Shadowsblade First Day free porn video

Note: This story is set in Maggie Finson's Whateley Academy Universe This is fan fiction for the Whateley Academy series. It may or may not match the timeline, characters, and continuity. Canon stories may be found at crystalhall.org http://crystalhall.wikia.com/wiki/Table_of_Contents This is Shadowsblade's first day at Whateley meeting new students and getting all set-up for her time at the academy to come. and to the authors of this universe --I just barrowed your characters and I hope you don't feel I "bent" them too bad ARC Tuesday February 13 -7am There is a knock at the door and it snaps me instantly back from my mediation. I can smell and hear that its Bill on the other side of the door? I did not even hear him walk up? I jump off the bed and walk over to the door open it up "Hi Bill!! you're here already?" I yelp happily at him. He looks at me surprised "You did not hear me come up to the door?" "No I was, mentally involved in my self, concentrating, meditating." He looks at me surprised "I snuck up on--- you!?" "I guess you did--- you then --you win a prize!" I give him a quick hug. He Looks at me shaking his head "Do you realize I was banging on the door for almost 20 minutes before you came?" "Oh-- man I've got to remember not to do that, lose touch that much with the world. So that someone might be able to sneak up on me and hurt me bad. I got to remember to do this level of concentration in only a safe place that I'm 100% sure no one is gonna come up me! But at least it's better to know now, then later when someone is jamming a sword in my back or cutting my head off as I am half-asleep." Bill laughs at that" So I kinda accidentally--did you a favor?" "Yeah I would call that a favor. I would rather know about it now, than like I said after I get hurt or dead ---so what is the plan for today?" I ask him. "They want to down at the TS machine soon as you can" Bill said to me. "Well then I guess first of all, what do they want me dressed in?" "They have a suit your going to pull on down there, so that stuff that you are wearing now. The yoga pants and sport top would be fine. Have you got another clean set??----I would wear that." "Okay I give me about 20 and I'll come out to you." He turns and walks off as I shut the door. I start peeling off my clothes, FLIP off the camera again. I know they are watching and jump in the shower, wash up as quickly as I can. I do not want to get involved in personal touchy shower madness again like I was doing the other day!! I pop out, dry myself, slide across the floor as fast as I can, pull out of the bags of clothes that I washed yesterday. Find the exact same style of clothes I was wearing yesterday. But in different colors instead of blue this set is more of a deeper purple. I pull on the sports top it takes like a minute to get that thing on I hate it. I jump on the bed pull on the shoes and the socks, pull on the T-shirt and walk out the door. "Okay Bill take me to your leader" I quip in a faked space alien accent. He looks at me and starts laughing "That's just a loaded joke right there, you do understand the old UFO joke things about exams?" "Yes" I hiss at him "Probes in strange places-- let's not even think about that today. Anyone comes near me with something like that, they are not going home tonight!" We walk down the hallway towards the main elevator. When we get there he pushes the call button, then swipes his ID card to verify him. "Well how did last night go?" he asks me as we wait. "I spent pretty much the whole night meditating, didn't talk to Sara much remotely. Read the books, thanks a lot for that!! it helped a little bit. I need access to a library --obviously" He laughs "Yeah at the speed that you can read books. You might be need to get into several libraries. If you can just learn just from straight books alone. You will have a couple of doctorates in your name in a couple years. So I am going to assume you have a virtual photographic memory?" "YEP!" but only what's in the book. I mean if you slip something between the pages. I would not know is there. It's just the book itself. So you can hide stuff in it and I would not know it was there till I opened it." The elevator comes. Then we go up several floors and he brings me to a very large section the complex underground. I see what seems to be the lead technician, We walk up to him "Good morning." I say to him. He kind of just shakes his head "Yeah-- well hi I guess. So we rarely get to use thing but, this is the temporal spectral analysis machine TS for short. You're going to go in that room get into a white bodysuit for us. We had made of cotton just for you as, the regular ones are made of a neoprene. Which we been told you would have had a allergic reaction to and would have stood nothing for it. Then we get you into the main room, run you through the test. The quicker you sit still and the longer you sit still the faster we get done." "Okay show me the room and let's get this over with." He walks me to the room "Here is your suit." I asked him Underwear on or off?" He looks at me "Nothing just the suit." "That's nice --- okay" I sass not even close to happy. I close the door --pull off everything. I just put on! Then pull this slinky suit on. That looks like a cotton version of something out of a fetish nightmare! I walk back into the room. "Well here we go!" I look across the room and a couple of guys are leering at me. "Gentleman if your going to act like teenagers, go find a book in a corner somewhere! And I'm not going to put up with you looking at me like that!" Bill looks at them and gives them the evil eye. The lab tech then takes me to this large room of a 50 foot sphere a bridge going over the chair in the middle of the room, the bridge looks retractable --"Sit in this chair put your hands or arms over the places indicated by the silhouette and if you can sit still absolutely still not even blink for 5 minutes we will be done in virtually that same amount time." "How still do you want me to be?" "As still as you possibly can." "Okay let me clarify. I can stop breathing for two hours and I can stop my heart for about 10 or 15 minutes before I start having problems." I grin at him. "If you can do all that! even better. You being a statue is about is the most perfect thing possible. There is a speaker in the overhead and a microphone. I'm gonna get out of here, you sit perfectly still. I give you a go ahead, you freeze up like a statue, like you said you can do, which is just beautiful! I like working with people like you. I get to go home and I get to have half a day off. I don't have to sit here for 10 or 15 tries at this with you. So you will probably do two maybe three shots at this, just to have some overlapping data to make sure and sometimes it just doesn't want to work. The guy who runs it literally is in there kicking the machines and so bear with us if it doesn't work. If it does not in couple hours, we will just leave it, as is that it did not work today." He walks back across the bridge and it retracts into the wall and 10 minutes later he comes over the speaker "Okay whenever you're ready?" "How would you like to do it?" "I'll just give you a five second countdown and we go from there." He counts down and I to stop everything don't blink, don't move nothing, up 5 to 6 minutes later he comes back over the speaker "Stage 1 done you can move around a little and breathe, beat your heart, would be okay with me" he snickers. He says "One more try and then, we might do a third. The machine is working pretty good this morning." 