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Where Darkness Ends Delana Soulstar [email protected] Chapter 1 The white dress was flowing in the warm breeze as I was running across the meadow. The wind, now and then, blew my hair around, making it covering my face so that I had to wipe it away again with my fingers. It was a sunny day in spring, and the first flowers had just opened their blooms. After a while I reached a large tree surrounded by soft, green moss around its root and I sank down, out of breath. Sitting on the soft moss, leaning my back against the tree, butterflies were surrounding me while looking through the leaves into the deep blue sky. "Houston, we got a problem!" The sharp voice and the roaring laughter of my classmates made me wincing hard as I hastily opened my eyes, staring directly into the narrowed eyes of my teacher. Damn it. I had dozed off again. "You do not, by chance, know the answer to the question I have just asked?" The ticking noise of her heels on the floor as she walked around my desk made me wincing again. "Wh... umm... what was the question?" My classmates' laughter got even louder and my face flushed to a deep red, as I tried to evade the staring eyes around me. I looked down and could feel my heart pounding heavily, while my head felt like a glowing bulb. "Is my class that boring today? Again? Monday morning and you are already tired again? Hard weekend, Alan?" She inquisitively asked while looking daggers at me. "No, ummm... I... I am sorry..." I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. "It will not happen again, I promise, Ms. Myers, I promise!" "You will come to me after class, we need to talk, Alan!" "Y... Yes, Ms. Myers, of course." Melinda Myers sighed and looked down on me. Slowly I looked up again, turning my head a little to my right to face her, biting my lips, and feeling tears of embarrassment welling up. In a hurry I lifted my left arm, wiping them away with the sleeve of my sweater, hoping that no one had noticed. She stood there right next to my chair, her long, blond hair going down to the middle of her back. Her dark blue dress, the hem shortly below her knees, allowed a good view on her nylon clad legs, that ended in matching heels. I swallowed again and just kept looking into her blue eyes, unable to speak, trying to suppress the welling of more tears. I had been caught daydreaming many times now, not only by her, and I feared the consequences of someone informing my parents about it, and the humiliation I felt didn't improve my mood either. After another close look Melinda Myers turned around and walked back to the front of the classroom, asking questions to all of us again. Luckily she didn't address me during the remaining time, because I wasn't really attentive while constantly looking around, trying to get a clue if someone had noticed my tears before, but it seemed that no one gave me any further attention after that incident. Instead everyone seemed to be focused on the attractive teacher, who was very popular among all of us, including me, which was another reason for me to be even more embarrassed and even a little angry with myself. At the Moment when the bell rang, everyone but me jumped up. It was the last class for today and everyone wanted to spend the rest of the day outside, enjoying the warm sun on such a nice late April day. I packed my things together and slowly approached Ms. Myers' desk. She waited until the last of my classmates left the room, closed the door and came back, looking at me. "Take a seat, Alan... " She pointed to a chair that she had moved next to hers. She waited for me to sit down and took a seat herself, carefully smoothing her dress before elegantly sinking into her chair. "Now... would you be so kind to explain me what's been going on in that head of yours for some months now?" she said with a firm, but sympathetic tone in her voice. She was someone who people seemed to trust easily, and I felt the same, but I was too scared to tell her the truth. "It's not the first time you are being caught daydreaming, Alan. I got word from other teachers who caught you as well." "I... I don't know, I am sorry Ma'am. Really sorry... I will take care that it won't happen again. But please do not..." I swallowed hard. "Please... don't talk to my parents. Just... don't." I felt tears welling up again and hoped she would not notice. Without hesitation she opened her small purse and extended her arm, offering me a tissue. 'Damn... she noticed.' My face became red again but I took the tissue and thanked her, wiping my eyes. Suddenly she turned her head, startled by a noise, and sent a very cold look towards the door, where Marc, one of the most popular guys in my class, had pressed his nose against the window, grimacing when he saw me crying. Quickly I looked down, avoiding his gleeful look. I heard laughter when he withdrew from the door and strolled away with his bunch of dumb followers. I felt my stomach cringing, thinking of what would happen in the moment I left the room. "Alan..." she said, now in a very soft voice. "You went from an A to a D student, and I am just wondering why. It makes me worrying, young man. Is there anything you want to tell me?" Her tone was free of accusations, rather sympathetic and honest. "Ma'am, I... " I stopped for a Moment, pondering, if I could actually pour my heart out, but I didn't find the courage. Not now, and not here. "I... it's nothing. I will do my best to get better again, and to avoid future situations like this, okay?" She sighed silently inside and looked at me again, obviously a little disappointed. Then she smiled warmly and nodded. "Alright Alan, but the next incident will make it necessary to talk to your parents. The principal wanted to do that already, but I will ask him to just not do it yet." "Thank you Ms. Myers, thank you so much, I... really, I will do my best!" I exhaled and felt a little relieved, but the tension came back immediately. I still had to get out of the building before I would be safe. She nodded with a smile and motioned with her hand that I was allowed to leave. I saw how she watched me standing up and slowly walking towards the door. Something in her look told me that this wasn't over yet. I opened the door and took a quick peek left and right and relaxed a little. The hallway was empty. It seemed that most of the students had already left the building. I went to my locker to put some of my stuff inside for the next day, when I felt a strong fist punching heavily against my upper arm. "Hey, you no-good!" I winced, and another powerful stroke hit me. I swirled around, looking directly into the grinning face of Marc Sanders. His grey eyes seemed to pierce me, and after the third punch, I felt my eyes becoming wet and did my best to ignore it. "Is that all you are capable of? Dreaming and crying?" Marc landed another heavy hit and it did hurt so much that I could not held back my tears any longer. In a reflex I tried to defend myself, despite not being strong enough to even think of having a chance against him, the great football star. My defense and counter attack was literally a joke and he laughed as he easily blocked my arms, and several others who had gathered around us joined in and laughed at me as well. "Come on you little girl... fight like a man! Show me what you got! Like this you won't ever become one of us!" The next punch went straight for my stomach, making me cringing and going down. He was just about to kick me, when an angry voice echoed through the corridor. "Marc! Stop that! Immediately! No such violence inside this school!" Reluctantly he let go of me and smiled a devious smile. "Yes Ma'am, but he provoked me, attacking me and calling me names, right, lads?" He looked at his minions who surrounded him and they all agreed to this outright lie in an instant. In the meantime Ms. Myers had approached us and looked at me, worried, then narrowed her eyes, focusing on Marc. "What the hell is going on here? You know damn well that fighting isn't tolerated! What would your Dad say about an exclusive invitation from Mr. Stafford, Marc Sanders?" Her voice sounded quite angry. "I am sorry Ms. Myers... ummm... not necessary..." Marc lifted both his hands up as a sign of peace and to show that he was calm again. "Really not necessary, but it was pure self defense, Ma'am. I swear, and my friends here can confirm it... right?" His eyes wandered across Joe, Drake and Bill, who nodded frantically. "Is that true, Alan?" She began and frowned while bending her upper body to help me up, offering me a hand. "Hard to believe, that you..." "It's true!" Joe chimed in convincingly. "I saw it too! We all saw it!" I only looked down and remained quiet. I was alone and it was them against me. Nobody would believe me anyway. Without any real friends I had nobody to take position for me. Meanwhile a large crowd of students have gathered around us. I didn't really paid attention to them, but I heard the murmur of voices. "See! He even lost his voice now! Or shall I say 'she'?" Marc triumphantly yelled, imitating my shoulder-length hair while running away laughing with his friends after Melinda Myers had motioned her hand, sending them off. I thanked my teacher, grabbed her hand and got up. My arm was hurting as hell, and my stomach didn't feel much better. The humiliation also did not improve my situation, and so all I wanted was to get home. I turned and left the building through the side door, not being aware that several eyes had a close look at my bum, where the upper hem of my trousers had been dragged down a little. **** The drive home was quite uneventful, and when I got home at about 4 pm, I opened the door and went straight to my room, knowing I would be on my own until at least 9 pm. So... plenty of time to get some relief. It would be the last opportunity before the weekend that I would be alone in the house, and I intended to make good use of it. After throwing my schoolbag into a corner in my room, I pulled my sweater over my head and rubbed my upper arm, where Marc had hit me several times. There was a throbbing pain and I was sure my skin would show off a large bruise very soon. 'Like this you won't ever be one of us'. I stifled a laugh as I opened the girdle, stepped out of my trousers and threw them over the chair in front of me, revealing the pink satin panties I had been wearing beneath them all day. As if that was something I would ever have wanted to happen. I ran my fingers over the soft material of my panties. There would still be a few hours left before I would have to wear my boy undergarments again. I walked over to the sideboard standing at the wall and opened the lowest drawer. Under a pile of my boy clothes was a small bag. I dragged it out and opened the zipper. It contained a yellow summer dress, a black skirt, a blue blouse, three pair of tights and another few panties, black, white and two other pastel pink ones. I pondered for a Moment and opted for the black pantyhose I recently 'borrowed' from my Mom, the skirt and the blouse. Carefully I laid down the precious clothes on my bed and went to the bathroom, holding the used panties in my hand. I wanted to shower and to remove my body hair before dressing up and needed to wash the panties as well. I didn't dare to throw them into the hamper. Almost an hour later I returned to my room, my skin smooth and hairless, surrounded by a fresh, spring-like scent from the ingredients I had added to the water. I attached the wet panties to a thin cord behind my desk and moved my books back again, completely covering it from sight. I checked the clock. 