A Swapped Life, Chapters 7 - 9 free porn video

A SWAPPED LIFE, Chapters 7 - 9 A young male engineer goes to an engineering conference and gets swapped with a teen unwed mother who did not finish high school. Story discusses how the new woman makes new friends, and copes with motherhood, her new parents and sister, her former boyfriend, and eventually with love and marriage. Story also discusses the struggles of the new man, whose family and educational background did not give him the tools to fit into the world of men, and his eventual redemption. This is my first attempt to write fiction. I have found it much more challenging than I expected. I am grateful for constructive criticism. This is the third part of A SWAPPED LIFE and covers chapters 7 - 9. In the first part, in chapter 1 I introduced the original Brian and his family. Brian is a small and easy-going guy, but intelligent and strong willed. He is a civil engineer and works for a consulting company and is attending a conference in Eugene and giving a paper. In chapter 2, Brian encounters a very large man, Rex, abusing his girlfriend, Erin, and their daughter, Mary, in the halls of his hotel. Brian calls him on it, but no good deed goes unpunished and Rex beats Brian up and steals his wallet. Later that night, Brian wakes up as Erin being taunted by Rex . Rex throws Erin out of the room with their baby and she finds Erin who has been swapped into Brian's body. Chapter 3 discusses their early interactions. Erin finds she feels a magical connection with the baby Mary, and she becomes determined to give her a loving upbringing. And Erin gives the engineering paper that the old Brian had prepared. The two of them decide to return to Blakefield, the town where they both grew up. In the second part, in chapter 4, Erin and Brian return to Blakefield and the new Erin decides to go into detox and tries to get Brian's sister Clara to help him, but she won't believe the story of Brian and Erin swapping. In desperation, the new Erin begs the old Erin's parents to pay for detox, without telling them anything about the swap. In chapter 5, Erin's parents allow her to move home and she meets Fran, a Blakefield police officer, who hated the old Erin. Fran shows her antipathy in various ways. In chapter 6, Erin's parents send her to a detox program, which she finishes. While there, Erin makes friends with a girl named LaTesha In the third part, Erin returns home and slowly makes progress improving her relationships with her parents and with Fran. She also starts working on her GED so she can get a good job in order to support Mary. She finds along the way that the old Erin had made a lot of enemies. She makes another new friend at church, Debbie. Then Brian reenters the new Erin's life and causes more trouble. Nevertheless, Erin remains determined to get her high school GED so she can support Mary. Characters Brian-->Erin An accomplished young male engineer with some struggles and insecurities. He tries to help a woman being abused by a very large man and is then swapped with that woman. Erin --> Brian A troubled young woman who never finished high school and who is transgendered. In spite of gender issues, she wound up getting involved with a troubled young man and having his baby. She is swapped with Brian. Clara Sister of Brian. She is social worker and is a very accomplished young woman and was her brother's close friend. Jenny Mother of Brian. She is an administrator at a local hospital and was very close to Brian and Clara. Peter Father of Brian. He is a professor of mathematics and was also very close to Brian and Clara. Mary Baby Daughter of Erin. She turns out sweet tempered and loving despite being neglected by the original Erin Mom (Mary) Mother of Erin. She is an office manager for a construction firm. She has some flaws and had a rough relationship with the original Erin, but eventually turns out to play a positive role. Dad Loving father of Erin. He is a construction worker. Fran Sister of Erin. She is a police officer. She and the old Erin hated each other. She makes the new Erin's life miserable at first, but eventually they become friends. Latesha Friend Erin makes in a drug detox program. LaTesha was a very promising student in high school but was pulled into the world of drugs by her boyfriend and winds up spending about a year in youth detention. Debbie Friend Erin makes attending church. She is a high school student and an unwed mother. Her mother has rejected her for engaging in unmarried sex. Ginni Friend Erin makes doing a contracting job. She works for Erin's Mom and wants a career in finance. Jesse Close friend of the old Erin. She also becomes a friend of the new Erin, even though the two Erins are very different. Jesse was the original Erin's partner in many pranks and just barely graduates high school, but she is determined to succeed in life and is attending culinary school and also wants to also establish herself as a photographer. Tony Close friend of the old Brian and an excellent musician. After a failed marriage, he is raising his two sons by himself. He is asked to provide music at Clara's wedding. Index: CHAPTER 1. OCTOBER, BRIAN AND FAMILY CHAPTER 2. EUGENE, THE SWITCH CHAPTER 3. IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SWITCH. CHAPTER 4. BLAKEFIELD, AFTER THE SWITCH. CHAPTER 5. ERIN MOVES HOME, FRAN'S ANTIPATHY CHAPTER 6. DETOX, MEETING LATESHA CHAPTER 7. NOVEMBER, ERIN HOME AGAIN CHAPTER 8. MEETING DEBBIE, THE WATER LEAK, REINSTATEMENT AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER CHAPTER 9. THE RAPE, FIRST GED TEST CHAPTER 7. NOVEMBER, ERIN HOME AGAIN Erin spent the next couple of hours alone with Mary. First, she laid in bed just holding her. Erin had been concerned that Mary might forget her, but apparently she hadn't and she seemed happy to see Erin again. After a while, Erin checked her and found she was wet. So, Erin changed her diaper and spent some time, playing with her, kissing her and talking exaggerated baby talk. Next Erin wanted to see if she would resume breast feeding. Based on the advice she had gotten from Clara, Erin bared one breast and put the baby down against her. Mary seemed confused but enjoyed being close and eventually sucked a little. Erin didn't think she had gotten much milk, but it was a start. After about an hour, Erin decided to go downstairs. She had her emotions in check and felt now was the time to find out what her mother had been doing to care for Mary and to express her frustrations. She found her mother sitting on the couch with Fran watching TV. Her father was presumably at his club. Erin got a glass of water and at the first commercial break asked "Mom, how was Mary the last two weeks?" Mom, "She was fine. I took her to the pediatrician last week. He said everything was good. In fact, he said that whatever you are doing, keep doing it." When she heard this, Erin was livid at not being included or consulted. Erin, "Mom, don't you think I would have liked to be present at a visit of my baby to the pediatrician?" Mom, "Yes Erin, but you were in detox and couldn't come." Erin, "And couldn't the visit have waited one more week until I was home?" Mom, "Infants are supposed to be seen by a pediatrician once a month for the first two months, and she'd never been." This was information that Erin hadn't known or thought about, but she was still miffed that she hadn't been consulted. Erin, "Yes and I apologize for being irresponsible at first. But I am trying to be responsible now. Please don't do anything like this in the future without consulting me." Mom, "OK Erin." Erin was not convinced her mom would follow through on that commitment but decided to let it be at that. Then Erin asked, "Who took care of Mary while I was gone? Did you take two weeks off work?" Mom, "No, I found an infant care facility? And then I took care of Mary at night." At the word 'facility' Erin winced. She had just spent two weeks in a facility. She hoped her daughter's experience had been better than hers. Erin, "Mom, I would have liked to have seen you. And I would have liked to have seen Mary, or at least heard about her. I was so worried about her." Mom, "Fran said the place was scary and depressing, so I shouldn't go." Erin, "Yes it was depressing, and worse. But that would have been a reason to come, Mom. I was so down some days. And other patients had family visits." Mom, "Fran visited you." Erin noticed Fran smirking at her from the other chair. Erin had originally thought that her mother's remoteness was aimed at Erin in particular in response to her drug use and pregnancy. Now this bizarre conversation made her wonder if it was a general behavior pattern. Had Erin grown up with a distant mother and an absent father? That could help explain a lot of issues. Erin realized this line of conversation was going nowhere and gritted her teeth and shifted to another subject. "Did you have any phone calls from anyone I know?" Thinking about Rex or Brian or Clara. Mom, "No, nobody." "OK, that was strange," thought Erin. "What have you been feeding Mary?" Mom, "The formula is in the refrigerator. I've been giving her a half bottle in the morning and a bottle at night. You heat it in the bottle in the microwave for 20 sec., to make it warm but not warm enough to burn. Test it on your arm. There are disposable nipples on the counter. You ought to continue with the formula, Erin. It is so much easier than nursing." Erin, "Yes, but there are so many benefits for Mary from nursing, I will do it as long as I comfortably can. It gives her perfect nutrition. It provides antibodies to protect her from disease. And Mary and I feel so close when she nurses. That has got to be good for her, and it's definitely good for me. I'm even more likely to keep breastfeeding now that I'm not worried about passing on the drugs to Mary." At the end of the conversation, Erin asked Fran to see the report from the detox center. At first Fran was unwilling, but Erin said, "Jeez, Fran, it's my information. I should know it. I'm an adult and have a right to see my medical records. I don't want to go to court to get them." Eventually, Fran said she would make a copy at work and give it to Erin. That frosted Erin but given her history it may have been justified. Erin thought about rummaging around for something to eat, but decided she wasn't really hungry even though she hadn't had dinner. So, she prepared a bottle and went back upstairs. She got Mary ready for bed, and gave her the bottle right next to the breast, so Mary would reassociate suckling with being fed. As Mary was fed, Erin thought about her (current) parents. They were apparently willing to support her now in her life, and for that she was very grateful. But she didn't know how long she could cope with their being unwilling or unable to even try to understand her feelings and her point of view. But she decided there was no quick fix. Her current family had many good traits, honest, stable, reliable, certainly willing to provide Erin some support. The problem is that any emotional connection the old Erin might have had with them had been broken. Over time Erin would have to work as hard as she could at establishing a new emotional connection with her parents. She also had to work at convincing them she was changed from what she had been before, that she was sober and responsible. She was sure that this would eventually get their respect and understanding. And she decided that she had to do the same thing with Fran, since her sister was so close to her parents. Then an epiphany struck Erin. Mom had spent two weeks caring for Mary. She