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D I Y F C
Miranda read the instructions through yet again, although she already knewthem by heart. Today would be THE day: the day that she had waited so longfor. This would be the day that she would finally get rid of her horrible,embarrassingly huge bits that dangled between her thighs. Her emotions weredancing through her mind, a jumble of conflicts, of eager anticipation anddread, fear and desire, arousal and emptiness.
"The pubic hair should be removed at least 24 hours before starting,(by plucking, waxing, shaving or depilatory cream). It is essential thatany resulting irritation has fully subsided before applying the clip." Shehad used a mild depilatory cream after first clipping the hair close withscissors. She had been careful to keep the cream out of the sensitive centralparts and there had been no adverse reaction. She had heard of girls gettingan unquenchable burning and a swelling that took days to subside, but shedecided that they had just been careless.
The problem was that it was illegal for anybody to help her anywhere in Europeor America. She had visited a cosmetic surgeon who had refused to considerit for this reason. "If there had been something organically wrong, I couldhelp you, but this is healthy tissue, large indeed, but healthy, and so I couldbe imprisoned and lose my licence. No, I'm sorry, but it is just not possible."
She had visited various web-pages that considered this issue. Some were justmale fantasies, unrealistic and obsessive, sordid indulgence over the miseryand misfortune of others. Some were feminist propaganda against the horriblerituals that many African and Asian girls were subjected to at an early age.Some were to do with intersex conditions and the suffering of those who hadexperienced reassignment surgery before they could decide for themselves whatthey wanted. A pitiful few discussed in any sensible and sensitive way theelective alteration of consenting adults for their own needs. That is, untilshe found the "diyfc" website. Here she found the answer to her prayers, asimple plastic clip that allowed those with excess tissue to shorten it bythemselves in a bloodless and virtually pain-free way. She vividly rememberedher audible sigh of relief as she read the introduction, now, just three monthsago.
"This device should not be used by anybody less than two yearsafter puberty. For legal reasons, purchasers are requested to send a letterindicating that they are over 18 or the age of consent in their country,are more than two years from first menstruation and intend to use it forthemselves alone." The letter also had to indemnify the sellerfrom any consequences of the use of the device. The address that she hadto send this letter to was, for "legal reasons", in Indonesia, althoughthe web-page was clearly aimed at an English speaking audience. She hadsent her letter with a bankers' draft made out in Singapore dollars, almostexpecting that it was a confidence trick and that she would hear nothing.But the kit had arrived six weeks later: The clip was wrapped in a toughplastic sack, marked "Sterile - do not open until use". There was a bottleof antiseptic fluid, a pair of operating-room gloves, again in a sterilepack, a strange support belt arrangement for the clip, a sterile indeliblemarker pen, a scalpel with its blade in a sterile container, and a detailedlist of instructions, which she had read through several times a day eversince.
A teacher in a small rural junior school, she had waited until the startof the summer break before proceeding. School had finished two days ago forthe children, and yesterday had been spent on clearing up, meetings and administrativeactivities. Now she was free for the next six weeks, which should allow timefor full recovery. " The clip will be in place for between 9 and14 days. You should arrange your schedule so that the minimum of energeticactivities takes place during this time and for the following 5 days, untilthe scar tissue has reached full strength." She had filled herfreezer and had arranged for deliveries of essential perishable foods.
It had all started when she had changed schools just after puberty. At herearlier school, they had taken showers in individual cubicles after games,so nobody had ever seen her naked, and she had never seen anybody else in thatstate. But the new school had a single large open room, tiled all over, withrows of showerheads poking out of the walls on three sides. The first timeshe went in, the room was full of steam and there was little anyone could see,but as the steam cleared, and pupils moved out, the few remaining ones suddenlystarted to giggle and point. "You're in the wrong shower – you shouldbe with the other boys!" "Careful you don't trip over that lot!" "Her old womanmust'ah got raped by an elephant!" "No boy'ld ever find his way in throughthat lot!" Other girls were called back into the shower-room to come and look.
