Life Changes: Part I free porn video

Chapter One I dropped down to the bed in nothing but a black bra and pair of silk white panties. My hand shot down to my crotch as I turned my attention to the magazine next to me. Frantically I swiped through the copy of Vogue looking for something, anything. There it was. The cologne ad. A shirtless man. He was finely chiseled, young, and featured the scruff that girls like. My hand was caressing my most intimate areas as I felt myself growing hot. I looked at the man and imagined I was with him. The hotness stopped. I felt myself feeling uneasy. I looked at the next page. A woman in a bikini. I felt the heat return. Fondling myself I got harder than I ever have been before. That's right. I'm a man. A man wearing lingerie. Unable to take it anymore I came. I also came to my senses. What the hell am I doing? I quickly ripped off the underwear and tossed them with a fury into a box and then under my bed. I returned to my male clothes and resumed my life once again. My name is Daniel Fox and I'm nineteen years old. Being only a freshman in college I was forced to spend my summer at home with my mom and seventeen year old sister. Maybe if I didn't have to live with these women I would stop dressing up as one. Maybe I should start from the beginning. It all started when I was about ten years old. My mother left me and my sister with a baby sitter while she went and ran some errands. My sister, Haley, thought it would be funny to throw all of her food on the floor making the poor baby sitter pick it all up. It was few days before Christmas and I seized the opportunity to snoop in my mother's closet for some gifts. This is when it all changed. I saw a pair of black panties lying on the floor. I was ten, I don't if I was curious or just stupid but I tried them on. The feeling I felt while wearing them was incredible. The way the fabric rubbed up against me, the scalloped waist band and the way they seemed to make my small manhood just disappear. My mother never asked what happened to the panties. To this day I wonder if she knew. I would wear them when no one was around and my obsession began. As years went one I would expand my "dressing" and try on skirts, bras, dresses, you name it I wanted to wear it. I became an expert at hiding this from the women in my house. I pretended to be a normal boy in public. I had friends, a few girlfriends even but I couldn't shake this feeling of overwhelming jealously for everything feminine. Except I had one problem. No matter how hard I tried I was still sexually attracted to girls. "Danny, I'm home," I heard my mother cry from downstairs. "Just a minute," I responded. I quickly ran to mirror to make sure I looked alright. At six foot two it's hard to look feminine but I do the best I can. My shaggy dirty blonde hair looked messy, my baggy sweatshirt and jeans, sloppy. My facade was complete. I ran downstairs. My mom stood in the kitchen just returned from her workout. She is very fit for a forty-eight year old. Her dyed blonde hair looked natural, her figure was nice and most men didn't realize how old she was. "Did you get the text I sent you?" She asked. "Nope." I had left my phone upstairs and forgot to check it when I got...preoccupied. "Okay well, Haley got her work schedule for August," she started. " She was able to get that entire last week of August off. Does this work for you?" My mother was planning a vacation in Florida for the three of us. It was her last little hoorah with us since I was planning on staying at college next summer. "Yeah I guess," I answered. "Does it or does it not?" "It does." "Okay, I'm going to book the tickets then." "Already?" She crossed her arms at this. My mother never liked to be argued with. "Yes already, Danny the airlines book up quickly. If you don't get tickets early then we sold out," she replied. "I know I know," I looked at my watch. Shit! I needed to get to Alice's in fifteen minutes. "Sorry Mom." Grabbing my keys, I quickly tied my shoes. "Where are you going?" "Therapy!" I sat in Alice Eversteen's office. She was a thirty something year old woman who decided she wanted to be a therapist. She was always dressed well, her black hair up in a bun, her make-up perfect. She was one of the reasons I wanted to be a woman. She was also the only person in the entire world who knew this. My mom thought I had been seeing her for a couple years now because I didn't know who my dad was or some bullshit like that. It was tough to admit it all to Alice but once I did I looked forward to coming her. It felt safe. "How did it go?" She pursed her lips and looked in my eyes. I turned red. "Not all that well. I still didn't find him attractive." "Hmmm." She pondered this for a moment. "Well Daniel, what do you want to do?" She gestured to a pamphlet on the table. The Femina Project. It was a place that was created about eight years ago when President Kerry passed the Stem Cell laws. Men would go there, undergo the treatment and emerge as women. I followed everything I could about on the internet. The procedure was done for free. It was also irreversible. Well, mostly. Changing ones entire genetic make-up was difficult doing it once, doing it twice was dangerous. The reason it was done for free was because of how controversial it was. Victoria Harding was the creator. He was a scientist who felt he would be better off in a female body and when the procedure worked he wanted to share it with all the others "trapped" like he was. "I don't know," I looked at the pamphlet. Everything I wanted right there. Alice looked at me. A kindness in her eyes. "From what I have read I believe your sexual orientation will change with your new gender. That is if you like women now then you will like men later." I gulped. The idea seemed frighting and yet exciting. "From what you have told me, this could be the best thing for you. A sort of fresh start." "Maybe I will finally have some friends," I laughed. Alice's face grew serious though. "Daniel, I want you to understand something. This might seem like a perfect fix but it won't be. I don't want to contradict myself but you will still be you, just a female version of yourself." I felt a twinge of excitement. "All these feelings you have been having of loneliness and isolation won't go away because you are a woman. If you let yourself fall back down that path it's possible for things to worse. If you decide to do this then own it." I was shaking. The idea of being a woman, a real woman was insane. "Okay," I took a deep breath. "Let's do it." I reached into my bag and pulled out the application, already filled out. She smiled. "It's been done for a month." "I take it you already did the entry course as well?" I nodded. I watched a few videos online of ""Being a Woman" was all about. Alice took the sheet and filed into the Femina Project folder. "Now I have to tell my mom." Chapter Two I walked into the house about two hours later. My mom was making dinner. She smiled at me. "How did it go?" she asked, concerned. "It went well." "Lots of progress?" "You could say that," I smirked. "Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes." I nodded and made my way to my room. I hadn't really looked at in years. It was covered in movie posters and clutter. A few cups laying around. My closet door was ajar, most of my clothes had fallen off