Coming To Terms, Chapter 1 free porn video

Andy Robinson felt invisible and he was glad. Nothing really stood out about him and he wanted to keep it that way. He was just a 10 year-old boy in a sea of other kids in his age group. He was a below-average student at school, but not so below average that it caused concern. He showed no particular talent for sports, mainly because he shied away from contact sports. He did enjoy swimming and had won 3rd place in the 50 meter freestyle event in the annual competition held at the community pool last year. But, of course, 3rd place was just slightly above ordinary. No one paid any attention to a third-place finisher. Third place had loser written all over it and Andy was fine with that. Andy was a member of a single-parent family, but that really was not unusual. Almost half of the kids in his school came from divorced and/or single-parent families. The one distinguishing thing about his family, which was not something that he ever would brag about, or even discuss with anyone for that matter, was that he had no idea who his father was. Neither did his mother. Apparently, she had gone through a wild streak her final year in high school and wound up pregnant with him, not knowing which of the boys she had slept with was the father. Andy's grandmother had helped out taking care of him, so that his mother could attend university. But two years later, she wound up doing the same thing again and his sister Sarah was born. Andy loved his Mom, but making the same mistake twice? That said L- O-S-E-R in capital letters. No... Andy did not want to talk about why he had no father. People might show interest. He wouldn't be invisible anymore. They might start to pay attention to him, and that was the last thing that he wanted. Despite being a single-parent family, they were doing all right. His mother had a decent job at the state university in the town where they lived - something to do with the Provost's office, whatever that meant. He and his sister attended the university laboratory school, supposedly one of the best in the entire state. Being attached to the university, signified that he and his sister had advantages that most kids his age at other schools did not have, such as exposure to numerous cultural activities, among other things. However, neither Andy nor Sarah really appreciated them, because from their perspective they always had been present. Rather than seeming like advantages, they viewed them either as regular fare or impositions - things that they were expected to do because they were part of a university community. Andy didn't like adhering to expectations. School was strict academically and progressive socially, or at least that's how they presented the program to parents. They had the interest and resources of the university's schools of Education and Social Sciences, which were constantly seeking to devise new ways to engage students and to create an empowering learning environment. However, these efforts did not exempt the laboratory school from having to deal with the same issues of bullying, teasing, and hierarchical peer-group interactions that plagued most schools. In some respects, these things were worse at the laboratory school. Most schools at least tried to intervene, trying to control problems through the enforcement of rules. However, the laboratory school saw them as legitimate research questions to be studied. Thus, rather than intervening, they tended to allow things to go unchecked in order to preserve the integrity of their research. This meant that problems between students tended to fester longer. Andy had a slight build and was somewhat small for his age. However, he was not so slight or small in stature as to generate concern about his physical development. Nevertheless, because of this, he was picked on by other boys at school, but not so much that it drew attention from the faculty. This was partly because he did not belong to any of the major peer groups at school and therefore did not participate in any of their rivalries and partly because he never reacted to teasing or bullying. In fact, he did his best not to react to anything. He wanted to be like one of the many trees on campus. They existed and took up space, but no one seemed to notice them. And it was working. He was for all intents and purposes invisible, and Andy was content with that. * * * * * Andy's fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Kallnon, stood at the back of the classroom, observing her students as they attempted to complete the surprise quiz that she had just sprung upon them. She had been with the class long enough to pretty much predict what the outcome would be. Sally Mecham, Roberta Gonz?lez, and John Chang would surely ace it. Sally's twin brother Ted, John D'Agostino, and Zack Downing would almost gauranteed to fail, not because they lacked ability, but because they were part of a peer group that seemed to value failure as a mark of machismo - basically saying screw you to their female teacher. The rest would be average, with a couple of enigmas. Andy Robinson was one of those enigmas. She folded her arms and observed him. Andy was a bright boy, but a classic underachiever. She had devoted considerable energy trying to discover a way to motivate him, but thus far had been unsuccessful. Like most kids, students in her class had their good days and bad days - that is, everyone except Andy Robinson. There was no way to tell what kind of day he was having. He was just there, always the same regardless of the situation. But Mrs. Kallnon knew that there was more to him. From her perspective, Andy worked very hard to be unobtrusive, almost as