A Swapped Life, Chapters 19-21 free porn video

A SWAPPED LIFE, Chapters 19 - 21 A young male engineer goes to an engineering conference and gets swapped with a teen unwed mother who did not finish high school. Story discusses how the new woman makes new friends, and copes with motherhood, her new parents and sister, her former boyfriend, and eventually with love and marriage. Story also discusses the struggles of the new man, whose family and educational background did not give him the tools to fit into the world of men, and of his eventual redemption. This is my first attempt to write fiction. I have found it much more challenging than I expected. I am grateful for constructive criticism. This is the seventh part of A SWAPPED LIFE and covers chapters 19 - 21. In the first part, in chapter 1 I introduced the original Brian and his family. Brian is a small and easy-going guy, but intelligent and strong willed. He is a civil engineer and works for a consulting company and is attending a conference in Eugene and giving a paper. In chapter 2, Brian encounters a very large man, Rex, abusing his girlfriend, Erin, and their daughter, Mary, in the halls of his hotel. Brian calls him on it, but no good deed goes unpunished and Rex beats Brian up and steals his wallet. Later that night, Brian wakes up as Erin being taunted by Rex . Rex throws Erin out of the room with their baby and she finds Erin who has been swapped into Brian's body. Chapter 3 discusses their early interactions. Erin finds she feels a magical connection with the baby Mary, and she becomes determined to give her a loving upbringing. And Erin gives the engineering paper that the old Brian had prepared. The two of them decide to return to Blakefield, the town where they both grew up. In the second part, in chapter 4, Erin and Brian return to Blakefield and the new Erin decides to go into detox and tries to get Brian's sister Clara to help him, but she won't believe the story of Brian and Erin swapping. In desperation, the new Erin begs the old Erin's parents to pay for detox, without telling them anything about the swap. In chapter 5, Erin's parents allow her to move home and she meets Fran, a Blakefield police officer, who hated the old Erin. Fran shows her antipathy in various ways. In chapter 6, Erin's parents send her to a detox program, which she finishes. While there, Erin makes friends with a girl named LaTesha In the third part, Erin returns home and slowly makes progress improving her relationships with her parents and with Fran. She also starts working on her GED so she can get a good job in order to support Mary. She finds along the way that the old Erin had made a lot of enemies. She makes another new friend at church, Debbie. Then Brian reenters the new Erin's life and causes more trouble. Nevertheless, Erin remains determined to get her high school GED so she can support Mary. In the fourth part, Erin discovers that the past fights of the former Erin with her sister-in-law have made her unwelcome at the family's Thanksgiving dinner. So she uses the time to study for the GED, but a last-minute decision by her sister-in-law allows her to meet her extended family. After Thanksgiving, Erin discovers she is pregnant. She has a quiet Christmas and New Year. She goes to a girl's night out with Clara and briefly sees her previous best friend Tony. After New Year, she takes the second GED Test and decides to keep the baby that is the result of her last encounter with Brian. In the fifth part, Chapters 13 - 15, Erin proposes a report documentation project at Pederson's Construction, and carries it out over a few weeks in January. At the same time, she makes another good friend, and helps Debbie while her baby is being born. In February Erin starts being a daytime sitter and wet nurse for Debbie's child while Debbie goes back to high school. Erin also finds out Latesha is in Girls' Detention and contacts her to arrange for a visit. In March, Erin visits Latesha a couple of times at the detention center, which is on the same grounds as a men's prison. During the second visit, Erin finds out that Brian is incarcerated, and goes to see him. During the same period, Erin has been having trouble eating and her mother talks her into telling her OBGYN, who determines that she is not eating enough for her unborn children and admits her to the hospital. While there, Erin meets an old high school pal named Jesse, who participated in some of the former Erin's hi-jinks. Near the end of the month, Erin takes and passes her third GED test, and encounter's Rex again. In the sixth part, chapters 16-18, Rex breaks into Erin's parents' home and ties up Erin's mom and tries to rape Erin, but Erin has squirreled away a pistol in her room and manages to get it out and shoot Rex and escape with Mary. In the process he hits her in the head and gives her a bad concussion and she loses all memory of the last 5 months since the switch and thinks she is still Brian. This only lasts a couple days, but Jenny picks up on it and Clara and Erin decide to tell Jenny of the switch. Jenny doesn't believe them until she accompanies them to visit Brian in prison and she sees that Brian is very different. It takes weeks for Erin to recover. When she does, her father asks her to fill in in a family foursome in a charity golf tournament for Stacey who has injured herself running. Erin is pleasantly surprised that she can still swing the clubs and help the foursome score well. Then Erin takes the last GED test and does well and is awarded her high school credentials. Erin feels well enough to be Matron of Honor at Clara's wedding. She fills in for Tony's keyboarder, and afterward dances with Tony and the feel increasingly close. But Tony is hearing about the old Erin's escapades from a friend and decides for the sake of his children that he can't risk being close to Erin. He returns to Seattle. Characters Brian-->Erin An accomplished young male engineer with some struggles and insecurities. He tries to help a woman being abused by a very large man and is then swapped with that woman. Erin --> Brian A troubled young woman who never finished high school and who is transgendered. In spite of gender issues, she wound up getting involved with a troubled young man and having his baby. She is swapped with Brian. Rex The old Erin's boyfriend and Mary's father. Rex is a very large and abusive man, but the old Erin knows how to handle him, although she and Mary are in constant danger of abuse. Clara Sister of Brian. She is social worker and is a very accomplished young woman and was her brother's close friend. Jenny Mother of Brian. She is an administrator at a local hospital and was very close to Brian and Clara. Peter Father of Brian. He is a professor of mathematics and was also very close to Brian and Clara. Mary Baby Daughter of Erin. She turns out sweet tempered and loving despite being neglected by the original Erin Mom (Mary) Mother of Erin. She is an office manager for a construction firm. She has some flaws and had a rough relationship with the original Erin, but eventually turns out to play a positive role. Dad (Bart) Loving father of Erin. He is a construction worker. Fran Sister of Erin. She is a police officer. She and the old Erin hated each other. She makes the new Erin's life miserable at first, but eventually they become friends. Dan Erin's brother. Stacey Dan's wife, Erin's sister-in-law. She is very smart and remains convinced that Erin is a different person. Latesha Friend Erin makes in a drug detox program. LaTesha was a very promising student in high school but was pulled into the world of drugs by her boyfriend and winds up spending about a year in youth detention. Debbie Friend Erin makes attending church. She is a high school student and an unwed mother. Her mother has rejected her for engaging in unmarried sex. Ginni Friend Erin makes doing a contracting job. She works for Erin's Mom and wants a career in finance. Jesse Close friend of the old Erin. She also becomes a friend of the new Erin, even though the two Erins are very different. Jesse was the original Erin's partner in many pranks and just barely graduates high school, but she is determined to succeed in life and is attending culinary school and also wants to also establish herself as a photographer. Adam Rex's father. He is also large and abusive, and also is a rapist. He is a lawyer and uses his expertise to protect Rex from the consequences of his actions. Tony Close friend of the old Brian and an excellent musician. After a failed marriage, he is raising his two sons by himself. He is asked to provide music at Clara's wedding. Index: CHAPTER 1. OCTOBER, BRIAN AND FAMILY CHAPTER 2. EUGENE, THE SWITCH CHAPTER 3. IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SWITCH. CHAPTER 4. BLAKEFIELD, AFTER THE SWITCH. CHAPTER 5. ERIN MOVES HOME, FRAN'S ANTIPATHY CHAPTER 6. DETOX, MEETING LATESHA CHAPTER 7. NOVEMBER, ERIN HOME AGAIN CHAPTER 8. MEETING DEBBIE, THE WATER LEAK, REINSTATEMENT AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER CHAPTER 9. THE RAPE, FIRST GED TEST CHAPTER 10. THANKSGIVING CHAPTER 11. DECEMBER, PREGNANCY TEST, CHRISTMAS, SEEING TONY CHAPTER 12. JANUARY, SECOND GED TEST, DECIDING TO KEEP THE BABY CHAPTER 13. JANUARY, PROJECT AT PETERSONS, MEETING GINNI, HELPING DEBBIE CHAPTER 14. FEBRUARY, CARING FOR JEREMY, CONTACTING LATESHA CHAPTER 15. MARCH, VISITING LATESHA, GETTING SICK, MEETING JESSE, VISITING BRIAN, ENCOUNTER WITH REX, THIRD GED TEST CHAPTER 16. APRIL, REX'S ASSAULT, MEMORY LOSS, TELLING JENNY, VISITING BRIAN AGAIN, TESTIFYING, GOLF CHAPTER 17. MAY, VISITING A SPIRITUALIST, BRIDESMAIDS NIGHT OUT, TALKING TO TONY, PRESENTING THE GED, LAST GED TEST, VISIT TO NOLA CHAPTER 18. JUNE, DAN's BBQ, GED GRADUATION ADDRESS, DEBBY'S SENIOR SNEAK, DEBBY AND JESSE'S GRADUATION CHAPTER 19. REX's DEATH, ADAM ATACKS ERIN, CONCEALED CARRY PERMIT, UNWELCOME AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER, THE REVEREND LEAVES CHAPTER 20. DEBBIE'S PARENTS SPLIT, ERIN VOLUNTEERS TO TESTIFY, WELCOME AT COMMUNITY CENTER CHAPTER 21. CLARA'S WEDDING, ERIN AND TONY HELP DEBBIE'S MOTHER CHAPTER 19. REX's DEATH, ADAM ATACKS ERIN, CONCEALED CARRY PERMIT, UNWELCOME AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER, THE REVEREND LEAVES The next day, instead of sleeping late, Erin got Mary up early in order to be at breakfast when Fran came down. Fran was a little surprised to see her so early. She said, "Hi Erin. How's everything?" Erin said, "Fran, I heard that Rex would be having another bail hearing next week. Do you know anything about it?" Fran, "No, but I'm not surprised. The case load has gone way up the last few months. So, they hired a new prosecutor and he has been making a lot of plea deals in winnable cases that the police think should be prosecuted. It is also upsetting some of the women's advocates in Blakefield because several of the plea deals have been in cases that involve domestic violence. The new guy is not very popular right now, but he is doing exactly what the administrators want." Erin, "Well in this case it is even worse. They rolled the two assaults, the home invasion, and the kidnapping charge into a charge of simple assault and are going for a guilty plea with a penalty of time served." Fran, "Damn. That's crazy. That guy should be doing 20 years, not 3 months." You want me to ask around to see if I can find out what prompted that decision." Erin, "Please. Also, I never did the gun safety class you signed me up for because of my injuries. I think it is time for me to get going on it." Fran, "I agree. I can see what's available at the current time if you want." Erin went over and hugged her. "Thanks, Sis. I have to admit I am scared of him. He is totally irrational. I don't think any threat of future prosecution would keep him from hurting me or the twins if he has a chance." Fran laughed, "I agree. He really hates you now, especially since your shot means he will never get it up again." The rest of the morning was quiet. It was unusual for Erin to not have a lot to do. She had finished her GED, and her babysitting job was done. Under normal circumstances, she might have tried to find a new job or at least line up training that would make her more employable. But she didn't feel she could commit to anything right now because she was going to give birth in about 1 ? months. And everything else she should be doing, taking a gun safety class, testifying against Rex, helping the girls at Nola with the GED, helping Brian, all were on somebody else's schedule. She couldn't just decide to do them. But being idle was not her. She spent a lot of time that morning with Mary and did some housecleaning to help her mother. But there was no urgency, which made her feel like she was not accomplishing anything. At noon, Fran came home for lunch. She hadn't done so for the last few months because she usually had lunch with her boyfriend and because she had started trusting Erin and didn't feel the need to check in on her. After they made sandwiches, Fran said, "Erin, has the prosecutor's office called you this morning?" Erin, "No, why?" Fran, "Well, the bail hearing for Rex is off, and instead, on Friday, he is scheduled to enter his plea to simple assault and be released." Erin said fearfully, "What? How can they do that without telling the victim, so I can state my objections?" Fran, "They can't. But they can 'forget,' and then apologize. I think that is what they are trying to do. Mr. Gude has told another prosecutor, a friend of mine, that he is going to get this plea entered before a meddlesome girl prevents it. I would guess you are that meddlesome girl, Erin." Erin, "That bastard. Well, I will be there Friday and insist that the judge hears me at least. Should I bring Mom? How about the witnesses, the officers who were at both assaults?" Fran, "Mom, Yes. I will talk to the officers and ask if they want to be involved. But, given how close they have to work with the prosecutors, they might not. Also, one of the officers who mishandled the situation at home got a reprimand. He is bitter about it and definitely won't go to court in your behalf. But, there is something else you should know. Mr. Gude went to school with and is a close friend of Rex's father. They call each other by first names in the courtroom, for heaven's sake. Mr. Gude should recuse himself from any case involving Rex. The City Attorney is investigating. But that might not help us much, Erin. If this plea deal is accepted by the court, it is final." Well, now Erin had something she needed to work on, her statement to the court in an attempt to get the judge to refuse to accept the deal Mr. Gude and undoubtedly Rex's father had worked out. She wrote out several versions while Mary was taking an afternoon nap and decided to talk about it with Mom tonight. Later in the afternoon, Fran called. She said she was talking to a friend on the force who was authorized to give firearm safety courses. He would be willing to do an intensive 6-hour course at the Blakefield Gun Range on Sunday after church, and if she passed, he would certify her right there. It would cost $200. Then she could apply for a concealed carry permit Monday. Was she interested? Erin said she was definitely interested. That evening at dinner, Erin talked to mom about the possibility that Rex could plead out and get released for time served. Mom was amazed that that could happen and definitely said she wanted to be at the proceedings and would speak. Then Dad said, he wanted to be there. He didn't have much to say, but he wanted to see what was going on. He said he would record the audio, just in case they needed it. Both Erin and Mom were happy to have him with them. The next day Erin went over her statement several more times when Mary was asleep. She wanted to insure it showed that she had done nothing to lure Rex, either the time he had assaulted her at Barrie's Barbeque or the time at home. The statement had to be short and clear but show the horror of the situation. She also wanted the judge to appreciate the difference in size between her and Rex. They had to see that even though she was a tall woman, Rex was so much bigger and stronger that he had absolute control of her when they were alone together. She also called on Thursday to confirm that Rex was scheduled to appear in court the next day at 10 AM. That made her remember one more call she needed to make, to Nola girls detention center for LaTesha. Luckily, Erin was able to get through to LaTesha and verify 10 AM on Saturday for Jenny and LaTesha and Erin's visit. Dad suggested that they have dinner on the way downtown the next morning. It would give them a chance to talk. Erin was not enthusiastic. She was already keyed up and knew she would have trouble getting to sleep and then Mary would have her up early, so a normal breakfast routine sounded better to her. But she acceded to Dad's wishes, knowing it would be better for her parents. The next morning, she was as tired as she had expected. She got up and cleaned up Mary and had a chance to give her a sponge bath while her parents were getting ready. Then she cleaned herself up and put on the most professional looking maternity outfit she had and did her makeup. After packing diapers and extra clothing and a binky for Mary, she was ready to go. They had breakfast, but Erin was content with fruit and oatmeal. Her mom reminded her she needed to eat, but Erin replied her nerves were already causing her a stomach ache. Something low-fat was best, or she would have a sour stomach all day. She knew she needed to eat for sake of the babies, but this morning she just couldn't. They arrived in the court at 9:15 but couldn't get into the courtroom until 9:30, a long wait for a pregnant woman carrying a large 10- month-old baby. After they finally sat down, the bailiff read the list of cases. Then he announced that the case of the state of State of Idaho vs Rex Luther would not be heard. Mr. Luthor had been found dead in his cell this morning. Erin gasped. She mainly felt relief. He could never hurt her again. But there was also some regret, since he was Mary's father. She had harbored some hope he would get his life together, so Mary wouldn't have to grow up knowing her father was nothing but a thug who beat women. Erin and her parents left the courtroom in a state of near-shock and walked to their car. Mom volunteered to carry Mary, for which Erin was grateful. She was tired because she had had little sleep, and she was physically tired after carrying a large 9-month old baby around for the last couple of hours. They had to walk a block down a city sidewalk to get to the court parking lot. About halfway down, Erin heard footsteps behind her and started to turn and suddenly felt an arm around her neck. It was Rex's Father, Adam, screaming at her that she was a bitch and had killed his son. He hit her in the head several times, before her father saw and intervened. Without thinking, he swang the plastic box carrying the recorder and hit Luthor in the head hard enough to rock him. Luthor flung Erin to the ground and attacked Dad. Rex had gotten his size from his father and Luthor was tall and strongly built. Erin's dad was not a small man, only a few inches shorter than Luthor, but he was much more lightly built. Luthor quickly got Dad down on the ground and started pummeling his head. Erin got up and saw what was happening and swang her purse as hard as she could and hit Luthor in the face. The metal clasps drew blood and she heard him grunt in surprise. She tried to repeat the process, but Luthor grabbed the purse with one hand and pulled it out of her hands contemptuously and threw it aside. Then Erin stepped behind him and stomped his leg. He cried out in pain and looked around. Erin tried to repeat the same thing, but Luthor did a leg sweep and Erin again tumbled to the ground. Luthor started pummeling Erin's father again. Erin clumsily got herself up and again went behind Luthor. This time she grabbed him around the front of the head and started hitting him in the side of the head with her knuckles held straight out, as Brian had learned in karate lessons many years ago. Luthor tried to turn his attention from Dad to her, but she got on his back, clinging to his neck, and continued hitting him, and when he started to get up to deal with her, her dad was able to deliver a hard right to the nose and when Luthor pulled back in surprise, Dad delivered another to the mouth. Luthor was now absorbing punishment from two people. This was not how he had thought things would go. At that point, several court officers arrived on the scene and managed to pull Erin off Luthor and Luthor off Erin's dad. In the process, Dad got in several more rights to the face. When he was up, Mr. Luthor, bleeding heavily from the nose and mouth, began screaming epithets at Erin, calling her a bitch and a whore, and saying she had killed his son by lying about his actions, putting him in jail instead of home where he belonged. At that point, all the horror and outrage she had suffered at Rex's hands bubbled up in Erin and she screamed back at Luthor that he had raised a son without morals or conscience. That had put his son in jail, not her. If he wanted to blame someone for Rex's death, look in the mirror. She was so angry she didn't even see the camera labeled 'Blakefield Times'. It took pictures showing her screaming, held back by a court officer, with blood running down from a wound on her forehead and from an earring torn off. The court officers called the police, who questioned several witnesses and the participants. The witnesses, people just walking along and knowing none of the participants, testified that Mr. Luthor had attacked Erin without provocation, and that Dad and Erin had merely defended themselves. After an hour or so, the police decided to take Mr. Luthor into custody and charge him with assault. They released Erin and her Dad. Mary had been terrified by the incident and wanted her mother, and when her mother could not be produced, she alternately wailed and fussed. After an hour, the wailing was more frequent than the fussing. When Erin was finally free to go, she held Mary and the two clung together. Only then did her mother tell Erin that she was bleeding. Erin had totally blocked that out. Her father was also bleeding, apparently from a sharp ring on Adam's hand. One of the officers suggested she go to the Emergency room and get her wounds treated. Mom agreed it was a good idea. So, they walked the rest of the way to the car. Mary then gave signals that she wanted to nurse. So, when they got to the hospital, Erin stayed in the car for a few minutes to allow Mary to nurse, while Mom and Dad went into the Saint Mary's hospital emergency room. Erin followed 15 minutes later to get her ear treated. By this time, it was hurting badly. They called out for an OB/GYN who checked Erin out and said that apparently the babies had not been hurt and told Erin to stay out of fistfights for the next two months. Erin said, 'Yeah, very funny," but gave her a wane smile. After that, they went home. Erin asked if mom could take care of Mary for an hour or so and went to bed. In a few moments she was asleep. She woke 4 hours later. She was rested, but her face and ear hurt like the devil. And her legs and back and arms were sore. Thankfully her stomach did not hurt much. Her father was still asleep, so she just sat and talked about the incident with Mom. Her mother said, "Honey, you need to remember you are pregnant. You should avoid anything like this at all costs." Erin said, "Mom, I just couldn't sit there and let that bastard hurt Daddy. Besides, after he took care of Daddy, he would have come back after me." When dinner time came, they called out for pizza. Daddy got up about that time. His had two black eyes and other bruises on the face. But when he got up, he asked Erin, "How are you doing baby?" Erin hugged him and said, "I'm OK, Daddy. Thank you for helping me." Dad said, "Well, Thank You for helping me. We were a good team. Maybe we should go on the tag team wrestling circuit." Erin laughed, although her mom did not. When Fran got home, they sat down to dinner. Fran had heard about the incident but had not been able to come home. She looked at Erin and Dad and said, "Wow, you both look like hell." Erin, "Thanks for trying to make me feel better, Sis. I know I had some bleeding, but it wasn't that noticeable. Do I have a black eye or something?" Fran, "You have two black eyes. But I've seen worse. They should look OK in a week. But for now, whew." Erin, "Have you heard what happened to Rex?" Fran, "Nobody knows exactly. He lived in a 10-man pod, without any internal bars. The