5:30 pm. Still plenty of time. I took some fresh panties and started to dress. I loved how the silky material felt on my smooth skin. After tucking away my boy parts I grabbed the pantyhose. Carefully I rolled them up my legs. I had become pretty good in that. After making sure it had a snug fit I slipped into the blouse, buttoning it, and finally stepped into the elegant skirt. They were just simple pieces of clothing, and not necessarily matching well, but they had been cheap when I got them, and since I did not have much space in my room to hide them and not much money either, they were all I had. The years my Dad had been unemployed had brought us close to bankruptcy, and only in the last moment before losing the house he had found a new job. So I only had a very small allowance. And being a single child, I didn't have a sister to borrow clothes from. The clothes of my Mom didn't really match me, and I didn't really dare to wear them anyway. The risk of being found out was just too high. Borrowing some pantyhose from her was one thing. She had so much she for sure had never noticed yet, and would probably never notice in the future. But the other clothes I just didn't dare to touch. I had done it once, only to find out they didn't match and that it had been so difficult to return them without leaving a trace. And so I protected these few I had like a treasure, because that's what they meant to me. Despite the trouble I had at school, wearing my girl's clothes did put me at ease almost instantly. I relaxed and walked through the house, almost jumping around joyfully, and even forgot about the pain in my arm and stomach. Several times I checked out my reflection in the numerous full sized mirrors and smiled happily. I didn't really pretend there was a beautiful girl looking back at me from the mirror. I didn't look at my face, rather more at me as a whole, and I just loved how I looked in these clothes, and I loved the soft breeze that I felt around my legs when taking each step. I literally danced around, heading for the kitchen to get me something to eat and to drink. A snack and a water was all I needed. I had eaten enough already at school. After checking the clock again, with still more than 2 hours alone, I decided to sit on the sofa in the living room, watching TV for a while. I switched it on and zapped around a bit. There was a nice documentation about animals, and while watching it, I now and then brushed my fingers over the delicate material of my clothes. If only I could be wearing them all the time. If only I was a girl. It felt so nice and after a while I closed my eyes and started daydreaming again. I didn't get far though. With a loud slam the main door fell back into place. "Hi Alan, we are back!" My Mom yelled. "Come down please to help us unloading the car, would you?" Damn! No way to get to my room without running into them. Panicking I grabbed the blanket that was always laying on the sofa and pulled it over me up to my chin, trying to hide completely under it. "I am... I am in the living room..." I stammered as my voice almost broke. "Are you okay?" Mom peeked inside with a worried look on her face. "Yes, all fine... I am just freezing..." My Dad grinned and quickly approached me. "Hey lad, it's spring outside, and even now in the evening, it's still so warm! You don't need that..." He grabbed the blanket and was on the verge to pulling it away. "No!" I screamed and desperately retained the blanket from beneath. My voice must have sounded dramatic because he instantly stopped, looking at me, puzzled. "Okay, okay... geeze... calm down! Not that I was about to hurt you!" Dad shook his head, bewildered by my strong reaction. Mom placed her hand on his shoulder, looking at me with her dark brown eyes. "Leave him be, John..." she softly said and smiled to me. She came closer and bent over, taking the blanket in both her hands. I shivered and silently screamed inside, panicking. But my Mom just pulled it up again a bit, making sure it covered me completely. For a Moment she looked at me, and I prayed she had no x-ray eyes. "It's fine Alan, just relax, okay?" She fondled my cheek with her fingertips and turned. "Come on John, we have to unload the truck. Would you be so kind to help me?" As soon as I heard the door closing again, I jumped off the sofa and raced up to my room. My heart was beating like a drum and I did what I could to undress as quickly as possible, without ruining the pantyhose. After carefully putting back the clothes to hide them away, I changed into my sports outfit and dashed back down again, back under the blanket. Not a Moment too soon, because in the very moment I pulled it up, I heard them returning. I sighed in relief and wiped some sweat from my forehead. "Are you getting sick?" Mom sat down close to me on the sofa and laid her hand on my head. "You look so pale... as if you are scared to death even. What's up, Alan?" "I am okay Mom, I am just... tired, is all." She didn't appear to me as if that convinced her, but luckily she didn't insist on questioning me any further. "Maybe you should go to bed early today then?" "Yes Mom, that's what I will do." "And what about exercising today like you said yesterday?" Dad asked, a bit annoyed. "It's about time you start doing that. I want you to be part of the new football team next season. Marc, the captain of the team, is looking for new players because some will leave the team, and his Dad will be generously sponsoring all the equipment for all the players! That is your chance, Alan!" "I... I am not feeling well enough Dad, I am sorry... and you know that I am not really int..." Mom interrupted me. "It's okay, dear, don't worry. There is more than enough time to start with that..." Her head turned towards my Dad "...if at all!" She sighed and focused on me again. "Do you want something to eat or drink?" "No... I am fine Mom, I already had something when I got home." "Okay dear, then off to bed with you! See you in the morning for breakfast! Sleep well dear, and sweet dreams!" "Yes Mom... thanks" I gave her a honestly thankful and relieved smile while standing up. When I pulled away the blanket she frowned, but remained quiet. I hugged her and waved towards Dad. "Night, Dad..." I gave him a smile too but it was obvious that I wanted to get past him quickly. He took his breath. "Good night, Alan, but tomorr..." "Shhh...." Mom silenced him and I continued heading to my room very quickly. I closed the door behind me and didn't even care to change my clothes again. I just fell onto the bed, pulled up the blanket and closed my eyes. **** Melinda Myers sat in her living room and poured some wine into a glass. Something was going on with Alan. He seemed so absent, depressed. It must have been such a long time ago since she saw him smiling. And then that scene in the hallway when he left. She was sure she saw him wearing panties. Panties! Even pink ones. She sipped the wine and visualized him. Alan's brown hair was about shoulder length, and he had beautiful dark brown eyes. She wondered if he was aware of that. He wasn't particularly athletic. He appeared rather slim and not that tall. Alan didn't look very girly, but on the other hand, not very manly either. How big was he? Probably not taller than 5"6, and compared to Marc his weight could not be more than 110 lbs, 120 lbs at best, whereas Marc had maybe about 170 lbs and was for sure larger than 6", and his face already featured a beard that Marc used to show off as a three-day beard. Alan instead most likely didn't have to shave yet, and his voice was a bit higher pitched compared to the other guys who had already entered puberty, but that was something that didn't really stand out. His voice would be altered soon as well. All in all, probably an average guy. Or not? She couldn't get that scene in the hallway out of her mind. Why didn't Alan even defend himself when she asked him about what had happened? Why did he remain silent? Could it be that Marc had been right? That he caused the whole incident in attacking and mocking Mark? No, she discarded that option. That wasn't Alan's style. She made a mental note to find out more about him. Something didn't feel right, and she was determined to solve that puzzle. **** "Good morning, sleepyhead! Time to get up!" The knocking on my door and the soft voice of my Mom dragged me out of my dreams. "You are already a little late today, so get dressed quickly and come down for breakfast!" I heard Mom walking down the stairs again and yawned. Was it already so late? I had slept like a log. If I had any dreams, I could not remember them. I chose to wear the panties under my trousers once again. They were still almost like new since I had worn them only for about two hours the previous evening. "Ouch..." My upper arm did still hurt a lot when I tried to lift them up to put on my undershirt. A look in the mirror confirmed my suspicion. A large bruise decorated my skin. It would be a lot bigger even within a few hours. I tried to ignore the pain and finished dressing, then went downstairs to meet Mom in the kitchen for breakfast. "Any interesting things going on at school Alan?" Mom asked while fixing my breakfast. "At school? oh no Mom, you know, the usual crap..." "The usual crap, yes yes." She sighed and came to the table carrying my breakfast. After placing it in front of me, she tenderly stroke my upper arm, which caused me to wince. Of course she noticed. She looked at me, frowning, but, to my relief, didn't say anything. "Will you start exercising today after school? You know, Dad..." "I need to go Mom, the bus will be here shortly." I had finished breakfast rather quickly and grabbed my stuff. "I know, sweetie. Have a great day and take care of yourself, okay?" She fondled my cheek and smiled. I could see the worry in her eyes but there wasn't any time left to talk. I climbed into the bus, found an empty seat in the rear and looked through the stained glass, thinking of what this day would have in store for me. The drive was boring, and after dismounting, I managed to get into the school building quite unnoticed and went straight to my locker to fetch the things I would need today. Just when I was about to close it again, I got another heavy punch out of nowhere, and of course on the arm that was already hurting like hell. My head turned around and there stood Marc again, grinning deviously. I hardly managed to suppress my tears. His blows were just so hard. "Good morning, weakling!" He laughed at me, tugging me at my hair. His minions Joe, Bill and Drake joined in. Of course they did. They followed Marc like his shadow. "It's way too long, your hair! No surprise you are behaving more like a girl!" Another hit and laughter from his friends made me gritting my teeth. "That must be so disappointing for your Dad, but really, if you want to be part of the team, you have to be able to stand that! Or