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DEPARTING FROM MILAN By Monica Graz PART 1 I was dressed in a quite simple manner when Conchita took me out to meet her Filipino friends that warm Sunday afternoon. It has been the first time I wasn't wearing my maid's uniform since I arrived in Signora's house two months ago; the fist day I had the chance to go out as a 'normal person'. Since I had no other clothes except my maid's uniforms, Conchita gave me an outfit to wear and I was dressed following her instructions. A pair of black cropped trousers, a pink polyester blouse of some sort of cheap glittery material, a pair of canvas shoes, a silver cross around my neck as my single piece of jewelry. I kept my jet black hair in a tight high ponytail and I had very little makeup on simply to emphasize my more oriental looking eyes. I secretly smiled thinking that Julia my old self wouldn't be seen dead in that outfit. And yet, Molly the Filipino maid was looking quite natural in it. I felt funny and nearly guilty when I went out of the house without a uniform dress on plus my obligatory apron. My hands were trying automatically to smooth my apron front which didn't exist today. During the bus ride Conchita explained to me whom we were going to meet and what was expected of me. "Molly, you are going to meet three of my best friends in this city. Bonita, Linda and Riana. They are working in Milan for several years. Bonita and Linda are live in maids like you and me but Riana is employed by a cleaning firm. At the moment she is working at Malpensa airport." I instantly thought of the cleaner I saw when I arrived in Milan two months ago pushing her cleaning cart and looking so tired and disheveled. Could have been Riana I wondered? Then I heard Conchita's voice again lecturing me in her pidgin Italian with Tagalog words in between. I really had to concentrate to understand what she was talking about having to cope with the noisy bus as well. "Now girl, my friends know nothing of an educated English girl called Julia. All they know is that you are Molly the second maid in Signora's house. You are a mixed race person born somewhere in Eastern Europe, Romania if I remember well, and grown up there in an orphanage until you were able to come to Italy to work with semi legal papers organized by Signora Matei. Now she tries to obtain a Filipino passport for you since she found out that your father was of Filipino origin. Of course she is using her influential friends and some money to manage that" I stood there open mouthed looking at her, "I never heard that story before Conchita, nobody told me. Signora never mentioned that to me. An orphan? A Filipino father?" "I tell you now girl!" Conchita said emphatically. "Signora authorized me to explain that to you. Signorina Bonicacio was going to inform you but she is away for the weekend, so Signora asked me to tell you before you meet my friends. Do you have any objection to that Molly?" I still looked open mouthed at her but somehow I felt a sinister pleasure hearing all that, a completely new identity was created for me. A Filipino passport? How weird. But then again, I was becoming a Filipino maid fast, wasn't I?" So I simply said in a humorous way, "Well I guess we are fellow Filipinas now Conchita, aren't we?" She laughed, rather nastily I thought, adding, "You have a long way to go girl to become a proper Filipina. You still have to learn to speak Tagalog correctly plus of course you still have to develop the right attitude towards your betters in life." I felt slightly uneasy when I heard this last phrase, it sounded like a threat to me. But then she hastily added, "Get ready, we get off at the next station. Try to speak to my friends with that mixture of Italian and Tagalog as we communicate together. Don't even dream to use any English words. Capiche ragazza?" "Ho capito Signora Conchita," I answered slightly ironically but I could see from her pleased expression that she liked to be addressed as Signora. Soon we all were sitting around a table at a downtown cafeteria sipping our soft drinks and eating ice cream. The girls were pleasant enough to me but they soon lost interest since my language skills were limited. When the asked me what I would consider my native language I answered without much thought, "but Romanian of course, I grew up there." They all giggled saying happily that they didn't know a single Romanian word and continued chatting quite fast in Tagalog with the occasional Italian and English words dropped. I was looking at Riana trying to remember if this was the cleaner I saw two months ago at the airport but I couldn't tell, I wasn't certain. She sensed my looking at her and she turned and started talking very slowly in Italian to me. "You know Molly; now that you found your Filipino roots you should go back there and get the feeling of your country of origin. Conchita mentioned that your Mistress Signora Matei is getting a passport for you. That would give you the chance to travel but make sure that you have a visa to come back. Your employer must endorse you other wise you will not be able to come back unless of course you enroll in Manila in one of those domestic agencies that send maids abroad. But then they could send you anywhere in the world from Singapore to the Middle East." I looked at her quite frightened, realizing that with my new identity my movements would be quite restricted and always in collaboration with a potential employer. I heard and read in the internet quite a few horror stories about maids being abused sexually and treated literally like slaves in Asia and some Middle Eastern countries. All of a sudden a cloud of doubts encircled me. Was I carrying my fantasy a bit too far? Should I start thinking of an escape route? And Riana as if she understood my fears added, "This is why it is to your interest Molly to stay with Signora Matei who however strict and demanding she can be, she certainly takes good care of her servants. This is the impression I got from Conchita who is quite happy working for her." "I am too," I added hastily remembering at the same time that Signora was keeping my British passport under lock and key and I had no access to it since my arrival. Plus she was going to all that trouble to create a new identity for me, something that would undoubtedly cost her a considerable sum of money. At the moment I wasn't certain if I should be please or worried about it. Riana continued chatting with me as the other three were happily gossiping giggling like schoolgirls. "Do you have any experience Molly working outside a house? Have you ever worked in public spaces like cleaning office buildings or public transport places like the airport where I work at the moment?" I got very interested when I heard her talking about her work. I still had a fascination and a strong fantasy to work in one of those places. "No Riana, I never worked in any public space and I often wonder how it is. Is it harder than working as a housemaid?" "It is different," Riana answered without hesitation. "Though you are supervised from a distance