guards did their Midnight check and he was fine, and they did their 6 AM and he had a shank stuck in him. And nobody saw anything. Eventually someone will talk, when he wants some special consideration. But according to my source, our boy, Rex, made himself very unpopular in jail. Apparently, he stood out for being a prick even there. And, worse, he joined a skinhead group that was feuding with black gangsters. His worst enemy was the head of the black group. He was big enough to give Rex a tussle, but not quite big enough to win. They were always at odds. This guy made it a habit to frequently point out loudly that Rex couldn't get it up anymore. Not exactly a nice guy, himself. Rex hated him. So, when Rex thought he was getting out, he threatened this guy's family. What was he thinking? That was almost sure to get a contract on him. But I guess Rex thought he was big enough and tough enough to handle it. He was wrong." Erin just shook her head. Then Fran asked "Have you seen the newspaper?" Mom, "No, several of us had long naps. We haven't brought it in yet." So, Fran went outside to the paper box. There was a story on this morning's incident on the first page of the local news. It showed a picture of Erin screaming, with blood coming down her face and her hair and makeup in disarray. The caption read 'Hellcat taunts father of murdered prisoner Rex Luthor.' The text of the story started with a report on finding Rex dead in his bed at the county jail with a 'shiv' In him on the morning when a plea deal would have freed him. Then it added some information about Rex, including that 'Rex was the son of local attorney, Adam Luthor.' The second paragraph started with "Erin McLoughlin, known in high school as 'Crazy Erin,' was at a scheduled hearing on an alleged assault by Rex, her former boyfriend. While at the hearing, it was announced that Rex had been found dead in his cell. Later that morning, Erin engaged in a screaming match with Rex Luthor's father,, Adam Luthor, alleging that Rex being in jail was somehow Adam's fault. In March, Erin was allegedly assaulted by Rex. While having oral sex, she shot him in the sex organs, severing the nerves to those organs. Adam Luthor reported that 'loss of function of his sex organs sent Rex into a deep depression from which he never recovered.' According to Adam, 'Erin's ambush and subsequent shooting of his son caused Rex to become despondent and be viewed as a victim in jail. Apparently, someone killed him over some small slight. I hope the state will someday have enough evidence to prosecute a case against my son's former girlfriend, so justice can be done.'" After reading it Erin broke into tears and sobbed. Mom tried to comfort her, but she cried, "God, Mom, people will think I'm a monster." Then, a phone call came in. Mom answered and handed it to Erin, saying "I think it is Clara." Erin answered, "Hello. McLoughlin's morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em." This was an old joke for Brian and Clara, a sign that something bad had happened that they were struggling to deal with. Mom McLoughlin was getting to have a feel for this new Erin, and knew that when she was upset, she was likely to say things without much thought. Nevertheless, this was a bit too far. She said, "Oh Erin. For heaven's sake." Likewise, Erin was beginning to know what mom was thinking too, and realized that even though the comment was mild, Mom was very unhappy. Erin slowed herself down and said, "Hi Clara. How are you." But it wasn't Clara, it was Jenny. She said, "Erin, this is Jenny. Sorry if I'm calling at a bad time, but I needed to ask how you are." Erin said, "Not so good. Did you see the paper?" Jenny, "Yes. What happened?" Erin, "I and my parents were at the court to testify against a plan to reduce the charges on Rex and let him plead Guilty and get out with time served. But Rex was killed last night. We were walking back to the car when I was attacked by Rex's father. He is about the same size as Rex and would have hurt me badly. Luckily, Dad hit him with a box and he left me to fight with Dad. But I got involved again. That guy was tough. Even with the two vs one, we were both hurt. One of my earrings was torn out, and I have two black eyes. And I'm stiff and sore all over. But the twins are fine, Thank God. So, I'll be OK." Jenny, "Oh, God Erin. I'm so glad you're all right. I'll sign off now. I know you're talking with your family. But call us later, OK?" Erin, "OK, will do." Then the McLoughlin's ate dinner, and everyone seemed to want to talk about anything except the incident. Fran talked about her boyfriend and about their dreams and plans. Mom talked about Petersons, and about how Virginia and Carol and everyone else were doing, dad talked about the project he was currently working on, and Erin talked about Debbie and Jeremy and Clara's wedding and the matron of honor dress she got. It was very calming and pleasant. The only reference to Rex was when Fran asked "Erin, do you want to cancel the gun safety course on Sunday." Erin was thinking that Mr. Luthor might be almost as bad an enemy as Rex, and said, "No, I want to be able to carry if any reason to do so comes up, so I want to finish the course, now that I have it scheduled." Mom looked like she was about to say something but didn't. Later that evening, Erin called Clara. She told her about the incident and responded to questions. Then Clara asked "Erin, do you feel good enough to go to Nola?" Erin, "Yes, I'm fine. I need to keep active. Just laying around is not good for me. I'll feel worse." Clara, "OK, we will pick you up at 7:30." Erin, "I'll be ready." After the phone call, she gathered together the printed material and a book she had gotten for LaTesha, and the drawing supplies, recent photos, and various snacks and another book she had gotten for Brian. The next morning, Erin got up at 6:30 and actually had to wake Mary up. Then Erin cleaned Mary and changed diapers and let her nurse and put some clothes on her. Finally, Erin dressed herself and put on some makeup that she hoped would cover her bruises a little anyway. Last, she made sure Mary's bag with extra clothes and diapers was packed and brought her quietly downstairs. Jenny and Clara were a little early, but Erin was ready and carried Mary, her bag, and the material for LaTesha and Brian out to the car and they were off. They did stop for breakfast, and all three women ordered a light breakfast of oatmeal or toast and fruit. Both Clara and Jenny looked at Erin and shook their head. Finally, Clara said, are you sure you are OK to make this trip, Erin. It looks like he really tagged you good? Erin smiled and said, "It looks worse than it is. I don't feel bad. And I need to see Brian to talk about Rex and his father and to give him the stuff she'd collected for a drawing of my family. Besides, it's better to be busy than at home feeling beat up." Jenny, "OK, but if you need to stop or stay in the car to rest, just tell us." Erin, "Ok. Thanks, Mom." They arrived at the Nola Girls Detention Visiting Center at about 9:45, only to find Clara's lawyer friend waiting at the gate for them. Clara introduced him to Jenny and Erin, "Sam, this is my Mother jenny and my sister Erin, Mom and Sis, this is Sam Adams." Erin said, "Sam Adams, huh. Well it ought to be easy to remember." She stuck her hand out and said, "Nice to meet you Sam." He shook her hand and looked from her to Clara and said, "I have to say, I don't see much resemblance. Different fathers?" Erin, "Yeah, sorta. It's a long story. So, I hope that whatever you can or can't do for the girls you are going to see, you insure your message to them is positive, so they walk away feeling good about themselves. They really have their hopes up." He looked at her and said, "I'll do that. Clara said you were a fighter. I see she's right." When Erin looked at him, with one eyebrow up, he said, "Oh, I didn't mean because of the black eyes. I meant your protectiveness. What happened, anyway, if you don't mind my asking?" Erin, "I guess I don't mind. A former boyfriend was killed in jail recently. His father somehow blames me and came after me." Sam, "Oh, I know who you are. You were on the front page of the local news last night. I must say, you look much better in person." Erin, "Thanks." Sam, "Well, you are not the first person Adam Luthor went after when things did not go his way. He went after a prosecutor in Moscow. Put him in the hospital. You came out of it somewhat better, I think. Congratulations." Erin, "Again, thanks. And thanks for the information about Moscow. It may prove helpful." Sam, "Well, let's get to work. How do I get in to visit the people who need help with the GED?" Jenny, "We start by going in the door." About 40 minutes later, Sam, Erin, Jenny, and Clara were in the visiting room with LaTesha and the three other girls. To Erin's surprise, she was the center of attention at the beginning, not Sam. They saw the black eyes immediately and wouldn't go on to another subject until she told them what had happened. And surprisingly, for girls living in such circumstances, they were sympathetic and gave her lots of advice, some of which she would consider. Erin assured them she was OK, and suggested they should move on with talking with Sam. Their visit was only an hour. But she was moved. While the other girls talked to Sam and Jenny and Clara, Erin caught up with LaTesha. She mentioned she was surprised at their concern. LaTesha said, "Jeez, Erin. You are one of them. You are raising one child out of wedlock, carrying twins by another man, and have just been beaten up by a family member. Not that they have experienced all that, but they can see themselves experiencing such things. In spite of that, you have kicked drugs, are trying to get the rest of your life under control and are taking the time to come here and see them. Jenny and Clara are very nice and all, but they live in an ivory tower, with a great education, plenty of money, all kinds of prospects, and with impossibly prosperous and supportive men. In other words, Jenny and Clara have a perfect life. Your life is more like theirs, chaotic and unpredictable. Of course, they identify with you. Then LaTesha asked, "So next week is Clara's wedding and you are going to be maid of honor? Congratulations." Erin, "Actually, Matron of Honor. I don't look much like a maiden these days." LaTesha laughed, "When are the twins due, anyway." Erin, "Mid-August. The doctor won't be more definite than that because twins are unpredictable. They could easily be up to a month premature." LaTesha said, "Erin, don't feel you have to keep visiting. It is gets too hard, I will understand." Erin, "LaTesha, I love to see you. I will visit as long as I can. But I don't know what things will be like as I get closer to the birth, or after the twins are born. I wouldn't be surprised if I wound up not getting down very often, or at all." Erin continued, "But I'm looking forward to you visiting me in September." LaTesha, "God, I hope so Erin. I'm so ready to be out. I want to get started on my life again." Erin, "I hope it goes just like that, LaTesha. How is the studying for the GED coming? Do you think you will be able to complete it quickly?" LaTesha, "That is the plan. I talked to mom and she said that they didn't expect me to do much more than finish the GED when I first get home. So, I will focus on that. Of course, if a good job or other opportunity should come up, I'll rethink it." Erin, "That sounds like a sensible plan, LaTesha. Oh, by the way, I brought those references you needed. The guards have them. You should get them sometime this afternoon." After that, Erin and LaTesha listened to Sam, Clara, and Jenny talk to the other girls. First, they wanted to be sure they understood what the three girls with reading problems needed and then strategize how to get it. Sam said they might not get any consideration from the detention center, because they did not even support the GED. He would write them a letter and talk to some political people he knew and see what they could do. But the more likely area he might be able to get them help is after release. That was a matter of law, disputed law, but law. He might wind up threatening or participating in a lawsuit. Then it was time to end the visit. It had been a good visit. The girls actually ended up with hope that they might get some help, but they all knew it was the start of a long process. Jenny and Sam agreed to visit in two weeks and tell the girls what was going on. Sam left after the visit at the girl's detention center, and Erin, Jenny, and Clara had 1? hours to kill before their visit with Brian. Erin said she had to find someplace to change Mary's diaper and let her nurse. They agreed to an early lunch and a local restaurant that they had found on a previous visit that had a changing room. After they sat down, Erin said, "Can you order me coffee, a half club sandwich and any kind of vegetable soup, and order Mary a hot dog? Then she took Mary to the changing room. Mary had a BM and needed changing badly. Erin had to clean her up and change her clothing as well as her diaper. What a mess. Erin maintained a good humor and told Mary, "But your worth it, aren't you Darlin?" It was almost as though Mary understood, and she cooed and smiled. When Erin finally got back, her coffee was ready. Erin discretely lifted her blouse and bra and allowed Mary to nurse some more while she sipped coffee and talked to Jenny and Clara. They were excited to have successfully enrolled Brian in a drawing course and had the course material available for him. Erin told them that Mom McLoughlin had asked her for a family drawing, but she had managed to avoid any real time drawing and had brought some pictures for Brian to work from, if he would. She hoped so, even though his relationship with them had been poor. She also said she had to give him the news Rex was dead. She wasn't looking forward to that because she knew he had some residual affection for Rex. They were at the visiting desk for the mens' prison at 12:55, and finally got in to see Brian at 1:40. He was clearly glad to see them. He started by asking Erin "Hi Mary, Hi Erin, how are you and the twins doing?" Erin said "Fine, how are you." Brian, "Bored. But trying to stay positive. What happened to your face." Then Erin told him the story about what she had heard from Fran, ascribing it to someone she knew at the jail. Brian said, "Poor Rex. I can see him doing something overaggressive and stupid like that. And, yes, he was a racist." Then Erin told Brian about how she had been at the jail to oppose Rex's release, and how Rex's Father had attacked her and how Dad had defended her, and she had been involved in the fracas. Brian turned white about halfway through the story and said, "Erin, there is something you have to know about Rex's father. After Rex and I had been together for 6 or so months, and I found I was pregnant, I moved in with Rex and his Father. And, well, Rex's father, Adam, was a real prick. I know you thought Rex was bad, and he was. He was selfish and temperamental and didn't think things through and could be dangerous. But that was because of the way he was raised. In his father's eyes, he could do no wrong. Rex was never corrected and got anything he wanted. But with all of that, I could reason with Rex. But his father is a cold, mean, selfish bastard who is interested only in himself and his pleasure. Rex's parents broke up because his mother kept trying to guide Rex and Adam would manhandle her in response, and also because Adam had a thing for teen girls. When Rex and I were living with Adam, he, well, he raped me several times over a few months. He said he would kill me if I told anyone. I know Rex was sexually demanding and sometimes made me have sex when I didn't want to, but by being with him and staying there, I sort of consented. Besides, the sex could be very good. Rex would try to please me as long as I did what he wanted. But his father's rapes were far worse, because I had never agreed to them. And they were usually violent and painful. So, even though Adam terrified me, I finally told Rex. I insisted we move back in with Mom and Dad, even though I was still furious with them too. At least I was safe from abuse. Adam hated me for that. Rex had told him about my kink, wanting to be male, and Adam threw it in my face every time I saw him. It was awful. But, living with my family was awful too. My mother and father still insisted I had to be totally female. So, I begged Rex to find us somewhere to live on our own. Then there was a big blow-up at home and Rex said, "Let's just go out on the road." And that's what we did. I'm telling you this because I want you to know, Adam is dangerous, and he hated you way before Rex died, and way before you were Erin. And he might be fearful that you could blow the whistle on him for when he raped me. So, keep your guard up." After this revelation, Erin needed some time to think. So Erin let Jenny and Clara take over and talk about the course they had signed Brian up for. She was surprised to find he was actually enthusiastic. She had never seen him show enthusiasm for anything. After they talked for a while, Erin said, "Brian, I got a request from Mom for me to draw of our family after she saw the drawing you did of Me, Jenny, and Clara." He looked at her, and said, "Ok, do you want drawing lessons. Maybe you should take this same course." Erin, "I have never had any talent for drawing. It would be fun to give it a try, but I'm years away from beimg anywhere near as good as you are today. I was hoping you would do a drawing for me that I could give it to Mom at the appropriate time." Brian, "I'm not sure why I would want to do anything for her?" Erin, "Would you do it for me? To help me maintain my masquerade? Brian looked at her for a moment before he said, "OK, for you I will do it." Erin said, "So I have recent photos of Mom, Dad, Me, Fran, and Dan that you can work from. The guards will give them to you sometime this afternoon. I also have good drawing papers and pencils. I hope they are what you need." Brian, "I'll use them if they are OK. They might be useful for the course too." Erin, "Oh, by the way, Fran is getting married." Brian laughed, "I'm surprised. I thought she was a big tough independent cop." Erin, "Well, she is pregnant too." At that Brian laughed uproariously and said, "Couldn't happen to a more deserving person." When Erin got home, she cleaned up Mary, gave her a sponge bath, and lay down in her bed to allow her to nurse. She and Mary both woke up 2 hours later and Erin felt much better. After another change of diapers, she went downstairs. Mom and Dad were outside working in the yard. Erin went outside to say hi and asked her mom if there was anything she could do in the kitchen. Mom said 'No, Honey, we've got leftovers for dinner so just relax. Erin came in and took advantage of the peace and quiet to contemplate what Brian had told her about Adam Luthor and whether she had to be afraid of some sort of thing like Rex's attempted abduction. Why had he attacked her in the first place? What had he hoped to accomplish. She decided it was a crime of opportunity, but the opportunity was not just having her in reach but believing he could get away with hurting her. After all, usually if convicted of assault on a pregnant woman and her child, he could go away for a long time. He was a smart guy and must know that. So why had he taken the chance. Erin decided Adam must realize that at that moment, he could claim diminished capacity as a grieving father and a good lawyer could make it stick. With his friend Mr. Gude in the prosecutor's office, Adam might not even have been charged. While the thought of someone who would coldly decide to hurt her just because he could with little risk was chilling, it was also positive in that when that interval of low risk was over; likelihood of arrest would keep him from another attempt. Unless he found a way to reduce the risk another way, like put out a hit. But Erin didn't think so. As a lawyer, her knew any plan had risk of discovery. So how else might he reduce the risk. If he could portray Erin as evil to other people and get them to want to hurt her, he might do that. But that was too complicated. In the end, she thought she would be safe for the time being. But she had to stay on her guard. She would definitely do what she needed to do to get the concealed carry permit. That meant that Sunday afternoon, she would meet Fran's weapon trainer at the gun range to get a gun safety certification. The next day, Erin got up and went to church with her parents, as always dreading the accusing looks of the pastor and being confined to the nursery during the service. She only did it because of her parents, certainly not because of any affection for this church. But this morning was totally different. The pastor at the door was the assistant, a Korean man she had liked but did not know well. He smiled at her parents and greeted them and then smiled at Erin and Mary and greeted them. Wow, she thought, that almost makes coming to church worthwhile. When the service was due to start, she went to the nursery. But the door was locked. The volunteer who organized the out of service activities said, "Reverend Gangjun said to close it. He wants the parents and children in the service. Erin said, "I can't guarantee Mary won't make noise." The volunteer said, "Pastor says a little noise is OK, that is the way children are." Erin said to herself, "Wow, this is great." Erin went out and found a seat beside Debbie and chatted while waiting for the service. Erin said, "Why is Reverend Gangjun doing the service. "Debbie said, "I don't know, Erin. I don't see the regular pastor. I don't see his family either, so maybe they're all out of town for some family emergency. I was hoping to see my mom here. I haven't seen her since Friday. Dad says she is staying with her sister. I tried to call her and didn't get an answer. But she's not here either." The sermon was incredibly positive, all about God and Love and Forgiveness and how people should give to the poor and disadvantaged. Erin hoped the old pastor was moving and this would be the way things were from now on. After church, her parents gave her a ride to the gun range. Mom had agreed to care for Mary while Erin was taking the Gun Safety Class. Erin was to call them for a ride home when she was done. The six-hour gun class was two hours theory, half an hour test, and then 4 hours practice. She had brought Fran's 22 for the practice part. As always, Erin did well on the theory and on the test. The practical was limited, because she could not do some of the more involved maneuvers because she was pregnant. But that didn't mean the instructor couldn't demonstrate them and expect Erin to spit back what he told her. Erin soon learned that the instructor was deadly serious about safety and wanted her to listen and learn. He even resorted to asking her what he had said on subjects presented an hour ago. The practical portion of the training took the full 3 1/2 hours allocated and Erin was exhausted when she was done. But she learned to shoot sitting down and standing up and had learned how to carry a gun safely and stow it safely and clean it. When he was finished, the instructor said she had done very well for a pregnant woman and then signed the certification. It was sort of a sexist comment, but Erin was happy she had done well. At the end he gave her some written materials and suggested exercises, so she could keep her skills up. Then Erin wrote the instructor a check for $300 and called Dad and said "Dad, I passed. I'm ready to go when you can come get me." Dad said, "Of course you passed, Erin. I had no doubt you would. I will be there in a half hour." The next day, Erin got a ride to work with her mother and walked to the county office that issued concealed carry permits. While she was at Mom's work she made 5 copies of her birth certificate and 2 copies of the certificate of completion for the gun safety course. Then she went to see Ginni and chatted with her for a few minutes. Ginni had assumed a more responsible position in the finance department and was taking courses at night to help her in her job. She had seen the report in the Blakefield Times and asked Erin about it, and Erin told her the story and Ginni told her "Good Luck." Next Erin went and found Carol and said hi. Carol chatted about LaTesha and the rest of her family. Her son would be home any day, and she and her husband were excited to see him. The whole family would be going out to see LaTesha this weekend. Carol said the "LaTesha has told us about