what do you think is happening on the pitch? We for sure aren't petting each other there! Another blow maybe? To make you getting used to that?" He laughed at me again and leaned over to kiss Tanya, his girlfriend, who had just joined them, together with her friends Sharon, Deborah and Kimberly. The four were quite popular and Tanya for sure had to be proud being the girlfriend of the school's best football player, who in addition was, at least in the eyes of most of the girls, very handsome. "Hey..." Bill stabbed Marc with his fingertips. "Stafford not far away!" Reluctantly, Marc stopped, but punched me one last time just when he turned around. My whole arm was hurting so badly now, that I couldn't hold my schoolbag any longer, letting it dropping down to the floor. Deborah and Kimberly giggled, whereas Sharon rolled her eyes and bent down, picking up my bag. Tanya gave Marc a somewhat disapproving look, then turned her head towards my direction. I returned the look hoping she wouldn't see the tears that had been welling up. For a Moment, our eyes met. Tanya was a beautiful girl. Her long dark brown hair reached the mid of her back, and she had very soft features and a smile to die for. Her eyes were a mixture of brown and green. Physically she was athletic but slim, with the right curves at the right spots. Her girlfriends were equally beautiful though, just that Kimberly had blond hair and blue eyes, and Deborah brunette hair and green eyes. All the four girls wore their school uniforms, consisting of a grey pleated skirt with a plaid pattern in various shades of grey, and a white blouse. The white shoes had low heels and all of them wore nude pantyhose. The mornings were still quite cool. I could have gazed at Tanya for ages, but it only lasted a few seconds, because Tanya got turned around when Marc took her hand, dragging her with him. As I watched all of them leaving for class, Sharon tenderly poked me and gave me my schoolbag with a gentle smile. Sharon's hair was even darker than Tanya's, and her eyes almost black, and she was looking at me with a worried look that showed honest compassion. "Here, Alan... " She still smiled, when I took my bag, and in this moment I noticed that her smile was as lovely as Tanya's. "Thank... thank you, Sharon..." I stammered, feeling insecure. I had not expected that. "Very welcome, Alan! See you in class!" she chirped and turned around, quickly following her friends. When I turned around myself to head to class, the scene replayed again and again in my head. Aside the fact that Sharon unexpectedly gave me back my bag, something else was bothering me without really being aware, what it was. I could see Tanya and Sharon each day during class, and while I had always been drawn towards them, I had never dared to get closer, let alone talking to them. They were out of my league anyway, perfectly integrated as it seemed to me, and in addition Tanya was the girlfriend of that bully Marc. I doubted that I would ever have a girlfriend at all. Not the way I was. And especially not someone like them. And they did not seem to notice me either. But something about them was different today. When I reached my class and opened the door to enter the room, I hesitated and looked at Tanya and Sharon again, who were already sitting at their place. I watched them for a few seconds, hoping Marc would not notice. I'd be dead meat if he did. The seconds felt like eternity and I forced myself to let go, heading to my seat. I placed my bag close to my chair and sat down. Just when I started to unpack things, Mr. Roberts boring voice already filling the room, it suddenly began to dawn on me. Unlike all the rest, Tanya and Sharon both had not laughed at me. **** The rest of the day went by quite uneventful. I had tried to secretly get a glance of either Tanya or Sharon during the breaks, but they had always been surrounded by friends and, even worse, Marc and his minions. So I just had remained around my desk. During lunch I had been outside, sitting on my favourite bench under a tree in the yard, eating my sandwich. Sadly no trace of Sharon or Tanya, but I would not have known what to do or say anyway. After the last class I managed to get out of school unharmed, something I was very thankful for. Marc had been busy all day with his girlfriend and his dumb minions, ignoring me completely, something that was a bit suspicious too, but I was just glad about that and didn't further question it. When I entered the bus for the drive home, I had to think about my parents. Mom had started to behave a bit strange lately, and Dad had been quite rough and sometimes even maybe even insulting. Or I had become too sensitive. But then there had also been days, when everything seemed to be fine. As fine as things could be for me anyway. I did my best to fit in to what my parents seemed to expect from this 14 year old boy, but deep inside I knew, that I would probably never be able to satisfy them. And that was something that made me a bit sad, because I was so thankful having them. They had adopted me at the age of two, and had always treated me as if I was their biological child. I even had my Mom's eyes, and so nobody had ever even thought of me being an adopted child. However, Dad's expectations about me, especially about joining the new football team that was about to be put together for the coming season, were way too high. My only tries at football had all been disastrous. Nobody had wanted me to be in their team, and when I had finally found a team (always being the last assigned player), if that team had lost, it had of course been my fault. I loved sports, but not football. I simply wasn't made for football. Instead, I enjoyed running through the forest located not far away from our house, enjoying nature while doing so. My dad considered that a waste of time, doing only running without additional exercising with weights to get a more muscular body that would be much better suited for playing football. I would have to make him understand, that I would never want to play football. Mom was different in this regard. She had never pushed me into things I didn't want to do, but that was something my dad had always despised. He always said, that a boy like me needed a firm hand to become a self- confident and successful male later. Oh how much I hated that. Such a male was the last thing I ever wanted to become. But how could I ever prevent that from happening? Nevertheless, Mom had always treated me so nicely and we were very close. I trusted her completely, but I had not found the courage yet to talk to her about what bothered me most, and I wasn't sure if I would ever get that courage. The fear of disappointing and maybe losing just these two people who had included me in their family so heartily was just too big. **** The white dress was flowing in the warm summer breeze as I was once again running across the blooming meadow, another girl following me close up. And again we reached the large tree that was surrounded by that soft, green moss around its root. Butterflies and birds were surrounding us while we were once again sitting there, looking through the leaves into the deep blue sky, holding hands. In that moment, I was happy beyond words. Slam. The ruler hit my desk with brute force, making me flinching instantly. I blinked a few times and looked into the grim face of my teacher. "I've got enough of you now, Alan Carter!" Mr. Roberts' usually boring voice sounded sharp and upset. "Sorry Mr. Rob..." I began, but he cut me off. "Enough of your apologies, young man. Damn it, you had enough warnings and also enough chances to improve it. Yet I caught you daydreaming again. What the hell is going on with you?" "Please, Mr. Roberts, please! I will..." My face turned red and I looked down, avoiding the stares of my classmates. Their laughter was already bad enough. Were Sharon and Tanya also laughing? I didn't dare to look. "You don't want to tell me? Fine. I am sure Mr. Stafford will be very eager to hear it from you then." He turned a little. "Everyone please start with your homework, while Alan and me will go for a walk now." He motioned his hand, prompting me to get up and follow him. I did what he said and jumped up, almost running after him, when he turned around and headed for the door with fast steps. The principal's office wasn't far away, and so we reached it within two minutes. Mr. Roberts knocked on the door. "Come in!" a loud, dark voice was being heard from inside, and we stepped through the door. I was first, and Mr. Roberts followed and closed the door behind us. "Sit down, Alan!" Theodore Stafford, the principal of this school, requested me to sit down right in front of his desk. I did as he said, and felt like a culprit as I sank into the large chair, looking at him. His grey hair and the glasses he was sometimes wearing gave him a slightly grim look, and even Marc usually showed some respect. He had, however, a reputation of being firm, but fair. "Alan..." he began, and his voice softened a little. "I can guess why you are here today with Mr. Roberts. In fact, I had expected you earlier. Oh Alan... once you were such a great student! But your performance has become really bad, even across all classes. Alan, what's going on with you?" "I am sorry Mr. Stafford, I... it's nothing, really. I am sure that soon my performance will become better and..." "Something is wrong, Alan. It's not only me who can easily notice that. Your teachers, and I mean all of them, have confirmed it to me multiple times now. You have to tell me what the problem is, Alan, or we have to inform your parents and try to figure it out together with them." I paled and swallowed hard. "My parents? Please no, Mr. Stafford, please, my Dad will..." I paused and looked down. "Then tell me what's wrong, Alan!" He paused for a moment, his eyes seemed to pierce me. "Listen, Alan, I cannot allow you to risk your graduation, young man! It's your first year here with us, and you started as an A student, and now you are a D. If you are already struggling in your first year, what do you think will happen later on?" "I... I can't, Mr. Stafford. It's nothing, it's... I just can't." Tears were welling up in my eyes and I looked down, wiping them with the sleeve of my sweater. Theodore Stafford looked at me for a while, then took a deep breath. "It's Wednesday today, and I want you to think about it for the rest of the week and over the weekend. And by Monday, I want you to tell me, or I will call your parents, and we will discuss this together. Is that understood?" "Y... yes Mr. Stafford, thank you... I... " I gulped again. "May I... stand up now?" "Yes, Alan. Use the time wisely and think about it. I will leave it at that for the moment, but there will have to be disciplinary measures if I will not hear a good explanation next Monday!" "Yes... Mr. Stafford, and thank you..." I stammered as I stood up and followed Mr. Roberts out of Mr. Stafford's office. Again it took only about two minutes when we arrived at the door to our classroom. Mr. Roberts opened it and we moved inside. On the way to my desk I crossed the area where Debbie and Kimberly, and behind them, Tanya and Sharon, each shared a desk. Whereas Debbie and Kimberly, like the rest of the