Life With AlphaChapter 9 Beta Bayonetta
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Bemused - Chapter One free porn video
Somewhere in the aether of the cosmos, across from Zeus' penthouse, next
to Cthulhu's condominium, a business meeting was going to hell. Not -
the- Hell, though?that was a couple blocks away. The Eleven Muses were
running out of options.
Calliope scowled. "Useless humans!"
"Bash them all you want, but you must admit: they have been pretty
useful, given the circumstances," Cenobia said meekly.
"'Given the circumstances!' Do you have any idea how tired I am of
hearing your relentless rationalizations?"
"Calliope, they're mortals. You have to be patient with them," Cenobia
said. "They're far more valuable than you think."
"Valuable? They're about as valuable as a dying crap apple tree!"
"I believe you mean a 'crab' apple tree," Sappho said.
"Silence, you sniveling sycophant!" Calliope thundered. She gestured to
her heavy tablet. "My words and deeds are written in stone!"
"If you're going to go around screaming insults, Calliope, I would
suggest that you at least try to understand what they mean," Clio said.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do something productive."
Clio massaged her aching temples. These conferences kept getting worse
and worse. Whoever deemed Calliope the "wisest Muse" was either an
imbecile or had a wicked sense of irony.
Erato scooped up another handful of potato chips and resumed her assault
on the television remote. "Calliope has a point. Have you seen what's on
HBO lately? It's awful. Even they can't come up with new ideas."
"Truly, the end is near," Thalia whimpered.
"I don't know what's wrong!" Calliope said. "Have the humans forgotten
how to think creatively? Surely, there must be some reason behind all
this."
Clio stopped typing at her laptop and looked pale. There was no doubt
about it now: the statistics were right in front of her. "I think I've
identified the culprits."
"And who might they be?" Calliope said.
"Fanboys."
************
The restaurant was crowded, so it was hard to hear what the news anchor
was saying. Not that it mattered to Steve. After all, the news was the
same as yesterday. And the day before that, and the day before that,
too. "Dear God, when will people just move on with their lives?" Steve
lamented, shaking his head disgustedly at the television. Yes, weird
things were happening. Weird things had been happening regularly for the
past six months. So why did everyone insist on calling them "weird?" It
was weird.
"The world was shocked last week by the bizarre incident during the 5th
Annual KlingCon at the Bertram Convention Center," The anchor said.
Mike took another sip of his margarita. "Whatever. So Dirk, what was
your take on the movie?"
Dirk's posture suddenly became perfect, and Steve and Mike braced
themselves for another dreaded otaku rant. "Personally, I thought the
cyberpunk aspect was a bit overdone...but I was so thrilled when they
made that Ghost in the Shell reference!"
Steve sighed. "A little bit too thrilled, I'd say. You looked like you
were about to cream your pants."
Dirk glared at him. "This is coming from the self-proclaimed 'Master
Debater?'"
"I told you to stop calling me that! I was drunk, and that was four
years ago!"
On the television screen, the "Bertram Incident" was being shown. The
grainy aerial video footage showed the Bertram Convention Center, a
marvel of modern engineering. It was festooned with banners for the
KlingCon sci-fi festival, complimenting its space-age architecture.
Seconds later, the building shattered into a sea of sparkling shards and
astonished fanboys, all suspended in midair. As the camera zoomed in on
the spectacle, the shards coalesced into a sleek black spaceship.
Without so much as a goodbye, it blasted off into the deep blue sky,
bringing thousands of diehard Trekkies with it. "Good riddance," Steve
thought.
"Authorities are still struggling to ascertain the current whereabouts
and welfare of the victims. In other news, the Japanese Prime Minister
announced today that he would introduce a bill to the Diet to control
Tokyo's insurance rates, which have been skyrocketing ever since the
appearance of the so-called 'mecha.'"
Mike plunked his glass down on the table. "Enough already! I didn't
organize this outing so we could bitch at each other! We have only one
more year of college left. Then we'll be scattered all over the country.