you are basically alone surrounded by hundreds of people who simply ignore you. I am always fascinated how alone I am in the middle of all that havoc. I quite like it though to tell you the truth. As I move around pushing my cleaning cart I secretly watch all those faces happy, anxious, shifty, worried etc." I was fascinated by her description; I wish I could do it for a bit, just to get the feeling of being a lowly cleaner among all those travelers. "I wouldn't mind working for a bit in a public space like the airport," I said spontaneously expressing openly one of my secret fantasies. "Bur of course is not up to me to decide; Signora is my employer and Conchita as a senior maid has to talk to her." Riana who clearly seemed to take a liking to me said, "Leave it to me Molly, I'll talk to Conchita, I might convince her to persuade Signora to let you go for a couple of weeks. After all she was coping alone in Signora's mansion before you turned up." I didn't have time to answer because the other three stopped chatting and started getting ready to go. Our day off was about to finish, we had to head back to our employer's mansion. PART 2 I was standing in front of Signora, head slightly bowed, hands crossed in front of my apron. I was as usually in a messy mode after a whole morning of scrubbing and cleaning but Signora couldn't care less, I was there to serve her and strictly follow orders how ever demeaning they could be. "How are you doing with your Filipino education Molly?" She asked rather casually, adding "Is your Tagalog improving? Conchita believes that you are an eager pupil though you have so much western influence on you that becoming and Asian girl requires probably more drastic steps, I looked at her timidly not knowing once more how to answer to that, plus my poor Italian was a constant obstacle to fully express myself. I said hesitantly, "My Tagalog is getting better Signora though when I am among other Filipinas I miss quite a bit, they speak far too fast for me. But Conchita is a good teacher; she speaks slowly and emphasizes the various aspects of the language." Wow! I managed to say it all in my bad Italian. Signora wasn't impressed at all, she simply nodded and continued, "Conchita explained to you the other day what your new identity appears to be, Filipino, father, Rumanian mother, etc..." "Si Signora," I answered with a slight curtsey. "Let me ask you a few more personal questions girl," Signora said a slight excitement in her voice. "Tell me once more your real family situation, father, mother, other relatives?" "I am a single child Signora, no siblings, father Canadian, mother English, they divorced when I was a teenager, father went back to Canada and mother remarried and recently immigrated to Australia. I am on my own basically Signora. My parents made an effort to give me a proper education and then left me on my own. Now they think I am in Italy working in a prestigious job." "Prestigious job indeed!" Signora said ironically looking at me for the first time. "Your work clothes are truly elegant, the latest in fashion my dear," she continued in the same sarcastic manner." "Si Signora," I curtseyed once more looking down at my stained dress and apron and wooden clogs, my truly 'elegant clothes'. And yet I was excited because of that. How odd human nature can be! "Going back to what I was telling you before Molly," Signora continued, "It seems that you are more or less on your own and you will not be greatly missed by anyone close to you." "It's true Signora," I answered truthfully, "I am basically alone in this world and I feel that you as my employer and mentor you are the only person I can feel close to." Signora looked pleased. "Mentor you said; I liked that Molly because I feel that you are like putty in my hand and I can mould you to anything I like." She looked at me, a sardonic smile in her face, adding, "And this time I think I know what I am going to do with my putty." I felt a bit puzzled and worried with all that putty business and I was about to ask for an explanation when I saw with the corner of my eye Signorina Bonicacio approaching fast holding a dossier in her hands. I felt uneasy when I saw her coming so purposefully, I always felt quite intimidated by her in a totally different manner than Signora. who was after all my indisputable boss and would I dare say 'owner'? Signorina Bonicacio was quite cruel and cold towards me like I was a waste of her time and that made me feel always wary in her presence. Signora saw her coming and her eyes got a bright look, "Ah Daniela, just on time. I trust you must have concluded your small project. Come and sit here next to me I am all ears." She turned to me and added, "You better stay Molly and listen carefully, Signorina Bonicacio's project is about you and your imminent transformation." A mixture of excitement, anxiety and fear overtook me as I looked at both ladies sitting comfortably in the couch. Signorina Bonifacio gave me one of her looks, a mixture of contempt and disdain as I continued standing awkwardly in front of them playing nervously with the edge of my apron. She looked with the utmost respect towards Signora as she started explaining her 'project'. "I tried to keep the costs as low as possible Signora as you advised me; all we care about now is to change Molly's external appearance because she already is a Filipina maid at heart, aren't you girl?" She gave me a cold and ironical look. I gave her a small curtsey saying at the same time in my bad Italian, "Certo Signorina,, Yo so una serva filipinesa" I used the term 'filipinesa' which was very demeaning in Italy always meaning someone very low in social status, someone who was the last in the society pecking order. Daniela Bonicacio looked back at Signora Matei who was clearly amused with this manifestation of power towards me and continued, "We need just five steps for the complete transformation, five easy steps without any doctor's interference or any kind of operation. Step 1: Permanent darkening of the skin. There is a magical plant coming from East Africa, is called 'bishop's weed' and exists in the market in capsules, I already ordered it through Internet, will be here in a couple of days. Molly will be taking a capsule twice a day and we see results in two weeks time. Then she will have to lower the dose and take a pill every second day for maintenance purposes. No side effects and the results are spectacular, I saw case photos. Step 2: Contact lenses to change the colour of her eyes from green to dark brown. All we need here is a visit to a good optician. Step 3: Get her eyebrows waxed to create more space between eye and eyebrow. Then shape the eyebrows so the eye appears smaller and more slanted. She has to visit your beautician for that Signora Step 4: the same beautician can reshape her lips and use a permanent solution to make them look paler. Molly has naturally red lips and this is not an Asian characteristic. Step 5 and final: that step already happened. Molly has now jet black straight hair. The question is if we have to cut them shorter for practical