if he were projecting a hologram to the world and was hiding his true self from some perceived threat. But what could that threat be? Who was the boy behind that hologram? Under other circumstances, Mrs. Kallnon might have suspected that Andy was a victim of abuse. He showed many of the classic signs. He was withdrawn, had a flat affect, did not seem to have any friends, and had a school performance that was below his ability level. But she had met Andy's mother, Rebecca Robinson, twice for regular parent-teacher conferences and everything seemed fine. Rebecca was engaged in her son's life. Sure, she was a young mother with two children and no husband, but she seemed to be dealing with the stress, and she had expressed concern about Andy's lackluster school performance at their last meeting. "I just don't know what's going on with Andy," Rebecca had remarked. "He just doesn't seem to be interested in anything." Mrs. Kallnon had tried to console her by saying that all children go through periods of apathy from time to time and indicated that she would keep a close eye on him and let her know if it seems to be more than just a phase. That was six weeks ago and nothing had changed. Andy was just as withdrawn as always. Despite this, she had resisted the urge to contact Rebecca about it. She assumed that Rebecca would expect answers from her and she did not have any. She wanted to better understand the problem. Another possibility was that Andy was a victim of abuse at school, but this did not appear to be the case either. Sure, he was teased from time to time and who knew what went on in the boys lavatory, but it certainly did not appear that he had been singled out for bullying by anyone. A third possibility was that Andy was hiding something, something that he deemed to be so horrible that he could not share it with anyone. That fit with her perception that he was projecting a holographic image of himself to the world. She had consulted a friend of hers in the psychology department at the university and he had confirmed that Andy's behavior seemed to be consistent with him being overwhelmed by fear, either real or perceived. However, he also warned her that children Andy's age lacked the ability to exert sustained control over their emotions. Eventually, what he was hiding, if this were indeed the case, would come out and he probably would experience difficulty with it. To be safe, he suggested that Rebecca consider bringing Andy to the pediatric psychology clinic at the university for evaluation, indicating that they might be able to address the problem before it became serious. Mrs. Kallnon felt conflicted. On one hand, she was uncomfortable telling Rebecca about her friend's recommendation when she could not actually tell her what the problem is. The pediatric psychology clinic seemed extreme and she worried that the whole thing might backfire on her. On the other hand, if she did not say anything and Andy suffered because of it, she would not be able to live with herself. In the end, protecting the well being of her students won out. She resolved to call Rebecca later that evening. She was Andy's mother. It was her decision which option was best. All she could do was support her. "Okay class, time's up. Put down your pencils and hand your papers forward." * * * * * Andy Robinson was ecstatic, although no one noticed because he exhibited no outward emotion. Another school day was finished and he was glad to be parolled from that prison, at least until tomorrow. He hated school, but not for the usual reasons. The work wasn't that bad. In fact, he was able to pass without putting forth much effort. His teacher, Mrs. Kallnon, was nice, and always wore pretty outfits that he genuinely admired. His classmates didn't bother him, at least that much. Andy hated school because he was angry and jealous. His anger stemmed from feeling controlled in every aspect of his life. He hardly had any time to be by himself and he so desperately wanted it. School was the worst part. It represented 100% control. It seemed that he always was under the watchful eye of adults. At school, everyone had their well- defined roles - teachers, janitors, cafeteria workers, professors at the university, girl students, boy students, grounds keepers, secretaries. Each role carried expectations for appropriate behavior. Everyone seemed perfectly comfortable and secure with them. And everyone smiled. The whole thing made Andy sick. In a university town that prided itself on upholding progressive ideals, he could not fathom how everyone seemed to be completely oblivious to their robot-like existence. Andy wasn't happy, but he couldn't reveal this to anyone. His world might fall apart if he did. Thus, he was just as stuck in his invisible role as he believed that everyone else was locked in their robot-like existence. In addition to being angry, Andy was jealous. He was jealous that his sister Sarah had a better life than he did. For that matter, every girl had a better life than he did. Sarah was treated like a delicate little flower, so fragile and beautiful. Lots of effort had to be expended to nurture and protect that flower. He knew that his mom and grandma loved him, but they did not give him even half the attention that they gave to Sarah. She always needed new clothes, her hair fixed, and other things. Everyone always smiled and remarked how pretty and cute she was. Andy? He was just an afterthought. Although on one level, this is exactly what he wanted. He did not want anyone to notice him. However, on a deeper level, he was starving for attention, the right kind of attention, the kind of attention that he longed to have. School was even