the hanger and now formed a mountain at the base of the closet. I heard my sister listening to Katy Perry down the hall. Quietly I closed my door and pulled out the box from under the bed. I looked at the black panties from all those years ago. They were different to me now. No longer did they represent what couldn't have; what I was denied. Now they represented what I was becoming. They were not mine but they would be soon. The forbidden was in reach. "Danny! Dinner!" My sister screeched from the door. It was now or never. We would be getting a phone call about my impending transformation tomorrow. I needed to tell my family that there was going to be another girl soon. My mom set down a plate of pasta in front of me. Haley sat across from me. I looked at her. She had almost reddish hair, more brown I guess. She wore a very little amount of make-up, just enough to make her eyes pop. Since it was summer she was wearing jean cut offs and a tank top. My eyes wandered to her chest. She was bigger than most girls her age. A 34C I knew from wearing her bras. My mom was also bigger. Oh my. It suddenly occurred to me that I would most likely have large breasts as well. Was I really doing this? Dinner went on as usual, Haley told a story about something that happened to her at the diner she works at. I kept looking for an opening, something to jump in and get it all off my chest. For thirty minutes I sat biting my tongue. Finally I had enough. In hindsight there was a better way to tell this. "I'm going to be a woman," I blurted out. My heart was beating so loud I thought they could hear it. There was nothing but silence. My sister snickered as if I told the funniest joke and continued on with her story. But my mom, my mom didn't take her eyes off me. I knew in that moment that she knew. She knew I was serious. Haley finally trailed off when she noticed no one was paying attention to her. "I...signed up for the Femina Project...today," my face turned red. "What? Like all of those freaks? Good one," Haley laughed. "I'm serious. I've..." This was the hardest moment of my life thus far. "I've been struggling with this for a long time and Alice has helped me. We have decided that I will be happier as a girl." My mom was still silent. It was freaking me out. "Danny, please tell me you are joking. You don't really want to be a girl...do you?" my sister asked, a bit of disgust in her voice. I nodded. "I do....so bad," I needed to let it all out. "I've been cross dressing for almost ten years." I met her eyes. "I've worn your clothes." I turned to my mom. "...and yours..." I took a deep breath and continued, "I know this is going to be hard to accept but I think it will make me much happier and when it is-" Haley suddenly stood up from the table. "Fucking pervert," she snarled at me and huffed out of the room. My mom put her hand on my arm. I couldn't meet her eyes. "When does it start?" she softly asked. "Monday." "Well then...we need to go get some things tomorrow then." I was shocked. She didn't hate me. "Mom?" "I'm not going to lie and pretend I'm not upset. And I'm not upset with you...I'm just upset. It's complicated. I want you to be happy. Okay? You're my son...child and I love you no matter what." She kissed me on the forehead. "Goodnight." With that she left. The kitchen was not cleaned and the dishes were not done. This was the first time I've ever seen her leave the kitchen that way. I didn't sleep that night. I tossed and turned in my bed all night. I couldn't even look at a picture of a woman. It was too weird now. I heard my sister leave around six am. She said she was going to work. I knew she wasn't. She couldn't handle it. About eight am my mom came into my room. She sat down on my bed and gently stroked my hair. "I'm sorry for how I acted last night. I'm here to support you. No matter what you are." I smiled. I felt a little bit of hope reenter me. Her tone changed back to normal. "Now I've been doing a bit of research. We need to go through your room and prepare to sell most of these boy clothes. Although I do think a few of them could be turned into a couple cute outfits." My heart fluttered. Cute outfits? This can't really be happening. "Thanks Mom," was all I could think of to say. She smiled at me. "Although I don't know why anyone would sign up to wear a bra," she laughed. "Now sweetie get up. We have lots to do today." About two hours later I found myself walking around Target. It was Saturday morning. I had two days until I went in. I noticed all of the girls in the store, how they did their hair, or their make-up or what outfit they were wearing. I started taking mental notes so I could figure out what style I might want to use. Of course it would all be different when I actually changed. Silently we passed the "feminine hygiene" isle. I heard my mom make a little giggle. My stomach dropped. I couldn't really contemplate that yet. It wasn't real, not for now at least. "At least now you'll understand what your sister and I go through," my Mom whispered to me. The idea of having a period of was so...female. But my body was still male there was no way to fully comprehend what that would be like, so I put the thought aside. We stopped in the grooming section and my mom helped me pick out some razors and shaving cream. We spent the rest of the time in the store picking out make-up, a body wash, some soaps and very few clothes. Since we didn't know what my measurements would be as woman, we grabbed a few Hanes for Her packages of panties, some sweatpants and wireless sports bra. My mom promised to take me shopping once I was a girl and we could get all the clothes I needed. Later that day I was in my room packing up all of my male clothes. Haley had still not returned. My mom had decided to leave me alone for a while, I guess so she could take in all that had happened today. It was very strange packing away all of my clothes. I knew I wouldn't need them anymore but it was still oddly sentimental. Daniel would be no more and I would be...shit! I don't have a female name picked out. I didn't want to be cliche and become Danielle. Then I thought about her. The baby sitter. She in a way helped me with this. Erin. I would be Erin Fox. My stomach moved. I was unsure if I was feeling fear or excitement, probably a bit a both. People would now know me as Erin. A woman. Finally sleep hit me and boy did I sleep. I remember having dreams about going back to college as a girl and that everyone hated me. I know that's vague but most dreams are. I awoke to an empty house. Haley had most likely not returned last night and my mom was out again. I couldn't fight the sinking feeling that it was to get away from me for a bit. I looked at the clock. It was 1pm. I had slept a little late. It was my official last day as man. What would I do? As soon as they inject with the stem cells it's impossible to get aroused for about a month. Plus I have heard that during that month that your body is changing so much it's hard to do much of anything but eat and sleep. I wanted one last orgasm. So I found a picture in the magazine and began to rub my cock. I stared at her boobs. I was going to have boobs just like that soon. Oh god did that make me hot. I grew so hard. I stroked the shaft more and more. I'm going to have a pussy! I needed more. I can wear dresses! High heeled shoes! Shop for