable; I hadn't been to anything like it before. I was used to local bands and crappy worn out buildings, still playing well, but this was unlike anything else. The tune and lyrics kept running my head and my ears rang slightly as a result to the huge speakers and amps used in the show. It made me forget about all my problems; school, work, the virus. I sat back in exhaustion and thought of how good it was going to feel to just fall into my bed. Finally we arrived at my house and it took all my energy to climb out of the truck and into my house. Switching on a physically memorized light switch, I climbed up the stairs and blissfully thought of how I would never forget such a good concert. I couldn't help but think how this was one of those concerts you tell your kids about and then pray they don't use it against you when you tell them they cant go to a certain concert. I wondered how long my friends and me would continue to talk about it. I wearily stumbled up the stairs. I was so tired that I felt as if I wasn't moving at all but I was instead floating up the stairs. I prayed that I wouldn't wake up my parents or my sister, whose rooms were only a few short feet away in the dark hallway. I tossed my keys, wallet and cell-phone on my chest of drawers, threw my pants and shoes off and fell into the bed. It only took a minute before I was about to fall asleep spread eagle on the bed, when I heard a loud tapping against my window. I moaned in protest, but to no avail, the tapping didn't stop. I looked at the window and finally realized that someone was throwing pebbles at my window. I got up out of bed and opened the window, peeking my head out beyond the glass storm window. "Lenny!" a voiced whispered from the darkness. "Who's there?" I said, my voice slightly hoarse. "Its me, Carla!" Said a very familiar voice. "Well are you going to let me in or not?" She said humorously. I quickly shut the window and silently padded downstairs, again careful to wake up anyone. I slid the front door open with the most precise doorknob turning and door jam managing ever executed. I looked out the door to see the sweet face of my good friend Carla, wearing a cute little smile and her hair in long blonde curls. She was wearing this little brown dress that kind of looked ripped in places but was designed to look that way. It went to a few inches above her knees and looked great. I don't know if you can tell or not, but I've got a bit of a thing for Carla. I saw her pretty often lately, even though we just met last week. She was really pretty; a petit girl with a great smile, blonde hair, a smooth elegant face and pretty brown eyes. Oh yeah and her figure was nice too. She was about my height at 5'9, with average sized breasts and perfect legs and a thin and lithe little body. She had the tall thin and elegant look to her, that carried into her chin and face. It drove me crazy. She also just so happened to have moved into a house right around the block from me in my own neighborhood. We met from walking to school together and instantly hit it off. She also liked all the music I liked and on top of that, I think she liked me. Needless to say, I was in heaven. "Hey." She said quietly, still smiling. I moved out of the way so she could get in from the cold. "What's up?" I asked, slightly confused if not belated that she was here at 12 at night. "I just got back from a late dinner party at my grandparents house and I couldn't sleep, so you were the first person I thought of. I hope you're not too tired from the SHOW too hang out with me." She said, once again letting me know that she was jealous that I got to go to the Mudvayne concert and she had to go to her family's get together. "Actually, I was just about to fall asleep..." I said mockingly. "Shut up." She giggled and slapped me playfully on the arm. "Wanna go into the living room?" I asked quietly. "Sure." She replied. I slowly made my way to the living room with Carla not far behind me, slightly nervous as to what was going to happen and what Carla really came here for. I sat down on the couch and she sat next to me. "So how was the show anyway?" "It was incredible, I mean, I wish you could have been there. They played really well." I said, sounding perhaps more serious than I had intended. There was an awkward silence, as we both realized we weren't sure where this was going. "I like your dress. You look really nice." I said and for once saying exactly the right thing. We caught each other's eyes and I nervously looked away, but when I recovered my eyes from my lap, I found she was still looking at me, with a strange curious look on her face. She raised an arm and let her dainty finger move a strange of hair from my eyes and then let her hand linger, gently rubbing my face. I moved up my hand and ran my fingers through her hair, doing something I had thought about for the past two weeks. She leaned forwards at the same time as I and we shared a deep, passionate kiss that lingered for about ten seconds. Her