Messed Up free porn video

Messed Up Dawna Tompson Aug 2020 Rated X A man tries to deal with an abrupt and unsettling change to his anatomy. - - - - Jesse unclenched his shaking hand and disgustedly tossed the sheaf of papers onto the dining room table. "I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. What an idiot that doctor is." He paced the kitchen trying to think but he was too upset to work through anything rationally. He turned and picked up the papers he'd thrown on the table. He sorted through the medical forms and insurance documents he'd received when he had been released from the emergency room a half-hour ago. After flipping through a few pages he found what he was looking for. He re-read it again for the third time. "Female patient, age 24, presenting as a convincing male, complains of loss of penis and sudden appearance of female genitalia. Performed standard pelvic exam with no indication of abnormalities. X-Ray and ultrasound indicates normal internal and external female organs. Patient exhibited severe agitation but does not appear to be a danger to herself or others. Suggest she contact her gynecologist for follow-up and referred her to a psychiatrist to address extreme anxiety and agitation. Patient released at 0830 hrs." "He thought I was a woman! What the heck? That's messed up. That's so messed up." He pulled at his belt and lowered his pants again for the umpteenth time. There, between his legs, was the perfectly formed mound of a vulva. He didn't bother to look any further as he'd already been so grossed out the first time to he'd seen its damp pink interior. "No it's still as it appeared when I woke up. Where is my penis? Oh God, where is my penis? I must be dreaming." If he was dreaming it was certainly the most realistic dream he'd ever had. Ever since he woke up this morning everything save for that one major difference, had been consistent with his normal waking reality. Everything around him appeared normal, the stability of his perceptions, the continuity of time, and the consistency of his surroundings all indicated this wasn't a dream. Nothing suggested that he was anywhere except embedded within his ordinary waking reality. And yet he had a vagina. "No penis, no balls, just a wet cunt." "Oh shit, shit, shit. What the hell am I supposed to do about this? I can't even get a doctor to listen to me." He stomped around the apartment looking for something out of place that might indicate he was dreaming or that he'd fallen into some weird alternate reality. He took out his driver's license and read off the laminated card, "Jesse Heller, Hgt: 5' 9", Wgt: 175 lbs, Eyes: Brn, Hair: Brn, Sex: Male" "See." He pointed at the card and spoke out loud to the empty apartment. "See, it says, Sex: Male. I am a guy, not a girl!" He rummaged around in his dresser drawer and fetched his birth certificate from a faded and torn envelope. Again, "Sex: Male." Jesse downed a couple of the sedatives the doctor had given him to settle his nerves. He took a double dose and washed it down with a beer. He knew that he was taking a chance, but at this point maybe he didn't care what happened to him. "What am I to do without a penis?" "I know, I'll call that lady doctor I saw back when I had the flu, she'll remember me." He dialed furiously. "Shit, the answering service. She doesn't see patients until tomorrow." He hung up and threw the phone across the room, though luckily it landed on the soft couch. "Shit, shit shit," he murmured as the pills started to take effect. "This is a nightmare." He staggered to the couch and collapsed. When he woke up it was already dark outside. It took only a few seconds for him to feel the pit in his stomach as he recalled the morning's events. He reached between his legs and found that nothing had changed. As he did he heard a knock on the door. "Oh no! I'll bet it's Rebecca." "Jesse, open up, it's me," she called sweetly though the door. Reluctantly he rose and slowly opened the door. Rebecca was a beautiful hispanic woman and on any ordinary day he would have welcomed her. She was physically striking. She had elegant features, a knockout body, and a pure olive complexion. She was nearly as tall as he was and had long black hair pulled into a high ponytail that sailed down her backside to nearly her waist. Even without makeup and dressed casually and she looked utterly compelling. She could have been a model for one of those glossy woman's magazines. "Oh, Jesse, you look so horrible, what's wrong?" She pecked him on the cheek and then sauntered into the living room. She had on a fitted tank top and matching workout tights with netted cutouts that showed off her firm thighs. She sat down on the couch, kicked off her sandals and, using criss- crossed arms, lifted her top and tugged it over her head. The movement flipped her long hair around in a sexy motion Jesse felt certain was designed to arouse him. Within seconds she had stripped down to her silky black French-cut panties. "Come on Jesse, I can make it all better." She curled a long manicured finger in his direction while she slowly fingered her erect brown nipple with her other hand. Jesse glanced at the camel's hump outline under her tight lace-trimmed panties and noted with some irony that it traced the same shape as his own new anatomy. "I can't Becca, I'm not in the mood, I just can't tonight." Her expression went dark. A Mexican volcano erupted in Jesse's living room. "It's that fucking white bitch Cassandra again isn't it? She's back in your life. I told you I wouldn't stand for any more of your shit. She probably fucked your brains out this afternoon didn't she? And now you don't want anything to do with me, is that it? Admit it Jesse, you fucking prick." She was already pulling her clothes back on as he weakly protested. "No, no, it's nothing like that, I'm just under the weather a bit. I'll be okay, but just not today." "Fucking liar. I told you I wouldn't hang around if you so much as thought about her smelly, dry, white cunt. And now you've started fucking her again. Did you think you'd be able to hang onto me too? Meirda dos temmorizador. Were you afraid my brown skin would rub off on your white ass? Go fuck that skinny gringo whore with those tiny little titties of hers. I hope you get the clap. Fuck you, Jesse. Lo siento viejo cabrone! Adios! Forever." She stomped toward the door, stopped, whipped around, grabbed a glass off the table, and flung it in Jesse's direction. He barely stepped aside to avoid it hitting his head then winced as the glass smashed and scattered all over the kitchen floor. She was out the door before Jesse could stop her. She slammed it shut in Jesse's face. He could hear the sound of the huge bang echo faintly off the unadorned walls of the apartment's hallway. "Geez, that didn't go well. Man what a bitching day." - - - - Jesse woke up to an the early alarm and immediately felt that now familiar pit in his stomach. A quick checked showed that nothing had changed. Still no dick. Just a smooth hump covered with a wisp of fine light pubic hair. "I'd find it sexy if it was on another woman." He remarked, without catching his own subtle slip of the tongue. He shuddered as he recalled last night's nightmare. Becca had stolen his penis and put in on. She was parading around the bedroom pointing his erect tool at him. He kept saying, "Give it back!" Instead, she taunted, "Why? Do you want to play with your little thingy? Come, play with it, I'll bet I'll enjoy it." She stroked it a few times. "Oooh, it feels so good to have a penis. No wonder you want one so badly. But you don't have one anymore, do you?" She stopped abruptly, put a finger to her cheek, and then pondered, "No, maybe I'll go fuck Cassandra with it instead. I'll bet you'd like that wouldn't you?" He woke up in a sweat and went to the bathroom to get some water and take a leak. Standing at the toilet without thinking he dribbled a stream down his leg and onto the floor. "Shit!" He had to wipe himself and the bathroom floor before sitting down to piss. "Ugh! I'm pissing like a girl too!" He returned to bed only to have several more versions of the same dream recur. "I've got to get up and go to work. If there was ever a day I needed to take a sick day it's today. I wish I hadn't taken so many days every time I had a hangover. If I take another one Bert will probably make good on his threat to fire me. I'll have to find a way to make it through the day." He took a quick shower while avoiding touching himself down there. He dried quickly and pulled on a pair of clean briefs. "Geez, these are uncomfortable, they don't fit right." He rummaged around and eventually found a pair of Becca's used panties under the bed. "Well, it will have to do." He slipped on his rough work clothes over the smooth fabric. "Hey, they fit much better and the fabric feels nice when it rubs against my rough jeans." He grabbed a quick cup of coffee and then drove down to the parking lot of the superstore to meet his carpool. "What the hell Hell? Why the long look? Did your Mexican hottie pussy- whip you? Or did she refuse to give you any last night?" Brett taunted as they waited for Mo and Prick to show up. "Shut up Brett." Jesse sat in silence as the other three conversed with their typical banter. "Hey, look at her! I'll bet she would give good head." Mo exclaimed as they pulled up to a cute girl waiting in a white sedan at the light. Brett let out a wolf whistle to try to get her to look his way. She stared stared straight ahead and sped off as soon as the light turned green. "Bitch!" he called to her. Jesse could see an infant in a carseat in the back of her car. He thought, "She must have had to get up at an ungodly hour so she could take the baby to daycare before heading to work. And she has to put up with these idiots too?" Once at the worksite Jesse slipped away from the others for a few minutes. He fussed around with his phone and eventually dialed a number. "Hello, is this Dr. Markoff's office?" This is Jesse Heller... Yes, I am an established patient, though I haven't seen her in a while... I need to see her right away... Yes, it's an emergency... No, I already went to the Emergency Room and they referred me to my regular doctor... No, I am not in any physical pain... No, I can't tell you what's wrong, I need to talk to the doctor... You can't see me any sooner than that?... Yes, let me know if there is a cancellation." Somehow he made it through the rest of the morning. The worksite was crowded with carpenters, plumbers, and other workmen so no one took any particular notice of how down he felt. "These guys all have dicks. They are men. I'm a pussy. Literally, I'm a pussy," he told himself. "I'm a cunt, just like the chicks Brett is calling out all the time." He was okay until after lunch. He had to take a piss. Even though there were a few women at the site they had long since become accustomed to the coarse workmen simply walking over to a bush to take a leak. "Sure there's a Porta-Potty, way down at the lower end, but none of the guys ever uses it unless they need to take a dump. Even if I pretend I need to Bert is sure to give me grief for taking too much time off to walk all the way down there. I can hear him say, You can take a shit on your own time, I'm paying you to work." He held it as long as he could but eventually the call of nature became too strong. He walked behind a large stack of lumber and squatted to take a piss. "I'm pretty sure no one can see me back here," Jesse consoled himself. He watched to make sure he missed his pants and then struggled to get up. "No wonder the girls bitch about having access to potties all the time." - - - - Jesse