panties! I came so quickly. I laid there on my bed watching my cock grow soft. I felt kind of guilty for a moment. I was betraying my penis and it never even got to touch a girl. Tomorrow it would begin the impossible journey to become my clitoris. I laid on the bed utterly spent and decided in that moment what I wanted to do with my last day as a man. Nothing. I wanted to be female and one more day as a man was just too much. Tomorrow the most amazing thing ever was going to happen to me and I couldn't wait one more second. Of course looking back now I wish I had done a lot of things that day. Chapter Three The car ride to the clinic was a long one. My mother was silent and the radio wasn't on. I couldn't pretend to imagine what was going through her head. That morning while I was getting dressed I decided to put on her black panties. I was in love with the idea of wearing panties all of the time. Hell I was in love with the idea of being woman all the time. No more hiding who I really was. We finally pulled up to the clinic around noon. My appointment was at one. It was a rather inconspicuous building, it looked much like a doctor's office from the outside. My mom looked at me, it was clear she wanted to say something but I don't think she could. "Thanks for driving me," I said. I paused for a moment. "Mom, I know this is going to be weird. But this is what I really want. I want all of this...I...want to be like you." She smiled for a moment. "Is that why you are wearing my underwear?" I froze. "I'm sure when your bottom fills out they will fit better." She laughed. I couldn't help but crack a smile. "Will try and make sure Haley is okay?" I asked. "She will be. It's just really hard for her. Watching you change like this." She reached in and hugged me. "Good luck." With that I grabbed my bag and headed for the door. The next time she would see me I would be her daughter. I entered the building and was surprised. It was simple blue waiting room with no one there but a very attractive red headed secretary. She smiled at me. "You must be Daniel," she said standing up. "Please follow me." I followed her down the hall watching how gracefully she walked. Was this something that my body would automatically do or something I would have to learn to do? I noticed her outfit. A nice patterned blouse with a tight black skirt, a pair of tights (or where they leggings?) and a high heeled shoes. What kind of panties was she wearing? What type of bra? How did she match that outfit? This was going to be one hell of a learning curve. "Here we are," she said as she opened a door to her right. It was a small dorm room looking area with a twin bed with pink sheets, a small TV a bathroom with bathtub and a mirror. I thanked her and entered the room. "The doctor will be with you in about half an hour." She smiled and closed the door. The way this was scheduled was that the entire building was full of these rooms but you would never see anyone but the doctor and a nurse. You had to spend the entire month in the room just incase something was to go wrong. They provided meals through a local charity. The process was still controversial so they wanted to keep everything as quiet as they could. There was a clipboard on the bed with some papers attached to it. I looked over it. Stuff I already knew, how the change works and everything but they wanted you to know what you were getting yourself into. Of course there was a place to sign to ensure you didn't sue if you didn't turn out how you wanted. The stem cells were injected into the body and went about changing your chromosomes. They Y chromosome was destroyed and the X and was doubled. Once this happened the other stem cells went to work changing your skeletal structure as the others began to change everything else. The first week almost no changes are evident but after that you won't be able to keep track of how much you change everyday. They also provide a shampoo that promotes hair growth, so by the time the body finishes your hair is long too. There was a knock at the door. My heart skipped a beat. This was it. Dr. Heartsen, a forty something year old brunette doctor with glasses enter the room. With her was a heavier nurse in mid-thirties I had to guess. "Hello Daniel, My name is Dr. Heartsen. I will be the one administering the cells," she said with a strange kindness. "It's nice to meet you," I said back trying to hide my shaking hands. The sweat on my brow was easily noticeable. The nurse pulled out a very large syringe with a long needle to it. The doctor continued on. "Now I have to say this legally but understand once we administer this there is no turning back. Your gender will change. You be 100% female as if you were born that way." I was trying to ignore the pit in my stomach. "This includes everything that comes with being female. Do you understand?" "Yes," I replied quietly. I had come this far I wasn't going to let some nerves stop me from this. At least I hope it's just nerves. "Very well. Let's get started," she motioned to the nurse. The nurse handed over the syringe. I held out my my, ready for the injection. The doctor shook her head, "Oh sweetie." I gulped. "Where is it injected?" "The base of the spine." Oh god. This was going to hurt. "Turn around and bend over." I did as I was told. "Ready?" the doctor asked. She rubbed something on my back. "I'm ready." "One...two...three!" She plunged the needle deep into my back. The pain was so intense I felt tears briefly come to my eyes. I'd rather have a hundred shots at the same time then ever feel this again. She pushed the syringe down. I felt a weird chilling sensation enter me. It spread through me and around me, becoming one with me. I felt the needle leave me. "That's it we are done," the doctor said. I looked to her. "Now what?" "Welcome to being a woman," she smiled. "Well in a few weeks. You'll start to feel the effects in a few hours." She rubbed my arm and left. I was starting to wonder about the legitimacy of this place. I opened up my bag and looked through the contents. My computer, men's sweatpants, t- shirts, a sweatshirt, six pairs of panties, two sports bras, one pink and one black , women's sweatpants, a tank top and my cosmetics bag. That seemed weird...my cosmetics. I opened the bag. There was women's body-wash, deodorant, lotion, a tube of lipstick, shaving cream and razors and a few panty liners, just in case. I grabbed the bag and headed to the bathroom. It was now or never. My body was starting the process of feminization already so I might as well start living like a girl. The first order of business was to shave my legs, and face, and chest, and underarms...well just get rid of hair. It didn't take long to remove most of the body hair, that was pretty normal to me. Although my underarms were itchy. I laid down in the tub of hot water and raised my legs out. I had never shaved my legs before for fear of being caught. I had never been more excited in my life. The very act of shaving my legs was so feminine. I lathered them down with the shaving cream and started shaving. Each stroke removing more and more of my unwanted male hair, leaving me with perfect smooth legs. Okay well not perfect. They had cuts and bumps and razor burn. Not too bad for my first time. I finished up in the shower and washed my hair. I put on deodorant and made my way to bed. I