how you are helping with her GED. I really appreciate it. It's great that LaTesha has such a good friend." Erin "Thank You. I really appreciated LaTesha's help when I was in detox. We just got along so great. I'm looking forward to seeing LaTesha free." At 9, Erin carried Mary out and walked the 10 blocks to the Blakefield County Administrative Building. She went into the permits office and filled out the paperwork for a concealed carry permit, gave them a copy of her birth certificate and certification of completion of the gun safety course, showed them the only picture ID she had, a school ID from two years ago. The guy looked at it and looked at her and said, "I guess that looks like you. You must have had a rebellious time in high school. OK, everything's in order. You will get the permit today, but we will check your application to insure you are not a felon or any other kind of risk, and if you are, we'll issue a warrant and bounty hunters will be after you. That'll be $60 please." So, Erin wrote the state a check for $60 and got her certificate. After that she walked back to work and made 5 copies of the permit and put them in a plastic bag and stowed them in Mary's diaper bag. Then she used the bathrooms at Pederson's to change Mary. After that, Erin walked down the street to a gun shop that Fran said had the same 22 that Erin had borrowed from Fran. She found what she wanted, and also found a suitable concealed carry holder to clip in her purse. She realized carrying a weapon in her purse was not ideal but wearing maternity dresses she couldn't think of a good alternative. Erin showed the clerk her permit and charged the two items. The total was over $350, even on sale, but Fran had said the weapon was reliable and would shoot if she ever wanted it to. She was thinking about the one with the pink stock, when the clerk said, "That's a good choice for you missy. It's real cute." Erin thought, "Missy? Cute? Jeez. Speaking of sexist. And I'm not even a girl." But she reasoned the man meant well so she shouldn't let a little comment affect her decision, and the pink stock might make the pistol slightly more acceptable to her mom, to both her moms. It would be worth it to keep the peace. Before she left, she had the man show her how to pull back the stock and shoot it and load it. Then she clipped the holster with the gun in her purse and felt a little more secure. But she knew she needed practice with this weapon and hoped she could get Fran to take her to the gun range on her day off. When she left the gun shop she went to the closest stop for the bus that took her home and caught a bus in about 20 minutes. But when she got home, she saw a strange car just inside their cull de sac, a blue Cadillac with darkened windows that she couldn't see inside. That made her nervous. So, she went on block further instead of getting off at the normal exit and walked stealthily back on the other side of the street. The car was still there. She took out a note pad from her purse and wrote down the license number, and then turned around and carried Mary and her diaper bag to the community center. When Erin got to the community center, she put Mary's changing bag and her purse down on one chair in the reception area, and sat on the adjoining chair with Mary, and called Fran. She asked, "Fran, are you coming home for lunch?" Fran, "Hadn't planned on it sis, but I can if you need me." Erin, "Yeh, I do. There is a strange car sitting at the end of the cull de sac. It's probably nothing, but I'm paranoid now." Fran, "Do you have a license number?" Erin gave it to her, and Fran said to hang on. A few minutes later she called back and said, "Erin, don't go home by yourself. That's Adam Luthor's car. I'm not anywhere near home, but another patrol car will check on it. I'll call you when it's safe." So, Erin just sat there and played with Mary for a few minutes. Mary started fussing. It had been a long time since she had nursed. She went up to the reception desk and asked the lady, "My daughter needs to nurse. Where would that be OK?" The woman said, "There is a cot in the lady's room." So, Erin got all her stuff together and went to the lady's room. While Mary was nursing, the receptionist came into the lady's room and said, "Excuse me, but are you Erin McLoughlin?" Erin said "Yes." And she said, "The manager would like to talk to you." Erin, "My daughter is still nursing. I will be out in a few minutes." The receptionist said, "OK, I'll tell him that," and left. But she returned in a minute. She told Erin, "He said he needs to see you right now." So, Erin had to interrupt Mary, who was not happy. She had to repack the spare diaper and some wipes and talcum powder in Mary's bag since she had been about to change Mary's diaper, and put on her jacket and picked everything up and walked out of the woman's room and went out to the reception desk and asked where the manager was, and she pointed to a closed office. Erin went out and knocked on the door, and a voice called out, 'Just a couple of minutes." So, Erin stood there waiting for quite a while. She was just about to look for a place to sit down when someone else came out the door and she started to go in, but the manager said, "it'll be a few more minutes," and picked up the phone. Erin called out that she would find a place to sit down and he could get her when he wanted to talk. Then, Erin left the office and found a chair as near to the door as she could. Of course, all the shifting around and upset made her need to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, Erin was more than a little peeved. She told the receptionist "I need to use the bathroom and will be back in few minutes." The receptionist gave her a dubious look and replied, "He said to wait." Erin, "He will not be happy if I don't get to the bathroom soon, believe me," and carried Mary and Mary's bag and Erin's purse into the rest room again and sat in a stall and did her business. Then she cleaned her hands, sat back on the cot, and allowed Mary to nurse again. Just as she sat back down, the woman came in and said, "The manager is ready for you." Erin said, "Tell him I will be out when I am finished nursing my child and changing her diaper." This took about 10 minutes, and Erin came out and asked the receptionist, "Is the manager ready for me?" The receptionist told her, "No, please sit and wait." Erin sat down again. A moment later a police officer entered and spoke to the receptionist and the receptionist pointed to Erin. So, he came up and said "Miss, can you come with me." Erin, "Why?" He said, "Just cooperate. Or this will get ugly." So, she got up with Mary, and loaded up Mary's stuff and her purse and went out the front door behind him." The police officer put her in the back seat of the squad car, and asked for ID, Erin reached for her purse and then drew back and said, "I have a concealed weapon in my purse, officer." When that happened, the officer called for female backup, and said, "we will wait for someone who can search you to arrive." This took almost 15 minutes. In the meantime, they just sat there. Erin asked, "Are you charging me with anything, Officer?" He said, "That depends on what my investigation finds, Miss." When the female officer arrived, she directed Erin to put Mary on the seat and she searched Erin thoroughly. She then took Mary's bag and went through it thoroughly. Finally, she said "You have a concealed weapon in your purse?" Erin said, "Yes. The carry permit is in the bag." The woman picked up the purse and carefully looked inside and then pulled out the gun, noted it was not cocked, and got out of the car and handed it to the other officer. Then she thoroughly searched the purse for other contraband but found none. Finally, she went back to Mary's bag and got out the sheaf of papers on the side and found the concealed weapon permit. She said, is your ID in the purse. Erin said, "Yes." The officer looked around and asked, "Do you have a driver's license?" Erin, "No, I don't drive. You will find last year's school ID with my picture. It is legal in the absence of a driver's license." So, the officer pulled out the school ID, and compared it carefully with Erin's face. The Officer said, "Doesn't look much like you. You have lost a lot of weight. You should go to a driver's license office and get a more up to date ID. The bruises on your face make an ID even harder. After examining Erin and the ID methodically, she said, "OK, you are Erin McLoughlin?" Erin said , "Yes." Then the officer asked, "Why do you have a concealed weapon on you?" Erin said, "I was assaulted Friday by a former boyfriend's father. That's where the bruises come from. I bought the gun for protection. In fact, I spotted the assailant's car near my home, which is why I came here. I forgot I even had the weapon, until the other officer asked about ID." Then the female officer asked the other officer to call and inquire if Erin was the victim in an assault charge, and he got on his radio. Finally, he put it down, and said, "Yes, she is confirmed as the victim in an assault charge. The principle is Adam Luthor." Then the female officer said, "The director of this community center called in a complaint that you were causing a problem here and were not being cooperative." Erin, "I don't know what kind of problem I was causing. I walked into the place, called my sister, and went to the bathroom to nurse my daughter. While I was in there, the receptionist asked me to come out and see the Director, which I did. Then, instead of seeing me, he wanted me to wait outside his office, standing there carrying a 9-month-old baby and 7 months pregnant. As you might imagine that is very uncomfortable for me and I couldn't do it for long. After over 10 minutes, I had to go to the bathroom and did so. Then I finished nursing my child and came out to see the Director. He told me to wait some more, which I did. Then the officer arrived. I didn't resist or argue. I'm not sure how that can be considered causing a problem. And I was being cooperative, except that I was unwilling to stand around waiting. That is very uncomfortable. If the director had seen me when I was first pulled away from nursing, I would have happily seen him." Then the female officer said, "We will be getting some statements from other witnesses." Erin sat in the back of the car for another 40 minutes, holding Mary, who fortunately went to sleep. Her phone buzzed several times, but it was in her purse which was in the front seat separated from her by a screen, so Erin could not get to it. Finally, the female officer came out and said "The reason the director called is that you are on some sort of black list for an incident that occurred over a year ago. There are no witnesses to disorderly behavior. So, you are free to go." Erin said "But I thought they had cleared that. I have been coming to the center with no problems since November." The female officer said, "That is something you will have to take up with the center. For now, they don't want you here. So, you have to go somewhere else." Erin, "OK, can you give me my purse. The officer handed it to her." Then Erin said, "How about the weapon?" The officer said, "We will take it into the precinct and test it. If it comes back negative, you can get it next week. Erin, "But no crime has been committed. I have a permit. How can you take my weapon for nothing?" The officer said, "Sorry, Miss. That is policy. Every weapon we take off anyone has to be tested." Erin, "But I have a man out there who is stalking me. I bought the weapon, so I could defend myself. You are leaving me at his mercy, and my daughter, and my unborn babies at his mercy. That makes no sense." The officer asked, "How do you know he is stalking you?" Erin, "I saw a strange car when the bus passed my cull de sac. I called my sister, and she called it in." The officer then asked, "Who is your sister?" Erin, "Officer Fran McLoughlin." This female officer knew Fran McLoughlin and respected her. So, she decided to call Fran to see what she said. Fran apparently verified Erin's statement, so the female officer handed her the weapon and said, "Tomorrow morning come to the downtown precinct station and ask them to do sample firing of your weapon. At the same time, you can file a limited non-contact order on Adam Luthor." Erin, "What's that?" The female officer said, "He cannot be within 500 feet of your home or business, unless it is also his home or business. He cannot follow you or call you or intentionally be near you at any time unless he is at work." It will take 24 hours to serve the warning to him. A true non-contact order has more extensive requirements and would require a court appearance. This will take place immediately. Oh, by the way. The police contacted Adam Luthor near your home earlier and asked what he was doing there. He was so rude and belligerent that they took him down to the station. They towed his car, so he wouldn't have an excuse to come back. You should be safe going home now. But you need to file that non-contact order." Erin said, "Thanks, Officer." Erin took Mary, her bags, her purse and weapon, and walked the eight blocks home. She would have liked to use the rest room at the community center one more time. But she didn't want to make an issue of it. By the time she was finally home it was 3:30, and Erin was very tired, had a splitting headache, and desperately needed to visit the bathroom, and Mary was fussy and needed a diaper change. But Erin first checked for evidence that someone had been in the house. She could find none but was still not convinced Adam had not been inside. Maybe Fran could suggest a way to check. Then Erin deadbolted the door and scurried around for a few minutes doing what she could to take care of all her and Mary's issues, and finally Erin took an aspirin and lay down with Mary and let her nurse. While lying there, Erin thought about what had transpired. Why had Adam Luthor taken the risk of stalking her, given how much he had to lose? If convicted of a felony, he could be disbarred and loose his livelihood. That was insane. Clearly, she had overestimated the extent to which Adam was driven by rational self-interest. So, he was still a danger to her and her family and her children. What could she do? Well, the weapon was one thing. And she would file the limited non-contact order. She would have to talk to her parents about a more extensive non-contact order. But that would cost money. They would need a lawyer, especially given that she would be opposing Adam Luthor, a very good lawyer, in court. Anything else? She needed to talk to Brian, who knew Adam, to see what he would suggest. As she was thinking, she and Mary both fell asleep. Erin woke up 1? hours later, with Mary crying and ready to get up and be changed again. Erin got up and cared for her child, and then carried her downstairs and put her in a walker. Mom was home, so Erin told her what had happened today. On hearing what had happened at the Community Center, Mom said, "I thought they said your suspension was over." Erin, "Me too. Do you think I should check into it and see what gives? I don't go there to use the internet anymore." Mom, "Yes, but you might want to use their facilities when you have to be near home after the twins are born. I think you should find out where you stand with them." Erin, "Yes, I guess you're right." She was not looking forward to dealing with them after today. Dad and Fran got home about 6. Dad was livid at the whole situation and wanted to sue the Community Center and Adam Luthor and a half a dozen other people. Erin and mom calmed him down, but he still said he was going to consult a lawyer. Erin asked Fran if she had any suggestions about verifying the security of the house. She said "There are several companies in town that do residential bug sweeps and security surveys. It might be worthwhile to hire one of them." Dad jumped in and said, "I agree it will be worthwhile and will arrange it." The next morning, Erin went in to work with Mom again and from there carried Mary, her diaper bag, and her purse to the downtown precinct station five blocks away. When she got there, she identified herself and turned over her weapon for test firing. Then she asked to file a limited non-contact order against Adam Luthor. She had been sure to bring a copy of his address that she'd gotten from some paperwork related to her assault by Rex. She filled out the paperwork and handed it to the clerk. He looked it over. Then he asked, "Were the assault and stalking incident referenced here investigated by the police?" Erin, "Yes, they were. They should be in your records." He looked then up and added some case numbers to the paperwork and said, "OK, Miss McLoughlin, "We'll file it and notify Mr. Luthor. He can contest it and drag you into court. But that is uncommon when there is a police investigation on file." Erin, "OK, Thank You Officer." Then Erin went to the nearest bus stop for the bus to home, which she found using an ap on her phone. She got off one stop beyond what she needed to go home, watching for strange vehicles at the entry to her cull de sac or on adjacent streets. She saw nothing out of the ordinary. Then she walked into the street one block beyond her cull de sac and walked a path that came into her cull de sac from behind her house. She gingerly rounded the corner of the path and her street, again looking for anything unusual, but everything looked normal. So, she carefully went out on the street and to the door of her home, using a path that didn't go past any hiding places and keeping her hand near the weapon in her purse. Then went up the stairs, unlocked the door, walked in, and locked it behind her. When she got home, she called her mother and told her she was home, and all was well. But when she was through, she thought, "This is ridiculous. I can't live like this." But she couldn't think of any alternative for now." Fran came home for lunch. Erin put Mary in her walker, and made Fran a fried-egg sandwich, and then made one for herself. Fran said, "you want to hear the rumors about Mr. Luthor and his buddy Mr. Gude?" Erin said, "Sure, always up for some rumors." Fran, "Well, the incident where Adam assaulted you made the chief prosecutor aware of the decision Mr. Gude made allowing Rex to plead out. He apparently was not OK with allowing breaking and entering, kidnapping, and two 1st degree assault charges to be pled down to a single simple assault for time served. So, he asked his assistant to review Mr. Gude's cases for the last few months. There were a number of pleas accepted in which serious charges were pled out for almost nothing, and in most of those cases the Defense Attorney was a good friend of Mr. Gude. So, Mr. Gude no longer works in the prosecutor's office." Erin, "Good for the Chief Prosecutor. At least he has some sense." Fran, "And bad for Adam Luthor. He lost his friend in the prosecutor's office who might help him with an assault charge. But there's more. Adam Luthor has been charged with felony child sexual abuse for assault of his teenaged niece in Moscow when he was visiting last Christmas. But there is no corroborating evidence, so they are struggling to make a case. Adam was accused of a similar assault a few years ago by a girl that was going with his son; not you, rather one of your predecessors as Rex's girlfriend. But there was no corroborating evidence, so the charges were dismissed by guess what lawyer in the prosecutor's office?" Erin said, "Mr. Gude?" Fran, "That's right. The lady wins the prize. But if there were one more accuser, the Moscow prosecutor might be able to make a strong enough case to bring it to trial. Do you know anyone else who might be able to accuse Adam Luthor of sexual assault? Say someone who was living with his son a year ago?" Erin looked at her sister and said, "Adam Luthor assaulted me several times when I was living with Rex at his home. But, I would be a terrible witness. I was high as a kite most of the time, and I can barely remember any of the details." Fran, "Maybe so, but does Adam know that? If not, he could be desperate enough to try to intimidate you to prevent you from testifying." Erin, "I don't think Adam knew I was taking oxycontin. I didn't like Rex's father much. I certainly didn't tell him what was going on in my life. I don't think Rex did either. They weren't close like that." Erin, "So you think Adam is willing to risk attacking me because it would dissuade me from going to the police about this issue. If true, what should I do about it?" Fran, "Well, the prosecutors could have you file charges against him and use that to try to get some sort of plea from him that would keep him out of trouble for a while. If he didn't know you were a bad witness, he might decide a plea to indecent liberties would be better than a conviction on rape. But Adam is pretty smart for that sort of ploy. However, if you made the charge and the prosecutor publicly found your testimony unconvincing because of the drug use, Adam might decide he was safe and that it was too risky to try to intimidate you further. You would be safer, and so would Mom and Dad. But your drug use would then be public, which could have short term drawbacks, like difficulty getting work. Something for you to think about. Here is the number for the prosecutor who is working this issue with the Moscow prosecutors, in case you want to contact her. In the meantime, keep that weapon nearby." In a few minutes, Fran had to get back to work. She cautioned Erin to keep the door locked and call her if there was any indication of a problem. Erin assured her she would remain vigilant. After Fran was gone, Erin tried to play with Mary, but was jumpy again, starting at every sound from outside the house. Later when Mary was ready to nurse again, Erin lay down with her and spent some time thinking. She really had a decision to make, and, as always, wanted to talk to Clara about it. But Clara wouldn't be home for several hours yet. And Clara was very busy with the wedding on Saturday, and the bridesmaids in town. But maybe she would have a half hour to talk. In the meantime, Erin decided a nap wouldn't be bad. When Mary fell asleep, Erin let herself fall asleep too. CHAPTER 20. DEBBIE'S PARENTS SPLIT, ERIN VOLUNTEERS TO TESTIFY, WELCOME AT COMMUNITY CENTER Erin was woken up by a phone call, which she tried to answer before Mary was woken up but was unsuccessful. She said "Hello," and then reached over and picked up Mary with her free arm. Mary calmed down fairly quickly, and Erin was able to hear "Erin, this is Debbie. Sorry if I woke up Mary." Something in her tone caused Erin to think she was very upset, and when Debbie burst into tears a moment later it was confirmed. Erin, "Debbie, what's wrong?" Debbie, "Oh, Erin, my parents are splitting up." Erin, "What happened?" Debbie, "Well, you know my Mom's been really bitchy the last six months or so. Of course, you know, you were the target of a lot of it." Erin, "Yes." Debbie, "Well you remember last Tuesday, Mom wouldn't even go to my graduation?" Erin, "Yes." Debbie, "Well that was the limit for Dad. He had been suspicious that something beyond a mid-life crisis was going on, so he decided to hire a private investigator. The private investigator followed her for a couple of days and reported to Dad that she was having an affair, with the Reverend. They were meeting at a motel or in the church itself, for God's sake. The PI brought a copy of a motel receipt that he had gotten from the hotel clerk, and the Reverend had actually had the clerk put his name on it." Debbie cried some more at this point. "Well, Dad said maybe that was why every time her family convinced Mom to give you and me the benefit of the doubt, she would come back the next day and call us whores again." Erin, "I don't remember that." Debbie, "Dad said that behind our backs the name calling was going on. He forbad it when we were around. Anyway, Dad thought, "Why would the Reverend want his name on hotel receipts. Only one reason came to mind. So, Dad went to the treasurer of the church, and asked him to review the Reverend's reimbursements. Apparently, the Reverend was actually claiming the motel costs as a reimbursable expense. Told the treasurer he was meeting donors at the Motel. But the treasurer and another board member wanted confirmation, before bringing this to the board. So, Friday, when Mom and the Reverend met at the Motel, the two church members and Dad got a key from the clerk and walked in about a half hour after they arrived. They found them in bed, having sex. How could she?" Then Debbie sobbed again. Then Debbie continued, "So, there was an emergency meeting of the