stumbled through the next few days counting each one as he got closer to his scheduled appointment with Dr. Markoff. "I'll bet she'll at least listen to me." Still, his frustration mounted. "I have to do something to let off steam." After work he headed for the gym. He was already inside the locker room when he realized his dilemma. He scanned the room and luckily no one was there. He quickly changed into his gym shorts and T- shirt. He stuffed a rolled-up sock in his gym shorts and hoped it looked passably real. "What the heck?" Jesse exclaimed to himself. He couldn't seem to achieve his normal bench press weight. Arm curls were a struggle as well. He finally gave up after only doing about half his normal workout. "This is really starting to get to me." He retreated to the locker room and, as he usually did, he stepped on the scale. "What?" He'd lost almost nine pounds. "Hey Curtis, is there something wrong with this scale?" "Nah, I weighed myself this morning, 220 pounds of pure muscle!" He curled an arm toward Jesse showing off a huge bicep. "Hey, aren't you going to shower?" "I'll catch one at home," Jesse quickly replied. At home he measured his biceps and thighs. "I lost two inches! No wait it's more like three. What the hell is going on?" The next morning he noticed that his chest hair seemed diminished. "Now I know I had more hair than that." His crotch and thighs looked smoother and less hairy as well. He glanced in the mirror and lifted a hand to his face. "Come to think of it, I haven't shaved since this started and I still look pretty smooth. This isn't over. It's getting worse. I've got to do something." - - - - Finally the appointment day arrived. He had to beg off a couple of hours from work to make it to Dr. Markoff's in time. "Okay Heller, you can go," Bert announced, "but this better not be a shyster way for you to beg off this afternoon's pour. You will bring me a signed doctor's note tomorrow morning or that will be it. You better be ready for work too. I have something special in mind for laggards like you." An hour later he was pulling his legs out of the exam table's stirrups just as Dr. Markoff returned to the examination room. "Jesse, this is a highly unusual case. I just spoke with Doctor Ceilo at National University Hospital. She's an endocrinologist. She's heard about something similar happening with animals in the wild that are under extreme ecological duress but she's never heard of a human case. I'll send her these blood samples and once she's assessed them she'll probably want to see you. Cheer up. She thinks it's probably reversible. For the time being I'm afraid there is not much more I can do for you. Do you have any questions?" Jesse shrugged and shook his head. "I'm going to bring in Gloria, my nurse, to give you some instructions on feminine hygiene. I assume you never got the "talk" in fifth grade, or at least not the one for girls. You'll need to learn something about female anatomy and hygiene. Have you had a period yet?" "A what??" Jesse looked up confused. "I have to worry about that too?" "I can't tell for sure. It probably won't happen. But everything looks so normal and I don't want you to get a big surprise one day and not know what to do. Besides, you have other things like STD's, and yeast infections to watch out for. And I want you to know how to properly clean yourself down there. As long as you have a vagina I want to make sure you can care for it properly." "Ugh." Jesse lowered his head in embarrassment. "She'll show you a video and she also has a model to show you where everything is located. She can also show you the correct way to insert and dispose of a tampon. Now promise me you'll take this seriously." "Okay," he replied flatly. "Oh, and I need a doctor's note for work, and please don't make it too specific." "Of course," she replied as she started scribbling on an embossed pad. "One other thing. I don't want to unnecessarily alarm you but you will want to be careful, it's also possible you could get pregnant. The nurse will provide some options regarding that as well." Jesse's jaw dropped. "Don't worry too much, you'll be fine," she soothed, patting his hand lightly. Forty-five minutes later he walked out of the office carrying a stack of papers, a couple of sample tampons, and a prescription for birth control pills. "This is ridiculous." The next day Bert made good on his promise. "I want you and Mo to unload those bags of cement and stack them over there, near the culvert. Now get going!" "Geez Hell, what's wrong with you?" Mo asked. "You've been struggling all morning." Jesse huffed and tried again to get the eighty pound bag onto his shoulder. "I just can't seem to do it Mo." "Maybe Bert is right, you duffer! Get the lead out and help me finish this." "Okay, but I need a break, I'm going to stretch my legs and walk over to that lumber stack." Mo found him just as he was getting up from a squat and buckling his pants. "What the heck Hell, are you whacking off back here?" "Never mind, let's get back to work." - - - He drove to his carpool already irritated for some reason he couldn't quite fathom. "I should be used to this situation by now. But maybe it's because it's been a more than a week and I haven't heard anything from Dr. Markoff. Am I going to have to deal with this forever?" "I suppose it's this headache I woke up with or something but man, I don't think I can stand to ride with those idiots today." He'd glanced at his fuel gage and quickly discarded the idea. "Payday isn't until Friday and I don't have any gas money. I'll have to put up with them." Everything they said irritated him but it was especially annoying to have to listen to Brett rag on about him and Becca. "I heard she's dumped you Hell." You know I'm not surprised. How does a guy like you get a beautiful babe like that anyway? She must be blind. Shit, she could have me instead. Ha ha. Hey, how do you say 'OOOOH, AHHH' in Spanish?" "Grrr." He gritted his teeth. He began collecting up his lunchbox, hardhat and tool belt. As he did so he felt a tightening in his gut. "What was that? I must have picked up something wrong." "Hey Hell, let's go, stop pussyfooting," Prick called. "Prick you are such a prick," Jesse called back, but it didn't seem to have the effect he wanted on him. His gut was cramping badly now. "What is that?" A few minutes later he froze. "Did I wet my panties?" he asked himself. He walked around the side of the building and found a isolated corner. He pulled down his pants. "Blood! Oh gosh, Markoff was wrong, I am getting a period." He panicked. "Let's see, what did her nurse tell me? Man, what a bad time for this. How am I going to handle it?" He ignored it for a while but when blood started to drip down his leg it was time to do something. He found a paper napkin in his lunchbox and discreetly pressed it into his pants. But in minutes it was soaked and uncomfortable. "I think I tossed those sample tampons in my backpack." He walked over the the pickup truck and opened the back door of the crew cab. He fumbled around and found the tampons stuffed in a zippered pocket. "Now, how in the hell do I get this inserted without anyone seeing me?" He thought about doing it in the back seat but it seemed too exposed. He walked around to the backside of the truck, dropped his pants, squatted, and inexpertly fumbled the plastic tube into his bloody vagina. "Now where in the hell is that string?" Without thinking he tossed the empty tube onto the floor of the back seat of the truck. "I hope this works." On the way home Mo exclaimed. "Hey, what the heck is this? He picked up the empty tampon shell from the floor of the truck. Prick had turned from the passenger seat to look at what Mo discovered. "That's a fucking tampon inserter. My ex used to leave them around the bathroom all the time. The only thing worse is to find a used one in the wastebasket." It reminded Jesse that he'd probably have to change his as soon as he got home. "I know what it is," Mo replied sarcastically, "but how in the fuck did it get here? "Smell it," Brett called out from the driver's seat. "See if it's fresh." "Whoa, gross, it smells like tuna." Mo called back. He turned toward Jesse. "What do you think Hell?" Jesse shrugged. "I dunno." He turned and stared out the window and rode the rest of the way in silence. - - - - A couple of days later Jesse was working with Prick and Mo in the culvert, preparing to lay some drain pipe. He'd turned over a rock with his shovel and was startled by a snake. "Eeeck!" he squealed as he jumped back and nearly tripped on a protruding piece of rebar. "Eeew kill it!" Mo laughed and Prick walked over and cut off its head with his shovel. He picked it up and held it to Jesse's face. Jesse leapt back and put his hands up in a defensive motion. "Get that thing out of my face," he demanded. "Shit what a girl you are, it's just a gardener snake. Here snakey- snakey," Prick taunted as he swung the thin carcass back and forth in front of Jesse. Brett called down from above, "You guys need to stop fucking around. Don't be a wimp Heller. Go fetch a can of sealant and the fittings from the truck. Let's try to button this up by the close of the day." As Jesse walked toward the truck he felt the sting of tears welling up in his eyes. "What's wrong with me? That snake wouldn't have bothered me before. How embarrassing! But then again why did Prick have to treat me so rudely? Why did Brett call me a wimp?" Tears were now streaming down his cheeks. "I thought these guys were my friends but they don't seem to care how I feel." He swiped the tears away with the back of his hand. "Oh god, my manhood is slipping away. I can feel it slipping. I'm starting to act like a girl. Even these tears." That now familiar pit in his stomach returned. "I've got to call Dr. Markoff to see if there are any updates." As if on cue a beep on his phone announced a message. He quickly pulled out his phone and listened to it. "This is Dr. Markoff's office. The doctor would like to see you again as soon as possible, I have an opening tomorrow at ten. Please call back to confirm your appointment." He quickly dialed the phone. "Maybe she'll have some good news." "Listen I can't make it at ten, can we schedule it sometime after I get off work? About four-thirty or maybe a little later.... Yes, I'll hold.... The doctor will wait for me to come today after work? Fine. I'll see her then." "Hey Jesse where the hell are those fittings?" someone called from the culvert. "What the hell is taking so long." On the way home another odd thing struck Jesse. He noticed the manly smells of his co-workers. In the past he'd always been mildly disturbed by the scent of sweaty men. Locker rooms and gyms were a places with smells that were to be tolerated, not enjoyed. But he actually found their musky aromas quite pleasant and was even able to distinguish between each of them. "No wonder the girl trainers with my high school football team never seemed to mind the locker room stench." Jesse noted it as yet another marker that his manhood was slipping away. "I hope Dr. Markoff can keep me from entirely losing it." Jesse was ushered into Dr. Markoff's office instead of an exam room. "I've noticed you've dropped more weight and I see other physical changes just in the the short time since I last saw you. Are you feeling okay?" "Yeah, I guess. But I think I'm starting to look like I was when I was thirteen or fourteen. Most of the hair on my chest, arms, and legs is gone. My muscles are turning to mush too." She looked at him closely. "Yes, your secondary male sexual characteristics do seem to be receding. Your face looks a little softer too, I think." "I've also