lips were soft and inviting and her tongue gently and slowly explored mine. I lowered my arms and wrapped them around her abdomen, hugging her tightly against me. "No, slowly." She whispered. I eased up and let her take control. We laid down on the couch, with her on top of me, cuddling and petting each other. I felt like I was opening a Christmas present, slowly and excitedly opening the best Christmas present a boy could ask for. We settled down now and I felt her rhythmic breathing going up on my side, her breasts mashed into the side of my chest. We must have stayed like this for a half an hour. Her arm draped over my shoulder, I fell asleep, barely able to keep my eyes open or my wits sharp enough to realize that I was going to have to deal with my parents about this in the morning. Sometime before the morning, (at least it was still very dark out) I woke up to feel Carla get up off of me and I looked into her eyes and smiled back at her when she looked down at me. She gave me a peck on the cheek and briskly hurried away, her cute butt ruffling her dress. I got up and watched her run back to her house in her bare feet holding her shoes, looking like a little wood nymph hurrying through the yards like that, with her brown dress. Carried myself into my room and fell on the bed, not taking long to fall fast asleep, dreaming of Carla. I woke up with the mid morning sun shining pouring into my room from the window facing my bed. I drowsily got myself up, but realized that something didn't feel right, I felt like I had a really bad stomachache and felt really dizzy. I sat back down on the bed and got myself a little more comfortable in some pajamas, but still feeling very sick. I hoped to god that it was just the flu. I had never had the virus before and I wanted to keep it that way. I slipped on my slippers and shuffled into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror, first washing off all the lipstick from Carla. Just looking at it brought back the warm memories of last night and how wonderful it was just to cuddle with her. While I was washing my face, I noticed how much smoother my face was. I didn't have any stubble at all. This was pretty unusual. I had had to shave since a year ago when I was 15 and ever since it had become ritual. And did my arms feel even lighter than usual? I was never by any means a heavyweight, being 5'10" tall and 140 pounds, but I could tell when I was becoming weaker. Maybe its just a weird affect of the flu I said to myself, knowing I was just trying to avoid the inevitable. I closed my eyes and wondered how I could have such bad luck, meeting the girl of my dreams one day and then the next having a virus that could make you a disgusting blob and chase the same girl away. I prayed that the changes would be small. But first I wanted to ask my parents, just to make sure I wasn't worrying for nothing. I shuffled back out of the bathroom and went downstairs to find my mom. If anyone would know if I had the flu or not it would be her. I found her at the kitchen table with my dad, eating bagels and reading the paper. She was wearing a little nightgown that made me wonder how my own mother could be in such an attractive body. "Good morning mom, dad." I said, trying not to sound as nervous as I felt. "Morning Len... jeez you don't look so hot." My dad said. "How late did you stay up last night?" Asked my mom, being the typical parent. "Just until 12, it was kind of a late show... I don't feel that great either. You don't think I have the virus, do you?" "The virus? Well, come here, let me look." I walked over to her more than a little embarrassed. She took her hand and ran it along my face and lifted my eyelids, giving a small nod. She grunted in approval as she opened my mouth and looked deep inside my throat. Then finally she took my hand in hers and looked at the palm of my hands and my fingers. "Mmhm." She said strangely. "Why did you do that?" I asked. "Well, usually when you have the flu you get bloodshot eyes, your throat becomes red and puffy if your changes are really dramatic and your hands have a miraculous way of showing change first, whether it be gaining weight, loosing weight, or... changing gender." She said, saying the last part like she just realized the full extent to which I could change. There was an awkward silence and my mom looked at me with a sad but reassuring face. "Oh sweetie, you don't have to worry about a thing. Everything is going to be fine. Whatever happens, your father and I will love you all the same." "That's right son. You just go back to bed and don't worry about a thing. Your mother and I will register the virus at the police station as soon as you're comfortable. You just sit back and go to sleep." "You mean you can tell just like that that I have it? There's no warning or anything? It's just 'boom', have fun trying to cope, cause now you have the virus?" My mother just nodded and looked sympathetic as possible. "I'm so sorry, but everything's going to be fine. Look