had found an infant care center and transported Mary to the center and back every weekday and in the morning and evening she had changed diapers and fed and bathed Mary. She had not done things exactly the way Erin would have liked. She was not a warm, loving personality like Erin's first mother. But within those limitations, she had gone way out of her way. And Erin had done nothing but complain. What a self-centered twit she was. Erin resolved to appreciate what her mother did and complain less about what she didn't do. Finally, Erin fell into a deep sleep with Mary's head against her breast. She had no dreams. At 6 AM Tuesday, Mary woke up and started fussing. Erin got up and changed her and cleaned her up. Her diaper cover had leaked, so Erin changed the bed and put the sheets in the laundry. Then she nursed Mary and noted that Mary took at least some milk. She went downstairs and found that her father and Fran had already left, but her mother was still there. Erin made a point of saying good morning and giving her a hug. She got some coffee and sat at the kitchen counter as her mother prepared her lunch. Then she said, "Mom, I need to apologize to you. I know you went way out of your way to care for Mary the last two weeks, and all I have done is complain. I'm really sorry. I really appreciate what you have done. I love you." Erin's mom sort of teared up and said, "Thank You Dear." Then Erin asked her mother about her work. What did she do all day? What did she hope would happen? What did she enjoy at work? And she listened and tried to remember the responses. She started telling her mom about what happened in detox, but her mother had to get going. Well, another day. After her mom had left, Erin prepared a half bottle for Mary to see if she had gotten enough nutrition from nursing. Mary drank some, but nowhere near all. Then Erin looked for some breakfast for herself. She noted that her mother had not gotten the low-calorie cereal and low-fat milk that Erin had added to the grocery list, but she had gotten some berries. Erin prepared a half portion of a bowl of cereal and added some fruit and ate. Then she took Mary upstairs and tried to bath her. Mary was even more terrified of water than before. Erin wondered what had happened at bath time while she was gone. So, she laid Mary on a towel by the sink, and gave her a thorough sponge bath. Just as before, Mary loved it. By that time, Mary was starting to nod off, so Erin laid her down and hummed to her as she went to sleep. As Mary slept, Erin got up and washed what dishes were there and swept and vacuumed. Then she sat down and wrote a list of things she needed to do. As she finished, Fran came in for lunch and gave her a copy of her records from detox. The two sisters talked relatively cordially for a few minutes before Mary woke up. Erin went upstairs, changed her, and brought her down. She talked baby talk with her for a while and made a point of trying to include Fran and telling her Fran was her aunt. Then she told Fran that Clara had sent her some names of good therapists and said she would call around this afternoon and get some prices. Fran threw another couple of names into the mix and Erin agreed to call them. Then Fran had to go back to work. Erin read the records carefully while holding Mary. They included the intake physical, which noted extensive evidence of anal sex. Wonderful. There were also observations from the 5 days of eliminating drugs from her system. There was a disciplinary report that Erin didn't even remember, something about talking back. And there were conclusions from the therapy sessions which noted unwillingness to discuss earlier drug use, but said she was motivated and showed enthusiasm for learning ways to avoid drug triggers. Finally, there were recommendations, which were mainly that she should continue therapy once a week for six months. So, Erin started calling therapists. There were four who were taking new patients. Three recommended by Clara and one by Fran. She emailed the name of the latter to Clara and asked about him. Then she compiled a table listing name, qualifications, experience relating to oxycontin use, cost, options from appointment times, and comments from Clara. She checked her email and found Clara had replied, and she included those comments on the table. Finally, Erin identified her favorite, a man who seemed to have a varied background and excellent qualifications. A bonus was that he had a minor in math and his office was only about ? mile away, so Erin could walk, even carrying Mary. The therapist suggested by Fran was cheapest by a little, but also least qualified. However, he would probably be ok. This took quite a while because Erin took frequent breaks to hold Mary and talk and play with her. Erin was not going to ignore her daughter for anything after being apart for two weeks. The last thing Erin did was look up on the web with her phone where to call about GED requirements. She made the call and found that study could be done online for free, although there were "GED Academies" that gave more organized preparation. To pass, you had to take 4 test modules, at a cost of $30 each. They could be scheduled easily, but only at certain testing centers. Fortunately, one of the centers was in town, South Central Idaho State, where her former father was a professor. She called Clara and excitedly told her the news and asked if when she did take a test, if Clara could help by taking care of Mary. Clara said, "Sure, Sis. No problem." Once again, the casual nickname that Clara threw at Erin sort of threw her for a loop. After the phone call, Erin took a break and again spent some time with Mary. Then she got her tablet with the intent of looking at the study modules and seeing what she would have to do. She bet not much. After all, she had already earned a high school degree as Brian and graduated from college. However, she forgot that her current parents were not computer literate, and, therefore, there was no home internet and her tablet was useless. Then she remembered that she'd seen a community center a few blocks away when she'd gone for her walk a couple weeks ago. She bet they had internet. However, looking at Mary, Erin realized nap time was imminent. So, she decided she would have to save the visit to the community center for another day. She got Mary down for a nap at 3:30 and settled down to read the paper. It had been a good day so far. Mary awoke at 4:30 and Erin cleaned her up and changed her and gave her an opportunity to nurse, which Mary did with gusto. Then Erin gathered her clothes and put them in the washer. Her mother came home at 5:30. Erin greeted her, "Hi Mommy," and hugged her, much to her mother's surprise. Then Erin picked up Mary and let her mother get settled before continuing, "How was your day?" Mom, "OK, I guess." Erin, "Is your office staff doing OK too? This morning you were worried about one of them calling in sick again." Mom, "Yeah. As a matter of fact, everyone was in and doing well. That was good. But we got notified we were late on some reports on our big highway project. I've been telling the engineers they are due, but I guess they've been busy on other work. The report is internet based and requires knowledge of excel. Only one IT firm in town knows how to do it. I called them and even after we release a subcontract It'll probably take a couple months for them to get to it. By then the monthly penalties are huge. And we won't get the final payout on the project until the reports are all in. That's over $300,000 that we don't have in the bank." In her previous life, Brian had heard horror stories about that report. Erin said, "Well, you ought to be able to find someone who knows enough excel to load data from your engineers into the proper columns in the right order and can then download it to the net." Mom looked at her funny, but replied, "You'd think. But doesn't appear to be true." Then Erin said, "I looked at the final paperwork from the detox center. They are recommending six months of therapy, once a week. I got some recommendations from Clara and from Fran and called each therapist on the list. Four of them have space for new patients. I have all the information organized on a list. Can we talk about it tonight with Daddy and Fran?" Mom was surprised that Erin had acted basically on her own to get the therapy required by the state and said, "Sure Erin, right after dinner. Do you know how much this is going to cost?" Erin, "I have estimates of cost and we can work that out. Honestly, it is not going to be cheap. But I promise I will pay you back someday." Then Erin shifted subjects and said, "I also looked on-line with my phone about getting a GED. I need that if I am to get work that will support Mary. I found out I can study for a GED on-line and then take the tests at SCIC. There are separate tests for four areas of study. They cost $30 each to take." Mom looked at her warily, still worried about costs, and said. "We never said we would pay for a GED." Erin, "No, you didn't. But if you want me to become independent, it seems logical. It's only a small amount. And I could pay you back when I start working." Mom, "Well, we can talk about it. How long will it take?" Erin, "I'm not sure. I need to go to somewhere where there is internet and look at the study courses. I was thinking maybe I could walk to the community center down the street with Mary tomorrow." Mom, "Erin, you can't go there. They banned you for life a couple of years ago when they caught you stealing from the office." Erin, "Um, I guess I'd forgotten. Well then, I need to go to the public library. Maybe some evening?" "Damn," Erin thought. "Did the old Erin do that? What an Ass." Then Dad came home, and Erin gave him the news about therapists and the GED. He was more enthusiastic about a GED than Mom had been and without consulting her said, "Sure honey, I'll pay for the GED tests. If you can get a GED by passing four tests, it'll be the best $120 I ever spent." Erin could tell that Mom was miffed and tried to smooth things over by saying, "Dad, I really appreciate that. But Mom said maybe you and she should discuss it before saying Yes." Dad, "There is nothing to discuss. It would be stupid for me to say no." Erin decided to get away by taking Mary up to her room for a few moments and checking her diapers. They could discuss it during that time. It turns out Mary did need changing, so Erin did that and came back down. Mom was sitting in the kitchen stewing, and Erin went over and said, "Sorry, Mom." Mom looked at her and said, "Well, you tried to get him to do things right. I had already decided supporting you taking the GED was the right thing to do. I guess things turned out OK. Then Mom got leftover stew out and started putting dinner together. Erin asked if she could help, but mom said no, it was just a matter of heating things up. Erin and Mary went out to the living room and watched the news with Dad. Finally, Fran showed up and they started dinner. As usual, Erin served herself last and only had small portions. She was feeling good that she was making progress on getting her weight down and wanted it to continue. After dinner, they talked about the therapist. Fran made her pitch about her recommendation, based primarily on cost. Erin talked about her favorite, and how he was more qualified and only a little bit more expensive. Then she talked about him being in the neighborhood, so she could walk, and Mom wouldn't have to come home early to drive her. She even estimated that the cost of time off work would be more than triple the savings on