10 to 15 mins goes by and "Were ready again ready?" he says on the speaker. "I am ready" and he says "in five ,four"--counts down and I freeze up again and they roll and repeat it one more time after the final time "Were done we at the data we need. I'll be in there a couple minutes" he comes in to me and gets me out and walks me up to the control room for this thing. I ask him "You get results yet?" "They will give you that upstairs. I just give them the data, they figure out how to mess it up later, but we did get good data, a lot of people will want to look at this!" "That's what I want to hear!" He looks at me "What you mean by that?" "Well every time you guys make money off of this--I make money off this as well." He looks me "This is between me and you, a lot of people are going to be looking at your data and you can make a lot of money for this, if you negotiated a good contract you will be pretty well off in a couple years." He winks at me "If I where you? I would do a test run every six months, if they ask for it or not. So there is new data out there regardless if its a near duplicate of the last batch done. People will pay to see it With that you get that much more money! So! The more tests you have out there more money you make!" I look at him "Your in the wrong business you should been a used car salesman or something?" He shrugs his shoulders "Whatever?" I walk out with Bill. As we walked back to the elevator he said. "That had to be one of fastest sessions we've ever had with that stupid thing" As we get to the elevator doors "Where do you wan to go up and have breakfast or go down?" "Ohh ya! I want to go back into the hole in the ground, like a scared bunny rabbit YEP! that's--- like a brilliant idea--- up buddy! you know better than to ask that question!" I SASSED! After a couple minutes of going up, then walking. We come up to the main lobby and walk over to the cafeteria. We walk up to the order cook, I say "Lets see-- breakfast?" I order waffles and pancakes--I just start listing stuff off, the short order cook guy questions to me "You're ordering for an office or something, there Miss?" "Nope!! just for me" I giggle at him Bill leans over the counter to him "She's an elf--right?--we haven't see to many right?---well I saw three the other day-- eat like this! They are just eating machines!" The cook looks at me "I have a theory." I look at him puzzled "Theory about what?" "I know why--history it is and why there's no Elves around, but I think my theory is actually more plausible" the cook tells me. "WHAT?" I ask. "Theory is you guys eat so much food --you ate yourselves out of existence!" "AWWW! that's just not right" I groan. But anyway the cook gives me a number. So that a waitress can bring me the food I ordered in about 20 minutes or so. I walk over the beverage counter, they had orange juice and looks fresh --that makes me happy its something different. I pour off a glass. Bill gets some red juice then we both go sit down. I ask Bill "What's next for you?" "We will see what comes in next to monkey with, but that's my plan to stay here. I don't see the reason to go anywhere else" he tells me while sipping his juice. "Do you plan on being a doctor maybe?" I ask. He shakes his head "I have no aspirations to be a doctor. I'm making plenty of good money at this place. I have my security clearance. Fact it's one of the main reasons why I'm here plus my RN certificate. This place gets weird once in a while-- kind of out there--but, it's fine." As I start to ask another question, two waitresses show up with the food, they start setting trays down and one looks at me and Bill "Where is everybody else? This is enough food for four!" "It's pretty much me! he has that like---breakfast plate dealy there, that you got on that first tray(I point)and everything else here is pretty much mine!" She looks at me "Your kidding? your an Energizer or something? that you need to pack away this kind of food?" "No not at all" I say --so-- she lays out all the food for me and I dig- in. Bill puts Tabasco sauce on his eggs, which totally I'm not even think about liking the idea of that taste --the smell --good grief! Bill asks me "Do you regularly eat like this?" "Now I do!" I smile as I tear into the plates. "NO what I mean, is in the past- as an Elf? ya goof!" he laughs. "NO we didn't eat like this, we are lucky if we got three meals a day or two a day sometimes, there were times I was in deep combat, I didn't eat for weeks I survived off the essence, that I could pull out of the forest and everything else around me or what food. I got from the ground or out of the shrubbery and stuff." After I said that --he shakes his head and he looks like he is going to start asking more questions about this. I shake my head at him "Please don't-- not right now--the less I think about that, the better." "I can understand that. I had several combat tours and I'm screwed up as it is and so is Mike that you met. I can't imagine someone doing that for as long as you did not be messed up. How you're not completely insane I don't get?" I laugh at him-- I'm really start laughing hard and it kinda draws attention to us "Do you think I'm not insane! really? After what I've done the last couple of days?" The stark realization dawns on him "You probably are insane!" --"Who knows?" I say " I Pump in six bullets in my head and not dying is probably clinically crazy, not to mention all the other small things I've done. I'm probably not altogether there." I go back to eating pancakes. He says "That is why I have been to a lot of therapy---in the first step is actually admitting you have a problem, you know your koo koo. You're probably better off than a lot of people that think they're sane" He looks around then whispers to me "Just so you know I did put that in my report. I think you have posttraumatic stress disorder from too much combat." I shrugged "I guess--I'll read it eventually." "Oh I'm sure you'll get to read the full report when you check in the school. I don't think they are into hiding stuff from students really." After we finish up, I ate most of what I got laid out in front me. We get up and start walking out back to the elevator back in the main lobby area. Standing there waiting for a ride down is Dr. Otto "Good morning Rohanna how that first test go?" "Brilliant --everything went fast and we are up here having breakfast. Now we are going back down." "Well I guess that means in the next half an hour or so I am going to have to let you go! ahead of schedule! I am sure that makes you happy!!" Otto says-- then he pulls out a pack for me "I know you had everything bags last night--I got someone to go to the store for you last night and get ya this so you don't look like a hobo or something." I say "This will help out a lot!" the door opens up and we start going back down. As I walk towards my room. Otto gives me the rundown of the TS machine stuff . "We got it all in and you will have a lot of researchers looking at your stuff. Do you understand the possibility that your------you understand genetics and genetic engineering?" "I understand the concept yeah" I say wondering where he is going. "You probably are genetically engineered? but the elves did not have science back then-- so magic?" he questions me. "I understand that" I said "I was ---so?" I say totally unconcerned that he does not get it. He looks at me cross-eyed "You knew this?" "Of course I did, I am not stupid.