at me, I turned out even better than before I got the virus. What about your friend Dan? He's doing fine, isn't he?" She said, standing up and wrapping her arms around me. I just stood there stupidly feeling paralyzed. All the thoughts and images of all the worst case scenarios went through my head. I thought of gaining 200 hundred pounds of fat and having to work it all off. I thought of shrinking a foot and a half, I thought of growing to be a 7 foot tall bean pole, or even gaining fifteen years onto my life, only that much closer to death. I even thought about becoming a girl and having to wear all of those frilly clothes and make-up and having to endure the humiliation of my friends. Or worse yet, was the thought of becoming an ugly girl, or a fat girl. I always felt sorry for them, because they got the worst hand in life. Few people wanted to talk to them and they had it that much harder to have intimate relationships, if the people you were trying to attract found you unattractive in the first place. But most of all, I worried about becoming something that Carla would find repulsive, or even the least bit unattractive. I knew it was foolish to obsess about someone that I had only met a week ago, but lately she was all I could think about. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her face looking into mine, just like she did last night. But who knows, I thought. Maybe it will just be something stupid like going from brown hair to blonde hair, going from brown eyes to blue eyes. "Do you need anything? Are you hungry?" My mom asked. "No, no I'm not hungry. I think I'll just go back to bed." I said, rather content with just falling asleep and forgetting about everything right now. "Okay, well I guess ill just go to the police office and register your virus. You want to give me your license and social security card?" My dad said, looking at me. I walked across the kitchen to an end table that we kept all our keys and where I kept my wallet and tossed it to him, hardly believing that I had the virus. I had always heard stories of what it was like and now I was actually going through it myself. It was actually kind of exciting. To be honest, I was starting to realize that maybe this wasn't such a bad thing and that maybe it would be a change for the better. I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. I glanced at the clock, which read 10:13. Good, I thought, I could get to bed and avoid the whole process of explaining to my sister that I had the virus. Don't get me wrong, generally my sister and I got along well, I even gave her rides to her friend's houses and to her softball games being the big brother that I was. It was just that I hated explaining to someone that I had the virus when I myself was having trouble coping with it. I watched my dad walk out the door to the garage and waited until I heard his car rev and actually drive down the road before I headed back upstairs to my room. Don't ask me why. My mom followed me up and apparently was trying to play up the whole motherly love thing as much as possible. It was times like these that my mother and I got along just fine. I climbed into bed and doubled my pillows up and prepared for a long day's rest. I had heard stories about how people slept almost the whole way through their transformations, waking up only a couple of times for meals. I know my mom slept for almost two days and Dan slept for about three days and he said that he ate like there was no tomorrow. It made sense, you couldn't gain weight without food and sustenance. I heard that people who gained a lot of fat even developed cravings for especially fatty foods and foods that were really high in cholesterol. These were all things to look out for. My mom brought up my covers and even straightened out my messed up sheets. "Do you need another blanket?" She asked sweetly. "No, I'm fine as it is." I was actually very comfortable; save for cramps all over my body and a sudden drowsiness that made me feel like I got hit with a tranquilizer dart. I fell asleep fast and don't even remember my mom walking out the door, but instead remember my mom sitting next to me on the bed and looking at me lovingly. I woke up with a bad taste in my mouth and saw that my room was now completely dark, instead of the bright and cheery late morning sun that had shined through my windows when I first fell asleep. For a couple of minutes I just sat there, staring at the ceiling and wondering what kind of change I was going through. I moved my tongue around in my mouth and notice that my teeth seemed straighter and that my tongue felt a little bit larger, or perhaps my mouth was smaller, I thought. I moved my arms in an effort to sit up and noticed immediately how sore I still was. I felt a tickling along my neck and noticed that my hair had grown and had taken on a more lustrous black tone, instead of the dull brown it used to be. It came to my chin and it even felt heavier on my head. I looked at my fingers and noticed that