A Swapped Life, Chapters 12-24 free porn video

A SWAPPED LIFE, Chapters 22 - 24 A young male engineer goes to an engineering conference and gets swapped with a teen unwed mother who did not finish high school. Story discusses how the new woman makes new friends, and copes with motherhood, her new parents and sister, her former boyfriend, and eventually with love and marriage. Story also discusses the struggles of the new man, whose family and educational background did not give him the tools to fit into the world of men, and of his eventual redemption. This is my first attempt to write fiction. I have found it much more challenging than I expected. I am grateful for constructive criticism. This is the eighth part of A SWAPPED LIFE and covers chapters 22 - 24. In the first part, in chapter 1 I introduced the original Brian and his family. Brian is a small and easy-going guy, but intelligent and strong willed. He is a civil engineer and works for a consulting company and is attending a conference in Eugene and giving a paper. In chapter 2, Brian encounters a very large man, Rex, abusing his girlfriend, Erin, and their daughter, Mary, in the halls of his hotel. Brian calls him on it, but no good deed goes unpunished and Rex beats Brian up and steals his wallet. Later that night, Brian wakes up as Erin being taunted by Rex . Rex throws Erin out of the room with their baby and she finds Erin who has been swapped into Brian's body. Chapter 3 discusses their early interactions. Erin finds she feels a magical connection with the baby Mary, and she becomes determined to give her a loving upbringing. And Erin gives the engineering paper that the old Brian had prepared. The two of them decide to return to Blakefield, the town where they both grew up. In the second part, in chapter 4, Erin and Brian return to Blakefield and the new Erin decides to go into detox and tries to get Brian's sister Clara to help him, but she won't believe the story of Brian and Erin swapping. In desperation, the new Erin begs the old Erin's parents to pay for detox, without telling them anything about the swap. In chapter 5, Erin's parents allow her to move home and she meets Fran, a Blakefield police officer, who hated the old Erin. Fran shows her antipathy in various ways. In chapter 6, Erin's parents send her to a detox program, which she finishes. While there, Erin makes friends with a girl named LaTesha In the third part, Erin returns home and slowly makes progress improving her relationships with her parents and with Fran. She also starts working on her GED so she can get a good job in order to support Mary. She finds along the way that the old Erin had made a lot of enemies. She makes another new friend at church, Debbie. Then Brian reenters the new Erin's life and causes more trouble. Nevertheless, Erin remains determined to get her high school GED so she can support Mary. In the fourth part, Erin discovers that the past fights of the former Erin with her sister-in-law have made her unwelcome at the family's Thanksgiving dinner. So she uses the time to study for the GED, but a last-minute decision by her sister-in-law allows her to meet her extended family. After Thanksgiving, Erin discovers she is pregnant. She has a quiet Christmas and New Year. She goes to a girl's night out with Clara and briefly sees her previous best friend Tony. After New Year, she takes the second GED Test and decides to keep the baby that is the result of her last encounter with Brian. In the fifth part, Chapters 13 - 15, Erin proposes a report documentation project at Pederson's Construction, and carries it out over a few weeks in January. At the same time, she makes another good friend, and helps Debbie while her baby is being born. In February Erin starts being a daytime sitter and wet nurse for Debbie's child while Debbie goes back to high school. Erin also finds out Latesha is in Girls' Detention and contacts her to arrange for a visit. In March, Erin visits Latesha a couple of times at the detention center, which is on the same grounds as a men's prison. During the second visit, Erin finds out that Brian is incarcerated, and goes to see him. During the same period, Erin has been having trouble eating and her mother talks her into telling her OBGYN, who determines that she is not eating enough for her unborn children and admits her to the hospital. While there, Erin meets an old high school pal named Jesse, who participated in some of the former Erin's hi-jinks. Near the end of the month, Erin takes and passes her third GED test, and encounter's Rex again. In the sixth part, chapters 16-18, Rex breaks into Erin's parents' home and ties up Erin's mom and tries to rape Erin, but Erin has squirreled away a pistol in her room and manages to get it out and shoot Rex and escape with Mary. In the process he hits her in the head and gives her a bad concussion and she loses all memory of the last 5 months since the switch and thinks she is still Brian. This only lasts a couple days, but Jenny picks up on it and Clara and Erin decide to tell Jenny of the switch. Jenny doesn't believe them until she accompanies them to visit Brian in prison and she sees that Brian is very different. It takes weeks for Erin to recover. When she does, her father asks her to fill in in a family foursome in a charity golf tournament for Stacey who has injured herself running. Erin is pleasantly surprised that she can still swing the clubs and help the foursome score well. Then Erin takes the last GED test and does well and is awarded her high school credentials. In the seventh part, chapters 19 - 21, Rex gets another prosecutor who is a friend of his father, Adam. Adam arranges a new bail hearing, but Rex is killed by another inmate at the jail before that. Adam attacks Erin outside the courthouse, and threatens to kill her. Erin takes a firearms training course and buys a pistol for protection. After a time, the threat Adam presents subsides. In another storyline, Debbie's parents split because her father finds her mother has been having an affair with the Pastor, who is forced to resign his position. In June, Erin feels well enough to be Matron of Honor at Clara's wedding. She fills in for Tony's keyboarder, and afterward dances with Tony and they feel increasingly close. But Tony is hearing about the old Erin's escapades from a friend and decides for the sake of his children that he can't risk being close to Erin. He returns to Seattle. Characters Brian-->Erin An accomplished young male engineer with some struggles and insecurities. He tries to help a woman being abused by a very large man and is then swapped with that woman. Erin --> Brian A troubled young woman who never finished high school and who is transgendered. In spite of gender issues, she wound up getting involved with a troubled young man and having his baby. She is swapped with Brian. Rex The old Erin's boyfriend and Mary's father. Rex is a very large and abusive man, but the old Erin knows how to handle him, although she and Mary are in constant danger of abuse. Clara Sister of Brian. She is social worker and is a very accomplished young woman and was her brother's close friend. Jenny Mother of Brian. She is an administrator at a local hospital and was very close to Brian and Clara. Peter Father of Brian. He is a professor of mathematics and was also very close to Brian and Clara. Mary Baby Daughter of Erin. She turns out sweet tempered and loving despite being neglected by the original Erin Mom (Mary) Mother of Erin. She is an office manager for a construction firm. She has some flaws and had a rough relationship with the original Erin, but eventually turns out to play a positive role. Dad (Bart) Loving father of Erin. He is a construction worker. Fran Sister of Erin. She is a police officer. She and the old Erin hated each other. She makes the new Erin's life miserable at first, but eventually they become friends. Dan Erin's brother. Stacey Dan's wife, Erin's sister-in-law. She is very smart and remains convinced that Erin is a different person. Latesha Friend Erin makes in a drug detox program. LaTesha was a very promising student in high school but was pulled into the world of drugs by her boyfriend and winds up spending about a year in youth detention. Debbie Friend Erin makes attending church. She is a high school student and an unwed mother. Her mother has rejected her for engaging in unmarried sex. Ginni Friend Erin makes doing a contracting job. She works for Erin's Mom and wants a career in finance. Jesse Close friend of the old Erin. She also becomes a friend of the new Erin, even though the two Erins are very different. Jesse was the original Erin's partner in many pranks and just barely graduates high school, but she is determined to succeed in life and is attending culinary school and also wants to also establish herself as a photographer. Adam Rex's father. He is also large and abusive, and also is a rapist. He is a lawyer and uses his expertise to protect Rex from the consequences of his actions. Tony Close friend of the old Brian and an excellent musician. After a failed marriage, he is raising his two sons by himself. He is asked to provide music at Clara's wedding. Index: CHAPTER 1. OCTOBER, BRIAN AND FAMILY CHAPTER 2. EUGENE, THE SWITCH CHAPTER 3. IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SWITCH. CHAPTER 4. BLAKEFIELD, AFTER THE SWITCH. CHAPTER 5. ERIN MOVES HOME, FRAN'S ANTIPATHY CHAPTER 6. DETOX, MEETING LATESHA CHAPTER 7. NOVEMBER, ERIN HOME AGAIN CHAPTER 8. MEETING DEBBIE, THE WATER LEAK, REINSTATEMENT AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER CHAPTER 9. THE RAPE, FIRST GED TEST CHAPTER 10. THANKSGIVING CHAPTER 11. DECEMBER, PREGNANCY TEST, CHRISTMAS, SEEING TONY CHAPTER 12. JANUARY, SECOND GED TEST, DECIDING TO KEEP THE BABY CHAPTER 13. JANUARY, PROJECT AT PETERSONS, MEETING GINNI, HELPING DEBBIE CHAPTER 14. FEBRUARY, CARING FOR JEREMY, CONTACTING LATESHA CHAPTER 15. MARCH, VISITING LATESHA, GETTING SICK, MEETING JESSE, VISITING BRIAN, ENCOUNTER WITH REX, THIRD GED TEST CHAPTER 16. APRIL, REX'S ASSAULT, MEMORY LOSS, TELLING JENNY, VISITING BRIAN AGAIN, TESTIFYING, GOLF CHAPTER 17. MAY, VISITING A SPIRITUALIST, BRIDESMAIDS NIGHT OUT, TALKING TO TONY, PRESENTING THE GED, LAST GED TEST, VISIT TO NOLA CHAPTER 18. JUNE, DAN's BBQ, GED GRADUATION ADDRESS, DEBBY'S SENIOR SNEAK, DEBBY AND JESSE'S GRADUATION CHAPTER 19. REX's DEATH, ADAM ATACKS ERIN, CONCEALED CARRY PERMIT, UNWELCOME AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER, THE REVEREND LEAVES CHAPTER 20. DEBBIE'S PARENTS SPLIT, ERIN VOLUNTEERS TO TESTIFY, WELCOME AT COMMUNITY CENTER CHAPTER 21. CLARA'S WEDDING, ERIN AND TONY HELP DEBBIE'S MOTHER CHAPTER 22. ERIN GIVES BIRTH CHAPTER 23. HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL, WALK WITH TONY AND HIS BOYS, NOT WELCOME AGAIN AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER. CHAPTER 24. TONY'S PROPOSAL, HELP FROM FRIENDS, TELLING JESSE. CHAPTER 22. ERIN GIVES BIRTH During the day Debbie called and again thanked Erin for getting her mother to go to rehab. Sarah and Debbie had had a long talk to their Mom and aired their feelings but had forgiven her (the Christian thing to do) and told her they still loved her and wanted her in their lives. Debbie said her mother had cried and promised to stay in rehab and get herself clean. She also said her mother had asked her to thank Erin for getting her to go to rehab. Then Debbie asked Erin where she had gotten the Percocet's she had used to entice her mother into the car. Erin said that just before her rehab she had been trying to cut back and trying to make what drugs she had last, so she could get to rehab without a withdrawal episode. So, she was biting the pills in half. She had wound up with three halves of 60 mg Percocet pills left over and had almost forgotten about them until Debbie's mother's phone call. She hadn't really intended to give Mrs. Silver the drugs, but Mrs. Silver had scratched her and grabbed them, and taken them before Erin could do anything. Erin said, "You can tell your mom that I bit them in half, so the only cooties on them are mine." Debbie laughed. "I'll do that." That afternoon, Mom got home early and took Erin to her OB/GYN Appointment. The Doctor was happy because Erin gained almost a pound in the last month. Erin silently gave thanks for the great carrot cake at the wedding. After her examination, the doctor told her she was doing fine, but there were some indications the births would be a few weeks premature. Instead of mid-August, she should expect to give birth in late July. Erin said, "So as early as a couple of weeks. How will I know things are happening? The Doctor gave her a pamphlet but said that expelling anything unusual from her vagina is a sign. If her breathing improves it is a sign the baby has dropped below the diaphragm which is an indication of labor, and also if she feels energetic, that is a sign. Then the Doctor asked her what she felt in her last pregnancy. Erin said, "I'm sorry. I was high. I can't remember." Erin was seeing Brian this weekend, and she decided to ask him what he felt when he had Mary." The days went by slowly, and Erin struggled to keep up her usual activities. She decided to put Tony out of her mind. She still hoped he had a good life. After all, how could she blame him from shying away from a relationship with a woman who had such a troubled past and had three kids to raise herself. Physically, Erin was unable to maintain the same level of activity she had up to now. She continued helping her mother clean during the day, although not to the same extent. She also continued to spend time with Mary, enjoying her contact with her daughter and seeing her grow and develop. And Mary seemed to be doing that more quickly now than before. Erin saw her trying to get around on her own, and even try to pull herself up on things, and she occasionally heard her call Erin 'Mama.' That was soo cool. Mary was also nursing less now and eating more adult food. Erin had started getting baby food, but somehow Mary didn't warm to it. She liked to be feed from the dinner table, anything she didn't have to chew. Erin also noticed some indication of a tooth coming in. But Mary's activity tired Erin more than previously, and Erin sometimes fell asleep while holding her. Two weeks after the wedding, Clara called Erin and talked for hours about the honeymoon. Erin enjoyed the stories and was happy for her sister. Clara asked what had happened between Erin and Tony, and Erin told the whole story, including the disappointing goodbye kiss on the forehead. Clara sympathized, but said that they both knew Tony was a good guy and maybe he would realize that he should give their relationship a chance, even though on paper there were things about Erin he might be concerned about, especially since he had two sons he was responsible for. Clara asked if Erin was free next weekend, and Erin said yes, but she would prefer if Clara could visit her at home. So, Clara said she would buy a subway sandwich that Brian used to love and come over on Saturday. Erin went to visit Nola with Jenny the next weekend and asked Brian what he had felt when he was about to give birth to Mary. But, Brian did not want to talk about when he was a woman, especially about when he was a pregnant woman. It was a time he had hated. So, she got no useful information. He did comment that Erin looked really pregnant and better her than him. She didn't snap back with any retorts about him being the reason she was pregnant, or how unhelpful he was being, although she certainly thought them. Sometimes Brian drove her crazy, but Erin knew no response would do more than give her some temporary satisfaction. It would not get Brian to open up and give her the information she needed. The girls in the Girls Detention Center also told her how pregnant she looked. But they were very nice about it and they answered all the questions she posed. They all thought it would be only a week or so until she gave birth. They had all kinds of advice, and Erin tried to write down anything that seemed important, so she could remember. And she really appreciated the concern they showed. The next Saturday, Erin seemed to have caught her second wind and did not feel so tired as she had the last few weeks, and she had helped Mom clean and spent some time talking to Mary and playing pretend games with Mary. Fran had been around this morning for a while and had carried Mary around and lifted her and whirled with her, which Mary loved but which Erin could not really do right now. Clara came by at noon with a full-sized subway club with lite mayo, peppers, and olives. Erin was glad to see her. They sat at the table. Mom had gone to the store, so it was only Clara and Erin and Mary. Clara said, "I hope you still like these sandwiches, Erin." Erin, "Yes, Thanks for bringing it by." Clara, "You're welcome, Sis. God, it looks like my marriage happened just in time. You have doubled in size in three weeks." Then she laughed. Erin replied, "It isn't funny, Clara." But she smiled too, indicating she wasn't serious." Clara, "So when do they think you will deliver, Erin? Are you ready?" Erin, "Sometime in late July, is what they told me, so it could be any time. I'm as ready as I can be. I talked Mom into going to some classes with me, but Mom doesn't really think it is necessary. She thinks I will remember everything from last time, once labor starts. You and I know that isn't going to happen. But I do have a bag packed to take to the hospital." Clara laughed again, and said, "Never in a million years would I have ever suspected that I would be talking to my sibling about expecting a baby." Erin stuck her tongue out at Clara, but dissolved in laughter too, and said, "Life has certainly taken a strange turn, hasn't it?" Clara, "Yes, it has. Do you have names picked out?" Erin, "Yes, Aaron Bartholomew and Carli Jennifer." Clara, "The first names are reminiscent of someone we know, what about the second names. Is 'Jennifer' for our mom?" Erin, "Right." Clara, "So Mr. McLoughlin's first name must be Bart?" Erin, "Right again." Clara, "One parent has been left out. So, the next boy you have will have to carry the name 'Peter'. Erin, "Clara, that's not funny either. This is it. Three is enough!" Clara laughed, "No, Erin. It would be unfair to leave our father out. You have to keep going until you have a son with a first or second name of Peter. Fair is fair." Erin stuck her tongue out at Clara again, and they both laughed. Erin awoke Sunday morning early with a contraction. She had been having them frequently the last week, but from what she had read on the internet they were a sign of false labor. But this one was strong and painful. After it stopped, she awkwardly got up to use the bathroom, and noticed the bottoms she wore with her nightgown were wet and sticky. Yech. Trying not to get the mess on anything, she made her way to the bathroom, and there was a bloody disgusting mess in her bottoms. She cleaned the bottoms and put them in the wash basket and went back to the chest of drawers and got another pair. She checked Mary, and found she was still asleep, and then checked the clock, and saw it was only 3 AM. She lay back down awkwardly and tried to get back to sleep, but a short while later another contraction occurred, this one worse than before. It hurt very painfully throughout her pelvic area. By the time it subsided, she was sweating, and almost in tears. Oh my god, this made the time Brian broke his leg playing soccer seem like nothing. Finally, the contraction passed, and Erin had time to think. Was this actual labor? Should she wake her parents and ask them to get her to the hospital. She knew they would be happy to do that. But she didn't want to be a bother, if it wasn't. She needed to look on-line and see if there was any information of interest. She struggled to get up and walked over to where her phone should be charging, but it wasn't there. Where did she leave it? She thought it might be downstairs. Actually, she hoped it would be downstairs, since she didn't want to try to find it in a dark room, and she didn't want to turn on the light with Mary asleep. She slowly and carefully walked downstairs and found her phone on the hallway table. Good. She tried to turn it on. Damn. It was discharged. She slowly went back upstairs and plugged it into the charger. It would be another 15 minutes before she could use it. So, she lay down again to wait, and managed to fall asleep. She was woken by another extremely painful contraction. Was it worse than the previous contraction? Maybe, but Erin was not sure. But it hurt like hell. When the contraction passed, Erin looked at the clock and saw it was 4:30 now. She awkwardly got up to use the bathroom again. Like earlier, her shorts were soiled. It did not look like anything she had seen before tonight. Erin decided that whether the contractions were regular or not, it was time to go to the hospital. Erin finished cleaning herself up, but then heard Mary crying. So, Erin went back into her room and flicked the light on and noticed Mary trying to pull herself up. When Mary saw Erin, she fussed even more. Erin went over to Mary and put her arms around her. Mary quieted down and showed signs of wanted to nurse. But Erin first checked Mary's diaper and noted it was soiled. Erin carefully picked Mary up and brought her over to the changing table and cleaned her up and changed her diaper and cleaned the soiled diaper and put it in a holding bucket. Then she lay down with Mary and let her nurse. While that was happening, there was another contraction and Erin was sure this was the most painful yet. She lay as still as she could and let Mary nurse, although she had to grit her teeth and endure a lot of pain to do it. Then she got herself up, with great difficulty, and put Mary back in her crib and walked out to the hallway. She had intended to walk down the stairs to Mom and Dad's room, but another contraction began. God it hurt. She lay down on the floor to insure she didn't fall. This contraction seemed to go on forever, and Erin found herself crying in pain, illogically trying not to scream, although she knew it would be good if someone else were awake to help her. When the contraction finally passed Erin managed to get herself up but did not want to try the stairs alone. She wondered if Fran were here. She stumbled over to the door and knocked loudly. Nothing. Then she knocked again. She heard a voice, "What? God, it's only 5 AM." Erin, "Fran, I need help. Can you help me?" Fran was out the door in an instant, and said, "What's happening, Erin?" Erin, "I think I'm in labor." Fran, "I thought Dad was going to take you to the hospital when the time came." Erin, "I don't think I can make it down the stairs, Fran. I'm afraid I will fall if I do." Fran, "I'll get you back to bed and then wake up Dad. But, Erin, I think we need to call 911. They can be here in 10 minutes, and it is safer than rushing there last minute in a car. I'll go down and wake Mom and Dad." So, Fran did just that, and a couple of minutes later, Mom came into Erin's room and asked her what is happening. Erin described that morning's events, and Mom asked, "Why in heaven's name didn't you wake us up earlier." Erin, "I wasn't sure and didn't want to wake you so early." Mom, "Geez, Erin. I agree with Fran. We need to call 911. But Dad still wants to take you in the car. Can you make it down the stairs if Fran helped?" Erin, "I think so." Fran then came over and started to help Erin get up, but another contraction started. This time Erin couldn't help herself and screamed in pain. Fran said, "I don't care what Dad wants, we're calling 911. She went into her room and dialed. Erin was still writhing in pain when Dad came up buttoning his shirt and said, "Is she able to get downstairs?" Mom, "No, Bart, she isn't. She has been up and apparently in labor for several hours and it is too late for that. We need to get an ambulance. Fran is calling now." He said, "OK. What shall we do until then?" Mom, "Until then, I will get Mary up and you stay with Erin. Then Mom handed Erin's hand to Dad and went over to Mary's crib. Mary had known that something was wrong and was quietly crying. Mom picked her up and held her. She checked her diaper, and noticed it was OK. Erin must have changed her. Being meticulous in caring for her child at a time like this was idiotic, but that was Erin, these days at least." Fran came in and took Erin's hand from Dad, so he could gather up Erin's stuff. Erin said, "Thanks, Sis. I'm in your debt again." Fran, "Hey, that's what sisters do for each other, Erin. Happy to do it." Then Erin said, "Would you ask Dad to put my cell phone and charger in my bag?" Fran, "Sure. So how are you feeling right now?" Erin, "Not too bad right now. How is Mary doing? Is Mom taking care of her? She doesn't need to be fed. She nursed an hour ago." Fran, "OK. Yes, Mom has her. I will tell Mom that Mary has been fed. She'll be fine." Then Erin closed her eyes for a moment, and said, "So, Fran, how are you doing? I wouldn't have been surprised if you weren't here. I know you and Roger were out together yesterday." Fran, "Well, I do have to work this morning. It's the start of my work week." Erin said "Oh, I'm sorry I woke you Fran." Fran said, "No problem, Sis, Happy to do it." Erin was desperate to think about something other than her own discomfort, so she asked, "How is Roger doing, Fran? Have you two set the date yet?" Fran said, "Roger is fine. We had a good day together. We've decided on sometime in October, but no specific date yet." Erin continued, "Have you decided on staying on the force yet, Fran?" Fran, "No, I think I'll retire, but I want to wait until a position in the office is open. I have too much time in to just leave." Erin couldn't think of more questions, so she just closed her eyes, and was almost asleep when another contraction hit. Erin was still in pain, when the 911 team came in. The paramedic did a quick examination, and tried to talk to Erin, but she was in pain and gritting her teeth, so she would not scream. He got on the radio to St Mary's and said he had a woman in labor and would transport her stat. But he did not think delivery was imminent, as she was insufficiently dilated. Then his partner came up with a stretcher and they carefully got her onto it and then took it into the hallway, down the stairs, and out to the ambulance. They asked her if she wanted some pain meds, but she said no opioids. So, the paramedics just started an IV in case they need to give her anything else on an emergency basis. They also gave her oxygen. When they arrived at the hospital, the ambulance crew quickly brought Erin into the emergency room where they examined her again. She again she refused pain meds. She just couldn't take the chance of getting addicted again. Then the orderly's arrived and took her to a delivery room. Almost as soon as Erin arrived she had another contraction. After it died down, the nurse examined her thoroughly. She also questioned Erin closely about the contraction and found that it started behind the uterus and moved forward during the episode. Then the nurse told Erin "You are definitely in labor, but you are not dilated enough to give birth yet. It will be at least a few hours. Do you want some pain medication?" Erin said "No." The nurse said, "I am obligated to tell you that it will be some time until you give birth and that you will be in a lot of pain before then. Why don't you want pain medication? The standard pain medication is an epidural, which will not be transmitted to the fetus. It is safe for your baby." Erin told her, "I was an addict. I don't want to risk becoming addicted again." Nurse, "Oh. OK. Well, we will at least have some non-opiate pain relievers available for you. But tell me if it is really bad. Many former addicts can take a moderate amount of opiate pain-reliever for a day or two without becoming addicted again. It might be worth trying if the pain gets really bad, which it could." Erin, "Thanks, I will think about it." Erin merely endured the next hour, until Mom came in. She had several very painful contractions but managed them without screaming. Actually, not exhibiting a lot of anxiety and keeping herself in control seemed to keep the contractions from hurting too much. So, Erin tried to just breath deep and block out the pain, which did not work perfectly but helped. Mom came in alone. Infants were not allowed in the delivery room, so Fran was home caring for Mary until Mom came home. Apparently, the nurse had briefed Mom about Erin's status on the way in, and after the initial hello, how are you, Mom said "I understand that you are refusing pain medications, Erin.". Erin replied 'Yes, I don't want to take any chance of triggering addiction. I never want to be addicted again." Mom, "That's a good ambition, Sweetie. But remember how painful it was for you when you birthed Mary. if it is another painful delivery, it might be better to take a chance on the narcotics." Erin wanted to tell her Mother that she didn't remember how painful it had been before. That she had been a boy named Brian then and didn't have to worry about delivering a child. That this was new to her. But instead Erin said, "I have thought about it, Mom. Women gave birth over the centuries without pain medication. I can too. I'll just have to suck it up if it starts hurting a lot. After all, it will not last forever, and I will be better off afterword if I don't take any meds." Mom was dubious. In her last delivery, Erin had been incredibly sensitive to the slightest discomfort, casting around and screaming whenever she had a contraction. Erin now was a very different person, but Mom wondered whether in duress, she would go back to her old behavior. However, Mom knew that was Erin's decision. Mom just sympathized with her daughter and wanted to save her discomfort. As the day went along, Erin's contractions got stronger and more painful, but never regular. A second examination at 3 PM showed Erin was much more dilated than previously, but still not enough to give birth. The nurse said Erin still appeared to be some hours away. Erin was disappointed with that, but she had no control over it. The nurse asked Erin, "Would you consider a Caesarian if necessary?" Erin relied "If it's better for the babies. Or if it is necessary." The nurse said, "Your OB/GYN will be in at 6. She asked me to pose that question to you. That is one thing she will evaluate when she comes in." Erin thought about it. She couldn't imagine having a caesarian delivery without anesthetic. So, she decided to resist a caesarian unless absolutely necessary. Erin spent the time between contractions talking to Mom about almost anything, except her discomfort. Mom finally said, "Erin, this is so much different than Mary's delivery. Then all you talked about was how much pain you were in and how you wanted to be sedated. Finally, you were such a pain to everyone around you, they gave you an epidural well before they thought you needed one. Now you want to talk about Mary and the family and vacation plans. And you are rejecting medications. I think this is better, but it is a little surprising how much you have changed in a year." Then there was a knock, and Erin was surprised to see Jenny come in, wearing a mask and gown. Erin said, "Hi, Mrs. Sanders." Jenny had been notified that Erin had been admitted to the hospital, per her standing request to the admissions office, and came down to see what was going on. She looked at Erin and all kinds of emotions went through her. She now considered Erin her daughter, and knew she was carrying Brian's children. Jenny would have liked to go over and hug Erin and comfort her, assuring her that all would be well. But she couldn't do that under the circumstances. So, Jenny just said "Hello, Mrs. McLoughlin. Hello Erin. Clara asked me to check on you. How are thing's going?" Erin, "Fine, Mrs. Sanders. They say birth is still several hours off. But I haven't heard that there are any big problems." Mrs. McLoughlin then jumped in, "She is just saying that. She is having severe contractions. She has refused any sort of pain medication. And her OB/GYN will evaluate her for a Caesarian when she gets here." Jenny, "Why are you refusing pain medications, Erin?" Erin, "I am afraid of becoming addicted again. I'll avoid narcotics if I can." Erin's behavior might mystify Mrs. McLoughlin who still expected Erin to behave as she had last delivery. But Erin's behavior did not at all surprise Jenny, who knew her former son's personality well. He might even choose to undergo a caesarean without anesthetic. Jenny said, "The danger of pain medications is a concern for many former addicts, Erin. What I have heard from medical staff is that a little bit of pain medication is unlikely to cause you to become addicted again. I would advise you to consider it if the pain becomes overwhelming. Would you like me to ask a specialist in addiction to come by to discuss it?" Erin, "Please, if one is available." Jenny, "I'll see what I can do. Clara may come by later. I'll keep her apprised of what is going on." Mrs. McLoughlin thanked Jenny and Jenny left. She called the addiction expert the hospital had on retainer and told him the situation. He said he had to be at the hospital soon anyway and would stop by and talk to Erin. Then Jenny called Clara and told her that Erin was going to give birth at St, Mary's in a couple of hours. Clara said she would be there in less than an hour. Then she called Tony, who she knew had been thinking a lot about Erin and home and had now decided to move back to Blakefield after all. This was vintage Tony. On big issues, he would think things through thoroughly before making a decision, and he would not make any commitments that he couldn't keep. But when he made up his mind, he would carry through with no looking back. So what Erin experienced as abandonment, was really Tony's caution. In this case, he was aware that he was hurting Erin, but he couldn't help it and just hoped he could make it up to her if he decided he wanted a relationship and she still wanted one. Clara had told him "Erin is not the same person she was when she got the nickname 'Crazy Erin.' I have spent lots of time with her since she returned to Blakefield last October. She has gotten her act together and she is now just what she appears, a sweet, young girl with compassion for others, a sense of fairness, a willingness to contribute, and a lot of love to give. You would be damn lucky to have a relationship with her. Mom and I both know her and have vouched for her. We have your interests at heart, both your interests. You are being an ass by believing rumors from people you hardly know instead of words of experience from two of your good friends." Clara called Tony while he and his boys were driving a rented moving truck on the way back to Blakefield and towing his automobile behind. He answered his phone, seeing it was from Clara. He said, "Hi Clara. What's up?" Clara said, "Hey, Tony. I just wanted to tell you Erin's in the hospital and will be giving birth in a couple of hours." Tony, "Damn, I'm on my way home, but am still a couple of hours out. I had hoped to be there. Is Erin all right?" Clara, "Mom said they were considering a Caesarean. Erin is refusing pain meds because she doesn't want to risk getting addicted again. So, she is apparently having a bit of a hard time. But she is in the hospital and her mother is with her, so she's in no danger. What are your plans when you arrive?" Tony, "I had planned to go home and unpack and turn in the truck as soon as possible to minimize further costs. Then tomorrow I was going to call Erin and try to talk to her. But I guess I'll just drop the boys and the truck at home with Mom and head for the hospital." Clara, "I think that is a good idea, Tony. I'll see you there." Clara then called her supervisor and said a close friend was about to give birth and asked if she could get the rest of the day off. The supervisor approved the request, provide she could find someone to take her appointments. So, Clara had to call around to get other social workers to take her appointments for the day. About 45 minutes later she checked out and got her car and drove to St. Mary's Hospital. Since the last time she had had to get mom to let her in to see Erin, Clara had gotten an appointment as a social worker at the hospital that allowed her visitation privileges beyond what the general public had. So, she was able to just put on a scrub uniform and wash up and walk into Erin's room in the hospital. When she arrived, she saw Erin sort of chewing on the end of her sheet, with her mother sitting beside her, talking about this and that, obviously trying to keep Erin's mind off of her pain. She came in and said, "Hey, Sis. What's happening?" Erin brightened up immediately and said, "Oh, nothing much Clara. Just having a baby is all. Actually, two babies." Clara laughed and said, "Seriously, Erin. How's it going?" Erin, "Well, for some reason my dilator is out of synch with my contractor. So, I'm waiting for it to catch up. The doctor was in and said I was a good candidate for a Caesarean. But I'd like to wait as long as possible to see if the birth could be done naturally, as long as it didn't endanger the twins. So, she held off for now." Clara, "Are you in a lot of pain?" Erin, "A little, especially when I have a contraction." Mom jumped in. "She's in a lot of pain. She had been crying and moaning on and off for the last hour. She need's pain meds, but she won't take any. It is so different with this delivery than when she was with Mary. Then she complained constantly and was screaming for more pain meds. Now she is trying to make it a joke, but I can see she is hurting." Clara knew her sibling. Once Brian had decided the best thing to do, there was no reasoning with him. But she said, "Think about it Erin. There is no reason to suffer the pain without help." Erin, "I did think about it. An addiction specialist was down. But he couldn't guarantee I wouldn't become addicted if I got narcotics. He said I probably wouldn't. But I can guarantee I won't become addicted if I don't take any narcotics. So, I won't. The pain is tolerable. Let's talk about something else." Clara knew that was that. She said, "What would you like to talk about, Erin?" Erin, "How about you? How is married life going? How is Robert doing? Has he found a job? What are your plans? How is your love life?" Mom jumped in at this, and said "Erin, for heaven's sake. That's none of your business." Erin said, "Clara knows I'm joking, Mom." Clara laughed and said, "I'm not offended, Mrs. McLoughlin. I'm not going to tell her about my love life, but I'm not offended." Erin, "So, how are things?" Clara, "Things are going well. Robert is really a sweet guy. Robert and I have a small apartment in downtown. We are enjoying urban life. We both like clubs. Nothing crazy, but good music and good wine. Robert has a job offer with the city, and I think he will take it. In the meantime, we both have some savings and will be looking for a house. I'd like to live near Mom and Dad, but I don't think we can afford it yet. But hopefully not too far away. And I will tell you our love life is great." Erin laughed and said, "Are you thinking of children in the near term?" Clara, "Not for a while. But someday. Do you recommend it?" Erin, "I'm sure that when the children are older it will be great. But, I don't recommend giving birth just for the experience." Clara laughed. Listening to this, Mom McLoughlin realized just how close the two girls were. How had she never even realized Clara existed until a few months ago? Then another contraction started, and Erin moaned and clinched her teeth to keep from screaming. Clara went over to her and stroked