church board and the Reverend was fired and is being sued to recover false reimbursements. That is why the Assistant Reverend did the service this Sunday. When she was caught, Mom said she loved the Reverend, not Dad. Apparently, she also said some very insulting and hurtful things about Dad. But, then the Reverend decided to try to patch things together with his wife. That leaves Mom out in the cold. She wanted to come home, but Dad was furious and threw her clothes out in the yard and said he would pay to rent her an apartment until the divorce, but he didn't want to be anywhere near her. Sarah and I begged him to forgive her and try to patch things together, but he is adamant he wants nothing to do with her. I guess I can't blame him. He is really hurt." Erin was staggered at the betrayal. And sympathized with Mr. Silver, who loved his family so much. God, what a mess. Then Erin asked, "What can I do, Debbie? I'm so sorry." Debbie, "Oh, I don't know, Erin. Could we just hang out sometime? Chris is working. Dad is working. Sarah is doing something at school. Today, I just sat here alone all day with Jeremy. I love Jeremy, but I need to talk to an adult." Erin, "Sure, we can do that. We'll find a way to get together tomorrow and Thursday." Debby, "Can I come over there, Erin? This house is so empty and cold now." Without thinking about her own issues, Erin said "Sure, Debbie, whatever you want." Debbie, "OK, can I ask Dad to drop me off tomorrow?" Erin, "Sure. I'll see you then." As soon as Debbie hung up, Erin remembered that she was somewhat concerned being alone in her own home. If Debbie was here, would she be in some danger as well. What should she do about it? Something more to discuss with Clara. But at least Erin's conversation with Debbie had gotten her out of her funk of self-pity. Other people have problems too. Erin realized she needed to take a more global view in determining the best thing to do about Adam. She couldn't just do what was best and most comfortable for herself. But first Erin decided to deal with the problem of the Community Center. She called and asked when the next board meeting was, and found it was tonight. She asked to be put on the agenda. Then she called the number of the prosecutor who was interested in helping put together a case for Child Sexual Abuse against Adam Luthor. She was on hold for several minutes, and a woman answered, "Connie Chung, Prosecutor." Erin said, "My name is Erin McLoughlin. I was referred to you by my sister, 'Officer Fran McLoughlin.' Connie said, "About what?" Erin said, "Last year I was the girlfriend of Rex Luthor. We lived for a time with his father, Adam Luthor." Connie said, "OK, I'm going to turn on the recording machine in my phone. I will be making an introductory statement." There was a beep, "This is Connie Chung, I am speaking with Erin McLoughlin, who just called me. The subject is experiences while living with her boyfriend Rex Luthor at the home of his father, Adam Luthor. Please proceed, Miss McLoughlin." Erin said, "Last year, I was living with Rex Luthor, my boyfriend at the time, at the home of his father, Adam Luthor. While I was there, Adam Luthor sexually assaulted me at least twice, despite the fact that I was 7 months pregnant. The details are hazy to me because at the time I was taking between 60 and 100 mg Percocet's per day. However, I do remember being assaulted and I remember talking Rex into moving in with my parents to avoid further sexual assaults. I have not come forward until now because I felt I would not be a credible witness because Mr. Luthor is very influential and because of the drug use." Unfortunately, that is all I can say about the incidents." Then Connie asked questions to solicit details, but Erin could not say much more, except she remembered the assaults were violent and painful. Then Connie ended the recording, and said, "Thank You for coming forward Miss McLoughlin. Unfortunately, because you cannot testify as to details, your testimony is unlikely to be useful." Erin said, "Yes, that is what I thought. But it has been suggested you might use me as threat, to try to get a plea from Adam Luthor." Connie, "Both he and his lawyer are too smart for that. It's a waste of time." Erin, "Well, at least this might convince you that this is a long-standing pattern and that there are probably other victims out there." Connie, "Yes." Erin, "There is something you could do the help me, Ms. Chung." Connie, "What is that." Erin, "Adam Luthor has been stalking me. It could be because he is concerned I might tell you about this incident. It would be helpful if you leaked your judgement that I was not a good witness to his lawyer. It might stop the stalking, because there is no payoff." Conny, "Maybe so. I can do that." After this Erin spent a couple hours with Mary, cleaning her up, letting her nurse, and then giving her some baby food, and playing and walking and talking with her. Then Erin decided to call Clara, even though she wouldn't normally be home from work. However, with the wedding coming up, Erin thought Clara could be home early. And she was right. Erin said, "Hi Clara. Guess who." Clara replied, "Hi Sis. How you doing? You ready for Friday?" Erin said, "I'm ready. But I don't have much to do. Are you ready?" Clara said, "Well, I've got a lot of details to do. But fortunately, I have a planner extraordinaire working on it, our mom. Actually, this was my last day of work, and Robert won't be in town until Thursday night. I'm a bit at loose ends." Erin, "I bet you find lots to do." Then Clara changed the subject and asked, "What's new with you?" Erin told her about Adam stalking her and what had happened yesterday and how she needed to go to the Community Center tonight and about Debbie and how she was coming over tomorrow and how Erin was a little worried about her being here, if Adam was still stalking her." Clara said, "Well I have a solution for that. Why don't you both come over here. I could use the company." Then she shouted, "Mom, is it OK if Erin and a friend both come over tomorrow?" Erin heard Jenny say "Of course Honey. The more the merrier." Erin said, "Clara, there are a couple of things. Debbie doesn't know about me. And she has a 5- month-old, so there would be two babies here." Clara said, "No Problem. It will be nice to see you." Erin, "Ok then. Can you come get me in the morning?" Clara, "Sure." That evening, when Mom got home from work, Erin told her about all that had happened from what she had learned from Fran and talking to the prosecutor, and about Debbie's Mom, and about going to the community center board meeting tonight. Then Erin asked for a ride home. She said it was light out, so she didn't mind walking, but it might be dark by the time the meeting was done. Mom agreed and said when Erin called she would come get her. So, after dinner, Erin packed up Mary and her diaper bag and her purse and walked to the Community Center. She got there as the board meeting was beginning but had to wait until later in the agenda. Mary started fussing so Erin went outside the board room to wait in the common area. The director saw her as he was walking into the board room and gave her a dirty look. About 15 minutes later they called her into the board room. She said she was here to confirm what she had been told months earlier, that the ban on her presence in the community center had been lifted. The chair said, "Well, you should just be able to check that with the receptionist, and not come to a board meeting." But he asked the secretary to check the records. It took a few moments, but he said, "Yes, in the April Board meeting we voted to lift the ban on Miss McLoughlin. She had been coming to the center for three months on a provisional basis to use the internet to study for the GED, and her behavior had been good." The board chair, Jean Worthington, said, "So, you should just be able to walk in and use the facilities at any time, Miss McLoughlin." Erin said, "Can you be sure the records at the front desk reflect that? I was here Monday, and the Director called the police to have me removed, ostensibly because I had been banned." Jean Worthington said, "Oh, really. What happened?" So, Erin described the incident. Jean Worthington then turned to the director and said, "Mr. Gemshaw, can you give me your version of the event." Mr. Gemshaw said "Miss McLoughlin was disruptive. I asked her to come to my office, but she wouldn't. So, I called the police." Jean, "In what way was she disruptive?" Directory, "Just generally disruptive, talking on the phone, playing with her baby." One of the woman on the board said, "Playing with her baby is disruptive? This is a community center. People should be able to do those things here, unless there is something else going on that needs quiet. She wasn't in a study area, was she?" The Director sputtered, "No, but it was annoying people." Chair, "What people? Did you get a complaint?" Director, "No, I just knew she was." Chair, "So you took action to throw her out of the center?" Directory, "No. I asked the receptionist to have her come to my office to talk to her." Chair, "And expected her to stand outside your office until you got around to her? A pregnant woman carrying a baby? That seems very inappropriate. Did you tell the police to remove her because she was banned? Before you answer, you should know I will be requesting the Officer's report of the incident." The director said, "I may have forgotten the ban had been lifted." Jean, "I believe you owe Miss McLoughlin an apology and I don't want to hear about anything like this again. You made your feelings known about Miss McLoughlin known before. You are not free to kick someone out just because you don't like him or her." Erin spoke up, "I don't need an apology. I just need to know that in the future if I need to come here for one reason or another, I won't be treated in such a fashion. I know I behaved badly in the past. I have apologized for that and am happy to say again 'I deeply regret my actions and will forever be ashamed of them.' But I have been working hard for the last 9 months to get my life together and make amends for my earlier bad behavior. I hope I can be forgiven. But I need to know if I can't, so I can plan appropriately. It was embarrassing and inconvenient to be treated in the way I was last Monday. And I would not have come here if I knew I was unwelcome." Jean Worthington said, "You were banned because of bad actions. But you requested to be reinstated and promised to behave appropriately. I have heard no evidence that you have not done so. So, the ban has been lifted and you should be welcome here as any other member of the community we serve. I have not yet heard from the director whether he regrets his behavior or will implement the board's decision in this matter. If I don't hear anything, I will put a discussion of his future employment on the board's agenda." The director, as well as his assistant both turned white at this comment. The Director said, "Of course I will implement the boards' decisions. I regret that what happened Monday is being interpreted as not implementing the board's decisions. That is not what I intended." The chair commented, "What you just said is not a commitment to fully implement the board's decisions. Are you withholding such a commitment?" Director, "I need to be able to act according to my interpretation of a situation." Chair, "But your interpretation in this case appears to be biased and unfounded by the facts of the matter. What is going on?" Director, "I don't know? This is becoming a personnel matter and should not be discussed outside the board." The chair then turned to Erin and said, "Miss McLoughlin. We need to have a private discussion. Thank You for coming." Erin interpreted this as a request to leave and packed up Mary, Mary's diaper bag and her purse and said. "Thank You for hearing me," and left. Erin wasn't sure what the final resolution, and honestly didn't care. But she had done her civic duty to alert the board to the possibility that they're decisions were not being implemented by the Director. She might need to use the Center again, and if so would give it another chance. But she still was not sure if Monday's incident would reoccur. Erin went out to the reception area and called her mom for a ride home. CHAPTER 21. CLARA'S WEDDING, ERIN AND TONY HELP DEBBIE'S MOTHER The next morning, Erin got up early and went through her morning routine, so she would be ready when Debbie showed up, which she did precisely at 8 AM. Erin opened the door and greeted her and Peter and asked if Debbie had had breakfast. Debbie said she had, so Erin said "Well, I haven't. Why don't you and Peter come and sit at the table with me and Mary and talk." Debby, "Sure." Debbie sat down, Erin made herself some oatmeal and added milk and fruit. Then mom came over, and somehow the conversation got around to Debbie's mom, and Debbie gave a complete description to Erin's mom what had happened last Friday. Mom asked, "Where is your mom staying now?" Debbie, "I don't know. We haven't heard from her since Friday. I'm really worried she may do something foolish." Then Erin said, "Debbie, I don't think I have told you. We are going over to Clara's house for the day. She said she was at odds and would like to have some company. She is getting married on Saturday." Debbie said, "Geez, I don't want to intrude." Erin, "You are not intruding. I told her you were coming, and she wants to see your baby. And she says she might draft us for advice on the wedding and some help setting up." Debbie, "OK, sounds like fun." A few minutes later, Clara showed up and helped Erin and Debbie and the babies into her car. Erin let Debbie sit up front. As always, seeing Brian's old neighborhood brought a flood of memories to Erin. But not the deep sense of loss it once had. As they entered Clara's driveway, Debbie said, "You live in a pretty neighborhood and home, Clara." Clara, "Thanks. I and my brother lived here all our lives and loved it." Debbie, "Oh, who is your brother." Debbie, "His name is Brian. We were close friends, as well as siblings. He disappeared last fall. We really miss him." Debbie, "Sorry. Any idea what happened?" Clara, "Well, actually we found out recently he was in prison." Debbie, "Really. What happened to cause a beloved brother to wind up there?" Clara, "Don't know. The human mind is strange, and sometimes even those who seem stable do something stupid. Mom and I, and Erin, have been visiting him the last month trying to get him back on track." Debbie, "I wonder if that is what happened to my mother. She was such a wonderful mother when my sister and I were young, and she met another man and turned into a total bitch. Now she has disappeared, too." Clara, "Oh, I'm sorry Debbie." Debbie, "Thank You. I just hope that we can find her and get her back on track. But she hurt us, and particularly Daddy, so badly. It looks like my parent's feelings for each other may be permanently damaged" The rest of the day was about Clara and her wedding. Clara asked advice about everything from details of clothing to wedding music to how to deal with a best man that she had only met once but had impressed her as a total sexist jerk. Then she asked Erin how she would handle misogynistic remarks from the guy accompanying her to her assigned place during the wedding. Erin said, "Clara, for your sake I will try to be as nice and laid back as I can. I promise I won't kick him in the balls, unless he gets way out of line." Debbie giggled, and Clara laughed and said, "I guess that's all I can ask." Then Jenny asked them to help get some things out and prepare the house for a little reception they were having tonight. When that was done, the two mothers attended to their babies, cleaning, changing, allowing them to nurse. Clara looked at them and asked "do you enjoy that? Erin said, "You know I feel a deep connection to Mary when she nurses. Yes, I am happy to allow her to nurse. It improves our relationship and makes me feel content." Clara, "How about you Debbie?" Debbie, "well, I usually enjoy the closeness, but not to the extent that Erin does. But I agree it enhances my relationship with my baby. In the long run, I hope it will lead to a happier child, which will make me happier." Clara, "I understand you still have a good relationship with Jeremy's father. Do you talk about marriage with him?" Debbie, "Yes. He is really sweet, and we care a lot about each other. But he seems so young. He is looking forward to college and all he talks about is cars and parties and sports. I wish he were focused on his future more. Or on our relationship and our baby. I'm not sure he's ready for marriage. I'm sure he would marry me if I made a point of it. But he would feel trapped and we would drift apart. I'll wait until he decides he's ready." Clara, "Are you going to try to go to college?" Debbie, "Yes, I suppose. I need to be able to get a good job. But it will be hard with a child. Erin was a lifesaver in high school. But I doubt she wants to be a permanent child caregiver." Erin, "But Jeremy will not need so much care as time goes along. You should try college Debbie. You are missing out on something you would enjoy. I'm sure your father will help." Debbie, "Oh, I will try. I'm just concerned is all. How about you Erin? What are you going to do?" Erin, "Well, I'm going to take care of babies another year starting in August. I have no choice, so I might as well make the best of it. And I actually do enjoy it. Mary is such a sweetie, and I'm sure the twins will be too. But I also have to do what I can to be more employable. I will be looking for any reasonable kind of education that will enhance my job skills after the twins are a year old. Clara, "What about relationships? Do you want to get married some day?" Erin, "I don't know? I guess all the men I have been with up to now have really been disappointments. I'm sure there are better men, but I doubt they would be interested in a relationship with me, with three babies and a reputation for shooting boyfriends. So, I'm thinking I will be a single girl forever." Clara responded, "But you're so so different from the girl who used to chase boys away. You have so much to offer, Erin. You're sweet and pretty and smart and loving. I bet in time you will meet a man who is smart and mature enough to appreciate you." Debbie, "I agree. You used to be rough and coarse and competitive and boys would shy away from you, actually most people would shy away from you. Now that has completely changed. It's like you're a different person. You are so much more sensible and feminine than before. You will meet some man that you care for and who cares for you and your children and things will work out, so you have a partner in life, if that is what you want. I guess I should ask if that is what you want?" Erin, "Sure. Who wants to be without a partner. It would have to be the right man though. For now, I'll focus totally on my children. If a man comes along who loves me and I love, then I'll think about marriage." Then Erin turned to Clara and asked, "Clara, tell us about Robert. How did you meet him? What attracted you to him?" Clara, "Well, I met him at a party. He was reserved but had an aura of knowing who he was and what he wanted to do. He was tall, blond, and handsome. He dressed well and was friendly and showed an interest in me and my opinions. I was immediately attracted, and when he asked for my number, I gave it to him without hesitation. We went out on a few dates, and then one night we wound up alone at his house. We didn't go too far, but it was close. In the end, he was the one who told me that he didn't want me to do anything I'd regret tomorrow. So, he declined to take advantage of me. That impressed me. The highlight was when he asked me to the officer's ball they have at the base and he showed up at my door in uniform. He was really handsome. That night, he told me he had to leave on another year-long tour to the Mid-East but asked me to marry him when he got back. After that, he intended to leave the military and try to find work in Blakefield. His family has just moved here from Moscow. It took me about two seconds to say 'yes'. Of course, Erin knew most of this, but she responded like it was new information, and said "Sounds like a storybook romance. He can't be that perfect. Isn't there anything that you hesitate at." Clara, "Mainly the politics. My family have always been Democrats, and he is a financial conservative, but not a crazy social or religious conservative. I think we can tolerate each other's different politics. And he spends a lot of time at work. That is good, because it means he is serious and will be able to support a family, which we both want. But I will have to spend some time alone if he works extra hours. The afternoon continued in this way, which was just the sort of low- key positive interaction that both Erin and Debbie needed. By the time Clara took them to Erin's house at about 4:30, girls were much more relaxed. When they got home, they had to wait a half hour before Mr. Silver picked up Debbie and Jeremy. After that, Erin noticed a message on the answering machine. It was from the prosecutor she talked to yesterday. The prosecutor said that she had delivered the message to Adam Luthor's lawyer that Erin had accused Adam Luthor of sexually abusing her last year, but couldn't remember any details, and that Erin had admitted to being strung out on drugs at the time. The prosecutor also told Adam's Lawyer that she considered Erin an unreliable witness and would not use the accusation in any future action. The prosecutor said she hoped this would take discourage Adam from harassing Erin in any way in the future. Erin hoped so too. But she would keep carrying her weapon until she had a better indication that she was now safe. Then Erin checked to see if Mary's diaper was OK. It wasn't, so Erin changed the diaper and cleaned Mary up and allowed her to nurse. By then Mom was home so Erin went down and talked with her for a while. They talked about Debbie and her mom and Clara's wedding and their discussions. Mom talked about her day, and said she hoped Erin would find a man she could love and would love her back someday. She said her relationship with Dad was very happy and she hoped for the same sort of relationship for her daughters. A few months ago, Erin would find herself automatically thinking, "No way," but now she thought "maybe." Then Erin helped mom with dinner and talked to Dad and Fran when they got home. Erin found herself confiding in Fran more and more. It was odd considering how much Fran had distrusted and avoided Erin before, but the two sisters now actually enjoyed each other's company. For her part, Fran liked having a sister to talk to about her relationship. After dinner, Erin just spent time playing with Mary and when she went to sleep, Erin read for several hours, mostly Science and Economics magazines, but she had also started reading young women's magazines and spent some time on reading about children and relationships. In truth, she was tired of being alone and was considering how things might go with a boyfriend and also three children. At the end, she decided it wasn't going to happen for her. She would just not have the time for both a relationship and children, and she would not shortchange her children. The next day was Clara's reception. Mary woke up at her usual time, 6 AM. Erin got up, cleaned her up and allowed her to nurse and then she put her in her crib with some toys mom had bought. Erin took a shower and dressed. Then she took Mary downstairs and made coffee. She was drinking coffee and playing with Mary when Mom came down. Erin asked mom if she would like some eggs and bacon, and mom said "Sure, if your offering." So, Erin put Mary in a walker and made bacon and eggs and hash browns for Mom. She had perfected a way of using as little oil as possible on the hash browns, and mom appreciated that, since she was trying to avoid weight gain. Dad came down, and Erin ask if he wanted some, which he did. So, Erin made him some and served the two of them and then poured herself some cereal. When mom questioned her on that, she said that likely at the reception, she would be eating fatty food all day, so it might be best to eat sparingly and healthy for breakfast. After cleaning the kitchen, Erin took Mary back upstairs, gave her a sponge bath, and put her in a reasonably nice outfit. Then she changed herself to a fairly nice outfit and brushed her hair and did her makeup, which she now knew how to do almost instinctively. At 10, Clara was there, and they went straight to the church. The other three