decided to sleep in a t-shirt and the panties. God it felt unreal to feel my hairless legs against the sheets. I opened my computer up and after checking a few e-mails launched the Victoria's Secret website. When I was younger I used to fantasize about going to the store and buying a bra. Now however it was real. My stomach dropped. It was real. I wasn't on the website because I wanted to buy a bra it was because I was going to need a bra. I gulped, starring at the model's chest. I was going to need a bra because I was going to have boobs. I would have boobs because I was girl. I was going to be girl now and there was nothing I could do about it. I gasped as I awoke. It felt as if a thousand weights had been placed on my body. I could barely breath. My entire body was being compressed, I could literally feel the bones shifting and shrinking. Reforming my structure to be smaller, more feminine. It became too much and I let out a little moan. I went numb. Instead of my deep tenor, my voice had shifted into a soprano. I quickly made another noise. The sounds that escaped my mouth belonged to a female. But my elation passed as a feeling of torment began to overtake me. My groin felt like it was on fire. I wanted to touch it but I couldn't even move. The pain all over my body was too much. I let out a girly scream. It felt like someone was pushing my balls up into my body. I couldn't think of anything else. I just wanted this agony to end. Sweat was now pouring off my body, my vision was starting to fade. A sick feeling rose in my stomach. I wanted to throw up the pain was so unbearable. The door to the room burst open and two nurses pushed me down to the bed. The male nurse looked at the female nurse. "We need to sedate her." The female nurse nodded. "Grabbing the kit!" she replied as she dashed out of the room. Sedate her? Who were they- The realization hit me. I was a her. He, him, sir, no longer applied to--ahhhh. I screamed again. The male nurse looked at me. Concern etched in his face. Fear rose in me. Something was wrong. "Am I okay?" I was barely able to mutter in my new voice. He looked at me. "Your body is reacting different than expected." The female nurse reentered the room. She grabbed my arm and poked something into my vein. The male nurse took my hand. "Your body is changing at rapid pace. So we are going to put you into a coma." My eyes widened. I looked over at my arm. An IV was dripping into my body. "What?" The pain was starting to subside. The world growing distant. "It'll be okay. This has happened to few other girls." He smiled. Other girls. Oh my...and with that my thoughts faded away. Darkness overtook me and I disappeared into my own body. ******************* The beeping of heart monitor was the first thing I heard. It was distant. Slowly it grew louder and I became aware of other sounds. Voices around me. "She's coming to," said someone. Shuffling was heard as light began to penetrate my eyes. The heaviness I felt on my eyelids began to lift. I was becoming aware of my body. Someone was pressing on my chest. My body felt numb and far away. The memories began to flood back to me. Something had gone wrong. I couldn't feel my legs. In fact, I couldn't feel past my waist. Why was I being held down? I opened my eyes to see my mom sitting in a chair. She was looking at me. Tears running down her face. She smiled at me when she saw I was awake. "Hi, honey," she said. "How are you feeling?" I found the strength to talk. "Groggy." A look of surprise crossed her face. This was the first time she heard my new voice. I looked at her. "What went wrong?" "Nothing," she said with a smile. I looked down at my body and gasped. A cascade of dark brown hair fell past my shoulders. The weight I had been feeling was not someone holding my down. It was my breasts that now protruded from my chest. They were huge! Easily visible underneath the hospital gown. I could feel their weight pulling on me. "I...I...I have boobs," was all I was able to say. "I'd say," my mom snickered. I ignored her comment and pulled the bed sheet aside. The first thing I noticed was how little I was. I had to be maybe 5'5" now. My hips jutted out they looked weird, and from the way the gown laid against my groin I could tell my penis was gone. I was a woman. I was really a woman now. The door opened and Dr. Heartsen entered. "How are you feeling," she paused, "miss." My heart fluttered a little bit. Could this be real? "Pretty alright. I guess," I replied. "Now you were out for a while," she took a seat next to me. "The process worked. You are now 100% female." I looked at my boobs. "I noticed." Heartsen smiled. "What happened?" "Well, your body responded in a unusual but not unheard of matter. It accelerated the changes. You would have been a girl the very next day." "Wait," I said concerned. "How long was I out?" Heartsen took a deep breath. "Almost two months," she said. Two months? How was this possible. I was floored. She looked at me and continued, "See Daniel, what happened was that your body tried to change faster than normal. The process would have killed you. So we put you into a medically induced coma. Now the downside to this is, as you are probably aware, your body feels strange to you." I nodded, extra aware of my new added weight. Heartsen looked at me again. "You are still under some anesthesia, so you aren't even feeling everything yet. When I do take you off of it, you will feel very very strange. The other girls have time to adjust to their bodies as they change. The other thing is that you didn't go through the mental changes the other girls do." I took a moment to think about this. My body was female but my brain male. But I wanted to be a woman, always felt like I should be. So how was this possible? "So...what does all this mean?" I asked. My mother looked at Heartsen, concerned. "It means that right now, your brain is female but your thought patterns and "mind" are male." "Is there anything I should do for him...er...her?" my mom chimed in. "Well, after she proves she can leave the hospital, take her to get some very basic clothes. Then just let her go through the mental changes. It should take about a week. At that point her female personality will develop," Heartsen said. She leaned in close to me. My heart pounding. Another week? What sort of mental changes was I going to experience? I was too afraid to ask. I didn't want to show weakness. "Now, you need to use the bathroom on your own and walk around a bit," she said. "Once you do that, you are free to go." "Okay," I replied. Heartsen grabbed the IV. "I'm going to take this out," she said. "When I do you will start to feel everything. It will be very strange. A lot has changed so just prepare yourself for that." I nodded and she plucked the IV out me. After a few moments I felt a slight tingling in my butt as it came back to life. It made me aware I was sitting on a pillow of some sort. I reached down to move it but my hands were met with soft flesh. That was my butt. It had grown so much it now felt padded. A twinge of regret hit me. Forever I would have this woman's ass. My attention shifted from my new butt to my groin as it came to life. There was suddenly an opening between my legs. I could feel it. I could feel this new passageway deep into me. Oh god, it was like having a mouth between my legs. I couldn't feel