her forehead and said, "You know it's alright to scream, Sis. Your mom and I are good with it." Erin didn't say anything right then, but when the pain went down a few moments later said, "Won't do any good. I'm better when I stay under control." It was at times of great stress like this that Mom noticed how much more courage and determination her daughter had than last year. The experiences since then had apparently matured her a great deal. A few minutes later Erin's OB/GYN came in and examined her again. After she was done, she told Erin, "You are dilating quickly. I would guess about another half hour to hour. How are you doing?" Erin, "I'm fine. Are there any exercises I can do to speed it up? Jogging? Weight Lifting? Mud Wrestling? I'm up for it?" The OB/GYN laughed, "Sorry? It's just a matter of time. Everything will be fine in a little while. Hang in there. Just don't push when the contractions come, until I tell you." Erin, "OK, I'll suck it up and be a man. Oops, sorry, that metaphor doesn't seem to fit this situation." The OB/GYN laughed again and said, "No, it doesn't." About 5 PM, Mom said, "Erin, I have to leave and pick up Mary. Dad will be home at 6:30 and take care of her then, and I will be back. Clara are you able to stay?" Clara, "Sure, Mrs. McLoughlin. I had planned on being here as long as I could." Erin had enough awareness to say, "Tell Mary I love her, Mom." Mom said, "I'll do that, Erin." But, Mom told Clara, "That is weird. Do you think that Erin is becoming irrational?" Without thinking, Clara said, "No. It's Ok. Being a wiseacre is Erin's way of coping with stress. I don't think it means anything." But on thinking about it, Mom couldn't recall Erin ever being a wiseacre. When stressed, Mom only remembered Erin becoming enraged. However, sometimes girls open up more to their friends than their parents, so maybe Clara was right. On the way out, Mom told the nurse to tell Erin's OB/GYN that she was going to be back in about two hours. After 5, Erin's contractions started coming more frequently and regularly. The OB/GYN came into the room and seriously prepared for birth. Erin was now in almost constant pain and could not keep from crying out during the worst times. Finally, about 5:30, the OB/GYN said, next contraction, Erin, push hard. Erin nodded, and grabbed Clara's hands. About three minutes later, the next contraction came, and The OB said, "Push, Erin, Push." Erin did, and the crown appeared. The Doctor said, "push some more" and Erin bore down. She could not help screaming, it hurt really bad. Finally, the child's head and shoulders were through. The Doctor told her "One more push, Erin." So, Erin pushed one more time, but it didn't take much to birth the entire child. The Doctor cut the umbilical, and handed the baby to the nurse, and turned back to Erin. The nurse cleaned off the child's mouth and a few moments later he was breathing and cried. He was OK. In the meantime, the Doctor told Erin to relax. Everything was fine. The first child was the boy, and he was breathing and OK. Erin cried when she heard that. The Doctor said, "The next contraction, you will need to push again Erin, but it could be as long as an hour from now." Erin just nodded. Then she said, "Can I hold Aaron?" The OB/GYN seemed surprised, but said, "Yes, until the next contraction." So, Erin held her child and cuddled him and was happy. He seemed so tiny. She knew he would be small since he was a twin and a little premature but compared to Mary he seemed so tiny. In the meantime, Clara was taking numerous picture. She stopped to text one to Jenny, who looked at it and gasped. Aaron looked just like Brian as a baby. A few minutes later, there was another contraction, and they took Aaron from Erin and she pushed again. Carli's birth was breach and much more difficult, but the OB/GYN was able to get her hands in and move the baby around and finally it was over. As soon as the child was cleaned off and breathed, it too cried. Erin heard that and cried herself. She asked if she could hold Carli, and they put her in Erin's right arm and put Aaron in the left. Erin was overcome with joy. But she was also incredibly spent. Clara of course was snapping pictures and texted another to Jenny, who was overcome with emotion. She just had to come down. So, she put on a mask and gown and went down to the birthing center and into Erin's room and sat beside her and stroked her forehead and looked at her grandchildren. My God, what a miracle. Erin asked, "Did I do well, Momma?" Jenny replied, "Yes, baby, you did well." After a while, Erin tried to get the babies to nurse. Both drank a little, but neither drank a lot. Then the nurse took the babies and put them in the maternity ward and gave Erin a sedative, so she could rest. She went instantly to sleep. But before she went to sleep, she made sure they called Mom McLoughlin. Mom McLoughlin was at home with Mary waiting for Dad to get home. She had offered Mary a bottle, and then some bits of food from the refrigerator. They had taken to keeping soft food in the refrigerator for Mary, and she took some mashed potatoes, tomato soup, and unsweetened applesauce. While she was eating, Mom told Mary that Mommy had had a brother and sister for her. Mary was engaged in the interaction, as always these days, and almost seemed to understand. But she fussed a little because Erin wasn't there. When there was a phone call, Erin's Mom actually hoped it was a telemarketer, and not news from the hospital. For some reason, the hospital was not identifiable on call waiting, so mom couldn't tell just by the number. But she answered and was disappointed to hear that Erin had given birth without her, but happy to hear that the babies were well. She decided to not wait for Dad. She called him and left a message telling him what had happened and that he should come directly to the hospital, even if he was a little dirty. Then she packed clean clothes and diapers for Mary and left again. When Mom arrived at the hospital, she was told Erin was asleep. So, she went to the view chamber of the maternity ward, and the nurse held up Aaron and Carli for her. She held Mary and said, "See Mary, there are your brother and sister. Aren't they cute?" Mary was, as always, agreeable and cooed and made noises of happiness. Then Mom went back to the room and decided to ask the nurse if she could ask Clara to come out. The nurse passed on the message and Clara came out and gave Mom and Mary a hug and told them everything she knew. She included that her own mother had been down for a few minutes. Then Clara asked Mrs. McLoughlin if she wanted to go in and sit with Erin, while Clara held Mary. Mom said, "Yes, I would really like that. Thank You." So, Clara held Mary and Mom went in and sat with her daughter. Erin woke up a half hour later. She was still groggy, but restless. She looked around her and said "Hi, Mom. Have they told you anything new about Aaron and Carli?" Mom, "No, Honey. I looked at them, and they looked fine. They look so small. But I guess all newborns do." Erin, "Yes, they felt tiny to me when I held them. I think they will always be smaller than Mary at the same age. Their father was not a big man." Mom, "Hmm, you never told me that before." Erin, "Sorry Mom. I guess I was trying to avoid remembering him." Mom, "So, how are you feeling." Erin, "I feel like I was run over by a Mac truck. But in some ways, I feel better than I have for a while. I'm more comfortable laying here. But you know what I mean I'm sure." Mom, "Yes. I'd almost forgotten. But watching you the last few months have brought it back to me. It won't take long for you to put it behind you." Erin, "Mom, I love you." Mom, "What brought that on?" Erin, "I realize how much you gave up to have your children, and I appreciate it. I also appreciate all the help you have given me, in particular." Then the two women talked for a while about next couple of years and what they might be like. A while later, the nurse came back in to check on things, and said, "Oh, you are awake. I just told your husband you were still asleep, and he and your boys went to look at the babies." Erin was still very tired and took a moment to process that. Then she said, "Wait, did you say husband?" Nurse, "Yes, tall, well-spoken, nice looking, curly dark hair." Erin said, "Hmm, Yes. Show him in when he comes back." After the nurse left, Mom said, "It must be a mistake, Erin." Erin, "Yes, probably so. But there is one way to find out." Erin nodded off while she was waiting for something else to happen, and when she woke up she was looking up directly at Tony. Her first thought was "God, I must be a sight." But then she realized nobody expected her to look great right now. Nevertheless, she would have to ask Mom if she had a brush, anyway. Finally, she said, "Hi Tony. How are you? Where are Alonzo and Duncan? The nurse told me they were with you. Why did you tell the nurse you were my husband?" Tony laughed, "I didn't tell her I was your husband. Clara introduced me as your husband. She said she did it, so I could get in to see you. She is watching Angelo and Duncan. Apparently, young children can't get in to visit. She is also watching Mary, so she is one busy girl." Erin, "Hmm, Serves her right." Tony laughed and said, "Well, Clara has always been inclined to act impulsively, but always with generosity and compassion. Her brother was my best friend and was exactly the same way. He often acted impulsively like that in my interest, and I appreciated it, although it sometimes was awkward. Clara thought you would want to see me. So, she was thinking she was doing you a favor." Erin, "Well, I guess you're right." Realizing what had happened, she appreciated Clara thinking of her, and she appreciated Tony being willing to jump in and defend Clara. He really was a sweet guy. Then Erin said, "So, what is up with you, Tony? I thought you were in Seattle." Tony, "I decided to move back home. I thought about it long and hard, but I think I belong here. Two days ago, I gave notice on my day job and my apartment. I and the boys packed up and rented a truck and here we are. The boys will be staying with Mom and Dad for a few weeks while I go back to Seattle and work three more weeks and see if I can help my band find work. Then we will be staying with Mom and Dad, until I can get a job and put some money away. I have enough saved to get an apartment, but not enough to continue to rent it without a job. Besides, Mom and Dad would like to have some time with Alonzo and Duncan, and vice versa." Erin found herself pleased with that, even though she had put a relationship with Tony out of her head. She asked, "Will you be forming a new band here?" Tony, "Yeh, I suppose. It is in my blood. But no hurry. I think Mimi has decided she likes Blakefield. She met a guy she likes here, and it is a new start for her. So, I have a base player for a new band. And I have a line on an excellent keyboarder, who is very good and easy to work with." Then the nurse came in and Erin said, "Nurse, is there any way, um, my children can come in for a few minutes? I would like to see them." The nurse said, "Well, we do have some flexibility. As long as they are quiet and well-behaved it would be OK for a while. But you really need rest." Erin, "I think they will be well-behaved. My, um, husband and friend will see to that. Right, Tony?" Tony said, "I'm sure they will be fine." The nurse went out and a few minutes later Tony's boys came in, with Clara just behind, carrying Mary. As soon as Mary saw Erin, she started holding her hands out to her and squawking a little. Erin said, "Clara, can you please bring her to me for a few moments?" Clara brought her over and Erin took her and cuddled her. Then Mary wanted to nurse. Erin allowed her access to one breast under her gown. The boys were looking on, wide eyed. Erin said, "Hi Angelo. Hi Duncan. I understand from your father that you had a long drive. Did you have fun?" Angelo, "No it was boring. But Dad stopped at a lot of cool places and we played there." Erin, "What kind of places, Angelo." Angelo, "We stopped at a place by a lake in the mountains and walked around. Then we stopped at McDonald's with a playground. Then we stopped at a rest area. Then we stopped at a park with swings." Erin, "Did you thank your Dad for stopping?" Angelo looked up and said, "Thanks, Dad." Tony, "You're welcome, Angelo." Angelo, "Can you read us a story, Erin? You read the best stories." Erin, "Well, later, I promise. Right now, I'm very tired." After a few more minutes of talking, the nurse came in and said, "OK boys, your mother has to get some rest. You can all come back tomorrow." After everyone said their goodbyes and left, Erin asked, "Nurse, can I see my babies again, Please?" The nurse said, "OK, for a few minutes. But you need rest. I imagine with that tribe at home you don't get much rest." She brought the twins in and put one in each of Erin's arms. Erin held them and encouraged them to nurse, which they both did for a while. She felt the same closeness she had always felt with Mary, and she felt overwhelmed with love. Soon she went to sleep. Erin woke up with the sun streaming in the window. For just a moment she thought she was Brian again, and wondered why he was in the hospital and why his belly and hips hurt. Then Erin remembered who she was and that she had just delivered two babies yesterday. Struggling to remember everything, she knew she had gone to sleep with her babies in her arms, but now they were both gone. She didn't have to pee, and realized she had a urinary catheter in. She also had an IV in her arm. Had she had those last night? She could not remember. Well, now she was awake and would like to get up and walk around and see her babies and maybe go home. She felt sore, which was good since it indicated they were respecting her wishes not to be give her narcotics. She hit the call button to see the nurse. A few minutes a young nurse came in and said, "Hi, Ms McLoughlin. How are you doing this morning?" Erin replied, "Actually, I feel pretty good. My belly hurts, and my hips are sore, but I feel pretty good in general. Can I get the IV and catheter out? I'd like to get up and walk around. And I'd like to see my babies." The nurse laughed and said, "Your Doctor will be in at noon and see you. I understand you had a very difficult delivery, so she might decide to keep you for a few days. That is up to her. Right now, the orders say the IV and catheter stay in. We can get your babies in a few minutes. We will call your OB/GYN and see if you can get up and walk later. If so, we can get you up and walk with the IV and catheter still in. Right now, would you like to have some breakfast?" Erin realized she was famished and said, "Yes, Please." Then the nurse noted, "Your chart says, 'No Narcotics.' But we can give you a non-narcotic pain reliever in your IV which is fairly effective. Would you like that?" Erin said, "What is it?" The nurse replied, "Acetominephrin." Erin, "Yes, Please." While Erin was waiting for breakfast, Mom came in. Erin brightened up and said "Hi Mom. Boy it's nice to see you. How is Mary?" Mom, "She's fine, Erin. I dropped her at Infant Care this morning. She was tired last night. She slept like a rock and I actually had to wake her up this morning. Dad and Fran came in just after they shooed us out of your room. They were disappointed not to see you, and doubly disappointed when they only got to see the babies for a few seconds before a nurse took them away, I assume to bring to you. Then all of us went out to dinner and talked for several hours. Tony's boys are really sweet. They spent a lot of time with Mary while the adults talked, and she really enjoyed it." Erin laughed, "What, you had a party without me?" Mom, "Yeah, sort of. Anyway, it was fun getting to know Tony and Clara better. I didn't know they were friends growing up. Tony said he and her brother, Brian, were best friends. Tony told me about him disappearing. That's really sad. I guess it was in Eugene about the same time you were there, before you decided to come home. Did you meet him?" Erin, "I don't know. I may have. But Eugene is a big place." Then she paused and decided to change the subject and said, "The Doctor is going to be in about noon and tell me if I can go home today. I hope so. I'm already tired of laying around." Mom, "Erin, you need to get well and rested. You shouldn't be in any hurry. Heavens knows it will be a while before you will have a lot of time to relax after you get home." Erin, "I suppose so, Mom. I really appreciate you taking care of Mary. I love you for it." Mom, "I love taking care of my granddaughter. She is a sweetheart. Not at all like her father." Erin laughed, "Or her mother?" Mom, "Erin, Mary is sweet because you treat her well and love her. You are a great mother. And you are very sweet," and added 'now' under her breath. After that Erin's breakfast came. She continued talking for a few more minutes because she knew her mother would have to get to work soon. But, finally she was so hungry that she had to eat a little. Her mother excused herself, asking Erin to call and tell her what was going on." After eating, Erin realized that she was less sore, and remembered that they had acetominephrin to her IV. Then the nurse came in and moved her dishes to the side and brought in Aaron and Carli and put one in each arm. She cooed to them and they nursed a little and then went to sleep, and soon Erin went to sleep too. Erin woke up with Aaron fussing and put him close to her breast, and he soon got the idea and started nursing. She did the same with Carli. A few minutes later Clara came in, and smiled at them, and took a picture with her phone. Erin protested that her breasts were exposed, but Clara just laughed and said, "Don't worry, no one will think it's pornography." Erin laughed and said, "I suppose not. But I must look a fright." Clara said, "No, Erin, you look beautiful, in a motherly, wholesome sort of way." "Thanks a lot," replied Erin. "Don't you dare send that picture to anyone." Clara, "Oops, too late. But it won't offend Mom or Dad." She almost said, "Or Tony," but decided that would not go over well. Then she asked, "How are you doing, Sis." Erin, "Fine, a little sore, but basically OK. I'm tired of laying around though." Clara also told her she should enjoy relaxing while she could. Then Clara said, "Tony is cleaning up the moving van, but said after he turned it in, he would come by and say hello." Erin said, "Why? It isn't as though he has any responsibilities here or anything. Wait, have you told him who I am?" Clara, "No I haven't. Tony will come by because he likes you, Erin. He may not know who you are, but he knows you and likes you. He may even love you." Erin, "Well, he has a strange way of showing it, disappearing for three weeks without any calls or anything else." Clara, "You know Tony, Erin. He is ultra-responsible, and cautious. And for good reason. He is concerned for his sons' welfare and doesn't want to get involved with a woman who might have issues. Surely you understand that?" Erin, "Yes, I suppose so." Clara said, "I know it hurt when he just left, without a proper goodbye. But he wasn't just abandoning you, Erin. He had to be sure a relationship with you would not be a problem for his children. He and I have been talking a lot on the phone the last three weeks." Erin, "What, why didn't you tell me?" Clara, "Because he asked me not to, Erin. I have always kept your confidences, and I will keep Tony's too." Erin, "What did you talk about?" Clara, "You. He had a million questions about Erin. And I assured him you were a different person than you were in high school, when you earned that nickname. And I assured him that you really were protecting yourself when you shot Rex. And I talked about who you are and what you have done the last 10 months. I had him talk to Mom, too. Finally, we both told him that the people who said Erin was crazy did not know you like we do. That we cared for him and would not lie to him. So, he decided to come back, and give a relationship with you a chance. I hope you will forgive the necessary hurt, Erin, and give a relationship with Tony a chance too." Erin, "Maybe, I have to think about it. I guess right now, other things are on my mind." Clara, "Like two sweet little babies. Can I hold my niece?" They spent the next half hour talking about the babies and Clara got to hold each for a few minutes. Then Clara had to leave. She told Erin that Jenny would drop down sometime today. After Clara left, Erin had a few minutes to think and realized that as much as she hated it, Clara was right. Tony had to be cautious because he was responsible for two children. She would have done the same thing. She decided to forget her disappointment and see if there was a possibility of a relationship with Tony. That lead to some happy thoughts and soon Erin was asleep again. Erin laid with the babies for a while longer, until a nurse came in and said they had to be bathed and changed. Erin said she would be glad to do it, but the nurse told her not until the Doctor said it would be OK. So, Erin relinquished them to the nurse and laid down by herself. Her OB/GYN came in a little after noon and gave her a thorough, and very uncomfortable, checkup. She told Erin that although she might feel OK just lying there, Erin had had a very difficult delivery and was not up to moving around a lot and the doctor recommended she stay in the hospital another day. It would be safer for the babies. Those were the magic words, and Erin decided to follow the Doctor's advice. After the doctor left, Erin called Mom McLoughlin and told her what the doctor had said. Mom agreed with the nurse and said that she and Dad would come by this evening to see her and Aaron and Carli and would bring Mary. Erin thanked her mother and they talked for a few more minutes and then her mother had to get back to work. Noticing Erin was alone, a nurse came in and asked if she would like some lunch. Erin looked at the menu and decided the soup and sandwich sounded good. While she was waiting, Jenny came in and gave her a hug. Then she said she had hoped to be able to hold one of the babies. Erin said she could do something about that and rang the nurse and asked her to bring the twins back if they were done with bathing and diapering. The nurse said, "Sure. We were going to wait a while to let you have lunch in peace, but not is fine." When they got back, Erin asked Jenny which one she wanted to hold, and Jenny said "Aaron, please." Jenny said, "You know Aaron looks amazingly like Brian did as a newborn. Carli looks a lot like Clara too, but it is the resemblance between Aaron and Brian that is truly remarkable." Then Jenny asked Erin, "How are you doing? Any pain after yesterday?" Erin, "I'm OK. A little sore. But I think I will be fine tomorrow. I'm looking forward to being able to get around more easily." Jenny, "You didn't look like you were doing too bad at the wedding. Are you looking forward to caring for three babies?" Erin, "Well, I never thought I would enjoy taking care of babies when I was growing up. But I'm sort of am, in the sense I love to spend time with babies and watch them grow and become more aware. But, I'm not looking forward to a full year of diapers for two." Jenny said, "Well, feel free to bring them by once in a while." Erin repeated her concern that she had three children and loved them all equally and wanted Jenny to treat them all as her grandchildren. Jenny assured Erin that she loved all three of them, but that newborns were special to her. Erin said, "Mom, Clara and I were so close. I've seen so many brothers and sisters that barely tolerate each other. How did you encourage Clara and I to be friends? It would be so easy to have Mary think I loved the little ones more than her and have her feeling envious and jealous. How do I avoid that?" Jenny, "There is no magic formula for raising children, Erin. I just made sure both of you knew I loved you, always. Even when I had to correct you, I think you knew I loved you. I'm sure you'll do fine, Erin." Erin, "Well, feel free to be intrusive if you see me doing something that sets the children against each other. I value your input." Jenny, "Thanks, Erin. I appreciate the compliment. I'll try not to be too bossy." Then Jenny left, and they took the babies away to clean them up and do a thorough examination. Erin hated to have them leave but felt tired and a few minutes later she was asleep again. Once again, she woke up with Tony sitting by the bed. She smiled and said, "Hi, Tony." He smiled at her and said, "Hi, Babe. How are you doing?" Erin should her head. How had she/he ever wound up in a maternity ward, a mother of three children, and with her best friend Tony calling her 'Babe?' Her life had certainly been full of unexpected twists and turns. She told Tony "I'm doing OK, a little sore, but basically OK. How about you?" Tony, "I'm fine. The boys are excited to be with Grandma and Grandpa. They were getting a little bored in Seattle. Not many other children in the apartment building I was living in, and no facilities for children." Erin, "Are you excited to be home too?" Tony, "Yes. I guess I am more of a small-town kid than I thought. But I need to get busy and get a job. I hate feeling dependent. If I am going to live at home, I want to pay my way." Erin remembered Brian and Tony's conversations when Tony had moved to Seattle. Tony thought it would be exciting and interesting, and wanted to be part of the music scene in Seattle. And Erin remembered Tony's wife at the time was thrilled to get out of Blakefield, which according to Tony, she had hated as a provincial, isolated backwater. She wanted to be in the big city, as far from Blakefield as she could be. Based on his telephone conversations with Brian, Tony had never liked the Seattle area as much as he had anticipated. But his wife had loved it even more than expected. And she was still there. They had gotten a divorce a little over a year ago. Tony had always been generous when he had discussed his wife with Brian. But reading between the lines Brian inferred that Tony's wife did not like motherhood and the home life it entailed. She had up and left Tony and the boys for another man, an executive at Microsoft where she worked. With the sense of duty and obligation that had been instilled in him as a boy, Brian had never understood that. If you don't want children, fine, don't have any. But don't bear them and then leave when they became inconvenient. And Erin, who had all of Brian's sense of duty, and also felt emotionally extremely close to her children, understood Tony's wife leaving her children even less than Brian had. Despite not liking the Seattle area very much, Tony had told Brian soon after the divorce that he did prefer the music scene there over Blakefield's because the music was more diverse and there were more opportunities. So, he was determined to make a go of it in Seattle. Why had he changed his mind and now decided to return to Blakefield? Tony was nothing if not consistent and it was not like him to change his mind after thinking things out. In order to ask without revealing she had once been Brian, Erin said, "When we talked before the wedding, you were planning on returning to Seattle. Why did you decide to come home after all?" Tony, "I don't know. I realized that the boys needed their grandparents, and that the music scene in Blakefield has certain advantages. Erin, "What advantages are those, Tony?" He looked at her and smiled. "Well, for one thing, it has a talented, mysterious, young woman keyboard player that I really like." Erin blushed and said, "Tony, I have two babies to care for and won't have a lot of time for music for quite a while." He said, "Yes, I know that. But I bet you would enjoy an occasional break, as loving a mother as you are." Erin thought, "How had he done that? She was asking him questions about himself and suddenly they were talking about her again." So, she changed the subject and asked, "what kind of job will you be looking for, Tony?" Tony, "I don't have a degree or experience in the trades so it's I'm not looking for a particular type of job. But I've done a lot of different things. I am open to anything that allows me to support my sons. Some sort of tech work, maybe. I would be interested in construction. I did some of that in Seattle, and it has the advantage of weekday work and me usually being home in time to take care of the boys in the evening." Erin, "Maybe you should talk to my mom and dad. They both work for Pederson Construction. Good benefits. Nothing like a government job, but still good. Even it Pederson is not hiring, they have a lot of contacts in the industry and would know if anyone is hiring. How about government work? The up-front pay is not as good as many private companies, but great benefits and very stable." Tony, "Good suggestions. But I have to go back to Seattle Sunday and work for three more weeks in order to be fair to my Seattle employer. So, I might not get everything settled this week." Tony was surprised at Erin's comments. This is something he would like to talk to Brian about, but he wasn't available. But Erin seemed to have the same sensible approach and background knowledge he would expect from Brian. Then Tony asked, "So what are your plans, Erin?" She laughed and said, "Take care of babies. I'm lucky, my parents are willing to let us live at home. They are even talking about getting the junk out of my brother's old room and letting me and my children have two rooms. But I'm not sure Mary is ready to sleep alone yet, so I'll play it by ear. I plan to stay at home with the babies for at least 6 months. But, I don't want to abuse my parent's good nature. So sometime a month or two after the turn of the year, I'll start looking for work. I worked for Pederson's for a few weeks in April and May, and they seemed to like my work and might offer me a job. But it was intense in the office, so I'm not sure I could do it and still spend as much time as I want with the babies. We'll have to see." Tony, "What kind of work did you do at Pederson's, Erin?" Erin, "I did some federal reports on a project that Pederson did for Blakefield that had partial federal funding." Tony, "Oh. Did your mother get you the job?" Erin was a little put out, and replied, "No, I heard from my mother that Pederson's was having a hard time finding someone to do the job. I felt I could do it and put together a proposal. I admit, that my mother got me in the door. But I got the job by selling my own proposal." Tony, "So what kind of reports were they?" Erin, "They were detailed monthly reports on the engineering, construction, and finances plus a summary at the end." Tony looked at her thoughtfully. He had worked on several building projects as a general helper and had filled in for a couple of months on a road construction project in King County. He recognized the complexities of such a project. He couldn't believe that a 19-year- old high school dropout caring for a baby could do such reports. That's the sort of thing that would require the background and abilities of someone like his friend, Brian, who had a degree in civil engineering. And even he might not have had enough experience to do everything. Well, maybe Erin had learned some things working with her father summers and maybe she had picked up some computer skills along the way. But it still didn't make sense to Tony that she could waltz into a construction firm and author complicated federal reports, even if she was really smart. This was just one more mystery about Erin. Tony had initially been captivated by her beauty, and by her ability to make his sons happy reading to them. Then he had been captivated by her musical ability and her willingness to find a way to play with the band, so they could provide music at the wedding. Erin was definitely a trouper, which Tony loved. And then the grace with which she handled her pregnancy had impressed Tony, especially compared to the lack of grace his former wife had showed in handling motherhood. He knew he would have fallen head over heels in love with her, had it not been for the advice of a younger brother of a friend, who described Erin's behavior in high school as bizarre and recounted some fights she had had with teachers and other girls. This young man had advised Tony to run, not walk, away from Erin as fast as he could. He had also told Tony about Erin shooting her former boyfriend and getting into a fight with his father. After that, Tony had decided to not pursue a relationship, no matter what his heart said. After all, he had two young children to consider, who did not need to deal with a woman who seemed to have serious mental and behavioral problems. But then Clara and Jenny had told him that Erin had become a different person after she returned to Blakefield last October and that the shooting was truly self-defense in response to a home invasion. Looking up news reports on the web, it appeared that the latter was true. Clara and Jenny had both strongly advised Tony to get to know Erin better, before giving up on her. Tony had known them forever and greatly respected their opinions, so he took heed of their advise. After a great deal of thought, he had decided to listen to his heart, and see where it led. So, he came home to Blakefield and to Erin. As time went on, Tony and Erin talked about a lot of things. Tony found out Erin followed soccer and baseball, which he enjoyed, and that she liked to talk about music. No surprise there. They chatted for over an hour before Tony had to leave. Erin's feelings were mixed, half being the feelings of someone reconnecting with an old friend, and half romantic. Either way, she missed Tony when he left. He said he would try to come back later. Later in the afternoon, Jenny visited again. Erin had the babies with her and Jenny held them both for a while. Mainly they talked about Tony. Jenny told her as much as she knew about the conversations where Clara and Jenny had vouched for Erin. Erin was dismayed that even after living successfully for the last 10 months, people were still judging her based on what had happened in high school. Jenny took the long view and said that with time most people would forget high school and accept her for who she was. Erin said "Well, I hope at least one person will judge me for who I am. Jenny smiled and said, "Tony?" Erin smiled back and said, "Yes." Then Jenny asked, "How do you feel about him, Erin. I mean he was your best friend. Are you just trying to regain that friendship? Or is there more?" Erin, "There's definitely more. I remember when we were together during the wedding, he was attentive and sweet and it just made me feel so nice. And it was heartbreaking when he backed away from the relationship. So, I'm sure that the relationship is not just a friendship. But the friendship is helping the romance. I mean, I know Tony and know without a doubt that he is a really good guy. So, I don't have to look at him with rose colored glasses to think well of him. But I am worried about some things." Jenny, "What things?" Erin, "Well, first, I grew up a straight guy, and had sex with several girls. Since I changed, I have had sex with two guys." Jenny, "Rex and Brian? Erin, "Yes, Brian. He made that the price of his helping me when I came back to Blakefield. And of course, he date-raped me. And twice with Rex. In none of those incidents was the sex consensual. And neither guy cared much if I enjoyed it. One time, Brian tried to please me. But the other times, pleasing himself was enough. So, I still don't know if I'm sexually attracted to men. I think I am, based on my feelings about Tony. But I don't know. It would be unfair to Tony to enter a relationship with him if I wasn't comfortable having sex with him." Jenny, "Yes it would." Then Jenny shifted topics of conversation and said, " The new Brian certainly has some flaws, doesn't he? I have to remember that." Erin, "Mom, I have thought about it a lot, and I think he was emulating Rex. He thought that was the way all men behaved in a relationship. I think he has learned a lot since then." Jenny looked a little dubious, but then asked, "When Brian tried to please you, did you enjoy it?" Erin blushed and said, "Yes, but that may have been just a physical response." Ginny, "Erin, women don't have an orgasm purely based on a physical response. Emotionally, it has to be at least OK. I've been told it is different for men." Erin blushed again, "Yes, I think so. As Brian, I didn't have to have any emotional connection with a woman to be turned on. Anonymous sex wasn't what Brian wanted, but it was still good, still relieved the stress. I had such a huge libido when I was Brian. And I would fantasize about an emotional connection while I was having anonymous sex." Jenny, "Oh, honey, I'm sorry you had to engage in anonymous sex. But see, you already had some aspects of feminity when you were Brian, seeking an emotional connection during sex." Jenny continued, "well, anyway, given what you said, are you planning to seduce Tony and see how you feel about it?" Erin blushed yet again, furiously this time, "Mom. I haven't thought about that." Jenny, "Well, you should think about it. For men, a relationship includes sex, usually lots of sex, more than most woman would choose. And most of the sex puts the woman in an undignified, subordinate, position. Is that OK with you?" Erin, "I don't know, mom. I think so." Jenny, "There is only one way to find out, Erin, actually having sex with Tony, so you know how you feel about it." Jenny, "Is there anything else you are concerned about?" Erin, "Yes, I don't want to base a relationship with Tony on a lie. If we get serious, I want to tell him who I am." Jenny, "I agree. A relationship has to be based on truth. But this is a truth that sounds crazy, and you do not want to sound crazy to Tony. Are you going to enlist Brian's aid in convincing Tony? That is what convinced me." Erin, "Yes, I was thinking Tony and I should make a visit to the prison to talk to Brian. And that would also have the advantage that at least Tony would know Brian is OK. Tony still thinks Brian is missing and could be dead." Jenny, "I agree the fair thing is to tell Tony about who you are. But I had the impression that the new Brian had a thing for you, Erin. So, you would need to handle it delicately. After all, he is in prison and is vulnerable. You would have to assure him that you would remain his friend and that we would continue to try to help him restart his life. Maybe you should visit him and talk about it before just showing up with Tony?" Erin, "Yes, I will, if at all possible." After Jenny left, a nurse came in and said she would like to take the babies and make sure they were OK and clean. Besides Erin should sleep. Erin protested that she was fully capable of caring for her children, but the nurse insisted. When the babies were gone, Erin drifted off to sleep. She was awoken after about an hour by a phone call. It was Debbie. She said, "Hi, Erin, I just heard you had delivered. How is everything?" Erin, "Hi, Deb. I'm doing OK, and the twins are just precious. I don't think Mary was ever that tiny. How are you and Peter, and your family?" Debby, "Peter's fine. Getting more and more active. I'm having fun spending time with him this summer. And Chris and I are spending time together with him. Maybe our relationship will work out. But it will be hard to go to a different school than Chris and leave Peter alone part of the day. Sarah's got a new boyfriend, who she is spending a lot of time with. And Mom and Dad are trying to sort things out. Mom realizes the pastor played her for a fool. She is sorry for the way she treated you and I and wants to make amends. Sarah and I have told her we forgive