reasons. Maids don't generally need long hair which can be unhygienic and not appropriate for the work they do." Daniela stopped to catch her breath and Signora clapped slightly. "Very good Daniela, I am impressed, your project seems very feasible and economical. How much time we need to have her completely ready for her passport photos." I was standing in front of them completely ignored. They were talking about me in front of me as if I wasn't there. I felt like an object again. Just as well that Signora hasn't asked me to go to the corner and cover myself with my stained apron. "In two weeks time she can be ready Signora, and she won't lose any valuable time from her work here, except of course for the brief visits to the beautician and the optician. I can organize those appointments if you want." "That would be an excellent idea Daniela, go ahead and do it. And as soon as Molly is a true Filipinesa she can go and work for a few weeks at Malpensa airport. Conchita has a friend working there and I understand that Molly expressed an interest to see how it is to work outside a private home. Isn't that true Molly?" Signora acknowledged my presence again. "Si Signora," I answered truthfully, "I asked Riana who is Cochita's friend how was it to work as an airport cleaner and her answer was, come and see for yourself Molly." Daniela couldn't avoid her sarcastic comment, "Good for you Molly, go to Malpensa and clean a few hundred public toilets, which will teach you true humility in life." Signora raised her hand to silence both of us, "That's settled then. As of tomorrow we start the final stage of Molly's transformation to a true filipinesa maid." She looked at me more strictly, "You can go back to work now Molly, enough of this idleness, you have to catch up with your floor scrubbing." "Si Signora, certo Signora," I answered curtseying in a deeper manner than usually. I picked my mop and bucket and moved towards the stairs, as Signora Matei and Signorina Bonifacio continued chatting amicably. PART 3 "Molegunda Apuya, Molly for short, this is your new identity girl," Signorina Bonifacio said as she handed me my new Filipino passport. I picked it eagerly, slightly curtseying as it was automatic for me now and I started opening it. Of course I instantly looked at the photo. I more or less knew what to expect but what I saw was even beyond that. A young dark woman with Asian characteristics looked back at me; the skin was Indian dark, the eyes moderately slanted and the hair jet black straight and long kept in the back with a simple elastic band. Signora and Signorina Bonifacio wanted my hair to be short and easy to maintain for a domestic but Conchita convinced them otherwise by saying that as a Filipina I should be a devout catholic and the Catholic Church was discouraging women to have short hair. I could see the white collar of my blue uniform dress and the frilly edge of my white apron bib. I was obliged to wear a maid's uniform when the photo was taken. Even in my passport photo I couldn't escape what I became so rapidly in the past few months. Then I thought of my new name, Molegunda Apuya!? What a striking difference from Julia Simmons. How on earth they picked Molegunda as a first name. Is it a real name in Philippines? I should ask Conchita. Signorina Bonifacio snapped at me, "That's enough flannelling Molly; you have to catch up with your chores now, give me the passport back, for the time being it stays in Signora's hands." "Si Signorina, subito," I said as I passed the passport with another small curtsey. She turned and left for her office as I rushed back to the kitchen to see Conchita, I had to ask her certain things as a mixture of feelings and emotions started overtaking me. For the first time since my transformation started I was feeling vulnerable and insecure, realizing that I gradually was losing all control over my future. It was midmorning and Conchita was doing the day's cooking. She was acting more and more like a cook since I had become, for some time now, the general housemaid of the house. I was always speaking a mixture of Italian and Tagalog with her so I had to try extra hard to make a proper conversation. "Signorina Bonifacio showed me my new Filipino passport Conchita," I said slowly looking eagerly at her. "So you are a Filipina now girl," she said slightly amused in pure Tagalog, "I hope you are proud of it," she added in Italian as she continued stirring the contents in a big pot. Whatever she was cooking smelled deliciously but I knew I would never be able to touch that food until the whole family including Conchita had finished eaten. I always was eating last whatever leftovers were available and then of course I had to do the dishes and clean the kitchen very thoroughly before I joined Conchita in our maids' quarters to watch with her various Filipino soapies. Good for my Tagalog she was telling me and she was right. Within weeks I was getting more proficient in that slightly made up language with lots of Spanish and English words incorporated in it. I was always amused that a word that was so much part of my day to day life as a servant, the word apron, was called 'epron' in Tagalog. "What happens now Conchita?" I asked her cautiously. I knew she was always more informed than me in matters concerning the running of the house and the so called 'future projects' of Signora. She stopped stirring the food and she looked at me, and then spoke in her slow clear manner, "I am impressed Molly with your looks, I can't even remember how you looked when you first arrived here. That plant, what is called?" "Bishop's weed," I answered quickly. "Yes, that plant worked quite miraculously on you. Your complexion changed dramatically and of course Signora's beautician did her miracle as well. The color and the shape of your eyes and your pale lips all add to your new look. You are a very convincing Filipina in looks, but you still have to work hard to improve your deportment." I sort of stopped her by saying, "All that is very well Conchita but what happens next. This is what I try to find out. Am I going to work outside this house? Do you know Signora's plans for me?" I could see she was annoyed with my interruption but she answered me anyway, "I know that Signora is trying to organize for you to work at Malpensa airport for a couple of weeks as a temp. They always need extra cleaning staff because of sick leaves of their permanent staff. You know it's not an easy job, Riana said that much to you." I couldn't help myself, I got instantly excited. So the possibility of working at the airport was still an open option. Conchita looked at me with a disapproving eye, "Of course it won't be easy for me in this huge house, I'll have to resume all the cleaning duties and I am a bit spoiled now having you around for the heavy stuff." I felt guilty when I heard that but all I managed to say was, "It won't be for long Conchita, I'll be back in a couple of weeks as you said and I'll still be able to help when I come back after the end of my shift." "Don't be so certain about that girl, the eight hour shift at