class, laughed and giggled, looking at me quite amused, Sharon appeared rather thoughtful and quiet, same as Tanya. The slight smile in Sharon's face seemed to be honest and rather encouraging, not quizzical. I managed to smile back, but I didn't dare to keep my eyes on them longer, and I headed for my desk. Just when I got there, the bell rang, and so I grabbed my stuff and my schoolbag and hastily left the classroom without looking back. **** "Hi, I am home!" I closed the door behind me and looked around, a bit puzzled, since I didn't get a response, despite the car being in the garage. "Mom? Dad?" I peeked into the kitchen, then into the living room. Nobody around. I shrugged and climbed the stairs that led up to my room. I opened the door and threw my bag onto the bed, then went downstairs again to look for my parents. I found them behind the house on the veranda, sitting around the table, discussing. When they saw me, they went silent and stared at me. Immediately my inner tension rised. "Mom? Dad? What's wrong?" "I hoped you could tell us, Alan..." John Carter cleared his throat. "Sit down, we have to talk." I felt a lump in my throat and did as he told me, looking at him, then at my Mom. She was a beautiful woman and had just had her 38th birthday. Her shoulder-length hazel hair surrounded a pretty face, and her dark brown eyes and red lips were simply outstanding. Yes, despite being an adopted chiled, I had the eyes of my Mom. She was a little overweight, but not very much. You could still say, she was a beauty. My Dad looked pretty handsome as well. At least in my eyes he did. His once black hair showed some grey strands already, but it didn't disturb. It rather went very well with his dark grey eyes. Despite being in his late 40s he still had a well trained body. It could easily be seen that he had exercised a lot in his life. "Alan, yesterday evening I had an interesting phone call with Mr. Sanders, Marc's Dad..." my Dad continued. "Mr. Sanders?" I paled. "Marc's Dad, yes. And I don't like what he said. We talked about the new football team they are building up with his help, and he was honest with me, and said, there isn't any chance you could be part of it. I also heard Marc laughing in the background, stating you could become a cheerleader instead." My Dad gave me a firm look. "But even more, Marc mentioned you would be daydreaming at school! Now... would you be so kind to explain what he meant?" "Marc is an asshole, Dad!" the words blurted out and I instantly bit my lip afterwards, but I did not really regret it. "Alan!" Dad became angry. "You know damn well that he is the best player out there, and extremely popular, whereas you are deeply lacking friends! And you are too lazy to exercise. I mean, exercising something different than your waste of time when running through the forest. No surprise they don't want you in the team." "Dad... he..." "Stop talking about him all the time, I am rather interested in you! Why aren't you exercising? You keep wasting your time running around in the forest. That will get you nowhere! And what about that daydreaming? Is that true? That you are daydreaming instead of focusing on your classes?" "John..." "Come on, Alishia! There must be a reason for him not having any friends! Honestly, since Linda's family moved away he hasn't had any new friend. And Linda had been a girl, and had been his only friend for years! And what did that get him? Savior of bugs, they called him!" "You know he loves all animals, John... and that isn't bad at all, it's even wonderful!" Mom defended me. What was going on here? Dad growled. "Yes you got a point, but see... what is he doing at school? Can't he just behave and be a normal guy? Friends and football? I have enough." John Carter stood up instantly, flexing his biceps. "When I was young, I was a good player. Can you see that?" "Yes, Dad..." "Show me yours. Come on! Now! I want to see what you got!" "John..." "Not now, Alishia. Alan, you will remove your sweater now, and show me your muscles. I want to see for myself, if you are eligible for the team or not." "But Dad, I..." "NOW!" His voice left no doubt that he insisted on it. He was in one of those moods that just didn't allow a no. I knew I had no choice but to remove my sweater. I pulled it over my head, and flexed my right arm. The slender shape didn't show any biceps at all. "You do look like a girl, Alan!" Dad sounded grim and disappointed. I winced and bit my lip. "Oh god Alan! What is that?" Alishia Carter tenderly touched my left upper arm with her fingertips, making me squirming. "John!" "What, Alishia?" "There, look! There's a giant bruise on his arm... oh sweetie what happened?" I swallowed and looked down, unsure what to say. My Dad meanwhile had joined my Mom on my left side and had a close look as well. "Alan? Can you explain that to us?" His voice had a much softer tone now, and I thought it sounded even worried. "Please, Alan! What happened? Who did that to you?" Mom was deeply afraid now. I took a breath and gathered all my courage. "Marc... Marc Sanders... he has been bullying me for weeks now..." Dad's eyes widened and Mom covered her face with her hands. "Alan! But why? And why haven't you told us? Did you provoke him?" "Provoking him? Is that what you are thinking?" "Why else should he..." "Because he's an asshole. Sorry Dad, but he is. I haven't done anything. I swear. He just finds it funny to mock me, to bully me, to hit me and to hurt me, and to humiliate me in front of his friends, because I am not even slightly looking like him or his minions." I felt tears again in my eyes. "And just so you know, I am not interested in football, Dad! Look at me, it won't ever happen, and I don't like it anyway! Is that so hard for you to understand?" Silence. My Mom was clearly shocked, whereas my Dad scratched his head, trying to cope with what I just said. "May I go to my room now?" I begged. "Yes Alan, we will talk later." My mother fondled my cheek and wiped my tears away with her thumb. I turned and headed for my room. I could hear them talking on my way up, and I knew, that this could mean lots of trouble now for me, depending on what they would do be doing now. It was the first time that I had clearly stated my opinion about football. I just hoped my Dad would not hate me now. If he did, how much more would he hate me once he might find out about the rest? Would my Mom hate me too and would they maybe even regret having adopted me? **** "What a weakling!" Kimberly laughed heartily and Debbie giggled. "Yes! Unbelievable! I mean, he is a guy, isn't he? I haven't ever seen such a weak guy." She adjusted the hair tie that fixed her ponytail with a big grin on her face. "Oh my god yes! And I swear it, I saw tears!" Kim couldn't stop laughing. "Tears? Are you sure?" "Yes, I think so! God, what a fail. No surprise he doesn't seem to have any friends. And I bet he will never get a girlfriend either. I mean, who would want to spend time with such a deadbeat?" Kimberly offered her hand for a high five, twirling around, making her dress flowing a bit. "What's your opinion on it, Tanya?" Debbie asked across the room. Tanya looked up from her conversation with Sharon Bradshaw, her best friend and neighbor since early childhood days. "My opinion on what?" "Your opinion on that weakling Alan, Tanya! You are so quiet today! What's up?" Kim and Debbie went to the other side of the room, where Tanya and Sharon were lounging on the old comfy sofa, one of their favourite spots in this popular Youth Center, where they often spent time together after school. "It's not right..." she began. "I mean, what's the point?" "Oh come on, not you as well, Tanya!" Kimberly gave Sharon a disfavoring look and Tanya frowned. "Isn't it already enough that Sharon here played the good Samaritan fetching Alan's bag?" Sharon only stared at her, visibly annoyed. "Why are you defending him, Tanya? Are you nuts?" Kim laughed again and Debbie chimed in. "Did he bewitch you? Come to your senses, Tanya! We are talking about Alan! Alan Carter, the lame duck!" Tanya briefly smiled, but it was a false smile, and it quickly faded again. "I don't know... something's not right." "What do you mean, not right?" "Didn't you notice? I swear he..." Tanya paused as Sharon laid her hand on Tanya's shoulder. "What?" Kim and Debbie both looked quite confused, facing Tanya and Sharon. "Nothing... it's nothing. But it's not right, treating him like that. I mean, what do we gain? Does it make us feel better making him suffer like that? Even... hurting him physically? It's not right..." "What do my ears hear?" The strong voice of Marc Sanders made Tanya wincing a little. He approached her and kissed her. She returned the kiss a bit reluctantly, something that didn't go unnoticed. "What? Is my girlfriend suddenly on the side of that faggot?" "Stop that, Marc, I am sure he isn't gay. He..." "How else could you describe him then? And why are you suddenly defending that lousy daydreamer? You are my girlfriend. MY girlfriend, got it? I expect you to be loyal, Tanya!" "Yes, Marc..." Tanya gave him a kiss while Sharon rolled her eyes and Marc triumphantly turned and joined his friends again, to give it another shot at the billiard table. Of course he wanted his third victory in a row. "Are you crazy, Tanya?" Debbie joined Tanya on the sofa, while Kimberly took the chance and followed Marc to the billiard table, visibly adoring him for his strength and handsomeness. "Why, Deb?" Tanya looked puzzled. "Marc? Hello?" Debbie looked aghast. "Tanya, you openly answered him back, and not only that, even more because of that loser Alan! What's going on with you? Go on like this, and you are risking your relationship! Damn it, Sharon, say something!" "I am out, Deb... you know I can't stand him, sorry! I won't for sure defend him and his actions..." Sharon snuffled, then smiled to Tanya "In my eyes, Marc is an asshole. Sorry, Tanya. God knows you are my best friend, but he is." "My relationship, yes..." Tanya looked at Sharon and returned the smile. She knew about Sharon's opinion on Marc, and that had never caused any trouble among the two close friends. Tanya sounded thoughtful. "I am calling it a day, Deb." She looked back, seeing Marc being busy boasting about his last shot, and stood up. "If he will be asking for me, tell him, I am not feeling well and had to leave, okay?" Debbie's eyes widened. "You are leaving without saying goodbye!?" "Shhhhh!" Tanya looked over to Marc but he didn't hear anything, at least he didn't show it. "Yes... yes. I can't stand him right now, Deb. I am sorry. Please distract him, so that I can slip out unnoticed." Tanya hugged Deborah and hurried towards the exit, Sharon following her. Debbie went over to the billiard table, engaging Marc in a conversation. He didn't see Tanya leaving. **** "Is she nuts? What the hell was she thinking??" Marc was furious. He threw away the billiard queue, almost hitting Joe's head. "Who does she think she is!?" Joe tried to calm him down. "Marc, please... she said she wasn't feeling well if I understood it correctly... right, Debbie?" "Yes, that's what she said..." Debbie shrugged. "I am sure she..." "Damn it! That is nonsense, and you know it! It's because of that faggot. Didn't you notice her