fees. Erin was sure this argument would prevail. But Dad finally decided to go with Fran's recommendation, maybe to keep everyone happy. Clearly it wasn't the argument but who was making the argument that mattered. Erin was very discouraged. But she still pressed ahead and talked about a GED. How her getting one would benefit not just her but the rest of the family and how the process for getting a GED looked straightforward and what the process was. Then she finished, expecting to have Fran oppose that too. But, to her surprise, Fran supported the idea. She said if they expect Erin to work and become more responsible, she had to have a high school equivalent credential. Otherwise it was minimum wages and scrambling for hours. Erin said she would need transportation to the library if she was going to study the GED materials to prepare for the tests. She mentioned that it would be easier if she could use the internet at the community center but that her former actions there made that impossible. Then Fran said maybe the community center could be induced to ease their ban if they knew that Erin had voluntarily detoxed and was in therapy to solve her drug problem and was trying to get a GED. She would talk to a friend on the board. Wow, Erin almost fell off her chair when she heard that. What was happening with Fran that she was suddenly a friend and not an enemy. Then mom got some ice cream out of the freezer and served desert. Erin only had a spoonful and skipped the chocolate sauce. This led to Fran starting in with the Prissy Bitch routine again. Oh well, it was nice to consider Fran a friend for a few minutes anyway. After dinner, Dad went off to his club and Mom and Fran watched TV. Erin decided she need to call Clara and took Mary upstairs. Since Mary seemed content, Erin did not try get her to sleep first, but rather held her while she talked. She told Clara what had happened today, including her epiphany about how much her mother had done for her and the news that she had been a thief and banned from the community center in high school. She felt embarrassed about both things, even though she hadn't been Erin at the time the theft occurred. She asked Clara whether she thought she could get her high school and police record, so at least she knew what she had done. Maybe she could make amends to some of the people. Clara thought she probably could get her records, but that it would be a lengthy and visible process. She wondered if it might be better to continue as she was and try to sort things out one person at a time. Something to think about. Erin also told Clara about Brian's request for help and asked if she had any suggestions. Clara said no, but she knew it was going to be difficult not to be sympathetic because that was her brother's body. Then Erin told Clara one more thing she was concerned about. "As Brian, I put about $20,000 into an investment account. As Erin, I never told Brian about it. I gave him all other assets Brian had controlled, including the car and bank account. But I was convinced that if he got control of that money, he would just piss it away in a month or two. And as Brian, I worked so hard to save that money, I couldn't bring myself to let it be wasted. But the law does not recognize mind swaps, and I am sure that any court would conclude that the money belongs to the current Brian. That would make me guilty of theft if I use it. I have thought about using it to reimburse my current parents for the cost of drug treatment, but given the legal implications that does not seem like a good idea. Right now, the account is not being used, except that I set it up to pay for my phone. However, I did that over the internet as Brian so that would be difficult to prosecute, although I probably could be accused of stealing Brian's phone. So, I have decided to let the account lie dormant but use it to pay for job training for Brian if he ever gets his act together. I guess I could just give him control of the account now in response to his request for help. What do you think, Clara?" Clara, "Good God. I think saving it for him is probably the best moral solution. But giving it to him now would get you off the hook legally. I would never want to explain it to a judge." Erin laughed. "Me neither. Well, Mary is getting fussy, so I have to sign off. Thanks for letting me unload on you Clara. Love You." Clara, "Love you too, Sis." 'Woops, there's the Sis thing again,' thought Erin. 'Have to think about that.' Then Erin hung up, prepared Mary for bed, nursed her, and fell asleep. No dreams. Wednesday was very similar in structure to Tuesday as would be most days be for the next 5 months, being dominated by Mary's schedule and needs with only a little time during naps where Erin could do voluntary activities. During those times, Erin called the therapist her father had chosen and arranged an initial appointment the next Monday at 4 PM, so her mother could take her right after work and avoid breaking up the work day. Erin cleaned the kitchen and washed dishes and did some cleaning in the bathrooms. It was a cold, clear day so She took Mary out for a walk. She walked in concentric blocks around her house, so she could get to know the neighborhood thoroughly. Erin had lunch with Fran when she came home (Erin suspected that although she claimed it was to save money, Fran came home for lunch to check up on Erin.) Erin asked Fran about jobs available in town for people without perfect records. Fran gave her an informal list of jobs that a person without a high school degree could do along with where to apply and some advice on how to apply. Fran was surprised that Erin insisted on taking notes on what she said. After Fran left, Erin emailed Brian asking him for information on her school years. She said she had found out about the ban at the community center from Mom and wondered if there was anything else she should know. Erin also emailed Fran's advice on getting jobs in Blakefield for people without qualifications. As the day went along, Erin started feeling like she was getting a cold or flu. She looked on the web for advice on what mothers should do to avoid infecting their infants. She found it was safe to breastfeed, but she should avoid direct mouth to skin contact with Mary. She was also concerned about giving the cold to her family and tried to stay as far away from her mother when she came home, although she still made a point of spending a half hour talking with her mother after she came home, just exchanging information on each other's day. Among other things, she told her mother about the therapy appointment and her Mom approved the appointment time. The evening routine was much the same as the day before. Fran said she had talked to her friend on the community center board and he had advised Erin to write a letter outlining how she had changed and what she was doing to go forward in life and asking to be able to use the community center again to study for the GED. As the evening went along, Erin was feeling progressively achier. She was sure she would wake up with a cold and made a point of washing her hands any time they came near her face. She avoided any kissing or facial contact with Mary that evening. Instead of waking with a cold, Erin woke up with blood in her panties, and realized this was a period, not a cold. Of course, she had no idea of how it progressed for her body. So, she shot off an email to Brian asking for information, and an email to Clara asking what Erin should do. Then she went downstairs and asked her Mom if they had any sanitary pads. Her mother no longer used them but thought there were some old ones in the third drawer of the cabinet in the downstairs bathroom. Erin found them and did her best to apply one correctly. She realized with regret that this was now part of her life. Then she checked her email and saw she had gotten an email back from Brian thinking it was hilarious. But it did include some information on how the period would progress for Erin's body. She also got an email back from Clara advising Aleve as working for her to relieve the general aches. Ugh. Erin made a point of adding tampons and sanitary napkins and Aleve to the grocery list, and then added Cheerios and nonfat milk again. Thursday, during Mary's naps, Erin used her phone to establish a new email account in the name Erin (She had been using Brian's old account up to now.) Then she carefully composed an email requesting reinstatement at the community center. She said she had had a child and very much wanted to care for her properly, that to do that she knew she had to turn her life around, and that she had voluntarily detoxed from a drug habit that had started in high school, that she was in therapy, and that she now wanted to get her GED, so she could get a decent job to support her baby. She said to study for the GED, she needed to have access to the internet. Since her family did not have internet access, the best way for her to do that would be to use the WIFI at the community center, which was only 5 blocks from her home. She apologized profusely for her previous actions, without giving any details about what she was thinking at that time, since she didn't know any details. Then she sent it to the email address on the community club website. She got a reply that afternoon saying the board would take it up at their next meeting, next Wednesday evening at 6 PM, and would get back to her after that. They invited her to attend and make her case in person. Well that seemed reasonable. She emailed back and said she would be there. She hoped her mom would give her a ride, or she would have to walk in the dark. Friday, Fran was off work and volunteered to drive Erin to the library. Erin told her Mary's schedule and they decided to go after her first nap at about 1:30. When they got there, Erin applied for a card, only to find she had almost $100 in fines accumulated on her previous card for several books overdue and never returned. Fran came through and paid the fine, although she said Erin owed her. Erin added it to her list of debts. Then Erin used the internet while Fran amused Mary. Erin looked at the study material and sample tests for all four subtests. She figured the most challenging would be the Social Studies section, since she had not looked at the material since she took the courses in high school over 3 years ago. The Writing and comprehension looked doable, with only a short review of the material. After all, Brian had been doing college level writing a short time ago. The math looked like she could ace the test with no study, but she did intend to review. The science, particularly the biology, looked like it needed a thorough review. She estimated a few weeks max to prepare for each section. But then Erin read some comments about the individual tests being extremely difficult or requiring some knowledge of things she had never heard of and realized that she was being arrogant in thinking that she could pass these tests without doing a lot of studying. To be sure, she needed to study the material and take the practice tests. If they seemed difficult, she had to really commit to studying. She revised her timetable to a thorough review of materials for each section, along with possibly serious studying. Then she went to get Fran and Mary and found Fran was sitting in the lobby cooing to the infant, who was eating it up. Who knew Fran had a maternal instinct? When they got home, Erin wrote up an IOU for the library fine and signed it and gave it to Fran, so there was some record of her payment. $100 wasn't much, but Erin's income was $0. Saturday, everyone