--I know what I am. I know exactly what I am! I know exactly what I can and can't do!" I think about the process on what was done to me. Its there but as I get to really thinking hard on it. It slips away and I feel that Geas on me, making that happen. He stands there pondering it and shakes his head "Would you mind telling me how they did it?" We finally get to my room and I open the door. "I'm not going to tell you guys how it got done--I know the whole process exactly down the inch, what was done. I even understand it. I can probably if I tried hard enough and think about it. I can do it myself to someone else. But I'm not even going to. That's not my specialty--doing transmutation magic--but I understand it-- the whole thing about it." He walks across my room for a second pulls out a stack of paperwork from his satchel then dropped it all on the desk "You want to talk to people about this maybe??? like in a meeting or something?" "WHY?" I ask. "People will probably want to know about this?" Otto says "Well they're not gonna know. I don't trust you guys. Plus I just can't! Please don't ask why. You figure out how it got done with your own technology from nowadays and go from there. Ancient magic like what was done to me. I don't think can be duplicated. Not enough of it the world! Unless you guys figure out how to get a mage to use the deep Ley lines that are buried under the planet's surface, then you might be able to pull it off? As far as I can tell human mages don't do that and the ones that do usually end up getting fried! That's what happened in the past! I don't think anything changed now. Besides I am magically bound BIG time not to tell anyone! Who is not authorized and if your going to ask about that. DON'T!" Otto looks at me strangely after that last sentence. "What do you mean 'bound?" I yell out "BOUND as in BOUND! As in can't! I can't say it. I hope that everyone who can make me is DEAD darn it!" Otto reels back thinking, I am about to get real nasty. I calm my self back down and get my bags together onto the bed. As I pack my back-pack up. He starts getting papers out of the stack on the desk he dropped there. He says to me "Here are your basics --they will give you another MID test to confirm it. Your wizard skills, we don't know, we don't test that here. Your an exemplar four you can lift about 2000 pounds. Your warper 6?? or some sort --teleporter and looks like you can teleport yourself and other objects, range we don't know. You're definitely a regen five. There's something ESP- danger sense going on with you. I bet it kept you alive most of your life. Your speeder one at 45 miles an hour for two hours, which you already pretty much knew that. Your warper-- teleporting thing? That only just popped up from the TS test today and that's the very strange bird? That we can figure out, it looks like yours is a both a naturally occurring part of you and looks like there's something of a magical component on it. Very unusual to have both working for the same goal you?" "I understand exactly-- like I said. exactly what I can do" I mumbled. "You wouldn't mind sharing what the teleporter skill is?" he asks. "I can teleport. I can bring people with me. I can do it very very quickly and I use it in combat. I teleport faster than people walk and I also do not to worry about popping up in a wall" I list off the facts coldly to him. "How is that accomplished?" he asks. "I don't know? I just don't pop up in walls. I can't explain something that you have to experience." He looks at me thinking "Experience? you mean take people around right?" "Just like your teleporter's do here. I am sure--as Sara uses them to get back to school" I tell him. "Would you mind taking one of our teleporters with you?" he asks me. "AHH yeah because sometimes it doesn't work together to well I don't want what he does to interfere with me--- but I'll try it? You want to schedule it for a test next time maybe? I am not planning on doing it today!" "We can do that among any other things--see you in two-three weeks?" he asks me. "You set up a time and a date. Put it on a Saturday or Sunday because obviously I have classes unless, I'm hurt or injured to be there or something else comes up." I finish packing my back pack and I fold up the used paper bags and drop them in the trash can. Then I look at both of them "So if you guys will leave --I can get out of these workout clothes and into a pair pants and a decent shirt and look okay so shooo! get the hell out!" and I start shoving them out the door. Dr. Otto picks up his stuff off the table and walks out, Bill starts to walk out the door then turns around with that evil look "Hey can I stay watch?" he says with a cheesy grin. "You have already seen enough--there--down boy! you don't want me telling your girlfriend what you're doing at work?-- do you?" I leer at him. "NO NO --no don't do that! don't tell THE girl friend! - that would be bad- that would be very bad --she would kick my ass!" he looked genuine scared. "A Marine scared of his girlfriend? I like that --good I got to meet this girl!-- NOW! get out!" I yell at him then shut the door. I slip off my stuff, pull off the sports top, put it in the backpack and the yoga pants. I start sliding on the jeans and man they are tight! But they will loosen up and they fit nice! Damn my ass looks good in them! I would DO me! I put my shoes and socks back on, figure out how to put on the bra bit-- it stumps me for a second then I remember how my girlfriends, they put it on backwards then spin it around and it works out fine. I go for a black T-shirt to match the black jeans and grab the backpack then grab the Whateley books and stuff them in the top and walk out the door. Bill and Otto are standing there "Well gentleman lets get the hell out here! You guys can stay here--I don't care--whatever." We walked down to the other end of the hallway to an elevator, we haven't gone to before, we go up to exit at a really long hallway, we walk forever to come to an underground motor pool area. Talk about huge, there are couple hundred vehicles in here ranging from a small compact car, all the way up to HUGE armored personnel carriers. Dr. Otto leads me over to a armored van of a sort. "This is little overkill for transporting a kid down to school?" I say. He says to me "This is ARC-- this is our work, corporate spies an villains constantly watch us and this place and watch everything that goes in an out. Anything that comes out here. A lot of people consider what we do valuable, even if they don't know what it is. Besides which Sara would rip me apart if you died, I'm sure! The Fae Queen herself! Would probably skin me alive. So you go down there in a nice armored box, till your no longer my responsibility. Then we will workout teleporters from there on out, maybe use Sara's existing room as a spot for everybody?" I walk up to the Doc I shake his hand "Glad am to have met you - at least we patched stuff up from a little rocky start and for transportation? I'll teleport myself up. I don't trust some other guy not to end up putting me in a rock somewhere." Dr. Otto nods "I think we can arrange that." I can see the guys in the truck are getting antsy and I walk up to Bill and instead of a handshake I hug him hard "I'll miss you! I expect me and you to make some sort of dinner -lunch date and you bring that girlfriend of yours along!" "I don't know about that--she's kind of the jealous type." "Okay fine---you bring her along. If you convince her to do a threesome or something and we can do that instead maybe? and I wink at him. He gasps for a second. "Okay-- yes I got you again!--You take care yourself and I expect to hear from you once in a while, as soon as I get a phone or whatever else you need in this world for communication! I will get with you." He pulls out of his card out of his pocket "This is all my contact information" he hands it to me. "I don't have a wallet yet?" "You'll buy one at the school or somewhere." "I have not got my drivers license or ID anything at all?" I say realizing nothing has been given to me yet. "Mrs. Carson has it at her end-- it was easier to have it sent down there with all the other school paperwork at the same time. It was easier for us do--remember she still can say no.