It was the names they called her outside the shower and in the presence ofboys that distressed her most: "Piss-flaps!" "Elephant ears!" "Droopy-drawers" "Baggy-panties!" "Triphazard!" "Cock and Balls!" "Hung like a bull!" "Chicken wattles!" "Coxcomb!" Eachtime, one of the boys would ask why they were calling her that and there wouldbe a giggling whispered conversation involving pointing and gesticulating.Boys would come up to her in break time and demand to see what she was hiding.Later when the other girls were dating, she found that every date that shewas invited to had just one objective: of discovering what she was hiding inher panties. She quickly became terrified of dating and so, here she was atthe age of 24, a virgin, afraid of dating, afraid to let any man even havea feel for fear of the ridicule. She had to get rid of it all – therewas no other way.
She at once hated and loved her fat and eager clit, hated its enormity butloved the way that it would rise up and respond, rigid and throbbing to herrubbing, rolling and fondling. When she had time, she would often bring herselfto four or five orgasms a day, and even when she was busy, hardly a day wentby without there being at least one. It would ease the tensions and pressuresof the day and let her sleep deeply and calmly at night. "Once theclip is applied," the instructions stated, "it is essentialthat there should be no attempts at sexual activity of any kind, (includingmasturbation), until the clip has fallen away and the scar tissue has reachedfull strength. At least six weeks should elapse before attempting any penetrativesexual activity." She had tried, over the last few weeks to goa few days without masturbating, but it was hard to get to sleep and her clitwas so demanding that the most she had done was three days. This would be thehardest part, and now, even as she thought about the long denial that she wouldsuffer, her clit popped up and started to make her feel the urgent need foranother orgasm.
She had a last bath before the clip went on, soaking long in really hot water. " Washthe parts very thoroughly before commencing, including hidden places suchas under the hood of the clitoris." She drew the hood back,soaping gently beneath it, and kept soaping as she slowly and lovinglygave herself one last orgasm. Would she be able to do it after? She wondered,with her clit gone, would it still be possible? The instructions were ambiguous: "Manywomen report satisfactory orgasms even after removal of the entire externallyprotruding part of the clitoris by this method, however, new techniquesmust be learnt for reaching orgasm, possibly using the G-spot. Others reportthat orgasms can occur during sexual intercourse, but that masturbationalone does not achieve that result. Some women prefer to leave as muchas possible of the clitoris shaft intact to reduce the likelihood of thisproblem." As far as she was concerned, once the six weeks wasover, she would be losing her virginity, so the clitoris was not an issue.She wanted to be clean and smooth like the other girls at school. Theyhad stood there with their thighs parted, their hips arched back and hadspread their outer lips with their fingers to show her what a normal girllooked like. Just tiny thin lips and a thread-like bud that all disappearedwhen they stood up. Six of them had stood there in the shower on that awfulday and showed her in turn what she should be like. None had a clit biggerthan a grain of rice; none had inner lips bigger than the petal of a daisy.Even now, she blushed with shame as she remembered the incident.
"As the clip closes and pinches the flesh, there will be an initialsharp nipping sensation, which quickly fades away. To reduce the initialdiscomfort, it is advisable to take an off-prescription domestic pain killerat least twenty minutes before starting." She took two tabletsand washed them down with a sip of water.
As instructed, she dried herself on a freshly laundered towel, and then saton another freshly laundered towel on the bed that she had prepared. "Ensurethat you have a comfortable position with the back fully supported by pillows.Spread the thighs wide by placing the soles of the feet together, and positiona mirror so that you can easily see the whole area." She did notlike to look at her place of shame. She felt humiliated by the fact of herabnormality, but now she examined herself dispassionately as she prepared forthe removal, the destruction, no, the normalisation of her parts.
"First fit the belt. The upper part should fit tightly around thewaist, the lower over the hips, pulling it down as far as possible. Endurethat the PVC straps that descend to support the clip are positioned correctly,one in front of each hip-bone, one at the centre-back and one just forwardof the junction of the hip-bones each side of the back." Therewas a diagram to help her do this. She had practiced it and adjusted itmany times. Now it was a matter of fastening the little buckles – everythingelse was then accurately in place. The transparent PVC straps felt coldand clammy against her skin.
"Put on the sterile gloves and paint the entire area with the yellowantiseptic solution. It is easy to see if anything has been missed becauseof the strong yellow colouring. Ensure that even hidden places (such asunder the clitoris hood), are painted with this solution." Thestopper of the bottle had a sort of absorbent pad on a short plastic stick.The solution felt cold and tingled a little. It stung briefly when shegot some into her urethra. She dutifully did the underside of the clitoralhood, but felt no arousal.
