My New Life free porn video

"They will look good on you." I turned round to see the comment was made by a Marks & Spencer sales assistant. She was attractive and I guessed she was in her late 40s. She had found me holding up a pair of woman's full brief style panties against my waist. I was embarrassed but still found the courage to say, "Do you think black is my colour?" "Yes I do and the style is perfect. Are you a transvestite? I've seen you here in the lingerie department on a number of occasions and I have also seen you buy several pairs of panties, a bra, a slip and even a nightdress. I assume they were all for you? Does your wife know you wear women's underwear?" Even more embarrassed I replied yes and no to her questions. "My late husband was a transvestite but I only found that out after his death. Then I found four suitcases full of women's clothes, underwear and what I believe are called toys. Heh why don't you go and pay for your panties and then come back to my apartment; it's only a few minutes away and you can help me sort my husband's clothes. Maybe even try some them on," she said teasingly. "Oh I don't know about that," I said although I did find the offer tempting, very tempting. "Go on. Nobody will any the wiser." That did it. I paid for my panties and then waited for the woman to sign off her shift. It only took 10 minutes to reach the woman's apartment. It was on the top floor of three and looked expensive. We took the lift and entered the apartment which was very well furnished. It had two bedrooms. "Forgive me. Let me introduce myself. I'm Fiona and I'm 56." A well preserved 56 I thought. "I'm John and I'm 62," I replied. "Tea?" "Please," I responded. Fiona left me in the lounge as she went to make the tea. When she returned she poured two cups and then sat opposite me. "If you don't mind me asking but how to you get into wearing women's clothing?" Fiona asked. I don't know what it was but Fiona seemed to have a way of persuasion because I opened up completely to her. I told her it started when I was 14. I was doing my paper round and was delivering papers to a flat with an outside balcony when I saw the panties on the line. They were navy blue and obviously belonged to a schoolgirl. I stole them and got immense sexual gratification wearing them. From then onwards I stole women's underwear from many washing lines in about a three mile radius of my home. I also "acquired" a gym slip, a frilly blouse, two cotton waltz length nighties and a short skirt. But it's fair to say it was mostly panties I stole including a pair of bottle green schoolgirl ones and a pair of full cut white nylon ones much like the ones I had bought today. After I left school I started to buy my own women's underwear. "Wow" Fiona said. I had been explaining for around two hours with my explanations being far more extensive than I've mentioned here and during that time Fiona never interrupted. "Time for more tea me thinks" Fiona said and disappeared again. She came back almost immediately saying she'd forgotten why we were in her apartment. She led me into what I took was the spare bedroom. I saw the four suitcases on the bed all open. I picked up a pair of nylon panties . They were of the full brief style. Then I picked up a full nylon slip. Sheepishly I said to Fiona the underwear and indeed the dresses etc all seemed to be like that my mother wore or like the items I stole from the washing lines. "That's what I thought. Not of course I know what your mother wore." Fiona giggled and said, "I think you would look good in the white panties you just picked up." "You think so," secretly agreeing with her. "Why don't you try them on. I'll leave the room when you put them on. I want to make it clear though I don't want any sex involved between us." I agreed. "Call me when you have the panties on." Without waiting for my response Fiona left the room. Do I or don't I. I did. I stripped all my clothes off and stepped into the white nylon panties and pulled them up around my waist. They fitted snugly and felt wonderful. "I'm wearing them," I called to Fiona who came quickly back to the bedroom. "Forgive me for being crude but I thought you would have a raging hard on." "I'm not offended but I'm diabetic and from time to time I do find it difficult to get an erection." "I'm so sorry." Thank you I said. "What would you say if I suggested you dress completely as a woman. I could makeup your face and there is a number a wigs you could wear," said Fiona. She sensed my hesitation and went to a suitcase and extracted a pair of silicone breast forms. "Look you would look wonderful wearing these. You would have a good figure meaning that with makeup you would not look like a man in drag." That sold it to me and I agreed. Fiona had me lie on my back on the bed. She took one of the breast forms and applied some adhesive. Then she placed it carefully on my chest ensuring my nipple was seated in the indentation on the back of the breast form. I was surprised how smooth it fitted. Fiona repeated the process with the second breast form. A little makeup camouflaged well the already faint joins between the breasts and my chest. "The instructions say lie flat for 15 minutes to allow the adhesive to set fully so you'd better do that" 15 minutes later I sat up. "Wow they're heavy." "I'm told each breast weighs about the same as a bag of sugar. Not so much a problem for women as we grow them over a period of time and we do wear