they seemed smaller and more feminine, more graceful. My arms followed suite, looking much more like a girl's arm than a man's arm, or even a boy's. I felt a lump rising in my throat and I wondered how I was ever going to deal with what I was becoming. Whether it was a girlish young boy or just a girl, it didn't seem very comforting. I noticed that everything around me felt a little bit bigger and felt the lump in my stomach grow even larger when I realized that that was because I was smaller. I looked down at my body and noticed how I felt I was swimming in my pajamas, even though I knew I wasn't that much smaller. I looked through the neck of my shirt and realized that I had lost a great deal of muscle tone and that my torso seemed much more slender and graceful. I pulled at the loose elastic band of my pants and fearfully looked down at what used to be a proud pair of testicles supporting a larger than average penis. Now it looked like I was looking down a young boy's pair of slacks, with nothing but a pair of peanuts for testicles. I was about to cry in horrible dismay at the turn for the worse I had taken, when I realized just how much of a baby that was being. I gathered my courage and stepped off my bed, noticing that the step down was larger than I last remembered. I tiptoed to the bathroom, hoping to get a better look at myself in the mirror. What I saw in the mirror was an 8-year old boy staring back, with gray eyes and a baby soft skin complexion. I had lost eight years, just wonderful. Fortunately I was too tired and wore to throw any type of protest or temper tantrum. I just silently accepted my fate and slowly turned away from the mirror. Well, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, I thought. At least I would be getting 8 years added on to my life, I couldn't complain about that. I turned around to just to see my mother looking at me, looking like she herself was about to cry. She hugged my and kissed my forehead and whispered, "Everything is going to be fine." I felt a bit better, if not more like a child. She let go and then took my shoulder in her arm and guided me back to my room. I couldn't bear to think of all the humiliation I was going to go through with my friends and my sister Jenny for this. My heart broke when I thought of how I could never see Carla again. I would never face her like this, an 8-year old boy. It would be simply disgraceful. My mom let me get into the bed and then she did the same thing that she did before, rearranging my sheets and bed so that they were all perfect and I felt cozy and warm again. She kissed me on the cheek and whispered, "See you in the morning." A million changes went through my head. I wondered how much more change I had to go through. I had no appetite and I definitely still felt like I had the virus, being extremely tired and sore. I saw that my mom had her nightgown on. Had she changed? Just how late was it? I noticed that my sister's door was closed and there were no lights on throughout the house. How did my mom know that I even got up? But first and foremost, I wondered in what form would my mom see me in the morning. Once again I slipped into the dark oblivion that was sleep. I might as well have been dead, for I dreamed and felt nothing. When I woke up in the morning I felt beyond sore. I felt like I was falling apart. The tearing in my hips made me feel like my legs were slowly and most painfully being widened. I felt a pulling at my groin and my feet felt like they were stuck inside of baby shoes. My entire face in general just felt like it was being prodded with needles and my fingers and arms felt like they shrinking while my muscles and veins weren't. On top of all that, I felt a horrible pain in my stomach and a little bit below my stomach. It felt like my insides were being torn apart. I felt a slight soreness on my chest as well. I tried moving my arms but was rewarded only with extreme pain. I tried to make one fell swoop with my arms and pick myself up to sit up in my bed, but as soon as I did I felt extremely dizzy and everything went black. The last thing I remembered was being halfway up and feeling extreme pain. The next time I woke up I hardly felt anything at all. I sat still for a minute and felt for any strange discomforts or feelings. The first thing I noticed was a dull weight on my chest. It reminded me of when whiskers, our old cat, used to sleep in my bed and would lie on my chest. The other thing I noticed was the amount of cushioning under my but. It felt I was lying on a pillow. Not to mention that my hips felt like they were three feet wide. I also felt a tickling along my neck, caused by my hair that now hung down to my shoulders. I opened my mouth slightly and licked my lips, amazed at how puffy they now seemed. Even my tongue itself seemed larger. Almost immediately I knew that I had turned into a girl. I was dumbfounded. I couldn't have ever imagined myself as a girl and almost overnight I had been turned into one and my life