my penis anymore. Dr. Heartsen touched my shoulder. "I said it would be weird," she said. "It takes a while." She smiled and gestured to my mom. "Shall we give her some privacy?" "If you need anything sweetie, I'll be right outside," my mom said. I nodded. My voice taken away by this sensation. "I promise, you will get used to it," said Heartsen as she exited the room. I suddenly realized Heartsen has been through this as well. She had made the change. I was angry that I had to miss out on seeing myself change. Instead I was now feeling my vagina for the first time. Holy shit, I had a vagina! What was supposed to a happy moment in my mind was met with fear and regret. I had dreamed of this but now that it was real I was terrified. I felt so vulnerable. There was this thing, this alien, this opening in me now. I started to shake as the reality hit me. I had a vagina. This meant I had to sit down to pee, god that seems inconvenient. Masturbating would be so different. I would have to enter myself in order to do it. Oh my god. I could be entered. Like a penis could enter me...I was now shaking visibly. My new full lips trembling. In less than a month I would have a period. No, don't think about that. But it was true, I was now capable of and was going to have my period. Which meant I could get pregnant...I rolled over quickly to stop myself from thinking about this. As I did my boobs smacked together. "Ow," my girly voice said. I looked at my boobs. Feeling their weight atop each other. My boobs. I was really a woman now. The man I had once been was gone. I lay in that hospital bed and a question I thought would never cross my mind did. What had I done? You know that movement when you wake up and for the briefest of moments you forget what had happened the night before? This didn't happen for me. When I woke up I was immediately aware of the passage in between my legs, the breasts I now had on my chest. The overall female body I now possessed. I tried to calm myself down, do some heavy breathing that sort of shit. But I still couldn't shake this feeling. The feeling that I had somehow made a mistake and no longer wanted to be a woman. But as I looked down at myself there was no doubt I was a woman. It was now or never. I needed to get out of this place and the only was to do was to prove to Dr. Heartsen that I could pee and stand on my own. Mustering my strength I swung my feminine legs to the edge of the bed. My legs were prickly with stubble, but I couldn't be too angry because clearly someone shaved them while I was unconscious. Each dainty foot touched the cold ground and planted there firmly as prepared to walk for the first time in nearly two months. I hoisted myself off of the bed and stood. This wasn't so bad, I thought to myself. I took one step forward and nearly fell over. It took me a minute to realize what had happened. First and for most my center of gravity had shifted lower so my balance was off. Secondly, my hips were wider and caused my legs to move differently. It took me a few more awkward steps to finally find my balance and walk like an eighty year old man-correction woman to the bathroom. As I walked my boobs bounced out of control. Constantly pulling and pushing on my chest. Finally I just stuck my arm under them in order to try and keep those damn things under control. I need a bra. Shit...You wanted boobs, now here you go. I stopped just short of the bathroom and opened the bag I brought with me. I pulled out the black sports bra, the black panties, a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. There was no way I was ready to see what my body looked like in a mirror so I got dressed right there. Pulling the string at the back of the hospital gown caused it to give way and fall off of me. The cold air of the room hit my naked body. My nipples instantly went erect. I looked down and my jaw dropped. Somehow I had hoped that taking the gown off would be like when I was cross dressing. Everything I knew would come back to me instead I was starring at MY naked breasts. Breasts. As in girl breasts. The nipples were huge like silver dollars. The breasts themselves expanded from my chest like two swollen water balloons. I watched them heave up and down with each breath I took. This was impossible. They were big too. Pulling down on me like weights. When I would cross dress I used Haley's bra, a 34C and I knew from that that these were bigger. I gulped. I probably had bigger boobs than my sister, than my mom. I pushed the thought away and any thought of Haley. I couldn't deal with that right now. It was time to get dressed. I pulled the panties up and was surprised at how strangely (correctly) they fit. They hugged my ass, and the fabric ran right against my vagina. Next I pulled the bra over my head and squeezed it over my boobs. They were mashed up against each other, almost spilling out of the bra. My cleavage was intense and would cause most males to do a double take. I giggled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. After slipping the t-shirt and pants on I entered the bathroom and closed the door. Quickly I passed the mirror, I didn't want to see my face, and made it to the toilet. I pulled the seat up and...oh yeah...you would think I would have remembered that I have a hole instead of a pole after all this but I guess not. I pulled the seat down, dropped my pants and panties around my legs and sat down. My cheeks hitting the seat. For the rest of my life I would have to sit to pee. No more quickly whipping it out and moving on. Now the process was much more involved. The twinge of regret I felt was evolving into a pang. My penis was gone. There was no more easy peeing, no more erections, no more being male. I pushed the muscles I needed to pee and gasped. It erupted from me as I heard the feminine sound of peeing. As soon I finished I grabbed toilet paper and wiped. Feeling the strange sensation as wiped my slit. I felt sick. I walked out of the bathroom and was greeted with my mom and Dr. Heartsen sitting on the bed. "Congrats, let's get you out of here," said Heartsen. She looked at a clipboard and scribbled some stuff down. My mom met my eyes. I could feel her looking into my soul. Shit! Try and hide your emotions. Don't let her know what you're feeling. "Everything okay?" my mom questioned. "Just adjusting," I lied. Heartsen chimed in. "Alright, just one more thing. I need your new name in order to file this," she said.I thought about the name Erin again. I wanted to tell her that. I wanted to start over but I couldn't. "Danielle," I said. "Classic." "That's a good name," my mom said with a smile. I knew it meant something to her that I keep really close to my original name. All I hoped was she didn't know what it meant to me. "Alright Danielle, you are all set to go," said Heartsen. She reached behind her and produced a pink tote bag. "This is just a little goody bag. Some stuff to help you." She stood up and patted my shoulder. "If you need anything let me know, girl." I shuddered. With that she left. I looked at my mom who was starring at my chest. "Mom?" "Yeah?" "Can I help you?" She looked up at me. For a brief second I saw some excitement in her eyes. "Let's go shopping," she said. "Now?" "Yes now," she said giving me a once over. "You really need a bra." I did. It was time to go out into the world. As a woman. What's