Chapter 28 - Halloween For Life (A Fan Fiction Continuation)
"Interview day." Jordan walked down the hall to Johanson's office. The
entire day would have to be focused on just one thing: Preparing for and
getting to the interview. There could be no other distractions or
complications.
"Make or break," Jordan said to himself. "Make or break. Make or break.
Need to focus. No distractions."
Jordan was in no mood to dress 'especially sexy' for Johanson today.
Today was about the interview and nothing else. So he decided to wear
the same sweater dress that he wore a week ago when he first got back to
work. [See https://sits-
pod46.demandware.net/dw/image/v2/AARD_PRD/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-
agaci-products/default/dw67537495/images/hi-res/30010-46410_ZM_68.jpg
and https://sits-
pod46.demandware.net/dw/image/v2/AARD_PRD/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-
agaci-products/default/dw75ae2cf2/images/hi-res/30010-
46410_ZM_68_FULL.jpg]. Like last time, Jordan paired it with a simple
suede, pump with a three-inch heel [see https://images-na.ssl-images-
amazon.com/images/I/71MN%2Bzpb%2BSL._UX695_.jpg ]. Jordan noticed that
the pump was more of a teal color than "dark green" like he thought
before. Regardless, the color matched perfectly to the teal stripes on
the dress.
What Jordan didn't realize was how delicious his new body looked in the
bodycon sweater dress. The swelling from his liposuction surgery was now
mostly gone and so the dress nipped in his waist which accentuated his
breasts and ass.
In short, he was a curvy knockout that any man (or woman) would want to
run their hands over.
"Go right on in," Tiffani said, giving Jordan an especially big smile.
Jordan blushed bright red, remembering the last time that Tiffani saw
him -- in the arms of Mr. Johanson, right out in the hallway, being
kissed and groped like a horny teenager!
'Oh god, I hope she never tells anyone about that...' Jordan worried. In
retrospect, it had been a stupid thing to do, to talk with Johanson in
the hallway. Jordan resolved to be more discrete in the future.
"Mr. Johanson?"
"Nicole!" Johanson quickly hopped out of this chair and strode over to
Jordan, pulling him into a hug and kissing him on the cheek. "Please,
call me Edward."
"Of course... uh, Edward. So, I have a personal appointment this
afternoon..."
"RoseMarie? Your hypnotherapist, right?"
Jordan winced. He had completely forgotten about his appointment with
RoseMarie. Jordan vowed to cancel it as soon as he could.
"No, something else. It's a follow-up for my surgery," he lied.
"Oh, of course! I'll drive you to the clinic like last time. Happy to."
"NO!! Oh... ah... I mean.... uh... Jason is already going to do it."
"Okay then, that's fine. But you'll be at the company all-hands meeting,
correct?"
"All hands meeting?" Jordan swore under his breath. What the fuck was
this? "Is it important for me to be there?"
"Didn't you get the email? It's at noon. It's mandatory for all
employees. Especially for managers like yourself. We want to set a good
example, don't we?"
"Oh... okay. Of course, I'll be there."
Damn it, Jordan groused as he left Johanson's office. There goes my
opportunity to leave early.
But the interview was at 3pm. Assuming the all-hands meeting lasted
until 12:30 (they were always short since having the whole company in
the same room together was expensive), then he'd be able to get to the
Salon by 1pm, get his 'male makeover', and then to the interview in
plenty of time.
He hoped.
* * *
Someone was stealing needles.
There was no other possible explanation. The weight of the resulting
needles and the rejected batches (based on the quality analysis) simply
didn't add up to the weight of the raw materials input to the system.
The difference perfectly explained the error rate.
And so someone was stealing batches of finished needles and then
adjusting the batch rejection rates in the final reports to explain the
discrepancy. There was a thief in manufacturing.
But who could it be?
Jordan and Angela "clicked clicked" on their heels down the empty halls
of Johanson & Johanson on their way to the 'all hands' meeting in the
cafeteria.
Jordan tried to puzzle it out. Who would have access to completed
needles? Who would be able to fake the rejected batches data?
But Jordan couldn't focus. Each step caused his breasts to bounce and
sway, a constant distraction. "I am your breasts! Feel me bounce! I am a
part of you!" they said to him. As if that wasn't bad enough, the heels
changed his center of gravity, forcing Jordan to pull back his shoulders
to compensate. This, in turn, caused him to thrust his breasts forward
even more. 'Everywhere I go, my breasts are the first to arrive,' Jordan
thought wryly. In a room with men it was horrible. He couldn't help it
that they were pushed forward, the heels made him do it. But he knew, as
a man, that all eyes would be centered on his chest (and he could see
their wandering pupils) and each and every man would assume that Jordan
was intentionally pushing his breasts out there to be ogled.
Adding to the gentle sway of his breasts was the feeling of the sweater
dress as it clung tightly around his legs (reducing Jordan's strides to
limited, ladylike steps). In fact, it clung tightly to his whole body
from just above the knee all the way to the neckline. He had thought it
would be, somehow, less sexy to be covered up like this (showing no
cleavage), but the way the sweater dress and the horizontal stripes
hugged his (now) accentuated curves, both his butt and his breasts, it
seemed even more sexy than something more revealing.
What else? Of course his hair hung down over his eyes and around his
shoulders. It was heavy, thick hair which framed his face and flew
around everywhere as he walked. He was constantly using a finger to tuck
it behind his ear - even though he knew what a feminine and flirty
gesture that was - he just couldn't help himself. If he didn't it was
always in his eyes.
He could feel the lipstick on his lips and the makeup on his face. Doing
his makeup in the morning was now practically automatic, he didn't even
remember doing it (except, of course, when he put his lipstick on and
said his morning 'affirmations' - those hypnotic suggestions from
RoseMarie).
And finally, his accessories. The dress didn't need a necklace, but he
did wear a pair of short dangle earrings that he felt brushing against
his neck as he walked. And bracelets. Angela had given him a pair of
gold bangles which complemented the dress nicely.
Jordan sighed. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to think of
himself as 'Jordan - a man'. It felt like he became more of a woman with
every step. All of these sensations, his heels, his dress, his hair, the
makeup, the earrings, the long-nails (always getting in the way and
forcing him to do everything with his hands in such a feminine way), his
underwear (the thong with the thin strip of fabric which ran up his ass
-- Angela had insisted that he wear it with his sweater dress, she said
that it was required for any sort of tight clothing -- and the lacy bra
clutched around his breasts)... everything was screaming: "You are a
woman!"
"I am a woman," Jordan said to himself. "I am a woman."
"What was that?" Angela asked.
"Nothing," Jordan muttered.
Angela, only half paying attention, nervously looked at her watch.
"Hey, Nicole, let's stop in the ladies' room."
"But aren't we late for the all-hands? Maybe I should go and you can
meet me there?"
"It'll be fine. They always start with a bunch of announcements you can
just read afterwards. Come on. Your lipstick is a bit smudged on one
side there."
"Well..." Jordan really wanted to get to the all-hands so he could make
his appearance and then leave as quickly as possible. But if Angela was
correct, then arriving a few minutes late would be okay. "Sure," he
agreed.
As it always did, the act of freshening up and re-applying his makeup
was deeply soothing. Almost... addicting. "I have a beautiful body,"
Jordan said to himself, the first of his standard affirmations. "I love
my body. I have a beautiful body. I love being a woman. I was meant to
be a woman. I have always been a woman."