been really feeling and acting weird lately. Like this afternoon I almost stepped on a snake. I freaked out, like a little girl. There are other thing too." The doctor soothed, "I'm sure it will be okay. But I called you here to tell you that Dr. Ceilo is making good progress on your case. She has an idea of how to treat this with targeted gene therapy but it will take time to sequence your DNA and build the therapy. Even then, it will be experimental. I need to take some more blood from you and send it off to her. Once she has it she can perform the sequencing and start developing a therapy specifically for you. After that you'll have to go see her for the treatment. Oh, and it may require surgery to remove your female organs, but she's not sure how necessary that will be yet." "She's a long way away, I don't know if I can afford to take the time off and fly there," Jesse observed. "But she'll get me back to normal, won't she?" "Well, it looks good right now, there could still be some setbacks but she was very upbeat. Now I don't want to alarm you but your physical changes do seem to be accelerating. Dr. Cielo thinks if they go too far there is a chance they could become permanent. So there is a time factor involved here. She's working as fast as she can. But once she is ready you'll have to get treated as quickly as possible." "Is there anything you can do to slow this down?" Jesse pleaded. "No, I'm afraid it will have to run its course until the therapy is ready. Look at it this way Jesse, how many men get the opportunity, welcomed or not, to walk a mile in a woman's shoes? I'll bet years from now you'll look back on this as a useful life experience." "I suppose." Jesse didn't seem at all convinced. "Jesse, your case is very unusual and it's not surprising you are feeling a little conflicted and alone. I want you to think about seeing a counselor. Just to help you deal with this a little bit." She handed him a card. "She's a good friend of mine and an excellent therapist. You shouldn't feel like you need to deal with this all alone. She might be able to help you sort out all these new feelings." Jesse took the card halfheartedly and shoved it in his pocket. He thought, "The last thing I need is for any more people to find out my problem." Markoff sensed his reluctance. "Well, do you have any family members you can share this with?" "Not really, besides, they are a long way off." - - - - Jesse woke up Saturday morning and on a whim decided to drive to his mom's house. It was a good three-hour drive but he hadn't seen her in a while. "Maybe it was the doctor's suggestion that got me thinking about visiting her. Besides, if things don't go well, this might be the last time she sees her little boy Jesse." "Oh! Jesse, you look so pale and frail. Have you lost weight?" His mom queried on first seeing him. "Yes, you have. You need some of my cooking. I'll have to whip up something for you. But I'm so glad you came. Too bad sis won't be able to see you. She left for State for her fall semester last Wednesday." Jesse spent a wonderful afternoon and evening with his mom. She cooked for him and they sat on the patio to eat and and talk about old times. "Dad would have been so happy you followed in his footsteps, you know how he loved his job." "Mom, it killed him." "Now, you don't know that, besides, he had other issues. Still, I wonder if it's a good idea for you, look how thin you've gotten. Don't they give you a lunch break?" They watched TV together until late in the evening. Jesse yawned, stood up, and declared, "Time to turn in mom." He picked up his backpack. "I have a long drive back in the morning." "Oh Jess, I forgot. You'll have to sleep in your sister's room, yours is a mess. Last month I bagged up all your old stuff, and piled it on the bed. I was going to paint it but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I hope you don't mind." "Sure mom," Jesse replied as he headed up the stairs. He'd forgotten how small his little sister's room was. He'd gotten the larger of the two bedrooms. It was decorated in typical girlie fashion. Pushed against the back wall was a double bed with a white fluffy quilted bedspread. It had a brocade of embroidered pink flowers on its top. A pink skirt surrounded the bottom of the bed and hid the pile of shoeboxes he knew were under it. Enormous fluffy pillows and a pretty white-furred stuffed bear sat on top. A white dresser and matching nightstands completed the bedroom set. Pink ties pinned the lace curtains to the window frame. Her make-up table was filled with feminine knick-knacks, bows, hair clips, a bobble head of some football player she had a crush on in high school, and a couple of soccer trophies. Her closet, even after she'd taken what she needed for school, still bulged with clothes. "Whew, this is pretty over the top. I'd forgotten how girlie she was." As he undressed for bed a sudden impulse came over him. He opened the second drawer of her dresser, the one where he knew she kept her underwear. "Nothing, cleaned out." It did still smelled wonderfully fresh though. He dropped to the next lower drawer and found a few things. He pulled out a soft pastel "Hello Kitty" nightshirt. "Hmmm, I didn't bring anything to sleep in and this looks so pretty." He slipped it over his head. He tugged off his panties, it was one of the ones he had purchased on the internet to replace his uncomfortable briefs, and made sure to hide them deep inside his backpack. "It would be kind of embarrassing for mom to find these." He pulled back the dainty bed covers and then slipped between the soft sheets. He laid on his back, cupped his hands behind his head, and glanced at the ceiling. He laughed at the poster above his head. His sister had placed a poster of the lead singer of some boy band above her bed four or five years ago, back when she was a tween. "She left it there all these years." Jesse squirmed a little. "What was that?" he asked himself. An electrical tingle between his legs had startled him. "Oh! Wow." It was the first hint of a sexual arousal he had since this whole thing started. "It's the same but somehow different." He squirmed a little more and rubbed his now smooth thighs together to try to release the pent up feeling that was starting to come over him. "You know, I haven't had a sexual thought since this all began. But what a weird time and place to have it bubble up now." He glanced at the ceiling again and then closed his eyes. His hand drifted down between his legs. He gently probed his crevice and explored the now moist space inside. "Wow, that feels pretty good." He tugged a little at the hooded flesh at the top of his slit. When he momentarily opened his eyes again he found himself staring right at the singer, who appeared to be looking directly back at him. "Oh I didn't know a woman could get excited this way. Man, I'm as horny as I ever was when I had a dick. Holy cow! He's cute." He imagined that he was at a concert, standing right at the front of the audience swaying in time to the music. The gorgeous lead singer singled him out and called him onto the stage. He excitedly walked up the steps and then stood close by him. He knelt down before him and started to croon a love song. At the end of the song he produced a lone red rose, handed it to him, and then kissed him on the lips. "Oh my god!" Jesse suppressed a scream, as he climaxed. Waves of pleasure washed over his body. "Boy, I didn't realize how much I missed this. No, that isn't right, this is my first time, I mean how much I missed... Oh, I don't know, this is all mixed up. I just know it feels good." All the tension that he had piled up seem to have dissipated. "I guess I really needed that." He turned and hugged his sister's stuffed teddy bear. As he closed his eyes he felt momentarily like he was hugging that boy singer. He fell asleep with a smile on his face. In the morning Jesse walked downstairs feeling more refreshed and relaxed than he had been in a long while. "So soon Jesse? Can't you stay a bit longer?" his mom pleaded. "No, I have to get on the road so I can get a good night's rest. I have to work tomorrow and the alarm goes off way too early. Too bad I missed sis. Next time you see her say hi for me." Jesse tossed his backpack into the back seat. Lifting it surfaced a little guilt over his small larceny. Earlier, he'd opened the dresser drawer to put the nightshirt back. He hesitated and then decided roll it up and stick it in the zippered pocket of his backpack instead. "She'll probably never miss it." As he turned to shut the drawer he exclaimed, "Whoa, what's this?" A soft yellow thong was stuffed way in the back. He quickly stripped his pants, tore off his panties, and put it on. He pulled his jeans back up, fastened his belt, and then headed downstairs. He found his mom, as usual, working in the kitchen. They walked together toward his car. He tossed the backpack into the back seat. "Shit," he said to himself. Then to his mom, "I forgot something." "What is is dear? I'll get it." Jesse ignored her, jumped out of the car, ran inside the house and bolted up the stairs. Sure enough, he'd left his panties on the floor when he'd ditched them earlier to put the thong on. "I can't walk to the car with these in my hand. She'll see me." Instead, he stuffed them in the drawer where he'd found the thong. "Hopefully sis has a pair like this somewhere, anyway it will be a long time before she finds them." "Did you find it?" "No mom, I must have packed it." He pretended to look inside his backpack. "Yes, here it is, the pocket knife dad gave me." "Here are some cookies I baked just for you, they are your favorite, chocolate chip. Now drive safely and make sure you eat something everyday. And call me when you get there. Oh, and get a haircut, you're starting to look like a girl." "Yes mom, I promise." - - - - - Jesse squirmed as he cruised along the highway on the return trip. "Geez, nothing at all since I lost my dick and suddenly I've gone from zero to 60 in a day." He kept thinking about last night. He rubbed his crotch. "Oh it's bubbling up again!" He unhooked his belt and pulled the zipper down on his jeans. He fingered the yellow thong. "Man! That feels good." A cop appeared in his rear-view mirror and he panicked that he'd be pulled over. He quickly zipped up his pants. Luckily, the cop sped by. He continued to squirm. "I'm going to crawl the walls here in a bit." As he pulled into his assigned space in his apartment's parking lot Raul, his flamingly gay neighbor, pulled in a couple of spaces away. Jesse thought he was a hairdresser. They met up in the lobby as they waited for the elevator. "Why hello my wonderful neighbor." He waved a limp hand toward Jesse. "You look different than the last time I saw you. You are really quite beautiful, on the inside too, I suppose." Jesse glanced at Raul's crotch and momentarily wondered if he was the type that shaved his pubic hair. A tingle continued to tickle his crotch. "Say, do you still have that bottle of wine you wanted to share a few months ago?" He was referring to an earlier offer that had grossed him out when it had been first made. Today it seemed a little less gross. "Oh darlin, I drank it, but I have others. Why? Do you want to come over and try a little sip? It's very rich and smooth. Raul would welcome it." He had an odd way of referring to himself in the third person. "He likes to drink straight out of the bottle, like this." He demonstrated in a way that seemed more like he was sucking the bottle's stem than drinking from it. "I was thinking about it. I could use a little company." "Let me freshen up a bit, say in 20 minutes at my place? Jesse nodded as