bridesmaids were already there as was the pastor doing the ceremony and the two sets of parents and a ring bearer, (Robert's nephew) and a flower girl (Clara's cousin). Of course, Erin had known many of these people as Brian, but could not acknowledge that as Erin. And to most of the people, Erin was a young, unmarried mother with an unusual personality, with whom Clara had somehow formed a close bond so that Clara had selected her as Brian's replacement when he went missing. As such, they were very hesitant to talk to Erin extensively, although they were friendly. Erin did persuade the flower girl's mother, Brian's aunt, to hold Mary while they went through the ceremony several times until Clara was satisfied that it would go smoothly tomorrow. Erin noticed that it was Clara, not the pastor, who decided how things should be done and whether they were ready. She wasn't surprised. Clara had been very forceful her whole life. After that, Clara said, "Erin, several of the dresses had to be redone. We are going to the dress shop to try them on." Recently Erin had become less comfortable in crowded situations. Part of it was psychological. Her stomach was now starting to be large enough that she felt very unattractive. And she would often feel physically uncomfortable and needed to change positions and go to the bathroom often. She just did not feel like piling into an SUV and riding around town. She said, "Clara, is it OK if I just stay here, spend some time with Mary, and just relax?" Clara, "Are you OK?" Erin, "Sure, I'm just a little uncomfortable running around and sitting in tight quarters." Clara, "Ok, Sis. We'll be back in a few hours. If you need anything, call mom." Erin, "OK, bye, love you, Sis." Erin found a couch in a hallway and spent time playing various games with Mary. Then she walked around and started pointing at things and said the word so Mary would see. Mary loved this for a while. But then Mary got tired and wanted to nurse. So, Erin found a place in a corner of a room and allowed her to do so. After that, she got out some toys for Mary and played again. Then two very young boys saw her and came over and watched for a while. The older boy then said, "What's her name?" Erin, "Hi. This is Mary. What's you and your friends name?" The older boy said, "I'm Alonzo, and my brother is Duncan. I'm named after my dad's father and Alonzo is named after my mother's father. My dad is doing the music for the wedding." At that, Erin thought, "Oh, these are Tony's boys. I remember them, but they have changed a lot since I saw them in April." Erin said, "Nice to meet you Alonzo and Duncan. My name is Erin. I'm Mary's mother. You may not remember me, but we met a few months ago." Then the older boy said, "My Dad brought some books, but he is so busy he can't read them. Could you read them to us?" Erin said, "That sounds like fun. Bring a book to me and I'll read it." Sam, "OK, be back in a moment." While he ran off his brother stayed but said nothing. Erin decided she had to get up and change positions. When she stood up it was apparent to even young children that she had a big tummy. Alonzo spotted it as he returned with the books and asked, "Are you going to have a baby?" Erin, "Yes. I'm actually going to have two babies. One boy and one girl." Alonzo, "What are their names?" Erin replied, "Well, they aren't born yet so they don't have names. But I have been thinking about several names for each. Right now, I think I will name them 'Aaron' and 'Carli', but I might change my mind." They will be born in about 1? months." Then Alonzo asked, "Does it hurt to have a baby?" Erin, "Yes it does. But it's worth it. Look at Mary. She's so sweet. Whatever pain she caused, she was worth it." Then Alonzo said wide-eyed, "I'm glad fathers don't have to get pregnant." Erin laughed at that and said, "But fathers help mothers get pregnant." Then Alonzo asked, "Who helped you get pregnant?" That was a question that Erin did not expect. She finally said, "Someone who I'm not friends with any more." After that Erin and the boys walked over to an area with a bench by a carpet where Mary and the boys could lay. Brian had always loved drama as well as science, so Erin was able to interpret the things in the books with her expressions and body language. Erin read to the boys as they lay on the floor and the boys howled and laughed at her voices and expressions, and even Mary got into the act and insisted on laying on the floor with the boys and copied their behavior. Erin would finish a book and Sam would run and get another. After 4 books, Tony walked up and looked at the scene and laughed and said "Well, Alonzo, I guess you found someone to read to you. I'm glad you did." Alonzo jumped up and said, "Hi Dad. This is Erin. She's a good reader. And this is Mary. She's a baby, but she's cool. Erin's pregnant Dad. And she's going to have two babies, Carli and Aaron." Tony laughed, "I can see that Alonzo. Erin, I think we met a couple of months ago when you and the bridesmaids and Clara came to one of my band's performances. I'm happy to see you again. Thank You for reading to my boys. I had to work the phones to try to find my keyboard player. Unfortunately, I couldn't. So, I guess we can't rehearse after all." Erin, "Gee, that will make it hard to be ready to play tomorrow." Tony, "Yes, it will. And I am even more concerned that my keyboard lady will not show up at all. She is a total flake, although she is a very good player." Erin, "Well, I used to do the keyboard. I'm not great, but I might be good enough so the rest of the band can get some practice and arranging time in." Tony looked at her and said, "I guess we could give it a try. It might help. Come on over, and I'll get the rest of the band together." He started to walk away, but noticed that Erin was getting painfully up from the seat. So, he went over to her and held out his hand. She looked at him and thought, 'hey, it's not time for pride,' and she grabbed his hand and allowed him to help her up. "Thank You," she said. He smiled at her and said, "My pleasure." Then he picked up Mary and her diaper bag and waited for her to pick up her purse and start walking. She found herself thinking, "Wow, what a nice guy." But she caught herself and thought, "Of course he's a nice guy, you idiot. He always has been." Tony went over to where the rest of the band was gathered. He said, "I can't find the keyboarder who had agreed to be here. But this is Erin, and she said she would be a temporary fill-in, so we could get some practice on these songs. Everyone OK with that?" Then he introduced her to the other musicians in the band, including one other woman, a 35-year old base player named Mimi. Then he said to Erin, "Why don't you get familiar with the equipment. Everyone, we'll start in 15 minutes." Then he turned to Mimi and said, "Will you hold Erin's baby for a few minutes." He looked at Erin and said, "Don't worry, Mimi loves babies. She used to hold Alonzo and Duncan for me on occasion. Right, Mimi?" Mimi looked at Tony and said, "Yeh. Thanks for asking. I guess I can do that. Do you want me to recruit a baby holder for during the practice?" Tony, "That's a great idea, Mimi. Thanks." Then Mimi walked over to two women who apparently had accompanied band members and talked to them. She sat down and started rocking Mary, and a few minutes later handed her to another woman. "Thank God, Mary is so easy going," thought Erin, not for the first time. Then she sat herself in front of the keyboard, and noticed it wasn't even hooked up. She found the wires and connected it, getting down on her knees awkwardly. After connecting the wire and testing to insure the connections were secure, she got up even more awkwardly, and sat in front of the keyboard and turned it on. Then she ran through a few songs from her memory. The keyboard was in good condition and sounded good. She decided she was as ready as she could be. Tony passed around the music he wanted everyone to use, and they started going through each one individually. They didn't spend that long on any tune, but Tony wanted them to play each one together. Occasionally, he would stop them and tell someone to play with a different cadence or pitch to accommodate another instrument. Usually they would get through a tune in only one playing. But there were thirty tunes. After about an hour and 15 minutes, Erin started hearing Mary fuss. She broke in and said, "Sorry, guys. I have a baby that needs attention and I need to use the bathroom. How about a 15-minute break?" Tony said, "OK, you heard the lady. 15 minutes." Erin got up awkwardly and went over to the woman holding Mary and said, "Hey, thanks for holding her." The woman said, "No problem. She's a sweetheart. By the way, you play very well." Erin said thanks, grabbed the diaper bag and took Mary into the bathroom and changed a wet diaper and let her nurse for a while. Then she took her back and asked the woman to hold her again and returned to the bathroom to take care of herself. When she finally got out, it had taken 25 minutes. As she sat down, she heard a couple of the men players griping about how long she had taken, and then heard Mimi tell them to shut up, that Erin was being a trouper and had finished what she had to do in good time. She'd like to see them do better. Tony had thought Erin wasn't half bad when he first heard her. Not as brilliant as the keyboard player she was replacing, but pretty good. And the keyboarder she had replaced was a flake, who might not show for any one of a number of reasons. He did note that Erin's play seemed awfully familiar, but he knew he had never seen her before a couple months ago. He would have remembered a tall, attractive, young girl who played like her. But then he lost himself in the music, in listening to each instrument and how they melded together with each other and with his voice. They reached a song that just wasn't working. Without thinking he said, "Hey Brian, we need a little more life from the keyboard. You're putting the front row customers to sleep. Come on." Tony expected to hear back, "Let's get a little more animation from you Tony. I'm playing under your direction." But instead he heard a girl's quiet voice saying, "OK Tony, I'll try." Surprised, he thought "God, she must think I'm an ass." Then it struck him. Erin's play sounded just like his high school friend Brian's play. Brian had played in his band until he was a junior in high school and decided he had to quit and focus on math and science, much to Tony's displeasure. He was amazed that this young girl sounded so much like Erin. He would have to watch himself, so he wouldn't daydream and call her Brian again. Near the end, Tony called another break. Erin got up awkwardly and was going toward the bathroom, when Tony got her attention and called her over to Mimi and said, "Erin, do you sing any. Some of the songs require female voices, and Mimi could probably use your help. What do you think?" Erin, "I don't know. I have sung a little, but not much. I could try some background if Mimi would tell me what she needed. But I guarantee nothing." So, they went over about 10 songs with Mimi giving her simple instructions. Then Tony started to call them back together, but Erin said "Um, Tony, I need another 5 minutes." Then she walked slowly to the bathroom. Mimi glared at the players who had complained earlier, daring them to say anything. When she got back, they worked on the 10 songs that needed female voices. Erin really struggled to sing the female part of the songs, even with Mimi leading. It was not just the notes, but the feminine intonation in some of the songs. But she managed to get through it. Then Tony ended the rehearsal and as everyone was leaving, he went over to Erin and Mimi and said "That sounded good, you two. We're ready for tomorrow." Erin replied, "Uhm, I was just filling in. Tomorrow you will have your regular keyboarder back." Tony, "I don't know. She is a flake and there are no guarantees she will show up. Besides, we sounded just as good with you on the keyboard. And you and Mimi sound great together." Erin, "Well, I don't know how it would work, me playing with you. I am supposed to be the Maid, err, Matron of Honor. That has to take top priority." Tony, "Of course, but that will only take a few minutes. Afterwards, it may be that without you there will be no music. So, you might want to do it for Clara." Erin sighed, "OK, for Clara, if I have to." After he left, Mimi laughed and said, "Ain't that just like a man. Whatever he is doing is the most important thing in the world. Don't let him talk you into anything you don't want to do honey." Erin smiled and said, "Actually, I enjoyed playing. The last time I played was years ago." Mimi, "What happened?" Erin was trying to formulate a reasonable lie, but then Mimi jumped, "I bet I know. It was a guy wasn't it. Mary's father? You're just the type of sweet girl who would give up everything for a guy. Are you still involved with him?" Erin, "Hell no. I left that self-centered bastard a months ago. But then I got involved with someone else. And one night he drugged me and raped me, and here I am. I guess I don't have good taste in men." Mimi, "Well, you sure had one good man's attention. Tony's a great guy. Mind you, he can be a real tyrant when it comes to his music. But tonight, he kept looking at you and was as sweet as sweet can be." Erin, "What, with me having one baby and 7 months along with two more and looking like a beached whale. No way." Mimi laughed, "Believe it or not, there are men who respect women who love children. And Tony's one of them. His wife decided she didn't want children and up and left his two boys with him. I know he was very unhappy losing her. But he is the best dad and really a sweet guy. I'm sure he appreciates a woman who loves her children." Erin went over to pick up Mary and said thanks to the two women who alternated holding her. They said she was as sweet as could be and they were happy to do it. They had also been watching Alonzo and Duncan, who gathered around Erin. Alonzo asked if she would show them the keyboard, and she said "Sure," and carried Mary over to the seat while they followed her. Alonzo managed to climb up on the seat and Erin showed him how to plunk the keys while she controlled the sound that were produced. Then Duncan wanted to do it too, so Erin asked Mimi if she would hold Mary for a moment, and lifted Duncan up into the seat and moved it close to the keyboard and then guided his hand on the keyboard. Then Alonzo wanted another turn, and Erin said next time, Alonzo, next time. Tony saw what was going on and came over and said "Boys, we have to close up shop now. It's almost dinner time." The two allowed themselves to be lured away while Erin shut down the keyboard again and thanked Mimi and took Mary again. Mimi winked and said, "That's the way to his heart girl, through his boys." Erin said, "Oh, I was just letting them see. How else can they learn to enjoy music?" Mimi, "Right." It turns out Clara and the bridesmaids had gotten back to the church before the rehearsal was done and seen Erin playing. She came up to Erin and said, "Jeez girl, does it feel good to play again? You sounded great. You still got it. Tony said I should say thanks for helping with the rehearsal. If his keyboardist doesn't show up tomorrow, I would love it if you would do what you can to make sure there is live music." Erin was not surprised that Tony had managed to persuade Clara to reinforce the need for her to step in if needed to have live music tomorrow. He had used the same tactic to get Brian to do things in the past. The more things change, the more things stay the same. She laughed and said, "Yes, it does feel good to play again. But I'm very rusty. It would be better if the regular keyboard player is here." Clara, "Yeah, but you and Mimi sang the female parts well too. The regular keyboard player, apparently, doesn't sing." Then the wedding party reception and dinner began. Erin carried Mary around and tried to talk to everyone. She got some comments on her singing and playing. And as always, Mary stole the show. She was in her element, smiling and giggling for everyone. Erin was surprised to find Alonzo and Duncan trailing along behind her. She tried to make sure they were included in introductions and conversation too. They were not as outgoing as Mary but were very nice boys and if asked a question would respond politely. One of the older women, a mother of one of the bridesmaids, said "What a nice family. I must say, my dear, you look very young for your age. You have three children and one on the way, but you only look to be 18 or 19 years." Erin laughed and said, "Alonzo and Duncan belong to the musician, Tony DelGado. They are very sweet boys, because their father is a very nice guy. I am only 19." Some other conversations were less pleasant. Tony's mother was there and mentioned the recent article about "Crazy Erin." Erin told her that "Adam Luthor had accused her of being the cause of his son's death and assaulted her, and she had overreacted and said something she wished she hadn't. Of course, the paper only covered half the story." And there was one girl who apparently knew Erin from high school and was surprised that Clara would want her for a 'Matron of Honor.' Erin got the impression that this girl had thoroughly disliked the previous Erin. Erin tried to be pleasant and polite and by the time they stopped talking, the girl was at least also trying to make conversation. When it came time to go through buffet line, Tony's sons were still with her, so Erin concentrated on taking care of them. She had Alonzo carry a big plate and she divided the plate in two and put Alonzo's stuff on one side and Duncan's on the other, all the while carrying Mary in her right arm. As they left, she grabbed an extra plate, and when she got to the table she slid Duncan's stuff onto the extra plate. She chose to sit by Mrs. DelGado, thinking she would help with the two boys, which she did when she saw what was going on. Then Erin went back and got a plate for herself, also taking a few things that Mary might eat. When she got back to the table, several of Tony's relatives had taken her spot. So, she left to find another table, but Mrs. DelGado called her back and said they had saved her a spot on the other side of Alonzo and Duncan. Erin didn't see an open spot, but some of Tony's relatives squeezed together and pulled a chair from the next table and she sat down. She had known most of them as Brian, but as Erin she had to 'meet' them again. Erin spent the next few minutes trying to make conversation and giving Mary pieces of watermelon and potatoes from her potato salad and helping Duncan with his dinner. Then Tony came over and said, "Hi guys" to his sons, and moved the two boys so he could sit down and then put them on his lap. He thanked Erin for helping with their food. This put Erin right next to Tony, and she feel her shoulder against his shoulder. He turned and spoke in her ear because it was loud at the table. He only said, "Can you pass a napkin, please?" but he was so close it felt like he was about to kiss her on the cheek. It felt very intimate. Normally, Erin liked her space, but for some reason she enjoyed being close to Tony. And Tony seemed to be subconsciously seeking closeness, leaning her way and maintaining contact with his shoulder, although she noticed that she was also leaning against him without thinking about it. Tony kept up a dialog with everyone at the table, asking about things that were going on in their lives, and smiling at the answers. Erin just now noticed that he had a beautiful smile and was prompted to smile at him and others at the table in the course of conversation. Tony also made conversation with Erin, asking about her family. Erin had to ask about his family too but learned nothing she did not know before as Brian. Then Clara came by and said, "Oh, there you are Erin. You and I need to talk about some things for the ceremony tomorrow." Erin did not really feel like leaving, but she reasoned that she was here for the wedding, not to sit with Tony, and she got up slowly and she and got Mary went with Clara. When she got away from the table, Clara said, "What was that all about, Erin? You and Tony were draped all over each other. You looked like a married couple who still like each other." Erin said, "Well, it was a crowded table. We couldn't avoid it." Clara, "It wasn't that crowded. Tony's mother was giving you the eye, trying to figure out what it meant. I suspect she is asking Tony the same questions I asked or will be soon." Erin, "It wasn't about anything. We just wound up close together is all. What do we need to talk about?" Clara, "The others are in the kitchen where we can talk." In the kitchen, Erin sat with the others and talked through some minor changes in the ceremony. Then, Clara asked everyone to stick around for picture, which Erin did. By that time, dinner was over, and the ladies of the church were clearing the tables and putting plates in dishes. Clara and the others decided to pitch in, so Erin found a clean place to put Mary in the nursery and helped clean up too. Then she got all her stuff together and went out the front door of the church where it was quiet and started to call her mother to bring her home, as previously arranged. But Tony and his children came out the door and he started talking to Erin and found out she needed a ride home and said "Don't bother your mother. I'll be happy to give you a ride." Erin said, "I don't want to be any trouble." Tony, "No trouble. It would be my pleasure." Erin, "OK, Thank You. I do need to call my mother and tell her so she can do something else if she wants." Tony's old Camry was just adequate for the 5 of them. It took a little over a half hour to get Erin home, since her parent's house were on the other side of the city. As Tony drove, Erin talked to the boys and cooed to Mary, who was always happy to get into a car, especially when she was tired. By the time they got home, both Mary and Duncan were asleep, but not Alonzo, who was still talking to Erin nonstop. She enjoyed his energy. He really was a sweet kid. When they arrived, Tony walked Erin up to the door, which of course meant that Alonzo and Duncan also walked her to the door. She turned the doorknob to see if she needed to get her key out, but the door opened easily. Her mother was there, to see if Erin needed Mom to take Mary, and was surprised to see other people with her. So, Erin introduced them. Mom was gracious as always to guests, and invited them in, and said they had some ice cream if the boys wanted. That got Alonzo's attention and he said "Daddy, Can we, Please?" Tony said, "Sure, Alonzo." Mom said, "The dining room is this way. They all trouped to the table and Alonzo sat next to Erin and Duncan sat on Tony's lap and mom served ice cream. Erin heard the Mariners game turn off and Dad came in from the living room and met everyone and also had some ice cream. Tony wound up telling them about himself. They were appropriately sorry that his first marriage ended and that he was struggling to earn a living in Seattle. When he heard that Tony wanted to make a living in music, Dad told him that he once wanted to do the same, and joked that Mom used to be one of his groupies. Mom smiled and said "I only showed up because I heard you play and wanted to see. But I was not a groupie, until later when we started to go together.": Then Tony said, "Musical talent must run in the family. Erin was nice enough to fill in for our keyboarder today. She was very good." Mom and Dad looked at Erin quizzically. Mom said, "Hmph, given how much she used to practice, I'm surprised she can still play at all." Then Dad said, "I ran across my guitar in the attic a couple of weeks ago. Do you still use regular guitars, or are they all electronic?" Tony, "All electronic I'm afraid. Can I see it?" Dad, "Sure. It'll take a minute to go up there." Tony asked, "Can I tag along?" Dad, "Sure." Dad went to the hallway and pulled down the stairs and went up and flipped a switch and then Tony climbed up. A few minutes later, Erin heard guitar music playing an old western song and Dad singing along. Then she heard Tony playing and singing a newer western song while he played along. Of course, Alonzo wanted to go up and see, and where Alonzo went, Duncan also went. Erin left Mary with Mom and went to help the boys up the ladder. Then she said to herself, "What the heck, I can make it," and carefully went up the ladder herself and saw Tony and Dad, sitting on the dusty floor, each with a boy on his lap, talking and laughing and alternately