Jordan froze.
Shit! Where did that come from? he wondered. That was more than the
previous affirmations! How long had he been saying those?? 'I love being
a woman?? I was meant to be a woman??' What the heck was that?
Shit, shit, shit!!!
Jordan was seriously freaked out. So much so that he automatically
applied his lipstick again, just so he could calm down. Which was a BIG
MISTAKE, because he just said all of the same affirmations AGAIN.
"I love my body. I love being a woman. I was meant to be a woman."
"Hey, me too," said Angela, with a giggle. But then she looked at Jordan
and saw his horrified face.
"Nicole, honey!" Angela said, quickly giving Jordan a hug. "What's the
matter?"
Jordan took a second to settle his panicked breathing and almost applied
his lipstick a THIRD time, before he stopped and, very carefully, put it
away.
"I'm fine," he said, lookup up at Angela. "It's just..." Jordan
struggled to think of a good excuse. "I've just been feeling a little
overwhelmed recently. You know, with the fire and everything."
"Oh Princess Nicole," Angela said, squeezing his arm, "I'm sure that
things will turn around. And sooner than you think." Angela looked at
her watch again. "Are you ready to go?"
As they rode the elevator down to the cafeteria, Jordan couldn't stop
obsessing over what had just happened.
'I love being a woman.'
'I was meant to be a woman.'
The words just popped out! Did they come from RoseMarie? Or did they
come from Vanessa?? The thought that both of these ladies were
implanting new affirmations into his soul shook Jordan to the core.
'I have *got* to stop!' He thought to himself. Not one more day! he
vowed. Not one more hour! Right after the all-hands meeting, he would be
stepping out of the office and he would change back into being a man
full time and never look back! This would be his last hour as a woman.
This was it.
Jordan was done. Finished with Johanson and Johanson. Forever.
Jordan no longer cared. This had gone *way* too far. Any further and
he'd descend into madness. He had started questioning his gender, his
sexuality, and his very identity. This was no longer a game. He felt,
deep down inside, that if he even spent one more hour as a woman, then
all hope might be lost.
Jordan looked sadly at Angela who looked back at him with an expectant
smile. She seemed oddly excited and nervous for some reason. Angela...
nervous? Had Jordan not been wrapped up in his own thoughts, he might
have actually been worried about what a nervous Angela might mean.
But no, at this very moment, Jordan could only see Angela as someone who
he was about to betray. As soon as he was back to being a man, he'd have
to tell her the truth - that he had always been a man ('I was meant to
be a woman') and that he would be a man from now on ('I love being a
woman').
And he'd just have to hope and pray that Angela wouldn't turn him into
the police.
And what about the rest of Johanson & Johanson? Jordan felt sharp pangs
of regret and guilt. As it turned out, this *was* the perfect job for
him. The pay was excellent and so was the work. It was a good, solid,
well-run company that took care of its employees.
And everyone had made him feel so welcome! Of course Johanson had
(Jordan rolled his eyes) but also Tiffani, Angela, David, Jason, the
security guy, and all of his direct reports.
'Oh my gosh...' Jordan realized. 'I'm going to miss them all!'
But it didn't matter. Only one thing mattered, and that was to stop
dressing as a woman. Jordan had more than paid his dues. He had found
evidence of stealing, he had spent time training Angela on data
analysis, and he'd be leaving before his probationary period.
So as much as he liked the company, the people, and the work, Jordan
felt absolutely no obligation to stay. Now that he and Angela had
tracked down the failure rate problem he had done his duty. He was free
to leave, and Jordan couldn't think of a single reason to stay.
"There's nothing keeping me here," he muttered to himself. "It is time
to leave."
*** SURPRISE!!! ***
Shit. What??
Jordan stared in shock at the mass of people in the cafeteria all
looking at him. There were balloons everywhere and was that a banner
with *NICOLE* written on it?? Cameras flashed and was SOMEONE
VIDEOTAPING THIS??
"But... but..." Jordan looked around wildly. "It's not my birthday!!"
The whole room dissolved in laughter.
"Were you really surprised?" someone asked. "We were hoping you'd be
really surprised!"
"But... but..."
"The whole company's here," Mr. Johanson said, stepping forward. "They
all chipped in! Even the sales staff!"
"Chipped in... for what??" Jordan asked, still not comprehending.
"It's a fire recovery party!" Angela announced. "Everyone chipped in to
help you get back on your feet! We know you lost everything in the fire,
and we all just wanted to help out."
Jordan looked over at Jason, who was standing off to the side, with a
frantic 'what the fuck is going on?' look, but Jason just shrugged his
shoulders and made a face which said 'sorry, but there was nothing I
could do.'
"After all," Mr. Johanson added, "we are family. If one of us is
suffering, we all want to help out. That's what families do. We take
care of each other."
The immensity of what they were saying started to sink in. Jordan looked
at the banners which said 'We love you Nicole!', 'Helping hands for
Nicole!' and 'Admin Stands with Nicole!' and he looked at all of the
smiling faces and just *felt* all of the love and concern radiating from
the crowd. Having never been the center of attention like this, Jordan
was floored. And maybe it was the pills, and the surgery, and just
absolutely everything which had been happening, but Jordan couldn't help
himself.
He flipped into 'Nicole' and burst into tears.
"Awww, Nicole!" Angela said, giving Nicole a hug. Soon she was joined by
Tiffani and Johanson and David and just about everyone as they gave
Nicole hugs.
"We just wanted to help!"
"We couldn't stand around and do nothing!"
"You know that we love you, right?"
And Nicole just accepted their hugs and comments as gratefully as she
could, dabbing her eyes carefully with a tissue so as not to smudge her
makeup and fanning her face with her hand.
"I... I'm just so overwhelmed," Nicole said, finally. "I... I never
wanted to be the center of attention. I never... thought... You all
shouldn't have! I am just so... you are just so..."
But she didn't have to finish because it was obvious to everyone that
they had scored a homerun.
But meanwhile, Nicole was wondering to herself: 'Oh my god! How can I
leave this company after *this*???' And just the thought of it caused
her to break down into tears all over again. She was going to go back to
dressing as a man and that would hurt not just Angela, and Edward, Matt,
Bella and RoseMarie... but now the ENTIRE FREAKING COMPANY as well???
Oh god.... oh god.... oh god!!
Nicole felt herself slipping further and further down the slope towards
permanent womanhood. How was she going to go back to being a man now??
She knew she had to... but how? How would she be able to do it?
"I... I..." Nicole stood up. Now was the time to set this straight. Now
was the time to tell everyone the truth, before this got out of hand.
"I have something I need to say..." Nicole said in a shaky voice. "I'm
afraid, I... I... I'm not who you think I am... I'm not a..."
...not a woman! I'm not a woman! Jordan screamed to himself inside.
Jordan looked over at Jason who was shaking his head 'NO!' with a
panicked expression on his face.
But as Nicole looked out over the crowd, at all of the smiling faces all
of whom were so full of love and charity and helpfulness... she just
couldn't do it.
"I'm not worthy," she said, finally, with a sinking feeling. "I don't
deserve this!"
"Hush! Of course you are!" Angela said, backed up by shouts of
encouragement around the room.