had been changed forever. I sat up gently and slowly, fearing the barrage of pain I had felt earlier. Surprisingly, I felt no pain at all. I looked around the room and noticed that it was dark and looked over at my clock to see that it was seven thirty in the evening. I cringed a bit, knowing that my whole family would be up to see "the new me." I looked down at my bulging shirt, which seemed to be suffocating my new breasts with cotton and polyester. I poked one of my new boobs gently and sadly noted that this was only the second breast I had touched. The first one being Carla's. My nipples were clearly visible through the thin material and gently took one my hands and rubbed along the sides of my boobs just to get an idea of their size and weight. They were probably a little bit bigger than Carla's cute little boobs, but not as big as my mom's boobs or my sisters. I quickly stopped comparing my breasts to others as I realized what exactly I was doing. I moved on to other parts of my body, looking at my dainty little hands and fingers. I looked at my very feminine and very weak arms. I grabbed a long piece of my jet-black hair and noticed that it had gained a lot of luster and volume, as opposed to my old wiry brown hair. My skin was still a slightly tan pigment, but was now much softer and devoid of hair. I wasn't sure if it was the skin itself, or the lack of hair that made the skin so much more sensitive, but I felt like I could feel every single strand of fabric holding my pajamas together. I pulled up my shirt a bit so I could see my new stomach, which was much the same as my old one, but was much thinner and more petit. I noticed how thin my waist seemed and how my pants were suspended solely from my much larger waist. With every poke and prod I couldn't help but feel a little more feminine, a lot less like my old self and a lot more scared. I wondered how I would ever get used to this body, when I hadn't even ventured into the "nether lands". I ran my hands along my smooth face and through my hair and sighed, surprising myself with how high my voice was now. I stepped out of bed and walked to my dresser a little too quickly. I felt every element of my new feminine body working against me. My boobs wobbled, barely contained by the shirt and my hips swayed dramatically back in forth. Not to mention that I kept tripping over my now huge pant legs and my arms felt lost in their oversized sleeves. Eventually I got to the dresser and picked out a hoodie that was much larger and baggier, making sure my family wouldn't see too much of my new body. The hoodie seemed to make a joke of my new size, flowing over my shoulders and stopping at my thighs and hiding my arms in its size. I wondered just how much height and weight I had lost. I fearfully left my room and swept open the door to the lit hallway, feeling much like I was making the first step on the moon. Not surprisingly, nothing exciting happened on my first step outside my room, as opposed to the first step on the moon. I peeked my head out and looked to see the dark bedrooms of my sister and parents room. Confident that no one would catch me by surprise, I padded down the stairs, trying my best to make no sound at all. I heard the clattering of dishes and my dad talking about some new project they were working on at the plant where he worked. He seemed to talk like he was just talking to fill a void, like he wasn't even interested in what he was saying. My mom and my sister didn't say a word. I wondered if that was because of me. I walked up slowly, but then realized I was going to have to face them anyway, why delay it and make it more painful than it has to be? So I just walked into the kitchen, preparing myself for the next step of the transformation. Coincidentally, only my sister was faced towards me sitting at the table. My mom was sitting at the side opposite and my dad sitting at the head of the table. My sister gazed at me silently with her mouth slightly open, eyes wide, looking like she was seeing a ghost. My mom and dad both saw her face and turned to see what she was looking at and wore similar faces when their eyes met me. I blushed and looked down at the floor. My mom gasped slightly and my dad simply said "Oh my God..." I unwillingly let several silent tears out and sniffed, their reaction only now making me fully realize how much I had changed and how much I was going to have to go through to lead a normal life again. I used a single hand to wipe the tears off my face and couldn't have felt more ashamed. I don't remember ever feeling more humiliated. I turned quickly and ran back up to my room, my bouncing breasts again reminding me of what I had become. I heard my mom say "Oh sweetie, no..." and followed me up the stairs. Fortunately I was faster than her and flew into my room. I was full- blown crying now; I muffled my cries with my wet pillow and lay on my bed feeling sorry for myself. I hoped I never had to face my family's stares again. I heard my mom outside my