was home. Her mother went to do her Saturday cleaning and finally discovered that Erin had been doing it all week. She was surprised to say the least and volunteered to take Erin and Fran out to lunch wherever Erin wanted. The three had a fun lunch at a subway. Erin ordered a turkey sub but only ate half. After lunch, Mary seemed to be awake enough that they could go grocery shopping, and finally Erin got some nonfat milk and high-fiber, low-calorie cereal. Things were looking up. CHAPTER 8. MEETING DEBBIE, THE WATER LEAK, REINSTATEMENT AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER Saturday afternoon, Erin got an email from Brian that the suggestions from Fran hadn't panned out, which was disappointing. The email also included a list of misdeeds up to the time they switched, along with advice to not show anyone the email, because she, i.e., Erin, could still be prosecuted for some of the activities. That was something that Erin hadn't thought about. On the one hand, she would like to save the email as a reference, but on the other she didn't want to put herself at risk. She would have to think about it. Brian also said there may be other things that he couldn't recall right off the top of his head that had been illegal. Great! Just Great! Saturday night Erin met Fran's boyfriend, another cop name Roger Collins. He came by and picked Fran up and they went to a dance. He seemed like a good guy. Erin was chagrined that she hadn't even known Fran had a boyfriend. Later that day, Erin's parents told her that they expected her to go to church with them Sunday morning. Sunday, Erin's menstruation pain was easing, and she felt much better. She did not have to change her early morning routine to be ready for Church because she usually had Mary up by 9 anyway. Her big question was how to prepare herself. She asked her mom to help and when mom reviewed her clothing she commented that they really needed to get Erin a few things. Mom chose an old high school dress that looked mature and had buttons in front. It was too big now that Erin had lost a little weight, but that was not very noticeable and would be an advantage if she had to retire to the lady's room to nurse. Then her mother told her to put on some makeup and jewelry and come on down. Erin asked her to help with makeup (She had no clue even how to start.) and select the jewelry she should wear. Her mother muttered something about Erin suddenly being helpless, but she took a few minutes applying a thin layer of makeup. They could not find Erin's previous collection of jewelry, so her mother let her borrow a few inconspicuous items. Then Erin came down for breakfast but decided not to eat because she did not want to repair her makeup, since she did not know how. So, she just had a little coffee and held Mary while her parents prepared. When they arrived, Erin noticed that most of the church members avoided her and Mary, even the younger members. So, she kept to herself and walked around reading the material posted here and there, hoping to get a sense of what this church was about. She knew it was a Baptist Church, but there were all kinds of Baptists. She saw several strongly anti-Obama articles posted amongst the usual notices of church activities. So, it must be a conservative congregation. Then the members started going in for the service. She found her parents and sat down. They seemed a little surprised. The service was conventional with music and a choir, a sermon, and more music. There was no participation by the members. The sermon confirmed her impression that the church was traditional and conservative. It focused on sins and what the Bible about them. The pastor went through all options of sinning in detail and condemned every one of them. Erin could swear the pastor looked right at her several times when condemning sinners, and particularly condemning sexual promiscuity and whores. This was more than a little distressing, and when Mary started to fuss a little, Erin got up and took Mary out to the lady's room. The lady's room had a couch and several chairs and Erin laid Mary down, but determined she was not wet. She also did not seem hungry. So, Erin put Mary on her shoulder and tapped her back to see if she had gas. At this point a girl who looked to be slightly younger than Erin and who was very pregnant came in and said, "Hi Erin." Erin said, "Um, Hi mmmm. How are you doing? I'm sorry I've zoned out on your name." The girl looked at her quizzically said, "I'm Debby, we've known each other 10 years." Then Debby used the facilities and came out and washed her hands and did a little brush of her hair and fixed a minor flaw in her lipstick. Then she turned to Erin and said, "You know Erin, I've really missed you. Since you've been gone, Pastor has focused on me when he talked about whores. Today he didn't even look my way." Erin laughed, "Well, glad to help, I guess." Debby, "So what have you been doing?" Erin, "Spent a couple of months with Rex. But he turned out to be a total bastard. I came back and went through detox at General Hospital and am trying to get things together. Most of my time I take care of Mary. You'll see." Debby, "You mean you're off drugs? I mean did the police pick you up and put you in detox?" Erin, "No, I volunteered. I need to be clean to take care of Mary. She deserves it. She's such a sweetheart." Debby, "I can see that. Erin, that's wonderful. Never thought I'd see it. That's why you don't seem so, so, so awful." Erin, "Awful? Yeah, I guess I was. But I really want to be a good mother, even if I have screwed up almost everything else." Debby, "Wait tell I tell the girls at school. They won't believe it. Erin McLoughlin's got religion. That's wonderful. Well, got to get back to Sermon. Nice to see you." Erin decided to try to nurse again, and this time Mary was happy to do so. Then Erin found she had to change diapers. By that time the sermon was over. Erin couldn't say she felt too bad missing half of it. After the sermon, her parents stopped and talked to other church members. Erin was again avoided by almost everyone, except a couple of kids her age came over and asked her if it was really true that she was clean and trying to stay that way. All of them wished her well. Debby came over and told her about friends at school, what they were doing and particularly who was going with who. Erin nodded, although she didn't have a clue who was who. Then Erin left with her parents and they stopped for lunch at a pancake house. Her parents had waffles, but Erin just ordered coffee and cottage cheese and fruit. She only ate half because Mary fell fast asleep and Erin didn't want to disturb her. When they got home, she gave Mary her sponge bath and played with her and fed her. Mary's schedule was off, so she didn't go down for her afternoon nap until 3. Then, Erin took the opportunity to call Clara and fill her in about everything that had happened the last few days, in particular having learned that Brian was not just troubled but really troubled. She warned Clara about Brian and told her to be careful. Then Clara talked about her week and about her and mom and dad's morning at church. Erin was suddenly very homesick. She realized she was struggling with her identity. She couldn't identify with the bad girl Erin McLoughlin. She identified with the old Brian Sanders but realized that she probably would never be him again. So, who was she, and what was she? Clara had asked if she was a boy trapped in a girl's body or a girl with memories and abilities and mental characteristics and thinking and feeling patterns that she inherited from a boy. Erin was not close to answering that question. Well, she couldn't resolve it now, so she would just have to take things day by day. The next morning, Monday, while Erin was talking to her mother before work, Mom asked, "Erin, would it be all right if as long as you are cleaning things, I give you a list, so you clean what really needs to be done?" Erin, "Sure Mom. It might be that some days I can't do everything, but I will give it my best." So, her mother said thanks and pulled out a list ordered by day of the week and posted it on the refrigerator. Then Erin hugged her mom and reminded her that she had an appointment with the drug therapist at 4 PM. Erin was oddly happy about her interaction with her mom because she seemed to be settling into a positive pattern that looked like it would lead to a safe place to raise Mary. Erin managed to get through her suggested tasks for that day and still spent a lot of time with Mary. She thought a lot about how she should present at the therapist, since she felt it was important to finish therapy successfully. She decided she should dress conventionally as a young woman. At 3:30, Erin had Mary ready to go and was dressed the same as she had been for church. She had tried to put the makeup on the way her mother had, and after numerous tries she thought it was good enough. Her mom arrived, took a short break to use the rest room, and they put Mary in the car seat and drove to the appointment with the therapist, Dr Edward Warren. Dr Warren introduced himself and said to call him Ed. Ed took advantage of Erin's mom being present to interview both them on their goals and Erin's history. Erin had memorized Brian's list of misdeeds, so she was not totally unaware of Erin's history. However, Erin learned a great deal more while her mother talked about her early life, her school history, her expressed desire to be a boy, and her progressively extreme acting out and drug use as she aged. Wow! Apparently, Erin had been a restless and active child, a troubled grade schooler, and an extremely difficult high school student who had refused to attend school at all her senior year. But, her mother said, since she had returned a month ago, Erin had been a caring and hard-working mother. It almost was like she was a different person. ('Little does she know,' thought Erin.) The therapist then asked Erin if her mother was correct. Erin said she couldn't contradict any of what her mother said. However, she said that although she did a lot of bad stuff, she occasionally did good, caring things that nobody noticed because of the bad things she did. She looked at the change her mother had alluded to as becoming self-aware and deciding that she was hurting those she loved doing the bad things. In particular, she wanted to do well by her daughter. So, she decided she needed to get straight, which is what brought her here. Ed said he had a copy of her record and there were a lot of bad stuff there. How she had avoided juvenile detention he didn't know. Erin asked if she could see her record and Ed said he wasn't sure of the privacy rules but would find out and if allowed he would give her a copy. Then their time was up. Ed said that next time he would like to focus on her drug use, so it would be good to write up a description of how she had come to be on drugs what drugs she had taken, and what she had felt emotionally while taking drugs. Erin said that her memory from that time was degraded but she would do what she could do. After the appointment, Erin told her mother "I have to admit I like Mr. Warren and think he is a good therapist and will do right by us." Her mother replied "Yes, I think this was valuable Erin. You need to face your past to make a new future." Erin wouldn't go that far because she felt the old Erin's past was only marginally relevant to the new Erin's future, but she couldn't say that. However, after meeting Mr. Warren she felt she might get something out of the sessions rather than just use them to check off a requirement. The next day followed the same pattern through the day. Then after dinner and after her father had headed off to his club, Erin was holding Mary in the living room and heard a scream in the Kitchen. She and Fran ran in and saw water pouring out of the cabinet under the sink. Her mother was panicked and cursing their father for not being home. Erin asked where the water shutoff was. He mother did not know. Erin handed Mary to her mother and went downstairs and looked around and finally located it and turned it off. She came up and although the water slowed, it was still coming out. 