Nicole felt like she was in quicksand, being pulled deeper and deeper
into this world of femininity, unable to escape.
"It's true," Johanson said. "You're not just a kind person and a kind
soul, but you are also the best manufacturing engineer manager we have
ever had! Just being selfish here, but we'd do everything possible to
keep you at Johanson and Johanson. Now, how about some lunch and then
you can open presents?"
* * *
As they ate lunch (catered by a local Bar-B-Que restaurant - for the
entire company!) Jordan settled down a bit and began to think that maybe
things would be okay.
'It's just a party,' he thought to himself as he chatted with the heads
of the various departments and received gestures of sympathy. 'I bet
I'll just get a few gift certificates. I can return them tomorrow once
I'm back to being a man again.'
"Jason!" Jordan demanded in whispers as the two got together. "Why
didn't you stop this?"
"I couldn't," Jason responded, also whispering. "It was already planned
by Angela and Johanson before I even knew about it!"
"Time for the presents!" Angela interrupted.
Angela led Jordan to the front of the room where there was a table piled
high with presents and envelopes.
"A gift certificate to Forever 21!" Jordan announced, showing it to the
assembled crowd. 'Exactly what I expected,' he thought to himself,
giving Angela a look. 'No wonder she was at the mall yesterday! Last
minute things my ass.'
"That's perfect!" Angela said clapping towards the smiling group over at
the motor pool. "We were just shopping there yesterday and all Jordan
could get was a pair of jeans and a T-shirt! There is *so much* more we
can buy there!"
"Yes, absolutely," Jordan said, doing his best to smile and just agree
to everything. 'If I can just get through this,' he thought to himself,
'I'll be okay.'
"A purse!" Jordan said, holding up a burgundy purse for everyone to see
[https://katespade.insnw.net/KateSpade/PXRU7124_572?$fullsize$ ]. "How
elegant!"
"Kate Spade," said one of the ladies. Jordan recognized her as working
for reception. "We wanted to get you something professional looking for
the highest-ranked lady manager in the company!"
Am I really the highest ranked woman? Jordan thought to himself. He
looked over at the receptionists and realized they were looking at
him... with admiration? Do they think of me as an inspirational figure?
As someone to look up to??
The thought shook Jordan - that anyone would ever look up to him was
incredible. He had never been courageous, or a trend-setter, or anything
(that was Anna, not him!).
"Thank you," Jordan said with feeling, to the receptionists. "Thank
you."
"And it matches her dress perfectly!" Angela enthused.
Jason stepped up.
"This is from all of us in the HR department," he said.
Jason handed over the package feeling embarrassed. He had wanted to give
something simpler to his friend - something unisex or practical (like a
vacuum cleaner), but instead the other ladies in the HR department had
insisted on . . .
"A new wallet!" Jordan said, holding it up for everyone to see. "It's
beautiful!" It was also Kate Spade, with a beautiful rose floral design
[see http://s7d4.scene7.com/is/image/KateSpade/PWRU5538_258?$fullscreen$
].
"Look inside!" one of the HR ladies shouted.
"Oh... it's a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret," Jordan announced
to general applause and some hooting. He felt his face flush.
"Jason told us all about how often you shop there," said another one of
the HR team in a highly suggestive voice, to Jordan's acute
embarrassment. "We all wanted you to be able to buy pretty things to
wear underneath."
'Now the entire company knows where I shop for my underwear??' Jordan
looked over at Jason, incensed.
"Sorry," Jason mumbled, feeling guilty.
Jordan quickly moved to one of the boxes on the table.
"Oh my god, it's a new Apple Laptop!" Jordan said, astonished, looking
at the sleek machine in rose-gold. "Oh my god, this is too much!"
"Nonsense," said David Guertin, standing up for the manufacturing-line
workers. "It's top-of-the-line, with the maximum memory and processor
speed. We know how much you like to crunch numbers!"
"And it's pink!" Angela said. "Nicole's favorite color!"
Jordan looked at Angela, embarrassed. Pink was such a girly color! How
could Angela say it was his favorite color? Now everyone would be buying
him pink for everything!
Flustered, Jordan struggled with what to say. This was such an expensive
gift, really over-the-top. And every gift was just making him feel more
and more guilty and horrible that he was deceiving all of these nice
people! It was all such an awful situation. All the lies and deceptions.
All of the leading people on. But they were all looking at him, and he
knew he had to say something! How could he possibly sit there and lie
and tell them how grateful he was when he felt so sick about what he was
doing?
'Please, Nicole, help me...' Jordan said quietly under his breath. 'I
need you.'
Nicole took a deep breath and looked up with a radiant smile.
"Thank you so much," Nicole said with real warmth. "This is perfect.
I've been using Angela's computer all this time, but, of course, that's
not a permanent solution. And I just *love* the color!"
All of the manufacturing team beamed at each other on their excellent
choice of present and there were high-five's all around.
"And this is from us in Admin," Tiffani said, handing over a box for
Nicole to unwrap.
"A new iPhone??" Nicole said, her eyes wide with wonder. "Oh, Tiffani!"
Nicole pulled Tiffani into a big hug, and then went over to hug all of
the other admin men and ladies. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I
haven't been able to text *anyone* or talk to my sister or parents in so
long! It's been so horrible! Thank you so much!"
"It's pink too! It matches your new laptop!" Angela observed, delighted.
"But you'll have to promise to use it with the special case we got you,"
Tiffani said with a sly smile holding out a second gift.
Nicole unwrapped the second gift to reveal a pink bejeweled iPhone case.
(see
http://www.tcases.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/
9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/f/a/
fashion_bling_crystal_iphone_7_cases_cover_for_girls_3_.jpg )
"Oh, that's gorgeous," Angela said.
Inside, Jordan cringed. It was such a girly, sparkly case! How could he
ever pull this out and have any sort of dignity left??? But the Admin
girls were all high-fiving and fist-bumping each other as if they had
just bought the *perfect* accessory for Nicole.
So it was Nicole who took over.
"It's perfect!" Nicole said with a squeal. 'Did I just squeal?' Jordan
thought to himself. 'DID I JUST SQUEAL??'
But Nicole was not to be denied. "Let's put it on right now!" she
demanded, clapping her hands.
And so someone found a pair of scissors and soon the new case was out of
the package and snapped on the phone. It was so shiny you could see it
from space. Jordan looked at his hands with the long pink fingernails
holding the phone and they looked like they belonged to a fashion model.
"Thank you all so much!" Nicole said, hugging Tiffani and all of the
admin girls. "I just love it!"
Jason looked over at Nicole, and struggled to see anything left of his
high-school bro. As Nicole showed off the sparkly cell phone to everyone
and accepted all manner of hugs and air-kisses from the crowd, Jason
watched his friend with her long flowing hair, curvy sweater dress (such
an incredible ass!), long nails and makeup and found himself getting...
turned on?
Next, Jordan received some more gift cards, including ones from Bed Bath
& Beyond, Lululemon, Charlotte Russe, The Spa, and the clinic (!!).
Jordan looked at the gift cards glumly noting there was absolutely
nothing masculine about them and absolutely *none* of them could be used
for male clothes.
"Just two more gifts," Angela said, handing over an envelope.
Nicole opened the envelope and just stared, astonished.
It was a debit card - and it had been loaded with $20,000 dollars.
Nicole was rendered speechless.
