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Waking up to a new Life ch 4. by Matthew Taking hold of my right hand, while I held my little drawstring purse sweetly between the thumb and forefingers in the left, we headed back to my bedroom. Every time I enter the bedroom my eyes seem to go straight to where Cindy is resting, knowing how I want to hold her. Nanny didn't say a word about it, but I know she must notice as she does everything else. "We'll get you undressed now darling, then into the bathroom to get rid of all this nasty body hair." she announced. "But I don't have much hair on my body anyway nanny and what I have I want to keep?" "It might not look much, but you wait and see how lovely everything will feel afterwards. Plus it's not proper for a sissy like you to have all that nasty body hair." I was informed. I knew I would only be losing another battle if I kept on, so went along with her for the well being of my backside foremost on my mind. I stood meekly why being stripped of all these adorable clothes. Finally having the thin rubber sheath rolled free of my once again erect penis. I wasn't surprised to see some sticky fluid sitting in the rubber, but it was an utter shame to watch her wrap it in a tissue, without even offering it to me, as I love licking up my own juice. "Wasn't it a good job nanny covered that thing, just think of the mess it would have made in your pretty panties dear." God I wanted so badly to give it some relief, my balls are aching they're so full, it's been so long. Should I ask if I can wank it off, hopefully to gain some pleasure at last. Yes why not, who know she might want to do it for me, on second thought I'd rather just do it myself. "Nanny, do you mind if I use the bathroom to get rid of this?" I asked pointing to my erection. "You certainly can not! Come here." with that she just took a firm hold of it, one tight squeeze and twisting it at the same time. In doing so causing me to scream, tears came to my eyes, I could see stars as I buckled down trying to squirm myself away from the agonizing pain. I thought she was a sadistic witch before, now I know for sure that she really is one. "Your Mummy will take care of that thing all in good time. Now to the bathroom we'll go." Standing there on a small mat to petrified to let my hands wander, I watched as she took shaving cream and raiser, I knew better than to move or even watch. Splashing warm water over my genitals, I closed my eyes and prayed to God like I've never prayed to him before, that I would come out of this still possessing a penis and two testicles sitting happily beneath. "You don't have much in the way of hair down here do you Sissy?" while she held my prick between her fingers like it's some sort of malicious toy. I didn't answer in case she slipped with that blade. "There that's all done," she said sounding quite happy about it. "Stand still now while I spread this hair removal cream over the rest of your body." Wearing a pair of rubber cloves she went to work coating my body from neck downwards, front and back. A rather strange smell this pink cream had about it, nothing pleasant like a shaving gel, within a minute I was completely covered. "Just stand there for a few minutes and don't you dare touch anywhere!" Yes thankfully it was only a few minutes till this control freak returned to put a shower cap over my head as my whole body seemed to start burning from this stuff. Then under the shower I went letting all wash away down the plughole with the help of a facecloth. Gee I never realized I had so much body hair, till I watched it disappearing leaving me quite naked and smooth as a babies bum, I think because I've never seen a baby bum, but have heard people say that. I savoured the moment that followed. Yes, standing while nanny pat dried my whole body, even the touch of the fluffy towel had a unique awareness about it. The thrill of a refreshing smelling moisturizer massaged lightly over one now hairless body, replacing the strange smell of the removal cream. Even the touch of her hands felt so nice and soft on my new found nakedness. "For the next few days we'll spray your body with the same fine lotion I wiped over your face this morning that will retard any further hair growth. Won't that be wonderful Sissy, no more nasty hair to detract from such a lovely silky smooth sissy body?" I was told. Even touching myself now [no not down there] had a soft silky sensation about it something I relished. Before leaving the bathroom nanny massaged more hormone cream into my breast. One naked, hairless but well talcum powered sissy was led hand in hand back to the bedroom. Even the cool air on my naked body felt so different now as I walked daintily beside nanny wearing only my girly fluffies. "We'll put your camisole and panties back on plus this lovely dressing gown. Then you can play with Cindy while I get your dinner ready, you must be hungry by now dear." "Yes I am quite hungry but isn't it a little early for dinner?" I asked not quite knowing the time, but it did seem early. "It doesn't matter