the elevator opened at their floor. "Tootle-loo. See you then." Raul sauntered down the hall swaying his hips in an exaggerated way. Fifteen minutes later Jesse was knocking at Raul's door. He was shirtless when he opened it. "Oh you caught me undressed. I told you I needed to get ready for you. You naughty little boy, I'll bet you did that on purpose. Oh well, come in, sit down. I'm going to watch that reality show, the one where they pick a wedding dress, do you want to watch it with me?" Jesse shrugged. "I guess." He wasn't exactly sure why he was here. They sipped wine during the show. By the end Jesse was already a little bit tipsy. "I vote for the ball gown, the low-cut one with the with white sequins." Raul chose the A-line dress that flared out at the waist. Raul carried on with a long series of entertaining stories. "And then she said to me, Why Raul, look at this hair! I look like a skunk. Well, madam, it seems very fitting." Jesse found himself staring at Raul, smiling, and giggling at his silly stories. "Oh Raul, you tell such wonderful stories," he gushed. He knew was starting to mimic some of Raul's effeminate mannerisms but he couldn't seem to stop himself. Jesse had turned sideways on the couch to face Raul. He had a glass of wine in one hand and he draped his other along the top of the couch, toward Raul. He kicked off his shoes and extended his leg. It brushed lightly against Raul's. Raul moved a bit closer. He gazed at Jesse. "You have pretty eyes." Jesse set the glass down and slid his finger along Raul's bare arm. "Oooh. No one has ever told me I have pretty eyes before." He rubbed his left hand along along his body and down along his thigh in a suggestive motion. He gazed directly into Raul's eyes. "Your's are pretty too." Raul came close and Jesse tilted his head back a bit and parted his lips. Raul's lips pressed onto his. "Oh, he's such a good kisser," Jesse thought, as a lively tongue probed the inside of his mouth. He pulled Raul closer, wrapping his arms around him. "He feel's so good. Oooh, I want him inside me." Before long Raul had pulled Jesse's top over his head and started kissing his neck and breasts. Raul then sucked, gently at first, on his nipple. "Hmmmm," Jesse responded. He had never felt any sexual arousal from his nipples before, but this was clearly an enjoyable new experience. He slid his hand down lower and found that Raul was already hard. "That's interesting." He unbuckled Raul's pants and pulled his tool out from under the elastic that rimmed his briefs. "I've never touched a man's penis before. It feels good." He confirmed that Raul was the shaving type. Jesse gently pulled and stroked Raul's long, stiff, hairless organ. He slid his own pants down and tossed them off. His excitement grew. Raul lifted his head and pulled away from Jesse. "Either you have the smallest penis in the world or you aren't turned on yet." Jesse spread his legs to show his crotch to Raul. He tugged at his panties, pulled them down, and exposed his unadorned female anatomy straight-on to Raul. "Oh that's disgusting. You're a girl. Oh my gosh, I've been kissing a girl. Raul almost had sex with a girl." He had switched again to the third person. He draped an arm across his head in a melodramatic style. "Oh, I feel faint. How could you deceive me like this? Bleeechh. Ugh! I am so grossed out." He feigned a gag. Jesse lost his own fervor quickly as well. He pulled up his panties. "I'm sorry. Despite how it looks I am a guy, or I was. I just... I dunno. I was feeling really horny and I just needed to feel a dick inside me." "I'm queer. If you wanted a dick in your cunt you should have found yourself a hetero man." "I'm sorry. I chose you. I thought you'd be safe and that you'd go along with it. My curiosity just got the better of me." Tears welled up in Jesse's eyes and they soon streamed down his cheeks. "Again with the tears. I can't stop them. I just can't seem to stop myself." Jesse sobbed. Raul softened. "There, there, I didn't mean to hurt you. Tell me, are you trans? When did you have the big operation? What was it like?" Jesse sniffled. "No, it's nothing like that. It's just that well... it's complicated. I am a man, or I was. And I'm trying to get back to being one again before I become completely feminized. But it's hard. I'm losing ground." "Girl, you sound so confused. Let's see if we can make it better." Raul held Jesse's hand in his as he heaved sobs of frustration. By the time Jesse flopped into bed much later that night he was feeling a lot better. Raul was true to his word. And, while he didn't get to experience what is was like to have a huge penis thrust deep into his vagina he did come away with a beautiful manicure and pedicure. "Oh they look wonderful." He held up his pretty pink fingernails and wiggled his pink toes. A clear coat would have been fine but Raul had insisted. "They are so feminine." He pulled his sister's nightshirt over his head. As he drifted off to sleep it occurred to him that he'd really crossed the line tonight. He was really turning into a girl. But the thought just didn't seem quite as troubling as it did before. "No big pit in my stomach today, just a calm happy feeling." Jesse woke to the ringing of his phone. "Mom? What wrong? ... Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to call. Yes, I made it safe." He glanced at the time. "Oh shit, I'm late, I've go to go mom!" Jesse rushed to pull on his work clothes and gather up his hardhat and tool belt. Just as he was about to open the door he remembered his fingernails. "Shit! I can't show up like this. I don't have anything to remove it either." He rushed down to Raul's door and knocked softly at first. "Raul, open up, I need to get something from you." He jiggled the doorknob and found it was open. He rushed over to the bedroom and shook the sleeping figure. "Raul, I need some nail polish remover, do you have any?" A groggy head lifted up and muttered, "Raul's on the other side." Jesse was momentarily taken aback. "Raul must have called one of his boyfriends after I left." He felt a momentary pang of jealousy. Raul lifted an arm and pointed toward the bathroom. "In there, in the medicine chest." He rushed to remove the bright color from his nails as he jumped in the car to speed down to his waiting car pool. "Whew. I hope I got it all." As he was pulling into the lot he realized something. "Hey wait a minute! That was Curtis from the gym laying in Raul's bed. Ha! I never would have suspected it." - - - - Jesse was the last to arrive and the guys appeared to be irritated with him. "Thanks for waiting," he called cheerily. He was met with a wall of silence. Bert roughly put the truck in gear, stepped heavily on gas, and swerved a bit as the tires slipped on the wet pavement. The drive to work took longer than usual due to the rain. Dark rain clouds hung low. "Do you think they'll send us home on account of the rain?" Jesse tried a little desperately to get some response from the others. He was met with two grunts and a clip "I dunno" from Brett. Jesse discretely examined his fingernails. "Dammit, I missed some of it. Hopefully, it won't be too noticeable." But the small chips of pink along the edges of his fingernails seemed to call out to Jesse. "Oh, look at me, I'm a little girlie-girl." He grabbed his work gloves and pulled them on. "Maybe I can keep these on all day." Things went badly all day. More rain moved in and thunder intermittently rumbled across the dark sky. About two hours before quitting time Bert drove up to the four of them as they hunkered down in the crew cab of the pickup. He rolled his window down and called out, "You guys might as well go home. The weatherman says it's going to continue off and on all night." "Mo called from the back seat. "Are we still going to get paid?" Bert rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You should know how it works by now." Brett pulled into a package store just outside the worksite and bought two twelve packs. He had already downed two beers before they reached the highway on-ramp. Mo and Prick were close to finishing their second ones as well. Jesse pretended to sip a beer he had no interest in drinking. Brett drove past the freeway entrance without slowing the truck. Jesse pointed out, "Hey Brett, you passed the freeway." "I thought we'd take the scenic way home." They drove in silence along a wet country road. The rain had subsided to just a drizzle. Jesse was still nurturing his first beer. The others were already deep into the second twelve-pack. "Despite all the beer they all seem strangely silent," Jesse thought. "I wonder what's up?" They were passing through a desolate stretch when Bert slowed and turned the pickup down a secluded dirt road. "I have to take a piss," he declared. "Yeah, me too," added Prick. Mo nodded his head in agreement. Brett pulled the truck into a sheltered cove of trees where it couldn't be seen from the road. All three jumped out. "What about you Hell? Aren't you going to take a piss?" Brett called abruptly. "No, I'm good." "I'm telling you, get out of the truck and take a piss!" "No Brett, I'm good. What's with you?" "Now!" Mo pulled Jesse's door open and Prick roughly pulled him from the truck. "What this all about?" "It's about you Jess. You've been sandbagging all of us." "Yeah and we don't like it!" Prick drunkenly called out. Mo nodded again. Brett continued. "You've become such a wuss. We've all noticed it. Both Mo and I have seen you squatting to pee. Did you think we couldn't see you behind the lumber stack doing your little girlie pee squat from up on the scaffolding?" Jesse winced at his carelessness. No one does that unless they are a girl. Or trying to become one. And you've been acting like a girl too. Look at you, you're even starting to look like a fem. I tell you, there's a fucking faggot on our crew." "And the tampon Brett, don't forget about the tampon," Mo chimed in. "Yeah, that too. You we're acting awful suspicious that day. You didn't say anything. And don't think you hid that bloody napkin you pulled out of your pants so well either." "And what about the snake?" Prick asked. Brett seemed annoyed at all the interruptions. "Yeah, yeah. So we started thinking, putting two and two together. Maybe you really are a pussy. The way I figure it you are either a lesbo who lost her supply of male hormones or you are a tranny. Either way, we are going to find out what you are about right now." "This is stupid Brett. You guys are all drunk. Now let's get back in the truck and go home." Jesse turned toward the truck door but was blocked by Prick. "I say we vote. I think he's a tranny," Brett declared. "Yeah a tranny," Prick eagerly agreed. Mo was silent for a time. "Tranny, I vote tranny." Prick and Mo grabbed Jesse, he tried but failed to pull away. "Leave me alone." Brett walked forward and stuck his face into Jesse's. "Drop em Jesse." "I will not. Ugh!" Mo punched him in the stomach. He doubled over and dropped to his knees. In seconds the three had wrestled him to the ground and yanked his pants exposing the panties with the pastel blue polka-dots scattered all around the soft white fabric. Jesse wished he had picked out a less conspicuous pair this morning. Things started to get out of hand as Prick and Mo punched and kicked him. He tried to claw back but soon found his hands wrapped in a hemp rope. They dragged him by his arms, pulled them over his head, and tied the other end to a tree. Prick and Mo rolled him on his back, finished pulling off his boots and pants, and then ripped at the polka-dotted underwear. Jesse tried to fight but it was no use. Prick kneeled on his chest and held one leg open. Mo did