her, which has made her happy. She desperately wants to patch things up with Dad, but he was badly hurt and may not want to. I hope he does. He's a good guy, and they are better together. But that is up to them." Erin said, "So, you're going to school next hear?" Debbie, "Yes, I'm determined to make something out of myself, more than ever now that I have someone depending on me. But it is going to be tough. Are you interested in caring for Peter again?" Erin laughed, "Maybe. But first I have to be sure I can care for my three. I will tell you in a month." Debby laughed too, "Well, if it works out, there is no one I trust more than you." Erin, "Thanks, Deb, that means a lot to me." Debbie, "Erin, your friendship has meant the world to our family this last year. That is one thing we all agree on. We appreciate your being willing to step forward and help. We all love you. Even, or maybe I should say, especially Mom, now that she has thrown off the influence of the pastor." Erin, "Well, that is good to know. I hope everything works out for her. And I hope your father finds his way to some sort of happiness, whatever it might be. He is a good guy, for supporting you and for lots of other reasons. Let's move on to another topic before I get teary." Debbie, "Yes, let's. What else is happening with you? What are your plans?" Erin, "Well, I plan to stay home with the twins for six months, and then look for work. My parents are really great, but I don't want to take advantage of them. And Tony is back in town." Debby, "Oh, is Tony the guy that was with you when you brought Mom into the Clinic? He's really handsome. And he really must like you, to help you with all that. It couldn't have been a very fun date?" Erin remembered back to when Tony being there seemed like the answer to a prayer." Erin, "It wasn't a date. He was the musician at Clara's Wedding, a long-time friend of Clara's family. He just showed up on my porch that morning. Just when I needed him." Debbie, "So he was heaven- sent, sort of." Erin laughed, "Sort of. But he is a really nice guy." Debbie, "Nice guys that good looking are special, Erin. I hope it works out for you." Erin, "Thanks, but I'm not sure about the whole thing. He ran off for three weeks after that without even saying goodbye properly. I was sort of hurt. Then he just showed up yesterday. I don't know what to think. We'll see what happens." Debbie, "Erin, yesterday was when you needed him most. And he was there. That's a good thing." Erin, "Yes, I guess that is a good thing. I'll keep you posted." They talked about a few more things and then Fran came in, and Erin said she would call Debbie when she got home. Fran came in and said, "Hey, Erin. How are you doing?" Erin, "I'm doing fine. Looking forward to going home tomorrow." Fran, "You have to take care of yourself, little sister. Get well so I can beat your ass at golf next spring." Erin, "Yeh, Yeh, Yeh. We'll see who beats who's ass. Shall I ask the nurse to bring the twins in?" Fran, "Yes, that would be great." So, Erin rang the nurse and talked her into bringing the twins in to meet their aunt. The two women spent some time just holding babies. Then Aaron got fussy, and Erin offered him a teat to see if he wanted to nurse, and sure enough he did. Carli followed soon after and Fran was only able to look on. But the two sisters talked about this and that, including Fran's engagement to her fellow officer, Roger Collins. Fran told Erin that they had set a date in October, and would she like to be a bridesmaid. Erin said "Absolutely," and asked if they had set the music yet. Fran said "No. Do you have any ideas?" Erin, "I think Tony would be a good choice." Fran said, "Does that mean you will be playing the keyboard." Erin, "Maybe." Fran, "You really like him, don't you?" Erin, "Yes, I do. I don't know if a relationship will work out, but I really like him. He's a really nice guy." Fran, "Well, he better be nice to my sister, or he'll find his car towed every night." They laughed at this. They both knew Fran would never act so unprofessionally, but it made a good joke between the two of them. In truth, they were both enjoying the close relationship as sisters that they had developed the last 6 months. Fran had always wanted her sister to be a friend, but it had never worked out and she hadn't been able to figure out why. Now, for some reason, it was easy. And although Brian had been a friend to his sister, it was different than being sisters. Now, as time went along Erin felt more and more comfortable in the role. Later that afternoon, Erin had a surprise visitor, Jesse. Jesse came in and said "Hi, Erin. How are you. I ran into your mom and she told me you were here. I had to say hi." Erin was touched, and said, "Hi Jesse, I really appreciate you visiting. Are you doing all right? Are you in line for cooking school? What is new with your mom and dad and everyone else?" Jesse ignored her questions temporarily, and continued, "And I wanted to say again I appreciate you cheering for me at graduation. I guess since I have decided to try to get a job and get things together, the old gang has written me off. I don't have a clue about them. And you know they wrote you off too, right? So, it is nice that we still have each other from high school. Mom is fine. They did a bunch of tests and found her fall was due to a benign brain tumor. Scary, but she had it out and is doing great. She said hello to you too. And, Yes, I will be going to cooking school in the fall, under a scholarship program that Mom found online. You were right, you know, she really is a great person. I wasted a lot of our high school time together being negative about her. But I'm sure you feel the same sort of thing. I heard you had twins and they are doing great." Erin said, "Yes, to the wasted years, and yes to twins doing great. A boy named Aaron and a girl named Carli." She still had the twins in her arms, so she nodded to them in turn. Jesse asked if she could hold the girl, and Erin said "Sure, can you take her?" Jesse did. It turns out Jesse had been close to her mother when her younger sister had been born and was familiar with babies. Erin was relieved she didn't have to listen to stories about Erin's former friends and pretend to remember them. So, the two girls just sat together and talked for a while. Erin enjoyed the visit immensely. At dinner, Jesse had to leave. Erin said, "Hey, it was good to talk to you. Keep in touch." Jesse, "Sure," and gave Erin her phone number, and Erin gave Jesse hers. After dinner, Tony and his boys visited, and Erin's parents and Mary visited during a time when Erin was caring for the twins. What a zoo. If Mary and Alonzo and Duncan had not been easygoing, it would have been intolerable. Erin read and pantomimed a story to Alonzo and Duncan, while mom held the twins and Tony held Mary. They were an enthusiastic audience, so Erin let herself be talked into reading another story. After that they just engaged in random conversation, while Erin held Mary for a while. During breaks in the conversation, Erin talked to Mary, and told her that the twins were her brother and sister, and someday would play with her. Mary looked at Erin blankly without understanding. Mary had taken to trying to repeat spoken words and said a few things that to Erin seemed to have meaning. Erin was surprised that Tony was willing to hold the twins while mom and dad entertained Tony's boys. To Erin, it felt like they were almost a family. Then Erin pushed the thought aside, knowing she was setting herself up for disappointment if it didn't work out. Dad described how he had cleared out Dan's old room and that it was available for Erin's use when she needed it. She thanked him for his generosity and gave him a hug and almost cried as she thought about how lucky she was. They had to leave at 9, and Mom and Dad hugged her, and Mom told Mary, "hug your mommy, Mary. Show her you love her." Mary willingly hugged Erin. Then Tony hugged her too. After which he gave her a chaste kiss. Then he looked at her and gave her a more meaningful, but still chaste, kiss, which she returned. As he left, he said, "See you tomorrow." After the nurses took the twins that evening, Erin asked for help to get up and clean herself up. They set thing up so the IV and urine bag were mounted on a cart and she walked into the bathroom. She was a little less sore than she had been in the morning. She brushed her teeth, brushed her hair out, and decided to restart her nighttime facial routine again. Tomorrow morning, after they took the IV and catheter out, she would shower and wash her hair. She wanted to look as good as possible for Tony the next time she saw him. CHAPTER 23. HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL, WALK WITH TONY AND HIS BOYS, NOT WELCOME AGAIN AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER. The next morning, Mom came by before work. Erin greeted her warmly but was disappointed that Mom had dropped Mary off at Infant Care. Mom laughed and said, "You will need a little break when you get home to get the twins organized. Dad and I have bought new twin basinets and put them in your room, but there is lots more organizing I'm sure you will want to do. I will pick Mary up on the way home." Erin, "OK, assuming they let me go home today, can you get an hour off work to bring me home?" Mom, "I could, but there is another volunteer. You should call your 'husband' at this number (she gave Erin a sticky note with a phone number on it). He will come get you." Erin replied, "What. I don't have a ..." Then it struck her what Mom meant, and she said, "Oh God, Tony?" Mom, "Yes, he is very sweet for volunteering, and if he maintains his pose as your husband, there is no doubt they will let you go with him." Erin, "Yes, I suppose so. But my relationship with Tony is something I wanted to sort out with him, without any implied commitments. I mean, it really hurt when he just disappeared without any contact after Clara's wedding. I don't want to be hurt like that again." Mom, "I know that, Sweetie, but he had to sort some things out that meant a lot to his children. That is a sign of responsibility. It doesn't necessarily mean that he didn't care for you. I hope you will forgive him the hurt. I think he really cares for you. He's not just romancing you to get a very pretty young woman to go to bed with him. After all, he's flirting with a mother of three, which could lead to expanding his responsibilities from two children to five. I think he is a very responsible young man, and someone you should consider entering a relationship with. It might be good for you in many ways. He is older than you and more responsible than anyone you have been involved with in the past." Erin replied, "First of all, Tony has had lots of very pretty girlfriends. He married one of them. I doubt if I can compete with any of them in terms of being pretty. So, he definitely is not romancing me because I am pretty. Second." Erin was about to say, "Tony is not older than me," but then realized that he was in fact six years older than Erin. Instead she thought quickly and said, "I'm much more responsible than I was in the past. I think I've been very responsible the last 10 months. I don't need an 'older' man to help me be responsible." Mom wondered briefly how Erin knew about Tony's former girlfriends, but then assumed she had heard it from Clara. Mom said, "Erin, since you started trying you have become a very pretty young woman. I'm sure Tony has noticed how attractive you are. But my point was that beauty is not the only thing attracting him. I agree you are much, much more responsible than you were in high school. And that is what makes you and Tony a good match. You are both determined to make a good life for yourselves and your children. Anyway, I am concerned about your welfare. So, I had a long talk with Tony." Erin, "You had a talk with Tony about me? Mom! What did you tell him?" Mom, "I told him that you were a very sweet and capable girl and a wonderful daughter and a wonderful mother. What else would I tell him, but the truth, Erin? But I wanted to find out why he was visiting you. I'm sorry if I invaded your privacy, but I care about you. After talking to him, I am convinced he wants to help just because he wants to be with you. I don't think there is any implied commitment. And it would help me if you allowed him to help. I don't begrudge taking you places. But I do preach to my office staff to not miss work unless absolutely necessary." Erin replied, "OK, I see your point. I guess it would be selfish to refuse his help and then expect you to drop everything to transport me here and there. And I thank you for all your help. I am eternally grateful to you for being such a good and loving mother. If allowing Tony to help me makes your life easier, I will do so." Mom, "Thanks, baby. I'm sure there's nothing here that represents a threat to your independence, and that you can handle any difficulties." Later that morning, the OB-GYN came in and examined Erin, and cleared her to go home. But she gave Erin a number of precautions to take and some medications. This included a stern prohibition of sex for four weeks. Erin almost said she didn't need to worry about that, but realized that since the hospital thought she was married, they might think it was important to emphasize. After the Doctor left, Erin dialed Tony's number. She didn't need to consult the phone number her mother had given her. Erin had been eager to get home, but now she was a little hesitant. But she decided to trust her mother's judgment and dialed. Tony answered, and Erin said, "Hi Tony." Tony, "Hi Erin. How are you doing. I was just headed over there." Erin, "I'm feeling much better. Not nearly as sore as yesterday. The Doctor cleared me to go home. I understand you volunteered to give me and the twins a ride? Is that still OK?" Tony, "Absolutely. But I have the boys right now. Is that a problem?" Erin, "OF course not. They are absolute sweethearts." Tony laughed and said, "Most of the time anyway. OK, I'll be there in an hour." So, Erin called the nurse and asked them if she needed to do anything before she left. They said "No. You will have to go down in a wheelchair. I know having had a baby does not constitute a disability, but those are the rules." Erin did know the rules, and actually wasn't eager to do a lot of walking even though she felt better. She changed into the clothes her mother brought in yesterday, put on a little makeup, and called Jenny and Clara and Mom and told them what was happening. She asked Mom again if she should pick up Mary. Mom said, "No, I will pick her up on the way home. Mary seems happy at Infant Care, and you will need some time to get organized." So, Erin collected the two newborns, sat down in the wheelchair the nurses had brought, and waited for Tony. Just as she started to feel alone and started feeling the enormity of the task of taking care of these two babies, Tony showed up with a big smile and came over and gave her a hug. She really appreciated it at that moment and hugged him back as best she could. She started crying and felt embarrassed and excused herself to Tony, but he said, "No reason to feel bad Erin. Being emotional with newborn babies in arms doesn't surprise me at all. I can't imagine what the experience is like. I don't think any man can." Somehow the comment tickled Erin and she giggled a little. Tony looked at her quizzically, but Erin decided not to comment. Then Erin asked him to tell the nurses they were going. He did that and came back and rolled her down the hall to the elevators and then out to the parking lot, with the two boys trailing behind. Tony was incredibly solicitous on the little journey, and a woman in the elevator whispered to Erin, "Husbands are always sweet right after we give birth. It would be nice if it lasted." Erin was a little startled, but smiled at her, and said "Let's hope." After Tony dropped her off in the car and took the wheelchair to a collection point, the boys broke their silence and Alonzo started asking Erin questions. "Which one's the boy? What's his name? What's the girl's name? Dad said you would be sore. Are you sore? Can you read to us?" Erin answered their questions but told them she couldn't read right now. Later, when the twins took a nap she would read a story. When they got to Mom and Dad's house, Erin found cards and balloons and a cake and even a sign that said, 'Welcome Home Erin and Aaron and Carli' from her parents and sister and brother and his family. Erin looked at it and cried again. "Geez," she thought, "I am so emotional. Brian never cried." Then Tony kissed her and said, "Congratulations, Erin, on producing a wonderful family." So, she cried again. Finally, she got herself together and asked if she could get something for Tony and the boys, and he said, "Actually I understand that there are some sandwiches already made. I will get them out." He went to the refrigerator and got out a sandwich tray with ham and cheese sandwiches, cheese sandwiches, and egg salad sandwiches, one of Erin's favorite. Mom also had some noodle soup made. Tony asked, "Would you like something?" Erin, "Just a half egg salad sandwich. But please take out some soup and sandwiches for yourself and the boys. While Tony was getting lunch, Erin went upstairs and checked the twins' diapers and prepared them for their morning nap. She had noticed them rubbing their eyes. Both needed a change and new onesies. While doing this Erin discovered that her parents had rearranged her bedroom and the former storage room next door to include a changing table and had stocked a new chest of drawers with newborn size clothing and diapers. She made a note to thank her parents, again and again. Then she put the twins down in their two basinets, marked Aaron and Carli. They went to sleep almost immediately. She went back downstairs. When she got there, Alonzo and Duncan were chewing on their sandwiches. Tony had waited for her. Erin smiled. It was nice to have someone who wanted to talk to her. Erin asked Tony about his next week, and he asked her about what she was going to be doing. He even seemed interested when she talked about the twins. Then he said, "I saw some magazines in the bathroom Erin, Discover and the Economist. Are they yours.?" Erin blushed at being outed as a bathroom reader and said "Yes." He said, "My friend, Brian, used to read those magazines. He loved science and was a serious thinker about world affairs." Erin, "That's why I read them too. In addition, I thin k the writing in them is excellent." Tony couldn't think of a way to ask how a high school dropout could have developed such tastes without being condescending, so he merely reflected that there were many surprises to this girl. Then Alonzo and Duncan finished their sandwiches, and asked Erin to read them a story. She said sure, but Tony intervened with, "Boys, at least let Erin finish her sandwich." Being the nice boys that they were, Alonzo and Duncan desisted for the moment. Tony asked, "Would it be OK to turn on the TV while the boys are waiting, Erin?" Erin said sure, and so Tony went over and found one of their favorite shows, so they could amuse themselves while waiting, although Alonzo frequently ran to his father with comments and questions, which Tony listened to patiently. Erin could hear Tony's father, Al, in the way Tony related to the boys, which was good because the DelGados had been a very happy family. When Erin finished her sandwich, Alonzo brought a book over and Erin said, "OK, Alonzo. Duncan, It's story time. Duncan ran over, and Tony turned off the TV. Erin read the story with lots of sound effects and side comments that the boys found hilarious. When she was done, Alonzo pleaded for another story. Which in truth Erin was happy to read. She enjoyed reading to an appreciative audience. When she was done, Alonzo of course wanted another, but Erin said she had to go up and check on the babies. So, Tony took over and read another. Alonzo enjoyed it, although, Erin's stories were much more entertaining. But Alonzo thanked his Dad after he was done. In truth Alonzo appreciated Erin for a reason other than her story-telling. He was now old enough to notice that all his friends had mothers and to wonder why his mother had left him? Was it because he had done something wrong? Was Alonzo not worthy of a mother's love? Tony was a great dad and gave him and Duncan a lot of love, but a mother was special. So, Alonzo always appreciated women who cared for him, and when Erin showed up and talked to him nicely and kept her promises to him and was willing to do things with him, Alonzo was almost as smitten as his father. He had loved those two days after the wedding when his father and Erin had been together with he and Duncan and Mary, almost constantly, almost like a family. He had prayed at night that his father and Erin would marry and that she would be his mother, and he had been terribly disappointed when his father had taken them back to Seattle without her. When his father asked if he would like to go back home and live with grandmother and grandfather, Alonzo had asked excitedly, "Will we see Erin again?" That had surprised Tony who had no idea that Alonzo had formed an attachment. When he said, "Yes, Alonzo, we will see Erin again," Alonzo had said in no uncertain terms that yes, he wanted to go back to Blakefield. Tony knew Erin's story reading was much more animated and enthusiastic than his. He had gone to drama camp once with his best friend Brian, and they had had to learn to read stories with enthusiasm. But, for whatever reason, Brian had been much better at it than him. In fact, the only person who could match Brian in story reading was Erin. There were other similarities between the two people, so many it was sometimes eerie, the musical ability, what Erin had told his mother about golf, numerous personality traits, and the reading of 'Discover' and 'The Economist' Magazines. Now Brian was missing, and nobody knew where he was. Tony had given a brief thought that Erin could be Brian in disguise. But that just wasn't possible given how different the two were physically. Erin was over 5'10" tall and slender, while Brian had been barely 5' 5', and was muscular, though also somewhat slender. And they both had separate histories that he knew, either personally or by conversations with people he trusted. He had grown up with Brian who was 25 years old and had an engineering degree and a successful career. And according to her parents, Erin was 19 years old, with a troubled history, although that had recently turned around. And she had a 1-year-old daughter, who had been born while Brian had still been around. Nevertheless, sometimes Tony would be talking to Erin and would suddenly feel like he was talking to his old friend. Aside from her similarities to Brian, Tony admired Erin's willingness to happily, with good grace, do what had to be done to care for her children, even though she apparently had never planned on any of them. He contrasted that with his former wife who had resented having to spend time caring for their boys. Erin brought forth warm emotions in Tony, who thought he might be falling in love with her and wanted to see her as much as possible even though they couldn't have a physical relationship at the current time. Right after Clara's wedding, Tony had tried to put those feelings aside because he was concerned that she would not be good for his boys. But Clara and Jenny had assured him that Erin was a different person, a much kinder, gentler, and more together person than she had been when she had earned the nickname 'Crazy Erin' in high school. So, Tony had decided that he should come home to give his feelings about Erin a chance to develop. And the more he was with Erin the more his heart told him that he had done the right thing. It was difficult for him to believe that this happy, good-humored dedicated mother of three could have ever done the things Tony had been told she had done that earned her that high school nickname. Tony knew that when he had left town without a proper goodbye, he had hurt Erin. He hoped he could make it up to her. After a few minutes, Erin heard a soft cry from upstairs, and realized she would need to adjust to newborns, as opposed to the much louder and more forceful cries from Mary. She told Tony that she had to get the babies up and feed them and that she would be back in about 45 minutes. If he needed to go she would understand. Then she went upstairs fully expecting Tony to take the opportunity to escape. But after spending almost an hour getting the twins up, cleaning them and changing them and letting them nurse, she went downstairs and to her surprise found Tony reading the paper and the boys watching TV. "Hi," she said. I thought you might have taken the opportunity to escape." Tony said, "Do you need us to go." Erin realized that no she didn't want them to go. So, she said, "Absolutely not. I enjoy the company. Then she went over and sat on the couch next to Tony and spent some time cuddling the babies while he read the paper. Then she felt a little tired, and leaned her head down on Tony's shoulder, and without realizing it, fell asleep. She hadn't done much this morning but had apparently not recovered totally from giving birth. She woke up after a few minutes with Tony's arm around her shoulders, still cradling her babies. Tony kissed Erin on the forehead and nose and she leaned her head up and on impulse kissed him back on the lips. She had meant it to be a peck but somehow it lasted many seconds. When she was done, she said, "Thank You, Tony. I need to get up and walk around a little. OK?" Tony said "Sure," and helped her get up with the two babies. She was thinking to herself, "God, that was stupid. Don't set yourself up for disappointment, girl. He left once, and he probably will again. After all, why would he want to spend a lot of time with a mother of three babies and a reputation for being troubled? Just focus on your children. That's what's necessary." Then Tony said, "As a matter of fact, we should go out for a walk. It's a nice day. There is another surprise for you on the back porch that will help." Erin asked, "What is it?" Tony said, "I'm not going to ruin the surprise. Go look." So, Erin walked through the kitchen to the back door and there sitting on the landing was a double baby carriage. Erin cried for a moment. What wonderful parents she had. Then she went back into the kitchen, saw Tony, and said, "God, Tony. That is so wonderful." Tony said, "You're welcome." Erin said, "It's from you?" Tony said, "Yes. Happy homecoming." Erin, "Thank You, Thank You, Tony. You're so sweet." Although Erin was a little sore, she thought a little walk would be nice. She said "I'll go upstairs and get the twins ready." So, she went upstairs, made sure they were dry, and put some long-sleeve shirts on them. Then she came down and went out the front door and down the steps and with Tony and the boy's help she put one baby on one side and one on the other on the other side and made sure they were secure. She suggested "Tony, lets walk toward the Community Center. If necessary I can change diapers there. And they have a game room." Alonzo heard that and said, "Yes, Dad, let's go there." Erin totally forgot her bad experience at the community center the last time she had visited there only a few weeks ago. What started as an easy walk soon turned into painful trek as Erin's back and hips started hurting again, but she toughed it out. Once there, they parked the stroller on the porch and went in. The boys needed to use the rest room and Tony took them. When they got out, she told Tony, "Tony, the game room for the boys is over there. I need to sit down. My hips and back still hurt and I need to rest. I'll be right here." And she sat down with the twins on an easy chair by the office door. Tony looked at her with concern and asked, "Are you all right, Erin?" She smiled at him and said, "Yes, just a little sore still. I just need to rest for a few minutes. Now go and help your boys get started with the games." So, Tony went off to help his boys find something interesting to do. Meanwhile Erin entertained herself by cuddling first one baby and then the other, and eventually started singing to them. Even as newborns, Erin could swear she saw a reaction. After a while the attendant at the desk said, "you are really a good singer. Are you Erin McLoughlin?" Erin, "Yes. How did you know?" Attendant, "I have a description of you here. The Manager put it out. He describes you as a troublemaker. But most of the employees swear you are not, although apparently you were when you were young." Erin, "Yes, to my great shame I was. I stole some money, which was very wicked and foolish. But I have tried to put that behind me and become a good citizen. I don't want any trouble. I just came this way because I thought I would need a break. I just gave birth two days ago. And my friend's boys wanted to play with the games. We're not hurting anything. Should I go?" "No," the attendant, Mrs. Lalyer, said. "As far as I am concerned, and as far as the board is concerned, you and your children, are welcome. But you should know that the manager would love to find you doing something wrong, so he can ban you. But singing to your babies should not count as anything wrong. So just go ahead with what you were doing." Erin, "OK, I will be careful. Thank You." So, Erin went back to cuddling her babies, and Tony soon came back in and asked how she was. Erin insisted she was fine. Tony offered to walk back and get his car and drive her, but Erin pointed out that they had the baby carriage. Then Tony said he would take that back when he walked to her house. That tempted Erin. She really was sorer than she had thought. So, she accepted, and went into the game room to watch the boys while Tony walked the baby carriage home. After she had been there for a few minutes, mainly singing quietly to the babies, with the boys playing a game and talking excitedly, another attendant, Ms. Green, came in and loudly told the boys to quiet down. Erin spoke up, "I am watching them. I am sorry they were too loud. We will play more quietly." Ms. Green said, far more loudly than any noise the boys had been making, "See that you do. Making too much noise is grounds for expulsion." Erin was livid, but kept her cool and simply said, "We will be quieter." Ms. Green hmphed and walked off. Alonzo came over with a tear in his eye, and said "I'm sorry I was loud, Erin." Even Duncan was a little disturbed and came over to Erin. Erin told them they had been acting OK and said, "Why don't you come and sit beside me, you two wonderful children. Then she gave them each a kiss and asked them some questions about their grandparents to pass the time. Alonzo loved his grandparents and talked about how great they were with excitement. Erin, concerned that Ms. Green would try to expel them, kept urging Alonzo to talk quietly. In the meantime, her twins, sensing Erin's unease, started fussing. As the noise level increased, Ms. Green came over again and said, "You have been warned. I will have to ask you to leave because of excessive noise." Erin said, "My friend will be here with his car in a few minutes, and then we will leave. But I'm not walking out of this community center alone with two young children and two newborns." Ms. Green then said "I said to leave now. If you don't, I will call the police." That was enough for Erin, and she said, "Are you really stupid enough to call a police officer to evict a woman and four children for making a little noise? And I do mean a little. The boys were playing with the noise which befits a game room, but they were being nice and weren't screaming or banging anything, and my babies were fussing, but not screaming." Alonzo looked at Erin gratefully. Erin continued, "Ms. Green, I understand that I did a bad thing here a year ago. But that is over. Any costs have been repaid. And I have told the board that I am trying to put my past behind me. I have behaved well since then, and the Board has voted to readmit me. I understand that that is not acceptable to some people in management of the community center, but if you try to punish me by punishing my children, I guarantee that you that the community center will face a lawsuit and what you are doing will be made public. So, go ahead and be a stupid idiot and call the police." Ms. Green looked at Erin and was smart enough to realize that Erin was right. So, she backed off angrily. She said, "I want you out of here as soon as your friend gets here." Erin replied, "When he gets here, I will take my babies into the bathroom and see if they need changing. If they do, I will change them. Then I will leave. And you can expect your behavior to two innocent children to be discussed with the board of the community center. Frankly, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, Ms. Ryan." Erin had read that name off her nametag. It suddenly occurred to Ms. Ryan that she was not implementing Community Center Policy anonymously. She had not handled the situation well, had made some unfounded accusations, and might have to pay a price for them. Furthermore, it was clear that Erin was not going to break down and cry and let herself and her children be bullied. Wisely, Mrs. Ryan just stomped off to the Director's Office. She was so upset, she had a hard time telling her story in a manner that justified her actions. When she had finally done so, the Director stormed out into the public area, and started shouting at Erin and berating her for defiance and mistreatment of staff. Erin, in the meantime, had implemented a record application on her phone. After the Director had gotten through his initial diatribe, Erin said, "I need to tell you that I have my phone is set to record this conversation, Mr. Gemshaw." But Mr. Gemshaw, certain that he now had justification to expel Erin, kept on with his comments. By this time Alonzo and Duncan were crying, and the twins had a vague recognition that something was wrong and were fussing even more. Then the Director grabbed Erin by the arm and tried to pull her to her feet. Just at that moment, Tony walked in, saw what was happening, and grabbed the Director's arm and twisted it behind his back. He said, "What the hell are you doing?" This sobered the Director up, realizing that he was not dealing with just a young woman helpless to keep from being manhandled, but with a physically capable man. The director said, "I am ejecting a young woman who has caused problems in the past and has allowed her brats to make too much noise for other patrons." Tony looked around. Since it was early afternoon, there were few people present and no one else in the game room. "What other patrons?" He said. The director replied, "That is not the point. The rules state that children in the game room need to be quiet." At that point Mrs. Lalyer, who had been watching what was going on, said "The children were being quiet, for children. They were not screaming or shouting or banging anything." Then the director said, "Release me or I will have you charged with assault." Tony, "You initiated the problem by grabbing this woman, who by the way has two newborn babies in her arms. You are the one who should be worried about an assault charge. I'll release you, provided you back away immediately. By the way, if you make any attempt to grab or harm one of my children or this woman again, I'll make sure you regret it." Then Tony turned the Director around and pushed him away. The Director was furious. He was used to controlling the situation and setting the rules to suit his own perceptions. He was not used to being defied, and definitely not used to being manhandled to prevent him from doing what he wished. He sputtered and finally told the second attendant, "Ms. Green, call the police and say I need them to come and evict a woman who won't leave the Community Center and her husband who assaulted me." Tony smiled and said "Erin, would you call the police and tell them you have just been assaulted by the Director of the Community center and ask for help. We'll see how this goes. At that point, Jean Worthington, chair of the board for the Community Center, walked in and said, "Ms. Green, don't call the police. I don't think the community Center needs that kind of publicity. Erin, would you please delay your call until I have a chance to act." Erin looked at her and at Tony, who nodded, and put her phone down. Jean said, "I asked several staff members to call me if Erin should have any other difficulties such as she had a few weeks ago. I received a call several minutes ago and got here as fast as I could. May I please ask what is going on? The Director said, "I object. I am in charge here and it is not up to you to question my decisions. If the board wants to intervene, they must have a meeting at which I can speak and only then decide to intervene. You cannot just march in and interfere in my operation of the Center." Jean said, "The last time this happened, Mr. GemShaw, it was so egregious, that the board authorized me to suspend your appointment as Director should anything similar happen. I am prepared to do so, unless I find that nothing questionable has happened. So, it is in your interest to cooperate. Now, please, will you tell me why you called me, Mrs. Lalyer. Mrs. Lalyer described her perception of what had happened. Tony and Erin agreed. Then Erin played back her recording of the events. After that, Ms. Green and Mr. Gemshaw gave their versions insisting that the two boys and then Erin and her babies were very disruptive, which was why they were going to eject them, physically if necessary. Jean then said, "Good Heavens, Mr. GemShaw, you're saying two newborns, and a 2-year-old, and a 4-year-old were so disruptive that you were willing to throw them out with little or no warning and you, were even going to physically put them and their mother out. No court of law would support that. Mr. Gemshaw, you are suspended with pay pending a board review of this incident. Ms. Green, you also are suspended with pay pending a board review. I would like you both to leave the Center now, so I can conduct a more thorough investigation. Mrs. Lalyer, would you call the board members and notify them what is going on? Is there another staff member you could call in, so you are not too short-handed? Mrs. Lalyer, "Yes. Mrs. Worthington. I will call the board and then try to get a fill-in staff member." Mrs. Worthington questioned several more witnesses and ascertained that the children Erin was watching were not particularly disruptive and that Erin had not been troublesome. One witness, a mother a few years older than Erin, said that Erin was very responsible and not at all belligerent. The witness said that if Ms. Green had treated her or her children the way she had treated Erin and her children, the witness would have torn Ms. Green apart. Erin had been remarkably even-tempered. As they walked out the door, Alonzo said to Tony, "You should have seen it, Dad. That woman said Duncan and I were being bad, but Erin told him we weren't. She said we were acting OK. She stood up for us. She told the man he couldn't hurt us." Tony smiled at Alonzo. "You like Erin, don't you Alonzo?" Alonzo, "Yeah. She's nice to me and Duncan. And she's pretty. And everyone likes her." As they walked out to the car, Erin broke into tears and told Tony. "Tony, I'm so sorry that the boys had to suffer through that. They were actually being fine, just animated and excited like young kids are." Tony, "What happened there Erin. They seemed to be upset mainly at you." Erin slowly confessed, "I did something very bad in high school, Tony. I was a smart-aleck and troublesome then. But worse, I stole some money. It was so stupid