training bras as they grow," said Fiona. "Oh and I forgot to tell you they were marked 44DD on the backs. You are going to be a well endowed woman. Does that worry you?" "A little," I replied as I stood up nearly falling over because of the weight of the breasts. "You'll soon learn to compensate," laughed Fiona. I had my doubts but she was right. I did compensate for the weight once I was wearing a bra. It was white with matching lace around the cups. Fiona had me nestle my (OMG I said my) breasts in the cups as the straps went over my shoulders. Fiona fastened the bra behind my back saying it's an acquired art doing up a bra. I felt like saying they are easy to undo; I should know having undone many during my life. But I didn't. I certainly felt more stabilized on my feet wearing the bra. "Although I'm not sure I don't think women wore tights in the early sixties. Certainly there isn't any here so it will have to be stockings and suspenders. I do have suspenders that I wore for my husband when he was frisky. Hmm. Enough of that though!" Fiona had a wry smile when she said that. Fiona showed me how to put on the white frilly suspender belt by putting it on back to front and then turning it round. The brown stockings were very fine, 15 denier Fiona said, and easy to ladder so I was very careful as I pulled them up my legs and attached them to the suspender tabs. "Tut tut. We will have to get your legs etc shaved." Fiona said. "We are not finished with underwear yet" Said Fiona as she held up a full length white nylon slip which she had me pull over my head. It eased down over my body finishing just below my knees. The slip had a thin line of fine lace around the hem and more around the bodice. It was of the older style having built up shoulder straps. Fiona said most ladies of my age wore nylon slips in the early sixties. She, and a number of men she knew, thought it a pity slips were now out of fashion. "Underwear complete. Now for a jumper." Fiona handed me a bright pink round neck jumper which like the slip I pulled over my head. Impractically it had three buttons at the back which Fiona watched me struggle to do up. The jumper was tight and really emphasized how large my false breasts were. "I think we will do your makeup next." Fiona had me sit in front of a dressing table. What I saw in the mirror was a man wearing a pink jumper and white nylon slip. Fiona gave me what she called the full works - pencilled in eyebrows, pale blue eyeliner and eyeshadow, rouge cheeks and pink lips. Fiona left the choice of wigs to me. There were four to choose from and I chose the black one. It was straight down to just above my shoulders with a thick fringe. My feminization, for that is what is was, was completed by me pulling up a black skirt around my waist and a pair of 2" black heels on to my feet. "Nothing too high to start with" Fiona said. She adjusted the skirt so a quarter of an inch or so of the slip showed below the hem. "Men like to see a hint of a woman's underwear. It excites them. Only the little hair on your face and body spoils the effect but we can deal with that later." I couldn't help but agree with her as I looked at the mature woman in the long mirror. "It doesn't normally take that long for a woman to dress but I thought you would enjoy the feeling as you put each item of clothing on." That was an understatement. Fiona certainly knew how to turn on my erotic feelings. As time was getting on Fiona suggested we eat. Together we prepared a simple meal and ate it sitting side by side on the sofa. After we finished and had done the washing up we were again on the sofa. "When you hear what I've got to say you are either going to thank me or more likely hate me. I've seen you with your wife in Marks on a number of occasions so I know what she looks like. A few weeks ago I saw her with a man. They were kissing and he had his hand on her breast. Rightly or wrongly I took some pics on my mobile 'phone." Fiona showed me the pictures of my wife and the man. He was my wife's boss. Seeing how deflated I was Fiona wisely said nothing. After some five minutes or so Fiona took my hand and said, "I think you have a decision to make. Either you go home and have it out with her where the result may well be the same or you stay here and live your life as a woman which is what I sense you want. To help you decide you can stay here as long as you want but as I said before no sex. I can offer you a job in a charity shop to offset your board and lodging and of course you can have all my late husband's clothes. But I'm not going to influence your decision." Eventually I made my decision. "I want to live as a woman and live here if you'll have me." "Of course I will." "Then we will need to tell you wife. I suggest we email her the pics and tell her it's over between you and her emphasing what you want is to become a woman. This will probably hurt her as much as her affair has hurt you. I'll help you draft the email and I think you should send her pics of you dressed as you are now." I thought about it and agreed. The email was sent about two hours later. "I can see you are tired. I suggest you go to bed shortly. You will, of course, want to wear a nightdress? Fortunately there's a wide choice. I leave you to choose one and put it on." Fiona was right and I was tired. Not in mood for anything sexy I chose a pink full length winceyette one. It had a Peter Pan collar, three buttons down the front and long button