door, pleading for me to come out. "Please, Lenny, we didn't mean to make you cry. We were just surprised, that's all. Please come out. It's going to be okay, just let me talk to you." She was using the softest voice I had ever heard her use in a long time, the last time probably being when I was six years old and our grandmother died. As foolish as it may be, it made me feel a little bit better. I new she was just trying to help and I wiped the tears off my face with my huge sleeve and opened the door for her. I stood there, realizing that she was about three inches taller than me now. That left me to be about 5 foot 3 inches. It made me feel like a small child again and I wondered how old I was now. My mom looked at me with those same sad and sympathetic eyes she gave me when I was in bed with the virus. I was beginning to hate it, since every time I saw it something bad happened. My mom took my shoulder in her arm and guided me to the bed. She patted the spot next to her after she sat down. "Lenny, I know you're not happy about your new body, but you have to understand that this is a big change for us too. Were all going to have to work together as a family and you have to understand that." I sat there silently, looking at my carpet. "You know Lenny, we weren't just surprised at your change because of how different you are. I don't know if you want to hear this or not, but your very pretty. You should be thankful that you at least have that." Again I said nothing and silence seemed to invade the room. "Lenny, have you looked in the mirror yet?" My mom asked, sounding a bit perplexed. I shook my head no, trying at all costs to avoid using my girlish voice. "Well maybe you should." She said. I wondered what could be so strange about my appearance. I already knew I was a girl. I decided it was a good idea in any case and made my way into the bathroom. I flipped on the light switch and saw a girl staring back at me, who was probably 15 or 16 years old. She was exceptionally pretty, in an innocent sort of way. She had a cute little nose and pouty lips that made her very attractive. But the strangest things of all were her eyes. Her eyes were deep, vibrant purple and they matched the roots of her hair. They were almost hypnotic, they were so exceptionally strange and somehow enchanting. Her hair matched in that her roots were a similar color purple and then faded to a dark black after a few inches. I ran my hand along my hair and it felt normal, but its color was perplexing and even a bit erotic, accenting what seemed to be a flood of femininity coming from this girl. I suddenly understood. I was sure I didn't like it, but I now understood the looks I got. I saw my mom enter the bathroom in the mirror and she seemed hesitant and nervous, as if she weren't of what to say. "It's hard to believe isn't it?" She said in a near whisper. "You're telling me." I said, speaking my first words as a girl and finding them to be quite sweet and pretty. It was all the more to hate this new body of mine. "You know, I'm sure you have a very nice body, but it's hard to see under all those clothes." My mom said, obviously asking me without actually having to ask me to let her see my new body. "You could just ask me, mom." I said, a bit annoyed with all the niceties. "Do you think I could?" She asked, again sounding very nervous. "Do I think you could what?" I said, even more annoyed now. "Oh for God's sake just take off your sweatshirt." She said, making me smile. I hesitated, but then grasped the end of my gray sweatshirt and pulled it off of me. This let my mom see just how badly my old clothes fit. I saw myself in the corner of my eye in the mirror and noticed how baggy and oversized everything seemed. My pants hung off of my large hips, my shirt bulged where my breasts stuck out of it too far and then draped over the rest of my front, looking much like a tent. "First order of business, new clothes." My mom said, in a matter-of- fact tone. "Hmm, your not too much smaller than I am, so you should do fine with what I have until we can get you your own clothes." I didn't like where this was going at all. She left the bathroom and headed towards he bedroom. I stayed put, until she turned around and said, "Well are you coming or not?" When entered the forbidden space of my parents' bedroom, a threshold I had crossed only in my years of infancy. My mother of course acted like it wasn't a big deal. She pulled open her dresser drawers and revealed a full arsenal of underwear, from frilly, to utilitarian, to flashy. There were bras, panties and things I didn't even know the name of. I must have shown my surprise on my face, because my mom said, "Well I have to have options don't I?" She pulled out a pair of plain white panties that looked new. "These ought to do for now." She said, handing them to me. I took them in my index finger and my thumb and held them awkwardly in front of me. I wasn't sure which fact I liked less, the fact that these probably would fit me, or the