disapproving?" "Yes, of course, but..." "She isn't worthy..." Kimberly laid her hand on Marc's shoulder and looked at him. "She isn't worthy of your love, Marc... " Marc Sanders frowned and returned the look. "What do you mean? She is your friend, isn't she? Why would you say something like that about her?" Kimberly tilted her head. "See, Marc, she kind of stabbed you in the back even. And now she just left without saying goodbye. I mean, is that what a loyal, thankful girlfriend would do?" Joe and Drake both looked at Kimberly, surprised, but then nodded. "Yes..." Drake began to speak. "I think Kim is even right... you could, maybe..." "...teach her a lesson!" Kim blurted out, making sheep's eyes at Marc. "Think about it!" her voice was sweet as honey and her fingertips ran over Marc's huge biceps. Marc was confused. "Damn it! Damn it!" He took a deep breath and exhale, then forced himself to calm down. Tanya had left without talking to him again, even without saying goodbye, and he was extremely hurt. But what exactly got hurt? His heart or his pride? As an answer, he pulled Kim in and kissed her on her lips. It was a deep, long kiss, and not only Joe and Drake looked aghast at first, before they finally smiled again. It was Marc's decision who he kissed, and they would not even try to judge him. "You are right, a lesson she will have to learn. She can't do that to me without consequences. And that faggot as well. He will soon curse the day he was born, I swear!" Marc laughed and kissed Kim again. Somehow he loved the taste of Kim's lips. Debbie looked away and shook her head when she witnessed the kisses. She didn't really understand why Tanya suddenly had answered Marc back about Alan, but what he was doing right now was for sure a no-go. And what was Kim thinking she was doing? She took a deep breath and waited for a moment, only to leave quietly at the next unattended moment. She directly headed home. She had some phone calls to make. **** "Come in, Mom..." I was laying on the bed as I heard my mother knocking on my door. She quietly opened the door, closed it again and walked up to me. She sat beside me and started to stroke my hair. "Oh sweetie... what's all that going on with you? You make us worrying a lot, you know." Her soft voice calmed me down as it always did, and I took a deep breath. "Mom, I... " I felt tears running down my cheek and lifted my upper body, leaning in to my Mom, crying. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in, making my head resting on her chest. My tears stained her blouse, but she didn't care about that. She just held me there and fondled my back while waiting for me to speak. I so desperately wanted to tell her about me. About how I felt. I knew I could trust her, but I was scared she could maybe reject me after hearing about the true origin of my problems. I had heard it so often and read it on websites, that people like me got rejected even by their own families. I could not, and didn't want to risk that in that moment. "Mom... I... I need... just hold me please." "Yes dear..." she squeezed me and looked at me. "I am here to help you, you know that, right? And that you can talk to me about anything, you know that too?" I returned the look and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Yes Mom, I know, but... I am scared." "Scared? Why, Alan? Scared of Marc?" Alishia Carter frowned and deeply looked into my eyes. "Yes, no... it's not only about Marc. He is an asshole, yes, but I am not really that scared of him. I just refuse to fight him, Mom. I would not stand a chance anyway, so I just let him do his thing, but the pain is terrible..." "His thing? Sweetie he is beating you! You have to defend yourself! You cannot let him do all this to you without resistance, dear. He will never stop if you..." "Mom, if I would strike back, he would beat me to a pulp. I am sure he is just waiting for that opportunity, to justify that. I would only attack him to defend a friend or so, and would fail anyway, but here it's only me, so..." "Only you? Alan! You are important! I am worried about you, my love. You do not deserve that... nobody does, actually. We should inform the principal." "Mr. Stafford? No, please no, Mom. In the moment I would leave school, I would be dead. Mr. Stafford is able to protect me in school, but after school when we leave the area, it's him against me again. It would make things only worse, Mom." Alishia Carter pondered for a moment, then nodded in agreement. "You are right, Alan. It would probably not help you much. But if it is not only about Marc, and we have to find a solution for that, what else is bothering you so much? Please tell me. I can't help you if you refuse to talk to me!" "Mom, not yet, okay? I... I need to think about it, and how to tell you... and Dad... he will hate me. He hates me anyway now, after..." "Your Dad will never hate you, Alan Carter! Stop even thinking of that!" Mom sounded a bit wrought up. "Why on earth would you even think that, dear?" "Mom... you know him. He is already annoyed that I will never be part of the football team. He so wants me to do that, but... look at me, I am not made for football. And I don't like it even..." "Yes Alan, I know. Don't worry about it. He just... he has always wanted you to be like him, you know... you are his son..." I winced and nodded slightly "Yes Mom, I am his... but give me a little time please. I promise I will tell you, but I need some time, Mom." "Okay my dear. One last thing..." "Yes?" "That daydreaming Dad mentioned... what is it? Is it true?" "Mom..." "Tell me Alan, is that true, and if yes, what's behind it?" I squirmed a bit, then nodded with a sigh. "I am thinking a lot these days, I have to... and... and sometimes, my thoughts are drifting away you know, and..." "During your classes?" "Yes, Mom." My mother didn't answer immediately, she rather looked at me for a while, then gave me a warm smile and kissed my forehead. "I am waiting, my dear, for you to tell me. But please, don't wait for too long. And don't worry about Dad, okay? Let me take care of him." I thankfully squeezed her tightly and she could feel my relief, despite there were still some things left open. After Mom had left my room, I started to undress the dreaded school uniform. I didn't hate it because it was a school uniform. I hated it because it was a uniform for boys. I stood there in my pink panties and took a deep breath before undressing them as well. I needed to wash them, so they would be clean again. I had only three of them and I took great care of that. I wrapped a towel around my lower body and went to the bathroom to take a shower and to wash my panties. It was late already, about 10 pm, but I wanted to do it before going to sleep. After hopping into the shower, I applied my washing lotion and let it acting on my skin for a few minutes, before using the warm water to rinse it all off. After the shower I used a lotion to moisten my skin and make it smell nicely. I felt a lot better after that. Washing the panties in the sink was an affair of a few minutes only, and so very soon I went back to my room, where I needed to hang the panties on that cord again to let them dry, exchanging them with the dry ones. Just when I moved my books to the front, revealing the cord, I found it empty. I frowned. I could swear the other pair of panties must have still be on the cord, but of course I wasn't sure. Nothing looked as if it would have been touched, all the books perfectly placed as I had left them. I shook my head and attached the panties to the cord, carefully covering the cord again with my books. Then I opened the dresser to check on my clothes. I dragged the bag out and opened the zipper. Everything was still in place. I let out a sigh of relief and wanted to close the zipper again, before suddenly pausing. I could feel the heat rising in my head and a familiar lump in my throat. Something was wrong. There were the tights, and also the panties, the skirt, the blouse, the dress... they were all there, all perfectly in place. Too perfect. A closer look made me shiver inside. Someone had ironed and folded them. **** "Breakfast is ready, sweetie!" Mom's soft voice dragged me out of my sleep. "Come on down, Alan, it's late again! Didn't you hear your alarm?" Mom's hand stroked my head and I noticed her sitting on the bed. "My wh... oh shit. Sorry Mom..." I must have forgotten to turn it on. "It's fine. Just don't take too long to get down to the kitchen today okay?" "Yes Mom I will hurry..." I took a deep breath inhale and jumped out of bed. It took me a few moments to be able to think clearly. My ironed girl clothes still dominated my thoughts. 'Must have been Mom for sure, but if so, why didn't she mention it? Why didn't she hate me now?' Absent-mindedly I packed my bag for today and slipped into the school uniform I so hated. The pink panties I was again wearing beneath gave at least a little bit of comfort. When I arrived in the kitchen, Mom and Dad were both sitting there already. I almost choked seeing my father, who usually was on his way to the office at this time of day. "Morning, Dad..." I gave him a smile and quickly sat down to have my breakfast, my mind racing. "Morning, Alan!" He replied and continued reading the newspaper again, not particularly paying attention to me, which I found suspicious. "Ummm... why are you still here, Dad? I mean..." "Oh there are some important things I need to get done this morning, Alan, and I will go to the office later then. That's why I will be home late tonight." "Ah..." I smiled at both and finished breakfast quickly, not really sure if this was good or bad. "Well, I need to run, the bus will be here shortly! Bye Mom, bye Dad, see you after school then!" I jumped up, grabbed my bag and left the house. Nothing spectacular happened during the drive to school, that usually lasted about 40 minutes. I was just about to climb the stairs leading to the main entrance, when I felt a tender touch on my left arm. "Alan, wait a moment please..." Instantly I stopped, startled by that touch and the girly voice talking to me, and turned my head, directly looking into a pair of blue eyes. "Kimberly? What..." "I need to talk to you, Alan." "Talking to me? But... why, Kim? I mean, I don't... ummm.... mind you talking to me but..." I bit my lip, annoyed of myself for not being able to get out a clear sentence anymore. "Listen, Alan. Tanya and Sharon want to talk to you after school. Tanya cannot talk to you here because Marc is always around her." She smiled sweetly and tilted her head. "My Mom will drive us to Tanya's home, and afterwards someone will drive you home. Do you think that's possible for you to do?" I frowned, not really believing what Kimberly was telling me. But then I nodded. All in all, it sounded logical, although I wasn't really aware why they wanted to meet me at all. But then again, Sharon and Tanya had not laughed at me. Did they want to friend me? "Okay..." I returned her smile shyly. "Just trust me. My Mom will pick me up here after school. I will be waiting here for you then!" With a giggle she ran up the stairs. I took a deep breath and scratched my head. This was such a strange situation. Behind me I could see Tanya and Sharon advancing towards the