cuff sleeves. I took all my clothes off and slipped the nightdress on followed by a brown cardigan, the latter I suppose to help hide my false breasts; to preserve my modesty. When I returned to Fiona again she made no comment. Instead she poured me a stiff drink. "Dressed like that I can't keep calling you John. What would you like me to call you?" I thought about it. "What about Christine?" "Christine it is then. Cheers. You'll need a second name. Can I suggest Mary?" "Christine Mary it is then," I replied. After I had finished my drink I took myself to bed. Fiona gave me a little peck on the cheek as she tucked me in. She smiled and said that didn't set a precedent. I had a rough night but eventually got to sleep around four in the morning. I awoke with Fiona shaking my shoulder. "Wake up sleepy head. It's nearly 11. I've put some clothes out for you which I think you will like. I hope you don't mind? I suggest you have a shower before you get dressed. Before you do I have some news you might not like. I can't find any solvent to remove your breast forms and the tube of adhesive says the breasts will stay affixed to the chest for a minimum of at least 3 months." "Wow. Looks like they are going to be part of my life from now on." I smiled as I said that. I took the shower after removing the wig, which I realized I had left on all night. The shower certainly refreshed me. I found the clothes Fiona had left me on the bed. The underwear was much the same as yesterday: a lace trimmed bra, full cut nylon panties and suspender belt all coral pink, at least that's what the labels said. A waist nylon slip replaced the full slip I wore yesterday. It too was coral pink. Over the underwear I put on a white nylon blouse. Of course my well filled bra could clearly be seen. A brown pleated skirt and the same heels I had on yesterday completed my appearance. Fiona replaced my wig and makeup. "How do you feel?" Christine. "Better," I replied. "I've just received an email from your wife. She agrees the best thing is for you to both divorce on the grounds the marriage has irretrievably broken down. So no blame on either party. All future dealings to be made through respective lawyers." "I suppose that's good news," I said. After lunch Fiona drove me along the coast where we walked and talked about nothing in particular. It was a blowy day and I had trouble keeping my skirt down. Fiona giggled and said that so long as my panties did not show I should allow my skirt to rise so my slip showed. It turns dirty old men wild she said. Hmm. As we sat in the car before returning home Fiona said "you need to consider your future. Apart from facial and body hair you look every bit the mature woman I think you want to be. The hair can easily be removed. I'm going to be blunt. I think you should consider a sex change operation and become a complete woman. There I've said it. I hope you're not offended." Wow. Fiona was certainly forthright. I told her I would think about it. Eventually it was her confirming I could stay in her apartment for as long as needed and that she would fully support me throughout my transition that I told her that night that I did want the sex change operation and become a full woman. Next day was Sunday. "Why don't you be a little more adventurous with your underwear today." With that she left me to get dressed. I took her at her word and first put on a red bra followed by red nylon camiknickers (teddy) trimmed with black lace. The camiknickers were unusual in the sense they had no buttons or poppers between the legs. Next a pink nylon blouse and a pair of women's slacks that zipped up at the side. I decided not to wear any stockings. I also decided on higher heels and wore a beige pair with 4" heels. With difficulty I tottered into the lounge where Fiona was waiting for me. "Feel sexy Christine? That blouse looks sensational. I see you managed the buttons at the back. Well worth the effort as it shows your breasts to wonderful effect. And the camiknickers look very sexy. My husband never allowed me to wear underwear like that. What a hypocrite he was. All the time he was dressing up in sexy underwear." "You need to leave the makeup off today as I going to remove your facial hair starting with the right hand side this morning and the other side this afternoon. I'll be using a laser pen which I usually use on my legs, underarms and a naughty place which I think you know where." I did - Fiona was referring to her fanny as a girlfriend once called her vagina. "It will hurt and your face will be sore for a while although I will apply a moisturizer that will ease the pain." Fiona was right. My face was sore for a number of days and for some unknown reason the left side hurt more but the moisturizer did help. After we had eaten that night Fiona asked me if I was serious about becoming a woman. Without any hesitation I said I did. "Then you'll need to consult a doctor next week so as to start the process as soon as possible. I believe you have to live as a woman for at least a year before any surgery can take place. Who is you doctor?" I told Fiona "Hmm I don't think a man is appropriate. How's about I phone my doctor and see if you can transfer to her?" I agreed that seem to make sense. "Dr Alison Jones it is then. I'll give the surgery a call tomorrow. Now we need to decide what you're to wear tomorrow for working in the shop. I'll leave to you to choose your the underwear. You seem to know what to