what the time is, you're not going anywhere are you? You eat now or nothing till breakfast, take your pick?" she said while holding the camisole out waiting for me to put my arms in. I couldn't say a word, I just shivered with the delight of this delicate satin camisole slithered inspiringly over my now hairless and I'm sure more sensitive body. In turn I could do nothing to stop my hands from wanting to fondle gently over this shimmering heavenly fabric on my just as responsive silken skin. Even without looking I knew my cock had risen to the occasion, something that hadn't gone unnoticed by this control freak before me. "Don't worry about your peepee Sissy I've got another protector to put over it so you don't soil your beautiful panties." With much disappointment I had to watch as another joey got rolled up the length of one tensed up throbbing cock. Try as I did to convince her that I should give it some relief, as I'm sure sperm has a use by date to it. I might as well be speaking to a brick wall for all the notice this woman takes of me. Once she had my cock or her 'peepee' protected I was back in my silky pantaloons followed by an equally luxurious full length lavender silk dressing gown. Oh my god, the explosive sensation of this divine silk gown being enshroud over my now hairless sensitive body was something else, something to be cherished. I just had to wrap my arms around my body caressing wherever, savouring the exquisite beauty of it all. I had to thank her for getting rid of that hair, as little as there was. She didn't say a word just stood smiling at me, she didn't have too. I bet I know what she's thinking, guess I'm now like a bit of sissy putty in their hands, ready waiting to be moulded into what she and my mother requires. But I know I'm not the sissy she is thinking I am. Looking in the mirror to admire this silk gown I couldn't help noticing my painted fingernails and how pretty they looked, in turn having a brain explosion as I asked, "Could I have my toenails painted like my fingernails are?" what made me say or even think of having such a girlish thing done to my toenails. A beautiful beaming smile radiated like someone has just turned a searchlight on. "Oh Sissy you most certainly can. Would you like nanny to do it or would you like to do it yourself while I get your dinner ready?" I didn't know how to back out now, why can't I keep my big mouth shut, so decided best I do it, at least I won't have her hovering over me saying sissy things to me while she paints away. "I think I would like to do it nanny if that's OK?" "Yes I'm sure you'll do a perfect job dear then you can play with Cindy while I get your dinner ready and don't you even think of touching your peepee. I'll be watching you." One final smile and she had gone. With Cindy at my side I sat happily on the floor, nail vanish in hand as I went about painting ten little piggies to match my fingernails, I must say they did look pretty, at least no one will see them under my sock. In no time I had Cindy comfortably in my arms showing her my handiwork, but why do I love cuddling Cindy so much, it's only a doll for goodness sake and boys aren't meant to play with dolls lit alone delight in showing her my lovely Cherry Blossom painted toenails. Yet it feels so right for me to be cuddling and kissing her, telling her how beautiful she is, showing her my pretty toenails. It wasn't long till nanny came to take me off for dinner. "Oh your toenails look so pretty now Sissy, I'm so pleased you wanted them matching your fingernails," she said smiling to me. These same thoughts playing in my head yet I knew better than to say anything as I well no what she would say the reason for it is. But I know I'm not what she thinks, OK I like wearing these lovely clothes, well really who wouldn't they are so soft and make you feel so different or special in a way. Before heading out I had to put these girly socks back on along with the high heels, I wished she'd forgotten about them, I know my poor feet will never be the same again. Waiting on the table for me, another bowl of this oatmeal stuff, the inevitable glass of milk and beside that a small glass of water, guess I know what that is for. Even before being told how to sit sweetly, I made my protest about having to eat that stuff, that I'm a growing boy who needs real food that I haven't even had a cup of coffee since being here. Only babies have milk all the time and just because you make me wear diapers and sleep in that damn cot doesn't make me a baby, I make known. All the while nanny just stood there listening to me, seems at long last I'm getting through to her, as she keeps nodding her head as though she agrees with me. Oh dear, how one so trusting can be taken in by a conniving, sympathetic looking witch. "Have you quite finished Sissy? Now sit there in the manner I showed you how a SISSY must sit and listen very carefully to every word I say. Do I make myself clear?" she said, making me wish I'd kept my damn mouth shut once again. "If there was a boy in the house he'd be eating meat and