Are you guys going to waste this time acting like six-year-olds?"
Dirk and Steve momentarily fell silent.
Dirk sighed. "I'll pay the bill."
"No, I'll do it!" Steve countered.
"Shh! I'm trying to listen to this!" a nearby restaurant-goer whispered,
much to Mike's relief.
"Joining us tonight is Dr. Johann Jansen, who has been spearheading the
effort to understand the meaning behind all these strange events," The
anchor droned. "Dr. Jansen, thank you for being with us tonight."
"You're welcome. As many of you are aware, the only apparent connection
between the occurrences is that they have primarily affected 'fandoms.'
However, the Bertram Incident makes it painfully clear that there is
still much we do not understand. The question that lingers in everyone's
mind, scientist and layman alike, is 'What will happen next?'"
Suddenly the screen went static. But that didn't bother Steve. What did
bother Steve was how everyone except for him and his friends seemed to
be stuck in a loop, and not in a metaphorical sense.
A waitress moved to take a tray, jolted back, moved to take the tray,
jolted back. The customer began to thank her, stopped, and began to
thank her again. A man fell off his seat, reappeared on top of it, and
then fell off.
"Uh, guys?"
Mike and Dirk had already noticed. The trio exchanged bewildered
glances. Apparently, either they were the victims of an elaborate prank,
or they were in the middle of a catastrophic chronological distortion.
Or in laymen's terms, time had just made a major f-up.
A beautiful blue sphere of light materialized in the center of the
restaurant, capturing their gaze for an infinite second. Then it
blossomed into a beautiful blue explosion that turned the entire
building into smoldering wreckage. Beautiful smoldering wreckage.
Dirk had an enlightened thought before the blast engulfed him. It was
something like, "ZOMGWTF?
************
Beep...beep...
Though his mind was hazy, Dirk quickly realized that he was in some sort
of recovery room.
He thought back. Last thing he had remembered, he was at some
restaurant, then he had been blown up. That sucked. At least he didn't
need to pick up the tab. Mike was always ordering such expensive shit...
That started a new train of thought. Was Mike okay? Was Steve okay?
Emphasis on Mike.
What had happened between now and then? He couldn't recall anything save
for---
A white conference room. Eleven women sat at a long rectangular table,
staring at him balefully?
--and the words, Mist, Heatwave, and Breeze.
Where the hell did those thoughts come from? He could've sworn that he'd
heard that people don't dream if they've been knocked out. Now he could
write a book about how wrong they were, win a Nobel Prize, and get to
marry the President. Only for his money, though. He wasn't gay. Not that
there was anything wrong with being gay. It was only wrong if you, like,
never wore anything but a Speedo and ran around punching grade-
schoolers. Then you'd be an asshole, not gay.
Maybe his brain just needed to finish booting up. Yeah, that made sense.
"Good morning, Chosen One."
If his body had not felt like a bag of rotting tomatoes, Dirk would've
sat bolt upright.
It wasn't just the suddenness of the voice that startled Dirk; it was
the strangeness of it. Dirk knew that the speaker had just said
something in English, but he simply could not understand what he was
saying. Had the explosion given him some kind of brain injury? As the
haze in his mind began to clear, he realized that even his thoughts
seemed...different. As though he was thinking in a different language.
He tried to tell the man that he was sorry that he couldn't understand.
"Sumimasen ga, wakarimasen," he said. Two things quickly became
apparent to Dirk: One, he was speaking Japanese, and two, he sounded
like a little girl. That was somewhat unusual.
"My apologies...the A.T.S. is off," the stranger said as he fiddled with
a device strung around Dirk's neck. "That should do it."
Dirk soon heard the man's words repeated, this time in his new native
language.
"A.T.S. o tsukemasen."
When Dirk uttered a response, "Nani goto desu ka," his speech was
translated into English. "What's going on?"
"You were the victim of the anomaly that occurred two days ago. Most of
the people in the restaurant survived unharmed. However, you and your
two friends underwent some major changes."
"What do you mean by that?"