wear. I suggest your wear a cream jumper and the brown pinafore dress. You need to dress rather conservatively so as not to upset the older ladies who use the shop. Flat shoes are a must as you will be on your feet most of the day. I'll be with you for the first hour or so in order to show you the ropes." The next day I rose at seven, took a shower and then put on white underwear including a full slip. As Fiona suggested I then put on the cream jumper and brown pinafore dress. I had an attempt at my makeup which whilst reasonable was partly redone by Fiona. "You need practice so we'll spend some time each evening this week doing and redoing your makeup." We walked to the shop. I was wearing flats as suggested by Fiona. At the shop I was introduced to Martyn, who was effectively the manager, and whom Fiona had previously told me was gay. Because he was still in the closet Fiona was confident he would not be broadcasting I was transitioning and was now living as a woman. Between them Fiona and Martyn showed me the ropes. After around an hour Fiona left for her part time job in Marks which because of flexi hours she could start at anytime within reason. I spent most of the first day mainly sorting out clothes to go on the rails for sale. Most of the items were women's clothes of the more mature kind including a few items of underwear. It had all been cleaned before sale. In these straightened times there was a good trade in secondhand clothes and turnover was good. Once or twice I noticed men in the shop and mainly they browsed and bought trousers or shirts although I did see one run his hand over a nightdress. I could not tell if he was a transvestite or looking for something for his wife or girlfriend. My work at the shop for the remainder of the week was much the same and i wore the same pinafore dress but varied the jumpers. I of course wore different underwear but it was always white. On Wednesday Fiona told me she had got me an appointment with the doctor on Monday. Fiona would come with me if i wanted her to. I did. Monday came all too quickly and I was very nervous. I again chose white underwear but I decided a padded bra would be more appropriate than the breast forms I had been wearing up to then. Fortunately Fiona had found a shop selling solvent that helped me remove the breast forms. A simple white nylon blouse, brown knee length pleated skirt and tan stockings completed my attire. 2" brown heels were on my feet. Fiona drove me to the doctors which was on the edge of town. I checked in under my new name and completed some paperwork transferring my records from my old doctor. After a few minutes wait I was ushered in to see the doctor. Fiona had to remain outside. "A few questions first before a physical check" the doctor said. "Why do you want to become a woman Christine." Straight to the point I thought. "Well I used to think I was just a crossdresser and that it was a sexual thing. But as time went by I found it wasn't so sexual. I began to feel feelings that normally a woman has. Mentally I longed to be a woman. I hate the bits between my legs." The doctor then had me strip to my underwear. She smiled at, I guess my retro underwear but as a true professional said nothing. She eased my panties down and then examined my penis pulling the fore skin right back. A small glass tube was slid up inside my penis and then withdrawn and the secretions were put into a test tube. My testicles were examined as was my anus where a smear was taken for testing. Then I was told to pull my panties up and take my bra off which I did. The doctor paid great attention to my tiny nipples pulling and pinching them so they hurt. Then she said I could get dressed. "How big?" the doctor said. At first I did not understand what she meant. Then I realized. "44D," I said. "Hm. Your body should be able to support breasts that big. I'll let you have the test results next week. In the meantime I'll write you a prescription for hormones which you should take in accordance with the instructions. I'll also give you an injection to get things moving." And she did. In my bum with my skirt and slip up and with my panties around my knees. "I'm pleased to say, subject to the test results being OK I can recommend you receive SRS surgery" I left the doctors elated and could not wait to tell Fiona the good news. I had to see the doctor each month until my surgery was scheduled. I agreed to go private rather than use the NHS as the operations would be done quicker. I could fund the cost from my share of the divorce settlement once that was received. I got my prescription fulfilled and started my course of female hormones. After a few weeks my nipples started to itch and I was often very tetchy towards Fiona. I was often having wild mood swings. Fiona just took it as normal as this was confirmed by the doctor when I saw her. On the fourth visit she was surprised at my breast development. She measured my breasts. A B cup. That's bigger than I would have expected at this stage but it's not unknown. I think you will be DD naturally rather than need implants. Do you still get erections." I replied I did but not very often and not very hard. The doctor replied this is what again she expected. I don't know I she knew I was diabetic but it would be in my notes. I was well on the way to becoming a woman. The divorce went through and I got my share of the assets. As time past my breasts got larger. Because Fiona's husband's bras were