---So be prepared for her to maybe say no" Bill said. "I don't want to hear that" I pulled him closer "If they say no are they going to try to drag me back here?"" "I don't think so-- anyway? I don't think you'd come--you would probably run away." "Yeah I get my ID in my hand--I'm gone--they are not going to see me. If don't have my ID in my hand I am still gone! So by buddy!" "You'll be back--I see it!" Bill says as I jump in the vehicle and lock it up. Well I get into the armored van. A guy waves me over to a seat and I buckle-up. He looks at me "This is how things are going to go. There are going to be four vehicles leaving here. we are going on own path. Three others on other paths. So as to confuse anybody from knowing where we are actually going. As every time we leave, we have to do this. We'll get you down to Whateley probably in about 45 minutes to an hour-- basically sit back and enjoy the trip and if anything happens stick by me and I'll keep you safe." I look up at him from the seat "If anything happens, you won't even know I was here, I'll be----long---gone before you figure out where I'm at. Don't even worry about me-- worry about your own self. I can take care of myself." "Okay tough chick" he grumbles. "Yes! tough chick and a half!"--I giggle out--"I guess from what you tell me? They did not give you any paperwork on what the heck I am?" "Of course they wouldn't, they just tell me, where to take something and were not to, tell me if it's dangerous. They have you listed as-- person-- that's it." "Okay like you said, if crap hits the fan just stay out of my way. I'll be gone I'll take care of myself." We start driving out of there and I'm pretty much glued to the window at that point. I am looking at the forest going by wishing this thing was a convertible instead of a metallic box. Now 15 or 20 minutes out of there and all the vehicles divided up on this winding road. This guard looks over me "Your first time going to Whateley?" he asks. "First time in the state-- let alone ongoing to Whateley" I sang. "I am going to guess by your age your going to be a student there?" "I hope so-- paperwork's in does not mean that they will take me" he just goes "HUMM?" at that -- I'm just go back to looking at the window. After a few minutes goes by "Your just not really talkative are you?" he asks again. "No-- not really and number two. I really don't want to be cooped up in this metal box with anybody. I'd rather someone just handed me a map and a compass or something then said go from here to there. I would done it myself. Probably would've been there by now and have a lot more fun doing it!" He stares at me "I find hard to believe that you can be as fast as vehicles going 45 miles an hour?" I look right back at him "If it's a straight line between A and B and it goes through a forest -- I'm an elf!-- forest and us go together! right? in your mind?" "Yeah" he chimes. "I can travel through forest quicker than you think--- so straight line- - plus quicker than you think travel-- I've been there by now- right?" I sass. "Okay I see your point." After about 45 minutes we come up to a long drive that leads to the school and some of the most beautiful gates are in front of us and two gargoyles at the top of each large stone post. We are about to roll through the gates and I'm staring at them- the Gargoyles -- "Could you stop for a second?" "WHAT? something wrong?" he asks looking out the windows, nervously. "Nothing is wrong --I want to look at something is that okay?" "We can stop for a couple seconds NOT longer." I look at the gargoyles-- think to myself "What have I gotten myself into! The guardians of the gate of this FICKEN!!! school are Nightgaunts! How do they get those things to bend down to a humans will? I will never get. The only time those things are safe is after you chop them up in little bits!"--- "Okay guys I'm sure what I saw -- everything's fine! I just needed to look at something-- sorry about that." As we drive through the gates I can feel that the waves of the wards of the school just pass over me, like water breaking on the beach in a storm and I flinch at each one as we hit them. The guard looks to me as I finch "Anything wrong!" "No just feeling all the wards on the school, its like rolling through rough surf, you feel each one hit you --wow if something walked around into those they would get fried instantly!! that they didn't want to come in." He shakes his head "I would not know I'm not magic sensitive-- I'll take your word for it, that there's something there ---Whateley and the surrounding area has been known for generations are being more than weird." "I can understand that" We roll up in front of a large brick building and it says Schuster Hall on it in large brass letters "This is the main administration building I'm here to drop you off I have to sign you off to the security guard that's obviously already waiting for us" the guard of the van states to me. We jump out, he walks over to the security guard standing there at the bottom step, he gives him my paperwork-- signs off -he waves me over to them. I walk over to them with my bag "See ya on the next trip-- maybe?? good luck! with this place --bye now" he say to me. Then he gets in the van and it drives off. I'm standing there feeling everything wafting through this place and smells and stuff. I think to myself again! "What have I got myself into this place is just reeks of stuff that should not be here!" All the while the guard looks at me. Standing there with my eyes closed and me thinking, smelling and putting out my senses to what's was around me. "You okay?" he asks. "I'm fine --just getting used to the campus --right now" I tell him. He looks at me --this older guard. he chuckles "You will be fine here -- its the ones who don't stop to think about this place --right where your standing -- that fail here the most-- you are one that realizes, this is a first step in a NEW life from here out-- or you would have just walked in." He just stays silent for a few minutes to let me 'just be' and then "I have to take you to Mrs. Carson's office and drop you off there" He looks at my paperwork and says in his radio who I am and where we are going. We walk up the main stairs. Into the building, we take another couple turns down hallways and into a nice 1800 style turn-of-the- century, Beautiful wood paneled building, in the room he walks up to a desk that a nice looking secretary sits at, he says to her "Elaine-- here is a Miss Leigh, to see Mrs. Carson today." She says back to him, smiling "Fine I'll take it from here and call you if we need to." She stands up as the guard walks away, she takes several packets of paperwork off the table--she looks at me "I'm Elaine Claire, Mrs. Carson's assistant - if you want to put your bag in the corner over there, its not going anywhere - no one steals from this office, it would be stupid. I drop my bag over in the corner then walk back over to her. She puts out her hand and I shake it. She leans over the desk to a com box and presses a button then says. "Mrs. Carson your appointment is here for admissions" I hear from the box "Finally-- send her in immediately bring the packet in with her" --man --Mrs. Carson does not sound happy , she walks me over to a double set of doors and opens them up, then guides me in. There was Mrs. Carson a somewhat older lady, nice looking. She sits behind a very huge desk, she is watching me as I walk in --very closely- -Too closely --studying me -- I wonder why? I look the office over --the window, door, desk, a box behind her desk that has some magic item in it! A BIG one! Mrs. Carson unknown to most, watches all changelings walk into her office. To see if they are accepting their new form. As she watches me--her thoughts go to what Aunghadhail wrote about me -- a warrior race of Elves--and she sees that this was correct --she watches me walk in and her only words to describe my unique walk are exactly what Aunghadhail said --predator and killer, no wasted motion in any step of her walk --always at the ready --she sees that I am swiveling my head noting everything --where doors are-- windows-- the furniture --who is there and her box behind her desk where she keeps her Scepter, grabs my attention and she can see that on my face. She stands up from behind the desk and she walks around it, extends her hand out to me. I shake it "Glad to finally meet you in person Rohanna Leigh --- so have a seat." she takes a packet from Elaine. Then Elaine walks back out the door as Carson sits down and she leans over a small table next to her desk, touches a crystal there that immediately causes me to jump! Because whatever she turned on is just dripping of magic from Nikki. Which in turn is Aunghadhail's magic and it takes me a couple seconds as I nail my feet to the floor! I realize that it's just a privacy ward on the room and I get my heart beat back down a negligible level. For a split second I thought that I was sitting in the middle of a trap and it just got turned on. Mrs. Carson looks at me "Is something the matter?" "No Mrs. Carson--everything's fine" I squeak out nervously. She pulls out two huge packets of paper paperwork with many individual file folders in it and she starts flipping through those. "I've been looking over your file all morning, we got everything overnight from everybody involved." "Yes ma'am?" I question. "I can honestly say from what I have been reading in here. You just changed Saturday to basically Sunday?"