"Oh my... oh god," she finally got out, her eyes welling up. "I don't
know what to say! This is... too much!"
"Just a little something to get you back on your feet," Johanson said,
giving Nicole a hug. "From the management team."
"Thank you," Nicole said. As she looked over at the management team,
Angela, her peers and their bosses, her eyes overflowed and tears
dripped down her face.
The entire audience went 'Awwww' and applauded enthusiastically as
Nicole hugged all of them and then accepted a tissue from Angela which
she used to dab her eyes. Nicole cries a lot, Jason observed.
Ed Johanson stepped forward.
"And finally, I have a gift for you, as the CEO," he said.
'Uh oh...' thought Jordan. 'This is gonna be bad.'
"Now close your eyes," Johanson said.
"Oh... okay." Nicole closed her eyes and then felt Mr. Johanson place
his hand on her arm, just above the elbow. Johanson lead Nicole over to
the back of the cafeteria, Nicole walking unsteadily in her high heels
with her eyes closed, depending more on Johanson's support than she
would have liked, and once having to reach over and grab his arm tightly
to prevent from slipping as she walked over a bump in the floor.
Johanson paused before a pair of large double-doors which lead to the
outside.
"Ready?" Johanson asked.
"No..." Nicole said, with a funny, unsteady and quavering voice which
caused giggles in the audience.
"Well, ready or not..." Johanson flung the doors open, "open your
eyes!"
"A CAR???" Nicole said, her voice cracking. "Oh my god!"
And there it was. A brand-new, Fiat 500 in mint green with a tan roll-
down top.
See ( https://s-media-cache-
ak0.pinimg.com/736x/67/f5/74/67f5742e2c20831536f3c7dbc7722cba.jpg ).
Oh god, what a color! Jordan was sure that if he looked it up, the Fiat
500, ESPECIALLY in mint green, would be labeled as one of the top 10
most girly cars! There was absolutely nothing masculine about it. It was
exactly the sort of car a coed in college would drive.
"Do you like it?" Johanson asked. "Look, it has a roll-top. I know how
much you like convertibles."
What could he say? His boss had just bought him a car. A FREAKING CAR!!
It wasn't bad enough that he had paid for his underwear, his clothes,
and his feminization surgeries, but now he had bought Jordan a CAR? The
feeling of being owned, of being Johanson's property, the feeling of
being in this powerful man's debt now for practically FOREVER was so
overpowering that Jordan felt weak in the knees. He hadn't asked for any
of this, but somehow it had happened. His boss, Johanson, had bought him
a car.
The whole crowd was hushed, listening intently.
Jordan looked around and felt trapped. He had expected a few gift cards.
Instead he had gotten *tons* of gift cards, a new purse, a new laptop, a
new cell phone, a check for 20 grand, and now a new car! How was he ever
going to extricate himself from this? How could he possibly tell all of
these wonderful, generous people that it was all just some sort of
mistake? Here's your money back, here's your car back, here's the laptop
and cell phone back.... I'm sorry, it was all just a mistake because my
wife wanted me to dress up for Halloween?
It would be impossible.
Nicole gave Johanson a big hug and kissed him on the cheek, tears
streaming down her face.
"Thank you," she said, humbly, directly to Johanson. "Thank you so
much."
"Now we won't have to take the bus everywhere!" Angela enthused, to
general applause. "This is awesome!"
It was time for a speech. Nicole wiped her eyes (she had given up on
saving her mascara) and turned to the crowd. She took a couple of
minutes to settle her breathing and compose her thoughts, before looking
up at the assembled crowd.
"I am... so overwhelmed," she began, her voice shaking just slightly. "I
don't know what to say. I was never expecting anything like this, and I
don't know how I'll ever be able to repay all your kindness and
generosity. You are all... so... amazing. When Anna and I moved here
from Maine, I would never have expected to be... so accepted. So
embraced. Thank you for allowing me to be a member of your family. It is
a rare privilege."
* * *
The party broke up at that point, everyone heading back to work.
"Why don't you give the car a spin!" Johanson suggested.
"I can't, I don't have my driver's license anymore. I lost it in the
fire." Nicole explained.
"About that..." Tiffany grinned. "Guess what arrived yesterday? Your
paperwork! I have your new social security card and your new birth
certificate, right here!" Tiffani handed over an envelope.
"No... seriously??"
"Let's go to the MVD and get your new license!" Angela suggested. [ed.
note: in Arizona it's the MVD, not the DMV]
"But... but..." Jordan stammered. He had lost enough time already. He
needed to go to the Spa and get his male makeover, and then get some new
clothes!
"Excellent idea!" Johanson said, sealing the deal. "You must be feeling
so cooped up without a car, Nicole. You go ahead. I'll have someone take
care of the presents."
"Let's go! Let's go!" shouted Tiffani.
"But..."
"I'll drive!" Angela said. And before he knew it, Jordan was in the back
seat of his new, Fiat 500, and on his way to the MVD.
Jordan was frantic, trying to figure out what to do next. Could he
actually get a new driver's license? But what about his gender? The MVD
would surely take one look at him and throw him out, right??
"Are you okay, Nicole?" Tiffani asked, looking at Jordan through the
mirror.
"I... I'm just..." Jordan tried to think of something he could say, but
'I'm really a man and I'm about to be 'outed' at the MVD!' seemed too
extreme. 'What the fuck am I going to do?' he fretted, starting to
hyperventilate. Maybe I can just run away? Just say: 'thank you, but
this is all just too much' and just run away?' Jordan looked up at
Tiffani, terrified.
"Nicole, Honey," Tiffani said, turning around to face him and placing a
comforting hand on his knee. **Everything will be okay** she mouthed to
him silently.
What? Now Jordan was more confused than ever.
Tiffani pointed to the envelope in his hands. ** Open it ** she mouthed.
"What's going on back there?" Angela asked.
"Nothing!" Tiffani trilled.
"I'm just..." Jordan struggled for a good excuse. "Worried about my
driver's license photo," he finished, lamely. It was sort-of the truth,
since the photo wouldn't match his gender!
"Oh princess, I'm sure we can freshen you up and redo your makeup once
we get there!"
'Great,' Jordan thought, sourly. 'That's just what I need. To redo my
makeup again.'
Tiffani pointed to the folder again and mouthed **Open It!** Curious,
Jordan tore open the envelope and pulled out a fancy-printed and stamped
birth certificate and a new Social Security card.
** Look at the birth certificate! ** Tiffani mouthed.
Jordan looked at his new birth certificate more closely.
"Oh my god..." he gasped.
Jordan began to shake.
'It can't be.'
Jordan looked more closely.
'No... please god.... NO!!!'
Right there, clear as day, it said:
>> Jordan Nicole Ross
>> Gender: F
* * *
When they arrived at the MVD, Angela pulled Jordan into the bathroom to
do their makeup.
Jordan didn't want to touch it. He knew that if he did, then the
hypnosis triggers from RoseMarie and Vanessa would kick in. But time was
running out (it was already 1pm! The interview would be at 3!) and
Angela was standing annoyingly close. Finally, Jordan gave up and
freshened up his makeup. And, of course, when he reapplied his lipstick,
the same affirmations bubbled up from his subconscious.
"I love my body. I am beautiful. I love being a woman. I was meant to be
a woman."