stairs. I wondered if I should talk to them about this, but also remembered what Kim had said about Marc, who for sure wasn't far away, and so I just acted as if nothing had happened. I sauntered to my classroom and could not wait for this day to pass by. As I suspected, I didn't get a chance to talk to Sharon or Tanya. Sharon was always close to Tanya, and Marc, or one of his gang, was always somewhere near Tanya. I really didn't want to cause an incident in trying to get near them. So I had no choice but to wait for school being over. **** "Here we are!" Kimberly waved and I raced down the stairs. I was curious as hell. I quickly peered but couldn't see neither Tanya or Sharon, nor Marc or his minions. "Hi Ms. Winthrop, nice to meet you!" I smiled at her. "Hello ummm... Alan it is, right?" She returned the smile and after a friendly shake hands we headed for the car. "Yes Mom, Alan..." Kim rolled her eyes and opened the back door. "I told you he wanted to visit Tanya, didn't I? Oh and did you call your parents, Alan, so that they know that you will be home later?" I nodded. "Yes I did during the lunch break. They were not at home but I left a message. It should be fine. They might even pick me up in the evening then, I guess." "Great! Hop in, and let's go!" Kimberly waited for me to get in, closed the door and took a seat herself in the front of the car. "Mom, please drive us to Tanya's home, you know where that is, right?" Kim's Mom laughed. "You are acting as if I had not brought you there already more often than I can count!" "Oh, and Mom? On our way there, please stop at Stacy's for a moment, Mom. I need something!" "Again? We went there yesterday!" "Sure, but I forgot something important!" "Girls..." She laughed again. "Do you have a sister, Alan? If so, then you might know..." Alan shook his head "No Ma'am, I am a single child." "Ah I see... well, it for sure has its advantages! Right, my dear? Kimberly is a single child as well." I had to smile and looked out of the window during the drive. We were heading to the other side of town. The stop at Stacy's took us about 15 minutes. Finally we got to the area where the Evans family lived, but close to their house we had to stop. From this direction the road was closed due to some roadworks. "Oh damn..." Kim's Mom said. "We have to drive around the block and enter the road from the other side to get to their house!" "No it's perfect here Mom, I mean..." Kim cleared her throat. "Only 200 yards down the road, we can walk from here, right, Alan?" "Of course, sure thing!" I replied, looking around through the window. I had not been here yet, or if so, I didn't remember. "Bye Mom! I will call you when you can pick me up again, okay?" Kim hugged her mother and opened the door. "Bye Ms. Winthrop, and thanks for the ride!" I also opened the door and dropped out of the car myself. I watched her driving away and Kim pointing to the left. "Tanya's house is over there, about 200 yards from here. Be careful to walk on the left side of the road or you will get really dirty." I noticed the roadworks and nodded in agreement. "By the way... why are you here with me anyway? I mean, I could have walked to their house alone. Do you want to join me talking to Tanya and Sharon, or rather, Tanya and Sharon talking to me? And - will they even be here already? I mean, we finished school together, and..." "Sure they are here! See, we needed more time because of the stop at that shop, remember? So don't worry, everyone will be just where they are supposed to be." she smiled brightly. "And see, another friend of mine lives just around the corner. So I just took the chance to show you where Tanya's home is, Alan!" "Oh I see yes, that's kind of you!" I returned the smile and went all to the left side of the road to avoid the dirty roadworks area. We walked for about 150 yards, then suddenly I got a push from behind that almost made me falling over. "Hey you faggot! What are you doing here? Secretly sneaking up to my girlfriend, huh?" Marc's voice gave me the creeps and I paled while Kimberly laughed at me. I turned my head and saw Marc, Bill, Drake and Joe standing there right behind me. Marc slowly walked by and joined Kimberly who was a bit ahead of me, while his friends stayed behind me. To the left was a huge fence, and to the right the road had been dug up about 3 feet deep. Because it had rained during the day, there was quite a lot of muddy water inside. I was trapped. Before I could say something, Marc hit my left arm with a powerful stroke. He knew damn well where he had punched me before and aimed for the same spot again and again. "I don't want to see you here, you little pussy, got it?" Another hit, and my left arm hurt like hell again. In a reflex I raised my arms. "Hey did you see that? He attacked me!" Marc laughed. "Listen, you should not have attacked me, you little swab." "Attacked you? But..." My glanced at him, then at Kimberly, and back at Marc, confused, my arm hurting, and suddenly feeling embarrassed as it dawned on me. The whole thing had been set up to fool me, and I had walked blindly into their trap. "Oh and you are a liar too? We have just come to visit my girlfriend Tanya, and what do I see? Alan sneaking around here, and then he even attacks me! Everyone could see you attacking me, right?" Marc gestured towards his friends. "Yes we all saw it!" Joe cheered from behind and they all laughed. I bit my lip and decided to remain quiet. What else could I do against all of them? "Marc? Kim? And Joe and... what... Alan? What is going on here? What are you all doing here? Sharon, come!" I could hear Tanya's voice from behind and looked around. I could see Tanya approaching and Sharon just coming around the corner. "Alan here..." Marc pointed into my direction "...he attacked me. We are just teaching him a lesson to stay away from me in the future, and also from you. He is not welcome here! He..." "What? That's not true!" I was starting to fly into a rage over all these lies. "Kim said to me, Tanya and Sharon would want to meet me after school and..." I glanced at Tanya, who had come closer now, followed by her friend Sharon, then at Marc and Kimberly. "Tell them, Kim, you..." "But Alan!" Kim cut me off and giggled. "Why should Tanya and Sharon wanted to see you? Have you been daydreaming again? Wasn't it rather you who begged me to bring you here?" Her voice was covered in sugar. "No, it wasn't me because I would have never... " I paused, looking at Tanya, who stood there and gave me a puzzled look. Sharon had joined her in the meantime and narrowed her eyes, openly disapproving what was going on here. "You are such a coward, Alan! Geeze... " Kim snorted and leaned against Marc's strong body. "You are the cowards, all of you!" Sharon chimed in. "Does that look heroic? Five against one?" Just when I turned my head to Marc and Kim again, someone pushed me from behind, and I stumbled and fell directly into Marc. I tried to avoid any contact but I was totally unbalanced and so I crashed into him, and grabbed his chest to get a hold. "Get off!" he hissed and punched his fist into my stomach, then threw me down into the muddy excavation. I felt a hard flap at my shoulder and found myself lying in the dirty water. Marc, Kimberly and his other friends stood at the edge of the sidewalk and laughed. The pain shot through my body, driving tears into my eyes as I looked up. Tanya and Sharon shook their heads in disbelief. "I am truly ashamed of you, Marc Sanders..." Sharon disgorged contemptuously. Tanya nodded in agreement. "We're through. I have finished with you. Go and look for a different girlfriend, because I am no longer yours!" Both stared at Kimberly. "And you... " Tanya shook her head again. "Such a devious lie from you? I am shocked, Kim! Seems you want him for yourself, huh? You have my blessings. Take him, and get out of my sight!" Kimberly shrugged. "It's as we told you, he wanted to come and he attacked us. We only defended ourselves, what's wrong with that?" "Be gone, all of you!" Tanya was furious now. "I guess I'll call my Dad..." Sharon added. "Let's split..." Marc grinned and they all strolled away, laughing and making fun of me. "Hi Debbie, it's me, Kim! --- Oh dear such a pity you didn't join us after school! --- You missed the most fun I had for months! --- photos? Oh yes of..." Their voices faded as they turned right at the end of the road. **** I took a breath and rolled over, slowly getting up on my feet. On the edge of the walkway were Tanya and Sharon, still shocked. I waded through the muddy water and reached the edge where the girls were standing. Without hesitation, both offered their hands to me and pulled, helping me to climb out of that pit. My clothes were soaking wet and muddy, even my hair and my face were covered with mud. 'At least they cannot see my tears...' I thought, gazing at the two girls. "I need to get home..." I murmured and shivered while trying to clean myself a little bit. It was quite a cool, cloudy and windy day and standing here in my soaking wet clothes painfully reminded me of that. "You are going nowhere! We..." Tanya began, but Sharon interrupted her. "Alan, you are bleeding!" "Bleeding? Where?" I frowned and checked myself. "There, your shoulder." Sharon looked closely at me. Tanya checked it out and nodded. "Yes, Sharon is right... God! Such assholes!" A closer look at my shoulder confirmed it to me. Blood was slowly seeping through the sweater. "Damn... I need to..." "All you need now is help, Alan." Tanya softly whispered, and without further ado she took my hand. "Please not, you will get filthy..." For an answer, she held my hand even more firmly and almost dragged me behind her. "We are going to our house, it's right over there. You need a bath, and we need to clean and bandage that wound, and you need dry clothes too." I blushed and could feel my stomach cramping. New clothes! Oh dear, my panties! I paled and shuddered some more, partly from the cold, and partly from the thought of having to undress and change clothes in Tanya's home. Not even a minute later we stood at the entrance of Tanya's home. "Mom, we're back..." Tanya cheered after opening the door. I hesitated on the doorstep, not wanting to soil their home. Tanya noticed and dragged me inside, and as a support, Sharon gently pushed from behind. "Hi girls!" I heard a voice answering and a moment later a beautiful, friendly looking woman appeared. "Oh you are three, so who... Jesus!" Tanya's mother covered her face with her hands. "What in all the world happened to you, dear?" She looked me up and down and shook her head. "Umm... you are Alan, Alan Carter, if I remember correctly?" "Yes, Ms. Evans, hel..." "Mom, he is bleeding!" Tanya interrupted me, pointing to my shoulder. "And he needs a bath and dry clothes. He wanted to go home but I didn't allow him to. Not like this!" Tanya released my hand and smiled at her mother, hugging her. "Good girl, you did so right!" Ms. Evans returned the smile while hugging Tanya, then she focused on me again, pondering. "Alright, Alan. We will care for you, don't worry. The only problem I see is..." she hesitated for a moment, then waved her hand. "Doesn't matter, we will have a look at that later. Alan, come with me to the bathroom. We