--- "Yes ma'am " I say --- "And from what I've been reading here descriptive wise-- from the nurse on the floor and a Doctor in charge of the burnouts over at ARC. It was most horrific one. I might add you seem to have been in quite a bit of pain from it. Until Sara got in there and helped you out?" "Yes that's---correct ma'am." "But what I want you to know is---- I'm not too sure 100% if this is going to be the school for you.---honestly you already have the equivalent of a high school education somewhere along the way? You are not telling us who you where ---that's understandable. Allot of people are anonymous that come to this school they either leave their past behind or their past left them behind. One way or the other-- that's normal. You seem to be able to survive in the world. You obviously know what you're doing and are highly trained. I might add from the examples I am reading in here---dangerous is not a descriptive word --I am going to use the words that Aunghadhail used on you ---highly destructive and dangerous to a fault. Comes from a warrior sub-race of elves and all they really know what to do is fight.-- with hand-in-hand-- with blade - - bow and arrow and magic." "That's a correct evaluation ma'am" I say getting very nervous --'did Aunghadhail sabotage me?' She goes on --"The couple of little snippets that pop up is--I'm not sure if I want you in my student body because-- I have to protect my students and you have already have been a threat to one of my students outside of here." I am thinking to myself 'She's talking to me--- basically that she doesn't want me in here and I'm starting to twist myself to thinking maybe Donna was right that they did not want to let me go at ARC. They will make sure a lot of doors close to me and then I might walk back to their warm embrace and do whatever they want to me up there!' I sigh "Mrs. Carson, If your talking about that problem me and Aunghadhail l had --that involved Nikki? We walked past that a little bit already --I don't think that would be an issue?" She glares at me kinda sternly "An issue --are you going to say-- an issue?? you had a sword at the throat of one of my better students! Mind you she gets in trouble once in a while and you knocked Aunghadhail's Shield completely down in a split second. Which I find pretty amazing considering how experienced Aunghadhail is in magic and if Sir Wallace had not interrupted your bloodlust you probably would have run her through!-- I'm asking you that! --Would have you done it?" "I have said this probably four or five times already --But before I go on from here, if you have not read it in there --I have a compulsion-- several of them --that are just stuck with me, that I can't get rid of obviously. One is I have a big thing with honor and my word. The other thing is-- I can't lie or exaggerate. I can avoid the question. I can say I will not answer it and if I do say something it's true as far as I know at the time. That can change as I learn new stuff. But at the moment you ask me that's what I know-- I'll say it to you. Like I said to Nikki's dad and Sara, Dr. Otto probably heard it. Ma'am." I take a deep breath --- "At the time would I have run my sword through Nikki's neck and killed her --yes-- I would've done it----If Sir Wallace had not stopped my train of thought and I don't even remember exactly what he said, but it snapped me into something else, it made me realize what I was standing there doing. I encountered that memory last night as I was meditating about stuff for the last couple of days and last night I realized when he snapped me out of it. I had a sword to someone's neck, I didn't know, wasn't sure that needed to die, I wanted to kill Aunghadhail so why? would I need to run a sword in this kid in front of me through? to kill a ghost that's already dead. Then I went back into my shock and catatonic state, that was that. Ma'am." I sigh hoping that this goes well. "So your basically kind of sending the blame of what you where gonna do to Nikki on being catatonic and not all together with it?" her eyes narrow at me. "Yes and no - Ma'am - I was catatonic- not exactly knowing what was going on. I just finished changing from an agonizing change, you already mentioned. That Aunghadhail caused with her interference. When I told her!--(I got louder) When I was a human not to do anything!---(and louder!) I truly believe if she just left me alone. I would have changed probably over the next several months into what I'm sitting here now as anyway!(Now I am growling mad) She had to trip it up! and mess with the magic--to find out what it was? She's always curious and I understand curiosity! But there just are certain laws about magic-- if you don't know what it is leave it alone! Until someone tells you what it is! She broke the like-- the first 10 things you learn. But that-- that--- Queen and I know better attitude got the better of her and caused lots of problems.(--crap--I lost my cool) Mrs. Carson sits there with her hands folded under her chin looking at me then leans back in her chair "On that same thought do you think you can 100% patch it up with Nikki or you going to be a constant threat to her? having that-- you guys are going to be in the same building. Should I---put you in our violent wing that is Hawthorne building?" "I have heard about your -- violent tag- Ma'am - me and Nikki can easily patch it up. Like I said me and Aunghadhail have problems we'll figure out a way for us to talk about this. How can I punish a ghost that's already dead?" She leans forward and flips a couple of pages "and what about this Violent tendency bit? The little fiasco you had last night?" I go --"Aww crap"-- silently --then I try to play the innocent card "Which one was that one? Ma'am." "Don't be smart with me! already---YOUR not even in this school yet!" she booms at me. "Yes Ma'am I understand that--- you don't want that right now- (I say kinda sheepishly-- I earned that chewing!) -- last nights little fiasco- -- was they would not show me any respect or trust. I couldn't walk out of the room to get a soda pop in the break room 50 feet down the hallway and they had enough guards on me to start a small war in a Third World Republic somewhere. Also I had the deep feeling that I wasn't getting out of that hole in the ground anytime soon. Which for me is not a good idea." Mrs. Carson flips through another page "Yes-- Aunghadhail did mention that you have to be outside-- a lot. To have you cooped up in a hole in the ground is just not a good idea. It was highly mentioned to them even I don't know why they didn't listen to it. The ARC has their security reasons and I understand why they came to us. Especially after you made that box, that you arrived on disappear. Which-- is not my concern or should it be? it's not a