and so wicked, I can't in retrospect imagine why I did it. I'm not that sort of person. But my friends influenced me, and I did it. I was banned from the community center because of that. But about 9 months ago, I needed to come to the community center to use the internet for GED classes and I appealed to the board for reinstatement because I had changed and was trying to get my life together. The board put me on probation. Since then I have gone way out of my way to be as good as possible here, and everywhere else for that matter. But Mr. Gemshaw opposed the reinstatement and has been trying to find an excuse to get the ban put back into effect. A few weeks ago, something similar happened here that happened today. Afterward, I complained to the board, and the board said Mr. Gemshaw was in the wrong and that I am welcome here. So, I guess I put the bad incident out of my mind when I was considering a destination for our walk. When I came in, I guess Ms. Green and Mr. Gemshaw saw an opportunity to get the ban reinstated. I'm so sorry the boys got in the middle. Maybe you were right when you went back to Seattle. Maybe I'm no good for your family." And she cried some more. Tony had had more than his share of relationships and knew when tears were real and when they were feigned, and he knew Erin's regrets were real. But he still had his boys to think about and couldn't just forget that Erin exposed them to a bad situation. So, he said, "Erin, I talked you into going for a walk. And going to a destination where you might have a place to rest and change the babies made sense. But you knew from experience that some at the community center would not welcome you. Are you saying you just forgot?" Erin, "Yes, I just forgot, Tony. I don't know why. It was foolish, I admit. Please believe I would never knowingly expose your boys to such a situation. Please!" Tony reflected that Erin had been through a lot the last few days and well might not have thought that an unpleasant situation could develop. He said, "OK, Erin. I believe you. I think that everything will turn out alright." Then he leaned over and awkwardly held her and the two babies in her arms and said he cared for her and let her cry herself out. When she stopped, he said, "Everything's fine, Erin. Let's forget about this incident for now and have a good rest of the day." Erin, "Thank You, Tony, and Thank You for being there when I needed you. You're my hero," and on impulse she kissed him full on the lips. For a moment he stood there dumfounded, but then he kissed her back and made a comment about her being good for his ego. Then they got in the car. She concentrated on her babies during the trip home and sang to them for a while. Then Alonzo said from the back seat, "Erin, I love you." And Erin reached back and took his hand and said, "I love you too, Alonzo." As she rode home, Erin asked herself why she had called Tony her hero. That reaction was so feminine. Brian would have said "Thanks, Tony. I'll pay you back some day." But instead she called Tony "My Hero" and given him a passionate kiss. But then she mused that she almost always reacted in a feminine manner these days. She didn't remember being so feminine when she first became Erin. At first, she had felt just like she had been as Brian, with the exception that she had felt extremely maternal towards Mary, which was understandable since physically, at least, Mary was her child. But Erin realized now that she had become much more feminine than the former Erin. The maternal feeling had been weak in the former Erin. That person had had a very masculine outlook, and, in fact, had wanted to be a boy. But Brian, after turning into Erin, was strongly maternal. Did that mean that Brian had not been very masculine? Maybe not, although he had tried. He had worked out, built as much muscle as his slight frame could handle, and in college had learned to box, and had always been willing to defend himself or a friend. But whatever Brian had been, Erin, his mental continuation, was feminine and appeared to be becoming more so with time. Was that part of the original switch between Brian and Erin, just now manifesting itself as a result of current circumstances or was that a natural result of a not very masculine Brian changing genders. She didn't know, maybe a bit of both. But she supposed being feminine was a good thing since there was no indication that she would ever become a boy again. Besides, she had to admit she had enjoyed the kiss with Tony very much, and she had enjoyed his reaction. Tony, for his part was also thinking about the kiss. He knew she could not be sexually aroused. After all she had given birth a few days ago. So, the kiss must have been just what it appeared, an intimate, affectionate "thank you" to Tony for supporting her. But whatever its intent, it had sure made him feel good, and aroused. He reflected that if he and Erin did enjoy a long-term relationship, it would likely never be boring. They got home in a few minutes, and Tony came around and let Erin hand one of the twins to him, so she could get out of the car more easily. Then the two adults, two children, and two babies made their way into the house. Erin's Mom was home by this time, and Erin took the babies into the kitchen and said hello. Mom, "Erin, I must admit I was surprised when you weren't here. Where have you been?" Erin, "Tony and I decided to go out for a walk, Mom." Mom said, "Erin, you just got out of the hospital this morning. Why did you do that? You must be sore." Erin, "Yes, but Tony and the boys really wanted to go, and I thought I would be up to it. But I wasn't, and we wound up at the Community Center and Tony walked the stroller back to the house and came and got me with his car. Alonzo had followed Erin into the kitchen said "Mrs. McLoughlin, a man at the community center told me I was talking too loud, but Erin said I wasn't and called him an idiot. He got into trouble." Mom looked at Erin and said, "Having just given birth to twins, perhaps it would have been better to avoid the community center, Erin. You know they have it out for you. You should not put yourself in a stressful situation like that." Erin, "I agree Mom. But the boys were enthusiastic to play the games and I just forgot about the last time I was there. Mom, I agree it was bad judgement, especially because it put Tony's boys in the middle of a conflict. If I had it to do over again, I would never have gone there. But I just forgot about the conflict at the community center. I have apologized to Tony." Just then, someone else entered the conversation. Mary was in a walker next to Mom, and decided she needed Erin to pick her up and started making her wants known by shouting "Ma Ma". Erin smiled at her and said "Hi Mary. How's my wonderful daughter. You are doing very good in the walker." That recognition caused Mary to redouble her efforts to get Erin to pick her up, which Erin could not do because both arms were occupied. So, Erin said, "Mom, if I go and sit on the couch, would you bring Mary to me?" Mom, "Of Course, Erin." As soon as Erin sat down, and Mary was on her lap, the two boys came and sat on each side. That actually helped Erin, because Mary loved to be with other children and the distraction of the two older boys prevented Mary from insisting on being the focus of Erin's attention. Erin sat with the five children for a few minutes alternately talking to the 3 older children and caressing and hugging the twins. Then the boys stood up on the couch and Mary saw them and tried to get up herself, which she did with some assistance by Erin. This continued for several minutes with the three older children standing up on the couch all trying to talk at once and Erin holding the babies and trying to talk to Mary, Duncan, and Alonzo. Mom and Tony both thought it was highly amusing and took pictures of the chaotic scene. Erin finally asked for help and Tony took the three older children while Erin went upstairs and changed the twins and put them down for a nap. Erin thought about taking a nap herself, but reflected that Tony was here and had gone way out of his way for her and wanted to see her and that she hadn't seen much of Mary for the last few days, so Erin came back downstairs, where Tony was telling Mom about what happened at the Community Center. Mom said, "Erin, you didn't tell me that staff tried to remove you and the children from the Community Center." Erin, "Yes, they said the boys were being loud and boisterous and bothering other patrons. That is nonsense. The boys were making a little noise, but not that much. And they were in a game room for heaven's sake. That's where kids play. And the boys quieted down when I asked them." Erin continued, "The lady was very unpleasant and brisk with the boys. They didn't deserve that. Then the twins started fussing a little. But I was able to calm them, and the noise level was never very high. Staff wanted me to take all four of the children and leave. I refused to do that until Tony came back with the car. The Director grabbed me and was going to physically put me out, when Tony came in. Tony took the man's hands off me and kept him from doing anything. Then the Chairperson of their Board of Directors came in and suspended the Director and asked him to leave. So that was the end of it." Tony, "Not quite. The Board Chair asked me if I and my wife could possibly come to an emergency board meeting to give our view of events." Erin, "Oh. I assume you corrected her and told her we weren't married." Tony, "Well, I decided that could wait for later, after things died down." Erin, "What did you tell her about us attending the meeting?" Tony, "I said my attendance depended on the schedule. And that starting next week I would be out of town for three weeks. But you might be able to attend. She should talk to you directly. I took the liberty of giving her your cell number, so, she will probably call." Erin reflected that she should have anticipated this. Although she felt completely competent to represent herself by herself, she hoped the board meeting would be while Tony was here. Why was that? The thought of Tony being gone for three weeks saddened her, which surprised her, but made her realize how much she enjoyed their time together. Then she shook her head and said, "Well, I will decide whether to attend when I hear the time." Mom said, "Erin, this is serious business, important to the community and the Director. You should go if you can. You know I will help with child care." Erin, "I will go if I can, Mom. But, frankly, the children come first. I will need to fit it into their needs." It was only later that Erin realized how feminine and unlike herself just 10 months ago this was. The same thought struck her mother, who mused what a wonderful transformation Erin had undergone. Had Erin been aware of her mother's thoughts, her reaction would have been "You don't know the half of it, Mom." Then the conversation lightened, and Erin held Mary and talked to her while the conversation went on. Mary seemed to understand some of what Erin said, which led Erin to point out people by name. Mary did a pretty good job of repeating and had Alonzo and Duncan and Tony almost down and did a very good job with Gram. Mom entered the conversation and Mary completely mastered "Momma" with almost no effort. Alonzo and Duncan were entranced with this process. Erin reflected that they really were good boys and that Tony was a great Dad, to have them feel so good about themselves that they could give time to someone else like this. Then Erin's Dad came home. He was happy to see Tony and the boys. Erin reflected that like most men, he enjoyed children more when they were older and did more things. Only later did she realize that that thought put her firmly on the woman's side of the gender divide. Dad suggested they order pizza, and Tony's boys took up the suggestion enthusiastically. As always, Erin insisted on getting a small, thin- crust pizza with light cheese, extra sauce, mushrooms and olives. Tony looked at her strangely. He knew someone else who preferred pizza that way, but couldn't remember who? While waiting for the pizza, Mom and Dad watched a little news and Tony and Erin sat with the children in the living room and talked with each other when they got a chance. Then Erin heard the twins fussing and went upstairs and cleaned them up and changed their diapers and gave them a chance to nurse, which they did happily. When she got downstairs, the pizzas had arrived, and the boys were eating, and Mary was sitting in mom's lap and gumming a little bit of pizza enthusiastically. When Erin got there, the adults sat down to eat. After a while Mary seemed to want to nurse, and Erin allowed her to do so, while Mom held the twins. Erin reflected that she had to wean Mary soon. She didn't think she could produce enough milk for three as time went along, especially when one was a big one year old. Her breasts had grown a little over the time since last October, but they were still small in proportion. Then Erin wondered whether Tony would like it if she had larger breasts. Growing up as Brian and relating to Tony as a buddy, she couldn't remember if he liked big breasts or not. He had never said one way or another. When they talked about women, Tony had always talked about beauty and personality. Erin did remember that Tony liked small women. Brian had always wondered if it was because he was sweet on Clara. He had asked her out several times over the years, but Clara had confided to Brian that although she really liked Tony as a friend, the two-year age difference was just too big a hurdle for her to be interested in him romantically. Tony had married a woman who looked a lot like Clara, although her personality was not at all like Clara's. With that, she had seemed nice enough when they were first married. But with time she became detached, like she had gotten herself into something she did not really want, i.e., motherhood and marriage to a man who wanted a close relationship. Tony had always wanted a family, as had Brian. Maybe that was one reason they were friends. Tony's former wife had not had large breasts. So, Erin decided breast size was not an issue for Tony. Good thing, because Erin would not consider surgical breast enhancement to make a man happy. But if Tony liked small women, Erin would not have been likely to attract him. She had lost a lot of weight since she had switched, but she was 5' 10" tall, not a small woman. Yet here Tony was, with Erin. So there seemed to be some attraction. Evidently, Tony had matured and decided that body type was not the most important thing in a woman. She didn't know for sure, though, because it was not something Brian and Tony had ever discussed. Then Mom asked Erin a question. She took a moment to become aware, and then said, "Sorry, Mom. I was zoning out. Can you say that again?" Mom was not surprised. Erin did that when nursing. She said, "I was encouraging Tony to apply to work at Pederson's. Do you think he would be a good fit there?" Erin, "Sure he would. Tony is smart and hard-working and organized and well spoken. I think he would be a good fit in any job that didn't require specialized knowledge or training that he doesn't have. Furthermore, I know Tony wants to continue with his music. Construction is a day job that would allow him to do that. But I don't know if Tony would be happy as a construction worker. I think he might, but that is for him to say." Tony laughed a little, and said, "Thanks for the compliments, Erin. I think I could probably be happy as a construction worker. But right now, any job that allows me to support my sons will make me pretty happy." Erin, "You're welcome, Tony. But the compliments are the simple truth and I'm glad to share them. The way you stopped that fool Director from doing anything stupid while I had the twins in my arms, I realized what a great guy you really are. Thank You, again." Erin had to squelch the impulse to get up and kiss him at that moment. God, what was happening to her? Her heart overflowed with affection for Tony. Mom jumped in and said, "What. I didn't realize there was any actual physical conflict at the community center, Erin. Were you hurt? What happened?" So, Erin told the story, and Mom went over and hugged Tony and said, "Tony, I am in your debt too. If anything were to happen to my impulsive daughter and my grandchildren, I would be devastated. Erin, you need to be more cautious. You are responsible for the children you are caring for." Erin, "Mom, I was being cautious. Before I talked back to those people, I swallowed my pride and worked hard to avoid any conflict. I only told them what idiots they were when that didn't work." Mom, "And what would have happened if Tony hadn't been there? Could you have shielded the four children you were caring for from harm?" Erin, "I chose my words to try to shield them from harm, Mom. Making the Director realize how foolish he was being and getting the police there was one way to shield them from harm." Mom, "Whenever emotions get out of control there is a possibility of harm. You should have worked to make sure that didn't happen." Dad, as he frequently used to do, jumped in to try to keep Mom and Erin from getting too upset with each other, although Erin did not seem to be as sensitive to criticism as she used to be. "I know you were being responsible, Honey. But given you were caring for two children and two helpless infants, maybe you should have tried to avoid this conflict?" Erin, "Maybe you are right Dad. But I was concerned about having to stand outside with 4 children waiting for Tony. That would not have been comfortable. Plus, I admit it was the principle of the thing. The boys hadn't done anything wrong. I hadn't done anything wrong. Certainly, my babies hadn't done anything wrong. The whole stupid episode was the result of one jerk's unwillingness to see that I have changed since I did something bad well over a year ago and his determination to seek further retribution in spite of what his own board directed him to do. Why should my family all have to stand outside without access to a bathroom or a comfortable place to sit? But you're right, the principle was not worth the possible consequences if things had gotten out of hand. I'll try to be more careful in the future. But I do have a combative streak and can't promise I won't react if someone threatens my children. By the way, I got that streak from you, Mom." Mom, "From me?" Erin, "Yes, you insist on effort and sensible behavior in your office, and you call out any employee who does not give it. You have a reputation of being a strict disciplinarian and dangerous to cross. You ran this house the same way. Ask Dan and Fran. That is a combative streak. By the way, I admire and respect the way you run your office and home." Mom, "OK, OK, I apologize for coming down so hard on you. I probably would have acted the same. But the thought of one of my grandchildren being caught in harm's way just terrifies me." Erin, "I know Mom, me too. I love you." Mom, "I love you too, Erin." Then she went over and gave her daughter a hug. Tony was bemused by this outcome. A few moments ago, he would have thought the two women would end up in a screaming fight. But somehow Erin had managed to deflect the bad feelings and get things back on track and at the same time defend her position. For a 19-year-old unwed mother who had not managed to finish high school, Erin had wonderful people skills. Of course, her mother was basically a positive person who was willing to admit that she was not totally in the right. That helped a lot. Alonzo was also listening and was worried that Erin and her Mom were arguing. He had heard his parents argue like that once and wind up separating. But then Erin and her Mom had finished up saying they loved each other. That was good. Erin was really tired as the evening went along. Not only had she given birth a couple of days before, but the walk and incident at the Community Center had taken it out of her. And she still had three babies to get ready for bed. Erin was mad at herself for foolishly going for a walk in the first place and then forgetting that the Community Center might not welcome her. But she was somewhat pleased in that she thought she had handled the situation OK. And she was pleased at Tony's friendship and support. What a great guy he was. She was also pleased that her parents supported her. She asked Mom to help her by taking one of the twins, and then got up and announced that she had to say goodnight. She was surprised when Tony gave her a hug, and then a kiss. He said, "Goodnight Erin. I was thinking of coming over tomorrow for a while. Would that be OK?" Erin smiled and said "Sure, Tony. I have three babies to care for, so I doubt I will be able to do much entertaining. But I would love to see you and the boys. Then she said "Goodnight Alonzo. Goodnight Duncan. I hope you boys have a good evening." Tony said, "Boys, say goodnight to Erin." Alonzo tore himself away from the TV and came over and held his arms out for a hug and kiss. Erin bent over and did the best she could carrying a baby. Duncan did the same. Then Erin asked her mom if she could help carry Mary upstairs, went up to her room. She cleaned each baby up, gave them a double diaper and a new onesie, then allowed them to nurse, (fortunately, Mary seemed willing to wait for her turn), and put each in a separate basinet that mom and dad had given her. Then she washed up, cleaned her face, brushed her teeth, and lay down to sleep. She thought about how complicated everything was now. A year ago, getting ready for bed consisted of Brian washing his face and brushing his teeth, and that was it. No more than 5 minutes. As that thought played in her mind, she fell asleep. Fortunately, the children slept pretty well. Mary slept through the night, and the twins only wakened once wanting to nurse, which she allowed, falling back to sleep with them in her arms. CHAPTER 24. TONY'S PROPOSAL, HELP FROM FRIENDS, TELLING JESSE. The next morning, waking up and caring for three babies was a zoo. Mary woke up fussing loudly, and that woke up Aaron and Carli. So, Erin put the twins in their bassinets and first tended to Mary, cleaned her up a bit, and allowed her to nurse for a while. Then Erin took Mary downstairs and put her in the car seat her mother kept for that purpose. Erin went back upstairs, changed the twins and brought them downstairs. She put Mary in her walker and sat with the twins and allowed them to nurse. All the while the various babies were on and off voicing their desire for immediate gratification. Finally, the twins were done nursing, and Erin could take a short break and make herself some coffee. Erin felt guilty that she had probably woken Fran, but she was doing the best she could. She knew Mary had not gotten as much milk as she would have liked, so she warmed up a bottle for her hoping she would be satisfied with that. Mary took the bottle although she was not happy. Erin was used to her moods and knew she would have preferred to nurse some more, but Erin just didn't feel she had enough milk. Finally, Erin sat down in the kitchen holding the twins while Mary scooted around in her walker looking for something to do. Erin had to get up periodically to get Mary away from someplace Erin didn't want her to be or get her headed in a direction she could walk further. Erin figured just the process of getting her kids up had taken her about an hour and a half, and she had not even combed her own hair or washed her face. Frustrating, but Erin knew that as she got used to the twins and developed a system to take care of all three of them at the same time, it would get easier. And of course, within a year, Mary would be walking, and the twins would be more aware, and all this would change. Erin knew that year would pass quickly, so she was determined to just relax and enjoy the babies while they were babies. Mom soon came out of her bedroom and got a cup of coffee. She sat across from Erin and just smiled at the sight of the twins. She said, "They really are pretty babies, Erin. And they seem very sweet. You are lucky." Erin said, "Yes I was. I was lucky with Mary too. She is a real sweetie." Mom, "She wasn't when she was first born. She fussed a lot. Bu then you weren't caring for her properly. As soon as you started doing that, she calmed down." Erin said, "I used to worry that my neglect the first month would affect her personality. But you are right, she has come out of it. She seems confident in herself and in me. She is really growing. She will be walking soon. I hope I can ween her to a mix of solid foods and a bottle in the next few weeks. I don't think I can produce enough milk for her and the twins for very long. One of the many downsides of being so flat." Mom laughed at that and said, "Your bust is attractive to many men Erin, and is much easier to carry than if it had been a DD or something. You will be grateful as you get older." Erin, "Yeah, but now the babies will suffer a little. Then Dad and Fran came to get some coffee, and Erin apologized to Fran for the noise. But, fortunately, Fran was a heavy sleeper and said she hadn't woken. Mom volunteered to cook some eggs and put in a waffle, and Erin gratefully accepted. She put the twins in a double bassinet and tried to eat her eggs and waffle. But she wasn't all that hungry and pushed them away after a few bites. Mom pushed them back, and said "You need to eat, Erin. You lost a lot of weight while pregnant, and you didn't have it to lose. If you are going to nurse those babies, you need to gain some back. So, eat." Erin tried to eat more, and with her mother's words as motivation, managed to get another few bites down. Erin talked with her parents and sister for a few minutes, until the smell told her that one of the babies needed her attention. Aaron had had a bm, and Erin took him and Carli upstairs and changed both newborns and put them in their basinets. Then she cleaned herself up and combed her hair and brushed her teeth. When she got done the two babies were asleep. So, Erin went downstairs to visit her family some more before they left for work. As soon as she got there, Mary wanted to be held. Her mother attempted to divert her, but Mary was not to be denied, so Erin warmed up her coffee and sat down in a chair and mom gave her Mary, who immediately wanted to nurse. Erin allowed that for a few minutes, and then took a pause as an opportunity to divert her to something else and started talking to her and helping her stand and walk around. Mary, as always, was happy to show off. Then there was knock on the door and her mom answered and Tony said, "Hi, Mrs. McLoughlin. Here I am." It was Tony, without his boys. Erin was surprised and said, "Tony, what are you doing here at 8:30 in the morning?" Tony said with some embarrassment, "Your mom asked me to come over and be available to help. I'm happy to be here." Erin said gently, "Well, thank you. That was very sweet. I enjoy having you here. But I think I can handle things on my own so don't think you have to stay. I spent the whole Spring taking care of Mary and my friend, Debby's baby, so I think I know what I am doing." Mom, "Of course you do, Erin." But it's nice to have some help while you are getting your feet underneath you. Tomorrow, Tony will be here again. Friday, your friend Debbie will be here. Over the weekend, I will be here of course, and Carol will come over to spend the day on Saturday. I am looking forward to having some time with her. Next Monday, Clara's mother will be here. On Tuesday, Clara will be here. On Wednesday, your friend Debbie will be here again, Then, on Thursday, Virginia from work will be here. Friday, you are on your own. Fran usually has that day off, but they have some sort of dignitary visiting that day and she had to work to provide protection. She will take a day off the next week and help. Then I had Stacey lined up, but Skyler came up with a school event. So, no help next Friday. But by that time, you should have your routines established and it should not be a big deal. Don't be upset, Honey. All these friends think the world of you and said they are happy to do it. Being the mother of three babies is not easy. Accept any help that is offered. And you will have the opportunity to learn from three women and one man who have cared for babies. And it has the added benefit of letting you spend time with friends. It reminds you that you are still part of the community." That caused Erin to start crying. She realized what a wonderful gesture it was by all these people and she said, "Thank You Mom. Thank you, Tony. It's a wonderful gesture. Thank You." After Mom and Dad and Fran left for their various jobs, Tony stayed and helped Erin. She changed all the babies again, and then decided it was time for their daily bath. She asked Tony to entertain Mary while she bathed the twins, one at a time, using a bathing tub for newborns that her parents had bought for Mary, but she had never used. The twins seemed to enjoy being bathed, and Erin made a little game of it to make the twins understand it should be fun. Afterward, she quickly dried them and applied powder and got them dressed to avoid them getting too cool. At the end she put them into their basinets for a morning nap. Next, Erin got Mary from Tony and asked her if she wanted a bath too, pantomiming the meaning as well as saying it. Mary understood and shook her head emphatically "No". So, Erin gave her a sponge bath like she had since she had started caring for her 10 months ago. She always made a game of the sponge bath and there was lots of tickling and talking and playing involved, and Mary loved it. Tony found it all fairly amusing himself. Afterward, Erin asked Mary if she was tired. Did she want to take a nap? She pantomimed this too. Mary again shook her head "No" emphatically. Then, Erin said, "OK, let's go downstairs. How about you get in your walker and I will sing to you. You want to do that? Again, Erin pantomimed what they might do. Mary seemed to be happy with the suggestion. So, Erin sang a couple of children's songs for Mary and pushed her around in her walker and played like they were out for a walk holding hands. Mary had a good time, but after a while Mary got tired too and Erin sat on the couch and held her, and she fell asleep. Then Erin put her down on the couch with a pillow guarding her from falling and went into the kitchen and sat down for a break. Tony brought her some coffee and got some himself and sat with her. He asked, "Why did you do a sponge bath for Mary?" Erin, "She's terrified of being in any kind of bathtub and of any situation where she is in pooled water." Tony, "Really. Do you know why?" Erin, "No, I first became aware of it when she was about 1? months old." Tony, "Have you tried breaking her of the fear." Erin, "No. Trying to make her take a bath would just terrify her. Someday, she'll come out of it on her own. She's not at all timid in general. I suspect she will see a friend playing in the water and just decide she's too big to be afraid of it." Tony, "Was she terrified of the water when she was a newborn?" Erin, "I don't think so. I can't remember." Tony, "So it must have been in response to something that happened. What?" Erin, "I just don't remember, Tony." Erin could kick herself for never asking Brian that question. She had always intended to but had never gotten around to it. She agreed that Mary's fear of baths must come from some event, and she should know. She knew the old Erin hated being a mother and gave Mary little warmth and that Rex was a fearsome person to even an adult, let alone a small baby. There was ample opportunity for some sort of event that would terrify Mary and would lead her to connect the terror with a bath. But she couldn't tell Tony that. Tony, for his part, noticed Erin's reticence and wondered if Erin had done something she was ashamed of. But seeing her deep care for all her children, Tony could not think of Erin as any kind of abuser. So maybe her former boyfriend, Mary's father, had done something. To change the subject, Erin asked Tony, "So what are the boys doing today, Tony?" Tony, "My mother stayed home to care for them. But she needs to get to work later. So, it would be handy to get home a little early. Erin, "By all go home and bring them back here. They are a delight. I love to have them with us. And Mary thinks the world of them." Tony, "Really. OK, I will. My Mom was being sweet to help care for them, but she really needs to get to work." So, Tony took off the get his sons, and Erin heard the twins fuss and went upstairs to get them up. She brought them downstairs to clean up and change, so Mary would not be alone for too long. Tony and the boys came back, and Tony resumed helping. In the early afternoon, Erin spent a lot of time talking to Mary and reading to the boys while Tony helped by watching the twins. Then she allowed the twins to nurse and put them down for a nap. The boys and Mary had some food and then sat and watched some afternoon TV. Then Erin took a break to have a half sandwich left over from the day before. Tony warmed up a can of soup and sat and ate a sandwich and some soup with Erin. They found themselves talking and laughing quietly, and then cleared the table. As they passed in the small kitchen, Tony said she looked greet, and she said he didn't look bad himself, and suddenly she was in his arms and sharing a deep kiss. After not breathing for almost 30 seconds, Erin broke the kiss and looked down and rested her head on Tony's chest. Her heart was pounding, and her face was flushed. She thought, 'What am I doing? I should be focused on my children, not on romance.' But she couldn't step away from Tony and really didn't want to. Tony said, "Erin, what are you thinking?" Erin, "I don't know, Tony. That was a great kiss, and a great hug. What are you thinking?" Tony, "I think I love you, Erin. I love being with you. You are so sweet, but you are so independent and capable. I admire the way you interact with people, and with children. And you are so beautiful and graceful. It seems you are never flustered and do everything with panache. I never want to leave you. Erin, will you marry me? I know a minister that doesn't require a waiting period. We could get married before I leave on Sunday, and when I get back, we could find a way to be together." That floored Erin, and she replied, "Oh Tony, I think I love you too. You are kind and thoughtful and gentle, and a great father, not to mention handsome and sexy. But marriage is a big step. Maybe we should go a little slower, be sure we know each other well. After all there are five children who depend on us." Tony, "And they couldn't have a better mother than you. The boys love you, Erin. Shows they have good taste. And your kids are wonderful." Erin, "Another thing I need to mention is that I'm not sure your mother cares for me much. She is so reticent and cool all the time. I'm sure she thinks I am still 'Crazy Erin' underneath. I know you are close to your family. That might tear us apart. I don't want a relationship that won't last, Tony. That would be very bad for the children, especially the boys since they are older and much more aware." Tony laughed, "My mother loved my first wife when we were engaged, and we wound up divorced. Now my mother snarls whenever her name is mentioned, because my former wife hurt me and her grandsons. If you and I are happy and the boys are happy, my mother will love you, Erin." Erin said, "Tony, you know all my children were born out of wedlock. Is that OK with you?" I mean, "Won't that make you suspicious of me? Will you think my children are OK, not somehow corrupted?" Tony, "I have worked though my suspicions that you are unstable, Erin. Seeing you do things, and what I have heard from Jenny and Clara has convinced me that whatever you were in high school, now you are stable and trustworthy. And I admire your decision to bear the twins. That was hard. It would have been so easy to abort them. I believe all children are innocent, not responsible for the decisions of their parents. So, yes, I would love your children." Erin cried at that and said, "Thank you, Tony. That means a lot to me. But I still think we need to slow down. For one thing, my parents would be very disappointed if we didn't allow them to be part of our marriage. And I suspect your parents would too. Also, I need to be sure of something, about myself, and I need to share something with you about me before we decide on marriage. I'm not ready to deal with either issue today. But let's talk more when we have some time to ourselves." Tony was happy Erin said she returned his love but disappointed at having to put the decision off. He said, "OK, Erin. I want you to be confident that getting married is the right thing to do. When do you want to talk more?" Erin, "When you get back Tony. We can ask one of our family or friends to take care of the children for a weekend, so we can just have some time to ourselves. Let's tentatively plan on three weeks from this weekend. OK, Tony?" Tony, "OK, Erin. I'm looking forward to it. In the meantime, since you won't marry me this weekend, how about another kiss?" Erin, "Gladly, Tony." And they held each other and kissed for several more minutes. Erin could feel Tony getting hard through her dress. Almost without thinking, she reached up and caressed him, and he reached down and caressed her breasts. Fortunately, the petting did not get any more serious because soon Alonzo came into the room and screamed, "Dad, Erin. Come see this." He stopped dead when he saw them kissing and hugging but didn't recognize that they had their hands on intimate areas of each other, and soon they moved subtly so they didn't. Alonzo's main thought was that that his dad and Erin really were going to get married. That was what he wanted, so he was happy. Then Tony looked over, and Alonzo was worried that he might be mad and said, "Sorry Dad." Tony smiled, and Erin turned around and smiled and went over and hugged him and said, "It's OK Alonzo. What did you say?" Alonzo, "I wanted to show you something on TV." Erin, "Sure." And she pulled Tony along, a little reluctantly, into the family room. The rest of the afternoon, Tony and Erin related to each other and to the children as if they were already married. Indeed, in Tony's mind, they were. He started planning how they would live with each other and how they would take care of the kids. Erin, however, was still worried about how she would react to being the woman in a loving relationship, and even more worried about how Tony would take the news that Erin used to be Brian. She didn't want to start planning their future until she was sure they would have one. She didn't want to be hurt. So, although she was warm and loving, her behavior and comments were much more cautious than Tony's. When Erin's mother arrived, she greeted Erin and Tony but was a little surprised to see the boys. Erin told them she had urged him to bring them over. After all, they needed their dad, and they were really nice boys. Her mother was a little dubious, but Erin said Tony was still lots of help. Later as the night went along, after Erin's mom served the dinner that Erin had prepared with Mom's instructions, her mom noticed that Erin was unusually quiet. Mom, "Erin, is everything OK? You are being really quiet. Did you and Tony have an argument? Erin, "No, Mom. We have been getting along great. I'm just worried about something." Mom, "Well, Tony is a really nice guy and has put himself out a lot helping you, and us. He deserves a smile and nice conversation." Erin realized that Mom was right. Furthermore, thinking about it, how did worrying help her right now? It just kept her from enjoying being with her best friend. So, she decided to loosen up and enjoy being in love. When she had a break, she went over and stood beside Tony and leaned against him. She felt his arm go around her and she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek and said, "I love you." He smiled and kissed her and said, "I love you too, Babe." Her mother was coming out of the kitchen and saw the interchange, and later said "Erin, that was a little more than a smile and nice conversation." Erin, "Yes, Mom, but Tony deserves it." Tony and the boys left about 7:30 and Erin made a point of walking him out to the car. Although she was carrying the twins, they managed a long kiss when the boys were in the car. Tony, "Erin, So I guess you have a friend coming over to help tomorrow." Erin, "Yes, my friend Debbie and her infant son Peter will be here most of the day. You have already met her. That was her mother I got to the drug treatment center the day you came over after the wedding." Tony laughed, "Yes I remember that day. How is her mother doing, anyway?" Erin, "OK, I think. I'm sure I'll get more information tomorrow. Much more. But it will be fun to talk to Debbie. She's a really great friend. And her family is really nice. I wish we had been friends in high school." Tony, "Did she just move to the area? Erin replied, "No. I knew her in high school, but we weren't friends. We hated each other. Then I came home last October and started going to church with my parents. Debbie was the resident example of bad morality for the pastor of the church, because she was pregnant and unmarried and still in high school. I Joined her as another bad example, being an unwed mother. We consoled each other when the preacher hinted we were whores and bound for you know where, and in time Debbie and I became friends." Tony laughed at the story. "You're kidding. A preacher making public comments about parishioner's, especially young kids. What a bastard he must be." Erin, "Tony, you don't know the half of it. So, you're off the hook, tomorrow. Are you going to take the boys somewhere?" Tony, "Well, just around the neighborhood. I plan to show them where I grew up and introduce them to some friends I haven't seen for years." He mentioned some people that Brian had known well. Erin wished she could go with Tony and see them too. 