playing the guitar. She laughed, and slowly went downstairs to get her phone and then went back up and took several pictures. When they saw her, Tony said, "Howdy, Maam, right nice place you got here." Of course, Alonzo echoed him. After another round of songs, they all came downstairs, but Dad brought his guitar with him. After a few more minutes talking, Alonzo started yawning, and Tony said "I think I better get the boys home. It was really nice meeting you Mrs. McLoughlin. And nice playing guitar with you Mr. McLoughlin. I had a great time." Then he surprised Erin and gave her a little hug and smiled and said, "And I enjoyed spending time with you Erin." And then he was gone. Her mother said, "He's a really nice guy, Erin." Erin smiled and said, "Yes. Yes, he is a nice guy." And thought, "Always has been." She had all kinds of emotions going through her and didn't quite know what to think of them. She was very happy that Tony seemed to like her, but then they had been friends since they were young, and friends liked each other, by definition. So, what was the big deal? And she felt sort of funny when she was around him. Sort of breathless and warm and excited. She had never felt that way before. What was that all about? Well, she thought, "I'll just enjoy being around him while I can. After all, tomorrow is the wedding and after that he will be going back to Seattle and we won't talk to each other for years. We will have no excuse to call or write." Somehow, that thought was even more depressing than their separation had been up to now. The next morning Erin got up and Mom took her to Clara's. As agreed earlier, Mom would take care of Mary during the day and bring her to the wedding tonight. Erin was surprised to learn in talking to Mom that Dad had decided to come too. He usually avoided occasions where he had to wear a suit, other than church, especially if he didn't know a lot of the people there. Maybe his new friendship with Tony made it more acceptable. Erin spent the morning with Clara and her bridesmaids. Jenny and Peter had paid for a beautician and her assistant to come to the house get them ready. They also bought a beautiful neckless and earrings for each girl, that they were expected to wear in the wedding. It easily took three hours for the 6 of them. The bridesmaids spent a lot of the time on ribald jokes at Clara's expense. They often referred back to high school episodes that Brian had known nothing about. Erin realized that there was a gender divide that could not be crossed no matter what, even for a very close brother and sister. In fact, Erin turned red at some of the stories told. The other girls now realized that she was far more innocent than they had thought, maybe not a total wild child after all. But Erin did her best to be a good sport and laugh along with everyone else. The beautician took care of makeup and trimming hair and her assistant did nails. When they were done, Clara looked exquisite. Erin had to remind herself that this was the intellectual girl and sports enthusiast that Brian had grown up with. But Erin was surprised at her own appearance. Despite Clara's constant comments, Erin did not think of herself as an attractive girl. She remembered how she looked at first transition. But now looking in the mirror, she had to admit that she looked attractive, slightly elegant, and very wholesome. Later they went to the church and Clara went over every detail with them again. Next, they put on their gowns and went out for pictures. It was now 1:30 and a lot of guests were already there, including mom and dad McLoughlin. Mom came over and almost cried. She said, "Oh, Erin. You are so beautiful. You have changed so much, all for the better." Erin was embarrassed and turned red again but was gracious to her mother and thanked her. Mom had been holding Mary, and it took her a few minutes for Mary to figure out that this woman was her mother, and then Mary wanted to go to Erin. Erin took her, after making sure she was clean. Mary wanted desperately to play with her mother's dangly earrings, but Erin decided that was not a good idea for now. And Mary wanted to nurse, but there wasn't time. Then Tony came over, and said, "Erin. You are even more beautiful than last night. I'm glad to see you." And he gave her a little hug. Erin, of course, turned red again and said, "Thank You Tony, you look great too." And he did, he had on a casual shirt and tie with jeans and a dress jacket. Then he turned to Clara. "Clara, you are the fairest of all. Congratulations. I wish you every happiness." Clara thanked him, and he went to sit down with his family. Finally, Erin had to give Mary back to Mom and get set for the ceremony. Mary was not pleased, but soon her good nature reasserted itself and she settled down quietly. Then Erin went backstage with Clara and her bridesmaids to get ready for the ceremony. She met Robert, and he seemed like a nice guy. "He better be," thought Erin, who was very protective of her sister. And Clara introduced Erin as her sister. Erin smiled and said, "Hi Robert. I'm glad to meet you. I've heard good stuff about you for at least two years." Robert said, "Yes, I've heard good things about you too. She calls you her sister, but I'm sure she means you are like a sister." Erin, "Yes, Sort of. But I want to tell you, Clara is an absolute gem. I hope you realize what you have and treat her appropriately." He smiled and looked at Clara and said, "I absolutely do, believe me. My parents are still in love after being married 40 years. I want the same thing with Clara." That made Erin smile. Erin also met the best man, Jerry, who was physically a very attractive man. She asked him various questions about himself for a few minutes. He told many tails of his time in Iraq and how awful the people were and how heroic he and Robert were. What he didn't do was ask Erin about herself or make any nice comments about the other participants or the church or the city. Erin caught him looking at her stomach, though. Jerry asked, "Will your husband be here?" She said "No, I'm not married." After that he sort of zoned out and seemed to avoid further conversation. Erin figured "So, he has some sort of problem with me. Fair enough. That is something I can deal with, for the sake of Clara." Later Erin saw him talking to Robert while looking at her. She hoped Robert was telling him to mind his manners, if he had any. Then they were alerted to be ready to go. Erin went over and stood by Jerry, without any comments. Then the bridesmaids and grooms started filing in, followed by Erin and Jerry. Erin put her arm through Jerry's at the last second and they walked up the aisle. Then the music started, and Clara and Robert walked slowly up the aisle and the marriage took place. It was a beautiful ceremony with a beautiful bride and a handsome groom, after which the married couple went back down the aisle, followed a little way behind by Erin and Jerry. Erin smiled and waved appropriately and stood in the reception line beside Jerry and met all the guests and tried to be a charming as she could, all the while hiding how much she disliked the best man, and him apparently feeling the same way. She found it uncomfortable but did what she had to do for Clara. Finally, that part of the ceremony was over. But before they broke up, Clara pulled her aside and said, "Thanks for not making a scene, Erin. I told you his best man was a jerk. By the way, Tony just told me his keyboarder has not shown up again. Would you mind filling in? I'll owe you big time." Erin smiled and said, "Hey, Clara, I'll be happy to play for you. And I will still owe you. Love You Sis. Congratulations." Then the two sisters hugged. So, Erin went to find Tony. When she found him, he smiled and whistled as she walked up and said, "Hi, beautiful." Erin blushed and just said, "Thank you." Then Tony said, "Did Clara tell you my keyboarder didn't show up again?" Erin, "Yes." Tony, "I'd really appreciate it if you would fill in." Erin, "Of course, Tony." Somehow that little interaction changed Erin's outlook from melancholic to happy and confident. In truth, she was happy to be playing for Tony. It was so much more fun than sitting with the bridal party and enduring Jerry's accusatory looks. They played for an hour, starting with a waltz for the bride and groom, but then moving on to a series of love songs that anyone could dance to. Erin enjoyed playing, including backing up Mimi when she sang. Then came a break for toasts. Only Erin didn't get a break. She had to participate in the roast and toast section of the post- reception activities. The Best man first introduced Robert and did a conventional roast, although Erin felt that some of his comments were more mean than humorous. Then Jerry finished with an old story that Erin had heard before, although Brian had been young the time he heard it and didn't realize the implications. The story was about a bride and groom who rode home from the wedding on a horse. Then the horse stumbled a little, and the groom said, 'That's once.' After a while, the horse stumbled again, and the groom said, 'That's twice.' In a few minutes, the horse stumbled once again, and the groom said, 'That's three times,' and got the two of them down and took out his rifle and shot the horse. Then the bride raised hell with the man for being so cruel to the poor horse. After listening to that, the man said, "That's once." And they lived happily ever after. Erin was furious that this jerk was in effect advising Robert to run his marriage with threats and fear. She threw out her series of gentle jokes at Clara's expense, and decided to instead tell everyone what a wonderful person Clara was. So, Erin described some of the happenings from their childhood where Clara had done something exceptional or kind or helpful and continued in a similar vein on into college and career. Finally, she said "Clara is a beautiful, kind, gentle, intelligent, compassionate person who has given a lot to the world and will give a lot more. I'm proud to be her sister and friend. Now some of you went to school with me, and some of you have read newspaper articles about me the last few weeks. Those people know I had a troubled youth. My nickname was 'Crazy Erin.' I am trying to retire 'Crazy Erin'. After all, who wants their children to know they had a nickname like that. But I've got to tell you, if anyone should harm or seriously threaten to harm my beautiful, kind, gentle, intelligent, compassionate sister Clara, Crazy Erin will come out of retirement and hunt that person down wherever they might be and rip their heart out. Cheers." Then Erin lifted up her glass of grape juice and drank it. There was a moment of silence, and then a chorus of 'Cheers' from virtually all the younger women in the church, followed by "cheers" from most of the other people. Then Erin rushed to the lady's room and used it, glad to be away from people who might condemn her comments. When she got out, she decided to talk to Clara and apologize for her comments. But Clara didn't seem angry and said, "Erin, don't apologize. I'm happy you care about me so much. And the comments were appropriate, given what Jerry said. Don't worry about it, OK." Erin said, "OK, Clara. Thanks." Then Erin went back to Tony and the band. Mimi looked at Erin when she arrived and laughed and said, "Good toast, girl. We can't let a bastard get away with that without some response." Erin smiled and said, "Thanks, Mimi." Then they played for another hour. Finally, Tony said to his audience, "It's been a pleasure playing for you. Let me introduce the band. He went through the band members one by one, ending with "And you already know Erin McLoughlin, Clara's Matron of Honor. She is not our regular keyboard player but was pressed into service at the last minute. I think she played great. Let's give her some applause." Erin was surprised at the loudness and length of the applause. Then Tony said, "And I'm Tony Delgado. I'm a childhood friend of Clara, and of her brother Brian. I and my band enjoyed playing for you. But, the dancing is not over. There will be recorded dance music for the next hour and a half provided by Clara's parents. So, continue to enjoy yourselves." The band had one more thing to do, packing up the equipment. After that, Erin was glad to finally get a break. Her feet were killing her. She went over and sat with her parents and sipped some water and held Mary. She was surprised to see that Fran and Roger were there. Fran said, "We arrived just before the toast. By the way, it was a great toast. But instead of ripping his hearts out, you should have threatened to shoot their ass off if they hurt Clara." Erin and Fran laughed at that, although Mom appeared scandalized by the whole thing. Dad said, "You're really good on the keyboard, Erin. I'm surprised. When you took lessons, you were so indifferent and quit after a few months. Who knew you kept playing away from us?" Erin, "Thanks, Dad. I should never have gotten flakey and quit. I really enjoy playing." Mom, "Especially when Tony is singing. I saw you looking at him during the session." Erin, "Jezz, Mom, he's the lead. I have to look at him." Fran, "And is the love-smitten expression required too?" and laughed. "I don't blame you. He's very good looking. As are you, Roger.", Fran said, patting her fianc?e's arm. Once again, Erin turned red. She said, "My expression was not love-smitten." But everybody else seemed to find her comment hilarious, so Erin decided to let it be. As she sat there, she noticed Tony dancing with a variety of women. And why not, he knew most of the women here from his childhood. But for some reason, it made Erin unhappy. Then she felt a small hand tapping her arm. It was Alonzo, with Duncan right behind. They squeezed in beside her chair and Sam said, "I liked your playing, Erin." Erin, "Why, thank you Alonzo. That's a very nice thing to say." Then she introduced Alonzo and Duncan to Fran and Roger as Tony's sons. Fran and Roger were still in uniform. Both boys were wide-eyed at the sight. Alonzo was hesitant, but finally went over to Roger and said "Hi. Are you policemen, err, policepeople?" Roger laughed and said, "Yes we are. We are still wearing uniforms because we just got off work." Alonzo, "Do you save good guys, and shoot bad guys." Roger, "We try to save good guys. But we never, ever shoot anyone unless we have to save a life." Sam, "Oh." Then Tony noticed the boys were there and came over and said, "Guys, don't bother Ms. McLoughlin." Erin, "They are no bother, Tony. They are being as sweet as can be. I'm happy to have them." Tony, "OK, be good boys. Then he looked at Erin and asked "Would you like to dance. The next piece will be a slow dance." She thought about it for a moment, and said, "Yes, Thank You, Tony. I think I can do a slow dance." She got up and went out on the floor with Tony. One thing kept going through her mind, 'You are the girl. Follow, don't lead.' She couldn't get too close to Tony because of her baby bump, so she held onto him in a chaste, distant embrace and managed to dance like Brian had learned in dance lessons as a youth. Tony had been in the same lessons, so they did well together. When they were done, Tony said, "Erin, the next dance is a little livelier. But you are light on your feet. Would you like to dance that too?" Erin "Yes, I think I can handle a little more life, but not too much." So, they danced again. Erin realized she was enjoying herself and felt more carefree than in months. When that dance ended, Tony said, "The next dance is another slow one. What do you think? One more?" Erin, "Yeh, I have one more in me." This time she managed to find a position where she had her head On Tony's shoulder and they danced almost as one. When it was done, she looked up at Tony, intending to say, "Thank You," but, before she could speak, he kissed her. Then he realized what he had done, he said, "Gosh, I'm sorry Erin. I shouldn't have done that without asking first. It was just an impulse." But his words weren't even registering with Erin. Without thinking, she reached up and put her hand behind his head and stood up on tippy toes and kissed him passionately. He did not hurry the kiss. When she was done, she saw lipstick on his lips, and smiled and said, "Come on back to the table, Tony, and I'll clean the lipstick off you." Tony excused himself for a few minutes. Erin sat down and thought about what had just happened. "God, could she be falling in love, as a woman, with her former best friend?" But then she reasoned that Tony had had lots of girlfriends and probably still did. This would not come to anything, so she shouldn't let herself get invested in the relationship. He would be gone back to Seattle soon and she would not see him again for years. But she knew she did not want that to happen. She wanted tonight to last forever. Then she realized that everyone at the table was looking at her. They must have seen the kiss. Of course, they did. Everyone must have seen the kiss. They were right out there on a public dance floor. God, what had she been thinking? Mom was smiling, and Fran was about to break out in laughter. At that, Erin turned a bright red. Dad said, "You and Tony danced very well together, Honey." Erin, "Thanks, Dad." Alonzo pulled her sleeve, and she leaned down, and he said, "Are you and my daddy going to get married?" Erin, "Probably not, Alonzo. Things happen on the dance floor, but they don't necessarily lead to people being in love after the dance." Alonzo, "I hope you marry my daddy. I like you. You're really nice to me and Duncan." Erin, "Why, Thank You Sam. That's a very sweet thing to say." Then Tony came back over and said to the table, "Would it be all right if Erin joined my family for a few minutes? My mother wanted to say something to her." Erin told her family that she would only be a minute and went over with some trepidation to talk to Mrs. DelGado. After all, even though as Brian he had gotten along great with her, as Erin, she had always seemed to be doing something questionable when around Tony's mother. As Erin walked up, she noticed that Jenny was there. Not too surprising, considering Jenny and Miriam were best friends. When she walked up, Mrs. DelGado said, "Hi Erin. I just wanted to say how pleased I am that you pushed back against that odious best man and his sexist story. Women can't put up with that stuff, or we'll be back to second class status." Erin said, "Thanks, Mrs. DelGado. I couldn't agree more." Mrs. Delgado, "And I want to say Thank You for being so kind to my grandsons. They seem to like you and your family. But maybe it is just the police officers over there. Or are they security guards?" Erin laughed, "Police Officers, Mrs. DelGado. That is my sister, Officer Fran McLoughlin, and her fianc?, Officer Roger Collins. They just came by on the way home after their shift tonight. Fran has quite a way with children." Mrs. DelGado, "As does her sister. My friend, Jenny here, has been telling me a lot about you. It is quite a story. I'm glad to hear you seem to have some of your troubles with your former boyfriend and his family ironed out. Thank you for spending some time with us dear. Feel free to stay if you wish, but don't hesitate to get back to your family if you need too. Erin looked at Tony for guidance, and he said, "I'll go back and spend a while with your family if you want, Erin." Erin said, "Thanks, Tony, that would be nice." Then Clara came up to talk to her mother, with a worried look on her face. They whispered for a minute, then Jenny said, "Erin, you should hear this too." So, the three women huddled, and Clara said "Robert and Jerry had a big argument, and Robert finally asked him to leave. Jerry called Erin a stupid whore who can't recognize humor and then said he bet she got pregnant on purpose just to get welfare. Robert told him that he also thought the story was inappropriate and that Erin's response was fine with him. And he didn't think I would associate with anyone who wasn't truthful, so he thought Jerry was way out of line, and he was ruining the wedding. But after he left, Robert told me that Jerry had had a breakdown in Iraq and was now likely to say anything. He said Jerry is really not a jerk, and Robert hopes Jerry will be OK. He thinks the stress of being best man was too much. And he apologized for what Jerry said about you, Erin." Clara seemed about to cry. Erin hugged her and said, "Clara, everything is OK. Robert protected you, and showed he loves you. Don't let it ruin the night for you two. I love you, Sis." Clara smiled, and hugged her back. Then Clara whispered into Erin's ear, "By the way, great kiss on the dance floor. When are you two getting married?" Erin looked at her in surprise. "We just kissed that once." Clara, "But what a kiss it was." Mrs. DelGado looked at them whispering and remarked to jenny that it was nice for the two of them to have such a close friend. Jenny looked at them, knowing what their friendship had survived and just said, "Yes, I couldn't agree more." Then Tony accompanied Erin back to her family's table and sat with them for a while. Without even thinking about it, he fell into a posture of closeness to Erin, leaning over to touch shoulder to shoulder, with him holding Duncan and Erin holding Mary and Alonzo alternately being on one side or the other. Although Erin and Tony hardly noticed, Erin's family saw it, as did Tony's mother sitting a few tables away. The chemistry was apparent to all of them. Erin and Tony danced one more, slow dance, and although they found a way to be very close, they didn't kiss again, by mutual agreement. After a while, Clara threw the bouquet, and Erin tried not to catch it, but it came right to her. Then Clara and Robert left in a shower of rice. At the end of the evening, Tony asked if he could take Erin home, and she agreed. She knew he would be going back to Seattle soon, and she wanted to be with him as much as she could. Apparently, the feeling was mutual. When they got to Erin's house, all three children were asleep, so Tony and Erin talked softly for a few minutes. Tony was royally ticked when he heard what Jerry had said about her but calmed down when he heard the entire story. Then they stole a kiss in the car, and then another, and another. Finally, Alonzo stirred, and they had to call it a night. Tony and the boys walked Erin and Mary to the door, and she opened it and Tony kissed Erin one more time and said, "Good night" and Erin opened the door and went in. Mom was sitting in the kitchen. Erin walked in carrying Mary and said, "Oh, hi mom." Mom, "Well, it took you long enough to say goodnight." Erin, "Well, we may have shared a kiss." Mom smiled and said, "Of course you did. I'm happy for you Erin. Tony's a very nice guy. And it is good to see you feeling emotions like love. But I worry that you are getting your hopes up and things will not work out." Erin, "Thanks, Mom. Tony plans on going back to Seattle in a couple of days. Tonight may have been the last time I see him." Then, unaccountably, she broke into tears and ran upstairs carrying Mary. Mom didn't try to stop her. She knew that however competent Erin appeared, she was still very young and would take her first love very seriously. And Mom was sure this was the first time Erin was really in love. She didn't know what her feelings for Rex had been, but she didn't think it was love. And the feelings for that Brian person couldn't have been love. She had described him as a friend. So just now was she feeling real love. Erin got upstairs and pulled herself together long enough to get Mary ready for bed and then to get herself ready. Then she nursed Mary and let her fall asleep in her arms. But Erin could not get to sleep. She knew Tony was leaving, so intellectually it was better to not let herself get too attached, but her heart wouldn't let her forget how wonderful his kisses felt. She alternately was silent thinking and then sobbing quietly. Fran heard her when she came home at 2 AM and knocked on the door. Erin said "Yes" and Fran came in and asked what was wrong. Erin said, "Tony's leaving on Monday. I may never see him again." Fran said, "Erin, did you let him know you cared for him?" Erin, "Yes." Fran, "Then, if he cares for you, he will make sure you see each other again. If not, then he isn't worth crying about. One way or the other, it'll work out." Erin admired Frans tough outlook and knew she was right, and eventually settled herself down and got to sleep. As usual, Mary woke at 6 AM, and Erin took care of her and then went downstairs to make coffee. But Mom was already there, and said "Erin, you go back to bed and get some sleep. I will take Mary to