threat is it? She asks me. "No it's not a threat at all to this campus or anybody on it. There is nothing in it you guys should ever be concerned about. Ma'am." She looks at the paperwork "I have the reports of that, there is an awful lot of magic on that thing-- artifact level magic-- world shaking magic? Which has got me kinda wondering what it is?" Your saying that its nothing to worry about and I am going to believe you." My opinion of her just went up a notch "Thank you Mrs. Carson for actually believing me. When I say something." "But you still held the guard at knife point and threatened him?" she asked in a short to the point manner. "Yes Mrs. Carson, like I said the trust issue was not happening in there. He walks in the room pulls a gun on me, just because I have a dagger in my hand, I'm flipping around my hands nervously. I did say to everybody in the room including Sara, all they had to do was ask me politely not go--- give up the dagger! not --give us the dagger! but instead say "Could you please put it away?" or "Give it to us please?" with some kind of manners. I got sick of being ordered around like a prisoner and that was kind of the topper there. -- so I did it" I say mad in a raised voice. "But you where going to be released?" "Mrs. Carson I didn't know that at the time. I thought I was stuck in that hole. (I whine a bit ) I've been that told by a trusted person. That their plan was keeping me there.---I don't think until that afternoon somewhere? Mr. Reilly was brought into the equation and started throwing his weight around with DARPA. I fully believe they where working on a plan on keeping me there for weeks, if not months or longer, regardless what anybody told them how I should be treated. So I am not going to apologize for what happened to that guard at all! If your expecting one?" I snap. Mrs. Carson says "No-- and then the other thing here. After reading this part of the report Bill here says-- you have self-destructive, possible suicidal tendencies and a definite case of posttraumatic stress disorder from all the combat you've probably seen. He considers you a good person that needs to be given treatment. But being more than dangerous? He says your beyond that and you probably should be looked after for quite some time?" "He's being honest and it's actually a very good appraisal. I did have suicidal tendencies after my change, and I do have a self-destructive streak, Mrs. Carson" I say with no emotion. She looks at me, taken aback for a second "You admit that?" "Mrs. Carson I told you-- I don't exaggerate and I tell the truth." "So you think it's a good idea to let a highly trained warrior of your caliber lose on my school that's got a possible suicidal Streak and highly self-destructive, with PTSD. Around the rest of my students?" There I go thinking again---She's talking her way out of it reasoning herself one step at a time not to let me stay here. She's mentioned nothing but the bad stuff for us. Not one good thing yet?" I wait --- She looks over the paperwork at me -- leering-- she says in a mean tone "Miss Leigh I expect an answer?" I sigh--- I pretty much come to the realization--that she is just not gonna let me in here. I say "Mrs. Carson I don't know actually? How I would approach that question being you? As I don't know anything that's happened for the last 30 years I do not know how your schools run? I have to assume that there are other dangerous students in the school-- maybe more so than me? I can't give you an accurate answer when I don't have enough information to give you a validated answer." She looks at me --not pleased -- leans back and steeples her fingers on her hands " Pretty good way to dodge the question there." "Well if I don't have enough information-- I can't give you a valid opinion can I?-- Mrs. Carson." "But --you still dodged the question-- would you at this point let yourself be around other students? its pretty simple." I jump back at her "I'm going to stick with my answer, I don't know about it. I don't have enough information? Mrs. Carson." She flips through a couple more pages "This other thing here-- I am seeing that Dr. Otto was alluding to and Nikki and Bill---you are developing some kind of relationship-- friend wise with --Sara?" "Yes -- she helped me out! I don't see a problem with that, Ma'am." She leans back again --every time I see her do that-- I know she's thinking-- using it as a delaying tactic. And as she steeples her fingers and leans back. I look at her seriously "I don't see where my relationship with an existing student has any bearing on me being a student at the school?" -- she leans forward and obviously not happy with what I just said as I just cornered her. "I personally" she says "Am not happy with anyone having a relationship with Sara-- she's more than trouble and if you knew what she was- You would not want to be involved with her." I'm taken offense already at that she's basically saying that Sara is worthless to have as a friend. Because she thinks-- she is something? I scooted forward in my chair a little bit, I look over at her in the eyes "I know exactly what Sara is down to the inch --exactly what she is!" Mrs. Carson leans out of her chair "You can't know what she is-- nobody can have the faintest clue--- as far as we know you're some guy from California-- that's from what little information that Bill gathered and put in here-- that dribbled out of your the report and a Drow that's it and Aunghadhail is not giving us a lot of information what that means?? test reports are coming from ARC are really interesting. But that's something separate. You don't know what Sara is! and having a relationship with her and all the other stuff going on with you. I'm just not sure about it." I LOST IT! "waele rivvil zhah aluin ulu tesso uns'aa vel'uss Usstan inbal 'zil natha khalessev abbil"-- say at her --forgetting yet again-- to use english when I get mad ( stupid human is going to tell me who I have as a trusted friend) "nindol zhahus natha wahven d'ussta draeval Usstan inbal ulu sevir p'los nind talinth ulu mri'kul uns'aa rath phor" ( this was a waste of my time I have to leave before they think to lock me back up) after I say this, she looks at me mad and questioning I stand up! I look at her across the desk ( and remembered --English--) "Well Mrs. Carson it looks like you talked yourself in to not wanting me to come here for school. You gave me what it looks like a valid explanation for why you don't want me here. So I bid you good day and I'll stop wasting your time." I turn and I start walking towards the door. She yells across the room "Young lady come back here and sit down we are not done!" I stop at that phrase-- young lady-- just seared into me. dos kuuv ulu lar uns'aa natha dalhar (you dare to call me a child) I growl. I know she's an older superhero--- older than my human self. But I'm more DROW now than I was ever a man! I've got way more experience --than --- this girl--- this little baby-- I am seriously thinking of not turning around-- going back and sitting down. Just walking out the door and living with my decision. I turned around walked back towards the desk slowly--ready, just as I come up to the edge of the desk. She says "That is one reasons why Bill wrote down-- the self-destructive tendencies thing-- along with Dr. Otto. Is that, you seem to jump to conclusions and go down the direct path even thou there might be a little openings available, you pretty much stick with what's the worst every single time don't you?" I stop as I hit the edge of the desk. I already passed my chair by "Mrs. Carson Of course I do. Because every time I lean on to the worst-case scenario I'm never disappointed if it ends up being a better thing than it should be. ---Prepared for the worst every single time. I come through it alive. It works all the time I've been around. So why would I not continue doing it?" I growl slightly at her in warning--I also decide for now -manners be damned, no more "ma'am" for her -for now. I lean over the desk "Is this my packet of information -- reports from ARC --everybody so far?" "Yes" and she does not flinch. "Can I look at it --please? there's nothing in here private?