'Not practical for so many reasons,' she thought. 'Well, maybe later.' Erin said, "Oh, that sounds like fun, Tony. But call me. Somewhere around noon or 4. I'd love to just say hello. I'll miss you." Then to her surprise, she started crying. Tony looked at her with alarm and said, "are you OK, Erin?" Erin, "Yes, it's nothing. It's just these stupid hormones. I love you Tony. Now give me another kiss, please." He did, and Erin tried to make it as meaningful as she could. Tony looked at her and smiled and said, "That was a great goodnight kiss, Erin. Talk to you tomorrow," and he climbed into the car and left. Erin went back inside and chatted with her parents for a few minutes and then left Mary in the care of her mother and went upstairs and nursed the twins and got them ready for bed. Then she came back downstairs to see how Mary was doing and spent a few minutes just playing with her. She asked if Mary wanted to go to bed, and Mary shook her head no. So, Erin asked her mom to keep watching her and went upstairs herself and took a shower and did her nighttime routine. By the time she got back downstairs, it was clear that Mary was past being ready for bed. So, Erin took her upstairs and allowed her to nurse a little, and then went back and got some other food ready, milk and rice and fruit, and fed it to Mary with a spoon. Mary was a little surprised, but pleased, by the new food. She ate enough that Erin did not feel bad about not being able to nurse enough for her to be satisfied. Then Erin took Mary upstairs and put her in her basinet, but Mary wouldn't go to sleep. So, Erin took Mary into her bed and after a while Mary went to sleep. Erin thought how this routine had to change if She and Tony married, But, then decided to worry it about later. Other children Mary's age slept by themselves, in fact most children her age. It would take a while, but she would adjust. The next day, Debbie came over at 9. Her father drove her, and Erin had a chance to ask how he was doing. It did not sound like things were going well with his wife. Erin knew he had been badly hurt by his wife's infidelity. Debbie and Sarah had forgiven their mother, but it was harder for a partner to forgive than for the children, because of feelings of betrayal and because of the implication that the partner was somehow inadequate. But Mr. Silver was trying to spend time with his wife and was attending therapy sessions with her. He said he was trying to put aside the hurt and anger. He knew his wife was a victim too and had been manipulated by the former Pastor. It turned out that Mrs. SIlver had been taking pills on the sly for years to cope with the tension from feeling she had to be perfect, a feeling she imposed on herself. The pastor had initially won her heart by giving her access to a study supply of pills. The cost was sex. She was so addicted that even though she realized she was risking her family's love, she accepted the bargain. After that, she was under the Pastor's control, and she had to justify her actions to herself. So, she drifted into a contentious relationship with those she loved. Erin thought it was a very sad story. Debbie tried, but was honestly not much help because Peter was having an off day. He remembered Erin and wanted her full attention as well as his mom's, but that couldn't happen because Erin had three other babies to care for. Peter reacted by being very unhappy. Erin tried to give him a little attention to show she loved him, but that wasn't enough, so Debbie spent most of her time caring for Peter. She was apologetic, but Erin told "Hey Debby, all babies have an off day sometimes. But obviously Peter loves you, so you must be doing good as a mother. Debby laughed and said, "Erin, leave it to you to see the bright spot with a fussy baby." Erin and Debbie took the opportunity to catch up with each other. Debbie said, "Erin, I have a message for you from my mother. She said thank you for being her friend, even though she didn't do anything to deserve it. She congratulates you on the birth of the twins and would like to see you and your babies, including Mary. Erin, the last few weeks she has been like her old self before she got involved with the pastor, nice and loving. I missed the old her. Please come and see her." Erin, "OK, I will. And I'm glad she is doing better, Debbie. I will keep your family in my prayers." Debbie was enjoying the summer. She and Chris were spending a lot of time together. At home, with a part time job and no college classmates to occupy his time, Chris was being more responsible and was enjoying having a baby. Debbie laughed, "It's good he has a son. He bought the baby a baseball mitt and a football. He's already planning what position Peter is going to play." Erin said, "Yes, men always think about sports when they have a son. It's as though that's all there is to a boy. Crazy, but usually harmless." Then, Erin noted that she unconsciously grouped herself with women. Debbie said, "I've been admitted to Blakefield Community College. I decided that going away to a big school was just not practical with an infant. Here I have Mom and Sarah to help care for Peter, and you I hope. Erin, I really trust you with Peter. I'd like to have you care for Peter full time, except for emergencies. Dad has said he would pay you the same as last year, maybe a little more. What do you think Erin?" Erin, "Won't your mom be willing to help now?" Debbie, "Maybe. I guess I worry about her when she is with him. Now she is so nervous that she will do something wrong. And she treats him like he was fragile, which he isn't. Plus, she is talking about a job. Dad isn't willing to just support her full time, any more. So, I think I will still need childcare." Erin, "I think can do childcare. But I don't make enough milk to nurse four babies, so he would have to be on a bottle. And I don't want to drag my three around every day. So, it would have to be at my home. And I still have some unknowns. Debbie, remember Tony, who helped me find your mother that morning when she was looking for drugs? Well, Tony has asked me to marry him." Debbie, "Really? So, did you say yes?" Erin, "Well, I am very open to the idea. Debbie, I'm in love with Tony. He is a wonderful man. Extremely conscientious, fun, loves music (he has a part-time band), and is as sweet as can be." Debbie laughed, "Not to mention Tall, Dark, and Handsome. He's a really attractive man, Erin." Erin, "Yes, but I am worried about making a long-term commitment. For one thing, I just had twins, that's three babies I'm responsible for. If I marry Tony, I will suddenly be the mother of two more children. I'm not sure I can be a good mother to that many." Debbie, "Oh, I didn't know he was already a father. I assume he is divorced then." Erin, "Yes. The mother was a very strange woman. She had two children and just decided she didn't want to be a mother and left her sons with Tony after having an affair. The two boys are 2 and 4. They are really sweet. How could a mother abandon them? Fortunately, Tony's a wonderful father and the three of them are a very loving family." Debbie, "Well, I assume if you married him, he would be a wonderful father to your three too. That would be good, right?" Erin, "Yes, you're right." Debbie, "OK, that's one thing you're worried about. What Else?" Erin gave her a heavily edited version of her concern about telling Tony about her. "Well, Debbie, I did some really crazy and really bad things in high school, Debbie. Some of them not my fault, but most of them were. We weren't close then. But you heard all the rumors. Debbie, they are almost all true. If Tony and I are going to be together for life and I am going to help raise his children, I need to tell him everything. I'm not sure he will still want to marry me after that." Debbie, "Well, if he needs a testimonial to your character the last year, tell him to call me. But Erin, whether you wind up marrying Tony or not, I still urge you to commit to caring for Peter. I think you can swing it. If anyone can, you can. It's a win-win. You get to make a little money while you have infants at home and I have someone I trust caring for my baby." Erin, "I think so. That's as far as I can go right now, Debbie. To commit without seeing how things play out a little more wouldn't be fair to anyone." Then Debbie said, "I ran into one of the girls you used to hang around with, Jesse Simpson. She was much nicer than I remember. She said she lost your phone number and asked you to call her when you can. I have her number on my cell. Do you want me to give it to you?" Erin, "Absolutely. She is trying to put the negative things we did on in high school behind her. She will be taking a cooking course at Blakefield CC, where you will be going. I'd love to talk to her." So, Debbie looked up her number and Erin programmed it into her list of contacts. Debbie said, "Yes, Jesse mentioned that you were the only one besides her parents to cheer for her at the graduation. None of the other people you and she had run around with has graduated. She said that when you came back to town last fall you didn't call any of your old friends. She just ran into you when you shared a hospital room with her mother. She noticed a huge change in you then. I'm sorry to talk about you behind your back, but I said everybody noticed it. It was like night and day. Apparently, whatever you said to her then had a big effect on her decision to work hard to graduate. That's cool." Erin blushed, "All I said was that her parents were working hard to support her, and she should appreciate it. Nothing profound or new." Debbie, "She and I talked for a while about how you changed so much. We finally decided it had to be some kind of witchcraft. Were we right, Erin?" Debbie laughed as she said that, and Erin also laughed and said, "That isn't too far from right, Debbie." Then a phone call came in from Tony, and Erin answered, "Hi Tony. How are you and the boys doing?" Tony, "Fine, I was going to buy the boys some pizza for lunch and thought I could buy a larger size and bring it over to share with you and your friend if you haven't eaten yet." Erin, "Well, that does sound good, Tony. But you must need that money for something else. Soon you will be buying school clothes." Tony, "It will only be a couple of dollars, and the boys would like to come over. What kind of pizza do you and your friend like?" Erin looked over at Debbie, "What kind of pizza do you like Debbie? Tony is going to bring some over for lunch." Debbie, "Well, I like almost everything but anchovies." Erin spoke into the phone, "Debbie says anything but anchovies. I'm partial to sausage and mushrooms and olives. But really, you are buying it for your boys, Tony. Get what you guys like and I think Debbie and I can adapt." Tony, "OK, Sausage and mushrooms and olives it is. Be there at 12:30." Erin put her phone down and said to Debbie, "Tony will be here at 12:30 with a sausage and mushroom and olive pizza." Debbie laughed and said, "Sounds like a boy in love, Erin." Erin blushed and said, "Tony's just a nice guy." Debbie laughed, "There's lots of nice guys in the world, Erin. But only nice guys in love go way out of their way to bring their girlfriend a pizza.' The twins had been getting increasingly restless, so Erin asked if Debbie could watch Mary for a half hour while she cleaned them up and got them down for a nap. Debbie said, "I think so, Erin." Erin, "What does that mean?" Then it struck her that that was what she had told Debbie about caring for Peter this fall. She said, "OK, Debbie, I get your meaning. I'll do the best I can to arrange my schedule to care for Peter this fall. Sorry, I didn't think about the catch 22 I was putting you in when I didn't commit to do the best I could." Debbie, "Thanks, Erin. And if some unforeseen problem means you can't, I will deal with it. But I will proceed on the assumption that you will do the best you can. That is good enough for me to plan my year. Sorry if I put pressure on you Erin. I just needed to know." Erin, "Sorry Deb. I didn't mean to be unnecessarily evasive. Love You." Debbie, "Love you too, Erin." Erin spent almost an hour bathing the twins and putting new diapers on them and nursing them and getting them to sleep, and then cleaning up after the process. When she came down, Debbie was holding both Mary and Peter and walking around. Then she said, "I think they both need to be changed, Erin." Erin took Mary upstairs and changed her while Debbie used the downstairs changing table. Erin asked Mary if she wanted to take a nap, but Mary shook her head 'No', and So Erin brought her back down and decided to prepare a bottle and try that, but Mary wouldn't drink that. So, Erin allowed her to nurse that for a while. Then she warmed up some baby food and tried that. Mary seemed happier and ate most of a jar. In the meantime, Debbie was nursing Peter and watching how Erin was dealing with the situation. Debbie said, "Frustrating." Erin, "A little, but eventually Mary will decide herself to do something other than nurse. She will have to. I don't make enough milk for the three of them, and the twins have to nurse. But it may take a while. I'll just be patient. You won't face the same thing unless you have a multiple birth in the next year." Debbie, "No way. Chris has said he would like to have a sexual relationship, but I have told him that unless he can commit to taking full-time care of any babies that might result, I won't do that. I want to get my college degree, so I can take care of myself, and I am not going to do anything that would affect that. I've learned my lesson." Erin realized then that Debbie's experience had changed her from a romantic teen girl to a determined woman. But she also realized that if Debbie and Chris really established a long-term relationship, it would be hard for Debbie to continue saying 'No.' She said, "Debbie, you need to look into birth control." Debbie gasped, "You know what my mother and sister think about that." Erin, "It's your life, not theirs. Given what has happened, if you and Chris start talking about marriage, he will start being more persistent about sex. That's the way men are. You may not be able to continue saying 'No.' You probably won't want to. So be realistic and figure out some sort of birth control, just in case." After a while, Mary started showing signs of being ready for a nap, so Erin took her upstairs and gave her a sponge bath and lay her down for a nap. By that time the twins were stirring, and Erin got them up and changed them and brought them downstairs. Debbie and Erin spent some more time talking. Erin reflected that as Brian, he rarely spent more than a half hour at a time talking to anyone, even his best friends. But now Erin seemed to be able to talk forever. Of course, given the circumstances, there was little else she and Debbie could do. But Erin enjoyed it. It validated their friendship, allowed Erin to try out different scenarios, and was just plain fun. About noon, Mary woke up and Erin left the twins in their downstairs basinets with Debbie watching and went upstairs and got Mary up, changed her, and brought her downstairs, and talked to her a while and played hide and seek. Then the doorbell rang, and Erin went out and it was Tony and the boys. She invited him in and reintroduced him to Debbie. Erin reflected that this was not what she had envisioned her life being like. But she was surprised to feel happy and content. There were definitely some things she was missing out on; things Brian had loved while growing up that she could not do. No sports or science or engineering for now, and truthfully, probably not for a long time. Whatever path her life took, it had obligations that she could not shirk, three children to support, and possibly two more children and a husband to make a home for. But the prospect did not seem depressing or overwhelming. She adored the children, and deeply loved Tony. And she had many friends that she cherished. All in all, the exchange of lives had brought good things to her, even if there had been loses. And she really had no choice, but if she had, would she go back to being Brian? Well, certainly not now, with him in prison. But what if she could go back to the beginning and have it never happen. Would she? She decided that, no, she wouldn't. She was no longer Brian. There was a lot of Brian in her, but she was a different person, and she loved being who she was. Tony gave her a kiss, which Erin returned without thinking. Then Tony said hi to Mary, taking her from Erin's arms and gave her a hug and held her over his head as she gurgled. Then he chatted with Debbie and told her what a good-looking kid Peter was, which totally won her over. He handed Mary back to Erin and brought the pizza in and Erin and he laid out the table, with her holding Mary and the boys underfoot and trying to help. When they were done, he sat down and held Mary and Erin got the twins up and sat down at the table. Tony gave Mary a bite or two of pizza, but this was too hard for her to chew. In the meantime, the twins wanted to nurse, so Erin got up and started to go into the other room, but Tony said, "Erin, go ahead and nurse here. I'm OK with it. You can get a chance to eat a little and we can talk." Erin was a little embarrassed but complied. And she had to admit she enjoyed being part of the conversation. So, the three adults talked about this and that, with occasional contributions from Alonzo. Debbie noticed how Erin and Tony played off each other and enjoyed being together and occasionally stole the opportunity to hold hands or hug. She shook her head. What was Erin even thinking with all her doubts? This relationship was foreordained. These two people were in love. After about an hour, the twins were acting like they needed another nap, so Tony held Mary while Erin took them upstairs and put them down. Then Erin came down and took Mary and Tony gathered the boys and said, "We are going shopping. These two are growing so fast, they don't have much that still fits, right Duncan." He nodded. Then Tony kissed Erin deeply, and said, "See you later babe," and took off. Erin was flushed, and looked at Debbie, who was watching her, and said, "Isn't he great?" Debbie agreed that he was and said, "Erin, you and he are in love and are getting married. Stop with all the doubting. You are meant to be together." Erin flushed again and said, "I hope so." The next day was Saturday. Carol and Mom were there. The two older women stepped in and took over, except of course for the nursing. They explained everything they were doing and gave advice freely, which Erin actually wrote down on a notepad. That pleased the older women, since they were putting themselves out to do this and appreciated Erin trying to take the opportunity to learn from them. Erin for her part liked being with both women and the three shared common interests in LaTesha and in babies. Carol gave her as much information as she could on LaTesha, and also talked about her husband and her son, who was home from Princeton. And Mom and Carol talked about work. Carol had already gotten a raise and increased responsibilities. Erin was not at all surprised. Erin was most interested in news about her friend, Ginni, with whom she had worked with last winter. Ginni was working on getting an online accounting degree. Mom said she could almost do any type of accounting that Pederson's needed. When she got her degree and the current accountant retired in a couple of years, Mom and Carol speculated that Ginni was the natural person to do that job. Carol was a little skeptical. She had found out talking to Ginni that she had some Native American in her and wondered if Pederson's would really make a native American woman head accountant. But Mom was confident that Pederson's would promote based on ability to do the job. All in all, it was a good day. About 4 PM, Tony called and asked if he could come over. He would bring dinner, Chinese takeout. Erin asked Mom who said, "I guess. Dad won't be home for a while. But maybe Tony would like to visit until then. Erin told him that, and he said, "Love to." When Tony arrived 45 minutes later with his two boys, Erin opened the door and he carried in a big box of food. He went over and politely introduced himself to Carol. Then he and Erin sat down and entertained the boys for a while. They noticed that Erin wasn't taking care of babies and begged her to read some books Tony had brought. She did that, with all the pantomiming and acting out that the boys loved. By the time she was done, Mom and Carol were laughing loudly along with the boys. Of course, Mary picked it up and was laughing loudly too. Mom asked, "Where did you learn to read stories like that Erin?" Erin, "Just something I picked up. You boys want me to read another?" Of course, they did. So, she read some more. By the time she was done, Dad came home, and introduced himself to Carol. Then Carol's husband came by to bring her home, so they invited him to stay too. He accepted, and Erin and Tony took it on themselves to set the table and put out the food. They fell into their usual cooperative way of working together, with brief breaks to hug and kiss discretely. Mom and Carol picked up on this and concluded that these two young people were getting very close. Erin had not told Mom that Tony had asked her to marry him, but Mom certainly had her suspicions. Then Fran came home with her boyfriend, and Tony invited them to stay too. It had become a sizable gathering. They had a good dinner and good conversation. The food was good and without thinking Erin asked Tony if it was from "Wings", and he said "Yes." He told Mom that "Wings" was a takeout place near his home. Then he looked at Erin quizzically and said, "How did you know about "Wings." She lied, "I went there once with Clara." After dinner was over, Erin and Tony picked up, and then Erin said, "Mom, would you mind keeping an eye on Mary and the kids for a little more. Tony asked me to go out on the porch and talk." Mom, "Sure, Erin." Fran heard and said loudly, "Have a nice talk Erin." Then Fran gave her a big wink, that everyone saw. Erin flushed, and everyone laughed. On the porch, Tony said, "Remember I have to drive back to Seattle for three weeks tomorrow. I'll miss you Erin. Erin put her arms around Tony's neck and said, "I'll miss you Tony. Call me when you can." Tony, "I'll call you every day, Erin." Then he gave her a passionate kiss, which she returned with enthusiasm. Then another." Finally, he said, "I don't think I'll have to stay the full three weeks. My work place said they had hired someone to replace me and she should be there soon. If I can get her trained, I can come back early. If you want me to?" Erin, "Oh, Tony, of course I do. I want you home as soon as possible. I love you Tony. Don't forget that the weekend you get back, we have a date to sit down and talk about our future. Should we delay that, given that you will just have gotten back in town." Tony, "No, I want to have that conversation as soon as possible. I don't know what you have to tell me, but if that has to happen before we can marry, I want to get it done." Erin, "OK, I'll plan it." Then they kissed again. After a moment, Erin said, "We should get back inside. I don't want to give Fran any more reason to harass me." Then they came back in. Erin's lipstick was a little smeared, and her hair needed a combing and her dress was not quite straight. Fran took one look at her and laughed uproariously. Erin said, "Shut up, Fran, your time is coming, and I will be absolutely merciless." But she laughed a little at herself. Later that evening, after everyone else left, her mother asked her, "Erin, is there something you want to tell me about you and Tony." Erin blushed, and said "Tony asked me to marry him." Mom, "Well, what did you say?" Erin, "I said I was open to the idea, but there were some things he needed to know about me and some things I needed to know about myself before I could say yes. Mom, if you are willing to care for the kids for a Friday evening and Saturday, I was thinking about Tony and I getting away and having a long talk the weekend after he gets back. If not you, I will try to get one of my girlfriends to do it. But you would be better. Three kids might be a challenge for my girlfriends." Mom, "Erin, no need to butter me up. I will help you as long as you are doing positive things. You know that. I always have. So where will you be staying Friday evening?" Erin said quietly, "The Blakefield Inn. Mom, I need to be sure I can be happy in a normal marital relationship. I have such a weird background in terms of relationships with men. If I can't, it wouldn't be fair to Tony to marry him." Erin was worried that Mom would explode, but Mom controlled herself and said, "At least make sure you won't get pregnant, Erin. On the record, I think premarital sex is a bad idea, and advise against it. But in your particular case you may have a good reason." Erin, "I will absolutely take precautions, Mom. I love the twins, but I don't want to be pregnant again, at least not now." Erin had not wanted to tell Mom about her plans. But decided it was best. She valued her mother too much to solicit her help but not tell her why she needed it. Now that Erin had told her, she was very relieved that Mom had not given her too hard a time. Erin still felt a little guilty not being able to tell Mom everything. But she couldn't tell Mom that she had to have sex with Tony to ensure that she was OK having a consensual sexual relationship with a man, because she used to be a man. Maybe someday she would reveal all but didn't feel now was the time. Mom, "What do you plan to talk about with Tony on Saturday, Erin?" Erin, "Tony has to know the truth about my background. I can't let him marry me not knowing what he is getting into. It's not fair to him or the boys. So, I will tell him all about myself and answer any questions. It could take a while." Mom, "I wonder if he needs to know the details of everything, Erin. He already knows you were a different, troubled, girl in High School, and knows you have changed." Erin, "I would rather he learn about what I have done from me, than from someone else who hated me in high school. There are plenty such people. And maybe they have a good reason." Once again, Erin had truthfully outlined what she was going to do, and let Mom make her own assumptions about the details, which were wrong because Mom did not know one vital piece of information which changed everything, that Erin was literally a different person than she had been in high school. Erin felt like she was lying to Mom but didn't feel the time was right to tell Mom everything. Monday, Jenny came over to help Erin and arrived before Mom McLoughlin left. Jenny and Mom McLoughlin got along surprisingly well considering how different they were. Of course, one thing they did have in common was that they were both in some sense Erin's Mother, although Mom McLoughlin did not know it. They were also both grandparents to the twins in every sense, although again Mom McLoughlin did not know it. To Erin, being with both of them at the same time seemed more than a little strange. Her brain was short circuiting and she had a hard time calling either of them "Mom." Jenny Sanders and Mom McLoughlin called each other 'Mary' and 'Jenny', but again when Erin heard the word 'Mary,' she though first of her daughters. 'D?j? vu all over again' she thought. Before she left for work, Mom McLoughlin asked Mom Sanders, "Jenny, can you use your influence at the hospital to help us out? Erin is planning a wild night of debauchery with her boyfriend Tony and needs some birth control to insure she won't get pregnant." Erin turned red and said, "Mom, that's embarrassing!" But Erin saw both older women were starting to crack up and had to admit it was sort of funny, so she smiled. Then Jenny said, "Sure, Mary. As I said yesterday when you phoned me with the same request phrased much more delicately, I will be happy to help. At 8:30 I will call and try to get an appointment today with the staff Gynecologist at St. Mary's and get a prescription for birth control pills." And I will be happy to take Erin and the babies in. Maybe we could double up with an appointment with the pediatrician." Erin said, "Thank You, Jenny." Then she said, "And Mom, now I know where Fran gets her sense of humor." Mom chuckled, "Well, Erin, I used to have my moments. You and Fran aren't the only ones with weird senses of humor in this family." After Mom McLoughlin left for work, Erin and Jenny dropped the pretense and talked as mother and daughter. Jenny once again marveled at how much the male twin Aaron looked like Brian. She held the twins and cuddled them. This clearly was a 'Grandmother' moment. In the meantime, Erin held Mary. Finally, Erin got a little concerned and told Jenny that she had three grandchildren, and that she should pay some attention to Mary. Jenny apologized and said she knew and would remember and then she held Mary and spent some time talking to her and carrying her around. Mary knew the routine from Erin and ate it up. But Erin saw that Jenny carrying Mary might not last long, given how small Jenny was and how big Mary was. At 8:30, Jenny called the hospital and made an appointment with the staff gynecologist for 2. The rest of the morning, Jenny helped Erin care for babies. They talked extensively about childcare. This was really the first time Erin had been with Mom Sanders without other adults around, and Erin took the opportunity to learn as much as she could about caring for multiple infants the 'Sanders' way, which was how she, or rather he, had been raised. It was not that Mom McLoughlin did not do a good job of caring for infants, and not that she did not love them. But the way she did things was just less personal and more structured than Erin was totally comfortable with. Erin figured she would eventually combine those attributes of 'McLoughlin' childcare and 'Sanders' childcare with which she was more comfortable into her own personal style, but that it would be much closer to the Sanders approach. This morning the amount of conversation time was limited because Aaron and Carli both wanted to nurse more frequently than they had since she had brought them home and also needed frequent changing. Of course, they also needed bathing and other care, as did Mary. Jenny had told her that days of heavier than average nursing were not unusual in her experience. Some days babies just seemed to be hungrier than others. She read that they underwent developmental and growth spurts that occasionally required extra energy. Erin realized that if it had just been her and the three infants this morning, Mary would have gotten little or no attention. She felt she had to find a way to get short breaks from the two younger infants even when she was alone and even when they were most demanding to occasionally give Mary some time. She did get a chance to ask Jenny, and Jenny gave her some possible solutions, but pointed out that she, herself, had never had to care for three infants over an extended period of time. She suggested that Erin enroll in a class at the hospital called 'Parenting of infants,' where she was sure there would be mothers who had cared for more than two infants at the same time available for advice. Erin pointed out that she did not have any way to get to such a class, and Jenny volunteered to pick her up. That pleased Erin, since it would give her some regular time with Jenny. At 1:00, Erin started preparing the babies to go to the hospital. At 1:30, Jenny helped her bring them to the car. They strapped Mary into an infant seat that Jenny had had Peter install in her car's front seat, and Erin crawled into the back seat with Aaron, and buckled herself in, and then Jenny handed her Carla. Erin had told Mary how she got to sit up front with Jenny and how special that was, so Mary was happy. They were barely on time for the appointment. Erin had never met this particular gynecologist, so the Doctor did a thorough history and examination. The gynecologist commented that Erin was recovering well from the birth. Erin told her that she had met a wonderful man and that, with time, they might have a sexual relationship and that Erin wanted to be sure she did not get pregnant again. The gynecologist smiled when Erin said 'might' but did not comment further. As had the OB/GYN who was at the twins birth, she told Erin to wait for four weeks after birth. She told Erin that since she was nursing, she was likely safe from that possibility, but given that Erin had earlier gotten pregnant while nursing, it was wise to be careful. So, she prescribed some birth control pills and gave Erin instructions for taking them. Jenny had put Mary into a crib in the waiting room and held the newborns while Erin was with the Doctor. She looked relieved when Erin came out and took over holding the newborns. Of course, the twins reacted when Erin appeared and wanted to nurse. Erin took advantage of a privacy room that the hospital provided for that purpose. Jenny gave Mary the opportunity to take a bottle, but she wasn't interested. When Erin came out, Mary decided she wanted to nurse too. So, jenny took over holding the twins, while Erin allow Mary to nurse a bit. But frankly, she wasn't producing enough milk, so she gave up and offered Mary the bottle while lying next to her breast, and that seemed to make the bottle acceptable to Mary. After a half hour delay, Jenny had Erin fill out an application for the infant parenting class, starting in 1? Months, and they turned it in on the way out of the hospital. They finally got home at 3:30, and Erin allowed the infants to nurse a little more, and then put them down for a nap. Mary did not want to sleep, and Erin and Jenny spent time with her. Erin sang to her and let her stand on Erin's feet and walk around the house. Mary loved it. Jenny told her that she had done similar things when Brian was younger, except she just talked, since she could not sing as well as Erin. When Erin had to go back upstairs to get the twins up, Jenny continued walking with Mary and talking to her. At almost 5 when Mom McLoughlin got home, the twins were up and changed, and Mary was happy playing with Jenny. Erin was surprised that she felt it had been a great day. She had gotten the birth control pills, and she had had a chance to have a long talk with her former mother Jenny, and she had taken action to improve her childcare technique, so she would be able to cope with her family when alone, and her children were happy. On reflection, she was amazed by her changed perspective. A year ago, she measured a good day by vastly different criteria, how well Brian had done at work, and how many tangible accomplishments he had achieved, and things like sports or social events. Now, those didn't seem so important to Erin as the health and happiness of her children and her relationship with her family. Mom invited Jenny to stay for dinner, but Jenny said she and her husband were going with friends to a play at the theatre on campus where he was a professor. Jenny left about 5:30. Erin tried to find time to help Mom with dinner, but with two infants ready to be nursed again and Mary wanting attention, it didn't work out. Finally, her mother said, "Don't worry about it Erin. I'll take care of Dinner and you take care of the babies." By about 6:30, Dad and Fran were home and Erin had had a chance to feed and clean up the twins and Mary. She held the twins and put Mary in her walker and they sat down to dinner. Mary wound up spending time with Fran, allowing Erin to tell Mom and Dad about her day. Her Mom expressed doubt about the usefulness of a childcare class at this point, but Erin said, "Mom, you can never know too much about children. I want to be the best mother I possibly can be. And it's free. Oh, by the way, Debbie has asked me to care for Peter again this year. I told her it would have to be here. Will that be OK?" Mom, "Oh, Honey. Do you think you can care for four babies, when two of them are tiny infants?" Erin, "Well, it is an opportunity to put some more money away. I think I will be OK. Peter and Mary are both getting more independent. And Debbie seems to think I did a good job last year and will do OK. If it doesn't work out, I will tell her she needs to have someone else do it." Mom, "OK, Honey. I don't think we will mind another baby around. Will we, Bart?" Dad, "No, it'll be OK. I'm getting back into the routine of having kids around. I sort of like it." Fran looked at her and said, "Geez, I'm worried about taking care of one baby, Erin. I hope being a good mother was passed to me in our genes too. Give me all the tips you can." Erin, "Well, spending a lot of time helping me would give you experience taking care of a baby. You can start any time." Fran, "You bet, as soon as I get rich and don't have to work." Erin, "Seriously, Fran. You are wonderful with children. Look how Mary loves you. You will have no problems." Mom and Dad looked at each other and shook their heads. A year ago, Erin and Fran either ignored each other or fought like cats and dogs. Now look at them. It was a welcome change. After dinner, Erin nursed the twins, changed them, and put them to sleep while Mom and Dad watched Mary. Then she came downstairs and spent some time with Mary, prepared her a bottle and gave it to her while she was close. Mary took the bottle without protest and went to sleep in Erin's arms, having missed her nap this afternoon. Erin quietly