Jordan gritted his teeth. Damn it! As much as he tried to *not* think
and say those words, they just forced their way into his brain and he
had to speak them.
'I love being a woman.'
'I was meant to be a woman.'
Jordan was dragged by Angela out of the bathroom to where Tiffani was
waiting in line. The affirmations kept running around and around in his
head no matter how much he tried not to think about them.
Angela and Tiffani chatted with each other as Jordan stood there, lost
in thought.
'So, Tiffani knows that I used to be a man,' Jordan realized. There
could be no other explanation. How else could his name have been changed
(from Nicholas to Nicole) and his gender changed on his birth
certificate? Tiffani had to know. Jordan hadn't even realized that
changing your gender on one's birth certificate was even possible.
But how did she find out that Jordan was transgender? Of course, she
could have just seen the original documents and then just assumed there
was a mistake. But Jordan had other suspicions.
'It has to be Johanson,' he realized.
It was Johanson who told Tiffani to change his gender on his
documentation. This strengthened his belief that Johanson was behind the
surgeries and made it all the more urgent that they get Johanson on tape
admitting what he had done.
And now here was Jordan, in line at the MVD with Angela and Tiffani,
about to get his new driver's license... but as a *woman*. As Jordan
'Call Me Nicole' Ross. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
How did this always seem to happen to him? Every Time he thought he'd be
leaving for good, it seems like life conspired to send him another step
backwards. That is... life and Edward Johanson.
'Is there *any* evidence I used to be a man?' Jordan wondered to
himself, "for anyone who sees me with just panties on?" He thought about
it. All of his male clothes were burned. Now his freakin' birth
certificate (!!) said he was actually BORN a FEMALE. HOLY FUCK. He had
real breasts. A high voice (wait a second... a high voice? what if it
*never* changes?). He had a nice trim, hourglass waist. He had no hair
on his body. He had nice, arched eyebrows.
'I really am more woman than man,' Jordan realized, shocked. 'Much, much
more.'
He *had* to change back any way he could. Immediately!
Everything hinged on his one last hope: The interview. Thank god for
the interview.
If he could just get a new job as Jordan - the old Jordan - Jordan the
man, then he could start reversing everything. Sure, it would take a
while, and he'd lose every friend he had ever made in Phoenix... but it
could be done. And it *would* be done.
Jordan looked at his watch. 1:15.
Shit! Time was running out!
** Beedeedum! **
What the hell was that? Jordan looked around. But it sounded like it
came from...
"My purse?"
Jordan opened his new, Kate Spade burgundy purse and sifted through the
contents ('How did I gather so much *junk*' he wondered) until he found
the pink sparkly phone and took it out.
For a split second Jordan saw the room from above. There was a young
woman, standing in line at the MVD wearing a clingy bodycon sweater
dress. Her curves were deliciously outlined, waves of blonde hair
cascaded down her shoulders and back and she had a burgundy Kate Spade
handbag slung over one shoulder. She had gold bangles on her arms,
dangly earrings in her pierced ears which tickled at her neck, and she
was wearing 3.5-inch teal high-heel pumps. She used a finger to tuck her
hair behind her ear as she held her pink sparkly cell phone, texting to
her girlfriend with her long fingernails 'click clicking' against the
screen.
He was a hot girly-girl at the MVD, through and through.
<(Hey Sis!)
(Anna????)>
<(Yeah! Angela gave me your new #!)
(I'm SO glad! I'm @ MVD.)>
<(WHAT?????????)
(With T and A)>
<(But they'll find out!)
(New SSN and BirthC from T - She changed me to F!!!!!!)>
<(She knows?????)
(Y. WHAT DO I DO????)>
<(. . . . )
(Anna??? Please help!!!)>
<(thinking...)
(Hurry. I'm next!)>
<(Just do it. We'll fix it later.)
Reading that text, Jordan's heart sank. He was really hoping Anna would
have a plan.
(Really? Do I have to????)>
<(What other choice do you have?)
"Miss? Next?"
Jordan looked up. The man at desk #5 was waving to him. "Shit," he
muttered, thrusting the phone back into the purse and walking (click
click on the linoleum floors) to the desk. Jordan was desperate to find
some way to delay, some technicality, some thing wrong where he could
just get out of there! He did not want a driver's license and a birth
certificate with "F" as his gender!!! But Tiffani blocked him at every
turn.
"Don't I have to take a written driver's test?" Jordan said, thinking he
could just fail the test.
"Actually, no. Since this is a transfer of your Maine driver's license
to Arizona, there is no written test required." Tiffani fished into the
folder she had previously handed Jordan and found his 'proof of Maine
driver's license' and handed it over to the MVD agent. Jordan looked at
the form as she passed it over and it already said "Jordan Nicole" (!!).
How had she been able to do that? Jordan looked at Tiffani, in awe.
Tiffani also had all of the Arizona MVD forms filled out ahead of time,
and so all Jordan had to do was to sign in two places (those damn nails!
they changed his grip on the pen and someone made his signature more
feminine) and that was it.
"Now honey, give me a beautiful smile, like I know you've got," said the
nice woman working the camera.
It took about five tries, but finally they had a picture which Tiffani
and Angela both liked. Nicole had a big, toothy smile with a coy
expression on her face. And then, 10 minutes later, it was printed.
<(What's going on??)
Anna texted.
Jordan texted her a picture of his new driver's license.
<(OMG. Who is that beautiful woman?)
(Don't you recognize me?)>
<(Seriously, WHO IS THAT????)
(It's ME!!)>
Jordan threw in a few angry face emojis to make his point.
<(WOW. You're hotter than me.)
(Fuck you)>
<(Sorry. But it's the truth.)
(Please Anna!)>
<(OMG I see the "F"!!!!! HOLY SHIT.)
(I told you!!!)>
<(U R legally female!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!)
<(Just realized, I am legally married to a woman!!!!!)
(Didn't you understand????)>
<(Yes... but seeing it...)
<(... makes me realize what a huge deal this was.)
(What do I do???)>
There was a long pause.
<(Jordan...)
<(Sorry. *Nicole*....)
There was another long pause from Anna.
<(We'll fix it later. What else can we do?)
* * *
By the time he got his new driver's license, it was already 2pm and
Jordan was freaking out. He had to get out of here! And fast!
'At least I have a car now,' Jordan thought, stepping into the mint-
green Fiat 500. It was a zippy little car (with a full tank of gas!) and
something that Jordan might have actually liked if only it had been in a
better color. Like grey. Or metallic grey. Or silver grey. Or gold-grey.
But driving in heels! Jordan struggled with how weird they felt. The
heels kept getting in the way. He had to point his feet forward and
hover over the pedals and press them with his pointed toes. Thank god it
was an automatic.
'Just another fucking reminder that I'm a woman now,' Jordan thought to
himself. The letter 'F' flashed through his mind.
'Legally a woman...' the text from Anna ran through his head. 'I am now
legally a woman...'
By the time he dropped Angela and Tiffani off back at work, it was
already 2:20. The interview was in just 40 minutes!
"Hey, aren't you coming in??" Angela asked.
"Uh...no. I, uh... I have an appointment."
Jordan looked over at Tiffani with eyes that said, 'help!'
"Right!" Tiffani said. "She's... ah... she's got an appointment. Um... a
follow up! Right! With the plastic surgeon!"