the same with the other. Jesse lay spread-eagled in the mud. "Yeah, a tranny alright, you have a pussy, just as I fucking thought. A fucking twat. Did you enjoy it when the doctor cut off your dick? You probably cried for joy. You fucking little sissy boy. Shit, you didn't know what to do with a dick when you had one anyway. Did the doctor give it back to you in a pickle jar?" Prick took a cue from Brett. "Yeah, he probably has it on display in his apartment somewhere." "Stop it." Jesse pleaded. Brett picked up the panties and tossed them to Prick. He stuffed them into Jesse's mouth. Jesse pushed the panties out of his mouth and screamed. "Stop it!" Prick stuffed them back in and pushed down hard. Jesse gagged. "So you want to be a girl, do you? Jesse shook his head back and forth. "Oh, I think you do." Brett ran his hand over Jesse's the thin pubic hair dotting his crotch and then roughly parted the lips of his vulva and stuck his finger in. "Yes, it's a cunt alright, and it appears open for business!" He drew his finger under his nose like a fine cigar and sniffed. "A tuna cunt. You have a pretty pink tuna cunt." It's high time you found out what it's really like to be a girl. Brett unzipped his pants, dropped them, and knelt between Jesse's open legs. "A big dick is what you need, isn't it little girlie man? Now you're going to get one." Jesse winced as Brett roughly penetrated him. He squirmed as his massive organ drove inward. "Oh, it hurts. It hurts so bad." He wasn't just referring to just the physical pain. It was his last thought before he blacked out. Jesse alternated between semi-consciousness and a full black out as first Brett and then Prick penetrated him. Prick's was especially painful, driving deep inside only to have him pull out at the last moment. He grunted as he climaxed and then squirted his cum all over Jesse's abdomen and thighs. He stood and wagged his penis at Jesse, dribbling the residual onto his face. Mo stepped up and surveyed Jesse splayed out before him. He was full of mud and blood and Prick's semen was dribbling down between his legs. Jesse was panting heavily but otherwise lay still, he had given up fighting. "Uh. That's pretty gross. I think I'll pass." "Wimp," Brett cussed at Mo. Jesse was faintly aware of truck doors slamming shut and the engine revving. He laid still for a while until a rainy mist wetted his face just enough to revive him from his stupor. His hands were still bound and pulled over his head. The end of the rope was tied to a nearby tree but his feet were free. He rolled onto his stomach. A sharp pain ripped between his legs. He pulled his knees up and into a crouching position. He tugged the panties from his mouth and took a deep breath. The wet air seemed fresh and soothing. It took several minutes with his bound hands to work the knot loose that fastened the rope around the tree. He stood up but was unable to free the rope from his wrists. He looked around. "I can't believe this." His underwear lay in the mud, too dirty to bother with. One of his work boots was laying near to where the truck had been parked. He picked it up but tossed it when he couldn't find its partner. His pants were nowhere to be found. "At least I can walk out of here." - - - - - Jesse stumbled barefoot on the rocky dirt trail and eventually made it to the asphalt road. Just as he did it started to rain heavily again. He could see nothing but trees and shrubs in either direction. He turned and started walking toward the city. Jesse had pretty much lost track of time. But after what seemed like a long time a car came from behind, slowed as it passed him, and then stopped a little way ahead of him. The passenger seat window rolled down and a white-haired woman's head popped momentarily out of the window. She pulled back inside and turned toward the driver. Jesse reckoned that he'd frightened the elderly couple because the car quickly sped away. A few minutes later a cop pulled up behind him and turned on his flashing lights. Jesse turned around as a young cop got out the car and walked toward him. "Errr, Ma'm." He seemed uncertain if he was using the correct form of address. "I got a call about someone who might be in trouble walking down County Road 22. Are you alright?" Jesse nodded. "Do you need some help?" he asked politely, though it was obvious that he did. "No, I'm fine officer, I'm just out for a walk." His tone was serious. The cop surveyed him. Jesse had on only his flannel work shirt which barely fell below his waist. His face was covered in mud. His right eye was swollen and darkening. His arms were covered in scratches and a small stream of blood and something sticky trickled down the inside of his thighs. "Uh huh," he replied. "Come with me." He grabbed Jesse's arm and escorted him to the back seat of the cruiser. "Uh, before you put me in can you help me untie this rope? My wrists are getting chapped," Jesse asked. The officer made a pretense of trying to untie the sodden knot. "Sorry, and I don't have anything to cut it with. You'll just have to ride like that until we get to the hospital." "The hospital? Jesse seemed confused. "Yep, it's standard procedure. Just to check you out. There will be another cop, someone who is trained to help, that will meet you there." Jesse sat in the cruiser dazed until it pulled up to the emergency room. "I've got you." A big burly attendant lifted Jesse from the back seat and guided him to a gurney. "You'll be okay." He covered his exposed bottom with a sheet and rolled him inside. What followed was a blizzard of well-meaning questions he wasn't ready or able to answer yet. "Can you tell me your name? Do you know what day it is? What happened to you today? Do you know where you are? Are you in pain? Can you raise your arms so we can cut your hands free? Do you have insurance? Do you have any medical conditions we need to be aware of? Can you give me your arm so we can start an IV? Is there anyone we should call?" After a while the gaggle of people had thinned to just one elderly nurse. "Now don't be too frightened dear." She comforted. "We'll have the doctor examine you, fix up those cuts of yours, and then take a few samples for the police. A bit later, when you are ready, a female officer will take a statement from you. Everything will be fine. You are going to be alright. Trust me, I've seen a lot of women who have experienced what you are going through. Now you rest easy, the doctor will be right in." Jesse just stared straight ahead. He couldn't feel anything and couldn't think of anything either. He heard the nurse comment to someone on the other side of the curtain, "I think she's in shock. We'd better get her looked at, stat." The doctor came in and Jesse's heart sank. The name tag announced, "Dr. Sharky, ER." "Shit, that's the same dope that saw me the morning I lost my dick." "Well, how are we feeling today Jesse? I remember you. What are you up to today? Another tall tale?" "I was jumped by a couple of guys. They beat me," Jesse responded as he felt anger surging upward though his stomach and into his chest. "Uh-huh." Sharky nodded, seemly unconvinced. He picked up up Jesse's arms and twisted them back and forth. He looked into his ears, and pulled up the lids on his eyes. "Oh, these all look pretty superficial. Even the eye doesn't look too bad. Let's take a look down below. Put your's legs in the stirrups and open up. .... Hmmm, have you had sex with anyone recently?" "Yes, you could say that," Jesse replied flatly. His head was still between Jesse's legs as he fiddled with the vaginal examination scope. He casually asked, "Did you ever go see that psychiatrist I referred you to the last time you were here?" "No." He popped up from between Jesse's legs. "Jesse, now tell me the truth, did you do this yourself? All these scratches and wounds look to me like they might be self-inflicted." "What?" Jesse was astounded by the accusation. "We see hysterical women like you in here every once in the while. You need the attention I guess." He tapped a few strokes on a computer. "I'll be back." And with that Dr. Sharky finished his examination. Jesse fumed. The friendly nurse returned. "Are you taking any precautions dear? Did you have any protection? I mean, are you on the pill or do you use another form of birth control?" Jesse thought about the unfilled prescription he'd tossed into the junk drawer in his kitchen. "No, I'm not, I mean I don't have... No, I don't use anything." He tried to recall exactly what Dr. Markoff's nurse had told him about his cycle. "Let's see, it's been almost exactly two weeks since I started my period and ovulation is....Oh my god!" A look of horror crossed his face. "Look, it's possible that..." He couldn't get the words out. "I may need an pill or maybe an abortion, something. Please!" he begged. The nurse looked at him with a blank expression, turned, and brushed past the curtain. - - - - - Jesse sat in the busy ER waiting room. The hospital had given him a pair of cotton panties with a huge feminine pad stuck to the crotch, the bottoms of some worn hospital scrubs to cover his behind, and a pair of paper hospital slippers. They then discharged him and led him over to a friendly woman police officer who had been waiting patiently. She sat in the chair beside him. A gaggle of patients, family members, and medical attendants wandered in and out of the crowded room. There was no way they could conduct a truly private conversation. "Now Jesse, a lot of women think it's their fault and they want to cover up for their attacker. I know this is hard and if you change your mind here is my card. I'll file this along with the evidence the doctor collected but I have to admit, with what you told me they aren't going to be able to do a lot with this." She flipped the cover over her notepad. She continued, "I'm so sorry this happened to you and I apologize for having to meet here. The hospital doesn't give us a place to conduct an interview. Now do you have any questions?" Jesse looked up. "I'm a little worried. I wasn't protected and I might be at the peak of my cycle. I mean, it's possible I could..." He stumbled, paused, and then completed the words he'd found so difficult to say, "It's possible I could get pregnant from this. I asked the nurse what to do and she more or less ignored me." "In this state it's against the law for a doctor or nurse to refer you to any women's health clinic that performs abortions. Had she said anything to you she could have lost her medical license. Technically, I'm not permitted to either. But I can refer you to a counselor who may be able to help you cope... you know, mentally." Her manner suggested she was saying one thing but meaning quite another. "They can't? Even for rape?" Jesse asked incredulously. "No, dear, they can't." She dug in her bag and fetched another business card. Jesse looked at it and noted it had the same embossing as the card Dr. Markoff had given him. The name looked familiar too. "Women's Crisis Center, Dr. Sharon Kindred M. D. PhD. Maybe I should go see her," he thought. The officer started to get up from the uncomfortable waiting room chair. Jesse stopped her. "Hey, can I ask a favor? Can I borrow your phone to call for a ride home. I lost mine." "Sure. Here." "Hello, Raul? Yes, I know you don't work on Mondays but I don't have your cell number. Yes, I know I'm lucky to catch you at the shop. Can I ask you for a big favor?" - - - - - Raul attended to Jesse as if he were a fragile glass doll. "Here, let me get the door for you. Hold my hand. Easy does it. We are almost to the elevator." Ordinarily Jesse would have been annoyed by such solicitous behavior but he welcomed it