'Damn,' she thought, the shutoff valve must have a leak too. Erin turned on the water in the sink to at least reduce the amount going onto the floor. OK, she needed to turn off the water at the street, but that might require a turnoff key. First, she looked for one in the basement but no luck. Then in the garage. Still no luck. But she found a large pair of channel locks that ought to be able to apply enough force to turn the water off at the street. She grabbed it and went out to the street. Fortunately, all the neighbors had labeled their covers, so Erin felt pretty sure she knew which cover was Mom and Dad's. She pulled off the cover, got the insulation out of the container, and looked down. She would barely be able to reach the shutoff with the channel locks. Fran was beside her and had longer arms. So, Erin told Fran that she didn't think she could reach the shutoff but maybe Fran could. Fran agreed to try. Then Erin got down on her stomach herself, dragging her blouse on the ground, to demonstrate how Fran should lay to turn the shutoff. She told Fran, lock the jaws on the valve there and turn it counterclockwise. Fran laid down on her stomach on the ground and grasped the tool and reached down to the shutoff. At first, Fran struggled to get the right tension on the channel locks, but finally got them secured on the shutoff and managed turn it the quarter turn necessary to shut the water off. They went back to the house and found that the water had shut off properly. Then the two girls worked on getting the water sopped up before it could damage anything while Mom cared for Mary. They finally got things fairly dry, but there would be no water available until repairs were made. Erin found the fixture that seemed to have failed, the valve feeding the cold-water fixture for the sink. She pointed it out to her mom and suggested that they go to Home Hardware and get one and she (Erin) knew how to install it. Her mom said no, let's get a plumber. Erin said, "I work for free, it would cost you at least $250 to get a plumber this time of night, provided you can find one who would come out." Finally, her mother agreed to allow Erin to try. First, they had to remove the damaged fixture. They were lucky. It was a simple screw on fixture, no sweating required. Fran drove her a couple of miles to the nearest Home Hardware. They located a replacement part, and also got some pipe thread tape and a long turn key for the outside valve and came home. Erin had no problem replacing the part. They used the new key to turn the water on at the street and turned on the valve inside and everything looked tight. Whew, what a mess. Erin told her mom she would replace the home water shutoff valve in the basement later, so that they would not need to go out to the street to shut off the water. Then Erin explained to Fran everything she had done so if Erin were not here, she would be able to shut off the water if something similar happened. Fran was very sharp and at the end asked "So, Erin, how the hell did you know what to do?" Erin said she had been friends with a plumber in high school and something similar had happened and she had watched the guy work." Of course, she didn't mention that at the time Erin had been a boy named Brian, nor that Brian had worked one summer in college on a construction crew installing water service to new houses. Erin noticed Fran seemed to regard her with a new respect, realizing she was willing to get down in the mud if necessary and that she was competent at something fairly challenging. About that time, their dad came home from the club. He noticed the wet carpeting and asked what had happened. Erin's mom unloaded on him, saying that the plumbing had sprung a leak and that if it hadn't been for Erin and Fran there would probably have been a lot of water damage and that he should have been there instead of that stupid club. Erin thought it was a little unfair, but herself wondered why her dad had to spend so much time at the club instead of with the wife and children who loved him. The next evening was the board meeting at the community center where they would consider her request to have Erin's lifetime ban lifted. Erin wore her best dress, the one she wore to church, and did her best to make herself up and look professional. Looking in the mirror, she knew she still looked scruffy, but not as scruffy. Erin's mother drove Erin and Mary to the meeting at 6 and stayed to drive her home. Fran said she did not want to attend. She did not want the board to feel pressured by someone they knew was a police officer advocating for a decision. That seemed fair to Erin and she didn't complain. Before this last week, Erin would have thought getting the ban reversed would be easy given she could prove she was trying to get her life together. But now that Erin knew just how difficult a person the old Erin had been before, so she was not so sure. She was nervous and paced while she waited. Mary picked up on this and started to fuss, which was not typical for her. So, Erin soothed her and talked to her in exaggerated baby talk and by the time she was called in by the board both Erin and Mary were both much calmer. Erin's mom went in as a character witness. The board was bigger than she expected, 9 people. To try to convince them to lift the ban, Erin talked about having a baby, realizing that how she was living her life would hurt her child, and deciding that her child was really important to her that that she had to change. She talked about voluntarily detoxing and starting a therapy program. And she talked about wanting to be able to support herself and her child and how getting a GED was important for that and about how the study program the state provided for a GED was an on-line program and how her parents did not have internet, which was why she needed to be allowed at the community center. She talked about how sorry she was that she had behaved the way she had previously and that she was determined to be a better person now. She carried her baby as an illustration of some of the facts of the argument. Then her mother got up and told the board about how different Erin had been since she came home, that she was almost unrecognizable as the same person, and about her contributions to the household and about what she had done the last month and that she was so much calmer, and so much kinder and so much more aware of other peoples' points of view than before. Next two of the people at the table talked about what Erin had done previously and what a problem she had been to deal with, unwilling to abide by any rules and when called on rule breaking, becoming abusive and even threatening. At that point Erin realized that these two weren't board members but rather the director and a senior staff member here as witnesses. Then the board excused Erin and her mom and the two staff members and said they would make their decision and tell them in a few minutes. They were to wait right outside the room. Outside the room, Erin told the director and staff members she was sorry, although that seemed lame even to her. Five minutes later, the board called the four back in and gave their decision. First, they said that they were hesitant to give Erin unfettered access to the building because they absolutely would not tolerate any abuse of the staff. Nevertheless, they were impressed with the changes that Erin was trying to make in her life and wanted to encourage her and that they did believe in redemption, sometimes. Therefore, Erin would be allowed access to the community center for a three-month provisional period. She was allowed to use the main room of the community center by the front desk and the women's bathroom but was not allowed in any other part of the center. In particular, Erin was not allowed behind the front desk or anywhere she could not be monitored by staff. Erin was required to check in and check out with the front desk when she entered and left the building. Any violations of this rule or any harassment or threatening behavior and the ban would be reinstated, and the police would be called to escort her away. If everything worked out for three months, they would consider further loosening of the ban. Erin thought this decision was more than fair and generous given her past bad behavior and she thanked the board for their consideration and promised that she would abide by the rules and would be no trouble. Then she again apologized to the director and staff members for her past behavior and said she really didn't have a clue what she had been thinking when she misbehaved so badly but that she was determined to be a better person. She sensed that the two staff members were not convinced but were hopeful it would work out. As they drove home, Erin started sobbing out of the blue. Mom asked, "What's wrong, Erin." Erin, "I'm just so relieved the board decided I was worth taking a chance on. I just feels so awful having everyone else think of me as someone to be feared and hated. I want to be an accepted member of a community." When she got home, she sent an email to Clara telling her the news. Then she talked about the GED and said, "I'm thinking about doing the Math test first. That would get me experience in a test don't think I will have any problem with. I will spend a couple of hours going over the material online and a couple on the practice test and then decide if I need to review more. What do you think?" Clara replied right away and congratulated her on getting the ban lifted, and said the plan sounded ok, but that she shouldn't be overconfident. The next day, Erin carried her tablet and Mary to the Center after Mary's second nap, checked in with the front desk, and sat with Mary and spent two hours going over the online study materials for the Math test. Then Mary started fussing and Erin logged out and carried Mary and the tablet home. Easy-Peasy. Tomorrow she planned on doing the practice tests. If that went OK, she would schedule the test for the following week. CHAPTER 9. THE RAPE, FIRST GED TEST Friday, Erin got an email from Brian saying that he would be going back to Eugene for a job and he would like to see Erin one more time to give her some things and talk to her. Could she meet him alone at the Mercado, a restaurant in downtown Blakefield? Erin called and checked the bus schedule and found she could get there fairly easily. She decided to put off the GED test for another day and called and asked her mom to take care of Mary when she came home. Then she emailed Brian she could get away. When her mom arrived, she showed her where everything to care for Mary was, and then had to borrow the money for the bus. Her mother then gave her instructions to be careful and get home by 10. Erin emailed Brian she would be there at 6:40 and walked to the bus stop. She arrived at the Mercado and went in, but Brian did not show up until 7:15. They sat down, and Brian went to the bar and ordered a beer for him and a light beer for her. Brian handed hers over the table and they