worse. All of the girls got to wear pretty outfits, flowing skirts and dresses, beautiful shoes, and pretty accessories in their hair. Andy was dizzy most of the day admiring them, wishing that he could go to school like that, in that role. But each day confirmed that he was not allowed to be like them and that made him consumed with jealousy. There was no room for discussion, no appeal. It was just the way things were. Andy was locked in his school boy role, a role that he despised. And it felt like the entire world was conspiring to keep him solidly in that role, including his family. Despite his pent up anger and jealousy, Andy exited the school excited. Today was Sarah's ballet class, which meant that Jenna Avery would be watching him at home. He really liked Jenna. She was in high school and was a real girly girl. Andy enjoyed hanging out with her, because this affored him an opportunity to admire her lovely clothes and so watch her do feminine things, like apply nail polish and makup. Even though this temporarily made him happy, he inevitably became consumed with jealousy, because he had to hide his desires to be just like her. Why did he have to hide his desires? Why couldn't he just be a girl? Andy had considered confiding in Jenna, but rejected it as a crazy idea. There was no way to predict how she would react. She really was sweet, but she might not be very sweet about his secret. What if she thought he was weird? What if she laughed at him? What if she told his Mom or Grandma? He simply could not take that chance. This also explained why he had scrupulously avoided making friends. Friendship meant that people get to know each other. Andy could not risk anyone getting to know him and who he truly was. He was a girl. But it was like everyone refused to acknowledge it. Instead, they had thrust him forever into the role of a boy and there were expectations, expectations that crushed his spirit. The good thing about Jenna was that she did not pay much attention to him. She always sat in the living room doing homework and texting with her friends. This provided Andy with much needed alone time. He already had hidden some of his sister's clothes in his room. He would have about an hour to truly be himself today and he planned to enjoy every minute of it. Andy stopped and surveyed the line of cars parked along the curb, spotted his grandma's blue Toyota, and walked toward it. "Hey Andrea! Wait for us!" Andy clenched his teeth. It was Sarah and her crazy friends Julie and Denise. A couple of weeks ago they had started calling him Andrea. In unnerved him and made him feel completely exposed. But he refused to react to their teasing. There didn't appear to be any obvious reason for Sarah doing this. He didn't tease her or play other tricks on her. It just started one day and then sort of took on a life of its own. It left Andy with the uncomfortable feeling that his sister could see right through him to his core. It was like she knew everything. In one respect, this actually was sweet. Sarah seemed to know him, appeared to have accepted him as a girl, and called him Andrea to confirm it. The only problem with this belief was that it conflicted with the fact that he was positive that Sarah did not know that he was borrowing her clothes. He always was so careful and besides it was not that often. When she had started called him Andrea, he also had taken a detailed inventory of his behavior and could not recognize anything that might make Sarah suspect that he really was a girl like her. Andy was confident that no one knew, but still felt uneasy. One thing was for sure. If he complained about his sister's teasing, his mom and grandma might become suspicious about why it seemed to bother him so much. They might start prying and paying attention to him. Eventually he would be exposed and he might be sent away forever. No. Andy would just have to put up with the incessant teasing. "Hi sis," Sarah said, as she approached. "Where's grandma?" "Hi Andrea," the two other girls chimed sarcastically. "Over there," Andy pointed. "Well let's go. We don't want to be late for ballet," Sarah said. The four children ran to the car, got in, and made their greetings. "Are you girls ready for ballet?" Grandma asked. "Of course!" the girls shouted. "Well... I put your bag in the trunk, Sarah. Do the rest of you have your things ready at home?" Grandma queried, peering in the rearview mirror at Julie and Denise. "I don't want to have to wait too long." "Yes, Mrs. Robinson." Sitting in the front passenger seat, Andy felt a tap on his shoulder. "Are you coming with us, Andrea?" Sarah inquired. Andy clenched his teeth again. "Enough with the teasing," Grandma chided. "You know very well that we're taking Andy home first and then we'll pass by your friend's houses before going to ballet. Truth be known, Andy longed to go to ballet with the girls, not as a spectator but as a participant in the class. However, he could not so much as give an inkling of that desire to anyone. He had to avoid being exposed at all costs. "Oh, that's right. Andrea has a babysitter." Sarah deliberately drew out the word baby for emphasis. "That's so cute," Denise said. "Jenna's going to change her diaper when she gets home," Sarah added. "Baby, baby, baby Andrea." "She's such a baby," Denise and Julie chimed, again drawing out the word baby. "I said enough teasing," Grandma scolded. ***** Jenna met Andy at the door and waved to Mrs. Robinson as she left with the girls. "Hi Andy. What's up?" "Nothing," Andy mumbled. "Hey, why the long face?" In truth, Andy always looked sad, but he looked particularly dejected today. She placed her hand on his shoulder and