the airport with an hour break can be exhausting, I know from Riana. Plus two hours of commuting in public transport. All you want to do when you are back is a hot shower to take the grime away and to put your feet up." But I pressed Conchita for more information, "And what happens after? Do I stay in this house or Signora will send me away with my new passport? I have a feeling that this is the reason she got me that passport to start with." Conchita looked shifty when she answered me in a hesitant manner, "That I don't know Molly, Signora hasn't mentioned anything to me, you have to wait to find out. All I suggest to you is to persevere with your Tagalog and your correct deportment so if and when you are asked to travel to be as convincing as possible." She still looked shifty when she finished talking. I felt that she knew more than what she was letting out. But I understood I couldn't insist anymore, I had to go back to my scrubbing. All the upstairs needed a good mopping today. In fact she urged me to get on with my work. Chop, chop girl, enough of chatting you have lots to do, pick your mop and bucket and run upstairs, Signorina Bonifacio will get crossed with you in a minute and you know how nasty she can be then." "You are right Conchita, I better move on," I said slightly worried now, Daniela Bonifacio could be very nasty if she picked that I was not fully immersed in my work. I started climbing the stairs carrying my mop and bucket, rags and dusters hanging from my apron pockets when I heard a door opening and closing upstairs and steps moving fast towards the stairs. In seconds I saw Signora started descending. I stopped in the landing and pushed myself to the wall bucket and mop next to me to give free space to Signora. I tried a miniature curtsey due to lack of space as she approached me. She stopped in front of me and addressing me in Italian said in an amused tone of voice, "And how is Miss Apuya today?" "Molto bene Signora, grazie," I answered trying to curtsey again and nearly kicking my bucket. "Tu sei una bella filipineza," she said smirking as she started to descend again, but two steps down she abruptly stopped and turned again towards me. "I nearly forgot, tomorrow I invited for lunch your old friend Miss Jennifer Connolly, she is dying to see your new you." I nearly kicked the bucket once more when I heard that and I felt my face flashing though I wasn't certain if that could be seen anymore with my dark skin. Signora though she sensed my uneasiness continued in her usual commanding mode, "Conchita will do the cooking, I'll have a word with her in a minute, and you will do the serving. We will be three sitting for lunch, Miss Connolly, Daniela and I. It will be an informal affair so you will be wearing a day uniform and a small white serving apron. Make sure that your uniform dress is clean with no stains. Am I clear Molly?" I would like to ask Signora if Jennifer was informed about my complete transformation but I hesitated because of the difficulty in expressing myself in Italian and in the mean time Signora started descending the stairs again so all I could say was, "Si Signora, tutto chiaro." I was proud of myself as I said it; I remembered in Italian the 'all clear' expression. By the time I started climbing the stairs carrying all my cleaning stuff, Signora has disappeared in the kitchen. PART 4 "Molly, go and change this instant, Miss Connolly will be here in about half an hour and you still have to set the table," Conchita said to me as I was helping her with the preparations of the meal basically cleaning after her. She was the cook and I was her skivvy for sometime now. It was past midday and I already felt tired and dirty. I was as usually up at 6.30am and I was solidly working except for a break at 9.30 to share a quick cup of coffee and a small snack with Conchita in the kitchen. "Make sure to wear a clean uniform dress without stains and use the nice white half apron with the frill all around it. Also have a white band around your hair. Miss Connolly has to see what a nice Filipina maid you became." "Yes Ma'am," I answered to her realizing as I said it that by this stage I fully meant it. Conchita became somehow my immediate boss, the one to whom I was referring all the time, the one who was telling me what to do in the house on a daily basis. Signora and signorina Bonifacio were above that, they wouldn't tell the 'help' what to do; they had the senior maid for that. I left hurriedly for my tiny room, I washed superficially making sure that I was free of any unpleasant body odors and I put on a light blue front buttoned polycotton dress, the classic day uniform of a maid and I tied firmly around my trim waist a pretty half white apron, the one with the frill as Conchita requested. I adjusted a white band around my jet-black hair and I rushed back to set the table. I found both Signora and signorina Bonifacio sitting in the living room chatting amicably. As I walked past them I stopped and curtseyed with a quick, "Good morning Signora, good morning signorina Daniela." They ignored me continuing their chat, which wasn't unusual as I rushed to the dining room to start setting the table. I was quite absorbed with my task when I heard Daniela's voice. "Molly. Come here for a minute, Signora Matei has to talk to you." "Subito signorina," I answered as I stopped arranging the table to rush back to the living room. I curtseyed in front of them as they both looked at me with a critical eye. "Yes, you look the part Molly," Signora said first and signorina Bonifacio added, "Thank God you have a clean uniform dress on, I am so used seeing you in those stained dresses and aprons. Let me look at your hands girl." I blushed as I displayed my hands for inspection. "Hmm, they look clean enough to me and your nails are properly clipped. Of course they are a working girl's hands quite rough but we can't do anything about that." Then Signora's voice made me turn towards her, "As you know Molly Miss Connolly doesn't speak any Italian or Tagalog so you are allowed to answer to her in English, but I want you to sound a bit simple in your English with some Filipino accent probably? You are not the educated Julia anymore you are Molly a Filipina maid with basic English so you can get by with your employers around the world. Can you do that girl? I want to see you acting a bit. Make an effort to talk that sort of English with me now." I knew that I could be good at imitating various accents so I decided to play Signora's game, it was exciting for me as well. "Yes Ma'am," I answered introducing a slightly singing tone in my voice by simply using Italian or even Tagalog intonation in the English words I was about to use. I decided to be a bit bold since Signora asked me to act so I continued with my singing accent blushing and smiling at the same time, "I learned my English Ma'am at the domestic arts school I had to attend in Manila, before I was allowed to travel abroad to work as a maid." Both Signora and Daniela looked at me a bit surprised and Signora smiled broadly. "Good for you Molly, you sounded