all 44DD I only needed to reduce the forms or padding as I got bigger. My aureole on each breast grew in diameter and got darker. Skin got softer, my lips a little plumper and there were perceptible changes to my hips and bum; the former were widening and the latter was getting fatter. These changes meant my panties designed for a woman fitted better. Finally I got the go ahead for my operation. The hospital was a little distance from Fiona's apartment so I was up early so as to be there by 10 in the morning. What to wear? I choose pink nylon panties, a matching camisole, bra, suspenders and black nylon stockings. A plain white blouse and a black skirt plus a pair of black flat shoes completed my look. I was well experienced with my makeup by now and applied a little to make me look attractive in a mature way, I even had handbags now. Fiona drove me to the hospital. At the hospital the surgeon explained what was going to happen. I changed into a surgical gown, lay on the bed and was given an injection and told to count back from ten. Ten, nine, eight, seven........I was out. I came to around three hours later feeling as I had been hit by a bus. Fiona was holding my hand. "Hi. I'm told the procedures went very well. Welcome to your new life as a woman." I'd done it. I found my throat sore. Fiona said I had also had something done to my throat that had reduced my Adam's apple which in turn had increased the pitch of my voice to be more like a woman's although she did not understand what had been done. As I was very tired Fiona only stayed an hour but would be back tomorrow. The surgeon explained I would need to have a dilator inside my new vagina to prevent it from closing and one was fitted by a nurse. It looked much like a dildo. I would need to use the dilator for at least three months. Fiona came back the following afternoon and brought with her a pink full length soft nylon nightdress and a see through black nylon negligee. Not very practical in hospital but alright for my private room and as an erotic boost following my operation said the senior nurse. "More practical night attire tomorrow Miss," the nurse said to Fiona. I remained in hospital for just under three weeks and during this time I wore a number of nightdresses the nurse deemed more suitable. Eventually I was able to go home to Fiona's place. I still slept in the second bedroom and mainly still wore many of the clothes her late husband had left although I had acquired some new clothes and underwear of my own. Shortly after the need for the dilator passed both Fiona and I received an invitation from my ex wife to be guests at her wedding. I didn't want to go but Fiona suggested we should and I acquiesced to her wishes. On the appointed day, which was bright and sunny, we both wore summer dresses, mine a sunny yellow one which I wore with black underwear including a slip that could ever so slightly be seen through the dress. I suppose I wanted my former wife, Amanda, to know in an oblique way I was happy with my new life. At the wedding reception Amanda ignored us except when she passed us going to the bathroom when she said "I see the dykes have found it possible to come. Thanks for the present." Bitch! It was the following week Fiona took me by surprise. After we had eaten and done the washing up she disappeared into her room only to reappear almost immediately. She dropped down onto one knee and said "Christine will you marry me?" "With little hesitation I said yes." With that Fiona produced a small purple box, took out a diamond engagement ring and put it on the third finger of my left hand. We kissed. "You knew I'd say yes didn't you," I said. Fiona smiled. "I hoped you would." We arranged a civil wedding and it took place just over three months after Fiona had proposed. It was very small with only a few friends invited. We both wore white. My dress was a conservative affair with a tight bodice emphasizing my small waist. Underneath I wore a white basque that emphasized my large breasts, white french knickers, white suspenders and sheer white stockings. On my feet 4" white heels. The dress had a multitude of petticoats making it look much like a meringue. My hair was teased up and held in place with a tiara. Makeup was a very feminine pale blue. Fiona was very similarly dressed. After the ceremony we drove to our honeymoon at a country resort hotel. There Fiona presented me with a full length white long nightdress. "For a virgin" she said. Up to that point Fiona and I had never had sex together. She was going to deflower me as any other bride on her wedding night. She was wearing a black see through nylon baby doll nighty without panties when she emerged from the bathroom. Between her legs I could see a large pink dildo. It looked like a man's cock complete with a very realistic purple helmet. Then I noticed the dildo went inside Fiona into her vagina. It was a double ended dildo. It looked like we were both going to be in heaven that night. And indeed we were. I eventually went to sleep with my head between Fiona's thighs with my mouth nestled against her wet pussy. I moved permanently into Fiona's bedroom and her bed. She always dominated me and took the initiative where sex was concerned. I was the submissive half of the marriage. Life was wonderful and for the next eighteen months I continued to work in the shop always wearing clothes and underwear selected by Fiona. I was happy with that as it was part of her domination