vegetables with a lovely dessert to follow. But there is no such person in the house, only a Sissy!!! I've told you before this food is good for you it has all the vitamins and proteins in it that you are in need of. Since when have you been a boy? Who wanted to put nail polish on its toenails with its doll sitting beside you? Who couldn't stop admiring its painted fingernails? Look at you wearing your pretty underwear just putting the camisole on you, your hands had to caress lovingly over it, your peepee all aroused knowing these divine pantaloons were coming next, didn't it? I didn't hear any such protest when I pierced your ears for you, I saw the way you admired them and the nose stud as well, putting your lovely silk gown on you had to caress daintily over it didn't you SISSY? I've also told you how many times what happens when a sissy uses such language, haven't I or do you like being put over my knee?" "No nanny I don't," I got out while she took another breath. "Well sit nicely and eat up or there will be nothing till we try again tomorrow night, and I don't think you could go that long without food. Do you?" "No nanny I couldn't, I'm so sorry really I am." As I looked fearfully to her know a spanking is more than likely to follow the meal. Once she had wrapped this napkin or more to the point a cloth diaper over me, at the same time reminding me how to sit in a graceful manner. I was given the pleasure of feeding myself this stuff using a teaspoon taking little mouthfuls at a time which took an age to finish. But somehow I seem to be getting used to the taste of this stuff, something I never thought would happen. Sure enough once I had finished eating and had my glass of milk, but fortunately no little pill was offered. I was lead back to my bedroom. "Now take off your lovely gown and pantaloons Sissy, put them nicely over your cot then come to me." I watched as she went to sit comfortable in the armchair, one didn't have to think twice about what's coming next. Nervously I lay this luxurious silk gown and pantaloons lovingly over the cot, then in little mincing steps made my way towards nanny. Hoping a lovely curtsy would help my case, I stood nervously before her, with head bowed I performed a beautiful deep curtsy while adding "I love being the prettiest sissy." with hopes that will help my case. After which I knelt still with head bowed, I asked for her forgiveness for my stupid outburst. "You say that every time you have a tantrum don't you? So the best way to make a sissy understand is via being punished, wouldn't you agree?" How could anyone agree to being spanked, so I didn't answer, just looked in what I hoped was a pleading manner to her. "Oh well if this is how you want to play, I'll take Cindy out of the room and you won't see her again till you learn to behave yourself." with her no nonsense threat she went and took Cindy from her bassinet then took her from the room. For some reason the loss of my doll had a resounding influence on my behaviour, I knelt in front of the chair I had earlier been sitting in cuddling Cindy telling everything. Tears had come to my eyes; I wasn't thinking of anything, my mind was just a blur, soon after nanny returned. Still on my knees I turned to her apologising for my bad behaviour saying, "I don't know what comes over me at times, I just can't help myself. Please can I have a good spanking for what I did rather than loss my Cindy." I pleaded to her and prepared myself to take a firm spanking. "Well it's not quite that easy my dear sissy flower, if taking your doll hurts you so much more than my clothes brush across your already punished backside. I think this will make you realize, sissies do what they are told always. Now stand I want another full curtsy telling me again what you are." Obediently I stood ready to curtsy, suddenly realized I didn't have my panties on. "Where do I put my hands nanny?" then it dawned on me, I had been by myself naked and never thought to even touch my cock. "Arms at your side, elbows slightly bent in the same sissy fashion I've shown you." I proceeded to offer nanny a full but slightly nervous curtsy saying, "I am a pretty sissy." I was mortified to hear her say, "We'll get you ready for bed now Sissy we have another big day ahead for you tomorrow." "It can't be that late can it, do I really have to go to bed this early." I asked. "You said you wanted to wear your pyjamas didn't you, well you can wear them tonight won't that be lovely?" she said, not hearing a word I had just said to her. With the dressing gown now on its hanger, pantaloons and now camisole sitting over the vanity stool I was told, "Lie on your cot darling why we put your diaper on." I just stood looking at her, knowing I didn't want to wear another diaper or be put to bed at this early hour. "Isn't your bottom sore enough Sissy?" I lay happily on the cot, after hearing my backside screaming 'I can't take anymore spankings down here, do as you're told for my sake, please!!' Passively I lay on the cot while my crotch got powdered, the diaper pinned on securely