took her upstairs and cleaned her up and changed her and put her to sleep. Mary stirred several times but went back to sleep easily. When she got downstairs, Mom said, "Erin, I'm glad Mary is accepting a bottle. See, if you had started her with a bottle, all the fuss would have been eliminated." Erin, "Yes, but I loved the closeness of nursing her, and it's healthier for babies. I wouldn't have missed that for the world. Sure, it's is a bother having to switch her over to drinking from a bottle. But I think it is worth it." Once again Mom marveled at how much Erin had changed, from the girl who wanted to name her daughter 'the mistake' to one who loved nursing her children. It had to be a miracle of some sort. Then Tony called and told Erin about his day. As tired as she was, Erin was delighted to hear from him, and listened intently. He indicated that although he had hoped to get home early, he was being required to work the entire three weeks he had agreed to after giving notice. He had been offered a bonus to work an extra month, but Tony had told them: 'No. I need to get home to my sons and my girlfriend.' That surprised Erin because she had just never thought of herself as a 'girlfriend.' She said "Tony, they trust you. That is why they feel comfortable requiring you to fulfil the obligation to give them two weeks' notice plus an extra week. They trust you will work hard and not do anything harmful while you are there. If they didn't trust you, they would give you your severance pay tomorrow. In a way it's a complement to your integrity." Tony, "I suppose so. But I'd really like to get home. I hate being here alone. But I need to clean up my apartment and find someone to take over the lease anyway. So, I suppose I would have to stay for a while even if they released me from my work commitment tomorrow." Then Erin told Tony about her day, omitting her trip to the gynecologist. She would tell Tony about that privately. Tony told her that Jenny was a great person whom he thoroughly respected, so Erin was lucky she had taken an interest in Erin. Erin said she couldn't agree more. At the end of the call, Tony said, "Goodnight Erin, I love you." Erin's heart skipped a beat at that, and without thinking about Mom and Dad sitting in the same room she said, "I love you too, Tony. I can't wait to see you again." Then he said, "So, say you'll marry me, Erin. I love you. You know I have a lot of integrity. What else do you need to know?" Erin laughed and started to give a humorous response, but then looked over at Mom and said, "You'll understand in a couple of weeks, Tony. I promise." Then they said their goodbyes. When she hung up, Mom said, "You two are getting pretty serious, Erin." Erin blushed and said, "Yes, we are." Mom, "He's a nice guy, Erin. Dad and I think the world of him." Erin, "Mom, Tony is an unbelievably nice guy. I'm not sure I deserve him." Mom, "Well, of course you deserve him, Erin. And he is lucky to have a sweet, hard-working, accomplished, all around wonderful girl like you as his girlfriend. You two deserve each other." Fran happened to be passing through the living room and heard the conversation, and chimed in, "Erin, if you are Tony's girlfriend, that must mean Tony is your boyfriend." Then she said in a sing song voice, "Erin's got a boyfriend. Erin's got a boyfriend. Erin, you don't know how long I've wanted to tease you that way." Then Erin picked up a pillow from the couch and threw it at her sister and Fran stuck her tongue out at Erin. Then the two sisters broke down in laughter and hugged each other. God it felt good to have a sister who was also a friend. The next day, Clara came over to help. She was not able to get there until 11, so Erin was alone in the morning. Erin was surprised at how much harder it was to get things done when she was the sole caretaker. But she was starting to develop strategies to do it. At 9, Erin put Mary in her walker, and hurriedly took the two newborns upstairs and then went down and got Mary and her walker and allowed Mary to scoot around her bedroom while Erin bathed the two newborns. Then she put them in new diapers and onesies and got them down for a nap and turned her attention to Mary. She changed Mary out of her morning clothes and gave her a sponge bath, but Erin forgot to put the twin's little bathtub aside before she lifted Mary onto the counter. At first Mary became terrified and started screaming. However, when Erin put the bathtub in the large tub, out of immediate sight, Mary became her usual easy going self and Erin was able to complete the sponge bath, although Mary was so active now it took a while. Then Erin put on new diapers and started to put on a onesie, but Mary was having none of it. So, Erin put her back in her walker and cleaned up the mess from the baths and diaper changes. Then she took Mary and her walker downstairs and released her in the living room and ran upstairs and got the dirty clothes and brought them down and put some of them in the washing machine. Mary then tipped something over on one of the end tables in the living room and frightened herself. Erin came over and comforted Mary and played with her and talked for a moment. Mary responded as well as possible and Erin pointed out various things in the room, and Mary appeared to be trying to echo her. Then, one of the twins cried, indicating they were ready to get up. But Erin still had to clean up the broken glass and other things from Mary's mishap, so, she let the twins cry for a few minutes. Then she went upstairs and got the twins and brought them downstairs and put them in new diapers and clothes and allowed them to nurse. Mary decided she wanted to nurse too, so Erin put the twins in basinets, warmed up a bottle and gave it to Mary on her bare chest so Mary would take it, but Mary fussed and would not take the bottle. Finally the front door rang. Erin opened it and let Clara in and hugged her and said, "My god am I glad to see you. This morning has been a blur. I've done nothing but change diapers, bathe infants, change their clothes, clean up messes. Now at last I can have another cup of coffee." Clara laughed. "I've heard from clients that sometimes caring for one baby seems overwhelming. I imagine caring for three can be much worse." Erin, "Yes, overwhelming cubed." Clara, "What can I do?" Erin, "Can you try to finish feeding Mary while I get us some coffee?" Surprisingly, Mary accepted the bottle from Clara with no problems. Erin guessed she just didn't expect to nurse from Clara, whereas she did from Erin. In a few minutes, Erin brought out a couple of cups of coffee and started to take Mary from Clara, but Mary fussed and cried. Erin laughed and said, "Well, I guess that tells me where I stand." Then she went and picked up the twins and sat down across from Clara. Clara, "Why did you pick up the babies? I would think you would like a break." Erin smiled, "I learned from Mary that they change incredibly fast. I want to be with them as much as possible while they are young. There will come a day when they won't want me to be around all the time." Clara, "Oh Erin, I suspect these children will always want to be around you. After all, you and I never stopped enjoying being around our Parents. And you are raising these children using the 'Sanders' approach, lots of love and closeness." Erin, "Maybe. But I'm not counting on it. I want to love them to pieces while I can." Clara, "So doesn't that contradict your earlier comments. It seems one moment you are complaining about spending all your time in childcare. The next minute you want to spend all your time with them, so you don't miss a moment sharing their lives." Erin laughed, "Yes, you're right. But you know that Emerson quote, 'Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.'" Then Erin told Clara, "You remember that conversation we had in the hospital the last time we were together. I've thought about it and I agree that Tony was right to be cautious about seeing me, because of my reputation and because he has his boys to worry about. I appreciate your advice. It helped me decide to spend time with him again. I also forgive your trying to fix up my relationship. I know a romantic like you can't help it." Clara, "well, it's a dirty job but someone has to do it. Seriously, Erin, that's the right decision. If any two people were meant to be together, it's you two. And you're never going to be a man again, so this relationship might have been made in heaven." Erin, "I'm not sure I want heaven meddling in my relationships either. It's bad enough having a sister messing with them." Then Erin changed subjects and said, "Clara, I need to mention something that has been troubling me. I know you are not related to Mary. But she is part of me, and I love her dearly. I hope you intend to include her as a niece with the same fondness you have for Aaron and Carli." Clara, "Of course I do Erin. I will give her the same love I do the other two. You know that." Erin, "Yes, I know that. I just had to get it off my chest." Then Clara said, "Mom told me about your plans for three weekends from now. Aren't you rushing a bit. I mean, a week ago you were pregnant with twins." Erin, "Yes, but Tony is rushing me. He's asked me to marry him, Clara. Immediately. I don't want to string him along. It isn't fair to him, or me. I need to figure out who I am, and Tony needs to know who I am and decide if he still wants me. Then we can both move on with the rest of our lives. But, Clara, I'm so nervous about this. I love Tony so much. I hope I feel OK with being his girl, and I hope he's OK with his girl having the complications that I have." Clara, "OK, so what's your plan?" Erin, "Tony has asked his parents to take care of the boys that weekend, and Mom McLoughlin has agreed to watch Mary and the twins. Tony will pick me up Friday afternoon when Mom gets home, and we will find a restaurant to have a nice dinner. Then we will check into a hotel, and, hopefully, have several hours of passionate sex and then go to sleep. The next morning, we will get up, have a nice breakfast, and drive out to the prison, where I will first introduce him to the current Brian, and then tell him the whole story. At that point, hopefully Tony will say he is comfortable with the situation, and once again ask me to marry him, and I'll say 'Yes.'" Clara giggled, "That sounds so romantic, Babe. I'm sure it will be just like that." Erin, "I wish I was sure. There's two huge hurdles. One is me, will I be happy having sex as a woman? More important, will I be happy being a woman in a relationship? I just don't know, Clara. I've never been the woman in a healthy relationship? What if Brian's Ego appears and gets cranky about it? What if he freaks out at sleeping with Tony? And what if he rebels at having to do all the feminine things in a relationship, especially with his former best friend?" Clara, "But you have had sex with a man before. And you even had an orgasm once, right?" Erin, "Yes, but then I didn't have any real choice. I was having sex because Brian or Rex demanded it. I was kind of going through the motions. Even the time Brian gave me an orgasm, I think it was all a physical response." Clara, "Erin, everything I've read indicates women don't orgasm unless they feel some sort of emotional acceptance of the act. And that corresponds to my own feelings when I have sex. So, I think that the fact that you orgasmed once, indicates that you were OK with having sex as a woman. With someone you really care about, I think the sex will be more than OK. And as far as you being happy in a relationship with Tony as his woman, how would that be different than now? I see you two together, and you look like a couple, with Tony the man and you the woman. You touch him on the arm or shoulder like a woman, and he touches you on the back or sides or both shoulders, like a man. And you certainly seem happy. In fact, you almost glow. Are you happy when you are with Tony?" Erin blushed. "Yes, I am." Clara, "I know I once told you that you have to find out who you are. And I think it is still true. But I see no indication that you are anything other than Erin, a pretty, maternal, loving woman. And as far as the second hurdle, Tony still loving you after he knows you are or were Brian, why should he not? I mean, Tony is a stable, smart guy. He's not some homophobe who would automatically reject a sweet, loving, feminine person just because of who she once was. And he thought the world of Brian, as did all of us. However, we all love who Brian has become, including Tony. Tony won't think of you as some morphed version of Brian. He will think of you as Brian with enhancements. You are much more nurturing than Brian. You are friendlier, and more social. And you are a lot prettier. I think Tony will not love you less because part of you were once his best friend. I think he will love you more. He may have to think about it a little. But he will love you more." Erin, "God, I hope so. But one way or another, I have to tell him. I can't enter a relationship based on a lie. So, do you have any concrete suggestions, Clara?" Clara, "Yes, I do. Let's go through it step by step. Do you have a room reservation yet?" Erin, "I was just going to get a room at the Blakefield Inn." Clara, "No, there is a motel out by the base that has a special room for service members coming back from overseas and reuniting with their spouse and needing some private time together. Robert and I used it when he came back on leave last March. It is really nice, and they guarantee it will be quiet and private, just the place for you and Tony. Here is the card. It can also be used by people who aren't in the service, but service members have priority." Erin, "but you and Robert weren't married then." Clara, "Shush. They don't ask a lot of questions and neither should you. Now, what are you going to wear?" Erin, "I hadn't thought about it. I don't have a lot of pretty clothes. Most of my wardrobe is functional. The only really nice clothes I have are things I got for your wedding, and those are not right for this occasion. What do you think I should wear?" Clara looked at her and said, "Well, babe. Don't take offense, but you look like a new mother of three babies. I mean, you really look nice in a sweet, motherly, sort of way. But I don't think that's the look you are going for. I think you should have a pretty dress for the first night, some sexy negligee, maybe a pink babydoll nighty, and then some more functional clothes since you are visiting the prison. You should also have some pretty jewelry and should get an appointment for a new hairdo. By the way, you need to have some lubricant with you. You haven't had sex for ages and you gave birth recently. So, you need to be sure you are comfortable. According to Mom you have taken care of conception, Right?" Erin, "Yes." Clara, "OK. Well, I don't think I can loan you any clothes. Our sizes are too different. But I can loan you some jewelry if you want. You think Mom McLoughlin would watch the babies some time and we could get a couple of hours at the mall?" Erin, "I think she would do that. I won't tell her about the pink nighty though. That might be a step too far. Although I think she would understand." Then a terrifying thought struck Erin, "Clara, what am I going to I tell Tony about my other tattoo?" Clara, "What other tattoo?" Erin, "God. I've never told anyone. There is a tattoo on my ass of the letters 'REXS' with an arrow to my vagina. I'm certain it is supposed to be the possessive of Rex, short for 'Belongs to Rex.' But the idiot didn't even know to add an apostrophe. God, If I'd have remembered that before I went to the hospital, I think I would have crawled out into the back yard and given birth there. I'm sure all the doctors and nurses now know I am the woman whose ass and pussy belongs to Rex." Clara was sort of stunned, but then broke into laughter, and said, "Sorry, Erin, I don't want to trivialize your feelings about this, but this conversation is so weird and different than I would ever have anticipated before your switch that I can't help it." Erin soon started laughing too. Erin said, "Yeah, it was a shock to look in the mirror and see not only tits and a pussy, but also a guy's ownership tattoo. But the idea that I would have endangered my children's lives because I was embarrassed by a tattoo is also very weird. I'm sorry for overreacting." Clara stopped laughing and said, "Look, you can tell Tony that you were coerced by Rex to get that tattoo, and that it is not who you are now. And ask him if he wants you to change it to 'Tony's', with an apostrophe. I'm sure he'll say no. There are so many other crazy things that the old Erin did, that this is relatively minor. I'm sure it will not make Tony decide he doesn't care for you." Erin, "Well, I hope so. I can't do anything about it, anyway. I started laser treatments to get rid of all my tattoos but learned that the process might release the oxidized ink into the blood stream where it might get to nursing babies and unborn babies, so I decided to wait for a couple of years. But even if I started right now, it would take months to remove a tattoo." Clara, "So tell Tony that. It shows you are no longer the woman who got the tattoos." Then Erin changed the subject and asked, "Are you and Mom by any chance going out to the prison this weekend?" Clara, "We are. So, it is a great chance to bundle those babies up and take them to show LaTesha and Brian. You can also talk to Brian about the weekend after Tony gets back and get a separate appointment for a visit." Erin, "Maybe, I could get a visiting appointment with LaTesha to show Tony off. That would be fun. And it would show him why I would want to wait a few months for our wedding. I want LaTesha to be part of it." Clara, "We have an appointment set for the two weeks after with LaTesha. Maybe it would be best for you to piggyback on that and have a few minutes to bring Tony in for an introduction." Erin, "Sure. I would guess Tony would feel awkward talking for a full hour to women he doesn't know in a prison setting. Although he could pull it off it anyone could. He's a really mature and self-composed." Clara, "Yes he is. Is that why you care for him so much?" Erin, "I love him, Clara. I may have always loved him in a way. But now I really love him. God, I would hate to lose him." Clara, "Oh, Honey. Of course, you would. Everything will be OK. This will all work out. Don't worry." And the two women hugged but awkwardly because of the babies they were holding. The rest of the day, Clara helped Erin with many things, holding babies, feeding Mary, changing babies. For Clara seeing Erin care for the three babies was an education. She realized that she had always assumed it was easy, and instinctive for women. Erin's actions and explanations indicated keeping babies happy required a lot of thought and a lot of experience and a lot of love. It was anything but easy. She marveled at her sister's confidence and her emotional stability when faced by events that could easily have become big problems. This would have been remarkable for any woman, but for a woman who 1 year ago had been a man with zero experience caring for babies (and zero desire to gain such experience) it was exceptional. As a side issue, Clara noted Erin's help would be an invaluable asset when Clara herself became a mother. The two women also talked and laughed about memories from growing up, when Erin was Brian and Clara's brother. Clara talked about her boyfriends and what they had done, and Erin finally said, "I didn't know that. You never told me about that." Clara, "Of course not, silly. That's not something a girl would tell her brother. But it's something I am happy to tell my sister now. Isn't there anything from your boyhood that you didn't tell me?" Erin, "No, not that I can recall. My life was pretty much an open book. It wasn't as though I was stringing a lot of girls along. And even if I were, I think I would have talked to you about it." Clara, "Yes, I suppose your life was an open book. I loved you for your honesty, along with your sweetness. You were a great brother. But I wish you had been my sister then. It would have been a lot of fun to have someone to tell secrets to and talk about boys with." Erin, "Yeah, I guess so. But I was happy as a boy and had a lot of experiences that I value. Tony and I did sports and music and a lot of other things that I enjoyed." Clara asked, "Do you regret becoming a girl, Erin?" Erin replied, "In some ways. I gave up a lot, including a career that I loved. But I gained a lot too. I have gained another family and a cadre of close friends that I love, Mom and Dad McLoughlin, Fran, LaTesha, Carol, Debbie, Ginni, Dan and Stacey and their kids. And I have had experiences that I would never have had, getting a GED, that project with Pederson's, taking care of Mary and giving birth to twins. And falling in love with Tony has been incredibly exciting. And with any luck all these good things will just get better with time. So, I really don't have a lot of regrets." Clara, "Good. I love you Sis." That made Erin cry, but eventually she said, "I love you too, Sis." Later that afternoon, Erin called the number for Jesse that Debbie had given her. Jesse answered, and Erin said hi, but at first Jesse did not recognize her. Then Erin said, "This is Erin McLoughlin. Remember me. You gave your phone number to Debbie and asked her to give it to me. So that is why I am calling." Jesse, "Right. Nice to talk to you again, Erin. Thank Debbie for passing along my phone number. I lost the one you gave me. I just ran into Debbie a few days ago and she started a conversation. It's strange. In high school she wouldn't give me the time of day, so I was surprised when she said hi. But she was pretty nice. When she told me you and she were friends, I gave her my number, hoping she would pass it on and you would call. I'm glad she did." Erin was wondering where this was going. But she decided to be patient and let Jesse talk. Jesse, "So Debbie said you had asked your friends each to come over for a day and help you with the babies. I guess I'm a little hurt that you didn't include me. I mean, we were so close in high school. Everyone thought you were crazy, but you were always nice to me and vice versa. And even now we are at least on speaking terms. You have done me a couple of big favors, and I really appreciate them. But I guess, I hope you still consider me a close friend, Erin." So now Erin knew the purpose of the phone call. She hadn't meant to hurt Jesse. She respected Jesse, since she was getting her life back on track after being involved with a negative crowd in high school. Erin said, "God, I'm sorry Jesse. My Mom arranged the visits. She must have forgotten you. And I did not catch it. I'm sorry. Of course, we're still friends. I would love to have you over." Jesse, "Well, I and your mom were not on great terms in high school. So, I expect she didn't include me on purpose. I guess I deserve that. I wasn't very nice to her. But neither were you Erin. Anyway, if she's not comfortable having me there, it's OK. But please tell her I'm sorry for all the crap I used to pull in high school. I'm trying to do better now." Erin, "No, let's get together. I'd love to see you. You could come any time this week, or next week. But this week. Other friends will be her most days. Someone else is here this afternoon, and Debbie is here again on Wednesday, and another friend on Thursday. If you are free Friday, no one else will be here then." Jesse, "Well, as a matter of fact, I am free on Friday. I work the other days, so it works out great. I'd like to talk to you just the two of us, like old times. But verify with your mom that it is OK, OK." Then she laughed. Erin said. "I'll do that. Come over when it is comfortable." Jesse, "I'll probably be early. I wake up for work at 7 these days, and my body will get me up at that time even when I don't have to work. OK, See you then, Erin. Take Care." Erin, "See you then. Thanks for offering to come over, Jesse." In truth, Erin was worried about being with Jesse all day. Jesse was not stupid and knew a lot more about what Erin did in high school than Erin did. Would she figure out after a while that Erin was not her old high school friend, but someone else who looks like her. Or would Erin's story about deciding to change herself drastically to do right by Mary hold up? The next day, Debbie came over again. Erin told her that Jesse thanked her for passing along the phone number. Debbie said, "Yes, I recognized her as the server when Dad and I had lunch. So, I said hi. I think she was surprised since we never talked in high school. Anyway, we talked for a few minutes and she was very nice. She is trying to get things together now. She wanted to talk to you, so I said I would be happy to get her phone number to you. Erin, "Well, I did talk to her. She is the only one of that group who seems to be accomplishing anything, except possibly for me. She was a little hurt that I didn't invite her over to spend a day and help. Mom may have excluded her on purpose since she was involved in some of my most disreputable behavior in high school. But Jesse has changed. So anyway, she will come over and spend the day on Friday." Debbie, "That's good. I hope she feels better about things." Erin, "I have to tell you that something is going on that might affect my schedule about the same time as school starts. I might get married about that time." Debbie, "Right, you told me Tony had asked you. So, have you thought about it more. Have you accepted." Erin, "No, I haven't decided yet, but if I do, I will plan the date for the week after my friend LaTesha gets out of the youth offender program. That could be right after school starts. By the way, if I get married, I would like you to be a bridesmaid too. What do you say?" Debbie, "Gladly Erin. God, you would be the first one of my girlfriends to get married. How exciting. And Tony is such a nice guy." Erin, "Tony is an unbelievably nice guy, Debbie." Debbie, "Then why are you waffling? Why not just say yes?" Erin, "Just a lot to think about, Debbie. The rest of our lives." Debbie, "So when would you decide?" Erin, "I told him I would decide after he gets home, about 2 ? weeks form now." Debbie, "How are you making up your mind?" Erin, "I have decided I will marry him if I feel comfortable about one thing and if he still wants to marry me after I tell him all about my high school shenanigans. Mom is taking the babies that weekend and Tony and I will have a long talk." Debbie, "God, Erin, are you going to tell him everything you did in high school. I don't know if the rumors are right, but if they are anywhere right, that's a lot of confessing." Erin, "Yes, it is." Then next day, Ginni came over. She was mature and was a lot of help. Erin enjoyed talking to her about Pederson's, and about her goals and aspirations. Ginni was not an engineer, but being an accountant was close enough that Erin could relate to what she had to do to be successful. Then talk moved to more private matters, and Erin learned that Ginni was still going with the same guy. She seemed fairly content, and Erin asked her if she was thinking about marriage. Ginni said, "No. He's a really nice guy and I really like him. And the sex is great." That sort of shocked Erin, since she had not known they were friends with benefits. Ginni continued, "But we both want to be established in our careers before we even think about marriage. If we do marry, we want it to be forever." Erin told Ginni about Tony's proposal and how she was thinking about it. She asked Ginni to also be a bridesmaid if the wedding actually occurred. Ginni readily agreed. The next day was Friday. Erin had cleared Jesse's visit with Mom by telling her that Jesse was the only one of her old friends who was trying to get things together and Erin wanted to see her. Mom was not happy, but she said OK. Jesse came by early, as she said she would, and said hello to Erin's mom. She made a point of apologizing for being such a pain the last time she'd been there. She also told Mom how Erin had told her to respect her parents when they'd met in the hospital and how Erin had been the only student to cheer for her at graduation, and how much she appreciated that. By the time she was done, Mom felt a lot better about Jesse being there. Then Jesse came in and held Mary while Erin nursed Aaron and Carli. Jesse said "I can see Rex in Mary, but she is more you, Erin. Aaron and Carli are both pretty. Do I know the father?" Erin, "I don't think so, Jesse. He was a small, very good-looking boy. The twins look a lot like him, but a lot like me too." Jesse, "What was he like, Erin? That could tell you something about the twins' future." Erin, "I didn't know him very well, Jesse. In high school he showed great promise. He got a bachelor's in engineering and was quite athletic for a little guy. He was also a talented musician. But when I knew him, he had no morals. He drugged me and raped me. But the twins can't help that. They are innocent and deserve a good life as much as anyone." Jesse replied, "I wasn't saying they don't, Erin. I admire you for bearing them and wanting to raise them. They are lucky children." Erin, "Well, I am a lucky woman. I think they will be wonderful children and I intend to make their lives as happy as I can and encourage them as much as possible as long as they are not doing wrong." After that Erin and Jesse went off on lighter topics. Then Mom and Dad and Fran went to work, leaving Jesse and Erin alone. Erin got a bottle for Mary and gave it to her right near one of her breasts. She explained that she couldn't make enough milk for the twins and Mary, and that as long as Mary smelled Erin, she would take the bottle. Then Erin got some breakfast for Jesse and herself, while Jesse told her about taking a cooking course in Blakefield CC the next year and how she was working as a waitress at the Blakefield Diner. But she said one of the cooks was teaching her some cooking on the side. The shift supervisor had given his blessing, so they would have someone to cook in an emergency. After Erin and Jesse cleaned up breakfast, Erin took the twins up to bath them and Jesse carried Mary upstairs to watch. Jesse continued to hold Mary while she watched Erin gently bath the newborns, then give them another opportunity to nurse, then put them to bed. Next Jesse helped by passing stuff to Erin as she gave Mary her daily sponge bath. She asked Erin why the sponge bath and Erin told her of Mary's terror at being immersed in any amount of water. Jesse asked if Erin had ever tried to break Mary of that, and Erin said, "No. She would be terrified. She will get over it on her own. No need to force the issue." Jesse shook her head. Erin looked at her and said "What?" Jesse, "It's so strange. You once said you would never make love with a man. When you and Rex hooked up, you told me you would never get pregnant. When you got pregnant, you swore you would not bear the child. But you did, and then you swore you would not raise a child. You would turn any child you might have into the state. Now here you are, supermom, tender, caring, loving your babies, nursing them, concerned about their feelings, insisting on raising two babies who resulted from rape. I mean, don't get me wrong, I really respect what you are doing. But it is such a break with who you were in high school." Erin didn't know what to say. Jesse continued. "Remember when you tried to talk me into a lesbian relationship, where you would be the man and I would be the woman? You said you loved me, and you were a man trapped in a woman's body, and that that such a lesbian relationship was the only way you could be happy." Erin shook her head and said quietly, "No, I don't remember that. I'm sorry. What was your answer?" Jesse, "You don't remember! Well, I told you I was straight and as much as I liked you and as good a friends as we were at the time, I wasn't interested in a lesbian relationship." Erin was about to offer some comfort, and got out the word, "Oh." But Jesse was now on a roll. She said, "After that, for some reason you got involved with Rex. You and Rex were the two biggest problems the teachers had at school, so I guess it made sense in some way. Except you had said you would never be involved with a man. But you told me that your relationship with Rex was a partnership, not a boy-girl relationship. That even though you had sex, it was basically homosexual male sex, since you were both men. And you insisted Rex wear a condom, so you couldn't get pregnant. After all it wouldn't make sense for one of the partners in male, homosexual sex to get pregnant. It sounded crazy to me, but I didn't want to argue." Jesse continued, "Then you got pregnant. You said that Rex had decided he didn't like condoms. You thought it was OK, since you were a man and a man couldn't get pregnant. I told you Rex was playing you. He was just using this image of male homosexual sex to get what he wanted, which was plain old heterosexual sex. You said, 'No, he wouldn't do that to me. We're buddies.'" You asked me to help get an appointment for an abortion. But we were doing a lot of drugs then and somehow, it never happened. We had a hard time calling early enough to get an appointment. And one time we had an appointment and we were high, so they wouldn't do it. Another time we had an appointment and we forgot it. I don't know. Maybe we were psychologically avoiding it. Then you started showing. That was very late in the pregnancy. You were a big girl then, over 200 pounds. That was why you didn't show until so late. Anyway, after that, your mother badgered you about bearing the child and being a proper mother. You two had some screaming, shouting, name-calling fights about it. You lost most of them because Fran was involved. She's one tough chick. I've had some arguments with my mother, but nothing like those. I of course I supported you. I probably behaved like a bitch to your mom. That was the last time before today that your parents let me come over here. After that, you and I only talked by telephone, but it was almost every night. I couldn't call you, because your parents would hang up on me. But you would call me. Anyway, you did wind up bearing Mary. And holding her today, I'm glad you did. But you absolutely refused to name her. You wanted to give her to someone else to name. You just called her 'the mistake.' But your mother jumped in and had her named Mary McLoughlin. You were livid. Well, just after Mary was born, Rex got more involved. Not to care for Mary, but just because he felt he had the opportunity to get some more sex and get a free place to stay. He and his father were fighting, and he needed someplace to stay. Rex could have apologized and gone home. His father never stayed mad and always backed off punishment. But Rex didn't feel like apologizing and didn't need to because if he identified himself as Mary's father and persuaded you to pretend to be a family, your parents would let him live here. You told me you went along with it because although you still thought of yourself as another guy, you needed someone. You were so alone. Rex of course took advantage of the situation and took some stuff out of your parents' house that he could sell for money. That led to more fights with your parents. Finally, your parents had had it, and you and Rex had to take off with Mary. You were so pissed at your parents that you said you were determined they wouldn't raise Mary if you had to kill her. I don't think you meant it, but that was what you told me. You said what you really wanted to do was to go to Oregon or Washington and find a facility that would take unwanted children, no questions asked, and leave Mary there. You were gone for a month until you reappeared. The plan to leave her must not have worked out. I don't know why. You never called me to talk after you got back. This was about the time you underwent this big change in your life. So maybe that change was why you decided to keep Mary. Do you remember what happened on that trip, Erin? Do you remember why you didn't give Mary away?" Erin was stunned at the story and once again didn't quite know what to say. She waited a moment and said, "I was doing a lot of drugs and I think it affected my memory. Anyway, I, the person I am today was born one night on the road, with Rex. The first thing I remember was Rex throwing me and Mary out of a motel room, buck naked. He accused me of stealing some drugs. And in fact, I think I did steal drugs from him. But regardless, it was a little harsh for him to throw a woman and child out in the middle of the night with no clothes on. I walked the halls for a while, and a guy asked me what was going on, and I told him, so he let me into his room and gave me some shorts and a t-shirt to wear. I asked him to watch Mary for a while I snuck into Rex's room to get my suitcase. But Rex caught me, and beat me, and raped me. Afterward, he threw me back out into the hallway, naked again. But he was not totally heartless. He took all the clothes out of my suitcase and threw them out too, and then he threw the suitcase after it. The last thing he said was "Don't come back, you stupid cunt. Or I'll kill you." I put the clothes back into the suitcase and went back to the guy's room. He let me in and seemed willing to help. Although there was a cost to it. He wanted to have sex for helping me. But, frankly, at that moment sex was a reasonable tradeoff for help and decent treatment. And he provided help and decent treatment. I don't remember anything about Mary from before this time. The first time I remember looking at her, she was very dirty, in fact, she stunk. So, I tried to give her a bath that night, but Mary screamed like a banshee. So, I stopped and gave her a sponge bath. She was happy with that. But other than her fear of bathing, she didn't show any unusual behavior. In fact, she was pretty mellow and sweet. When she nursed and when she cuddled with me, I felt a special connection, and I fell in love with her. But from Rex's comments I knew I was a drug addict, and that my happiness would not last. I searched my suitcase and found some pills in a side pocket. I guessed they were drugs, and over the next week I took small amounts every day, hoping that would stave off withdrawal. Apparently, it did. It took a week to get back to Blakefield. In that week, I and the guy who was helping me, Brian, had sex every night. It wasn't great. He didn't love me, or particularly want to please me, but neither did he mistreat me. So, it was OK. I was constantly worried about running out of pills. I decided I had to get clean, or I would always be chasing drugs. Plus, I was worried that they would affect Mary. Brian suggested that I call the county and let them help me, but I thought they might take Mary from me and I was unwilling to take that chance. So, when we got into town, I thanked Brian and called my mother and apologized all over place and asked for help. Ultimately, after a very tense few days, she and my dad decided to help me. However, I later learned that if I hadn't been serious about straightening out, my parents had a lawyer on retainer to take Mary from me. Anyway, my mother cared for Mary while I went through detox, successfully. Then I came home and showed that I was serious about caring for my daughter and getting a GED, so I could support her in the future. As time went along, I've actually become good friends with my family, as you saw this morning." Jesse, "I have to admit I was surprised at how friendly everyone was to you and vice versa. I never saw that when we were in high school." Erin, "Well, I think you know the rest of the story. I got my GED, was date raped by that Brian guy, got pregnant, was attacked twice by