very authentic like a true Filipina. What you think Cochita?" I turned towards the kitchen door where Conchita was standing looking at all of us as if we were theater acting. She answered in her singing English as well, "Yes Ma'am, Molly sounded very real, she is getting there, and soon she will be completely ready to travel." I looked at her stunned. Travel? Where? When? I couldn't fail noticing the hard stare Signora gave at Conchita. She clearly had said something she didn't suppose to. At that moment I realized fully than sooner or later I was going to leave Milan as Molly the Filipina maid. The mere thought of it sent tremors of excitement and fear simultaneously through my whole body. Conchita realizing her faux pas tried to change the subject, "I think you should rush now Molly and finish setting the table, Miss Connolly will be here any minute now." Signora moved her head in agreement and added, "And Molly you will get the door when you hear the bell." I heard the bell a few minutes later as I was carrying a tray of glasses to the table. I nearly dropped them. My God, Jennifer was here and I had to answer the door. Seconds later I heard Signora's commanding voice, "Molly get the door please; our guest has arrived." "Si Signora," I answered hastily as I was putting the tray with the glasses on the dining table. I straightened my apron as I was rushing to the door thinking at the same time, 'So be it Molly, you have nothing to hide or be ashamed of, you are what you are and all those changes that happened to you in the past few months happened because you wanted them to happen, so just face people being your current shelf, a Filipina maid doing her work properly.' That thought gave me strength and inner piece as I opened the door to face my old friend. "Good day Ma'am," I said in my Pidgin English slightly curtseying at the same time. "Do come in, please, Signora is expecting you." Jennifer looked at me, her jaw slightly dropped, "Julia, is that you?" "It's Molly now Ma'am," I said politely emphasizing my exaggerated singing accent. She looked at me again in disbelief as I moved aside to let her in. At that moment Signora appeared all jolly and welcoming, "Ah Jennifer welcome, come in, come in, Molly can take your coat and bag." "Thank you Paola," said Jennifer as she handed me her coat and bag still scrutinizing me. I instantly noticed that they were in first name terms by now. I must admit I very rarely heard Signora being called like this. Clearly those two must have developed a more steady contact and friendship by now; probably they socialized a few times outside the house. They even slightly kissed each other in that light feminine elegant manner. They clearly were closer now. Then Jennifer shook hands with Daniela being more formal with her. No special friendship there I could tell that much. I put away the coat and bag and went back to the dining room to finish laying the table. I already had a bottle of white wine chilled in an ice bucket waiting I watched with the corner of my eye the three ladies settling in the comfortable living room sofas but I couldn't hear them talking, too far for me. Of course I was dying to find out Jennifer's reaction to the new me. Signora's voice brought me back to reality, "Molly we'll have some wine here before we sit down to lunch." "Si Signora, subito," I answered in a slightly raised voice. I poured three glasses and took them over on a tray. As I was serving them they haven't stopped talking and I could hear Jennifer saying, "I couldn't believe it was her Paola, not in a million years, she looks so much like the real think. We employ Filipinas in our Consulate in Milan and they speak exactly the same way like your Molly, simply amazing!" She raised her eyes and looked at me when she collected her wine, with a simple 'Thank you Molly'. "You are welcomed Ma'am," I answered with a minimal curtsey using the same singing voice. I realized that I was getting a sinister pleasure being a full Filipina in front of my old friend and colleague from my student days. No inhibitions were present on me anymore, my personality had undergone a dramatic change and I couldn't stop it anymore, I was on a totally new path now with a totally unknown future. As I was expected I went and stood at the corner of the room hands folded in front of my apron waiting for further orders. I extended both my ears trying to hear as much as possible from their conversation. I could hear most of it missing just words or short sentences now and then. "She is so changed .....," I heard Jennifer's voice again missing after that a few words because of a noise from the kitchen, then picking the same voice again, "But she needs to be exposed to the outside world, she lives in a very protected environment, probably she still thinks this is just a game, don't you think so?" I heard Signora's voice first, "Everything is about to change in a few days dear Jennifer, I already booked her to work as a cleaner for a couple of weeks at Malpensa airport, that will expose her quite drastically to the outside world then..." I missed again Signora's voice, Conchita was making noises in the kitchen with her pots and pans, I could kill her for that, I was missing what would interest me more, what would happen to me after the airport work. Then Daniela Bonifacio added, "I agree with you Jennifer, Molly needs to be exposed to the outside world, she still thinks we play a game in this house. The airport will add to her humility but something more drastic is needed, something to make her feel that she is not in a virtual protected world anymore but in the cruel world of poor migrants that try to make their living under appalling conditions, more than often having to support whole families back in their home countries. Molly has to feel it to her skin what that means and as you heard before very briefly Signora Matei has a very elaborate plan." I shivered when I heard the last phrase, 'Signora has a very elaborate plan?' what that really means I wondered. And Jennifer heard something that I missed just before because of stupid Cochita and her kitchen noises. Signora suddenly remembered me and in her usually stern voice said more loudly, "Molly we are going to the table now, you can start serving in a few minutes and you can fill our wine glasses again." "Si Signora, subito Signora," I said with a small curtsey though nobody was looking towards my direction. They had a jolly time at the table. The wine was flowing freely and I could tell that Jennifer was a bit tipsy. I could see the signs since more than once in the past we got drunk together. I brought them coffee as Jennifer turned and addressed me for the first time. "I could employ you to the British Consulate as one of the maids there, they are all Filipinas so you could fit very well, would you like that Molly maid?" She was trying to be contemptuous towards me but she was simply drunk so her voice was trailing off. The other two ladies looked amused and made no comment. "It's not for me to decide that Ma'am," I answered remembering to use my singing accented voice. Signora