followed by these plastic panties, I couldn't look I felt so humiliated. "There we are dear, now before we get you into these lovely pyjamas I'll massage some more hormone cream into your breast, we know how much you love that don't we sissy?" yes I like having her massage my breast and my nipples also seem to be getting quite sensitive now, but I couldn't let this woman know how I like having her massage them so said nothing. "All done for now, up you get so we can put your lovely pyjamas on that you were so keen to wear last night." she said displaying a beaming smile. Standing beside the cot I watched as she went to one of the drawers, returning holding not my boy PJ's but these sissy looking little things. I knew not to push my luck any further, so said nothing. "Aren't these to most gorgeous pyjamas for our sissy to wear to bed darling?" as she hold them before me. "Yes take hold of them darling I know how you love holding your pretties, see how ethereal they are, you'll love wearing them." she said with a beaming smile. In doing so I could feel something I had no control over developing rapidly under my diaper. They felt so soft and beautiful I could only say, "Do I have to wear these to bed nanny?" I didn't know what else to say. I knew she'd say yes, somehow I was wanting to hear her say, 'Yes Sissy.' "Now let's put the lovely panties on, I can see you are going to look one very pretty sissy in them. Isn't it a shame Cindy can't see her sissy flower wearing its adorable pyjamas?" she said while standing holding these over sized rompers before me, with that task accomplished she then held this pretty top tauntingly before my eyes. "I know you are going to love wearing your fashionable pyjamas, especially now all that nasty hair is no more. Hold up your arms sweetheart while I let it drop gently over your head." My whole body just shivered as this soft apricot satin top was let slithered effortlessly over and down my arms coming to rest on my shoulders, the hem of this flimsy piece finishing just below my romper covered diaper. There was no way I could stop my hands from stroking lovingly over it, thankfully one plastic concealed diaper hid what was battling so hard to stand aroused beneath it. With this romper style panties sitting pleasingly over the plastic covered diaper and the gathered in leg openings sitting not much below the top with an inch or more of white lace with sweet bows to the front showing proudly for all to see. Nanny took me to the mirror, looking back at me was one pretty sissy image. Had it not been for my short hair, one could easily think it is a girl standing there open mouthed admiring who is looking back. To prove it is me, I ever so gingerly let my fingers skim over each piece. "This is what you wanted to wear to bed isn't it Sissy dear?" nanny asked seeming delighted in the way I couldn't stop caressing gently over each piece. I didn't say a word, I couldn't I was entranced by it, so I just nodded my head while smiling knowing nanny could see. This fine satin apricot top with its little cap sleeves was helped hang prettily by the bold ruffled hem. A narrow satin ruffle finished off just as prettily the square neckline, the two inches of bright yellow smocking across the bodice also played its part in the fall of the sweet pyjama top. The matching rompers sitting ever so proudly over my plastic covered diaper in turn showing the sweet 'girly' pyjamas off to there fullest, the more I looked the more I found myself touching these dainty pyjamas I started doubting my whole maleness, am I really the sissy nanny is telling me I am. "Would you like to come out of Sissy Heaven for a minute my little flower?" she asked taking me by surprise as I turned asking what she said. With all my attention back on earth I noticed nanny stand holding a little pale green pill and the glass of water. Noticing the different colour pill this time I asked what it's for. "Oh this one is to help you sleep peacefully and hopefully with lots of sissy dreams." I wasn't given a chance to question the reason, as next thing it was being placed in my mouth and the water just as quickly followed. It seems to be the norm now that she has a full finger inspection of ones mouth afterwards. Oh how trusting this woman can be. "Sit at the vanity sweetheart while I brush out your hair for you." I must admit it felt so nice having it brushed out, much better than me just combing it out at night. All the while nanny was telling me about the gorgeous clothes I'll be wearing tomorrow, because it is going to be a very exciting day, but she wouldn't say why. Once finished she suggested another photo in my lovely pyjamas before tucking me into my cot, for some reason I didn't answer I just took her hand. Walking past the mirror I found myself stopping for one last look at the full length pretty image, even my nose ring looked just right sitting there now. "Don't you look lovely in your pyjamas dear?" I was asked as I stood 'childlike' beside the cot waiting while she took her photos. They did look lovely, but I don't want to look