The man gazed at Dirk intently. "Do you really wish to understand what
has happened?"
"Yup."
He sighed sagely. "You are the reincarnation of the Crystal Guardian.
You have been chosen by the Crystal Goddess to become the keeper of the
Crystal of Eternity. In order to do that, however, you had to be
transformed into a young Japanese girl."
"How does that make sense?"
The man erupted into laughter. "You're a sharp one, miss: a lot of
people I give that Crystal Guardian speech to just let me keep
bullshitin' away. To tell you the truth, I have absolutely no idea what
the hell is going on. I wasn't kidding about you changing age, gender,
and ethnicity, though. Toodle-oo!" With a slight grunt of effort, the
stranger stood up and withdrew himself from the room. Just before Dirk
could breathe a sigh of relief, he popped his head back into the doorway
and said, "By the way, the name's Chip Gilligan. You'll be seeing a lot
of me in the future," As Chip vanished around the corner, Dirk received
the distinct impression that he was wearing fake cat-ears.
"...changing age, gender, and ethnicity." No. That simply couldn't be.
Summoning all his strength, Dirk threw aside the bedsheets and surveyed
his body.
************
As Chip Gilligan walked down the hallway, he was not entirely surprised
to hear a glass-shattering feminine shriek of terror. "Hoo boy," he
murmured to himself. "Try to be honest with a girl, and she goes super-
hyper-intergalactic psycho."
A nurse accosted him. "Chip!"
"Uh oh."
"Were you talking with the patients again? I thought Childs told you to
stop that!"
Chip sighed. "Yeah, yeah. He wants me to be all 'nice' to them and
such."
"No, he wanted you to stay the hell away from the recovery rooms,
period. How did you get into this sector, anyway?"
"It's not important. What is important is that you Dr. Phil wannabes
are so busy trying to 'ease' the patients into their new jobs that
you're forgetting that they're superhuman. They're tough. They can
take it."
"Your 'shock therapy' isn't helping, Chip. The patients need time to
adjust. How would you feel if you woke up like he did?" she said,
gesturing wildly at Dirk's room.
"I would feel great. Dirk and his friends have been given a blessing in
disguise. That's a hell of a lot better than no blessing at all."
"That's not for you to judge."
"Of course it is. Childs has assigned me to accompany their team. I'm
going to be their 'animal mascot,'" Chip proclaimed, pointing to his
fake cat-ears.
"You're not an animal, Chip."
"You know what? Fuck you."
************
Dirk stared vacantly up at the recovery room's ceiling. Many people in
his situation would have attempted to explain this sudden turn of events
as a dream or a hallucination; but Dirk was different. Dirk lacked the
initiative to bother asking why.
"So...Dirk Nelson. I'm pleased to make your acquaintance."
This voice was new, and strangely electronic. He sat up and looked over
at its source to find it was not a man speaking to him, but...a
television set?
On the screen was a silhouette of a man, but not much else.
"Who are you? Where's Mike and Steve?"
"You may call me Mr. Childs. I represent an organization that seeks
global peace and prosperity."
"Don't they all," Dirk murmured.
Childs chuckled softly. "I'm already beginning to like you, Mr. Nelson.
Quick wits are needed for your position. And as for your question about
your friends, you will see them very soon. As in five seconds."
Suddenly Dirk's bed began to sink through a hole in the floor. Startled
as he was, Dirk couldn't help but marvel over how awesome that was. It
was like "Get Smart" come to life! Hospitals would be so much more
badass if they had these things installed.
After a few seconds, the elevator-bed-thingy completed its descent into
a room below. Looking around him, Dirk could see several other beds.
In them sat two unfamiliar Japanese girls. The one on his left looked
to be in her late teens, and the one on his right was even younger than
Dirk's new body.
There was a second TV in this room, also with the shadowy figure of
Childs on the screen. "I deeply apologize for being so direct, but Mr.
Gilligan has deprived you of an opportunity to adjust. Mr. Nelson,
Steven is on your left, and Michael is on your right."
