The Dogging Diaries XII
- 4 years ago
- 34
- 0
The Dogging Diaries, Questions With The Author - II free porn video
Part 2 of a series of questions and answers with Alexandra Moore, author
of The Dogging Diaries. These questions cover parts 3 and 4 of the
diaries.
Again, thanks to Matt for putting the questions together.
Away we go ...
1. You obviously had some deep struggles. How close did you come in
2007 to giving the dream of being a girl? How were you able to get past
the stress and doubt? Do you have any recommendations for those who
might be in that situation now?
The answer lies in your heart. For me, there were a million reasons to
give up rocketing around in my head during that time and a few others
throughout the process. In the end though, it wouldn't have made me
happy. I knew in my heart transitioning was the right thing to do and I
recognized I had to chase it and catch it. I hear from a lot of people
who "wish" and "want" to have transitioned, but they can't because of a
life or wife or whatever. I understand where they're coming from. I
just never wanted to wonder what if. Priorities are everything in life.
I never came close to bailing on my transition. You have good days and
bad days, but the bad ones are just that - one day. Over time I just
did my best to try and learn from my failures. And in this process, you
fail about three thousand times, so you better try and learn something
from it.
2. When you looked back on the one night stands that you mentioned by
name, do you remember them fondly or did your entries jog your memory?
Are there ones that you may have liked to see if a relationship could
have been possible?
I didn't remember them. Without the journal I couldn't have answered
the whos or the whens or anything like that. You have to understand
that the entries posted here are only a fraction of the total. I've had
hundreds of one-night stands, so to publish them all would have become
repetitive.
I think a tgirl needs to truly reach her own maturity before she should
think about a long-term relationship. There's a lot that goes into
something like that. The girl needs to be ready and can't be jumping in
bed with other guys. The man does too. There's family to consider,
living arrangements, societal pressures, etc. I could go on and on.
It's a big step.
3. You seem to have some remorse about your job situation. After the
Halloween picture incident, they seemed to let you be. You wanted them
to lay you off but it never happened. How would you handle things now
that you have the opportunity to second guess your actions? How would
you advise girls in the same situation?
Working a "real" job as a tgirl is a gift and an amazing advantage. It
should be respected and protected and nurtured and ideally the girl
should do her best every day to make something of herself. And do not
under any circumstance give them even the slightest reason to fire you.
You have to be better than everyone else. I didn't make this rule, but
you better know it exists.
For many tgirls, work is the hardest obstacle to overcome, so having or
finding a job "en femme" is a huge step in transitioning. For me, I'm
not cut out for a 9 to 5 existence. But that's my choice and I'd like
to think I'm in the minority. By all means, if you can transition at
your current job, do it. Once you get work out the way and money coming
in, the rest is much easier and you're more in control of it.
I certainly wish I had resigned in person rather than over the phone.
Not doing so was a bad move on my part. Never burn a bridge.
4. You seem to initially have reservations about Jack. the white powder
supply certainly was a factor in by passing your judgement. What made
you go against your better judgment and get involved with him?
Wow. Tough question. I think it stems from wanting to be desired.
It's a heady feeling at first to realize someone would pay you money to
have sex with you. You think it means you're attractive and desirable
and powerful. All of those things, while true, are only part of the
equation. You're also owned. You can't make a lot of decisions
yourself that you would normally make. You give up the power to choose.
The great majority of guys I had sex with when I was hooking I never
would have been intimate with if I wasn't.
I'm not sure I ever went against my better judgment. I like to think I
considered it carefully. Again, it comes down to choices. I wanted the
sex and I wanted the money that came with it. Those two things were my
priorities. I cared more about them than the loss of control or the
health risks. I wanted to feel desired and it accomplished that goal.
5. After the time when you had the option of being left out in the cold
with no coat or sleeping with the guy, why didn't you put a stop to
things? Did you fear for your life if you did run?
I feared for my life that night. I was pretty sure I was going to
freeze to death. I'm one of those people that gets cold easily and once
I do I'm miserable and I don't always think straight. My goal was to
get to shelter. It was obvious to me in order to achieve that, I needed
to give up my body, so that's what I did. I don't regret that now.
Jack never made me fear for my life. He was bad for my self-esteem in a
hundred ways, but he never went towards those sorts of threats.