the worst that could happen? Chapter 6 We pulled up to the Kohl's department store after a very long and very awkward car ride. I starred at the store, not really ready to enter the "real world" quite yet. My new long hair kept falling in my face and it was really getting annoying. Yet keeping it tucked behind my ears like so many (other?) girls did. My mom noticed the first of many feminine struggles and pulled my hair back and effortlessly put it into a pony tail. "Thanks," I said. My mom looked at me with those eyes. I knew I was about to get a lecture. She sighed and began. "Danielle, I had a little conversation with the doctor and there are some things I want to go over with you." I nodded and adjusted myself in the seat. "As she mentioned to you, your mind had has not yet changed yet," she took a deep breath and continued. "So right now the world and more importantly your body feels very weird to you. She was hitting the nail right on the head. Even now I was aware of all the changes. How I fit into the car seat differently, how everything seemed a tiny bit bigger to me. "So right now, there are all sorts of hormones raging through your body. I can't pretend to understand what you are going through but I mean it must be somewhat thrilling. Finally having the body you have always wanted." "It is," I lied. My mom rubbed my soft shoulder. I felt it more, I'm not sure I was thrilled with how sensitive my skin now was. "So what my plan is," she said. "We are going to go into the store and get you a few things. Some bras, a few more panties, leggings, maybe a some jeans, just some very basic stuff to help get you through the next week or so. Then when we get home, I want you to sort of explore what kind of woman you think you might be." "Explore?" I inquired. My mom giggled, which was something I had never seen her do. "You know, play dress up. Look at girly magazines, try on make-up, all the sorts of things you have always wanted to do. The doctor said she included some fun things in that little goodie bag she gave you." The last thing I really wanted to do was put on make-up. It was so enticing as a man. It was forbidden but now that my mom was encouraging me to do this, it just seemed...weird. "Alright, sounds good," I replied. I threw on a smile. How could I tell my mom what I was feeling? ********************************************** It was a strange feeling entering a store I had been to hundreds of times and going left. The store's layout was this, half of it was women's clothing, a fourth was children's, an eight was home goods and an eight was mens. At least it always seemed that way to me with the sheer amount of women's clothing there was. The men's clothing is always to the right of the entrance and women's to the left and for the first time I was going left. How I had dreamed of this. Walking into the ladies section and endlessly trying on the clothes. Watching as it accented my curves and admiring how I looked in the dressing room surrounded by other women. I felt a knot in my stomach but somehow it felt a little different. There was little bit of excitement. I could really try on the clothing. "Let's start with underwear, sweetie," my mom said. She had been calling me sweetie more since the change. I was still the same person but somehow the term made me feel, fragile. We stopped in the women's underwear section. I took a deep breath, feelings my breasts rise and fall, as I processed this strange new world around me. Now I had done my fair share of cross-dressing so I knew about several different types of bras and some of the panties but having it all in front of me was well, overwhelming. It was at this time I noticed my mom was holding a piece of paper. "What is that?" I asked. "It is a service that the clinic does," she replied coyly. "It is your measurements." I ripped the paper from her hand. I wore a size small in most things, a size four in some other things, then I saw it. 34D. I was a full cup size bigger than my sister. I looked down at my boobs, they were a D-cup. A guy's dream. Holy shit. "Now why don't you go pick out two bras and three pairs of panties. I'm going to grab you some basic tanks and leggings," she said as she pulled the paper from my hands and wondered off. I was surprised how well she was taking all of this but I suppose she had time to prepare for it all. The thing the really bothered me was not once had she mentioned Haley. I was afraid to ask what happened to my sister. The one girl I really needed right now. Strolling through the bras was confusing. There were so many different styles and colors. I just wanted something basic for now. There was a woman looking through the bras near me. She looked at me, smiled and returned to her business. To her there was nothing weird about this. To her I was just another woman. A black, lightly lined, bra caught my eye as I approached it. I picked it up and examined it in my dainty hands. It was still weird thinking I had to wear one now, not that I wanted to. It was good enough. Nothing too fancy or girly yet. I grabbed a nude one of the same style and walked over to the panty section. I grabbed two bikini style ones, black and nude to match, and went for a third one in white when I paused. In the bin next to it there was leopard print hipster panty with a black lace trim. I'm not sure what caused me to want it. Maybe these mental changes were starting but something in me really wanted to wear it. I rejoined my mom with my new underwear in hand. She smiled and through it into the cart. "Now, let us go check out," she said. "Don't we need more things?" I questioned. "I have it all here in the cart," she said. The cart was almost overflowing with clothes. "That seems like more than a few things..." I said. "There are just some things to try on. See what you like and the stuff you don't like. We can return the rest," she said as she pushed the cart away. I was a bit touched. Clearly my mom put a lot of thought into this. We dumped the clothes in the truck of the car and got back into the vehicle. I pulled the seat belt across me, it pushing off my sports bra. I looked to my mom. "Where to?" I asked. "We are going home," she grinned. I knew something was up. "What is it?" "We have a little surprise for you." She started the car. "Plus your sister wants to see you." I gulped. Chapter Seven I was almost sick with fear by the time the car pulled into the garage. Haley and I have never been that close but she is still my sister. Still a blood relative to me so it was important to me that she supported my life change. I needed someone else to. As we pulled in I noticed her car was gone. "Hmmm...she must still be out with Eric," my mom said. Eric was her longtime boyfriend. I had met him a few times he seemed like a decent enough guy. It made me wonder if she had told him...and what people were now going to be saying about me. "Why don't you go upstairs to your room and I'll bring the clothes up," said my mom. I nodded in agreement and went into the house. Even though I had been gone for over two months it didn't feel like it. To me this had all happened in a matter of a few days. I immediately went to my room, lying on my bed sounded like a wonderful idea. My college was close by so I ended up spending a lot of time in that room. It was home to me and being back in it might help me adjust