each took a couple of drinks and talked about how strange it felt to be someone else. Brian asked if she was still trying to figure out how to reverse the switch. Erin said she hadn't had a chance to even try. She described getting the ban at the Community Center partially lifted and how she was working on a GED. Brian said she was really doing well, far better than he. As the conversation went along, Erin felt strange and disconnected. She told Brian she felt weird, so he came around the table and put her head on his shoulder. She appeared to be drunk. Brian told the waiter he had to take his girlfriend out to the car, she had been drinking somewhere else and apparently that last beer had been the final straw. He asked how much he owed and put enough money on the table to cover it. Then he propped up Erin and walked her out of the restaurant. Not too unusual for a Friday night at a bar. At 10 PM, Erin's mom got a phone call that Erin had gotten drunk and was passed out in Lambart Park near downtown. Mom asked who this was, but the caller refused to identify himself. She asked for more information, but he hung up. Her husband was again at the club, so she called Fran. Fran called 911 and then went downtown to look for Erin. Lambart Park was notorious for drug use and a population of addicted homeless people. Fran was concerned that Erin could be hurt there. The police did a thorough search and finally found Erin at 11:30 in some underbrush away from the main path. She didn't look hurt, but they were unable to rouse her. There was little smell of alcohol. They guessed she had overdosed on some sort of opioid. They called Erin's mom and told her what they found and recommended she be taken to the hospital. Erin's mom agreed, and Erin was taken to St. Mary's Hospital. The doctor took blood and urine for a potential blood test, which was a routine procedure. Fran came down and waited for her to wake. God what had happened? Had Erin and this guy Brian done some drugs. Erin had been doing so well. Fran knew it was also possible that Erin had been given a date rape drug. So, she directed the doctor to screen the biological sample for various illicit substances. She also asked him to get a vaginal swab and test for the presence of sperm. Erin woke up Saturday morning at 9 AM not remembering who she was. She recognized she was in a hospital room. She looked at the clock and at first thought she was late for work. Whatever, she needed to get to a bathroom. She got up but was still groggy and almost fell. She went into the bathroom and tried to grab her penis and pee. That didn't work, and she looked at herself and realized she was not a man. What the hell? She had to sit down to do her business. She went outside the bathroom and sort of wandered around without knowing what to do. Finally, the nurse saw her and got her back to bed. Erin woke again an hour later with a female police officer sitting beside the bed, who asked, "What happened Erin?" Erin shook her head thinking 'Who the hell is this?' But the sight of Fran and the name 'Erin' started to bring back some memories, of a mind switch? That was crazy, but she was certainly not a Brian anymore. Then she remembered she was a mother. She asked, "Where is Mary. Is she OK?" Fran said, "Yes, Erin. Mary is fine. What happened to you last night? Erin, "What do you mean? What happened when?" Fran, "Yesterday you went to see a guy. A few hours later someone called Mom and said you were drunk and passed out in Lambert's Park? We managed to find you, and you weren't drunk, you were drugged up and totally unconscious. Do you remember taking any drugs? Do you remember anything?" Erin, "No, I remember I went to the community center and studied for a test. But nothing after that. Did mom say who I went to see." Fran, "Some guy named Brian." At that Erin looked down and shook her head. Fran, "What? Tell me who this is." Erin, "I just need to think," Fran, "we have done a tox screen on your blood and urine. It should be back in a couple days. We should know more of what happened then." Erin, "If I took oxycontin, could I be addicted again from just one time? Will I have to go through detox again?" Fran, "I don't think so. I'll ask." Erin, "I need to get home to Mary." Fran, "I think you need to recover more before you go anywhere. Mom has got Mary and will take care of her for now. I'll call Mom and tell her what's going on." Erin went back to sleep, sick at heart. When she woke again, she laid there and cried. She couldn't believe Brian would do this to her. She could never again allow herself to be around him alone. What was the matter with him? Fran decided to take Erin's picture and interview some of the restaurants near the park so see if she could find anything out. At Mercado's Bar, the bartender recognized Erin, and told Fran the story of their interaction, including that the girl seemed very drunk or stoned, but only had one beer and didn't even finish that. He gave Fran a description of the man. But Fran could get no leads on the guy. She hoped that when Erin was back awake, she would provide some information. The next morning Erin woke up early and had a moment of confusion until she remembered where she was and what had happened yesterday. She still couldn't remember anything about what had happened Friday night. Fran came in and questioned her about Brian and asked for a description. It matched the description from the bartender. Erin said he was just a guy that she had traveled with when coming home from Eugene, just a casual friend. She knew nothing about him. Fran had an APB out on him, but Brian had apparently left the area and the police were not able to get a trace on him. Mom and Dad picked up Erin at the hospital after church Sunday. She spent most of the day holding and feeding Mary. She continued to be dispirited. The next day, Erin stayed in bed in the morning, getting up only to feed and clean and bath and feed Mary, "Thank God I have Mary," she thought. Her mother came into her room before she left for work and sat with her for a while. She asked Erin if she wanted to skip the drug therapy session this afternoon. Erin thought and said, "No, I'm still going to put the drugs behind me and be able to take care of my child and I will not let that bastard or anyone else stop me." "Atta Girl," said her mom, and gave her a hug and left for work. After her mom left, Erin laid there for a while, alone with her thoughts and with Mary. She realized that by laying there and doing nothing, she was letting Brian control her life, in a way. Well, enough of that shit. She forced herself to get up and give her daughter her bath for the day, and then went down to the kitchen and had a little cereal and coffee, the first food she had had since Friday. She played with Mary a little and was glad to see life come back into her eyes. She wondered how much infants picked up when their mother was sad and depressed? Well, it's time to put that behind her and move on with her plans. She would make sure that Friday was just be a temporary setback, not a life-altering event. She'd had one life altering event already this year, she didn't need another. So, after she got Mary bathed and down for her nap, Erin forced herself to get up and try to do the work around the house that was her contribution to the family. Her mother had not made a new list for the week, but the old list was still posted on the refrigerator. Erin decided to do the work for Monday and proceeded to vacuum. She had just gotten done with the vacuuming, but then Mary's crying indicated she was awake and needed attention. Erin got her up, changed her diaper, cleaned her up and brought her downstairs. Then Fran came home for lunch and was surprised to see Erin and Mary up and about. They talked for a while with Fran told her what was going on with the investigation. Erin felt guilty because she could make catching Brian much easier by just giving Fran a last name, Sanders. But that was her former last name, and Erin just was not ready to do that. It would lead to so many complications for Clara and her former parents. And it could lead to Brian going to prison for years and years, which she thought was too much punishment unless Brian were a danger to other girls. Erin didn't believe Brian was a danger to date rape other girls. She thought he had done it to Erin because he felt some sort of ownership of Erin's body. Erin felt the same thing for Brians' body in a way, like when she saw how he was gaining weight she was pissed off. However, she had elected to not try to intervene. But it appeared that Brian had not let go of his feelings of ownership, and she would have to realize that and protect herself from being vulnerable again. The final consideration was that she still thought a way might present itself for her and Brian to switch back. What if she became Brian again and found herself serving a long sentence for raping herself? But she was not sure she still wanted to switch back to Brian and give up the life she was starting to build with Mary? That was too heavy to think about now. After Fran went back to work, Erin spent some time playing with Mary and nursed her. Then she got Mary to sleep for her second nap by laying on the bed with her. After Mary was asleep, Erin carefully got up and did the second task on her mother's list, clean the down bathroom, and put checkmarks on the list next to those of the prior week. Then she cleaned herself up, put on a dress, and did the best she could to look more "with it" by putting on a little makeup and doing what she could with her hair. By that time, Mary woke up and Erin cleaned her up, changed her diapers, put Mary in a onesie so she would be warm, and then Erin was ready to go to her therapy when her mom arrived. Her mom was also surprised to see Erin up and about when she arrived. At the therapist, Erin first asked if her mom could be in the session too. Sure, said Ed, and asked how her week was. Erin, who thought she had it together, promptly broke down in tears of anger and frustration and told him about the rape and about how she was trying to get back on track after that. Fortunately, Ed had some experience with rape counseling and shifted the track of the session from drug triggers to give Erin help dealing with her feelings about that experience. This gave Erin the opportunity to get help minimizing the fear and helplessness that she had come to the fore the last few days. She felt better after the session ended. Then they went home, and Erin's mom decided to order some pizza for dinner. Erin and her mom just talked and alternated holding Mary while they waited for dad and Fran to arrive. Even though she had had a horrendous experience this week, Erin was happy that her relationship with her family had become much better. Tuesday, the lab test results came back. Fran told Erin that she had been given GHB, a date rape drug. There were other drugs found too, so it was some sort of cocktail, but GHB was the main component. She told Erin she would never have any memory of that night and that the drug could have wiped memories from earlier in the day and even the previous day. One good thing was that Erin could not become addicted to oxycontin again from a single exposure to that cocktail. That was a relief. Fran also told Erin that the vaginal swab found evidence of sperm, so she had definitely been raped. Erin was not at all surprised. Then Fran said she should have a pregnancy test in a few weeks. Erin had been thinking along the same lines. Since the detox, her body's cycles had kicked in again, so she knew pregnancy was a