fact that these were my mom's panties. "You know, it's hard to judge what size your breasts are without taking off your shirt." My mom suggested. For a second there was another awkward pause. "Can't it wait?" I asked hopefully. "It could, but you're going to have to wear a bra when we go shopping tomorrow anyway. It's either now, or then. And I'm not sure you want to go the rest of the night without a bra, unless you want to be sore..." She said, annoying me by being right. "Mom, this is really weird." I said honestly. "Honey, its nothing I haven't seen before." She said, giving me a comforting look. I walked over and closed the door and then went back to where I was standing before, but now facing away from my mom. I slowly lifted my shirt up over my breasts and was surprised by how sensitive my nipples were rubbing against the fabric. It was actually nice to get the shirt off, as I just realized how itchy the cotton was making my nipples. Once the shirt was off, my breasts actually didn't sag at all; they were very perky yet full. The nipples were a puffy and were about three-quarters of an inch in diameter. I turned back around and felt the strange sensation of my nipples hardening in the cold air of the bedroom. My mom looked directly at them and said, "I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but many women would be proud to have your breasts. I'd say you're about a small "c" cup. This bra is going to be a bit big, but it's better than nothing. Go ahead and try it on." She said, handing me the plain white bra. I took it in my fingers much like the panties and looked at it like it was a piece of alien equipment. I put my arms through the loops and struggled with the hooks in the back, caring little about how it wasn't properly lined up with my boobs, but instead was mashing them into my chest. My mom let me squirm and struggle like this for about a minute before she intervened. "First of all, take the cups and fit your breasts into them." She said, taking the bra briskly and emotionlessly did as she instructed. "Next to hook the back of the bra. I know it seems impossible now, but you'll get the hang of it." She said, hooking the back of the straps for me. She was right, it did feel loose, not to mention uncomfortable. At least it supported my boobs and hid my rather large nipples. If this was being a woman, I wasn't looking forwards to my life as a girl. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it." My mom said, noticing my nervous face. "Now go ahead and put on the panties. Come on, do you really want to make this longer and harder than it has to be?" She said, making sense once again. She turned around and I slipped the pants off of my waist. I noticed my dark black bush and dared not to touch it. I already hated the sight of my new shapely feminine legs, I didn't need to go exploring deeper into the woods. I picked up the panties from where I had dropped them, found the front and slipped them on. They went on flat against my pelvis and hugged my butt. It was a rather weird feeling when you had a penis and balls in the way for almost all of your life. I Put the pants and top back on and turned back around. "Okay, I'm done." I said, signaling my mom to turn back around, who frowned when she saw that I had the top back on. "Oh I don't think so. Here's something that should fit you a tad bit better." She said, handing me a soft white set of women's pajamas that I had seen my mom wearing before. I hesitantly took my pajamas of and exchanged them for the new ones. Although still large, they fit much better than my other pair and were much more comfortable. I felt a little more normal now, despite the strange new attire. "Ready to hit the town." My mom said smiling. I giggled, but quickly stopped and blushed as soon as I realized how much I sounded like a little girl. "What do I do now?" I asked. "Anything you want to. Are you hungry?" "No." I said, reminding me of how much smaller I was now and I wondered how much I would eat when I was hungry. "I'm not sure if you want to talk to any of your friends right now, but a girl Carla stopped by yesterday and earlier today and Dan called this afternoon." She said, giving me a strange look and tone when she mentioned Carla. I cringed, knowing I would probably never have a chance with Carla now. I wondered if I would ever like another girl like I liked Carla, or if I would even like other girl's period now that I had turned into one myself. I became a bit frightened as I realized that I might swing the other way and start noticing guys. I couldn't imagine ever wanting to make love to a guy, which comforted me for the moment, but I worried about what the female hormones that I now produced were capable of. I thought about Carla again and wondered what it would be like to do cuddle with her and kiss her like I did the other night, but this time as a girl. I remembered how wonderful she smelled and I wondered if I smelled like that. I couldn't help but wonder if my lips held