I never pushed hard enough to put a stop to things because I didn't have
the confidence at the time to do so. Where would the extra money come
from if I quit? Where would the drugs come from? For all intents and
purposes, I was a slave. When you're in that position, putting a stop
to how things are seems less attractive than making the best of it.
Fear of the unknown, I suppose.
6. Granted you like sex and the attention of men. Hooking is on another
level because all emotion for the other person is removed. Do you feel
that Jack manipulated you into thinking you wanted be a hooker?
I think he seized on the opportunity. I was ripe for it because of my
personality. I like sex and I like to party and he was smart enough to
recognize that and offer it in a way that seemed fun and unthreatening.
I don't blame him. I probably would have gone that way on my own to be
honest. At that time I needed the sex and the ego boost.
7. You never seem to mention using condoms with all your encounters.
Did you ever play safe? Were concerned at all with contracting STDs,
AIDS etc.? Did you catch something from all the encounters?
I've been asked this question a lot. I think the answer I gave a reader
the other day sums it up best: Some people have called bullshit for all
of the unprotected sex. I'm not sure how to respond to that, you know?
I had a ton of sex without condoms and I didn't get sick. Someone else
might have done the same thing and gotten sick. It's life. There were
plenty of times I thought I could have been sick from sex. If you live
a promiscuous life, let's face it, you have plenty of days you don't
feel good, whether from all the partying or the fucking or the late
nights. But, it simply never happened and quite frankly, my entries
about not feeling well are kind of boring. I didn't publish The Dogging
Diaries to glamorize sex or drugs or other behaviors, nor did I post it
as a cautionary tale. I did it for me, as an escape from my life at the
time and because I've been around long enough to know most people
couldn't handle what I've been through. It's fucked up and crazy and
sexy and dirty and humiliating. It makes good reading. I figured it
would cause some sparks - if people actually read it - and provoke. It
has definitely done that. I've gotten a ton of feedback and it really
seems like it affects people. And I stand behind what is posted being
100% real. It's my life.
8. Eating nothing but 450 calories and lots of coke is not healthy. Why
didn't you just tell Jack you were not available when you got sick? Why
did you want to prove you had the stronger will?
It's just my natural reaction to things. I believe I'm a fighter and I
know I'm highly competitive. But more than that, I would have done
anything to lose weight. It took me forever to get comfortable with my
body and to see myself as attractive. I looked at eating next to
nothing as a challenge and a way of life for pretty girls. I figured it
was just the way it needed to be. Unfortunately, in some regard, that's
the reality too. Even today, I make money from my body as a dancer so
there are sacrifices every day that I have to make to stay skinny. I'm
used to it by now and I eat much healthier, but the problem still
exists. No one said this was going to be easy, you know? Society looks
at thin as desirable and fat as undesirable. I didn't make that rule.
But if you want to be hot, get skinny. If not, get fat. It's your
call.
9. How did you survive with all the coke, alcohol and abuse Jack put you
through? Are those memories as painful today as you remember those
days?
Some are. I never asked to be punched or treated like shit. I never
asked to be raped. Those things stay with you - and not in a good way.
Overall though, the drugs and the drink and stuff, I did that to myself.
10. Do you read the entries and get aroused by the memories? Or do you
just view them as what you needed to do to become the woman you are
today?
More the latter. I think some of the things I've done are really hot.
Problem is, in a lot of cases, I wasn't happy with myself and my body at
those times, so I don't always see the beauty of a woman being taken
when I close my eyes; I see the extra half inch of fat at my midsection.
Not always, mind you, but sometimes. I was always chasing perfection.
In a lot of ways I still am. The difference is, I'm happy with me now.
I still drive myself hard every day to be my best, but I've found peace
and that changed everything.
Memory-wise, I love thinking about being tied up and it turns me on to
think about how many times I've been double-teamed and had a cock in my
ass and one in my mouth at the same time. I love that stuff. And I
still really get off on being desired. Clearly that yearning to be
desired like the girls in Hustler was a true feeling all those years
ago, because I'm still aiming to achieve that every day.
It's important to understand that a lot of this stuff happened five
years ago. I'm a different person now than I was then. I'm a little
older and far more mature as a tgirl than I was then. Even one year
makes a big difference, so five is a different lifetime. And in some
ways I'm the same and in some I'm completely different.
Trish
- 16.08.2020
- 20
- 0
The Dogging Diaries Questions With The Author III
- 1 year ago
- 26
- 0
The Dogging Diaries Questions With The Author I
- 4 years ago
- 25
- 0