possibility. But suppose she was pregnant, what would she do? Argh!! As a police officer, Fran saw things like this all the time. But this was her sister who had been victimized and Fran was pissed. She worked hours and hours trying to get a trace on this Brian. But she had nothing except name and a description. She eventually had to put the inquiry aside, but before that she was extra careful to organize all the evidence in a file, so it could be picked up again. She swore she would follow up and try to put the bastard away if she ever got a lead. Wednesday, Erin decided to tell Clara about the incident. She had delayed because she was reluctant to tell Clara that Brian was now a rapist. Erin had lost her phone somewhere during Friday's assault and suspected that Brian had it. Since she didn't remember Clara's cell, she couldn't call cell to cell as previously. So, Erin had to call Clara's home on her landline. She did so that night and Jenny answered, and Erin felt a huge sense of loss at hearing her voice. She said her name was Erin and she was a friend of Clara's and asked if Clara were available. Clara wasn't home, but Jenny was willing to take a message. Erin said, "Please ask Clara to call me. She has to call on my home number, because I've lost my cell." And gave her the number. Jenny said cheerfully (as always) "OK, she should be home sometime in the next hour." Erin almost choked up but just said, "Thanks." And hung up. Clara called in a few minutes and Erin told her the whole story. Clara was aghast, and several times called Brian a bastard. Erin said she hated to tell her that her brother was now a rapist, but Clara needed to know so she could protect herself. She said that her phone was missing, and Brian probably had it, so he might call Clara or her parents. Erin was going to stop payment for the phone from that investment account, but it could take up to a month for the phone to become inactive." Clara replied "OK, I need to make up a story, so our parents are wary. I have to think about it." Erin, "At least tell them again that he has changed and may be on drugs and beware." Clara, "Yeah that is a minimum. So, Erin, what are you going to do if you are pregnant?" Erin, "God, I don't know. Arghh!" Clara laughed, "Yeah. Arghh! Exactly right." Erin, "With my cell phone gone, we will have more problems communicating. I can't text, I can only call on this number, and I can email with my tablet but only on those occasions where I have access to the internet. Sorry." Clara, "Nothing to be sorry about. We'll just have to adjust" Erin, "Can you give me your cell number. I have forgotten it and would like to be able to reach you if you are not home." Clara gave her the number and said, "Say, I have another call I have to make. I'll try to be in touch more often. Why don't we get together sometime over the weekend? How about I come by after church on Sunday, Sis?" Erin, "That would be great. Looking forward to it. Bye Clara." As always, the 'sis' got Erin's attention. It was clear that Clara was now thinking of her as a woman. Surprisingly, she found herself comfortable with that. Thursday, Mary woke from her afternoon nap in time for it to be worthwhile to make a trip to the community center. When Erin got online, with Mary in hand, Erin first logged onto her cell provider's website and canceled her contract. Then she went to her investment account and canceled the payment to the cell provider and finally went to Brian's email account and changed the password. Next, she checked for new emails and saw some that might be related to Brian and saved them into a folder. Most however were solicitations and she just deleted them. That all took an hour, leaving only a little time to look at the GED Math Training account. When she looked, she did not feel that she had retained all the material she looked at the previous Thursday. So, she started to go over it again. But after a few minutes Mary started getting fussy, a sign that she was either wet or hungry. Erin took her to the bathroom and found she was wet, so Erin took a diaper out of the big purse she carried, did the change, and disposed of the old diaper. But Mary still showed signs of unhappiness, so Erin unbuttoned her shirt, slipped down her bra, and offered her an opportunity to nurse, which she accepted with gusto. After 20 minutes, she was done, and Erin got her to burp and got herself together. She managed to spend another half hour studying but did not finish before she had to walk home. The next day she was able to get to the Community Center again and finish studying the math material for the second time. Hopefully, next Tuesday she could take the sample test and if all was well she could schedule the Math GED Exam later in the week. This was really slow going. At this rate Erin would take months to finish the GED. She had originally thought it would take only a few weeks. But she guessed there was no hurry. She couldn't really work until Mary was old enough for preschool. Nevertheless, she wanted to finish as soon as possible just in case some opportunity to use the GED presented itself. Saturday, Erin was scheduled to replace the water shutoff in their home. Her father had agreed to let her give it a try after getting an $800 estimate from a plumber and Erin telling him she could do it for the cost of parts, under $100. So, on Saturday Erin's mother took over care of Mary. Erin said it should be for 2-3 hours. Then she and her father went downstairs and carefully measured the pipes and determined the nature of the connections. As she thought it was a simple ?" copper pipe with a soldered connection. She made a list of the things she would need, a new valve, a propane torch, flux and solder, and sandpaper and a small wire brush, and a pipe cutter and a foot of 3/4" copper pipe and two connectors in case they had to patch. She also listed a large pair of plyers to turn and pull hot pipe and a temporary seal in case she couldn't get the solder joint tight, so she could do a temporary fix until a plumber could be arranged. They went to Home Hardware and bought the materials. When home, they turned off the water at the street and turned off power to the water heater so there was no chance of burning out the element if somehow the water drained out. Next, they turned on the water in all the sinks and flushed the toilets, to get as much water out of the incoming pipe as possible. Erin fired up the propane burner and started heating the incoming pipe above the shutoff valve. She knew it would be slow going because there was some water in the pipe, but she finally got the old sweat joint on top of the valve loose. Then she worked on the bottom joint and it finally came loose and she removed the old valve. She used the torch and a cloth to get rid of some old solder on the pipe and used the sandpaper to scour the pipe where the connection was to be made so there was a place for the solder to bind. Similarly, she used the wire brush to scour the metal inside the connectors of the new valve. At this point she used a rolled-up towel to get as much water out of the incoming water pipe as she could. She put flux on the outer pipe at the joints and inside the valve connectors at the joint. She then put the new valve into place on the bottom pipe and pulled the upper pipe up and put it in place on top of the new valve. She insured the new valve was in the open position, so air and any water could circulate. Now all she had to do was apply the solder, first on the bottom, because she knew the water level in the pipe would likely rise slowly and wanted to get it while it was low. She heated it with the torch, testing occasionally to see if solder melted when it was in contact with the pipe. Finally, it was hot enough and she put the solder in contact with joint between pipe and valve inlet. She used as much solder at it would take. Next, she repeated this procedure at the top joint. She was done. So, she turned the new valve to the off position, shut off water at all the sinks, and went out to the street to turn on the water. She felt the water hit the new valve and let it sit for a minute. Then she saw a little water leak. Damn, she would have to redo it and try to get it to seal. She went out to the street and turned off the water and came back to the house and turned on the water at the sinks and at the new valve to empty as much water as possible. Then she got out the torch and started heating at the lower joint again. It seemed to take forever, but eventually it got hot enough for the solder to melt. She once again applied solder all around the pipe and repeated several times. Then she turned the new valve off, turned off the water at all the sinks and turned the water at the street on. She came back and watched the new valve for almost 10 minutes, and there was no leak. Whew. Finally, she turned off the water at the downstairs sink and first floor toilet and went back and turned on the new valve and checked the outflow of the new valve and saw no leaks. Success. So, she told her father that they now were able to turn off all the water in the house using the new valve, without having to go out to the street shutoff. It had taken 2 hours and 10 minutes and $70 in parts. Erin told her father he could take back the emergency patch and the two couplings, to get about $10 back. Under budget and within the time estimate. Erin was happy to be done and went and took a shower and stopped being a plumber and resumed being a mother. But it was great being able to do that kind of work again. And it was fun showing her parents she could do something right. Her father asked if she wanted him to look out for a plumbing apprenticeship for her, but, holding Mary, she told him she had a fulltime job already. The next day was church. Erin felt like the adults still avoided her but now she seemed to be accepted by the teens, who were more open to the idea that people can change. Debbie said she had told the entire senior class that Erin McLoughlin had gotten herself straight, and everyone was amazed. A lot of kids wouldn't believe it, but a lot would. This made Erin happy because it was a step in turning around her reputation. Then Debbie said she missed seeing her last week and asked if they could get together after church. "Sure," said Erin. "Can you come over to my house at about 2? My parents might go out for lunch after church. And I have another friend coming over, so I have to be home." Debbie, "You think it will be OK. Some people treat me like a pariah." Erin, "Trust me that Clara will be happy to see you. She is a very warm person." Debby, "OK, Talk to you later." Debby left to sit with her parents. The message that week was a little more positive. But the pastor still spent a lot of time condemning sin and Erin was sure he looked directly at her when he did. Once again, she had to leave half way through the sermon to take care of Mary and was not unhappy to do so. After church, Erin and her parents went to lunch again and talked about their week and the service. Erin had found herself really enjoying discussions with her parents as their trust of her grew. She was feeling more and more accepted by those she lived with, her parents and Fran. But she had not even met her brother yet. In a couple of weeks, it would be Thanksgiving and she presumed they would all get together. She had always enjoyed the Holidays in her previous life and was looking forward to them this year too. Erin pumped her parents about what Dan and his family were doing trying to get some feel for them. But during the conversation, her parents told her that after