the same wonderfully soft luster and when you kissed them did they feel like the soft pillows like Carla's. Did my tummy ooze femininity? Did my rhythmic breathing sooth even the most troubled soul? Would Carla find me attractive? "Do you want to come downstairs and I'll make you some soup?" My mom asked, snapping me back into reality. "Wha... oh sure. Yeah, that would be fine." I said, even though I wasn't the least bit hungry. My mom silently went downstairs and I stood there for a couple of seconds. I though about how long it would take me to get used to this new body and its new clothes. The bra seemed to dig into my chest and my pajama bottoms were pinned under the heels of my dainty feet. I only hoped that it would get better when I got my own clothes. And yet something about that scared me immensely, perhaps just the thought of doing something so drastic as to have to change my entire wardrobe, my entire image. I thought of how I saw myself and when I tried to picture myself in my head, I couldn't do it. I could look down at myself and see a couple of awkward bumps and curves under a heap of cotton, but when I tried to picture my face in the mirror, I drew a blank. All I could think of was my sister's face, or a blur of a feminine face dabbled with purple. I felt sad, knowing that I had lost a part of me and knew that I would once more have to find myself. Or perhaps I had never found myself and was simply starting the search over again. I thought about how others might see me. A quiet, lonely little girl whose only fault was being introverted and all too feminine. Or how boys might see me and clash of tits and ass. I shuddered at the thought of a boy looking at me like I had looked at so many other girls and suddenly felt like scum. I felt terrible, wondering how I could look at a girl and not even see the beautiful person underneath and instead be taken aback by their beauty and charms. I wondered if girls even knew what they were doing to boys, wanting attention, wanting boys to notice them, but not realizing how all too many girls were sacrificing their right to express themselves, for a little more attention from another horny boy. Lastly, I wondered if I was doing that to Carla. Had I even gotten to know her? Was I just looking at her pretty smile and her nice dress? Where was she from anyway? She was from Florida, I reminded myself. But what were her parents like? I had never met them, I thought sadly and she had never mentioned them. What kind of music did she like? She liked everything that I liked, I thought happily. Who were her friends? Who was her best friend? I realized that I didn't know who her friends were and I didn't even know if she had a best friend. The thought haunted my mind, whether or not I would ever truly be able to know any of these things. I was determined to keep my friendship with Carla, even if she didn't like me as a lover, but instead a best friend. If not for good company, then at least for my present and future relationships with women. I realized that I was obsessed with Carla. I glumly walked down the steps for the second time tonight and prayed that I would get a better reception than the first time. I heard my mom saying to Jenny and my dad: "...and for God's sake don't stare at her! It's hard enough as it is. Don't you two understand how much you hurt her feelings last time?" Hearing that touched me more than a little. I still have someone looking out for me, I thought. It was quiet as soon as I hit the creaky floorboards at the bottom of the stairs and I tried to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. I walked into the kitchen and saw my sister and my dad sitting at the same spots at the kitchen table. My dad started to stare again, but my sister quickly recovered, executing an obvious kick under the table and earning an honest "ouch" from dad. I walked around my mom, who was stirring a pot of Campbell's chicken noodle soup and took a seat at the table, right across from my sister. They're eyes darted around the room, obviously and foolishly trying not to stare. "You know, you are allowed to look at me." I said humorously. My sister and my dad giggled, realizing how foolish they were being. My sister finally spoke up, saying, "Well at least your not ugly," earning a snicker from everyone in the room. "Lenny, I just want to let you know, that no matter what happens, your mother and I will always be there. You'll always be my son at heart and maybe if not that, I can handle having another daughter." My dad said honestly, seeming to look at me with quiet respect, or something like that. "Thanks dad." The rest of the night was filled with comfortable and light conversation, with a hint of acceptance. I was suddenly confident that everything would be okay. Will it tear you apart? Will it? Will it tear you apart? (When I turn and walk away abandon, its not worth the effort When Stalling means Too fucking scared to create abandon, its not worth the effort When stalling and too scared)