first need to look at your wound and then you can undress and have a bath, and I will put your clothes into the washing machine." I blushed again and tried to avoid the inevitable, while shivering again. "Ummmm... Ms. Evans, I really don't want to cause any inconv..." "Nonsense, Alan!" She cut me off in a friendly, but resolute tone in her voice. "Stop even thinking that! Now be so kind and come with me, before all that mud will be infiltrating my floor! And you need a bath and dry clothes urgently now, before you are catching a cold!" She looked at me again and went down on her knees, quickly but cautiously removing my shoes while the two girls were supporting me to not lose my balance. I bit my lip and followed Tanya's mother into the bathroom. It was upstairs and I felt terrible, thinking of the trail of mud behind me while I felt the water dripping down. It had all happened so fast that I had not even had the opportunity yet to properly say hi to Tanya's Mom. The girls followed close up and within a few moments we all stood inside the bathroom. "Lift your arms if you can, Alan... I have to remove your sweater..." I did as I was being told and managed to get my arms up. My left arm and my right shoulder did hurt like hell but I gritted my teeth and a few moments later, I stood before them with my naked upper body. Sharon gasped as she saw the wound on my shoulder and the bruises on my other arm. "Oh god Alan, did Marc...?" She looked at me and I slowly nodded. I didn't want to whine and say something bad even about Marc, but it was simply the truth and I also didn't see a reason to not tell them. It was more than obvious anyway. They had seen him doing it to me at school anyway. "I can't believe that. I was such a fool, thinking he would be a great boyfriend!" Tanya was furious again. "He will pay for that, I swear!" Tanya's mother cautiously cleaned my shoulder and checked the wound. Luckily there wasn't any major damage, only a small flesh wound that had almost stopped bleeding, caused by a sharp stone inside that excavation. "First you need to clean up, Alan, and then I will bandage it, is that okay?" "Yes, Ma'am, thank you so much, and... and I am sorry for all this, for causing you..." "If you won't stop apologizing, Alan, I will undress you right here and now in front of the girls and will clean you up myself! Understood?" She looked sternly at me and I nodded again. "Yes, Ms. Evans, I am s... okay". "Good... then we girls will all leave the bathroom now, and you, Alan, you will undress and give me your clothes after you finished cleaning up, while I will go and try to find some dry clothes for you." "And we have to call his parents!" Sharon suggested. "Oh dear yes, of course! I almost forgot about that! Thanks for reminding me, that's very attentive, Sharon!" Joy Evans complimented her and motioned the two girls to follow her. "Alright girls, let's give poor Alan the privacy he needs." "Mom, couldn't he wear Julie's sports outfit? Mine are a bit small maybe, but hers might fit him!" Tanya suggested, and her Mom shook her head. "No, dear, I had just cleaned all the sports outfits earlier today, and they are still wet. I will have to find something else for him, but whatever it will be, it shouldn't become a problem, as it's an emergency. Now, let's get going, girls!" I blushed as I watched the three leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind them. I could hear them chatting outside about which clothes to give me, but the voices soon faded. What to do now? I could not give her my panties! And Tanya and Sharon would see them too! 'I am dead...' I thought as I started to undress my lower body. **** While I sat down on the edge of the tub to get out of my trousers, I noticed a plastic bag near the hamper. Quickly I finished undressing, including my pastel colored panties, and checked it out. It was empty. I decided to put all my clothes in this bag. Maybe I could just take them home in it? I mean, she could not really object that. It would even save her the washing. Yes, that was a great idea! I decided against a full bath, as that would take much too long. Encouraged by my idea I stepped into the shower. The hot water did me so good, and for a short while I only stood there, my eyes closed, the steamy water running down my skin, warming me up. Luckily, the water didn't hurt too much on my shoulder. Reluctantly I switched it off and looked for something to clean me up. Several bottles stood in the corner of the shower. I browsed them briefly, unsure which one to use. Obviously they all were made for women. I frowned but then chose a white, creamy lotion. Soon the scent of lavender filled the air. I deeply inhaled and enjoyed the shower. My arms did still hurt a lot but I managed to clean up, always taking care to not get any lotion directly into the wound on my shoulder. After another hot shower, rinsing off the lotion and all the rest of the mud and dirt, I stepped outside and grabbed the next best towel to rub my hairless skin dry. I had to admit that I already felt a lot better. "Are you alright inside there?" Joy Evans knocked on the door. "I found..." she cleared her throat "With the help of the girls I found you some clothes. Let me know when you have finished, Alan, will you?" Her soft and friendly voice reminded me of my mother and instantly made me trusting her. So far none of them had made any jokes about me. But the worst was yet to come. "Errrr... yes, I've finished, Ms. Evans... I..." I wrapped the towel around my waist and instantly the familiar lump in my throat was coming back as the bathroom door swang open. Joy Evans came closer, carrying a small pile of clothes, smiling reassuringly at me. "My, you look so much better already, Alan. Now let's bandage your wound and get you dressed up. I called your parents but they are not at home, and I didn't have their mobile number, so I left a message for them to call me back when they will be home. I hope that's okay for you?" She laid the pile onto a desk and opened a drawer beneath the sink, taking out some bandage material. "Yes, umm... yes... I guess that is fine, Ms. Evans..." I swallowed hard as I watched her fumbling around with the bandages. After inspecting the wound closely she opted for a large band aid. "It has stopped bleeding, Alan, so a larger band aid should be fine. I don't think it has to be sewn, it doesn't look that bad anymore, now that it stopped bleeding, and all the mud around it is gone." Tenderly she applied some germicide and then the band aid. I waited for some pain and was surprised I didn't feel any. "Thank you, Ms. Evans..." I quietly said and thankfully looked at her, even smiled a little. Strangely I felt safe and cared for in her presence, and, surprisingly, not embarrassed. "You are so welcome, Alan. And call me Joy, please. Oh, and has anyone told you yet, that you have gorgeous eyes?" She smiled and fondled my cheek. I blushed and bit my lip. "Oh really? Thank... thank you Ms... Joy." "Mom is absolutely right!" Tanya chimed in. I had not even noticed the two girls returning. "Yes, so right! Not to forget your lovely hair, Alan!" Sharon added and gave me a warm smile. The girls' comments made me blushing even more and I shyly returned the smile, then looked down on my toes. "Where are your clothes, Alan?" Joy's question got me startled. "Umm... I shoved them into that empty plastic bag over there. I thought, I could just take them home in it and then you don't have to wash them, you know." "Oh my, you are so considerate, Alan, but I do have a machine full of dirty clothes right now anyway and yours fit right in. I am sure your Mom won't be angry with me for washing them!" She giggled and turned around. My heart sank and I just stood there watching her, unable to speak. "We are heading down, preparing dinner, Mom! Alan must be hungry, and we are too!" Tanya said and grabbed Sharon's hand, and without further ado they jumped out of the bathroom and dashed downstairs. Joy Evans smiled and opened the washing machine, took some of her own clothes from the hamper, shoving them in. She grabbed the plastic bag and turned it upside down. Kneeling on the floor with her back pointing towards me, she unfolded my clothes one by one and threw them inside as well. I tensed up, waiting for a comment, something about my panties. But she remained silent. After closing the door and starting the machine, she got up and turned around, smiling at me. "Now, Alan..." she cleared her throat. "Not sure if you knew it, but we have only girls in or household. My husband deserted us many years ago, and I am afraid I didn't keep any of his old stuff. Not that his things would have been a good fit anyway..." "Oh... I see, it's fine, I can... " "You can do what?" Joy cut me off. "Wearing your muddy clothes? Too late! Remain naked? I am sorry Alan, but you need to dress!" She got the pile of clothes and held it in front of me. "Here, this should be about your size. The clothes belong to Julie, Tanya's older sister. She isn't here yet, she went to town with a friend, but she might be back soon. Oh and don't worry, she won't mind..." she added with a smile. I nodded and gulped, looking at the clothes I was now holding in my hands. My emotions started to run riot. Here I was, standing almost naked in the bathroom of my classmate Tanya, in front of her mother, who was just offering me girl clothes to wear. "I hope the panties won't be too small, Alan. I took the largest I could find. I will leave you alone now. Join us downstairs please when you are dressed up, will you? And don't worry about the clothes, Alan, we all know it's an emergency, and nobody will exploit your situation, I promise. You really don't have to feel embarrassed. After all, they are just that... clothes!" She caressed my shoulder and left the bathroom, closing the door. I watched her leaving, unable to say anything, and sat down on the edge of the tub, placing the pile of clothes next to me on a small chest of drawers. I had no choice but to get dressed in these, or going down naked, which wasn't an option. So I decided to just dress, and the less fuss I was making about it, the better, I thought. After all these were just clothes, right? In addition, I didn't want to back down now. Probably I was being seen as a coward in the eyes of most at my school. And while that didn't bother me too much, Sharon's and Tanya's opinion was very important to me. The panties were a light blue, also a pastel tone. They felt so delicate in my hands, the material was very soft and silky. I blushed and pulled them up, tugging away my boy parts and looked into the full size mirror on the wall. I had to admit that I liked them! They felt wonderful on my skin, but at the same time I had a strange feeling. For the first time in my life I was wearing girl clothes that were not mine, not even Mom's. 