"Unless the whole of the labia and clitoris are to be removed,use the sterile marker pen to carefully mark the line where you want thecut to be made. Then draw a second line 3mm beyond this. As the clip is3 mm thick, this second line should be aligned with the visible surfaceof the clip." Miranda was removing as much of her shame aspossible, so she did not bother with the marker pen. It would come in usefulfor overhead transparencies at school.
"Take the clip from its sterile package and position it over theparts to be removed, drawing them through the slot. If necessary, placethe packing pieces provided between the clip and the body to maintain anaccurate alignment of the clip with the outer marker line. Fasten the PVCtapes through the holes in the clip, and adjust them so that the clip isheld firmly in place." She had seen a picture of the clip.Long and slightly oval, it had a Y-shaped slot in it through which herlabia and clitoris would protrude. Imagine a tall narrow fluted wineglass,its top perhaps an inch across, the broadest part maybe two inches andthen closing in to a single stem. The slot in the device was like a crosssection through this. There was a half-inch hole below the point of bifurcationthat she would have to pee through over the next few days. At each endwas a lateral cylinder that kept the parts aligned and contained the strongsprings that would close the slot when the wedges holding them open werefinally removed.
She pulled her flesh through the slot and pressed it tightly against herself.She fastened the belt-tapes and drew them tight. It took some time to adjustthem to her satisfaction so that there was no sense of pull on any part ofthe flesh, only pressure forcing it through the slot. She had to draw the fleshstraight to prevent creases. The manipulations had made her clit perk up again,demanding attention. It pressed against the sides of the slot and the pressureadded to the stimulus. She stroked it briefly causing it to throb. It seemednot to realise its imminent demise, or perhaps it was making one final requestbefore its execution.
"Once each wedge is removed, it cannot be replaced, so be sureto position the flesh accurately before removal. The two wedges at therear should be removed first, one at a time. Position the adjacent labiumaccurately according to your requirements, making sure that the labiumis pulled to the rear so that it is straight and that there will be nofolds of flesh within the clip; then draw the wedge out slowly with thetool provided." There were three wedges, one at the end ofeach of the slots. She drew the left fleshy lip towards the rear of theslot until it was under tension and she could feel that some of the outerlabium was under tension and being drawn in. This would not be a problemfor her; she wanted a smooth finish. Holding it with her left finger andthumb, she used her right to insert the little lever into the hole in thewedge and gently, slowly draw it out, letting the clip close over her lip.The pain was quite sharp, she gasped a little.
If you looked edge-on at the slot in the clip, the two sides were shapedlike the pieces of an interlocking jigsaw puzzle, one keying into the otherto ensure accurate alignment of the three parts. "The flesh is atonce compressed and stretched, cutting off the blood and nerve supply, yetwith minimal pain and without any bleeding. The clip is not so tight, however,as to sever the flesh, instead, the two sides are held in precise juxtapositionuntil they have grown together, when the clip will drop away. This normallytakes between nine and fourteen days."
She breathed deeply, panting as she knew women in childbirth did, until thepain subsided to a bearable level. She could feel that the Paracetamol hadhad a dulling effect. Then, when she felt ready for the next one, she did thesame to the other side. Now, only the wedge over the clitoris remained. Theclit had subsided slightly with the pain but was now telling her clearly: "Onelast time please!" She stroked it with her tightly gloved fingers, lettingit harden against the sides of the clip, drawing it upwards and outwards, knowingthat this way, more of it would be removed.
"If the clitoris is to be included, draw it out to the extent required,grasping the glans beneath the hood with finger and thumb, (it may be necessaryto use a little talcum powder to get a good grip), then, using anotherfinger, draw the hood skin upwards to the required level. Now release theremaining wedge. There will be a few moments of sharp discomfort beforethe parts become numb." She worked along the clip, pullingthe labia out as far as she felt that she needed, then she grasped theclitoral glans, and drew it out as far as she could, pressing the clipback against her pubic bone, with her second finger she drew the looseskin around the clit forward and out. Her other hand released the wedgeand the clip closed. An electric shock flashed through her, and she rubbedher still-eager clit as sensation was slowly and inexorably extinguishedforever. As sensation dimmed, she rubbed harder and harder, but, closeas she was to orgasm, it never occurred. A phantom clit demanded that thestimulus must go on, but nothing she could do now had any effect.