today. Raul escorted him to his apartment and then led him to his bathroom. "The hospital did a horrible job cleaning you. Here, let me wipe the blood and mud away before you get in bed. Do you want a to take a shower?" "No, I just want to go to bed." Jesse turned to look at Raul and his lips began to quiver. "Thank you, Raul." He reached for Raul and was met with a warm embrace. The shock of what had happened was starting to recede. Jesse clung tight as a wave of emotions bubbled up from some lockbox that has suddenly opened deep inside him. It was so big Jesse feared he might be swept away. He began to sob, heaving heavily as Raul clung to him. "Just hold onto me for a second, Raul. Hold me tight." "It will be alright Jesse, I promise you. We can get through this. I promise to help you. It's good to let this all out of your system." Raul comforted. Jesse sobbed until he was too tired to cry anymore. Raul gently guided him to the bed. Jesse closed his eyes and almost immediately fell into a deep sleep. He woke up in the dark and checked his bedside clock: 2:00 am. He turned and was startled by a figure sitting next to his bed. "Raul?" "I'm here Jesse." Raul picked up Jesse's hand in his and gently stroked it. "Is there anything you need?" "No, nothing." He turned and fell back asleep. Raul stuck around until morning to make sure Jesse was awake, showered, dressed, and feeling okay. He even made him some coffee and toast. As he opened the door to leave Jesse called him back. "You're such a good person Raul. I would have never guessed it before. Up until now I only saw people like you as someone to be scorned. I'm sorry. I was an homophobic idiot." "Thank you. That means a lot," Raul replied sincerely. Jesse sat alone at his kitchen table. His eyes found the two cards the officer had given him sitting across from him where Raul had dropped them last night. He picked up the embossed one. I'm still a man somewhere inside aren't I? I don't need counseling, do I? I can get through this myself." He then thought about how comforting Raul had been last night. The elderly nurse and lady cop had both been helpful too. All of them had been comforting. Maybe reaching out to people who want to help really can make a difference. "Hmmm. Kindred." He flipped the card over a few times. "A nice sounding name. And two people have recommended her. Maybe I should give her a try." He hesitated and then changed his mind. He didn't have a phone anymore. Around lunchtime Raul came over again. "Here, I brought you some chicken soup Karen's mom made for you." "Thanks, you didn't have to do that. I'm fine, really, I'm feeling much better. And by the way, who is Karen and how do I thank her?" "Oh she rents a space at my salon, she kind of helps out too, kind of like an assistant. I told her about you and she rushed home and had her mom boil a chicken. Here, let me warm it up." "You told her about what happened?" Jesse seemed embarrassed. "Oh yes, she's is okay, I trust her completely. She wants to meet you," he replied. "And I want you to come to the salon. I want to do something with that hair of yours." He reached over and fingered Jesse's hair and gave a twirl to it. "Now promise me." "Okay, okay, you're starting to sound like my mother." Jesse protested. He paused for a second. His tone turned more serious. "Let me ask you something Raul. When we are alone together you don't act so flamboyant. You seem pretty normal. Almost straight. Are you putting on an act most of the time? Why is that?" Jesse expected a flippant answer but Raul turned serious. "It started as an act. But now it's almost an ingrained part of my personality. When I was in the seventh grade I finally figured out why I seemed so different from the other kids. I liked boys, not girls. But Susie Resler, had a crush on me. She cornered me in the hallway one day and tried to kiss me. I was grossed out. So I started to act all gay and girlie. Susie left me alone after that. Later, I found that it was a good way to meet men. They found me instead of me having to ferret out other queers. Would you have come on to me if I had acted straight?" Jesse blushed. That encounter seemed so far away now. Raul continued, "Now? It's good for business. I have a lot of old matron's as clients and they seem more comfortable when they know I'm not a threat. Their husbands are probably more comfortable too." What about all the homophobes? You know, people like I used to be or the shitheads I work with. Aren't they a threat to you? "I've had some scary run-ins, that's true. Especially in middle and high school. There's a downside to everything. But I tend to link up with strong muscular boys, you know, guys who can protect me." Jesse smiled at the image that bubbled up of Curtis laying in bed next to Raul. Raul glanced up at the wall clock. "Hey, I've got to run, I've got a client at 12:30." - - - - - Jesse was warming up supper in the microwave when he heard a soft knock at the door. When he opened the door a sheepish Mo was standing in the hall. "Are you okay Jesse? I really feel bad about yesterday, we were all drunk and Brett kind of got us fired up. I'm really sorry." "Yeah, it's okay Mo. Come on in." Jesse actually felt a little badly for Mo. He thought, "What a sad looking puppy he makes. He seems sincerely sorry. No sense making things worse on him." "As soon as I got to my car I started to feel really bad about what happened. So I drove out to where it happened but you were gone by then. All I found was one of your boots. I was relieved but I wondered what happened to you." "Oh, I got loose and caught a ride home." Jesse didn't feel the need to provide any graphic details. "That's a relief. Hey, how's the eye? If you want you can punch me back, I won't even fight you off." Jesse laughed. "Mo, you idiot. It's fine, look it's already healing up." He tried to open his eye but it remained stubbornly swollen shut. "Listen, I brought your backpack, your boots, and your work pants. You cell phone was in the pocket, you'll probably need it." "Yes, Thanks," Jesse responded. "Brett has your tools, hardhat, gloves, and I think maybe a water bottle of yours. And your lunchbox. I think they are all still in the truck. Do you want me to try to get them?" "No, never mind, this is enough," Jesse replied gratefully. "Oh, and you had a text message from Bert. I hope you didn't mind that I read it. It said not to bother to come back. You should pick up your last check at the office anytime after Thursday. I'm sorry." "It's okay Mo. I was probably going to quit anyway." Mo stammered, "Look um, Jesse. If it helps, I have a cousin who's a tranny...uh, I mean a transsexual. He's taking hormones and stuff. He's even starting to look like a girl. We all still love him, even my grandfather is okay with it. So whatever you are... I, uh...." Mo became tongue tied. "Thanks Mo, but it's not like that with me. Someday, I'll explain it all to you." "Well, I'm just sorry this happened. I'm really sorry." "I know Mo, it's alright. I'm good with it. Thanks for coming by and dropping off the phone and checking on me. I really appreciate it." Jesse closed the door and exhaled. "Did I really just do that? Am I that forgiving? Or is it that my anger just hasn't hit me yet? But I just couldn't be mad at him. He looked so awful." Later on that night Jesse sat alone in his apartment. He flipped off the TV. He'd tried to watch the game but found that he was completely disinterested in it. "I used to be so interested in sports. Now I couldn't care less. It's another marker that I'm losing my manhood. It's slipping away." He glanced in the mirror. "Look at me, I'm a sissy. Hey..." He grabbed at his chest. "What the heck?" Jesse pulled his T-shirt up over his chest. "Shit! Now I have little nubbies. Tits!" He fingered them and was annoyed that it felt kind of pleasant. "That's not what I need right now!" His nipples stood erect. "I might as well give up. It's no use. I'm stuck. I'll be a girl forever." That night he had another nightmare. He found himself standing inside a circle of people. Dr. Markoff stood to his left. "You're still a man Jesse. Come here. I'll help you." His mom shoved a plate of cookies toward him. "Here I baked your favorite." Mo apologized, "I'm real sorry Jesse." Raul stood to his right. "You have no penis!! Raul almost had sex with a girl!" His sister held up a pair of panties. "These aren't mine. Tell the truth Jesse, are they yours?" Brett stood behind him. He felt his presence more than he saw him. "You're a sissy cunt Jesse, a worthless, fucking, sissy cunt." The elderly nurse chimed in, "Did you use protection?" Prick held up a snake carcass and waved it at him. "Pussy!" Dr. Sharky pointed a finger. "You did this to yourself, didn't you?" Curtis chimed, "Hey Jesse, you're really filthy. Aren't you going to take a shower?" Becca tossed his penis on the floor. "Here, Jesse I'm done with it." Her tone was one of sheer disgust. It landed just out of Jesse's reach. He tried to move forward but his feet were frozen to the ground. He stretched as far as he could but his fingers couldn't quite touch the limp organ. The floor started to slope. Jesse felt himself slipping. He slid downward toward a pool of boiling pink fingernail polish. He sank to his nostrils. He struggled to keep his head above the the bright pink liquid but he felt he was losing ground. He sat up gasping for air. "Just a dream," he told himself. "It was just a bad dream." He got out of bed to go pee, this time remembering to sit down. "Who was I? Who am I now? Where am I going? Who will I become?" He suddenly felt frightened. "What am I afraid of?" He turned on the light and stayed curled in a fetal position until the sun was nearly up. In the morning he dug out the card the lady police officer had given him. He dialed the number. "Women's Crisis Center. How may I direct your call?" "I need to make an appointment...." - - - - Jesse's appointment at the center wasn't until Monday afternoon. So he filled the next few days trolling the internet looking for a job. "Shit, I've got to find something quickly. It's nearly the end of the month and the rent will be due." Keeping busy also kept his mind from wandering too much. Still, whenever he took a break unwelcome thoughts came rushing toward him. "Could I be pregnant? What if I am? What do I do? I'm not equipped to take care of a baby, no one should expect me to be." He tried to picture the upcoming counseling session. "What will I say? How do I explain what happened. Where do I start?" His mind jumped to another recurring thought. "Ohoooh! What if I really am pregnant?" The pit in his stomach returned. "No no, I can't be. It's impossible. I'm a man. Wait! If I am, can I get an abortion? How do I go about that?" "Maybe she can help me sort though this confusion. What was her name again? Kindred, I think." He fingered the card and confirmed the name. "Yes." He imagined walking in the door of the Woman's Center. "I'll be sitting in a waiting room full of women. I'll really stick out won't I? It's going to be embarrassing." Late in the afternoon Jesse heard a commotion outside his door. His next door neighbor was talking loudly to whoever had knocked. He listened carefully through his door. "I know I know, I'll get you the money somehow." Someone muttered something in reply. "Look, I just got laid off ahead of two men who had less seniority than me. The assholes were already making more than me too." Mutter, mutter again, Jesse couldn't make out what the man was saying. "I have two young children, their welfare has to come first." Mutter mutter. "No, my ex has never given me a dime in child support." More muttering. "Yeah, and a