she had over me. She always had me wearing what has become to be known as retro clothing. In fact much of what I wear has come back into fashion these days. Fiona also now wears clothing similar to mine. Then it happened. I was raped. I was about to close the shop. Martyn had left fifteen minutes ago to take the days takings to the bank. I was just about to put the key in the door when it was forced opened by three youths. They made it clear they wanted the money from the till and any other money or valuables in the shop. I told them the only cash was tomorrow's float, ?20. There were no valuables. This got them very annoyed and the leader who appeared to be the oldest came over to me and put his hand under my chin forcing my head up. He said, "You must have some valuable assets. We'll just help ourselves to them." His other hand was feeling my right breast through my blouse. "She's got great titties. I bet her other assets will be just as great and worth taking." "Noooooo. Please don't hurt me." "That depends on you cooperation." With that he pulled me into the back of the shop and forced me to lie on my back on a short table. My head was hanging over one end and my legs the other end. One of the other youths spread my legs. As he did he pushed my skirt and slip up to reveal my pink nylon panties. "Jeez she's wearing Bridget Jones knickers except they are transparent and she has no hair down there. I can see her cunt the whore" and then he pulled my panties off. I heard a zip undoing.He'd got his cock out. It was around 6" long and not very thick. Nevertheless I did not want the first genuine cock inside me to that one. "Nooooooo," I screamed again. "Well if there's nothing else in this shithole of a shop then I'm taking my share of this goody." And with that he forced his cock into my vagina. Being used to Fiona's dildo I was able to take the cock without too much trouble but it was an invasion of my body. I wanted it out of me but the youth sensed this what I wanted and pushed in and held his cock in me by pulling on my hips. I hate myself for saying this but I started the beginnings of an orgasm. It was not helped by the ring leader now forcing his own hard cock into my mouth and then down my throat. Then I felt the youth up inside me shudder as he shot his seed in my vagina. I simultaneously had the most violent orgasm I've ever had. I felt degraded. "Shit. The old whore's enjoying it." "Further shit. I want a share of that" the third youth said. After my vagina had been emptied of cock my legs were drawn up over my head whereupon a third cock was forced into my bum where I was a true virgin. As my sphincter was breached I experienced the most excruciating pain I've ever known. I was in agony which was aggravated by the semen that was now poring directly down my throat and into my stomach. I thought my ordeal was over but no. My blouse was torn open and my bra pushed up exposing my breasts with my nipples rock hard. The throat fucker who had enjoyed himself in my mouth now sucked, pinched and pulled my nipples at the same time kneading my breasts. More excruciating pain especially when he bit into my nipples drawing blood. I was past screaming by now. I was too hoarse for that. My ordeal lasted more than an hour because each youth used me three times, each time in my mouth, vagina and anus. They finally left me huddled in a corner oozing sperm from all my orifices and with little clothing on. They also left me with love bites on my neck as a reminder the shop should keep more money for them in future they said. But they all said they had enjoyed the granny benefits, meaning me. After they'd gone with difficulty I crawled over to a phone and called the police. I think then I passed out. I came round with all kinds of equipment attached to me. Fiona was sitting beside me holding my hand. "Good news if you can call it that is that most of your injuries are superficial. Only you rectum was severely damaged but with care and time you will recover. Now I must leave you with the doctors and the police. I have told them about your background as I think it is relevant." With that she left and two policewomen came in. Although the police are often misaligned in my case they could not have been more sympathetic both in understanding my background, my attack and assisting with my rehabilitation. Physically I recovered fairly quickly but it was different mentally. I struggled to relate to my sexual orientation and maybe more importantly with Fiona although she extremely patient with me. It did not help that despite a huge effort the police never found my attackers. They say time is a big healer and eventually this did prove to be the case. Even my ex wife visited me on a number of occasions in the early days, not to be bitchy, but to offer genuine concern saying what had happened to me shouldn't happened to any woman. She had finally recognized that I was now a woman. Fiona and I now live quietly together. I no longer work in the shop but I do work alongside her in M&S's lingerie department. I still wear retro but now fashionable clothes and lingerie since I find such clothes more comfortable than items like thongs or g-strings. And Fiona and I make regular love using double ended dildos and I use my mouth on Fiona with her always on top. Although being raped put me right off men and even though I was potentially more vulnerable as a woman to be violated again I am glad I'd made the change. Christine