"Once you are satisfied that all sensation has been lost, the excessflesh may be removed with the scalpel. This may be done at any time withinthe next 24 hours. If it is done immediately, there will be some bloodand mess. This may be disturbing for some, but if you wait at least 4 hours,the blood will have clotted, and there will be no mess. Do not wait morethan 24 hours or the flesh may start to decompose which is a health risk."
She got up and stretched, being careful to keep her legs a little apart soas not to disturb the clip. There was some tugging as she moved, but she couldcontrol it. Sitting was a problem, she had to sit on the edge of the chair.Lying down was OK as long as she lay on her back with her thighs apart. Shewaited a full six hours before the next stage, as she wanted the blood to clotand be retained, her clit engorged forever. It felt strange to slide the scalpelup along the surface of the clip, severing her numb, dead and redundant parts.Now they were in the bowl of formalin, oozing slightly. She wanted to preservethem, to stop the process of decay.
She prepared the acrylic moulding kit earlier. A base layer of resin wasalready prepared and in the bottom of the long lozenge-shaped mould. She carefullyarranged the clit and labia in as natural looking way as possible, with thesevered edges inwards. It looked like a strange flesh-coloured butterfly. Thenshe poured in the liquid resin. She had to quickly prepare a little more resinto fully cover the protruding clit with its eager purple tip pointing out.The heat of the resin setting would help with the sterilisation process – sheknew that the formalin would not fully penetrate the flesh in that short time – besidesif it did, it would take out all the colour.
That afternoon: The sharp pain was gone, but there was a fierce and deepache, so she took more painkillers. It probably dulled the pain, but her wholebeing was focussed on it and she could not distract herself. The first peewas an anxious time, but there was no stinging, so no exposed wound, just messas the pee hit the sides of the hole in the clip and dribbled all over herthighs. She washed herself.
Evening: now she was feeling incredibly sexually aroused, but could do nothingabout it. She felt an intense internal pressure, and a phantom clit was urgentlydemanding impossible attention. She took a shot of whisky, and a little lateranother.
Night: she slept little, each time she started to drop off, she would changeposition and the tug of the clip would awaken her. She was anxious not to disturbit. "The first 48 hours are critical, it is important not to putany stress onto the clip during this time."
Day 2, Morning: Exhausted from disturbed sleep, she made a minimal breakfast,avoiding coffee. She needed a number two. On the toilet, she released the centrerear strap supporting the clip, (as instructed), and found it less messy thenpeeing. She cleaned herself and replaced the support strap. The lack of sleepmade her senses hyper-acute to every ache and tug on her clip. She felt herselfin torment, able neither to sit, stand nor lie, move nor stay still withoutprovoking some new discomfort. A detached part of her realised that her painswere really very small ones and that it was the sleeplessness amplifying it.
Day 2, Afternoon: She slept for a couple of hours after lunch, and felt muchbetter, even forgetting about the pain for a while.
Day 2, Evening: Watched a good DVD, one she had been saving for this occasion.No sex, but plenty of distracting action. Felt a lot better.
Day 2: Night: Really, really needed to masturbate to settle herself to sleep.It was a rare thing for her to sleep without an orgasm, and she felt an intenselonging for one, but composed herself eventually, engaging in a long and elaboratefantasy about having a team of circumcisers going into a girls boarding school,(all official, approved by the board of governors and with signed consent formsfrom all the parents), and clipping away anything that protruded beyond theouter lips.
Day 3, Morning: "Keep the clip and the flesh held by it as dryas possible, cleaning with a flannel squeezed almost dry. Do not showeror bath, but wash yourself carefully without using excess water." Shereally wanted a shower, but this was forbidden, so she washed all overwith a flannel and shower-gel. She dressed, and briefly ventured outside,walking rather stiffly and bow-legged around the house and back inside.She felt that people would think that she had wet herself. The discomfortwas far less; the biggest problem was an itching that had started. Sheknew that itching was a good sign, a sign of healing.
That day she removed the acrylic lozenge from its mould. It was larger thanshe had really expected, she could not wear it as a visible piece of jewellery,but she fastened it to a chain and put it round her neck to wear under herclothes. She touched the tip of the clit, remembering, part of her regrettingthe loss.