'Like if I was a girl and my friend or sister would have borrowed me her clothes...' I thought and felt a deep pain inside, that this, for me, wasn't meant to just be normal thing. A matching undershirt completed the set of underwear, at least for me. She had omitted the bra. Of course. Next came the sweater, a sky blue one with a white dove embroidered on the chest. Tanya's Mom was right, it did fit me very well. How could she know? Last was a pleated, knee- length dark grey skirt that also fitted surprisingly well, except that my hips should have been a bit wider to fill it out properly, but that didn't really matter much. It looked acceptable enough to me. I slipped my feet into the white slippers that were standing beneath the sink. They had a small heel and were very comfy and warm. I turned and looked into the mirror again. The figure I saw staring back at me could indeed be, at first sight, mistaken for a girl, I thought. My shoulder-length hair and the girly clothes did a lot. I liked the thought and stood there for a little longer than necessary, examining myself closely. Despite being a boy wearing girl clothes, I liked what I saw, and almost forgot about the fact that these were the clothes of Tanya's sister! I took a deep breath inhale and sighed, thankful for this unexpected short moment of bliss. **** "Alan, dinner time!" I heard Tanya shouting from downstairs and took another deep breath. With trembling hands I opened the bathroom door. Sharon gasped when she saw me coming down the stairs. She couldn't help but staring at me for a moment. She noticed me blushing and looked down. "Sorry Alan, I didn't want to offend you, but I... you look... umm... beautiful, you really do... you know that right?" "Why... thank you Sharon, I..." "Oh my god she is right!" Tanya blurted out, causing her mother turning her head as well. "I didn't expect that but..." The three came closer and Tanya's mom laid her hand on my shoulder. "See, I told you. Nothing to worry about. Now let's sit down and let's eat something, okay?" She felt me shivering a little as I nodded and frowned. "Are you alright Alan?" she eyed me up and nodded when she noticed my bare, hairless legs. "Wait, let me get you something..." I looked at her, puzzled, while Sharon and Tanya already took a seat at the table. "We didn't have the time to prepare a huge dinner, Alan, but I hope you like some spicy stew with meat and vegetables? We still have enough left from yesterday and figured, a warm stew would just be good for you?" "Err... what? Oh yes, stew... " I stuttered when I saw Joy Evans returning. "Here Alan, a pair of semi-sheer, nude tights. They are quite warm and are matching the rest of your outfit very well. After all you should be looking good, emergency or not. They are almost your skin tone I guess. Or do you prefer black?" she asked with a smile, offering me the tights. I was totally perplex and took the pantyhose from her hands. "I... no, they are fine, I guess... thank you, but..." "No buts. You are wearing a skirt and tights are best to go with a skirt. Put them on and join us for dinner, Alan! I will fill your plate in the meantime!" Joy went over to the table and took a seat herself. I nodded and joined them at the table, pulling my chair towards me and sat down. Absent-mindedly I unfolded the tights, curled them like I had done so many times before, and then skillfully rolled them up my legs one by one up to the middle of my thighs. I stood up, lifted the skirt, pulled them up and made them fit around my hips and waist. Just when I let my skirt falling down again, I noticed all of them looking at me in astonishment. "Your legs are nicer than mine, that is not fair!" Sharon said joyfully, and there wasn't any mocking tone in her voice. I blushed instantly. "And how skillfully you put them on!" Tanya blurted out. "I mean... even me, being a girl, struggled when I did that for the first..." "Oh girls come on, let him eat, he must be dying of hunger!" Joy chimed in as she noticed me blushing even deeper, interrupting her daughter, sensing that this could lead to an embarrassing situation for me. "Alan, help yourself, and enjoy! I hope you'll like it!" "Sure he will, this is my favorite Stew, Joy!" Sharon said with a smile while she took her spoon and started to eat. "It was about time for me to be able to enjoy this once again. I should visit even more often around dinner time!" Sharon giggled and Tanya joined in. "I... thank you, I am sure of that, Ms. Ev... Joy. It smells wonderful..." I returned the smile and started to eat myself, feeling hungry indeed. I hoped that they would not pick up that topic again. I cursed myself for missing out on thinking of that. 'How could I have been so thoughtless, putting on the pantyhose like this! They must know now, that I have been doing this for a long time, and Tanya's Mom saw the panties. Dear god!' Despite my thoughts running wild, my plate was empty in no time and I even agreed to eat a second one. "This stew is marvelous, really!" "Thank you so much, Alan. I am so glad you like it! Eat as much as you want, there is enough here for all of us and even for Julie when she will be home, which should be very soon in fact." "Very soon? Oh..." My body tensed up a bit hearing the name of Tanya's sister, whose clothes I was wearing. "I told you not to worry about her, Alan, it's fine. Now please relax, will you?" "Yes, Joy..." I forced myself to focus on my stew and emptied also the second plate. The girls and Ms. Evans had already finished. "Hey, why don't we go to my room while waiting for your parents, Alan?" Tanya suggested, and Sharon nodded in agreement. "A wonderful idea, Tanya!" Sharon got up and grabbed my hand. "Come, Alan. Let's go!" Joy Evans smiled and I stood up myself, half being dragged up by Sharon. "Thank you again for this amazing stew!" "Oh Alan, you are so wel..." In this moment we all heard the door bell. Our heads turned as we stopped, and Joy headed for the door to open it. My jaw dropped as I saw my Mom standing there, together with Julie, Tanya's sister. "Ms. Carter, please come in! Hi Julie dear!" Tanya's Mom hugged both my mother and her daughter. "Hi Mom!" Julie smiled happily. "I have just returned and Ms. Carter here and me coincidentally turned into our street in the same moment." "There is some stew left if anyone is hungry?" she asked with a big smile and motioned them to come in. "Hello Ms. Evans, nice to meet you. If I remember right we last met at school some months ago?" My Mom asked and they all stepped through the door and spotted us, me standing there in Julie's clothes while Sharon was still holding my hand, Tanya two steps behind us. I would have wanted to hide beneath the floor in this moment. My head for sure looked like a glowing bulb again. For a moment, both, Julie and my Mom, stood just there, unsure what to do or say. "Alan!" My Mom softly said, evidently caught off guard. She blinked a few times and walked up to me. "Dear god, for a moment I even didn't..." She swallowed hard. Joy Evans smiled confidently. "Yes, it's Alan. As you can see, we had kind of an emergency." "Hi Mom, and hi... umm... Julie..." I stuttered with a quiet voice. "Oh my, you look beautiful, Alan... I mean..." She hugged me tightly, and I noticed, that I was still holding Sharon's hand. "You have to tell me what happened! I first heard your message, then Ms. Evans left one as well. I was so worried!" "Hi, Alan..." Julie began, still staring at me. She obviously wanted to say something but Tanya motioned her to remain quiet, grabbed her hand and dragged Julie into the kitchen, while Sharon and Tanya's mother kept standing close to me and my Mom. I felt Sharon laying her hand on my shoulder. Countless thoughts somersaulted wildly in my mind. How could I come out of this now without becoming the laughingstock of school, of the whole city even? "I am so sorry Mom, I can explain it, I guess... really, I..." "Shhhhh Alan, it's fine... shhhhh...." My Mom just held me in her arms. In this moment all my defenses crumbled down like a house of cards in the wind and I started to cry. I didn't care about who was around and who wasn't, and that I was a boy who wasn't probably supposed to cry like that, and that I was a boy standing there in Julie's clothes. I simply could not do anything else but crying. All the lies, the strain from constantly trying to suppress and conceal my true self for so long now, Marc's bullying and violations, the humiliation, the constant fear of being found out, and what had just happened outside. It was way too much for me and I cried without restraint, my face hidden in the chest of my Mom. I felt her holding me and also Sharon's hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. For a while nobody said anything, and when my tension started to melt away, Joy Evans led us into the living room, where I sat down on the sofa, together with my Mom on my right side and Sharon on my left side, who stayed as close to me as my Mom. Tanya and Julie, who had meanwhile returned from the kitchen, moved the other sofa a little closer, and took a seat there together with their Mom, facing us. They all looked at me, worrying. Mom had wrapped her arm around me, and I felt Sharon tenderly stroking my left thigh. For some strange reason I liked that, in spite of this precarious situation I found myself in. "Oh god, I am sorry... so sorry..." I looked down, unsure what to say. "It's okay, Alan... you are safe now..." Sharon quietly whispered, still fondling my thighs. "Tanya and me, and also some of the other girls, will keep an eye on you from now on, so he will not dare to bully you again." I looked at her and smiled a thankful smile. I was very thankful indeed. I had not expected such a level of solidarity from those around me in this moment. "Thank you, Sharon, thank... thank all of you for... everything. But it's..." I tried to clear my throat from the lump that was omnipresent in my throat again. "But... it's not just..." I paused, unsure if, and how to continue. "What, my sweetie?" My Mom looked at me. "Please... what is it? I want to help you, Alan..." "...we all want to help you, dear..." Joy added and the three girls nodded in agreement. I felt tears running down my cheek again. "It's not just Marc, it's... I... I have always wanted..." My voice failed and I bit my lip. In this moment, all my fears, and all my hopes and dreams, caused an emotional chaos inside me. The fear that they all, my Mom, my Dad, just everyone, would reject me, laugh at me, mock me, desert me, probably even hate me, and also the hope that they would just accept it and that I maybe even had a future. So often before I had thought about this moment, about how to confess this to someone. About how it would happen, what to say, and to whom. And now, I was here, surrounded not only by my Mom, but also by Joy Evans and her daughters, and Sharon. It was so easy to say it, wasn't it? But here and now, with all of them being around, could I really say it? 'Sharon and Tanya, and Julie? What would they do? How could I go back to school tomorrow? Would they tell everyone, and I would be beaten and harassed again? Even more so now? Not them, no. But Kimberly had also fooled me today. What, if they would do the same to me? How could I ever look into their eyes again without feeling embarrassed and humiliated? On the other hand, they have been so kind and friendly to me. They are my friends, aren't they? Do I even have friends? And if I really wanted that to ever come true... wouldn't I have to face the world anyway?' Finally I could not hold back any longer. "I want to be a girl." (to be continued) (c) 2019 by Delana Soulstar