said, "Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you a snack and you can tell me all about it." Actually, this was the last thing that Andy wanted to do because it would cut into his alone time. But he was stuck and followed Jenna into the kitchen. She poured a glass of milk and set a plate with three chocolate chip cookies in front of him. Andy couldn't take his eyes off Jenna. She wore a simple flouncy skirt with a stunning pattern. It caressed her legs with every step. He wanted to wear that skirt so much and feel its soft material on his legs. He wished that he had the courage to ask her. Jenna sat at the table with a cup of tea and said, "Okay Andy, what's bothering you?" "It's really nothing." "Well... if it's nothing, then you can tell me about it. Right?" She was right. Andy felt his anxiety level start to increase. What was he going to do now? "Come on, just say it," Jenna encouraged. "You'll feel better." Andy had no doubt that he would feel better if he told Jenna what really was bothering him - maybe for a nanosecond! After that, his entire world would collapse. But she had out-manuvered him. He had to tell her something. He looked up at the clock and saw that the minutes were ticking away. "It's just Sarah and her friends." "What about them?" "Well... on the way home they called me a baby because you are my sitter." Jenna laughed. "Is that all? I thought it was something really serious!" It wasn't all, but Andy was fearful of telling her the rest. The way that she had so easily manipulated him in to talking, he could not risk that if he told her about the Andrea teasing, she would get him to open up about his secret. Rather than answer, he just stared at the empty plate. "Look, Andy. That's what sisters and brothers do. They tease each other. My two older brothers were merciless with me. They called me Miss Piggy. I cried almost every day about that." "How could they call you that? You're beautiful." "Why thank you very much," Jenna smiled. "They really didn't believe that I was a pig. They just said it because they knew it bothered me. And I teased them back. I called my brother Sam, Samantha relentlessly," she giggled. That was it! Girls do this. Sarah wasn't psychic. She couldn't see right through him and know his secret like he had worried. It was just stupid teasing that all girls do. Andy felt relieved. "I can't explain it," Jenna continued, "but it seems to be part of growing up. Now, I'm closer than ever with my brothers, especially now that they've left home. Trust me. By next week, your sister and her friends will be focused on something else." That was not entirely true. They already had been calling him Andrea now for three weeks and there was no evidence that they were going to stop anytime soon. But Andy did not want to say anything that would stretch out the conversation even longer. "Okay," he sighed. "Can I go upstairs now? I have homework and Mom won't let me watch t.v. after supper unless I've finished it." "Sure, Andy. You can go." Jenna began clearing the table and watched Andy as he left the kitchen. "Are you sure that's all?" Andy turned around. "Yeah, that's it." He then sped up the stairs. ***** Jenna did not believe Andy. Something else was going on. She couldn't imagine what it was, but there was more to it than just some meaningless teasing. Andy always seemed so numb to the world. That just wasn't normal. She was worried for him. At the same time she was torn about mentioning her concerns to his mother and grandmother. Maybe they would think that she was meddling. She liked the job and the spending money that it gave her to buy clothes, shoes, and makeup. "Why am I worrying so much?" Jenna thought. He's probably forgot about it already and is back to normal. But normal for Andy, really wasn't normal. She just didn't know what to do. ***** Finally! Andy was alone. He already had pealed off his t-shirt before he reached his room. Rushing over to his closet, he retrieved the bag containing Sarah's clothes and carefully spread each article on the bed. He then rushed to the bathroom to pee and to wash. He had to ensure that he wouldn't leave a scent on her clothes that she might recognize. Finished, Andy tiptoed back to his bedroom and closed the door. As he looked admiringly at the clothes on his bed, he gasped suddenly. What if Jenna had come upstairs while he was in the bathroom and saw the girls clothes on his bed? How could he have been so stupid! In a state of panic, he turned in one direction and then the other. He did not know what to do. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Andy couldn't think straight. The whole day was ruined. He dropped down to sit on the floor and started to cry. His mind was swimming with different thoughts. But after about 3 minutes of crying, a new thought emerged began to take prominence. He realized that if Jenna had seen the clothes, she surely would have asked him about them. There was nothing to worry about. He was just being paranoid. His anxiety melted away. This had been a close call. He resolved to never made this mistake again. Just in case, Andy got to his feet, stuck his head out the door, and listened. He heard Jenna chatting on the phone with one of her friends and relaxed. He closed the door and set about getting dressed. The first item was the white floral cotton panties. He picked them up and felt a tingling spred from his hands throughout his body. He carefully slid them up his legs and over his privates. His pee-pee immediately stood up at attention. Andy didn't like this part. He was quite certain that other girls did not have this reaction and it made him really uncomfortable. "Get back down! Get