Day 4, Morning: The itching was quite pronounced, now, a real distraction.She looked at the instructions again. "There will be some itchingfrom the second or third day. This is a sign of healing. Be sure to leave theclip alone. Do not be tempted top try to relieve the itching by touching theclip or the flesh nearby in any way." No suggestions for relievingit, then – a terrible torment!"
Day 6, Night: The itching is a constant presence, continuous, unrelenting.Pressure by sitting square and firm on the clip helps a little, but it soonreturns. The temptation to pull, to put something underneath is almost irresistible.
Day 9, Morning: "Where the clitoris has not been included, thewound may have healed enough for the clip to release. If the clitoris hasbeen included, no attempt should be made to release the clip until at leastthe twelfth day. Soak in a warm bath and release the support straps tosee if the clip will come away. If there is any sharp pain or bleeding,wait at least two days before trying again . " Shecould feel that there was a part to the rear on the left where the cliphas already separated.
Day 12, Morning: She soaked herself in a warm bath, luxuriating in the relieffrom having to dry-wash with a flannel. She released the straps and gentlypulled the clip away from her labia. It was free everywhere except over herclit, which did not feel at all ready to release. She refastened the supportstraps and got out and dried herself. It felt better already.
Day 12, night: All day, every movement she made seemed focussed on the stumpof her clit. She was overwhelmed with the need for orgasm. She tried gentleand tiny movements of the clip, but that just gave her the wrong sensations,hot and cold, pressure and pricking without enough sexual stimulus – ajangle of confused sensations from severed nerves.
Day 15, Morning: Another long soak in the bath, and at last the clip cameaway. At last she could examine herself in a mirror. A thin raised crease ofred scar-line marked the place where her labia and clit had once been. "Keepthe scar-line dry for another two days, then commence frequent massage withemulsifying ointment. Massaging accelerates the healing process, reducing thetime taken for the scar tissue to fully settle down and ensuring that it isfully flexible."
Day 17, Evening: Lots of emulsifying ointment, and lots of rubbing. She hadhoped that she could bring herself to orgasm, despite the injunction againstdoing so, before the scar had reached full strength, but as soon as she startedto clench in the build-up towards orgasm, she felt that the scar was burstingwith the pressure within her clit-stump, and so she stopped and it didn't happen.
Day 18: Five or six sessions with the emulsifying ointment, but always avoidinggetting aroused enough to start clenching. The frustration was intense. Thenerve-sensation over the clitoris stump was intense and overpowering, a mixtureof pain and pleasure, hot and cold, pressure and tension, a jangle of confusion,disturbing and off-putting, not something that could bring on orgasm.
Day 28, Morning: She had heard of women getting orgasm dreams, but this wasthe first time it had nearly happened to her. A strange and intense dream inwhich her clitoris was intact and a young and gorgeous man was sucking it andplaying with it until she started involuntarily clenching, then the burstingpressure sensation woke her and she fought back her orgasm, afraid of hurtingherself. Each time she rubs in the ointment, the strange sensations get easier.Now she can bear to put full pressure on the stump of her clit, rubbing firmlyas the mind gradually sorts out the strange nerve sensations. She has neverput a finger inside, never did before, because she never needed to, perhapsalso afraid of losing her precious virginity, and now afraid of the injunctionagainst penetrative sex, but she felt a need to find her G-spot. She had readabout it, knew where to seek for it – but not yet.
She was going walks each day now, her movements no longer awkward; soon shewould start running again, getting herself fit for the return to school.
Day 42: The six weeks are up. Now she is allowed to feel inside, try to findher G-spot. Massage has reduced the once livid scar to a pale pink line, nolonger angry, except for a raised area over her clit stump. She gently probedinside, feeling for somewhere that produces a stronger sensation. This willbe where a man would stimulate her in intercourse, she supposed. It was timefor an orgasm, but she still found the feeling of tearing from internal pressuremade her afraid of injuring herself, of bursting her wound. She rubbed again,so near but so far. She sighed with the frustration. She looked in the mirror,seeing the smooth sex free of excrescences, delighting in the smooth streamlinedlook, glad that she had done it, able to suffer the torment of frustrationfor this result.
School starts in three days. Who would she meet? Who would she date, loseher virginity to? Would he be able to give her the orgasm she couldn't giveherself? She couldn't wait. There was a new sports instructor due to start…
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