Rex, shot him in the balls, was attacked by Rex's Father, had twins, and here I am." Jesse laughed, "I don't know all the rest, Erin. I need details, lots of details." Erin smiled, "Well, maybe later." Then Jesse became more serious. "But I've got to tell you Erin, I'm still having a hard time wrapping my brain around how different you are. I know that amnesia would make you forget all the things you did, and make you forget your friends. But you are a different person. You used to be a little crazy, prone to argue and fight. Now you are controlled and logical. You insist on doing things your way but avoid confrontation if you can. You used to be all about confrontation. And you used to love to draw. You always had drawing paper and drawings around you. Now, I see no evidence that you ever draw. Your entire manner of presenting yourself is different. Before you were loud and argumentative. Now you are demure and patient. And most of all, before you were, well, male. You wanted nothing to do with femininity. You told everyone that you were a boy trapped in a women's body. You wore boys clothing and avoided makeup. I think Rex made you change that a little, but not much. Now you are clearly feminine. You dress in skirts and dresses even when no one will see you. You took time this morning to put on makeup. You are a hostess, insuring I am comfortable and taken care of. And most of all, you are a mother through and through. The old Erin was repelled by the thought of motherhood and swore she would never be a mother. I don't know a lot about psychology, but it is hard to believe that loosing memories can result in such a fundamental change in personality. Maybe it was the drugs you were taking before that caused it. Maybe it was just being young. I don't know. I just know, I miss the old Erin. She and I were so close. And everyone said she was such a pain in the ass. But they didn't know her like I did. She was always nice to people who accepted her, although sometimes she was trying to be nice but was so outspoken she hurt people. She was always nice to me. She had a great sense of humor. She had several cartoon series that she kept up for years that were incredibly creative and funny. She made me laugh. She was my best friend. And now she seems to be gone." And then, unaccountably, Jesse began to cry. Erin said, "I'm sorry Jesse." Jesse, "I'm sorry too Erin. I don't mean to imply that I don't care for you. You are kind and sensible and want the best for everybody. I like you. But something's missing. You aren't my old friend." Erin was stunned by what Jesse had said. Her frustration with Brian for not being able to get his life together and her anger at him for the rape had blinded her to the possibility that the old Erin might have had had his own accomplishments and his own friends, and that those friends might miss him desperately. Erin felt very bad for Jesse, who she liked and respected. Erin suspected that even though Jesse was not comfortable in a Lesbian relationship, that there had been some aspects of romance in her relationship with the old Erin. Certainly, the old Erin and Jesse appeared to be closer than most high school friends. Erin realize that Jesse had lost Erin twice. She had lost her to Rex when Erin was looking for some kind of relationship and somehow became convinced that she could have a male homosexual relationship with Rex. And Jesse then lost the old Erin to the new Erin. And the new Erin had been foolish enough to believe that no one would value the old Erin. Erin's heart went out to Jesse. Impulsively she said, "Jesse, the old Erin has not disappeared." Jesse gasped, "What, what do you mean?" Erin thought about it and decided to tell Jesse her secret. She said, "Jesse, you are right, I am not the same person you knew in high school. I'm someone completely different. I didn't tell you the whole truth when I told you about the night I changed." Jesse, "What do you mean? What else is there?" Erin, "Well, I sort of implied that all of my memories started that night Rex threw me out of his room. But I really said the first thing the new Erin remembered was that night. But I remember a lot from before that time, but not as Erin." Jesse, "Erin, that is very confusing. I don't understand." Erin continued, "Jesse, can you envision waking up and being someone completely different than you are now? Or to put it differently, being in another body?" Jesse, "I've seen that sort of thing in some science fiction movie. I can't remember the name. Invasion of the Body Snatchers. No, that wasn't it. I guess it doesn't matter. So, you're saying you were someone else before that night?" Erin, "Yes. That is exactly what I am saying. I was someone else. And suddenly I was Erin McLoughlin, being thrown out of Rex's room with a baby, buck naked." Jesse was shaking her head. "That is really strange, Erin. It's hard to believe. But it does explain why you are totally different now than before. It explains why you are so feminine now. If you were a feminine girl before, you would be a feminine girl now. So, what happened to the old Erin? You said she has not disappeared. Are you sharing her body, or suppressing her consciousness or something like that?" Erin, "No, she was switched into my old body." Jesse, "Stranger and stranger. So, the old Erin is still around. Is she nearby, or does she live a long way away?" Erin, "Nearby." Jesse, "I have to tell you, I would have picked up on it if I had heard about any girl or woman behaving like the old Erin. And I haven't. Erin, "First of all, you are assuming I was always a girl. You would certainly have heard about another girl in Blakefield who behaved like the old Erin. But maybe not a boy. After all, what would be unusual about a boy insisting he was a boy. Second, there are places nearby where people live who do not encounter your or any of your friends." Jesse, "Now, you are getting mysterious again, Erin. Just tell me who you were before and where Erin in your old body is now." Erin, "I was a young man named Brian. I worked as an engineer and was in Oregon attending a technical conference. I encountered Rex and Erin in the halls of my hotel, and noticed Rex was mistreating Erin and told him to cut it out. He beat the shit out of me. As an aside, Brian was not a big man. Although he was fairly athletic, he was no match for Rex. Another guest found me, Brian, in the hall and called the police, and the medics patched me up, and I went back to my room. I was pissed, but finally got to sleep. Then I suddenly woke up as Erin with Rex cussing at me and accusing me of stealing drugs and throwing me and Mary out of his room. I did not luck into meeting someone who would help me. Instead, I carried Mary back to Brian's room and pounded on the door and finally got Erin/Brian to answer. Talking to him I confirmed that he had been Erin and then was switched into Brian's body. He was the one who convinced me I could sneak back into the room and get the suitcase, because Rex was a on drugs and was a heavy sleeper. I think he may have set me up to get Erin's suitcase, which had Percocet's hidden in it. Anyway, the rest of the story I told you of that night was true." Jesse, "Whew. I guess this sounds consistent with what I know of the old Erin. She would have set someone up if she might get drugs. She wouldn't do it to me, but she would have done it to some stranger. But the basic premise is so bizarre that I'm not buying it. You say you were a boy before and now you are a very feminine girl. Were you transgendered as a boy?" Erin, "No. I was comfortable with my gender. I wasn't the most macho guy, but I was able to compete in several sports and had a lot of male buddies. I don't know why or how I have changed my sexual orientation. Maybe I was transgendered before but didn't realize it. Or maybe loving Mary changed my way of looking at things. Or maybe this switch also changed my gender. I don't know. Honestly, I don't care. I am a very happy woman and love my life now." Jesse looked at her. "I can see that. So, the old Erin is now a boy. Is he happy about that?" Erin, "I think so. He offered me drugs to induce me to have sex and appeared to enjoy it very much. He also date raped me. I think he figured that this was his body, so he had a right to have sex with it if he wanted it. Truthfully, he had good reason to believe I would not get pregnant, so it wouldn't really hurt me. He has sense apologized." Jesse, "So the father of your twins is the old Erin in your former body? Is the fact that you are in a sense both the paternal parent and the mother of the twins the reason you were reluctant to have an abortion?" Erin, "Partly, yes. But it is more that I was reluctant to abort my former parents' grandchildren. But there are no circumstances where I would want to abort an innocent baby. If I knew I would die as a result of the pregnancy, or if the babies would not be viable, I might have an abortion. But not otherwise. Jesse shook her head again, "God, this is bizarre. So where is the old Erin, the new Brian, I guess?" Erin, "He is in Nola prison serving a 5-year term for assault and battery. He did not fit into society any better as a new person than as his original self. As Brian, he had a college degree that he couldn't use. He knew that. There was no way he could hold a job as an engineer. Whatever his degree said, he just didn't know anything about engineering and that is a field you cannot fake. I had some money I could have given him to pay to learn a skill to make a living, but he didn't want to do that. I think he wanted to get out and live as a man. Not go to school." Jesse, "Yes, he would. He hated school." Erin, "Anyway, when I went to the McLoughlin's home, I left him with access to over $10000 as well as an apartment paid ahead a month. I think he burned through that money quickly. I think he started using drugs again. Then he was thrown out of the apartment. That was when he asked me to meet him for a drink. I thought we were going to talk about helping him get a training for employment. But I drank the coke he gave me, and the next thing I knew is I was waking up in a hospital. They took a blood sample and it indicated a date rape drug. I felt incredibly violated. " Jesse just shook her head. Erin then said, "I think Brian tried to make a living doing petty crime. He wound up pushing an old lady down when trying to snatch her purse. That is an example of how desperate he was. Because the woman was injured, it was charged as a felony and the judge gave him 5 years thinking maybe a severe sentence would force this former engineer to straighten up." Jesse, "Oh, God. What a mess. Have you talked to him? How is he doing now?" Erin, "Better I think. I was visiting a friend at Nola and Brian saw me and managed to get a note to me. So, I visited him intending to tell him what an asshole he was and then never see him again. But I guess I have a soft spot for him. It is funny. One minute he is monster. The next he does something totally unexpected to help you. Plus, my former mother, Brian's mother, was really suffering worrying about Brian, who appeared to have just disappeared. So, I got her out to visit and he and I convinced her that Brian had not just disappeared but had switched with Erin. Anyway, she and my, or Brian's, sister have decided to try to help Brian reform and find a way to make a living when he gets out. I think he is making progress. But he is very lonely there. I don't think he is really a criminal, and he has a hard time making friends." Jesse, "God, Erin. This is the craziest story I have ever heard. But it explains some things and seems consistent with what the old Erin would do. What if I wanted to visit this Brian and verify the story? How would I do that? What is the last name?" Erin, "I want to withhold the last name for a while longer, for the sake of Brian's and my former family's privacy. But I can help you get an appointment to visit him, or you can come out with me tomorrow? Are you free? Do you want to go?" Jesse, "I am free until dinner. Would I be able to talk to him privately? Erin, "We could arrange that." Jesse, "We?" Erin, "I am going out with my former sister and mother. And we are not just visiting Brian. I have another friend who is in the Girls Detention Center at Nola. I want to show the babies to her. So, we leave fairly early." Jesse, "Sure, I can go. I'm probably crazy to listen to a word of this crap. But why would you tell me a nutty story like this unless it is true? I guess you might be planning to kidnap me and sell my kidneys or something. But I will take a chance and go with you. I really need to know. By the way, if you were the old Erin, now you would tell me the market on human kidneys is depressed, so I didn't need to worry." And she laughed. With that comment, it was Erin's turn to shake her head. The rest of the conversation that day was much lighter. Jesse found that Erin was pleasant and fun to talk to and had a good sense of humor, although she was very practical and well organized. Erin found that Jesse had a brassy but self- deprecating sense of humor and had a million funny stories to tell. By the time the day was over, the two young women had become friends, not good friends yet, but friends. That night, Erin told Mom about some of the things she and Jesse had talked about. She talked about how good Jesse was with babies. And Erin made a point of talking about how Jesse was the only one of her old friends who had graduated from high school and how Jesse was starting a course on commercial cooking in September. Erin wanted to convey that Jesse had turned a corner in her life. She wanted Mom to feel good about Jesse being her friend, because Erin wanted her as a friend. Erin trusted and liked Jesse and enjoyed her company. Erin reflected since the switch she had made a lot of friends, and most of them were good friends. Who were they? Clara, of course. LaTesha. Debbie and Sarah. Carol. Ginni. Fran. Now Jesse. Brian had had friends growing up of course, and friends when he was an engineer. But somehow she felt closer to these girlfriends than he/she had to Brien's friends. Except for Tony, he couldn't imagine any of them coming over and helping take care of a friend's baby. Well, girls must handle things a little differently, maybe because they had different needs? Erin suddenly felt glad she was a girl. The next morning, Erin got up earlier than she had since the twins were born. She cleaned the twins up a little and allowed them to nurse. Then she went downstairs and made coffee and warmed up a bottle for Mary. When the bottle was done she went upstairs and got Mary up and changed her diapers and brought her down and gave her the bottle. Then she went back upstairs and gave the babies a short bath and put them in temporary diapers and then she put them in their basinets and gave Mary a sponge bath and put her in diapers and a pretty dress usually used for church. Mary loved to dress up, knowing she would soon be with people who would adore her. Erin saw the twins had fallen back to sleep, so Erin carried Mary downstairs and got some cereal out for herself and some baby cereal for Mary to eat. Then she prepared several bottles for Mary during the day, and put them in Mary's bag with the clothes, diapers, and toys she had gathered the night before. Then Erin went upstairs and got the twins up again, and brought diapers downstairs and changed them again, and put them in some nice sleep clothes that she hoped would work to show them off. Then she ran upstairs and got her own clothes and came down and brought Mary into the downstairs bathroom and put on her own cloths and put on some earrings and a neckless and a light layer of blush. Finally, she got herself a cup of coffee and sat down and took a deep breath. Mom came down and kissed her and said, 'Good Morning, Erin," and then sat and talked for a few minutes. Erin had told her she was going to the prison today, and mom disapproved. Erin had told her, "Mom, LaTesha is a really good friend and I want to show her the twins. I will have lots of help, so don't worry. Clara and her mother are going. And Jesse is going. She knows Brian and wants to talk to him." Mom hadn't said anything, but Erin had learned to read her mood and knew she was not happy. So, she tried as hard as possible to emphasize the positives of the day and to ask Mom what her plans were. Then the doorbell rang, and Mom got up and opened the door. Jesse was there, 15 minutes early. Mom tried hard to be pleasant. Fortunately, Erin had told Jesse to work hard to butter her up, and Jesse pulled out all the stops. She gave mom a hug and told her how good she looked. Then she said her mom asked her to convey greetings to Mary. The two women had known each other when their daughters were going through their problems in high school and had established a friendship, partly based on mutual frustration with their daughters. But Jesse emphasized that she and her mom were getting along well now, and said she wished they had gotten along better when they were in high school. By the time Jesse came in and started talking to Erin, Mom was over her bad humor and joined in the friendly conversation. She remembered her daughter's interaction with Jesse in high school was so crazy, but now they seemed to me so much more mature. Mom asked Jesse where she knew Brian from, and Jesse gave her a story that Erin gave an 'A' for creativity, but a 'D' for believability. But Mom seemed satisfied. The doorbell rang again, and Clara came in without anyone opening the door. Erin said, "Come in Clara." Clara, "Thanks, I will." Then she gave Mom a hug and said, "Good morning, Mrs. McLoughlin. How are you?" Mom smiled, "Good morning Clara. Nice to see you. So, your off on another Saturday expedition to Nola?" Clara said "Yes. Mom and I are still working with the girls on the GED. I think several of them are making good progress. And Erin wants to show off her babies. And rightly so, aren't they beautiful. Then she picked up Mary and said, "Mary, you are very pretty." Mary beamed at being complimented, and then held her arms up and twirled as Erin had shown her to show off. Mom laughed. She also told Mary she was very pretty. Then Erin introduced Clara to Jesse and said, "Clara, this is Jesse, a good friend from high school. I told you about her in a text last night. Jesse used to know Brian really well. That is why I invited her along today." Clara looked a little dubious, but said, "Pleased to meet you Jesse. Glad you could come." Then they said their goodbyes to mom. Erin had emphasized with both girls that Mom felt a little put out that she had not been asked along, so they should do their best to make her feel included. But they agreed that they had to limit the number a little, and since visiting Brian was a big part of the day, it was natural to only bring the people who wanted to visit Brian. Clara picked up Mary, Jesse picked up Aaron, Erin picked up Carli, and all the various bags they walked out to Jenny's SUV and they headed off to Nola. When they got going, the first thing Clara did was ask Jesse how she knew Brian? Jesse said, "We went to high school together." Then she cleared the air. "Look, Erin told me all about this supposed mind swap. I'm not sure I believe it, but I can test this Brian and tell you if he used to be my friend Erin. I hope he is, because it is clear to me that the new Erin is a different person than she was in high school. She is not my old friend, although we two are becoming friends now. Assuming the mind swap story is true, I can regain my old best friend, who I miss greatly. That is my hope and why I am here." Jesse continued "So please tell me why you think the current Brian used to be Erin and the current Erin used to be Brian." Clara was surprised at Jesse's forwardness. It was clear that she had a strong personality. So, Clara told the story of how Erin had come to her and claimed to be Brian and laid out the evidence they had gathered that convinced her and her mother that the claim was true. Then Jesse said, "OK, that all sounds reasonable, but still a touch unbelievable. But while you have evidence that Erin used to be Brian, it sounds like you really don't have evidence that Brian used to be Erin." Clara, "Well, his claim that he used to be Erin is consistent with Erin's claim that she used to be Brian. And Brian's story of the change is almost exactly the same as Erin's, except from a different point of view. But that is not the only evidence that a mind swap occurred. We have one other piece of evidence that Brian used to be Erin which is pretty convincing." Jesse, "What is that?" Clara, "The new Brian is a talented artist, as apparently was the old Erin. The old Brian had no drawing ability that I know of. Furthermore, Erin's mom recognizes the drawings Brian does as being similar to those Erin used to draw." Jesse, "Yes, Erin published three comic strips on line and the artistry was very good." Clara said, "I am personally convinced that Erin is my brother. Talking to Erin now, the way she expresses herself, her interests, her abilities, are very similar those of my brother before last October. If we did sort of a modified Turing test, where I and Erin were communicating only via some sort of teletype and confined ourselves to subjects we used to talk about, I absolutely could not tell I was talking to Erin rather than my brother. Furthermore, when Erin first came to me, she did not know the feminine thins she should have known. She did not know how to dress or otherwise express herself as a normal young woman. She had learned something about babies taking care of Mary, but she knew nothing about other female things." Jesse laughed. "That is probably true of the old Erin too. She was transgender. She felt she was a boy born into a girl's body and intentionally tried to avoid knowing anything about being a girl. It was the reason she did not get along with her family. They couldn't accept that. And that brings me to a big question. Erin said that as Brian, he was a normal male and led a normal boy's life. But look at her now. She is very feminine in her speech and mannerisms and seems to comfortably identify as a woman. So how can that be?" Clara, "Well, Erin might deny it, but Brian did have a lot of feminine characteristics. He and I were very close, and when we played together, we usually played my games. I was two years older than him after all. And he sometimes expressed himself in the same way a girl would. When he and I played, and I had other friends over, they would always tell me how lucky I was to have such a sweet and lovable brother. They said having Brian was almost like having a sister. Furthermore, Brian was like a girl in being acutely sensitive to how other people felt and he would rush to comfort people in distress. There were other things. Unlike other boys, he actually decorated his room and insisted on multiple colors and attractive pictures of things that interested him. It wasn't overtly feminine, but it was attractive, almost pretty. And Brian was different from other boys in not being totally fixated on sports and games. He voluntarily participated in plays and music. So, I would think Brian had enough femininity in him so that when he was swapped into Erin, she was able to identify with being a girl without a lot of inner conflict. I know that from the beginning, the new Erin was a very protective mother. Some of the other stuff took longer to develop. However, the new Erin's sexual orientation is still somewhat of a question. It could be that she is attracted to girls. Although the old Brian had some aspects of femininity in his personality, he seemed to be sexually attracted to women. However, all evidence I have seen is that the new Erin is attracted to men. I don't know how to explain that change. Maybe the old Brian was unconsciously suppressing an attraction to men and is now free to express it? But maybe some supernatural beings decided to change his sexual orientation when they made the body swap, to make him happier as Erin. But aside from this inconsistency in sexual orientation, the vast preponderance of the evidence is that my brother Brian somehow swapped bodies with Erin and is now a woman." Jesse looked at Erin in the seat beside her, nursing and cuddling the twins, and smiled and said, "One thing's sure. That is not my old friend." Erin found the other two women looking at her intently, and blushed a little, and then she shrugged her shoulders and said, "I'm happy as what I am. I'm just trying to do my best for my babies and myself and the one's I love. I don't see any need to be anything else." Then Erin said, "Jesse, could you try to tell us about your old friend? What did he like? What did he do? What were his values? I think that sort of information would make it easier for Jenny and Clara to help Brian find a life after prison. It would also help me understand who the old Erin was, so I can understand the attitudes that other acquaintances and distant family members might have." Then Clara interrupted, "Oh, by the way Jesse, do you mind if I record this." Jesse, "I'm fine talking about what we did, if it will help you Brian or Erin. But I would prefer you don't record what I say. Some of what we did can still be prosecuted. You would hate to record a conversation and find the recording used to convict the new Erin of a crime the old Erin committed. I might even be in danger of prosecution. It would be alright if you took notes." Jesse spent the rest of the drive outlining what she and Erin had done together and what she knew about Erin. Once Jesse got started talking, she had a lot to say about the old Erin. In the meantime, Clara frantically took notes. In broad outline, it turned out to be what they expected. A f2m transgender teen sees her choice rejected by her family and denigrated by acquaintances. In turn she rejects that family and turns to a troubled crowd to get acceptance, which leads to drug use, criminal activity, and a series of bad relationships, with resulting trouble at school. But the details were very revealing of the psychology of the old Erin. The got to the prison at about 10:30 and visited LaTesha at 11. Besides LaTesha, there was a group of other residents who Clara and Jenny were helping on their GED studies. Erin of course started by showing everyone her babies and the residents got all excited and took turns holding them. At first Jesse just sat in the background marking time. But one of the residents recognized her as a friend from Blakefield High School and from the group of girls that Erin and Jesse had been part of. This resident came over and talked to Jesse, and Jesse in turn recognized her. They wound up spending almost 20 minutes catching up on the members of that group. Then the girl asked, "You were friends with another girl who was using pills; tall, heavy girl, who always wore men's clothes. I Forgot her name. What happened to her?" Jesse laughed, "See that tall skinny girl with the babies. That's her. She's changed a little." The resident was amazed. "What, Erin is that person? My God. Erin is so different. She is such a sweetie. She has been helping on our GEDs for almost 4 months, and I didn't recognize her. Wow." Jesse smiled and said, "Yeah, it's almost like she's a different person." The conversation was sobering for Jesse. The resident she talked to hadn't done much more than score a few drugs and engage in prostitution, shoplifting, and other property crimes of a minor nature, but large enough to be considered felonies. Jesse had done the same. But this girl had been unlucky enough to be caught and prosecuted. Jesse hadn't. Partly because she had decided she was on the wrong path and terminated those activities. But Jesse was also free partly because of shear good fortune, and Jesse realized that she, and the old Erin, could easily be serving a year or two in this young women's detention center. In fact, they were both still subject to prosecution and imprisonment if the authorities ever became interested and found witnesses willing to testify. And given that many people in jail were willing to implicate even their friends in order to get out, it could happen. After this period of time it was unlikely, but not impossible. Jesse decided she had made the right choice in asking Clara not to record her. Jesse also decided to work even harder at establishing a productive life for herself where she wasn't doing stupid things that could put her in jail." The appointment to see Brian was at 1 PM. Jenny and Clara, Erin and her children, and Jesse went to a drive in and got a few things to eat. Jesse, Jenny, and Clara got some sodas and Erin got a vanilla milk shake, which she shared with Mary, much to the latter's enjoyment. Then Erin and Clara took the babies to the lady's room and changed diapers and clothes. In the meantime, Jesse got a chance to talk to Jenny and verified that she also believed that Erin was her former son transformed to a woman and got Jenny's story as to how she had come to believe this. When Clara and Erin were done, they all went out to the car and agreed on a schedule for the visit with Brian. They would start with Erin going in alone and just allowing Brian to see his babies. After they had talked for a few minutes, Jenny and Clara and Jesse would come to the visiting room. They thought about having Jesse stay in the waiting room and then just walk in alone to see if Brian recognized her. But Jenny and Clara were unwilling to allow Jesse to walk down the corridor between the waiting room and the visiting room alone because of the lewd comments the prisoners with cells on that corridor made to women without children. It would be unpleasant enough with two other women. Then Jesse would have 20 minutes with Brian where they could talk only to each other. Next, Erin would tell Brian that she would like to visit again next Saturday and bring a male friend. She would like some help from Brian telling him about the mind switch and convincing him it had really happened. For the last part of the hour, Jenny and Clara would talk to Brian about the reading he was doing to develop positive masculine behaviors and job skills that would be marketable when he got out. The visit went according to plan for the first 15 minutes. Brian was interested in Mary, and agreed she was very pretty and smart. And he saw the twins for the first time. Brian showed some interest, but his attitude was similar to most men's. He enjoyed a few minutes of looking at a baby but certainly didn't want to spend a lot of time caring for one. That was best done by a woman, like Erin. This sort of galled Erin, because all these babies were Brian's. Two of them were the result of date rape, and one was the result of the old Erin's pathological relationship with Rex. Furthermore, they were all so sweet and innocent. And watching them grow and develop was so fascinating. How could Brian not want to be with them? But Erin had once been a man and she understood the attitude, so she just let it pass. Then Erin heard catcalls and lewd comments from the walkway between the guard shack and the visiting center. She said to Brian, "Jenny and Clara will be here in a minute. They have an old friend of yours with them. Tell me if you recognize her." When Jenny and Clara came in and Brian saw the person with them he jumped up and screamed, "Jesse, over here. It's me. Erin." Jesse noted the speaker was a man about 5'5" who looked a lot like Clara and Jenny. He was quite attractive, although because of his height, his slight build, and his features, he did not look like a macho guy, even though he looked like he worked out a little. Jesse smiled and said, "Hi, Brian. You've changed." Brian looked at her and said happily "Look at me, Jesse. I'm a man." Jesse, "I see that, Brian." Brian, "Did they tell you what happened?" Jesse, "They did, Brian. But why don't you tell me too?" So, Brian told her the story of going to sleep as Erin in a room with Rex and Mary and then being awaked in a strange room by some crazy chick pounding on the door, and of finally turning on the light and letting her in and seeing that she was Erin and that she, formerly Erin, was now a man. Jesse, "So is being a man been as good as you thought it would be, Brian?" Brian, "Well, in most ways yes. I no longer feel like I am in the wrong body. I am comfortable in my own skin, instead of feeling like a freak. And I am accepted for who I feel I am, instead of having to fight for that acceptance. But it could have much better if I had not screwed it up and wound up in prison." Jesse, "So what happened to put you in prison?" Brian, "Let me tell you what happened after the swap." Then he briefly described what had happened after that, the return to Blakefield, his decision to help Erin be accepted by his parents, his failure to find a good job, his return to drug use and petty crime, his loss of the apartment rented by Brian, his date-rape of Erin, and then how he left town and tried to support himself with low-level theft and wound up being imprisoned. He said, "The only decent thing I did during that time was helping Erin with my parents. I guess I took my idea of how men should behave from Rex and other guys in our group, and it included using women and hard core criminal behavior, and it brought me to prison." Jesse said, "I'm not sure you can blame everything on adopting a macho ethos, Brian. The drug use and petty crime our group indulged in in high school could easily have put you in jail, whether you were a man or woman. And I wonder if that became habitual for the old Erin. I just talked to Sammy. Remember her? She is in the young women's detention center nest door for drug use and a series of thefts. We both did those crimes as young women, Brian. Sammy was unlucky enough to be caught and prosecuted. That could have happened to either of us." Brian, "True, but what I did went beyond drug use and petty theft, and I am determined to never do anything like that again. These two women, Jenny and Clara, are helping me develop a better sense of appropriate behavior for a man and to gain skills that I can use to get a job when I get out of here in a few years. I want to be a better man, not a mini-Rex. In the robbery I committed I hurt an old lady. It was a horrible thing to do. I have heard since that she is OK and that she forgives me. Equally horrible was when I raped Erin. I took her freedom of choice and betrayed her trust. And worst of all I did it to a woman who has been nothing but good to me. I hope Erin can forgive me someday." Jesse wasn't quite sure what to say, so she changed the subject, "Brian, can I ask you some questions to verify that you actually were my friend Erin McLoughlin. That would be useful to me and everyone else, I think." Brian, "Sure, ask away. But no recordings." Clara laughed, "OK, I will take notes then. This is just information that might be useful to Erin in the future." So, Jesse asked Brian a series of questions about various things they had done in high school while Cara once again furiously took notes. Finally, she turned to Clara and said, "There is no doubt that this man is my old girlfriend Erin." Then Brian asked Jesse, "Jesse, how did you learn about me?" Jesse, "Erin told me. How it happened is a bit of a story. I have run into Erin several times since you, as Erin, left town with Rex. Two times stand out. I ran into her at the hospital once while visiting my mother after an accident. I had a hard time even recognizing her. She had lost weight since the last time I saw her, you, and she presented as a woman. But I have never seen arm tattoos like that on anyone else, so I knew it was Erin. However, when we talked she clearly did not know, or pretended not to know, who I am. No one else was there so why pretend? Then she did something you would never have done. She told me to respect my mother, because she had supported me through the years. It was true, but you had a terrible relationship with your mom and would never have said that. I really had a hard time feeling like I had actually talked to my best friend. Then the second time I ran into her at was at my high school graduation. Once again, it was Erin, but it was not the old Erin, i.e., you. Why? First of all, like before she did not actually act like she remembered me as her best friend. I seemed to be just a casual acquaintance. She was friendly, and in fact cheered my name when it was announced. She was the only one by the way, so I appreciated it a lot. Second, she was there with two babies in arms, Mary, of course, and another baby she was taking care of for Debbie Silver. That was also totally unlike the Erin I knew. You did not like children. I remember that after Mary was born you confided in me that you hated taking care of a baby. Now there you were with not one, but two babies. And one of the babies belonged to Debbie Silver, who we both considered a stuck-up bitch back in the day. So, once again I just did not have the feeling that you were the same person I'd been friends with in high school. A week ago, I ran into Debbie and she told me that Erin had given birth and her friends were each spending a day at her house helping her. It seemed so strange that Erin didn't ask me to be part of that. Erin and I had been so close for so long." Brian nodded his head in agreement. Jesse continued, "In fact, I was sort of pissed off at being excluded. So, I got in contact with her, and asked if I could help. She had a day no one else was going to be there, and I had that day off. I thought if we were together for a while with no one else there, she would loosen up and talk to me about what was going on with her, like you used to. But she didn't. She was friendly, and I enjoyed our conversations, but she didn't talk to me like my old friend. I subtly asked about some of the things we did in high school, and she didn't remember. She apologized and said she thought the drug use had caused a fundamental personality change and total amnesia. Well, there are lots of people we know who have used more drugs than you did as Erin for a longer time who retained their basic personality and memories. Nevertheless, a personality change and amnesia could happen with drug use. So, I was willing to accept her explanation. But I expressed sadness because my best high school friend effectively no longer existed. I guess Erin felt sorry for me then and told me this preposterous story about a mind swap. Of course, I had to check it out. So here I am." Brian laughed, "Thank you again, Erin. It is so good to be able to talk my best friend." Then he said, "Jesse, I'm glad you and Erin seem to be starting a friendship. Erin's really a sweet person and is a good friend to have. I certainly value her friendship and have lots of things to be grateful to her for, starting even before we switched bodies." Jesse, "Really? What happened?" Brian, "Well, I was still a girl, and she was still a boy. Rex was pushing me around and behaving abusively in the hallway of our motel and Erin, then Brian, happened to pass by and called him on it, which led to a fight. At the time, I thought he was just a stupid boy scout. It seemed idiotic that a little pip-squeak, no offense intended, Erin, would be willing to tell Rex he needed to treat me better." Jesse, "So what happened?" Brian, "What do you think happened? Rex beat the shit out of him, although Brian did get a few licks in. Then Rex stole his wallet and we went back to our room. Later that night, Brian and I switched bodies." Clara and Jenny had never heard this story. Jenny realized that this heroic act was the last thing that her son had done as a man and started crying quietly. Erin hugged her and told her it was OK, her son was still there, just a little different. Then Jesse asked, "What else are you grateful to Erin for, Brian?" Brian