-- that I shouldn't know?" "Those packets of that type are locked in the medical files and your med-files are over here" she says as she taps on the other pile of paper "and here's all the scans that ARC did and eventually we would add that to your MID-files." "Can I see it ---please?" she slides it across the desk to me "Can you give me moment to read this before I start saying anything more?" She says easily "No-- I feel it would be good idea for you to read your own file--then you will know where you stand in my mind." Since I can't speed read this like a book -- too many authors for that - -just shy of 10 minutes I'm done with it. I slide it back across the desk to her "I think the reports exactly pretty fair. Sara paints me in a better light than she should've-- But her evaluation of my mental conditions pretty snap on-- that I am going to definitely need some psychiatric help or something like that. Along with Bill's counterpoint of exactly what's there --if you put the two together, you get an exact blend into what my problems are. In other words I have seen too much combat and too many horrors to be manageable with them- as soon as I come to grips with that. I will be a more balanced individual and that Bill is scared that my past training might end up being a threat to your school and the students --and it means I'm not sure what I'm doing from one second to the next. So that instead of just stopping someone that was being stupid. I might just kill them out right. That I'd have to work out with training of course. Gwen just gives you the basics, little too cheery and doesn't really understand what's going on at all. Her reports are all just hopeful and bunnies and everything else --good person there. I trust her-- in the long run I think she would be a good friend to keep me balanced. Nikki's report is a little biased towards she doesn't know what's going on. I think at this point she still quite a bit scared of me and I understand that. Aunghadhail the other hand is giving you the idea of what I am --- mostly? kinda bad and then also asking of you in that file-- she desperately asking for help for me, she knows she owes me a favor or two obviously. But she does not allude to you whatsoever a clue why she feels indebted. Which I wish she did-- then at least I would not have to pick at her, to get her to admit it. I think the quicker she admits it - -it will help us both. Dr. Otto's report he's a little biased. He is still very mad at me for taking my personal property back. He wanted to study it longer-- that's not my problem. He also put in there a bit heavy --how I treated his staff badly? He is sugarcoating how his staff treated me. You do understand that guard, that I had a little problem yesterday afternoon, he left out the whole section on the bullets that were in that guard's gun?" She leans forward-- "Bullets in the guards gun?" she asks. I fish into my pocket and I toss one of the four bullets. I kept on the desk "You can keep that if you want-- just so you know. I got one for myself, Sara and one for Dr. Otto. I don't care what he did with his, Sara kept her's -- I'm keeping mine --keep that one, so you understand how ARC treats some of the people that end up in this building." She picks it up and looks at it. "Looks like some sort of armor piercing round" she says. "They switched them from the regular stock 9 mm ammo--which we they obviously found were quite ineffective, when I drilled myself in the face with six rounds and nothing happened except for some nice wounds. Then that act of mine it woke me up to the fact that I'm not gonna die too easy." So she looks at it some more "I did not expect you to know exactly what it was, let me show you." I lean over the desk "Can I have that back? she hands it to me. I draw the tip down my arm again and it sizzles and smokes. Then I put it back on the desk "That's one of the reasons why I was a little bit mad yesterday! Not only did they guard me with a virtual Army. But they switched out their regular ammo for ammo that specifically kills Elves." She leans back after picking it up "Now I understand exactly why you're mad. I would have been very mad with someone that switched out their ammo for this." she looks at the bullet more "Can I keep this?" Carson asks me again to be sure. "Go ahead and actually kept a spare one just for this purpose, that you or someone needed to see one -- I'm not justifying everything I did. This just gives you an idea what was in my head at the time. Plus the fact that Aunghadhail alludes to in the report here and says more than a few times --That my kind in a hole in the ground is just pure torture! I don't sleep at night-- number one-- so a day to normal person is 12 to 16 hours-- Me! I get another bonus of eight hours on top of that and it seems to me to be a whole other day and being underground without some natural life around me just drives me crazy! As a normal human you can maybe get the idea maybe? a little bit?" "But at this point unless? Your going to change your mind and discuss it further I'm still in the opinion that you've made up your mind. Not to have me on your campus--- so do I go or stay?" She leans back "I'm not done yet talking to you --if you will sit down young lady" Keeping the fury bottled up "Do you realize-- I did read this report-- that I'm not a young lady? I'm wrapped up in the 15-year-old's body right now" I start tapping the side of my skull "In here is a human that was 30 years old and that the human part of me is dwindling away to nothing-- and the DROW part --an ancient part is 99% of my being? So saying -- young-- to me just not sitting well with me?" She nods for a second "I will stick with young at this point because your 30 years out of date, your elf part has no idea what's going on around here, but I understand that you can take that as an insult and I will not use it again-- not the way I did , that was a little ---- honestly saying in your case. It might be a little demeaning, It would be like me calling Aunghadhail a young lady and I'm addressing her not Nikki." What she said makes sense, so I back up and sit down in the chair, as I do I say "What's the next question or are you just going to say something to me? Ma'am" Mrs. Carson leans forward off her chair, looks at me, thinks for a second "I think we where discussing that Sara is a bad influence and you said-- you know exactly what she is?" "Mrs. Carson I know exactly what she is. In that report there Aunghadhail left out so much, she didn't say exactly what I am. So you have a lack of knowledge on your side and with that you have no idea what I am basing my judgments or decisions on?" She actually looks interested now to me "I'm really interested what are if you're willing to tell me." I say to her as clearly as I can "If I tell you it stays in this room and you never repeat it to anybody living or dead-- without my permission, you don't write It down, you don't communicate it, you don't whistle it at night, whatever or I don't say a word --do you agree to that (I emphasize)on your word of honor? Mrs. Carson" "You know how the game Is played with that." "Of course I do Mrs. Carson --like I said I'm not young and I'm not inexperienced" She is about to say something and I stop her "You do understand what your word of honor means to me??? and are you sure you want to do it??" "Are you threatening me?" "No I'm not threatening you at all Mrs. Carson --I am promising-- you break your word to me there will be drastic consequences--- Your experienced and know what a Sorcerer's contract is." "Okay I can understand your point Okay on my word of honor I will not communicate what