back down," he ordered in a whisper. When it failed to obey, he decided to ignore it, hoping that this strategy would work after a while. But, in truth, he was so excited that he hardly could contain himself. Next, came the matching cotton cami. It felt so soft and luxurious on his body. He touched the nipples of his breasts and turned to look into the mirror on his closet door. He was too young to have had any breast development yet, but he prayed every night that it would start soon so that he could be like all of the other girls. He then sat on the bed and slipped a pair of pink anklets onto his feet, followed by a pair of pink Mary Jane's. The shoes were a little tight, but Andy was riding such an emotional high that he did not notice any discomfort. He stood up and held the skirt out in front of him. It was a cute photo- real floral skirt with a bright pink background and big yellow sunflowers. All the girls had photo-real skirts at school and Sarah had only recently gotten hers. Andy had been dying for the opportunity to try it on. He carefully stepped into it and pulled it up around his waist. He shivered with delight as he felt the sheer material of the skirt caressing his legs. Last but not least came the matching light pink sequin splash tank with the words Miss Sunshire written across the front in yellow lettering. Andy was in heaven as he admired himself in the mirror, turning from side to side. Everything was so soft and he felt exquisitely feminine. He walked from one end of his room to the other, carefully monitoring his every move in the mirror. He sat on the bed, crossed his legs, and pretended to be chatting with girlfriends. He moved over to his desk and and sat down, imagining that he was a studious little girl doing her homework. Andy was so happy. Up to this point, he had done everything possible to ignore the little tent in the front of the skirt. His pee-pee still was standing at full attention and aching to be touched. He felt ashamed and it put everything into doubt that he was really a girl, as he so hoped. Girls didn't have to deal with this. They didn't get all excited when they wore pretty clothes. Being in a university town, Andy had been exposed to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people from time to time. He desperately wanted to talk to one of them about being a girl and his pee-pee problem. But what if they laughed? What if they didn't take him seriously? Even worse, what if they did take him seriously and exposed him? What if they talked to his Mom? Maybe he would be sent away and would never see any of his family ever again! He simply could not risk it. Andy felt completely alone. In his heart, he knew that he was a girl. But his rock-hard pee-pee seemed to be shouting, No! No! No! He hated himself for it and wished that it would just go away. But there it was causing the beautiful skirt to tent. Slowly his hands began to inch toward it, almost as if being drawn by a magnet. While he hated it being there, he also loved how it felt when he gently slid the skirt material over it against his panties. He stood in front of the mirror in a daze, slowly rubbing himself, and chanting: I'm a girl. I'm a girl. I'm a pretty girl. Over and over Andy chanted those three phrases. He was in dreamland. What? Andy thought that he heard something. Shocked out of his revelry, he bolted to the door and opened it a crack. "Earth to Andy," Jenna called. "Yea...Yeah?" Andy cleared his throat. His voice sounded rough. He hadn't been prepared for that. "Is everything all right up there?" "I'm just working," Andy called down, his voice recovering. There was a long pause and then he heard Jenna speak those three dreaded words, the three words that struck terror in his heart. "I'm coming up." Andy did not have to worry about the tent in his skirt anymore, because with Jenna's announcement it suddenly shrank down to a pinpoint. "Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!" Andy closed the door, pulled off the tank and then slid down the skirt in what appeared to be one fluid motion, tossing them on the floor next to his bed by the window. Thank God the skirt had an elastic waistband! He kicked off the shoes and put on his t-shirt simultaneously and then jumped into his jeans. As he was pulling them up, he heard a tap on the door. "Andy?" He went to the door and opened it, his hand shaking on the doornob. "Why do you have the door closed? I had to call you three times." "Ah... I don't know." "You know that your Mom doesn't want you to close the door to your room unless you are changing your clothes. Were you changing your clothes, Andy?" If she only knew the truth! Andy thought. "Er... no...I was... ah... just trying to concentrate on my homework." He pointed to his desk. Fortunately his papers were strewn out because he had been pretending to be a studious school girl. "I could hear you talking on the phone and I needed it to be quiet." "Are you having trouble with math again?" Jenna slipped past him and walked toward the desk. Andy's mind went into overdrive again. If Jenna reached the desk to examine his work, she might notice the skirt, tank, and shoes on the floor by his bed. He rushed past her and stood in front of the desk, effectively blocking the view of his hidden treasure. "I... ah... there was a hard problem, but I just figured it out. I'm almost finished now." He looked up at Jenna and met her intense gaze. She wasn't smiling. It seemed like they stood there for hours before the tension finally broke. "Well... all right," she sighed. "Just don't close the door again and come down when you're done. Your grandma and sister will be here in about half an hour."