"Bullshit," Angela said, bluntly. "You said you didn't have a follow up
until Friday. I know what this is really about."
"Really...?" Jordan's voice rose on the question and squeaked. Did she
somehow know about the interview? Was it possible? Did she overhear
something that Jason and he had said at some point??
"Yes," said Angela. "You have a hypnotherapy session with my mother."
"Shit! She knows!" Tiffani cried out.
"Thanks, Tiffani," Jordan said, dryly. "Way to go."
"It's okay," Angela rolled her eyes.
"But how did you know?"
"Matt told me. He saw you at Mom's office, and then smelled smoke on
your breath. He put two and two together."
"Oh," Jordan felt deflated.
"Boy, you can't keep a secret in this town," Tiffani observed.
"No, you really can't," Angela agreed. "Hey, Nicole. It's okay. Really.
I knew you'd have to give up smoking if you were to ever have a chance
with my brother, so I get it. I really do. And good for you! I could
tell you weren't really smoking those cigarettes on our walks to work.
It was sweet of you to pretend."
"I don't mind continuing to pretend, if you want," Jordan offered.
"Oh, sweetie, thank you," Angela said giving Jordan a quick kiss on the
lips (!!!). "Now we'll get out of your way so that you can get going.
Tell Mom I said 'hi'."
* * *
As Jordan navigated the car out of the parking lot, the kiss from Angela
had felt weird... weird and tingly.
'She kissed me on the lips,' he thought to himself. He could still feel
the kiss. It recalled the kiss they had had during the slumber party.
'Do women routinely kiss each other on the lips?' he wondered. That
didn't seem right. Jordan felt funny inside. Butterflies.
Checking his new phone, Jordan navigated to the interview. It was so
nice to have a smartphone again! Fortunately, traffic was light and he
got there in plenty of time. It was only 2:50. Looking in the car visor
mirror to check his makeup, he froze.
"SHIT!!" he cursed. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!"
He was still dressed as Nicole!! That kiss from Angela had made him lose
focus. Jordan looked around, frantic. There! Across the street, a
Walmart! Jordan screeched the wheels pulling out of the parking space.
Inside the Walmart, Jordan raced to the men's section, where he found
some grey slacks, a belt, and a white business shirt with a collar.
"I need shoes," he muttered, running (click-click-click on his heels) to
the shoe department and snatching up the first pair of dress shoes he
could find in his size. "Socks!" he grabbed a pair of men's black dress
socks.
Running on small steps to the checkout counter, Jordan paid for his
purchases with his new debit card and dashed into the bathroom. He
quickly undressed and used soap and water to wash his makeup off, using
up an armload of paper towels in the process. He removed the earrings
and gold bangles and shoved them into the purse. He put on the pants on
over his panties - he had forgotten to buy men's underwear - so
Victoria's Secret panties underneath would have to do. Next Jordan put
on the new shirt and started to do up the buttons (after weeks of
putting on women's blouses, these male buttons felt weird to him - they
fastened from the wrong side!), one at a time.
"Goddamn these nails," Jordan swore, then froze. "The NAILS! The fucking
nails!!" Jordan looked at his watch ('Shit, it's a girl's watch' he
realized, removing it and sticking it in the purse) and it was already
3:04pm! Jordan finished dressing.
'Christ!' he could see the cleavage from his breasts in the open collar
of the shirt. He buttoned up the top button. He checked himself out. The
shirt was OK. It was baggy enough that it (sort of) hid his breasts. His
waist was so small! The pants bunched up horribly. At least the shoes
were good. Okay. He stepped back to take one more look at the whole
package.
The hair.
Shit, shit, shit! He had forgotten completely about the hair. There had
been no time to go to the salon. What was he going to do? Fighting back
tears, Jordan almost gave up right then and there.
Jordan thrust his dress and heels into the shopping bag and ran back
into the store and searched frantically for a solution. Scissors? No -
it would look horrible and take too much time. He was late already! He
found some wigs, but they were all costume wigs (Elvira, Mistress of the
Dark, pink clown afro, Gepetto, Captain Jack Sparrow). A hat? A hat!
Jordan ran to the men's department. Desperate, he tried a baseball cap,
but it was impossible. He had too much hair! He tried a beanie, but it
looked ridiculous.
A cowboy hat?
Jordan snatched up the black cowboy hat with the silver trim. [see
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Bailey-Cowboy-Hat-Mens-Hondo-Crown-Leather-
Hatband-Silver-Buckhorn/144418117] This was the West, right? The Wild
West? People wore cowboy hats all the time out here. Right?
It worked. Sort of. Jordan got all his hair covered and jammed the hat
down on his head. There was so much hair that it almost didn't fit.
Jordan looked in the mirror.
"Good enough."
He dashed to the checkout counter.
* * *
"I'm sorry, I don't want to shake hands. I... ah... am just recovering
from a cold." Jordan's hands were thrust into in his pant's pockets.
"Oh! You poor thing," said Jamie, a motherly-looking HR manager. She
looked over Jordan. 'Strange outfit,' she thought to herself. The pants
were too big and bunched up around the middle. And the shirt was baggy
and buttoned up to the top collar? That was weird. And a cowboy hat? Who
wears a cowboy hat to an interview? And those shoes? 'Oh well, kids
these days!'
"Follow me and we'll get started."
Jordan carefully held his head steady, afraid that any sudden movement
would cause the hat to pop off (there was so much hair inside). Jamie
asked all of the standard interview question such as "where do you see
yourself in five years" and "if you were a farm animal, what type of
animal would you be?"
Jordan felt odd wearing normal men's clothing again. The fabrics were
coarse and poorly finished, and the pants felt all bunched up between
his legs. He had gotten used to skirts and dresses, and the extra fabric
around his legs made him twitchy. 'Well, what do you expect from
Walmart,' Jordan thought, cursing his poor planning again. It just
seemed that events always seemed to conspire against him.
Once the Jamie the HR Manager was satisfied, she walked Jordan down the
hall to Gordon Santos - the Director of Manufacturing - who ran the
whole business unit. As they walked, Jordan took the opportunity in the
hall to pull his hat on tight and hide a stray hair which fell down.
Gordon Santos looked over at the nervous, young manufacturing
engineering before him and grimaced. Don't young people take off their
hats indoors anymore?
Gordon started with standard questions about manufacturing processes,
what machinery Jordan had worked on, how would various scenarios be
handled, what responsibilities did Jordan have in past jobs, etc.
Finally, he was satisfied. The resume was impressive, and the responses
and answers made it clear that Jordan knew his stuff - forwards and
backwards.
"So, Jordan, I really only have one more question," Gordon said, sitting
back. "Why do you want this job? I think you're much too qualified for a
line supervisor job. Hell, you could probably do my job! So why would
you take a job which is so obviously a step down?"
Jordan hunched his shoulders trying to hide his breasts. As he did so,
his hat shifted a bit. Jordan could feel it inching up his scalp.
"Well, Mr. Santos, that's easy. My sister--"
Jordan halted. SHIT. He meant to say 'wife'. FUCK. Well, it was already
out there. Brothers would move to be closer to their sisters, right?
That was a thing, right?
"Uh... sorry... Anyway, my *sister* just got a job at the local bank,
and I want to get a job which is close to hers."
"That's interesting. What bank?"
"The Alliance Bank of Arizona."