lovely, only girls look lovely, don't they? Not boys. "Lift the skirt up a little with your right hand so we can see more of those lovely panties dear, and a sweet smile," I got asked. Somehow I did play along lifting the skirt, smiling to the camera, but I did feel pretty standing sweetly looking more girl than anything else or was I looking the sissy I really am? Sitting obediently in the armchair while nanny removed the little garters and socks from my feet, I suddenly realized I was beginning to feel very drowsy, that I had to be helped over to the cot. Somehow I just seemed to flop over it leaving nanny to finish putting me in, in a daze I could only look up smiling pleasingly to her, I didn't even offer any kind of resistance as she tied these padded straps on each wrist. After placing the duvet over me she stayed beside me stroking lightly over my hair and cheeks saying something that I couldn't quite make out in my drowsy state. She must of thought I'd gone to sleep, as the next thing I felt her putting these plugs in my ears. Opening my eyes realizing what is happening I could only say, "No please, No please nanny No!" in a slurry voice. I went to try and push them away, only to find these straps on my wrist are restraints tied firmly to both sides of the cot leaving little movement for my arms. I tried struggling, turning my head, kicking about in vain hoping to work them out some way, no she had them taped securely in, for my trouble a firm stinging slap across my upper leg was given. "If you don't lie still I'll restrain your ankles also then you won't be able to move any part of your body. What is it to be?" she asked. "No please don't do that I'll be good." Realizing how little movement my wrists have plus the position I was in she had the upper hand one could say. "Now you have a good sleep Sissy I don't want any nonsense from you, remember the sooner you're a good sissy the sooner Cindy will want to come back." with that she stroked over my face soothingly a few more times before placing a soft kiss to my forehead, I just kept my eyes shut, I couldn't look at her. I knew she'd pulled the side of the cot up, I heard it click as she locked me in, after one last caress of my face, within seconds the light went out followed by the closing and locking of the door. No sooner had I started to doze off when I heard the inevitable soft music start playing in my ears. My eyes became blurry as I started to cry knowing what will follow, in no time it did. This soft female voice again telling me what a sissy I am and always have been, "You are a beautiful sissy who adores everything feminine because you are, you're a feminine sissy. You're going to forget everything of your past, where you were, what you were and who you were, you will think of yourself as always being just the sissy you are today who loves wearing exquisitely beautiful sissy clothes, who acts in the most sissiest way. Say it Sissy, say what you are?" Try as I did to say No! I'm not a sissy, I'm a boy for some reason the words wouldn't part my lips. "Say I am a beautiful submissive feminine sissy; say it we know you want to." The more this gentle voice went on, the more I was becoming confused as to what I am, more to the point, who I am. "Why did the kids at school call you those names? You tried to be friendly with the girls, but they told you they only wanted boys to be around not a sissy. You didn't like getting dirty playing boy games because you're a sissy, that's true isn't it Sissy, tell me if it is my pretty flower?" For some reason I found myself agreeing, as I said "Yes it is true I'm a pretty sissy, I don't want to be a boy, I've always been a sissy." "You want to wear lovely girly clothes and looking pretty all the time, a real boy wouldn't but a sissy like you sweet flower really do. So you're going to look the biggest sissy of them all in no time. Aren't you happy now wearing these lovely nighties, it makes you feel so much the sissy you are doesn't it Sissy?" No matter how I tried I couldn't put these messages out of my mind, I couldn't go into a deep sleep, this soft gentle feminine voice with the calming music in the background had me in a hypnotised state believing every word. Or is it really telling me the truth about myself, I loved nanny dressing me in all those sumptuous clothes today, even wanting to paint my own toenails, having my doll Cindy to cuddle. I must only be a sissy. Soon I began seeing these same sissy images flashing before my eyes, drawings of sissies wearing nothing but beautiful girly lingerie or fully dressed in the most outrageous outfits. There were drawings of a couple of sissies together flashing before me, either kissing each other on the cheek, holding hands and I'm sure they were touching each others erect peepees through their lovely soft panties. Images of exquisite lingerie, bras, camisoles, panties, even full length petticoats, nighties and so much more, they were all so feminine, they looked so real, the images of the sissies made me want to touch them or be with them. All the while trying to