The trio exchanged looks of bewilderment.
"As you know, many inexplicable things have been happening as of late.
Tensions are high. The general populace is on the verge of mass
hysteria. If something is not done soon, panic and lawlessness will
consume all civilization. If you so chose, you may prevent that from
happening. You have recently been gifted with extraordinary powers, the
exact specifics of which I can only guess at."
"What I do know is this?should you choose to cooperate with my
organization, we can save humanity from the growing chaos. Your task
will not be easy. You will find yourself fighting against ruthless
opponents, some human, and some not. But I have full confidence that
you will succeed, because you will not be alone. My organization does
not abandon the faithful. So I ask of you, Dirk Nelson, Michael Tanner,
and Steven Yale: will you follow me?"
Steve was the first to speak up. "Thanks, but no thanks. That sounds
cool and all, but I'd really like to go back to normal."
"I'll second that," Mike squeaked.
"But we haven't seen our powers yet..." Dirk mumbled.
Childs paused. "I understand how you feel. I know how confused you
are, and I would tell you so much more if I were allowed to. If you so
desire, you may refuse my offer. However, only my organization has the
resources to restore you to your former selves, and we will only help
you if you can help us. Your choice."
Steve's lip curled. "So you're going to exploit our misfortune and make
us your prisoners?"
"In a way, aren't we all prisoners of our responsibilities? But mark my
words: your period of service will be brief and rewarded generously."
The three leaned towards each other to discuss the matter.
"No way I'm cooperating with that bastard," Steve whispered fiercely,
not caring if his words were being covertly recorded. "He won't even
tell us who he works for! And how do we know he'll restore us?"
Mike seemed apprehensive. "True. But something about the way he said,
'your choice' really scares me. We don't know where we are, and we're
cut off from the outside world. Who knows what he'll do if we refuse?"
Dirk nodded in agreement. "I don't trust him either...but I'd say we
have at least a slightly better chance of getting back to normal if we
cooperate. He'd have no incentive to even keep us alive if we turned
him down. Besides, we could always drop out if things started going
bad...just like you did on that pre-algebra course," he said, eyeing
Steve.
"Are you guys crazy?" Steve ranted. "This is-this is tyranny! Tyranny
of the majority!"
After a small eternity of whispered bickering, a collective sigh and a
collective reply: "Fine. We'll do it."
"You better hold up your end of the deal," Steve threatened. Before his
transformation, he had a superb talent for giving people scornful looks.
Now he just looked sulky. Adorable and sulky.
Though he couldn't see his face, Dirk knew that Childs was grinning.
"On my honor, Mr. Yale. Our...partnership will be mutually beneficial,"
Then he added, with a slight degree of reluctance, "Mr. Gilligan...you
may enter. Childs out." The TV went dark.
A man emerged from a hidden door. Much to Dirk's revulsion, it was
indeed Chip Gilligan. "Alright, people. We don't have much time, so
get up right now," Chip said flatly.
As they stumbled out of their beds, Dirk looked around and noticed that
he and his friends were all wearing dark green jumpsuits. Not exactly
high fashion, but it was a hell of a lot better than hospital gowns.
"The first step," Chip explained, "is to figure out what your abilities
are. You now belong to a rare class of humans we call 'Upholders';
people who have been given extraordinary powers. We first started
encountering your kind when the strange phenomena began six months ago."
"Wait?are you saying that we're superheroes? I thought you said you had
no idea what was going on," Dirk said.
"Yeah, well, I lied. Anyway, do any of you like anime?"
"Are you seriously trying to change the subject from your knowledge
about a global crisis to Japanese cartoon shows? You're starting to
sound like him," Steve spat, casting a venomous glance at Dirk.
"All the Upholders seem to have powers based on what interests they had
when they were normal humans," Chip paused for a moment, rubbing his
chin thoughtfully.
"This is just a hunch, but I think you guys might be some kind of
magical-girl team. Try 'powering up.'"
"Excuse me?" Steve asked incredulously.
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