"Oh, hey! My brother runs that bank. Ray Santos. He's the CEO."
"Ray Santos is your brother? Are you serious?" Jordan looked up sharply,
causing the hat to loosen a bit more. It was barely sitting on the top
of his scalp. "But... my sister is in training in Utah with him!"
"Is your sister Anna Ross?"
"Yes..."
Gordon laughed.
"Why are you laughing?" Jordan asked, incensed.
"Oh, it's that Phoenix is just one big small town," Gordon said.
"Everyone is related to everyone. You get used to it. I was just talking
with Ray yesterday and he was telling me all about his new girlfriend,
and now here I am, interviewing her sister!"
While Gordon laughed at the improbability of it all, Jordan was freaking
out inside. 'Anna and Ray Santos??' he thought to himself. 'Anna is
Ray's girlfriend? But surely it must be some other Anna, right? It
couldn't possibly be... my wife?'
"Well, I think I've heard all I need to hear." Gordon Santos said,
interrupting Jordan's inner dialog. Gordon pressed a button on his desk
phone. "Jamie? Could you come in here?"
Mr. Santos got up and held out his hand.
"Well, Jordan, I'm happy to say - if you want the job, it's yours!"
"What?? Really??" Jordan hopped out of his chair and quickly grasped Mr.
Santos' hand (completely forgetting about the nails!), as if afraid the
offer would be rescinded if he didn't do it fast enough. "Thank you!
Thank you SO MUCH! You don't know how much this means to me!"
YES! Jordan shouted in his head, as pure joy surged through his body.
Things were finally going in his direction. He'd finally be able to
return to being Jordan. Nicole would be a happy memory which he and Anna
could laugh about when they were older. Sure, it would be a long road
back, but now FINALLY, the first stepping stone was in place: A new
job.
"Wonderful, wonderful! And may I say, it's a pleasure to be finally
hiring our first female manufacturing engineer!"
"Thank you! Wait... WHAT???" A hard lump formed in Jordan's stomach. He
held a hand to his mouth, his long pink nails on display for all to see.
"Well, women manufacturing engineers are pretty rare, at least on this
side of the country! You'll be our first!"
"How is our Miss Ross doing?" Jamie, the HR Manager, entered the room,
all smiles.
Hearing 'Miss Ross', Jordan's turned to look at Jamie and that was it:
The hat tumbled off his head and the hair, finally free, exploded -
tumbling down his shoulders in soft waves.
"Such beautiful hair, Miss Ross! Why do you hide it?" Jamie asked.
Jordan looked back and forth between Jamie and Gordon, breathing hard.
Tears sprung to his eyes.
'They think I'm a woman!' Jordan thought desperately to himself. 'They
always thought I was a woman! There was never any doubt!'
"I... I'm sorry!" Jordan cried, running out of the office in tears, his
new male dress shoes clumping down the hallway.
Jamie and Gordon just looked at each other.
"What the hell was that all about?" he asked.
* * *
Jordan got in his new car and slammed the door.
"How could I have been so *FUCKING* stupid," he cried, pounding at the
steering wheel in anger.
"Jason!" Jordan cried. He felt horrible for letting down his friend. "He
went to all this trouble, he found this position, and now I just fucked
it up. I just fucked it up! Why didn't I pay more attention? Why didn't
I get my hair cut? Or my nails undone? Why didn't I treat this more
seriously?"
Jordan collapsed into wails of anguish.
"And they never even thought I was a man! There was never even a
question," Jordan realized. "I was wearing MEN'S CLOTHING! You'd think
that they might wonder? You would think that there would be some
HESITATION? Some THOUGHT? Perhaps a QUESTION? But no... not even that."
Jordan had to talk to someone. Now. He fished his phone out of the purse
and dialed Jason.
"Hello?" he heard.
Jordan hung up. He couldn't do it. He'd have to tell Jason he failed the
interview and he was too embarrassed and devastated to face that right
now.
Anna? Jordan dialed her cell.
"Ray! Stop that!" Jordan heard laughing. "I have to answer this phone
call! Hello? Ray, keep your hands to yourself! Hello? Who is this?"
Jordan looked at the phone, in shock.
"Hello?" Anna repeated.
"Who is it?" It was a man's voice.
"I dunno. I don't recognize the number. Probably just some marketing ca-
-"
And then it hung up.
Jordan sat there, stunned.
* * *
"Hello?"
"Mom? It's Jordan."
"Jordan who?"
"Mom! It's Jordan... your son."
"Is this some sort of prank? I'm sorry, young lady, but this is not very
funny. How do you know my son's name? Are you an old girlfriend? You
know he's moved to Arizona."
"Please Mom! I really am Jordan! Please, I need to talk."
"Young lady, does your mother know that you're pulling pranks like this?
Are you at some sort of slumber party? Is that what young women do these
days? Make prank calls to strangers?"
"Mom! Stop!"
"I'm hanging up now."
"No! Don't--"
But it was too late.
So much for my new cell phone, Jordan thought sourly.
* * *
<(Nicole: Are you there? I didn't realize that was your number.
Please call.)
Jordan looked at the text from Anna, depressed and angry. His own
wife...
After the interview, Jordan drove around the city, aimlessly,
occasionally stopping in a random parking lot to shout curses or cry. He
had ended up at a Starbucks.
'I hate this city,' Jordan thought, sipping his coffee and looking
around at all of the young urban professionals working on their laptops.
'I hate this shallow, superficial city and all of its shallow,
superficial people.'
'And Jason,' Jordan grumbled to himself. 'Why didn't he tell me? Why
didn't he stop me? Why did he let me go to this interview in the first
place? Why didn't he tell me I wouldn't pass as a man?'
Jordan sat staring out into the parking lot feeling numb.
Lost. Isolated.
His cell-phone rang. Jordan didn't recognize the number.
"Hello?"
"Jordan! It's RoseMarie, I'm so glad I found you. Angela gave me your
number. You're late for your session and I'm worried. Where are you?"
Jordan didn't answer.
"Jordan? Are you okay?"
"RoseMarie... I'm sorry. I... I'm not up for a session today."
"Jordan, what's wrong? Tell me."
"I... I can't tell anyone," Jordan said, tears leaking down his face.
"Most of all you. There's no one. No one I can tell. No one..."
"Jordan, I'm your therapist. I am bound by doctor-patient
confidentiality. I swore an oath to protect that confidentiality when I
became a doctor, and it is inviolable. You can tell me anything."
"You won't tell anyone? Not even Angela? Not even Matt?"
"Not even Angela. Not even Matt. I promise. Now Jordan, please talk to
me."
Jordan threw caution to the wind.
"I... I was born a man."
There was a long pause on the other side of the line.
"Jordan, I think you should come to my office."
* * *
Jordan settled into the comfy patient chair in RoseMarie's office. He
felt unmoored. Nothing mattered anymore.
"Are you going to put me under?" he asked.
"I think it would be best if we just talked for a while," RoseMarie
said. "Now... you said you were born a man? Now Jordan--"
"It's Nicole now."
"Nicole?"
"Yes. Anna made me change my name."
"Anna... your sister? She *made* you change your name?"
"Well, I guess I agreed. Oh, and she's not really my sister. She's my
wife."