to my body. I entered my room and was speechless. Haley and my mom had changed the whole thing. The once dark blue walls had been replaced with a light green. My dark wooden furniture repainted white. There was full length mirror now hung on the wall. My sheets changed from gray to black and white cheetah print. Everything about this room said, "a girl lives her," my problem was I didn't feel like a girl. "Surprise!" my said with joy clearly proud of her work. "What do you think?" "Wow," was all I was able to muster. I looked at her and saw the slight signs of disappointment crossing her face. "I love it, makes me feel...feminine," I said to recover. "Good, that was the point. Now all your posters and everything you can rehang up if you want...it's up to you sweetie." "I need to pee," I said quickly. Realizing I actually did have to, I walked quickly into the bathroom to avoid showing my hurt. That's when I came face to face with...myself.I hadn't even thought about it as I entered the bathroom but I found myself starring at the woman I now was in the mirror over my sink. My face looked like my but different in a way. My eyes were bigger, perhaps even a bit brighter. My jawline was softer and cheekbones seemed higher. I licked my lips just to confirm they were mine. They were plumper, kissable is how a guy would describe them. My nose was smaller and now I bore a striking resemblance to my sister. I started shaking as I looked my long dark brown hair. There was no way anyone could ever get confused, I was a woman. I walked over to the toilet, pulled the seat up and then remembered again. I have a vagina. Between the three women in the house this seat would never be up again. Sweatpants and panties around my ankles I peed as a woman for the second time in my life. God it really was inconvenient. Haley and I shared the bathroom so her stuff was always taking over the place. It looked like she had added one of those shower basket things that hang from the nozzle. Did she really need that much stuff? Shampoos, conditioners, razors, body wash, acne scrub,...wait why did she need two of all that? All of her stuff was on the other side of the shower. Then it hit me. This was my stuff. I had been so busy looking at my face I didn't even notice my sink. Lotions and perfumes were placed around it. I opened my drawer and gasped at the contents. What had once held deodorant and my toothpaste was not full of women's things. There was eyeliner, an eye shadow kit thing, mascara, nail polishes, lipsticks and glosses and beauty tools I didn't even recognize. I pulled open the cabinet underneath my sink. There was straightening iron, hair dryer, a curling iron and hair spray on one side. The other side...pads and tampons. None of them opened so I knew they weren't for Haley. I walked out of the bathroom and back into my room where my mom had put the mountain of clothes on my bed. She walked in. "Mom, is all that stuff in the bathroom..." I began. "Yes, I wanted my daughter to have everything she needed," I felt a lump in my throat. She was really accepting me. "How did you afford all of this?" "Don't worry about it." Suddenly it hit me. "The vacation." My mom looked at me quickly. "I said don't worry about it," she said. "I'm going to get a hold of your sister." With that she walked off. There were copies of vogue and cosmo on the little coffee table in my room. On the front was a woman wearing a bikini. It was weird to think I now was like her. I dug through the clothes and pulled out the new black bra. The sports bra was getting to me, my boobs felt really trapped. I took of the sweatshirt and bra and exposed my chest to the air. The air conditioning was on and my nipples got hard. Dear lord they were big. I reached down and gently touched my right breast. A sensation like non other hit me causing me to gasp a little bit. This moment was strange for me because one, I had never touched a girl's boob before so feeling that soft yet firm flesh was a strange sensation and two I had never had my boob touched before so that was even stranger sensation. It felt almost pleasurable. I quickly dismissed any thoughts I had and turned my attention to the bra. When cross dressing I used to just stuff the bras with socks, so I put the bra on and them pretended I had breasts. Now I had breasts and I had to get the bra on. I leaned forward letting my boobs sort of hang free for a moment. I pulled my arms through the straps and pulled up sort of catching my boobs in the bra. Finally I did the clasp in the back. As I walked to my bed to find something else to wear my boobs jiggled. Nowhere near as bad as not wearing a bra but after being in that sports bra it was noticeable. I pulled a tank top out and watched as the fabric stretched over my chest. Cleavage showing, I guess this was a downside to being a well endowed girl. The clothes over took my bed. There were blouses, skirts, jeans, some shorts, t-shirts, even a few high heels. I didn't even know where to start. How was I supposed to be a woman? The fun of cross dressing was now gone. I was just dressing now. Then my first womanly emotion hit me. I sat down on the bed looking over the pile of femininity before me. The room, the bathroom, my body it was too much. I started to cry. I let my head fall in my hands as I cried. Feeling my boobs shaking as I sobbed. What had I done? Why had I done this? "Wow, you really are a girl." I looked up Haley was leaning against my doorframe. Her hair and make-up done perfectly, jean shorts showing off her legs, the blouse she was wearing perfectly matching her make-up. She had a sly grin on her face and I felt my tension ease as I looked at her wiping my tears away. Her eyes rested on my D-cups for a few seconds. "Wow, you really are a girl," she said more serious this time. She took a seat on the bed. "How does it feel?" I wanted to respond by telling her how I felt vulnerable and open now because of my vagina. How I felt exposed because of my breasts and how I was now questioning who I was at all. "I feels like being a girl I guess," I said. There was an awkward silence. We both knew what was on the others mind. "Listen, Dan...erhm Dani," she said finally breaking the silence. "I'm sorry for how I acted," she began. "It's okay I mean." "Shhh," she interrupted me. "Let me finish. We are sisters and sisters shouldn't act the way I did. I was upset because I didn't understand. I really was disgusted by you and you admitting you had worn my clothes but then mom helped me put into perspective. You were always a woman trapped in man's body. So you now you have the right body and although it may be weird at first I can deal with it." "Thank you Haley." "Plus I think it will be kind of fun to have a sister," she said as she smiled. "When you are ready we can talk about girl things." She left the room. That went better than expected but as she left I couldn't help but notice she was uncomfortable. What sort of girl things did she want to talk about? Make-up? Clothes? Periods? Shudder...boys? I'm hoping there is more to being a woman than just that. I noticed the bag from the doctor. I was curious as to what was in it. I eagerly pulled open the bag to find some tampons, a few coupons to some stores, a Victoria's Secret gift card and a long, tall box. The box grabbed my attention and I pulled it open and let it's contents