is my sole employer and she has to decide all my future employment issues. But thank you Ma'am anyway for suggesting that." I finished my sentence with a small curtsey of course. Jennifer wasn't happy, she was trying to find a way to humiliate me in front of the other two ladies but she was too drunk for that. Signora understood that and she interfered discreetly, "Jennifer, I'll call a taxi for you, you mentioned that you have to go back to work for a couple of hours." All of a sudden Jennifer remembered her other obligations and looked at her watch. "Oh God, I better rush, I have a meeting with the General Consul in an hour. Thank God for the coffee, I do need that." Signora turned to me and said quietly, "You can clear the table now Molly and then you can go and have something to eat yourself, you must be quite hungry by now." "Thank you Signora, I am indeed," I said curtseying. I looked once more at Jennifer who had lost completely interest in me, she was already anxious about her next meeting. As I was handling her bag and coat a few minutes later she looked at me in a rather unfriendly manner and said, "I am certain our paths will cross again Molly, Enjoy your airport work, I'll look for you next time I fly to London as you will be wondering with your cleaning cart. Bye for now." "Good bye Ma'am, it was nice seeing you again Ma'am." I said remembering my special voice and trying to avoid sounding sarcastic as I was closing the door. PART 5 - CLEANING AT THE AIRPORT I was pushing my huge cleaning cart emptying the waste baskets and getting ready to visit the three toilet complexes that I was responsible for. It was about 11.30am, peak time for Malpensa airport and people were wheezing around me without paying any attention to the cleaner. I stopped briefly and looked at the passport queue. The EU citizens were moving very fast, their passports barely checked. The non EU citizens' queue was at a standstill, passports thoroughly checked, visas required. A faint smile appeared at the edge of my lips as I remembered myself arriving in Milan some months ago as Julia a UK citizen looking at the exhausted migrant cleaner pushing her cart. Now I was this exhausted migrant cleaner. I looked at the plasticized card that I had to wear around my neck. 'Molegunda Apuya - airport cleaner' it said and the photo attached was my Filipino passport photo the one in which I was dressed in a maid's uniform. Today I had to start my shift at 6.00 am and I was going to finish at 1.00pm, seven continuous hours of hard manual labor except for a fifteen minutes break at 10.00am for a coffee and sandwich courtesy of the airport catering services. My present uniform was quite a drab one, a plain light blue dress and a shade darker blue tabard with a huge front pocket. The only 'frill' was a white piping around the collar and short sleeves of the dress and the edge of the tabard. I kept my long black hair tied in the back. A pair of thick brown tights and black clogs completed my humble appearance. I looked at my cheap wrist watch, I had to rush and start the cleaning of the toilets, as I would need at least one full hour to finish cleaning the three complexes, each one containing six WCs three for men and three for women plus a toilet for people with disabilities. I smiled to myself when I thought of it. In an hour give or take I had to clean twenty one toilets!?... And I had to work around people in a rush all the time. I had to block each complex for twenty minutes, put the label 'cleaning in process - mind the wet floor' and really attack the mess people tend to leave behind. Men were usually more disgusting than women peeing quite often all over the toilet bowl. My only consolation when I was doing the toilets was that I was aloud to wear rubber gloves. That gave me some sort of protection from all sorts of germs, thank God for that. I was heading for my first toilet complex when I saw an airport security guard, walking fast towards me waving at the same time. He stopped in front of me in a few seconds, looked at my plasticized card and said, a tone of urgency in his voice, "Molegunda, just follow me, A young boy got sick and made a mess in the waiting area of gate 34, not far from here, you have to clean it." "Yes Sir," I answered knowing that I had no option; I had to do what I was told. My heart sunk when I saw the mess. I put my rubber gloves on and I started the disgusting job of cleaning the vomit of a young boy all over a chair and the floor. The smell was obnoxious and everybody moved several feet away of me as I was doing my job. As I was working I could hear some comments around me. A man's voice was saying, "Thank God for those poor migrant cleaners that come from the other end of the world to literally clean all our messes. Can you imagine an Italian or any other Western woman doing that job?' And a woman's voice answering, "Of course not. God knows where this girl is coming from. She looks Filipina to me, but she could also be Indonesian or even Sri Lankan. Probably she has already several children back home relying on her for their survival." "No Sri Lankans are definitely darker than her, she is a Filipina, I saw her name before," I heard the man's voice again. "Perhaps you are too observant dear," I heard the woman's voice again being ironical then I lost their voices as they moved away. As I finished cleaning the parents of the little boy approached me and the mother put discreetly in my hands a two Euros coin with a thank you. I blushed and tried to refuse it but she insisted telling me, "Keep it dear, have a coffee on us, you did a great job." "Thank you Ma'am," I answered truthfully because for over a week that I was working at the airport this was my first human moment, the first time ever someone talked to me in a kind manner. I looked at my watch again as I started pushing my cart towards the toilets, I really and truly had to rush now, I was running out of time. As I started cleaning the first toilet complex my mind drifted away to the events of the past week with mixed feelings. The ungodly hour I had to get up to be at work at 6.00am. The two buses I had to take, the people traveling in them mostly migrant domestic workers like me. Then the return to Signora's house which took me more than two hours. I usually was back after 3.00pm. Conchita and Riana were right; all I wanted when back was a hot shower and a rest. But of course I still had to contribute in the house. At about 7.00pm back in uniform I had to help Conchita with the dinner preparations and in some occasions I even had to serve the evening meal. I was in bed by 10.00pm with a tiny television always on watching from a satellite channel Filipino soapies. I was falling asleep with the TV on. Conchita was certain that during my sleep I was absorbing the language, something like Hypnopaedia the wonderful Greek world for sleep learning. The alarm went off at 4.00am in order to quickly prepare put my cheap clothes on and start traveling at 4.30 and be at my airport work at 6.00am Jennifer Connolly and Daniela Bonifacio were both right as well. I was