RoseMarie sighed. This was going to be difficult. She found it
completely unbelievable that this delicate creature before her, this
vision of womanhood (Jordan had changed back into his sweater dress and
had redone his makeup in the Starbucks bathroom) reclining in her
patient chair, could have ever been a man.
"Jordan -- sorry! -- Nicole. Maybe we should start from the beginning?"
Jordan stood up and paced anxiously around the office.
"It's all so..." he started. "I just can't..." He paced some more.
RoseMarie watched carefully. This was clearly a young woman with some
severe issues to work though.
"It's all Anna's fault!" Jordan exploded, turning suddenly to RoseMarie.
"And Jason! I just wanted to... wanted to... I used to have long hair!
What was wrong with wanting to have long hair?"
"You still have long hair," RoseMarie pointed out, "Nicole."
"I know... it's just that... oh god... everything is just so fucked up I
don't even know where to begin!!!"
"Nicole," RoseMarie said, softly but firmly. "Please, sit. Just begin at
the beginning."
"The beginning?" Jordan asked, meekly, sitting in the comfy chair.
"Always the best place to start."
And so Jordan started from the beginning and told RoseMarie everything.
He told her about dressing up as Anna for Halloween, but everyone at
Johanson and Johanson just assumed he was a woman. And then he told her
about all of the thwarted attempts to back out, and meeting Angela and
shopping in the mall with Johanson and his niece, Rebecca and attending
the football game and about Anna getting her own job in Utah. Then there
was his first stay at the clinic, where they had removed all his hair
with electrolysis, followed by Bella's party, the fire, the second stay
at the clinic where he had been given breast implants and waist
liposuction. After that there was the luncheon, his suspicions about
Johanson being the one to pay for the surgeries, the interview, and the
phone call with Anna.
And as Jordan told his story, as each scene was relayed to RoseMarie, he
felt something remarkable.
Relief.
It was such a release of pressure, to be finally able to tell his story
to someone. Someone other than Anna and Jason.
RoseMarie didn't know what to believe. The story was so incredible that
there was no way it could possibly be true. In her line of work,
patients often spun wildly inventive stories to explain their inner
world. Was this such a case? Was Jordan... now Nicole -- Was she
creating this story to explain her inner turmoil at being the center of
attention as a woman? Or could it be true? Was Jordan really... born a
man?
RoseMarie decided to withhold judgment for the moment. She needed some
hard evidence. Because if Jordan was really a man... then what did that
mean for Matt? And Bella???
"And now I'm here," Jordan finished. And there it was. All out in the
open. Nothing left to hide. How incredible it was to be able to
*finally* tell someone: I used to be a man, and now... I am a woman. And
that's how it all happened.
The feeling of release was overwhelming and left Jordan feeling drained.
It was catharsis. Deep and soulful.
"But is Anna seeing another man?" Jordan fretted.
"Now Nicole, you don't know that for sure. You heard her on the phone
talking to another man, but it could just be friends. You have no hard
evidence that she is..."
RoseMarie paused. She had to thread a careful line between not
reinforcing Nicole's (possibly fanciful) inner narrative and showing
enough empathy to her concerns.
"There's no evidence she's being unfaithful," she finished.
"I suppose that's true. But she said: 'keep your hands to yourself'."
"Isn't that a good thing? Don't you want your--" RoseMarie didn't want
to say 'wife', when she wasn't sure that it was true. But she didn't
want to say 'sister' either, since this point seemed to be so important
to Jordan. "-- *Anna*" she finally decided on, "to be saying that?"
"Of course. I just don't..."
"Nicole, honey, you know what you need to do."
Jordan thought about it.
"I need to call Anna and talk to her."
"That's right, sweetie. I know it's hard, but only with good
communication will you be able to work this out and become --" become
what? A married couple? Sisters? Friends? "-- and come to terms with
her," she improvised.
"Okay. You're right. I'll give her a call. But what do I do now??"
Jordan's eyes brimmed over with tears. "That interview was my last hope.
Now... there's nothing."
"Well, certainly not nothing," RoseMarie pointed out. "You have Angela,
and your friends at work. And you have me."
"That's true." Jordan looked at RoseMarie in a new light, immensely
thankful that she hadn't freaked out and started accusing him of being a
pervert and a fraud. A whole flood of warm feelings towards this woman
surged up from within. For the first time Jordan felt like he actually
had a friend to talk to. In Jordan's mind, RoseMarie had just
transitioned from annoying mother of a friend to... helpful therapist.
And just when he needed it most.
"Jordan tell me: What do you want out of life? What are your life
goals?"
"To be a great Manufacturing Engineer and to be married," Jordan
replied. "That's all I've ever wanted."
RoseMarie thought carefully about those words. So simple and definitive.
But she noted that Nicole didn't say anything about wanting to have
children. Nor did she say *who* she wanted to be married to.
"Let's focus on the first part of that statement, Nicole," RoseMarie
said. "You want to be a great manufacturing engineer. Do you have that
at Johanson and Johanson?"
"Oh, absolutely! It's the perfect position for me. It's much better
money than I was making in Maine. And Angela and I are applying cool new
data techniques to the line. We may even have found out that someone is
stealing from the company! So I think I can really make a big impact
there. And I have way more responsibility, and, you know, anything that
I can do to help improve manufacturing in the United States - well,
that's what it's all about, isn't it?"
"So you like the work."
"I *love* the work," Nicole said, then stopped, shocked. "Oh my god..."
Nicole thought to herself. "I really do. I really *do* love the work!
The people are amazing, Tiffani and Angela and all of my direct reports,
and the work is important and everyone was so incredibly nice during the
charity party!"
"The charity party?"
Nicole recounted the events of the charity party, including the gifts
and the new car. But she left out the part about the trip to the MVD.
"But doesn't that make it all the more horrible that I have to leave?"
Jordan said, miserably. "When I love the work and the people are so
amazing?"
"Why do you have to leave?"
Nicole thought about it.
"Well, I guess I don't have to. In fact, I really can't. Not without a
new job, right? And after the charity party... it would be horrible if I
left."
"Nicole, please, let's not worry about future possibilities just yet.
Let's focus on the here and now. What I just heard is that you love your
job and you've decided to stay - at least for now. Is that right?"
"Yes," Nicole said, feeling her spirits improve. At least that was one
less thing to worry about. She was going back to work at Johanson and
Johanson. When RoseMarie said it, everything seemed to click. After all,
where else would she go? There was no reason to go to AGD Medical
Manufacturing - they thought she was a woman just like at Johanson and
Johanson! And the pay was about half of what she was making at Johanson
and Johanson.
The decision was made. Nicole would be back at work tomorrow as the
manufacturing engineer for the primary needle line at Johanson and
Johanson. It felt good to be staying longer, Nicole realized. She would
be able to thank everyone for the Charity party and help find the thief
who was steeling needles. Of course it meant staying as a woman for a
while longer...
"I'm glad I kept the interview secret from Anna," Nicole said.
"Why is that, Nicole?"
"Because now she'll never have to know. I was always at Johanson and
Johanson, and now I still am. Is that the road I'm on now? The long,
hard road? Saving money, incremental changes, gradually making it
possible to be the person I really want to be?"
"Is there any other road?"
"I guess not."
"Now let's talk about your second goal, being married." Suddenly
RoseMarie was struck by a realization. So *that's* why Nicole was in the
wedding shop downstairs! She was so focused on getting m