lot of good contacting child enforcement does. They wrote him a goddamn letter. I'm sure he's shaking in his boots." The door slammed and Jesse could hear her crying though the thin apartment walls. Jesse wondered if Prick was sending any child support for his two kids. Then he thought, "Gee what a poor neighbor I've been. I don't think I've ever even said hello to her in all the time I've lived here." Now he felt like going to comfort her. He held back. It occurred to him that he might be in just as bad a situation very soon himself. "I wish I could go tell her that everything will be alright but I'm not sure I'd be very convincing." - - - - Jesse arrived at Raul's salon early on Friday. Early enough that the door was still locked. Raul rushed to open it before Jesse could even knock. "I've been hoping you'd come." Jesse walked into the small salon. In the corner was a dark-haired woman that was perhaps a couple of years older than Jesse. "Oh, and that's Karen, the girl I told you about." "Hi Jesse," she called from her cubby and waved a friendly hand toward him. "Sit down and let's take a look at you," Raul instructed. "I've been thinking that maybe I should try something a little different this time," Jesse explained. Raul eyed his hair with a professional demeanor. "Hmmm. Not too many split ends. But I can see you don't use conditioner. Yes, I think we can do something with this. I think a pixie cut. Sort of a unisex kind of style will work for you." "Whatever you say Raul." Jesse smiled. "You're the expert." Raul worked for what seemed like a half-hour on his hair, cutting trimming, brushing, wetting, applying spray bottles with unknown substances, re-brushing, and so on. As he was finishing up he was interrupted by the phone. "Why hello Mrs. Gurdle. Yes, I would luuuv to see you again. A perm? Yes, course course I can darlin. I'll pencil you in for Thursday. How is 2:30? I am am so looking forward to doing it with you. I have shivers all over. Ha ha! Toodles, my dear." Jesse noticed how quickly and easily Raul had slipped back into his flaming gay routine. When he hung up serious Raul reappeared. "There!" He spun Jesse around so he could see himself in the mirror. Jesse eyed himself. "It look's like... well not that much different. I thought..." "Now watch this!" Raul pulled a bottle from the shelf. "This is curl holder. I spray a little here, lift here, twist it and then scrunch it here, and here. Now a little comb out and Voila!" Jesse was startled. His hair had magically transformed into a short feminine pixie bob. "That's amazing." He reached up to touch it. "It looks very girlish. And it didn't look that hard to do." He looked a little embarrassed. "I don't know Raul, do I dare go out looking like this?" "You can go either way with it. It's easy," Raul soothed. "Sit tight, I need to do something. I'll be back in a minute." He left Jesse and busied himself in the back room. "Let me see it," called Karen as she walked over to Raul's cubby. It's really nice. I think it looks stunning on you. It fits you so perfect. Raul is such an artist." "Do you think so?" Jesse gushed. "Oh, and thanks for sending the soup. It was exactly what I needed." "When Raul told me what happened I just had to do something. You know, I'm a survivor too." "A survivor?" Jesse wasn't too sure he cared for the term. "Yes, except that my rapist was my ex. The problem was that I was still married to him at the time. I called the police and they were helpful until they found out he was still technically my husband. They quickly backpedaled. I had to call and bug them for a week to even get them to file the charges. Then it was weeks of back and forth with the prosecutor's office. I talked to three or four of them. No offense Jesse but they were all men. They kept giving me the runaround, they tossed me back and forth. They never did follow up on anything. I looked for a lawyer to help. Four men refused to even talk to me. I finally found a woman lawyer who was helpful. She filed civil charges. But it was a waste of $1200. His lawyer asked for so many extensions that the judge ended up retiring. My lawyer says this new judge has a reputation for ruling against woman in cases like mine. It's been nearly three years and nothing. So here I am. A survivor." "I'm sorry Karen. I didn't know." Jesse was amazed at how poorly she'd been treated and immediately felt a deep connection with her. "And here I thought that Dr. Sharky had treated me badly." On a whim Jesse said, "Karen, you are off on Monday aren't you? Can you do me a big favor?" - - - - - Jesse was at his computer around mid-morning on Monday when he heard a voice call from just outside his door. "Jesse open up, it's me, Karen." He opened the door and Karen rushed in with a pile of clothes in her arms. She dumped them on his couch. She was a little out of breath. "Hopefully we can find something that fits you. I have more in the car though." She sized him up as he looked at the enormous pile. "Geez, you're right, your old clothes don't fit you at all anymore. You'd look pretty silly showing up in that." She pointed at his loose fitting pants. Jesse was startled. "I just wanted to borrow some jeans that fit me a little better." He pick out a pair of simple ones. "Maybe something like this?" When he dropped his pants to try them on Karen noted his pink toenails. Jesse responded sheepishly. "Raul got little carried away the other night and I haven't had time to remove it." "No. It's actually fine. But that reminds me. You need shoes. Hmmmm. I suppose mine won't fit you." She edged her foot up against Jesse's. "Oh I know, I have some girl's pretty flip flops in the car. They'll fit. And they'll also show off how nice your toes look. Now here, try these jeans on." After several attempts, actually many more than Jesse had thought necessary, she settled on a nice pair of woman's tight black jeans. "These actually fit you quite well. They even fit around your little tush too." Jesse felt his backside. "Oh my, I hadn't noticed that before." It was just another reminder of how far he'd moved along the gender line. "Pretty soon there won't be anything left of the original me." "Now we have to pick out a nice blouse, something loose with maybe a pussy bow to sort of disguise how small you are on top. Maybe this?" "I was thinking a simple pullover." Jess took off his shirt to try on the blouse she'd selected. "Gosh Jesse, maybe I should have borrowed my niece's training bra for you, you have a couple of cute little titties growing there." Jesse scowled. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. Here try it on." Jesse looked in the mirror. He was passably feminine. "I'm not going for a man-killer look. All I need is to feel comfortable walking into a place where only women will be. I don't want to stick out." Karen examined him with a professional gaze. "We'll have to get rid of the last of that peach fuzz on your upper lip." Karen fussed with a tiny battery powered shaver. "Now let me work on your hair a bit to get Raul's look back. Then, I want to apply a base coat to that eye of yours. It's healing nicely but I'd like to cover that purple area under your lower lid." Jesse sat still as she worked on it "I don't know, I'm beginning to get second thoughts. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Someone's going to clock me." "Stop worrying, now let me see that eye." She dabbed at it with a cotton swab. "Now sit still for a second. Purse your lips a bit. You need just a touch of lipstick. This is really a light color, hardly noticeable at all." "Are you sure?" he protested. But she held his face and smoothed it on. "Now smack those pretty lips of yours." "A little mascara?" Karen asked. Jesse shook his head. "I'll bet it would really enhance those pretty eyes of yours." She didn't press him though. Karen stood up. "Ready to go?" "Where are you going?" Jesse asked, he was perplexed. You didn't think I'd let you go alone did you? I'm coming with you. Besides, it might be a little daunting getting inside." - - - - A half-hour later Karen pulled up next to a curb-side parking space a couple of blocks from the Woman's Center. The space was wide enough for two cars. As she pulled alongside the car parked ahead of the space a middle-aged man stopped to watch. Karen threw the car into reverse as the man called out, "Now honey, turn the wheel in the direction you want the back end of the car to go." She ignored him and expertly executed a perfect parallel parking maneuver. "Okay, now straighten out the wheel and pull forward, yes, that's it." Karen and Jesse got out of the car and stood on the sidewalk. The man continued, "You know a lot of women won't even try that. But it's not so bad once you learn how. Next time you can try it on your own." "Thank you, you are very kind," Karen responded, and then quickly turned and started walking. Jesse had to scramble a little to catch up. "What was that all about? You didn't need his help," Jesse exclaimed. "Mansplaining," Karen replied matter of factly. "It happens all the time." "Man what?" "Mansplaining. It's when a man assumes a woman is too stupid, simple- minded, or incompetent to perform a simple task. And then he graciously..." She mimed air quotes. "...explains it to her. One time I had a guy show me the proper way to hold my scissors when cutting hair. I wanted to ask him the correct way to hold them when I stabbed him in the neck!" "How do you deal with it?" "Oh simple, you fake a sincere thank you for their kindness and move on. Any other response and you risk damaging their fragile egos." They continued past a construction site. Jesse heard a wolf whistle directed toward them. "Don't turn to look," Karen cautioned. "You'll only encourage them." Jesse stared straight ahead. "Yeah you girl, with the short hair, tight jeans, and curvy booty, come here! I have something for you," a middle-aged man with a pot belly and hardhat called. As the they turned the corner Jesse saw a group of people holding signs and yelling something. "Uh oh," Karen exclaimed. "I was worried about that." "What?" Jesse asked. "Abortion protesters!" A woman came up to Jesse's face. "Do you know what goes on in there? Here." She shoved a paper at Jesse. He caught a glimpse of a bloody fetus before turning away. An elderly man approached. "If you take the life of your unborn child God will send you straight to Hell." "What you are doing is immoral, it's against God's wishes," cried another. "Read the bible!" Then another called, "God loves your unborn child!" They pushed past two others who tried to block their way and then pulled at the metal reinforced doors and stumbled inside. An armed guard standing in the entryway inquired, "Are you ladies okay?" Karen nodded. Jesse, wide-eyed, looked at Karen. "My God, I had no idea." "Oh that wasn't too bad. It was worse a couple of years ago," she replied. "Can't they call the police to stop it?" Jesse asked. "Ha! Do you actually think they'd do anything to help? Often it's the people who work here that end up getting arrested." Jesse sat uneasily in the waiting room. He scanned the other women waiting with him. All seemed to have been rattled by the protesters. They also appeared to be deeply focussed on their own problems. None of them paid any attention to Jesse. Finally a nurse walked in and called out his name. He looked at Karen and she wordlessly mouthed, "Good luck." A few minutes later he was ushered into Dr. Kindred's office. She appeared to be in her late forties or early fifties. Her gray-streaked brown hair was pulled into a neat bun. She was dressed plainly but professionally. Her tone was gentle but direct. "What brings you here