church with Dad and me." Erin felt very tired and wasn't going to insist she get up right away. So, she went upstairs and went back to bed. Tony's night was similar to Erin's. He knew he had to be back in Seattle for a gig on Wednesday and had plane tickets for himself and the boys on Monday afternoon. He had planned on hanging out with friends on Sunday. But he couldn't get Erin out of his head. She was just such a trouper, playing keyboard so Clara would have music, even though she had lots of obligations. And she was so sweet to her own daughter and to his sons. And she was so brave, to stand up to a bully like she did. He had talked to Clara, and she told him how she went through detox and never relapsed and how she defended herself against her ex-boyfriend and how she had realized she had screwed up and worked to complete her GED. She might have been a little bit crazy to have these problems, but she had worked so hard to solve them. And she was such a beautiful girl and seemed not to know it. Tony would really miss her, when he left. He knew she couldn't go with him. Tony had his hands full supporting his two sons and himself, and just couldn't support another person, let alone four others. And he knew any relationship with Erin would be difficult, given there would be 5 kids to take care of. But if they worked together, he thought they might do it. Was 'might' good enough when children's welfare was at stake? He decided it wasn't. But could he leave her behind? Not for the first time, he wished his old friend Brian were here to talk to. He always had a level head and good advice. But he had disappeared. That was something thing that still worried Tony. Whatever could have happened to Brian?" Tony finally got to sleep about 1. When he got up, he went out to the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can you watch the boys this morning. There's someone I need to see." Mrs. DelGado said, "Sure, Tony. Say hello to Erin for me too." Tony looked up and said, "Easy to read, huh." Mrs. DelGado smiled, "Just a guess, Tony." Tony decided to wait until 8:30 to leave, so he was sure he wouldn't wake Erin up. He would ordinarily just call her, but he somehow had never gotten her number. So, he went back to bed himself and got a little more sleep. Erin was in the middle of a wonderful dream about last night, when her cell phone went off. She looked over at the clock. It was 8 AM. Who would be calling her at 8 AM on a Sunday? Then she thought, "Tony maybe." She went over to the phone, and the number wasn't the cell number that Tony had had their entire life up to last October. She didn't recognize it. But it could still be Tony's. Maybe he had changed his cell for some reason? So, she picked it up and said "Hello." Then a woman's voice said, "Is that you Erin?" Erin, "Yes, who's this?" Woman, "Erin, please don't hang up. I need some help, please." Erin, "Who is this? What do you need?" Then the voice said, "This is Mrs. Silver. Erin, please don't hang up." Erin slowly responded, "OK. why are you are calling." Mrs. Silver, "Erin, I've been living in motels. But, I spent last night in Lambert Park." Erin, "OK, I'm not sure I can help you with that." Mrs. Silver, "I don't need help with that. It is what it is. What I need help with is I need to buy some Percocet's. I have saved some money. I didn't want to waste it on a motel. But I don't know how to buy them. I tried a pharmacy, but they insist on a prescription. I figured that you would know. I think you use them." Erin, "I haven't used perc's since last October. I have no contacts to buy them." Mrs. Silver, "That's nonsense. I know for a fact that you can't really get off these drugs. And I don't want to. I want to be able to buy some. I'm desperate, Erin. I ran out of my supply last night and went into withdrawal. I couldn't find anyone who would sell them to me. I even slept with a man who said he would give me some, but he lied. Please get some for me. I will give you anything." Erin, "Who told you it was impossible to get off perc's? The reverend?" Mrs. Silver, "Yes. He told me I was hooked and always would be, so I had to obey him. Then the bastard cut me loose, after I did everything he told me." Erin, "Mrs. Silver, I'm sorry to say this, but don't be stupid enough to believe a word he says. He is a self-serving jerk who will say anything, tell any lie, to get what he wants. You can get off perc's. I have not had one for 9 months. And you can get off them too." Mrs. Silver, "I don't want to get off Percocet's. They are all I have. I have no other comfort. My husband hates me. My children hate me. I know my mother would hate me if she knew what I did. I even hate myself. I'm so ashamed of what I've done and of what a fool I was. I have nothing, except what comfort I can get from Percocet's." Erin, "It's not true that your daughters hate you. I spoke to Debbie last Sunday and she was very worried about you, and Sarah was too. They were angry with you, but they don't hate you. They are sweet girls. They can forgive you, if you want forgiveness. But right now, I'm saying you don't need Percocet's. You need to go to a treatment center and detox. Then you need to start trying to get your life together and mend relationships with your daughters." Mrs. Silver started crying and said, "Do you think I can really get them to forgive me? After what I have done?" Erin, "I think so, but I don't know. What I do know is that if you keep taking drugs and don't try to get your life back together, there is zero chance you can get your daughters to forgive you. So, there it is. I won't buy you drugs. I don't know how anymore, and if I did I wouldn't. What I will do is call your husband and try to get him to set you up in a clinic where you can detox and get counseling. I can be your friend and encourage you to stay with the program. That's all I can do. Do you want me to try to set up a bed at a drug treatment center? Mrs. Silver almost swore at her and hung up. But the thought of her daughters forgiving her were enough to get her to say, "Yes." Erin said, "I will work on it and call you back in a few minutes, OK?" Mrs. Silver said "OK," weakly and without enthusiasm. Erin would normally have called Clara and asked for help. But, Clara was doing other things. Erin did have that list of treatment clinics on her email that Clara had sent her months ago. She went through them, and called the private clinics that might admit Mrs. Silver this morning based on Mr. Silver's guarantee to pay. Finally, she found a clinic with an opening who would admit based on guaranteed payment, the Everton Treatment Center. Then Erin called Mr. Silvers cell phone, using the number they had given her while she was caring for Jeremy. He answered, and she said, "Mr. Silver. This is Erin McLoughlin." He said, "Just a minute Erin." Then she heard him walking and finally he said, "Sorry about that. I'm at a convention in Moscow and had to get out of a presentation. What's up Erin?" Erin then explained about the phone call and what Mrs. Silver had told her and that Erin had found a treatment center that would admit her. Mr. Silver said, "We are going through divorce proceedings. This is the sort of thing that can cause her to gain an advantage. We are not supposed to have contact. This could even conceivably cause me to be prosecuted for disobeying the non-contact order. Besides which, why should I care if she goes through treatment or not? She's not my problem anymore." Erin, "Mr. Silver, I know you are hurt and angry, and you have a right to be. You have been badly betrayed. But Mrs. Silver was abused by the Pastor. He had control of her that she couldn't seem to break free of. Partly the drugs, and partly some weird psychology. She's not innocent, but she was a victim in some ways herself. Because of that, and because she gave you those two wonderful daughters you love so much, you should consider giving her this chance to help herself." Mr. Silver thought for a few moments, and said, "OK, Erin. What do I have to do?" So, Erin gave him the phone number of the Everton Treatment Center and said he had to call and authorize treatment and give his credit card number. He said "OK. I'll call you back and verify in a minute." While he was off the phone, Erin used the bathroom. Then he called back and said, "OK, it's authorized. Good luck with her Erin." Erin spent a couple of moments dressing and putting on a little makeup, so she could look reputable. Next, she had to figure out a way to find Mrs. Silver and get her to the treatment center. Wait a minute. She still had three halves of 60 mg Percocet's. If she could find them, maybe she could bribe Mrs. Silver to get her to come to the treatment center. She searched several likely places, and then remembered putting them in the third drawer in the upstairs bathroom, where she kept her toothbrush and toothpaste and makeup. The next problem was transportation. They had a neighbor who was a nice older guy and had offered her a ride once. Maybe she could get him to give her a ride to the park and then on to Everton. She walked to the front door, and pulled it open and started to step out and ran into Tony. "Tony!" she said. "What are you doing here." Tony smiled and said, "Just wanted to see you." Erin, "Tony, I need some help. Can you give me a ride?" Tony, "Um, sure." Erin, "Good, let's go to Lambert Park." As they were driving, Erin called Mrs. Silver back, but she didn't answer. Damn, Erin said. When they got to the park, Erin asked Tony to drive around the edges. When they finally come upon Mrs. Silver, Erin almost missed her. She was no longer the tall, elegant socialite and community volunteer she had been. Now she looked like just another street person. Erin awkwardly got out of the car and walked over to her. "Mrs. Silver," she said. Mrs. Silver turned around and said. "I changed my mind. I don't want to go to a treatment center. I want to get some perc's." Erin repeated all her arguments, to no avail. Finally, Erin said, "you want perc's. Well, here are some." She showed the half pills. Mrs. Silver immediately stepped toward her and Erin turned and ran to the car. Erin got into the back seat before Mrs. Silver could grab her, so Mrs. Silver jumped into the back seat after Erin and said, "Give me those pills you little bitch." Then she scratched Erin's face with one hand while wresting the pills from her hand with the other. Mrs. Silver immediately shoved the three pills into her mouth and swallowed them. After that, she laid half on Erin and half on her knees, breathing heavily and crying. Tony in the meantime sat in the front seat in horror, not knowing quite what to do. But Erin said, "Tony can you drive us to Everton Treatment Center?" Tony said "Sure," relieved to have something to do that might help Erin. As Tony drove, Mrs. Silver started crying and apologizing to Erin and Erin hugged her and made soothing noises and said, "It's all right, Mrs. Silver. I understand. I've been there myself." When they were finally there, Tony helped Erin get Mrs. Silver, who was now virtually comatose, into the center. When they arrived, the front desk staff member came out to help. Erin identified herself and Mrs. Silver and more staff were called who got Mrs. Silver into a treatment room. In the meantime, Erin was giving them what information she could. They asked her if Mrs. Silver had had any drugs recently. Erin said she thought Mrs. Silver had 90 mg Percocet about 15 minutes previously. The staff member said, "That is pretty specific. How do you know?" Erin did not want to admit to supplying the drugs, so she just said she saw it. Finally, Erin said, "I will call her daughters and see if they can come over and give you the information I didn't have." The nurse said, that was good because Erin was not a family member and could not legally sign her in. So, Erin called Debbie. Debbie was at church listening to the sermon when her phone vibrated. She looked at it and declined the call. But she texted Erin, "Hi. Listening to the sermon. What is up?" Erin texted back, "Just checked your mother into Everton Drug Treatment Center." "She called this morning and asked me to get her Percocet's." "I convinced her to go to treatment center." "Your father authorized payment for center." "I picked her up in Lambert Park. She slept there last night." "Please come. Everton needs personal information I cannot supply." "And I can't sign her in because I am not related to her." "Your mother will wake this afternoon and I think you want to be there for her." Debbie texted back, "Will be there ASAP." Erin spent the next few minutes explaining what had just happened to Tony. By the time they got there, he had gotten the whole story, and felt a little better about what he had done. He had been starting to think that, somehow, he had been involved in a kidnapping. Knowing that Mrs. Silver had tentatively approved going to a drug treatment center made him feel better. Debbie showed the series of texts to Sarah, who looked at them wide eyed and whispered to Debbie, "Let's get going." So, they quietly left the church with Debbie holding Jeremy, and walked to Sarah's car. While Sarah drove, Debbie brought up directions on her cell phone. They were at the center in 20 minutes. Sarah came rushing in and said to the staff member at the front desk, "I'm Sarah Silver. I just heard my mother's here. How is she? Then she saw Erin, and went over and hugged her and said, "We got your texts. How is mom?" Next, Debbie came in carrying Jeremy, and repeated the question. Erin told them the whole story. They looked at her face and saw the scratches. Erin said she was sorry that she wound up giving their mother some drugs to get her to come. Debbie said, "It looks more like she took them, Erin. Thank you for doing this. She always treated you like dirt, but you cared enough to help her when she needed it. That was above and beyond." Then Erin said, "By the way, this is my friend, Tony. If he hadn't been willing to help me, I couldn't have done it." Debbie said, "Thank you too, Tony." A few minutes later, a staff member came and got the remaining personal data they needed, asked Sarah to sign Mrs. Silver in and told Sarah and Debbie, "Your friend told me she took about 90 mg Percocet's. That could put her out for as long as 12 hours, but most likely she will wake up sometime early afternoon. Then we will have a long talk with her and develop a personalized treatment plan that will allow her to detox without withdrawal. I expect in a month, she could be drug-free. That would not be the end of recovery, as months of further therapy is required to determine why she turned to drugs and develop strategies for her to stay off them. But I want to emphasize that recovery depends on her more than on us. If she wants to be free of the drugs, we can help her. If not, our medical intervention will not be effective. It would be helpful if you support her, if you can. Often though family members have been through hell and can't. If that is the way it is, it is better to know up front, so she is not operating on false premises. Questions?" Sarah and Debbie looked at each other. Both were at a loss for words. Sarah, "Maybe later." After that, Sarah said to Erin, "Would you and Tony like to go out to lunch? My treat." After some back and forth, Erin and Tony decided they would like to do that. So, they both drove to a nearby Diner. They ordered lunch, although Erin asked for eggs and bacon, since she had not yet had breakfast. Then Erin decided she needed to go to the lady's room, and Debbie went with her. Tony took the opportunity to ask Sarah, "So, have you two known Erin for a long time?" Sarah, "Yes, since we started school. Actually, we knew each other in church before we started school. But we've only been close friends the last year or so." Tony, "Really, why is that?" Sarah replied, "Erin was a very different person in school. She ran around with a troubled crowd and did outrageous things. I heard she was taking drugs. She was a huge tomboy. And Erin could not stay out of trouble. She didn't seem to like most of the girls in school. But a year ago Erin had Mary, and then ran off with her boyfriend. When she came back, she was a totally different. It really was like she was a totally different person. Debbie and Erin bonded almost immediately, and then I got to know her, and we became friends too. She took care of my nephew during the day, so Debbie could finish high school, and my nephew just adores her. She is really nice, and really hardworking. But my mom treated Erin terribly. Apparently, they had had some run-in when Mom was volunteering at the school years ago. But look at what Erin was willing to do today to help Mom. I don't know whether I was so shallow that I didn't notice Erin was basically a nice person in high school, or whether she really did undergo some fundamental change. So how did you and Erin meet?" Tony, "I was a good friend of a girl named Clara Sanders and her brother, Brian, in high school. Apparently, Erin was close to Clara, although I'd never heard of her before. Brian asked me to play at Clara's wedding, which was yesterday, and Erin was the Matron of Honor. She also filled in for my keyboard player, who didn't show. We sort of hit it off." Sarah, "Oh, I didn't know she played keyboard, or anything else for that matter. I'm surprised." Tony, "She's actually very good. I'm surprised that a high school friend and her parents too do not seem to know about her playing. You don't get that good and know so much music without lessons and practice and playing." Sarah, "She must have played in some sort of private venue, or something." Tony, "Maybe. So, when did this change start?" Sarah, "Hmm, Last year, October or November, but before Thanksgiving." Tony, "So more like nine months than a year?" Sarah, "Yes, I guess it seemed longer to me. Erin has done a lot in that nine months." Tony, "What has she done that's surprising?" Sarah said, "Well, first of all, Erin got herself off drugs. And she got a GED. She was this year's valedictorian for the GED program. I saw it in a program for the GED graduation ceremony she gave us. Surprising, because she dropped out of high school at the beginning of her senior year, with abysmal grades. Now I think she is involved in some sort of program to help girls in detention get their GED. Erin has also been working most of the time. I think Erin worked for a month at a construction company in February. And she worked for Dad caring for Jeremy almost full time for the last four months of school. And amidst everything else, Erin was given GHB and raped by a friend, and she wound up pregnant and decided to keep the babies, and then her previous boyfriend beat her up and tried to kill her, and finally his dad attacked her. Speaking of boyfriend problems. No doubt, Erin's been a busy girl since October." Tony, "Wow." He wasn't sure what to think about all that. How could the sweet girl he met have been involved in all that? Maybe it was just as well he was leaving tomorrow? After lunch, Sarah and Debbie went back to the treatment center to wait for their mom to wake up, and Tony and Erin decided to just spend some time talking. They went to Lambert Park and walked the trails and held hands. Tony said he had asked Sarah about her and understood she had done a lot the last nine month. She said yes, it had been a busy time. He asked her about various things and managed to verify almost everything that Sarah had told him. He was impressed with her accomplishments and her resilience, but it was natural to wonder why she seemed to have gotten involved in such crazy, unusual occurrences. Had she somehow contributed? Well, he would have to find out before he got too serious. If he was going to be in a relationship, he owed it to his boys to make sure the woman was a good person. Erin asked him about what he had been doing the last year. Tony told her about his wife deciding she was not cut out for motherhood and up and leaving him alone with the boys, and how hard it had been on the boys. And Tony told her how he was struggling to hold his band together and make a living as an office worker and part time musician, and about how expensive it was to live in the Seattle Area. But he was determined to make in the big city and had no plans to quit. And he told her about his youth in Blakefield and about how much he had loved dancing and music lessons and had formed a band, including Clara and her brother, Brian, who had also been his best friend. He talked about how Brian and he had always done things together, sports and music and some theatre. And Tony told her about the mysterious disappearance of Brian about nine months ago and how much Tony missed talking and hanging out with him and how much he hoped Brian was all right. Of course, Erin told him that she had heard about that, since she had taken Brian's place in Clara's wedding. Tony was impressed that Erin seemed to care about his feelings about these things, and how they affected him emotionally. This was a human connection that Tony had not felt for a long time, in fact not since the last time he talked with Brian. After a couple hours, Erin said she was getting tired and needed to get back to her daughter. Tony asked, "Erin, would you like to come over to dinner tonight? I could take you home and then pick you up around 6 and bring you to our house?" Erin, "Oh, Tony, I'd love that. But I don't want to come unexpected. Your mother is probably tired from the wedding yesterday." Tony, "My mom loves company. But I get your meaning. I will give her a call and ask her." So, he called his mother and verified it was all right, and then they kissed, and kissed several more times, and then he dropped Erin at home, saying "See you at 6." Erin went into the house and realized she had neglected to call her mother and tell her where she had been. Oops. So, she came in and went in the kitchen and found Mom sitting playing with Mary. That was unusual. Mom was great at caring for Mary but did not often actually try to interact with the child. Erin said, "Mom, I'm so sorry for not calling and telling you want was going on." Mom looked at her. The first thing she noticed was the big scratch under her left eye. Ow, that did not look good. But she just said, "That's OK, Sweetie, I and Mary have been having a good visit. Where have you been anyway?" So, Erin told her the whole story about the call from Mrs. Silver, about walking out the door and almost running into Tony, and about how she and Tony managed to get Mrs. Lincoln to the Treatment Center, and how they had gone out to lunch with Sarah and Debbie, and how she and Tony had spent the afternoon together walking in the park." Mom laughed and said, "Quite a day. A little helping someone out, a little talking to friends, and a lot of romance." Erin blushed and said, "Oh, Mom, Tony and I are just friends." Mom, "Erin, just friends don't spend a lot of time kissing each other. Did you kiss him again?" Erin turned red. She didn't say anything, but the answer was obvious to Mom, who said, "Erin, romance is all right. It is one of the wonderful things about being a girl. Enjoy it. Don't be embarrassed." Then Erin said, "Mom, he is going to pick me up at 6 and we are going to eat dinner with his family." Mom, "OK, Honey. Thanks for telling me." Erin caught the hint and laughed. "OK, Mom. From now on I will tell you everything." Mom, "Well, maybe not everything. Just where you are going to be." Erin, "OK." In the meantime, Tony went home to see to his boys. When he got there, he played with them in the front yard for a while. Then they were tired and came in to watch TV, while he went to see if he could help out his mother. His mom, Miriam, said, "Did you and Erin have a nice time today?" Tony then told his mother the story of their day. Miriam, "My, she seems to lead an exciting life." Tony, "Yes, she does. I really admire her willingness to help her friend's mother, even though, from what they said, the woman was not too fond of Erin. But she called Erin because she assumed Erin had access to drugs. Erin said she did not have any such access and hadn't for months. Erin did have three half pills from when she was taking drugs before she detoxed in October. Apparently, she had been biting her pills in half to try make them last and also to reduce her intake. She used them to entice Mrs. Silver into the car, but Mrs. Silver managed to wrest them away and take them." Then he paused and continued, "It all sounds so improbable, doesn't it Mom? But I didn't see any signs she was lying, and over the last two days, I'm sure she is not using. I've been around opiate users, and they are usually pretty out