we discuss in this room to anyone else --that was a given when you came in. But you had to hear it, I understand that." "Next thing is the room bugged?" She leans over --"This crystal here is a privacy ward -- before she can say more -- "Mrs. Carson?? You got it from Nikki--right or someone made it based on her work? That is the reason why I jumped when you turned it on in this room" She looks over to me kinda concerned for what I might be thinking of her "When you turn on a magic item with a mage in the room. You might want to tell them first--you might have forgot to this time BUT!! Honestly I had to nail my feet to the floor to stop from jumping out of this chair, pulling out my armor and my sword --then go running howling out that door, thinking that this is a trap. I really thought for the barest second that I screwed up and was sitting in the middle of something Aunghadhail or Nikki had cooked up without me knowing about it." Her head actually goes down for a second --"I am sorry that happened to you --but this does work and its pretty foolproof--now, I am leaving it on---but how did you know it was a spell that Nikki made that someone else did?? "It just "Smells" like her's that's all" (I do the finger quotes bit) I say to her "Lets just make sure that Nikki and Aunghadhail" --I as I say that I form a privacy spell, I know that WORKS!! and let it float to the ceiling where it Dissipates--"That's to make sure she does not hear me, as maybe her privacy ward is the worlds greatest tunnel to her ears--So you want to know what I think about Sara?" "Well I know exactly at Sara is, she's is a mix between a Great Old One on her dads side and Deep One on mothers and she's can be described as the larva stage of one of those. She's the demon Princess basically of lust and love perversion. That she inherited from her dad Gothmog. Her name in their world is Kellith she's not a slouch when it comes down to what she is." Carson asks "You knew all that?" "And in a second I'll tell you why I know all that" I look at Carson "Let that settle in --that I knew all of that already -I knew who her dad was. I know her demon name and that I also know that she's not leaning towards the bad side of the family and wants to blow the planet up for fun and giggles at least not yet? In --10,000-- hundred thousand years who knows? she's gonna be around for a very long time and epically long time. She may change completely in that amount of time to some nasty, who knows what, but for right now she's going along the lines her dad already set up." Carson lets all I said sink in and then asks the big one "Okay tell me what are you then--your obviously not a normal elf?" "Well how can I put it-- the Elves where in the war-- and like I said this doesn't leave the room we never discus it again, you can ask me to talk about it and I'll tell you yes or no we're not talking about this ever again -- The Elves where at war with the GOO. Humans don't seem to understand that WAR did not last a year or two it lasted tens of thousands of years! It was going on for very very long time. Aunghadhail was kind of in charge and one of her sisters came up with a brilliant idea via one of her mages. Drow--- were some of the best fighters she already had. What I mean by Drow is not exactly what is sitting in front of you now. They figured that they wanted to have more of them. But they didn't have any more. So of one of her mages came with the brilliant idea lets improve the Drow like we did with the Were's. it turned animals and humans and humans animals they got Were's and they fight the tainted and GOO what have ya. They already knew that the GOO were attacking THE WOOD source of magic trying to get rid of it. Well the Elves knew that they weren't doing so hot. The Were's were a good weapon but you can improve on it. Were's really don't use magic-- not well and they already are a weapon. But if you made of a better weapon out of an elf then you have something there. So this one mage being very clever and just epically jumped the rails and figured out how to do stuff-- that you should never been able figure out --decided he would steal what would be Elves from the future by leaving traps for them and we can suck them back here in the past. Then do all this reengineering to them." I stopped for a second thinking hard on how to put this to her "They trapped and brought us back some how??-- what should have been an elf-- but ended up being a human because ---of the sundering and its fallout. Allot of Elves where born human or humans with elf souls?? maybe?? which in my case a DROW. Then they magically changed our bodies- - enhanced us-- enhanced our skills and everything else. Then trained all of us up to be basically what you guys call special forces. Then they tossed us in combat like cannon fodder." Mrs. Carson looks shocked that this could happen. I sass at her stare "Yes!---- that's right, I was basically cannon fodder! highly trained-- highly specialized tossed into battle versus the GOO and other petty court VS court spats. PAWNS in a giant Royal chessboard. You asked me why I'm a little mad at Aunghadhail." Carson is shaking her head. "Yeah I know what you're thinking-- I can't believe she did that-- Well she's not the same Ghost now that she probably was as person --she's had a little time to mellow out. But I'm here and I am going to sooner or later make her admit it and makeup some how. She did not know a lot about this. But she certainly used us as tools once we were available! That's why I'm so built different than a regular Elf. I draw my magic from the world differently. I use it differently. I weave my spells differently-- when someone trains you for near 150 years on just how to do a select bunch of spells and then they added to that base from there --yeah! You can fully pullout spells really quick and dirty Then add my fighting skills. I Was trained in that for over 300 years total at the same time my magic was being taught to me. I know that sounds like a long time it wasn't-- it was a very fast boot camp compared how long I lived from there on. I learned how to fight with my hands and swords and everything else, bows and arrows, hammers hatchets, axes, a rock in my hand what ever else. Some elves specialize in other things. I like blades, swords. I throw daggers pretty good. But my utmost skill is archery. I can hit stuff with a bow and arrow that would just scare you. Not to mention I can magically imbue arrows with a whole bunch of stuff. I was my group or team teleporter - can move anywhere between 25 and a 500 people on the battlefield --I would drop them off in the middle the fight and off we go." I stop for several minuets --deep in thought --thinking about that past and what happened --all that pain! I start to tear up -- but I hold it - -- "But Mrs. Carson what I hated about that time most of all. Was all of us had a Geas placed on us, we had! To obey orders! We could not refuse! --We had no choice live or die --do it! All they had to say was "This is a command" --"or I command you" and it got done, allot of Aunghadhail's and her sisters lesser commanders where cruel at best." I choke back the emotion and tears. "They could have asked me --I think for the change in my life and the adventure of all of it I would have done it. I would not be as messed up as I am now --some of those commands --(I stop ----) cost me a lot. They where stupid and wasteful and CRUEL!" I am near to losing it. She sits back to think about what I said and to let me calm down and several minutes go by --in silence. "Anything else" she asked me with, what I feel is genuine concern in her voice. "At this point I am not going to share anything more. I am tapped out. The more I talk about it. The more bad memories pop up. I don't want to get deeper into that subject" I say trying to keep "the bad" at bay. Carson asks "Are you going to have problems with the flashbacks and goin