today? What do you expect from this session? What can you do to change how you feel? How long has it been since the attack? Are you sleeping well? And others along the same lines. Jesse answered as best he could but his mind was elsewhere. Dr. Kindred guessed what was on his mind. "Are you worried about the pregnancy test?" Jesse nodded, a lump grew in his throat. A woman in scrubs appeared at the door. She whispered something to the doctor and she smiled. "Good news Jesse. I have your results. It looks like you are NOT pregnant." Jesse exhaled. He had been on the verge of tears but now felt elated. A heavy burden had been lifted. "Oh, that is such welcome news." They continued with the session until his scheduled hour was up. "Jesse, I think you are doing as well as can be expected. You seem to be coping. I think you should continue to share what you can with supportive friends. I'll want to see you once a week for a month and then after that we'll see if you'll need more support. Do you have any questions?" "Tell me." Jesse scooted forward in his chair. "What would have happened if the test had showed that I was pregnant? Would you have performed an abortion if I wanted it? You know, right here today?" "Oh my goodness no. We don't even do the procedure here, despite what all those protesters outside think. All we can do is refer you to our Eastern clinic, that's the only place left that is still licensed to perform the procedure. You'd have to make the 450 mile round trip twice. Once for an unnecessary vaginal exam and a mandatory viewing of a graphic movie showing the procedure. It makes those pictures they tried to give you look like girl scout drawings. Then, after a week's waiting period you'd be scheduled for the procedure. It's quite an ordeal, though I suppose that's the whole point our legislators had in mind." Jesse shook his head in disbelief. - - - - An hour later Karen and Jesse poured into his apartment laughing and giggling like teenagers. A ping on his phone alerted Jesse to a text message. He read it carefully. "More good news. I have a job interview the day after tomorrow." Jesse smiled brightly. "What sort of job?" Karen inquired. "I'm not exactly sure. I think it's for a control room technician at a lab. It's some kind of sleep lab I think," Jesse explained. "But who cares? I need a job pretty desperately." "Let's celebrate!" Karen offered and Jesse readily agreed. By nine o'clock that night the kitchen table was littered with empty wine bottles and half-eaten cartons of Chinese food. They stood in the living room among the pile of clothes Karen had brought over in the morning. They both were pretty tipsy. "Here Jesse try this on." She held up a low-cut sleeveless purple-sequined dress suitable for dancing or a night on the town. "You thought I should wear this to the women's center?" Jesse kidded. He steadied himself using the arm of the couch and then gamely stepped into the tight dress. He reached up with his finger to wipe something from the corner of his eye. "No, no, no!" Karen waved a naughty finger at him. "I told you to be careful. You have to learn not to touch your face when you have on makeup." Jesse quickly dropped his hand. Karen had talked him into sitting still for a full makeup session complete with mascara, plucked and darkened eyebrows, blended eye shadow, and a lush deep-red lipstick. "It's weird how a little wine lowered my resistance so easily." Jesse thought. "Yet it's pretty amazing at how much different it makes me look." Karen zipped up the back of the dress and spun him around. "Oh! You make such a cute girl. I think I'm a little jealous." Jesse responded by posing with one hand on his hip, fingers pointed downward, and with the other he gave an exaggerated limp-wristed toss of his hand. "Oh dawlin, that's so kind of you!" Karen put a hand over her mouth to cover her drunken giggle. Jesse drained his glass of wine and Karen did the same. She turned toward the kitchen. "Now where are my keys? I have got to go, I've got clients in the morning." "Your not going anywhere. You are too far gone to drive. You can sleep in my bed and shower here in the morning. I have a brand new toothbrush you can use too. And, you'll have plenty of clean clothes to choose from." Jesse waved around the room. Karen collapsed on the couch and slowly tipped over onto a pillow. "No, sleep in your own bed. I'm good right here." Jesse went to get her a blanket. When he returned Karen looked up at him. "You are such a good friend. I already count you as one of my best girlfriends." "Thanks, Karen, I feel the same way," Jesse responded kindly. "No I mean it, I'm going to miss you when you go back to being a boy." "I'll still be your friend," Jesse said sincerely. Karen had turned her head toward the back of the couch. Jesse could barely hear her muffled response, "It won't be the same." - - - - The next day Jesse had a regularly scheduled appointment with Dr. Markoff. He sat on top of the examination table dressed in just an open-backed hospital gown. While he waited for the doctor he started to laugh to himself. Last night he couldn't find a way to unzip the back of the sequined dress Karen had convinced him to put on. She was already asleep so he decided to just sleep in it. "Imagine if I'd been forced to wear it to this appointment." He smiled. Luckily, Karen was already awake when he got up so she had helped him out of the dress and showed him how to remove his makeup. "Still, it makes for an interesting image." A soft knock at the door announced Dr Markoff's presence. "Hello Jesse. Good to see you again." Another woman walked in behind her. "I want you to meet Dr. Cielo. She's the doctor working on the response to your problem." "Hello Jesse." Dr. Cielo held out a hand. She was maybe fifty and much shorter than Jesse. She had a small unruly wisp of hair sticking out of a head of otherwise smooth dark brown hair. "I was so interested in your case that I flew here to see you for myself." She spoke with a slight Spanish accent that reminded Jesse of Becca. "Let me look at you." She tugged at his gown and handed it to Markoff. "My! It does look like your secondary characteristics are becoming quite pronounced." She turned to Markoff. "What do you think Nancy?" "I have to tell you Jesse, I hardly recognized you. You've changed a lot in just a few weeks time." Cielo continued. "We are about ready to start the treatment but it's clear we'll have to move quickly. Another few days or a week's time and it might not be possible to reverse these effects. "We'll first have to remove your female organs, a hysterectomy and a oophorectomy to completely remove the uterus and ovaries. That should stop the advance of these female characteristics. It's major surgery so it will take you two or three weeks to recover enough to start the serum." "Wow!" Jesse replied. "I... uh... don't know what to say. It seems so quick." "We have to move quickly. Next week might be too late," Cielo urged. "The surgery is scheduled for the day after tomorrow." "Um, how confident are you that this is going to work?" "We're about 95 to 98 percent certain we can get you back to exactly where you were." "I have to tell you, I lost my job. I don't have medical insurance anymore." "Don't worry, you are the focus of an important medical study. The hospital will cover all of your costs." "How will I get to the hospital? I don't have any way to get there," Jesse stammered. Cielo responded, "I guessed as much. I spoke with our administrators and they said we can use our research funds to pay for your round-trip flight. You are an important case and a lot of people want to study you." "Where would I stay after I'm discharged? I don't have money for an extended hotel stay." "We have a private dorm room on the campus. Once you are discharged you can stay there as you complete your healing and proceed though the treatment. A few days after we start your male organs should show signs of growing back. It should take a just a couple of more weeks to complete the process." "We'll I guess you thought of everything." Jesse's voice trailed off a bit. Cielo began to close the interview. "I'll be flying back today. But I have all the arrangements right here." She waved a sheaf of papers. "Your flight leaves tomorrow morning. See you soon." She held out her hand again. "It was nice to finally meet you in person." Markoff smiled brightly. "Congratulations Jesse, with luck in six or eight weeks you'll be fully back to your old self." "Hmm. This is so sudden. It's hard to get my head around this, it seems so fast. But thank you." Jesse walked out of the doctor's office in a daze. That evening he packed up a few things and got ready to drive to the airport in the morning. "I guess this is it then. I'll be my old self in a few weeks." He reconsidered. "No, I'll never be my old self again. This experience has changed me forever. It's been really hard but I think I am a better person for it." He glanced at the nightshirt he'd stolen from his sister. "I guess I won't be needing this anymore after tonight. He spread the soft fabric on the bed and looked at the cute character beckoning him. He gently traced his fingers around its outline. Jesse felt a lump growing in his throat. "It could have just as easily have said, Hello Jesse. I think I'll wear it one last time." That night Jesse had another dream. He was standing in the dark on a rocky precipice above an angry ocean. The ground crumbled beneath his feet and he found himself falling. He dropped a long way down in slow motion before landing on a small outcrop far below the edge of the cliff. He couldn't climb back up and it was too scary to continue downward. He was stuck halfway between the top and the bottom. A narrow crack between the rocks opened that led to the beach below. He slid into it and suddenly found himself walking across soft white beach sand. It tingled his bare feet as he crossed over it. He walked to edge of the beach where waves lapped gently onto the wet sand. He put his toes in the water. It felt warm and comforting. He thought about climbing the cliff to get back to the top but he could sense that beyond it was a vast plain of barren desert. "Why bother?" He turned and found himself on a sailboat floating a few yards from the beach. He looked out over the water. The angry gray waves had calmed and the smooth water had turned a deep aquamarine blue. He looked down and could see far into the clear water. Below him was a pod of porpoises playfully cavorting. He pictured himself swimming with them. The golden rays of the rising sun illuminated Jesse, turning him into a shining orb of light. He turned the sailboat away from the tall cliffs and pointed it toward the distant horizon. He could sense his destination, a lush land far away, across the wide ocean. It would still be a long journey. He woke up feeling, calm, clear-minded, and powerful. He dressed, grabbed his backpack and suitcase, and jumped in his car. He maneuvered through the early morning rush-hour traffic until he came to a long, wide, tree-lined boulevard. A mile later he approached a major intersection. The light was green but he pulled off to the side and waited in his car. A car pulled up behind him, honked rudely, then passed him. He could hear the driver cuss, "Damn woman driver." "I really am at a crossroads in my life," he said out loud. "If I turn left I'll be headed for the airport and old Jesse. If I turn to the right I'll be headed toward my job interview and a new and much different life." He sat for a moment, put the car back into gear, and then pulled forward into the intersection. Then, without hesitation, he turned the wheel to the right.