fall on my lap. I gasped. It was a vibrator. Chapter Eight We had salad for dinner. Fucking salad. My mom sad it was for "us girls to keep our figures." I hope this doesn't continue like this. It is like I've become part of this weird club. My mom seems looser around me, she seems more at ease. Haley on the other hand she puts on the smile, she pretends to like the new me but I can see deep down she doesn't really know how to react anymore. I'm her sister now and that's just as weird for me. They let me in on these girl secrets, like what outfits they think are cute, or what men they find attractive. Which brings me to another problem. I'm gay. Well at least in my new body I am. I don't find men attractive. They are hairy and lumpy and ewww. Here I was in the tub, letting the hot water soak around me. Everyone else has gone to bed and I'm here alone. Haley briefly helped me get my hair up in a bun because dealing with washing it was just too much tonight. It was a weird sensation smelling the girly scents in the air. My women's body wash lathered against my skin, the smell of the women's shaving cream I used to shave my legs (went much better this time). When I am alone it is like I'm living a dream. Finally after soaking for what felt like forever I got out of the shower. I grabbed my now bright orange towel and patted myself dry. With the towel wrapped around my chest, and lotion in my hand, I made my way back to my room. I sat on the bed for awhile as I rubbed lotion on my arms, hands and legs. Something my mom urged me to do to keep healthy skin. Not even 24 hours female and I'm dealing with upkeep on this body. I looked at the clothes on my bed and saw the leopard print panties. A jolt of excitement surged through my body. I pulled them on and walked over to the mirror. My naked breasts bouncing as I walked. There in the mirror was everything I wanted to be. The panties hugged me in a way that proved I was no longer a man. The silky fabric rubbed against my vagina in way that I can't even describe. I could feel it slowly massaging my slit. I grabbed the Cosmopolitan magazine, pushed my clothes off the bed and fell onto the bed. I flipped through the pages until I found the cover story of the girl in the bikini. I took her all in, her curves, her breasts, her face, how her skin seemed to glow. My vagina reacted slightly. Was I ready for this? I fantasied about wearing that bikini, about doing my make-up like hers. My nipples got hard. I let out a ragged breath as reached under the pillow and pulled the vibrator out. Just in case. As I stared at the woman's breasts I became lost in my mind. None of this had happened to me, I was a boy pretending to be a woman. Imagining what it must be like to have breasts, to be female. My hand slid down my chest and grabbed onto my boob. Something happened in that moment. Something to this day I can't really explain but it was like something in my new female brain clicked and it scared the shit out of me. I felt this pulse radiate from my boobs all the way to groin. The woman in the magazine stared back at me. I looked at her breasts and felt weird. I have them! Maybe the picture was getting old and I flipped the page. I froze because on the next page was an ad for men's cologne. The man in the photo sported a beautiful five o'clock shadow, his muscles seemed to be dancing with his perfect skin. His stomach and chest flat and chiseled. There was a noticeable bulge in his pants. My vagina began to feel wet. No! No! I didn't want to be attracted to men. Yet I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I reached down and pulled my panties off. I shut off the lights. My vagina growing wetter by the second. I felt like I was leaking but I was so lost in arousal that nothing seemed to matter but the sexual release I needed. I grabbed the long, hard, vibrator, and moved towards my opening. After a deep breath I pushed the vibrator between my legs. I let out an audible gasp as I felt myself penetrated for the first time. I had something inside me! Oh my god! I flipped the switch and turned it on. Feeling the vibrations inside me I spread my legs apart further. I moved the vibrator in and out. In and out, imagining a hard cock pumping into my flesh. The fires of my orgasm began to burn. The more I pushed, the hotter the fire got. It was building. Oh my fucking God! This was amazing! Yes! I pushed harder feeling it rub against my clitoris. Yes! Yes! I pushed again and felt the fire explode. My whole body was feeling this! Every inch of my skin alive and adding to building, almost boiling over, feminine pleasure. Then I came. As a guy my orgasms had always been powerful, they felt like an explosion of pleasure that radiated from my penis. As a woman it was an implosion that rocked my entire body. I let out a little scream! Shit someone had to hear that. Then as the glow of my female orgasm began to fade away, it began to build again. Oh shit! I forgot about multiple orgasms! I rocked my hips building up the pleasure again. I came quicker this time and with more pleasure. I moaned loudly, pulled the vibrator out and turned it off. I just experienced two very female orgasms. As the glow faded away it was replaced with a sick feeling. I just imagined being fucked by a guy. What was happening? I had once dreamed of being attracted to men like other women but now that it was happening I felt like I was loosing myself. I pulled my panties back on and grabbed a t-shirt to sleep in. I looked at myself in the mirror, my bare legs exposed. You could see the flatness of my crotch. The way the leopard panties stuck to me. I felt this overwhelming sadness. My penis was really gone, well transformed. The sex organ I had my entire life was now stuck inside of this new opening I had. My little clitoris was all that was left of once grand penis. I watched as my boobs rose and fell with each breath I took. When I dressed up, I imagined what it must be like to be female. The thoughts got me so hot. I wanted nothing more than to be a woman. Then when I came I would feel ashamed and bury the feelings again. I would return back to my male self. Except I can't do that now. There is no padding to remove, no wig to take off, no clothing to return. Gone were the days of boxers, of simple male erections, of secretly dressing up. No more easy clothing or grooming. The life I had no had was a life of bras, panties, pantyhose, make-up, dresses, tampons, shaving my legs, sitting to pee, everything I never knew I would grow tired off. I fell to the ground as the tears streamed from my face. God, I even hated being emotional. I looked at all the clothes surrounding me in my new girly room. There had to be some way out of this. Someway to fix it. Even if it meant...ending it. I noticed the Victoria's Secret gift card on the floor. I picked it up. Well at least I could get some good lingerie...yay... The amount was for $100. Woah. That was awfully nice of the clinic. They gave me both the vibrator and the card, plus some...suddenly a thought crossed my mind. I never had to pay for anything there. Like anything. So the question was who was bankrolling the place? How did they afford to pay doctors, pay rent, keep people there and give them gifts if everything they offer is free? I didn't know it then but that question would end up changing everything. END OF PART I