of it. Erin has never seemed out of it." Miriam, "If you are concerned that there might be something going on that you are not aware of, I'd advise you to slow down. Don't let yourself fall for her. She's certainly a likable girl, and a pretty girl. But you have two sons who have to be your first responsibility." Tony, "Yes, I know. But when I'm with Erin, I'm happier than I've been in a long time. And, by the way, she is great with the boys." Miriam, "Jenny and I had a strange conversation about Erin at the wedding. I mentioned that Erin seems to go from one problem to another and wondered if she had some basic flaw that contributes to her doing so. Jenny said Erin has been in a difficult transition time, and she has faced numerous difficulties relating to her past life. She is working on establishing her new life as a successful and loving woman. I asked Jenny what she meant by that, and she said she couldn't tell me everything she knew, but she would say that Erin is not at all crazy. That she is just what she appears to be, a very bright and sweet person. I asked how she knew this, and Jenny said that she has known Erin for years and has recently been involved with her in a project to make GED study material available to women in the Nola Girl's Detention Center and has been impressed by her maturity and compassion. I asked Jenny if she would be concerned if Brian had developed a fondness for Erin, and Jenny said, 'No, not at all. I would have been happy that he found someone like her.'" Well, Tony, I and Jenny have been friends for years and her judgement about people has always been great, so that made me feel a lot better about the two of you being so attracted to each other." Tony said, "God, Mom, was it that obvious?" Miriam, "Yes it was. You two kissed passionately on the dance floor, danced as close as you possibly could, and sat shoulder to shoulder all night, and left together. It was pretty obvious." Tony laughed at that. "I guess so." In the meantime, Erin was getting Mary and herself ready for the visit. She gave Mary a thorough sponge bath and put on double diapers. Then she took a quick shower, washed her hair, dried it, and brushed it out. She redid her makeup carefully and put on one of the dresses she wore to church and added some bling. She realized she was overdressed for a visit for dinner, but felt she was dressed just right for Tony. Then she caught herself and thought that before the swap, she had never cared what she wore to see Tony, as long as it wasn't too disreputable. Now she very much wanted to look good when he saw her. And Erin's emotional reactions to being with Tony were now off the chart. His kisses awoke a passion she had never felt before. Whereas before Brian and Tony had just been guy friends, sort of casual and taking each other for granted. This all related to a question Clara had asked a few months ago. Was Erin a boy trapped in a girl's body or was she a girl who used to be a boy? For the first few months, she thought that the Erin was mainly a boy trapped as a girl. But, with Tony, she felt very much a girl. But she didn't know if she was totally a girl now? Would she be happy in being Tony's girlfriend, or would she feel uncomfortable in that sort of relationship? If Tony wanted that sort of relationship, she would have to answer the question soon to be fair to Tony. Of course, she did not know whether Tony really liked her and wanted a relationship, or whether he was just enjoying a casual friendship with Erin, with a few side benefits. After all, she came with a lot of downsides, three children worth. Not that Tony didn't like children. She knew he loved children, both from observation and from conversations with him as Brian. But taking on responsibility for three more children, in addition to the two he already had, would be a big deal. Erin was ready 15 minutes early and sat in her living room waiting for Tony to knock. As she was waiting she played with Mary. She had not had time to do that for several days and missed the relationship with her daughter. When Tony arrived, he greeted Erin with a little kiss, thinking her mother was not in the vicinity. But she was, just coming out of the kitchen at the sound of the doorbell. When Tony saw her staring at them, he smiled and said, "Hi, Mrs. McLoughlin." Erin, for her part, did not care if her mother saw them kiss, as long as they kissed. Then Tony leaned down and kissed Mary on the forehead and said, "Hi Mary, aren't you pretty tonight?" as he picked her up out of Erin's arms and brought her over his head and then held her and gave her a little hug. Mary, as always, loved people and burbled and smiled at being picked up. Then he gave Erin a second little kiss and said, "You're very pretty tonight too, Erin." Erin now felt herself blush and Mom stared at them, and Erin said, "Thank You, Tony. Shall we get going?" Then she went over and hugged her Mother and said, "I don't imagine we will be very late, Mom. If anything comes up, I have my cell phone." Mom, "OK, Honey. Have a good time." As they drove up to Tony's house, Erin was overcome with memories of all the time Brian had spent here. But the basketball hoop that Brian and Tony had used as recently as a year ago was gone, and Erin said without thinking, "Oh, the hoop is gone." Tony, "Yes, my parents have a lot of work done this spring and repainted the house and cleaned up a bunch of old stuff in the yard they didn't need. How did you know about the basketball hoop, Erin?" Erin thought quickly to make up an excuse, and said, "Clara said that there was hoop that had been in your driveway since you were children. I was expecting to see it." Then she thought to herself, "Geez, that excuse was really weak. I will have to keep my big mouth shut." But Tony seemed distracted and didn't question her any more. After they parked, Tony came around and opened the door for Erin and asked if she would like him to take Mary, so she could get out more easily. Gratefully, she handed Mary to him, and awkwardly got out of the car. Then Tony carried Mary into the house with Erin right beside him. Erin couldn't help thinking about the contrast to her experiences in the past walking into this house. In high school, Tony and Brian would be joking, sometimes pushing each other and playing around, running, or stopping to shoot a basket. As 20-somethings, they would be joking or talking seriously about issues or problems, but Tony would never have opened the door for Brian. Now, as Erin, she was awkward because of the pregnancy, and she really appreciated Tony carrying Mary. But there was little conversation and what occurred was neither humorous nor substantive. Erin was thankful for Tony's support, and she really enjoyed the physical aspects of their relationship, and she still really liked him on a personal level, but she missed the easy friendship they'd had as Tony and Brian. If things worked out that they had a long-term relationship, that was something she wanted to regain. Tony directed Erin to the living room, and they joined Tony's mom and dad, Miriam and Alonzo. Tony's sons were playing on the floor, and on seeing Erin, both jumped up and ran over to her. "Hi Erin," Alonzo said, "Will you read us a story?" Erin laughed, and said, "Sure Alonzo, but let me say hello to your grandparents first. I'll read in just a few minutes." Then the adults said hello. Tony's father said, "Erin, can I get you some wine to drink?" Erin, "No, but some fruit juice or a diet soda would be great." After that Erin sat on the couch and Tony handed Mary to her. Then the four adults chatted for a few minutes. Miriam said, "Erin, I understand you had some excitement this morning." Erin, "Yes. A friend's mother called me and asked me how to buy Percocet's on the street. I talked her into going into treatment instead, and when I was headed out the door looking for a way to get to her, Tony was standing on the porch. He was sweet enough to drive me to find her. We managed to get her to a treatment center, and we stayed until her daughters showed up. I hope she sticks with the treatment plan." Tony said you did more than that, that she attacked you and took some pills off you and scratched you in the face. I don't see a scratch. Is it covered with makeup?" Erin, "Yes. If you look closely you can see it under my left eye. Anyway the woman tried to change her mind. I used some pills to entice her to come with us. She sort of got out of hand in the process." Miriam, "Why did she think you would know anything about getting drugs, Erin." Erin spoke quietly, "I made a lot of mistakes in high school, Mrs. DelGado, one of which was the use of Percocet's. But I've been clean since early November. The pills I had with me today were left over from November. I'd almost forgotten I had them." It's a good thing Jenny had talked to Miriam about Erin, or Miriam would have been very suspicious of that story. Then Alonzo and Duncan came over with a book, and Erin said, "OK, Alonzo. I guess a few minutes have gone by and I promised to read you a story." Alonzo nodded. So, the two boys got up, one on each side of Erin, and she read the story completely with animated interpretative sounds, and the boys had a great time. Mary saw what was going on and also had a great time. When Erin was done, Alonzo ran into his bedroom and got another book and brought it out and handed it to Erin. So, Erin read a second book, with equal enthusiasm. And the kids looked at the pictures and pointed to things that Erin called out and laughed when Erin made noises for animals and machines. When She was done, Alonzo ran to get another book, but Tony said, "No, Alonzo. It is time for dinner now. And adults need to talk too." Alonzo looked so sad that Erin said, "I'll read another before I leave, OK Alonzo?" Alonzo brightened up and said "OK." At this point, Mary was starting to fuss, and Erin asked Miriam where she could change her. Miriam pointed her toward Alonzo's bedroom. So, she went in and changed Mary and gave her the opportunity to nurse, which Mary took. But in the process Mary went to sleep, so Erin got up, put everything back into the diaper bag, got herself together, and brought Mary out to the dinner table. She apologized for the delay and sat down on the one empty chair, with Tony on one side and Alonzo and Duncan on the other and Miriam across from her. There was braised salmon, fresh peas, mash potatoes and gravy, and fruit salad. Erin told Mary, "Look what they made for you Mary, mashed potatoes and gravy." Erin wasn't sure how much of the words Mary understood, she suspected quite a few. But she certainly understood the tone and responded with excitement. Much better than boring old mother's milk." Alonzo said, "Does Mary like mashed potatoes?" Erin, "She likes almost anything that doesn't need to be chewed, Alonzo. And I think a few teeth are starting to come in, so she will like everything soon." Erin spent the next few minutes giving mashed potatoes to Mary, and then decided to try giving her a bit of salmon, which she mashed up with her fork. Surprisingly, Mary reacted enthusiastically. Erin took a bit herself and it was excellent. "Mr. DelGado," she said, "Mary and I think the salmon is excellent." Mr. DelGado smiled and said, "Thank You, Erin." Erin finished up feeding Mary by giving her some watermelon chunks from the fruit salad, which were also a hit. Erin was able to feed herself for a few minutes, since Mary seemed sated. While doing so, she mused on how this experience would differ if the switch had never occurred. Well, obviously she would not be pregnant and would not have Mary. That actually seemed sort of depressing to her. And Tony would not have made it a point to sit next to her. But reading expressively to the children came from Brian's drama class, so she thought the two boys would still have enjoyed the reading. And Brian would not have had to explain so many things about himself and would not have had to tell so many lies. That would have been better. On the other hand, there was an obvious solution to that, just tell the truth, that she was Erin, but used to be Brian. But that would cause a lot of other problems? So, would things have been so different if the switch had never occurred. Well, yeah, she'd have been a different person, a person with a lot of the same traits, but still a very different person. Would that have been better or worse. Well, now she thought it would be worse, but if the switch had never occurred, Brian would have thought better. But that line of reasoning was chasing her tail. If the switch had not occurred, Brian would have preferred it had not. But the switch had occurred, so Erin thought it was good that it did. She decided to abandon that line of thought as totally unproductive, and just enjoy being herself, although she was still not quite sure who that was. Then Miriam said, "Erin, how did you get the nickname 'Crazy Erin' in high school." Erin almost choked on her salmon. She had forgotten how direct Miriam was. "Well," Erin said, "I did a lot of outrageous things, some little and some not so little. The other kids gave me that name half because they thought what I did was funny and half because they thought it was insane. Honestly, I cannot remember most of the things I did. Being on opioids does not help you remember details. Some of the things I did had long-lasting consequences, that I have had to deal with after deciding I had to change." Miriam, "What are some of those outrageous things you did, Erin?" Tony tried to object that they shouldn't be interrogating their guest. Miriam said, "Erin, do you think I am interrogating you? Erin said quietly, "I'm deeply ashamed of most of the outrageous things I did in high school, and don't particularly like talking about them. But I did them. It is better for me to tell people who are interested than for those people to hear them from someone else. So, if asked, I tell. And, after all, I am a totally different person now, so admitting my former problems is sort of like talking about someone else." Erin, "I was rebellious in so many ways. I actually stole some money from the community center. I can't for the life of me think why I did anything that was so bad and so stupid. Another thing I did was having a friend put these ugly tattoos on my arms. I started to get them removed with a laser a few months ago but found out that the process might affect fetuses and nursing babies. I will finish getting them removed when I am no longer pregnant or nursing, but that might be a while. Dropping out of high school was certainly another. I have more or less solved the problems due to that decision by getting my GED. I was the valedictorian in the GED graduation ceremonies in June. Another outrageous thing was getting involved with a high school bad boy, Rex Luthor. That led to a child, Mary, that was the only good thing that came out of the relationship. I decided to break up, but Rex couldn't accept that and tried to abduct me and force me to be with him. I had to use a firearm to defend myself and Mary, and I shot Rex while he was raping me. In the process, Rex nearly killed me. Then Rex was killed in jail. I really feel bad about that, but I wouldn't change my decision to defend myself from him." Miriam, "So, why did you decide you wanted to change, Erin. I get the impression that you had been taking drugs and doing outrageous things for years before last fall. Why all of the sudden was it necessary to change." Erin, "It was Mary. I ran off with Rex and took Mary more to spite my mother than anything else. I didn't really want a baby, but arrogantly assumed I could take care of one without assistance from anybody, especially my mother who was constantly telling me I was doing wrong, because I was doing wrong. But when Rex and I were going from motel to motel, I realized how wrong I was. On drugs, not systematic about childcare, I was not taking care of Mary properly. In addition, Rex hated having a baby with us. He hated the noise and the smells and the time I took with Mary, although it was not as much time as I should have taken. Rex had a violent streak, and several times threatened to kill her, or abandon her. In a lucid moment, I realized that Mary was in real danger from Rex and that if I didn't want to see her die, I needed to get her back to mom and dad. And I decided that I did love her, and that I wanted to take care of her properly. But Rex wouldn't hear of going back. And he threatened to kill me if I ever left. Although I don't quite know why. It wasn't as though he appeared to care for me." Miriam, "So, how did you get away?" Erin, "At my lowest point, I was lucky enough to run into a guy took me home to Blakefield. I stole some Percocet's, so that I wouldn't be so dependent on Rex to prevent going into withdrawal. Rex hid the drugs from me and doled them out one at a time to control me. If you have never been drug dependent, you have to understand that in withdrawal, you feel horrible. You will do almost anything to get your drugs. Anyway, Rex discovered the missing perc's, and threw me and Mary out of the room, buck naked, with nothing. I was lucky and ran into a guy who offered to take me back to Blakefield. I left Mary with him, and snuck back to the room and tried to retrieve my and Mary's things. Rex woke up and almost killed me, but he gave me my and Mary's suitcases, after he raped me and threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone about what we had been doing. I don't know why he acted so decent at that moment. I guess Rex sometimes realized he was doing was wrong. Anyway, I accepted the ride back to Blakefield and begged my parents to take me back, which they did, God bless them." "In the process of getting away from Rex and getting back to Blakefield, I realized that if I was ever to take care of Mary properly, I had to change completely, starting with the drugs, but also changing my approach to my parents and to my responsibilities. And I decided that I really did want to change, to be a better person and overcome the difficulties I caused myself. I've had some success, but I am not perfect." Miriam, "What are you going to do now, Erin?" Erin, "Well, as you can see, I am very pregnant. I will give birth in July. After that, I will focus totally on my babies for a while. My parents, God bless them, will allow me to stay with them for a while more. Then when Mary and the twins are old enough to go to day care, I will start looking for work." Miriam broke in, "Are the twins Rex's too, Erin." Erin, "No, the guy who gave me a ride back to Blakefield, also gave me a date rape drug, GBH, when we got here and raped me. They are his children. He has disappeared." Miriam, "I'm sure you have considered giving them up for adoption." Erin, "Yes, but they are my children. They are totally innocent. They did not choose the manner of their conception. I love them and will give them guidance and means to be decent human beings and to have a happy and productive life." The way Erin said that showed a strength and determination that earned Miriam's respect. Then Erin continued, "I know I will need to upgrade my skills, so I can get a good job to support my children. There are opportunities to do that and I will find them. I would like to work in construction or engineering. I am interested in that and think I would enjoy it." Tony, "Have you thought about joining a band? You are a very good keyboard player." Erin, "Maybe, but people with more talent than I have a hard time making a living in music." Tony, "I think you are plenty talented, and you are also very pretty, which helps a lot." Erin, "Why, thank you Tony. But with three children, I need to have a steady, dependable income, and insurance." Then, Erin asked Tony what his plans were. He said, "You know, I'm not so different than you, Erin. I have two children to support and I need to think about them. I cannot just go off and chase my dreams anymore. I have to get a job that will pay me enough to support them and provide insurance. I may be looking for something other than music, myself, although I don't think I will ever completely stop playing. I enjoy it too much. I'm lucky the boys are old enough for child care, although even for older kids it is really expensive in the Seattle Area." Miriam, "Tony, why don't you move back to Blakefield. I would love to help take care of the boys. And I miss you. You would be welcome to live at home here, wouldn't he, Dear." Mr. DelGado looked at Miriam with a 'deer in the headlight' look, but then laughed and said, "Of course Tony would be welcome here. I would love to have him and my grandsons here with us." Miriam, "See. Think about it Tony. You would be much happier here and with our help it would be easier to find a good job or continue trying to establish a career in music." Tony laughed and said, "Mom, we've talked about this before. And I am really tempted. I'll think about it, OK?" The rest of the evening was much more subdued. Erin read a couple of more stories to the boys, and Lorenzo played with Duncan while Miriam and Tony cleaned up and Erin went to their bedroom to change Mary and allow her to nurse. While Erin was caring for Mary, Tony and Miriam talked about her. Tony said he was worried. He really liked Erin. But the conversation they had tonight made him realize how many things Erin had been involved in that were questionable. There was some mystery about her. She had been very troubled as a high schooler, and suddenly, unaccountably, she changed dramatically, almost overnight. People just didn't change that much overnight. Tony thought sadly, 'I guess I have to be cautious. I have to think about Alonzo and Duncan.' When Erin came out of the bedroom, Tony said, "Well, I would love to visit longer Erin, but I and the boys have to catch a plane at 5 AM." Miriam said, "Why don't I take Erin home, dear? That way you and the boys can get to bed. Tony said, "Is that OK with you Erin? I am a little tired." In truth, Erin was disappointed to not have a chance to be with Tony a while longer, but she said, "Sure, Tony. I understand. And I really enjoyed visiting with you and your family tonight. Thanks for asking me." Tony, "I enjoyed it too, Erin." And he gave her a little hug and kissed her on the forehead and said he had a good time tonight. On the way home, Miriam and Erin talked about this and that, until Miriam said, "It would be good for you too if Tony came home, wouldn't it Erin." Erin replied "Yes, I would enjoy seeing him once in a while." Miriam, "Just once in a while?" Erin, "Just so you know Mrs. DelGado, Tony and I barely know each other. We haven't shared much more than a few kisses. I really like him, but he hardly knows me. And I am well aware how difficult any relationship would be given that we both have big commitments. I'm not anticipating any big love affair, or anything like that. Right now, I just think of him as a casual friend, and he thinks of me in the same way." Mrs. DelGado, "Erin, I know my son. He has many casual woman friends. You are more to him than that." Erin, "But he is going to Seattle and may not be back for years. And a goodbye kiss on the forehead is not exactly a declaration of love, is it?" Miriam, "Well, don't be surprised to hear from him, again, Erin." Then they got home, and Erin thanked Mrs. DelGado and she and Mary went up to the door, and when they opened the door, Mrs. DelGado left. The next day, Erin woke up and her first thought when Mary stirred was "Well, Tony's gone." That was a bad way to start the day, but she bucked up and got Mary up and ready for the day and then took care of herself. After that, she went down and made coffee and sat with Mary while she drank a cup. In the process, she felt what she thought was a baby kick. Wow. What did that mean? Luckily, she had an appointment with her OB/GYN this afternoon and could ask her. But somehow, when she should have been reacting with excitement, her feelings were sort of subdued. Mom noticed it and said, "Erin, what's wrong?" Erin said, "Oh, nothing, Mom. Everything's fine." Mom, "Did you have an argument with Tony last night, Honey?" Then Erin broke down into tears, "Oh, Mom, he went back to Seattle this morning. I won't see him for months." Mom, "Well, there's always the phone." Erin, "I had to tell him all about myself last night, about the drugs, about all the trouble I got in in high school, about quitting school and running off with Rex, about everything. I think that was the first time he realized how troubled I once was. He really changed his demeaner. When I saw him last, he kissed me on the forehead for heaven's sake." Mom, "Hmm, I'm sorry honey. But things could still be OK. Just give it some time."