certainly living in a protected environment before, being a live in maid in Signora's house however harsh the work was. Now I was exposed to the real life hardship of a migrant domestic worker. I was about to finish the floor moping of the first toilet complex and move to the next one pushing my oversized cart when I froze in my tracks by the sound of a familiar very posh sounding English voice right behind me. "Well, well, look at you Molly, the Filipina airport cleaner. I knew I would find you somehow!" I turned around, feeling that I was blushing all over though I wasn't certain if that could be visible because of my dark skin, and of course I came face to face with Jennifer, looking the epitome of elegance, carrying a small suitcase the kind you could take aboard the plane with you. "Halo Mum," I said reluctantly remembering my Filipino accent, not knowing how to handle her in a public space like this. My instructions were very specific from the cleaning supervisor, stay away from any conversations or any other kind of familiarity with the passengers, just do your assigned job quietly and efficiently. Jennifer kept looking at me an amused look in her face. "This uniform is even more elegant than the one you are wearing in Signora Matei's house; I love in particular your comfy tabard - pinny that protects your dress from all the impurities of this vast crowd." She said ironically, a smirk in her face I decided to be more direct with her, a security guard was already looking towards our direction, "Sorry Mum, me not allow talk to passengers, have to keep doing my job and have two more toilet complex like dis one to clean bepore de end op my shipt." I said in excellent Filipino English in a half illiterate mode. "What a Filipina you became, this accent is so much like the maids in the Consulate," She said and then continued in a more teasing and ironical tone "Isn't that exciting Molly, having to clean all those toilets?" By that stage the security guard was standing next to us. He ignored me and turned to Jennifer, "Is everything all right Miss?" Jennifer looked at him impatiently, "Of course, everything is fine, I just said to your cleaner here to be careful with the wet floor, it has to dry completely before she removes the 'wet floor - mind your step' label. "Certainly Miss," he answered formally seeing Jennifer's haughty look, "I am sure our cleaner is aware of that, she has strict instructions about that, she could be dismissed if she is not careful." "I'm glad to hear that officer," Jennifer answered back giving a last contemptuous look at me as she turned and started to walk towards her gate. I watched her back as she was moving so elegantly, her fashionable clothes fitting perfectly. She clearly was flying back to London for work or pleasure or both. I looked down at me as I started pushing my cart, my drab uniform, my heavy clogs, my mops, brooms and dusters protruding from the cart. Was I jealous of Jennifer, her good job her elegant clothes, her prospects in life? A jolt of pleasure in my spine like an electric shock gave me the answer to that. No I was more satisfied in my present station in life. My submissive slave genes were kicking on again. I was exhausted but not regretting anything that happened to me the past few months. I couldn't help it though of being apprehensive about my Filipino future as planned by Signora. I had this strong feeling that after my two weeks job at the airport I was going to depart from Milan. Where, how, for how long were unknown factors to me and also a source of anxiety. I looked at my watch again as I arrived at the second toilet complex. It was already past midday, I had less than an hour to finish two more toilets complexes, I should really rush now! PART 6 - DEPARTING This time I was not pushing a cleaning cart at the airport, this time I was about to travel and I was simply pulling a rather gigantic and cheap suitcase towards the check in point. This time I was really and truly departing from Milan and my destination was Manila, Philippines! Of course I was scared to death. I was carrying a false Filipino passport pretending to be someone else. Conchita came with me trying to make me feel better talking to me all the time in tagalog trying to build my confidence. The check in was easier than I thought. They simply asked my passport which had an entry visa stamp less than three months ago so for the authorities I was a legitimate tourist and not an illegal immigrant. That was another one of Signora's accomplishment. Not only I obtained a passport but I had all the necessary stamps in it. And of course as Conchita said, 'They don't care when you leave the country Molly, they care much more and check you when you enter the country, then you must have a proper visa and an invitation from an employer if you are going to be imported as a domestic worker." Once more Conchita reminded me that I was departing from the 'first world' as a third world citizen and it wouldn't be that simple to return unless I had an employer's invitation. I cringed with fear as I was completely at Signora's mercy now. My British passport was still locked in her safe and my only legal documents now were those of a Filipina. I was travelling with Air Emirates with a stopover of a few hours in Dubai, then a direct flight form Dubai to Manila. Conchita was revising the situation with me as we had a cup of coffee together before I started walking towards the hand luggage check and passport control and then to my departing gate. She was talking slowly in Tagalog with the occasional English or Italian word, "I tell you again Molly, everything is fully organized for you so you shouldn't worry. When you land in Manila my sister Juanita will meet you at the airport. She will hold a small placard with your name written on it 'Molly Apuya' so you can recognize her. After that you are in her hands. She will guide you through your new phase in life." Feeling increasingly nervous I asked, "I never understood what this new phase is going to be Conchita. I know Signora said this trip will make me a better domestic worker but in what way? She never explained to me." Conchita looked at me sympathetically saying, "I already told you many times before Molly that in order to become a proper FDW you have to go through that so called 'new phase' in your life, you have to see how people live in the poor countries, you have to be one of us as I keep telling you." She saw me looking at her puzzled and added, "If you wonder what FDW means it means 'Foreign Domestic Worker' girl. This is what they call us in Singapore where I spent two years working as a housemaid and nanny. This is what you are now girl, a FDW; you better remember that." The more I heard Conchita talking, the more I was getting worried and scared. It was nearly impossible to back off now, I felt completely trapped. Conchita oblivious of my worries and clearly very excited herself continued talking, "My sister will be very happy with the various presents I send to her plus the money of course." I instinctively checked my purse where I carried 2000 US