said, "Well, right after we switched, we were sitting in Brian's room and Mary started fussing because she was hungry. Erin asked me what was wrong and if I could do something so Mary would be happy. I laughed at her and said, "No, I can't. She's hungry. I don't have a bottle and I don't have boobs any more. The only one here with boobs is you. And anyway, I never liked taking care of a baby. Now that I'm a man, I don't ever want to take care of a baby again. If anyone is going to make her happy, it is you." So, Erin asked what to do and I gave her a little general advice and she nursed Mary. Then she decided that Mary needed bathing and gave her a sponge bath. I had never bathed her because it terrified her. I think Rex had hit her once when she was being bathed. But the new Erin came up with the idea of a sponge bath. After that, she became the protective, nurturing mother to Mary that I had never been. That's the second thing I am grateful to Erin for." Erin smiled and said, "The first time I nursed Mary, I felt so close to her, as though our souls were intertwined, and I couldn't even consider parting with her. I still feel the same way." Brian, "And I never felt that way. Nursing was just a pain in the ass that I was obligated to do." Jesse, "What else?" Brian, "Well, Erin arranged for my transportation back to Blakefield, and paid for food and support during that time. In addition, she was very supportive and offered to use her resources to help me with job training. At the time I didn't think it was any big thing, and it could be argued that helping me benefited her since she had some idea of switching back and because she knew her family would be hurt if I failed, even if a different mind was in my body. But in retrospect, I think she had given up on that soon after we reached Blakefield, and she was helping me mainly because she is just a decent person. Jesse, "Anything else?" Brian, "Sure. After the rape, Erin decided to bear the children and refused to identify me to the police. Had she identified me, I'd be in a medium or high security prison for 30 years instead of in a low security prison for three to five. I will forever be grateful to her. Granted, there were other reasons for Erin to bear my children other than concern for me. First, they were Jenny's grandchildren and Clara's niece and nephew. Second, because Erin loves children and her anger at me for the rape did not change that. But, I still don't know why she didn't turn me in." Erin, "Believe me, if I thought you would ever do it again to another woman I would have. But I don't believe that you will. The reason is that I believe that after having undergone a body switch it is natural to feel possessive of your former body. Consider the circumstances. You are suddenly a different person, literally. And yet there is your former body walking, talking, doing things under the control of another mind. It is natural to still have a feeling of ownership of that body. After all it was yours for many years. And even if it becomes clear that you will never be that person again, that feeling of ownership remains. I remember seeing you eating badly and not exercising and being so pissed off that you were ruining something that I had worked so hard to create. And even now, I am pissed off at you, not only for committing an awful crime and maybe hurting an old woman, but also for doing something that put my former body, mine, in jail where it might be abused, raped, or otherwise hurt. I think that you probably have the same proprietary feeling toward this body, but that it manifested itself as feeling entitled to use it as you wish. Assuming that is true, you would feel OK about raping me, not other women. Another consideration is that you thought that you could have sex with me without hurting me, based on the belief that by nursing Mary, I could not get pregnant. After all, Rex had raped you as Erin many times and it did not cause pregnancy. However, what you did not think about was that while I was in a drug treatment facility, I had been totally separated from Mary for over a week. After that, I had a period. As it happens, the only one I have ever had. Apparently, that period without nursing was enough time to restart my menses and make me capable of conception again. But you did not think about that and thought that the rape wound not have a big an impact on my life. You were wrong. Related to all this is that the switch not only resulted in two individuals exchanging bodies, but in two individuals changing sexes. That is a profound change. Nothing prepared me to deal with the emotions and expectations involved in being a woman. Fortunately, I had a stable background, a child I could focus on, and was able to get through it. You did not have a stable background. You were transgender, and your family did not accept that and tried to make you conform as a woman. You rebelled, became part of a group of troubled kids, and eventually wound up living with a brutal thug who mistreated him constantly and with a child he could not cope with. So, when you were suddenly a man, although it made you happy, I think it also set you adrift, trying to cope with a totally new set of imperatives and expectations without any background. In effect, you had the urges and needs of a man but did not know how to fill them in a responsible manner. None of this excuses rape in any way. But I did not feel that you deserved a 30-year sentence. And that is what you would have gotten. If I had identified you, you would have been charged and DNA evidence would certainly have led to a conviction. And if convicted, there would be no way of introducing the mitigating considerations related to switching bodies and genders. I only had two choices, identify or not, and the only choice I could make was to not identify. Brian, "Whatever the reasoning, Erin, I greatly appreciate it. I hope you will someday forgive the rape and all the bad things I've done. And if there is anything I can do for you, just tell me and I will do my best. You were a great man and are now a wonderful woman. I hope, someday, I can be as good a man as you were. Erin blushed at the praise, and for a moment did not know how to respond. She finally said, "Brian, I hope it works out for you to be a happy and responsible man in the future. That will make me very happy. But there is something you can do for me." Brian, "Sure, what?" Erin said, "Well, as Brian, I had a best friend, Tony DelGado, who thinks Brian has disappeared and is very worried about him. I need to tell him about the switch and that the Brian he knew is me and is healthy and happy. I would like to bring him by in two weeks and tell him with you there to verify it. Would that be OK?" Brian, "Sure, but I hope the circle of people who know doesn't expand too much. They'll throw us both in the loony bin." Erin laughed, "I'm worried about that too, Brian. But it is important to me that Tony know. He is very unhappy because Brian is missing. We used to be such close friends. I would like to take his concerns about Brian off his shoulders." Jesse jumped in and said, "Isn't there more to it than that Erin? Brian should know what is going on." Erin smiled and said, "Tony and I get along very well now that I am Erin. We have a special chemistry, I guess. Tony has asked me to marry him. But he has to know the truth if we are to be married. Maybe Tony will think this all is too strange and rescind the proposal. I hope not. But he has to know." Brian, "Wow, that's pretty heavy Erin. But I will do my best. But tell me, are you going to tell him who the real father of Aaron and Carli is, and, if so, should I be concerned that this Tony will attack me if he knows about the rape." Erin, "At some point, my children have a right to know who their father is, and that would probably lead to Tony knowing. But I don't plan to tell him next week. But even if I did, Tony would not try to harm you. He is not generally violent. He will defend himself if need be, and I am sure he will defend me, but he would not behave violently on impulse." Brian, "OK, I'll try to think of some convincing comments about the switch. But I will only say them if you indicate it is OK." After that, Erin, Jenny, and Clara gave Brian and Jesse a few minutes to just chat and tried to sit far enough away to give them some privacy. Jesse opened the conversation. "Brian, would you like me to visit you too?" Brian, "Yes. I was hoping you would visit, Jesse. I've really enjoyed seeing you again." Jesse, "I don't have a car. But I will try to get up here as often as possible." Brian replied, "Well, try to hook up with Jenny or Clara. They come by almost every week. I guess they still sort of think of me as their son/brother. But I really appreciate them, and I'm sure they would be happy to bring you with." Jesse, "OK, but I'll try to get my driver's license and borrow my parents' car and come up by myself occasionally, so just the two of us can talk." Brian, "That would be great, Jesse. Are you getting along with your parents well enough for them to let you?" Jesse, "Yeah. Now that I am working and will be taking cooking classes to try to get a good job, they seem to respect me more than before. I guess I can't blame them for not respecting me when I didn't work and was failing at school. Now is much better. Besides which, I don't give them as much trouble as before. And I have tried to help them with my brother and sister. Lots of things. Anyway, things are lots better with my parents." Brian, "That's good. I wonder if I will ever have my parents respect. I've thought that when I get out and establish myself as a good citizen and as a contributor, maybe I would tell Mom and Dad McLoughlin about the switch. Of course, that would require Erin's cooperation. But from what she said today about relationships being based on the truth, I think she would." Jesse, "Yeah, I think so." Then Jesse said, "Isn't that a romantic story, how the new Erin and the former Brian's best friend fell in love?" Brian laughed and said, "After you get over the weirdness of the switch and can track all the players, yeah, it's romantic. Marrying your best friend is a sweet story." Jesse just laughed. "Remember how you once asked me to be your romantic partner. I've often wished I could have said yes. I always felt I drove you to Rex, and every time I saw your unhappiness with him I felt bad. But, I didn't feel comfortable in a lesbian relationship. Now we could be romantic partners in a heterosexual relationship. Would you like that?" Brian, "Yeah. But it wouldn't be fair to you. I am in jail and can't be a real partner. And even when I get out, I won't have a job for a while and I wouldn't be able to support you. So, I don't think it would be right of me to accept. Let's just be friends for now. If you still want me when I get out and establish myself, then we can be romantic partners or whatever. For now, you should be free to go out with whoever you want." Jesse, "Brian, you don't need to support me. We can be partners, each contributing. Don't let that keep us apart." Brian, "Jesse, I am determined to be a better man, and that means being independent and earning my way. I won't take advantage of you. I won't." Jesse saw how serious he was. She was a little disappointed, but somehow it made her feel better. The final 10 minutes were spent with Clara and Jenny going over the reading they had had asked Brian to do. Jesse and Erin just listened. It was almost like a book club, but Jesse noticed that the reading talked a lot about what it meant to be a man morally and ethically. Brian had done the reading and seemed to have bought into the ideas that Clara and Jenny thought were important. But he had some unexpected insights, and all the women realized that this was an intelligent person. Jesse of course had known that before, in spite of the former Erin's difficulties with school. They all felt optimistic that Brian would emerge from this experience as a good man. The end of the visit came all too soon. The women bade Brian good bye. Jenny and Clara always cried at leaving Brian, as much as they knew he deserved his sentence. It was too much like leaving their son/brother in prison. This time, Jesse cried too. Even Erin was a little bit misty eyed, in spite of her continued anger at Brian's treatment of her in the past. They could see that Brian himself was working to suppress tears, but did not comment on it, knowing how important it was for him to put on a macho face. They all said they would see him soon, and Jesse said she would write. When they left the visiting room, they were pensive and hardly even heard the customary catcalls on the way to the front office. Erin had to stop and change three children, but Clara and Jesse helped which made things go quickly. Then, after a visit to the lady's room, they were off. Once in the car, Clara gave Mary a bottle and Erin nursed Aaron and Carli. The next two weeks, Erin was taking care of her babies by herself most of the week. It was frantic, but she found little strategies to make it work and make all the babies happy and insure everything got done to insure their safety and health. One thing she realized was that she had to get a driver's license and a car, so she could get the babies to various appointments. But for now, she was dependent on others. The twins had an appointment with the pediatrician on Wednesday afternoon. Clara had volunteered to get off work early and bring her and the babies to the appointment. So, Erin rushed to get the twins bath done early and tried to get them to sleep for the morning nap on time. She was fairly successful, and then played with Mary for a few minutes before trying to get her down. But Mary just was not sleepy. She was a very active and rambunctious child, although very sweet and loving, and seemed to be giving up morning naps already. So, Erin put Mary in her walker while she cleaned herself up and otherwise got ready for the appointment. She wrote out a series of questions that she needed to ask the pediatrician. Then she made herself and Clara some PB&J sandwiches and cut some apple for lunch. Right after that the twins woke up, Carli first and then her crying woke up Aaron. Erin left Mary in the walker and went upstairs. She realized leaving a child in a walker unattended was frowned on, but Mary was now so active that she couldn't confine her to a car seat any more. Mary now rocked and pushed and squirmed and had shown she could tip herself over and hurt herself. So, Erin would leave her in her walker in the middle of the room and then rush upstairs and get the twins and bring them down, hopefully before Mary could get into too much trouble. Erin squirreled clothing and diapers for the twins' downstairs and would be able to change them there. Once Erin got the twins changed, she nursed them, before preparing a bottle for Mary. She was just about through with the bottle when Clara showed up. Erin had persuaded her that it would just be best to come in, not ring and wait for Erin. So, Clara walked in, said "Hi Erin, Sorry I'm late." Erin had not been aware Clara was late. She said, "That's OK. I'm just ready for lunch. I made some sandwiches and cut an apple." Clara, "Maybe we should eat it on the way Sis. Your appointment is at 1. We need to get going." So, Erin quickly put the sandwiches in a bag and the apple in a Ziploc and took another 10 minutes to get all the babies strapped into their safety harnesses and they were on their way. Clara asked, "How're you doing, Sis?" Erin, "I need another set of hands. There is just so much to do in order to accomplish anything. But things will get better. In a year, the twins will be starting to get independent, Mary will be an active two-year-old who needs less care, but more watching, and I will have the routine down pat." Clara laughed, "And you will be married and pregnant with triplets." Erin said, "God, don't even joke about that, Clara. I think I would have a nervous breakdown." Clara, "I think I will join you on that." Erin's asked, "What do you mean, Clara?" Clara said, "I'm pregnant." Erin, "Stop. Pull over. Tell me everything." So, Clara told her the simple details. She had missed a period, bought a home pregnancy test kit, and gotten a positive result. And yesterday she had visited an OB-GYN who confirmed it. Then Erin asked, "Is Robert happy?" Clara, "Yes, he certainly seems to be." Then Erin started crying and said "Congratulations, Sis. I'm very happy for you." Of course, Clara started crying too and the two sisters hugged as best they could. Then Clara noticed some people on the sidewalk looking at them and decided to get going without further display. But Erin opened the window and shouted, "My sister's having a baby. Say congratulations." So, several women waved at Clara and said "Congratulations." Clara joked, "I'll get you for that, Erin." Erin asked the assistant at the doctor's office if her sister could come in and be with them during the appointment. She looked at Erin and then at Clara and said, "I don't see why not if you are happy with it." Erin, "I would prefer it." The pediatrician came in and Erin introduced her to Clara as her sister. Like her assistant, she looked the two women over, but decided not to challenge the claim that they were sisters. Then she checked all three babies over carefully and pronounced them healthy. She again told Erin that Mary was a very big girl, in the upper 5% height for girls. Erin asked, "How tall do you think she will be, Doc?" the doctor said, "At least 6 feet. Probably taller." Erin, "Do you think she will have any problems due to her height?" Doctor, "Well, many tall girls do become very sensitive about it. But you should be able to help her with that. After all, you are not far from 6 ft. tall yourself." Erin, "Well I was such a tomboy, it didn't bother me. If she is sensitive about it, I might not be able to help." Doctor, "There is a support group for tall girls and their parents. If it becomes a problem, look it up." Erin, "OK. How about the twins. Do they show signs of being big or small?" Doctor, "They will probably be about average. Do all the babies have the same father?" Erin, "No. Mary's father was 6' 7", and big in proportion. The twins' father was not a big man." Doctor, "Well, then, the sizes of the babies is unremarkable. But the most important thing about any child is not their body, but whether they are happy with who they are. That is something that you can help them with." Erin, "Yes, Doctor. I've been doing a lot of reading. I plan to do everything I can to help my babies be happy within themselves." After the appointment, Clara took Erin and the babies home and stayed until Mom McLoughlin got home at 4:30. Erin put Mary down for a nap. That was easy, since she had not had one in the morning. Then Erin allowed Aaron and Carli to nurse and got them down for a nap. Then Erin and Clara spent the time when the babies were asleep taking about Brian. They also talked about Clara being pregnant and plans she and Robert were making. The twins were only asleep for an hour and when they woke up, Erin noticed Mary was awake too. So that kept the two women busy changing diapers, cleaning the babies, and putting clothes on Mary. By the time that was done, Mom was home. Erin and Clara had planned to ask Mom to care for the twins and take Mary out and do some things to get ready for Erin's date with Tony. But Mom made it clear that she would rather be part of any preparation for Erin's date with Tony. Erin could not blame her. When Erin had grown up, she had not wanted to do anything girlish, and she and Mom had fought constantly. Now, Erin's outlook was very feminine, and Mom and she got along well. So, it was natural that Mom would want to be part of Erin's life. So, Erin agreed to Mom's participation, even though it limited what Clara and Erin could talk about. The three women and three babies went to the mall and had a pleasant, informal dinner at the food court. The twins indicated they needed to nurse, and without thinking, Erin put a towel over her breasts and allowed them to nurse. Then Mom said, "How did your visits at the prison go?" So, Clara and Erin told her an edited story of what happened, including that Jesse had known Brian before and that he enjoyed her visit and that she had joined the other women in urging him to change the behavior that lead him to prison. Mom knew that Erin and Brian had some sort of relationship, but Erin never wanted to talk about it. Erin being involved with a guy in prison, and also with Jesse brought back memories of the old Erin in High School, and worried Mom. Nevertheless, it did sound like Jesse had adopted a more positive and constructive attitude now. Mom looked at Erin and said, "Erin, a year ago you and Jesse were both very negative and angry. Now you are totally different. I wish I could bottle whatever changed you. Erin said, "Mom, when you have a baby to take care of, it is counterproductive to be negative and angry." Mom, "Yes, but many men and women do it anyway, and do irreparable harm to their children in the process. Well, that is not happening with you and your babies, so I don't need to be concerned." After dinner they went to find a pretty dress for Erin to start the date in. Erin bought a colorful sundress that Clara and mom agreed looked nice on her. It wasn't practical or easy to care for, just the sort of dress a carefree 20-year-old would buy and just right for this occasion. Erin was concerned that it showed the tattoos on her arms, but Clara said, "They're there, Erin. Someday you will get rid of them. But you can't hide under a rock until that day comes. Just ignore them and everyone else will too." Erin was dubious but agreed. Then they went to Victoria's Secret to shop for pretty nightwear. Neither the old or the new Erin had ever worn such clothes. Erin had an idea of what colors would work for her, yellow or light blue or maybe pink. Brian had had a much darker complexion and looked best in strong colors, dark green and reds. But, from experience, Erin knew that these colors did not look good with her fair skin and blond hair. But she had no idea of what style of nightwear she should buy and welcomed suggestions from Clara and Mom. The clothes that both women suggested were semitransparent and would put her body on display. Erin said, "Guys, I'm not comfortable with something like that. I'm not pretty enough. I was thinking something less revealing." Clara said "Nonsense, you are very pretty, and the idea is to vamp it up a little and have fun and give Tony something to think about." Erin looked to mom for support, but Mom said, "I agree with Clara. You are pretty, and you and Tony are young and in love. You should dress to please him, and I guarantee that semitransparent, frilly clothes will please a man more than practical clothes." So, Erin asked a clerk for advice, and the clerk pointed out a few fashions that would look good with her height and coloring. Still resisting the idea of really sexy pajamas, Erin said, "Maybe I should wear something that conceals the ugly tattoos on my arm?" The clerk replied "Yes, they are ugly. Why did you get them if you hate them so much?" Erin "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, two years ago." Then the clerk said, "It won't matter, your man won't be looking at your arms much anyway." That caused Erin to blush a deep red. Finally, with some urging by Mom and Clara, Erin picked out two sets of very sexy, frilly, revealing pajamas, one yellow and one light blue. Then Clara insisted that Erin model them to insure they looked good. Erin turned beet red but tried on each outfit. Both were a little big because she lost a little more weight since she had last bought clothes and her estimation of size was off. So, she had to try on a smaller size of each. Clara and Mom agreed that both looked great on her, so Erin selected the yellow baby-doll pajama. They still had time before her hair appointment, so Clara insisted they look at some sexy earrings and perfume. Finally, after the hair appointment, Erin felt ready for her "date" with Tony. The shopping trip made Erin realize that she still really struggled with some aspects of femininity and wondered if that was due to having once been a boy. She hoped that this hesitance would not affect her evening with Tony. Tuesday night, she had told Tony she would be late. So, Wednesday, he didn't call until after she had gotten Mary and the twins to sleep. He said "Hi, Erin. How are you? How are Mary, and the twins?" Erin, "We're good, Tony. How're the boys?" Tony laughed. "I talked to them an hour ago. Alonzo actually asked when they could see you again. I think that boy is sweeter on you than I am." Erin smiled to herself and said, "Well, tell him I want to see him too. Tony, I can't wait for you to get home. Is everything still on for our weekend together?" Tony, "I wouldn't miss it for the world, Babe. I'm really curious. But most of all, I just want to be with you." Erin, "I want to be with you too Tony." Tony, "So just say you'll marry me and we can spend the weekend getting a wedding license and finding a pastor. We're meant to be together, Erin. I'm convinced of that. Why delay it? What can cause you to doubt it? What can have happened before this that would make me not want to be with you?" Erin, "Just trust me, Tony. There is something you need to know. You'll understand. Next weekend." Tony, "OK. But it better be good, or you will never live it down." Erin, "It will be." Tony, "OK, I have a little news. I'll be done with work a day early. And I think I have the apartment sublet, so I plan to come home a day early. That'll give me a day with the boys on Friday. Should we come over?" Erin, "Sure. I'd love to see the boys and I 'd love to see you earlier." But you'll be pretty tired in the morning. So how about coming over in the afternoon." Tony, "We'll be there." Thursday, Erin was on her own. Things went well, although busy. She got a call from Jesse in mid-afternoon, asking if she wanted some company tomorrow. In truth, Erin did. She loved her babies, but with nothing else happing for a week until Tony got home, she was bored. The next morning, Jesse knocked quietly at 7:30. Erin was up with the babies and opened the door. Jesse laughed and said, "God, Erin it's almost like us meeting early when we were in school and running off to get into something we weren't supposed to." Erin laughed too. She could only imagine what that might be. Then Jesse said, "except we didn't have three rug rats to worry about. Hi Mary." Mary was always happy to be the center of attention and laughed, and Jesse said, "All right if I pick her up?" Erin said, "Sure. She'll love it." Jesse started to ask about Brian, but Erin said, "Ssh, later. Mom doesn't know." But Mom had heard, and said, "I don't know what? I think you can tell me everything now." So, Jesse looked a t Erin, and saw something she interpreted as permission, and spun a story that made Erin and mom both gasp. Mom said, "Gees you two. it's amazing you didn't spend your whole youth in juvenile detention." Erin silently agreed. Jesse said, "Yeah, pretty stupid. But we lucked out until we grew up. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good." Mom gave Erin a stern look that said, "You've got three babies to take care of, so don't do anything like that again." Erin just looked down suppressing a smile and said, "I won't, Mom." Then Fran came down, and said, "Hi Jesse. I hear you are taking a cooking course." Jesse, "Yes. Actually, I am working at a restaurant now, but just general help for now." Fran, "Good for you. I don't want to hear your name on the radio anymore," referring to an incident the previous year. Jesse just smiled. It was clear she found Fran very intimidating. Then Fran laughed and said, "Sorry Jesse, I didn't mean to give you a bad time. I'm happy you and my Sis are both going straight. Tell me if I can help." Jesse looked at Erin and mouthed "Sis?" Erin just nodded and laughed. After Mom and Dad and Fran left, Jesse asked Erin, "So you and Fran are on good terms now?" Erin said, "Yes. I'm happy for it. As Brian I had a sister that was my friend. I wanted the same thing as Erin. But, when I first arrived as Erin, Fran had other names for me." Jesse, "Umm, I guess to her you were just the Erin she had always known." Erin, "Yeah, it took a while before she looked at me differently." Jesse, "You have a way of winning people over." After that Jesse only wanted to talk about Brian. Did Erin really think Brian was starting to grow up? When did she think he would get out? What did he need in prison? What kind of books were Jenny and Clara trying to get him to read? Did they really think he had artistic talent? And what was it like for Erin to be in love with her former best friend? It was clear that Jesse had been haunted by Brian since she had talked to him last Saturday. Erin was a little concerned and urged caution. But how do you tell a friend who is obviously falling in love to not be in love? Jesse assured Erin that she would act responsibly and reinforce any influences toward responsibility that Jenny and Clara were trying to instill in Brian. But it was clear that Jesse had found a new enthusiasm in life. So aside from caring for the babies, Erin let Jesse just talk about Brian all morning. Actually, it passed the time, so Erin was glad for it. Then Jesse asked if Jenny or Clara would be going up to Nola this weekend. Erin said she wasn't, but didn't know about Clara or Jenny. She could call. Jesse said, "Please." So, Erin called and found that Clara and Jenny were going up Saturday. She arranged for Jesse to go along. Jesse was very happy for that. Then Erin realized that Jesse was lonely. She had cut her ties with the old group. Erin was a little concerned that Brian would take advantage of her, but reflected that Jesse was pretty tough and that there were far worse things for her to get involved with than volunteer work that Jenny and Clara were doing at Nola Prison. Erin had a low-key weekend, caring for her babies and staying home with Mom and Dad Saturday and then spending Sunday going to church and talking to Debbie after church and talking to Clara later on the phone. Clara said that Jesse and Brian had spent a half hour talking and that Jesse had encouraged Brian to work with Clara and Jenny on the literature they suggested and on the Art Course materials they had provided. Tony called every night. It was hard for her to guarantee being available at any particular time, so she would usually have to call him back when the babies were asleep. Then she and Tony would talk about his day and her day, about their families and their children, about what they needed to do when he got back to Blakefield, and about their hopes and dreams for their lives. Erin realized how deeply in love she was and that she was starting to plan for a life together, even though she realized she was setting herself up for disappointment if things didn't work out. The next week, Jesse came over several mornings. Erin enjoyed her visits and they shared their concerns and hopes. They had a lot in common, including knowing about the swap and falling in love with their former best friends. Erin found Jesse funny and filled with enthusiasm while Jesse found in Erin someone who was organized and calm and basically optimistic about life. Most important for Erin was the Jesse being their helped her day go by faster. By the next Thursday, Erin was on pins and needles. She had gotten into a child care rhythm and everything went pretty well. Erin even got some time to herself and used it to try to clean up the kitchen a bit, hoping it would help Mom. But that didn't stop her from going over her plans for Friday and Saturday. She thought she had considered everything. She had a reservation at the motel Clara had suggested, and she had a dinner reservation at a good downtown restaurant. She had gotten enough money out of her savings account to pay for the motel and dinner, knowing Tony was now between jobs. Then next day, she would meet Jenny and Clara at 10 at the Nola Detention center and introduce Tony to LaTesha. And she had a visiting time with Brian at 11. Erin would reveal who she was to Tony before that and they would talk to Brian. Hopefully, all would go well. But Erin nervously went over it again and again, looking for things she had forgotten. Finally, she focused on other things, her babies, and her family, to drive the worries away. Friday morning, Jesse came over again. Erin was glad to have her since otherwise she would have been a nervous wreck. They talked about Erin's plan for Tony's visit. At 1, the doorbell rang, and Erin carried Aaron over and opened the door and Alonzo came in shouting "Hi Erin," with Duncan close behind." The both circled around Erin and tried to talk. Erin greeted them and sat down with Aaron, and Alonzo told her what they had been doing at their Grandmothers house. She expected them to ask for a story, but they didn't. A few seconds later Tony came in and sat beside Erin and gave her a sweet kiss that made Erin anxious for their date tonight. Then Erin said, "Tony, boys, I'd like to introduce an old friend of mine who had been helping me with the twins. This is Jesse. We went to school together and were best friends for years." Jesse, "Since grade school." Tony was a little surprised at having someone else there, but Tony and his friend Brian had both been schooled in putting acquaintances at ease, so he recovered quickly and smiled and said "Pleased to meet you, Jesse. Thank you so much for helping Erin with the twins. How are you doing?" Jesse, who had worried about being resented, felt better about being there and said, "Well, Thank You. I've heard a lot about you from Erin. All good. I can see she is right. Well, I should get going now." Tony, "Please don't leave because of me. I'd love to get to know more about what you and Erin did in High School. And as you can see from the number of us, this is hardly a date. So please stay." Jesse, "OK, But I won't tell you everything about what Erin and I did in high school. No relationship could survive that." Erin laughed and said, "Gee, Thanks Jesse." Then Alonzo said, "Dad, Can I ask now?" Tony said, "OK, Alonzo." Alonzo, "Erin, can you read us a story? Please." Erin, "Sure, if your father can help hold one of the babies." Alonzo looked at Tony expectantly. Tony, "Sure, and took Aaron from Erin's hands." Erin said, "Alonzo, I bought a new book specially to read to you and Duncan." Then, she introduced the book and read it along with sound effects and feigned actions. As always Alonzo and Duncan were entranced by any story that Erin read, but Jesse was almost as entranced. Tony told Jesse, "Has Erin always had this way with kids, Jesse." Jesse, "Yes, I suspect so." After that Alonzo begged for another, but Erin said, "Later, I will read one later. For now, I sense I have to clean one of the babies up." Sure enough, Aaron was messy, and Erin took the twins upstairs and changed them and cleaned them up, while Jesse stayed down and cared for Mary and Carli while Tony read the boys a story himself. Jesse and Tony talked a little about high school. Jesse learned that Tony, and she presumed Brian, had gone to the prep high school in town, which most of her classmates thought of as a bunch of snobs. But Tony had graduated 6 years before her, so they didn't have any friends in common, although Tony did have a vague memory of competing against Fran in a high school golf tournament when he was a senior and she was a freshman. All in all, Jesse certainly saw what Erin liked in Tony, he was handsome, kind, a great father, and a warm personality. Tony regarded Jesse as a young woman who was likable, generous, and seemed to want to find her place in the world. But she seemed so much younger than Erin. It was as though Erin was his age, not five years younger. He had to remember her age and not expect too much from her. Erin came back down, and they talked for another half hour. Jesse did decline to talk about high school escapades. She said that was for Erin to tell. Erin greatly appreciated not having to try to explain any more things that the old Erin had done and decided that Jesse was a real friend. Jesse saw the fondness that Erin and Tony showed each other as they talked and touched each other. This relationship was special. She hoped it would endure this weekend. After a while Jesse said she had to go since she had to be at work and was traveling by bus. Tony asked if she needed a ride, but Jesse said, "No, if I leave now I should be all right. It was nice to meet you Tony." Erin walked with her to the door, and Jesse said, "I see why you love him Erin. He's gorgeous." Erin smiled, "and such a sweetheart too." The rest of the afternoon, Erin and Tony just enjoyed their 'family' time. At 3, Erin got the twins down for a second nap, but Mary steadfastly refused to go to sleep. She really was growing up quickly. So, Tony and Erin spent time with Mary and Alonzo and Duncan while the twins slept. Erin read the second new story to Alonzo and Duncan, while Tony held Mary, and noticed Mary imitating Alonzo's and Duncan's reactions to the stories. At 4:15 the twins woke up and Erin allowed them to nurse and put them in clean onesies. Then she and the twins rejoined everyone else downstairs. Tony said he and the boys had to leave. He would drop them off with his mother and come back at 6 and pick her up for their date. Alonzo pulled on Erin's dress and she bent over and he said in her ear, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but Dad said he was going to ask you to marry him. Please don't tell him I told you, and please say yes." For once, she couldn't think of a good answer to a child's question. She finally said, "We will have to see what happens, Alonzo. I won't tell your father what you said." After Tony left, Erin got out her breast pump and tried to store away some milk for Mom to mix with formula to help the twins accept formula, which they had never had before. She managed to store almost one feeding. But that meant she had to try to give the twins a mixture went they became hungry just before Mom got home. They seemed dubious, but Erin gave them the bottle at her breast, so they had all the normal smells. Hopefully this experience would provide a good transition to formula feeding tonight. Erin reminded herself to thank Mom again every day for the rest of her life for doing this. After working all week, to come home for the weekend and take care of two newborns and a rambunctious almost 1-year-old for the weekend was going above and beyond what Mom should have to do. At 5, Mom came home. Mary was in her walker and made her way to Mom and Mom picked up and made a point of asking how her big girl was. It was almost as though Mary understood and she waved her arms and babbled a bit. Mom was pleased although she knew Mary was a total ham and acted out for every adult who payed attention to her. Then Erin went through the instructions that she had written for mom. She was so meticulous that Mom finally stopped her and said, "We'll be OK, Erin. I've raised three babies of my own you know." Erin, "Yes, but not at the same time, Mom. It'll be a chore and I'm trying to pass on some of the ways I balance things." Mom, "OK, You're right, Erin. I know how meticulous you are. I'll listen. But even if I'm not perfect, we'll get by. Don't worry." Erin smiled, and realized that she was being a bit controlling (OK, more than a bit). She said, "I'm not worried about the babies Mom. I know you are very competent at caring for babies. I'm worried about you." Mom, "I'm not so old you need to be concerned, Honey. It'll be fun to be with my Grandbabies." Then Erin giggled, and went through the rest of her spiel." Mom said, "OK, Hon." Several times.