Erin's fight with her sister-in-law last year, they wouldn't be getting together for Thanksgiving because Dan said it had been too unpleasant for Stacey when Erin came over. Erin asked what she had done, and then once again wondered what the hell her previous self was thinking when she did things like that. Then she said, "So they don't want to see me. I understand that. But you are going over, aren't you?" Mom, "No, Honey, we told them a few weeks ago we won't be there because we don't want to leave you alone on Thanksgiving." Erin, "Mom, I deserve to be not welcome, but you need to see your son and grandchildren. They won't be young forever. You see me all the time. I love you for wanting me to be happy at Thanksgiving, but you need to go see Dan and his family. I don't want to be the cause of you not doing that. Please, call them and tell them you changed your mind." Her mother looked at her, "Are you sure that's OK, Erin? I hate to think of you being alone on Thanksgiving." Erin, "Mom, I won't be alone. I'll have Mary. Or do you want to take her with you to show her to the family?" Mom, "Well, it would be nice to show her off. She's such a sweet child." Erin, "OK Mom. That's fine. I'll be OK. Honest. Go to Dan's. Maybe next year I can convince them I've changed." Mary's schedule was way off because she had slept during church and then nursed. Erin saw several people give her the evil eye when she was nursing, but she alternative would have been to go to the car to nurse. But the car was cold, and she would have been cut off from talking to her parents, and that didn't seem fair. She did try to be as unobtrusive as possible. When they got home, Erin changed and asked her mom if she could make some coffee in case her visitors wanted any. Her mom said sure, Fran would probably appreciate it later when she got home from work. At two, Debbie knocked on the door. Her father had driven her over. Erin's dad went out to the car to chat while Debbie came in. Erin and she hugged and went upstairs to her room carrying Mary. Erin asked if she wanted to talk about anything in particular. Debbie, "Well, I wanted to talk about the experiences you had when you were carrying Mary and when you birthed her. I don't have anyone to talk with about this. Erin suddenly felt inadequate, she had absolutely no memories of those experiences. Just then the doorbell rang. That must be Clara. She asked Debbie if she wanted to stay in the room or come downstairs with her. Debbie said, "Oh I will come with you. I'm not so pregnant yet that I can't do that." By the time Erin got downstairs carrying Mary with Debbie in tow, Clara was talking to her mother like an old friend. Erin introduced Clara and Debbie, gave Mary to her mom, and then went to get some coffee. Her mother asked if she would bring some for her too. Then the three girls sat down in the kitchen with Mom and gabbed about this and that. The topic got around to church, and Debbie and Erin told the other two how the pastor was always looking at one of them when he talked about sin, particularly adultery. Mom didn't believe them, but Erin challenged her to look where his eyes were during those times. After a while, Mom said she had to do some work, but they were welcome to stay downstairs and talk if they wanted. They agreed and settled down for a while more. Erin said that Debbie was interested in talking about what to expect from her pregnancy and delivery. But honestly Erin had been on drugs and in a state of overwhelming self- pity at that time and didn't remember much. Clara jumped in and talked about what girls she had counseled as a social worker had experienced. But it turned out that what Debbie really wanted to do was talk over what she was feeling and what she was concerned about with some women who would not judge her. Erin thought, 'she's in the right place.' Then, Erin said something about pregnancy that Clara misconstrued, which caused her to ask, "Did you do the pregnancy test Erin. Was it positive?" Debbie looked at her quizzically and they had to explain that Erin had been date-raped on the Friday previous and that's why she wasn't in church last Sunday. So, she would have to do a pregnancy test, but hadn't yet. Erin said, "Please don't say anything to anybody Debbie. I'm just not ready to share this right now?" Debbie promised she wouldn't. Then it was 4 and Debbie's father came to get her. Debbie hugged each of them in turn and told Erin she really enjoyed it and hoped they could get together again soon. Erin said she'd love to. Then Erin and Clara went upstairs with Mary and talked about things they shared as secret siblings. They also talked about how to deal with Brian if he ever showed up again and how to talk to Clara's parents and what to do if Erin were pregnant. They talked about Clara's boyfriend and her upcoming marriage. Clara reiterated that she wanted Erin as her Maid of honor, even if she were pregnant and showing. They talked about Erin's plans for getting her GED. And they talked about Erin's identity. Clara verified that more and more she felt that Erin was a girl who used to be her brother. Erin said, she just didn't know, but she was alright with being called 'Sis'. Bur she really missed being an engineer. She had loved that role. But then she also really loved being a mother. So, whatever happened she was happy. "Well," Clara said, "maybe you should be a mother and an engineer." Erin said that being a mother was so overwhelming, she didn't think there was any way she could get an engineering degree again, even if her parents were willing to send her to school. The next day was Monday, and Erin and her mother went to the therapist. Erin again asked if her mom could sit in and Ed agreed. Ed spent the whole session talking about drug triggers and strategies to avoid giving in to cravings and had Erin role play some situations. Erin thought that was interesting and potentially useful, although she really was not feeling any drug cravings. Tuesday, Mary lad a long morning nap and seemed energetic and Erin decided that to go to the Community Center after her second nap. So, when Mary woke up, Erin cleaned her up, changed her, dressed her in a warm outfit, put extra diapers and the tablet in a bag, and off they went. When she got there, she spent a few minutes making sure Mary was OK. Then she started the sample test for the math section of the GED test. Erin was done in half the time and her grade was perfect, which did not surprise. She was ready. She went to the local GED website and signed up to take the math GED test Thursday night. She hoped one of her family could take her and help with Mary. If not, she would have to reschedule. Then she went home and verified that her mom would be able to help and would have a check with her to pay for the test. Erin felt that at last she was making progress. On Thursday Erin's mom got home at 5. At 6 they started dinner even though neither Fran nor her father were there. They left the rest of dinner in the refrigerator with instructions as to heating. Then they were off to South Central Idaho Community College. It took 10 minutes to find the parking and testing facility, but they were there at a 6:30. They met the Procter, filled out paperwork, and provided identification and a check for $30. At a little before 7, Erin let her mother take Mary, and entered the testing room. There were three people testing tonight. The proctor explained he would not answer any questions about the test but would answer procedural questions. The screens would be activated at 7 PM exactly and would turn off at 9. They were not to talk amongst themselves. Erin sat down at her assigned screen. At 7 the Proctor said, "go." Erin sailed through the test and had finished and checked her answers in 40 minutes. The proctor had not really been watching very closely and several times left the room during the test. Erin told the proctor she was done and he logged into the site with his username and looked at the grade. He went into the room next door and made a phone call and then he came back and called Erin over and said there were some irregularities in her test and would she mind taking a different version of the test. Erin asked if she got a full 2 hours and he said yes. This time the proctor sat in the room and carefully watched all the participants while Erin worked. Erin actually took a little longer on this version of the test but was still finished before 9. The proctor graded her test again, and then looked at something on his screen and just shrugged his shoulders. Then the proctor gave Erin and another participant a letter of congratulation with their scores. (One participant was taking the English test and it would take longer to score so he would get a letter giving him the results later in the week.) Erin scored a 200 out of 200. The proctor said congratulations and apologized for her having to take an extra test. The first test had also been perfect, and they thought there was some error since that had never happened before for the math section. Erin was excited to do well on this GED test but knew that since in a prior life she had taken a college minor in math, her score was not particularly praiseworthy. But she took the letter out and showed it to her mom happily. To say her mom was surprised is an understatement. Erin had always been miserable at math, and her mom thought she would have a difficult time passing the GED math test even after months of studying and tutoring. But Erin had aced it even studying only few weeks. Her Mom was constantly amazed and pleased at how much Erin had changed between the time she ran off with Rex and the time she returned and often wondered what had happened. She said, "That's great honey. What's next?" Erin, "Social Studies. That will be harder because there is a lot of memorization. I don't think I will get to that test until January, late December at the earliest." The next week was more routine. Every day Erin got up, changed and nursed Mary, went down and talked to her mom, bathed Mary and got her down for a morning nap, did some of the cleaning her mom had assigned, talked to Fran at lunch, nursed and changed Mary and got her down for her afternoon nap, did some more cleaning, and when Mary woke up tried to assess whether conditions were right, and weather was right so that she could go to the community center. Fortunately, she was able to get to the community center. She got on line and looked over the study requirement for the Social Studies section of the GED. She found that there was some printed study material that she could check out of the library. That sounded like it would be better than trying to do it online given the difficulty of access. Additionally, that would give her something to do Thanksgiving, when everyone else was gone. So, that night she asked her mom to drive her to the library. It turns out mom wasn't feeling very good, but Fran was willing. Erin enjoyed the drive and being able to talk to Fran. They talked about Fran's job and her fears and concerns while on patrol. And they talked about her boyfriend and how Fran was worried about his safety as well as hers. The relationship between the two sisters was deepening and that made Erin much more secure and confident. At the library, the test materials were available, and Erin checked them out for two weeks. She told the librarian that she was relieved that they were not checked out, and the librarian said she could have called and verified they were available, and even checked them out over the phone for later pick up. OK, good to know; Erin would do that in the future.