dollars in cash. Half of that was what Conchita was sending to her sister, the other half my own wages from my work in Signora's house, the only money I had since I had no credit or debit cards, no ATM machine to go in case of emergency. Conchita noticed me looking at my purse and said in a rather strict way, "Be careful with that cash Molly, and as soon as you go through the passport control make sure that you hide the money inside your clothes, probably inside your bra or even your knickers, I'll never forgive you if you lose it or they are stolen, Juanita is relying on that money for her practice, she has to buy some equipment." "And what practice that could be?" I asked a hint of irony in my voice, thinking that what sort of practice an uneducated woman could have. As I said that I suddenly realized how right Conchita was. I was still thinking like a first world citizen putting down the poor Filipinos, thinking that all of them were vulgar and uneducated. She looked at me accusingly as she started explaining, "Juanita has a hairdressing salon in the Manila suburb she lives, practically next door to her house. She is also doing manicures and pedicures and she trains her older son to become a hairdresser, he is very good at that, he is the 'feminine' son in the family almost like a girl now." That really intrigued me now, "Please tell me a bit more about Juanita's family Conchita? What do you mean a feminine son, you mean gay? After all I'll live with them for a while, I should know." "Juanita is my younger sister and the only one of my siblings in Philippines. I have two brothers both working as construction workers in Qatar. Juanita's husband is working in Qatar as well; lots of Filipinos are there at the moment," Conchita answered as she was expecting my question. I looked at my cheap wrist watch, I still had time to kill before walking to my gate so I eagerly said, "Go on then, I want to know more." "Juanita has three sons the eldest who helps her in the beauty shop is 18 and is called Benito or Benita when he is in his girl mode, the other two are 10 and 12 respectively still at school and very naughty boys, they are called Alphonso and Ruperto. Benito is the one who is looking after them, their mother is too busy with her work." Now I really was thinking that Conchita was making fun of me. In the Filipino catholic and conservative society a boy acting as a girl using a girl's name is a bit farfetched I thought. She looked at me amused. "No Molly, my nephew Benito is not gay, he simply is the one selected to help his mother with housework and other activities that are traditionally woman's work. That's very common in families with no girls. The mother from the beginning watches which son is keener in helping in the house, more susceptible to feminine tasks. This one is often chosen to be the house helper, the one who assists the mother. He is the one who is encouraged to wear feminine items of clothing like a pretty apron when doing the housework and in some cases he is allowed to go all the way and completely dress as a girl. This is our Benito's case, he loves to become Benita and he loves all his feminine tasks including learning how to be a proper hairdresser and manicurist." "Wow!" I said open mouthed. "I never expected something like that in a conservative and rural society; Filipinos are more advanced socially than people tend to think in the West." "They simply are practical. When you are poor and have a large family without outside help you tend to look for solutions," Conchita said smiling broadly and then added, "And something that I haven't mentioned before, you are going to work as an apprentice in Juanita's shop. You can't be a proper FDW without some knowledge of doing hair and manicure/pedicure. In Far East and Middle East countries this is a requirement for employment as a housemaid." In a second I forgot all about Benito/Benita and looked alarmed. "I always thought that I am going to Philippines in order to become more real as a Filipina but no one mentioned to me that I could work in the Far or Middle East as a maid. I always thought that Signora was going to ask for my return to Milan." Conchita looked shifty when she answered with a false smile. "I really don't know Molly what Signora thinks. All I know is that she wants you to become more real as a Filipina and to be treated exactly as any poor Filipino girl who is prepared and trained to travel abroad and work as a FDW. You have to be patient and let life take its own way." I was about to say something when she added, "And of course another requirement to get a job abroad as a maid is to have some experience with children so you can be a nanny as well if necessary. I already asked Juanita to enroll you to a local school for future nannies where you will learn the basics." Conchita was full of surprises. Most of what she said the past few minutes was big news to me. Benito's case came back to my mind, I really was fascinated by that story so I couldn't help myself asking, "But how people face Benito? Neighbors, friends, relatives? Isn't he teased or even worst, bullied?" "No Molly, he isn't. On the contrary he is respected for what he is doing to help his mother. Ok, men sometimes can tease him a bit but women love people like him, they find them very brave individuals and they often encourage them to become more presentable as women." "What can I say, I am impressed!" I simply said looking again at my watch. At this moment my flight was announced and I was asked to proceed to my gate. We both stood and I nearly cried when I started saying goodbye to Conchita. We hugged and she said to me, "You know Molly; I said that Benito is brave for what he is doing but I think you are braver by far. You abandoned the luxuries of your world to become a humble and lowly maid. It does take courage for that, you must have a terrific drive inside you, and you are like a nun pursuing her own destiny. Good luck to you girl." She said those last words with tears in her eyes. I had tears in my eyes by that stage, I hugged her once more and said, "Good bye Conchita, you will hear from me very soon, I'll get a cheap telephone card and I'll try and call you when in Manila. I am looking forward now to meet Juanita and Benito." We parted and I started walking fast towards my gate. I went through passport control and hand luggage check without any problems, Conchita was right. I was a Filipina departing Italy; they couldn't care less about me anymore. I boarded the plane, took my window seat and tried to relax closing my eyes. Too many thoughts in my mind wouldn't let me relax but after a good meal and a sleeping pill that Conchita gave me I drifted to a disturbed sleep until I heard the announcement that we are about to land to Dubai. My new phase in life, as Conchita called it, was on its way with a completely unknown future. The only certain think was that I was out there on my own with all the disadvantages of a third world citizen. I had to survive for now on as a poor uneducated Filipina with no other means but my own hard work as a FDW as I was called now.