watch these seducing images, these same messages kept penetrating my mind. "I am a sissy soon I'll forget all of my past life, I am only a sissy neither male nor female." I kept hearing and believing. I became quite aroused; I knew my peepee was fighting to stand ridged under the restrains of my diaper. Try as I did my restrained hands couldn't get near the source of bliss. At least I received a little comfort knowing I could touch my gorgeous sissy pyjama top. In doing so the best I could and watching these lustful sissy images flashing before my eyes was becoming too much to bear. In a while my body tensed up all my thoughts seemed consumed in only sissiness with me the main participant. Closing my eyes as the pressure built below, suddenly as my body jerked I felt the wetness enter my diaper I found myself crying out, "I know I'm only a sissy!! I want to be a sissy like you." on seeing these two sissies kissing, touching each other in their beautiful sissy clothes. Lying there not knowing what to do or what will happen about me juicing as I did, it wasn't my fault I couldn't even touch my cock. Still hearing this woman's voice penetrating in my ears, I began wondering why I kept thinking these sissy thoughts because I'm not one of them, I am a boy, I've got a cock to prove it, haven't I? Even with these images still flashing before me I tried to take no notice of them. I closed my eyes, only to have them open slightly, just to see if they had gone mind you. After a while the message stopped but the images kept coming. I became mesmerised by them, my hands seemed to fight the restrains as they wanted to touch what flashed before me. I soon drifted off into some sort of sleep, only to have the soothing music behind another woman's soft enticing voice telling me how she is looking forward to seeing her Sissy flower again, that Mummy knows how I love dressing in all these adorable clothes. How I love the gentle silky touch on my equally silky skin. Yes from now on I'll be the most beautiful sissy of them all; everything about me says I'm nothing but a feminine sissy. Mummy has been watching me and can't wait to have me in her arms, in the way she knows I love having my doll Cindy. Instead of the sissy images and lovely outfits, I was now seeing a woman's image appear before me in their place. Somehow it continued to zoom in and out, in and out over and over then disappear not giving me a chance to make out who it is, or what she really looked like. Could it be my mother I wondered as I asked that question out loud, without getting an answer. You know you've always been a sissy my darling, now you'll live the only way you know how. Soon all your thoughts of the past will disappear, you will be only my submissive little sissy flower. Say it aloud my dear, tell Mummy what you are. I tried turning away not wanting to hear her voice, again I got asked as her image reappeared, zooming in at me even closer than before, only to disappear then return smiling at me. I noticed the face was well made up the lips in a rosy red glossy colour, pouted like ready to be kissed. Again I got asked what I am, I found myself saying "I'm your submissive sissy Mummy and I want to be with you again." were the only words that would part my lips. Was I becoming hypnotized by her enticing words and the image I was seeing. Am I really a sissy just because I love all these girly things I kept thinking as I lay listening now to only soft music, wanting only to sleep peacefully at last. Soon my oneness was broken as this taunting female voice began telling me yet again what a sissy I am. There is nothing I can do about, so the sooner I admit it completely, accepting the fact that I'm nothing else but a beautiful girly like sissy the happier my life will be. How I want to have lovely bosoms to be played with, that I'm more girl than I ever could be a boy. Look at yourself sissy, your girly voice, your delicate build; you only want to play with dolls. Look how you became mesmerized just by holding and fonder your pretty lingerie, everything about you is that of a SISSY. Say it again my little one, tell me what you are. I could hear myself saying "I'm a pretty sissy I love being a sissy." as I continued seeing these images shine before my eyes. This kept happening all through the night, the message would stop for awhile, then the images of the woman or is it my mother would reappear. I'm sure I had the teat of my bottle go between my lips as I sucked the milk from it. I would go into a deep sleeps, only to hear the same voice talking sweet sissy thoughts to me. Reminding me what a real sissy I really am, that it's about time I owned up and appreciated the fact that I'm nothing else, and never could be. For a while I thought all those sissy drawing had finished, well no in a short time they were again penetrating my mind, as would that of the woman large as life before me again. God I love watching these images of the sissies, only wish I could have Cindy here in my arms to tell me whether I am a sissy or not. = = = = = = = = = = = = = End of chapter 4